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whispers-of-masser · 10 months

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Dragon's Tongue

✧ Nebarra x human!LDB, ft. Xelzaz & Khash ✧ Fluff, minor angst; 1300+ words ♫ "You And I (Stripped)" - PVRIS ✒ Something short n sweet today, I'm feeling soft

Nebarra was loath to admit it to himself, and he'd die before ever saying it aloud, but the Rift really was beautiful. Nothing compared to Alinor, to be sure, but... all the gold reminded him of home. And when he passed by a small, isolated farm, he could almost see himself on its porch, see his brother leaning against the door.

The illusions were younger, happier versions of themselves. So much more innocent, faces bright with naivety, eyes shining with plans for the future.

And then he'd gone to war.

He'd lost... so much of himself, in the deserts of Hammerfell. They had scorched and burned him inside and out, slowly bleeding him dry with every comrade he saw fall. And all that, for what? For all the Altmer's supposed superiority, the campaign had failed on all fronts – Hammerfell's walls and people defied them, and Cyrodiil remained in power, weakened but still unbroken.

How could the Thalmor still strut about, arrogant to Aetherius and back, when they had failed so miserably? How could they look at the faces of the families whose children and lovers they'd sent to die and only tell them they'd "served their purpose"?

Nebarra couldn't.

He couldn't face them at all. Not even through pen and paper, leagues away from ever having to look them in the eyes, ever having to see the pain and loss in their gaze.

Where the Thalmor were heartless, he was a coward.

And he didn't know which was worse.

~~~

Night fell, and you called the group to halt, to make camp until dawn. Nebarra set up the tent as you argued with Xelzaz, trying to convince him that no, he shouldn't summon a flame atronach and then kill it for its fire salts, no matter how good it would make dinner taste. Khash merely looked on, muching on some clover she'd picked up somewhere.

At last though, you got Xelzaz to relent, though he asked you to gather some herbs in exchange, listing off the plants he wanted you to find.

"Ah... and take Nebarra with you."

The elf froze. Turned slowly towards the lizard. Demanded, "What? Why?"

"Two eyes are better than one," he shrugged, "and that much safer, as well. We don't know what's out there, and I'm pretty sure we passed a necromantic altar on our way here."

At that, you groaned, head rolling back like a teenager who'd just been told to do their chores. "Gods, not another one. Why do we always seem to run into those?"

"Luck of the Dragonborn? Anyway, off with you now – I have to get set up. Let's see, in whose pack did I leave my cooking pot...? Khash! Come help me with this!"

And just like that he walked off, leaving you and Nebarra alone by the campfire. A chuckle escaped you, and he glanced over to see you shaking your head. "I'm surprised he didn't tell us to hold hands, too, so we don't lose each other in the dark."

"Yeah, I'm not holding your hand," Nebarra snarked. And it was true. Absolutely true. Totally, one-hundred percent true.

"Oh wow, Nebs, that one almost hurt." Your soft laugh seemed to echo in his ears, his mind. "Come on, let's go – I don't suppose you heard any of the plants he wants?"

Blue and yellow mountain flowers, to restore and fortify. Purple for rejuvenation, and to give to Khash. Scaly pholiota for fiber and strengthening. Wild gourds and dragon's togue for flavour.

He snorted from behind his helm. "That would require paying attention to him."

"Should have known," you sighed. "Alright, listen up before I forget: blue, yellow, and purple mountain flowers, scaly pholiota, and dragon's tongue. And be careful with the purple mountain flowers, they're gifts for Khash. Oh, he also wants some wild gourds. Got it?"

"...Yeah, yeah. Let's just get going."

He definitely hadn't feigned ignorance just to hear your voice some more. Definitely not.

~~~

"Ah, back at last! Perfect," Xelzaz said, stirring something in a pot over the fire. "Now I can get the real meal started."

"Then what's this?" Nebarra demanded as Xelzaz handed him a bowl, in exchange for the plants the Altmer carried. Even through his gauntlets he could feel its warmth, and a rich, savory scent drifted up through the slits of his helmet.

"Something amazing, from the smell," you sighed, and Nebarra didn't have to look to know you were drooling.

"Just a little sometime to hold you over," the Argonian demurred, handing you a bowl as well. "Thought I'd experiment with some of the flora I've gathered thus far."

That gave Nebarra pause. "Wait – experiment? That's settled, I'm not eating this."

"If you don't want it–"

Your words were drowned out by Khash's eager shout of, "I'll eat it! I'll take your bowl!" She rushed over to him, red eyes trained on the food.

"Khash, you had your share," Xelzaz chided. "Any more and you won't have room for the rest of dinner."

"Yes, I will! I have room for anything you make."

"She's got a point," you laughed, and Nebarra slowly, wordlessly handed her the bowl.

"I'll go keep watch," he grumbled, turning away.

