#of like

[themistymountainscold]

BAGGINSHIELD IS JUST PERFECT YOU DON’T GET IT

#thinking about then makes my chest so fucking full #of like #everything #the hobbit #bagginshield #thorin x bilbo #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield

[stars-n-spice]

This season is so fucking wild to me and I want to physicalize it so I can gnaw on it but,,

It hurts so bad to watch it as an older sibling of five because I know how much pressure is on Hunter (and even more so because not only is he the older brother but also the leader, which arguably have different responsibilities tied to them) and how he probably blames himself about everything that's happened,, because that feeling of guilt and feeling like you've failed as the oldest child is,,, lemme tell you man,, that shit?? not going to lie,, sometimes it's like my 13th reason and I don't wanna see Hunter break because of it. I want the man to get some rest and reassurance,, man,, I just,,,

And it also hurts to watch it as a perpetual outcast and loner who never felt like people stuck around and always felt like they were going to be the second choice because holy FUCK man,,, Crosshair,,, just,,, I just need him to feel,, to feel whole and welcomed and accepted and loved and cared for and all the things I so desperately crave from people I was so utterly dedicated and loyal to and just UGGHHEHHEUUHH

Oh and let's not even START on watching this as those two things AND a former gifted child.

and sometimes i wonder why the hell I love this show so much-

#idk #i have a lot of thoughts #i know some people are like more or less choosing sides #of like #who is in the 'right' #but they're both right and they're both wrong #and i love them both #and they reflect way too much of me and i hate it #and i just want them to be happy #and safe #:( #i love and hate this season #sigh #i'm so scared for the next episodes #tbb #tbb s3 #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair

[jaeclerc]

you&i ; maxiel; 1.6k

maybe a little different from something i usually post but i just needed to get this out!

tw: mentions of extensive mental illnesses, slightly unhealthy relationship, disordered eating, medication

it’s one of those days for max. he doesn’t really know why, he never knows why. all he knows is that the world is pressing down on him and he’s exhausted, his body already heavy even though he just woke up. his anxiety is already clutching his throat, squeezing down hard and then harder when he attempts to soothe it. it travels down to his diaphragm and causes everything to stop for a terrifying 1..2..3..4. he gasps. he sits up.

daniel already left for the morning, having to go off and deal with the little fires that seem to be popping up everyday on his new project. it just adds to the growing pressure in his stomach. daniel always knows when he wakes up like this, he always understands without max having to verbalize. without daniel, max feels like he’s already sealed within his walls and he’s left to rot.

there’s a sticky note on max’s phone when he picks it up to look at it, to doomscroll and add to his already terrible mood.

it reads: “love u! left breakfast in the fridge 4 u. remember to take ur meds, plz.” max feels like a slight failure, his husband having to remind him to take his pills so he doesn’t freak out (again) and end up hospitalized.

max gets out of bed, his body feeling like lead. daniel has been on a mission to get max eating twice a day, as his nutritionist recommended he bump up his meal count again, so he makes him breakfast and dinner every single day. max usually eats it. today he does not feel like eating it, so he forgoes it, the curling viper of anxiety just waiting to lunge.

he’ll put it into tupperware to eat tomorrow. daniel will be sad that he didn’t eat it, but he’ll also probably be happy that max didn’t hide it. he’s been working on that, not hiding when he hasn’t eaten. his therapist said that it’s small steps on the way, but it’s big to not hide it. to be honest with his loved ones about what’s going on in his brain.

the psychiatrist at the hospital that he was forced into told him that by lying and doing the things he does, he was acting just like his father. he’s been juggling that thought since then. he’s just like his father if he lies, he’s just like his father if he continues to not take his meds.

when he told daniel the psychiatrist said that, daniel flew into a rage because who says that to someone? but max internalized that. the last thing he ever wanted to be was just like his father and he feared turning into him.

max takes his pills out of the lion themed pill box, the ones that daniel dutifully puts out for him every morning and then locks the medication back up. his therapist also suggested they did that, so max wasn’t tempted to overuse when things weren’t going well in his mind. he hated the implication. he hated that she was right.

he throws back the three pills all together, washing it down with a redbull, chugging it so he can feel like it washed all the way down. at least he managed to do one thing today, which is always an accomplishment.

-

daniel calls on his lunch, his voice cheery through the phone as max curls up their couch with sassy and attempts to finish his homework for his class. he has a pretty low grade in this class and feels guilty if he has to use anymore of daniel’s money to retake it.

