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deadcactuswalking · 30 days

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/03/2024 (Future & Metro Boomin's WE DON'T TRUST YOU, Olivia Rodrigo's GUTS (spilled) and Hozier)

Benson Boone takes a hold of the top of the UK Singles Chart for the second week with “Beautiful Things” and it’s a big, messy week that I’m too tired to deal with so welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 and given this week was somewhat of a busy one, we do have a fair few to bid adieu, namely: “Going Home” (Theme from Local Hero) by Mark Knopfler’s Guitar Heroes because the charity single never lasts long, “I Will” by Central Cee, “ONE CALL” by Rich Amiri, “Homesick” by Noah Kahan and Sam Fender on the duet version, “One of the Girls” from The Idol by The Weeknd, JENNIE and Lily-Rose Depp, “leavemealone” by Fred again.. and Baby Keem, “DNA (Loving You)” by Billy Gillies featuring Hannah Boleyn, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and of course, “Someone You Love” by Lewis Capaldi. It’s a mixed bag, but I’m mostly glad to see new hits flushing in and taking care of some of these older, longer-running tracks.

Thanks to our 10 new songs landing mostly at the front of the chart, we don’t see any returns and not that many big gains either, but it is worth to comment on the boosts for “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor and T-Pain at #50, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #40, “Back on 74” by Jungle landing yet another run at #32, “Green & Gold” by Rudimental and Skepsis featuring Charlotte Plank and Riko Dan at #30, “Von dutch” by Charli XCX at #27 thanks to a pretty great A.G. Cook remix and “Birds in the Sky” by NewEra at #23.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart is largely not affected by everything below it, as we have “End of Beginning” by Djo at #5, “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” by Ariana Grande, “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #2 and of course, Booner Boy at the very top. Yet just at #6, we have a new arrival so that should better display how this week is going to go. Let’s just dive into it.

New Entries

#58 - “stranger” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

Now a major reason to why this week feels so exhausting is that over half of our new songs are from the same two albums, that are at #3 and #2 in the singles chart right now: Olivia Rodrigo’s deluxe release of GUTS with a few extra songs and the newest collaborative record by Future and Metro Boomin, WE DON’T TRUST YOU, which I actually cared to listen to. I decided it would even be a better idea to split up my writing time into the three categories instead of in chart position order: tackling the three songs from O-Rod, the trio from the duo and… the other four. It’s nearly even. These are also two not particularly interesting albums to have three songs to talk about. I’ll talk more about Future when the time comes, but these are just three bonus tracks from an album I didn’t even like so just imagine my excitement when I have to talk about them. This one’s about… moving on from a past relationship, of course, demonstrating said ex-partner as a complete stranger that she no longer has any real emotional investment towards. I like the writing here, it’s less wordy than usual and feels really natural over the airy acoustic guitar. Dare I say it’s got a bit of a wispy country twang to it that adds some edge. The organic instrumentation in the back of the second chorus onwards is sweet even if I’d prefer it was pushed further to the front of the mix, I love the dynamics of the bridge and ultimately, the mundane yet really powerful and heathily bitter angle O-Rod takes here is pretty resonant. I have no idea why this didn’t close the standard edition of the album, it’s pretty excellent actually.

#54 - “Belong Together” - Mark Ambor

Produced by Mark Ambor and Noel Zancanella

We actually continue with feathery teeny-bopper Americana as this is the breakout hit for singer-songwriter Mark Ambor, going for a folkish stomp-rock tune that is a pretty good Noah Kahan riff if not anything else. I’m not into the more jovial, head-empty frolick of the upbeat side of this genre, especially not when it’s sung by people who sound like Disney teen stars but hey, this has got a much stickier chorus than many of those Disney Channel original movies could ever dream of. His voice does reach some nice rasps amidst the crowd vocals and it really is just being carried by the admirable hook because other than that constant, this is barely a notable song, at less than two and a half minutes with non-descript lyrics and a professional but not grippingly detailed production. It really just is a bonfire sing-a-long and fits that function perfectly. I’ll be real: this was embarrassingly close to getting Best of the Week on that hook alone. It is undeniable.

