Kay babes, I already posted a salty kinda tongue-in-cheek thing about Kalluzeb, in context of *MANDO SPOILERS* Zeb appearing sans Kallus in the Mandalorian. Because in honesty, he should be on Lira San with Kallus enjoying retirement, but I have no beef with him doing whatever it is he’s doing other than the part where he’s doing it without Kallus, because that is a huge red flag for me.
I thought I would have to worry about the following issues when it came to Ahsoka, but I guess they’re either setting him up for an appearance in that or they’ve decided to explore his post-Empire story in Mando, which is fine. If ye be free of indignation about Kalluzeb/Zeb just being gay, read on! If you’re an apple riddled with the worms of homophobia or if you’re very strongly anti-Kalluzeb, then this is not the post for you, and I would rather you just left now than got mad at me in the comments.
I’m going to specifically discuss this in terms of Ahsoka first, because I’ve had this in my drafts for months, so I wrote it before Zeb getting no-homo’d was a present and immediate danger. This may not be the best-written I’ve ever produced, but it is fairly logical, so please take it in context of the first section being written months ago, and the last section as being written today, and then you’ll be sitting pretty.
So it’s basically common knowledge at this point that Hera and Sabine will appear in some capacity in Ahsoka, and probably going to be in contact with our queen herself. I have doubts that Zeb will be a significant part of the show; maybe a cameo here or there, or they mention him but he stays off-screen. If Hera/Sabine gets off a comm in the back of their spaceship and Ahsoka’s like “hey, who was that?” and Hera/Sabine says, “just checking in with Zeb,” there is a choice. And because I have no faith in anyone to canonize Kalluzeb, this is what feels much more likely to happen: The writers will either throw in a single line after that (such as Ahsoka replying with “oh, cool, how’s his wife?”) or there will be no mention of a spouse. And believe you me, there is literally no reason that Zeb, who would be off-screen at that moment, and whose Rebels ending involved no female Lasat, should have a wife for that throwaway moment. It adds nothing to his story and it would be completely out of nowhere, probably never to be explored again. Mentioning a wife would literally just be the galaxy’s biggest, flashing-neon “no homo” (or, in Star Wars terms, you might say that he got Zorii Bliss-ed). There’s no reason to do it. Not saying he has a wife technically doesn’t even disprove the concept that he might have a wife *sarcastic snort*. So if something like that does end up in Ahsoka, we all know why. There is legitimately no other reason to add in a throwaway line like that other than to disprove the concept of Kalluzeb. Or maybe just to disprove the concept that Zeb is gay. I would honestly rather they never mentioned Zeb at all, even in passing, than throwing that kinda thing in our faces. There is no reason to disprove it. Leaving Zeb with a slightly ambiguous relationship poses no problem. No plot hole. No loose end in desperate need of tying up. There is no reason to officially, explicitly de-canonize Kalluzeb or gay Zeb, because there is no significant woman in his life he might possibly have a solid, built-up, understandable relationship with, and because his most significant person (I would argue) is a man. I can’t say it enough. This is the test. Either we get Zorii Bliss-ed again, or Zeb gets to continue enjoying the grey space. (Because I don’t have enough faith in Filoni, the man who still has not made Ahsoka a splesbian [lesbian in space] to canonize arguably one of the most dramatic potential romances in Star Wars history. Even though Kalluzeb makes sense. Even though Kallus’s entire reformation arc is started by Zeb. Even though in his little screen time as a Rebel, it is still obviously Zeb who means the most to him out of all the Specters. Even though Zeb, who is often portrayed as being kind of rough, is much kinder and more honorable towards Kallus than he deserves, before they’re on the same side.)
In context of Mando, the same rules apply. There is no need to mention him having a wife. There isn’t any urgent need to even explicitly canonize Kalluzeb, other than the fact that Star Wars needs to improve its queer representation by leaps and bounds to get up to standards, and also that Kalluzeb makes a whole lot of sense. I am terrified of him existing in post-Rebels media because thus far, he is without Kallus, and with the way their Rebels storyline ended, there’s really no reason he should be. Kallus should be by his side.
UNLESS Kallus is A) currently enjoying retirement on Lira San, and Zeb is off-world for short periods of time every now and then but goes home to Lira San and Kallus or B) they’re saving Kallus for a moment when Kallus shows up late to whatever business he and Zeb have and we get a quiet, “hey, husband of mine” and there’s no fanfare, no Zorii Bliss situation, just two gay dudes being married and living their lives together.
This is it. This is where I find out if it’s even crossed Filoni’s mind (or the minds of other miscellaneous writers, but he really sticks to his characters) to leave our plausible couple be. This is where I find out if his viewpoint of *paraphrased* “it wasn’t my intention, but I won’t de-canonize it” (https://gizmodo.com/star-wars-rebels-producer-dave-filoni-is-totally-fine-w-1823593680) holds up if he’s going to explore characters close to Zeb (which includes Kallus) post-Rebels.
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My baby here on earth
Showed me what my heart was worth
So, when it comes to be my turn
Could you shine it down here for her?