“did you eat, princess?” daniel asks him after max told him what he was doing.

his silence was enough to answer for daniel but he allows max to take time to speak.

“no.” he admits finally. “i woke up feeling too anxious. i took the pills.”

daniel hums happily at that, walking past max not eating, which max is happy for. he reminds himself it’s just the little things. the baby steps to get there.

he hears someone come into his office and daniel’s voice grows faint before he comes back on the line and tells max “i have to go, baby, but i’ll be home before three! love you.”

max hums and says “love you too.” before they hang up and he returns to his coursework, sighing in frustration at the fact that he couldn’t figure out the problem that was being proposed to him.

-

when max met daniel, he tried to hide everything that was going on with him, the raging mental health disorders, the serial lying, the eating disorder, the whole dad thing.

until one day, daniel looked at him, looked him dead in the eye and said “i know, max. you don’t have fucking to lie to me.” and suddenly the curtain was pulled back and all of max’s wounds were revealed to broad daylight and he hated it. but daniel didn’t leave, he pulled max close and let him be honest, no matter how hard it was to hear.

daniel loved max and made max want to seek out help instead of desperation and clinging to a facade.

daniel made max promise to at least always be honest with him. max promised. daniel promised as well.

max only ever truly lied once after that and he was so out of practice with daniel that his husband picked up on it immediately. he saved max’s life that night and when max woke up in the hospital, he figured that there was no use in lying to daniel anyways. he always knew.

-

there was a psychologist that asked max if maybe he was holding daniel back, burdening him when daniel was so successful. he could have built a beautiful life and had kids by now with anyone else. someone able to hold a job, someone who graduated high school, someone who didn’t have a diagnostic sheet a mile long.

max asked the psychologist why he wasn’t worthy of that good life as well. but he couldn’t help but let that conversation get to him. max was trying, but daniel was so wonderful and deserved that good life.

he asked daniel about it.

“max emilian ricciardo-verstappen.” his eyes looked troubled “who says you don’t give me a good life? i knew what i was getting myself into the moment you walked into that club and spilled your drink on me. you give me the life i want.” and max let that get to him as well. because everyone always acts like daniel never had a choice. to date him, to love him, to marry him. daniel knew it all. and he still chose max.

-

max was frowning at the stain in the sink when he heard the door open, the tub of ‘pink stuff’ being dropped as the lock clicked and startled him.

he picked up the tub and set it on the counter, digging through the sponge drawer for his handy orange scrub daddy to attempt to get the stains off his beautiful sink.

he leaned back against daniel when he felt the arms around his waist and the kiss to the side of his jaw, relaxing into his husband’s arms as he continued to scrub at the sink, fighting the good fight against the forever persistent water, wine, and food stains.

“still trying to get those out?” daniel teased. max rolled his eyes, turning to peak at daniel over his shoulder.

“i will get these stains out if it’s the last thing i do.” daniel just smiled at him, nodding like he believed him.

“oh absolutely, baby. it’s only a matter of time before you will them out of the century old porcelain. you got it!” he patted his ass and stepped away before max could turn and fully glare at him.

that was another thing his therapist suggested, for max to do something that he finds fulfilling. he doesn’t think she was thinking of him finally getting those stains that have been bugging him since they moved into their house, but when he told her, she just smiled and asked him what he’s tried.

when daniel comes back downstairs, dressed in his workout clothes and holding his phone, max sets down his scrub daddy and says, loudly “you said i couldn’t work out if i didn’t eat. so i’m of course not coming.” which meant that he really wanted to go.

daniel raised an eyebrow in his direction, his lips curling up as he asks “do you want to come and watch?” max practically sprints to get his own workout clothes on, even though daniel won’t let him work out but he likes watching anyways.

daniel has a meal supplement shake in his hand for him when he’s back down, whistling at him in his sweats and baggy tee, which is cut down to his hips practically. he’s pretty sure it’s daniel’s but he just threw on what he saw.

max chugs the shake and takes daniel’s hand as they walk to the gym, swinging his water bottle on the way as they chat about the day.

max wishes daniel didn’t have such an impact on his mood but he’s come to terms with it long ago when he realized that this was long term for them. so he tries to navigate as best as he can.

-

when they’re laying in bed, daniel tracing shapes on max’s back, daniel asks him what he asks every night:

“how was it today?” and max tells him honestly.

