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icecreamkink · 3 years

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so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence .... but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured.

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot” that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird.

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong!

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that?

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation, and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like Like them, as in, personality wise

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues,

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon,

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying!

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses?

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :(

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting?? ? ?? ?? ? ? ? ?? ? ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture... uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@ johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart.

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

#m.#did i procrastinate watching this since it came out and only watched it now bc my sister nagged me to when i said we should #watch karate kid over the holidays?#and then binged the whole thing in two days??#mayhaps and what abt it #cobra kai #the karate kid #its funn #y bc like karate kid is a Childhood movie but i wouldnt say #it was like particularly special for me?#like i wasnt in a fandom or anything #but now.#i might be invested #maybe #talvez

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yoongisbars · 4 years

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Samusil | myg | P R O L O G U E

summary: It was always known that you were the family disappointment. So naturally, you fled. With a looming school debt, alcoholic tendencies, and no luck whatsoever in keeping a job for more than a month, you were at your wits end until you finally cave into working at Bang-Lenzo. You’ve only ever heard horrors of the place and its manager. But maybe, just maybe, that office would become your safe haven.

pairing: myg x reader genre: strangers to lovers au | office!yoongi au | future angst? fluff? word count: 7.5k tw: alcohol as coping mechanism, subjects that might hit close to home note: inspired by The Office US, this is only a teaser, a taste, of a project im working on, i wont release anything besides this until its ready, so pls endure !! <3

Life was a bitch to everyone, and ever since you flunked out of Business School, it’s proven you weren’t the exception. It was an already supersaturated field with bright minded, innovative entrepreneurs. And you? Realized halfway through that the business world wasn’t cut out for you. With an overwhelmingly expensive college debt for an unfinished degree that your parents refused to pay for, you became the official family disappointment. After two years of being done with their bullshit, you finally packed your stuff and moved as far away as possible, hoping to start anew in the small town of rural Yangpiji.

Just because you had some level of education, didn’t mean it would get you quite far. It’s done the opposite, in fact. Jobs with higher wages frowned upon your incomplete studies, and jobs that didn’t give a fuck if you finished high school, didn’t pay enough to deal with their idiocies or take care of the bills for that matter. One heated argument with the owner of the last food joint you worked at was the final straw. Throwing your dirty apron at his face, you walked out of there without a single care in the world, and for the moment, you felt powerful. At least until you waltzed into Slack Jack’s and sat at the bar that night, head buried into your palms.

“Rough shift?” Your eyes peered from behind your fingers, focusing on a shot being placed in front of you. And boy, were you thankful for it. Without speaking, you threw that shit back and let it burn your throat, the only consolation for the situation you were in. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Jackson, I quit.” Feigned shock played on the bartender’s face as he cleaned a beer mug. You weren’t the only one who searched for new beginnings in Yangpiji. In front of you was Jackson Wang, owner and proprietor of Slack Jack’s. He had moved there from abroad no more than ten years ago in hopes to reinvent himself, and against all odds did. He had been your close friend for the past three years since moving. Quite frankly the only good thing this area had to offer was Jackson and his cheap drinks that get you hammered quick.

“Really? I wouldn’t have thought!” His hand shot up to cover his mouth, chuckling at your bland reaction. Rolling your eyes so far into your skull, a heavy sigh escaped from within.

“I’m serious. I quit. I quit work, I quit life, I quit Yangpiji- I’m tired… I hate that I’m a jobless 28-year-old drunk, with nothing to offer this world besides how to survive on garlic noodles and rum.” Your hands traveled the air around you as you searched for words, “I can’t even afford to make them Jjajang Noodles, Jack. JJAJANG!” A small shriek spewed out as you downed another shot, you stopped counting after the third one. Dread and sorrow pooled around you in a matter of seconds. You were at your wits end. And you couldn’t say you were past your peak, since frankly you never took off the ground to begin with. “I’m a failure, Jackson.”

Widened eyes traveled the room trying to find any words of consolation, but the bartender couldn’t find anything other than pity. His hands moved quickly, putting away the bottles before he was tempted to offer you anymore. He usually served you on the house because he knew of your struggles, but you also drank your weight in alcohol, and he didn’t want to go broke any time soon.

