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tkvkfanfics · 4 months

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𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

!!! CHAPTER 3

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ↝ Taehyung was painfully aware of the truth; life was never free. Every decision he made had a consequence, and it seemed clear what price he would have to pay if someone got to know about the true character of his and Jungkook's relationship. However, he had come this far and there was no turning back or throwing it away. Sadly, he wasn't too brave either.

↝ Taehyung's and Jungkook's relationship right under the nose of obviousness.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ ↝ taekook, idol⥏ taehyung x idol⥏ jungkook ↝ idol⥏ taehyung x original male character ↝ straight namjoon ↝ namjin, idol⥏ namjoon x idol⥏ seokjin ↝ idol⥏ seokjin x original male character

ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ⥏ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ↝ mature 18+ ↝ angst, homophobia, explicit sexual content, self-realisation

ᴛᴀɢꜱ ⥏ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ↝ secret relationship, slow-burn, awkward first times, awkward romance, complicated friendships, taehyung forgets he should play a detective, ↝ idolsAU, BTS 2016

ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ

ʀɪꜱᴋɪɴɢ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

Taehyung looked up from his bowl where his spoon was drowning the Chocolate Rings in the cold milk rather than scooping it up, when he heard the lazy steps dragging across the floor.

He and Jin’s pink apron tied up behind the man’s small waist, were the only ones yawning in the kitchen while the rain was drawing shadows on their faces before the powerful thunderbolt didn’t mark Taehyung’s frightened soul on the opposite wall.

“Morning,” grunted Hoseok and rubbed his right eye, smearing the mascara he forgot to wipe clean yesterday's night before going to bed. Although, looking at his pale frowning face, in Taehyung’s opinion, the black shadow could pretend to be a dark circle from not enough sleep without too much suspicion.

Taehyung’s mouth opened to push out the greet but it proved to be difficult to find his voice after not using it to fight the monsters in his dreams even in real life. So, instead a tired smile spread on his lips, dipping a dimple above his left cheek and he nodded shortly, sighing when Hoseok’s hand patted his back and squeezed his shoulder for support.

“Smells good,” Hoseok’s hoarse morning voice made an appearance again and this time Seokjin spun around on his heels quickly, facing his dongseangs with the raised spatula and a surprise lifting up his eyebrows.

“Hoba,” he breathed out after he recognised the man under his messy haircut and the blanket draped over his body, stomping unsurely behind the empty chair next to Taehyung. If Taehyung had the energy to let go of his spoon providing him the ground, he would pat the vacant seat, it was not like he was waiting for anyone. Jungkook usually wakes up ten minutes before they have to leave, long after their bellies are full and the toothpaste has started to dry around their mouth corners. And Jimin still isn’t talking to him.

So, instead, he just continued to watch the chair, hoping the gesture would be enough.

Most likely he zoned out while running his eyes over the seat cushion tied up to the legs of the chair by the simple strings, because the next time he blinked, the same chair was pulled away, dragged over the floor on its two back legs, and Hoseok sank into the soft pillow with a heavy huff, pushing the chair closer to the edge of the table while boring his heels into the parquets. Just as the back legs met the floor again with a well-known thud, the plate, with the deliciously sizzling bacon in its juices, that Jin was turning on his pan not even a second ago, and a bread, made a loud ringing sound when Hoseok put it down in front of himself, digging into the food right away, seemingly not caring the fatness would wrap over the figure he has been so hard working on.

“Eat well, hyung,” mumbled Taehyung, unexpectedly discovering his voice just behind his teeth.

“Hm?’ Hoseok looked at him mid-bite, the yellow fat was freely dripping down his chin and Taehyung had to look away as his crying stomach started to sing serenades blending with hunger pangs hitting against his abdomen walls, ‘Oh, eat well too, Tae,” responded Hoseok, his gaze fixed on Taehyung’s poor bowl of milk where his favourite Chocolate Rings were so soaked they were the whole two sizes bigger than usually, floating on the white surface and on his spoon.

Taehyung pursed his lips and opened them again in a smack and sent a low, “Thank you,” towards the man sitting next to him, who was too busy in a dreamland of salt and unhealthy food again, while Taehyung continued to fight the betrayers in his path of diet.

They continued in their shared melody of clinging utensils and slurping mouths whilst Jin was stirring the soup in the pot, his hands searching clumsily for spices from time to time, until, all three of them this time, didn’t turn around when another tap tap of slippers fell on their ears.

Leaning against the sofa where Taehyung watched Cha Dohyun on the television going through the emotional character changes the yesterday night, stood Jungkook. With eyes glued by sleep and cheeks puffy from the snores he kept blowing the whole night, he was waving with his arms around himself, preferably trying to grasp onto something that would provide him stable support under his wobbly knees. How he managed to pull the T-shirt over his head, even if the fabric looked wrinkly and loose in some places, and button up his jeans, even if his underwear was showing high above the hem, was a mystery to Taehyung, because despite one sock missing at the second one was inside out, pulled over his foot, he looked more ready than Hoseok whose pyjamas sleeve was showing under the blanket.

Taehyung once again searched for Jungkook’s face, noting the adorable pout pulling on his mouth, but lack of the anger from the previous night, when their eyes met shortly. Instead, he blinked twice, as if wishing him a lovely morning. Taehyung stared at how his eyelashes grazed his cheeks for the second time and a clear tear flew from the delicate hair, falling somewhere on the floor as an invisible drop. Taehyung blinked back, saying, ‘Welcome, love’.

“Jungkookie,” Jin stretched out the last syllable of his name, turning around fully and tilting the pan his hand, in an oven glove, was holding by the handle, until the swell of his bicep didn’t grow, showing the same curled bacon that was on its best way to disappear from Hoseok’s plate.

Taehyung wanted to laugh, but his lungs felt too empty and his abdomen muscles weak, when Jungkook’s nose scrunched up, only this time not from amusement but from disgust as he watched the juices gathering in the dip of the pan. Jungkook shook his head, his knitted eyebrows had never relaxed, and he crossed the imaginary threshold diving into the living room space and their kitchen, accompanied by Jin’s scoff of disbelief.

Taehyung followed the back of Jungkook’s head, chuckling over the state of his hair that he felt a need to ruffle in love and mischief, or comb it with his fingers until it didn’t lay flat and styled against his scalp, or until its scent didn’t linger on Taehyung’s skin.

Jungkook reached out over the kitchen counter where Taehyung left the box of cereals and pulled the package closer to himself. Taehyung waited until he would stand on his toes to open up the cabinets hiding their porcelain or plastic bowls, but instead, Jungkook’s hand disappeared in the box of Taehyung’s favourite Chocolate Rings up to his elbow. He could hear the muffled rattling as the pieces collided with each other or hit the paper walls, and soon after, Jungkook pulled his hand back out, crushing the chocolate cereals in his fist. While Taehyung this time could help the laugh baring his teeth, Jin smacked the back of Jungkook’s neck with the kitchen cloth that usually hung up over the oven, when Jungkook brought the hand to his mouth and stuck it up until his cheeks weren’t so big they could compete against a hamster’s.

