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#this show is so fucking stupid but sheeee
catboybatman · 3 years
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Gothamite: I had to drop out of school in the 4th grade to run a drugcartel to support my nan
Metropolitian: that means you never experienced the highs and lows of highschool football
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so i asked my best friend who has never seen the witcher to describe what she thinks the plot is based solely on my insane ramblings and fanfic quotes i’ve sent her. the following is a transcript of her account. 
okay so—its about The Witcher. the—cuz... the title. now Witchers are... creatures. and they Look like humans but, they don’t! they’re big strong... and they are immortal 
okay...
oh no no no they’re not immortal, they just live for a very—no *knocks over drink*
that’s your drink.
*gasp* they might be immortal. but we don’t know—so, so then Geralt is a witcher—among seven
okay??
and they learn how to Be A Witcher at The Witcher School of Witchers. 
ᵒᵏᵃʸ
so then Geralt fights monsters, like all the other witchers do
who are the other witchers?
1. Geralt 2. Lambert 3. Eskel 4. Bitchface Mcgee 5. Geralt 6. no other. the other two exist but they don’t have names *laughs* so geralt fights monsters, right? he fights monsters and he is big man and no, not many people like him because he’s big and mean but he’s hired—people hire him. They pay him money to fight monsters. and along the way he meets, he meets a witch, right, named... Yennefer. she is a mage. she is very powerful. sheeee do ᵐᵃᵍᶦᶜ, she do magic very well. she is immortal. she can sense people’s ᵉᵐᵒᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ? or was that just part of a fic? 
don’t worry about it, keep moving
so then *sips drink* so then yennefer and geralt are like oooh ooh we big sexyy and they have The Sexy Times™️ many times. manyy times. so on the way geralt meets Jaskier, who is a bard. and jaskier is like “who’s that hot piece of hunk sitting in the corner. i’m gunna get in his pants”. and goes over and says “ooOoooh bread in my pants.” and he—Jaskier—is a bard, and he’s, he’s human, he’s just a bard. annnnnd sometimes people like him and sometimes people don’t like him. and—just like geralt. *gasp* *laughs* and so jaskier is like “i’m gunna be, as annoying as possible and follow Geralt around and Keep him company.” and, Geralt sleeps with Yen and Jaskier is like “This Is Fine.” and then yennefer is like “I’m a woman.” *laughs* RENFRI!!! is a character. who is Geralt’s?? sister???? and Geralt kills her. I don’t know why. for reasons they don’t go into. and so Geralt is like “I’mmmm depressed.” and yennefer’s like “wanna—” (can we go on pause for a minute? *sips drink*) so then he’s like, um, there’s a quest we have to go on. do they go on a quest? i don’t know the actual plot. *laughs* and they fight monsters. and it’s like each episode is a different monster? like supernatural? and yenneferrrrr does something biiig. she does—there’s this one scene where she wipes out like a bunch of people because she’s really powerful. and she’s like “women... are stronge and are vessels for men” *laughs* or something like that. *laughs* no, but she’s like “it shouldn’t be like that.” she’s not saying that they should be vessels, she’s saying that they shouldn’t be.  and Geralt’s like “yeah, that’s great” mmmmmmmm and then they go to a Mountain and Yennefer rejects Geralt and Jaskier’s like “ooooh well I ᵖˡᵃʸʸʸ the Lute” and Geralt goes “you’re so fucking stupid. get out of my life.” and jaskier’s like “OoOoOoo!! ᶦ'ᵐ ᵈᵉᵖʳᵉˢˢᵉᵈ.” and then geralt’s like “humrumrummm” annnnnnd that’s where it ends. *laughs* and then the whole show ends. there’s no—there’s no second season. do not collect 200 when you pass go. That’s it. 
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tellywoodtrash · 4 years
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immj2 02.11.20 lb
this fucking episode my dudes. i just went through it like...
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business maharani is doing some more bitchification of bhaabi, ki dekho phir nikal gayi aapke peeche. even used the same lameass mandir excuse, the idiot, instead of coming up with something new.  
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hubs like riddhima is a major pain in the ass, but she's MY PAIN IN THE ASS, where isss sheeee, why isn't she back yet???????? is she ok????????????
