#which means this needs to be the last time bc its so bad rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cluelessbees · 6 months

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through the whole time I’ve been following you I’ve never once seen you say anything about Palestine before. Since the news broke about Hamas killing Israelis, rightfully so you’ve shared posts etc about it all and it seems like posting about st/byler is the last thing you wanna think about rn. Which is fine! But lately its just seeming like you’re doing it to prove to everyone how smart and informed/outraged you are about the conflict and how dare anyone talk about anything else… in one of your recent reposts you tagged that all the Palestinians that have died in the 75 years shouldn’t be forgotten (they shouldn’t! What’s been done is awful) and fuck anyone who doesn’t wanna read about it bc it makes them feel bad. I would be more willing to agree with you on the things you say/repost if I’d seen you post about it before… but you haven’t. I’ve never seen you talk about Palestine before on your byler based acc (bc you’re here to talk abt byler!) but suddenly it’s like you’re some social justice warrior who can’t bare to talk about byler bc the Israel/Palestine conflict has been brought to attention again on social media. Others who have reposted things have still posted abt things they like in between bc they know the small things they share won’t make a big difference but they want to show they still care whereas yours seems performative at this point.

I'm going to stay as calm as possible here.

Go unfollow me if you don't want to see anything about Palestine. That's it. Point blank. I don't need your validation or your follow or whatever.

Just because I've never talked about the issue before online doesn't mean it isn't an important issue to me. I'm an Arab. I hear news about this every week. I grew up hearing about Palestinians being kicked out of their homes, being bombed, being killed. Every Ramadan I read articles of Palestinians being beaten and killed for praying in Masjid Al-Aqsa.

I have friends who are Palestinians refugees, who can't even return to Palestine. I have a teacher that left my highschool to go back to Gaza to be with her mom. And I have no fucking idea if she's alive right now.

This is everyday for me. And I was so used to the world not caring. Up until a few years ago saying you were pro-Palestine would lead to so much hate.

But the world is talking about it now. And I will not stay silent. I will not let misinformation spread. I will not let Israel destroy Palestine's image. I will not let anyone forget about their lives. They were people. They are my people. They are my friends, my teachers, my family.

Go fuck yourself if you think this is me being performative or me showing off my knowledge. Do you fucking know why I have this knowledge???? Why I know so much?? I grew up with this.

I'm literally an Arab. I can't believe I have to fucking say this so many times. I'm not white or whatever. This is literally all I can think about right now. The Arab community (which I'm a part of) in my university are setting up donations, wearing the Palestinian Kuffeyah in solidarity, talking about this whenever and however we can. This is what it means to be Arab. We are not going to shut up about it.

I am watching my region enter a war. I literally live in the Middle East. I am watching people online call my people terrorists, barbaric, subhuman, animals. What do you expect me to do? Watch and pretend that I'm white or some shit?

OH and because you're thinking I'm just now caring

Here's fucking screenshots of my chats with friends.

Just because I've never talked about it here before doesn't mean I've never cared about the issue. You don't know me stop acting like you do.

Fuck everyone who thinks this way. I don't care if you support or follow my account. I will talk about Palestine until my dying breathe. My love for Palestine is ingrained in my DNA. It is the fabric of my soul.

It's free Palestine, until Palestine is fucking free.

#palestine #I literally don't care #hate me all you want #I'm an Arab before I'm a fucking account for a ship

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half-truths-and-hyperbole-louk · 2 months

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Louk's Bad Batch rewatch part 19 AND 20 😳

straight into it again batchers 🤟

The Bad Batch 1x15

Crosshair coming to visit Hunter how sweet 💕

Echo teaching Omega to stay focused while being stressed 🥺

every time I see Rampart I wanna smash his face in a little bit more

Omega with her secret base 🥷

her wet droopy hair 🥺

Tech looks like Korkie rn he's a ginger in the light

Echo checking in on Omega 😭

Crosshair you need to listen to Hunter he's right

Hunter: "we didn't have a choice" Crosshair: "and I did?" 😭😭😭😭😭

Omega: "experimental unit 99 began right here" Wrecker: "is that true?" Tech: "how could I possibly know that?" 💀

where are all the other clones "reassigned and transferred offworld" ??? op what does this mean

"guess you were wrong about that" lmao Wrecker

Crosshair listen here you sassy little-

siblings always know when you're lying 🤭

Crosshairs whole speech in the training room....

"I'm going to give you what you never gave me ...a chance" 😭😭😭

"we're not like the regs, we never have been" - this line sounds the most like a reg Crosshair has sounded was this on purpose ??

Crosshair cutting the binders with Hunter's knife AJDJSKAJFL

Tech spotting the discs and silently telling Wrecker !!! I'm jumping over my couches

BDIWOANSHWUAALLDNFIWIANFJEK WHEN CROSSHAIR SHOOTS ALL THE OTHER SOLDIERS WHEN HE- WHEN I- I'VE GONE INSANE-

Crosshair never wanted to kill them he wanted them back 😭😭😭😭😭

THEIR FACES THE MUSIC THE ENTIRE SCENE THEYRE WORKING TOGETHER IVE SURPASSED INSANITY

Tarkin 🤢🤢

Crosshair's holding his head 👀 Chips still there !!

them fighting about the chip 😭 Tech scan his brain pls

Omega hugging Hunter 🤲🥺😭🥰

the completely empty rooms I can't

the regs who open fire 👀 Slip???

I can't deal with watching tipoca city fall 😭

I can't deal with them watching it fall 😭😭😭

THE OUTRO-

The bad batch 1x16

the silence after the blast knocks them down

Crosshair woke up as they slid and I think Echo was out 🥺

that poor reg with the status report I wanna hug him so bad 💔

oop they were all out not just Echo

Tech: *can't hack the door* Wrecker: "I can" kinfe knife knife knife knife

Tech is pulling the door with his fingers 🥺

Wrecker gently catching Omega and passing her to Echo who just holds her for a bit 🥺🤲🥰💔😭💕

then Crosshair just slides into Hunters foot lmaooo

I don't think Crosshair knew what the empire was planning ?? he just wakes up and blames the boys for it ??

them all stopping to look at the water filling up in the baby clone room with all the empty tubes 😭

Omega catching AZI 🥺

DID CROSSHAIR JUST CATCH ECHO 👀

the last time they're all in their room together 💔

lmao Echo with the smell 💀

SHE just saved your ass Crosshair settle down

sibling squabbles turning into heartfelt convos 🥲 Wrecker missed Crosshair so much

theres always a bigger fish

they're all just sitting together to catch their breath 🤲

all back in the lab together 🥲

mhm Crosshair she's your BIG sister show her some respect

CROSSHAIR THIS IS NOT OMEGAS FAULT YOU BUTTHEAD

you sound an awful lot like a clone with an inhibitor chip rn buddy 👀

also sounds like Saw Gerrera which is never a good sign

"all you'll ever be to them is a number" ~ Hunter, then Crosshair's head immediately starts hurting hmmmm 🤔

I think it's still in there and its starting to stop working similar to Tup... possibly bc he got a little fried on that side of his head...

ptsd for Echo being in that tube 🥲💔

Omega doing the blasting instead of Wrecker !!