“Listen, chief. There’s still an option…” Oh no… You didn’t want to hear it; already knowing what was coming. “The Bang-Lenzo Yangpiji Branch is still hiring for a secretary; you should test it out.”

Ah, yes. Bang-Lenzo Inc. Somehow a successful company in the dying paper industry. One of the first to drop their deforestation contracts for their supplies and switch entirely to recycled paper. Since most companies didn’t believe in the Save The Trees movement, most of their major clients dropped them and signed contracts with Bang-Lenzo instead. Working for them would be an achievement… If only the branch in your city wasn’t a nut house.

“Jackson…” Elongating the last syllable, you groaned. “I’ve heard horror stories of people that have tried to work there, it’s chaos. No one ever lasts a full week…” The idea of even bothering to work there was dreadful. The workers there were a nightmare, so you’ve heard. But their manager? A complete lunatic. Unprofessional, immature, inappropriate, and other negative connotations have been used to describe the young manager, Jeon Jungkook. Rumor had it he was the top salesman for 4 years straight before the old manager died. When the company crunched the numbers and stats, he was technically the most qualified for the manager position and had managed to keep it for the past 5 years.

Amidst your internal struggle, Jackson raised an eyebrow and cut you straight. “It pays $15 an hour, plus benefits.” On instinct your hand shot up, doing quick maths in the air. Holy cow. You shifted your attention to Jackson so fast you almost snapped your neck.

“That’s almost $30k a year!”

“More than you’ll ever make busing tables, that’s for sure.” He had a point. And, you were desperate. Maybe not so much at first, but $15 is $15 and if it meant sacrificing your sanity for survival, well damn it, you were down for the count.

“Guess I’m speaking to Jeon…”

On Jackson’s commands and with a set of instructions, you left the bar early. ‘Prep for tomorrow, rest and sober up.’ Three things that you were never quite well doing at the very last minute. Bits and pieces of information were fed to you, in order to try and snatch the job at its core.

‘From what I’ve heard, he likes to go in on Saturday mornings to catch up on some work.’ All that meant was that you had to wake up early, and your suspected hangover did not like that. You did what any ‘sane’ person would do and popped in a pain killer and a nausea reliever, an old family remedy to wake up fresh and ready.

‘At the breakfast buffet two blocks over, I once saw him obliterate the cheddar biscuits… And I think he has a thing for sausages too.’ Really, it seemed like Jackson knew Jungkook too well, but honestly so did the town through word of mouth. That last bit of information is what made you scour the nearest convenience store for the necessary ingredients to make the piece of resistance, the key to securing your assets. With this bread you were going to get your bread.

---

Morning came quickly, as you had gone to bed late baking and sorting out your clothes for the day. Sporting one of your finer ensembles just to make a statement, you were ready to take life by the throat. A dark gray, tight pencil skirt above the knee, a light beige button up blouse with pearled buttons, and a blazer to match the skirt. You applied a fair amount of neutral colored makeup in order to rejuvenate your features to not look like you’ve been miserable for the past 10 years. You finished off the look by slipping on some classic, black Mary Jane’s.

For the first time since inheriting this 1999 Verna, you were glad the aircon was a hunk of junk and only blew hot steam. Of course you drove with the windows down to receive actual fresh air, but you angled the conductors towards the biscuits, keeping them toasty and warm as if freshly baked that morning. Jeon Jungkook would be in the palm of your hands and the job would soon be in your possession. Financial stability: here I come.

Parked outside of the building, you painted on a mask with all of the false confidence and determination you could muster, before any ounce of regret could slip in. Once the clock hit 8:55am, it was time to go. You grabbed the biscuits, which you had ever so ‘lovingly’ placed in a basket upping the charm factor, and headed for the entrance.

I need money. I need money. I need money. It was the mantra of your choosing as you took the unnervingly long elevator ride up to the Bang-Lenzo office where your unannounced meeting with Jeon Jungkook awaited. Yes, unannounced. Obviously to anyone with common sense of time, 9:00pm wasn't a viable hour to schedule a meeting for the next morning, so you decided to take the determined approach and show up like you already owned the place. For the first time you had a goal and were dead set on obtaining it. Nothing would stop you from getting that income. I need money.

