#we could all come together idk

[areislol]

now hold on,,, where are the avatar networks?!

edit: making one rn :))

#avatar x reader #avatar #avatar the way of water #atwow #avatar 2009 #like??? #we could all come together idk #just a thought #i mean i dont think it has been done beforeeaaah #—✧ · . areis rambles #but uhm yeah #i def wanna make one #😀😀 #—✧ · . fandom: avatar

[puppyeared]

is this your card? ♦️♣️♥️♠️ it isnt but you dont wanna hurt his feelings

#this was supposed to be a warmup but i got carried away.... i havent drawn in so long that its been hard to focus orz #im testing a new brush for fun. again.. i think i can use this for clean lineart..?? im surprised i went as long as i did with the #narinder brush honestly... but i wanna try something new so here we are again #if i could get my shit together id love to draw a model of his van because i have smth really cool in mind..i was looking at pictures #of old wooden caravans like the horse drawn ones and i wonder if i could combine that with the shape of an RV #i like the ones with a door at the rear bc it kinda lookslike a train caboose.. maybe he'd get someone to weld him a custom ride!! #idk how intricate and detailed i can design it without making it a pain in the ass to draw every time BUT i have a general idea #it would probably have a door on the side but idk if itd flip down to make a stage or upwards to make a roof?? and then theres a #curtain behind it where he would come out and do his show methinks.. ive been looking at pictures of camping vans on pinterest for ideas #i dont think he LIVES in the van since i mentioned his home is an old run down theatre when he isnt on the road. i wanna draw that too #but the RV should have enough for long travels like a bed and cabinets..? maybe a net hanging on the ceiling where all his props go #id like to think of ideas for a hometown.. toronto has a huge entertainment district so it would make sense for him to live there #although id also love to base parts of it from vancouver since id love to go back and visit </3 #..would there be furth names for those places?? nyancouver... clawronto... whinnypeg (like a horse whinny)... #pawson creek.... purrlington... otterwa.. i love coming up with names lol #my art #myart #my oc #oc #sleight #laikas comet oc #fan character #fur #furry art

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Danny saving Villians because he doesn’t want them as ghosts in his realm.

“I aint letting you bring that into my house nuh uh”

#thats it tumblr post it #danny phantom #idk what au this could be fore #I just put an e in for might be time to exit the shower #as ghost king it would cause so much of a headache to deal with them #like hes got to rehabilitate them probably and thats so much work #plus the paper work that comes with people who have killed a lot. #yes this is ghost king #r we not all on the ghost king train? #danny saves like idk some sort of villian and is like ‘’get yo shit together before you die’’ #what the fuck else do you do when the king of all the dead saves your life and tells you to clean up your act or else it’s a time out #who knows what a ghosts timeout is #people be like ‘’welp death said I gotta do better before I die so I better’’ #idk im so tired at this point but still have three hours to go #pogo lol #boingt boingy boingy #goodnight everybody hahahaha

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

#eve text #elmike #stranger things #byler #only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol #tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS #god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear #i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable #i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts #elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about #even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike #i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up #the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me #and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing... #the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me #and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin #also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice… #fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK #so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows #i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too??? #love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk #tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO... #like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO #stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest #anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul #i need frivolity #ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show

[zeb-z]

“Red team was so selfish looking past the cursed team like that” listen man they were thinking about it often, and had evidence they were cursed too. They were convinced they were cursed too. Bad (with Pierre’s help I’ll be honest) singlehandedly destroyed any sort of civil relations and good faith between the two teams and this shot Blue in the foot when they tried to make the case about them being cursed last minute, about trying to rig it in the cursed teams favor.

There was never a cursed team in the first place, it was all a tactic to build paranoia and that feeling of betrayal and to get them to tear eachother a part. And it worked super well! At the end, neither would listen to the other about their evidence, not with an honest open ear, not with the willingness to think the other team could be cursed. It’s not a case of ‘Red just refused to listen because they wanted to win more than they cared’ they thought they were cursed too - if they were selfish, then so were Blue in the same way.