They're hugging in the tubes I know it

Omega's worried voice 🥺

"I'm going after AZI" 😭

CROSSHAIR 💕💕💕💕

Hunter's nervous hands tapping waiting for Omega to come up 🥺🥲

then him picking her up out of the water and his "I've gotcha" 😭😭😭😭😭

Crosshair handing over his rifle while the other three are ready to shoot him 🥲

Hunter holding Omega's hand- I'm gone y'all

Crosshair refusing to look at them while they're looking at him 💔

the sun shining on kamino after all of that, like the calm *after* the storm... which is unsettling bc it's usually the calm before the storm

Hunter picking Omega up again 🤲 he's so gentle

them all just staring at where their home used to be 💔😭

Wrecker holding AZI like a baby 🥺

they all look so dad (I tried to type sad but both works)

Hunter's soft smile telling Omega it's time to go 🥰

Hunter watching Omega and Crosshair talking

"you're still their brother, Crosshair. You're my brother too." star wars wants me to never stop crying as if I'm not already dehydrated enough

not thinking about how that was the last thing he heard for how many weeks??

FKN TANTISS

all the clone commandos everywhere 👀 the rest of delta squad when

WE DID IT !!! WE FINISHED SEASON 1 💕

Now I'm going to speed watch s2 in the next 2 days omg my emotions won't survive lmao

thanks everyone who's followed along and interacted so far I love seeing love for tbb so seeing people enjoying my responses makes me super happy 💕 I hope tbb3 is good to us 🙏

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fluffypotatey · 7 months

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Hello there! I hope the month has treated you kindly enough. I don't have much questions right now, but there are a few buzzing in my head:

Why did Wukong tell MK at the start of S2 that he was going on a vacation, instead of maybe just saying that he has some unfinished business, maybe a serious one, that needs attending to now that MK can sort of look after himself? Probably to set the tone into something less alarming but I think if he went with that kind of excuse maybe MK wouldn't feel so resentful about his mentor apparently chilling while away. Or rather why not say that he's going to the Celestial realm and that he may not be available for a while because time runs differently between the two realms?

What effects do you think that being imprisoned inside a mountain has on Wukong instead of being trapped under it like in the OG JTTW book? I mean, both are pretty bad but at least the one in the book gives him fresh air and sunlight instead of complete darkness in the isolation.

Do you think that just like the battle that lead to the Havoc in Heaven 2.0 is different in LMK compared to the original book version, the peach thievery and banquet disruption also has a different story to it than the book one?

How's your writing for SWK and The Reaper series going? If you're having a bit of an inspiration fatigue, take your time to recharge. But are we going to see the White Impermanence's successor in that series though. How would the s4 and its specials' events go?

Have a great week, eat your meals regularly and not too late, take your medication if you have any, and eat your fruits and vegetables!

oh dear, oh honey, you’ve done it now :3 the floodgates are open :) hope you don’t regret it

imma have to answer these by short answer to long, so that first one is definitely placed last

anyway,

How's your writing for SWK and The Reaper series going?

tis marinating my good friend! tis on the slow cooker rn and might be for some more days or weeks depending on my uni stuff and motivation levels T^T but yeah, it’s not abandoned (far from it!) just needs some more mental plotting (ESPECIALLY because I added Xié Líng to the story and kind of want them introduced in the upcoming chapter/installment/part(?))

Are we going to see the White Impermanence's successor in that series though?

so yeah, you will see the White Impermanence’s successor soon! their involvement in the story takes place more in what I have in mind for s4 :3 and I don’t remember what I mentioned about them, but Xié Líng is basically Júhua’s only friend in the underworld (not to mention that the two are basically soulmates no thanks to what they have/will inherit). they aren’t that big of a fan of Sun Wukong but tolerate him bc it’s Júhua’s uncle (a label she only ever confessed to Xié Líng). also, hoping they will help me explained Júhua’s magic a bit more since I now have 2 reapers in this verse :)

and for s4…..no, I shan’t say…….more Diyu and Júhua playing sleuth while MK goes through the horrors

I honestly would not be surprised if that was the case. lmk already differentiates a lot from the book with specific details or chapters (Red Son’s chapter/Samadhi Fire lore, the reason behind Guanyin’s vase, how the JTTW crew met Pigsy, how they met Sandy, LBD’s chapter). so, while the feel of the show sticks with that adventure and high stakes and moral dilema that JTTW had, it also is its own piece of work (which you could argue for many JTTW adaptations tbh since there are sO many and many are very different from each other)

anyway, yeah, I have an inkling that the stolen peach story is not exactly book accurate.

What effects do you think that being imprisoned inside a mountain has on Wukong instead of being trapped under it like in the OG JTTW book?

oh ho ho! what a question 👀

I certainly think being trapped inside the 5 Phases Mt has a different impact than being trapped under it. for one, like you mentioned, book!SWK had the “luxury” of being able to see outside and breathe fresh air. lmk!SWK???? he is in the heart of the mountain. he is seeing nothing but rocks (stalactites and stalagmites), he can hear nothing but the drips of cave water, he can breath nothing but stale and dusty air….for 500 years :)

how do you stay sane in such conditions?

spoiler: you don’t!

you cannot stay sane or impassive to being trapped inside a mountain with nothing but rock and golden chains for 500 years!!! we all remember that clip of a freed swk, right?

see that? that’s the look of a monkey who’s just been released from a 500 year prison and is ready to tear the world apart just to feel better :)

so how would one stay some-what lucid in this imprisonment? my guess is the man hallucinated the shit out of it. bored of seeing nothing but rock and more rock and even more rock? how about visualizing that Macky returned after your horrible fight and is apologizing for snapping at you. how about believing that you good pals the Brotherhood and you didn’t fail your war with Heaven! how about thinking that the darkness and loud echos of the cave hold more creatures and demons who heard of your downfall and want to finish the job. how about envisioning being back at FFM, Macky and your monkey subjects are so happy to see you and you were actually never imprisoned! how about believing—

listen to me, listen to me: Wukong’s experience of being held inside the mountain, other than being smushed under it, is more psychologically impactful and I bet this monkey could not sleep well after being freed for centuries. Wukong sleeps with a night light still!

