#when my mom would put me in time out

[elizabethlailfricked]

Almost done packing my room and like my walls have nothing on them I feel like I'm in a insane asylum 😭

#it also reminds me #of like #when my mom would put me in time out #and then she would fall asleep and id be stuck in there for hours 😭 #and i couldn't leave my room bc i would be locked in there 😭

[ryllen]

#mtas #my time at sandrock #mtas wei #mtas builder #fanart #i found my true love target ; v ; #the smiling type is the ones that truly snatch my heart #they bring me the utmost joy #as much ironic it is unsuur makes me unsure of the rest of the stage after confession #i just thought i marry him in case the builder parents come and there would be some kind of scene over it like in portia #till the very last minute my heart was somehow still half in about it #tho in the game unsuur is read very close as 'unsure' i actually pronounce it differently bcs it's close to something in my language #unsur : means element; i thought that's nice bcs it feels closely to rock related thing #https://translate.google.com/?sl=id&tl=en&text=unsur&op=translate #if anyone even interest the slightest on how it sounds when pronounced by me here's the google translate link #but yea i'm dying that it is literally being pronounced 'unsure' #pls help him he just needs to be given a chance to command so he can learn to do independent thinking from experience #like yeah probably there would be lots of mistake at first #but u're like a mom justice who decides everything for the child so when u ask the child they just be like don't know ask mom fshdshd #he needs to be put out there #or had that been done justice if so i am sorry ; v ; #but seriously i'm dying when i kept adventuring with justice and logan and unsuur was just told to wait like a puppy fhsdh #he needs to be taught how to decide things by himself seriously #it's honestly hard to write unsuur's character #like no matter how u tried somehow it doesn't feel as close as funny or as serious deadpan like the original #wei here is like a piece of white paper i can scribble whatever i want #it's unexpected #but i ended up liking wei

[wisteria-whump]

gimme a whumpee who was wearing a hoodie/other article of clothing of caretaker's when they were captured and when the hoodie finally loses caretaker's scent it destroys whumpee more than anything whumper does to them 🫶

#loosely inspired by the fact that when i was a kid i would be sad when it was time to wash my favorite stuffed animal #bc he would get a very specific scent after being in my bed for a while and i liked that scent #also when i was in middle school my mom gave me a bottle of her favorite perfume to put on before school #bc i had a lot of anxiety at the time and it would comfort me to smell her perfume #and they changed the formula for that perfume or discontinued it idk #and i still have it and i smell it sometimes but i refuse to wear it bc i don't want it to run out #sorry for writing an autobiography in the tags #whump #whump prompt #whump prompts #whump writing #whump idea #whump blog #whump scenario #tw whump #whump tw #writing

[the-meme-monarch]

ok sorry i didn’t go insane over emesis blue like i thought I would but it is making me scared irl now. i can’t turn over in bed bc what if there’s a severed head positioned like it’s peaking around the doorframe. what if i look over and The Butcher is there

#genuinely that scene was the scariest part of the whole movie to me. a weird guy appear (your mom is also dead) #anyway i have a question. is the butcher a timeloop iteration of spy. like how the plague doctor is thought to be a future timeloop medic #my only thinking is The Butcher Looks Pretty Badly Burned Under That Mask. Spy Got Pretty Badly Burned Adn Started Wearing A Mask #but like the butcher is pretty clearly pyro’s model #and like why would spy timeloop torture his past self #also i think it was implied that the butcher and medic(unknowingly) orchestrated scouts kidnapping #and spy and medic kinda. didn’t get along HDBSHBEHDHSB #idk ive watched the movie twice now #emesis blue #ask to tag #words from the monarch #also is it accurate to call it a time loop. idk what else to call it. but like what was happening to soldier like the convo with demoman a #and throwing the crowbar/getting hit with the crowbar would be timeloop shit right. #there are timeloop ELEMENTS but im not saying the whole story is a timeloop. yknow #also this movie is kinda funny to read stuff about out of context when you already deeply know tf2. they sure put these guys in A Situation

[nudibutch]

i was finally able to have the house to myself for a bit today... brought all my dirty dishes out of my room and was able to tidy up a little bit without feeling weird

