#to be the mother of someone really special

[marlynnofmany]

Not Special, Part Two

(Part One is here)

Oscar Tennyson grabbed his purchases and hurried after the rest of his crew. As usual, they were walking quickly on their longer legs and bellowing for him to keep up. The teeth-and-scales Mighty had no patience for human weaknesses. Of which there were many.

But, as Oscar had just learned, there were some strengths as well. And he couldn’t wait to show them.

He scampered onboard before the door shut, wondering if they would actually leave without him if he dawdled too long. Probably not — who would handle their finances and hunting permits? They’d have to hire someone else, because they certainly didn’t want to do it themselves. But he didn’t want to test that.

He had much better things to test. While the stark metal walls vibrated with the engine’s revs, Oscar wove between scaled biceps and tails to his own quarters. He pressed the panel by the door, which was oversized and cracked like all of them on this ship. The Mighty were not fans of fiddly little buttons or keys. Not when they could have panels big enough to punch, which only broke sometimes.

When Oscar stepped through and closed the door behind him, he felt immediately relieved. This was his private space to decorate as he chose, without worrying that someone would take things down or make fun of him. Ship rules were clear about personal quarters. Oscar’s fake orchids and real cactus made the room homey, along with more posters than the walls could hold. They spilled onto the ceiling, lining it with nature scenes from Earth, sports figures he admired, media announcements, and a good number of fluffy kittens. This was the one spot on the ship where he could feel comfortable, and he was making the most of it.

The bag of refueling station supplies crinkled as he set it on his small table to remove the contents. A high-end store might have had Waterwill bags that evaporated after a day, but this place used regular old plastic. Inside were food cubes, bottled water, and the purchase he was most excited about: six cans of very weak caffeine.

He scanned the label. It was just like the other human had said. Tall cans in dramatic colors, but not much of substance inside. At least, not as far as the average human was concerned.

Oscar couldn’t wait until dinner time.

Before then, he had a permit to submit and several other things to check. The ship should be on the way to Argosha, which was notorious for welcoming outsiders in to hunt the Dagger Birds that were giving everyone so much trouble, but he had better get their paperwork in order anyway.

He grabbed his tablet and left his safe haven, heading back into the public parts of the ship where he could face taunts from any direction. Really, these guys were just like his cousins. At least it was familiar.

Fending off tiresome conversation — “How’s the weather down there?” “Why don’t you ask your mother?” —he reached the bridge and found a corner to stand in. The captain and the pilot were arguing about where to land when they reached Argosha.

“The main site will have more people to admire our ship!”

“The new one is closer to the hunting grounds!”

“Dagger Birds are overrunning the place; everywhere is a hunting ground!”

“Do you want to pay the damages for shooting a building instead of a bird? We can take it all out of your pay, if you want!”

“Fine, but if we land on some overgrown hedge and the ship is scratched, you get to pay for that!”

“Fine!”

The pair of them stopped yelling and sat back in their seats as if nothing at all was the matter, because it wasn’t. Polite disagreements were always held at that volume.

In the brief lull while the pilot manipulated the controls with more force than a lesser console could withstand, Oscar spoke up. “I’d like to come too.”

Both dinosaurian heads turned to stare at him in surprise. “Why?” the captain demanded. “One kick from a bird, and you’re useless to us.”

“Thanks,” Oscar said flatly. “I’ll keep out of the way. I want to take photos of your fighting prowess; I should be able to sell them.”

Both of the Mighty preened at that, as he’d known they would. Ego was big here. The captain agreed, and Oscar didn’t let slip any hints of his secret plan. He just finished working on his tablet, then retreated to his quarters to practice Dagger Bird mating calls.

The air on Argosha was breathable but hot, at least this part of it. Oscar was ready with his Tool in his pocket. (He’d gotten out of the habit of calling it a phone, since the Mighty were right in that it did a near-infinite number of things.) (He still smirked quietly at the potential innuendo, but it was a conversation he didn’t really want to have with giant dinosaur aliens, so he kept that to himself.)

“This way,” announced the captain, pointing in what looked like an arbitrary direction into the wilderness. Whooping with the alien equivalent of testosterone, the crew raised their blasters and tromped off the landing pad with Oscar following close behind.

True to his word, he did take some pictures as he went. But he was waiting for his moment.

It didn’t take long to come. The shouting scared off all the wildlife, then the Mighty found a boulder to crouch behind and wait for the creatures to come back. They played a silent counting game to see who was best at guessing when they’d spot something worth killing.

Distant footsteps on leaves made them smack each other in excitement, but nothing appeared between the trees.

Now or never, Oscar thought. Knowing better than to startled his crewmates, he whispered, “Here, let me.” Then he took a deep breath and let loose with his best imitation of a Dagger Bird seeking a mate. “Woarrrrrrk!”

While the Mighty shushed him and wondered what he was doing and started to figure it out, an answering woarrk sounded from nearby.

Then another, then, three.

Oscar wondered if he’d overplayed his hand.

No less than five large and eager Dagger Birds crashed through the undergrowth at once, croaking and flapping, taking offense at each other’s presence. The Mighty all roared and leapt out, firing in every direction.

Oscar dashed for a tree he’d been eyeing, the one with lots of branches, and didn’t stop climbing until he was out of beak-stabbing range. He held tight to the trunk, catching his breath and watching the chaos. Belatedly, he remembered to take out his Tool and snap some photos.

This was actually a good angle. He got a great shot of the captain aiming down the throat of a wide-open beak, then another a split second later when the beak snapped shut inches from his head. Another of the engineer shooting one from beneath. Two of the pilot tackling the largest bird and sinking teeth into the back of its neck where it couldn’t reach to stab.

Other species did their trophy hunting from a distance. The Mighty liked the fight as much as the kill. Their blasters were set on a deliberately low setting, and their teeth were sharp.

Safe up in his tree, Oscar grimaced at how bloody things were getting down below. He yelled another bird call to distract the one about to spear the crewmate who’d been knocked to the ground, and he got a cheerful “Nice save by the little guy!” which was as close to a thank you as he was going to get. The crewmate scrambled up and bit off a chunk while the bird was distracted. A couple of the crew looked like they were bleeding their own blood, but most of it was coming from the Dagger Birds, which were just as stubborn as the stories had said. Not one of them ran off. The last to die fell on top of somebody, which just added laughter from the rest of the crew to the triumphant cheers.

Oscar took a picture of the bird being dragged off his disgraced crewmate. That photo he wouldn’t sell, but would keep as minor blackmail if he ever needed it. Sticking it up on the wall to remind everyone of this moment could be a valuable strategic move.

“We are the MIGHTY!” bellowed the captain, and the whole crew joined in with a deep-voiced cheer. Oscar climbed down to more approval than he’d gotten in the last month.

“Good work by our human here! Who knew you could do that?”

“That’s sure an efficient way to hunt!”

“We should bring you out every time. That was great.”

Oscar took the praise with pride, not bothering with modesty. That was just another word for weakness as far as these guys were concerned.

He managed to dodge when one of them made to slap him on the back with a large bloodstained hand, which just made them laugh more. Luckily the captain directed everybody to gather their kills for dragging back to the ship, rather than chasing the human and messing up his clothes.

Oscar took a position on the lowest branch of his tree, taking a couple more photos as the victorious hunters figured out how to get it all home. If anyone had asked Oscar, which they never would, he’d have suggested going back for a hovercart, or taking them one at a time. But of course they did neither.

Definitely the type to insist on carrying all the groceries in at once, Oscar thought as his crewmates strained to drag the giant carcasses through the undergrowth. He hopped down and kept pace out to the side where there was no blood on the leaves.

They finally made it back to the ship, doing nothing to clean up the smears of blood they left on the landing pad. Oscar darted off to his quarters as soon as the door opened. The rest of them could handle getting the birds into cryo storage, or chopped up right away, whichever they saw fit to do. The lowest-ranking one without significant injuries would be in charge of clearing the blood from the hallways, but only after they’d all taken a walk through the water-and-air blast chamber that passed for a shower here. It had always reminded Oscar of a car wash.

He kept to himself until dinner, sorting his photos while everyone else dealt with the catch and the mess and the injuries. The mechanical medsystem on this ship was just as efficient as the shower. They’d all be in decent shape by mealtime.

And mealtime after a successful hunt was also drinking time.

Oscar usually ate in his room, wanting nothing to do with the raucous meat-tearing and drunkenness. But today was different, because he’d learned something valuable about the liquid they were getting drunk off.

Oscar considered the cans he’d bought, then decided it would have more of an impact if he just took one of the communal supply. So instead he grabbed his new food cubes and a premade tin of spaghetti from his mini-cryo, and followed the sound of laughter.

They were already a little drunk when he got there. Sprawled across chairs with a table full of meat slabs spilling over the edges of the plates. And as expected, there were tall purple cans everywhere.

“Heyyyy, it’s the little guy! Let’s hear it for the human with the surprise talent! Maybe you’re not useless after all!”

“Thanks,” Oscar said as they pounded fists against anything in reach as a form of applause. He leaned against the open doorway and shuffled his belongings so he could get a fork in a meatball without setting down the food cubes. “That was pretty easy where I’m from. You guys really can’t do that?” He popped the meatball into his mouth, casual as you please.

The Mighty of course, thought this was funny, and took it in stride. More gulps from their drinks, more savage mouthfuls of food, and a few questions about the surely-excellent photos he’d gotten, which would make them all look amazing.

Oscar said he’d share the best ones. These would make fine decorations in their own quarters, and would probably be appreciated by the right paying audience.

Then came the moment he’d been waiting for. The captain raised his drink in another cheer, and somebody noticed that the human was the only one without a can in his hand.

“Get the human a warrior’s drink!”

“Bet you he passes out after one sip.”