Why did Wukong tell MK at the start of S2 that he was going on a vacation, instead of maybe just saying that he has some unfinished business?

short answer: because he’s an idiot

long answer:

Wukong is very used to solving issues on his own. he is aware that MK is human (maybe) and a mortal (now debatable, but at this point, MK believed that and that’s what’s important). he is aware that MK’s an anxious kid and wants to prove himself but also has great power within him. he is very aware that MK still needs to complete his training and isn’t ready for what Wukong is about to embark on (also who Wukong would potentially fight against with no one being none the wiser to).

and, as I stated prior, Wukong is very used to solving issues on his own. he did it in his time before JTTW and even during JTTW because he was the overpowered stone monkey who was FFM’s trump card and the JTTW savior when situations got rough (barely any of the other companions are able to beat off an opponent without Wukong’s help). thus, Wukong is not someone to ask for help or even allow other to be aware that help is needed because he is not used to asking (he only will if push comes to shove and he is out of ideas, which he wasn’t in s2)

however, I’m sure we’re well aware of SWK’s almost allergic reaction to acknowledging help or admitting that something is most definitely wrong! but imma get that statement out of the way so that when I delve into the question, we all have what I said above in mind :)

now, why tell MK he’s going on vacation? why not give a lie that could be a little closer to the truth?

well, as said before, Wukong has an aversion to admitting when there are things going wrong that only he could recognize and probably worries that hinting to MK that Wukong is off to investigate something would possibly entice the kid to join Wukong or ask the monkey a lot of questions about it he isn’t inclined to answer. also, if Wukong were to say he needed to complete something in the celestial realm that would also bring on more questions he would not know how to respond to

thus, vacation! it’s already established that Wukong retired himself from helping duty by s1. and what do retired people do? go on vacation!!!! they hit the road, take the most tourist heavy sites, go radio silent and relax! therefore, if Wuking were to tell MK he is going on vacation, then MK would not ask him too many questions about where he’s going or ask if he can join! I would not be surprised if that’s Wukong’s thought process. this answer is merely the simplest way for Wukong to subtly get rid of the LBD problem while MK protects the city and learns more about how to hone his powers (it’s not like the kid needed Wukong, the kid’s a fast learner and his powers are growing pretty quickly).

‘course this undermines MK’s insecurities of not being good enough and brings to light his abandonment issues and his low self worth but, uh, yeah

in conclusion: Wukong dun fucked up for saying vacation because he’s an idiot

#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk analysis #more like lmk ramble #lol #this month has been so-so tbh #feeling very tired rn #gonna rearrange my queue for a bit so that this doesn’t get drowned by it #I really hope there’s no typos on here #Posting it with no proofreading #lmk sun wukong #lmk mk #sunburst duo

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cocomuffy · 8 months

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I watched Teen Titans: The Judas Contract (2017) because The Batman (2022) was too long.

7/10

spoilers, obviously. here are my live thoughts:

I THINK ITS A DICKORY MOVIE AND IF IT IS I WILL BE SO HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA

Kory kissed him to learn English- I'm laughing so hard right now this is hilarious.

if i had watched this movie in 2020 i would have realized i was bi a lot sooner

The coloration of the "Five Years Ago" and "Now" text is messing with my designer heart rn

it's the red nightwing outfit!!!!!! i havent got to see that much. i much prefer the blue bc there's already like seven red batfam members but like i do think it looks stylish because its dick and dick pulls off everything

"Nightwing." "Nightwing." "Dick..!" "oh, yeah?"

OH THEY'RE SO CUTEEEEEEEE

"they're different..." trails off. "like kory will tell you." "noo, you go aheaddd..." "I've been studying them for years--"

I ALREADY LOVE THEM "robin stop complimenting the bad guys"

no they did not just got there (at 9:40)

damian is just such a brat i love him

kicking my feet, squealing, giggling, throwing up BECAUSE SHE HAS HIS NINE AND HE HAS HER SIX--

i took a fifteen minute break to do the math on how old dick and kory are and got 36?!??!?!?!

garfield has no rizz

i just got like... punched in the gut seven times??? "i just miss my son"

it's the fact that damian is like "i approve of your gf" and nightwing's like "okay???"

"You don't have to move a mountain to help people, Terra." - Probably the theme of this movie

i was not ready for the sexual jokes

oh no raven is on the groundddd

how stupid is damain?!?!??!?!?!?!! especially after the part that slade says about lazarus pits?! he has to know that there is no way he can feasibly win this! and terra isn't helping! which means that terra is probably working with slade!!! GUESS WHO CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god this slade and terra stuff is no good

please tell me that we were not about to get a dick and kory makeout scene

oh thank god for damian

oh my god imagine going into your surpise party thinking people are about to kill you :skull:

ugh i dont like this garfield selfie timeskip whatever

and hasn't anyone noticed robin isn't here???

im doing os much calculations rn for no reason at all

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW STARFIRE'S GOT SOMETHING TO SAYYYYYYYYYY THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY JUST WANT THE BEST FOR EACH OTHER I LOVE THEM

aw. beastboy being supportive

"Do you know why I'm an orphan?" "uhhh... your parents died?"

nooo terra and beast boy kissed absolutely not they are not for each other terra doesn't need any relationships periodddd

aww but bb is really cute after so ig it makes it a lil better

slade shut up this is supposed to be a nice moment

i will never get over dick calling kory babe its too precious i love them so much

i dont trust that gift. i dont trust that.

they're making their moveeeeee- they're taking all the titansss oh noooo

i think that leaves nightwing as the last survivor which is really nerve wracking because i love dick grayson so much??

gar youre so stupid

oh no kory i love you kory please be okayyy

dick just got shot in the chest oh my god, oh my god. screaming crying hyperventilating oh my god oh my god oh my god.

oh i shouldve known he'd be just fine htis is why i love him hes so dependable

OH MY GOD HE JUST RE-SET HIS SHOULDER ON A SUPPORT BEAM HOLY MOLY

"What did you do to Robin?" "I beat the crap out of him for being mouthy."

i have the stupidest sense of humor.

guys i love dick grayson so much and he's the only one left and mmmmm im so ready for this i love dick grayson hes my favorite

ohhh huh terra's getting betrayeeddddd (i never liked terra even though she makes sense she just gives me ickies)

eugh i hate slade he just likes to make sexual references to people that he should not be making those references to i know hes like a predator but it just doesnt make me happy

what is this machine even doing? is it draining their blood? you would need some sort of needle or something? ik that brother blood said something about life? is it draining their life force like some kind of dark crystal jim henson type stuff? what's going on with it? their powers? like... if they wanted nightwing then they weren't going for powers, and they did regular humans first anyway? i dont understand.

woah its the titans against a villian with similar powers!!!!!!!! /j

i like this first pairing of kori and jaime and gar and raven against brother blood and damian and dick against slade bc it feels really personal and also fair.

terra was obivously going to save them all there was no doubt in my mind.

and then teamwork and then they win because of course they do

woah she just shot him like three times that was excessive

oh noooo terraaaaa ( im not sad )

DAMIAN GOT A PUPPY EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS RIGHT WEONFOIEWFOIBEWOINFOWNEONFEW

"Terra Markov was like a diamond, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

no beast boy dont make me feel for her

i just realized that i think i called "jaime" "hime" for some godforsaken reason i swear to god my ears are stupid.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

final thoughts:

this movie was a bit much for me on sexual innuendos and references, but most of it was plot relevant. i love to see dickory so im good with that. animation was good. characters were good. had to warm up to gar but that's okay.