"Oh, don't be like that! Nebarra!" When he didn't respond, you sighed, calling after him, "Alright, go sulk! I'll make sure Xelzaz doesn't poison your share, though you kind of deserve it!"

His back still towards you, Nebarra raised his hand in a rude gesture, and your laughter rang through the night.

Some thirty minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching; he didn't need to turn to know it was you. Your tread was distinct from the others, weighted with determination and confidence, whereas Xelzaz's was soft and steady, and Khash's light and hesitant.

"Here. Eat." Despite the short words, your tone was gentle, and Nebarra looked over to see you holding a plate out towards him, laden with a slab of meat and wild berries to the side. "It's delicious, and unpoisoned."

"How would you know?" he sniffed, catching a whiff of the food in the process. It... did smell amazing. "Did you try it?"

"I did, actually. Stole some of your steak when Xelzaz wasn't looking. And since I'm still standing here pestering you, I guess that means it's clean."

Nebarra paused, eyes training on your face. Half of it was wreathed in shadow, only the gleam of your eyes visible; the other half was illuminated by the campfire, revealing the soft smile you wore.

You... had a nice smile.

And before he could stop himself, he mumbled, "You're not... pestering me."

Surprise flickered in your gaze – surprise, and something else. Something he told himself he didn't recognise, refused to recognise.

After a moment, you said softly, "That's... good to hear, then. Because I have something else for you, too." Reaching down with your free hand, you pulled something from your belt and held it out before him. "I saved one, 'cause it reminded me of you."

Nebarra stared. There, held gently between your fingers, was a dragon's tongue flower, petals open wide and colours vibrant in full bloom. "This... reminded you of me?"

"It's gold. Just like you."

"...You really do have trouble with your eyesight, don't you? These are orange."

"Eh, close enough." You shrugged, the smile never leaving your face.

Slowly, Nebarra reached out and, ignoring the plate of food, took the flower carefully, delicately from your grasp, cradling it in his palm. "...Am I supposed to say thank you?"

"You just did." As he raised a brow from the shadows of his helm, you set the plate on a nearby rock and tapped the gauntlet that held the flower. "You accepted it."

He couldn't deny it. "Think you got me all figured out then, huh?"

Something in your smile shifted, your gaze flickering. "No. Not yet, anyways. But... I think I'd like to." And with that, you turned on your heel and walked away, leaving him alone in the dark, stunned.

And that night, as he sat in the shadows of the campfire, he stared at the flower for a long, long time.

#nebarra #nebarra skyrim #skyrim nebarra #skyrim #tes 5 #whisper writes #finally wrote that thing from my tags ages ago #and by ages i mean like a week lmaoo #also i now officially have the headcanon now that khash likes to munch on clovers and i don't know what to do with this thought #anyway in other news im so tired?? like for some reason writing Just Tonight REALLY drained me #i dont know how to describe it other than the fact that writing it felt like.... it took something from me?#idk man maybe i just burnt myself out a little; i haven't written so much and been so intent about it in actual years #tragically im not even happy about how it turned out but tbfh when is an artists ever satisfied with their own work??? neverrrr #im so tired man lol #i wanna keep working on the second part of just tonight and I have ideas for it but i just.... cannot right now lol #anyway off to play more skyrim and hopefully recharge #starting an altmer mage/college of winterhold playthough with only altmer followers #so that means im grabbing nebs; caryalind; taliesin; rumarin; idrinth; and eventually Telmiltarion since I downloaded summerset isle too #he has a standalone verison that doesnt require the full mod but #figured i'd play through the whole thing at least once since it ties into the cow story anyways #help why does “college of winterhold” abbreviate to fuckin COW I just noticed😭#anywho... ive never actually played with tel or idrinth before so im actually a little nervous; i hope i like them lol #wanted to try daegon too but then i saw she was pulled for updates and was like nuuuuu #might see about posting a screenie once i've got the whole crew together #anyway im off to go play for reals this time lol bye

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deoidesign · 7 months

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please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again...#so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working!#i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again...#and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it.#even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset!#my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes...#i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but.#yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly)#(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do)#(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

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united-under-skyfall · 5 months

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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble

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cimicherrychanga · 1 year

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SO fucked up that when u study languages they also make u study architecture history and ant biology and economy and european politics hierarchy so by the end of the semester i still cant tie a proper sentence in any language but sure i can differentiate the neo gothic style from rococo or tell you what a bull market is

