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youarejesting · 4 years

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Temptation KTH X Reader

[Masterlist] Pairing: CamBoy!Taehyung x CamGirl!Reader Beta: N/A Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff, NSFW, Smut Rating: 18+ Words: 3.7k Request: @pars-ley

Summary: You sign up for the world’s newest and sexiest Late-night Television program called ‘Temptation’. Where you are competing with nine other Cam workers to win One Million dollars. The catch? You can’t cum?

Warnings: Oral f & m recieving, Doms & Subs, Orgasm denial, Penetrative sex, Handjobs, Fingering, Vouyerism, Exhibitionism, Bratty, Daddy Kink, Impregnation Kink, Auralism (sexy sounds moans etc...), Orgy, Dirty talk, Group sessions.

You were a cam girl, but you had been recruited with the best of the best to participate in an elimination game show. Basically, you were not allowed to come, which didn’t include private masturbation unless you were with a housemate in the previous half-hour. The winner would win one million dollars.

There were a few catches, you were each given a phone that would give you commands on things you had to do with other contestants. You had permission to do anything to anyone if the phone told you so. So if you were told to give a blow job you could, but the male was not allowed to finish. Equally so if you were told one of the males could eat you out, you weren’t allowed to finish.

With a sigh, you sat in front of the camera and began talking about the first day while rewatching the footage. You were told to react as if it was happening and relay the thought you had in the moment. “right here I thought ‘oh it is going to be easy’,” I signed up to Temptation and I am going to win. I have to win, I am planning on paying out my family's mortgage and perhaps buying myself a home something permanent.”

You took a moment to pause and thought “it wasn’t the easiest growing up poor, I have a good job now and a good apartment but I don’t spend money on myself until my family are in a better position”

You met the other contestants and you could pick out which ones would go first, the ones who had no resolve. There were four doms and you knew you could get them in seconds. Everyone was dressed normally and you each took the time to greet one another.

This would be the easiest money you ever made. Everyone introduced themselves and their highlight cam videos appeared on the screen and you paled. Suga, RM, J-Hope, Honey, Jimin, lovelymi, Jungkook, EatJin. Names you hoped would “Hello, my name is V, I have been in the cam industry for about seven years, I do partner and solo videos, I am a switch.” His voice was so deep and it stirred something in you.

His videos started playing and he was grunting and fucking a girl. Him talking dirty while he used his hand, he was big and looked honestly amazing. He was holding a girl’s hair as he bucked into her mouth. All while looking and sounding so freaking sexy

“This be harder than I thought” you laughed “he is handsome and his voice is truly amazing, from a purely sexual point of view he is attractive”

“But what will his personality be like? That's the question. Things can make you excited but if he opens his mouth and is a jerk well that excitement plummets.

“Hey guys, My cam name is Baby, I have been in the cam business for a long time I can’t even remember, I am a submissive, I have done partnered and solo cam video” Your videos began playing, you were thankful for the quality of your videos and editing things looked desirable and left you wanting more. You acting like a brat and being punished. You acting submissive calling your cam partner Daddy.

This last one had the dom’s in the room squirming and you knew you had some power over them.

“I joined the cam industry because I was interested, I got to have pleasure in the privacy of my own house and get paid. I use a fake name and I entertain clients with videos. I choose what I do in the video if I don’t like it. I'm sorry, I choose who can watch me. If someone is acting rude or threatening I can kick them out the website and my setup at home is protected so common creeps cannot find me. The people I film with are people I trust and also work in the business”

You shrugged raising your hands up “I mean what can I say it all sounds like a great deal, orgasms and money what else do you want”

You smiled and the Host spoke over the PA, “Please check out your new rooms and your attire which has been carefully selected in your size. Relax and freshen up dinner will be served shortly.”

You stood up and looked innocently at the doms. “What should I wear for dinner mummy and Daddies?”

The four doms Suga, Jhope, Honey, and Jin looked at you with firm eyes. “Would you like me to dress you, baby?” Honey asked

“Wear something pretty?” Jin said his voice firm as he walked off, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his dress shirt as he walked down the hall.

“Wear something to impress daddy?” Jhope grinned and you went off to your room, looking through the cupboards and you thought the others would go for blatantly sexy but you actually snuck into Jin’s room while he was in the shower and stole his dress shirt and left, you made sure to wear a pretty set of white lace underwear but you didn��t put on shoes and you let your hair down and put on natural-looking makeup.

The shirt dwarfed you and you didn’t do up all the buttons at the top or bottom. Everyone walked out to dinner and you grinned. All the guys were either just in pants or in suits except Jimin and Jungkook who were in harness’. LovelyMi was wearing lingerie, big heels, and full hair and makeup. Honey wore leather and big shoes stepping out. You yawned pretending you woke up your hands unseen in the big sleeves.

“Is that my shirt?” Jin asked

“Daddy's shirt smelled so good?” Jin stirred, you bit back a smile and everyone started eating dinner and you reached for something and V made a small groan as the shirt fell open revealing your breast. You sat back down and grinned when Suga’s phone chimed.

“One of your well-known skills is Tongue technology, pick one girl and eat her out.” He said with a laugh.

“Suga, genius. The only two things you need to know” he shrugged looking at the floor. “Enough said”

He walked down the table and pushed your chair back. You looked up at him innocently. “Daddy is going to eat this pussy, is that okay my sweet baby?” Suga caressed your cheek, you did like praise.

“I want a different daddy” You huffed pulling off your underwear and throwing them at Jin. Suga pressed his tongue to his cheek, looking visibly pissed that you were questioning his authority knowing you were playing as the rules stated if you didn’t want to participate you would use the safe word.

“Spread your legs, brat” this was a command and your legs fell apart. He placed them on the arms of the dinner chair and V looked down swallowing hard trying not to look but you commanded his attention.

“What a pretty little pussy, for such a bratty girl” Suga smirked, wasting no time, you picked up your drink and drank it slowly thinking about the dinner. After the initial surprise, you knew you would be fine he wouldn’t get you to finish but he was so close.

Another phone went off and Jimin read aloud his instructions to give RM a blow job. You continued eating dinner zoning out completely you were pretty skilled at keeping yourself from cumming. What surprised you was when Jimin came it was the first night, but the boy had an oral fixation and that coupled with an audience and the moans around the room, he came while deepthroating RM.

You were sad to see him leave but you were thankful the orders for the night were complete.

“Suga has tongue technology all right but, there is one sure-fire way to put me on edge and that is with a deep voice. I cannot stand V’s voice it is way too sexy”

It had been a long first week, you had been drawn to the edge by Honey and had given a blow job to Jhope who held himself together with swears and shaky breath. You were all sitting in the pool at the end of the week and LovelyMi was eliminated. The fans had voted her out.

The next week saw Jungkook eliminated. Honey had him tied up and he couldn’t hold back. There was no voting elimination but there was a challenge. You had to answer sex facts to earn points. Some of the questions were how many times can a woman orgasm. You won and the hosts Adora and Pdogg asked how many times you had successfully finished.

“Eleven,” You said, “I could have kept going but I took a break and ended up falling asleep.”

“I am impressed?” RM grinned, he had got the next answer right and the two of you got to draw from the hat some cards.

“Hell yeah, I got a free finish card” You grinned

“I got an extended order time card” RM laughed and you both high fived and headed back to continue playing the game.

After a few games such as the fastest to dress in their role-play costume, you all picked what door you wanted and you laughed when you were dressed as a businessman, you laughed at the array of costumes but V was the winner having won wearing a nurses dress. Another game was won by Jin and it was called ‘whose lips are these?’ You each took turns being blindfolded and you were kissed by the others.

For you, Jin’s lips were the easiest to identify, followed by Honey’s and you just knew when a large hand took your waist and your heart sparked that it was V. Three out of six wasn’t too bad.

“They always guessed when it was me, do I kiss a certain way or weirdly?” You touched your lips confused and mumbled in an afterthought “I thought I kissed really well.”

You stepped up to V your heart racing nervously and you slipped your hand into his hair pulling his hair firmly and he groaned making you lick your lips. You kissed him and he kissed back his tongue entering your mouth and you pulled away watching him sigh in relief.

“I got every one of them wrong except her, there was something about how soft her lips were, and the way she tasted like strawberries it was kind of delicious.” V spoke his cheeks red “I want to kiss her again”

Jhope won a game of sex bingo where you had to mark off what you had done but the catch was there as like a hundred different things. Where you looked through your cam videos and marked off what was in each of them. Honey and Suga didn’t have a single card. V had a free from elimination card and Jin had a kink assisted order. Jhope won a group order card.

“Some would say, I am well versed in sex, and they would be right!” JHope laughed, clapping his hands. “I enjoy trying new things and well I have preferences but I can at least say I have tried it”

That week was fun, you had filed away the free finish card for when you needed it and hoped like hell you wouldn’t need it. RM used the time extend card for his order to fuck Honey but accidentally eliminated himself and Honey simultaneously.

Eliminations came along and Suga was the next to be voted out. There were four of you left. You and three males, this was going to become quite difficult. You were sitting on the couch watching movies with Jin when you got an order.