7/10

#dick grayson #damian wayne #koriand'r #kori anders #terra markov #garfield logan #rachel roth #raven #blue beetle #jamie reyes #nightwing #starfire #beast boy #Teen Titans: the Judas Contract #movie thoughts #movie review

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munamania · 28 days

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ok and now i need to talk this out on here cause like in all reality idc that much but this is just a little. awk. i might do this under the cut just so i can talk in a bunch of little paragraphs if thats chill ok ty

sooooo right ive mentioned that sam has been talking abt having beef specifically w his roommates but also that friend group at large bc they went on spring break trips w/o him. The roommate took a duo trip with fellow dyke and everyone else did like a big thing together erm

right thats just the context idrc except for the amount of times sams vaguely alluded to it and idk any other details. um but he has called his roommates like the 'poison pills' of the whole ordeal since they literally live together (but they havent been that close. prob since their freshman year when sam was out for a semester. which isnt inherently er bad but hes acting like hes been victimized for the last few years)

and like last night after this long sesh of working on our assignment sam and i r walking to the bus stop and he says something about finding out just like shitty awful drama and how it sucks having to live with 'two of those people' lmao sorry im not laughing im just like. whatever

this said i have plans to see. should i name sams roommate. ok i cant do that rn but we have plans to hang on monday and i would be seeing sam like immediately after for class. and esp if we're hanging out on campus like we might have a repeat of last time where sam spots us out and im not sure if he'd approach and hang this time. but hes obviously aware that me and them like chat

so it's like not so subtle that hes trying to get me to either ask abt the roommate or flat out not trust/see them anymore and i just havent engaged which might come across as "fake" but like. well ill be honest man theyre all a year younger than me and that doesnt mean much but it does feel very immature to handle things this way idk the whole story but im not gonna get roped into the like Omg i cant talk to this person bc of beef idk about...

and maybe i should feel worse abt not being #loyal to someone who is or at least at one point was considered a friend esp when it comes to someone that yeah ig he does know better than i but i dont... sorry ive been talking abt this bitch like cady and regina george except im not psychosexually obsessed im just like. hes been more insufferable than i remember lately yk.

i feel the Tiniest bit bad and like oh have i taken advantage of u bc yk we've hung and smoked and had dinner together often at ur place and def wormed my way into talking to the roommate via u etc but then i remember the way sam talks abt like anything and i dont feel all that bad

and theres this whole thing abt the eclipse i dont have plans to go see it it might happen last second but now after sams asked me abt it and messaged me like yeah idk we (him and his bestie) could maybe take a bus but we'd need a place to stay (asking to stay w my family bc i mentioned it like once on my close friends) and then theyre like going to a diff city anyway like oh my gooooood it's gonna be seen as shady and i dont really CARE i just need assurance that this is stupid as hell and its ok if im a little bit of an asshole about it. i dont think being mad abt the eclipse would hold up but w/e

has not been at the top of my worries and still isnt but now that this is all coming up in the next week im like frank g*llagher voice (sorry) oh Jesus Christ. you know

#abby talks

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xumoonhao · 2 months

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i was tagged by @onedirecton to tag 10 ppl i want to get to know better and make a few questions :3 hehe, thank you sm alice :3

favourite colour: purple, hehe :3 alice i love that we have the same fav colour 💜💜💜 favourite food: ahhhh, i love most things!!! i do have a soft spot for soups and stews tho like they are so so wonderful……… mutuals pls gather round im giving you all a bowl of w/e soup or stew you like rn 🍲 song stuck in my head: babaero by randy santiago!!! its been stuck in my head since i first listened to it like it really is just so good, god… funky city pop music is really everything to me!!!!!!!! absolute best genre of music ever <<<333 i give it one thousand million hearts <- this was my last obsession bc i wrote all these answers down like. a week ago and forgot to post it so now the song stuck in my head is dagundong by alamat :3 its so good btw~! last long i listened to: hala by alamat!!! spotify did the only good thing its ever done by reintroducing me to alamat again like they are So Good oh my god...highly recommend their music!!! the way they work Filipino history into their videos and songs is soooooooo beautiful omg..... dream trip: hhhhhh i want to go to SO many places but my absolute DREAM is japan!!! id love to check out tokyo bc its so not like where i grew up - a bustling metropolis is what i want to live in like literally get me outta my small town this is not the place for meeeeee 😭 - but nara….the deer there……….god i need to go so BAD and i also just want to go to a cherry blossom festival once like pls…pls :( other than tho id LOVE to visit the great bear rainforest!!! like it just looks so so beautiful and its really not too far from me omg……. last tv show/movie: im currently watching the cherry magic anime (it is so good and so cute omg i forgot how much i enjoy the story….) and rewatching kyou kara maoh which is really and truly such a beloved anime To Me like its absolutely ridiculous god i love it sm!!! and i dont remember the last movie i watched?? i Think it was skinamarink but i could be wrong bc i watched that early last year and surely ive seen a movie since then…? but also maybe not bc i truly do only watch like 1 movie a year 😭 <- also update to this bc i watched sweet home a couple days ago!!! it was quite good and i really enjoyed the practical effects in it :3 older horror movies really have such a beloved place in my heart ahhh...also in writing this i remember i watched The Thing after skinamarink...i. only watched horror movies apparently spicy/sweet/savory: SPICY 🌶️🌶️🌶️ i do like all these things but if i had to choose id def go spicy over either of these!!! i do like spicy + sweet tho like omg one time i had spicy chocolate frozen yogurt and it was sooooooo good !!! idk what was used to make it spicy but i Adored it wahhhh~

also!!! in your lil tag game it said to make a few cool questions so i will make some <<<333

If you could be any animal, would you choose to be a domesticated animal or a wild one? Domesticated can extend to a wild animal that has been individually raised in a home, i.e., someone raising a raccoon a pet.

What is your favourite medium of creation? If you don't really engage in making things, pick whatever you're most interested in trying :3 And by medium I mean everything from drawing or making music or writing…anything creative!

What is/are your favourite(s) combination of colours?