“Ow,” moaned Jungkook and looked behind his shoulder with a frown, glaring at the offending cloth still swaying in Jin’s hand, now touching his hip. However, he must have heard Taehyung’s chuckle too, as he ignored the eye roll Jin was eyeing him with and turned his whole body until his backside wasn’t pushing against the handle of the kitchen counter. Jungkook’s eyes were travelling up and down Taehyung’s face, and if Taehyung knew him enough, they were counting his moles. When they finally stopped just a millimetre below his cupid bow, Taehyung gulped, and the action didn’t go unnoticed by Jungkook’s gaze. He bit his bottom lip and pulled an eyebrow over his squinting eyes up. Taehyung didn’t know if he was blushing because of the expression or because he knew what was Jungkook thinking about. There wasn’t a day they haven’t started with a sweet good morning peck of their lips, no matter if they woke up with the marks of the same pillows or mattress imprinted on their skin, or if Taehyung hurriedly closed the door of the bathroom where Jungkook was splashing water over his face.

He had to physically stop his leg from bouncing, ready to drag him perhaps in the shadows of the narrow corridor, where he was sure Jungkook would follow him. Only, maybe he was shaking with anticipation and desire just inside, as he stayed seated and calmly watched Jungkook taking step after step until he wasn’t standing behind the chair on the opposite side not only of the table but Taehyung too, all while Hoseok continued to lick his fingers, undisturbed. Taehyung rather avoided Jin’s back moving in front of the stove.

It looked like Jungkook had woken up early today only to pull some surprises from his sleeve for Taehyung. His hands encircled the backrest of the chair, but instead of just sitting on it as Hoseok had done not even ten minutes ago, he lifted it up against his chest; wrapping his arms around the wood until his forearms weren’t touching, as if the weight of the furniture was breaking his back, but Taehyung was sure he was only trying to be funny, and, carrying it around the table, he let the chair fall next to Taehyung’s empty side. Taehyung noticed how the middle of the seat was pushing against the table's leg, making it uncomfortable for whoever sat there. However, Jungkook didn't seem to mind; he barely flinched when his knee hit the hard surface as he settled down.

Strangely enough, or maybe not that much as Taehyung was too lost breathing in the flowery fragrance of Jungkook’s new perfume, while his head started to spin, it was Hoseok who mentioned the new arrangements of their kitchen chairs, “Do you like to watch the rain, Jungkookie?”

“Huh?” the question snapped the tension only Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s eyes were following, sending them both back to reality where the rain’s path and the loud crash of the storm weren’t just a romantic background playing in Taehyung’s mind, but a roaring presence enhancing the guilty of their faces.

Taehyung hid his blushing cheeks in his breakfast, hoping the white of his milk could make the hot redness more faded pink, while trying to ignore Jungkook’s elbow poking his arm every time it slid across the table when the weight of his head resting on the back of his hand became too much.

Hoseok stood up, Taehyung could hear and feel his leaving presence. He lifted up his eyelids and stuck his eyes on Hoseok’s retreating back, coming to a halt just a step before his toes could have tripped over the edge of the rug under the sink, and he placed his plate under the stream of hot water emitting steam and breaking through the grease. Just as he reached for the sponge, Jin placed the spatula and the pan on top of the dirty dishes, prompting Hoseok to groan and Jin to argue back.

Seeming the distraction, Jungkook leaned in, Taehyung’s pulse picked up speed when he felt his breath grazing his neck, and he whispered, “I hoped to find Jin hyung here alone.”

Taehyung could feel his lips pouting and brows frowning. Keeping his gaze on the arguing duo and the shaking pot lid over the bubbling boiling soup, he mumbled back, barely opening his mouth, “Why?”

Jin suddenly noticed the rattling of the pot and he hurried up to turn down the flame before the foam started to spill past the edge, leaving Hoseok who seemed to be occupied by the tiny letters on the wet sticker placed over the dishwasher, alone by the sink. Hoseok turned around to place the bottle under the bright light, and when his eyes fell on Jungkook, the boy stretched out his hand and wrapped his fingers around Taehyung’s spoon. Soon his favourite Chocolate Rings were swimming in their dissolved mushy state inside Jungkook’s mouth.

Hoseok turned back around and as soon as the faucet squeaked before the water began to fall again, Jungkook ripped the spoon out from the bite of his teeth and let it drown in Taehyung’s bowl. “I wanted to talk to him if we could see Hyungu-ssi,” he muttered with a voice still thick with milk, before he stuck out his tongue and his face twisted in a grimace. “Gross.”

Taehyung’s eyes bulged in disbelief and his jaw dropped open in shock as a gasp escaped his mouth without warning. He quickly slapped one hand over it in shame.

Taehyung was almost too astonished to speak, trying unsuccessfully to process the fact that Jungkook had suddenly changed his mind and agreed to seek others' help when he stormed out of the living room with a fume leaving his nostrils before Cha Dohyun's inner monologue could have come to a resolution. Hadn't he been so strongly against the idea just a night ago?

“What has changed?” Taehyung spoke his mind aloud, a part of him couldn't help but feel suspicious.

Jungkook took a breath in and turned his head to face him, before he sighed, “I hate to fight with you.”

While it wasn’t anywhere close to ‘I was wrong, you were right, I am sorry’ and his stubbornness was most likely kept dormant for the time being, the raw emotion in Jungkook’s eyes still seemed to pierce through Taehyung’s upset soul with honesty and affection. It melted Taehyung’s barriers and showed him a new perspective on how to approach the situation.

“Only if you want.” Taehyung dared to reach out his hand and caress the bumps of Jungkook’s knuckles, despite the danger that had taken the form of their sleepy bandmate battling against his worst enemy, the dirt.

დ

A palm slammed against the flat button of the radio, repeating the tones of the same song for the whole day, and Taehyung’s eyes snapped open, breaking from the concentration that was trying to combine the memorized steps with the right counting, he found his own self staring at him from the glass of the wall-length mirror. He didn’t notice when his eyes had closed, but it was nothing uncommon for him, when he was focusing hard on his steps, trying to eliminate all the possible distractions, where his own body moving in the mirror was definitely one.

He looked above his shoulder, his knees were still bent in mid-step, while his hands posing in front of his face started to shake, and his sight fell on the man behind him, standing by the small, square table on its short legs, pressing on the springy disc tray with his fingers until it didn’t bounce open, revealing the still spinning CD inside. Taehyung’s eyebrow raised up.

