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queers-gambit · 1 year

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Not So Heavenly Surprise

prompt: you share exciting news with your husband but don't receive the reaction you thought you'd get. and then, the Outbreak.

pairing: Joel Miller x female!wife!reader only height mentioned: you're shorter than Joel

fandom masterlist: HBO's The Last of Us

word count: 7.2k+

warnings: angst, angst, angst, slutty angst club, cursing, character death, major major major spoilers, death of a child, descriptive language - we talk about death and dead bodies!!! canon-level violence! NOT edited!!! (will get around to it) this work is super NOT FOR MINORS ❗️season one, episode one spoilers

September 02nd, 2002 one year before Outbreak Day

"You're going to have to tell him," you sighed to your reflection, trying to amp up the bravery. "He's gonna notice, you don't want him questioning anything, now do you? No, nope, no way, you don't. Okay, so, that's it - you're gonna tell him when he gets home. No big deal."

There was a knock at the door, Sarah calling, "Are you okay in there?"

"Girl!" You laughed, reaching for the knob and opening it to see her. "Ever heard of this thing called 'privacy'?"

"Not in this house," She smirked. "Can I get in? Wash my face?"

"Oh, yeah, totally," you moved out of her way, continuing with your nightly routine.

"So, who were you talking to?"

"Myself," you mused. "It helps me work out big decisions."

"Oh, so, you're finally gonna tell Dad you're pregnant?"

"What!?" You yelped, dropping the jar of night cream and groaning when it dolloped out from the fall - landing on your foot. "What the hell, Sarah?"

"What? You're surprised I figured it out?" She teased. "I found the pregnancy test."

"What? You were digging in the trash?"

"Well, if you must know, I dropped the toothpaste in there and found it when I was fishing it out..."

"Sarah," you sighed.

"You know he's going to be really happy, right?" She smiled at you, massaging her cheeks to curate foam from her face wash.

"Maybe," you sighed, stooping to clean your mess. "But I've been trying to figure out what to say."

"What's to say? Just tell him," she giggled. "C'mon, you guys have been married 8 years now! Isn't this, like, what was supposed to happen?"

"Well, yeah, but - "

"But nothing," Sarah laughed. "You're getting all nervous for nothing. It's just Dad, he loves you. He's going to be happy, I promise."

You sighed, nodding slowly, "All right, well, I'll try to tell him tonight."

"There is no try, only do."

"You did not just quote Star Wars to me!"

"Well, is Yoda wrong?"

You whined a little, "No..."

"So, get it done," she smiled. "This is really exciting."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "I've always wanted to be a big sister."

"You'd kick ass as one," you agreed.

"Think how upset and flustered Dad will be when I teach Baby to curse!"

"Sarah, you teach the kid any curse words and I'll wash your own mouth with soap," you teasingly warned with a pointed finger. "I'm a little nervous, I think," you admitted.

"Why? Daddy loves you, he'll be really happy," Sarah defended. "Maybe a little shocked, but he'll be over the moon with joy."

"You think?"

"I know," she nodded. "Tell him tonight!"

"Tell who, what?" Tommy asked, appearing in the doorway to make you both shriek.

"What happened!?" You heard Joel, but then, everything was drowned out as you and Sarah started yelling at Tommy for scaring the shit outta you both. Joel appeared in time to see his little brother throw his hands up in defense, laughing at the two of you.

"Not cool, man!" You barked, shaking your head. "Didn't hear y'all come in, the hell's wrong wit'chu?"

"Y'all didn't lock the front door, again," Tommy smirked. "I came up real quick and quiet."

"Jackass," you muttered, wiping your hands on a towel before exiting the room. "Hi, baby," you muttered to Joel, pausing to rock onto your toes and plant a kiss to your husband's lips.

"Hi, honey," he mused, arm anchoring your waist. "What's with the screamin'?"

"Your brother's an ass," you pouted, giving your best exaggerated bottom lip.

"You had it comin', darlin'," Tommy teased. "Told you to lock up, huh?"

"Why're you even here? Why are you always! Here!?" You whined lightly. "Go home!"

"I'm staying the night," he mocked gently.

"You better not clean my fridge out," you warned him with slitted eyes. "I just went to the shop."

"You get them cookies you like?" Tommy perked a brother, watching your eyes widen a small fraction. "YOU DID!" Tommy laughed, turning, and bolting down the stairs - making you yelp and start yelling after him, following closely.

Joel and Sarah could be heard laughing from upstairs.

It was close to midnight by the time you and Joel finally settled for bed. Sarah's homework was done, whole family fed, Tommy was nursing a bonked head with a small ice pack, and you and Joel were turning your bed down.

"Hey, uh," you cleared your throat as you both got in the sheets, "so, I was wonderin' somethin'."

"What's that, sugar?"

"What do you think of when you consider the future?"

Joel paused, then shrugged, "We go to Nashville with Sarah this summer."

"No, baby, I mean the future - like, years from now."

Joel chuckled, "Uh, I don't know, baby, I just think of you and Sarah and Tommy... There's not many others left 'round."

"That's all?"

"I don't know, I think sometimes when Sarah goes off to college, that girl's goin' on a scholarship, you know? So, you and I could maybe take some time for a vacation. Finally take you on that honeymoon I promised."

You hummed, settling against his chest, "Where we goin'?"

"You know I'd take you wherever you wanted," he sighed, "but maybe we could afford... I don't know, trip to... Vegas?"

"So we can renew our vows with Elvis?"

"Why not?" He chuckled, squeezing your hip. "Might be fun, right?"

"You just wanna see the strippers."

"Can you blame me?"

You laughed and smacked his chest, "Easy, mister, you're on thin ice."

Joel laughed lightly, "You know I'm teasin', darlin'. C'mon, anywhere we could, where would you go?"

"Oh, the Maldives, without a doubt.," You smirked. "But how about we keep it simple? Go to, say, Paris?"

Joel snickered, "That's simple?"

"City of Love for our honeymoon? Baby, I'd say that's more cliché than anything. Besides, don't you wanna kiss me at the top of the Eiffel Tower?"

"'Course, sugar, but the food there?"

"Oh, like you've ever been!" You laughed, looking up at him. "Don't talk shit when you don't know."

"Hmm," he considered, "solid advice, sweetheart."

He reached out to caress the side of your cheek, making you sigh, "One thing's missin' though..."

"What's that?" Joel smirked.

"We'd have to find a babysitter."

"Sarah will be older than - "

"No, no, baby, not talkin' 'bout Sarah."

"Who, then?" He chuckled. "Tommy? Though he likes proving us wrong, he can take care of himself."

"No, I'm talking about a babysitter for us."

"Lost me again, sweetheart."

You stared at him for a moment, then admitted, "I'm pregnant. So, we'd need to find a sitter 'cause we'd have a little one by then." However, Joel just stared down at you, brows slowly furrowing as he processed your words. "Joel?" You wondered when he didn't answer, but instead, looked off past you. "Honey, you still with me?"

"I heard you," he grit, making you instantly sit up and off of him.

"Joel?"

He sighed deeply, "Why'd you have to do that?"

"I'm sorry?"

Joel sat up and swung his legs from bed, making you feel instantly smaller than you actually were. "Why'd you have to go and do that? Huh? Get pregnant?"

"Joel - "

"No, what the hell's this!?" He demanded, looking far too upset than you ever considered. "You're pregnant? You're really pregnant?"

"Yes - "

"God fuckin' damn it!" Joel swatted at a lamp, knocking it over, and waking the entire house - not that either Tommy or Sarah were asleep yet. "You can't seriously be pregnant!" Joel barked at you, and if he could, you knew he'd be gnashing his teeth.

"Why is this such a shock?" You asked. "This is what happens when you're married - "

"You were supposed to be on birth control!"

"It's only so much effective when you're cumming in me like some sex doll!" You snapped back, aware of your loudness.

"Don't turn this on me!"

"I'm not! Fuck's sake, I'm happy about this!" You stood from the bed, too. "I'm happy we're havin' a baby! Why're you reacting this way?"

"We can't afford a baby right now!" Joel looked enraged now. "We don't got the space - fuckin' Tommy crashes the couch! Where we puttin' a whole baby, huh? Where we puttin' a kid? How're we gonna afford more groceries? More schoolin'? You didn't think this through, now, did you!?"

"Fuck's sake, Joel, do I need to give you a sex-ed course? Explain how you're just as much in this as I am? I didn't do this to myself, we both took risks - but I didn't think this was gonna be an issue! I thought you'd want this!"

"When have I ever said I wanted another kid? Huh? Don't put words in my mouth, woman! I got Sarah, ain't no kid better than that! Why would I even want to bother? Knowing our situation!? You think you're ready to be a mom? All you do is work, and it makes you a pretty shaky stepmother! Neither of us are in a place to just stop and take care of a kid, we're in too deep with our current bills!"

You felt too stunned to speak, every defense you had lowering in pure sadness as tears collected in your eyes. "You serious, right now?"

"Completely," he sighed, hands to his hips.

"So, you... You don't want this baby?"

Joel's jaw flexed. "Not right now, no."

"Okay," you sighed.

"I can't take care of another kid," he shook his head. "Look, why can't Sarah be enough? You've known her her whole life."

"Why is it so wrong to wonder what it's like to be pregnant? To have my own child? Since you have Sarah."

"We have Sarah," he snapped.

"No... We don't, since I'm only a shaky stepmother."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"No? How'd you mean it?" You wondered sarcastically. "Maybe that I won't be a good mother? That you don't want a kid with me, is it? Whatever, Joel, look, there's no compromise here. You don't want this baby, but I do... So, this it is."

"What is? To what?"

"Us," you sighed, gesturing between you. "If you really don't want this baby, then I don't see how we can still participate in a marriage."

"The fuck - "

"I won't stay where I'm not wanted."

"I want you, just not the baby!"

"So, understand this. Because I'm growing that baby currently, you simply don't want me. So, it's all right, now. I'll get my shit and get out, figure out what to do movin' forward, and I'll have the divorce papers sent - "

"Like hell, you are!" Joel raged.

"How're we gonna fix this then!?"

"Fuckin' Christ, woman, you really know how to piss me off! This ain't my issue - this is your problem. But we ain't gettin' a divorce, so, you better figure it out."

You scoffed, "Who the hell even are you?"

"Come again?"

You gestured at him, "This is not who I married."

"Neither are you. When we got married, you said Sarah was more than enough - "

"You know what? Feelin's change!"

Joel scoffed, "Yeah, fuckin' tell me 'bout it."

"Wow," you sighed, turning for the closet, muttering, "wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW!"

"Fuck!" Joel snapped. "C'mon, doll, don't do this."

He watched you pack a suitcase frantically, the fight continuing to wage farther into the night. Back and forth, you two went round after round after round, trying to make the other understand and see reason. To Joel, it was a matter of financials and space. To you? It was everything else.

By 3 am, you had finally packed your necessary belongings into two bags - a suitcase and purse - before you were charging down the stairs with Joel still hollering after you. Tommy was in the living room, pacing, and Sarah was laid on the couch, eyes red and swollen as she clutched a pillow to her chest. You came to a halt when you saw them both, Joel still sneering but silencing himself when he saw what you stared at.

Just like that, he understood his brother and daughter had heard every word he shouted at you, and never had he felt such shame. You swallowed harshly, nodding at Tommy before looking to Sarah. With a wobbling smile, you managed to garble, "I'm sorry."

"Mama, wait!" Sarah gasped, shooting off the couch as you fled for the front door; Tommy catching her around her waist. "No! No! Daddy, go get her! Don't go! Mama! Please! What's happening? Why won't you go after her!?"

But to Tommy's shock and horror, Joel silently descended the stairs to push the front door closed and locked it - bolting them inside and his wife outside. "Joel," Tommy shook his head, confusing marring his features. "The hell happened?"

But Joel only sighed, turned, and headed up the stairs again. Not a moment later, his bedroom door closed - making Tommy release Sarah. She rushed to the door but stopped, only staring out, and Tommy understood she could no longer see your car.

"Hey, Sarah?" Tommy called softly. "You can stay home from school tomorrow. All right?"

She only nodded silently, taking a seat at the front door and just watching. He frowned, wanting to shoo her off to bed, but understood that her child-like mind could only understand so much. She wanted to wait for you to come home, she wanted to see you coming... However, the following morning, Joel found his daughter slumped against the front door and his brother on the stairs from watching her.

His heart had plummeted to his feet when he saw them, more so when he understood you weren't home. The house already felt colder.

September 26th, 2003 Outbreak Day

Your daughter was barely a few months old by the time "it" happened. After leaving Joel, you went home to your parents and they were gracious enough to welcome you and the babe growing in your womb.

They made up your childhood bedroom into a nursery and let you transform their home office into a spare bedroom as your little brother was living in the guest room and older sister in the basement. It was an incredibly tiny room, but it worked for now; and your little girl was a ray of sunshine that you barely noticed how miserable you truly felt.

You hadn't seen Joel since the birth... And before that? Not since your fight. He really didn't want shit to do with your daughter, and while you always told him when your appointments were, he never showed. When you went into labor, your father was the one who called him because you only sobbed through the pain that you wanted your husband. So, Joel showed that day, but didn't go into the delivery room. He just waited outside it, listening, feeling his heart shatter again and again as you begged someone to find your husband, but no matter how your mother and father begged him to go in, he wouldn't. He couldn't.

It was only after the baby was born did he venture in.

You looked beat to hell and the sheets seemed bloodier than usual, but he didn't want to linger. He only nodded at you, hands in his pockets, "Good job... She's real beautiful."