#by tidy up i mean put my dirty clothes into a hamper and my clean clothes onto the floor so i can reclaim my bed #i dont know why i feel so stressed taking dirty dishes out of my room with other ppl around #im self conscious. i think because my mom would get mad if she saw me doing it #and that leads to bad eating (not being able to eat) etc. #i took rlly poor care of myself this week.... but it felt like it just didnt slow down #i was barely able to feed myself cause there was just no time for grocery shopping #and i STILL need to grade tomorrow #bc thr fucking. kids. are so stupid. using chatgpt and making my head hurt #i cant wait to grocery shop tomorrow #i might try and get up early for it so theres no one around but we'll see #me saying 'i cant wait to grocery shop' u know its bad when i HATE grocery shopping #but this evening was wonderful... after a field trip day that was good for me (got sun on my face) i came home and washed my hair #and got cozy and played stardew valley and balatro #i'll do laundry tomorrow... grade... grocery shop... try and just relax #anyway ur still here. gives u a thanks 4 reading sticker

[shorthaltsjester]

begging twitter to stop showing me tweets of people with no reading comprehension misrepresenting things I said but since i was going to make this more in-depth post Anyway .

when i say imogen is better read as a metaphor for generational trauma than she is a metaphor for queerness or chronic pain, i’m not talking about legitimate traits she has as a character. obviously she is queer. obviously she experiences some form of chronic pain (though i would argue her magic better suits chronic illness not pain because she states that it’s Not always painful, but it does always influence how she lives her life).

when i talk about how well she’s understood as a metaphor, i’m talking about when i’m looking at her as a part of a story, as an arc that i am witnessing rather than in the more typical fandom way of this is a fictional person who interacts with exandria as real people do. and that is a fun way to interact with characters, i enjoy it a lot! but when i say imogen (to me, as i for some reason have to clarify on my own blog which implies that these are my own opinions and not absolute fact that needs to be accepted by people on the internet with different experience and opinions than me) is best read as a metaphor for generational trauma, it isn’t a dismissal of her queerness or her illness, it’s just me thinking looking at her from that angle is more compelling.

imogen has been one of my favourite characters and least favourite characters in campaign 3 because i tend to analyse her through a lens of generational trauma and she ends up looking extremely familiar to me as someone with a family that carries their’s heavily which is as comforting as it is frustrating.

for me the main thing that looking at imogen through a queer lens of literary analysis fails to account for is harm. on the one hand - the harm that imogen experiences, not because of how people treat her for who she is, but that exists simply as a factor of her being ruidusborn. on the other hand a the harm that imogen causes. not to say that she is some malicious villain waiting for her chance to harm others, but that there are things about being ruidusborn that very much do incline her towards violence in a way that she might not otherwise be - i think about the conversation after she went nuclear and chet brought up people being scared of her connecting that to her father keeping distance. the only harm that queerness provides comes from society, and that isn’t the case in exandria. even metaphorically, the thing that society fears in ruidusborn people (while it has certainly been exacerbated by centuries of superstition and practices like we saw in zephrah) is a tangible threat. imogen’s magic when not controlled can wipe out a city block, but queerness poses no threat.

that’s why i’m not compelled by imogen’s backstory as a queer metaphor. not because i’m some imodna anti (i very emphatically am not but this fandom kinda makes me wish i was sometimes) or because i think exandria’s lack of homophobia/transphobia means that characters can’t be viewed through a queer lens or that critical role doesn’t contain some of the most compelling queer metaphor i’ve encountered. imogen just isn’t one of those characters, not because she isn’t queer, or because i think her story shouldn’t resonate with queer people, just because i find the generational trauma angle more consistent.

it’s similar with the chronic illness angle, which i will refer to as illness but you’re welcome to emphasise pain, we all have different vocabularies for the experiences we face. but just to give context i’m running off laura’s comparison of imogen’s powers to her own sensory issues and anxiety which while often Lead to pain, fall more into chronic illness in imogen’s context to me. and i do think there’s substantial comparison for imogen’s story as a metaphor for chronic illness, but i think that was much more true earlier in the campaign than it is looking at her from the current context. her beginning motivation being her search for knowledge about her powers really resonated with me as similar to someone experiencing symptoms of chronic illness but who could neither figure out how to treat them or what they were caused by.

