bridges break (ii)
summary: steve shuts himself away. you pull him along on a trip of a lifetime in an attempt to reconnect. great plan! except there's one big secret he's keeping from you that could change the course of your entire relationship, and there's no greasy stack of diner pancakes in the country big enough to hide behind.
(road trip!au, best friends to lovers)
Warnings: angst, mentions of death, mental health issues and disorientation, ptsd, swearing, my garbage attempt at humour and art history. lemme know if i missed anything and I'll tag it.
A/N: hi <3 thank u all for your bday wishes and yes i feel literally as old as this geriatric mf. love u guys
there's a poem in here that's been credited to a.j. it was written by the wonderful @barnesandco whose poetry you can find over on @pakpoetics so follow her and send some love!!
Previous Part || Series Masterlist
"Passport."
"Yes."
"Tablet."
"Yes."
"Synced calendar on your phone."
"Yes." Steve breaks away from the threshold of his apartment and into the cold air.
Mona face lags on the screen, and Steve waits for her to start moving again. The sun had just barely begun to peek through the clouds, the air chill with the thin layer of condensation, and she was already working on full steam.
He'd assured her, swore to her, that he wouldn't need a physical copy of the checklist delivered to him. Still, her call had come about ten minutes ago to make sure Steve had an updated copy of all the fundraisers and public service announcements he was scheduled to attend when he was back.
But then she asks, "Pager?"
"Pager?" Steve stalls in his steps.
"The Constitution?" she continues. "Declaration of Independence?"
He watches the desolate road in front of his apartment, biting back a wry smile. "Very funny."
"Sorry. Couldn't help myself," she says and then adds something else he doesn't catch.
"What'd you say?" He squints at the bars-- he had full network.
"I said, we've only got clearance for a month and one week," she says, louder. "And that's after a lot of negotiating. So please try to make it back by then."
"Gotcha," he says, studying a cyclist that rode past him leisurely. "How are you gonna keep busy?"
"I've got my ways," Mona replies. "Oh! Last thing before your vacation officially starts--"
A sleek, black SUV pulls up in front of him in true movie fashion. The window rolls down to reveal your face complete with a bright smile and sunglasses, both out of place for this time of the morning. Still, he can't control himself and his own lopsided smile grows at the sight.
"Too late," Steve says, waving to you before making his way around the back of the car. “Think it just did.“
"Just a document, I swear. Captain Ro-"
"It's just Steve, Mona." He sighs, balancing the phone between his shoulder blades as he leaves his two duffel bags in the trunk. “We've taken care of all of it. Even if I disappear tomorrow, it'll be fine."
The hecticness had slowed to a crawling pace, anyway. He put in a few extra hours, pre-recorded several videos for the public for various hypothetical scenarios, and in general seemed like he had done most of what he could from his position.
He made tired, but overall sincere, promises to return immediately if aliens landed up in the city again, or if Mona sent him an SOS. The latter was more of a priority.
"Okay, first of all, please don't do that,” Mona adds quickly. “If you’re planning on disappearing, then-"
"I was kidding." Sort of. "I'll sign the thing."
"Great!” He watches the white light on her face change to blue she switches apps. "Now, I know I said that was the last thing but-"
"Hanging up on you now." He closes the trunk firmly with a thud.
She lets out an exaggerated exhale before looking at him.
"I was just gonna say send me a postcard. I like the old, weird ones."
"I will keep that in mind," Steve promises. "Bye, Mona."
"Bye, Captain Rogers."
"Steve."
"Captain Steve," she replies swiftly before the screen goes dark, leaving him to stare at himself.
He shakes his head lightly, tucking his phone into his pocket and makes his way to the passenger's side.
"Hi," you say as he peers in through the window. "You ready to get this thing started?"
______
A map spread wide, arm to arm, takes up most of the space in the front.
"Why am I looking at this again?" he asks in delayed clarification, nevertheless not tearing his eyes away from it.
"For directions."
"Yes, but why?" The paper rustles as he folds it up in half neatly along the creases. "Last I checked, we still got GPS."
You have a firm grip on the steering wheel while your posture is relaxed back, one elbow leaning out the window.
There is an anticipatory curl in the corner of your mouth, and he’s lead to believe he is entirely too predictable in the kind of questions he asks.
“If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right,” you reason, as he follows a trail down the printed road with his index finger. It’s a long way to go. "Like all the movies."
"Were these movies made after 2005?"