You blinked, glancing over to where a nurse was swaddling the just-cleaned baby. "Thank you," you whispered. Then, he turned to leave, "W-Wait!" You begged, making him pause. "Don't you... I-I don't know, want to help name her?"

Joel sighed, glancing at you over his shoulder, "No, 's all right. Whatever you want, she's your daughter."

Your heart broke all over again, watching him leave. So much so, when the nurse brought your daughter over for you to hold, you broke down in horrendous sobs that the nurse actually shied away. You couldn't breathe from the pain, and it actually set off a few alarms on your hospital monitors.

Your mother watched in despair as a team of professionals had to sedate you in order to calm you down enough; holding her grandbaby and rocking her arms. She waited for days, hoping you'd ask to hold your daughter, but never did. Only when the lactation expert came in to help you nurse your daughter did you actually "willingly" hold her.

It just broke your heart to even look at her because she looked so much like Joel that it should've been illegal. Eventually, you came around and felt as if you couldn't set the baby down, but for the first few days were exhaustingly tough. Your parents were a huge help, but that didn't make it easier on you to try and process life without Joel. You loved your husband, wanted him back, but after his behavior, you couldn't fathom being within 6 feet of him again.

However, life had much different plans.

You didn't feed your baby formula, opting for breast feeding. Ironically, during your pregnancy, you had developed an intolerance to gluten and never wanted flour-products even after giving brith to your daughter. However, your father loved your mother's cookies...

It was nearly 2 am when it happened.

Your father had been the first "Infected" of the family, and only your mother was in their room with him. You heard the thumping and screams, peering out of your room only to see blood pooling from under your parent's closed bedroom door. "Get back," you hissed at your little brother, darting down the hall to your daughter's nursery.

"DADDY! NO!" You heard your brother scream a minute later, panic enveloping you as your daughter started to cry.

"No, no, no, it's okay, hey, hey, it's okay, sweetheart," you whispered, trying to shush her. There wasn't time to spare, and just as you secured your daughter to your chest with tight arms and made it from her room, your father came barreling out of your little brother's room - scaring the shit outta you. "D-Daddy?"

He snarled, neck snapping when he looked at you - but that wasn't your father. No, this creature was something else and while it was in your father's body, it wasn't your Daddy, and you weren't safe here.

"Down here! NOW!" Katie, your older sister called, making you shoot off down the stairs in a blind panic. Your father came crashing down behind you, knocking into your legs as you reached the bottom - forcing you to turn over and land on your back to protect your kid.

"OH MY GOD!" You screamed when your father bolted upright.

"STAY DOWN!"

Your sister swung her softball bat, knocking your father's head back with a sickly snap. He went down, and for a moment, it was all quiet. "What the fuck?" You panted, baby still crying.

"I don't know," Katie panted, reaching for your arms and helping you up. "I-I didn't - I didn't think," she stuttered, looking at your father, who's head was split open and spewing blood. "I-I killed him."

"Between us?" You nodded, "Think he was already dead."

"Where's Mommy? And Billy!?"

"Upstairs..."

"You don't think...?"

"Should we check?"

"What if they're alive and we just left them?" She worried, blinking back tears. "I-I don't know what to do."

"I think we need to get the fuck outta here," you admitted, looking around you two. "We aren't safe here, Katie, we should move."

Just then, there was a thud from upstairs. Your sister uttered your name in fear, and you had to steel yourself. "What do we do?" She whispered.

"Kitchen, there's only one door and the basement," you nodded, the two of you turning and hustling into the room. You looked around and found a long cerated knife, standing at the ready with one arm around your baby.

"What's gonna come for us?"

"Whatever the hell happened to Daddy," you gulped. "I still think we should run for it."

"But Mama - "

"She's probably dead!" You snapped. "But we aren't. We don't have to die if we play smart. I say, we get what we need and get the fuck out of here."

However, before she could answer, there was a snarling from outside the door. Your baby still cried, and soon, the door was bursting open with your mother's Infected body being hurled through the door. Your sister begged your name in a yell and you repeated at her that it's not really your mother - keeping the kitchen island between you three - and that she needed to swing the bat.

However, your little brother came barreling inside right after and knocked into you. It was a struggle as you had to let go of your baby to keep the 10-year-old demon off your body; hip teeth gnashing as pale tendrils came curling out of his mouth.

"NO!"

You couldn't look back at your sister, struggling to keep the suspiciously-strong boy at bay. You used your feet to kick him off you, snatch up the knife, and as he came back - snarling and screaming - you only stabbed the knife up into the underside of his jaw. Yanking free, blood and more came gushing out, and your brother when down.

When you turned, your sister was panting and leaning against a counter. Mother laid dead at her feet. "You good?" You asked.

"Yeah... You?"

"Yeah," you sniffled, moving to collect your baby from the bloody linoleum floor. "Can we get the fuck outta here now?"

"There's no more threat."

"Seriously?" You snapped. "Honey, if it happened here, it's happenin' elsewhere and we need to fucking move before we get left behind. Understand me?"

But then... There was a sickening sound from the only other door in the kitchen... The one leading to the basement...

"Katie?" You called your sister's name, "it's time to run."

"GO!" She screamed when a new body, that of your next door neighbor, came bursting through the door. You both ran, your daughter tight to your chest, and just made it outside your family home when a truck was screeching to a halt.

Joel leapt from the passenger seat, hollering your name in panic, and making you shoot off like a Roman Candle towards him. He caught you easily, holding you and your infant close to his chest as Katie came sprinting from behind you - taking cover behind Joel.

"What - "

"JOEL!" Katie screamed, pointing towards the body rushing from your home.

"Tommy!"

There came a gunshot, making you flinch into his chest as he turned you from the sight. "Get in the truck," Tommy called, Sarah opening the door from the inside to invite Katie in.

"We gotta go, darlin', it's time to go, let's go," Joel muttered to you.

"What the fuck is happenin'?"

"We don't know, but it's bad," he nodded, looking around frantically. "We need off the streets, baby, please, get in the truck."

But you paused, asking him, "You came back for me?"

"For the both of you," he sighed, caressing the top of your daughter's head - who still wailed in fear. "Please, baby, it's time to go - get in the truck." When you did, he rambled, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, all right, Tommy! Let's go!"

When everyone was in and doors shut, a new game began: Get the Hell Outta Dodge.

During the ride, Tommy and Joel filled you and Katie in with what they knew from the broadcasters that were once on the airwaves. Sarah held onto you tightly, infant child still wriggling in your lap and arms. You were trying to flee the suburbs, making for the highway, but it seemed, everyone else who hadn't been killed off had the same idea and created intense traffic.

"We're okay," you whispered to Sarah on repeat, almost in a chant. Katie frowned and slowly reached over Sarah's lap, taking hold of your daughter. You slowly let go only to latch full onto Sarah and try to comfort her with slow rocking and cooed words of encouragement. Joel knew that in your time apart, you and Sarah saw each other often - nearly on a daily basis - and could understand that you were her mother, through-and-through.

You both needed the comfort right now.

Someone to lean on.

Someone to be scared with you instead of saying "buck up."

"Take the field, Tommy!" Katie barked from the back, holding your screaming baby to her shoulder and trying to offer her warmth and comfort. However, it was impossible with the tangible panic and loud blaring of horns and cursing voices. "We can cut across and pick the road up on the west side."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. West, West, all right. All right, hang on," he turned the wheel, everyone bracing for the sharp movement before the bumping of the terrain became wildly uneven.

Around them, other cars followed suit, and the field was soon flooded with civilian cars trying to flee. "The fuck could be happening?" Katie asked you, gulping, "You're the doctor!"

"I-I don't fucking know, Katie, please," you whispered back, gulping in nerves as Tommy drove you all over the grass.

However, when they came over the hill to catch sight of their destination, there was a flooding of lights and choppers in the air. Tommy cursed, "Shit! Fuckin' Army!"

"Isn't that good?" Sarah asked from your embrace.

"It's good for them, but that's the highway we're tryna get to," Tommy explained, coming to a halt as cars flooded past them.

"All right, keep movin'. Head north," Joel advised quietly, his mind trying to settle.

"Could be a lotta people," Tommy argued lightly.

"Well, we can't go south, we can't go east, we can't go west," Joel pointed out. "Hell else we supposed to go?"

"Tommy, fuckin' drive!" You grit, Katie joining you in on the last word.

"Tommy, c'mon!" Joel followed right after. The tires squealed as Tommy pressed on the gas while turning his wheel, making the truck turn and speed off for a distant suburban town; lights in the distance guiding you. "Yeah," Joel muttered. "Yeah, I know that place. This can work."

"Yeah, all right, fine, cool, but then what?" Katie asked. "Where are we supposed to go then?"

"I don't know. Mexico. Just far, far as we can," Joel answered uneasily. "How much gas?"

"Three-quarter tank," Tommy answered.

"Go through town," Joel advised. "Golf course by the river, straight across, we pick up the highway on the other side of the blockade, then we're out."

"I'm gonna throw up," Katie whispered, head tilted back with her eyes closed.

"If you're feelin' sick, hand me my baby," you snapped, looking at her with fear.

"No, girl, it's anxiety," she snapped back. "I'm not sick."

"How can you be sure?" Sarah wondered.

"Cause it would've hit us the same as it did our family..."

"Who'd it hit?" Tommy wondered, looking back.

"We're all that's left," you sighed, saving your sister from answering. "Daddy turned first, then Mama... Billy after... We got out."

"They bite 'chall?" Tommy asked, glancing back.

"No," you answered, looking at Katie. "You bit?"

"Nope, I beat 'em to the punch," she sighed. "Ah, fuck, my stomach."

"Throw up in my truck, darlin'," Tommy muttered, sucking his teeth.

"Throw up on my baby, Kate, and I'll beat 'cho ass," you snipped, perking a warning brow at her.

"Girl," she sighed, glancing at Sarah - who had sat off you in contemplation. "Sarah?" She whispered in wondered.

"Maybe it's everywhere," she voiced, glancing at the two of you sat on either side of her. "Maybe there's nowhere to go..."

"Well, hey, we'll just have to find somewhere safe," you nodded back at her, but furrowed your brow. "Anyone hear that?"

"Oh, shit - "

"What the fuck!?" Tommy called over Katie, glancing up towards the roof as there came a deafening sound of a plane flying far too low to the ground.

"Cover her ears!" You begged Katie, reaching for Sarah to press your hands over her ears. Your sister held your daughter's ears closed - her still screaming bloody murder - as the plane flew over the truck.

"Fuckin' hell!" She looked back, noting the sky. Sarah whipped around, too, only to spy two more planes in the sky - all flying low and at odd angles.

However, ahead of them, cop cars were speeding around the streets and cutting off any route. "Son of a bitch," Tommy cursed. "Gotta go around. Grab somethin'!"

You held onto the designated 'oh shit!' bar over your head as Sarah leaned over to hold Katie and your baby. Tommy took a sharp right into an alley, between buildings. When you all rightened, it was only to see the people on the street running around, screaming, cars zooming past them all. Tommy took a left, then another right, and joined the bustle of the street.

"All right, keep goin', keep goin'," Joel pointed ahead, but tommy blew past a stop sign. "Shit - TOMMY!"

Another car came to a screeching halt, barely missing T-boning the Tommy's truck. They moved on, only to discover people mauling each other in the street - blocking most of their path. "Oh, my God," Sarah whispered, reaching for you as your arm came around her shoulders again as Tommy came to a stall.

"Tommy, you can't stop here," Joel reminded.

"I can't drive through 'em all!"

"Are you serious?" Joel barked. "Just keep goin'!"

However, ahead came the smashing of glass and a stampede of people - all running wildly and making you assume they were Infected, too. "Ohhhhhhh, shit," Katie whimpered.

"Go, go, go, go, back, back, back, back, back, back," Joel encouraged his brother, who hastily switched gears.

"I'm trying!"

However, when you and Sarah looked back to watch the crowd and stay out of Tommy's range of sight, you saw a distant threat and tuned everything else out. "Joel!" You begged, reaching for his arm as the sight of an airborne plane turning in the sky to head back your way was far too pressing right now.

"Dad!" Sarah echoed.

"Holy shit," Katie sobbed, cradling your baby tightly and without you even noticing, put her seatbelt on.

"Move. MOVE!" Joel told Tommy.

The plane took a nosedive into the ground, exploding, and send a flurry of parts around the surrounding area. One of those areas happened to the building you were driving past, and one of the steel parts ricocheted off it and into the truck.

Everything went black.

"Baby? Baby, can you hear me? Hey, hey, hey, darlin', c'mon, open them pretty eyes for me, c'mon, baby, please."

"Fuck," you wheezed, eyes slowly opening.

"Hey, hey, hey, there you are, hey," Joel whispered, Tommy, Katie, and Sarah already out of the truck. "There you go, c'mon, you all right? You hurt?"

"No," you blinked a few times, wiggling your toes and fingers. "Fuck's sake, what happened?"

"Car accident," he nodded, "c'mon, sugar, gotta get up for me," he looked around. "We ain't safe here, c'mon, baby, that's it."

You nodded and let him pull you from the wreckage, grunting when shattered glass pressed into your skin to create long drips of blood that resembled a child's melted-crayon canvas from elementary art class. When out, Sarah kept weight off her ankle and wobbled in her stance, making you frowned, "All right?"

"Ankle," Sarah sniffled.

"We gotta get off the streets!" Tommy called from the other side of the car.

"KATIE!?"

"I got her!" She called back, and then, you could distinguish her shrill crying. You sighed with relief before Tommy was profanely screaming and Joel turned you and Sarah from the car just as an out-of-control police car came smashing into the truck.

"I got her," you told Joel, taking hold of Sarah in full as he nodded in thanks before turning for the wreckage they couldn't get around.