“Give a blow job to the nearest contestant” You smirked and sank to the floor unzipping Jin’s pants and you hit accept on the phone and got to work you had a time limit and you weren’t going to lose one million dollars because of a six-minute timer.

You used everything called him Daddy made all the right sounds and gave him all the right looks but he didn’t come. The timer rang and he grinned tucking himself away and you rested your head on his thigh. “Please daddy.”

“She is dangerous, I almost didn’t want to stop but I am here for the money, she isn’t playing around” Jin sighed “I can still hear her saying those words in my head and I want more than anything to continue our session.”

You noticed V in the kitchen with a piece of orange in his mouth, eyes wide he had seen everything and you blushed.

“That was the hottest thing I had ever seen, she really wanted to win and I am just thankful that it wasn’t an order for me” He shivered running his hand over his jaw. “I wouldn’t have made it, and I don’t know if I would try”

He looked at his hands ringing them out before looking up “She is my opponent and I will do my best to win against her!”

Jin had used a kink assisted and you were given headphones filled with V’s moans while Honey had given him a handjob last week.

“She either really likes V or she likes deep moans that is good to know?” He snickered “I think she is in love with V the two are smitten”

You bit your lip and turned to the camera’s “Oh this is playing dirty.” You hissed Jin was skilled with his fingers, he apparently played guitar and some piano but no matter how much he rubbed your G spot and clit at the same time. You weren’t going to come, even if V sounded sinful in your ears.

“There is nothing I want more than to win, but I almost didn’t think I was going to make it. Have you heard him, growling and moaning” You blushed burying your face in your hands “He is the only one who can make me lose this game”

You looked up and leaned back on the couch throwing one leg over the other. “So now we are all preparing for war”

Amongst all the sex, you and V grew close, the two of you Swam in the pool and played games, when you weren’t talking you were having deep conversations and at one point you even stayed up late chatting until he leaned in pressing his lips to yours. You couldn’t help but kiss him back with similar vigor.

“Baby” Jhope called and showed you the screen of his phone reading out loud. “Jhope ten minutes with Baby everything except penetrative sex”

“Okay?” You nodded

“And I am calling the group card” he grinned

You were surrounded by all three men and they quickly discussed what they should do. JHope grinned, telling Jin to return the favor for the earlier blow job and V looked disappointed.

“I know why he chose me, I am called EatJin for a reason.” Jin explained seriously “these lips can devour women… and a good steak”

“Was I disappointed that JHope asked Jin-hyung to eat her out?” V scoffed a few times “me? never”

He got up out of his chair as he took his microphone off and walked away with a dark tone “What would ever give you that impression”

The next elimination saw JHope leave. And it was you and the two handsome young men, you understood why they weren’t voted out.

You had an amazing evening watching V give a rather enthusiastic Blow Job to Jin who came with a loud cry.

Now it was just you and V.

“Am I scared?” You laughed at the question, touching your mouth in thought. “Why because it’s just the two of us now”

“It’s her who should be scared?” V looked proud as he held an intense gaze.

“I do this for a living, why would I be scared?”

You tried to bluff unsuccessfully “I’m bloody terrified, Have you seen him he is handsome as hell and I know he will be the end of me”

“My biggest fear is not being able to stop. She is magnificent, we have gotten to know each other so much over the four weeks and she is cheeky and charming and sweet and I truly believe I love her.”

He licked his lips “it started out that I thought she was my type but it became that she was my everything”

When you woke its first day with just the two of you and he smiled over breakfast. “The house feels lonely without everyone doesn’t it?”

“The house feels too big and too cold” you mumbled.

You spent the week together which would be fast-forwarded on the week's episode.

“Today is the last day the challenge is going to be extreme,” he said, “you think you're ready for it?”

“Yeah, I think I am ready, what about you?”

“I think I am more nervous I wish we were on even grounds your free finish card has me worried”

“What I am about to do is either incredibly stupid or incredibly stupid” you buried your face in your hands.

“I would like to use my free finish card” you pulled the card out from the back of your phone. “You better be worth it?”

V’s mouth fell open in shock and you looked at him feeling a little mischievous.

“She is going to give up her free finish now so we fight an even and fair match tomorrow.” He said biting his lip “I love her, and I am not going to waste this moment I am going to rock her world”

You followed him to his bedroom. He held your hand the entire way and you grinned as he pressed you to the door. Kissing you hard and moaning into your mouth. He slipped his hand up your little skirt and plunged his fingers down the front of your underwear.

He didn’t let up and he was kissing and sucking at your neck before he moved you to the bed and buried himself between your legs he moaned the whole time and he was torturing you.

His tongue working magic on your clit and his long fingers curling up inside you. It wasn’t long before your legs began to tremble and you gripped the sheets as all the sexual tension that had been building up finally released causing your back to arch off the bed.

You shivered watching him lean back onto his heels and lick his fingers and palm with a soft moan. “You are delicious”

“I have made a mistake” you whispered quietly.

It was the big day you were both dressed immaculately and this was the moment of truth Adora and Pdogg watched from the sidelines beside the three judges.

“Now the rules are simple the first to cum loses the winner gets a million dollars”

“It is kind of weird knowing the finale is just the two of us having sex until someone finishes but hey who am I to judge. I am one of the people doing it”

You both went to the bed, there were cameras everywhere including inside you, that was a fun appointment. Even though it was a tiny little silicone camera on a fine cord, they were able to move the camera around by a remote so it was always in the correct position you would admit it was nerve-racking to have it inside you. V looked at you sitting on the bed with a nervous grin and you both hugged whispering under your breath.

“Are you as nervous as I am?” You whispered

“Yeah, I didn’t expect I would be having sex on late-night television”

“Yeah I agree”

“Do you think that after this, we could watch a movie or get something to eat?”

“I would love too” you breathed

Everything began and you were underneath V and he was working hard and a timer went off every ten minutes to switch positions so that you each got different stimulation and such.

You almost lost it while he fucked you from behind, you were clenching around him tightly trying to make him finish. He was grunting and growling.

Your mind was spinning and you whispered to yourself don’t come hoping you could convince yourself to hang in a little longer.

You switched positions sinking onto him and straddling his waist his hands held your hips and he bucked up into you.

“Let’s give our two contestants their first hints,” Pdogg grinned, the two hosts taking envelopes.

“V has an impregnation kink” Adora read the card aloud

“Oh yeah, daddy? you want to fill me up, you placed his hands on your lower abdomen and pressed back on him so he could feel himself through your stomach. “You want me all nice and full, huh?”

He groaned loudly and you clenched around him biting your lip. “Baby has a sound kink her preference is deep voices but she enjoys moans growls and pants. She has sensitive ears.”

V sat up putting his mouth to your ear and began, talking to you making obscene sounds in your ears and he flipped you over after hearing the belly and grabbed your hips thrusting hard.

His speed was dangerous for both of you, “Come on” he growled and you felt everything crash over you, your body practically convulsing from the power that had built up.

He came after you and it was warm. The footage from inside of you was very explicit watching him finish inside of you. You laughed, slapping his arm, you fought dirty.

“I gave up on trying to hold back if I didn’t give one hundred percent neither of us would finish. I had to get dangerously close in order to push her over the edge” He pumped his hands in the air.

“But I did it!” He cheered. “I won!”

“And there you have it V is the winner of the sexiest game of the year Temptation.” Adora cheered.

“Think you have what it takes to go online to our page to see behind the scenes footage as well as applications for next years big game”

“V, tell us what you are planning to do with one million dollars”

“First of all I am going to split it with Baby, and maybe take her on a date”

If you enjoyed this story don’t forget to Like | Share so others can enjoy it too. PLease see my [Masterlist] for more of my work.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Sick Kids