'Cause my love is mine, all mine
I love, my, my, mine
Nothing in the world belongs to me
But my love, mine, all mine
Nothing in the world is mine for free
But my love, mine, all mine, all mine
-My Love Mine All Mine
Mitski
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Teach Me How To Love In Your Own Lyrics
(Part two)
Prev
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With the finals happening, his classes were actually quiet for once. Except for the constant “Mr. Harrington may I use the restroom?” At least they used correct grammar. His fourth period was by far his favorite of the classes (although he would never admit it). They were the smartest group and they actually listened. They got done impressively quick leaving them with 20 minuets of class. He collected their papers and leaned back on the front of his desk. “So,” he begins, “anyone have any fun summer plans?” Which he knows is like the most teachery question to ever be asked but oh well.
They all had the basic answers : going to the beach, spending time with family (he loved the kids that said this), and the classic going to spend every day at the arcade. However, there was one answer that stuck out to him.
“What about you James?”
“I get to go to my favorite bands’ concert!” He sounded so excited
“Oh really? Who?”
“Corroded Coffin! They’re coming to Indy!”
Sometimes Steve forgets how big they actually are so the answer kind of took him by surprise. “That’s awesome! Okay random question. Show of hands, who listens to Corroded Coffin?” Almost every single kid raised their hand. Wow. They are in for a treat.
“Now I’m sorry kids but I think I have you all beat, I am 100% their biggest fan.” All the kids protested. James especially about how “I don’t see your tickets!” Steve grinned “okay okay maybe not but…” he reached behind him to his desk in search for something. He pulled out 2 Polaroids. One was from about 5 years ago of him and Eddie on the swings at the local park. They may or may not have been as high as a kite, but that wasn’t important. The other was more recent. It’s the two of them in the Wheeler’s basement. Eddie is playing the most ‘metal’ song ever his guitar while Steve plays a kazoo. He smiles at the memories to himself before turning the pictures around to the kids and saying, “Is your best friend the lead guitarist?”
The kids were in awe. James stood up and pushed his way towards Steve. “You?”
“Yes?”
“Friends with THE Eddie Munson?”
“The one and only, yes.” He looked so shocked? Excited? Angry? He could not read any of his students emotions no matter how hard he tried. James turned around and sat back down with the same expression plastered on his face.
All of the class wanted to know how they knew each other. Oh. Steve had to make up a story on the spot. He really couldn’t say “oh yeah when the inter-dimensional portal opened up I went looking for him, because y’a know he had murder charges and had to hide, but anyways long story short he died and I gave him cpr, and we have been BFFS since!” So he goes with:
“Well we went to high school togeth-“
“WAIT!”
“What now James?” he sighed
“You went to school here right?
“Correct.”
“That means Eddie went to school here?!?!”
“Yeah? The whole band did, now if I can cont-“
“WHAT???”
Steve took a deep breath, “now can I continue?” James mumbled some sort of yes. Steve laughed, “Okay. So yes we went to high school together but we didn’t really now each other then. We were on opposite sides of the field I guess? He started his own d&d club. And I..” he sighed, “was on the swim team.” All the kids booed. He laughed and continued, “I know I know. Anyways, we met through mutual friends, and after all said friends left town he became my best friend, not to mention I have saved his life.” The kids were all silent except for (you guessed it) James.
“What is he like?”
“What do you mean?” He asked while looking back at the pictures.
“Like is he one of those celebrities who’s really mean in person?”
Steve snorted, “not at all, he may look like he’s really mean but I swear he’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” he paused and smiled, “This one time his car broke down so I drove him home and,” he giggled, “he saw a cat on the side of the road. He yelled at me to stop the car, and we had just went to get fast food, so he jumped out of the car, gabbed the cat, and started giving the cat fries. I had to force him back into the car. He cried actual tears for HOURS because he didn’t get to keep the cat. He already named it too. Get this, Jameson the third. He doesn’t even know a James let alone a Jameson.” He set the pictures down and glanced at his watch. “Oh guys we have 2 minutes before the bell rings. So yes James he’s super nice.”
When the bell rang and they all told him goodbye. They seemed more cheery then normal. He was glad for that.
It was his lunch period next. He wanted to look over some papers so he stayed in the classroom. He got done but didn’t want to leave, so he just stared at the ceiling and got lost in thought. He thought about Eddie leaving. He really got sad just at the thought. 3 months was going to be a long time. He realizes that he hasn’t even left and he misses him. The only person he’d have left in Hawkins would be the English teacher Julie Smith and to be honest she’s starting to annoy him. He doesn’t know how Eddie did it for a year. He thought that maybe Steve didn’t mean as much to Eddie as Eddie did to Steve. He quickly discarded that thought along with the tears that were now rolling down his cheek. He felt like they all needed a formal goodbye to Eddie. And that’s when he had a great idea. He picked up the phone and dialed Robin.
“Helllooooo?” She answered
“Robin.”
“Steve! What’s up?”
“I have an Idea but I kinda need your help.”
“I’m listening. ”
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Next
Here is part 2! To be honest this wasn’t planned at all. It was meant to be a paragraph or two of part three but oh well. More stuff for you guys 😉. I think I might love making Steve cry. Idk why I do it constantly tho. This part is also kinda short :(. Anyways hope you enjoyed! I think this one is pretty good. You can probably tell how low my self esteem is by this 🤷♀️. Ngl i kinda hate it. Oops. So far I have parts 3 and 4 written. I think I will post one part a day. Also part count update: it’s now going to be 7-9 parts! Comment or reblog if you want to be tagged!! Thank you for reading!! <3
Tag list: @asbealthgn @queerbeansworld @bird-with-pencils @vecnuthy !!
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