"Tommy!? Tommy!? Katie!? TOMMY!"

The brothers found a glimpse of each other through the flames, Tommy telling his brother, "Head to the river! We'll find a way! Get them outta here, Joel! Go!"

"Take care of my daughter," he nodded back.

"C'mon," Tommy told Katie, and the two were taking off with Tommy's gun slung over his shoulder.

Joel turned back for you and Sarah, gulping nervously at you, "Darlin', listen, I'm so sorry - "

"Joel, now's not the time," you panted. "We gotta go. Okay? We're good right now, but we gotta stay good. Let's get the fuck outta here, please. We can talk later!"

He nodded back, looking at Sarah, who refused, "We can't leave them! K-Katie has D - "

"They'll be fine," Joel insisted. "Tommy's with 'em, they'll look after each other. Can you run?"

"No," she shook her head, making Joel sigh.

"Can you?"

"I'm good," you nodded, worryingly looking at Sarah. "I can carry her - "

"'S all right, darlin'," he muttered, sweeping Sarah into his arms and making her arms latch around his neck. "You keep your eyes on me," he told his daughter. She nodded. "Okay?"

"Okay," Sarah breathed.

"Okay," Joel nodded. "And you don't look anywhere else." Sarah buried her head in her father's neck, his eyes meeting yours. "And you..." He panted, swallowing nervously. "You stay with me, you stay right with me, all right?"

"All right."

"All right," he agreed, hurrying off down the alley. You were true to your word, keeping up with him easily, but both slowing when the end of the alley only lead to a group of Infected motherfuckers feasting on the flesh of other humans.

You panicked for a moment, looking around you, and nearly missing the sound of the a distant explosion - sounding more like a crack from this distance. However, it was enough of a sound to draw the attention of at least one Infected Fucker - who looked up to stare at you, Joel, and Sarah.

Joel lead you to a building behind you - but the Fucker followed. "Joel, go, go, go," you hissed, easily taking the lead to use your body to burst through doors. Joel followed, understanding that because he was carrying Sarah, you had assumed the role of "guide" and wanted to clear his path - but it also cleared a path to be followed.

It made horrendous sounds as it chased you three, literally hauling it's body around as if it had no real control over it. The feeling inside your chest was chaotic, the tension tangible through the air as you lead Joel through the closed-diner.

The creature still followed.

Finally outside, you didn't have to restrict yourself but couldn't find it in you to leave Joel and Sarah behind. If this was the end, it was only right you fell as a family - and while deeply stupid of you, it was oddly poetic. However, as you heard the beast in pursuit just nipping at your heels, so sounded a reverberating gunshot.

It made you pause, looking back to see a headshot had taken the Infected Fucker out, and yet, no obvious sign of the shooter. Joel comforted Sarah, looking down at you - making you nod, telling him you were okay - before looking around again.

Then, a flashlight blinded you as a Humvee's lights flashed on, a voice demanding, "Don't move!"

"Joel..." You whispered, holding onto his elbow as he readjusted so he was slightly in front of you.

"My daughter's hurt!" Joel called to the military man. "Her ankle!"

"Stop right there!" He barked again.

"Okay," Joel muttered, nerves being shared as you had a bad feeling about this. "Easy now. We're not sick!"

But the solider, instead, radioed in, "I got three civilians by the river, one of 'em injured... Ankle..."

"What about Uncle Tommy and Aunt Katie?" Sarah asked her father.

"We're gonna get you somewhere safe first, with your Mama. Yeah? Then we'll come back for 'em, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, repeat?" The solider asked into his comms system - earning your attention again. Joel tried to step forward, but the flashlight was right back up into your face, the man snapping, "Hey! No one told you to move!"

"Joel," you worried. "They have shoot-to-kill orders."

"What?" He whispered.

"In the event of extreme violence, similar to this, they have orders to shoot-to-kill," you told him shakily, watching the man. "I know you wanna trust 'em, but they're not our friend right now. Get ready to run..."

"Darlin' - "

"Joel," you hushed, squeezing his elbow.

The solider answered his commanding officer with three, spaced out, "Yes, sir's," before he was slowly picking up his firearm and the light was again in their eyes.

Joel realized how right his estranged wife was in that moment. "We're not sick," he tried to remind. But the man approached, making Sarah's breathing pick up as she held on tighter to Joel's neck - blindly reaching out for you. "Sir," Joel begged, "we are not sick!"

But just like you had said, the orders were shoot-to-kill, and the rapid gunfire sounded in the knight - only barely masked by Sarah's high-pitched scream. You felt a searing burn in your thigh, all three of you toppling over down the short hill you were heading towards; all three rolling away from one another.

When you came to a halt, you seethed in pain, holding your thigh, but hearing a much worse sound. Sarah hyperventilating. You looked up as the solider leered over Joel, army-crawling towards her just as a gunshot sounded. However, when you weren't struck, you kept going, and reached your stepdaughter.

"Baby?" You whispered.

"Mama," she begged. "Mama, Mama," she repeated, barely able to swallow her saliva - much less her fear. "Hurts," she grunted, soon losing the ability to form words.

Tommy had seen the scene and rushed forward to shoot the solider, leaving Katie at his side with your infant daughter still in arm. "I got'cha, hey, hey, hey, I"m here," you whispered, literally whipping your shirt off to press into her stomach. "JOEL!" You cried, looking over your shoulder to spy him on the ground.

He quickly scrambled to Sarah's other side, taking in the situation, and looking at you with absolute devastation. You cried as you held pressure, but you knew, from the entry wounds, Sarah didn't stand a chance. Her aorta artery had been hit and shredded by a bullet, only giving her moments left in this life.

Watching Joel was possibly harder than watching him walk away from you in the birthing room. He was desperate, trying to save his daughter but only being able to hold her as she grunted and sobbed in pain; bleeding out in her father's arms. Joel begged you to help but you couldn't, unable to form words, so, he turned to his brother and screamed at him - and your sister - to help him.

But in that moment he had looked away, Sarah's life had left them. "Joel," you whimpered, making him look down and realize what happened. He sobbed, drawing her in tightly; rocking helplessly on the ground as he couldn't fathom what had just happened.

However, amongst his mourning, there came a sound you never wanted to hear again. Whipping around, you caught sight of your sister starting to twitch and leapt to your feet; limping in hurried motions to snatch your screaming baby from her tightening grip.

"Katie," you begged in a sob, backing up towards Tommy, "oh, God, no... No, please."

But the bite on her forearm had turned a sickly black-and-blue, alerting she had been bit at some point and never voiced it. Before your very eyes, she turned from your dear, sweet older sister into a blood-thirsty monster. Yellowed and dead eyes, snarling and uncontrollable twitching, limbs that turned up in odd angles as the infection took over completely.

When done, you sister gave a shriek before you pleaded, "Tommy!"

He took aim and fired once, putting Katie out of her misery; sending her corpse crumbling to the ground. You panted, tears in your eyes as you couldn't process this night, but then... The unexpected.

"Oh, God, no," you gasped, wrenching your daughter from your chest as she started wriggling uncontrollably. "No, no, no, no, no, no," you sobbed, dropping to your knees and laying her down. Quickly opening her baby blanket, you noted the adult-sized bite on her whole shin, sobbing harshly. "Delilah! No, not my baby, no, no, oh, fuck, no, c'mon, not you, too. Not you, too, Delilah, please, my angel, oh, fuck, no, God damn it!"

"Darlin'," Tommy stuttered from behind you. He looked up in fear, finding his brother's confused gaze and calling, "J-Joel!"

"Delilah, please, fuck, h-how do I fix this!?" You begged. "No, fuck, God damn it! Why can't I help my daughters!?" You snarled at Tommy, sobbing until your chest hurt. "Why!? Why can't I save them!?"

"Doll," he whispered, his older brother slowly letting go of Sarah to lay her down, shut her eyes, and rest her arms over her stomach before turning for you.

"Not her, too, please," you begged. "That's everyone, please, no, please, th-this can't - please, this can't be happening! How do I help, Delilah, baby, please?" You still begged, looking at her bite. "I-I can - I don't know what to do! Wo-Would amputation work? Oh, fuck, no, no, it's - no, please!"

Joel stumbled to his feet, nearing you, but pausing as he could only stare as his infant daughter, whom he had only just seen, twitched and convulsed as the infection proved too great for her little body. It also wasn't lost to his that you had name her after his own mother, long since departed from this world and who would never meet her granddaughter.

"Oh, my God," Joel whispered, slowly nearing you as you sobbed over your daughter; hands hovering all over as you weren't sure where to touch her.

"Please!" You begged nobody, sobbing uselessly as Delilah came to a slow but jarring halt. "Oh, my God," you squeaked, leaning back in shock. "Oh... Oh, my fuckin' God, no... Not our kids, c'mon, no, God, please, fuck - this has to be some fucked-up nightmare. Right?" You looked desperately at Joel. "This... This isn't real, right? This isn't really happening? Please, Joel, you have to fucking tell me this isn't real - this can't be real."

"I'm sorry," Joel wheezed, slowly reaching for you.

"This didn't happen," you shook your head. "O-Our daughters - what the fuck just happened?"

Tommy slowly took the seat on your other side, Joel easily tugging you into his embrace as your sobs wracked your whole being. There were no words to be shared, only the grief of two parents who had just lost everything. Sarah's blood stained both your skin, Delilah laid perfectly still in her baby blanket right in front of you, and Tommy, who felt his gun weighed more than himself after failing to protect those he loved most in this world.

Joel, who lost his daughters but kept his brother.

And you... Who lost your husband a year ago and both your daughters, your mother, father, little brother, and older sister all in a single night. You, who would carry this night of great loss with you, for life. You, who felt confused on how "moving forward" was ever possible. You, who would eventually lose feeling in your head and heart that would result in years of violent turmoil.

You, who would eventually find a path to redemption, but for tonight, you, who grieved loudly and openly in the bloody arms of your estranged husband.

requesting rules and masterlist

TLOU masterlist

#joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller tlou #joel miller hbo #the last of us #the last of us hbo #hbo the last of us #the last of us x reader #tlou #tlou hbo #hbo tlou #tlou joel

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kurogane2512 · 9 months

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Hello! Maybe something with jealous!cocolia from hsr??? Could be nsfw or sfw. Thank you!

You know I love Cocolia but it annoys me how I'm never satisfied writing her because I barely know anything about her canon self....it's situations like these where I rack my brains hard and come up with many possibilities that suit her but, in the end, I can't settle with one of them cause Mihoyo just didn't give me enough...

Aaanyways, I'll stop ranting my disappointment for Cocolia and give her love through my writing! On that note, I thought of 2 possibilities for her jealous self depending on the time period~

Game: Honkai Star Rail

Characters: HSR Cocolia x fem!Reader

Type: Fluff (hcs with suggestive drabble)

PreStellaronCocolia! is a sweet, kind and fun-loving woman. She supports her friends and isn't so uptight about rules, she has Belobog's best interest at heart and swore to protect it, she adopted Bronya and raised her well like a good mother. She had her dreams and aspirations, and she never put down others for her own benefit.

She was loved and respected by many, and she too loved and respected her people as she knew the responsibility she'll eventually have. You were childhood friends with her and Serval but you couldn't be more different than them; they were the troublemakers while you were the diligent student council president who always caught them but never had the guts to punish them beyond verbal scolding.

Cocolia loved you for a long time, but was unsure of confessing because she thought you liked Serval more. Serval was always more outgoing and confident than her and didn't hold back from showing her affection to you in public, even in front of Cocolia whom she knew had a crush on you. Perhaps, this would cause you to see an unexpected side of Cocolia.

"Hey, Y/n?~ Come on, let's go home!~" Serval mused as she lounged on your table in the Student Council Office after school, teasing you while you tried to work.

"Serval...." you sighed as you pinched your temple, "I told you I still have work. Go home with Cocolia."

"Buuut she's busy with her club~ And I'm bored without you!~"

You sighed further and paid her no heed. She pouted and stood up from the table then made her way over to your chair before suddenly tapping your shoulder. You looked up at her in annoyance and she sneakily slid herself between you and the table, settling on your lap with her arms around your neck. You blushed; while this action wasn't particularly new for her, it was a bit sudden at this moment.

"W-What? I told you I ha—"

"Hey, Y/n. I like you~"

Your eyes widened, "Huh?! This isn't the time for your pranks! Get off me, I have to submit these reports!"

"It's not a prank! I—"

Serval couldn't continue as a loud thud was heard from across the room. Both of you looked towards the door and found Cocolia standing there with a shocked look on her face, her bag dropped to her feet which was the source of the sound earlier. She looked at the two of you with her mouth agape, finding it difficult to believe what she just heard.

"C-Cocolia..." you nervously husked, unsure of what to say.

Serval simply smirked before standing up from your lap, you too stood up as Cocolia walked towards you both with her arms crossed over her chest. She glared at Serval who couldn't hold back her grinning face, she was enjoying this.

"Are you serious, Serval?" Cocolia questioned, a surprising seriousness in her tone. Serval just grinned more then laughed out, catching you by surprise but Cocolia was unhinged.

"Haha~ I was just joking! I'm sorry, Y/n. That was a prank, I was just trying to get your attention, hahaha!"

You looked at her wide-eyed and sighed, slightly relieved she wasn't serious. She then walked past Cocolia and patted her shoulder while whispering, "No need to thank me~"

Cocolia scoffed and Serval went out of the room, saying goodbye to both of you. You were now left alone with Cocolia, awkwardly fidgeting around before speaking, "Ah, right! Is your club do—"

Cocolia suddenly embraced you before you could finish, tightly wrapping her arms around your body causing your head to be buried in her chest.