“Nah, he can take at least two.”

Oscar smiled quietly. If they’d been paying attention, they might have changed their bets at that smile. He set his food down in the hallway to free his hands. When one muscular, taloned arm offered him a can of their most potent intoxicant, he took it. Oh so casually.

Then he whipped his head back and chugged the whole thing.

“Oh! Human’s gonna die!”

“I’m not cleaning up the puke!”

“What the supernova! There are better ways to go than that!”

“Somebody drag him to medical so we don’t have to find somebody else to do the boring stuff.”

“Yeah, he was just getting interesting.”

Oscar ignored all of them, giving the empty can a thoughtful look. It felt like the same thin aluminum he remembered from Earth. And if there was anything his cousins had taught him, it was the proper way to dispose of a beer can.

He dug his fingertips in and crushed it against his forehead. Then while the room reacted to that, he wiped off the drips and threw the can across the room. When it went into the trash on the first try, he was internally very glad, but he didn’t let it show. Instead he picked up his food and resumed eating. “What’s the big deal?” he said. “Is that what you guys have been getting drunk off? How quaint.”

“How in all the black holes—”

“No, he’s gonna fall over any second; just watch.”

“Quaint, that’s hilarious.”

“He’s totally bluffing. Just wait and see.”

Oscar was enjoying being the center of the crew’s attention today. He made a show of sweeping his eyes across the various cans in the room. “None of you has finished a can yet, I see. Was that supposed to be strong?”

There was widespread laughing and elbowing of each other, most of them still clearly convinced that the silly little human was going to throw up and die any second now.

So Oscar set down his food, walked over to the table, and chugged a second one. It was a bit more liquid than his stomach was really happy with, but that was a small price to pay for the uproar that followed.

They exclaimed; they renewed their bets; they drank from their own cans; they got visibly drunker and abandoned their bets.

Oscar leaned against the doorframe, eating spaghetti and food cubes.

After one particularly unsteady crewmate tripped onto the table full of meat, and someone pointed out that the human wasn’t wobbling at all, Oscar said, “You guys don’t know much about my species, do you? Half of what I eat would liquify your insides.” He held up a food cube, eyeing the different colored specks of all the ingredients that made it balanced for an omnivorous digestive system. He laughed. “You guys just eat meat. How boring!”

They only got drunker after that. Oscar was pretty sure that the nearest two wanted to pat him on the back, but the floor was moving too much for them to make it all the way to the doorway. Somebody offered him a raw slab of Dagger Bird. He turned it down with casual scorn.

“Nah, meat isn’t worth eating unless it’s passed through fire. That’s weakling meat you’ve got there. Get back to me when it’s cooked brown.”

They loved that. The party was an epic one, only winding down when most of the crew was too drunk to reach more drinks. Oscar demonstrated his steadiness by picking through the mess to drop his food containers in the trash, then move back to the door.

“Well, it’s been fun,” he said. “I’ll send in the med-drone to make sure nobody’s going to wake up dead. Let me know if you want to get your tails handed to you by any more Dagger Birds. I’ll call ‘em in close for you again.”

He got groggy approval to that.

Oscar left with a smile on his face, and a mild amount of caffeine in his blood. Maybe after stopping by the medcenter, he’d use that energy on some exercise. Thoughts of the run to the hunting grounds, and the way his crewmates had paced themselves, suggested that it wouldn’t take much practice for him to out-endurance the Mighty on the VR treadmill.