ihatemyguts: Hey, who's about today? brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 ihatemyguts: Uncanny brainpain: I know ihatemyguts: Artistic endeavors keeping you busy? brainpain: [a selfie of her dramatic 🌈 makeup aesthetic] ihatemyguts: Okay but I'm gonna need a tutorial ihatemyguts: I never even mastered lipstick brainpain: I'll hook you up brainpain: check your private msgs ihatemyguts: 👍🙏 ihatemyguts: if my face is gonna be 🌚 from now on, it should really look pretty ihatemyguts: #juststeroidthings brainpain: it's a good face brainpain: + if I can rock a half shaved head with my brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 brainpain: not a time to still be alive brainpain: LMAO ihatemyguts: no doubt you rocked it so well everyone thought it was a choice brainpain: you gotta act like you're starting a 🌚 worshipping cult brainpain: I'll do a tutorial for that brainpain: full face of silver ihatemyguts: I can get down with that ihatemyguts: 🙌🌊🩸🐺🙌 ihatemyguts: am here on a bit of a recruitment mission, actually brainpain: my housemates & I are all synced 🩸 wise so you'd be doing me a favour, newbie brainpain: living battle royale over here brainpain: not trying to recruit you to fight to the death by my side though, we're good brainpain: what's the job? ihatemyguts: That sounds delightful, man ihatemyguts: also lowkey how has that never happened, not even with my ma ihatemyguts: clearly just that cold and standoffish she's like nah ihatemyguts: maybe I should wait 'til Zach is here too 'cos it was kinda his idea but if I give cred now, we're all good and I can take the blame if it's a big nope brainpain: you're still a 👶 not even gonna be synced with yourself yet brainpain: hold up I'll drag him by his curls brainpain: out there having a life like a real boy 😤 ihatemyguts: 😂 ihatemyguts: he'll get tricked into going to a weird Funland island and get turned into a donkey for his crimes, it's okay brainpain: sounds lit brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] inandout: 🤥 ihatemyguts: How's your conscience? ihatemyguts: 🦗🦗🦗 inandout: 💎 clear ihatemyguts: 🤨 suspect inandout: you're not my wine mum inandout: or vodka aunt ihatemyguts: How rude ihatemyguts: Put some respect on your cult leader inandout: 🙇🙏 inandout: no food offerings ihatemyguts: safe bet gotspoons: 👋 I'm here! gotspoons: having a great day today, actually got energy, whaaaa?! 😲🤭 inandout: quick! float the idea while she's on cloud 9 gotspoons: You make me sound like an ogre, Zach 😜 gotspoons: what's going on? brainpain: Princess ogre ihatemyguts: Fiona ihatemyguts: v chic ihatemyguts: anyway, as we're all 👍 besides battle royale 🩸 ihatemyguts: we was thinking, and talking 'bout, a potential meetup ihatemyguts: thought we'd float it, see what y'all 💭 brainpain: I've got a 🍳 I'm 👍 + in ihatemyguts: which princess is that? one with crazy long hair, I 👀 it ihatemyguts: it could be cool, yeah? and why not, we'd have to make sure everyone who wants to can obvs or what's the point but apart from that brainpain: Princess me, unless the bleach makes it all fall out 😬 brainpain: [a very her style location] 📌🌎 inandout: we're not doing it there gotspoons: This is the problem, guys 😩 gotspoons: it would be really awesome but there is SO much planning you'd have to do to make it safe for everyone gotspoons: and picking a place for everyone that meets all the requirements inandout: we're willing to do all that inandout: planning + safety stuff ihatemyguts: totally ihatemyguts: like we could even go to a park or somewhere totally neutral ihatemyguts: or see if we can find some council-owned hall or something, 'cos places like that HAVE to be accessible ihatemyguts: I don't mind calling around and I bet Rich knows lots, and you will think of ALL the ways to keep EVERYONE safe and happy, right Rosie? brainpain: where I used to have support group would actually work brainpain: [a decent location that's like a community centre of something] ihatemyguts: 🙌 that looks legit ihatemyguts: if we explain what we're tryna do, bet they won't even charge us brainpain: I've got a hook up as ⭐ pupil brainpain: had my pick of those circle of chairs tigerbalm: 🙀🙀🙀🙀 tigerbalm: are we REALLY going to be able to meet up in person?! inandout: possibly gotspoons: How are we going to do this, IF we can gotspoons: you have to think about food and drink and seating and how we'd cover that, even if they did give us the venue for free inandout: I'm great with funds, it's assumed and expected gotspoons: but is that fair? gotspoons: I know some of us have none or very little inandout: I won't charge any of you a fee to come through the doors inandout: not that Jewish gotspoons: Oh, Zach! ihatemyguts: 🤑 is an accessibility issue, this should be a service, it should exist for free ihatemyguts: but it doesn't ihatemyguts: so if we can do this for ourselves, and offer it for free, for as little expense as possible ihatemyguts: maybe people will pull their finger out and consider actually doing their job ihatemyguts: you can write about it on your blog, get the word out brainpain: I'll fund-raise on stream, I've got your backs, nerds ihatemyguts: Right? High🖐 ihatemyguts: it's for US, so all of us that can, will put money into it ihatemyguts: no pressure on the ones that can't, fuck that, if anyone is gonna be that arsehole then they aren't welcome, yeah? tigerbalm: my parents have a people carrier, cos of course they do, but my creepy uncle won't be invited if any of y'all need rides ihatemyguts: 🤩🤩🤩 gotspoons: I'm going to do some research gotspoons: A LOT of research gotspoons: I would hate for anything to happen to anyone is this group tigerbalm: Where's Rich? tigerbalm: he would love to be on the front lines about this gotspoons: He would be a big help gotspoons: I feel like he had a uni thing today, an open day or something like that??? gotspoons: ugh my memory letting me down AS PER tigerbalm: how exciting! tigerbalm: I'll have to quiz him when he shows gotspoons: I know! gotspoons: He always checks in though, he'll be here later brainpain: Moving on, for those of us too brain damaged for further education gotspoons: 😔 brainpain: just me & my raging hormones LOL brainpain: he'll be such a happy nerd gotspoons: that's for sure gotspoons: he'll probably know so many answers to our questions already enablednotdisabled: I thought this group existed in lieu of an in-person group? brainpain: sup dude, it does enablednotdisabled: wouldn't it be potentially exclusionary to take this offline then? enablednotdisabled: realistically, there will be some of us who simply cannot get there inandout: if you wanna get there, we'll make it happen inandout: facetime you in if nothing else works enablednotdisabled: I'm not talking for myself, just others who might not feel confident enough to inandout: collective "you" inandout: we've all got phones enablednotdisabled: I just feel like this group can be quite us vs. them at times enablednotdisabled: hard to get heard if you aren't in the core group tigerbalm: There isn't a core group tigerbalm: everyone is listened to & respected enablednotdisabled: With all due respect, you are a part of it enablednotdisabled: so, of course, you feel that way enablednotdisabled: I'm not suggesting you can't break off and do your own thing, but the main chat of this forum that is meant to be for all of us, isn't the place for it brainpain: this group is what you make it, man brainpain: + the main chat brainpain: hit us with a topic you wanna talk about whenever inandout: it was brought up here so everyone knows they're invited ihatemyguts: I'm new and everyone I've found has been really receptive and welcoming to whatever I've had to say ihatemyguts: it sucks that you've not had that experience yourself but no one here is excluding you right now, least of all Robyn enablednotdisabled: There's a definite atmosphere here, whether you want to acknowledge it or not enablednotdisabled: the guidelines of what is expected and what is acceptable need to be clearer enablednotdisabled: and the moderators, who I've never actually witnessed in chat, should be quicker to put people on the right track, making this more therapeutic/beneficial to all, ban people if necessary brainpain: If you 🔎 hard enough for an atmosphere, it's findable brainpain: when you come in with a definite attitude of your own that's not gonna help none gotspoons: There's no need for us to have an argument, this is supposed to be a positive space gotspoons: if you have a complaint you'd like to make @enablednotdisabled, there is a link to contact the mods directly gotspoons: but I'd be happy to talk to you, privately if you'd prefer, and then we can take it from there? enablednotdisabled: I can handle my own complaints, thanks enablednotdisabled: and this isn't a positive space for me, and plenty other people I've talked to gotspoons: It hurts me to hear that, I'm really sorry and steps do need to be taken to attempt to rectify that then handicapable: I agree, it's cliquey here, unless you're one of the 'popular kids' or core group as @enablednotdisabled said, nobody cares handicapable: @ihatemyguts may be new but her finding a way in doesn't mean the walls aren't there for the rest of us handicapable: I barely log in any more gotspoons: Then let's tackle this culture head on gotspoons: do either of you have suggestions on how we could go about that, so I'm not dominating the conversation handicapable: You're not the one who dominates the conversation ihatemyguts: Don't think we need to @ people with specific comments like that ihatemyguts: not speaking for myself brainpain: @ me, baby brainpain: At least then I could defend myself brainpain: 🤐 though ihatemyguts: You've got the floor, like tigerbalm: It's not a safe space for Lauren if she can't say what she wants to say at risk of being accused of dominating the chat tigerbalm: either you want people to feel listened to or you don't ihatemyguts: And yeah, I am new, but I know Lauren, or anyone else in the chat rn, would not shoot you down if you wanted to change topic enablednotdisabled: It's about who always seems to be dictating the topic enablednotdisabled: we could change it, but then you feel like an interloper ihatemyguts: The conversation has to start somewhere, by someone ihatemyguts: @handicapable admitted to barely logging in now, of course the people who are here more will talk more, that's a given, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to contribute or come in to the convo ihatemyguts: there's no way to avoid that...prompts? mods only? that's not natural, or practical inandout: bible quotes inandout: 1 Peter 5:10 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Why are we quoting scripture? inandout: Lauren's been here for like 2 years but suddenly she's a disruptive force tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well that's bullshit tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: unless you're a incel on her stream brainpain: you know me brainpain: how was your open day, babe? brainpain: (unless I'm a domineering b word for asking) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Decent, despite the fact no one was expecting the wheelchair kid tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: despite the fact I called ahead tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you can dominate me all you want but let me catch up with this apparent shitstorm I've missed brainpain: what a sexy proposition brainpain: I knew I'd missed you enablednotdisabled: Right, that's that conversation over then enablednotdisabled: 👌 brainpain: come on, man ihatemyguts: This is ridiculous ihatemyguts: people have formed meaningful relationships here, they're not allowed to acknowledge that in case someone feels left out, if you've talked to plenty of other people about the state of this forum, then clearly you've formed deeper bonds with them too ihatemyguts: no one here begrudges you that ihatemyguts: you're bound to get on with certain people over others, there's nothing discriminatory about that, it's to be expected tigerbalm: Like, are we supposed to take everything to PMs now? Cos I wanna hear about Rich's open day too but maybe he doesn't wanna type everything out to separate people lots of separate times ihatemyguts: ^You're just being rude, for the sake of it ihatemyguts: Rosie has offered to privately message about this, or you can put it all in an email to the mods tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: literally, 'we' (I'll include myself in this core group that you see, even if I don't see that as a valid argument), have done nothing to you two, have never excluded either of you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: everyone here is welcoming, and was welcoming you before your complaints tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: which aren't rooted in anything I can see as factual tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: what's the actual issue here? you're just hitting out buzzwords handicapable: and you're just jumping to the defence of the girl you like flirting with brainpain: Whoa now! That's not all I am in here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: See, that's multiple times you've personally made jabs at Lauren tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: none of us have made any comments on you two personally tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it seems like you're more cliquey than us if you can't see her as a valued member of the group brainpain: I'm not gonna leave cos you want on Rich for being hot af brainpain: shoutout to the new girl for letting that be known though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thank you, m'dear (somewhere between 🎩 and 🧢) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but thanks for implying I'm so desperate that I'd flirt with a girl I'd never seen before @handicapable tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: things are not quite that bad, I can assure you inandout: we're all that desperate, where have we heard that before? inandout: @normal people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't deserve any relationships that are deeper than strictly clinical and professional inandout: which is why we don't need to talk to any one person more than once tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shout your grievances into the void and move on tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but don't be too depressing about it ihatemyguts: This group doesn't work, you're right, just not for the reasons you're giving ihatemyguts: but we're all welcome to do what we must about making it work, even if I disagree with yours personally ihatemyguts: at least we try, and if you view us as an 'us' then you also view yourself as a group ihatemyguts: which isn't how I see it, or it's meant to be ihatemyguts: it's a group as a whole inandout: I wanted to organise a meet up to make things cooler inandout: sometimes you don't wanna shout shit into the void inandout: you wanna look someone in the eye when you're talking to them inandout: so you don't have to feel othered ihatemyguts: ^^ inandout: I get to do things with all my other friends inandout: that's what you guys are tigerbalm: I don't have other friends, I'm not saying it to make anyone 😿 tigerbalm: but I don't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you've got us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't need to apologize for being friends tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I think meeting up is a really good idea, I'll be happy to help brainpain: It's okay, Robyn, none of us have done anything wrong gotspoons: I've contacted the moderators, I'll let you know when I get a response brainpain: I did too ✌️ gotspoons: Good, everyone who feels they need to, should gotspoons: I'm glad your open-day went well, Rich brainpain: me too, hot 🤓 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thanks, guys tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's got potential tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: once I get there and make some changes, of course tigerbalm: 🙌 You go, Rich! 