Imagine your perfect summer day; what does it look like? Give as much description as you want :3

What is your favourite celestial object?

now, ill tag @grlfriends, @kwonhochi, @vampirebiter, @wonhosgrl, @librapropaganda, @honeydewtual, @heartual, @10281, @taengoo, @morgoth, @bixiaoshi, @ghostfeather, @ashmp3, @lovenee, @earlymay, @anglerfishare1inchto3feetlong, and @huiven!!! only if you want, ofc :3 and i know it said only 10 ppl but you see. i lost count while tagging ......... but thats fine <3

#this was really fun to do thank you again alice :3 #also!!! if u see this and i didnt tag u but u wanna do it anyways pls just pretend i tagged you :3 spiritually i tagged all my mutuals <3 #tag games

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dramallamas · 3 months

Text

The (unserious) notes of Beyond Evil. Episode Three Edition

Previous Episode || Next Episode

Cant wait to psychoanalyse this episode later with the scriptbook!

Jinmuk je te deteste dont even dare feel sad you monster

that shot of Juwon lazing on his sofa im down bad

He has nice handwriting tho

Honestly when is this man not thinking about Dongsik

The fly jumpscared me bc of my headphones

Dongsik you bastard (affectionately)

He is not ok rn

Juwon eavesdropping was me and my flatmate last night trying to find out the drama

The camerawork in this show is beautiful omg

Dongsik has no right to look this fine rn tho

Oop spotted!

Jihwa knew both of them were at the station lol

And bada bing bada boom we are in the recording room

And theyre off and Jihwa is so done

Juwon is so like WTF with this whole thing.

If looks could kill Dongsik would be dead 💀

why at 5am?! WHY WERE YOU UP AT 5AM?!

Bro Juwon doesnt hold back

Dongsik <3

Juwon could murder im sure of it. He has it ij him.

I like watching the gay men fight… because its fun :)

THE ONLY TIME I WILL AGREE WITH HAN KIHWAN IS RN “What a nut job. I like him [Dongsik].”

Juwon pissing off Kihwan is just so great at all times.

Theyre gonna find the wrong body and blow this case even bigger

Dongsik again <3 the onlt dilf of my life tbh

My heart breaks for him though. He masks a lot if pain

“What if I ran into older Yuyeon on the street, but failed to recognise her. That worries me a lot…” 💔

Fellas is it gay to stare at another mans smiling photo for a long time whilst in your room?

Juwon you have always been a crafty bitch and I respect that

YJG is a brilliant actor he is a master at subtle emotions which makes him one of the most expressive characters in the show

YAY you found a phone

Bad news for Juwon its Geumhwas phone that has his number.

Mate ur laughing like a maniac like dongsik does. You two arent as different as you think.

But my god you like to jump to the wrong conclusions

Watching the scene with nam sangbae and dongsik makes me cry but i cant because im in the living room with my flatmates. And the score in the background just 😭

Me 🤝 Dongsik : Laughing to hide pain

Man will stay in work just for Juwon

They back and forth in every scene like its all they do.

Mf going on about the culprit always returning to the scene and here comes JINMUK AHDKFMSP FORESHADOWING WE MISSED

Part of me think that Dongsik is suspicious of Jinmuk atp.

If you told them that they would be so close by the end of the series they would be fucking disgusted.

Oop juwon getting interrogated.

Juwon pausing before adding 요 at the end of his sentence like bro you are forgetting your respect conjugation

oh shit juwon not looking good for you is it.

"Given his nature, there is no way he [Juwon] would get involved in a crime" HYEOK YOU DONT EVEN KNOW-

Hyeok became his tutor in 2010... when JW was 17. does that mean that he helped JW in Korea rather than britain? or the tail end of britain onwards.

Hyeok you are such a kiss-ass

Do Haewon 🤢 she is so fake i hate it (which is the poing ig lmao)

LEE CHANGJIN. hes so funny for a bad guy

Jeongje is so frustrated with his mum (same)

Juwon is this close to slapping Hyeok at times.

aliens? rude much kihwan (what did we expect)

and there goes juwon loosing his cool.

annoyingly kihwan makes some points even if its for self centered gain. still hate kihwan dw

bro standing outside as ppl talk about him like 🧍

And then the eye contact between him and dongsik god having a whole silent conversation

Nice recovery juwon.

Them being nice to each other? NOT THIS EARLY BOIS

And boom personal space who? They dont know it.

Dongsik telling Juwon to go to therapy lmaooo

Juwon grabbing Dongsik probably became a… different thing later on yk? Hehe

This episode is basically Juwon and his terrible no good very bad couple days.

Bro you need to hike/walk more Juwon how are you already sweating.

You make think you have him, but nope he has you.

JUWON BREAKS INTO DS BASEMENT PART ONE HERE WE GO

The tiny bloodstain ofc. He def left it deliberately somewhat

And i am so hyped for episode four because of the incoming moments.

Juwon this isnt the victory you think it is trust me

see you all next episode! bye ^^

#괴물 #beyond evil #jwds #kdrama #han juwon #lee dongsik

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toastsnaffler · 1 year

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why does being at my parents make me feel so physically ill. theyre not even HERE.

#I can feel my lifeforce draining away I cant do anything and I keep crying randomly for no reason. trapped in the torture labyrinth #i just want to fucking work out. but i cant and my head hurts and im giving up and walking onto the railway track behind the house #I think I just deal rly badly with change + transitions even if thats just travelling which is a shame bc I actually like travelling #and I like spending time w my family but theyre not even here rn anyway so #zero executive function turtle on its back type shit going on here and im so!! lonely!! i need a thousand year long hug #dies and dies and dies and dies and djes and dies and #except its fine like its rly not that bad. and being in the flat is its own different but not necessarily better type of insane #like okay my brain isnt working here. but what have I been doing the last couple months there. exactly lmfao #the problem rly isnt even being here its just me. but idk how to explain that to other ppl bc theyre just like well dont go home!#u dont owe anything to ur family! like not to be rude but shut up. that might work for u but clearly u understand nothing abt me #or my relationship with my family. like yeah i complain abt them + being at home but ur perception of that is heavily biased #bc im not going to complain to u abt u or how mentally ill i get in the flat. am i now. exactly. they all probably think im fine lmfao #or if not fine then like. coping alright. instead of being in survival mode half the time #who fuckinf cares whatever ik I dont mean all the shit im thinking anyway im just in a piss poor mood !!!!#im going to shower. and then go get smth to eat. and find a movie to watch. and hopefully ill feel better then #and if not well theres always tomorrow or next week or next month itll pass #urgrjhfhdhh #.vent #sorry everyone if ur reading this im blowing u a big kiss for being so tolerant of my dumbass ranting ty

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shwarmii · 4 months

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'i dont think Ares physically abuses his kids, mostly because i dont think he is present enough in any of his kids' lives to find a fucked up "reason" to hit them (i would not be surprised if the flinch and whatnot was from a sparring match gone too rough the last time they met tho)' Ares as that 'coach' dad who realizes their kid's failing at something and makes them do it over and over again while yelling until they 'finally get it right' makes a lot of sense.