‘Bang-Lenzo INC.’ read the door sign in front of you. For a moment you closed your eyes, fighting off the urge to walk back to your car and forget this place. But your mantra was quick to erase such thoughts. I desperately need money. Overpowered with feigned confidence, you strutted into the main office. Immediately you were faced with your soon to be desk. It was large and crescent shaped, spacious and tall. In a room to your right, you heard a muffled voice. Surely that was Jeon’s office. With a huff of air, you went to knock on his door.

“Huh? C-come in?” Faint and hurried clattering was heard from inside. With suspicion, you went for the door, revealing behind it the manager, and possible future boss: Jeon Jungkook. Sporting nothing but a set of gray sweats, disheveled hair, and a headset placed around his neck. “Did you need something?”

The scene in front of you made you lose focus for a split second. You had never seen him before, and by personality description you expected many things except him being viciously attractive. And also a gamer, noted by the Overwatch screen on his computer. The thought left you in a split second, you only had one goal and it did not include sleeping with the manager to reach it. You learned that only works once and it’s never rewarding.

“I’m here for the secretary position? I figured since it’s early and unannounced I’d bring in a little something to eat.” A sweet and charmful voice oozed from your throat, foreign to your body unless it was summoned. The confused manager’s doe eyes lit up once they set intensely on the basket making way to his desk. “I hope you enjoy warm biscuits.” Before he could even question what was going on, you were already sitting across from him, placing your intricate resume in front of his grubby self, you were ready to snatch this job from his hands. He had already fallen victim to the biscuits. You could see the revival in his eyes as soon as he took the first bite. Butter and cheese were the key, but it was the mini weenies hidden inside that sealed the deal.

Jungkook didn't bother to offer it much of a glance. Instead he redirected his attention to you. “Are you good with computers and organizing?” Bread crumbs and cheese lingered on the corner of his lips as he spoke, you could have sworn some spittle came in your direction as well. Upon further inspection, the food stains on his sweats may have started a whole community of bacteria. Any office fantasy of getting railed by a manager quickly died with this individual, and some word of mouth started to make sense.

“Yes. Anything document and spreadsheet related I can handle, not to mention emails, and of course scheduling agendas-“

“And you made these? From scratch?” He held a biscuit in awe, and you couldn’t help but feel success in your future.

“I did.” You offered a soft, shy smile. Another desperate attempt to charm him for the job.

“Do you think you can bring them in on Monday mornings? Starting this Monday? Tell you what, I’ll raise you to $16 an hour if you do.” You choked on your saliva, instantly entering a coughing fit. He really might be off his rocker, but in this economy, who cares? Not you, because for simply baking Sunday nights you get an extra $40 a week. With this bread, you get your bread.

“I certainly can! It would be my pleasure.” “Great! Then let’s sign the paperwork and make it official.” He rummaged through his files to retrieve the contract. “Gosh, I can’t wait to tell the other managers all about my new beautiful secretary who cares for me, and cooks for me, and, who knows; maybe even have a secret romance with me?” There it was, the inappropriateness everyone talked about. Jungkook didn’t give you time to come out of your confused state. “Ha! I’m kidding! It’s just a joke. We’re professional. Professional. We’ll of course report our relationship to HR.” A noise seemingly from The Grudge escaped you. There was an ungodly uncomfortable silence before he decided to kill the awkwardness of the situation.“KIDDING AGAIN!”

You didn’t question the lacking interview, or how Jungkook was quick to hire you. It was the most unethical thing in the world and yet? You didn’t care. You were one step closer to financial stability, and that was all you could ever ask for. With the contract filled out and already added to the payroll, you had officially signed your soul over to the white collar world. Serving as the official secretary of Jeon Jungkook. He truly was an oddball, and somewhat inappropriate, but he didn’t give any indication of being an asshole of a boss. Too friendly and annoying, but you had the gut feeling he might just be a decent enough boss. Or at least not so much of an idiot that you can tolerate working for. Besides, the money’s good.