🧡 tigerbalm: not to use a banned word but you do inspire me for when I get to uni myself tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: We'll allow it, well I will because I love a compliment tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and you'll be great when you do tigerbalm: I hope my parents won't make me stay local tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If you don't want to, you shouldn't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't let anything stop you tigerbalm: I'll try not to tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when you need them, I can throw all the resources and info at you tigerbalm: thanks brainpain: Can we talk about me now cos that's the ONLY reason I'm here LMAO ihatemyguts: @Zach, gonna come at her with your famous line? inandout: you've built it up now ihatemyguts: 🙄 ugh, baby inandout: are we at pet names? cool ihatemyguts: 😂 shut up ihatemyguts: but don't, all voices welcome inandout: yours is dragon ball z inandout: for today ihatemyguts: romantic ihatemyguts: we're meant to be talking about Lauren inandout: Lauren's is low blow ihatemyguts: got a real talent, kid ihatemyguts: may as well do the entire group inandout: wouldn't wanna exclude anyone ihatemyguts: 😏 ihatemyguts: no one will be devastated about that, trust me inandout: damn inandout: or dang ihatemyguts: is that another group rule I've shamelessly flouted? 😬 brainpain: It's a me rule, dragon ball brainpain: you're safe in this safe space ihatemyguts: I'll do my best to mind my Ps & Qs ihatemyguts: 🤞 brainpain: you're fine I'm just aware of my 👵 status brainpain: don't wanna spook the 👶s ihatemyguts: thoughtful ihatemyguts: 👌 brainpain: who knew? brainpain: check me out, not being a huge b word ihatemyguts: honestly, disappointing brainpain: @ my exes ihatemyguts: they aren't here, are they ihatemyguts: @fibro not included brainpain: only my next brainpain: when I snag Rich for myself brainpain: gotta tame that playboy ihatemyguts: so many 💔💔💔 @ this news brainpain: long as you're not brainpain: he's too old for you, babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I feel used tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and yes, much too 👴 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: be your ex-husband at this rate brainpain: I'm not gonna say, you can use me too, in front of the children brainpain: but mutual love & respect, boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shocking behaviour, Mrs brainpain: asking for discipline would also be over the line, sir gotspoons: OKAY gotspoons: putting a stop to this convo thank you gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: have I covered it? brainpain: g dang it, Rich! Have I not been involved in enough controversy for one day? brainpain: turn away from me, you sexy beast gotspoons: you're very cute but terrible gotspoons: ogre princess putting her foot down on this one tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'll take the blame tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: rushing to your defense again brainpain: 😍 ihatemyguts: sure wish someone would run in and change the topic ihatemyguts: it's like mum and dad have had too much 🍷 inandout: could be a prime time for you to ask Robbie on your first date, dbz ihatemyguts: Oh yeah! 💡 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 💘 is in the air tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: careful, Zach ihatemyguts: Robyn, have you decided what you're gonna wear to your party yet? tigerbalm: I have a moodboard tigerbalm: would you like to see it? ihatemyguts: Um, absolutely tigerbalm: [that moodboard] ihatemyguts: So, you'd be up for going into town to try-on stuff, right? ihatemyguts: I can think of some shops with some unique stuff tigerbalm: 😺!!! ihatemyguts: Is that a yes 😺 or a I'm calling the police 😺? tigerbalm: I'd love to tigerbalm: my parents might call the police though ihatemyguts: that's alright, I've given you a fake name tigerbalm: they would think so tigerbalm: but their name choices are pretty boring ihatemyguts: at least you've got a super cute name ihatemyguts: if it'd make them feel better though, I'll come meet them or whatever tigerbalm: oh thanks x2 tigerbalm: that's so nice ihatemyguts: 'course ihatemyguts: who doesn't like shopping? inandout: I don't inandout: that much ihatemyguts: that'll be why you didn't ask yourself inandout: I would never third wheel your date inandout: very uncool ihatemyguts: well, if anyone does wanna come along, that'd be alright brainpain: happy to invite myself into any convo or situation ihatemyguts: 🤓 or 😎 ihatemyguts: you could do our makeup ihatemyguts: because not joking about the trainwreck it is when I do ihatemyguts: 🤡 not the theme brainpain: to avoid a spooky 🤡 resurge brainpain: I shall gotspoons: 😱😱😱😱 gotspoons: I hate clowns tigerbalm: SAME! my brothers love the 🤡🎈 films but I can't watch 🙀 gotspoons: Nooooooo gotspoons: even the advert was scary tigerbalm: ever since I went to the 🎪🐘🤡🍿 as a child I'm like traumatised inandout: once I got dragged along when my parents went shopping for a sofa and there was a clown there inandout: as a mascot or something gotspoons: 😭 THAT'S HORRIFYING inandout: fever dreams are made of this inandout: he kept trying to ruffle my hair ihatemyguts: definitely a bad omen ihatemyguts: that clown was there to warn you about...something inandout: I'm not classing it as a date though, you still get to go first inandout: the warning'll simply be my impending death ihatemyguts: your first bad omen ihatemyguts: n'awh inandout: cute, right? ihatemyguts: 🐭 🐹 🐰 inandout: 🐿🦔 ihatemyguts: 🦄 brainpain: sure, I'll chaperone you two brainpain: ✨ ihatemyguts: result brainpain: arms length, Zachary gotspoons: I feel like I'm on a dating site brainpain: there'd be way more fibros if we were gotspoons: I've never even attempted to date gotspoons: such a minefield brainpain: if you change your mind, I'll get my sister to list off which ones to avoid brainpain: she feeds me a new spooky story weekly gotspoons: see, it's bad enough without the added 'who I am' drama brainpain: get yourself a love interest with more 🚑💊💉 drama than you, that's what I do brainpain: you're the chill one by comparison gotspoons: Rich is still here lurking, you know 🤭 brainpain: he knows what we have is deep + meaningful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👌 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: very serious brainpain: I'm coaching Rosie for her first venture into dating not discussing our lengthy but ultimately doomed love affair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: doomed because 💀💀 or doomed because someone will join the group with ultimate 🚑💊💉 drama and better hair? brainpain: @Zach with that death clock bs brainpain: doomed cos you'll meet a hot 🤓 at uni brainpain: nobody has better hair than either of us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay then, I won't be pre-offended and call you out on that nonsense brainpain: that isn't a promise that you'll still have time for me brainpain: we're all waiting, Rich tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depends how hot and how nerdy this university girl is, of course brainpain: Profess your undying love for me or get out, honestly tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie will shut it down again brainpain: 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: She's a hater 💔 gotspoons: 😱 Rich! gotspoons: I'm very supportive brainpain: LOL gotspoons: 😥 gotspoons: I love love brainpain: you're a 🧸 brainpain: I love you, Rosemary brainpain: feel free to ignore my husband gotspoons: I ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 you all too gotspoons: even if you test my nerves sometimes, it's only in a good way 😅 tigerbalm: So, if one of us had a 'normal' crush, would that be doomed? tigerbalm: asking for a friend 😳 gotspoons: OF COURSE NOT gotspoons: you're beautiful gotspoons: spill spill! tigerbalm: there isn't much to say except his running route goes past my house tigerbalm: we've 👋 at each other but no conversation has happened gotspoons: HOW EXCITING ihatemyguts: You've gotta talk to him ihatemyguts: such a meet-cute tigerbalm: I have no idea what I would say ihatemyguts: a hello to go with the 👋 to start ihatemyguts: you'll know what to do tigerbalm: a 'how are you?' to follow but what then? ihatemyguts: something like...you run this route often? ihatemyguts: do you run anywhere else? ihatemyguts: are you single? tigerbalm: 🐱 gotspoons: Oh! gotspoons: What does he look like? gotspoons: Can you take a picture? gotspoons: No, perhaps not gotspoons: I've got snap happy now 😅 tigerbalm: I'll try if I can do it without anyone else noticing tigerbalm: it's okay if my cat judges me, but no humans tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I cannot officially endorse this behaviour, ladies tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I'm sure he would be very flattered and consider himself lucky, Robyn tigerbalm: Oh Rich, you're such a big softie 😸 brainpain: LMAO brainpain: forget the boy, I want pics of your cat tigerbalm: [cat pics] 🧡 inandout: that is a potentially judgemental looking moggy, be careful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: girl or boy? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: he or she is very distinguished looking, I feel tigerbalm: me & my mum were feeling outnumbered, so she got adopted too tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: fight the power ✊ tigerbalm: I have rabbits too but they would probably encourage me, they're pretty naughty tigerbalm: for fairness tigerbalm: [rabbit pics] brainpain: I had 🐭🐭 as a kid brainpain: LOVED those critters brainpain: [picture of kiddo Lauren with mice on her shoulders] ihatemyguts: I wish I was allowed pets with fur ihatemyguts: scales only inandout: I'm not either inandout: my brother's allergic ihatemyguts: maybe we have the same brother ihatemyguts: slightly concerned now inandout: yours isn't as old as mine, we know that inandout: unless some kind of freaky time loop or something has happened ihatemyguts: I'm you in a parallel universe inandout: before I agree to co-sign, do you have any pets with scales? ihatemyguts: 🐉 🐲 inandout: cool inandout: I accept our parallel lives ihatemyguts: [pics of your dragons 'cos probably have one each lowkey] inandout: if I'm the only petless one in the "core" I will have to hang my head ihatemyguts: you can have joint custody ihatemyguts: don't worry inandout: pet names + a pet share? What a day ihatemyguts: v generous inandout: I'm making that discovery ihatemyguts: 🎁🔍 inandout: I wish we were doing a treasure hunt inandout: that's gonna be date 4 ihatemyguts: challenge accepted ihatemyguts: you gotta find the treasure outside then rehide it though ihatemyguts: more fun inandout: rules accepted ihatemyguts: if you happen to find 💰💎🏺🧭🔮🧿📿 then we'll bury it inandout: what happens if I find a 🗝? ihatemyguts: #5 finding the 🚪 or 🔓 it fits brainpain: Wait, how many dates am I chaperoning you 👶🤓s for? brainpain: gotta find a ✏️ to write this down ihatemyguts: technically, Zach wants to wait 'til he's not 🔞 ihatemyguts: unless you're well dedicated to protect and serve ihatemyguts: also plenty of time to lose that 📄 inandout: don't listen to her, the first date is Robbie's party and we've all 📅 ihatemyguts: might be a double date ihatemyguts: 💃🏃 tigerbalm: I'm so happy that you're both coming! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Of course they're not missing the event of the season tigerbalm: 😸😺 tigerbalm: I better plan some more tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is your forte tigerbalm: compliments are yours tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and hair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: humility, less so brainpain: I can vouch for that being why we're soulmates tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's the way you can dominate a conversation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: like a girl with something to say brainpain: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Tease brainpain: you'd be into it if I were tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: now she speaks 🤫 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If Rosie isn't sleeping she'll be 😖 brainpain: I know how to behave, you're the bad influence here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Gladly take that reputation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: much worse could be said about me brainpain: catch that 2nd wave of drama when the haters log back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I hope so brainpain: only cos you missed the kick off tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Not taking politics for nothing brainpain: they can 🔫 @ me if it means you get your 🎓 babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: long as I can 🛡 without being fibro about it brainpain: you did tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👍 gotspoons: I was thinking gotspoons: maybe if we make more boards for specific topics, that would be better? gotspoons: then the chat could be just that, a casual chat that isn't necessarily disability related but us related, as people gotspoons: what do you guys think? brainpain: I'm in inandout: me too inandout: I was gonna make a similar suggestion but it was my last idea that started everything earlier gotspoons: It's not your fault, Zach gotspoons: I just need to do some admin, update the site tigerbalm: I can help if you need any gotspoons: Thanks, Robbie

