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introverted-imagineer · 3 months

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Stages Of Silence

Danny Walter x reader

Premise: Reader has recently moved to Silver Falls after issues at their previous school. Reader suffers from a speech impediment, but that won't stop Danny Walter from trying to make a new friend ❤

Warnings: Swearing.

‘Mr and Mrs Y/L/N, if I understand the notes and transcript from Y/N’s previous school, and from what you’ve told me…Y/N hasn’t spoken in almost two years?’ I hated that…when people spoke as if I wasn’t in the room. My parents anxiously sat in Miss Jacob's office, my Dad anxiously clutching onto my Moms's hand. ‘Y/N has always suffered from a severe stutter, when we moved for my job it got worse which led to bullying, the doctor called it Selective mutism.’ My Dad looked at me, I gave him an approving nod. A small gesture of approval, but I know it reassured my parents, to know that I appreciated their help.

‘So Y/N, academically your reports and transcripts are competent, your attendance…a little shaky’ she said, her hand rising from her desk giving that so-so gesture. I pressed my lips together tightly, an attempt at a slight smile, although an invisible smile at that. ‘I know this can be a topic of sensitivity, but for purposes so that we may better support you here at Silver Falls y/n we will need to know why your previous school dismissed you’ Her face searched all our faces, clearly feeling awkward about approaching the topic. Mom and Dad’s clutching hands and tense posture offering the poor guidance counsellor no comfort. ‘Well…we know y/n’s attendance was shaky, but ultimately the school said they weren’t equipped to handle y/n’s…condition they called it’ Mom responded, leaning forward from the back of the chair and shifting herself unnecessarily. ‘Did you feel unsupported at your previous school?’ Miss Jacobs asked curiously. I shrugged my shoulders, raising them slowly as my lips tilted into a diagonal line. She pursed her lips as her eyes darted between my folder on her desk and back to me. ‘What about you Mr and Mrs Y/L/N, did you feel the school was unaccommodating or disengaging?’ She rested her fingertips on her keyboard, ready for any information they might present. ‘Actually, Miss Jacobs, y/n’s dismissal was a shock to us all, y/n had adequate grades as you can see…never got in any fights, and followed the rules for the most part, she’s an exceptional pianist, but we did notice a lack of responsiveness when we tried to address bullying allegations’ My Dads voice quickly retreating into himself as he spoke as I sunk slightly into my seat. Mom and Dad had always been the type of people who hated making a fuss about things, confrontation made us all feel awkward I suppose…

‘Well, y/n we’d be happy to accept you here at Silver Falls High’ Miss Jacobs said, standing from her desk with her hand outstretched. I slipped my hand into hers loosely, a tight-lip smile more directed at the floor than it was at her. I could hear my mom's loud sigh of relief, a breath of air she had held in the whole morning. Their hands stayed tightly clutched as Miss Jacobs walked us down the hallway towards the front entrance, a habit they had adopted since my stutter turned to silence. My chest felt heavy as they walked close, their shoulders pressed together and Miss Jacobs made polite conversation, her questions conveying the essence of community that washed over the small town of Silver Falls to us newbies. ‘Where have you moved to? Oh lovely, the Andersons always enjoyed living there, I’m sure you’ll find it just as homely as they did. If you want to meet some locals Lark After Dark, an event at our local cafe usually draws in most of our town. How old is your youngest? She must be attending Silver Falls Elementary I presume?’ Miss Jacobs had already established that she was a friendly person, but the entire town was more entwined than we had anticipated… I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread, a hefty weight on my chest, wouldn’t be long until everyone knew about the new family on the block with their poor mute child.

‘Alright, Mr and Mrs y/l/n, thank you for coming in and speaking with me, and I’m confident that Silver Falls High will be the last transfer for y/n’ her gaze directed to me as she gave a confident smile. I looked back at her, making an effort to relax my shoulders as I nodded and smiled back. My parents relieved as they walked out of the school together. ‘Alright y/n, shall we?’ She smiled, her hand gesturing back down the hallway as I tentatively followed, taking one last look out the window as Mom and Dad drove away from Silver Falls High.

‘Okay y/n, this is where I leave you I’m sorry, I have a meeting with another student, but this is your English class with Mr Choudry, here is your timetable’ she explained, pulling papers from her notebook piling them into my hands. She quickly glanced at her watch, her eyebrows raising in surprise as her relaxed demeanour turned to one of worry. ‘I’m sorry y/n it seems I’m already late, but feel free to come by my office after your class and I can spend a bit more time with you to go over things’ she knocked on the door, opening the door and popping her head in, giving a nod to the teacher as she pointed to a chair at the back of the room. I flicked my head back, my face tense, a tight feeling in my throat releasing a little squeak, seeking any solace only to find she was already 10 paces away from the classroom, back to the direction of her office. Shit.

‘We’re just about to start’ the teacher smiled grabbing a stack of books from his desk as he passed the stack to the students at the front of the room, passing a copy back. I slumped slightly into my seat, trying to disappear as each pair of eyes looked at me as everyone passed their books back. It’s funny, how we don’t even need to say anything, and yet everyone in the room was already making their mind up about me as I did them. Nosy, curious…almost dumbfounded? From what Miss Jacobs said about Silver Falls, I had likely walked into a room where everyone had known everyone since elementary school; who was this stranger…infiltrator, fresh meat. I could feel my back digging into the back of the chair, picking at the cuticles of my already damaged nail bed. The last book smacked on the desk in front of me as the girl’s eyes flicked up and down my body, before abruptly turning back to the front of the class. William Shakespeare, I read as I glanced down at the old tattered book.

‘Sorry I’m late Mr Choudry’ The door burst open, and everyone slightly jumped in their seats. A few faces smiled at the arrival of the stranger. ‘No worries Danny, we’re just about to begin’ I couldn’t tell if they were relaxed about attendance here…or if this Danny carried a certain charm that made people who possessed such a gift forgivable in any instance. He looked around the room, his eyes falling on me as I quickly whipped my head back to the book on my desk. Please don’t sit here, please don’t sit here I silently pleaded to myself. Unfortunately, the pleading in my head was interrupted by the scraping of the chair at the table next to fine. Fuck. ‘Oh Danny, I’m so sorry I wasn’t expecting to have this many people in my class this semester, you’ll have to share with our new student for today if that’s cool’ I could see him smiling and nodding at the teacher out my peripheral vision. I could feel the stinging at my fingers as I intensified the picking at my nails. I could feel his gaze glance down to my hands in my lap. He sat up in his chair, slightly pulling back as he pivoted in his chair toward me, holding a hand out. ‘Hey, I’m Danny’ he spoke confidently, a smile spreading wide across his face. I craned my neck slightly, looking at his hand as I gingerly raised my own slipping my slightly sweaty palm into his, returning his shake as he moved his hand with an assertive grip, clearly not worried about the sweat. I slipped my hand out of his, glancing at his face properly for the first time, facing my head back towards the front. ‘Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?’ He politely inquired, slightly dropping his head as he curiously tried to catch my gaze.