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ishani getting a call about someone in the hospital and......
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bitch, it's her friend who's in the hospital. why the fuck would anyone call ISHANI of all people if riddhima was in the hospital????
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lo aa gayi.
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gujarat registration gaadi waale bhaiyya was a careful driver. unlike literally everyone else on tellywood. good for him.
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concern!maxxxxxxxxxxx about her haalat.
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asks about her bleeding hand and she's like i'll tell you if you tell me about how YOUR hand got hurt. noice.
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again, rrahul's not putting on the vansh voice in this scene and it's 300% more watchable. for the love of god stop directing him in a way that impedes his performance!!!!!!! LET THE MAN MOVE HIS FACE AND TALK IN HIS NORMAL VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!
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cliche dialogue about “shareer ke ghaav jaldi bhar jaate hain par dil ke ghaav..........”
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this asshole is like yeah who would know that better than me???? BITCH WHAT IS THIS, THE TRAUMA OLYMPICS???
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she's thinking ki yeah, i'm not gonna fall for your fakeass parwaah anymore. good. i like. she needed this stupidass illusion of her's broken longggggggggg back.
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ohohohohoho ib waala mangalsutra breaking and slipping off trope idhar bhi hai.
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“tooti hui cheezein kabhi kabhi dobara nahi judti.”
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dialogue maarke chali gayi, lol.
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but notice she's the one who caught it anyway. which makes me think she's gonna choose him/this relationship YET AGAIN. *deeeeeeeepest sigh in the world that sucks up all the oxygen in the atmosphere*
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“jaise mera dil.”
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH.
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“lekin ab waqt aa gaya hai bohut se cheezon ko sahi karne ka.”
again, he looks menacing and all, but is probably just talking about making sure all the paperwork is up to date for upcoming end of year audits. he's a very rich accountant, remember???
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ragini's medical reports have come.
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lol being married to ishani is taking yearssssssss off angre's lifespan. roz naya tension, naya drama.
also, angre refers to vansh as "vansh bhai" when talking about him to ishani, but calls him "boss" when referring directly. interesting. veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy interesting. you guys need to sort out that relationship, my dudes. it's the only stable, healthy one in this whole damn show.
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ishani is like you're his right hand, what the hell are you doing about riddhima spying on him and getting all up in his business???????? dang, this might be the first conversation they're having about their only common interest: vansh's well being.
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also i notice ki shivaay ke saare shirts angre ko diye gaye hain. huh, the shirts must have a kanji eyed wearer clause in their contract.
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“mujhe shakti dijiye ke main apne emotions se upar uthke sahi ke saath khadi rahoon.”
damn, first time i've had a lil respect for riddhima. i mean, i know ultimately it's all gonna go to shit, but she's trying.
lmao a dhaarmik aarti version of the title track is playing. a version for every situation!
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“main ragini ko bacha ke rahoongi. yeh mera aapse, ragini se, aur apne aap se vaada hai.”
YESSSSSSSSSSS BITCH, SISTERS OVER MURDEROUS MISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!
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OMG WHY WON'T Y'ALL JUST DRESS HIM LIKE THIS, LIKE ARNAV, WITH THE SHIRT AND SWEATER COMBOOOOOOOOOOOOO. PLS GODDDDDDDDDDDD STOP DRESSING HIM WITH THAT STUPID SCARF WAALA BLAZERRRRRRRRRRRRR I BEG OF YOUUUUUUUUUU
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he's talking to some shadow (def a woman) about how they're his humraaz about the whole ragini issue and nothing is hidden from them and how everything is going as they planned and the story will end soon.
it might be siya but omg i hope to goddddddddddddd it's ishani. i really really reallly want it to be ishani and see the hot demon siblings do some scheming and planning together. the sibs that conspire together, stay together!!!!!!!!!
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menacing growling about riddhima and how he needs shadow chick's help in "handling" her, so that she doesn’t leave the house.
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“chaahe VR mansion uske liye jail bann jaaye, i don't care.” cool, real healthy. also copied from this week's naagin 5. i'm telling you, these two shows be copying their homework off each other.