I wonder what else I can do?

~~~~~~~~~

By popular request, this is the sequel to the story I posted last week, which is part of the ongoing series of backstory for the main character in this book. (It started that way, at any rate, and turned into a sprawling series in its own right. Fun stuff.)

Patreon opens the day after tomorrow, on May 1st! There's a free tier and everything if you want to keep up without strings attached! And you can even request more delightful nonsense like this.

Onward!

#multiple people wanted to see what happened next #and who am I to say no to that? #this is twice as long as the first story #because I had to cover everything #three cheers for this guy and his newfound respect #not to mention self-confidence #I imagine the dynamic will be different the next time he visits home and interacts with his cousins #noogies from a frat bro is nothing when you've dealt with macho space dinosaurs #anyways; other tags: #humans are weird #hfy #haso #eiad #humans are space orcs #my writing #The Token Human #writeblr #looking forward to the Patreon you guys #it's gonna be great

[astral-mariner]

Vegeta's Mother Headcanons/Backstory (with Lots of Saiyan Culture Worldbuilding)

As promised to @blueper-saiyan, here is the backstory I've made up for Vegeta's mom and some of the royal family! I've literally thought about writing a saiyan Game of Thrones style fic about how King Vegeta came to power and how Vegeta's mother became queen. If, after reading some of the backstory, such a fic sounds fun to read, I might write it someday. Let me know!

(This post came up as part of a wider discussion about saiyan cultural/religious differences. Read here if you're interested, but the post will only enhance this one, and you don't need to read it for the backstory to make sense.)

To begin with some general information about how royal succession functions: There are four nations on Vegeta-sei, each with their own lands and cultural identities. When the heir to the throne reaches an age equal to three cycles of Vegeta-sei's moon (25 Earth years, roughly), they are bound to one consort from each nation. These consorts are within one moon cycle of the heir's age and can be any sex; measured strength at birth/assigned social class determines who is selected. (Anyone, however, can challenge the selected consort for their right to be bound to the heir apparent. If the challenger defeats the one originally selected in a duel, the challenger then becomes the new consort.) The "wedding" itself takes place in the weeks leading up to the first nights of the full moon after the heir turns 25.

The role of royal consort is a political one as much as it is about producing heirs for the royal family. Indeed, the consorts are not always reproductively compatible with the heir apparent. (This plays into another web of headcanons I have: gender/sex isn't really a big deal in saiyan cultures; they care far more about class/strength, and even the way they speak reflects this. Saiyago refers to people by class and not by sex/gender; there are no gendered pronouns.) The consorts function, essentially, as representatives for their nations. They are the highest ranking nobles/elites of their respective countries. The position comes with considerable political power and influence. There are motives, then, for someone to want to become a royal consort even if they cannot produce children with the heir.

Obviously, though, producing royal children is one of the main purposes of a consort. Those that are reproductively compatible with the heir are expected to engage in the necessary activities. And the consort who provides the crown with the strongest child assumes the title of king/queen consort, granting both that consort and the nation they represent special privileges, power, and influence. So even if there are motives for someone to want to be a consort regardless of reproductive compatibility, compatible consorts are preferred most of the time, and incompatible ones are often challenged. (Or, alternatively, certain conniving nobles might manipulate power level/class archives to ensure the person they want is "chosen by the gods" to stand at the side of the crown. Lots of fun GoT style shit here.)

So this brings us to Vegeta's mother:

She was the strongest (still living) saiyan born in one of the four nations within an appropriate age range to the heir apparent. Specifically, she is from the nation of people who occupy a collection of islands near one of the planet's poles. As mentioned in the long post I linked, this nation centers Oozaru transformation in their cultural/spiritual consciousness as opposed to SSJ transformation. The primal beast vs. the Enlightened Warrior. People from her country speak of a special bond to the moon goddess because, due to their location at the pole, they experience seasonal polar night. Whole seasons of nothing but the moonlit sky, and alternatively, seasons where they are waiting for the goddess rule the sky again.

And because they center the more wild, primal, and impassioned transformation, they are at odds with the culture in the royal city and the (most populous and influential) nation that surrounds it that centers SSJ transformation which is, supposedly, passionless and enlightened (in the Eastern sense). The unique cultural practices, powers, and techniques the people from Vegeta's mother's lands boast are therefore looked upon with skepticism by most other saiyans. Most saiyans don't know what to do with this essentially foreign group of people from sparsely populated polar isles who have strange ways. Some of them are even rumored to sense ki without scouters. The most powerful of them can even dissolve the borders of their mind as happens under the moonlight so they can communicate to others without speaking, soul to soul. (It's mild telepathy, basically. Speaking with the mind, being able to share thoughts/dreams; very skilled people might even be able to read others' minds in a limited capacity.)

And Vegeta's mother is one of those exceptionally gifted saiyans from this country/culture. But nobody cares or finds out about this until later. Because...King Vegeta was not the original heir to whom she would've been betrothed. The saiyan who became King Vegeta was a weaker/lesser royal child. One of his sisters, however, was the crown princess. And she was batshit insane.

King Vegeta's sister was exceptionally cruel. Even for a saiyan. And she came from a long line of rulers who were almost as cruel and insane as she was. Her lineage, in fact, is part of the reason saiyans are infamous throughout the galaxy. She and other corrupt royals/elites don't fight because fighting is what saiyans do. They don't fight for the sake of itself. They fight to shed blood, to kill, to revel in others' pain, destruction, and misery. The sadism is the point, not the art and joy of fighting. And they don't kill in a cold, unattached way. They rape and pillage because they are consumed with bloodlust, they get off on hurting others, and they are strong enough that few can stop them.

(Another topic I could write a whole other long post about: There is certainly considerable disagreement among different saiyan cultures about what their "fighting nature" actually entails. Is it about the excellence in craft? Is it about spiritual enlightenment? Is it about feeling at one with the body, the opponent, and the universe? Or...is it about defeating and destroying your rival? Is it about being the strongest? Is it about pain and domination? There are competing narratives for what the Ideal Saiyan looks like and about how that saiyan would fight. For someone like King Vegeta's sister, she and most of her family lean more towards fighting-for-domination/bloodlust because power has gone to their heads and warped them into something monstrous.)

And (not yet) King Vegeta sees all of this, and because he's one of the weaker children of his family, he faces considerable abuse. Naturally, he tries to prove himself by showing exceptional cruelty of his own, waging wars and conquering planets... But he never actually wins the approval of his family or the rest of the elite class. He becomes somewhat estranged. He comes to resent and look down on his parents and his sister especially. He sees their monstrous ways and turns away from them not because he sees their actions as evil, but because he comes to see their hearts as impure. He listens to the words and warnings of religious extremists around the royal city's temples who condemn the nobility for their impassioned bloodlust where they should instead be cold and tranquil when they fight. He becomes a bit of a fanatic himself.

Then his sister reaches the age where she's to be bound to consorts. And the moon festival is approaching and therefore her "wedding." She doesn't treat the consorts chosen for her like the esteemed nobles they are, however. She captures them and tortures them publicly to put fear in the hearts of everyone in their countries. On the night of her "wedding," she makes a humiliating display of them in the royal city's moon temple. It's pretty obvious that, once the ceremony is performed, she's intending to rape her consorts and perhaps kill the ones who can't provide children for her. Vegeta's mother is one of these consorts.

Vegeta's father is fucking disgusted by all of this. His sister is doing something absolutely sacrilege. She's using power in the most impure way possible, and she's literally desecrating altars doing so. It sets him the fuck off. He's watching the beginnings of the "wedding ceremony," but it's the last straw. While everyone's caught up in what's happening, he comes to the front of the temple and blasts his sister straight through the heart before she can touch any of the consorts, killing her instantly. And he doesn't stop there. He goes positively feral and kills every single member of the royal family while everyone is too shocked or drunk/high to defeat him even though he's not the strongest based on power level alone.

Covered in the blood of the king, queen, and all of his siblings, Vegeta's father calls upon any "righteous" saiyan to purge the royal lands of corruption. Certain religious extremists are all too happy to oblige (the tailless ascetic order from the other post is certainly included here). They begin with powerful elite families known to be close to the crown, murdering their figureheads and heirs. And even some lower-class saiyans join in on the bloodshed. Many of them despise the royal family and the elite nobility for degrading and abusing them. (Some particularly wicked nobles make slaves of low-class saiyans, treating them like aliens/animals; some of them even take children from low-class families to slake their most despicable lusts. While might-makes-right may be pretty commonplace in saiyan culture, I think it's still extremely feasible that those who get the short end of that stick would come to acknowledge that power does not justify every action, and that, especially among low-class saiyans, things like rape and murder of other saiyans are seen as traumatic and wrong as well as shameful acts to commit most of the time.)

The nights of the full moon, then, become a massive fucking bloodbath. Vegeta's father and those loyal to him massacre pretty much half of the nobility. And he, naturally, assumes the throne after the moon festival is over. He is at once respected and feared. He maintains his religious fanaticism and imposes it on the nobility. In some ways, he is just as iron-fisted and cruel as his predecessors, but it has an entirely different flavor. He follows the laws to the letter, taking them very seriously and giving them intense spiritual weight. He strives to emulate the model of the SSJ Enlightened Warrior and considers it his calling as dictated by the gods because they appointed him king.

And while he's not morally "good" by any stretch, and his religion/philosophy definitely leads him to commit some truly heinous acts, he's nevertheless "better" in many ways than his sister or his parents. Nobles who, for example, would have before taken low-class children to abuse are instead punished severely and pay dearly for their "impurity." (It kind of makes sense that someone like King Vegeta who faced significant childhood abuse from his family would consider taking advantage of certain kinds of vulnerable people to be weak and shameful---a corruption of strength.) And while King Vegeta isn't necessarily loved by all low-class saiyans, he's probably more popular than many of his predecessors were. Yes, he still ships off weak children, he still enforces the strict caste system (perhaps even more strictly than those before him too), and he still conquers planets and seeks out powerful opponents to destroy, but he does it with a certain spiritual sincerity.

Then it becomes time for him to take consorts. He's in a pretty unique situation where he's already king before he's "married." After the murder of his sister on her "wedding night," he frees the consorts from their bondage and tells them they can return to their homelands until the gods call upon them to perform their duties. They are more than happy to get the fuck out of the royal city for a while, naturally. But when the next moon festival is approaching, those selected are asked to return. One or two of the consorts his sister would've "wed" had perhaps fallen in battle, but most of them are the same, including Vegeta's mother.