‘Okay everyone attention to the front please’ Ah, a saving grace, as Mr Choudry interrupted Danny’s question. He slipped back into his seat properly, a slight smile on his face as he saw the book in front of us. Never had I ever seen anyone under the age of 50 excited at the prospect of reading Shakespeare. ‘Now as everyone will have noticed, we clearly have a new student with us today, hence the lack of books, sorry Danny’ The class chuckled, I however did not. He didn’t need to even finish his sentence before I could feel my eyes almost popping out of my head. My heartbeat, which had been surprisingly steady all morning, began to pump more ferociously. ‘Would you stand up and introduce yourself please’ He politely requested, gesturing his hand to the back of the room, giving everyone the excuse they needed to properly turn and stare. My breathing began to intensify, I could feel every crevice of my body begin to perspire. I could feel my hands begin to shake. ‘No need to be nervous’ Mr Choudry smiled, still expectantly waiting. I could sense Danny’s energy shift to one of concern as his eyebrows scrunched together, noticing the way the hairs on my arm stood to attention. ‘Cat got your tongue newbie?’ A girl at the front remarked, giggling to herself and her friend. ‘Erin’ Mr Choudry remarked in a strict sharp tone. Not again. I almost pleaded to myself as Erin and her friend silently tried to silence their chuckles. The chair let out an uncomfortable screeching noise as it grated across the floor. I stood up, throwing my backpack over my shoulder as I quickly tracked to the door, not even faltering as Mr Choudry exclaimed for me to wait. I wasn’t a fighter…I needed to fly. As the door creaked shut behind me, a voice carried, escaping the English room as I walked down the empty hallway. It was Danny, his words simple but fiercely sarcastic. ‘Nice one Erin’.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

‘So y/n how was your first day?’ Mom asked curiously as we sat amongst the boxes in the new house, picking at her homemade meatloaf. A food of comfort when Mom suspected the day needed a little more love. I nodded, smiling at her, her cheeks going slightly pink as her smile emitted across her face. I could see Dad out of the corner of my eye, raising his chin slightly, blowing out his mouth with equal comfort. I suppose it wasn’t entirely a lie…first day in Silver Falls maybe, but not school. Silver Falls proved to be an idyllic country town, with everyone waving and passing comments as they saw each other on the streets, greenery as far as the eye could see, animals in every pasture, an elegant stream that glistened all day as the sun shone down.

‘I liked it, but I sorta miss my old school’ my sister innocently chimed in from the end of the table. I twirled the fork in my hand around the mashed potatoes on my plate, my stomach churning at her comment. I never wanted to move, I never wanted to take her away from her stability and routine. ‘Well did you make any friends?’ Dad asked her, trying to pick up the mood. But I could see him tense again as he watched my fork swirl aimlessly around the plate. ‘I met a girl named Parker, she was really nice’ she said, a small smile on her face as she pierced her fork through the green beans on her plate. I brought a small bite to my mouth. At least something good happened for her. ‘Honey, the movers called, it’s probably not going to be till Friday when they’ll get here, so your piano won’t be here for a few more days’ Dad said, the corner of his lip curling down slightly. Great, another letdown. I simply nodded, forcing a tight-lipped smile. ‘Maybe the school has one? Maybe there might be a club or something?’ Mom enthusiastically tried to offer. I knew it was more than just the piano though…make some friends, meet some people. But based on this morning…I already decided I didn’t want anything to do with them.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

The halls at Silver Falls High were bustling, chatter echoing throughout the hallways, lockers slamming, people tossing footballs to one another, guys in football jackets walking as a herd as girls trailed alongside them. I looked at the timetable Miss Jacobs had given me yesterday. Homeroom, 13B. I trailed down the hall, ignoring the whispers and chatter as people quietly retorted to each other ‘Who’s that?’ ‘Erin said they choked up and walked out of English’ ‘I think they are the newbies that moved onto Charm Street?’ People here really knew too much of one another’s business. Against the lockers, a large group of guys stood conversing with each other, I looked to find the eyes of girls and boys looking at them in slight admiration, carefully trying to keep their composure as they waited for the boys to finish their conversation. Something about meeting at the car after school. ‘Hey’ one of the voices called as I tried to merge my way past the group. I looked up as his tall frame stood there, a friendly smile on his face. The same beanie as yesterday, an almost identical plaid shirt. Danny from English. I gave a simple head nod, raising my eyebrows slightly in his direction. ‘Who’s the new chick?’ The blonde one emitted, his eyes looking me up and down as I managed to squeeze between the group and the people eagerly waiting to talk to them. ‘Don’t know their name yet’ Danny spoke, very much in a happy-go-lucky voice. Interesting that he didn’t seem to care about the events of yesterday…

The bell rang; a small groan of disappointment, particularly from the girls who stood around Danny and his group. The crowd quickly dispersed as groups flocked to their classrooms. I aimlessly walked down the hall until I stood across the hall from the door that read 13B. I glanced inside the window through the door, only to find a pair of eyes glaring back at me. Seriously, what was this girl’s problem? She sat on the desk, running her fingers seductively through the blonde boy’s hair, even though he seemed more interested in talking to Erin’s friend. A deep yawn emitted from the room, the blonde boy chuckling to himself as he gingerly pushed Erin’s hand away. ‘Dude, I love having my own room most of the night, but ya gotta stop staying up to watch movies all night’. ‘Lay off Cole’ Danny’s voice sarcastically remarked back. I looked up and down the corridor, luckily empty of teachers or other students. I slowly walked away from the classroom, and back down the hall.

Construction Zone

Do Not Enter

A sign read on the door. I slowly pushed the door open, poking my head in to see a large vacant auditorium, a weak smell of dried paint and multiple discarded tools. I slipped inside the room, walking down the steps toward the stage. On the right-hand side, a slightly dusty, but gorgeous baby grand piano. The perfect refuge to pass the day. I could feel my cheeks pinch, a genuine smile. A feeling of relief washed over me for the first time since we moved to this town. I placed my backpack on the ground, approaching the stage.

I could feel the goosebumps on my arms as I gently ran my fingers over the keys. While slightly dusty and with a few scratches here and there, it was otherwise relatively in perfect condition. C D E F G A B. The sound radiated, like an electric shock to my fingers, a spark radiating through my body. Familiarity, sanctuary, comfort. The room had clearly undergone some extensive renovations. The stage floor was polished to perfection, and the seats were not even indented yet, some electrical chords still yet to be tied up. The sound of the piano bench barely made a noise as I slipped myself onto the seat. I closed my eyes, breathing in through my nose, placing my hands on the keys. I began to play.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

The hours seemed to pass so quickly as I occasionally looked up to the clock on the wall, the sound of the piano seemingly not carrying outside the room. It was almost 2 o’clock, and no one had come into the auditorium all day. It was as if the notes were dancing around in my head, pops of silver, midnight blue, and purples dancing around as I lost myself in the music. Tchaikovsky, Mozart, Bach, Debussy…I didn’t stutter when it came to playing. Music spoke to the soul, an international language that didn’t require one to verbalise. It was my language. When my verbalisation began to deplete, music was something that comforted my family. It was a way of communication. If the music was lively, my sister would jump around the room, pulling my parents into the room to twirl her about. If times were stressful, a calming sonata to soothe the soul. When Mom or Dad had a particularly tough day at work, a familiar tune for them to sing along to lift their spirits. There was always an occasion for music. The last few days had been unusually quiet at home with my piano still to come. It felt like missing a part of my body. My piano was just an extension of me, and without it, I had been feeling incomplete. But even in this unfamiliar town, in this alien school with these strangers, the piano was a familiar friend.