#shut up dave #im tired im tired im tired i dont care abt any of this #i mean i do enjoy architecture and art periods. i dont want to be required to know all of them #i have an exam tomorrow and one on sunday and one on wednesday and one on next saturday #then on monday and tuesday and the following saturday and monday too #and frankly. im only confident i can pass 3 maybe 4 of them #for the rest??? idk ill need to study and im very bad at that #but hey we got the grades back from the first exam!! the one i took last week and i got a 9 yippeee #that is out of 10 #it was in german interpreting n like. genuinely. im good enough at consecutive interpreting that i dont think theres a way 4 me to fail #like even if i mess it up i cant do THAT bad #i had to do it 4 english today and i think i fucked up sooo big it was so embarrassing. but then we got to the critique of my performance #and. it was all the usual nitpicks? like few word choices #the occasional discordance with adjectival conjugation. few points that 'havent clearly come across'#in my mind i had missed like a whole half of the speech but apparently it was p good still #now the problem is. same prof who teaches that subject also teaches specialized languages #and im. very bad at that one for simple reason that i have not processed any information all year #um maybe next time dont make your class about the stock market? idk just a suggestion. i dont care for wallstreet or whatever.#tho to b fair i didnt care for the european parliament last year either so ig u just cant win me on those terms #but if we get to specializing on the judiciary field i think i wouldnt be able to keep ignoring it. because of the circumstances #i have two more shirt designs to finish before the month ends but as u can see school wants me dead at the same time #one of said designs is a full 7 character thing :/#and the other. well ive already made 3 thumbnails for it and nothing rly clicks the way i want it to

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evidently-endless · 8 months

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being depressed is literally so lame and embarrassing but only when it’s me. everyone else is doing great and i love and support them

#im so tired lol.#there’s nothing new wrong The Curse has just been activated for whatever reason #a whole adult and i have to reckon with the fact it took me until 4pm to get dressed #and then i started crying for NO REASON and it took me another TWO HOURS to actually go out and walk around for like an hour. i hate it here #terrible shitty week and i’ve literally been on holiday. garbage #i will have been in this city almost 48hrs when i leave and i was out for about 2 of them #personal

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jimines · 2 years

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#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ?#i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me..#it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know?#im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why.#but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text

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motheyes · 1 year

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i hate you internet service. you lied to me like five times what the fuck how does this even happen

#here’s all that has happened in this whole thing #first problems are whne we moved. took a long ass phone call to set up our router i called another time to help with my internet plan #that guy said ‘hey! you can get this rlly nice bundle deal for $80. wanna try it out for 30 days?#you can cancel anytime before 30 days and we won’t charge you for the full service :)’#so basically like a little free trial to test out this bundle and i said yeah sure #we can just use that for a week or something and i can go in and change it easy peasy #like two or three days later i get a charge of $140 from them. ahahahahahah #so i call and call and call and put in a refund request #i call to have them make sure the refund goes through and to change my plan to just a regular statrdard ass internet #so that this stops right away and i don’t get charged again next month #this guy also says my refund should go through nov 21 #so i wait. and wait and wait and my refund doesn’t happen. and when i check my account it still says i owe $140 #this is when i contact them again via messages and make sure my refund is gunna go through #and that my bill going forward is only $60 #she confirms all of this and then i wake up today with another $140 charge #i’m im hell. i’m in HELL #ok i’m gunna try to sleep again i’m so tired

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biillys · 1 year

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ehhhh how bout a very vaguely supernatural meets ghost fiIes inspired au

neil being raised in hunting and bringing his wife into it and then his newborn son. his wife leaving eventually, becos she couldn't handle it anymore, and she desperately wanted to take her baby boy with her, but he already knew too much, and she couldn't protect him like neil could. she also couldn't protect him from neil, but there were bigger monsters than humans, and after one too many close calls, she leaves.

billy's left in neil's supernatural capable hands.

life on the road with his dad is rough, jumping around from place to place, never being somewhere long enough to call home, no extended family or old family friends to stay at for long hot summers. just him and his dad, his dads hot and cold temper, and the open road. that's all billy knows.

then one day, they're on a hunt, and there's a freshly divorced mother and her hotheaded stubborn daughter, and billy watches as his dad continues to charm them even after they've eradicated the simple ghost, watches as the mum falls for every word and practiced smile, and suddenly it's the four of them on the road.

susan seems weak, looks awkward with a gun in her hands, still jumps at the slightest bump when they're clearing out a house, but neil's patient with her, repeats the steps on how to fire and clean the gun day after day, holds her fucking hand whenever he notices her tensing up, and billy wants to scream.

neil locked billy in the shed of the place they were renting when he was six becos he fumbled the gun. fucking belted him that one time in texas when he accidentally let a monster get away becos he was scared, like billy actively let the fucking thing get away for fun and not becos he was frozen paralysed, listening to it rattle of things that billy knew he'd never said out loud.

his dad never told him it could get into your head.

max is better about it, but still a fucking pain. at least she doesn't seem to be a baby about everything. if billy's being honest, max has handled the transition from normal suburban life to life on the road and hunting monsters like a champ. too bad neil's basically placed her entire wellbeing and care into billy's hands, and the rope billy's felt around his neck his entire life's went from snug to fucking choking.

life goes on though, and eventually billy's old enough to buy his own car, do his own hunts. max rides with him more often than not, mostly out of habit, but also becos she'd pick being stuck with her asshole older step-brother for weeks at a time over spending even just an hour in close quarters with her piece of shit step-dad.

turns out, life on the road with just billy is good. he's like a completely different person when he can breathe without his dad taking up all the air. he's even fun on occasion. actually talks her through what they're hunting, why they're hunting it, lets her actually help.