"You know, now that you mention it, they were in black and white," you say thoughtfully before turning to face him. “Are you absolutely sure you’re not hungry?”
“Positive. Had a good breakfast.” He can’t really see you through the obstruction of the map, but mostly he’s glad you can’t see him because he was still getting used to outright lying to you. “I got us some bars, just in case.”
“What bars?"
"Nuts, fruits. The usual. Oats."
"Stevie," you say in bewilderment, and he pulls down the paper to look at you, "I love you, but we’re not eating health bars on a road trip. Sam would have my head if I let you.”
“You might wanna avoid telling him about the protein shakes, then.”
“You did not.” Shock turns to horror at the idea of several containers worth of whey in his secondary duffel bag.
“Didn’t I?”
“No.” It takes no longer than a second to settle on. “You wouldn’t.”
The traffic you’ve spent half an hour in already graciously allows you to move a few inches forward. He wonders how long it would be till the skyscrapers and billboards would be swapped for a stretch of nothingness, a bright blue horizon and cloudless sky.
"Besides, even if you did," you continue, even though he thought the topic had already run its course, "once we start picking up all the unnecessary touristy shit at every stop along the way, I will not hesitate to throw your protein powder out first to save on space."
Steve smile reappears. "How much are you planning on buying?"
"Buddy, I got a whole other bag just for that," you draw out in a sing-song voice. "I'm gonna single-handedly fix this economy."
There’s a sharp reminder that flashes through his mind, leaving in its wake a sudden unsettling feeling that combs its way through him.
He should check if the list had made it with him on the trip. The stupid, godforsaken list.
"I wanted to get some stuff too," he says in an effort to placate it.
"Yeah? What stuff?"
"I’ll show you later," Steve waves off, shifting in his seat to get comfortable. "It's just some stuff from ‘round the country."
"Like memorabilia?"
"Kind of." He powers through the image of the torn notebook paper, a incomplete list in unruly handwriting, pressed between the folds of his pocket out of his brain.
"Sounds cool," you say. "We'll get 'em all."
“Why are you here, Captain?” she asks finally.
“You know why, doctor.” Steve's cheek leans on his fingers, leaving behind indents.
“It’s a part of your deal, I know,” she says, “but why are you here?”
Steve snaps the map up again, keeping him out of your sight before his eyes shut tightly.
“Where’s our first stop?” he musters as normally as he can.
“Given the state of this traffic, it'd be for lunch,” you reply, staring straight out at the line of cars in front of you. “After that it’s Pittsburgh. There’s this art museum I wanted to check out.”
Steve realizes he's been clenching his eyes too hard once the spots start dancing in front of him, forcing him to relax them.
“Art museum?”
“You like art, don’t you?”
“I do.” A heavyweight paper sketchbook and a set of good pencils were staples of his luggage. “But I didn't know you were into it now.”
“I mean, I've definitely developed an eye for the finer things, Steven. Art included.”
"Yeah? You got a favourite artist yet?"
"I don’t know if you’ve heard of this guy. He's kinda niche," you reply. "Bob Ross."
“Oh?”
"Big fan of the way he hits things with a brush. Very good use of space."
It's enough to make him laugh, dismiss the disembodied thoughts floating around in his head for a moment. He lowers the map and folds it up before tucking it back into the glove compartment.
Steve shifts in his seat again to pull out his phone, deciding to make himself useful by at least finding a good place to get lunch.
"According to the ratings, the nearest res-" he cuts himself off when he turns to look at you and finds a big grin on your face as you look out at the road ahead.
"What?" he asks instead, slightly confused.
“Nothing.” The smile on your face doesn’t let up. “Just been a while since I've heard that laugh."
_________
Steve’s been to one gallery since he was out of the ice.
For a man whose hand itches while his mind stalls, it’s criminal that the only time he had the opportunity to was on an undercover op.
It's strange how similar it all felt now, blue baseball cap covering his hair, oversized jacket with his hands shoved deep in the pockets and shoulders hunched to make himself smaller.
But this time, his low profile isn’t to trail a HYDRA operative. It was to avoid a seemingly unlikely confrontation in a silent hall. The crowd is sparse and scattered where available, but he supposes that was normal considering that it was a weekday evening.
You had gone in search of a map again, leaving him to his own devices for a few moments.