I glanced at the clock once more. Only 15 minutes remaining until the final bell and I could go home. ‘Play for you, not for anyone else’ Mrs Luella, my childhood piano teacher had said. One last piece to finish the day, to end on a high, to leave my fingertips satisfied until the next time that my soul could reconnect with the music. Clair de lune. A piece written about and for the soul itself. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach at the thought of the notes dancing around the room, the soul outside one’s own body, Debussy’s piece one in a million.

A slow, gentle, delicate touch, a build of intensity, slow and steady, paced so beautifully. I could feel as each note emerged from the piano, a steady vibration as the piano shook against the stage floor. Slow tranquillity transpired, swirled in motions like a dry leaf dancing in the wind. As the intensity of the song, like a slowly building hurricane, the notes just become louder and more defined as the story builds. The bursts of colour in my head, dancing around in my brain, just sparking the right senses in my brain, almost like a feeling of ecstasy. And so slowly, yet so quickly, my fingers slowed, my touch more gentle, intensity turning to calmness…the songs end a perfect moment to let the last key ring. Utterly beguiling.

My body jumped, my fingers still on the keys emitting an unflattering jumble of keys that were quite simply incompatible with one another. From the beautiful final ring of notes, a singular person’s claps cascaded across the room like a pouncing cat. My head shot to the seats to find none other than that familiar plaid-dressed boy sitting up in the back row, perfectly nuzzled into the seat as if he had been resting there for hours. I began to cough as saliva caught in my throat, the goosebumps on my arm no longer one of excitement but of pure shock. Danny stood quickly, profusely apologising as he swung his bag over his shoulder, racing down the stairs as he stepped onto the low stage, his hands out in surrender. I placed a hand out, a signal to stop as I grabbed my water bottle, chugging the unpleasant feeling away.

‘Gosh, I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to scare you’ Danny pleaded. I simply nodded, my mouth full of water as I took a deep gulp. ‘You’re really good’ he said, almost breathless as he nervously shifted the beanie on his head. ‘Clair de lune?’ He posed as a question, even though his tone indicated that he already knew the answer. I stared at him, almost slightly shocked as he slowly waltzed over confidently to the piano, leaning on the other side as he smiled at me. I could feel my body tense, what did he want? ‘Yeah I’m a bit of a film buff myself, and Clair de Lune is probably one of the most amazing scores to just add that…’ he clicked his fingers, slightly looking up as if there were a lightbulb above his head. ‘That raw emotion it adds to a scene, really powerful on the audience ya know?’. I breathed in slowly, nodding slightly. I couldn’t say I knew what the impact meant in a movie sense…but I suppose if it made others feel the way I felt playing it, maybe there was some credit to his statement.

*Bbbrrriiinnnggg*

The final school bell chimed. I quickly rose from the piano stool, walking off the stage to grab my backpack, Danny’s footsteps trailing close behind. ‘Hey, the auditions from the school production are coming up soon, and as part of the drama club too we need talented musicians like you to help bring the magic alive so to speak’ he eagerly suggested. I turned my head slightly, shaking my head. I hated crowds, the only people I played for were my family, and sometimes that was overwhelming enough. I placed my hand on the door, only for Danny to interrupt with yet another statement. ‘Hey, look, is there a reason you won’t talk to me? Have I done something to offend you?’ I could hear him breathe aloud slightly, a slight frustration. I could feel his brain rattling away as he waited for a response. I turned around, facing him as he stood a few steps below me, a look of concern on his face as his eyes sought mine. ‘I don’t even know your name, you didn’t even come to class today’ he noted, a voice of confusion. But all I felt was defeat. A moment of tranquillity and peace ended with yet another frustrating reality of my silence. New school, new people, same situation. I dropped my eyes to the floor, turning quickly, and camouflaging into the crowded hallway, leaving Silver Falls High School, and a puzzled Danny.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

I sat at the table, eating cereal with my sister, the boxes around us slowly beginning to disappear as the items of our home began to slowly find their places in the new home. ‘Oh, y/n I almost forgot’ Mom said, halfway out the door in her scrubs ready for work. ‘Miss Jacobs called, she wants to see you first thing when you get to school okay’ she rushed, a smile on her face as she blew us kisses. ‘Love you guys, y/n please make sure your sister has her bag, I had to leave the hospital yesterday in the middle of my shift just to bring it to her’ she exhaustedly exclaimed as she walked out the door. My sister looked up, smiling at me with pieces of cinnamon toast crunch in her teeth. I smiled back, but inside my stomach felt like it was going to explode.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

I stood down the street from school, waiting to hear the sound of the bell ring before I went in. I didn’t want to accidentally bump into Danny again. I watched as a blue car sped down the road, pulling into the school, The Hives blasting from the stereo. The car parked, like a clown car, teenage boy after teenage boy climbed out. That familiar plaid shirt and beanie climbed out from the front passenger seat. People waving, a few flocking to the car…the boys walking into the school like a tiny parade.

*Bbbrrriiinnnggg*

The bell chimed, and I slowly walked toward the school, only crossing the threshold when every student was inside. I quietly entered the school, pacing towards Miss Jacobs’ office, eager to get this meeting over with so I could return to the almost private sanctuary of the auditorium. I gently knocked on the door, almost hoping she wouldn’t hear it at all. ‘Y/N come in’. Shit. I cautiously walked into the room, scooting the chair back slightly away from her desk. Miss Jacobs finished her email, twirling in her chair slightly. Her body language said it all. All attention is on you y/n.

‘Y/N fist of all, I want to formally apologise’ I raised my eyebrow, shocked by her opening statement. ‘I was so busy on Monday, and I forgot to issue an email to your teachers explaining your…well ya know’ Condition, mutism, selective mutism, silence. I’d heard it all before. ‘I am aware of the incident that happened in Mr Choudry’s English class, and it was preventable and I’m sorry that happened.’ It was almost shocking, a teacher apologising. Never had I received anything like this at my previous schools. ‘But please be rest assured, we discussed the practicalities and our requirements to support you at our staff meeting last night.’ Both my eyebrows raised this time…these people were willing to work with me? I could feel my toes curl into themselves, a wave of overwhelming shock washing over me as I gripped the armrest of the chair. ‘I also know that you haven’t been attending your classes the past day and a half, and we can’t let that continue, so if you’re willing to work with me, then I’m willing to work with you.’ She reached into her drawer, pulled out a sheet of paper and surfaced it on the desk in front of me. ‘First of all, it is a requirement that every Silver Falls High student is involved in at least one extra-curricular activity.’ I slowly began to pick at my fingers, looking at the list Miss Jacobs had presented me. Instinctively I shook my head, my eyes pleading as I looked at Miss Jacobs. She took in a breath, looking at another file she pulled from her drawer. ‘Your references from a Mrs Giovanna Luella, she has noted here that you are a very gifted piano player…we do have a piano in our school auditorium?’ Believe me, I know all too well I thought to myself, but the anxiety wasn’t going away. ‘Look, we have our school production coming up, and we need more students who can play percussion instruments. Technically that will make you part of the drama club as that is where you’ll need to be for meetings and practices.’ Fuucckk no no no I internally begged. ‘I already passed it with our drama teacher and he is in full agreement that you only need to participate as the pianist’. It was very clear the decision had been made for me. ‘We also need you to go to your classes y/n.’ A sympathetic smile came to her. ‘Our meeting on Monday with your parents, I could tell that they love you very much, and within that love, I also can see they are worried about you…so if you are willing to join the drama club, then I am willing to let it slide, and we can keep it between us.’ I stopped the picking, meeting her gaze. A compromise. I knew Mom and Dad were worried, but I had also seen how relieved they were even if it was a lie when I expressed that the first day had gone okay. That they were able to sit down at the end of the night, not having to discuss between them as yet school had called them again to talk about my attendance. If not for me, then for them. I looked at her once more, nodding my head in agreement.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