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juleswolverton-hyde · 5 years

Text

Comfort is coming (YG x Reader)

Genre: Fluff, College/University AU

Pairing: Student!Yoongi x Student!Reader

Warnings: No warnings apply

Summary: Hard academic labour deserves to be rewarded with a treat every once in a while. For example, with holding a marathon of a favourite series while eating a tub of ice cream.

And the unsuspected company in the form of the silent force under the same roof.

There are times when life is hard, when it knows periods wherein every single thing that is normally so ordinary now forms an extraordinary addition to the amalgamation of educational stress. Each day is filled with nothing but typing on the flat slightly illuminated keyboard of the matte silver MacBook filled with academic files, hoping to finish that close reading essay that was thought of too easily, when a heavily caffeinated mind is not occupied by trying to process every bit of information eyes framed by glass absorb from paper. It always is the same song and yet its dance can never be learned.

Day in, day out.

Sigh after sigh.

Nevertheless, they pass, eventually, invoking feelings of tremendous relief, mental devastation and exhausted defeat to flow throughout a learning being again and again. Today is one of those moments in which this memorable potion is drunk after completing the deadline and cramping up with pain inflicted by ink in a most powerful tool and chaotic panic at not understanding the capability of the human intellect despite cramming hours on end.

The leather bag is thrown onto the floor at the entrance of the apartment shared with a silent stoic raven-haired force who composes music in the hush habitual to the residence, headphones always on in the bedroom functioning more as a studio even when nobody is home. In fact, it is not unlikely to think the padding of toes merely clad in socks goes unnoticed, the noise-isolating padding tuning them out immediately after removing nightly black and crisp white Adidas sneakers in the tiny entryway and putting them into the shoe closet next to the entrance.

It is not minded since it is part of the routine, the only moments of really enjoying each other’s company being dinner and occasional mutual trips to the supermarket to stock up for the coming week. Lunch is never shared because either party picks up something in the cafeteria of the university building they have to be for a seminar or lecture or somewhere in the big concrete jungle, alone or with a friend. Breakfast is also rarely a moment of true friendship, Yoongi skipping it on a daily basis yet always nagging the curiously accepted housemate when there is a risk of giving into the same habit. It has gotten to the point of being forced to wait until the musician finishes his characteristic double espresso and preparing a decent enough meal for one likely running late for class whenever the scenario presents itself, nonchalantly blocking the way in every instance feet try to slip away from the scene to crack on or sending empty threats behind a turned back.

Although, in hindsight, the same happens in the event of dinner and not feeling too hungry if at all.

Withal, skipping a meal will have to be excused for the day because when bone tired limbs have exchanged the complicated outfit - consisting of onyx leggings matching the same-toned dress underneath a denim jacket and above knee-height light brown leather boots - for dusk-shaded Puma sweatpants and a plain ivory V-neck shirt, nothing will be done anymore. Bare feet crawl under the alabaster thick sheets after wrapping them in the blanket coloured in a murky earth and mossy tone, moonlight-shaded MacBook opened to the downloaded Game of Thrones episodes the quiet strangely kind power roaming the same house shared by email at accidentally discovering a mutual love for the series during a boring lecture, sharing earphones to watch season one painfully unfold all over again because, apparently, Yoongi had just started it.

And, although already having seen the first few batches that were sent by digital means before illegally online, they nevertheless bring a grateful smile to tired lips each time because it is due to this sharing of documents a splendid opportunity has been steadily formed to indulge in a marathon to withdraw from the world in silent celebration of a liberation from stress.