#42 - “Slow it Down” - Benson Boone

Produced by Jason Evigan, Connor McDonough and Riley McDonough

There were two real possibilities with this one: I hate it and regret everything nice I said about “Beautiful Things”, or I like it and I just end up being a Benson Boone fan now. A Booner Boy. A Benson Booner. A Boonemobile. I didn’t really know which option was more embarrassing, but with the McDonough fellows on production, I really thought the first was more likely. When I heard the faster-paced pianos, the condescending tone of the lyrics, that really awkward Jesus line and some of the Lewis Capaldi-esque inflections, I was worried… but Goddamn it, he’s done it again. Sure, it’s not as wholesome as “Beautiful Things”, but the pairing of the lyrics wanting to slow everything down and take life at its own pace against his almost manic, shifting vocal delivery that gets really rough at times, and the incessant nature of much of the instrumentation, is all a pretty inspired songwriting choice, and it gets the uneven tone off really well. It sounds nothing like it but thematically, it reminds me of “Wait” by Maroon 5 in how its uncertainty can barely be contained the restraints of its format but they really are trying to keep it in the box, until that excellent, just pummelling final chorus that makes me really want to hear Boonetunes do some hard rock or glam metal one day. He’s got a voice for it. I’m embarrassed to say it, and it’s not as good as his current #1, but it’s a good song. I’m sorry.

#24 - “so american” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

That is not an exciting title and what do you know, this is more of the flowery pop rock that doesn’t seem to know where the line of its edge lands exactly, like I’d expected. This is a post-punk-esque track with a blank-feeling rhythm section and really flat bass that just runs through the motions until it reaches a chorus climax point that still just chugs along despite all the non-descript swell that’s behind it. It’s about a very specific celebrity crush that uses lovestruck nonsense-singing to finish off its refrain, and I’m just not in the market for this. I could not care less about this uber-specific compliment that she decides to make the conceit of the song… despite the fact that it barely shows up outside of the chorus. I love bubblegum pop rock sometimes, one of my favourite albums of all time is by Helen Love. This just doesn’t have the right guitar hook or lyrical detail - that isn’t odd and honestly somewhat off-putting - to keep me from really getting into this. It’s not bad and really, there could be a great song made out of some of these elements, they just might not have been in the right hands. Sorry.

#20 - “Cinderella” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott

Produced by Metro Boomin, Dre Moon and Allen Ritter

WE DON’T TRUST YOU is fine. In fact, it’s actually damn good at times and mostly a pretty serviceable, atmospheric trap record. The added cinematics from Metro dampen the bangers but largely add a twinkle to the gleaming pop songs found around the middle, that were actually mostly my favourites. Future is, to me at least, at his best being just impressively catchy. He has a singular voice that sounds surprisingly rich reciting these cuter, cloud rap melodies and Metro’s pop sensibilities mean that he knows exactly when, how and what to switch up throughout. At its best, the album is careening and hypnotic, but there’s a lot of attempts at menace here, as is to be expected, and that blend of opulence and violence from Future has never hit that well for me without pop hooks behind it, especially given that it’s not just Future under-performing on these tracks, it’s Metro. I’ll discuss more of that in the next entry because it is incredibly obvious in that one, but the appeal of “Cinderella”, which lands pretty much smack-dab in the middle of the album and fully in that leaned-out pop section that I loved. I don’t think there’s a single quotable from either artist, and the beat is not even that interesting: its appeal is really simple. The melodic leads are cute, the trap beat is immense enough to absorb most of the energy but not act as an obstacle between Future and the melodies behind him, and his flow is possessive of the brain, I swear to God, it’s been in my head all week. Oh, yeah, and Travis Scott is here, I guess. I like his vocal layering on here, I suppose, and he really meshes with the closing, misty detail that the track ends with. It’s not my favourite - that would probably be a toss up between “Slimed In” and “Runnin’ Outta Time”, but it’s pretty great.