The day had passed slowly. Keep your head down, take notes, and nod occasionally and teachers will be satisfied. At lunch, I sat at the back of the empty auditorium eating my sandwich, headphones in until the bell rang. Finally the last class of the day, and it couldn’t come soon enough. I looked at my timetable, my heart slightly dropping into my stomach. 13B - English. I walked into the classroom, taking that same seat in the back corner, looking out the window as everyone else filed in. My daydreaming was interrupted by Mr Choudry slipping between the tables, and bending down in front of my table. ‘Y/N, I’m so sorry about the incident on Monday, I hadn’t been informed about your speech impediment’. I gave him a nod, I could genuinely see the sincerity. ‘Oh Danny, come sit’ Mr Choudry said, my eyes following his as Danny stood behind his chair, his lips awkwardly shifting as his gaze flickered between myself and Mr Choudry. ‘I can sit somewhere else, this sounds like a…private matter’ he said, looking around the classroom only to find every seat taken. I reached over, slowly pulling the chair next to me out from under the table, patting the seat, and inviting Danny to sit down. He smiled, sitting down as he flung his backpack underneath the desk. ‘Fresh start?’ Mr Choudry said, reaching his hand out. I slipped my hand into his, shaking his hand, and giving a curt nod. ‘Also welcome to the drama society’ he said. I looked curiously at him as he began to walk back to the front of the room. ‘Meetings are Thursdays after school, so we’ll see you tomorrow.’ Of course, he was the drama teacher too…

As Mr Choudry read passages of Shakespeare to the class, pulling apart the meaning of each sentence of ye old English literature, I couldn’t help but notice the way Danny focused so intensely on each word. He didn’t bother to scribble any notes down, he just seemed totally lost in the dialogue. His fingers shifted, reaching into his binder without even looking, his attention still focused on Mr Choudry. He plucked a single sheet of paper from the back of his binder, pulling it out slowly and silently, and slipping it on top of my notebook. I looked down to see a sheet of music. The notes already ringing in my ears as I read the paper. It didn’t seem very Shakespearean, nor classical…My eyes darted to the top of the page, reading the bold heading at the top of the page.

‘Don’t Be Shy’

Cat Stevens

Sheet Music

Mr Choudry’s voice completely disappeared, the sounds of scribbling pens on paper gone, the presence of everyone else obsolete. I dropped my pen, grazing my fingers across the page. My heart fluttered. I tilted my head slightly, looking at Danny with my mouth slightly agape. I could feel my heart slightly pumping as Danny looked back at me, his lips curled into a smile. My lips doing the same. I looked back to my notebook, tearing a piece off the bottom of the page as the bell rang and the sounds of students chattering and chairs scraping began to sound again. I quickly scribbled on the paper as Danny reached for his bag. I slid the note in front of him, walking out of the classroom before he could respond. It read

My name is Y/N

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

When I arrived home, a glorious shine glared through the window. An even bigger smile washed over my face. My piano. I rushed inside, tossing my bag to the floor, walking into the living room, ignoring my Dad’s greeting or my sister’s attempt to play with me. I reached into my pocket, unfolding the new sheet of music and placing it on the music stand. The notes immediately cheerful, the music bouncing and echoing in the still largely unfurnished home, boxes still scattered everywhere.

‘I like this one’ my sister exclaimed, skipping into the living room with her stuffed monkey, twirling around. ‘Come Daddy’ she squealed, running into the kitchen, grabbing his hand as she pulled him in to dance. The chorus hit and Dad picked her up, spinning her around as she squealed in delight. I barely noticed the front door open as Mom came into the room, her nursing scrubs still on as she delightfully asked ‘What’s going on?’ My Dad grabbed her hand, pulling her into a twirl as he lovingly took her workbag from her shoulder, placing it on the ground as my sister skipped around the piano. By the end of the song, Mom and Dad were slow dancing in a tight embrace, my sister delightfully flinging her monkey about the room.

‘I’ve missed this’ Mom exclaimed, wrapping her arms around my shoulder, hugging me.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

As students pattered out of school, the busy corridors turned quiet as the day ended. I slowly walked to the auditorium door to find the Do Not Enter sign removed, and instead, a brass plaque that read ‘Silver Falls Auditorium’. I had spent lunch in Miss Jacobs office printing piles of sheet music Mr Choudry had requested. My private sanctuary is now open to all. I couldn’t help but feel my stomach drop slightly. I pushed the door open quietly hoping the room would be vacant.

I stepped into the room, disappointed to find a row of students filling the front row. I quietly shut the door behind me, finding a seat in the back-row corner, waiting for the meeting to begin. I looked at the back of everyone’s heads, my heart pounding, my stomach in my throat as all the drama club members chatted in delight amongst one another. As my eyes scanned across the row, a sigh of relief escaped my lips. That familiar beanie, that bright smile, Danny sat smiling as he talked to his friends. His eyes wandered amongst the room, leaning forward slightly as he looked over the crowd. His eyebrows scrunched, only relaxing when he turned and saw me. He raised his hand, a friendly wave. I curled my lips up naturally, giving a small wave back. ‘Sorry I’m late everyone’ Mr Choudry announced as he entered the room, walking across the stage, a large stack of paper in his hands. He glanced around the room, taking a mental note of attendance as he smiled at everyone in the front row. It was only when he saw Danny’s head turn slightly that he followed Danny’s gaze, finding me at the back. ‘Alright guys settle in, we have a new member with us today, this is Y/N.’ He said, pointing to the back of the room, everyone shifting in their seats as they cast their eyes upon me. ‘Y/N will be our pianist, not an actor, y/n speaks through the music so just embrace the talent and let’s give y/n a welcoming round of applause’. A gentle clap carried across the room, thankfully everyone was too eager to begin the meeting to care so much. ‘Y/N if you could come down and take your place at the piano thank you very much’ he requested, as he walked toward each member of the group handing them a small booklet.

‘This semester, we will be working on none other than William Shakespeare’s play ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ which you will all be aware is this year’s school production.’ I slowly took my place behind the piano, grateful that the angle somewhat gave me some privacy from the rest of the room.