but then imogen got more information, specifically about her mother, and her priority became not understanding her powers but understanding her current state as a person - how had she become the person she is, inclusive of her powers but very much emphasising her lack of a mother who became more and more present in the unweaving web of ruidusborn lore. that’s when i was less compelled by the chronic illness reading and more compelled by viewing her as a metaphor for generational trauma. had that not been enough on its own, imogen’s visit to relvin and her recent thoughts on her mother would be enough to convince me.

the part that makes me hesitant about this post is that generational trauma is so intensely linked to the contexts under which it is created and perpetuated. so i can’t really point to specific scenes as evidence of specific things that prove generational trauma is the most compelling and i don’t really want to unload that much of my own experience to clarify my thoughts on a character. but vaguely, i will say that imogen’s relationship with her parents is obviously the clearest source for my reading her as a metaphor for generational trauma. the fact that relvin, the only person in her family without the thing that draws society’s ire, is also the person that she has the most willing anger at is also indicative of this to me. in general, imogen’s rage that so easily transitions into sadness and vice versa comes out a lot in conversations about parents. most recently, i think about ashton’s lovely speech about found family and his distrust about parents and how as they were speaking, laura seemed to be playing imogen as sadly in thought versus months ago when fearnes parents showed up with striking similarities to liliana and imogen’s words of wisdom were let’s hurt them all.

and like. to me that angersadnessvengeancegrief is particularly evocative of the feelings that arise when you are in a family with generational trauma, especially when you are aware of it. because imogen can and has followed the logical steps that have led her and her family to where they are. early on when recounting her relationship with her dad she seemed wistful but understanding of the distance between them. in nearly every encountered with a parental figure imogen seems to be some level of distrusting for the most part, but she’s still holding out hope that her mother will see the good side. and further, there’s the complication of how dire her losing her powers seems to be, and how inextricable her powers are from every aspect of her life. she’s also southern and from a blue collar family. this means nothing except it also means a whole lot.

this is messy and not well organised but if you want a good essay you’re gonna have to pay me money for it but tldr: i say things i believe on my This Is My Opinion Blog and i don’t think i need to explain my thoughts to strangers on the internet but this was already half written in my drafts and if people are gonna shit on my opinions please at least do it in good faith and shit on my actual opinions not the ones you’ve decided i have.

#it’s just the. your mother leaves and you know nothing you don’t even know that she Chose to leave you just know she’s gone #and your father is there in every way he can be which isn’t Enough #and then. you do the same thing your mom did and you find the answers she found but. you’re finding a way out of it . not Completely . #and not Perfectly. but enough that you’re angry that the world wasn’t kind enough to her to give her a way out #and you’re angry that she probably wouldn’t have taken a way out if she found it #and you’re just. getting hurt by her over and over and you’re putting your life and friends at risk over and over in the thin Hope #that this time when she hears you out she’ll actually Hear you #also . just in general. i do not worship the ground of the mn campaign for anyone to accuse me of thinking cr characters can’t be queercoded #i’m stronger than you . i see the queerness of fjorester which only people with real reading comprehension understand . #anyway this is all light hearted if i was actually like . Mad this would be like. one sentence long #imogen temult #cr3 #critical role #the temults #cr meta #listen man. imogen is personal to me i hate her i love her i want to hit her i want to hug her i can’t look at her i wanna study her #my posts

[stuckinapril]

might have a parisian girl era soon. we’ll see

#uncle who lives in belgium knows i graduated a year early + currently studying for the mcat #and he’s practically begging me to visit him in belgium and study there #and belgium is only around 2 hours away from paris so you best believe id be taking the train there every day #the thing is i study full time & only have a minimal part time job on the side so he and my mom would have to foot that bill #and idk i’d feel so bad. i’m already so spoiled. like i never had to work a day in my life but im 21 #it’s very much in arab culture to spoil the daughters like this but still !!! #it just feels like i have to put my big girl pants on and start saving + relying on myself more & more when it comes to that #so that’s probably what i’ll be doing. plus i have research + my neuro internship here and i cant just drop that #but once i get a research publication in a few months + save up my own money im seriously considering j putting myself on a plane & going #i’m sure he and my mom would have no problem paying but it feels wrong. this is one thing i rly wanna pay upfront myself i think #but if i do manage to pull it off it’d be so cool bc i rly wanna see him #and i rly wanna bust out the 8 years i have in french #p