Every time Red had tried to talk first early on, it was met with extreme violence - and with Bad consistently proving he’ll play dirty to win, they didn’t trust Blue enough to listen to them in the later game. Maybe they should have listened then. Maybe Blue have listened earlier. The game worked as intended to set them against eachother.

#link is to another post I made back when they were debating about the cursed teams in purgatory and why red couldn’t trust blue and blue #couldn’t believe red. they were both stuck #and bless Tubbo he tried. he did try. but he was just as convinced he was right as Phil at the end. it was about convincing one another #more than it was about coming together and piecing together the evidence. yknow what I mean? they all cared about it but because of tension #and they also could not trust blue. which sucks because that’s hardly Tubbo’s fault but yknow #I dunno. it’s not simple like that. it’s not a case of red blowing it off being selfish not caring. they also thought they were cursed #AGAIN I’ll say it again bad burning bridges fucked a lot of them over for when diplomacy had to win because there could not be benefit of #the doubt or good faith or any sort of trust #it’s not just cut and dry red wanted to win more or blue wanted to win more. it was complicated and had way more factors #red thought they were cursed too!! they had solid evidence for this too!! #and like. again it’s a case of both parties kinda suck purgatory sucked it was always going to be like that because the game worked as #intended #idk. blue should have listened to red early on. red should have listened to blue later on. they were never going to do that on either side #idk from Tina’s pov it’s understandable why she said what she said. but knowing the others pov and what actually went down that’s not what #happened at all yknow? #they’re all gonna be feeling the effects of ‘we killed and betrayed eachother for two weeks’ for a while to come #mcyt #qsmp #qsmp purgatory #z speaks

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

KT and Nina randomly being college roommates is canon, I don’t care that the odds are super slim. I think it’s fate.

#and they go wayyyy too long not knowing #i feel like kt would randomly have eddie or patricia or someone visit her at school #and when she’s like ‘my roommate’s kinda weird but she’s really nice i think you’ll like her’ & then they walk in & everyone just freezes #or nina mentions going to school in england and kt is like ‘damn that’s crazy me too!’ #and then they compare notes and kt just screams ‘WAIT YOURE NINA????’ #and nina is like ‘you’ve known my name for like three months??????’ #idk there’s just so many funny ways that this could go down #the funniest is lowkey that they get along so well that they live together all four years #but no one from anubis has the chance to come visit until their graduation #and they all freak out like #‘WHY DID YOU GUYS NEVER MENTION IT???’ #and nina + kt are like #‘we didn’t know???’ #anyway canon!!! #house of anubis #nina martin #kt rush

[squishosaur]

hey man. i'm just saying. why would we put inexperienced teenagers with over-inflated egos and obvious emotional issues into combat classes and make them claw their way to the top of their dorms and expect things to just run smoothly. who actually thought this

#the reason rsa doesn't have overblots is because they understand the joy and whimsy of life and friendship btw #LIKE. why is there no school counselor?? do you know how much time & resources & effort & TRAUMA we could have saved the students & #school from if ANYONE had reached out to riddle and was like 'hey are you alright i heard xyz and i wanted to let you know...' ESPECIALLY #since TREY LITERALLY TELLS US 'oh well here's the lowdown on her trauma this is Probably what is causing this' #or if someone sat down to tell leona 'hey! i'm rooting for you in ur magift(?) game! you're my fav player!!' AND LET HIM FEEL NOTICED #or if someone approached azul as an Equal to try to stop his plans. as a friend even. BEYOND A BUSINESS TRANSACTION #or if ANYBODY BUT ESPECIALLY KALIM was like 'jamil i think you should follow your passions and do something you enjoy today!!' or AT LEAST #let him know he was appreciated as a person NOT JUST FOR HIS WORK #'i know you're doing a lot today but i just wanted to thank you for how much Effort you put into this and..' etc etc etc #ERM.. IF ANYONE TREATED VIL LIKE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CELEBRITY??? or even 'hey i loved you in this film i was wondering if we could #do a play together or something..!!' AND LET HER TRY A TYPE OF CHARACTER SHE NEVER GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE. and sing her praises. #if anyone reached out to idia beyond a 'hey the teacher said to come to class'/'get out of your bed and come to our housewarden meeting' #or even. IF ORTHO HIMSELF was like. 'you know it's not your fault... you didn't cause all of this. not really' OR SOMETHING #or if malleus ever got to experience a small firsthand loss AND WAS COMFORTED THROUGH IT. not just quick fix via magic. not replacing. just #GRIEVING SOMETHING??????? and wasn't feared by literally everyone #um. maybe the real twisted part is that all of this tragedy was easily preventable if we had a support system in place. #but idk. twst is a highschool. there's no support in real high school either. i'd probably overblot too if i could ajdjrjfinfdndjd #twst #chatter #LONG RAMBLE SORRY #yes overblots are essential to the plot. but also. do you know how frustrating it is watching the blot build up and sitting in silence. #I'M SORRY IK IF SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO A GUY I JUST MET I WOULD PROBABLY NOT NOTICE.. but of it was my Friend or Housewarden.. #I'D ASK BRO.... I'D ASK ... UGHHHHHUUUHHHH #not that anyone would notice if *I* was about to lose it tbh #speaks volumes about our society o think #OKAY NOW I'M DONE FOR REAL