Mr Choudry experimented with the music as much as he did with his directing. The notes intertwined with the scenes, as Danny and the rest of the students took turns reading characters, emitting emotions from the pages in front of them, turning words into something living and breathing. Shakespeare, famous for the iambic pentameter, verses so soft and strong, rhythmic yet no rhyme, a heartbeat to each word. Mr Choudry would round to the piano, requesting notes and pieces that exerted feelings of power, sadness, love, and deception. It was a challenge…but a welcome one to a part of myself I had become too familiar with. Music to dialogue offering a new thought-provoking provocation. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as terrible as I expected…

…After Drama Club…

The sky turned orange through the large glass windows. The drama students quickly, petered out as Mr Choudry dismissed the meeting, their scripts tightly within their clutches. I quietly packed the music in my backpack and walked across the stage. Danny stood his, back turned as he packed his backpack. I stopped in my tracks, my heartbeat slightly skipping. Should I just go? Should I tap his shoulder? Should I wait for him to leave first? Before I could decide, Danny turned around, his smile infectious as the corners of my own lips curled up slightly. ‘Hey, how did you find it?’ I shrugged, smiling as I tugged on my fingers nervously. Danny chuckled ‘Well you sounded great, seriously the music adds feeling to the scenes…makes it easier to get into it ya know?’ I held my hands out, gesturing to Danny, returning his question. ‘Yeah, I mean I’m really happy with the play for the production this year, and Mr Choudry I think is going to be a great mentor for the play being an English teacher too’. He opened the door as I followed him up the steps and out of the auditorium. ‘Anyway, I am glad you joined, you have added a touch of magic to it’ he said. I could feel my cheeks turn red, I stopped in my tracks, taken aback. Danny stopped, pointing to the door ‘You coming?’ He asked. I could feel my heart beating a little faster, a sudden feeling of urgency. I nervously shook my head, looking around, and pointing at the bathroom. He smiled, nodding. ‘Well, I’ll see you tomorrow y/n’. Y/N. It felt nice hearing Danny say that.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

As the semester went on, every week before the drama club meeting, the nerves and adrenaline in my stomach grew each week. I almost wanted to quit, to stop showing up altogether, but those few minutes after practice, when it was just Danny and I…it was like a drug. A hit, a sweet tenderness, a wash of excitement when Danny waited for me to pack my things, and walk out of the auditorium with me. It was an intoxicating, yet scary feeling. What was I expecting? I couldn’t tell, but the fear was beginning to outweigh the warmth. Don’t kid yourself y/n, you can’t even speak to him, he would never. The doubt was exhausting, but still, something in me made me keep going to the drama meets.

Another afternoon the drama club meeting commenced, the auditions for the school production were upcoming, and more people joined. I sat in the corner on the piano stool, headphones in as students desperately asked Mr Choudry for notes, direction and advice. The more people, the busier the meetings became, the less need for music. I would glance up occasionally, looking as Danny sat, pure wonder on his face as he watched the scenes unravel before him, miming the script as his friends rehearsed on stage. It was an interesting sight to watch, to see someone so enamoured and swept up in the art of performance and acting. Truly studying the performance, took notes down on his script when Mr Choudry gave his critique on other students. I’d watch as Danny rehearsed Benedick’s lines, the music slowly dancing in my head, what would make this scene more dramatic? What would make these characters seem more scary? What would make Benedick seem more romantic?

I scrolled through my playlist, adding songs, piano pieces, and movie scores, slowly building the much ‘ado-about-nothing’ playlist, I hadn’t heard Mr Choudry dismiss the meeting. It was only when a shadow slightly blocked the light shining down on the piano that I finally looked up. Danny stood there, leaning on the piano, his familiar smile. I took my headphones out, smiling back as I began to collect my belongings. A wave of nerves washed over me, tingling rushing from my heart to my fingertips. ’I miss hearing you play’ he said as I rose from the piano stool. I could feel my cheeks begin to burn slightly, the corners of my lips pinching my cheeks. ‘y/n, I know it’s a bit late, but I was wondering if I could ask you to stand in while I rehearse lines? With so many brothers, a sister and my cousins, our house is a bit hectic to rehearse?’ He stood with his script, nervously looking to the ground as the paper slightly crumpled in his hand. ‘And I have the car, so I can drive you home after…’ I hadn’t seen a nervous side to Danny. I could feel my stomach churning, on the other hand, my heart felt a little bit fuller. I nodded, Danny, smiling in relief. ‘Okay, if you just stand here’ he said, walking to the middle of the stage. ‘I just want to rehearse some of these scenes with Benedick and Beatrice’ I swear, even beneath my thick sweater, it was obvious my chest was heavy as my breathing intensified. I slowly put down my backpack, cautiously walking to where Danny stood. He could clearly sense my nerves ‘Don’t worry, we won’t do the kiss scene or anything’ he laughed, flicking through his script. My heart cracked slightly, a feeling of despair…of course, someone like Danny Walter would never want to kiss someone like me…not even if it were pretend.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

For a moment, it felt like I wasn’t me, like I wasn’t that person with the stutter or that family that moved around a lot. The way Danny embodied Benedick was captivating, the way he moved across the stage, the way his arms gestured in ways to add liveliness to the scene. The way he created something from nothing. Danny had always been so chipper and nice, it was almost bewitching, the way he embraced the character so flawlessly. It was almost agonising when it ended, when Benedick and Beatrice went back to the page, and Danny and y/n came back.

‘I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this y/n, having 5 brothers and a sister, as well as my cousins and Jackie at home, the only peace I get is at night when everyone is in bed and I have the TV all to myself’. No wonder he was always yawning during class, I looked at him, slightly embracing the wit of Beatrice, mimicking his constant yawning. He laughed nodding ‘Yeah I know, it’s a terrible habit but sometimes it’s the only solace.’ Boy, I knew that feeling all too well, when I played the piano it was almost as if I was someone else. He glanced down at his phone, the time 6:00 pm. ‘Hey, my house is pretty hectic around this time, I don’t know about you but I could use a bite to eat, do you wanna stop and get something on the way home?’ I wanted to tell my heart to stop, for my head to stop running away with the fairies. He’s not into you, he’s just being nice. I couldn’t even bring myself to call him a friend…I hadn’t had a friend in a long time. ‘y/n?’ He quipped. I nodded my head, looking at Danny to find my bag in his hand, his eyes looking into mine as he had bent down slightly. ‘The Lark, is that okay?’ I nodded in agreement, following Danny out of the auditorium to his car.

The entire drive, Danny spoke of his favourite movies, always making sure to ask if I had seen certain films or if I liked them. He spoke of New York, his desire to go to Juilliard to pursue drama and his dream of being an actor. He spoke of growing up in Silver Falls, and how everyone knew everyone. ‘I have to say it’s nice to finally have a new friend’. I looked out the window, pulling at my fingers. I could feel my tear ducts beginning to well up…a friend. But a little piece of my heart felt slightly disappointed, but the overall feeling was overwhelming. A friend.

The Lark was relatively busy on a Thursday night. As we walked in, a man behind the counter looked at us with a beaming smile, waving in our direction. I looked behind us, expecting to see someone else, but yet Danny was full of surprises. Danny was already waving back at the man behind the counter, gesturing with his hands to him, the man gesturing something back, and pointing to a table in the corner, a reserved sign on the tabletop. I looked at Danny, a stunned look on my face. ‘My brother Will’ he said, pointing nonchalantly as Will rounded the counter, walking to his brother and pulling him into an embrace. I couldn’t help but notice Will wore hearing aids. Will turned to me, Danny smiling ‘Will this is my friend y/n, y/n this is my older brother Will’. Will reached his hand out, I slipped my hand into his returning his shake. ‘Hi y/n, it’s so nice to finally meet you’ he said, his hands gesturing signs as fluently as the words came out of his mouth. Sign language. ‘Danny has told me so much about you, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name’ his hands dancing with each word. My cheeks pinched, my teeth gleaming as the smile spread across my face.