However, it would appear the musician has stopped watching recently since conversations have led more often to forbidding giving any spoilers for season four and further. Though, when asking to brand new seasons bought on DVD on the hard drive to add to the little nerdy collection on the bedside table also functioning as a headboard, Yoongi gladly rips the files and sends them over email thus adding both to the personal collection and that of a soul glad for the kindness in spite of the more stranding chit chats since there have not been many moments of bonding since moving in four months ago. Other than the series, there is little to talk about that which has been discovered as common interest let alone bond over and both working and hanging out with different people besides the study does also not greatly help in forming a deeper meaning to the fragile friendship.

Just as a comfortable position is taken up and noise-cancelling white headphones put on, a digit hovering above the touchpad for the cursor to start from the very beginning of the visual version of “A Song of Ice and Fire”, a dimly audible knock is followed by an immediate opening of the door to the private haven. Obviously disregarding the polite pause to wait for consent, Yoongi stands on the threshold, bangs as dark as ink covering a pale forehead and the light skin of the resident stoic silent force further accentuated by the overall casual outfit of ripped jeans and a T-shirt that could blend easily into the shadows. ‘Judging by your appearance, I wager it’s either that time of the month again where you get grumpy at me for no good reason and act like a drama queen or you just made your exams and deadlines.’

‘Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be composing or something? You normally ignore me until before dinner.’ The constraints on hearing are removed while eyes wander to the bright green slightly translucent plastic convenience store bag held by bony skillful fingers, light up at registering what the item within it is and seeing a comforting sympathetic curve on lips having lost every sense of mocking when looking back at the unexpected visitor. ‘Why the ice cream?’

‘I never ignore you, Y/N. I know I don’t say much and we don’t have much of a relationship, but ever since you’ve been here I’ve had no choice but to observe you on a daily basis, looking as shabby a-’ An offended palm lashes out as the flatmate sits down on the edge of the mattress - a bed frame a disturbance to the overall minimalist aesthetic - on the cedar floor and puts the bag down, the sharp slap of skin on skin resonating in the temporary hush. The hit has a deceivingly powerful impact because a red outline already begins to form and makes the baffled young man cover it protectively in the instant the imprint is noticed. ‘What the- Y/N! What the hell?’

‘That’s for calling me shabby. It’s not, it’s comfy.’ The pout in which the last statement is made returns clear amusement with a caring undertone to the other’s shocked expression. The digits reaching out to pat locks depicting the aftermath of academic stress are swatted away, arms crossing in defiance afterwards while an unforgiving glare holds a warning strengthening the one made in a voice that cannot sound entirely angry due to the gratefulness towards the pale onyx-haired lad for checking up on an exhausted somewhat friend. ‘Don’t touch me. I’ll bite your fingers off if you try again.’

‘Fine. Here I was, thinking I’d cheer you up with the ice cream you always buy when you’re like this, but apparently, it isn’t appreciated. Guess I’ll give it to Joon or Jimin, instead.’ An attempt at getting up is made yet stopped directly by apologetic palms at the ends of uncrossed arms clad in too long sleeves, a tug on the wrist asking to return while also not being able to help but glance longingly at the icy cinnamon roll treat that threatens to leave alongside the present company. ‘Oh, so now you want it, huh?’

‘I’m sorry, if that’s what you want to hear.’ Albeit reluctantly, an apology for the defiance is given, knowing full well the playful mocking attitude of the fellow student though personal pride was still damaged at being called badly composed style-wise.

‘You’re forgiven. Look, I’ve gotten to know your personality through actions. In university, you’re the independent hard-working calm girl while at home you’re one giant ball of stress who’ll get frustrated with deadlines again the day following a bit of rest. But it is days like this one that you’re happy and it’s annoyingly rubbing off on me.’ The tub in the plastic bag is put in the lap covered by the thick alabaster duvet. ‘Making me want to see you be a little content hermit. Here, eat up and relax. You’ve earned it.’

Brows furrow in played confusion, teasing like him howbeit in retaliation for the insult earlier in spite of the oddly satisfying confession at not being a mere invisible force like the musician. ‘How am I supposed to eat this without a spoon?’

A contemplating nod, acknowledging the treat cannot be enjoyed without otherwise and should have been brought along from the beginning. ‘Right... I’ll get you one.’

‘Can you make it two?’

‘What?’ The surprise at the request raises the indifferent husky voice by a few tones.

‘I can’t eat this all by myself, though. So, do you-’ Doubtful irises shift from the favourite ice cream to the screen, awkwardly moving on the mattress thanks to the self-made constraints on wrapped feet, and back to Yoongi whose expression briefly transforms into characteristic stoicism before showing a ghost of a rare gummy smile. ‘Do you want to watch Game of Thrones with me?’

‘Sure. Which season, though?’

‘Three. Where are you?’

Sheepishly, the creative genius rubs the back of the neck in obvious hesitance to admit something. Regardless, as always, what needs to be said, is said is as serious a tone as possible. ‘I’ve kinda forgotten since I think I stopped halfway. Although, I’ve seen the Red-’

‘We. Do. Not! Talk about The Red Wedding.’ An accusing finger rises in offence at bringing up the sensitive subject about a most traumatic and tragic event in Westeros. ‘Not a single word more about it, Min Yoongi.’

‘I forgot how immersed you are in the series.’ A roll of the eyes goes accompanied by an amused sigh as palms plant themselves on hips and a headshake emphasizes the entertainment at the, perhaps, too extravagant reaction. ‘Alright, I’ll shut up. You start up the point from which you want to watch, but no further than the event we just spoke about, and I’ll get the spoons. So you can shovel the ice cream in.’

‘One more degrading comment and I’ll have your head!’ The empty threat is shrugged off by the leaving flatmate who has always laughed off these types of statements, either frustratingly coaxing more out or merely mumbling something along the terms of being cute which, in turn, raises more protest that, again, gets treated in the same manner. It is a viscous endless circle.

‘Who are you? Geoffrey Baratheon?’ A smug glance over the shoulder invites a new discussion that on one hand wants to be held while, on the other, the aftermath of educational stress does not allow it.

Henceforth, it is hoped to be ended with a final deciding futile violent phrasing. ‘I will be if you don’t get the bloody spoons.’

A reflecting tilt of the head, raven locks partially covering up the devious expression of the annoying yet beloved musician. ‘Maybe Cersei.’

‘Go.’ The command comes out between gritted teeth, absolutely done with the subject and too eager to attack the tub of cinnamon roll goodness before it is all melted.

‘As my lady commands.’

Vaguely in the distance sounds the barely audible padding of bare feet towards the kitchen after the flatmate has left the room, leaving a small crack in the door in the wake filled with endeavours at soothing kindness. Although it might mean inherently nothing, the tight grip on the edge of the warm duvet cannot be helped as the heart flutters with innocent joyous sentiments bordering on a deeper version of themselves. Especially when Sense comes in to calculate the outcome of the sum of caring behaviours and recalled mental transcripts of past conversations, however trivial, alongside the little gestures in the studying composer’s absence in the form of song recommendations on post-it notes or sharing earbuds inconspicuously during boring lectures or seminars to listen to the same song.

The clinking of the cutlery drawer being searched, looking for the right spoons.

The sound of a metal wave when the loud impact of the momentum makes the insides shake in unison when it is being slammed shut despite the mechanism ensuring a gentle closing.

Returning bare toes underneath a delighted sliver of a grin as slim pianist fingers present the retrieved items, one of them handed over with a broad smile that is glad to see the eagerness with which it is accepted and the tub opened to attack immediately.

Once more Yoongi strikes down on the edge of the mattress but this time to look for a comfortable position to sit in and getting incredibly close while doing so. It is not unusual to be fairly intimate during educational hours, but this is a whole new sort as the onyx-haired man tries to secure a seat just in front of the night table functioning as a headboard, thus placing an utterly confused girl between black pepper and ink scented legs. ‘Scoot over. And don’t you dare eat that whole tub by yourself. You always get me worried for your health when you do. I enjoy seeing you eat, but you shouldn’t overdo it.’

‘It’s only 360 calories and I’m an adult. I can do what I want.’ Awkwardly, an attempt is made at putting a bit of distance between bodies by trying to ease into a lying position next to the curiously intimate flatmate so that only shoulders touch.

However, the composer does not allow it and makes use of the clumsy unbalanced shuffling to pull the spine flush against a soft warm chest, locking the captured party by grabbing the laptop from the side and placing it on top of the two-person lap which has just been created and locking ankles in place after rearranging the warm sheets to cover both parties.

Both friends.

Or more, though that remains to be seen when the confusion will be explained by the course of Time.

As if nothing unusual has happened, blatantly ignoring burning ashamed crimson cheeks, the cursor flies over the screen to start up one of the episodes without knowing the exact point from which an original beginning of the marathon wanted to be made. ‘Where do we start?’

Hands still wrapped about the cinnamon ice cream carton, spoon balanced between nimble fingers, grab the treat a little bit harder to calm down while speech clearly portrays being affected by the sudden show of closeness. ‘Season three, episode- no, wait. Season one, episode one.’

The best way to remember all that has transpired in the politics of Westeros after escaping the realm for a while is to watch the game of thrones unfold all over again despite almost being able to recite every scene by heart. ‘That’s where we’ll start.’