The dad who's not abusive he's helping his kid succeed, he's teaching them what they need to know in this world, doing his job to train them up right.

Even if he's had them running wind sprints til they throw up because they lost a foot race to one of the unclaimed demigods.

this ask is referencing this post

lmao close, but that would imply that he was present in his kids' lives, which he wasnt (also, what youre describing is abuse. that is considered an abusive practice for coaches/drill sergeants/whatnot to do, that is considered an abusive punishment. its just also not Ares hitting his own kids, which i understand is what you meant, no worries lmao) but i do think you have the right idea! like Book!Ares would probably be upset about losing "battles" he percieves as important enough that a child of his losing would be considered a slight against him personally. my intent had been to imply "something affectionate of Book!Ares, like a friendly spar, probably would not have felt friendly". bc i dont think Ares would have let his kids win or gone easy on them (which can be a good thing and a bad thing. his kids are at constant risk of death through virtue of just... being a demigod, so giving them false confidence is bad. but also tearing their confidence apart would also be bad. i think for this Ares, the idea of letting his kids win would hurt his pride so he wont allow it. which makes it a lose-lose no matter what. i mean. this is the guy willing to fully square up against 12 year-old Percy Jackson afterall. again, age and relationship dynamics dont mean much to Book!Ares at any rate)

if i could have my own ideal Ares depiction in a book series, he'd be a good dad, at least a decent one. for reasons that would be a huge tangent for me to get into rn. but, alas, i did not write "Percy Jackson". so, we have what we have in Book!Ares and we will have what we have with Show!Ares. which, again, i do think is fine. all the gods have to be p shit people/parents in order for Kronos to convince so many kids (claimed and unclaimed) to come to his side, like they have to be inattentive if nothing else (which is why i resent a bit that Apollo is being backpedaled into a good dad. like. nah, Dionysus makes sense to make into a good/decent dad due to his exile demanding he be present in his kids' lives; and the Big Three, primarily Hades and Poseidon, being attentive makes sense because they barely have any kids these days; and the minor gods being good parents now thay they can openly claim their kids without fear of consequences for themselves/said kids also makes sense. but the remaining gods of the main 12 (so 12 minus the Big Three minus Hera, minus Aretmis = 7 remaining gods) have to ALL not be good in order to perptuate that whole toxic mindset of "glory = godly parental attention". i could understand the godly parents becoming better parents if they were in similar situations as Dionysus, like if Percy forced the gods to be more present in their kids' lives. which would, as i assume, change their personalities some as, like with the whole "our personalities change because we moved from Greece to the USA" enviromental bit would also imply the people they surround themselves with change who they are

(tho. uh. Greece was very famously bad to women. like. it legitimately sucked to be a woman in Ancient Greece, with the exception of MAYBE Sparta. theres a reason why people joke "yeah, the Ancient Greeks were cool with gay sex, not bc they were progressive, but bc they hated women that much". like their politics didnt allow women v many rights, if any, the most rights given being to women in Sparta but still. also they had a fucked up idea of "love" as a type of "uncontrollable insanity", it was legitimately described like an illness, which in retrospect explains all the SA in their legends (tho i am glad we do have some healthy depictions of love here and there). so. toxic masculinity did definitely exist there. i could talk ad nauseam about the debatability of how much toxic masculinity was in Greece and how much is it us projecting tho. think of Dr Emily Wilson. anyway, i digress. my point here has been "toxic masculinity/sexism existed there in sizable amounts, why should it change Ares so much now that he's in the USA"? to which the answer is: Riordan was an English teacher who was a hobbyist of Ancient Greek lore that went with what was in the public's pop culture osmosis knowledge of Ares at the time. its very recently that we have begun to question if that osmosis was correct. anyway.)

so, in the sense that who they are around will apparently change their personality: being consistently around their kids who just want good parents could force the godly parents to become good parents? its a stretch but i would accept it, personally, for the cathartsis wish-fulfillment of kids in shitty situations getting at least one good parent. which, many kids dont get to have at least one good parent (much less two or more good parents). think "Turning Red" and how it reflects a realistic mother/daughter dynamic that is unhealthy but morphs into a moment of reconciliation and cathartsis; giving us an example to strive for on what is healthy/how you should be treated and look up to for both child and parent's references. lots of kids will never get to have what Mei did, but it is so nice to feel that cathartic wish-fulfillment. and i would be so down for same that kind of cathartic wish-fulfillment to happen in "Percy Jackson" with its godly parents to the point that i truly would not mind that aforementioned stretch of logic it would take to get there. alas. (but that doesnt happen sO, RIORDAN, STOP BACKPEDALING AND TRYING TO MAKE APOLLO A LOVING FATHER, HE'S ONE OF THE SEVEN GODS THAT HAVE TO BE P SHITTY AND APOLLO WAS NOT INITIALLY INTRODUCED AS A VERY GREAT FATHER ANYWAY. but i digress). so i can accept Ares having to be a bad dad in order for the plot/war to make sense, in order to have representation that abused kids can grow/be happy in spite of their trauma, in order to show the problems with toxic masculinity in a father figure as well as shining a light on "hey, this is so prevelant in America that it became part of at least one of the gods' personalities", and so on. but i do want to make it clear that i dont like it. but one of the first things drilled into me in college-level English critiques is "it's not about what YOU would do if this was your story, its about the story in front of you and what the author wanted to achieve. have your criticisms be based on that, not on something that wasn't going to happen". so like, for Riordan's purposes? making each of those 7 godly parents bad parents in a different way is good writing that makes sense for his plot to work, and Ares being a bad godly parent in a rough and tough way makes sense. like, Athena is patronizing and thinks she is always right, meaning she doesn't listen to her kids. Aphrodite is emotionally manipulative to the point of being abusive and scary to her kids. and Hermes is so busy that he can't really be present for his kids, no matter what he feels personally, and then additionally feels like he is not allowed to interact with them directly when he does have free time. and Dionysus, the most present parent due to his exile, is shitty to all his kids' camp-friends by proxy, at minimum, which is very alienating if nothing else (again, we dont get to directly see him parent at all so far into the series that ive read. so idk how else he is a bad parent. probably is overprotective after having buried so many of his own kids this whole time? who knows). all of them are/have to be bad parents in their own ways (again, for the plot to work if nothing else) and it makes sense of Ares to be bad in THIS way

but yeah! that was just a very long-winded way of saying "if Book!Ares was more present to care about smaller things like foot-races or if this was something he cared about that was bigger than a regular foot-race, then yeah! youre right, he would be like that. because he kind of has to be". im just waffling about Ares' characterization bc i do agree with you but i just also wish Book!Ares didnt HAVE to be this way in order for the plot to work (and i am mentally slapping Riordan's hand anytime he tries to backpedal on what i distinctly remember as his original characterization of Apollo in the first series. bc if those 7 gods all have be different types of bad parents for the war plotline to work, then Apollo does not get special treatment to get to retroactively have been a good dad the whole time afterall). i am not excited to see show!Ares, but i am excited the whole thing about "Clarisse will never be enough because she is not his son" thing implies Clarisse will be on-screen more. and, again, i do super respect the decision to do this to Book!Ares' character. the representation aspect of a child of fatherly abuse still being able to grow/find happiness is also important (tho im personally just not excited to see as the "abuse" part of the representation as someone who is a child of fatherly abuse. but i will admit it is important! and it is good representation to have!)