Will walked us to the table in the corner, conversing with Danny about the play and the rest of their brothers at home. As we approached the table, Danny quickly rounded, carefully pulling the chair out for me, his brother smiling in approval as he gave his brother an approving wink. I untucked the hair from behind my ear, trying to hide the colour of my cheeks slightly. ‘Lucky you messaged me last night, would have been awkward to have turned my brother away, it’s so busy tonight’ Will said, placing the menus in front of us. Danny quickly looked to Will, signing something, his glare piercing as Will patted his shoulder walking back to the counter. ‘Sorry about him, siblings ya know?’ I nodded, I knew exactly what he meant. My own sister certainly had her moments. ‘You have siblings?’ He asked. I nodded, holding up a single finger. ‘Her name doesn’t happen to be y/s/n?’ He asked curiously. My eyebrows knotted together as I suspiciously met Danny’s gaze. I nodded. ‘My sister Parker has been talking about a new friend she’s made at school’. Goodness…this town really was tiny.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Danny’s conversation was as cozy and warm as the soup we ate. He talked about his family, the ranch he grew up on, the animals on his farm. It was a nice change, to listen to someone talk about stability, it was something foreign to me, having moved around so much. The way Danny talked about it, it seemed the Walter house was non-stop. No wonder he stayed up during the night to watch movies. In return, I showed him pictures of my own family, my little sister, and my beloved piano. By the time most of the crowd had cleared out from The Lark, it was as if no time had passed at all, I could have sat there all night listening to Danny talk about his dreams of Juilliard, his aspirations of being an actor. It was only when Will approached us, with four mugs and a coffee pot that I looked around to realise everyone had gone, the open sign switched to shut. Will pulled some chairs, and the other waitress sat down too. ‘Y/N, this is Haley, my fiancé.’ I nodded in hello as she did too. Will and Haley poured the coffee, diving into a conversation about their upcoming wedding, Will’s new job here at the cafe, and conversations about their siblings. Danny told them about the play, my piano playing, and the upcoming auditions on Monday. We laughed, we smiled, I listened. Will even opened up about growing up with a hearing impediment. I hadn’t felt so included by people outside my own house in a lifetime. ‘Hey, we should give y/n a sign name’ Haley chimed. I looked at her, my eyes softening. I felt taken aback, that these people who had scarcely met me were already willing to include me in such a precious way. I looked at Danny, his gaze looking back at me with pure heartfelt kindness. Danny lifted his hand, shifting from left to right, as he delicately placed his fingers on the table like a piano. At that moment, it was as if Danny Walter had played the keys of my heart.

Only when I looked behind Danny and saw the clock did I realise the time. Danny sat up, clearly worried as my face turned from solum comfort to one of panic. He followed my gaze, looking at the clock. I quickly gathered my bag, the chair scraping across the floor as I stood up, realising I hadn’t texted Mom or Dad to let them know where I was. I grabbed my wallet out of my bag, my hands shaking as I dug out a $20 bill placing it on the table for the meal. Haley tried to protest, but I was already rushing out the door, Danny closely in tow. He rushed ahead, unlocking the car and opening the passenger door for me. I climbed in, already bringing up the GPS on my phone. Danny climbed in glancing at my phone as I showed him the map. ‘Don’t worry, I know where the old Anderson’s place is, I have a shortcut.’ This town was too tiny for its own good.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

When Danny pulled into the driveway, I was surprised to see my parents sitting so calmly, reading their books on the couch through the window. They didn’t even look up at the sound of Danny’s car pulling up. I took a deep breath, leaning back into the seat, unsure of what was happening. I almost expected to return home to a cop car in the driveway. I unzipped my backpack, digging into the bottom to find my phone. 1 text from Mom.

‘Will from the Lark Cafe called to let us know you were there. Enjoy x’

I showed Danny the text, slightly confused. He smiled ‘That’s Will…always thinking ahead, plus he used to hang out with the Andersons kids so I’m not surprised he still remembers the phone number’. I was beginning to get the impression that the Walters were the pillar of the Silver Falls community. I looked back to the window, my Mom giving a small wave as she got up from her spot on the couch, and walked toward the kitchen. I looked at Danny, smiling as I reached for the door handle. It was totally stiff, I jiggled the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. ‘Oh yeah, there’s a trick to it’ Danny said, taking off his seatbelt and sliding across the seat, reaching his arm across my body as he un-clicked the door.

I glanced down, Danny’s gaze looking up at mine. He slowly rose, our eyes locked. Our faces were so close, I could feel his breath on my face. My eyes glanced down to his lips, his lips were slightly parted. I looked up, his eyes were on my lips. I moved forward slightly, the tip of my nose touching his, prompting him to move forward. Our noses slid, tucking into one another.

*BANG*

Our foreheads banged against one another, I pulled back pressing my hand up against the throbbing pain. ‘Y/N’S HOME’ My sister shouted, her stuffed monkey in hand, her hair slightly dishevelled as she stood in her pyjamas at the living room window banging away. I quickly grabbed my bag, and getting out of the car, in pure embarrassment, I ran straight into the house.

‘Hey, how was your evening?’ My Mom asked, her voice getting quieter as I walked down the hallway, straight to my bedroom. I leaned against the back of the door, sliding down to the ground, cradling my knees in my chest. I know I should be happy, and I was. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all too good to be true. That Danny was too good to be true. That it would all come crumbling down around me. That all things too good meant that something bad was coming. The only way to stop the bad thing from coming was to stop the happiness from becoming.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

I hadn’t been back at school since the last drama meet. On Monday morning as I approached school, Danny stood there across the road, his eyes searching until his eyes landed. His cheeks were pink, he was clearly waiting for me. It was all too overwhelming. It’s amazing how all the signs are there, and yet my brain could find all the reasons to not let it happen, to not let it be possible. The only way to protect myself, to protect him, was to ignore Danny Walter.

Fear had always been something greater than happiness. Even when I felt happy, like that night at the Lark Cafe, it was the retrospect of it all that made it so frightening. The fantasy was becoming all too real, the feelings were overpowering. Danny Walter was destined for greatness, he would go to Juilliard, and he would meet someone equally as passionate, as dedicated and as confident as him. It wouldn’t have worked I repeated to myself over and over. But it didn’t ease the heartache. Sometimes silence was easier than facing words.

I stared back at him for a moment. Contemplating crossing the road. But I couldn’t. I turned away, walking away from school, leaving Danny standing there.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Sunday Night

‘Y/N would you come here please?’ My Mom’s voice called from the kitchen. Mom and Dad stood at the kitchen island, another figure with them. The person turned around slowly to face me too. Shit.