(she accidentally tripped on a tree root one time on a hunt with the family when she was younger, and one sprained wrist later, she was banned from coming on anymore. she tried to argue it was a simple tree root, and that billy slipped a disc in his spine getting thrown against a brick wall just last month, but neil put his foot down. said susan was worried, and if susan was worried, neil was worried. billy was a big boy, he could walk it off. max was delicate, she had to be kept safe. billy wouldn't even look at her for at least a week after that fight.)

the time between seeing their parents slowly grows longer and longer between each trip the longer they're away. it started off with just a few days off on a side hunt before reuniting within the week, but then the few-days-hunts turned into few-weeks-hunts, and suddenly it felt like they were only seeing their parents for special occasions.

but the longer they were away, the lighter they became. the first time max hears billy refer to her as his sister, no tone, no stressed step sister, just sister, she does a double take. doesn't dare bring it up 'til they get back to the motel they were crashing at. billy rolls his eyes, bitches about not needing to give some fucking random his entire life story.

they bond over hating neil and hating susan's life choices, get competitive over who can figure out the monster of the week first, and turn the other way when one ~accidentally lets a monster get away.

(the first time billy let a monster get away on purpose, he waited up all night, expecting his dad to burst into the room and knock some sense into him. accuse him of being just as monstrous, just another fucking killer, reckless, letting them get away like that. his dad was 6 states away and deep into a hunt of his own, but billy had second guessed his choice since the second he walked away earlier that evening, refreshing the local news site constantly waiting for another body to drop, to prove the voice in his head that sounded exactly like neil right, that he was a failure of a hunter, falling for the sob story and bullshit the monster spilled and pleaded and promised with on what should have been it's last moments.)

(billy knows real monsters though, and despite what his mother said to him in the last memory he has of her, humans were always worse. most things neil taught billy to hunt were harmless. he's trying so fucking hard to teach this to max. to make sure innocent blood never drips from her hands the way it does his.)

anyway: to the ghost fiIes part of this. i think it would be FUN if, in a big Fuck You And Everything You Stand For to his dad, that one time on a hunt, billy's having a casual joyful yelling match with a ghost, and max whips out her phone and records, uploads it to her insta, and one or two people watch.

then one time, theyre trying to get a demon to fuck off, and billy's trying to fucking sales pitch hell to them, like billy's ever even been there, and max whips out her phone again. a few more people watch.

slowly max builds a following. is always careful to frame every video in such a way that monsters stay the stuff of legends, but make it realistic enough that if you know - you know. starts to gradually add herself to this mix. soon, her and billy are going into legitimately haunted houses just to chat to ghosts, record the whole thing, and chuck the best moments up on youtube.

the first time neil sees a clip, sees his son terrorising a ghost - but not in a hunt-to-kill sort of way, but just for jokes, for a laugh sort of way - he drives for three days straight to sort him out in person. gets him up and crowded against the paper thin wall, asking if he thinks it's funny, what ghosts are capable of doing, if he thinks it's a joke, all those people they were too late to save. if he thinks his mother left him, all over a laugh. billy wishes he didn't buckle under the weight, wishes his voice didn't shake when he answered, but he caught max's eye over his dad's shoulder, and she had a gun in one hand, and her knife in the other, and billy's seen her look at poltergeists that have threatened her life more kindly than the way she's looking at neil in the moment. billy gathers what little strength he can pull, juts his chin out and glares as dirty as possible. finds his voice and kicks his dad out of the motel room, managing to shake his dad off in the split second of shock neil has over billy not instantly caving. max echoing billy's demands, telling neil to get the fuck out. to go protect her mother, since he trapped her into a life she'll never be able to survive on her own, and to keep her safe, and to stay the fuck out of theirs.

basically BASICALLY i'm watching ghost fiIes and i just think billy and max in a supernatural world but like, in a fun way, would be GOOD SHIT. and i want billy to still be lowkey scared of ghosts and demons becos he has seen the havoc they can create first hand, the families they can destroy in just a heartbeat, so he's always a little tense attending a haunting, but he goes in every time, becos its all he's ever done, becos max told him on a bad night once that she thought he was brave, and he talks (and yells and screams and mocks and, occasionally, cries) to them and slowly he starts to find himself and get his life together, helping all these fucking trapped and usually scared and also so so so angry ghosts. helps them to the best of his ability. listens to them when they wail. talks to them when they cry. he starts to heal.