“Taehyung-ah,’ sighed Hoseok as his gaze ran between the slowing-down disc and Taehyung’s figure trembling on his legs, ‘I know you want to get it done but it is getting late,” he reasoned and lifted his hand again to pick up the CD. He held it between his thumb and middle finger, high in the air, squinting if he saw some scratches on the shiny surface between the rainbow the light had drawn there, before he pushed it inside the case with a soft clicking sound.

Taehyung's arms drooped to his sides, hanging there limply, and he started to feel the full effects of standing still for so long. His knees quivered, his energy draining, yet he refused to surrender and collapse into himself. Despite the heavy exhaustion that was quickly settling, all the mental fantasies of allowing his spasming calves and tensed tights to relax in one long exhale, had to be put on hold.

“Hyung,’ he dragged his legs towards where Hoseok was standing, closing his eyes when the impact of his foot hitting the floor broke one blister filling with liquid at the bottom of his sole, ‘you can go home, you look,’ he pulled an eyebrow up at the hollowness of Hoseok’s cheeks, ‘pretty hungry, but me, I need to do this,” his hand reached out and took the clear plastic box from Hoseok’s loose fingers. “I swear I am almost there!” his voice jumped and danced over the tones of encouragement while he shook the CD case in front of Hoseok’s eyes, trying to come off enthusiastically, despite his dropping mouth corners and tiredness that made his eyes look rather dull.

The truth was, he knew he had already won by the time he refused to call it a day, regardless of the dropping bodies and hands packing up the bags around him. And Hoseok's attempt to talk him out of it was no more than an act of politeness. He would say the shake of the head was anticipated. They all knew in their hearts what they were doing was wrong, pushing their bodies mercilessly towards their limits. But what could they do when the simple praise and the mere approval felt like it was worth all the torment and collapse?

Hoseok sighed, looking at Taehyung through the see-through case. His fingers wrapped around Taehyung’s wrist and travelled lower towards his palm until they weren’t covering the entire surface of the flat plastic box. He took the CD out, watching it for imperfection out of habit in the brightest light, before he put it inside the player.

“Just... don’t be here for too long,” he let the air out, speaking out yet another gesture of politeness.

“I won’t,” Taehyung nodded a promise and a big relief sent his heart towards the calmer journey against his ribcage when Hoseok turned on a heel, facing the door. The tips of his shoes stopped a centimetre before the gap above the threshold and he threw the last glance behind his shoulder. Taehyung quickly drew a smile on his lips and raised his thumbs, the tips of his fingers, pointing up, perfectly copying the way his lips corners were raising his cheeks. Hoseok placed his hands on the handle and with one slight push, the door opened, revealing the dimly, compared to the practice room, lit hallway and Jungkook, leaning against the surface, who as soon as the door creaked in the hinges, jumped away, nearly hitting the opposite wall, and his cheeks flushed a deep red.

Looking at Jungkook’s guilty blushing face, the way his gaze fell from the surprised Hoseok standing with hands high above his body and Taehyung, whose finger was hovering above the radio button, Taehyung felt a need to put his face in his palms and shake his head. “Jungko-”

“Hyung, I, uh,’ Jungkook blinked and quickly looked straight at Hoseok, ‘I was just... um,’ he scratched the back of his neck before his eyes grew wide with a sparkle of an idea, ‘checking if I left my phone here, you know?” as he stammered through his explanation, Hoseok's gaze fell to his second hand that was trembling by his tight. Taehyung heard himself groan and his fingers touched the sides of his head, pushing on the skin until it didn’t wrinkle in the middle.

Both of them noticed a small, rectangular device peeking out from behind Jungkook's slender fingers. The realization must have dawned on Hoseok as he observed the phone's screen faintly glowing around Jungkook’s shoes.

Hoseok couldn't help but raise an amused eyebrow as he caught Jungkook red-handed. He glanced at the phone, then back at Jungkook, and a mischievous grin tugged at the corners of his lips. It was evident that Jungkook's excuse about searching for his phone had crumbled under the weight of his own excuses and lies.

He decided to play along for a moment, his tone teasing yet kind, “Jungkook-ah,’ Hoseok said, his voice laced with amusement, ‘I think I found your phone,” with a barely contained chuckle, he nodded toward the device, still hidden in Jungkook's shaking hand, watching with satisfaction how his face turned an even deeper shade of red. Then he took one step towards the embarrassed boy, patted his chest and disappeared behind the barrier of the opened door.

Taehyung could hear his retreating steps, slowly fading inside the dead corners of their company building and without taking a single breath, he stared right at Jungkook, whose eyes were following Hoseok's back. Only when Jungkook turned his head, meeting Taehyung's panicked gaze, he pushed from the small table preventing his mortification from spreading not only inside but also outside, visible on his skin, and, hissing with every blister that leaked the liquid, he ran towards Jungkook's figure standing one foot in the hallway and the second inside the studio. He reached for his forearm and pulled him inside, kicking the door close behind their backs.

"Phone?!' he found himself half shouting half whispering, 'Really?" Taehyung tugged at his own hair, tangling up his fingers between the strands, he cried out, "Not only Namjoon hyung, but also Hoseok hyung now?" His head suddenly felt too heavy standing on his neck, he whimpered and leaned forward, finding comfort in the middle of Jungkook's chest, smelling the sweat that seeped through the wool of his T-shirt. As he eyed the never-forgotten device still in Jungkook's hand, his intrusive thoughts whispered to him to throw it against the wall, or maybe the red mark against Jungkook's forehead wouldn't look so bad. He shook his head, clearing his mind.

"Tae hyung,' Jungkook began, letting his sweaty hand fly to the back of Taehyung's neck and he squeezed the soft skin there, 'I don't think hyung knows something," he tried to reassure him, but the strength of his digits boring into Taehyung's muscles felt hardly comforting. Taehyung wriggled away from him.

"Oh, please,' raising a finger in front of Jungkook's mouth 'he definitely does! Haven't you seen how he's been looking at us?" Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"At me,' Jungkook corrected him, placing a palm over his index finger, 'he was looking only at me. You are starting to become paranoid, hyung." Jungkook pursed his lips and as he pushed on the raised finger his palm was slightly touching, it bent with a snap in Taehyung's knuckle, for sure leaving a nail mark in the soft flesh.

"And you are way too chill about it,' scoffed Taehyung, their morning conversation coming in bits back to the front of his memory, 'I thought we were here to talk about it and not argue again," he noted, glancing around the empty practice room. Its quietness and brightness making the emptiness that much more noticeable. It might have been the tension that never seemed to leave or the suspense of what the night might bring that caused Taehyung to feel as if he had never been alone, surrounded by the lengthy mirrors and his reflection.

"Yeah, you are right,' sighed Jungkook, following Taehyung's gaze, 'So, where is Jin hyung?" he asked, yet his tone was lacking curiosity. He set his eyes on the same emptiness that was teasing Taehyung's mind, breaking the clock and spreading around them like forever.