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vansh leaning real hard on how he trusting shadow chick. hmmmm. reallyyyy hope it's ishani. though can’t say i wouldn’t be delighted if siya also turns out to be just as fucking twisted as him.
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ofc ms. snoopy here has come to snoop. SIS TUM THAK NAHI JAATI KYA ISS SAB SE. MUJHE TOH DEKHTE HI THAKAAN HO GAYI HAI AND I NEEDS ME SOME GLUCON D.
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“ragini riddhima se jeete-jee milna toh door, usse dekh bhi na sake.”
uh a little too late for that my man, lol. your girls already had a catchup session this afternoon. they're going for brunch and manis next weekend!
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oh ho, she knows that angre's gone out. so this is def someone else in the house. DAMN, I'M REALLY INVESTED IN THIS SHADOW NOW.
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yaaar, kya haalat bana rakhi hai shivaay ke room ki. best room hota tha iss set ka, aur isko bas ek random space banaa rakha hai.
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ASLKFJSLDKJFLSDKJFLDKSF
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this fucker crazyyyyy. like fulllll on flipping cray cray!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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wow ok he's shaking from rage. more unhinged than i've ever seen him. which is really something. something scary as fuckkkkkkkk.
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kudos to riddhima for just being like same old, same old, instead of being scared. i'm really liking i-give-no-fucks-riddhima.
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DUDE. THIS FUCKER HAS COMPLETELY LOST IT.
also knife play copied from shivaay. this dude like a much much worse version of shivaay. never thought that would be possible, but never say never with ITV and the year 2020.
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ok i don't like this angry version of him that's outta control, all shaking and growling and panting. not only is it really bad acting, it's hard to take seriously as menacing. ppl are always scarier when they're ice fucking cool with their anger.
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blah blah blah some more growled warnings and riddhima and i are just here like............. “ok and????”
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she's not even allowed to leave the room.
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oooooh brave sis questioning him back and provokingggggggggg himmmmmmmmmm. got a death wish, this one, but i like her like this. i was sick of her just collapsing all over the place weeping. thaaaaaank god she found her longlost backbone.
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“tum jaise haiwaan ki baat kabhi nahi maanungi.”
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sarcastic slow clapping and slightly turned on by this show of dheentness.
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“chalo aaj tumhari bahaaduri ko celebrate karte hain.”
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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“piyo, zeher nahi milaaya hai ismein.”
OK NOW THAT YOU SAID THAT I'M DEFINITELY THINKING THAT YOU HAVE.
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omg ridhhimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you idiottttttt.
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ok he's def put something in it. his face almost looking pitying as he takes the glass back.
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“jaao. jahaan jaana hai jaao. nahi rokunga tumhe.”
ohhhhhhhhhh boy.
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dslkfjsdlfkjdslkfjdslkjflkd her legs don't work no moreeeeeeeee.
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THIS FUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. JESUS CHRIST THIS CRAZY ASS FUCKING D;SLFKJ;SLDKFJ;LDSKJF;LDKJ
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EVEN THE CHANNEL PUTTING BIG BOLD DISCLAIMER OVER THE SCENE LIKE THIS SHIT IS SERIOUSLY UNHINGED AND FICTIONAL THE CHANNEL ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT CONDONE THIS FUCKING MADNESSSSSSSSS
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I CANNOT STOP SCREAMING THIS FUCKERRRRRRR IS OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS THIS THIS SHIT IS MAKING 4 LIONS MEN LOOK LIKE SOFT CUDDLY LIL SOFTBOIS I AM LITERALLY GOING OUTTA MY MIND WITH RAGE AND ANGUISH WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
i need a break. i seriously need a break to go cuddle my cat coz my god this deranged fucking showwwwwwwwwww.
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ok cuddle break done. i’m not feeling any better but at least the tears of blood have stopped flowing from my eyes?
all i gots to say at this point is that CHEELANSHU SINGHANIA FROM NAAGIN 5 WOULD NEVER DO THIS. ONCE AGAIN SANKIIII CHEEL BOY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> HUMAN MEN.