"Y/n....what would you have said earlier?"

"W-What do you mean?"

"To Serval's confession....if she was serious, what would you have said?"

"....I would have denied. I don't like her that way."

Cocolia's eyes lit up and she quickly held your face, "Then! Would you....um....if I...." Cocolia fumbled on her words, unable to form sentences and kept babbling on.

"C-Cocolia, are you okay?"

She gritted her teeth then immediately hugged you again, this time even tighter than before. "I....I love you, Y/n....I got anxious earlier seeing Serval do that. I thought you liked her and....I-I just...."

You couldn't believe your ears, was she actually serious? The woman you love also loved you back? Since when did you become so lucky in life?

You smiled and wrapped your arms around her body to calm her down, "Me too....I love you too. I would have rejected her because I love you..."

Now Cocolia was equally surprised too but couldn't be happier. She suddenly pushed you onto the chair you were sitting on earlier and straddled your lap the same way Serval had, almost mimicking the scene. She gripped your shoulders and leaned closer, her ample breasts pressing against your chest making you flustered. You slowly moved your hands on her waist and gently held it, the two of you gazing at each other.

"....I didn't like what I saw earlier."

You chuckled, "I didn't take you for the jealous type~"

"O-Of course, anyone would become jealous seeing their crush do intimate things with someone else!"

You smiled and snuggled into her neck, "But, I wouldn't have let her go too far. And I don't think she would have either."

"Mm, I know...It's just, I felt a sudden uneasiness at that...."

"Then, I'll comfort you~" you looked up and gripped her chin before leaning in and placing your lips on hers, initiating a gentle kiss. She was caught by surprise but quickly accepted and kissed you back, pulling your head closer. Your lips moved in perfect rhythm as if they were made for each other, her tongue soon licked your bottom lip and slipped in your mouth.

Plesant moans elicited from both of you as your tongues engaged in a heated a passionate manner. You pulled her closer into you, and she moaned into the kiss and arched back before you placed her on the table in front. Her legs wrapped your waist now and caged you within herself, your lips not leaving each other's for even a moment. Your long-buried feelings for each other were unstoppable now, and both of you were more than willing to indulge.

StellaronAffectedCocolia! is a whole different person, a complete opposite of her past self. She's no longer the kind and fun-loving woman from her school days. She's now the Supreme Guardian of Belobog who is ruthless, strict and rule-abiding to the extreme. One wrong foot in front of her can get anyone thrown in prison.

The only kindness she shows is to her daughter and loved one; however, that is also slowly fading away. She becomes cold and distant from you, acting as if she never loved you. The voice in her head compels her to ignore you, telling her that you are a distraction and a thorn in her path.

However, one emotion becomes enhanced to the extreme- jealousy. Cocolia was never the type to take extreme steps when jealous, she'd usually pout and become clingy in the past. But now, she was possessive and desperate. Jealousy was a rare emotion to her now since she didn't pay as much attention to you; but the moments she'd catch you even slightly intimate with someone else would make her seethe and harshly drag you away. She didn't care where it was or who you were with, she held the highest authority in all of Belobog and nobody had the right to take you.

Cocolia's pen dragged across the document in front of her, harsh strokes scratching the paper when a knock was heard on her office door.

"Madame Cocolia, we have brought Lady Y/n."

"Send her in."

The door opened and the Silvermane Guards holding you pushed you inside causing you to fall down as you struggled in their hold. They were about to come closer and help you stand up but were stopped.

"Leave. I'll handle this." Cocolia's voice roared from across her table, the guards immediately bowing and closing the door while going out. You stood up with a scoff and brushed your clothes as Cocolia stood up and circled in front of her table, leaning on the edge with her hands crossed over her chest.

"What is it? Now you suddenly remember me?" you questioned with a glare, walking a bit closer to her.

"You have been found to be engaging in activities in the Underworld, Y/n L/n."

You looked at her in surprise then glared again, "What proof do you have?"

Cocolia turned around and picked up a file from her table then handed it to you, you browsed through it and found photos of yourself in different places at the Underworld, engaging and talking with people.

"Do you have an explanation for your treachery?"

You gritted your teeth, "Treachery....they are the people of Belobog as well, the people you have long ignored!"

"Do not question the Supreme Guardian! You have been found to be secretly making contact with the people there, assisting them in various ways. You have made allies with that woman, the doctor, and there have been reports of suspicious behavior between you two."

"What do you mean by that?!"

Cocolia glared and walked up to you then grabbed your jaw, "Do not make me spell it out. You are well aware of what I'm referring to!"

"Huh....wait, you think I'm cheating on you with her?!"

"Good that you catch on quickly. Now that you have confirmed it, I have every right to apprehend you."

"What?! You really think I am—?!" you looked at her unhinged expression in shock, you couldn't believe she was really thinking that.

"Fine! You know that, I'm glad you brought this up. Because I was going to break up with you anyways!"

You declared with a shout, and Cocolia's expression changed for the first time. She suddenly became shocked and confused, even slightly upset.

"Leave her....she is a distraction....throw her away...." a mysterious voice spoke in Cocolia's head all of a sudden, and she felt losing control of herself. She looked at your firm expression and felt uneasiness in her chest, she didn't want it to come to this.

"I know you don't love me anymore. You have been treating me like some stranger for months now. This is the first time we have properly talked in so long and this is what you wanted to say. Fine then, I'm going away as you want. I'd much rather be with someone who actually loves me and cares for me; after all, I'm just a thorn to you, right?"

You spoke in a melancholic tone and proceeded to turn around to walk away, it broke your heart having to leave your one true love this way but you had enough. If she no longer loved you then you weren't going to force her; you wanted her to be free, even if it hurt you. All of a sudden, Cocolia ran up to you and hugged you from behind, making you stop in your place.

Her arms wrapped around your torso as her body pressed into you. You stood in shock and were about to speak but she roughly turned you around and pinned you on the wall behind you, harshly grabbing your wrists and holding them up. She spoke nothing and immediately dived in to kiss your neck, you gasped as you felt her teeth mark your skin and suck on it.

She was desperate, relentless, needy.....she wasn't going to let you go. Her lips sucked and left various red marks all over your neck before sliding down your shirt from your shoulder and making similar marks there. You squirmed in her hold, your head shooting back as her lips travelled up to your jaw, placing fluttering kisses all over before meeting your own lips in a passionate kiss.

"Mhm...C-Cocolia-aahn!~"

"Mine....You are mine, Y/n. Don't you dare think of leaving me!"

She husked in your ear before biting your lobe, a muffled moan leaving your mouth.

"Tell me you don't love that woman...Tell me!"

Your lips trembled as tears formed in your eyes, "I don't! I don't love her at all and you should know that! She only treats me kindly but that doesn't mean I'd date her! But...but....What have you done all this time?! Did you even remember we were dating!? It's been months since we last held each other this way and kissed! What was I supposed to do?!"

Cocolia looked at you in guilt, it was the first time you saw her this way ever since she became the Supreme Guardian. You had no idea what changed her, you thought she wanted to do her duties but it escalated beyond that and you no longer knew anything. Her thoughts, her feelings, her emotions....everything was unknown to you.

"....Do you remember the day we confessed? The day we got together...?" you asked.

She nodded, "I do....that day in the student council room....after Serval did that...."

You didn't expect her to remember but you were very happy hearing this, you smiled then went closer and snuggled into her neck.

"What happened to you? Is something troubling you? Please tell me, I want to help and support you however I can...."

Cocolia's heart felt heavy, everything was on the tip of her tongue but she dared not speak a word. She couldn't.

"It's fine. Just....don't leave me, not you too. You and the memories with you are all that I have left. Stay with me and make me remember everything; our first kiss, our first date, our first time together....everything, I want everything of you."

She held you tighter and you nodded against her chest before leaning up and pecking her lips, "Well, would you like to relive some of them?~"

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #cocolia #hsr cocolia x reader #cocolia x reader #cocolia rand

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vampyrekat · 2 months

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cant believe i forgot about maleficent and her emo boytoy omg thank you for cleansing the timeline🫶

I am so pleased to bless the timeline with a fine vintage ship, come join me in savoring it. I checked out the novelization on a whim (commuting) and I was like, oh right! I forgot this movie and specifically this ship was made in a lab for my brain. So now I've rewatched the film and I'm lost in the sauce.

I love that Maleficent/Diaval is the story of two people accidentally raising a baby into a teenager together and the whole time Maleficent is oblivious (not her fault! she has bigger things going on!) while Diaval is like "that's my wife, she's terrifying. i love her. <3" Even when Aurora meets them properly as a 15 year old, Maleficent is Going Through It™ while Diaval is just so hype to finally introduce himself to his child.

Pictured above: moments that really did a number on me. He raised this kid and now he gets to finally meet her properly and they're both so delighted by it while Maleficent watches from the corner like }:-(

I really feel like the most beautiful and unique part of it is the genuine backtalk; Diaval might start out subservient and he certainly maintains that position but as time goes on he proves himself perfectly willing to correct or backtalk Maleficent. He basically functions as a reminder of her heart and moral compass while she is recovering from her hurt (and subsequent revenge bender) and it's delightful to watch because you rarely see a position where a male character is so open and honest while the woman gets to have the delicious redemption arc. Maleficent is going through an enemies-to-godfamily relationship arc with Aurora while Diaval is patiently waiting for her to realize he's got heart eyes (AND for her to realize she does actually love Aurora, that's another great element, he realizes this LONG before Maleficent does and tries to gently nudge her over to that revelation). But also this:

He really said "I am just pretending to be afraid of you; I know you won't hurt me even if you push me around" and he was right. What a lovely thing to be playing out as the B or maybe C-plot. There's enough insane drama happening, it's nice that there's something a little lighter and more steady in the background of the story.

Another thing I was musing on through the book and film -- as much as I adore found family and platonic love, it's nice to see a story where a victim of what is clearly coded as sexual assault and is at least intimate partner violence finds love again. I know Maleficent & Diaval isn't technically 'canon', but again, the film was juggling enough relationship arcs with Maleficent & Aurora and Maleficent & Stefan. It's okay, in my eyes, for the romance element to be subtext, when it's clearly still important and given some narrative space and weight.

I had a more coherent thought but finally found a gif of just this moment (thank you, @raainstorms, you spoil us all) so instead you get this. I love it. Maleficent really said "go defend our kid who I haven't realized yet is our kid" and Diaval said "understood". Never proposed but nevertheless they've been married for years.

"Who fell first vs. who fell harder" is defunct. "Which one is the evil minion who adopted the baby on sight and who is the Evil Empress who had to slowly realize they love the baby" is the vintage yardstick everything else has to measure up to. I will read 100,000 fanfics of Maleficent only belatedly realizing that somewhere in the process of acquiring her goddaughter she also acquired a husband. Maybe she acquired the husband first, she certainly does not know. Diaval understands this and is okay with it, Aurora probably doesn't understand in the slightest how her godmother did not pick up on anything.

And the sequel! I realized after reading some other posts that I did NOT remember the sequel correctly because my memories are "fairy genocide and also Diaval and Maleficent are co-parenting". Apparently somewhere in there Maleficent is shoved into a love triangle with two men who are not her long-term boytoy/coparent/external moral compass, which is ridiculous, because the film ends with them attending their daughter's wedding in matching outfits.

If Maleficent 3 (boo hiss at Disney, make something new, cowards) isn't about Aurora parent trapping them I am going to riot in the street.

TL;DR: My roommate described maleval as this post and I have not been able to shake it from my mind because it really, really fits:

#Kat Answers #amethyinst #maleval #maleficent x diaval #diaval x maleficent #i'm tagging because I am always down to chat about this thank u #also i think it was my roommate but if it was one of my beloved tumblr people please remind me xoxo #I DID IT I FINALLY REPLIED TO AN ASK

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wowowwild · 8 months

Text

For my krisnix enjoyers. Pls accept my ramblings below.

Good evening. It's me, Mx. Wild. First and foremost, I don't think anyone does, but I definitely do not think they are health, just to be exceedingly clear. Also these are my mostly canon compliant musings, I have other 'if this, then that' headcanons I'm not shoving in here bc nobody has the time for all of that at once. Now, moving on.

Look, Phoenix has bad taste. Kristoph is known to make horrible decisions. Match made in a hell equivalent. Kris wants to keep Phoenix close bc he's paranoid, Phoenix wants to keep Kris close bc he's a sketchy mf (imo).

I think Phoenix would know Kris wanted something out of the relationship. Some random guy he doesn't know stands up for him and tries to be besties with him all of a sudden? Kristoph could absolutely spin it that he knew the legendary Phoenix Wright would never and he feels bad bc it was his little brother who exposed the fake and is so appalled that someone would frame Phoenix and he wants to get to the bottom of it. That's even believable. I don't think that takes away from the clear indication that Kristoph wants something out of the relationship.

And Phoenix isn't stupid. Don't get me wrong, mans is dumb of ass, but he's incredibly intelligent. I think fairly early on if not immediately he would expect that the relationship (at this point budding friendship) is transactional to a certain degree. And honestly, he would get a lot out of it, too. Someone definitively believes he's innocent and is helping him through the worst years of his life. At some point Phoenix figures out the truth, but I don't see any universe where him knowing that is immediate. There would be too much going on. They have time.

From Kristoph's perspective, he needs to keep Phoenix close and figure out what he knows at all times. Kristoph isn't stupid either, just spiralling further and further out of control. Once Phoenix begins to suspect, it's a matter of time before Kristoph suspects that he suspects. Whole lot of suspecting going on. But until then they have time.