With one sharp inhale, Taehyung felt the air shifting in a blink of an eye. One moment, his hand felt warm under Jungkook's palm and the very next, the same hot palms were tugging at the fabric of his practice T-shirt, pulling it out the hem of his sweatpants, the blunt nails fighting for life to get hold of the weak threads, and with the sound of a tear, Taehyung's mouth opened with a breathy gasp choking the air in his throat when the overpowering heat pressed on his exposed back, seeping through his pores and muscle to his spine. He bent in his waist, opening his shoulders and his head lay back exposing his neck where his Adam's apple was already busy bobbing the throaty whines and moans.

"What are you..." he pushed through the heavy cotton set on his tongue when the wet lips attached over the vein, raising next to his pulsing point.

"The same,' Jungkook sucked the skin in and Taehyung found himself turning off all the alarms, going crazy about how to be careful, when the sharp teeth grazed the sensitive spot, 'Jin hyung is doing. Why else he wouldn't be here?" The tongue licked over the throbbing bite, pressing one kiss after another up Taehyung's neck until the hardness of his jawbone didn't stop him.

"This is not-ah,' Taehyung could feel the blood rushing to his face because of the sound leaving his mouth when the hands massaging his lower back travelled up and, spreading the fingers wide until the thumbs weren't reaching past his sides, they stopped right over his ribcage and pressed under the swell of his chest muscles, 'This is not a competition, Kook-ah," despite his words, his back arched, chest pressing onto the soft balls of Jungkook's fingertips. He enjoyed the feeling of hands moving in circles under his T-shirt more than he should have for someone with arguments, full of logical protests, on his tongue. But even these words left his throat unvoiced as they were gulped down by Jungkook's mouth suddenly over his.

"Kook," sighed Taehyung into the kiss, changing the complaints into the sound of Jungkook's name.

"Tae."

Jungkook's hands stopped moving, they were just resting close to his heart, while Taehyung's mind became blank with anything but the plush lips swelling his own.

However, the excitement, bubbling down in the pit of his stomach, as the simple path of the kiss, the one he could navigate on even with his eyes closed, soon evolved into something else. It was no longer a delicate dance of warmth and softness. He could taste the faint sweetness of Jungkook's lip balm rolling as a wax at the back of his teeth as he bit down on his lips, and feel the warmth of Jungkook's breath against his cheek, pushing out the sounds he had only dreamed to hear. It was like a blend of anticipation and a deep connection, leaving him breathless and wanting more. The kiss turned his blood into the hot fluid of fever, suddenly filling every pathetic cell of his body with awoken passion, rushing into his pliant limbs and leaving him surprisingly needy. Taehyung's eyes grew wide over the realization and his body became painfully aware of the elastic of his sweatpants pressing under his stomach. He blushed deep to the roots of his hair and before Jungkook's hips could have slammed against his, in an innocent effort to get their bodies closer, he put his hands between Jungkook's chest and his.

"Stop," he mumbled, pressing against the muscles under his palms, only to whine in desperation over the strength and sturdiness as Jungkook didn't even budge in a lost balance. "Jungkook, please," he begged more urgently, closing his hands until there weren't his fists pushing the body away from his.

"Why?' breathed out Jungkook and leaned his forehead against Taehyung's, his words were falling in a hot gush of air over Taehyung's parted lips, 'You like it."

Taehyung could feel his whole body freezing. He was close to trembling from the cold as all the heat seeped out from his core as the mortification swirled down the hollow tubes, the burning passion left behind.

He glanced at Jungkook, 'Did he notice?'.

"Yeah, and that is the problem."

Taehyung turned around, his back tensed and curved as if to hide from the world. Jungkook's hands slipped from under his T-shirt, letting it fall over his body again. He hugged himself tightly, rocking on his heels with his head bowed.

"Hyung?"

"Uh, I... um, I am shy. We haven't discussed...' Taehyung could feel himself getting flustered, 'this, yet. And..." he looked around the room again, only this time, the emptiness seemed to be closing in on him. His own pink, sweaty face, peering back from every angle, was reflecting the same fear and embarrassment tingling on his nerves. "We are in public."

"But-"

"Jesus Christ, Jungkook-ah,' exclaimed Taehyung, throwing his hands in the air before he hid the shame behind his fingers, 'I am embarrassed, okay? Can you... let it be?" his voice was bouncing from the walls and shaking the mirrors.

He didn't want to cry, spilling tears from nervousness and shyness was just humiliating. But as his eyelashes brushed past his cheeks, he felt the wetness smearing behind his eyelids. He pressed them tightly together, trying hard to hold back the chaos of his emotions from leaking. He threw his head back, letting the light from the chandelier brighten his skin, the thoughts of gravitation pulling his tears down almost made him laugh.

"Why are you crying?" asked Jungkook bluntly with a hint of panic in his voice. Taehyung could feel his presence hovering somewhere close, only a worry holding him back.

"Nothing,' Taehyung mumbled, 'I don't know, I am stupid," the second wave of embarrassment screwed his muscled together in a grimace while he pulled the moment from his memory out, repeating it over and over again in his mind.

"No."

Taehyung had almost given in, his eyes close to opening so he could see the pout that for sure was pulling on Jungkook's lips. Instead, he just scoffed; of course, Jungkook would disagree with whatever attempt to bring himself down.

"Why are you crying?' pressed Jungkook, 'Did I do something wrong?"

Taehyung groaned. His head fell down with a bounce, his chin nearly hitting his chest, but the muscles at the back of his neck felt too tight.

Taehyung slowly turned towards the boy behind him, showing him his red teary eyes and glowing cheeks of the same colour. "You did nothing wrong,' he spoke to the mole at the tip of his nose, 'I am just overwhelmed, that's it." He allowed himself to glace up to meet the dark eyes running up and down his face as if they were trying to bring together the individual letters of his words and twist them into some other meaning. "Uhh... Why are you like this?"

"Jungkook,' he said firmly, only to wonder where the sudden spurt of confidence was coming from when he was shrinking away the more he spoke, 'I got excited, like too excited. I got,' he pushed his voice down barely above the whisper, 'hard, okay?"

Taehyung couldn't believe what his mouth was speaking, around what confessions his tongue was wrapping around. His fingers found the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it down, stretching the poor fabric over his legs, that used to just slightly touch the top of his pants pockets, until it didn't warn to tear.

He struggled to understand his inner turmoil, he remembered himself in a similar, but oh so different, situation a few months ago, when his unmistakable arousal wasn't a problem. It rather led him on his path of self-exploration and self-discovery. However, with Jungkook, he didn't feel the same eagerness to explore. Instead, he longed to be fully prepared and ready for whatever might unfold between them. The desire to savour the moment and ensure it had taken over the impulsive curiosity that had driven him before. The only problem was, he didn't know what he was doing.