and i do just LOVE Clarisse and will gobble up any crumbs of her im given. i really hope the show gives her (and Chris too! bc that is her future boyfriend lol) more screentime ♡

but yeah, to circle back, youre right on your chatacterization of him! and im glad you like how i understand and interpret Book!Ares to be like ♡♡♡ thanks for the Ask ♡

#percy jackson show #pjo ares #ares pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #i will never ever stay fully on topic. i am a babbler. such is my curse. i tried tho lmao

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wndaswife · 4 months

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heey, we never interacted but i really like you as person and u pass me such a comfy vibe like😭 and i really need to vent or else im going insane-

uhhhh im a little lesbian of 20y and in uni, fine. and a curiosity abt my uni: since its a private one, my department gets the same teachers since the 1st year of undergrad which is cool bc they really track our development there BUT i have this teacher (really. really beautiful btw.) who gives biology, cognition, neuropsychology and forensics psychology and she’s also a hard one…her classes are only for those who pay attention, she’s super demanding and a black cat energy (she literally gives nooooooo fucks to anyone). so OFC i had to develop a little crush on her🤠 anywayss months passed, im on my 2nd year now and she still has this HORRIBLE (but i love it) habit of looking at a person’s eyes when explaining something and she really STARES so i was always **giggles and laufs**, but this year i fell into a depressive episode so i stopped going to classes (including hers), i stopped going to her orientation classes and so one day my friend said “she’s worried abt you and she asked me to tell u that she wants an email from u to agree on a time and day to talk to her personally”. i thought i was fucked honestly, but we eventually agreed on a time at her office and turns out the convo was actually nice (i cried my eyes out while she said how worried she was abt me).

after that she was more touchy with me? like when she talked to me after class she always grabbed my arm or put her hand on my shoulder or she talked to me SUPER close AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK specially bc she herself said “if u were a student who didn’t care abt my classes it’d be totally different, but you’re not. i care about you” BUT BRO??? i NEVER saw her act that way with other students, also she doesn’t ask anyone to come to her office-

(i actually thought she hated me bc a while ago she spent MONTHS ignoring my existence💀)

omg this is so funny u say this... one of my best friends always says i give comfort vibes like when im over i always make his place feel really comforting... that's so weird i wonder how it's possible i give the same vibes online.. but anyways im actually really glad that's the kind of vibe i give, cuz i also love this vibe!!! comfort and comforting things are really important to me

that's so cute... also first of all for you, that means you are such an attentive student and so hardworking for her to pay so much attention to you, so look at you you little academic star!!!!! you little academic you!!!! you little academia student you!!! so that's good for you

also that's so sweet of her... comforting older women <3 tbh the last thing i need rn is an irl older woman obsession like that shit always has me so down bad with a twinge of mommy complex LMFAO like i need that bus girl i mentioned before many eons ago (im trying again next semester cuz im a HARD WORKER)... but this aint about me... that's so good for you and that's so sweet of her <3

if you want to deepen a connection you should talk more about the subject, get her to recommend some interesting things for you to research and study and books to read, so she can start talking to you about things she likes on a personal level, and also this builds off of a good reputation you already have of being an attentive student who is interested in the class!! and ofc she sees you this way already as she has mentioned it

even if platonic (tho the gay panic is so real either way) a good connection with a professor you look up to within a topic you're interested in is a very good connection to have, you will always get something good from it

#rae responds #anon

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rush-the-stars · 1 year

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idk what kinds horror in a/b/o you mean, but i immediately thought about the subtle horror in this reylo fic called "Until You" by ever-so-reylo on ao3 (sorry if you dont like reylo. i dont. but i recognize reylo authors can be BEASTS and i just use cognitive dissonance if i need it) where it's like.. horror in the sense of how society limits and treats omegas and it's all very normalized. like the fic describes a marriage pathway, alarms on doors, omegas cant be present to hear the results of their own doctor appointment, how not getting pregnant is reason for annulment, and so on, and it's just so wildly subtle in how horrific itd be to live like this and i think the scariest part is, in parts of this world rn, there are places where women are treated very similarly to this. it's a one-shot and not super long, and Kylo/Ben/whoever isnt a dickbag or anything, he treats Rey well, and the author is good about making a distinction between "this is how it is here" and "that doesnt mean its good or ideal or warranted" which i think just adds to the horror kinda sorta, i dunno, i could see you having fun writing about a similar kinda world

regardless, id love to hear more about how youd wanna add further horror to a/b/o, bc what i was talking about was Handmaid's Tale-adjacent (not that i like Handmaid's Tale bc the author's a fucking terf and also, m'am, that IS how the world is like for many woc in various parts of the world, it isnt "even more horrifying" having it happen to white women too jfc idk if it counts as "apocalyptic" if its happening here and now and no one seems to care tho; but you get what i mean when i name-drop it however. anyway. i digress) and im curious if you mean in a monster-fucker way or sex pollen way or what, i find the concept of a/b/o + horror fascinating so, again, id LOVE to hear more pls ♡

firstly anon thank you for coming into my inbox and taking the time to share all this with me!! it is greatly appreciated!!

now to get into this!! i’m gonna put this under a cut w some warnings just in case!!

cw: sexism, mentions of violence against women/feminist horror, reylo (LMAO SORRY), a/b/o, uh romantic cannibalism, blood

i am so sorry anon i detest reylo lol. and sorry if anyone follows me and likes them </3

also i think this is very fascinating that i mentioned horror and your mind jumped to what is essentially feminist horror! not a bad thing—just something observed!!

i personally read a lot of horror outside of fanfiction and i read a lot of feminist horror specifically. or i see or have been apart of plays/theater works/etc. that feature feminist/gender horror in various ways. i write short stories that are not fanfic about this topic as well, so with fanfic, i tend to avoid this a great deal! it’s an incredibly heavy topic and for a whole year last year, i had surrounded myself in it (and acted in shows where stage violence was enacted on me by men, acted in roles where i was often in distress because of male characters, acted in emotionally straining and difficult scenes) and realized i was actually…very drained. and learned what i liked to see in these stories and what i thought was needless violence against women reiterated again and again as torture porn of some kind. but long story short, fanfic was a reprieve of that for me!!