Vegeta's mother and her homeland had been happy, initially, that she hadn't been reproductively compatible with the original heir, King Vegeta's sister. The moon-worshiping people wanted as little to do with the royal city as possible so they could govern their own lands in relative isolation. Now, however, her position as consort carries with it an implicit obligation.

In the years leading up to the next moon festival, Vegeta's mother of course visits the royal city a number of times given that she's an important noble personality. But she doesn't spend most of her time there and only goes when absolutely necessary. She crosses paths with the king, naturally, but avoids him if she can. She remembers, however, the night where he, essentially, saved both her life and her honor (though this was not his primary reason for freeing her). Even so, she's been bracing for the king to go insane like his predecessors. Perhaps bracing herself for him to force himself on her in some way. She doesn't trust him. She doesn't trust anyone outside of her homeland.

But the king is strictly business with her even if he does watch her. She's mysterious; he hardly sees her. She doesn't look like many other people in the royal city. She has different manners, beliefs, and even speaks a different dialect of Saiyago (though she can code-switch and speak the standard royal city dialect as well). She has a small, very feminine frame despite having a very formidable power level. It makes her more terrifying in some ways---that her power comes to her effortlessly, that she doesn't need physical strength or size to wield as much might as she does. She is regarded as extremely beautiful and is compared even to depictions of the moon goddess. Her being from the moon-worshiping polar isles reinforces this connection as well; she has an air of pagan magic about her, and her beauty as well as her strange ways/fighting techniques have this spellbinding or bewitching quality to them in saiyan cultural consciousness.

And her beauty, mystery, and foreign background make her the subject of scorn among many nobles throughout the royal lands. They don't want a pagan queen. Especially since the nobles that remain are ones that are more in line with the religious fanaticism of King Vegeta. The king has very recently purged the nobility of corrupt heretics, people who gave themselves over to shameful bloodlust and made no attempt to purify their hearts and live up to the Saiyan Ideal. And the prospect of having someone who is all about losing yourself and becoming the wild Oozaru become their queen is threatening. Many assume, too, that King Vegeta simply won't favor Vegeta's mother for these political reasons and will instead produce heirs with his other consorts.

That doesn't stop King Vegeta from developing a huge fucking crush on her, though. She's drop-dead gorgeous and incredibly powerful. She doesn't fawn over him or try to win his favor. She steers clear of him, and when they do have to interact, she doesn't filter her foreign/pagan sensibilities whatsoever to be pleasing. She always approaches him as herself and comes off strong. She even outright opposes or argues with him when matters of governance/policy arise. She makes very clear that her people don't care for the traditional caste system or how children are measured for their power at birth. She reminds him that the strongest and most wise of her people can sense hidden abilities in others' souls that scouters can't capture with a mere number.

Ironically, though, Vegeta's mother approaching King Vegeta sincerely as herself makes him fall for her even harder. Those precious few times she sees him in the royal city become almost special occasions for him; he waits for her, he looks forward to seeing her even if he's out of touch with it. He relishes their philosophical debates. As someone who takes his "divine" calling very seriously, he admires her own spiritual passion and sincerity even though they disagree on some basic things and have very different ideas about what the Ideal Saiyan looks/fights like. He makes excuses to talk to her and spend time with her. He probably even constructs situations where he is forced to consider her political input. He desires her and feels that the gods gave their blessing for him to desire her by choosing her for him. She, however, rejects even the smallest advances very strongly. And he, nothing like his sister in this respect, does not punish her or pressure her to accept him. He carries on with his other royal duties.

As the moon festival and therefore the official royal "wedding" approaches, however, Vegeta's mother eventually refuses even to attend the ceremony. (Makes sense, after all---last time, an insane princess meant to torture, rape, and murder her.) Many elites encourage other people from the polar isles to challenge her, replacing her with someone who will not shirk their duties. Elites hostile to the moon-worshipers call for her capture and possible execution. King Vegeta, though, requests only that she attend the ceremony if no one will challenge her and vows that she may return to her homeland once it is over, and neither he nor anyone will touch her under pain of death. She eventually accepts this offer. Her limited interactions with the king have at least shown her that he is generally a man of his word, and she will be able to maintain her political influence over him while getting to stay in her homeland and not fear retribution.

The ceremony takes place and is a very somber affair. Think the most traditional, by-the-book royal wedding ever (just with more fighting because they are saiyans). Vegeta's mother returns to the polar isles the very night the ceremony is over, though, as the moon festival nights are sacred to her people, and she has no desire to spend them in the royal city. The king lets her go as promised. The other nations are happy to see her go, as the more time the king spends with his other consorts, the higher the likelihood that the consort that represents them becomes queen. The king does indeed spend the first few nights in the royal city as expected. But...he does something scandalous before the moon festival is over.

He goes to the polar isles. He participates in some of their festival activities (ritual Oozaru transformations, battles, hunts, and sacrifices). He frames it as a gesture of political good will, saying that he will be a king to all saiyans no matter their nation or favored gods/goddesses. He strives to live up to the example of his Super Saiyan ancestors and will seek strength and wisdom in whatever form the gods will reveal it to him. Even if it means listening to pagan moon-worshipers and hearing what they have to say, what knowledge and power they have to impart. He means it sincerely, but his gesture was obviously inspired by his preoccupation with Vegeta's mother.

He doesn't make any attempt to get close to her personally, but he does transform under the moon with her. And afterwards, when some time has passed and he asks her to come to the royal city, she accepts.

She tells herself it's in service to her nation. Not in many generations have they had the crown at their mercy like this. She knows she has the power to influence how saiyan life itself is ordered. She still may not want to give King Vegeta a child or become queen, but she does want to take advantage of the opportunity his favor affords her.

She's there when Freeza and King Cold first contact the saiyans. It's obvious to anyone who was in direct contact with Freeza just how powerful he is, how much manipulative leverage he holds... But Vegeta's mother can sense something is deeply off about him and the entire situation. She's fully aware that Freeza will straight up destroy everyone if they don't enter his service. And she doesn't have the same delusional pride that the king does. She knows he's going to have to bend the knee if they mean to survive. It's because of her influence that King Vegeta doesn't enter a doomed war with Freeza at the start. She helps him acclimate the people to their new "alliance"---emphasizes better access to technology like scouters, healing tanks, ships, and incubation pods. She's a much better and more natural ruler than King Vegeta is, in fact. She brings a certain "humanity" (saiyanity?) to the role---it's about safeguarding the people and their way of life, not about proving that she personally is the strongest.

Naturally, this pivotal political role she plays brings her and King Vegeta closer together. She'd already been developing feelings for him slowly. She already knew he was different after he killed his entire family and spared her from their wickedness. And as she got to know him better, she really came to admire his own sincerity just as he admired hers. They are both deeply spiritual people even though they have different beliefs, and they have an understanding of each other. And the time they spent under the moonlight together was, after all, quite romantic even if saiyans don't really have "romance" the way humans do.

She admits to herself after a while that she's attracted to him. Sure, part of her definitely enjoys being queen in all but actual title. She enjoys how hopelessly this extremely powerful and austere man bends to her every whim and worships her as if she were actually the moon goddess herself and had indeed bewitched him like all the rumors say she has. Even against his better political judgment or his religious sensibilities. He can't help but revere and admire her. You know, saiyans having a thing for strong women.

She's the one who goes to him first. She tells herself initially that it's merely to consolidate her power, her hold on the king. He, of course, can't resist her and just completely fucking melts for her when she commands him to meet her in her bedchambers. But it's clear that it's neither about duty nor politics as they continue to be intimate. They are in love with each other. They connect on a soul level.

She eventually does become pregnant, though it is no guarantee that she will become queen even if she does provide the crown with a child. She would have to produce the strongest child to be crowned queen, after all, and sometimes which child is strongest does not become apparent until later. But...when Vegeta is born, he's leagues ahead of the other children that had been born already (he has a number of half-siblings). He's the strongest royal child born as far as the archives go back. It's unprecedented, but he's named heir to the throne immediately, and his mother assumes the title of queen at the same time he is named crown prince.

That Vegeta's mother bore him such a powerful son just makes King Vegeta fall that much more in love with her. He takes it as a sign, even, that the gods rewarded him for his piety. That he had done the right thing by murdering his entire family (as much as it still hurt to do, deep down, even if he'd never admit it). That perhaps his son was born so strong because the two sides of saiyan nature were for once at harmony with each other, the Oozaru and the Super Saiyan, just as he, descended from the Super Saiyans, learned to love and fight alongside his moon-worshiping consort. He dares to hope that maybe Prince Vegeta will become strong enough to overthrow Freeza and cast off the shame of servitude.

But there's trouble in paradise. The nobles from the other nations are absolutely appalled that the moon-worshiper from the tiny, pagan population of the polar isles has become queen. Many of them do actually think that she put the king under a spell to do her bidding. They don't like that her battle partner, Nappa, was originally low-class (but elevated once the queen came to the royal city---another cultural difference; it's not as taboo for nobles to have low-class partners in the polar isles because their caste sensibilities are not as strict). The fact that the king bent the knee to Freeza just makes things worse. He's weak. He'll lead them to ruin. He's easily manipulated. He listened to a sorceress instead of his own integrity and pride by submitting to Freeza where he should have instead gone to war and proven his strength as his ancestors did before him.

There's unrest among the lower-class saiyans too. Freeza ships them off to faraway planets for degrading assignments. He takes saiyan children to his planet, and they never return. They hate Freeza even if they are encouraged to be grateful for the battles and resources the Planet Trade affords them. They resent the royal family even if the prince is so strong that they can't help but be inspired.

Several elites challenge the queen to fight. She proves victorious each time, however. And this only infuriates her detractors and rivals even more. Eventually, there are plots to dispose of her via less than honorable means. There are assassination attempts. Those that are caught are of course tortured and executed. But...sadly, one of the attempts succeeds. The queen falls ill, and poison is suspected. She begins to deteriorate rapidly, but she doesn't die immediately. Her body resists the illness, and she lingers for a time even if she knows that, ultimately, her death will be inevitable and painful.