The place was gorgeous. A mix of both classical and modernism; high ceilings held up with marble pillars, art painstakingly carved into stone, grand staircases, and murals lining the walls, whereas the galleries were sleek, with plain white walls with strategic lighting, and labyrinth dividers.
Steve breathes in deeply, finding notes of aromatics they’ve used to enhance every human sense. If his being could fracture into shards of glass, he knew that the minute bits would be art, the ones that slip by unnoticed until you realize what filled in the gaps between the more significant pieces.
"Turns out they've got tours," you say, coming to stand beside him. "But they focus on specific artists or like, themed ones like the ‘Effect of Labor on Art’. Told 'em I'd ask you and let them know."
"Maybe we could just walk around for a while?" he proposes instead. A tour this early already seemed too restrictive, like he was following a schedule when he'd just managed to escape from one.
"That's what I was thinkin' too." You tap his shoulder lightly with a thin, folded brochure. "So I got us a map and a few directions from them to get started."
"Where to first?"
You narrow your eyes playfully at him. “How much do you know about contemporary art?”
“Haven't really had time to study it,” Steve replies. "I'd say roughly the same as you."
“So… not much.”
"I thought you had an eye for the finer things in life," he reminds as you begin leading the way.
"Oh yeah, I can definitely tell if it's fine or not." You grin. "Rest is obviously up for interpretation."
"So-- contemporary art first?"
You look down at the map where a little number indicated where you were. "Contemporary art first."
_____
Admittedly, this style of art isn’t really up Steve's alley, but he likes looking at them all the same. The symbolism isn't always decipherable, but he admires the flair and the subjectivity. Every piece of art had a bit of someone’s life in them, and it took a great deal to part with it from the kind embrace of your mind and leave it on a canvas.
His own sketches of Nat’s coffee cup on the window sill of their safehouse in Montana, or the view of Wakanda from the hall outside Bucky’s cryo chamber took a lot longer than some of the other quick doodles he’d leave on paper napkins.
"Art is subjective and all that, but I tell ya this, I got a lot to say about some of them."
Some of the pieces had colours that were striking, bold. Looking at them alone raises his spirits, even to the smallest degree.
Steve smiles slightly. "What does your fine eye make of it?"
“Of this one? It's... interesting,” you say, pausing in front of an acrylic on linen. Splashes of every shade of mustard in shapes, strokes, lines hiding lavender symbols at the back, highlighted by notes of black. "Very strong narrative."
Steve silently waits for an explanation.
“It’s about the artist’s love for her niece. There’s lavender for the nursery she helped paint, yellow for her love and the black’s representative of her troubled relationship with her sister,” you explain, eyes never leaving the painting. “She wishes she could see her niece more, be a part of her life but her sister isn’t having any of it. It’s why there’s such little lavender in the grand scheme of things, always hidden by a lot of black.”
Steve lingers at the picture, following every word you say with the intent of connecting it with what he can see. He knows you're talking about of your ass, but it was mildly impressive.
His eyes flicker towards you.
"Like I said," you finish, "very strong narrative."
“You just came up with that on the spot?" Steve asks instead.
“Who, me? Lying?” You scoff. “Never.”
His jaw clicks as it slides to the side before returning to its position, eyes trained on the floor with a shake of his head. He tries his best to hide his smile before looking back up at you.
The next few ones are observed in silence before you move on. You don’t provide your analysis, even though he waits for it, shifting focus between you and the art.
By the third one he realizes that you probably weren’t going to unless he asks. But he missed your voice. He could do with a little more of it.
“You got anything to say about this?“ he asks, face stoic as he points to one that from afar looks like oil pastels on paper. It’s scribbles upon scribbles of different colours, drawn without any restraint. "Strong narrative?"
He watches the corner of your mouth quirk up.
“Messy, non-linear narrative," you correct, head leaning to the side. "The creator was clearly thrilled about something. A lot of colours, messy. Man was having the time of his life.”
Steve feels a laugh bubble up to his chest. “Right.”
“These little circles here-” You point so confidently to the corner of the canvas, it almost sounds convincing “-they represent the magic mushrooms he was on while painting this.”
That was definitely… an opinion.
"Very insightful," he agrees, following you as you throw him a wink over your shoulder. “What about that?”
“This one’s easy.” You stop in front of a blank canvas. There’s a thin square of red outlining the boundary, but it’s bare except for it.
“Let’s hear it.”
“Wait, read the description first,” you encourage, pointing at the label at the side. “I wanna see if I’m right.”