“i woke up anxious, that’s why i didn’t eat. i struggled with my class, and it made me very upset, of course. but going to the gym, eating dinner, and finally being able to orgasm made it better. i feel like today was a better day than last week’s tuesday.”

daniel’s fingers pause on his back and then resume, a small laugh falling from his lips as he looks down at max, whispering “i’m glad, baby. it’s the small steps.”

#max verstappen #daniel ricciardo #maxiel #maxiel fic #you and i au #this is genuinely just an exploration #of like #being loved unconditionally #idk i hope u like it :)

[dontgofarfromme]

[ID: Eight screenshots of highlighted text.

Image 1 reads: "And you know that I love you, Fool. As a man loves his dearest friend. I feel no shame in that. But to let Jek or Starling or anyone think we take it beyond friendship's bound, that you would want to lie with me, is--" I paused. I waited for his agreement. It did not come. Instead, he met my eyes with his open amber gaze. There was no denial in them."I love you," he said quietly. "I set no boundaries on my love. None at all. Do you understand me?"

Image 2 reads: "He did mean you, did he not? Well of course he did, though you may not know it. I doubt you know the custom of the people he came from; how they exchange names to denote the lifelong bonds they form? Did you ever call him by your name, to show him that he was as dear to you as your own life? Or were you too much of a coward to let him know?"

Image 3 reads: "Not by me," he replied decisively. "If you insist we must both take different names now, then I shall call you 'Beloved." And whenever I call you that, you may call me 'Fool."

Image 4 reads: "There it is. Plainly, Fitz, I told you I set no limits on my love for you. I don’t. Yet I never expected you to offer me your body. It was the whole of your heart, all for myself, that I sought. Even though I've never had a right to it. For you gave it away ere ever you saw me."

Image 5 reads: Just as I opened my eyes, the Fool's thought uncurled in my mind like a leaf opening to sunlight. And I set no limits on that love. "It's too much," I said brokenly. "No one can give that much. No one."

Image 6 reads: He lifted his hand. "Did you feel that?" I asked him. He smiled sadly. "Fitz, I have never needed to touch you to feel that. It was always there. No limits." Some part of me knew that was important. That once it would have mattered terribly to me. I tried to find words. "I will put that in my wolf," I said, and he turned away sadly.

Image 7 reads: I bent and kissed his brow in farewell. And then, grasping the rightness of that foreign tradition, I named him as myself. For when I burned him, I knew I would be ending myself, as well. The man I had been would not survive this loss. "Good-bye, FitzChivalry Farseer."

Image 8 reads: "Take your body back from me," I bade him quietly. And so we passed, one into the other, but for a space we had been one. The boundaries between us had melted in the mingling. "No limits," I recalled him saying, and suddenly understood. No boundaries between us.

End ID]

We are one

#rote #fitzloved #realm of the elderlings #i dont know if im ever going to be over this series lol #also i just have a lot of thoughts about how #like idk if its universally true that this is specifcally a queer theme #or if its just something ive seen several places #but i feel like ive come across this thing in a lot of queer stories #of like #loving someone so much and with such violent intensity that you want to be them #not like just be them like you wish you were them INSTEAD of them #but like be them as though you were both them and you were bot hyou #as though you were one person #like KNOWING someone so much and them knowing you so much that you become a part of each other #wanting to consume someones soul and have them consume yours etcetcetc #anyway for this whole series fitz is turning that idea over in his mind #wanting it so desperately but being afraid of letting that last bit of himself go completely #and the culmination of the series when they go into the stone wolf together is him finally fully giving that up #and idk. thats just very gay of him. #also spot the quote i had to jankily rig together myself bc i couldnt get the book back from the library lol #everyone has fools errand out for some reason #my dumb ass writing the final quote wrong whoops lol

[banana-vatore]

have i ever mentioned that this is one of my favourite frames of grelle

#of like #all time #i don’t know what it is about it #the teef #the anger #the crooked glasses #she looks so fucking cute #that’s it #🥰 #my skrunkly #grelle sutcliffe #grell sutcliff #black butler #kuroshitsuji #ALSO THE NOSE I FORGOT THE NOSE #😭

[k0pi0]

i realised hush and doc are super destiel coded and now im deeply obsessed with their dynamic