‘I think I still rec-‘ The considering protest is broken off by a spoonful of cinnamon ice cream from the rapidly opened carton box, tired of having to wait to finally kick back and relax in, apparently, good human company.

‘Shut up, Lannister, and just start the series.’ The nicknames from the houses each individual supposedly belongs to have become a sort of inside joke to refer to one another and it would be a lie to say it was not missed in rare actual conversations. It brings back the memories of that first moment of watching this exact same beginning to the turbulent fantastical political chaos, huddled together while plainly ignoring the professor talking about a subject undoubtedly important for the exam but which at the time did not matter whatsoever. Perfectly content watching the battle for The Iron Throne unfold and taking a quiz to figure out where one would be in Westeros was it the real world.

The topic of the lecture did matter, as would be discovered, for the close reading.

‘Okay, fine, Tully, we can still cha-’ Another icy bite cuts Yoongi off again before irises return to the screen and a weary head lies down on the top side of a cushiony stomach in splendid delight, eating ice cream while regarding a bloody imaginary history.

Winter is coming.

But comfort is already here.

#BTS #hyunglinenetwork #hyungline #btsguild #Yoongi #SUGA #Agust D #Min Yoongi #BTS fanfiction #BTS fluff #BTS College Au #BTS University AU

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sirengenerator · 6 years

Text

ribcage

tbh i don’t really know what this is but also? i’m kind of proud of it i guess. it’s a little. Pretentious. and maybe very self indulgent.

a character study of z and florence, and a general study of their relationship, which is wildly inappropriate.

content warnings for (vague) discussion of florence’s triggers and a weird mixture of a non-graphic sexual relationship and a shallow rivalry which could get kind of uncomfortable for some i imagine.

i’m going to edit it more when i have more energy.

(i. little wretched thing.)

Z is paper thin.

Shine a light through them and they become transparent. Tear them apart and they can never be put back together. You can try, though.

You can put them together like some rudimentary craft and still the damage remains. Taped over or glued together. The divide and the rift inside cannot be managed.

(And the impurity within them, not human and not siren, something in between. Violet-blooded, as the shipwreck would say.

It is a shame uncontested, unnoticed.)

You won’t try to fix them, though, and why would you? Selma—a mother, a sacrifice, in many ways—tries, and she must make the choice between her happiness and helping Z.

(She chooses the happiness.)

Paisley tries, God, Paisley tries. She reaches out and grasps at the nothing Z offers. She tries her best to make something out of this nothing, to make a functioning person, but Z pushes it all away.

To help them is to give up parts of yourself, and who would want that?

Z simply isn’t worth the time.

(ii. perfect sinking ship.)

Florence is perfectly herself, in every manner of the word.

She’s a success, by all means. If her people could see her now, they would be proud of what they had wrought. Carefree and reckless. Hedonistic and lustful. What a siren they have created.

She is a fine craft, and truly admirable in her own little way. The ship is always beautiful before it sinks. It is something to be admired and critiqued. Something to be proud of.

And what a beautiful tragedy the shipwreck is. What enormous pride it carried, and what shame it embodies when it sinks. And what a thing it is to forget, because eventually it will be forgotten. This perfect thing, this sinking ship, will be forgotten.

Florence will be forgotten.

Clever but ignorant. Easy but complex. Florence cannot handle even the slightest brush from the hand of trauma, lest she forget even more of her past.

And to have that name branded on her—the name of that prideful thing, that filthiness

(it must be filthiness, or they wouldn’t look at her like that, with pity and disdain, hatred and curiosity)

instilled in her in the name of purity—is a fate worse than death. How can she belong when she is the product of a failure?

(iii. don’t kill the messenger, but hate him because of what he represents. of what he looks like, because he reflects your own face.)

Z can’t stand Florence. Can’t stand to look at the face of someone so vile—though she is beautiful, all sirens are, she is an echo of something familiar. The voice of someone Z knows.

She is like Z. Belonging nowhere and wandering the interim. They are alike in so many ways, and it hurts Z’s heart to think of such a thing, so they decide that they hate her.

It’s much easier, that way.

(iv. their eyes are green and clouded with envy but yours are grey and your jealousy comes from a place of bleakness much the same.)

Florence hates Z because they are wasteful.

Humanity is wonderful, she thinks. They’re awful and terrible and they reign over the world in the clumsiest way they can, but they’re beautiful and they have so much depth and gods how she wishes she could be one sometimes.

The wish is a dull ache in her heart, ever-present and gnawing at the back of her mind. She doesn’t dwell on it.

Lingering, in her experience, has caused nothing but pain. Lingering is the unhappy memory in meeting people like Achilles. Lingering is the reminder and lingering is the trigger. Lingering is the scratch of the nail and the pain in the stab.

The veiled hand of Mnemosyne rests on Florence’s shoulder, and lingering provokes her ire.

Z does nothing but linger. Z does nothing but wade in the shallows of their own misery, and they waste golden opportunities like the one before them. Gods, they could be human! They could be everything Florence wants to be.

(v. feign ignorance, look down upon immaturity. do everything you can to distance yourself but get as close as possible.)

The distance between Z and Florence is tense and overwrought, but eventually it is breached by the mutual attraction between them. And they still hate each other. They still have a relationship built upon the foundation of instantaneous contempt, but that is sort of lost with the distance.

Florence is audacious. Like a star she burns, and Z does the same. They will burn until they put themselves out, and maybe crashing into the other won’t be such a bad idea.

(Needless to say, it’s a bad idea.)

Z lights cigarettes after sex. Specifically sex with Florence, because it’s very strenuous and fast paced and sometimes they need some time to appreciate life and smell the nicotine. Florence makes a face.

“Gross,” she says, rolling over to face the wall. Z sits on the edge of the bed and pays no mind to her. She runs her fingertips over the blanket, rubbing it between her fingers. She’s having fun, at least.

It is the slightest bit comforting, watching her entertain herself like this. She’s kind of the worst person that Z has ever met, and her diet mainly consists of human flesh, but her softer side is always there. The outer layer to something venomous. She rolls the blanket between the palm of her hands. “It’s soft,” she says, “Warm.”

Z nods and disregards. They instead opt to focus on the crowning of the guest room wall. “So, Troye and Laila aren’t working out?”

And Florence understands the barest bones of that sentence, but she understands. Troye and Laila are becoming a bit of a favorite subject for her, lately. She muses over the idea for a moment.

“They’ll understand,” she settles.

Understanding is a funny thing. It’s another thing that provokes the jealousy from Z, because God, Florence is surrounded by so much of it.

“Fuck you,” Z says. Florence weakly kicks their lower back from under the covers. “You weren’t even trying.”

They understand each other.

(vi. fuck you! you don’t get to change! you don’t get to grow! you don’t get to move past these things that have ruined you! fuck you and your hypocrisies! you don’t get to grow through using each other! you don’t get to not-ruin each other and you certainly don’t get to change for the better! you cannot outrun the things that have ruined you.

you can’t be more than the wretched thing. you can’t be more than the sinking ship.)

Months have passed. Things have changed.

“What about you?” Florence asks. They are sitting in the living room. Nerys is researching and Andre is with Achilles and Troye and Laila are probably doing something productive. Everyone has something to do except the two of them.

(the two sirens, the two ruinous ones. a harbinger of disappointment and a defector of purity.

but also, z and florence. the multi-faceted. the complex characters. the positives and negatives that can be associated with any human. their insecurities should not define them.)

They’ve yet to move past the sex, but the end is near. Florence feels it heavy in the air. Z looks at her with a raised eyebrow. “Love,” she says, and she has a hard time finding the words. “Are you in it?”

Z looks like the comment offends them, for a moment, but they remember Florence is an idiot and she’s gone and fallen in love. Wonderful, ecstatic love.

(Z tries not to be jealous.)

There’s a tense silence hanging in the air. Z shrugs.

“I think,” they start, and it takes them a while to find the right words. It takes them a while to think that they have such an understanding of themselves that they can make this comment, “I should work on myself, first.”

(vii. all bad things come to an end eventually, and all suffering must come to a close lest it become monotonous, but this is not what makes you suffer. you simply see a better outcome. you simply change. you simply grow.

you become more.)

Florence is in love, and every day she is getting a better grip on the meaning of that phrase. Love. It’s funny and wonderful and thinking about it makes this wonderful feeling well up inside her.

She changes, and fuck, she grows! She understands.

The freckles on Troye’s face, she understands them. The short eyelashes that Laila has, she understands them.

The sweetness that Troye embodies and the unwavering confidence that Laila carries with her wherever she goes.

This wonder, the beautiful thing they all share, she understands it.

She finally understands, and it is wonderful.

(you shed the guilt of existence, the regret of being.)

Z doesn’t know how to change, really.

In the past, they’ve had other motivations. Ulterior motives. They’ve had people who they’d do anything to impress,

(Paisley.)

and people they’d do anything to spite.

(Selma.)

Yet there is no one to spite or impress, here. There’s only Z, who is indifferent. They are both the orchestrator and audience to their change. It’s hard to think that way. Hard to think that they have the final word in fixing what’s broken.