"Yeah, I know," Jungkook said simply, even going as far as stretching his lips into a small smile, his eyes fixed on Taehyung's trembling fingers holding the fabric of his top as if his life depended on it; which, after listening to Jungkook's revelation, might have.

"Someone, just kill me, please," cried out Taehyung, looking up as if he could see there whoever he was begging to.

"Hyung, no, hyung,' Jungkook choked out a laugh, he reached forward, trying to get a hold of Taehyung's arm, but another wave of laughter sent him leaning forward and instead, he placed his hands over his bent knees, 'It's alright. There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"What do you mean, of course, there is!" whined Taehyung, the level of the mortification in his blood was increasing with every Jungkook's word, the poison in his organism bringing his decency to his death bed.

"No, hyung, I mean...' Jungkook cleared his throat before continuing, 'I got hard too." At least he had enough shame to blush.

It was the spur of the moment, or perhaps an instinctive reaction. Taehyung couldn’t even blame it on an invisible strength falling on the back of his head and pushing it down against his will, as it dropped, following the movement of his curious eyes, moving with all the consciousness along the creases of Jungkook’s practice T-shirt, watching the loose threads tangling into the chaos at the bottom of his shorts strings and stopped right in the middle where the swell of his crotch was still visible against the fabric. He gulped visibly.

“Are we interrupting?” There was a lack of knock on the door, or maybe Taehyung just didn’t hear it, staring shamelessly at the prominent bulge under the layers.

Taehyung’s eyes snapped up, looking distractedly around himself and above Jungkook’s shoulder, the door from their practice room was pushing against the next wall again.

Jin was standing in the narrow space of the doorway, casually leaning against the smelly metallic frame, with one hand placed under his chin, emphasizing his curiosity, and the second one disappearing behind him in the darkness of the hallway, as the movement-sensitive sensors, casting a light over everyone’s step, were dormant. He tilted his head when Taehyung’s mouth opened, lapping in the emptiness of words.

“We are not too late, are we?”Jin put a confident smile on his lips, shrugging off whatever confused expression Taehyung and Jungkook drew on their faces, and he stepped inside, pulling his boyfriend out of the darkness with him.

As soon as the lamp light fell on Hyungu’s face, the man pursed is lips in something resembling a shy smile, his gaze falling from Jungkook, standing with his back straight as a ruler and hands proudly put on his lips, and Taehyung, who resembled more an animal caught on the headlights. Even his cheeks were shining the same colour as the animal’s coat when the car’s reflectors threw their lights on them on a deserted road. Taehyung couldn’t help but wonder, how much they heard, hitting their ears from behind the door, but judging by the way Hyungu bowed his head in what seemed to be an almost apologetic gesture, Taehyung wished the car’s front could hit him, imprinting the shape of the metallic bars of the car grille into his skull forever.

As Hyungu took one last step and stood right by Jin’s hip, not letting go of his hand, Jungkook cleared his throat, before the stranger man could say something, and looked down at his feet, his timid nature always coming out in front of the people he didn’t know, and Taehyung thought, Hyungu’s intimidating aura wasn’t helping it at all. He remembered his own head screaming at him to find a place to hide when he saw the man for the first time. But the barriers of tensed muscles, not giving off much of his emotions, melted down as soon as the Christmas carols started to play above their head and he took the first sip of his drink. Taehyung liked to return back to that late evening inside the vacant coffee shop from time to time.

“Sneaking out while everyone is watching me, as if they were waiting when will I make a mistake,’ Jin let his words fade in the silence of their breaths, loud, closed between four walls,’ became difficult,’ he continued, his shoulders dropped and Taehyung could sense the weight of trouble taking a toll on him, ‘but,’ a naughty sparkle glistened on the surface of his eyes, ‘it’s fun doing it right under Namjoon’s nose,” he laughed, failing to notice how Hyungu’s timid smile changed into something darker, but Taehyung was watching him, taking in the way his beard jerked as the muscles surrounding his mouth were not strong enough to hold back the sour expression tugging at his lips.

Hyungu turned his head, boring his gaze into Jin’s cheek, however, the younger man’s voice continued to grow hand in hand with his enthusiasm, “His red angry face makes me want to do it every day.”

Watching the sparkle of stubbornness grow into a mocking desire for adventure glowing from Jin’s trembling hands and the shadows darkening on Hyungu’s face, Taehyung felt the time freezing; each word falling from Jin’s tongue and each centimetre Hyungu’s eyebrows crossed to touch his eyelids, seemed to be moving slow, the tension was growing and he could feel the approaching argument.

“It’s all right,’ Taehyung cleared his throat, cutting Jin mid-inhale, ‘Namjoon hyung is the reason we wanted to talk to you tonight anyway,” he said cautiously, catching the pang of disappointment in Hyungu’s eyes, before he masked the embarrassment by gesturing towards Jungkook with his hand.

“Kim Namjoon?’ Hyungu spat the name with all the venom, and if Taehyung didn’t have a suspicion before, he certainly was sure now; locking Hyungu and Namjoon in one room could lead to fatal consequences, ‘Sooki told me,’ he eyed the man beside him, ‘this is a double date. What does he have to do with this?”

Hyungu’s eyes snapped up when he heard a giggle escaping Jungkook’s throat. Taehyung also followed Hyungu’s stare, tilting his head at the boy’s wavy smile and the way his shoulders were moving up and down, while his eyes were running over the room, “Double date?’ Jungkook repeated, ‘How anti-romantic Jin hyung have to be so you wouldn’t become sceptical when he dragged you here?”

“Yah-”

It was the second time this day, and probably also this hour, that Taehyung’s head moved suspiciously close to his palms. “Jungkookie,’ he hissed, his lips barely showing his clenched teeth, ‘you are being rude,” he began but was interrupted by a chuckle.

Taehyung looked up despite the awkwardness he could feel climbing up his neck and tinting his cheeks, only to find Hyungu already waving his hand and his voice jumping with laughter while he spoke, “It’s okay. Jungkook-ssi is actually right,” he shook his head and lifted his arm to hit Jin’s side with his elbow. Taehyung understood it as a playful gesture, so Hyungu’s next words confused him, “Sooki here has a whole book of romantic date ideas for your leader, but nothing for me,” the laughter dying in the hollows of his throat was raising goosebumps on his skin.

Taehyung started to think this was a bad idea. If he listened to Jungkook earlier, he wouldn’t be shifting on his feet nervously while running his eyes over the mirrors leading up to the small windows above them, and counting what would take him less time, jumping towards the door behind Jin’s wide back or climbing the walls to stick out the narrow space. What a bizarre thought. An apology was already on the tip of his tongue, despite not being familiar yet with its words and tones, while Jungkook kept struggling with self-awareness. He thought the sound of a hoarse hyung started to vibrate in the air, pushing in between the awkward tension, but Hyungu was quick to cover the unease, again with a wave of hand.