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“haiwaan hoon main. rakshas hoon. aur rakshas kuch bhi kar sakta hai.”
electric chair for you, dude. ELECTRIC FUCKING CHAIR, GREEN MILE STYLE.
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he literally gave her a paralytic.
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“isse ek luxury relaxing spa treatment ki tarah enjoy karna.”
OMG I WISH I HAD SOMEONE MAKE ME SLIP INTO A PARALYTIC COMAAAAAAAAAA WHAT ELSE COULD A GIRL WANT FROM PRINCE CHARMING UWU TRUE WUVVVVVVVVV
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omg inn paplu taplu ka chip waala naatak abhi bhi chal raha hai BIGGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED IN THE HOUSE YOU IDIOTS KEEP THE FUCK UP LITERALLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SADAA HUA MEMORY CARD ANYMOREEEEEEEEEE
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anyway they decide to put it in the bank locker. omg why though, under the mattress was suchhhhhhh a safe and secure spot!!! badal kyun rahe ho tum log?!?!?!!?!?
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“good morning.”
sis, lower half is paralysed. haath abhi bhi kaam kar rahein haina??? PICK UP WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON AND HURL IT AT HIS FUCKING HEADDDDDDDDDDD
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“don't worry, bas kuch der ki baat hai. uske baad tum apne pairon pe khadi ho sakti ho. main tumhari help kar deta hoon.”
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TELLL HIM SIS. TELL HIM TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY AND NEVER EVER COME WITHIN A 3 DISTRICT RADIUS OF YOU. 
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“phir se zidd. tumhara naam riddhima nahi, ziddhima hona chahiye tha.”
ok can't deny i lol'd at that.
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OK NO BACK TO HATING HIM. PUNS WILL GET YOU NOWHERE WITH ME, YOU BLOODY PSYCHOPATH.
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“abhi toh bas ek chota dose diya hai jiska asar sirf 10 ghante rehta hai.”
oh how sweet. such a considerate husband. Star Parivaar Pati of The Year you are. haan behen, aur rakho aise pati ke liye karwachauth.
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“agar baat nahi maaani, toh agla dose double hoga.”
seriously though, where can i get one of these? all i want is to be put in a coma so that i don't have to be conscious anymore. esp with the USA election today............ give me a 5x dose, daddy.
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YEAH RIGHT LIKE SHE'S EVER GONNA CONSUME ANYTHING YOU OFFER HER EVER AGAIN LOL
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“tum chaahe kitni bhi koshish karlo vansh, main tumhe ragini ko nuksaan pohunchaane nahi dungi.”
determination toh behen ka top classssssssssssss hai. where do ppl get such mental will from? i face the slightest inconvenience and i need a 6 hour nap to cope.
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LMAO VANSH YOU DUMBASS YOU LEFT HER WITH HER PHONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. YOU KNOW SHE'S A SPY AND HAS SOMEONE ON THE OUTSIDE. YOU WANTED HER NOT TO GET TO RAGINI BUT NOW SHE CAN JUST CALL WHOEVER SHE’S WORKING WITH TO GET RAGINI THE HELP. GOD, BEWAKOOFON KI TOLI HAI YEH SHOWWWWWWWW.
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ab yaad aayi kabir ki. my god, he seems like such a mellow weirdo now compared to vansh, just into some casual costume-changing and quasi fratricide. almost a tolerable level of deranged compared to this other fucking madman.
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sent a voice note to him.
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SHE HEARD SOMEONE COMING AND FLUNG THE PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM INTO A PILE OF CLOTHES. OH HO WHYYYYYYYYYYYY, YOU COULD HAVE LITERALLY JUST HID IT BACK UNDER THE PILLOWS WHERE YOU FOUND IT!?!?!??!?!?!?
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“hi riddhima! tumhe iss haal mein dekh kar, dil ko bohut sukoon mil raha hai.”
asldkfsjflkjdslfkjdl i honestly love her the most. she's so fucking petty and hilarious.
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ishani is like thank god bhai has seen fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally seen your real face.
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“sirf vansh ne hi nahi, inn sab mein maine bhi vansh ka asli chehra dekh liya hai.”