max grows, too, having watched something invisible, with no physical form whatsoever, tear her father to shreds, just weeks after the divorce, to driving around the country with her brother, spending nights in houses so haunted it would scare a priest, adjusting to loving her mother from a distance, cos she'll never understand why she fell for the shit neil was offering, why she stuck around, gripping his hand tight, that first time neil lost his shit at billy in front of them. why she continued to hold his hand, going as far as to look the other way, the first time neil laid into her for not getting detailed enough research for a case, blaming her for his broken ribs and her mother's dislocated shoulder. billy silently offering her an ice pack that night in the darkness, wordlessly passing over some pills and a glass of water.

billy made a point to look over her research from then on out, just in case.

max thinks her life could've turned out a whole lot better if her dad never died, if neil and billy never entered it. but she's pretty sure that out of every option she could've had, that the way it is now, her and billy making some silly youtube show, confronting their own nightmares night after night, saving monsters, hunting things, this is the best option.

OKAY literally none of this captured my original thought of billy and max just fucking around in haunted houses and annoying the dead.

max knowing shits real but billy would swear with the way she acts and talks that she thinks it's all horseshit. billy wouldn't even call her brave, she genuinely just doesn't seem to give a fuck. she's got a fuck with Me attitude and billy gets it, okay, if he were already dead, be wouldn't try anything on her either, imagine dying once by falling down an elevator shaft then getting fucking slayed again by a seventeen yr old who failed her learners permit, not once, but twice. billy'd back the fuck off, too.

billy being a lil scared in a extremely fucking haunted houses, knowing full well that demons were real and they were here, in this very room, and max telling him to shut the fuck up whilst pushing him into the portal, aka the closet, and telling him to turn his light off and talk to it. billy, bitching under his breath, you talk to it, but still standing there, light off, stupid little camera on, opening a line of communication. his usual tactic for getting through the night being to raise absolute hell. if he's gonna chill with demons, the dead, and inter-dimensional freaks all night, he was gonna make sure they were just as fucked up about him as he was them.

feel like this STILL doesn't capture what i was originally going for but anyway if u watch ghost fiIes you Know. thank you for reading if you've made it this far also sincerest apologies for whatever the fuck this is

#i do NOT know.#i just think ghost fiIes is fun and itd be funner if we ever found out that they DID have a full on encounter #they just decided not to air it to KeEp iT LiGhT etc #and also i just think that spinning the wheel on what backstory of childhood trauma we can bend to shape around billy and max is Necessary #billy hating his father but also. its his dad. and he had an isolated childhood that kept him relient. so he hates his dad but his dad #really is all he's ever known. hard to hate somewhere with the full feeling when you don't really know any different #someone*#he resents his mother. mainly for leaving. for using the excuse that it wasnt safe for her to stay but it wasnt safe for him to go.#resents her for trying to convince him that neil wasnt the scariest thing in the world. that there was more to fear.#when he KNOWS that thats not true. it took him a while to see it. took a hellva lot of growing up and wising uo #wising up*#but eventually he finally fucking got what his mum was trying to say. and realised she was fucking wrong.#MAX being just as fucked up about everything as billy is except shes better at processing it. doesnt have an entire childhood to drag #her down and fuck her up. alls she knows is that her parents got divorced. the custody battle got messy. then suddenly her dad was dead #blood everywhere and her mum was a wreck and terrified.#then suddenly the world got a whole lot bigger yet shrunk down to just one car and four passengers #and life was never the same again #(she was never as brave as billy thought she was. she just never got to experience the horrors he had. never been walked away from #a sprained wrist here and a cut to the cheek there. some nasty bruises every other week. but she was never in any real danger.#im too tired now and none of this is what im trying to say ugh Anyway. stream ghost fiIes. stan billy & max. thanku #m #nqff

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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 2 years

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forgot to make a post sooner afterwards but!! went to my first pride yesterday (technically 2 days ago its past midnight but shh) and i think the absolute strangest part of the experience was when i got home i took a nap

#/g #just me rambling again #frogs down bad #i went w my bf and!! it was really fun! we saw one of our friends there too for a lil bit and a few people from our school #(also i wanna note my school had a stand we literally took so long to find it but a teacher i really like was running it! so we said hi)#it was a lot of people n hot out n a lot of walking around but it was fun i think!#it was neat #i didnt end up buying anything but at one place that had free pins i got a demi flag one and one w it/its on it which :]]#im saying it was fun bc im pretty sure it was my brain cant really process any feelings on it though its weird i think its just bc i #was probably a bit overwhelmed the whole time but like. i dont mean that in a super negative way i am just a bit confused #i do think it was fun though #back to the post part tho #i wanna note that i am not someone who naps like i genuinely cannot ever sleep during the day the only exception usually being #when im really sick like physically ill otherwise it doesnt matter how tired i am i can never nap #that being said #when we got back to my house we had some food and then layed down together and like. i was out in minutes. both of us were #straight up slept for an hour i think #which is so weird to me #like im sure i needed it we had just walked around for a few hours in a loud hot VERY peopley environment but like. what??????#that was the easiest ive gotten to sleep by far within the past week or so ive been sleeping like shit ngl so that was. even stranger #genuinely it is so weird to me #i cant nap #but i did #and it was very comfy and it was one of those naps where you k n o w you slept hard bc you wake up a lil disoriented w fabric #wrinkle prints on ur face from whatever you were sleeping on #still so strange to me #something about this silly person of mine makes my brain work different in the comfy way like there was one other time last week #i think at our friends house where we were all chilling in the middle of the afternoon and i almost fell asleep on him then as well #i do not understand my brain ngl #in regards to comfy cozy or the fact that it cannot conceptualize a legitimate feeling or opinion on the experience of going to pride