King Vegeta, understandably, goes on a fucking rampage. But there's a distraction. Freeza attends a tournament to decide who will become Prince Vegeta's battle partner, and he finds Prince Vegeta himself to be rather remarkable. Soon afterwards, he demands that King Vegeta send the prince to "visit" him on his home planet. He wants to take the prince in and mentor him as a mark of the "friendship" between Vegeta-sei and the Cold Empire.

The queen, however, does not want to give her son over to Freeza. She fucking knows how that will go down. She can feel it. Vegeta will be examined, experimented on, tortured, treated as a pet and a slave. She doubts that the SSJ legends are even real; she's of the opinion that it's just another interpretation of the Oozaru. So she's under no illusion that Vegeta will transform and save them all from Freeza at just the right moment. She knows he's just a little boy at the end of the day, however strong he is already.

Plus...she knows she's dying, and she doesn't want her son taken away from her. She doesn't want her last days to be spent knowing she gave him over to a monster. But at the same time...she also knows that, if Freeza doesn't take Vegeta, then it will put the entire planet in danger. She takes a page from the king's book and tells herself that she'll have to set her personal feelings aside to do what is rational even if it isn't quite right. So she requests only that the king doesn't let Freeza take Vegeta until after she's gone.

The king, meanwhile, is in fucking denial that she's dying at all. He doesn't want to believe it. He's caught up in his feelings about it. He's caught up, too, in the fear and dread their oh-so-tenuous relationship with Freeza is. He says he'll go to war with Freeza. That he won't let him take their son at all. But they both know that they have to. He copes with it by telling both himself and Vegeta that Freeza's "mentorship" and the opportunities his assignments will afford will make him stronger, will perhaps move him to transform when the time is right. The king doesn't explain to the child what he's really in for, just that he must be strong above all else. Vegeta's mother, though, probably tries to warn him in some capacity, as far as he is able to understand (he's about 4 Earth years old at this point).

Freeza, though, comes to collect Vegeta unannounced sooner than anyone expected. He is forcibly taken from his mother. She puts up a fight, but it's useless, and Vegeta ultimately goes to Freeza's home planet to begin his servitude. The queen dies soon afterwards, and when Vegeta returns to Vegeta-sei for the last time before the planet is destroyed, his mother is gone. He never got to see her again after the day he was taken away.

King Vegeta is consumed with grief and anger. He acts according to his worst impulses. Wages reckless wars, tortures people just to watch them suffer. It doesn't help that the person who was the actual political mastermind behind his regime (the queen) is gone. His rule is messy, and he becomes increasingly unhinged. He probably tries to make an incredibly stupid final stand. His actions certainly accelerate Freeza's plan to destroy him and the rest of the saiyans. And this is where all of this backstory catches up with where we meet young Vegeta in canon.

Anyway! There you have it, an epic backstory for Vegeta's mom and the royal family.

I made all of this up to be background stuff in my fic, but it's not just that. It's also there to show some of the internal conflicts going on in young Vegeta's character. He's caught between living up to the legends of his ancestors and his personal feelings just as his parents represent these two opposing interpretations of saiyan nature. He doesn't quite know how to reconcile these things within himself. His first years with Freeza, too, are colored by the loss of his mother and his father's becoming particularly strict and power-obsessed as a result of her death. This background story is in the fic is also there to tell the reader things about how saiyans conceptualize things like "romantic" relationships, what they consider beautiful. Besides all the stuff about religion, spirituality, and how saiyans construct morality, meaning, and enlightenment.

I hope this was fun to read!

#vegeta #king vegeta #saiyan queen #headcanons #saiyan lore

[jimraisedmeup]

TICK // 8.1 - i guess that's why they call it the blues

Rating: mature (angst, language, sexual content, masturbation)

Word Count: 3000

A/N: still trying to work out some bugs on the taglist. thank you to everyone.

☾

Don't wish it away Don't look at it like it's forever

Between me and you I could honestly say Things can only get better

☾

New Year's Eve 1983 - junior year

You sat on your bed, wrapped in a white fluffy towel. Your hair was wet and dangling as you ran a brush through it.

Just let me know the time and place to pick you up.

The phone call was meticulously planned to occur when you were home alone, as Robin and your parents went to the store. There was nothing you disliked more than someone listening in on your private conversations. And having parents like Richard and Melissa made things such as privacy a rare luxury.

After hanging up the phone with Eddie, you had swiftly made your way into the shower. Without wanting to fully admit it to yourself, you purposely used your mother's expensive shampoo so that your hair would smell different, fancy. It was New Year's, after all. A special occasion.

Now the only obstacle was escaping your parents' watchful eyes after dinner. It was a tradition for the Buckley family to eat dinner late in the evening on New Year's. But this year, you and Robin had absolutely no intention of being home at midnight.

You wondered vaguely if Eddie's dad cared about him being out all night.

Mr. Munson didn't seem very nice on the phone when you called for Eddie. The older man was mouth breathing and irritable, like you had interrupted an important event. Which turned out to be true once you heard him yelling about Jeopardy being on.

Having unkind parents was something you understood, but still shocked you to overhear the abusive tone Eddie's father held as his only son simply got a phone call.

And then, as you were lost in thought with the brush still in your hair, a peculiar thing happened.

The phone in your room began to ring.

Knowing you were the only one home, you reached for the receiver with haste, a tiny voice in the back of your mind begging for it to be Eddie again.

But after one ring, just as the tip of your finger touched the phone, the ringing stopped. 

You were momentarily frightened as you heard a deep voice mumbling downstairs, then quickly realized that it was your father. You must not have been the only one to ditch the grocery shopping trip.

Then the fear came back, washing over you like a wave. What if it was Eddie calling you back? Your father would have a fucking conniption fit if Eddie Munson was calling his home.

In a panic, you quietly lifted the receiver to see if you could hear the voice of the caller. Normally, you wouldn't dream of listening to someone else's call - but anxiety took over. 

"...Richard, honey, come to the office for just an hour… you know I won't tell anyone…"

The sultry voice of a woman was the last thing you expected to hear. You also didn't expect to recognize the voice as your father's coworker, Kate.

Pressing your palm to your mouth and nose to stay quiet, you were unable to stop yourself from listening further, a sick feeling rising in your stomach.

Your father's voice, usually impatient and gruff, seemed almost unrecognizable as he responded to the woman.

"You know that's a risky idea, Kate. I have dinner with my family tonight."

"So come before dinner. The office is empty for the holiday. I promise I'll make it worth your while."

You almost gagged to yourself. Was this really happening, or did you never wake up from your dream-filled sleep from earlier that morning?

It didn't take much for Richard Buckley to give in. "You drive a hard bargain. I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Just don't call the house again, okay? Unless I call you first."

Not waiting to hear the rest of the unpleasant infidelity, you gently hung up the phone and rushed to put clothes on. 

Your father was off the phone and gathering the keys to his work truck when you appeared at the foot of the stairs, arms crossed. You were satisfied to see the color drain from his face.

"I- okay, now," he sighed angrily. "I thought you went with your mother to the store."

Relishing in having the upper hand in the situation, you kept a poker face and stared at him.

"Ditto."

Your father sighed again, running a hand over his thin combed-over hair. "I have to run to the office for a while before dinner. There was an… unexpected delivery."

"Okay. I'll let mom know."

You waited for him to turn for the front door, letting him think he could make it out unscathed, before adding another comment.

"Tell Kate I said hello."

Freezing with one hand gripped on the doorknob, white-knuckled, Richard Buckley didn't look at his daughter as he chose his words carefully.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

You scoffed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Please don't make me spell it out, Dad. I could hear her on the phone."

"You must be mistaken, then. That was a phone call about a deliv-"

Tossing your hands in the air, you weren't about to be gaslighted. "Oh, come on. I'm not a child. Listen, I'll make you a deal, okay?"

Your father finally looked at you then, face red with anger at your defiance, but not an ounce of shame for being caught. This only fueled your frustration. If your father was going to play dirty, so were you.

"I won't tell Mom about this… if you let me and Robin go out tonight for New Year's. No curfew."

"Fine."

That was easy, you thought, satisfied. But what else could you get out of this?

"One more thing."

He hesitated, but still humored you, gesturing with his hand impatiently for you to continue.

"I don't want to face any consequences for spending time with Eddie Munson. No more threats of private school."

You almost laughed at your father's expression then, the reddest you had ever seen it. He looked as if he could spontaneously combust at any moment. 

But as foolish as your father was, he wasn't a complete imbecile. Having an affair with his also married coworker was something that would ruin his reputation not only with the town, but with his beloved church as well. You were almost tempted to ask him how God felt about adultery.

You didn't get an easy response like your first part of the deal.

"Listen," he spoke slowly. "You need to keep your nose out of this. Forget this ever happened. Your mother and I have private lives that don't involve you."

"I have a private life too! And I'm sick of you dictating who Robin and I can be friends with!" 

Desperate to end the conversation, Richard pointed his finger in your face.

"You are a troubled young woman. Be friends with whoever you want. But dear daughter of mine," spit was flying from his lips, face basically a tomato. "If I so much as see that Munson boy, this deal is over."

You stared him down. It took everything in you to not smack his finger out of your face. You calmed yourself, realizing that this was as good as the situation could possibly get. 

Holding a hand out to shake, you sneered at him. "You drive a hard bargain, Richard."

But he didn't shake your hand. Your father abruptly left the house as he mumbled an almost incoherent "absolute failure" under his breath.

Slumping down on the bottom stair, you trembled with adrenaline, wondering if you were the failure or if your father was actually admitting it about himself.

☾

While I'm away Dust out the demons inside And it won't be long Before you and me run To the place in our hearts Where we hide

☾

Eddie found himself in a quandary.

Later that evening, as he got ready to head out for the night, the brown-eyed boy stood in front of the bathroom mirror, a foil wrapper crinkling in his hand.

A condom.

The cliche better safe than sorry was running through his mind. But on the same note, he felt bad for assuming that you would even kiss him again. 

He rubbed his eyes, then looked at his reflection in the mirror. Dark eyes, dark hair, dark clothing. It was kind of a front, though, as his thoughts usually weren't very dark. 

Usually. 

Eddie still had plans with Jeff and Gareth before he was due to pick you up, and he considered asking them for advice about the situation. That would be fruitless, however, as Eddie was quite familiar with the extent of their experiences with women. 

Plus, you would literally have his head if you knew he was talking about you like that to anyone. One of his favorite things about you was the respect you had for yourself, the sureness with which you carried yourself. You were quiet and a little awkward, but still completely confident.

He pondered for a moment, still fiddling with the foil wrapper in his palm. Like a horrible totem representing his own crippled self confidence.

Figuring that you wouldn't even know that he had it unless you actually asked him for one, Eddie tucked it away inside of his wallet for safe keeping.

He could hear his dad stomping around upstairs as he walked back and forth between his armchair and the case of beer in the fridge. As much as Eddie liked his bedroom and bathroom in the basement, he wouldn't miss hearing that annoying stomping as a daily reminder of his dad's alcoholism.