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“kya matlab hai tumhara?!?!!”
ok, i'm thinking ishani is shadow girl. from day 1, she’s wanted riddhima to see vansh in a certain way; as someone dangerous, the way he projects himself. (as opposed to dadi and siya who want her to see his soft side.) this statement from riddhima makes her wary that did she get close to the actual truth. INTERESTING. VERYYYYYYYYY INTERESTINGGGGG.
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she's now grumbling about how vansh treats her much better than she actually deserves. I REALLY WANT MORE INSIGHT INTO THIS BROTHER SISTER RELATIONSHIP THEY HAVE IT'S SO INTRIGUINGGGGGGGG
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le, kapde chale gaye laundry. phone ke saath.
———————————————————————
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precap: kabir listened to the voice note and now him and mummy are in panic about ragini disclosing the truth about 3 years ago. RE DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. OFC THESE TWO WERE INVOLVED IN THAT KAAND TOO. LITERALLY EVERY ONE IN THIS SHOW IS A DERANGED MENACE TO SOCIETY.
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kabir coming to meet riddhima.
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but ofc.
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ugh she turned back saying “K.........” and he's like there's literally no one in this house whose name starts with K.
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*facepalms for allllll eternity till my godforsaken face itself falls off.*
i think i’ll go watch s2 of mirzapur now. i need something ~~~light and fluffffffffffy~~~ to take my mind off whatever the FUCK this was.
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hebblog · 7 years
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#WalingReview S7E12+13 *Disclaimer I wrote these forever ago and forgot to upload them. There’s a lot, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I’ll be wrapping this up after this season. I’ve just overall lost interest, which sucks. I’d rather spend more time paying attention to what used to  be my favourite show, then dissecting every moment. 
So I heard the finale has aired, and they’ve already started introducing “main” characters for next season. So…kay? Spoilers? This is the first season where it hasn’t all been totally spoiled for me. Is that because everyone’s being nice…or because no one’s watching? Previously
we can beat them
tell us where not to look
wait for the right moment
we need guns
they have a deal
Currently
ooo silent impactful raids for, probably those guns.
ooo silent impactful sex because, raiding together is hard work
So let me get this straight. They have to raid for supplies to appease the Saviours, and raid for weapons to please the garbage folk. That sounds like so much dang work dude!
Awe they’re happy ‘cause their finally away from home and all the burdens they left behind.
WAIT! Did they just jack EVERYTHING from those golfers?? Holy shit dude…did they kill them?? Geez man, was that very quick scene, and now this “just a little more” talk emphasis to show that the Group is becoming Saviours themselves?
Credits
what was that!!! Why open with that???
I know we’re always balancing on that knife, but wow guys
Currently
Rosita (that’s her name right?) has really become a pain. Characters do that so quickly when they start down the “I must kick ass” route. I get it, you’re pissed off, but take a chill pill. No one wants to be the next Shane right?
Rick’s pretty quiet in those leaves for a scruffy dude trouncing about
I love the survival-pack-get ups these guys put together when they go raiding. Where’s the episode where they break down the things you need to survive? Where are the episodes detailing the steps taken to be a survivor? Not this emotional baggage bullshit, I want hard facts on how to pack and prepare!
OH MY GOD THAT’S ONE UGLY …eeeeeeeewwwwwwww….puss ’n blood dude…
Remember the shopping mall roof caving in back in Season…one?
There is NO WAY they’ll just stumble upon a huge cache of weapons like this without any kind of trap being in place. Obviously. Someone set this all up OR something bad happened during a fight that backfired and caused everyone here to turn. OR the Saviours already know about this and…yeah…bad things.
PS: MICHONE WHY ARE YOU FIRING AT NOTHING JUST FOR THE GIGGS?!?!? YOU’RE LITERALLY WASTING THE AMMO THAT YOU’RE PUTTING YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE TO GATHER NOT TO MENTION EVERYTHING THAT WANTS TO KILL YOU WILL HEAR IT!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!
*Pizza’s here!*
HA! Did I just call that or what!
holy shit that stash!