Walking out of and looking back at the building, your eyes spotted his office windows, with him behind, cheerfully waving you off as he ate the remains of the biscuits. A subtle reminder, you needed to prep your baking game.

---

With a more dressed down version of what you wore to the impromptu interview, you drove your car over to the office building. Only this time, pulling up to the parking lot as you were now an employee. Jungkook’s car was already there. A sleek, black Equus. In comparison to its ancestor, your Verna, it exuded upper management presence. He clearly was a successful 27 year old, and you aspired to be able to reach as much coin as he probably had some day. Really, all you ever wanted in life was money. Were you willing to work much for it though? Probably not, but you didn’t have a choice. It was time to get in gear and make up for lost time. 10 years of your life, in fact.

You stopped thinking about past mistakes before you could let them affect your first day. Taking the biscuits and purse in a hurried manner, you rushed up to the office. Only an hour earlier than the rest, but you still had things to prove, if only to yourself.

Upon arrival, Jungkook was busy fiddling on your computer. Documents and folders were neatly spread out on a corner of your desk, waiting to be filed and sorted.

“Hey Y/N, You’re early! I hope you don’t mind, I’m setting up your company email so you can quickly get started.” His quick fingers stopped abruptly, for just a moment, his hand reaching for the biscuits. “And thank you for these, I didn’t think you’d actually make them.” He cocked his head in surprise and took a bite before finishing setting up your computer and programs. The comment left you with an odd feeling.

“Of course I would, I promised it.” Truthfully you only agreed because of the pay raise, but you would still hold up with it. No complaints. “Why did you up my pay grade if you didn’t think so?”

“I don’t know, incentive? I figured this would be an easier way to have someone stay for longer than a week at least.” Shaking his head for only a brief second, he continued. “But there’s something about you that tells me you’re going to be the perfect fit here. You have potential, Y/N. That’s why I hired you.” What the fuck was he talking about, ‘Potential’? You were a 28 year old deadbeat, a failure and a degenerate according to your relatives. You had anything but potential. Noting the hesitation to answer, Jungkook changed the subject swiftly.

“And it’s done. I’ll give you a quick rundown of things on the machine and then we can work with organizing my schedule, I am so out of sync with this company and I haven’t a clue when my next meetings are.” With a clap, he stood up and motioned you to the seat. He continued to peruse through the biscuit basket, searching for the ‘cheesiest ones’.

After a tour throughout the company programs and where supplies and files were around the office, the other workers started to arrive in a timely fashion. Some didn’t bother to give you the time of day, but others decided to greet you as soon as they walked in. Particularly a few of the guys from accounting and sales were quite enthusiastic to greet you. If you remembered correctly, the younger pair of them were from Accounting; Jimin and Taehyung, they were really nice, a bit shy as were you, but very polite and warm. You watched as they sat at their corner and bickered slightly, but it seemed to be in honest fun. The one from sales, Hoseok, was the opposite in terms of shyness. He welcomed you with the most charming of smiles and emphasized that if you ever needed a helping hand around the office to not hesitate to ask him. He cheerfully chatted your ear for a few minutes giving you a small idea of what a day in the office might be. “It’s not that bad once you get used to it, you just need to give us a chance.” You heard his hidden pleas. Many people came and went from this place and their tongues never ceased to express their distaste for it. Even most of your coworkers gave off an air of annoyance with the place. You couldn’t blame them, but basing your experience on first impressions only, it could be worse. Only time will reveal the shithole everyone else claims this place to be.

It was 20 minutes past 8:00am and the once empty office was now filled and working. Jungkook came out of his office ever so often, glancing over the the desks, ‘tsk tsk tsk’ is all he ever spoke before going back behind his door. You thought to ignore his manner and focus on organizing his schedule based on the emails he forwarded you. He had plenty of meetings, webinars and conference calls to attend, and they were all scattered around. On your shared calendar, you added the event reminder and description for each and every one for the next month, even going an extra step to add reminders on your own calendar the day before, just to make sure he’s up to date.