“Unnamed, by Flo Dyer, is a prototypical minimalist abstraction.” A whole lot of words for a canvas full of nothing. “The visual and tangible characteristics of the piece pushes the interpreter into a journey of self-discovery.”
“Obviously,” you say. “Duh.”
---
The gallery is divided, each hosting works from different eras, Impressionist and Post-Impressionist. This, he has a little more experience. He'd read a few books, talked to kids who had enough money and time to get into art school, to have his mouth slightly agape the minute he steps in.
The detail and care in every restored painting hanging on the wall takes whatever words he could have from his throat, rolls them up and blows them into the wind. He wants to extend a finger forward, brush up against it and feel history under his skin. But he can’t, so he settles on watching from afar.
He wordlessly spends time in front of each painting, breathing in the passion and love of people who lived centuries before him.
The longest time he spends is at the portrait of a sleeping woman, head draped delicately over her forearm. You don't say anything, only sitting patiently beside him as he loses track of the evening.
It reminds him of the light through the window falling on the mattress pushed up against the wall. Slow afternoons and her sleeping figure under it, back turned to Steve. He wonders how the heat didn't seem to phase her.
“It’s beautiful,” you say, eyes not leaving the art.
Steve's attention snaps back to you, blinking away slow afternoons and the blanket left at the foot of the bed.
“Albert J Moore.” He can hear his own voice muted as it replies. “Acacias.”
Steve wants to ask if you can feel the same sense of peace that washes over him the longer he watches it.
He hopes you do. It’s a feeling he wants to float in for as long as he could.
___
Roaming around the museum on his own wouldn't have been nearly as fun. Steve liked seeing which ones you had a visceral reaction to, whether it be awe or criticism. Whatever facts he knew, he’d rattle off and you’d listen attentively as if his word was gospel. Each gallery with its own collection had something for him to linger at a little longer, and sometimes he explained why but others he couldn't.
The next gallery he enters, he enters through a small path until he comes to a stop in front of one piece in specific. Even without glancing at the name, he can tell the artist; it was so distinct.
Steve knew the works of Edward Hopper. Had seen them cited far more often these last few years than any other artist, but this is the first time he’s seen one in its original form.
Sunday, it’s called.
Sunday by Edward Hopper, 1926.
Oil on canvas, it has the almost sepia-like laziness that comes with the end of the week. Warm colours dip in and out of shadows, it paints the curbside of a road lining rows of closed shops.
In 1926, Steve was 8. A spunky, spitfire eight that by May, had already been in and out of the nurse’s office four times.
Eight-year-old Steve still remembered his ma asleep on the mattress that was usually reserved for his frail bones most of the week, until the weekend rolled around and she got two hours to herself on it for a nap. He left the apartment to find something else to do, somewhere else to let off some energy that came with pent up defiance at the world residing in his blood.
On Steve’s curbside, the shops weren’t closed for the weekend. They were ‘Sorry! Closed for Business’ on weekends, weekdays, months, years. Sometimes a new owner flipped over the cardboard sign to welcome people in, and flipped it right back after a month.
Edward Hopper’s curbside has a man in the forefront. There’s a cigarette in his mouth, and his arms are closed in a way that shuts him off from the world. In the deserted, empty street this man--
The man looks at him and Steve feels seen, as though his stare has pierced through the seven walls of defense that lines his chest.
The man looks at him and he knows. The man knows.
Steve feels it in his heart first, before it makes its way up to his throat like a rush of bile. His cheeks pain, ache. It’s a feeling he thought he got over a long time ago as everything unrelentingly went on.
He feels out of time.
“You know this one?” you ask when he doesn't make any movement,
"No." His answer is short, mumbled.
“What are you lookin’ at?”
His soul, it feels like. Bared out there for the world to see how much of a damn liar he is. The man and his cigar don’t look at you. They pierce through him and him alone.
Your gaze follows his. “He seems lonely.”
“Yeah,” Steve’s voice comes out hoarse, “he does.”
“’Least he’s got a smoke.” You’re optimistic, too radiant for a portrait like this. He’s glad that it doesn’t affect you the way it does him; at least he knows that you have nothing on your conscience to have exposed to the world like this.
The man has a cigar and Stevie has a shield.
And they’re both alone.
___
It takes you linking your arm with his for him to finally pull himself away from the painting, but the walk to the next gallery is spent with him wishing it would stop searing itself stronger into his brain each time he closed his eyes.