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sleepyjim · 5 months

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first night without taking benadryl to sleep and Uh its bad again what the fuck man context and also giant rant in da tags

#basically for several weeks before leo benadryl era(tm) i could not sleep at all for many days at a time i was just Not Tired At All #and my sleep schedule was so fucked up and bad and terrible i would sleep for a whole day then go many days without sleeping over and over #And It was Bad so like last week i got sick of it and took like a billion shots of benadryl juice(tm) and Slept and it waswonderful #so ive been doing that every night since then and ive gone to sleep at 10 and woken up at 8 every day and world was so beautiful forever #cept like four days into leo benadryl era i figured i had gotten into a routine so i Did Not take anything that night and #didn't feel tired. At All . ruined everything for a whole day #so i continued #but now we're out of benadryl cause ive drank it all #and im not allowed to buy it myself cause its a drug #and i cant tell my mom cause she doesnt understand #and im like . Stuck Now lmao i really really dont want everything to suck again i was doing so well this past couple days #its 2 am an im not even sleepy and if i dont sleep tonight then i will during the day and then everything will get fucked up bad again #idk!!!!!!#i dont know what to do man #i think i either got like too uh relying on the benadryl maybe or perhaps theres Sonething Wrong With Me #while we were in the RV i was scared for like a day thatmy body just straight up forgor how to sleep #and idk if that's actually possible but . :/#i have to go to a thing with my mom tomorrow too so im sposed to get up along with everyone .at like 6 in the morning and so i have #like 3 or 4 hours to sleep and im so Eugh man cause thats like a third of the amount of time a sleep i need to function #i am suffering !!#i cant even sleep if i tried tho Fuck my baka life forever #anyways #text #jason rambles

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whispers-of-masser · 10 months

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Just Tonight (II)

✧ Nebarra x human!LDB ✧ Angst to comfort; 2k+ words ✧ Brief & very mild suggestive content, light swearing ♫ "My Blood" - Echos, "Mistake" - NF, "Stubborn" - Riell ✒ @candydreamer122, you asked to be notified when this dropped so here ya go!

Nebarra opened his eyes to the golden light of dawn, your head resting on his chest, bare legs intertwined with his. Your body pressed against his, warm and comforting, and when he glanced down at your face, he'd never seen it more peaceful. He reached up, brushing your cheek with his thumb, and even in your sleep, you leaned into his touch.

Gods, you took his breath away. But even as he lay there, admiring you in the soft morning light, a single, unpleasant thought wormed its way to the front.

He didn't deserve you.

It made him pause, something turning sour in the pit of his stomach. No... Please, no...

He didn't want the moment to end. Didn't want the thoughts he knew would turn his happiness to ash. But for years they had whispered in his mind, been his constant companions, bitter and selfish lovers that left him with nothing in return but pain and cynicism. They would not let him go so easily, relinquish the control he has given them long ago.

All the more reason he couldn't, shouldn't have you.

Because, really, what could he offer you? He had nothing but his past, his bitterness, his selfish nature. Even last night had been spurred on by his own selfish desires, exacerbated further still by drink. He was nothing but thorns, rough and crude, the blood of hundreds on his hands – and he felt no guilt over them.

...Most of them.

You didn't deserve someone like that. You could do so much better than him.

Why did you want him, at all?

And as he lay there, hand cupping your face, his eyes drinking in every curve and contour – your own slowly fluttered open.

His breath caught. Sunlight danced across your irises, and he could see himself reflected in your gaze. For a few moments, you simply blinked at him, and he could see every minute shift in your expression. Emptiness, confusion, sudden realisation – and then you smiled.

Nebarra had seen many things in life. Many ugly things, things that he'd tried to forget, that haunted him until he drowned them in drink. The few beautiful things he'd seen, though... those, he remembered clearly, and often. Fought to carve them into every facet of his memory, to allow himself the slightest hope, to give himself the smallest of reasons to keep going. And the smile you gave him...

It was the most beautiful of them all.

There was life in your smile. Vast, vibrant, and beautiful, your face haloed in the golden light of morning, you looked... divine.