“I am only joking.”

He wasn’t, Taehyung wasn’t sure how he could tell, because Hyungu’s facial muscles looked soft and relaxed and a laugh was still bobbing by his Adam’s apple, it was the loudest sound cutting through what Taehyung understood as a nervous grinding of Jin’s teeth as the not so subtle meaning of his boyfriend’s words gnawed on him.

“So what about Kim Namjoon?” asked Hyungu again after the silence spread even into the darkest corner of the practice room.

Even if he his gaze was falling from Taehyung to Jungkook, Taehyung couldn’t not notice how his eyes kept returning to him sooner than he could blink in the ghost of Jungkook’s shyness. His stare lingering on his body felt weighty and he felt a need to say, to do something.

He noticed how they all were still standing, surrounded by the muddy footsteps on the shiny laminate on one side and the black lines of smudged scuffs on the other. He glanced towards the office chairs stuck one on the other, forming a wobbly tower, pushed to the wall with the polished whiteboard where the chaotic scheme of their dance routine was marked.

He motioned to the unstable tower, wrapping his fingers around Jungkook’s wrist and pulled him towards it, staying a step behind his back, saying, “We think he might know about Jungkookie and I,’ and before Hyungu could lift an eyebrow or before Jin’s tired sigh could resonate within his soul, he continued, taking a chair from Jungkook’s hands and placing it down, ‘It's hard to explain, but I noticed the way he looks at us sometimes. And he's been asking questions.”

He noticed how Jungkook stilled, balancing the second chair on its back legs. He looked up, searching for Taehyung’s eyes and then his lips wrapped around the words, “Questions?”

Taehyung felt suddenly foolish and guilt was feeding on his toes, he caught his bottom lip in the bite of his upper teeth. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he shoved them inside his sweatpants pockets, as if hiding his lies there. He didn’t know why he thought emphasizing his urgency for resolution with false statements, was a good idea. But it pushed a reaction out of the two men watching them uncertainly.

Taehyung expected to be met with a shared understanding coming out as a panic, so to say he was surprised and a little bit disappointed when Hyungu opened his mouth, would be an understatement, “Well, that’s easier then,’ he shrugged, taking the office chair a patting the seat before he sat down, crossing his ankles, ‘if he figured out, you don’t have to stress about all that awkward,’ Hyungu cleared his throat, dropping his voice that normally was grazing the higher tones; without doubt, trying to imitate the deep hues escaping Taehyung’s mouth, ‘Hyung, Jungkookie and I are dating’ talk.”

Taehyung found himself once again standing a step before a crossroad, staring at the parted roads and turning his head, trying to understand. He admired Hyungu for his kindness, positivity, and even his knack for finding humour in Jin's less-than-amusing jokes. However, he couldn't help but notice that Hyungu's approach to life's challenges seemed a bit too rushed if not hot-headed, as if he wanted to get them out of his way the sooner the better, never letting the feeling of hard work linger for too long. Taehyung couldn’t choose, he realized, he needed to build a new road, made up of the elements of the two already existing paths, merging them together.

Taehyung looked down, hiding a sigh.

“He’s been asking me about you guys too.” Jin’s admittance only spurted a life inside Taehyung’s panic. His head turned to face Jin behind him, even if his body forgot how to move, but it struggled to reach further than past Hyungu comfortably leaning against the chair’s backrest that was lining up with Taehyung’s shoulder. There were thousands of words climbing up his throat, millions of short-cut questions searching not only for answers but also for reassurance.

“What is he saying?” he spoke aloud few of them, gesturing with his hands for support, even fully turning around to find Jungkook and cuddle against his chest.

His eyes followed Jin who took a step and stood in the middle of the circle made by four chairs. “You don’t have to worry, I have never revealed anything. He’s been asking for years.” Taehyung could feel his eyes growing wider at that, even the gentle caressing of Jungkook’s hands wrapped around his body stilled for a whole second, before the boy cleared his throat, “Years? But we are d-” he cut himself off, his breath, hitching next to Taehyung’s ear, reminded him of how he suddenly stopped speaking the same way when they were watching Cha Dohyun on their television yesterday’s night. “We’ve been… doing this,’ Jungkook said at least and Taehyung could hardly convince his heart that the guilt he was feeling didn’t hurt over the phrase, ‘only since December.”

Taehyung was entirely focused on Jin as he was stomping his feet before him, so he did not even notice what kind of reaction Hyungu had made. But then, Jin's gaze flickered between the two of them and Taehyung saw the older man subtly raise an eyebrow. He barely moved, it was almost like a faint nod, and Taehyung wondered if he had just imagined it.

“This is a bit embarrassing,’ Jin’s whisper sounded more like a warning, ‘but me and him, we used to… when we were still sharing a room,’ he seemed to be searching for the right words, ‘discuss about you two.”

Jungkook’s chest pressing against Taehyung’s back started moving as he was waiting for Jin to continue.

“About your bond, your chemistry,’ Jin’s hand found its way to the back of his neck, ‘you were never subtle,’ he took a sharp breath in before he released it with a chuckle, ‘Jungkook especially. We always wondered if your friendship would grow into something else one day.”

Jungkook’s chest behind him still felt tense and rigid and Taehyung didn’t have to strain his brain too hard to know what he was thinking. The confessions hardly leaving Jin’s mouth were true, Jungkook himself admitted it weeks ago, he had never tried to hide his feelings towards him. The old shame was lurking at Taehyung, sitting on one of three empty chairs.

“Do you think there’s nothing to be scared of?” asked Jungkook, leaning his chin on Taehyung's shoulder. “You think he's just playing along with your game?” he spoke in a casual tone, but Taehyung could feel the seriousness behind the words. Jungkook didn't sound angry or bitter, but he was clearly trying to make a point.

Taehyung took a deep breath, feeling the weight of Jungkook's chin on his shoulder. He knew what Jungkook was trying to do - to plant guilt in Jin's mind, so he would start to search for his conscience.

Taehyung refused to let that happen, he refused to let Jungkook's crankiness hurt Jin. After all, they also liked to gossip from time to time.

He turned his head slightly, catching Jungkook's gaze. “Jungkookie, stop,” he warned him.

Jin's voice pushed between their locked eyes, “I wouldn't be surprised if he did catch on to something. You still are not subtle,' Jin scoffed, 'But he didn't call for The Emergency Summit in a while,” he dared to let a laugh resonate in the room while referring to the urgent group meetings that used to be held in their old living room, on their old sofa.

“But how can you be sure?” Jungkook persisted, his breath hot on Taehyung's lips. “We don't know what he's thinking.”

“I can’t be sure, obv-”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of it?” All three of them turned towards Hyungu, who had remained quiet until this moment - maybe even a bit suspiciously, thought Taehyung. He seemed confused looking at them, arms crossed on his chest and one foot resting atop the other knee while his ankle was tapping gently along to a secret song. Taehyung wondered what was going on in Hyungu's head.