For now, the solitude of the basement was worth it. And it held good memories regardless of the drunk monster that lived above him.

Brushing his teeth, Eddie's thoughts wandered back to the condom in his wallet. He thought about you, about your request to spend New Year's Eve with him. Him, of all people.

At eighteen years old, Eddie was still technically a virgin. Would he ever admit that to anyone? Probably not. Heavy petting make-out sessions and half of a handjob didn't exactly count as occurrences that required such contraception.

And he never really considered himself to be the kind of guy who needed to carry around a condom with him everyday. The town freak. 

He noticed attractive people, like any other teenager in Hawkins. But as of the entire last year, you were the only human being to cross his path that made him want an excuse to use a condom.

Sure, he wasn't exactly a blushing, completely inexperienced teenager. Though it had been less than a month, Eddie was still fucking shocked that you hadn't even kissed anyone before. He almost wondered if you were fucking with him, some kind of sick joke.

Deep down he knew you were telling the truth, though. Maybe he was naive, but Eddie refused to believe that you'd lie to him about something like that. Not to mention that after several years of school with you, he had never seen you dating anyone.

Eddie was curious as to why. You were semi-popular, attractive, funny. But maybe your attitude and general feisty demeanor made it clear that you preferred to be alone.

Pacing in his bathroom, the only sound was his boots dragging across the linoleum tile, the clinking of the chains on his belt. 

It didn't take long for his attention to crawl towards something more deviant. He didn't think he could ever forget the feeling of your skin as he tattooed you. The cold press of your lips on his as snow fell around them.

Jesus Christ, he needed to get rid of the tension in his body before he was physically near you.

Grabbing the lotion off the bathroom counter, he hastily unbuckled his jeans.

Already hard, he imagined groping you in the shadows, wishing it was your soft hands along his length. He wondered how sensitive you were - would you whimper if he dragged his nails gently over the most private area of your blue jeans? Would you take his hand and place it inside your panties?

He dropped himself back onto his bed, spare guitar picks falling to the floor. Flashing images of you kissing his neck, fingers pulling his hair.

It didn’t take long for him to make a mess all over his belly, letting out a sigh at the ceiling tiles where he swore he could see your name hidden in the cobweb patterns.

☾

I guess that's why they call it the blues Time on my hands Could be time spent with you

Oh, laughing like children Living like lovers Rolling like thunder Under the covers

☾

"You're late, Munson."

He smiled at you. "You know, I think that might be something you'll have to get used to. I'm incapable of being on time."

It was just after eleven at night, only an hour before the New Year, as you scrambled into the passenger seat of his warm van. Rubbing your hands together in front of the vents, you turned your excited eyes to him as he drove away from your house. 

He was dressed in his usual dark attire. From the glow of the streetlights, you could see his devilish grin as he lifted a cigarette to his mouth.

You were just about to tell him how gross the cigarette was when you heard the song playing on the radio.

"Oh! Turn it up, will you?"

Lifting an eyebrow at you, Eddie twisted the volume dial. "Journey? Are you serious?"

"'Separate Ways' is my all-time favorite song," you stated matter-of-factly, tapping your fingers on the window sill. "So, where are we going?"

"I'd tell you it's a surprise, but it's not really all that surprising. We're going to Lovers' Lake."

Now it was your turn to raise an eyebrow at him. 

"That's very original of you, Eddie. Isn't it all frozen over this time of year?"

He flicked the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray. "Yes, sunshine. A huge, frigid heart-shaped body of water. Just like my own heart."

You smirked to yourself. "Yet another perfect place for you to finally murder me."

"Not quite yet! I have a warm van, a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and some blankets in the back."

"You literally just described the exact van that murderers drive around in."

Eddie laughed at your morbid sense of humor. "Does it help at all that we'll have the best view on the lake? My friend isn't at his cabin tonight, but he said it's cool to pull my van up to the shore by his boathouse."

Pretending to think hard for a moment, you shrugged and smiled. Then, you shocked Eddie by nonchalantly placing your palm on his leg, like it was something you did everyday. 

"I guess that makes up for all these homicidal red flags."

☾

Stare into space Picture my face in your hands

Live for each second Without hesitation And never forget I'm your man

☾

"So, how do your parents feel about you being out so late?"

Eddie helped you wrap yourself into a blanket cocoon and then handed you a beer. He watched as you took a drink of it, shivering slightly, before responding to him.

You were curled up close to each other in the back of his van, legs dangling out of the open rear doors. Eddie made sure to blast the heat in the front so you wouldn't get too cold, but he could still see your breath in the brisk winter air around them.

"Oh, the usual. I'm a sinner. A disappointment. An absolute heathen, disgracing the Buckley name."

He stared at you, his can of beer paused halfway to his mouth. "Did they really say that?"

You snorted. "No, but my father might as well have. My mom's just an idiot who goes along with him."

"Do they know you're with me?"

"Yes," you replied simply.

When Eddie stayed quiet on the matter, you asked some of the lingering questions in your mind.

"How does your dad feel? He didn't sound very happy when I called earlier."

Taking a long sip of the cold beverage in his gloved hand, Eddie seemed to wince at your query. He glanced out at the frozen, dark abyss of Lovers' Lake and then peered over at you.

"I doubt he even noticed that I left the house."

You fidgeted in the blanket and awkwardly adjusted the fluffy hat on your head. "I'm sorry, Munson."

"Don't sweat it. He's just an asshole. I think I'm going to move in with my uncle this summer, though. After graduation."

You were surprised to hear this. "Really? Does your uncle live far away?"

Eddie didn't miss the slight panic in your words, his heart instantly swelling as he realized that you worried he was moving away from Hawkins. Still, he wasn't going to pass up the chance to tease you about it.

"Well, well, well. Are you going to miss me? Is Miss Buckley breaking away from her infamous emotionless exterior? Do I see the hint of an actual soul in there?" 

He burst out in laughter as you punched him playfully on the shoulder. 

"C'mon, Eddie. If you weren't around, who else would tolerate me?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll tolerate you all the way from Forest Hills Trailer Park, sunshine."

Your shoulders dropped a little in relief. "Oh. That's not far at all."

"Nope."

The conversation went quiet for a while, a comfortable silence forming between the two teenagers. You rested your head on Eddie's shoulder, feeling his hair tickle the side of your cheek.

It didn't go unnoticed by either of you that, without directly saying it, you both wanted to spend the upcoming summer together.

Eddie continued to sneak glances of his watch. Midnight was slowly approaching.

☾

Wait on me girl Cry in the night if it helps But more than ever I simply love you More than I love life itself

☾

(song lyrics credit: "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" by Elton John)

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#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddiemunson #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #eddie munson slow burn #eddie x you #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x buckley!reader

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Galileo Galilei Main Story

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not proofread.

When I heard the story from her, various emotions clashed within me.

I could no longer put it aside as a coincidence.

Are you really someone who can influence fate?

Also, am I really that involved with you?

Galileo: "........"

After checking Mitsuki's condition, I returned to my room.

After some hesitation, I opened my desk drawer and found an old, forgotten origami crane tucked away in the back.

Galileo: "I suspected as much."

(Was that scar on her forehead caused by me?)

The scar on Mitsuki's forehead, her past stories, and the origami crane I now held in my hand all intertwined, bringing back vivid memories of that time.

Back when I traveled to various countries and time periods using the door in search of my dhampir brethren, I encountered an incident in a certain country.

------------Flashback-----------

Bystander: "A truck is coming! Run!"

A vehicle made of metal was speeding towards us at a velocity unimaginable in my era.

Among the cries of the surrounding people, there was a girl standing in the vehicle's path.

(If this continues...)

Before I could even think, my body moved.

Galileo: "Guh..."

Just before the collision, I embraced the girl and rolled onto the ground.

The vehicle then came to a stop, barely avoiding us.

Galileo: "Are you okay?"

Mitsuki: "I-I'm fine."

The girl was trembling and clinging to my chest, perhaps out of fear.

Still, I was relieved to feel her warmth in my arms.

Galileo: "Ah, finally, I..."

Those words spilled out of my mouth involuntarily.

The girl then looked up, and I noticed the smell of blood.

She had scraped her forehead on the ground when we rolled over, leaving a smear of blood on the right side of her forehead.

Galileo: "Sorry. I've caused a wound on your face."

Mitsuki: "No, it's okay. I was so scared earlier that I couldn't move."

Mitsuki: "If it weren't for you, I would've died. I'm alive, thanks to you."

The girl smiled brightly, and her innocent eyes overlapped with the eyes of someone I had lost, causing my heart to ache.

(Perhaps my body moved instinctively because their heights were similar.)

(Livia...)

Cruel scenes suddenly flashed through my mind.

Mitsuki: "Mister!"

Suddenly, the girl called me.

Galileo: "What's up?"

Mitsuki: "You see, I want to give you this as a thank-you. I folded this at school today."

The girl held something in her hand.

Galileo: "What's this?"

Mitsuki: "It's an origami crane. When you spread the wings like this, it looks like a crane."

Mitsuki: "Origami cranes are symbols of peace!"

(Peace, huh?)

The girl spoke those words cheerfully, even though they sounded like dry words to me.

Mitsuki: "Thank you, Mister. You're my lifesaver."

After that, I watched the girl run off to what seemed like her mother and then left the scene.

(Lifesaver.)

Galileo: "I couldn't save anyone, I..."

(Being called a lifesaver doesn't seem right.)

(Even though I saved one person, the weight of what I've lost remains unchanged.)

Just like how light casts shadows, despair lies next to hope.

Still, that scene remained in my memory and connected me to a strange twist of fate. 

---------Flashback Ends--------

Galileo: "The girl I helped back then was Mitsuki."

Galileo: "That event happened when I traveled to the future, which means..." 

Galileo: "Mitsuki came from the future, using the door in the mansion."

Traveling back in time, meeting the historical figures who have returned to life, and finally, without warning, meeting Mitsuki in that garden, it was as if I was following the thread of destiny. 

Galileo: "Even if she doesn't have any special powers, it seems she's still the woman of destiny."

(On top of that, the girl whom I once saved might have the potential to hinder my purpose.)

Galileo: "How ironic."

The coincidence that turned into fate made me want to laugh at myself.

(But the past is the past.)

(Regardless of any connection between her and me, it doesn't matter to me now.)

I tried to convince myself of this, but the eyes of the girl in my memory overlapped with Mitsuki's earnest gaze.

(The girl from that time is still alive.)

The fact that the life I had saved was now right in front of me made my heart tremble.

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Next Part

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp jp #ikevamp galileo #ikevamp translations

[yingjiaoyue]

Jiao Yue's Parents!

Mr. Ying (Ying Zhuang, 應壮)

Mr. Ying is a professional merchant at the village. He's got a good reputation when it comes to business. He's sharp, intellectual, straightforward, and calculated. Though he barely has any time for his family, he still provides for them financially.

Mrs. Ying (Ying Yu, 應玉)

Mrs. Ying is a teacher at the village. She's very helpful and kind to other people and children. She has a very big heart for everyone. Though, she gets strict and easily snaps when things don't go as the way she wants.

More parent moments w/ child Jiao Yue...

TW: Daddy (Abandonment) Issues & Mommy (Attachment) Issues