[maddy-ferguson]

#me

#this is what the average person on tumblr is missing. what i meant when i said the average person on tumblr should see misogynistic men talk #on the internet regularly they would benefit from that #not incels or andrew tate guys. normal guys #in november #and like i say: brf slt #i remember in 2016 when i was just getting into feminism as like a thing of the present the big thing on french twitter was for guys to say #meuf = pute: girl = whore. they would just say this. 24/7. not even a creative way to be misogynistic. but i was like oh! #then when girls would talk about getting harassed they would be like you made this up you're too ugly a film directed by quentin #tarantino etc. i think one of the most frustrating things they do is say no boy has ever sexually harassed a girl in middle school because #all they thought about at that age (that age being. from 11 to 15) was football and video games like OH MY GOD we were literally there #i mean no there's worse a lot worse but it's one of the most annoying ones like how are you all coming together to collectively #gaslight us #i could give more examples but it's not that interesting just these people HATE US!!!!!! #it's never just one or two guys or even ten or even twenty it's SO MANY PEOPLE just united by their hatred of women...heartwarming #in a way #but whatever i know people are awful on the internet or whatever but these people exist irl i'm pretty sure. im just not blissfully unaware #i'm sure that's nice. it's probably a bliss even. frustrating for normal people who have to interact with that though #or maybe not for normal people misogyny is a very widespread thing idk if you know this...frustrating for me! #like why does seeing frankly misogynistic tweets kinda not bother me as much as seeing posts that act like misogyny isn't a thing. at least #they're honest!!!!! #like it does feel very bad. but i'm used to it. kind of

[bl-bracket]

Also just a little fyi~ once we get the cast down (which is like a couple weeks out from here tbh), I'll have a form for y'all to submit ideas for names for the show itself (since by then we'll have a good sketch of the vibe of the series) as well as each of the characters! I'll probably then put those to a vote once we get everything else settled. This project is going to take a while tbh but I'm very excited to see what we create as a team!!!

Also just for future reference (though I'll remind y'all when we get to it), because our primary genre is heist and the secondary is detective, I'm currently planning that whoever we get as our main character will be more on the heist side of the coin, while the love interest will be on the detective side of the coin (I suppose when we get to tropes their actual roles will become more clear) (and also once I get a concept of the plot so I can write out the summary/synopsis thing)

#bl bracket info #build a bl #no this is definitely not my inability to come up with good names so i'm crowdsourcing #anyways putting together some of the stuff behind the scenes is getting me very hyped #like today i was collecting all the photos for the candidates for main actor/love interest #and i became acutely aware that any combo of those guys could win #which made me excited for some potential pairings #idk if any of my picks will make it but here's hoping #EDIT #so i forgot about the fact that the show may be poly #if that's the case we might rearrange things in terms of who is doing the heist and who is the detective