“Hyung, not now,” Jin tried to stop him.

“But Sooki,’ Hyungu raised his voice as if they couldn’t already hear him loud and clear in the silence that had spread among them, ‘they can’t be hiding forever.”

Taehyung glanced sideways when he caught a movement next to him and noticed how Jungkook lifted his chin and soon after he started to nod slowly in agreement. He looked at Hyungu again before Jungkook noticed him. He wasn’t in a mood for the ‘I told you!’ discussion.

“And we can’t too,” Hyungu kept talking, his other day's calm and gentle tone was gone, replaced by the zealous explanation. “We’ve been together for how long… and I am meeting,’ he pointed with his head towards them, ‘Jungkook -ssi only now. There are other three of your members that have no idea that I even exist,’ Hyungu’s right leg met the laminate with a thud; Taehyung watched how the dried mud stuck to his shoe’s sole broke and dispersed around his feet in a light brown cloud.

“Hyung,’ Taehyung's eyebrows arched in surprise, he had never heard Jin being as whiny as he was now, ‘we talked about this already. Introducing my members to you,' he swallowed and ran a hand through his hair before explaining, 'would eventually result in me coming out to the company. And that,' Jin's face crumpled as if a heavy weight was pressing down on his soul, 'that's one step closer to my family finding out. It's a' he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, 'complicated situation. I’m not sure if it’s the right move. Not yet.”

Taehyung blinked in shock; it seemed he and Jin were on the same page of a problem. He reached out to place a hand on Jin's shoulder, squeezing it gently to get his attention, but also to bring him some comfort. Taehyung was taken aback, until now, during all the late dinners he had spent in Hyungu's apartment, Jin only expressed his frustration over their leader.

But then again, Taehyung thought, what did he know about Jin's struggles? Sure, they were both members of the same group, but that didn't mean they shared the same experiences or fears. Taehyung sighed, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on him as well. There were fears, that he had not enough courage to do as little as think about them.

“We understand, hyung. Coming out is a personal decision, and only you can make it,’ Taehyung felt a need to comfort him, ‘But just know,’ he looked around, stretching his hand towards Jungkook who hadn’t moved from his position ever since Hyungu broke the silence minutes ago, only his mouth opened, as his jaw dropped in the shared surprise, and he forgot to close it, ‘we're all here for you, no matter what,” he whispered reassuringly once Jungkook’s fingers slipped in the gaps between his own.

Jin’s dark eyes bored into his, the expression in them seemed vulnerable for a little too long and then he smiled again, soft appreciation gracing his lips.

“So, what about Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook tried the waters when the vulnerability finally began to dry on Jin’s cheeks, his eyes no longer glistened with worry. Taehyung couldn’t tell if Jin’s fears were his own or if he still played Taehyung’s cards because Taehyung couldn’t, he wasn’t sure about the rules.

“I can talk to him if you want. If you are too scared yourself,” suggested Jin. “Something needs to be done. I can see it’s taking a toll on you,’ he sighed, ‘The hiding, I remember that,’ his eyes closed and he took a single inhale in, ‘vividly,” Jin exhaled.

“But wouldn’t that just urgent him about all this matter? Coming out to the company?” Jungkook's eyes dropped to their clasped hands and Taehyung knew he wanted to say more even before his shoulders and chest could have lifted. “I'm okay with Namjoon hyung knowing, I couldn’t care less.” He didn’t even try to squeeze Taehyung’s hand when it began to shake in his hold. Taehyung thought Jungkook was a lot more empathetic than before, until… “But Bang PD-nim… I…” his voice was steady, it didn’t start to tremble; it was only Taehyung’s hand that seemed like it couldn’t stop from moving; yet, Jungkook's quickly shifting gaze from side to side revealed more than words could say. However, Taehyung’s legs didn’t move, he couldn't bring himself to step closer and comfort him in his emotional distress.

“We all are risking here, Jungkook-ah,” said Jin sternly and watched Jungkook's hand fall to his side.

დ

Taehyung had his back to the open door of his room, with the alluring smell of Jungkook's perfume still lingering on his T-shirt and the echoes of Jin's and Hyungu's quarrel, he had overheard before the door behind him and Jungkook could have closed, ringing in his ears as if they had only just stopped yelling.

He looked over at Namjoon, lying on his bed in silence, seemingly lost in thought. Not even the sound of Taehyung's slippers against the parquets seemed to break Namjoon's state of concentration. Despite the dark circles forming under his eyes from exhaustion and the swell of his eyelids, Namjoon's gaze was falling over the pages of the thick book lying open on his knees; Taehyung noticed the familiar green cover of the book poking out from beneath the worn out newspaper where it was wrapped in. That same book was in his hands the day before when Taehyung woke up sharing his bed with Jungkook. Namjoon’s bed was a mess of papers, pens and old notebooks scattered all over the blankets and pillows, some even pilling up by the bed's legs. He must have been deep in his work when the thought of an unfinished novel and its characters crept up and distracted him from his tasks.

Taehyung took a deep breath and cleared his throat, causing Namjoon to look up from his concentration. His eyes met with Taehyung's and his lips formed a small surprised O.

"Oh, Taehyung-ah,' he raised his hand to greet him, causing the cream-white page to bounce back as his big thumb was no longer holding it down, 'You are back. How was the practice?’ Namjoon’s eyes ran over the yellow stains from sweat tinting the pure-white cotton of his working-out T-shirt along its collar, hanging low and showing the muscles of his chest, and on the sleeves under his arms, ‘Hoseok hyung mentioned that you were staying.”

Taehyung forced a smile, noting how his cheeks ached and strained from the movement. His heart felt heavy with guilt as he kept staring into Namjoon's eyes awaiting an answer from him. He had told Hoseok that he was staying back for practice, and now, he was feeding the same lie to Namjoon. The weight of it clung to him, and he knew that he was slowly wrapping himself into the sticky web of untruths that would only become more difficult to unravel from his body one day. His smile might have hidden his true feelings, but the unease ran within him. “Yeah,’ he nodded slowly ‘I think I get it now.”

“That’s great,” Namjoon looked ready to return to his book, his finger was tapping over the word in the middle of the page which he must have read as last. If he noticed something odd about Taehyung’s behaviour, he said nothing, allowing Taehyung to take in the air full of relief. “You were pretty stressed about the choreography, right?’ he continued nonchalantly, furrowing his brows when he looked back at the letters printed on the cream-white pages, ‘I wish I was such a quick learner as you are,” Namjoon sighed one last time, boring back between the lines.

“Um… ,” Taehyung didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want to lie any further. His hands were grasping the fabric of his sweatpants, giving up under his nails. “Can I come in?” only after the words were out, hitting not only the walls of the room but also Namjoon’s ears, he realised what he said. But it was too late.