Miss Jacobs’ sat at the table with my parents, a folder containing my attendance records in front of her. ‘You haven’t been at school all week?’ My Dad stated more than asked, his voice slightly raised as my Mom sat with her fingers tightly interlaced. I shook my head. ‘You’ve been sneaking off with that boy who dropped you home that night after Thursday’s drama meet?’ Dad questioned. My eyes widened. I shook my head, looking straight into his eyes with a pleading look. ‘Danny Walter?’ Miss Jacobs questioned. I looked at her, a look of pure confusion on my face. ‘Danny actually came by my office on Friday, he asked after you’. My Mom and Dad looked at each other in surprise. ‘Mr and Mrs y/l/n, I can assure you that y/n has been the only student absent from school this week consistently, I know that y/n has had issues at past schools with attendance. But before this, y/n’s attendance has been extremely satisfactory.’ My mom reached across the table, interlacing her fingers with dads. ‘Y/N I know you’ve had issues with bullying at your past schools, but you seemed to be doing so well at Silver Falls, is there anyone or anything we need to address?’ I shook my head solemnly. The truth was, Silver Falls had been all too good. ‘You’re a great student y/n, your grades have been satisfactory, you’ve made an excellent addition to the drama club as a pianist, you’ve got a friend who clearly cares about you…what are we missing?’ Miss Jacobs asked. It was only when she mentioned a friend who cares did the tears started to fall. I got up from the table, running to the solitude of my room…

*knock knock knock*

I wiped my eyes, turning over as my Mom slowly opened the door. She closed it behind her, shuffling under the bed's covers with me, as she lovingly brought me into her embrace. ‘Am I right in thinking this friend of yours is a bit special?’ She asked, her cheek leaning on the top of my head. My throat squeaked involuntarily as I cried a bit harder. ‘Oh, sweetheart, did he hurt you?’ I shook my head against her chest. ‘Did you hurt him?’ She whispered. I took in a deep breath, wanting to shake my head, but I knew that would be a lie. I nodded my head slowly. ‘Did you want to hurt his feelings?’ I shook my head. She let out a big sigh, her heartbeat calming down as she began to understand the situation. Many times in the past, conversations like this were always due to bullying, unsupportive school environments…ones that had resulted in moving schools, sometimes towns. I could tell she was relieved, but I certainly was not. ‘Sweetheart, some choices are scary, but sometimes they are worth making…’

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

My mom’s words rang through my head. Sometimes choices are scary, but sometimes they are worth making. I walked into homeroom quickly, I wasn’t going to allow the fear to take control. I opened the door slipping into the classroom. I took a deep breath, looking around the room to find Danny Walter was not there. I looked around, only to find a similar pair of eyes on me. Cole’s gaze was hard as a rock, yet narrow with suspicion. He looked me up and down, slightly rolling his eyes as he pursed his lips and turned his attention back to the girls fighting for his attention.

Deep breath. Sometimes choices are scary, but sometimes they are worth making. I walked straight up to Cole, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around slowly, making it very clear he didn’t have any interest in engaging with me. Danny I signed, his sign name similar to the movement of a director’s clapperboard. He shifted his head to the other side, pursing his lips again. ‘Why do you care?’ He asked, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Erin and Olivia’s glares also fixated on me. I could feel my insides quivering. ‘Don’t let the fear take over, don’t let the fear take over’ I repeated in my head. I signed his name again. Danny. He sat up, leaning back into his chair, crossing his arms. ‘Someone he cared about hurt him, and he didn’t feel like coming in today.’ It was like a heavy weight had dropped on my chest like someone was playing all the bad keys in my head. ‘Probably because of you, he didn’t get the part in the play either’ Olivia remarked in a snarky voice. Danny and Erin both turned around, glaring at Olivia as she looked back at them slightly confused. My heart cracked again…how did he not get the part of Benedick? By the time Cole had started his next sentence, I was already out of the room.

I ran down the hallway, my shoes skidding beneath me as I halted outside the auditorium door. The audition results were listed on the bulletin board. It was true, that Danny had not gotten the role of Benedick. I began to pick at my fingers. I looked up and down the empty hallway. I could go back to class…or I could make this right.

I need to make this right.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

I was breathless by the time I got to the Lark. The place was empty, everyone likely at school and work, the morning rush past as the tables were littered with empty mugs and dirty plates. I looked through the window, Haley was busy collecting plates from the tables. Luckily, she was alone. I slowly opened the door, the bell ringing. ‘y/n?’ Haley asked, clearly confused as I should be at school. ‘Are you okay? Danny came in practically like every day last week asking if you had been in.’ I stood there, my mouth dropping slightly, the picking at my nail beds increasing. ‘You okay?’ She asked again, putting the plates in her hand down as she walked toward me, gently placing her hands on my wrists, and pulling my hands apart. She looked down at my fingers. ‘Will used to chew his nails when things got overwhelming, I’d notice that sort of stress anywhere’ she sympathetically noted, brushing her thumbs back and forth over my skin. I could feel my eyes begin to tear slightly. I shakily reached into my pocket, bringing up the GPS app, and giving it to Haley. She looked at me, confused. Danny I signed. ‘He’s not at school?’ She asked curiously. I shook my head, my eyes pleading as I signed again. Danny. I didn’t know what it was about Haley…it just felt like she understood. She took my phone, typing on the screen before giving it back. ‘The Walter’s ranch isn’t far, but their driveway is rather long, do you have a car?’ She asked, her eyebrows knotted together in concern. I shook my head, but I didn’t care. I quickly gripped onto her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, before tapping Go on the GPS, heading back out the door, toward Walter’s farm.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Knock, knock*

I tentatively stepped back from the door. Looking around cautiously, I gripped the envelope in my hand, likely crushing the contents inside. I could feel my heart beating so loudly in my ears, I didn’t hear the door click open. ‘Y/N?’ I looked up. It was the first time I had seen Danny without his beanie on, his hair slightly scruffy. His face seemed one of relief as I looked at him. But the relief turned to one of hurt, the corners of his eyes slightly dropping. I lifted the envelope, holding it out…but he only stared. ‘What do you want?’ He asked, his voice clearly tired. I shook the envelope, begging him to take it. He stared at it, finally cautiously taking it. He opened it, reading the contents of the page intently. ‘This is a Juilliard application?’ He asked confused, crumpling the page tightly in his hand. I pointed to the top of the page. ‘You wrote my name on this?’ He asked again. I nodded, reaching into my pocket and handing him a pen. He looked at the application, his eyes glancing over the contents. ‘I didn’t get the part’ he said, trying to hand the pages back. I looked at him, shrugging my shoulders, as if to say ‘So what’. I held the pen out, taking a step forward, pleading with him to take it. ‘I Didn’t Get The Part.’ He stated. I took another step forward, still holding the pen out. ‘I don’t know why you even care’ he said, beginning to rip the pages in half right in front of me. ‘You knew I was waiting for you on Monday, you saw me and you just walked away’ tearing another page. ‘You stopped showing up to school, you didn’t show up to the drama meet, you even just left the car without even looking back after we almost…’ another rip.

‘I….I thought you liked me back’ he whispered, his head dropping to the ground as he dropped the torn pieces of paper on the ground. I took a deep breath, my throat catching, the pen dropping as my arm dropped back to my side like a floppy noodle. I could feel a single tear slowly shed down my cheek, the salty taste wetting my lip. ‘Besides, Juilliard won’t accept students who can’t even get a lead role in a crappy high school production, so quite honestly, Fuck your application.’