And then, you spoke, words low and husky from sleep, a laugh rumbling in your throat: "And you call me guar-face." Slowly, you raised a hand, gentle fingers brushing his cheeks, smile growing ever wider.

...He wanted you. Gods, how he wanted you. His heart ached with the thorns of longing, with the knowledge that he couldn't, shouldn't have you.

So, he turned away, pulled back from your touch. Forced an empty expression on his face, in his eyes. Grunted a simple, "Morning." And carefully, oh so carefully, pushed you off him.

"...Nebarra?"

Unwelcome. Outsider. All he was ever meant to be.

"What?" The word was heavy on his tongue, deadened in tone as he sat up, got off the bet, and set to collecting his clothes from the floor.

"Nebarra... What's wrong?"

Everything. "Nothing." He fumbled with his trousers, nearly falling as he tugged them on, still scanning the floor for his shirt. Anything to avoid meeting your eyes.

"Bullshit." Sheets rustled as you leaned forward, and he could practically hear your brows furrow at him. "Is it... because of last night?"

"No." Yes.

"I think it is. And I think we should talk about it – about this."

"There's nothing to talk about," he grunted, still pacing the floor, eyes roving everywhere but the bed. Where was his damn shirt?

"Oh, I think we have a lot to talk about."

He didn't answer, and in the silence, fabric rustled some more. Then, your voice, "...Looking for this?"

Finally, slowly, Nebarra looked at you. You were sitting upright on the bed, and in one hand you held up his shirt, winkled and dusty from the floor.

And you... were still very much naked. Your chest was on blatant display, the blankets pooled low around your hips, deep purple teethmarks scattered over your skin – his doing. Nebarra swallowed, averting his gaze back to the tunic.

Wordlessly, he stalked over, reaching out for it – only for you to snap your hand back, away from him. He sighed. "What are you doing?"

You didn't answer, though he could feel your gaze burning into him. Reluctantly, he returned it – and the storm in your eyes sent a shock down his spine.

Oh...

Oh, no.

Before he could even begin to pick apart what he saw in there, you raised your arms, slid them through the holes of the shirt, and pulled it down over your head.

You... were wearing his shirt.

Still holding his gaze, there was something like a challenge in your eyes. Nebarra grit his teeth and, for once in his life, held his tongue, unsure if he could win this one.

The thought... unsettled him.

But... maybe not as much as it should have.

"Nebarra."

No. No, no no no. You couldn't do that to him – say his name in that tone, in that way.

"What?" he snapped, harsher than intended.

Maybe he should have just been born mute.

"We need to talk about this."

"No, we don't."

"Why not?"

"Because... it was a mistake." He looked away, unable to meet your gaze, tearing a hand through his hair. Coward, coward, coward. "That's all there is – was – to it. We were drunk, and tired, and maybe... just maybe... a little lonely. So we made a bad decision – one we should just forget about, move on from. Because ultimately... it meant nothing. Not a damn thing."

It felt like an eternity passed before you answered, and when you did, your voice was heavy, rasping with emotion. "...If that's how you really feel, then–"

You choked. Nebarra could practically hear the words catch in your throat, dying before they could pass your lips. Instead, a low, bitter laugh rose suddenly in their place; the sound scraped his wounded heart raw. "Gods damn you, Nebarra. You're... really selfish, you know that?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I know."

But you weren't done. Because as you rose from the bed, the floorboards creaking beneath your feet, you continued, "You're also... a really shit liar."

And then you were standing before him, your hand on his chin, turning his face towards you, your gaze searching his. He couldn't avoid your eyes this time, couldn't look away from the storm raging within them: hurt, anger, confusion.

Because of him. Him, and his stupid decisions, and his even stupider words.

Yet, even as he stared, he could see something else in them, too.

Affection. Care. Passion. And... lo–

Why? Why him? Of all the people on Nirn you could want, how could you want the mess that was him?

"I don't know," you said softly, and Nebarra realised with horror that he'd spoken his thoughts aloud. "Because, gods, you really are a mess, aren't you? You're bitter, cynical, surly, arrogant, selfish, flawed to the moons and back, but..." Your hand shifted, brushing upwards to cradle his cheek, and the Altmer found himself holding his breath, afraid of what you'd say next, needing to hear what you'd say next.

Only, you didn't say anything. Instead, you simply leaned in, pulled him close – and kissed him. Before he even knew what he was doing, Nebarra found himself returning it, pulling you in closer, hands falling to your waist –

Wait.

No.

Stop.

What was he doing?

Breathless, he pulled away, nearly stumbling over his own feet. His mind spun; he couldn't seem to form a single coherent though. "What – what was that?"

Your eyes seemed to stare right down to his soul, burning with intensity, filled with both pain and longing. Yet a faint, bittersweet smile ghosted across your face as you answered, "Nothing, apparently."

...Damn you.