So while they have time, they 're both putting into this relationship they have. They're 'friends'. From the outside it wouldn't look like it, but they care, Phoenix might care a bit more genuinely on purpose, but Kris would also have to care somewhat after all that time. Even if it was on accident, if someone is a big enough part of your life, even if you hate them, you start to care.

I think the type of person Phoenix is, is someone that Kristoph has not seen a lot of. Phoenix and Klavier are pretty similar, I can see him drawing some parallels, but he's not really close to Klavier at this point. I think Phoenix's true personality would be pretty disarming for Kris, he wouldn't know what to do, how to act towards someone like Phoenix. With that loss of control and stability, I can find him accidentally very quickly coming to care to Phoenix, despite also hating him. As strange as it is to say, you can hate someone without disliking them, just like you can love someone without liking them.

So taking this time, we've come to a situation where they care for each other. Depending on how long they have, maybe they've come to love each other platonically, romantically, and/or otherwise. But at some point Phoenix begins to suspect. It would be complicated for him. He doesn't want to suspect his friend of being a forger or eventually a murderer. It's hard to say exactly when those two dots might connect or which came first, but at some point he realizes these things. So what happens then?

Phoenix has learned his poker face by now, but Kristoph knows him fairly well at this point too. Phoenix can probably keep the fact that he's suspicious under wraps for a while. Even though Kris knows him well enough to eventually see through, Phoenix knows Kristoph well enough to know how to hide it. Kristoph can never get out of Phoenix anything definitive. Nothing that could be used as an admission. At this point they both know what game they're playing and that the other is in just as deep.

At this point, it would hurt them both deeply if they had fallen into a committed relationship (qpr, romantic relationship, exclusive fwb, etc.). Phoenix has to have some PTSD about the Dahlia situation, and Kristoph doesn't strike me as the type to have thought much about that type of relationship before if at all. He's honestly way too paranoid imo. I think it would cut them both deeply either way, but having someone you've committed to sizing you up like that hits a little different in most cases. (I am aroace but i've been in relationships, I am working based off of my own experiences which are not universal.)

They're out of time now. Any day the other shoe could drop. Kristoph could take Phoenix out of the game once and for all. Phoenix could find the one piece of evidence he needs to pull the curtain crashing down on Kristoph. In the end, it's the latter, but until that day they're frozen, stuck pretending everything is ok, playing their roles the best way they know how, time is standing still around them.

And then a hard rubber sole meets the concrete. That is my broad interpretation of the relationship between smarmy bitch Kristoph and shady asshole Phoenix (affectionate in both cases). I could pick all my little headcanons about this, that, and the other thing to show you, but I'll do that later if y'all want. (pls ask me questions, I would love to explore answers to them)

#kristoph gavin #phoenix wright #krisnix #ace attorney #ace's memes #ace's post #it's such an interesting concept to me. what if they DID love each other? what then?#i don't necessarily think they did in canon tbh. but if i only interacted with things that were strictly canon i would not be in fandom #they are just fascinating to me.#just want everyone to know regardless of when this spits out of queue i wrote this mini analysis at 2 am so idk if i actually did it good

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nights-at-crystarium · 6 months

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Fragments - episodes 27-30 author notes

You can find similar breakdown posts on older episodes in my pinned!

I make these notes as I work on an episode, however, people have been so attentive and observant with their comments that I started a tag fragments feedback where we dive even deeper into themes and interactions in the comic. These comments are a blessing, often pointing out things that my own brain doesn't register.

Obligatory ShB spoiler warning.

Episode 27 begins with a chat about the original weapons that are merely a stylish-looking convenience for them ic and for me ooc, so that I don't have to draw them lugging their weapons around.

Essentia's just a name for Vivi's spear, not like the whole concept. I introduced it around the beginning of the ShB arc. Alisaie's weapons have no name yet, there's a possibility to do something cute referring to twins.. I shall think of it :3c

Look at this child being all smug for having been able to help recreating something previously thought unique, and, um, flirting.. In her own way.....

Vivi be like, sigh, "ah, back on her bs already... Better indulge her while she's still in a nice mood".

Alisaie's left arm's stronger than both Vivi's. As a dragoon he doesn't only use magic to amplify his jumps, if it works on legs, why not extend it to arms as well? Not unlike what monks do, minus the actual physical training. Basically he cheats with magic in real fights. A casual friendly duel isn't worth expending aether, so he only relies on his actual strength :'>

He also can't do friendly duels because his Echo only telegraphs hostile attacks. A friend would stop before his blade cuts him, so Vivi's kinda blind, only relying on his own average skill. A legendary hero that's no fun to spar with if you're remotely competent.

..Which has no negative effect on Exarch's fanboyism.

Several people said they look forward to said sparring session, and I felt like I failed them because I had no plans to follow through with this. Then I thought some more.. Do we mean every little thing we say or think? Sometimes it's just distracted nonsense. If every action and word were hooks/setups for the story, it'd feel artificial. This's just my opinion, but some scenes have to have idle chatter and musings for realism.

Vivi and Alphi look like door-to-door salesmen, yet the Chais are buying multiples of whatever they sell.

This's a looooooongg post, under the cut we go~

A random thing that thematically belongs here, but didn't make it in the comic: Vivi ended up being more freaked out by Eulmore than Amh Araeng.

Feo "privacy breach" Ul :> They greet each other so casually that it's clear, this's far from being the first time.

One of my personal fav panels so far. People loved the "crystal mystel" so much but I can't take credit for that! My brain's full of soup that's a mix of everything canon and my own generous additions, but I THINK one of the pixies calls him that ingame, sometime post 5.0.

You probably didn't know that you needed more Exarch and Feo Ul interactions till now, I've got you covered. Their scenes will take time to trickle in, but they EXIST and go back as far as their first meeting.

Exactly what happened.

One more episode where Vivi doesn't utter a word, but it doesn't feel like that.

Tank!Exarch fanclub, +1 member. Vivi's pleasantly surprised by the sudden shift in Exarch's demeanor. He genuinely admires him here. "Lead me anywhere daddy".

Ready for a guild wars 1 (one!) joke? No? I'm making it anyway. Lyna casts gaze of contempt (effect: removes enchantments on target foe)

She's such a good daughter with great intuition. She feels uneasy about this way before Vivi feels anything at all. He just looks. Perceives. He has eyes, dammit! And Exarch has those stupid sexy sandals and shiny crystal arm and stylish flowy robes and he's generally kinda cool? It's official, it has begun: Vivi's attracted to Exarch here.

Zooming in super close to bring your attention to his thigh gap <w<

A closeup for the hell of it C: His eyes have a natural faint glow that's just there, it doesn't mean anything, like, genuinely.

Vivi tries to appease Lyna. He has no idea why she keeps glaring at him, probably still not trusting a stranger. He uses his charm as a casual manipulation. Unfortunately, Lyna falls for it. For now.

As per msq, Exarch's kneeling, not collapsing (although that would've been just as fitting tbh). While still not trusting him too much, Vivi slowly begins to respect a reputable ruler and a skilled fighter, and WHY IS HE KNEELING MY LORD GET UP?! Vivi hates being treated like some sort of a messiah. That pushes him further inside the box of being a mythical figure, and denies his humanity.

Normal colors and lighting!! For one episode....

The scene on the left isn't meant to feel cozy and inviting, while the right one is. Sickly, cold, washed out colors vs darker and warmer ones. I'm putting a lot of thought into this, just wanted to celebrate it a lil C:

Episodes 28-29 show Vivi and Exarch's ways of handling unexpected personal hostility. Vivi casually whips out a V and a silly grin, while Exarch.....

He tried, okay?!

A thing on their positioning in this scene that I didn't plan consciously, it just happened: Exarch's framed by the Crystarium, appearing more aligned with it, while the elf pile's surrounded by an idyllic natural frame. Something something about the greenery meaning life, and Exarch looking a bit out of place here.

This's our first, but not last encounter of an imagination theater :>

The dragons are goofy on purpose. Well, sort of. I can count on one hand the amount of times I drew non-humanoid creatures, and the tone here doesn't demand anything super serious from me. Also it makes sense in-character, Exarch probably never saw a dragon up close.

Take a good look at this lil shit. I indulged in illustrating his badass moment before pointing the "camera" away for a while. We're heading into the Il Mheg arc that lasts for months and has no cats ;w;

Vivi's iconic Protagonist Grin >:D

Also, Ryne. Just to keep your expectations grounded: while I personally like her, she has no relevance in this story, and very little screentime. I'm currently having Eden raid brainworms, might write a scene or two related to that, but we're talking many years into the future. Until then, she doesn't do much.

ShB cast's diverse and extremely fun to explore, but if I went on tangents the comic would literally never progress. Gotta be honest, I'm already terrified that some readers might drift away before reaching the wolgraha part of this wolgraha comic. I don't wanna rush OR dilute the main plot too much, if that makes sense. Also, just like in real life, you probably don't form perfect connections with every member of your social circle, some people grow closer than others. Vivi has next to no connection to Minfilia/Ryne, he also stays away from little girls after one of those ended up becoming his lifelong problem *snorts and points at Alisaie*

Desires, and feasting on them? A dungeon meshi nod? More likely than you think.

Feo Ul, sprawled out on his chest like that, visually resembles a burning heart.

Emet antithesis :3c

Imagine loving your pet so much that you let him do this. Feo Ul isn't moved by the physical act AND the joking accusation.

While seemingly slacking for a dozen episodes, Vivi formed bonds with Feo Ul and Ardbert, and thus secured the future of the two stars. Now he has friends that aren't his coworkers first and foremost, that he genuinely wants to fight for. This's what makes him tick as a hero: a quiet plea of a friend, not even asking him directly, a stark contrast to being dragged around and cried at for help. If Vivi's introduction to an entity (person/group of people) is "they suffer, they need help", he shrugs it off. Everyone suffers and needs help, he can't split into thousands of vivis to please them all.

He's only truly motivated to help, or empathizes with those who he gets to know through other means. Take Ardbert, his strange behavior on the Source, then reintroduction that's confusion and companionable snark, but not wailing for help. And Feo Ul, they hang out with him just because, they're safe.

He may not run off to fight the local Lightwarden this instant, but when he gets around to it, he's earnest for a change.

This's all I have for now, thanks for reading!!

#shb spoilers #ffxiv #ffxiv: fragments #fragment ii: new world old friend #fragments talk

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normal-paldean-student · 2 months

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Cerise 101

Name: Cerise Akasaki (née Rene/Renée, mainly relevant for flashback stories as Cerise was adopted as a name very recently)

Gender: female (transgender)

Pronouns: she/her

Born: February 27, 1986

Age: 17 (approximately)

Notable abilities: psychic foresight (about five seconds)

Languages spoken: Japanese*, French*, Unovan, Paldean

Canon counterpart: Red

*Notably, she's referred to the languages she spoke as a child as Japanese and French rather than Kantonian and Kalosian, as well as mentioning that animals existed back home, suggesting that her original universe may have been much more similar to the real world than modern Pokémon canon is.

Cerise was raised by a single mother in Pallet Town, Kanto, with her father out of the picture earlier than her first memories. She had a close childhood friend, a boy named Green, and a takeover event during Muse Mixup Madness indicated there was a girl named Blue around as well. (Her own family name, Akasaki, means red.) Green was friendly as a young child, only taking on the less savory traits of his canon counterpart after an unspecified incident when he and Cerise were about six years old. Cerise has stated that she considers the incident to have been her fault.

When Cerise was ten years old, well... she's a Red. I'm sure I don't need to rehash the entire plot of Pokémon Red Version to you. Her starter Pokémon was a Charmander, which she named Charm, and the first Pokémon she caught was a Rattata named Whisker, which was in her party at least long enough to evolve into Raticate before being replaced.

As proper rivals along their respective journeys, Cerise and Green were able to begin healing their relationship, and they became proper friends again after she defeated him at the Indigo Plateau. Cerise's final team was Charm (a Charizard by that point), as well as a Raichu, a Tauros, a Slowbro, a Fearow, and a Primeape.

Well... friendship wasn't the only thing between them by the time everything was over. Both of them were around the age to start having their first crushes, and there was something mutual between them. However, it was the 90s, and as far as both of them knew, they were both boys. It's unknown how Green processed his feelings (though in a timeline where Cerise never left her home universe and Blue was the protagonist instead, he did end up marrying her at some point), but Cerise, well... between the spotlight she was getting as Champion and the growing realization that she might not be straight, she eventually decided that the best way to handle the situation was to disappear to Mt. Silver for a while while she tried to process everything.

End Act 1.

Cerise didn't end up staying on Mt. Silver for long. Definitely not long enough for a certain Johto protagonist to come by and challenge her. Unfortunately, though, that wasn't because she decided to return home. It was because was pulled through space directly out of her home universe and into... her home in Pallet Town? But it wasn't her home. It looked like it, but everything was off, and even the people weren't the same as the versions of them she knew.

Cerise hasn't elaborated much about what happened in that second universe. She especially hasn't talked about what happened to her mental state when she realized she had no way to get back to anything or anyone she knew, though it can be reasonably inferred that it was nothing good. There are, of course, some things that we do know happened, but I'm sure I don't need to rehash the plot of Pokémon Green Version to you.

End Act 2.

Again, Cerise woke up in "her home" in an alien Pallet Town. She hasn't said anything at all about what happened in this universe, though logically it must have been another blow to realize being pulled out of one universe and into another wasn't just a one-off event. Other than that, all we can know is that overall, events must have followed the plot of Pokémon Blue Version.

End Act 3.

There's an obvious pattern here, isn't there? Cerise hasn't said anything about it, but it can be reasonably inferred that this universe followed the plot of Pokémon Yellow Version.

End Act 4... actually, end the acts completely. There have been so many worlds, so many universes. It's hard to keep track of the numbers after a point.