Back when Jiao Yue is 5 years old. She always wondered what her father was like, so she tries to get closer with her father. Although, Mr. Ying isn't the kind of affectionate father to spend time with his child. He thinks it's "useless" or a "waste of time". Which ends up as Jiao Yue feeling isolated from his father, lacking a father-figure in her childhood. Whenever she sees other children having fun with their fathers, she slightly gets jealous but doesn't say it anyways.

Her mother on the other hand, is quite the opposite from her father. Mrs. Ying is much more understanding and has empathy. There was a time wherein Jiao Yue injured her arm when playing alone, and Mrs. Ying told her not to play outside anymore and instead to focus on her studies.

Jiao Yue is more attached to her mother, so she's basically a mama's girl. Although, there are times wherein Jiao Yue would not be able to reach her mother's expectations, which causes Mrs. Ying to snap at Jiao Yue. Just like Mr. Ying, Mrs. Ying also values her reputation as a teacher and a mother. She always believes that whatever her daughter does reflects her image. So when Jiao Yue got a B+... it didn't really end well.

But then again, Mrs. Ying also tries to empathize with Jiao Yue... but it doesn't really look that way. It's more like Mrs. Ying tries to make Jiao Yue empathize with her thoughts, using the "I just want what's the best for you, daughter." line to Jiao Yue. Of course, since Jiao Yue is attached to her mother, Jiao Yue believes what her mother says all the time. So whenever her mother accidentally makes a mistake, and her mother would gaslight Jiao Yue it's her fault... well, Jiao Yue would believe her.

So in short, Jiao Yue barely knows Mr. Ying and doesn't have a proper father-figure (which leads to her having horrible odd taste in men) and Jiao Yue is like Mrs. Ying very own puppet rather than her own daughter.

I totally didn't used my irl experiences as a reference :^

Extra!

Remember when I said Jiao Yue is half-human and half-senri? And her senri bloodline comes from her mother?

Well, Mrs. Ying is also a half-senri (because her father is a human and her mother is a full-senri). Although, she has a special ornament to prevent her from awakening her senri spirit inside. As you can see, she wears this bracelet, and yes, that's the special ornament. It's a demon-sealing bracelet.

Supposedly, Mrs. Ying was going to give one to Jiao Yue. But since Jiao Yue grew to be kind of scared of her mother and didn't want to make her mother mad, especially when she killed someone at 15, Jiao Yue never mentioned anything about her also being a senri, so she never got the bracelet that could've help her seal the demon inside her.

---

#ying jiao yue #lmk oc #lego monkie kid

[vourequat]

愛しています、ミスター・ジャパン！

WARNING: Nothing really, just some fluff, not proof read as much, horrible English, fem!reader.

This is the very first fanfic I'm writing for my birthday special, basically I'll be posting short or long fanfics along the days leading up to my birthday (I surely didn't forget that my birthday month is tomorrow). So be thankful that I'm spoiling you all instead of myself (⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠)⁠━⁠☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

The constant sweat leaving your body to cool off your body was a huge sign that it was indeed the summer season, when he saw you all fatigued after coming home late after a mission due to the heat and the exhaustion of your already tiring work he immediately thought of one thing and one thing only— the thing you two had always dreamed about.

"Hon, morning...." He smiled as he flipped the last pancake he'll be making this morning, he turned around to greet you in an embrace and a quick kiss to your head.

You only hummed, still half asleep.

As you were sitting down and sipping on the coffee that he had served you he decided to sit down before decorating the pancakes, it was quite unusual really, Kento wasn't exactly the type to sit down or lay down without finishing something first so you immediately knew that something was up.

Kento took a deep breath, "So... I've been thinking" he began.

You lifted your head up from your coffee to meet his hazel eyes that brightened the moment you made eye contact, it was as if his pupils formed a heart the longer he looked at you.

"Yes...?"

"Why don't we spend the summer in Kuantan like we always talked about?" He continued as he slid two airplane tickets to Malaysia over to you.

It took you a bit to get it but once you did, you stood up in joy and attacked him with a big hug and wet kisses all around his face.

"Well, someone's obsessed with me...!" Kento laughed as he pulled you onto his lap and looked deeply into your eyes, "You'll be the death of me... a death that I'll accept with open arms."

Once you feel the sand on your toes, you feel like you were in a dream.

You couldn't believe you and your long time boyfriend had finally set foot in your dream escape place, the place where you two had dreamt of retiring to after you leave the sorcery life behind and just live normally.

Behind you, you heard a sigh and a grunt.

You turned around and immediately gasped— The Kento Nanami was on one his knee in front of you!

"Hey..." You were already on the verge of tears as the people around you gasped and cooed at the sight that they were witnessing first hand.

"God this is embarrassing but..." Kento sighed and mustered up the courage from his entire soul and took out a small velvety box from his pocket.

"Honey... I... we've been together for a good eleven years now and I've wanted nothing but to continue to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night seeing you beside me."

He began to grow more flustered with the amount of people now looking at them, he bickered himself from picking this over a private setting but he was just panicking the entire airplane ride on how to execute his proposal, normally he'd go by every proposal with flying colours but this was different— he was offering you to be his wife, to be the mother of his children, to be the person he'll love until he can't remember anything else anymore as you two grow old.

"I wish for the heavens above to hear my wishes... my wish that I can be your husband, your partner, your boyfriend, and your everything for my entire life time..."

"Will you marry me—"

"Yes! Oh my gosh, yes!" You squealed as you pulled him up into a hug, every single person who watched all clapping and cheering for the two of you.

Kento couldn't believe it anymore; first, you two finally fulfilled your dreams to go to Malaysia and now you two will soon be wedded.

"I can't wait to finally see you crying as I walk down the aisle..." You both chuckled at your joke as he finally sealed the deal and slid the ring into your ring finger before giving you a quick kiss.

"Mrs. Nanami does sound nice..."

A/N: I forgot that my birthday is near but that's okay at least I didn't forget on the literal day of my birthday like last year and wondered why was everyone cooking and why were there so many people, but anyways, yeah, I'll be posting tomfoolery for a few days until my birthday (I won't say when, baka manghingi ka pa lumpia)

I want a Jollibee themed birthday (I'm literally a grown woman)

#jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk nanami #jujustsu nanami #kento nanami #nanami x reader #nanami kento is my husband go fight a wall #jujustsu fluff

[felicjana050896]

Hell's Great Dad Song: Charlastor's Analysis (Part 2)

Here's part 1:

Coming back after a break, first for a good mood, the second best character after Alastor in HH (in my opinion):

Lucifer!!!

Cap crushing ;)

And fixing :D

Aside from another big lie and blatantly showing that Alastor is saying this because of Lucifer (his gaze on Lucifer instead of focusing on Charlie if he was actually directing it at her), we don't see Charlie's face here, which if anything is done on purpose because in at this point, Charlie probably wanted to vomit from disgust because of these words :D

Of course, another lie, because Alastor doesn't want to be her assistant, he doesn't want to be at her service, he wants her to be at his service.

In this last shot, let's take a look at the hotel presented by Alastor:

And let's compare it with a photo of the actual hotel:

In the original hotel, on the top of the roof on the left and right we have some kind of horns, similar in shape to Charlie's horns (and Lucifer's horns), because she is the owner of the hotel, in Alastor's vision, these horns turn into deer horns, of course, which shows his desire for power not so much over the hotel , but over Charlie.

Sir Pent's ship, if in the series we also see this ship with an open mouth:

In Alastor's version, he has his tongue stuck out :D

Moreover, it is interesting that we have two pairs of three arrows on the hotel, one pointing to the hotel entrance (Charlie) and the other to the radio tower (Alastor).

Here again a lie, Alastor is a predator and one who in my opinion prefers to spend a little more and try harder to get something he wants, straight paths bore him, I think that even though it is a lie (on Alastor's part), it can be the implication that Charlie may ultimately be more of a challenge than he assumes.

True, we know that Alastor loves his mother very much, but what about his father..., I once read a theory that his father could be a bad person, that he could abuse his family and who knows..., maybe it's true.

Again true, but... Alastor didn't include himself or Niffty in the sketches behind him, this could mean that he doesn't see himself and Niffty as part of this 'family', but it could also mean (due to him being at the front sketches, not next to her) that he sees himself as someone more important to Charlie, he is right in the center, in front of her and he is and should be the most important to her, it can also mean both of these things.

Also, first we have Sir Pent, the first dead and the first to go to heaven, this could be the order of death and ascent, if Angel dies next (and I think there is a high probability of that, because first: Angel is really trying to be better and actually he wants this redemption; secondly, we saw his sister, Molly in heaven:

she even stands out specially from the other characters in the frame, so we will definitely have her in s2. Plus Viv said that the second season will focus more on Vees, which means something could happen to Val, he is the one who is most likely to go to the fire in my opinion (sorry, but I don't believe in Val's redemption, in my opinion he has to die), because of the harassment Angel, he even lick Charlie..., I have a feeling that Val will die in s2, and Angel will then be free and will be redeemed.

Then we have Husker, I see Huskerdust's realationship, I also see that Husker's death after Angel makes sense, the only question is what about his contract with Alastor..., I don't see that having a contract, having sold a soul, someone can ascend to heaven, first the contract needs to get rid of, Alastor is the main character along with Charlie so he won't die halfway through the story, so somehow Husker will have to regain his freedom from Alastor, the question is how?

And the last Vaggie, if this is indeed a foreshadowing of their death and ascent, then Vaggie will return to heaven too..., I recently wrote a post about Alastor trying to steal Charlie:

so the last death and rise of Vaggie would make sense if Alastor wins (because somehow I don't think Charlie will leave hell, and I don't believe in long-distance relationships :P ). You can also see it here:

On one side we have Vaggie, on the other side we have Alastor and Niffty, Charlie is facing Alastor and Niffty, and Lucifer (the angel) is facing Vaggie.

Or here:

First we focus on Vaggie, but soon the frame enters:

Alastor(!!!) and Vaggie is already further, behind him, the frame stops focusing on her. Alastor enters Charlie's space and the relationship between Charlie and Vaggie, followed closely by, of course:

Niffty, which, as I also said in my previous post (which I linked above), is important, just like KeeKee.

Coming to the end of the song, Alastor and his ego... whatever he gets involved in (even if he's not the first) he has to finish ;)

And finally, beautiful photos of Angel straight from his door :D

Thank you for reading and have a nice day, evening or night :)

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #charlastor #alastor #radiobelle #charlie x alastor

[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

sometimes i think about penny turner and how much she must love her brilliant, beautiful son, her only child, and how proud she must be of him, but how much she must've worried about him too over the years (and probably still does sometimes) and then i cry a little 🥺

gif credit @ihatealexturner [X]

more emo thoughts about this under the cut because it's just that kind of night i suppose

like, we know alex and his mum (both his parents actually) have a great relationship and they love each other very much, so i have no doubt that she's so very proud of alex for how hard he works and how driven and talented he is, so proud of everything he's achieved, knowing how much he and his creations mean to a huge number of people