Before he could change his mind, think himself out of it, Nebarra caught your arm and tugged you sharply back towards him, crashing his lips back against yours. You stumbled from the initial force of it, but he followed your motion, keeping your lips on his.

After a moment, your arms slipped around his neck, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other tickling his nape. He grunted into the kiss, pulling you back towards the bed; you didn't resist, and readily fell back on it.

Nebarra fell with you, straddling your prone form, brushing his lips from your mouth to your jaw, nipping gently as he went. A soft gasp escaped you; his hands slid down, tugging your shirt – his shirt – gradually upward, pulling it off of you.

And immediately he sat up, got off the bed, and tugged it over his own head. Without a word, he walked away to the other side of the room, leaving you naked and stunned on the bed.

"...Nebarra!"

"Like you said," he muttered, stalking across the room and far from you, "I'm selfish."

He could hear a frustrated breath hissing through your teeth. "Damn you! Why can't you just admit what you feel, what you want? What are you so afraid of?"

The elf froze.

You could see right through him, couldn't you?

"You don't... even know me," he managed at last, keeping his back towards you. "You don't even know my name, my real name."

"I don't need a name to know you, though. Names aren't what define us – we define them. It doesn't matter to me whether you're Nebarra or... or Nico, or something else entirely. Because you're still, and always will be you, regardless of what name you answer to."

Gods, why did you have to be so damn stubborn?

"Pot, kettle, black," you sniffed, and Nebarra realised that yet again, he'd spoken aloud. "And who knows, maybe I picked some of it up from you in the first place."

Sighing heavily, Nebarra leaned forwards and let his forehead thunk against the wall. He stayed like that for a long moment, counting his breaths, trying to collect his thoughts.

"I'm not... suited for a relationship," he slowly began. "I wouldn't be... you have better options than me. People who could give you what you want far better than I could."

At that, you actually laughed, and he turned to look at you despite himself. There was no smile on your face, only pain and mockery; the sight drove thorns through his chest. "Who, then, O wise one, most knowledgeable of relationships? Who on Nirn can give me what I want, when what I want – is you."

He shook his head. "Well... you shouldn't. I can give you nothing."

"You aren't nothing," you said softly. "Your heart isn't nothing. Don't you get that yet, Nebs?"

"My... heart," he echoed, staring blankly at you. "My heart."

Shifting, you rose from the bed, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you approached. "Yeah, your heart. This thing–" you placed a hand over his chest "–that's beating right here, going at a million miles a second." Your eyes locked with his once more, and somehow, even before you spoke, he knew. He knew.

"I love you, you miserable bastard. And I want you, not for anything you can offer me, but for who you are. There's no doubt in my mind about that. Now, the only question left is... how do you feel? What do you want?"

He couldn't hide from it any longer. The truth was on his tongue, escaping his lips before he even had to think about it. "You. I just... gods damn it, I just want you," he rasped. "But..."

You placed a gentle finger against his mouth. "Shh," you murmured. "No buts."

Slowly, Nebarra raised a hand, brought it up to yours, and pulled it away from his lips, instead lacing his fingers with yours. "No, listen. I... this... is going to be complicated, if we really do this. And... you're probably going to get hurt and disappointed because of me. There's a lot you don't know–"

"And you can tell me when you're ready," you soothed, brushing your thumb across the back of his hand. "We'll cross all those bridges when we get to them. And yes, before you protest any further," you added, when his mouth opened to do just that, "I'm aware of the emotional risks. But that's part of every relationship, Nebarra, and you know that. So, again, when they do inevitably arrive, we'll cross those bridges together."

...He really didn't deserve you. Didn't understand how or why you wanted him, of all people. But as you rested your forehead against his, breaths mingling, eyes full of nothing but each other – Nebarra realised he didn't care, anymore.

The voices in his head, all the doubts and fears – they still hissed their poison, and he knew it would be a long, long time before they stopped. But a new voice had joined the mix, soft but confident, telling him that maybe, just maybe, life wasn't about "deserving" things, but appreciating them. That maybe, amid the bleak desert of his past, he could still find a lone rose of happiness.

And that voice... sounded an awful lot like yours.

#nebarra #nebarra skyrim #skyrim nebarra #whisper writes #finally. its done.#i feel like this ended up so out of character and im so so sorry about that but man i'm tired. i ran out of steam weeks ago.#i didn't even edit this bruh #i just wanted to FINISH it #sigh. anyway #i hope yall are listening to the songs i list on the fics cause dAMN theyre good and the entire reason these shity little scribbles exist #this one took. SO MANY SONGS to keep me going.. to give me the ideas and motivation to finish #the three i listed were just the biggest contributors #but there were LOTS more believe me lol #i go to sleep now. it is 11am and my sleep schedule is FUCKED mate #woke up at like 6pm yesterday evening #my whole system's wrecked #im rambling again lol gnight gnight i hope yall have a good one

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