A new email displayed on the screen, an impromptu conference call for Jungkook in 10 minutes labeled ‘URGENT’. You were about to head to his office to notify him, but you remained seated as the entrance door swung abruptly, startling you just enough to make you forget your name and the company you now work for. All you saw was a coat being placed on the rack next to you with an exasperated sigh escaping the core of the individual. Right away, it was clear that if there was anyone in the entire building that hated having to wake up early in the morning just to show up to work in this unfortunate place more than you, it was him. Like the majority of the employees, he looked straight up miserable, even behind dark colored sunglasses. The freshly made venti Iced Americano, the slow paced walk to his desk and his disregard to show up on time were, in your opinion, strong indicators of his likely hatred for his job.

Settled in his desk, he removed his shades. His narrow, cat-like eyes drew you in like magnets, there was no telling whether or not his iciness was natural, or a ruse to limit his interactions with the rest of the staff. Yet somehow they were still fitting for his rounder, chubbier cheeks. His lips were already pursed downward, but they seemed to curl even further and remain that way almost permanently as Jungkook peered his head out. You tried calling out to him, but your voice was muted by his own exclaims.

“Yoongi!” He shouted, you could say enthusiastically, towards the late addition in the office. He released another sigh, this time accompanied by an eye roll.

“Not now, Jungkook.” His voice was deep and low. Eyes never abandoning his monitor as Jungkook approached him.

Whatever conversation they were having was nothing but whispers and subtle head shakes. Yoongi was it? Didn’t seem in the mood for whatever chatter the manager kept going on about. You noticed bow everyone in the office was trying to work, but not being able to steal sudden glances from the conversation. Judging by those, especially Hoseok’s since he was sitting right at the situation, you assume they all had an idea as to what was unfolding. You, however, could only assume was an odd scolding in Jungkook’s manner for him showing up late.

A ringing alert brought your focus back to your own desk, the incoming call you guessed was from Corporate due to the email. Jungkook had previously requested that you warn him first before answering any calls from them, and you remembered what you were ready to do before Yoongi walked in. Not wanting to bring in any attention to yourself you debated quickly which was the best option, calling him over or going straight to him, but you didn’t even answer yourself before your legs started moving on their own.

“Jungkook.” You tapped his shoulder gently, and spoke softly. The young manager startled a bit, and you were unsure if the other man’s expression was relief or annoyance, but you let it go quickly.

“Yes? Oh! That reminds me. Everyone!” What you wanted to avoid was exactly what he gathered: attention.

“This is Y/N, office secretary. I want you all to make her feel welcome, be kind.” He kept going on one of his badly timed speeches until no one paid him any mind.

“Jungkook, you have-”

“Would you both excuse yourselves and talk elsewhere?” The deep voice that spoke seemed to command more authority than Jungkook did.

“Sorry,Y/N. Yoongi’s a bit on edge due to his divorce trial.” The last phrase he tried to utter as a whisper by leaning close to your ear, and although he made it sound like such, it was still loud enough for people to hear.

“Do you really have to tell people about my personal life? Where does it end with you?”

“I felt like I needed to excuse your attitude, she’s part of our family now anyways, she can know.”

Their bickering picked up again, Jungkook defending the reasoning for his declarations and Yoongi countering with how he always oversteps fine lined boundaries and doesn't have any common sense. Although you very much agreed with what Yoongi was saying that it was an invasion of privacy, you were still caught in the middle of their crossfire and all you wanted to do was inform Jungkook about the god forsaken call.

“JUNGKOOK.” Your raised voice silenced their bickering, and the room came to an onlooking halt. Anxiety started creep behind you due to shouting over your manager on your first day, causing flashbacks of previous outcomes due to this similar situation to roll like a montage in your head, but your patience was running thin.

“What, what is it?” Jungkook, unphased by the situation, cocked his head at you in slight confusion.

“You have a call from Corporate.” You maintained your stern tone, but you were wavering internally. His demeanor took a turn, eyes so wide you feared they would pop out.

“Did you answer?” Whispers gave an undertone of fear. With the phone still ringing in the background, you shook your head.