but then also, how could she not worry about him, knowing that yes, he is living his dream, but he's also flying all across the world every few years, a different city every night, performing to the point of exhaustion, only to have to come up with the next big thing all over again? that's a lot of pressure on his shoulders, even if he does share a lot of it with the rest of the band. and alex handles it admirably of course, but still, if even i worry about him sometimes, i can't imagine how it must be for his mother (and father, of course, all of this probably goes for him just as much)

i also think about how she must have felt when alex moved to the usa, and how relieved she must've been when he decided to move back to the uk/europe, to have him closer again. and i wonder how she must've felt watching all those different personas and eras he created appear and disappear, maybe sometimes fearing he'd lose himself somewhere along the way, but still always seeing her boy underneath it all. i'm sure she's gotten used to it to some extent, but it must still be overwhelming sometimes, seeing all the hype and the scrutiny and the expectations and the temptations he has to deal with, especially knowing better than anyone how special and sensitive he is deep down. i can imagine she wishes she could protect him while at the same time knowing he's a big boy now, and he was always destined to make his mark on the world in a way that required him to spread his wings and leave the warm nest she'd created for him

and then i think she must also be so grateful to know that he's always got his best friends with him when he's on the road, to support him and share the load, and that he has so many more friends who adore him and always have his back, and how much of a reassurance that must be and then I just 😭😭😭😭 you know? 🥺

#is this weird? #should i not be thinking about this? idk man #listen i obviously have no idea if she feels like this at all #i don't know her at all so i may be way off #but whenever i imagine being alex's mum these are just all the things i would feel 🥺 #and i don't mean to whumpify her or him #but it's just that i've talked to my own mum a lot about how it was for her when i moved abroad #and how she felt when i was going through some shit and how often she thinks about me #and like my things are all so minor compared to alex's life you know? #and I'm sure penny's gotten used to a lot of it and she's also just proud and excited but I just think it must also be hard sometimes #to be the mother of someone really special #anyway i'm a bit emo tonight #ignore me #alex turner #penny turner #arctic monkeys #minnie talks

[bumblingbabooshka]

Harry Kim saying Naomi is lucky to be born on Voyager and that he would have given "anything" to have her life when he was a kid...

#He sees NO downsides???? #Also I love how Neelix was yelling and panicked and Harry was like 'haha ok buddy. Hey this little guy is ugly huh~? See ya later!' #absolutely unbothered and not the least bit curious - love him <3 #saw someone post about how they don't like 'once upon a time' bc Neelix doesn't tell Naomi right away about her mother .... bro. #c'mon. Anyway I love Neelix and him trying so hard to shield Naomi from bad things / upset bc he KNOWS how fucking painful #it is to lose a family DID make me tear up. #Also Naomi in that burned-down forest (symbolic of innocence?) was a kickass visual. Neelix telling her about his family and Naomi trying #to comfort HIM??? SHE'S SUCH A GOOD KID MAN....Neelix making her a flotter doll was also v cute #OH AND Naomi going 'I Am Borg...' and Neelix going '~??? No you're not~!!!' and Naomi giggling...added NOTHING to the #episode - as it should be!! Sometimes you've just gotta have a really cute silly moment <3 #Tuvok: [says something] / Tom: Nice bedside manner Tuvok =_= #Tuvok: [about to say the most beautiful comforting words you've ever heard one parent say to another] And I took that personally. #Love how Naomi is scared of Seven at first...girl that's your roommate. #HEHEH she starts off the series scared of her but by the end she's her little buddy and also her intern #but yeah never forget that Harry Kim can and will say the most unhinged things but so casually that no one will really clock it #NEVER forget that he says he remembers.....either being an infant or his own birth - both WILD to me #Harry Kim lowkey loves destiny and being special and the idea of 'chosen ones' and the narrative even though he will fight it all if it #harms the ones he loves #Harry: (guy from an alternate timeline who replaced the dead Naomi with the alive one from his own) That kid's living the dream <3

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

#oh mother oh mother #i can keep going #lost causes are my speciality #add some pics of 15 by that church #ough ough ough ough ough ough ough #i wrote a really nice paragraph abt this #if i may say so myself #i would add it but i dont think it'd have the full impact outside of the context of the fic #and this speaks for itself #stuck in a house with that #play dead bc your actual death. cant happen #not allowed to happen youre too important #words! are! important! #someones daughter is the most important person in the universe #youre not that daughter youre the prodigal son #the daughter will blow this place to kingdom come #oh woe #youre stuck in a house with that #but the house isnt real it's an illusion! #and youre stuck in your brain with it

[jewishbarbies]

Hey, I have read one of your recent posts about Oscar Isaac, and I wanted to ask about the acceptance of someone who's Jewish only on their father's side. Is it that crucial?

I'm asking because my partner is Jewish, while I'm not, but we both really want our future kids to carry the Jewish culture too. Do you think they will be excluded from the community or there can be some problems like that?

I think it generally depends on the denomination and community itself. If you raise your children jewish and you're apart of the community, i think they'll be considered jewish. either way, a lot of people will consider them jewish, but some denominations won't which is why it depends. ethnically, they will always be jewish. a jew is a jew is a jew. being considered religiously jewish has its own set of rules depending on the kind of judaism you'd like to practice. i'm not super knowledgeable on a lot of technicalities, so take this with a grain of salt, but it really all just depends.

#Asks #anonymoose #jumblr #if someone else can explain/answer better pls do #also i think it really helps being raised in the culture and community #by at least one jewish parent #oscar issac was not #he allegedly has 'distant' ancestry #whereas say i have a jewish mother grandmother and great grandmother #and my parents reconnected when i was really young #being far from your jewish ancestor on the family tree #and never being apart of the culture/religion #and not identifying as jewish #means the vast majority will not consider you jewish #oscar isaac is very much a 'special' case in that sense #people who are more connected like your jewish partner having kids #and raising them jewish #is much more simple and accepted #i don't think there's much to worry about

[katalist]

Given that season 6 is likely gonna be very Adrien focused, I'm really curious as to who the first person to find out his identity might be (besides Luka). Like, I think to mirror Marinette's arc, it would make the most sense for it to be Nino, but I'm also heavily partial to Nathalie (I think it would cause her to have to re-evaluate a LOT and would be the most interesting, but I am a biased Nathalie-enjoyer). I think we're going to have to wait a while for a reveal to Marinette, but I'm very excited for the possibilities until then.

#im sorry im just spitting these posts out like crazy I keep having thoughts #adrien agreste #miraculous ladybug #I dont really count luka because Adrien doesnt KNOW he knows and he's kind of a special case anyway #I also dont think it will be Felix or Kagami because I think that it would be hard to make it satisfying with them #Like they both know TOO MUCH yknow I want it to be someone who would get caught really off guard by it #katalist speaks #I just think nathalie finding out would be SO FUNNY it would be a whole ass paradigm shift for her #I also want her to be a worried mother about it a little bit

[medi-bee]

how's the post eeaao life treating you

Please! Please! Can we... can we just stop fighting? I know you are all fighting because you are scared and confused. I'm confused too. All day... I don't know what the heck is going on. But somehow, this feels like it's all my fault. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind.

#life changing quotes #asks tag #evelyn fell in love with every other version of her husband before she was finally able to see what made him so special #Joy had all the power in the universe but all she really wanted was her mom #everything to just be understood. to have someone else understand what she's been going through #and she was so close. so damn close to just. ending it. #and then she makes one last desperate reach for her mother. and evelyn is there waiting. and she reaches back #i hate the rock scenes so much they shattered me #nothing matters #(through tears) i dont even like claire de lune #just fuck off making me thinkj about this again. i need to tear you apart limb from limb #im not even crying #lying

[aeide-thea]

sometimes i see people proposing educational approaches that may well be appropriate for most students but would have been/were absolute hell for me personally and i'm just like. genuinely unsure whether that constitutes a meaningful flaw in the approach or whether it's just like, welp, it would work for most kids, sucks to be you

#specifically i'm thinking of ms-d*meanor's mother's 'literally all subjects you're getting educated in are football-flavored now' project #and also someone i follow being like 'maybe kids should have mandatory drama class so they get practice at memorizing things' #which like. def agree some memorization is good! i'm glad i know my times tables by heart and wish i knew more greek principle parts! #but also we DID in fact have mandatory middle school theatre class and it was like. absolute dread and misery for me #as a kid with major (undiagnosed) social/performance anxiety where Everyone Looking at You Expectantly was like. my worst nightmare #and like. probably this was all fine in general and i just should've gotten some combination of therapy/accommodations #given that afaik this setup was not a horrifying psychological gauntlet of anguish for other kids really #but like. idk. sux to always be a special (fucked-up) case uniquely unsuited to Perfectly Reasonable Pedagogical Approaches‚ lol #starts to damage yr sense of basic competence after a while which. it turns out you sort of need one of those to do. anything in life

[justtogetthrough]

Look I know humans need to be individually strong and able to function independently etc and stuff but also humans evolved to be in groups too and I don't have a group, I've spent 95% of my life without a group, and I just so desperately want someone to be as attached to me as I am to them. I have spent my whole life lonely by myself on the outside looking in and I don't want to be here anymore. I've experienced what it felt like to be inside a group now and this loneliness feels even worse now that I know what it felt like to belong.

#im starting to miss my toxic and abusive relationship bc even though it had the lowest of lows and i got the most stitches ive ever got #it was still the only few years i felt happy to be alive. i had a community. a found family. #the lowest of lows brought the highest of highs and i would pay that price again to feel loved and cared about. #my therapist made me promise I'll stay alive til we meet again next week and its like oh. here we are again i guess. #if i hadnt just moved 1.5 hours away id probably hit up my ex and be like hey. im back. lets do this again. #this is why i moved though. to prevent going back to that life because i know deep down i want to. #the lowest of lows.... but also the only moments in 32 years i ever felt glad to be alive. #i need someone to pay a lot of attention to me and the person whos been able to partially do this is now pulling away #and my clingyness. my bpd. is like. i need someone new. but new people are scary. so why not my ex #why not the mother of my kid who ruins every life she touches. who ruined me mentally emotionally sexually. #when we werent fighting she made me feel so special and loved #when we were fighting i onc got 107 stitches in one arm #i cant go back. but. the only times ive ever felt good were the in-betweens of those lowest of lows. #im in a really bad place and my one irl friend cant give me what i need and so i just want to die #personal #cw suicide #cw cutting #actuallyborderline #actuallytraumatized #bpdfeels

[quirrel]

been thinking about wowaka and crying about him on this fine day

#orange speaking #vocaloid #god i miss him so badly #i would listen to rolling girl on repeat #it was my anthem #and while did really like his other works nothing comes as special to me as unknown mother goose #idk man have u just #ever find someone's work so inspirational??? that touched ur soul to such level that despite never knowing the person just #just knowing theyre no longer here is so sad