Obviously, her first universe after Yellow clued her in that it wasn't always going to be variations of the same story. Then she got to Crystal, and finally decided she was going to be a girl. And so on and so forth, through universe after universe, living through the stories of every main series game and several side games as well—the Ranger and Mystery Dungeon games have been confirmed, but they're not the only ones. And always as the protagonist.

She's gotten several injuries along the way, ranging from minor nuisances to disabling ones that should have been permanent, only for her body to be back in pristine condition in the next universe without even a scar, as if none of what she'd just been through was real. She's not ungrateful for having a fully functional body, but the disconnect between her experiences and her physical reality causes a lot of distress at times.

At an unspecified point during one of her many journeys, she went back into the closet, pretending to be a boy from that world on and only coming out as a girl again in this most recent universe. She hasn't pursued more than social transition, though, as the physical reset isn't limited to unwanted injuries—any and all physical changes disappear in each new world, regardless of the type. She can't pierce her ears, for example, and the few times she managed to get HRT, the few months' effects she was able to get disappeared the next time the cycle advanced. Without being able to access the long term effects of anything, it doesn't feel worth going through all the effort it takes to get it.

Cerise isn't actually completely certain of her age. She knows her birthday, and the year she was born, but she's definitely not in her 30s. 17 (18 on February 27, 2024) is the age on this world's legal documents, so that's what she's going with. It's not wrong—she is an older teenager at this point—but the amount of time she's experienced feels like it's been longer than seven years.

After the events of The Way Home in this Violet universe, Cerise ended up staying in Paldea much longer than she expected to. She got involved with Pokédex research with Mr. Jacq—both filling out the complete Pokédex and some more in-depth work with Dudunsparce and the Pokémon in Area Zero—and also may or may not have done a few things with Ms. Raifort. Nothing can be proven on that second front.

She also became close friends with Ella @oh-shinx and Mare @aura-acolyte, though her relationship with Ella is more sisterly and her relationship with Mare is, well... after a long mutual pining period with both of them being silly about their feelings, they eventually had to talk about it after a heat-of-the-moment kiss happened between them between the events of The Teal Mask and The Indigo Disc. Cerise isn't comfortable dating when she knows she's going to disappear any day and lose her, but everything's out in the open now.

The most notable things about The Teal Mask were as follows: Cerise thought Carmine was pretty, Kieran had latent psychic abilities that resonated with Cerise's during his breakdown and caused her to lose her composure too, and after Cerise tracked down and caught the Loyal Three to prevent them from causing any more trouble, she temporarily got replaced by a younger version of herself who somehow managed to rehabilitate them through the power of friendship and the power of knowing absolutely nothing about the situation, much to the normal Cerise's confusion when she returned.

The events of The Indigo Disc more or less followed canon as well, though Cerise expressed a strong dislike of Unova before going to Blueberry. Carmine was particularly upset about Drayton referring to his cafeteria meeting with Cerise as a date, on top of her normal dislike of him. Cerise did not notice this, as she was too busy thinking both Drayton and Carmine were cute. Cerise was also able to recognize Kieran's psychic abilities during their Championship battle. She hasn't said anything about what happened in Area Zero during the DLC's events, besides saying that the group was successful in what they were trying to do and there were no major injuries.

Also this world's Arven is basically a were-Lycanroc and I couldn't find anywhere to fit that in properly.

On February 27, 2024, Cerise disappeared, pulled into her next universe. Nemona, Penny, Arven, Kieran, and Carmine took over maintaining the blog, though none of them made very many posts.

Almost a month later, on March 26, 2024, Cerise was discovered to have been pulled into Kalos when one of her friends from her new universe, Tierno @santalune-swords-dance, made a post about how she'd chosen to name a Luvdisc Mare. So far, this journey seems to roughly mirror the plot of Pokémon X/Y, though with the timeframe updated to be in 2024 and with some of the cities now having contest halls. Her other new friends are Trevor @pokedex-parfaite, Calem @friendly-neighborhood-calem, and Shauna @poke-mon-amie.

Caught in Paldea:

Cerise's current Pokémon are as follows.

Caught in Kalos:

???

Blossom (Meowscarada F) (with Hazel @grass-pokemon-appreciator)

Ribbon (Annihilape F) (with Nemona)

Tim (Dragapult M) (with Nemona)

Lady (Palafin F) (with Nemona)

Cheese (Espathra F) (with Nemona)

Chonk (Clodsire F) (with Nemona)

Chime of Eternity (Iron Valiant) (has not been seen since Cerise's disappearance)

Gluttonous Beast (Miraidon) (with Arven)

entirely too many Dudunsparce (with Jacq)

Caught in Kitakami:

Ember (shiny Arcanine M) (with Carmine)

Ogerpon (with Kieran)

Munkidori (with Mare)

Fezandipiti (with Mare)

Caught in the Terarium (all currently unnamed and currently with the League Club):

Okidogi (with Mare)

Pecharunt (with Mare)

Alolan Dugtrio F

Dodrio F

Alolan Ninetales F

Duraludon M

Whimsicott F

Flygon F

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aetherceuse · 20 days

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So.

It's been a few weeks since I announced taking a step back from Lusamine's blog, and, I think I'm at a point where I can put my struggles into words.

Before I get into my issue, I'm politely asking that this post is read and digested. In the past, whenever I post about something that I am struggling with in terms of roleplay and community interaction, my post has been used as a springboard for the dash to turn into "vent hour." That isn't what I want. I'm genuinely asking for people to read this, to digest it, and respect the fact that I am having a major issue with writing this character, which has been preventing me from actually being active-- and it is rooted in how the muse, and her information, has been treated.

I'm not tagging this as drama, because it is not drama. This isn't pointed at any individuals, because frankly, it's an issue I have had with writing villains my entire life, and it's only been amplified on Lusamine's blog in particular.

For starters: Lusamine is a beloved muse of mine. She is one of my favorites to sit down, dissect, and write about. It's important for people to understand that all of my canon muses are retellings in a way, but with Lusamine, that's ESPECIALLY important to understand. This Lusamine is not canon, she is a retelling, with her own backstory and world-relevant lore that is very important for people to read, grasp, and understand before proceeding forward with interactions.

However, it doesn't seem as though people really-- respect that, or even bother to read the bio and headcanons that I've written on her. I can tell, because a lot of the interactions I get are people reacting to canon events that haven't happened in my retelling. Mother Beast, for example, hasn't happened, and I've stated that multiple times over and over, yet that seems to be falling on deaf ears.

I really need my writing partners to actually read my content, and understand what I'm doing. I don't write headcanon posts and bios just because I wanna take up space on Tumblr dot com. I write them because they're a crucial part of what I'm doing.

And honestly-- that's not even the biggest issue I've had.

It is EXHAUSTING to open my ask box on a daily basis, and deal with asks sent in just calling her: bitch, cunt, 'Lusa-mean', 'Lusa-bitch', whatever. I don't think you guys understand how mentally taxing, and depressing that is for me. I get it. I'm writing the villain. Lusamine hasn't done great things. But I feel as though people are forgetting that there is an actual, human person sitting behind the inbox, who is writing a character that he loves-- and instead of getting thoughtful engagement, it's a barrage of "bitch." I've had to block people for doing this (IF you are reading this post on the dashboard, that means you're not guilty of doing this.).

But, this extends to the dashboard too. I feel as though I cannot write or do anything without someone dash comming or being automatically aggressive the moment Lusamine even so much as opens her mouth.

It's really, really not fun to be minding my business, and receive asks, IM's, or dash comms of this nature-- especially when I'm trying to write a complex character. I pour my heart and soul into what I write. And it's really sad that I have all of this stuff that people could be reading, interacting with, and reacting too-- and instead people just focus on all of the potential trauma that Lusamine could subject them to. It's not fun. At all. It really makes me feel like shit. I don't want to be used as the target of someone's parental trauma. Just because I am writing a villain, does not mean I am consenting to be nothing but an angst punching bag. I want to write stories, not just receive one-liners and zingers and "AH HAH, GOTCHAS!" in my ask box.

Frankly, I do not have nearly this much of a problem on any of my other antagonist blogs. Even though I'm still subject of whump at many times, it's not nearly as bad anywhere else, as it is on Lusamine's blog. It's really discouraging, and it makes me feel like I'm writing something that people don't really have any care or interest for. I get that my writing can be a little strange and off putting. I know that I dig into uncomfortable topics. It's not for everybody, but, I've never been the type of person to try and appeal to the greater audience. I'm very niche.

We talk about communication in this community a lot. We talk about wanting to interact. We talk about feeling as though engagement is down. And while I sit here and write this, I'm reflecting on that ongoing issue. I really feel as though we can improve the health of peoples' experience in this RPC if we-- y'know-- actually sat down, read what our partners are writing-- and ask questions/engage with it.

I don't know when I'll return to Lusamine's blog. I'm not deleting it obviously, I've put a lot of hard work into her character. But, until I feel as though there's a genuine interest in reading what I have going on, and engaging with it fairly, I'm going to keep my focus on Proton-- because, honestly, I feel really insecure on this account. At least over on Proton, it seems as though people are reading my glitch lore, respecting my muse/worldbuilding, and interacting with it. And it means the world to me. I hope to have that here one day too.

#✧˖°.« 𝙾𝚞𝚝 𝙾𝚏 𝙾𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚎 » OOC

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paragonrobits · 5 months

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thinking a lot about the angst and hurt/comfort potential in Finn, as he gets older and starts going into the same depressive spirals he canonically has pretty often (see: the fruit witch incident and him being pretty quick to start sadly musing on whether Jake, Marceline and Bubblegum even ARE his friends or care about him at all in What Was Missing, or his recurring tendency to just shut down all his sad feelings and aggressively put any bad memory into a Vault so he never has to think about anything bad) and following Jake's death, without Jake to serve as a lightening presence in his life, Finn starts to quietly spiral inward in a way that has him...

not DISTANCING himself from Bubblegum and Marceline (canonically his closest friends in the world, and he is arguably the closest person TO them, and the person that can moderate their respective view points when the two of them start having issues Getting each other), but he starts having doubts about himself and their friendship, so he very quietly is smiling and nodding and in the inside screaming about how of COURSE they don't REALLY need him or want him in their lives, why would they

its a quiet kind of spiraling. He doesn't say things out loud, and that's his problem. He doesn't tell them much, and increasingly starts showing up less and less; Jake would have noticed him starting to have one of his moments and curtailed it right away, but PB and Marceline, as much as they love him, need to be in proximity to him to notice when something is amiss, and its hard to do that when he is going out of his way to conceal his feelings.

He starts doubting himself, and with that concludes that either he's not as close to them as he thought he was, or starts wondering if they just used him and are now discarding him like a broken sword that can't do its job anymore, or otherwise goes into a mentality of 'I don't deserve to be around them because I'm a fuckup and a failure'

In this state of mind, he doesn't think about the good he's done. He doesn't think about all the times he stopped the Lich, or how he dragged Ice King back into a mental space where he could form genuine connections. He doesn't think about how his name is a by-word for heroism, or that PB doesn't trust ANYONE and she trusts him with her life and family. He got Marceline to dare to trust in people even though its so much scarier than keeping a deliberate distance, because he wanted to be her friend and didn't care how dangerous or scary she was-

But he can't see this now. All he sees are the failures. He couldn't save Jake. He couldn't save Billy. And he still feels like he could have done more to help Simon with... everything. Maybe if he'd done it better Jake would still be alive, Betty wouldn't have to fuse with Golb, maybe maybe maybe he's just no good at anything.

PB and Marceline care about him; likely more than they care about anyone else. They trust him with their secrets, their lives, and their goals. They believe in him and the sincere uncomplicated good and desire to help people that they admire but can't entirely bear to do for themselves. But the thing is about it that they're busy besides, and not very demonstrative people at the best of times, and he's not good at noticing the small details.

Maybe he thinks he just doesn't belong anywhere, and most especially not with them; not people as accomplished and cool and just plain good as PB and Marceline. And more and more, the more he's around them, he starts interpreting PB's poor communication skills as lack of interest or even contempt, or Marceline's veiled ways of expressing herself as genuine indifference. They care about him, but he can't see it. He thinks, why WOULD they care about me?

Maye he starts thinking he really is just a joke or a knight to them; a tool that's breaking down and long past its utility point, a tired gimmick that isn't fun anymore so they're moving on to more interesting things.

It's not something he's angry about, or lashes out towards them. He thinks they're objectively right, in his little mental assumptions; he can't help but think of himself as ugly. Misshapen, brutish. He feels shameful and awkward around him, and he withdraws away, a bit at a time.

So the question is raised: what happens when PB and Marceline work this out, or have it directly confronted by some kind of situation that highlights it for them? When something happens so that Finn can't do anything but admit how ugly he feels around them, that all he can think about are his personal failures, or that they just don't want him around anymore.

Or perhaps they come to realize that Finn thinks maybe he should just fade away, be forgotten by a world that doesn't need or want something like him anymore.

#adventure time #finn mertens #queued #princess bubblegum #marceline #marceline abadeer

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silawastaken · 22 days

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Analysis of the poem Chuuya wrote to Dazai in Chapter 22 of my fic 'the (not so) perfect pair'!!!

Most of this poem(as you may have read in the an) was inspired by my own gf- but here is my little analysis of where various inpiration came from, and what it links back too because I wanted to make this and was told it may be appreciated :D

Sick, angry and jealous.

That's how I feel.

Frequently Chuuya mistakes his positive feelings towards Dazai as anger or annoyance, he kept thinking he was sick instead of embarrassed or flustered

Hot and bothered like you're under my skin, teasing and taunting like nothing has happened.

Like nothing had changed.