“Good. Tell them I’m out with a major client. I’m not here.” He hurriedly walked you back to the phone. The glint in his eyes says you should worry, but you swallowed and answered with the same feigned confidence you used for the interview.

“Bang-Lenzo, this is Y/N.”

You successfully got rid of the Corporate call in the morning, but you were unsure how long that might last given the urgency they requested it with. And Jungkook’s behavior regarding any calls from Corporate today, or the rest of the week from what he stated, was worrisome. It was a concern you’d tuck to the back of your head, it wasn’t your business anyways.

As the day went on, you saw that life in the office was quite eventful, so to speak. After the ordeal of Yoongi’s divorce proceedings this morning, and Jungkook avoiding Corporate like the Black Plague, an array of unusual things for a normal day to day office routine continued to happen.

Mainly, Jungkook was entirely distracting. To you, the staff and mostly to himself. He would constantly try to make conversation with anyone, and the topics were always painfully awkward. Anytime he was actually in his office, more time was spent playing Overwatch with Taehyung than doing any kind of work. Not to mention he eventually ventured over to the conference room, with Jimin and Hoseok in toe, for their “twice a day dancercise routine” as their official 15 minute break away from their computers.

If you thought the nonsense would end there, you were soon to be corrected. It in fact continued in the numerous times Taehyung and Jimin came by your desk asking for copies. And not even official work copies- they were asking you to print out different versions of invitational flyers for their ‘seasonal crop party’. To your surprise, Taehyung had inherited the only strawberry farm in the region due to his grandparents passing, not like you had bothered to ask anyways. The only question you cared an answer for was if Jungkook had approved of using office supplies for this. It shouldn't have shocked you like it did that the man himself had designed the flyer and organized such an event, but still.

Lunchtime couldn’t arrive quicker. Some of the staff beelined with their meals over to the lunchroom area, while the others went out to eat. You half expected Jungkook to take advantage of the lunchroom crowd for his shenanigans, but he opted for eating in his office with Jimin and Taehyung instead. You could hear their incessant planning murmurs as you passed by to heat up your meal.

“Y/N!” Jungkook exclaimed once he caught your movement. “If the others give you the cold shoulder, feel free to join us here for lunch.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I planned on eating at my desk,” You chose your next words carefully, feeling the party planners’ gazes. “But I’ll keep it in mind in case I get too lonely, thank you!” The soft smile that spread across your smile was enough to comfort them from the small rejection. They went back to their discussions and you headed for the microwave.

Peaking your head into the lunchroom, it was filled with the younger, unwelcoming faces from earlier. It’s not like you planned on sitting down and chatting with them, you were there just to heat up your lunch, but upon entry you noticed how their conversations volumes lowered all the way down to whispers and snickers. You focused your attention on the whirring noises and beeps the microwave offered as a mere distraction. It was a curse you carried for as long as you could remember. Any giggle, whisper, snicker, or anything of the sort you heard in your perimeter, you felt was directed at you. As if they could see the list of failures and misfortunes displayed on your back.

You took your bowl and offered the room a nervous smile and nod before leaving, hoping it came across as a ‘sorry to bother, enjoy your lunch’. As you exited the room, Hoseok, tailed by Yoongi, was heading with his food over to the conference room.

“Y/N, come join us if you want.” Hoseok was beaming, if the sun was human it would be him. Contrary to the one walking past him, not bothering to stop. He could be truthfully considered the dark side of the moon. Although with his back to you, you could make out his unrelenting scowl reflecting in the conference room’s glass wall. “Ignore him, he’s still mad over this morning.”

“All things considered, I can’t blame him. But I think I’ll pass.” Hoseok hooked his free arm around yours before you could continue.

“Nonsense, you shouldn’t cast yourself out on the first day.” In truth, Hoseok’s friendly manner and joyous attitude couldn’t be denied. You felt his genuine interest in making sure your transition into the office was a smooth one. In the room, Yoongi was already gulpin down his food, not bothering to glance up until he spoke.

“Shut the door so I can tell you…” Words escaped him, replaced by a sigh as he spotted your presence, and Hoseok’s sudden realization of what this lunch reunion entailed. Surely, they were meant to discuss the divorce proceedings, but Hoseok forgot upon trying to welcome you.