#LIOE ??? #oh crazy powerful being being absolutely smitten with a normal human #ok i guess doc isnt normal theyre still empowered BUT YGWIM #and them being their connection to humanity #like if hush has that arc #of like #being solely focused on his mission and then meeting doc and straying from that path #ARGHHH #ARGHHHH #GUYS IM ILL ABT THEM #redacted audio #docs humanity quote unquote corrupting hush #guys. guys. #please tell me im not insane #please tell me u see the parallels also

[eric-the-bmo]

//falls to the floor

#falling down a mental hole atm #of like #“oh no youre not good at the thing you enjoy” #or rlly what you Want to enojy but just cant #augh

[elizabethlailfricked]

Almost done packing my room and like my walls have nothing on them I feel like I'm in a insane asylum 😭

#it also reminds me #of like #when my mom would put me in time out #and then she would fall asleep and id be stuck in there for hours 😭 #and i couldn't leave my room bc i would be locked in there 😭

[princess-of-the-corner]

I mean, bear in mind, Spinner ended up having a bunch of Quirks shoved into him, devolved into mindless rage, and murdered a bunch of hospital workers in a blind rage, so I think that some motivation decay may have set in alongside the whole "it gets easier" thing.

Well yeah but if some shit happened before that.

Like I joked about how in tpp, Toya 'takes half the League in the divorce', and him doing that might involve telling the others the truth about some things.

#tpp au #which still circles back to being in character for toya and his revenge plots #of like #he wants people to answer for what they did(especially to him but also to others) #and he's aiming that at everyone in tpp #his father the commission that one bastard he did a work study with and yeah AfO himself(and anyone who works for him and was Aware™) #Even himself to an extent because even though he has a few ways out to excuse his own actions he refuses to use them #(he made a choice and yes it was influenced by trauma and manipulation and brainwashing and wasn't in his right mind but he made it) #but in terms of those people who did things to him or people he cares about so far his father is the only one who feels genuine remorse #and apologized without making excuses #so guess which one Toya is siding with even if he's still very angry about the past?

[ienveeus]

UPDATE

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48292594

Find me doing author stuff on TikTok or message me to chat fdhuibuifg

#i've been meaning to do this for ages #butyeah #i'm still gonna be here just kinda making the fact #of like #no more fics EVER official #feels so weird tho

[need1etail]

Ugh I wanna do something with Clangen.

#bambi's bleats #got the idea #of like #going to a hiking spot nearby and taking pictures #and use it as backgrounds to put my cats in cuz i can't draw backgrounds #idk! #i think it'd be fun

[mgsssystem]

so erm

i think i made a total of 31 bracelets yesterday ?

granted 6 of them were for gifts

but anyway ill get some pictures in a few 👍👍

#🌻.txt #i think at this rate im definitely going to need more yellow/white/black #and also probably just a whole nother one of those bead sets i gor #got* #of like #2600~ beads #which is fine #i think i can make about half of the stuff i need with what i have rn

[batfamscreaming]

.... so Hyrule can exist within One Piece's world without literally any alterations to either's basic plots.

#need an emoji for this feeling that sometimes happens #of like #i didn't intend to think of this they just appeared and i said them #beatext

[strangeknight]

i hate when i meet someone for the third time and they ask for the third time what my pronouns are and i give them the exact same answer of “oh this and that” and they press like “do you use pronouns” yes. “do you have preferred pronouns” yes. “will you share them with me” if i wanted to you would already fucking know them i don’t get it we’ve had this conversation more than once i said this and that i meant it if you make me explain further you’re going to make me hate you

#chuck chatters #it’s so annoying #also like #i always end up explaining it the same way #of like #‘yes i have pronouns yes i have preferred pronouns no i’m not going to share them with you because it’s none of your business. i’m giving yo #u my blessing to use whatever the fuck you think is right’ #sorry. dreading having this conversation again tomorrow at school #cus i know it’s coming

[celepom]

WELL I succeeded at reading less than I did the last two years. I didn’t even break 300 X’D

For reference, this is what I read the last two years:

#Personal #reading #well...it's less? #X'D #Not as less as I wanted #BUT I GUESS WE CAN STILL REDUCE #Wonder if I'll ever get back to prepandemic levels #of like #100ish per year

[tapdancing-eggs]

Microdosing on dating someone by becoming their best friend

#having a crush on a guy #is not as easy as i thought #i am FINE #he just like. texted me a couple days in a row #but im lowkey #falling back into that #question #of like #do i like him or do i j miss my friend #both? both #bisexual #queer #crush #thinking #him #romance #love #? #ugh #eggs? making her own post?