(i know you’re thinking—but cielo! you seem to love yandere content! and you are right! but i think all my yan content i enjoy is seeped in a warped love rather than a gendered violence. not that both can’t exist. it’s sticky.)

more than that, i am also interested in a/b/o that breaks gender constructs and dynamics in ways and is not just an afab omega enduring societal and personal violence!

the horror i was mentioning more i think had to do with body horror, possession (as in, almost…demonic. spiritual.), etc.! romance as a horror. (“but the horror? the horror was for love”)

blood lust being tied to heats/ruts. an omega, feverish and in heat, slick with blood and wild eyed. some romantic cannibalism with the way a bite is for claiming. it’s vampiric. it’s a devouring.

it’s a conjoining. a possession. two souls being forcibly twisted together. the horror of having only one true mate that you cannot choose. that is, for better or for worse, only yours. the horror of not just being yourself anymore, but someone else and vice versa. your uncontrollable “other half”.

sublime heats/ruts where you cannot tell what is real or not, shaky snapshots of mind melting ache and pain, only relieved by one person. hallucinations or ailments that come from deeply lonely and isolated omegas and alphas. nightmares when it reaches a fever pitch.

omegas with needle sharp teeth and so much hunger that need to feed and take relentlessly from alphas. omegas and alphas with eyes that glow in the dark and watch too keenly.

rituals where heats/ruts are watched, the horror of bareness and vulnerability. the horror of being an animal in a human skin. of your own desire or pleasure.

also just the horror of being dependent on someone. of needing someone so greatly you’ll be sick with it. the horror of being powerless to their love. the horror of their power over you. or yours over them.

the twisted care. i am interested in strange/more uncommon dynamics; alphas who are nurturing and motherly in awful ways. who hand feed and coddle and smother. omegas who are possessive and violent towards other alphas or omegas.

i just think there is A LOT that could be played with. thought of. messed around with.

i also think we don’t see enough historical au with a/b/o….i’m thinking also gothic-style. western man vs. nature. cowboy a/b/o…victorian…ancient civilization….etc.

anyways, i hope you don’t take this as me like scolding you or hating on what you’ve said in any way—defs not that!! i just had a different sort of horror in mind!! like i said, fanfic for me is all about romance at its core! it’s a reprieve and escape from the work and art that often is very serious and heavy (whether feminist/gender horror, capitalist horror, etc. etc.) that i usually spend my time creating or apart of in my day to day life! it’s deeply important work to me, just not something i wanna do here really!!

#anon thank you for your thoughts!!!#i am so sorry i hate reylo a great deal </3 #i just dislike kylo ren a lot sorry sorry sorry #star wars is a whole other can of worms i CANNOT open #ANYWAYS!#sorry this got rambly and long!!#i can also elaborate or answer other questions i’m not scared of a healthy back and forth #just my thoughts on it all!#cielo chats!#cielo rambles!

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angelsofneonandgarbage · 2 months

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sorey for being a bit. scary on main. i just finished madk vol. 3 which is finally out in english and i was so excited for it but the ending is a near closed-loop cyclical ending which always really bothers me n puts me in a state in nihilistic anxiety/dissociation idk but also. it just makes me wanna feel things again. i wanna stop taking my meds. ive had the upped dose for a week ish now n its bringing back my paranoia which should settle in a week tops but it's bothering me bc it means i cant listen to tma bc that's creepy enough to set it off. sorry i swear my mental health has actually been better these last couple of days im slowly regaining mental functionality to an extent but i keep slipping and falling and i just. don't have the spoons to figure out every problem i have and address them enough to be functional again. like there's the attachment problems w my ex which keep coming back every time i feel like jm getting over them, the chronic exhaustion and general symptoms of pots, my meds fucking with me, general depression but also manic episodes, the fact im way over budget but my mum wants me to get her a 60 quid fountain pen for her birthday/mothers day and im not going to be there to see her around that time anyway sso i have even less of an excuse to cheap out. and ive been committedly lying abt my mental state to my parents to convince them im getting better than i was at xmas even tho im worse bc my mum will come up here and invade my uni life if she realises how bad i am doing

ah yeah i hate when fiction leads to like a major dissociative bit especially bc i love to use media as an escape when im floating out my body and then it goes and makes it worse and sets off a chain reaction of pent up shittiness? the absolute worst fr

not to sound like an overbearing parent but pls take ur meds !!!!! ik it sucks rn getting thru the adjustment phase but think of how things will change once u get used to them! u may not notice a crazy positive change right away but think of the small things. like u can listen to tma again once ur adapted to ur meds!! even if it’s something small that gets u thru daily tasks like that. u could take ur pills in the morning and be like “this is for u martin”

and oh god ex drama we both know that one well. idk if it would help but maybe if every time u have a like thought abt them that makes u feel any way that’s great just text me ur thoughts to try and get them out yk. like how i texted u like “the voices!!” when i was talking abt my ex like the other week pls feel free to do that back if u think it would help

and exhaustion and depression suck man i wish i had some like quippy little tip or smthn for u there but i’m suffering right there with u on those. and maybe just the thought that we’re going thru that together could help? holding ur hand thru the horrors <3

and oh man money problems r the worse omg. ik u said the pen is like 60 quid and mothers day is coming up so idk what ur like personal budget is looking like but me when i’m trying to make bigger purchases is i set aside a few bucks a day like just a few dollars $2 or $3 nothing that seems like a lot just a little snack or drink price but somthing that adds up a decent bit when done for a few days straight and u have like two ish weeks till then right? so u could make a decent dent with that plan

and hey i’m all for lying to parents but i think u shoukd consider the possibility that u may need to ask for help at one point even tho that’s so hard and ur mom will get all up in ur business but maybe it could help. or u could think of ur daily life like ur mom is there or nearby as a way to like watch urself and try to control what ur doing if that makes sense?

#hi sorry i hope this made sense and i hope u don’t find my response annoying i felt like i had to say more back than just augh man that #sucks im sorry so i hope some of this helps a little? if its not for u tho that’s 100% ok i hope u find things that help u soon <3 #also not sure if u wanted this private or not so i can totally change it if u don’t watch this public #.🫀

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radiovisual · 3 months

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are you going to come back?

((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))

((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))

((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))

(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))

((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))

((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))

((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))

((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))

(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))

((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))

#{ ooc }#{ answered }

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