He thinks that he can't have been the only one who noticed the slight shift in their dynamic, the more frequent lingering looks, the few times even before Dazai's birthday that they almost kissed, and is infuriated at the lack of recognition in the shift, the way Dazai continues to poke fun at him the same joking way as before.

You have upended my world, changed it and claimed it as your own, and worst?

I can't complain.

I'm sick and nauseous and the reason why is you, but it's adrenaline at the same time, you're like a drug I can't get enough of, killing me while I admire the colour it changes my vision to see.

Chuuya mentioned earlier in the fic, after they fell out that he and Dazai were 'too codependent for their own good', which is what this line is a partial reference too. Dazai has always been around, Dazai has always been a large part of his life, and he's realised how much, and how upset it's making him, and he just doesn't care, because it's Dazai. Regardless of how it hurts, he'd rather hurt than not have Dazai.

To call you a muse would be an understatement, to call you pretty would be demeaning, to say I love you could never encompass the extent to which I care for you.

I want to be with you, forever.

Dazai and Chuuya are both artists. While Chuuya is a poet, and Dazai is a painter, they're each others muses. They have always been able to find the beauty in each other, always cared for each other in a way others didn't understand. So to call him pretty, or say he loves him, wouldn't be enough to accurately portray how he feels.

Forever isn't enough. I could know you for my life and five more and I'd never have enough, there has been a part of me that has known you since before I could know anything else.

This line is a reference to beast T-T Through the entire thing, I've added constant references to canon, in Chuuya's fear of heights because he can't fly, to Dazai's determination he'd be an anti hero. Dazai even tells Chuuya a story which is literally just the main bsd timeline. They've both said, multiple times, that they'd be together in every universe. Because they are, and they know it. They have known each other in every universe, for this life and five more, and they still gravitate towards each other like magnets. Opposites, and stuck together.

If the world doesn't want us, and heaven won't house us, I will keep us here. The sky will rain fire and the ground will grow molten, and we will be here, safe and warm, and alive, this room a haven, safe from the horrors.

Hozier possessed me for a second. No, but there has always been the idea that gay people won't go to heaven. So, 'if the world doesn't want us(general hatred of people) and heaven won't house us(religious stigmatism towards their relationship, or a metaphor for not being allowed a safe and happy place) i will keep us here(Chuuya's bedroom, together, safe)'

The next lines are intended to make a point of the fact they feel safe together. Anything could happen, the world could literally fall apart, and they could sit together in Chuuya's room as it ends and feel at peace. It's supposed to lead on from the previous lines as well, signifying that even if nobody wants them, even if they don't have a place together, Chuuya would make one. He would force the fates into alignment to create a space he and dazai could be together in.

We could float between constellations and carve our names into the stars, we could mold fate to our own design, I could force us together, damn all that tries to block our way.

If nothing will have us, I will still have you.

Again, the same as the previous verse, it's about forcing a place for themselves. 'Even if nothing else works out, as long as you're by my side, it'll be okay' kind of idea. The mention of constellations and stars is a reference to the moment in the overhead tank, the glow in the dark stars on the walls, and the mention of the planetarium.

We can be together, as one, over and over, again and again, universe after universe, you and I, Dazai and Chuuya, the moon and the stars, the planets and the asteroids.

Another beast reference, and a mention of those relationship dynamics, Dazai the moon and Chuuya the stars.

Religion is what I find in you, someone worth being devoted to, I find you in the perfect things, the sun, the rain, music, and art, and nature,

every thing worth living for I can trace back to you, a memory, a daydream, a wish, another sickening urge to keep you here, to preach my love and teach you how to pick out what I see.

More hozier possession, religious metaphors for love are my holy grail, and I love the idea of finding religion in simple or pretty things, and the idea is if you find religion in the pretty things, and to Chuuya, Dazai is the prettiest, he would find it in Dazai first, and Dazai in everything else. He could find Dazai in everything, and find something worth living for. Chuuya is stuck in a situation where he wants to love someone who believes themself incapable of receiving it, and has the idea of teaching him to live himself the way Chuuya loves him, and teach him to 'pick out what i see'.

In my favourite dreams you are there, in our kitchen with the sun coming through the windows, in our garden teaching our kid to pick out plants, every time we are together, we are one.

For a few chapters, it's been a theme for Dazai and Chuuya to both realise how badly they just want to live, together, peacefully. A house and a cat and a kid, an opportunity to be people, together, and happy. These domestic dreams are Chuuya's favourite, and he can't have one that doesn't include Dazai. He can't imagine a life without him.

If I have to settle as a friend, if I have to watch from afar, I will. But I love you.

Since we were kids hiding behind trees, to the day I stop breathing.

I love you.

Forever.

Again, forever. Another reference to that fact that in every universe they meet. They're always together. They're soulmates in the truest sense. And Chuuya loves Dazai so much, that if the only way they can be together in this world, is if they're only friends, he'll happily oblige. He just wants to be able to watch him be happy.

'Since we were kids hiding behind trees' is a reference to the new years eve flashback, the moment they kissed as kids, and Dazai realised he loved Chuuya.

This poem was so fun to write, and I was actually going feral over it, so I hope you appreciate the more in depth explanation, and some of the references. Hozier and mitski just do something man- don't write poetry listening to pink in the night you'll end up with this. ANYWAY thank you for reading :3

#bsd #silas yaps #ao3 fanfic #soukoku #soukoku fanfiction #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs #skk au #silas writes

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generic-sonic-fan · 4 months

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Why do I headcanon Omega as strongly identifying as male?

(NOTE: this post is by no means any sort of response to anyone, nor is it intended as any kind of argument. This is purely me musing over my own headcanon, and I hold absolutely no shade for anyone who headcanons any different! In fact, I love seeing interpretations of Omega that are nonbinary or with any other sort of gender fuckery. They brings me a ton of joy, even if they aren't my main headcanon.)

Doesn't that seem. . . stereotypical? After all, most big, violent robots are automatically gendered as male in media. Instead of using gender-neutral pronouns, killing machines are so often defaulted to 'he' and 'him'. For example, most recently in one of my old fandom, a character who had previously only been referred to with it/its pronouns got referred to with he/him pronouns in canon, thereby erasing its gender neutral identity. I was pissed beyond belief.

Why, then, would I take this gender neutral identity away from Omega?

Well, the problem is that it's become common now to assert that a robot is gender neutral, yet use he/him pronouns anyway. The Iron Giant displays no gender identity other than the fact that he emulates a human boy that he befriends. Transformers have long since been established to not have human sexes, yet most Transformers characters use male pronouns anyway. Bastion from Overwatch, the aforementioned character who was robbed of its gender neutral identity, often exhibits very feminine traits and even possesses a more neutral anatomy than any of the examples I have mentioned thus far.

All of these robots fall victim to the fact that "male" is considered to be "default". To be "female" is somehow something you must add to yourself, something othering. Masculinity is equated with normality, and in more recent times, with gender neutrality.

Omega is the same. No matter what canon writers state about his gender identity, he will always be referred to as he/him in any source material. He is referred to as male, and maybe as gender neutral, but never as female, because male or masculine-presenting androgyny is default, and you don't see any lipstick or eyelashes on him, do you, huh (/s)?

The thing is. . . looking at Omega's behavior, he's NOT that feminine. He exudes this machismo and bravado about him that, while not exclusive to, is heavily indicative of a more masculine gender. His penchant for violence and his passion for all the manners in which it can be created reads like a boy eager to get his hands on the next COD game.

This isn't default! This isn't normal! This feels like a gender to me. While these traits aren't exclusive to men, they are extremely masculine. I just think he'd identify with that once he learned more about it, y'know? I'm by no means saying that nonbinary people can't use masculine pronouns, or even that Omega isn't still nonbinary under my headcanon- he absolutely is because being a robot is an inherently transgender experience. But I'm trying to subvert the idea that his maleness is "default", and instead proposing that it's an intentional decision on his part. Kind of an exercise in autonomy, if you will.

All of this, of course, is based on my interpretation that there is more going on inside Omega's processor besides single-minded murder, which is not a common interpretation amongst canon or even most of the fanbase outside of my tiny corner of tumblr. My interpretation of his character is that his core drive is his ego- establishing himself as the coolest and most competent robot ever with an identity totally superior to anything Eggman ever planned for him, for example. (With the murder part being the main facilitator of that, of course.) Without this interpretation, the idea of Omega giving a flying fuck about gender kinda falls apart.

TL;DR: I propose Omega identifies as male to combat the perceived notion that a robot with no assigned gender at birth uses masculine pronouns as "default", arguing against the idea that masculinity is somehow default and femininity is weird and different, by making Omega's masculinity as something weird and different and worthy of note as well.

#e-123 omega #e123 omega #I'm aware this might be a more difficult post to follow due to the highly subjective nature of gender #but I hope it's an interesting read regardless #this is all just my personal headcanon

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starsxchains · 5 months

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To build a better world, you have to tear down the foundations of today.

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⫘⫘ ˙⋆✮⋆˙⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

-Independent, low-activity, semi-selective Hydra!Steve Rogers roleplay account

-Inspired by the Marvel Movies + a metric fuck-ton of headcanons

-Continue Reading for the rest of it

[ Thread Tracker ]

A Bit of Backstory…

[Applicable for all verses]

Known as HYDRA’s ‘Best Kept Secret’, Steve was an agent from the very beginning; from receiving the serum to joining SHIELD and leading the Avengers. Very, very few knew about Captain Rogers’ involvement, and those that did usually didn’t live long.

He ensures Bucky’s survival during the mock HYDRA takedown in the Alps and stays by his side during recovery until he crashes the Valkyrie, losing the tesseract and the Skull in the incident.

Once unfrozen, Steve is offered to lead a team, the Avengers, he agrees and HYDRA quickly comes knocking— Jumping at the chance to cement themselves inside the group.

Steve isn’t at all horrified at what they had done to Bucky, understanding that-

Sometimes, the greatest sacrifices lead to the greatest victories.

And he assumes the role of the Winter Soldier’s main handler as the Soldier behaves differently around him.

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Verses

˗ˏˋ ★ Main- The world still thinks Steve is Captain America, heading the Avengers and running missions as a SHIELD operative. [He is just ‘off’ enough that those who were closest to him would know something is wrong, if having infiltrated another ‘verse’] **Post-Insight

˗ˏˋ ★ Multiverse- A HYDRA experiment gone wrong, Steve is sent to other multiverses [and assumes your character’s canon]. <- Mostly combined with the ‘main verse’.

˗ˏˋ ★ Avengers Assemble- (pre)2012 -> Civil War era, can technically be included in ✮Multiverse✮, Steve find and kills(?) the original Cap and assumes his position- Still acting as an Agent of HYDRA, but HYDRA does not win in this verse.

˗ˏˋ ★ Post-Endgame- HYDRA!Cap assumes the role of Steve once again after he disappears into the past, but still agrees to hand over the shield, since HYDRA would be long-gone by this point. He is just ‘off’ enough that those who were closest to him would know something is wrong.

˗ˏˋ ★ HYDRA Wins- This would be post-Insight, with the help of Captain Rogers and the Winter Soldier, HYDRA is successful in launching project Insight.

Links

[Backstory, Headcanon, Etc]

[ Tag List ]

[Prompts/Memes/Games]

Project Insight Turns Nightmare: Captain America- HYDRA’s Best Kept Secret?

You Should Know

-This is a side blog! - I am not responsible for any hurt feelings/muses -HYDRA Trash Party is a thing here-

Rules

General

-Always 21+, those found to be under that will be blocked! -I have a very erratic work / sleep schedule + a sleep disorder-- -Please be patient but don't be afraid to shoot me a message or bump a thread! -Non-Exclusive!

Non- Roleplay accounts: Feel free to lurk, reblog the crack, reblog the gifs and memes and shit I’ve reblogged— Please, for the love of god, stay out of my plots.

Roleplay

-Don't assume our characters are in a relationship / situationship / or some sort of family unless otherwise established or discussed --NSFW/Kink abounds -Doubles are fun! -Everyone (21+) is allowed to shoot a starter or submit and prompt / meme-- Let's just jump into it! -Anything on my blog that isn't tagged with a specific person or #closed is always available for a response -I am not against having multiple threads with the same person/character - OC’s are acceptable as long as they don’t claim to be related, or in a relationship, with my character ++Preferable if they relate to the MCU in some form - I'm trying to keep threads to two per muse, not including small threads /sideplots / texting / crack --- If your muse has multiple verses, I am including those as separate muses

- Sentence -> Multi-para. I (do my best to) match energy! You do not have to write multiple paragraphs. - Highly OC-Selective

- Smut / NSFW needs to be discussed before sending prompts / asks, unless we are solidly pre-established. - I only do post / whatever replies- Banter in the comments of posts I make (not reblog) are fine, but other plots need to be in a post!