[nandermoenthusiast]

oh my god i got so emotional SHUT UUUUUP

#911 #911verse #evan buckley #so this is what crying about a character is actually like #like i do be crying at times dont get me wrong #but i just love buck so much. i kept stopping the episode and going. omg omg omg #omg its happening. omg idk if i can actually watch this. omg its happening !!!!!!!!!!! #jesus christ JESUS CHRIST #like i know we throw the word around a lot but this is MY SON #and everything that happened in the episode. it was like it was happening to me #i felt actual physical damage and actual butterflies as the kiss moment approached #like theY DID THAT #THEY MADE MY BI SON CANONICALLY BI #idk to have this shift in a characters perception this late in a procedural….. 911 you gods #i really hope they can somehow make more seasons cause they would deserve ti #it. and like. this doesn’t have to be the end of buddie?? #they could get them together at any time bc buck realizing hes into men is a lot other worm can than buck realizing hes in love with #his best friend. i just dont know how they would do it with eddie bc they would have to pull a lot of focus over there too with a big #chance of feeling repetitive with their narratives #maybe they just show them together after a timejump and say they worked some stuff out idk lmao #ANYWAY I AM STILL CRYING BECAUSE BUCK MY SON IS A CANONICAL BISEXUAL JEALOUS DISASTER JUST LIKE HIS MAMA ❤️ #THIS IS WHAT REPRESENTATION IS ACTUALLY ALL ABOUT (and i mean his horrifying handling of the feelings of being left out of course lmao) #THE LOOK EDDIE SHOT HIM TOO #i am too frazzled rn i just need to scream i think #hi. im sorry this is me coming out of the 911 closet now that wwdits is on hiatus #evan buckley!!!!! #SON OF MY SONS #LIGHT OF MY LIFE #APPLE OF MY EYE

[lorephobic]

idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?

#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive. #like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love #and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me #she is. the most important person in my life #and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her #like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this #if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh #what more could i ever ask for #but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right #even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be #in just over a year #when she's making enough money for it #she plans on moving into a place of her own #which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point. #but i just. don't know what i'm going to do. #and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing #i thought we were going to move into a house together #i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke #but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year. #i would still want to be here. with her. #or somewhere else. with her. #like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me. #and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t #give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted. #and she's leaving. #she doesn't want to be with me. #sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do. #for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs #its what sufjan would have wanted #fucked up terrible no good week

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #i guess for those following this uh... Situation NDNDNDMMDMX #today was the last day LOL. he was gonna sit beside me during the exam #... but the teacher moved him NDNJDMDMDMDMDMDMDMMD #then.... he finished before me.... i was like oh fuck. but i was like oh what if hes waiting for me.... #but i was also like GET IT TOGETHER GURL. UR AT AN EXAM #so i GOT IT TOGETHER (mostly) #and when i finished he was gone 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #HOWEVER.... me n one of my other friends had to work on a group project so we stayed back then went out n ate #she knows i like him. n at some point i was like man... if only he had waited. he could have come with us #n she was like...... !!!!!! he did wait !!!!!!!!! #and i was like WHAAAAAAAAAAAA #so it turns OUT..... that this other guy i was friends with (no longer bc 1. he was using me for my hw and 2. he was mean to the guy i like #DEMANDED to know why the guy i had a crush on didnt answer in the big group chat about dinner n he was like..... uh i have an exam the #day after ??? (and ok insider info here.... he told me he never wanted to see any of them ever again LMAO. so i wasnt surprised at all. #thought it was so fucjin funny bc man he really kept to his word by not answering JDJDJDJJDJDJDl) #but ya he left after that !!!!!!!! so !!!!!! wa !!!!!!!! im just 🥺🥺🥺 !!!!! like he WAS waiting for me but GOD that asshole im just...... #>:[[[[[[[[ #bc u know !!!! thats not the first time he's (for lack of a better word) cockblocked us !!!!!!!! #but it somewho ends up bringing us closer in a way. idk NDJXJXJJZJZJZJZJZ #im just.... ya i messaged him n we talked for a bit.... he still has an exam left so im gonna leave him alone til hes done #really hope he lets me know how it goes AH #but ya............ idk man idk. im gonna have to grow some huge balls n ask him to meet up. bc if i dont....... lol my only other chance is #graduation in february............. #n e way NDNNDNDNDNDNNDND

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

I'm having one of those "I wish I could just be part of the Astral Express crew" moments