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[muirneach]

wahhhh guys i have to rip out like two entire sections on my neckwarmer knitting wip and i was ALMOST DONE 😭😭😭 but its just too fucking talllllll :’( photos before i take it out for posterity. first off a little commotion as it slayssss outside of this error. clap and cheer. but anyways i was working on the final motif which are going to be hearts but i need to go back and take out that entire fourth repeat of leaves even tho i did as many as the pattern calls for!! its just so tall like if i keep going it will be like to my forehead when i finish. not ideal! sorry for the garish censoring but just so u get an idea of how tall it is on my face

#andddd i have to take out the top half of the third repeat of leaves because that will become my final repeat ofc #and the last repeat as a slightly different version– see the small heart motif rather than the like.. diamonds i guess? #which isnt that bad but like ugh. yknow #which is funny cause when i was doing the fourth repeat i was like man this is kinda tall should i take it out and redo…. and then i didnt #consoling myself by saying ill have more yarn leftover if i take it out. love to have leftover yarn #most i hate putting stitches back onto needles because theyre always backwards or i drop them or whatever else #but luckilyyyy my nan is coming over tomorrow and i had wanted to be mostly done when she did so she could see it #but my mom says she could help me put them back on the needles. wonderful idea. so hopefully shes good at that #also like yes much of the time i would presumably have it just around my neck not all the way up my face #butttt with all this extra fabric its bunching a lot and its just not as good

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy

[anaalnathrakhs]

btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.

#i know there are compromises out there #and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered #and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine #but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit. #i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough #i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them. #but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu'' #it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps???? #it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me #throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks #when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding #it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer #''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped. #the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone #the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me #and they've got their own shit to deal with #on that note #i was discussing stuff with my mom #and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents #and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????'' #oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting #or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting #maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace #maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted #maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc #and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me #how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way #how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells #broadcasting my misery #vent

[sevicia]

What if there was an old man dying from cancer and his last wish was for his "daughter" to shave "her" legs ... ?

#cancer m #diary #he's literally crying screaming throwing up abt it #IK that a side effect of whatever his treatment is is that he's a lot more sensitive #but it's just like . he's been forcing me to shave my legs for the summer since I was like . 11 #and I mean FORCING like he would throw tantrums when I refused and/or bother my mom about it nonstop #like literally none of them understand that all I want is to be able to make my own decisions #especially regarding my OWN body #after I came out 2 my mom she tried to convince me by telling me that a lot of guys shave or just don't have a lot of body hair #as if that's the issue. #I'll just have to give in AGAIN because otherwise I'd be the heartless monster that doesn't comply when his dad cries about it #crying has never gotten me what I want. no one has spared me sympathy when I've been on the verge of breaking down #I can count the times I've broken down in front of anyone with one hand . but whatever #another day another way I have to put someone else's wants before mine #long-ass tags .... trying not to cry about it so I don't hit a whole new level of pathetic

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

got locked out of my car at a sketchy fucking truck stop in the middle of goddamned nowhere at NINE PM because SOMEONE shit themselves so hard they nearly entered the stratosphere (the baby) and i had to wait for a tow guy to unlock my little toaster car with what looked like a blood pressure cuff and a wire hanger while a one eyed cat stalked my fussy infant like a seagull on fries.

day one of my surprise divorce is off to an amazing fucking start.

#op #yes surprise divorce #im the one whose fucking surprised #turns out if you reject therapy enough times you get a clarity token #and putting the token in the machine awards you with the realization that you dont actually love your wife come to think of it. #but only the deluxe upgrade can tell you exactly when it happened or why #(the cost of the deluxe upgrade is therapy) #would have loved to have known even a sliver of an inkling of any of this before shitting out his mini me but what can ya do lol #currently safe and warm in his moms house #on my way to my moms house tomorrow #badabing

[trans-aroace-root-beer]

and when i get to that age, i'll go to the closest gas station to buy a pack of marlboro reds and a pack of newports. because those were my parents' favorite kinds, and when i try them both, i'll get to see if i truly am just like my father, or if i'm still the same old burning reflection of my mother.

#and when the cherry of the marlboro red falls off to burn a hole in my jeans #i'll laugh at the irony- a stiff echo of how things used to be #and when the newport tastes of ash #i will revel in the smell and not the taste and think of simpler times when my mom would put hers out just to hold me closer with both arms #poetry #? #angsty poetry #angst #parental issues #daddy issues #mommy issues