#18 - “Type Shit” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott and Playboi Carti

Produced by Metro Boomin, D. Rich and MIKE DEAN

In the context of the album, this song is dreadful. It’s not a momentum killer - rather, it’s a continuation of a long-dead momentum in the most excruciating way. It comes after “Ice Attack”, which starts with a droning beat even Future is already bored of, so bored in fact that he changes the beat to an even more rote and basic one that is a very similar tempo and groove as the track that it seamless transitions into, which is of course, “Type Shit”, where pretty much all of Future’s performance and most of Playboi Carti’s, in his hit-or-miss deep voice, is based on the same flow, cadence and lyric. It really had me worried for the rest of the album. Outside of the context, it’s still awful: here’s where Metro misunderstands how to make a beat interesting: adding loops onto other loops, all of which are incredibly one-note and cheap, just makes it sound like a lot of noise over muddily-mixed drums that sound genuinely awful. Whilst not applying greatly to this particular track, Metro tends to make some elements of these beats way busier than the others, leading to an ugly dissonance where it feels like he’s more pre-occupied with sound effects. Our only respite from this drone is Travis Scott delivering a reference vocal over MIKE DEAN synths and whilst I’ll take that over Carti most days, it’s not particularly attention-capturing or all that well implemented into the rest of the track, just an extended malformed interlude that has no business being here other than making sure the entire song isn’t insufferable. Also, “posted up with my dogs, Scooby-Doo type shit”? I appreciate that Carti is actually trying to form sentences now but his smug, deeper tone he prefers as of late just makes his failure at doing so even more embarrassing.

#13 - “i like the way you kiss me” - Artemas

Produced by Artemas, Kevin White and Daintree

I guess all Artemas really needed was that one small breakout single to really grow big with his next release, as this debuted way bigger than I expected. I thought “if u think i’m pretty” was at least okay, so I had some hopes for this and no, I don’t like this at all. I like darker synthpop bullet trains like this sometimes - Gesaffelstein released an album literally today that had some elements of this - but Artemas’ pained, pre-teen delivery cannot sell this if it had normal lyrics and more extensive, detailed production, let alone with muddy, cheap nothingness and a chorus that is about how Artemas “hits it from the back so you don’t get attached”. Ew. I get this is going for a toxic lover persona, but it is just embarrassing for him trying to go for it, especially when he attempts a malformed guitar solo later like God, actually stop trying for whatever this is. I don’t like saying a song is cringeworthy because other demographics will resonate with it but… come on. What is this? Who is this for?

#10 - “obsessed” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

Now this is the big attempt at a single from this deluxe release, enlisting St. Vincent on writing and going for a vibe similar to “bad idea, right?”, right down to the stop-start songwriting that made that one so frustrating. There’s a sicker guitar riff to this one at least, it feels a bit grimier and almost eerie with O-Rod’s obsessive lyrics surrounding how jealous she is of her partner’s ex-boyfriend… yet it never feels like it goes anywhere meaningful. It has the additional edge of sounding slightly mentally ill and sapphic simultaneously - I can relate to that - but the chorus just isn’t there - or more accurately, there’s not an attempt to make a coherent one. The entire track very much builds up to that chorus as a focal point but it blows out too much to resonate and loses some of the impact of its implosion. It’s much better than “bad idea, right?” because it’s not as incessant and is less tasteful in its subject matter, but it suffers from the same struggle of calculating how much to restrain in what should be an anthem for self-destruction. It’s decent, but I really wish I liked it more.