About the Writer

-Wynn, She/Her, 25 -Time-Zone: EST -Over 10 years of roleplay experience, with 7 of those being Bucky -On mobile, no idea how to format! -Erratic work/sleep schedule + sleep disorder can make for weird times --Please don’t be afraid to bump any of my posts or shoot me a -message! -Very shy, feel free to reach out lol

Other blogs -> @cybernetic-asset , @skullsandsteel , @striketeam-sic , @fluffysquidcat , + @strike-a

#pinned post #hydra steve rogers #hydra captain america #hydra!cap #hydra cap #dark steve rogers #dark Captain America #marvel roleplay #marvel rp #captain america rp #captain America Roleplay #mcu roleplay #roleplay blog #mcu rp #rp blog #steve rogers #captain america

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laprimera · 6 months

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alrighty so after some reflection and getting some outside stuff prioritized Im done some blog housework so I can get comfortable here again.

im still gonna continue my hiatus until november cause the rest of October still has a lot of rl appointments and stuff going on. ill be nuking my ask and drafts to get into maximum turtle plot overdrive and just start things clean, but here's the skinny under cut:

. Ive went and cleaned up my followers list. mostly of inactive blogs, non-mutual or blogs that haven't reached out or interacted at all. I use to think I liked a busier dash but I think trying to keep up with it had been giving me anxiety even if my muses weren't involved in anything plot wise. FOMO has been really killing my vibe more then anything and I need to cut that habit out.

you're a-okay to refollow though! I'll do the same. none of this was done out of malice or a personal dislike, and I get being so busy w/ life and personal plots that you cant interact with everyone in a convenient moment. but if you see this as an opportunity to reach out then by all means! that and I might've accidentally unfollowed one or two of you cause side-blog deal, clumbsy thumbs, and uuh, dont mind me realizing that later down the line-my bad!

. unless carefully plotted otherwise, anything outside my own canons, affiliated blogs/mains or plots is no longer canon to my own. any interaction or thread initiated towards my muses will default fall into my lore/verse unless vice versa or its plotted and etc etc. It's no longer just hanging there in the void so to speak. I need to feel more in control of my own narrative I think and trying to puzzle a lot of contradicting outside plots, dash events, etc has been mentally taxing when rp shouldn't be occupying so much space or anxiety to begin with lol.

this isn't to say everything thats happening in the dash or w/ other characters isn't important ofc! and I still want to participate; it'll just fall under a crack/non-canon tag. if things end up lining up p' well with whats going on here then I might take it into canon. This is p' much what I've been doing to begin with, it's just more concrete now and Im being more careful of what Im willing to accept now. Im ofc open to discussing stuff! DMs and disco for those who have it are open always even if I take a moment to get to it!

. Im no longer answering anon asks that are personal in some way, ie, around subject matters that aren't general headcanons asks or 'hey how do you feel about-' sorta deal. I dont feel comfortable taking it to public and while I understand having the fear of being identified, it's not fair if I'm the only one bearing the subject so to speak. If you want to talk to me through DMs you can either tell me your UN (no burners either) so I can bypass permissions here to chat or you can reach me at @shiny-miltank where my IMs are not barred to mutuals only. I don't bite really! and my discord is not public. tbh Im still very anxious about being on disco to begin w/ cause social anxiety flare ups. idk tumblr dms always seemed easier to chat until I know you on a personal basis-its just worked that way.

. making it more strict that you dont? put my geeta in place of plots, events, etc that I havent participated or plotted with, nor can you make assumptions for them based on said events. as slapped on every piece on my about/rules/pinned/etc shes heavily canon-divergent to begin with so no one knows her intentions/actions (save for me ofc) and wont act in what presumed canon-geeta would do or your own version so to speak. easy enough to slap me an IM for "is it okay to-", plotting, or just make a nebulous npc stand-in.

. things that havent changed are the use of my lore and headcanons into your own! I love seeing it integrated or adapted into other lore and seeing just how much it inspires and changes over time!

this all seems rigid but really it's just reiterating whats already in my rules and no one here has been a huge offender at all :' ) this is more for me to follow and I cant thank everyone enough for their patience and creativity for as long as I've been here. Im loosey goosey and go with the flow 90 out of 100 times.

this goes for the rest of my muses, which Ill probably clean up when Im back-but yeah! miss ya'll! hope you've been doin' good! the terrapagos plot will continue then and Ill resume reaching out and leaving details! hopefully in time for dlc ; >

#ooc. ･ﾟ ✹#queue. ･ﾟ ✹#importante and stuff #sorry this is at 3 AM gdfgfd-this is like the only time Im awake ironically #but again ill be really back in november! see ya then!

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gerudospiriit · 6 months

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[Alright, I warned you guys. Here's that juicy PSA I promised you all. It's going to cover an array of different topics that I feel need addressing and general clearing up. At least in regards to how I view things and operate here on this blog. I also hope this doesn't scare my new followers away alkjsf.]

First things first and maybe doesn't need to be said but, in case some people haven't noticed, I am pretty opinionated, and I will share my opinions here if I feel like it. However, I will never spout any negative opinions about any singular person here on this blog. I have never done it and I will never do it, explicitly or implicitly. That's not how I operate. I do my best to only give opinions and critique of general topics like overall trends in the rpc, general headcanons or fanon that are fairly widespread in the community/fandom I don't necessarily care for, and fictional characters I'm not a fan of. While I can't tell you how to take my posts, I can assure you that nothing I post here is ever, ever meant to offend or be an attack on any one person (or really be an attack at all). This goes for IC, dash commentary posts as well. I'll get to those more in a minute though.

If you don't like this kind of thing, that's perfectly fine. If you're not comfortable interacting with me because of that, it's absolutely fine. But what ISN'T fine in my book is if you take my words and posts and twist them into things they aren't or try to demonize me for nothing remotely harmful. Again, I can't control how you take my posts, but I know that I don't post anything that's inherently problematic. A hot take or unpopular opinion here and there, but again, it's nothing that's outright attacking any one person or vague blogging or being generally toxic at all. As I said, I don't attack people with my posts, but I'm not going to walk on eggshells when sharing my thoughts because some people might take them personally. I will always be careful about this and sensitive material in general. All I can say is that my posts are never meant to be personal attacks, and if you really feel one is, tell me! I would rather be able to explain myself or my mindset than end up with people thinking I'm being toxic when I'm absolutely not. That or just unfollow me. Block me. Whatever you need to do. I'm a firm believer in tailoring your own experience so if that's what you need to do, then there are no hard feelings.

Now to get into the real nitty gritty of this post: a few reminders/how I generally view certain aspects that get tossed around a little too generously in the RPC. Keep in mind all of these have their own nuances, but in general, the stuff I'm going to say is usually true.

💥Mun=/=Muse and vice versa. It shocks me that I need to talk about this in 2023 but I guess it bears repeating. My opinions are not my muse's opinions, nor are her words, opinions, and actions mine. What I say about a topic or character or anything aren't necessarily what Nabooru thinks, and what Nabooru says or thinks about a character isn't necessarily how I feel about them.

Additionally, I will not take anything said IC or OOC about Nabooru personally, and no one else should take anything negative said about their muses as a personal attack. I understand we love our muses, but it's absolutely paramount to not take one character or mun (within reason) saying something we don't like about our characters as a sleight to ourselves as real people. Just like in real life, some muses won't like our muses. Some muns might not like our (canon) characters in general. But if we, the muns, constantly take offense to our muses being disliked in any way, we're all just going to be miserable. Obviously there will always be caveats to this--like someone specifically targeting YOUR iteration of your muse or your OC--because sometimes, people are just being assholes. But in most cases, it's not that deep.

💥 Dash Commentary/Not All Muses Are Nice On a related note, in character dash commentary is just that: the character making commentary about things happening on the dash. Once again, even if the commentary is one muse being shady about another, it's very, very likely not a personal attack on YOU the MUN, and it's best to remember once again that muse does not equal the mun. Dash commentary is meant to simply allow characters to comment on the events of the dash and potentially strike up interactions. It should not be taken personal by the muns.

It's good to also remember that not all muses are nice. Some are flat out evil and cruel. Not all of them will like your muse. That's what makes roleplay fun and interesting. Muns should not be demonized and penalized because they play a muse that isn't always the easiest to get along with. My advice to you is that, if you don't want interactions that aren't all sunshine in rainbows, don't follow blogs with muses that are rougher around the edges.

Also, I would make it clear in your rules that you're not open for any kind of confrontational of confrontational adjacent threads. If it's not for you, it's totally okay! We're all here to have fun. But it's better to be honest about it up front than to have someone's muse come to yours with beef.

💥 "Vague Blogging" Accusations of harmful "vague blogging" has honestly become a pet peeve of mine. I've seen it thrown around willy nilly and it's really just insane to me. In my experience and what I've observed with other people, on occasion, the term "vague blogging" gets tossed around any time someone is offended by another person's post, even if it is a general opinion about something general someone saw--that might not have even been the offended person's post!- and wanted to comment on. While I understand there is absolutely times where people ARE being toxic and are "vague blogging" specific people to be passive aggressive, more often than not, I've seen people call a simple opinion post that doesn't jive with theirs "vague blogging." I've seen someone saying they disagree with a take called "vague blogging." If we let simple internet commentary and disagreement get labeled as "vague blogging," we might as well say that everything on the internet, especially social media sites, is just all "vague blogging" other people. That voicing your opinion about something on the internet is just "vague blogging" the person who you disagree with. And I think most of us have been online long enough to understand how ludicrous that is.

In truth, most "vague blogging" that gets called out is basically just internet dialogue, and we need to be more mindful about calling innocent opinions, whether it seems based on something you said or not, "vague blogging," especially in a negative sense, when it's harmless. People should be able to express their opinions and disagree with other people if they want to without being accused of vague blogging and demonized. In fact, we should probably get rid of the term vague blogging altogether because it's too vague (heh) and broad and invites this kind of paranoia that isn't helpful to anyone. If someone is being mean or toxic, that should just be what it is. We don't need a technical term for it.

And I get it. Someone expressing their disagreement moments after you can feel like a personal attack (and sometimes, it might be). But I think that's the crux here: a "vague blog" has to be an actual attack on the PERSON making the comment over attacking the TOPIC itself (a good thing to remember in general tbh). Which, with how internet lingo is can be difficult to pick out; being Generally Mean in a Joking Way is just kind of normal. So I get why it can be easy to jump to an accusation of someone being an ass, but we need to either do better about picking it out and not calling every post disagreeing with us "vague blogging" OR start getting better about communicating with people when we DO think it has happened (and not on anon, either).

A few examples from how I understand vague blogging:💢OP: *makes a post about how much they love Ze.lda in B.reath of the W.ild and her growth in the memories*Not "Vague Blogging": I'm not a fan of how Ze.lda was portrayed in B.reath of the W.ild. I know a lot of people like her, but this iteration just wasn't it for me. "Vague Blogging"/ Potentially Problematic: Only childish morons like Ze.lda in B.reath of the W.ild. She needed to grow up and so do you. 💢OP: *posts about how they can't stand Gan.ondorf and wishes Nin.tendo would just let him die and make another prominent villain already*Not "Vague Blogging": Gano.ndorf is a great character with a lot of subtle complexities that make him a more nuanced villain than many fans and even the writers these days give him credit for. "Vague Blogging"/ Potentially Problematic: If you want Gan.ondorf to never return to another Zelda game, you're just too stupid to see and understand how brilliant his character is.

To me, language is everything when it comes to problematic vague blogging. There really is a difference in being an ass to someone and about their post and simply expressing your opinion about it. As I said, it's hard to really pinpoint actual vague blogging versus someone just maybe passionately giving their opinion/using the internet's habit of being insulting in a joking way, but I guess I would say the best rule of thumb is what I said earlier: are they attacking you, the person, or the opinion/take/what have you? And if that's unclear and you're truly hurt by the post, talk to the person. Ask them what they meant and let them know that it felt like an attack on you as a person. Or just unfollow, block, etc. and move on.

If we want to keep labeling vague blogging as something that's ALWAYS negative and harmful, then we need to only call the stuff that's negative and harmful vague blogging. Not every opinion that doesn't jive with ours should be demonized.

💥 Which brings me to my final point: tailor your own experience. If you don't like how someone runs their blog for any reason, you're not obligated to stick around. While we should all try not to be dicks to each other, it's ultimately your responsibility to ensure you're not being exposed to content or people you don't want to be. And it should be no skin off anyone's nose if that's what someone ultimately decides. At the end of the day, we're all just here to have fun. If something someone is saying or doing makes you uncomfortable, you're not obligated to stick around. Unfollow, block, blacklist, and whatever else you need to do and move on. It's really that simple.

💥 Bonus: a person sharing their feelings is NOT manipulation probably 99% of the time. As with all of these, this isn't always the tried and true case because people suck sometimes. But people sharing how they feel about something or how something someone did to them made them feel should not be automatically branded as manipulation. Listen to each other and take into account EVERYONE'S concerns or feelings. I'm not saying every person coming into your IMs has a legitimate grievance with something you said. As I've alluded to, there is always a chance someone will take something you said differently than you intended it. Give them the space to express their concerns. And if you're on the other side, give the other person a chance to explain their meaning, apologize if needed, and come to a mutual understanding no matter how that looks. Don't lecture each other. Don't call each other names or demonize each other. Just...communicate. Like normal humans. Which I know is hard for all of us gremlins here but the lack of communication on this website is what makes it such a hellsite. We would rather jump to the worst case scenarios and slander someone across the community for what was maybe an innocent mistake or a moment of emotional weakness (we all have em) rather than just having a conversation to try and figure it out and understand each other. It's something I think we need to all work on to change.

And I think that's about all I wanted to bring attention to. At the end of the day, this is all just a dumb hellsite that we're all trying to have a semblance of fun on playing pretend. But it's also The Internet and you're going to find things and people you're not a fan of. People are going to say things we don't like. But, as much as I hate to put it this way, I think we collectively in some cases to use a bit more common sense and grow a bit of a thicker skin so we can better understand what is and isn't a personal attack and the like. If we do that, I think we'll all have a generally better time here and on the interwebs in general.

#[ ☀ ˢᵖⁱʳⁱᵗˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵇᵉʸᵒⁿᵈ ;; ᵒᵒᶜ ]#cw long post #idk if i said everything i wanted to #but these are just things that uh #came up recently that i feel need to be addressed.#mostly for the sake of how i understand these things and therefore how it will be viewed on this blog but #yeh here you go

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