Namjoon once again stuck his nose out from the story he was reading and Taehyung was sure if there were glasses sitting on its tip, he would adjust them until they were not fitting perfectly at the root of his nose bridge. “It’s your room too,” Namjoon pointed out.

“Oh, right.” Taehyung’s hand shot in the air and landed behind his ear, as if by scratching the soft skin there, he could handle the embarrassment creeping up his neck; currently as high as his jaw and chin.

Taehyung lifted his leg, bending his knee slowly, until the slipper hanging from his toes wasn't close to falling, and he walked inside, leaving the door behind him ajar. He slowly scanned around the room, as if he was expecting to find something there that he could quickly grab with his quivering hands. He noticed the pile of clothes lying at the end of his mattress. He guessed that Hoseok or somebody else must have placed it on his duvets after it dried up on the cloth rack, since he recognised the black T-shirt with a print he spent days searching for. Only now he recalled he had thrown it in the washing machine together with his other dirty laundry. He walked over to them with quick steps, picking up one shirt after another, folding them properly before placing them on the dresser. He noticed Namjoon’s gaze boring into him, it only added more to Taehyung’s red cheeks, and made his heart skip an extra beat while his hands trembled while zipping up the bag stuffed with his cosmetics. He was ready to head to the bathroom but Namjoon's voice stopped him, “Are you feeling well?”

The bag of faded baby blue colours, over-packed with face moisturizers and face masks, fell from his hands, dropping on the plastic that pretended to be wood under its light brown sticker. The dresser wiggled on its legs.

“Namjoon hyung,’ Taehyung was calling his name suddenly, ‘can I talk to you about something?“ He turned around on the soles of his slippers before this weird courage could leave him, staring at the crown of Namjoon’s head.

There must have been something in Taehyung's demeanour that seemed off, even beyond the surface lie about the practice, because Namjoon immediately pushed his book aside and sat up, leaning against the headboard of his bed, giving Taehyung his full attention.

“Of course, Tae. What’s on your mind?”Namjoon asked with a genuine concern in his voice.

Taehyung could feel himself hesitating for a moment, contemplating how to start. “It’s about relationships… within the group.” The weight of his unspoken secrets pressed on his chest, making it difficult to find the right words.

Namjoon had not even blinked as he listened to the careful choice of Taehyung's words. The mention of relationships within the group seemed to take him interest, “Something’s wrong? Was someone mean to you? Did you fight or-”

“No, no, nothing like that,’ Taehyung was quick to shake his head and wave his hands in disagreement, ‘We are as good as ever,” that seemed to bring a bit of comfort to Namjoon’s concern. “I meant…,’ with a deep breath and a light bite on his inner cheek, Taehyung began, ‘Well, you know, sometimes people in a group develop close relationships,’ he breathed out cautiously, noticing the old habit itching under his skin when his hand jerked involuntary towards his mouth, ‘They are more than just… friendships. You know how feelings can develop, and sometimes,’ Taehyung was aware of the saliva bubbling around his lips, he was blabbering, ‘it's hard to control them,” he mumbled nervously. Namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed as he slowly started to piece the puzzle of Taehyung’s words together. “I was just wondering if,’ Taehyung’s speech became slurred and hardly intelligible as he couldn’t resist stuffing his mouth with his index finger and biting around his round nail, ‘if in such cases, we should be clear with the company about it,” he finished, his voice barely over the whisper.

Namjoon’s eyes were squinting, set over his nose like two narrow lines, he leaned forward, placing a palm under his chin, before he tilted his head in a question, “Why do you ask, Tae? Do you have something you would like to share with me?”

Taehyung felt the familiar pressure of a weighty secret returning and nestling back in his chest. The temptation to reveal everything was almost too strong. Almost. He wavered, his eyes scanning around the room before he looked back at Namjoon.

“Nothing specific,” he replied, hoping the words didn’t fall from his tongue too quickly. “I was just,’ he cut himself off again, thinking Namjoon would see right through his lies about the ‘general curiosity’, so instead, he opted for the partial truth, ‘Jin hyung, he told me you want him to be clear with the company about Hyungu hyung.”

Namjoon nodded thoughtfully, though a hint of curiosity still lingered in his eyes. Taehyung didn’t fool him. “I see what you're getting at,’ he started, ‘Well, Tae,’ Namjoon seemed to be struggling with the chaos of words swirling and racing inside his mind as well, ‘I think it's a tricky situation,” he continued like a philosopher getting ready for a long speech, caressing the paper wrapped around the back of his novel. “We've all worked so hard to get where we are, and one scandal could bring us down. Being honest with the company might be the best way to avoid any future problems.”

As he spoke, Taehyung realised that Namjoon was well aware of the hidden truth in his question, and he squirmed with a pang of guilt gnawing at him because he wasn’t entirely honest about the nature of his concerns and anxiety. He appreciated Namjoon's wisdom and the way he could handle the fragile balance between their personal lives and the group's image.

Taehyung knew he was holding back, concealing within himself, important information that could cost them everything, and more, that Namjoon was so afraid of.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Taehyung pushed the words out of his mouth despite closing his throat, gathering the cleansers and eye creams that fell out the gap between the zipper when the bag dropped and quivered uncertainly before tumbling over on its side.

“Tae-yah!” Namjoon called into the awkwardly loud squeaking of Taehyung’s rubber slippers on the floor.

Taehyung halted, the hand holding the bag’s handle was still swishing along his body. One foot mid-step, he turned to face Namjoon, trying to scold his expression into face giving out nothing only tiredness. “Yeah?”

“Do you remember what I once told you?’ Namjoon spoke with a soft tone, ‘If there's something you want to discuss or share, no matter how difficult or important it may be, you know you can talk to me, right? We are family and we will always be here for each other. I meant it then, and I mean it now.”

A memory flashed before him: they had been sitting in Taehyung’s old room, on his bottom bed, drenched in sweat and surrounded by the walls that felt warmer than usual. The memory of Jimin leaving the room in a hurry brushed against his consciousness, but it was faint, unclear, like a distant echo. It was the day after Taehyung’s life had been turned around so suddenly he hadn’t even realised it at first. In this vivid memory, Taehyung couldn’t help but remember how concerned Namjoon had sounded, making sure Taehyung knew the door to his studio had been always opened.

The memory of that conversation overlapped with Namjoon's current words. Taehyung nodded, his voice quiet and stern, “Yeah, hyung, I know. Thanks.”

He left their room with urgency, not wanting to linger where the heaviness of his lies felt too much to handle. He closed the bathroom door behind himself hastily, creating a barrier between his feelings and the world outside.

#taekook au #taekook fanfic #taekook vkook #vkook #taekook #kpop idol #idol jungkook #idol taehyung #taekook smut #taekook fluff #taekook angst

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