My sadness quickly turned to confusion as I finally looked back up from the torn pieces of paper back to Danny’s face. Confusion turning to anger. How could he think so little of himself? How could he not see how hard he’s worked? How could someone as passionate as him turn so sour and discouraged so quickly? How could he just give up?

I don’t know what came over me. I placed my hands on his chest, slightly pushing him back. He looked at me shocked. Again, I pushed my hands against his chest, the tears blurring my eyes. I dropped to my knees in front of him, falling onto the porch as I began to cry. ‘This was all my fault, this was all fault, this was all my fault’ I repeated in my head. I could feel my heartbeat rising fast, it felt like the blood had drained to my feet. I padded my hands around, my hands shaking as I tried to pick up the pieces of the mess I had caused. I felt a hand gently slip into mine. I looked up to find Danny kneeling on the ground in front of me. His eyes slightly teary as he looked at me. I could feel the ringing in my ears, a feeling of anger, frustration, and sadness was an exhausting feeling all at once. I had finally made a friend, and I blew it. I had finally met someone who didn’t seem deterred by my speech impediment, and I blew it. But what hurt the most, was that my actions, the hurt I had caused, had truly made someone just give up. I was used to disappointing people, myself, and my family. Disappointment had always been a constant, but to choose failure and defeat was to let it win. Even in all our moving, in all my silence, in all the changes, we were determined to never let the failure win. But in this moment, in Danny Walter, it seemed like it finally had. It felt like my brain was going to burst, like every inch of my body was pressing against my soul, like everything needed to get out.

‘….Y….yy….y…ou….h..h…h…aaa…a..ve….a….v….o…..o..oic…e….u…u…u…use….i….t’

His mouth dropped, a tear falling down his own cheek. I didn’t wait for his response, I didn’t wait for the shock, the adrenaline was too powerful.

I pulled myself from the patio, dragged myself down the stairs, and walked away.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

I wasn’t technically breaking the rules. I was at school…I just wasn’t in class. It had been two days and I had secluded myself to the solitude of the auditorium. I didn’t have the energy or the confidence to risk facing Danny Walter again. I had ruined it all…all because I was too scared to take a chance. Up until Danny, avoiding my problems, and risking too many good things happening had always seemed to work out. But this time, it was even more scary…like something was still to come. I couldn’t avoid Danny Walter forever, but maybe if I avoided him just enough things would be okay.

My eyes were too dry to cry anymore, my chest felt sore, and the cuticles from my nails were all picked off. I spent the day flicking through the folder of music Mr Choudry had me print off. If I just kept playing, time would pass faster. Isolation was something I had become accustomed to. But it felt different this time, the thought that down the hall, in another classroom, the person whose company I still couldn’t help but desire, that if I hadn’t ruined it, I didn’t have to settle for isolation anymore…something I never thought would happen.

I slipped another page off the music stand, the last piece of crumpled sheet music in the pile. My heart dropped.

‘Don’t Be Shy’

Cat Stevens

Sheet Music

I stared at the sheet, it was as if all the happy notes had fallen off the page. Like the song was scrambled, like the lyrics, the words had lost all meaning behind them. I lifted my hands, gently bringing the fallboard down over the keys, leaning on it, my head resting on my arms. I closed my eyes, exhausted by it all, silently begging for the day to be over.

‘Damn, I’ve sat through the entire show waiting for this song.’ I slightly jumped as that familiar voice sounded behind me. I sat up slowly, refusing to turn around, convincing myself it was all in my head. But I couldn’t deny his presence as the stage beneath me slowly vibrated as he stepped forward slowly from the stage wing. I turned around slightly, his figure standing underneath the stage light, his frame glowing like an apparition.

He walked forward, cautiously sitting down on the piano stool. His body brushed against mine, our thighs pressed against one another. I could feel his body slightly shake as he reached into his backpack, pulling out a sheet of paper and placing it on the music stand. What had been twenty pieces of ripped paper on his porch two days ago sat in front of me, every piece taped together again. It was as if all my natural instincts had suddenly stopped working…I didn’t blink, I didn’t move, I didn’t breathe. I simply stared at the tattered page, inspecting every crevice where he had so carefully tried to fit every fraction, every rip, every wobbly bit back together. Not only that, his scruffy handwriting had filled out every section of the application.

So gently, his arm reached up, his fingers gently slipped the hair on the side of my face, blocking my view of him, tucking it sweetly behind my ear. ‘There’s nothing I can say y/n, other than I’m sorry’ his voice slightly faltered. I turned to him, shaking my head. This was my opportunity, I needed to say it, no matter how hard it was. ‘…..I….I….I’m..mm….s..s..sor…r…r…y….D….a….nn…y…’ I said, a single tear slipping down my cheek. Danny’s warm hands cupped my cheeks. He smirked gently, pulling my face to his, our foreheads resting against one another. His thumb gently rubbed over the single tear on my cheek. I couldn’t help but close my eyes, smiling at the sensation of his skin touching mine. He gently pulled away, his lips brushing, pressing a gentle kiss on the spot where he had just wiped the tear away.

He leaned his forehead back against mine, our faces an inch closer, like that night in the car, our noses pressed into one another’s, like a puzzle that fit perfectly. His palms still cupped my cheeks sweetly. “Tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?” Danny whispered. I couldn’t help but giggle. Benedick truly engrained in his soul. I gently brought my hands up, sliding them up Danny’s arms, nervously wrapping my hands around the back of his neck.

Our lips finally touched. It was like a gentle electric shock. Our mouths fit together so perfectly. His lips were tender and soft, his hands on my cheek guiding me. I couldn’t help but feel a little grateful he didn’t have to pretend to be Benedick for anyone else. I smiled into the kiss, prompting him to slip his tongue gently, brushing against mine. One of his hands slipped down, tracing gently over my throat, moving to my shoulder, down to my hip pulling me slightly closer, our chests pressed against one another. It felt like a film, like when Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh finally kiss at the end of Much Ado About Nothing when everyone cheers and claps. His hand trailed along my thigh, gripping at it and bringing it over his lap so swiftly. I gripped onto him for life, his arms wrapping around me as the kiss deepened.

‘Oi, Romeo!’ Our lips jumped apart, but our hold on each other was still tight. Cole stood at the top of the auditorium. I slipped my face into Danny’s neck, my cheeks red as Danny turned slightly, facing his brother. ‘Miss Jacobs is heading this way, we gotta get to class.’ I looked up, my eyes peeping over Danny’s shoulder. Cole stood there, a large smile on his face, clearly trying to stifle a laugh at the scene he caught his brother in. ‘Bring Juliet with you’ he said, laughing as he turned around, poking his head out the door. I looked at Danny, our cheeks pink. He quickly looked to his brother again, swiftly stealing one last kiss.

As we stood, collecting our backpacks, Danny stood. ‘Oh, I almost forgot’ he said, reaching into his bag, taking out a piece of paper, and handing it to me with a beaming smile. I took the paper cautiously, looking at the paper. ‘Juilliard Music Program Application’ was written across the top. His scribbly handwriting had already written my name on the top of the page. I looked up, his hand already outstretched like a gentleman. I slipped my hand into his and walked out of the auditorium together.

#my life with the walter boys #danny walter #cole walter #shakespeare #much ado about nothing #walter boys

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