The final collection is at the far end of the hall, in a separate room altogether. Accessible only if you wanted to, which was good. Saves people from an uninvited gloom.
Pain and Perseverance: A Glimpse Look into the Darkest Years
He knows what it’s about. You do, too, which is why you turn to him hesitantly.
“We don’t have to go in,” you say, standing near enough to him for his enhanced hearing to catch your heartbeat. It tethers him, connects him to a living, breathing being.
“I think we should,” he replies, steadfast to the point it was almost robotic.
There is only one other person in the room with you both, and she isn’t paying much attention to him, so he takes off his cap in reverence.
It’s fitting how silent and closed off this part of the museum is to the rest of the world. A tribute to those who wouldn't be able to set foot into this room.
Your hand slides out from his and he lets you go gently. He knows you’re around, so it’s okay. He knew the second you'd walked in that you'd need space to process each piece on your own.
He quietly makes his way through the fifteen paintings and photographs, mulling over each one for a few seconds at the very least.
There’s one in all black, two birch wood trees on a hill with nothing else in the distance. Another blurry picture of a single armchair left to collect dust from years of unuse in the corner of an old age home.
Steve doesn't dare to swallow the heaviness in his throat. There is anger, regret, helplessness in the walls around him. But all of it stems from the same miserable channel- a single, desperate sadness.
He lands up at the final piece on display, a glass box standing tall. The woman from earlier is still there, unmoving.
Steve doesn’t disturb her, only stays a step away from her and instead stands in front of painting of comfort, of two men so close their necks entwined with each other.
“Sorry.” She clears her throat to get his attention, giving him a misty smile when he turns to look at her.
“Please,” he says, earnest and kind, “take all the time you need.”
“Feels like I’ve been here hours.” She inclines her head towards the casing. “There’s something about it.”
He only waits for her to finish. A few minutes of silence later, she takes a step to the side, allowing him a little space to stand beside her and see for himself what she had stopped at.
It’s a sculpture, a kid made of metal, with spangly arms and a tiny head molded rustically like years of weathering had done a number on him. His arms wrap around his knees, hugging them close to his body as he dipped his forehead in the valley they formed together.
Its emotion lays in its simplicity- anything more than what has been made would have been too much.
There’s a pull that doesn’t allow him to tear his eyes away from it. The only time he does is to read the artwork label, to gain a little more insight.
“Heartbreaking, isn’t it?” the stranger asks from beside him. His silence and the pit in his stomach is enough to answer.
He hopes she’s all right. He hopes she made it out all right.
Berta Pedrero (b. 1976)
Despair, 2020
In memory of her son, Mateo J. Pedrero.
If he dared to, he would shoot a little prayer into the sky for her son, wherever he is, but he stays grounded, eyes on the sculpture because he remembers he has forgone that right a long time ago.
The stranger beside him walks off after a few more minutes of silence. He can feel your hand slip into his, and he holds on, tighter than usual.
Steve continues to stare, long after she’s gone.
___
You read out the description from the pamphlet, the idea behind the execution and the artists who made it possible as Steve walks silently beside you.
“Took three years to curate it,” you inform him. “Fifteen different countries. They’ve included a quote.”
His gaze flicks to you, clearing his throat as he asks, “What is it?”
You wordlessly hand it over to him and he scans the page until it lands on the quote at the bottom.
Steve exhales, jaw tightening as he reads through it again.
The poets write of tragedy, not to honor the sorrow,
but to remind themselves that something survived it.
-A.J.
Though the sentiment is strong and he feels it in his bones, he discards his pamphlet on the way out. He already carries the weight of the world on his back, and he tries not to add the weight of the words to his pocket.
-----
"Okay, Rogers." You clap your hands together, rubbing your palms as you shift in your seat. "Prelude to the big event. Spill.”
Steve raises an eyebrow. "This wasn't the start of the road trip?"
"Nope. That only starts once we get to the first official stop. This is just the introduction. The prequel, if you may."
"Ah," he says from across the booth. "It was... impressive."
"Please note that at the end of this trip, you will be filling out a form on the overall serve so that we can improve our experiences for next time.” You sound exactly like some of the sales people he’s met, chipper yet monotone.
"Can't wait." Steve picks up his glass of water, avoiding your sight. Next time. "As if the very comprehensive survey you sent wasn't enough."
"You chose to be friends with a scientist. I had to check all the variables and preferences before I planned a trip."
