Elizabeth: I can't come to Mass *cough* I'm sick :(
Mary:boo you whore
109 notes
·
View notes
What fool?
Catalina: Where's Mary?
Elizabeth: She’s busy-
Edward: being a fool
Catalina: What kind of fool?
Elizabeth: The 'everything is now on fire' kind
47 notes
·
View notes
"But Dad, what if I am put in Slytherin?"
"Thomas Thomas Thomas Thomas Henry Richard Potter, you were named after the worst men in Tudor England. The bar is on the floor."
64 notes
·
View notes
Dysmenorrhea and possible endometriosis got me like
(For context, Mary’s menstrual cycles were said to be exceptionally painful and many suspect she may have had endometriosis and/or PCOS)
73 notes
·
View notes
Henry VIII: Would you ladies be there for me if I were going through something?
Catherine of Aragon: No. Absolutely not.
Anne Boleyn: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Jane Seymour: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Anna von Kleve: I hope you reach out to me, so I can ignore you.
Katherine Howard: [doubled over laughing]
Catherine Parr: I can’t wait to go to you funeral, knowing that I could have changed that outcome.
125 notes
·
View notes
Thomas More circa May 1532
8 notes
·
View notes
Thomas More: my kink is saying some incredibly cornball shit and watching Thomas Cromwell speedrun the 5 stages of grief as he realises with horror that he still wants to fuck me.
186 notes
·
View notes
some Tudor incorrect quotes i have ✨generated✨
Amy Robsart: sees Robert Dudley and Elizabeth together
Amy Robsart: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.
Lettice Knollys : You mean… you ship them?
Edward VI, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.
Catherine Parr: Raisins. It's nature's candy.
Elizabeth: I called you like ten times! Why didn’t you pick up?
Robert Dudley: *remembers dancing to the ringtone*
Robert Dudley: I didn’t hear it.
Henry VIII: Christmas is canceled.
Mary: You can't cancel a holiday.
Henry VIII: Keep it up, Mary, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Mary: What does that mean?
Henry VIII: Edward, take New Year's away from Mary.
Edward VI: My dad has a spiked collar.
Edward VI: *dog
Jane Grey: Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been given. I've moved on.
Mary: gets set on fire and screams in agony
Mary: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
3 notes
·
View notes
Henry: As if I couldn't rip off somebody's head as easily as breathing
Anne: What is with you and heads? You should try threatening someone's elbows or ankles once in a while, just for a change of pace
32 notes
·
View notes