Like, they hit the mother load here, and they’re having far too much fun, some shit is about to go dooooown
Yeah girly YOU walked into the church, no one makes you go back to Gabe over and over
“You don’t know shit about shit”
“Anything is possible, until your heart stops beating”
That’s actually a really great quote
All these damn candles make it look like the set of an afternoon soap opera
RICK should be the one to mould the wold in his image? NAH SON! Gimme King Darryl, everyone’s quiet and keeping to themselves…
There it is “we can go another day” …..*rrrrr*…put the breaks on dude.
Alright, chill and mac’n cheese together IS worth putting all your friends lives at risk for another day
Can you imagine if Rick was just like “fuck it, let’s just keep going” and decided everyone else wasn’t worth it anymore
One of the best dialogues of the season, and it’s with a baby…
Couples that slay together
dude is it just me, or is the gore going up and up this season
ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT ZOMBIE IS FIRING BULLETS BY WALKING HIS TRIGGER INTO A POLE??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What is haaaaappening with these two? This seems like a joke episode hahaha
and in this episode, zombies have a hard time with a board.
Are they having sarcastic banter while a group of zombies bares down on them? They are getting WAY too cocky
CUT-TING MON-TAG-ES
The dear! You owe her a dear dude. But also, no dear would ever, EVER come near any of this!
The most CG dear that ever lived
see, that right there, it would run away long long LONG before any of these things could get that close. The writers don’t know how animals work
They’re eating the dear…
We all know this show would totally do that to us.
SHEEEE HAAAAS THE POOOOWERRRRRR
That’s a lotta guns
No one cares what you like dude, your girl is shook about you being dead, just go home
Michone’s gonna die this season, that’s the next thing I’m calling. They are far too close, she is far too crucial to his character.
This garbage queen is tough, but I see where she’s coming from
Wait, what cat?
hahaha I think she likes Rick
What’s going on with the Saviours while Rick is questing for the Garbage Folk? Like, days and days have gone by right? No pick ups?
A sniper rifle IS way smarter than any other tactic.
So old Abe’s exes are going to go take on a legion of blood thirsty rape hungry mongrels in an attempt to bring down their leader - the most destructive force in the show thus far?
I’M IN!
#WalkingReview S7E13
i bet this will be the epi where the Kingdom finally grows up and agrees to fight
one melon?
I don’t think Carol having nightmares should be a big deal. With the world the way it is people should be crying themselves to sleep regularly
Pretty sunrise
did she just deliver a non-killing blow to a zombie? What is the poooiiiint carol
and now she sets it up so the walk into the pole, but she doesn’t actually kill them
and walks into town like she friggin owns the road she just clears haha
ok i kinda like Morgan a liiiiittle bit more now
This dude and his secret stashes…
WHO IS NAVEELA AND WHY CAN’T WE HAVE MORE OF HER!
ooooh i get the one melon now
Gerry is the best one in this town
OH! This roadblock was setup by guy with stashes!
Stash dude chucked a melon when they were clearing the road, he’s setting this allllll up so that the Kingdom finally has a reason to fight back.
but no one thought they would shoot a KID!
So what this dude is saying is that this kids life is worth ONE MELON???
And he’s just realizing that his move might cost a kid his life
OOOOOOKAY FIRST OFF…Morgan has such a crazy rage inside him. I had forgotten about “clear” I had forgotten about his multiple transformations. Morgan really IS the most interesting character on the show but they’ve muted him for SO DANG LONG! Second; really? you hid the melon under a bright yellow bin on the side of the road? Really?
Why is noooooo one stopping Morgan??? Like, what? No one???
fucking hell Morgan, everything that guy just spent half a season setting up, you wrecked.
oooooh, I get it, Morgan’s finally flipped. He’s picking up the baton and running forward with “the plan”
He’s back to being a zombie samurai!!!!!! Bout damn time!
“Do you want to know what happened in Alexandria”
oh my god Carol…
wow this really ended up being a bummer of an episode
“We have to fight” “We do, but not today…”
So Morgan’s sharpening his staff, which means he’s finally ready for killing blows. All it took was a lot of people to do, then finally for a leader to break and kid to die…and for Morgan to break…and for Carol to break…holy shit dude this has been a lot of build up. I swear, the way this show is going nothing will happen until the final episode AND THEN something stupid will happen like Rick getting shot or some shit.
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