"What did my fabric preferences have to do with the road we're taking?"
There's a wicked twinkle in your eye. "Just checkin’ those boxes, Rogers. Like I said, all variables"
The kitchen doors open, and Steve hears the crackle and sizzle from inside for a few seconds before they swing shut again. The brief opening is enough for the smell of meat grilling to overpower the scent of lemon pies in display domes, stale coffee and freshly mopped floors.
"What is it then?" Steve asks as you push a large glass towards him. "The trip you’ve planned?"
You look up at the waiter, giving him a quick smile as he leaves two milkshakes on the table.
"Route 66."
His eyebrows knit together in recognition. "The Mother Road?"
"You've heard of it." Your smile widens.
"Yeah, they started constructing it when I was a kid. I thought it didn't exist anymore."
“Technically it doesn’t,” you admit. “But I’ve done my research. We’re just following what it used to be. Old highways and signs and all that.”
He hums in agreement. “And if we get lost?”
“I got a couple of flare guns in the trunk,” you dismiss. “I’ll get you to California, Stevie, don’t you worry.”
He doesn’t doubt it.
“So,” you say, wiping your hands on your napkin before unlocking your phone and sliding it towards him, “We stay at the motel down the road tonight, get an early start tomorrow.”
Steve's reply is cut short before it even begins when someone comes to stand beside him.
"Here you go," the server drags the last syllable out, placing two hefty plates in front of you both. "Enjoy."
Steve thanks him courteously before says before eyeing what you'd convinced him to order.
“To the first burgers,” you hold up a fry, “and many more to come.”
Steve pulls the plate towards him where it joins his still untouched vanilla milkshake.
"No healthy stuff, you said?" He peers up at you.
"‘Least not for the first week,” you reply determinedly. "Relax. You can get back to the oat bars next week."
“I haven't only been eating protein shakes and nut bars,” he protests. “Microwave dinners. They aren't the healthiest, they should count.”
"I thought you hated those." Your eyebrows knit together. "Isn’t that why you cooked?"
Steve's voice immediately drops to a mumble. "Haven't had the time."
“She still pickin’ up those extra shifts?”
“Double this weekend.” Steve fidgets with a newspaper.
“How’re you gonna keep yourself fed?”
“I can cook.”
“Cereal ain’t a meal, kid.”
If you notice the shift in his tone, it's quickly distracted by the way he pushes a fry around the plate.
“Jesus, Rogers, it’s not gonna kill you.”
“I’m old.” Nevertheless, he pulls the glass towards him. “We can’t write off anything.”
You snort. “Just drink the milkshake, Stevie. It’s good for ya.”
Burgers, greasy, well-salted fries and exorbitantly large glasses of milkshakes; it’s probably the most American Steve’s felt in a while. The minute he takes a bite from it, his body sinks down with a content sigh that has you grinning.
“Tomorrow, the first stop; Chicago, right?” He takes another bite from his burger, watching you scroll through pictures of the motel for him.
“Yep.”
“We got plans there?” The food shouldn’t taste this good, but it does. Probably one of the better establishments you were going to encounter on this trip but he can’t really be bothered by the implications at that moment.
“I got a few ideas.” You pull your phone back before returning to your meal. “But mostly we’ll be figuring it out as we go. Survey results dictate that we don't follow a tight schedule.”
"Today we're in Morocco. Next week we'll be in Lebanon," she sings slowly. "After that who knows?"
"Depends on where we're needed next." He takes aim and throws his dart.
Beyond all the restrictiveness and tediousness, he was just really fucking tired of them.
“You know," you pipe up, observing his features for a second, "you’ve been doing this thing a lot."
“What?”
“Spacing out.” Ah, fuck. “You did it back there, at the museum too.”
Steve simply shrugs, head turned down to his plate. “It just happens."
“How long?”
As long as you'd known him, he had always been attentive, on his toes, waiting.
“A little while.” He can pinpoint exactly when and what had lead to it. Studying through window blinds, old uniforms, and all of a sudden his path for the future started to get less clear.
“Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“Not specifically."
You pause. "Does anyone know?”
Steve’s next exhale comes at a delayed pace.
"You'd be the first."
Your lips press together in a thin line, deep crevice between your eyebrows.
"I've just been tired lately," he deflects. It wasn’t a whole lie, but it feels wrong. He had time. He had time. He has to remind himself that he had time.