Hard to think they’ve had the means to fix it this entire time.

Still, they work at it. They still sleep atrociously late and night and they still act like the cat who got the cream, smug as ever in every situation, but they make subtle changes. They talk to friends more. They call Paisley sometimes. They form something akin to friendship with their housemates.

(Nerys and Andre and Achilles are their housemates, now. It’s weird and it’s unexpected and it’s kind of a drag, sometimes, but sometimes it’s kind of nice, knowing that they’re around.

Andre seems proud of Z, sometimes, which is unprecedented. Z thinks he’s possessed, at first.)

They unblock Selma’s number, and it’s nothing like calling her, but it feels kind of nice. It feels like they’ve made a step toward something with her.

They wake up earlier in the mornings. They make breakfast sometimes. They exercise, though they loathe to do so. They even take showers when they aren’t feeling up to it.

They change on their own, and it’s kind of lovely.

(you become more. more than what you were shaped to be. more than someone trapped in your own body, more than a ghost in your own ribcage.

it is absent change. it is internal and it is slow and tenuous, at times. you are in no need of the other person as you change, but the voice,

the dark, succinct, dangerous voice of your insecurity

speaks less. whether you have changed at the ushering of yourself or your feelings for others.)

#z tag #florence tag #bubbles at the surface #pairing: two sides same coin

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incendavery · 7 years

Photo

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞 💓 💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you!

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞 💓 💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits.

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty!

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu or @wheremyscalesslither!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!! ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!)

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad!

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player!

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be!

hell yeah!!!!

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh???

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :>

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away!

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you!

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing.

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

#WOW THAT TOOK LIKE THREE HOURS HAHA #hopefully next time it wont be as long!!#daveanswersstuff #long post

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ma-hao-huh · 5 years

Text

I am now a professional surfer

what a weekend!

friday the rest of my class and I went to a birthday dinner for one of the guys in the class, which was also the birthday dinner for his brother. so there were about 20 people and we had a great time. the food was pretty typical but it was all free along with beer so by the end I was having a blast. now. that night my new American roommate was going out with his friend already in Taiwan and two girls that were coming in from Hong Kong for the weekend. I was gonna meet them out if it wasn’t too late when they made it to the bar/club, but Brody still hadn’t texted by midnight so I knew I wouldn’t have gone anyway. of course later found I out that my roommate texted him about going and he got to hang out with them, so I guess I should have followed up???? anyway... no loss as I got happily tipsy with my fave roommate but spent v little money.

anyway Saturday I went on a DATE. yeet. I had exchanged some nice messages with this guy on tinder but nothing substantial. his profile made him seem v smart, cute, pretty easygoing. his name is Ping. we met up for dinner at this very popular place where you have to wait in line for 1n hour just to get a table for 50 minutes before they kick you out lol. the noodles were good but definitely not worth the trouble, it seemed more like a young generation hype place than a good experience. so anyway we had to introduce ourselves and get to know each other standing in line in the heat for an hour rather than across a table. thinking about it later, that whole period of the date is what I imagine most dates are like - two people trying to see if they have a connection, and having some enjoyable moments, but mostly just an average level of interest, nothing magnetic. it definitely didn’t give me the same electricity as the date I went on in December.

anyway, he’s late 20s, about 28 I think, and recently finished his masters in linguistics at Georgetown. I believe he’s Taiwanese but I honestly didn’t push to hear about his background in that moment. he speaks fluent Chinese and English, but we communicated in English. when we chatted on tinder, I threw some Chinese in there and he was impressed by it, but when he dropped some into the conversation it was always a struggle. he spoke a little too quickly and softly and I didn’t give him much to work with. I feel like that disappointed him a bit, but maybe that’s my anxiety talking. overall my impression was we might be a little too similar in terms of introversion...I just feel like I belong with someone a little more outgoing than me. it was a little hard to get on the same wavelength as him but the moments we did connect were nice. after dinner we went Taipei’s biggest night market and got a beer at a pub. the only (but huge) turnoff for me was at that moment when he looked at the fried crackers the barman gave us and the beer said “what am I DOING?” with actual pain on his face. I thought something was actually wrong and then “I'm going to gain so much weight from this!” ugh, dude. calm down. I feel like I was honest but still considerate in my response which was along the lines of trying not to worry about stuff like that and just enjoying the moment whenever I can. I love my tummy and the rest of me and enjoy knowing I'm not a part of the terrifying gay six-pack clique that rules instagram. after that I felt confident this was a friendly thing. and he had a friend come meet him to leave because he had to get up at 6am. I hugged him goodbye and then when they walked away the friend was very touchy with him, had his arm around him.... I have noticed in Taiwan men are definitely more physically comfortable with each other than in the US. but I still read into it that Ping was on the same page as me.... he had also mentioned getting together to play some games with other friends some other time, so I assumed we were shelving this as a friendship tbh.

well, he messaged me again about my week and I was honest about feeling a little low. he was very tender and wanted to see if he could help and the messages he’s sent today are more flirty than not. anyway, I'm a bit lonely so I'm just going to go on another date I think to see what the energy is like. is that dishonest? I think it’s right on the line and If I still don’t feel much then doing another date would definitely be disingenuous. we’re probably gonna go watch a scary movie together this weekend....my first movie date ever. yeet.

ANYWAY that was Saturday, and on SUNDAY.....

three housemates (my Taiwanese roommate, a Japanese girl and a Taiwanese girl) and I drove out of Taipei to Yilan, a coastal city about an hour way, in order to go surfing! I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be in my wheelhouse but I wanted to give it a go anyway. -----surfing is hard, and made harder still when all you really get is a 5 minute demonstration on the sand about how to jump up on the board. I’m definitely open to doing it again later on if there’s someone in the water giving me a good lesson. I was able to sort of master swinging onto the board and sitting on it, and a couple of times I rode a wave while seated. but standing was impossible. honestly, the times that I did ride the wave I wasn’t even paying attention and just happened to be in the right position at the right time. maybe that’s the secret of surfing? and of life?

so, I had fun, but of course surfing is just about the most exhausting thing I think anyone could do with their time. and I only put sunscreen on my face right at the beginning, so by that afternoon you could already see my skin starting to redden. cue a tired and slightly uncomfortable grant. lunch was pretty good although it was more amazingly satisfying to fill my stomach with anything so I didn’t care if it was good or not. then one of the girls took the bus home and the three of us decided to go on a scenic hike. the hike (Sacred Mother Trail) literally starts out at a gorgeous waterfall and then you hike up and around some mountains for about 6 km, which doesn’t feel too bad on the way up at all. we had a really good time and it was so, so stunning...but when we got to the second rest point, 2/3 the way up, we were so tired, hot and knew there wouldn’t be time to finish the last portion, which was the steepest, hardest, and actually in woods as opposed to a paved trail, so we had to turn around. I honestly wanted to finish but since we started hiking around 1 there wasn’t time and would have been crazy to try and descend the mountain in the dark without lights, so back we went. it took half the time but was twice as exhausting getting back down, so by the time we got back to the car I was sweaty and my face burning. amazing hike, sticky ending.

we drove back into the city and found salvation. 雪花 (xuehua) which I guess literally means snow flower but is actually a bowl of shaved ice....literally saved me. I think mango is the most common and it comes with cubes of mango jelly and chopped walnuts on top, AND, since it’s summer, fresh mango with condensed milk on the side. I've never eaten anything that literally sucked the heat out of my body like that did.

okay, at this point it’s 5:30 and me and the girl I'm with are both thinking it’s about time to head back. but my roommate is the driver and he says, alright, time for dinner! and takes us to yilan’s biggest night market. oh boy... I understand the importance of doing everything you can and making every day count. but it took everything I had not to say please, please take us back home now...oof. ((((((((((on top of being exhausted and burnt....I forgot that the swim trunks I wore are defunct and always cause my inner thighs to chafe like crazy. so I'm tired, burnt, AND having to walk like I'm constipated in order to keep my thighs apart. Lordy))))))) the night market was one of the biggest I’ve been to, and one of the most crowded. the food was all hot as hell, no room to breathe, oh baby. I actually felt like my skin was peeling off I was so overheated. thank GOD for the bubble tea and juices we got or otherwise I would have actually passed out. (we ate green onion balls that are wrapped in dough and fried, different chicken parts, a pork stick covered in what was basically buffalo sauce...all of it was decent but honestly none worth my discomfort). around 9 or so Chandler (roomie) finally realized we were ready to go and we headed back.....of course traffic was insane so we got back at 11. oof. what a day.

I know I got a bit whiny at the end. I suppose I'm a comfort creature so while it’s been exciting to put myself in different situations and challenge that here, that night was just more Than I could handle. I actually felt whoozy from how overheated I was. but that doesn’t discolor the fun I had earlier in the day at all. I'm so glad to have experienced a little piece of that part of Taiwan.

I'm very lucky to have someone like chandler as a roommate who wants to go out and do things when he has time off and is so willing to drive me around the country and pay for most of the stuff we do. he’s definitely saved me a ton of money already.

okay, test tomorrow and then another fun weekend hopefully......

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