#rambling rambling rambling #i know being part of the astral express would have its own challenges and all but #sometimes i wish i could just be there and suddenly feel safe #i like everyone in the crew so much and I guess anyone in it can bring me comfort somehow so #I crave being accepted and I believe they would do it with no doubt nor hesitation #and my honkai s/i being probably the most similar to me s/i makes it even easierrr for me to wish to be there #because that's basically me #being there and being supported and living happily and having others to rely on nearby and being themself and being loved for it and and #and i want that #ugh the struggle #Welt pls come home #ive had a long evening and tomorrow i'll have a long morning idk what im saying at this point im just tired #i just wanna exist peacefully ig #no rush no judgement no negative expectations #also I wanna share blankets with March and Dan Heng #and Stelle too I love her but almost never add her in my imagines because I think I would join the crew before her soooo i havent thought+ #much about meeting trailblazer and all of that as my s/i #I wanna be in the Astral Express so bad #I wanna look at the stars and share blankets as we continue our eternal travel #together #as nothing more nor less than family #im so tired #n is talking #vent #ig? #cw vent #tw vent

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

#im a rambling sam #I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work #idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably #I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go #one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today #I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this #I can #but god I don’t know #in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it #just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here #but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I #I don’t know how to step into it #sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to #start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think #we probably would’ve gotten along #but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp #idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage #little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window #I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time #when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked #and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me #and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head #now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest #when I talk to myself I’m talking to her #I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then #the assurance I still need now #I am here for her so I am here for myself #this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed

[sallytwo]

alright time to guess about what my dreams are about tongith

#i napped earlier. for an hour. and i woke up and it felt like years had passed #like i was literally walking the halls and was like. this feels more like a dream than my dream did #during the nap i had a pretty standard vivid apocoplyse dream. which is normal. and then a really grotesque vision of my own death #so let’s see what we get tonfirh #it’s been a solid week where i’ve had the most vivid awful dreams ever. #like i’ve always had weird dreams and sometimes they’ll flare up for awhile like my apocoplyse dreams . but it’s usually because of somethin #not just. middle of the semester time for senseless violence and images of your friends all dying. like idk where it’s coming from mmm #can i have a nice dream tonight. like when i dreamed about my friend and i going to disney. please #that was actually one of my most upsetting ones cuz it was right after she’d stopped talking to me and hated me #so having a dream where we were together and okay and the sun was shining it was all okay. and knowing it could never happen again

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

skipping class for the first time in my life bc my professor has covid and he sent out an email saying we’re having class and he’s asymptomatic and will wear a mask per cdc guidelines even tho he’s past the 5 day required isolation period. like. great whatevs but have you actually tested negative

update: the answer was no he had not

#stressed as FUCK #it’s fine we have a textbook and he doesn’t take roll #hoping he doesn’t do an extra credit activity but if i miss it for the sake of my health so be it #i have to go home afterwards anyway bc i have an appointment the next day with my thyroid dr #stressed abt that too bc my mum has dropped all precautions as if she isn’t in her 60s and didn’t lose her husband to covid #and idk what my sibling is doing but i know they’ve stopped masking at their practices and i wouldn’t be surprised if they stopped masking #all together. they also only wear cloth masks but at least it was something #idk i just feel like im the only one not ignoring it. like. when my dad got sick i asked him early on if he could smell and he was like #‘I’m just congested’ and my mum was like ‘no he’s just sick it’s not covid’ and then we waited until it was too late #like. i tell my mum that there’s nothing we could have done bc i don’t want her to feel guilty but like #idk. part of me thinks that if people had just listened to me and gotten him tested earlier and not lived in denial that maybe he’d still be #here. and my mum is pretty healthy but again she’s in her 60s. i don’t want to lose another parent to covid. or if she gets it and has it #bad or ends up with long covid then im gonna have to come home to take care of her or. idek. like i don’t live at home anymore so i can’t #pick up the slack if something happens to her. and my sibling definitely can’t #it’s so stressful. did we not watch the same process of my dad rapidly deteriorating. by the time we took him to the hospital he looked like #a corpse. he was completely grey and his eyes were glazed and he couldn’t even sit up or wave goodbye. has she just forgotten that happened #am i the only one who remembers watching my dad deteriorate in front of us #vent tw #covid tw