Steve continues quickly, “I'll be fine. Look, I'll be gettin' loads more sleep now anyway.”
He leans forward to steal a fry off your plate and it works to an extent. There's a small smile that pulls at one side of your face.
"Steve."
"Sweetheart." He cracks a smile. “I'll be fine, I promise. What have you been writing lately?”
The swift subject change has you furrowing your brows, and then a sigh when it registers. However, you drag yourself forward to take a sip from your milkshake.
“Nothing,” you admit. “Haven't written in a while.”
It’s the silence that lingers in the air that prompts you to go on.
“I dunno.” You twirl a fry around the plate. “Been hard to find something to write about.”
Steve finishes off the last of his burger, wiping his hands down on a napkin.
“When was the last time?”
Your eyes squint in contemplation. “Six, seven years ago?”
“Can I get y’all anything else?” the server chirps from beside the booth, refiling your glasses of water, while balancing a tray in another.
You look at Steve and he shakes his head. “No, thank you. Just the bill, please.”
“Sure thing,” he says, setting down a plate with a slice of pie. “Enjoy.”
You glance up in confusion. “I think you have the wrong table.”
“It’s on the house.” It’s clear who it’s for, though the answer remains up in the air.
Steve sends the man a side-smile. “Appreciate it.”
The server nods, before leaving the both of you alone.
“Told you your stupid cap isn’t going to do anything.” You laugh when Steve pulls it off his head and sets it down beside him, running a hand through his flattened hair.
“Just got us a free piece of pie, I’d say it has some use.” He passes you a spoon and pushes the plate so it’s in the middle of you both.
“Right, because it’s your fashion sense that won them over, Steven.” You break a piece of the crust. ”Lift your leg up, show ‘em your slacks. Maybe we could get an extra slice for the road.”
He laughs, partly at you and partly at the absurd amount of whipped cream on the pie itself. It was generous, to say the least, and melting all over the still-warm filling. Pretty as a picture.
“Fuck, that’s good.” You sigh, chewing thoughtfully. “I need to earn free food privileges if this is what I’m missing out on.”
“The pie’s the better end of the deal.” He shovels a spoonful into his mouth. “A lot of the time it’s beer bottles with your face on it.”
“Classy,” you reply, having seen exactly what he was referring to. “What's next? Your face on underwear?”
Steve's silence and his failing ability to hide a pained smile has you faltering in your movements.
"Really?"
"I've been shown pictures," he complains. "From what I know, they're not sold as a collection or retail line."
"Which means they're customized," you continue, fingers pinched together explanatory. "Does that make it better or worse?"
Steve's nose scrunches and he hides his distaste with a spoonful of pie in his mouth. "You tell me."
He’s a little grateful that you don’t shy away from pulling his leg. Makes him feel normal, like he was more than a concept; if there was something so hilarious about Steve as an ambassador for patriotic fireworks then it means that he hasn’t lost himself completely.
“What’s an average person gotta do around here to be inspiration for horrifying underwear, huh?” You send the last piece of pie his way. "Get printed on cereal boxes, et cetra et cetra."
“Get kidnapped, maybe.” He accepts it without an argument. “They’ll stick you on a couple of milk cartons.”
You narrow your eyes at him and he sends you a sly smile in return.
"Invent something.”
“Hell, maybe I will.” You wave your spoon around dangerously. “Get my name in a textbook.”
“You could do that,” he agrees. “You'd have the resources from the new job. A whole team under you, funding.”
You narrow your eyes at him. "Very smooth, Rogers."
His smile comes back bashful. “Why don’t you want to take it? I thought it’s everything you’ve worked towards.”
“It is.” You collect foam off the side of your glass with the straw, a distraction from having to look at him. “I’m just not sure I’m ready for it.”
“Is it the job or something else?”
Your lips press together, curling inward, but you don’t respond. It tells him he’s clocked you scarily fast.
“Job’s mine whenever I want it,” you say, eyes still trained on anything you could fiddle with. “I’m just not sure I’ll ever be ready."
Steve only slips his hand into yours the same way you did at the museum and squeezes. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
You give him a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes, and he returns it before you shake your head in an attempt to change the mood.
“I’m not kidding about the slacks, by the way.” It immediately relieves some of the tension that had settled in comfortably.
"Yeah, hold on, I'll lift my leg up," Steve affirms, clearing his throat.
“Damn right. Let’s see if we can score another flavour, I know you get hungry at night.”
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