#8 - “Too Sweet” - Hozier

Produced by Bēkon, Hozier, Chakra, Sergiu Gherman and Peter Gonzales

Hozier, similarly to O-Rod, dropped some outtakes and bonus tracks from last year’s album - the difference here is that the songs smashed out of nowhere and this single in particular is looking to be his biggest hit since “Take Me to Church”, which is now a decade old. That’s scary. It may benefit from its conceptual similarities to “Eat Your Young”, which was a minor hit, as they both examine excessive greed, however in this song, the space is shared between two clashing perspectives, one of which is focused on discipline and the other on simple pleasures, with the two perspectives seemingly in a metaphorical relationship. I do think we see more of the unhealthy side of the narrative, particularly because of how those two perspectives influence the narrator, potentially Hozier, to take his life more seriously. Musically, this has a brilliant, infectious organic bass guitar over a fleeting almost trip hop funk. Hozier’s less rhythmic and arguably airy performance here surprised me initially, but he soaks into the feathery choir vocals that end up backing him and make this song really sound like the narrator has little control, being commanded by two contrasting forces until that decisive chorus that truly succeeds at being an anthem. Some of the lyrics in the second verse are a tad on-the-nose and take me out of the song’s overall theme, which arguably stagnates for its second half due to the lack of a true thematic - or really sonic - conclusion, but given I’m listening to it outside of the album’s full context, I feel like this is going to inevitably be a reaction I have, so it feels a tad presumptuous to say it’s a flaw in the track, which is otherwise pretty much flawless. I think this is sticking around and God, wouldn’t that be wonderful? Fantastic song.

#6 - “Like That” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring Kendrick Lamar

Produced by Metro Boomin

Yeah, I don’t like this one either. Now this song is hypothetically, very good. I liked having the surprise of Kendrick when the features weren’t initially credited, and this beat is not dead on arrival, majorly because it’s someone else’s beat. This samples the classic 80s rap track “Everlasting Bass” by Rodney O and Joe Cooley - and General Jeff - but the problem is it decides to only effectively sample part of its really insane beat. For mid-late 1980s California, you can really tell where Memphis rap can grab from this, especially with those blaring klaxon synths, the basic but commanding beat, the nearly constant, playful vocal sampling and of course, that looming bass that is actually from Barry White but sounds terrifying here. “Like That” turns the mains melody of “Everlasting Bass” into an ugly siren resting on more modern and metallic trap percussion that just does not mesh properly. There’s an incessant buzz to everything that is not helped by the twirling Michel’le sample from Eazy-E’s “Eazy-Duz-It” which not only feels overdone but is just unnecessary here. Future is… barely here, mostly because we need to just set out a red carpet for this Kendrick Lamar verse, which I will admit, as always with Kendrick, has some incredible wordplay, and in the context of dissing Drake, I’m all for this cold verse, even if it just doesn’t fit that well over this beat. I mean, it fits more than Future because he has some of the character that the original did, which makes sense given Rodney O and Joe Cooley were from southern California as well. I like the line using members of The Click, that one’s really clever, and the André 3000 line is funny too, but after his verse, the song just malfunctions and refuses to piece itself back together. Metro fades the song out whilst Future is still clearly rapping, and at a higher energy than ever before so I have no idea why he did that. There are longer songs on the album, this one didn’t need to be cut short. Given that this is one of very few tracks on here that Metro is solely responsible for and it’s honestly kind of a trainwreck production-wise, I do have my concerns going forward.

Conclusion

Artemas gets the Worst of the Week for “i like the way you kiss me”, genuinely, what the fuck was that? Future, Metro, Travis and Carti bag the Dishonourable Mention for “Type Shit”, obviously, whilst Best of the Week is honestly kind of difficult. I think I’ll give it to Hozier for “Too Sweet” but with O-Rod close behind as an Honourable Mention with “stranger”. Beyoncé’s coming up next, folks, so be prepared for that, but for now, thanks for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and we’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #song review #pop music #metro boomin #future #we don't trust you #olivia rodrigo #guts spilled #kendrick lamar #travis scott #playboi carti #artemas #hozier #benson boone #mark ambor

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