“Right… Y/N, rain check? Alone on your first day though...” He sighed as he flushed with embarrassment and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Don’t worry,” that was directed more at Yoongi if anything, a small assurance accompanied by the subtlest of nods. The rest was for Hoseok, as a dismissive joke to calm his worries. “I’ll probably join the Crop Festers and their shenanigans.” He cocked his head in confusion, a sharp ‘hm?’ caught in his throat. You brushed it off, leaving them with a wave. Wishing them a nice lunch and closing the door behind you, it was unknown to you that the Crop Festers had overheard, and were expecting you at Jungkook’s door excitedly.

“So you’re joining us then?” Taehyung assumed overjoyed, and Jimin couldn’t hide his giddiness. Jungkook was at the back at his desk, shaking his head in tune with soft chuckles before waving you in. It was clear that there was no way to have an unbothered lunch for the next 45 minutes, so… You joined.

Tae, as he now urged you to call him, and Jimin made space for you between them. Rice, meats, noodles, and an array of veggies were spread across the desk, now along with your own addition of food and in no time you were all eating and sharing your meals. Jungkook even offered up the few remaining biscuits, causing Tae and Jimin to fuss over why weren’t they brought out sooner and how good of a cook you were. Now they were expectant for next Monday morning for a pleasant cheesy boost.

Unknown to your conscious self, you were having a nice time. Further into the lunch, you became more involved with the Crop Party planning, and were even getting a bit excited for the day to arrive. A paid work day for a strawberry picking party? Who could say no to that? You weren’t ready to admit it just yet, with it being the first day and all, but… You were starting to like this place, even if you weren’t ready to acknowledge it. Once lunch was over, and everyone was making their way back to their desks, they eyed you with slight annoyance as you walked out of the office along with Tae and Jimin, still laughing at one of Jungkook’s impressions of some of the staff. Unaware, Yoongi and Hoseok exchanged a suspicious glance. Who was to blame any of them? It was a first for them to see someone new being friendly, or accepting the office shenanigans as they transpired.

Afternoon was a milder version of what the morning turned out to be, everyone was calmer now, and as the hours passed you noticed they worked harder. Even Jungkook was filing reports and taking work calls, as long as they weren’t from Corporate. One of your last tasks was to send out some notice of change in policy emails to clients, it was the most time consuming, but it helped the remaining hours pass by in a flurry.

Bags started to be packed and coats began to be thrown on as the clock got nearer to 5:00pm. Everyone was ready to put an end to the odd Monday, and you could tell by their soft smiles and shy ‘See you tomorrow’s. Hoseok dropped by your desk with a “Lunch tomorrow, for sure!” before leaving and wishing you well. Yoongi followed behind him, not offering anything at all. More than likely still fussy over his personal issues being announced in the office. Jimin and Taehyung each went for a goodbye hug, as they were more than excited to have you aboard. Often they carpooled, you found out that they live together on the farm. After being friends for so long, they decided to run it together. Only you and Jungkook, who was still stuck in his office remained. With your things on hand, you peered through his window to give him a small wave which he returned, followed by pointing to the phone and making mocking expressions of talking too much. With a shake of your head, you went to clock out, putting an end to the first day on the job. You would call it a success, for it being your very first 8-5, and it deemed celebration. So once you hopped on your Verna, and peered out of the parking lot, your destination was clear: Slack Jack’s.

You had never once been there on a Monday, much less after 5:00pm. Late weekend nights were what you had grown accustomed to due to your old odd jobs here and there. But much to your surprise, the ambience at this hour was much more tranquil and up your alley than what you were used to. You hated crowds and loud groups of people, and there was none of that here. Eyes scanned the bar for your favorite and only owner, who upon noticing your arrival called you over to an empty stool up at the bar. Eager steps made their way over as he placed your favorite shot on the counter: a water moccasin. You paid no mind to the individual next to your stool as you sat down, eyes trained on the peachy, sweet and sour whiskey shot glass before you. Widened eyes stared, unknown to you, as you drank it in one big gulp, placing the now empty glass on the counter, snapping and pointing at Jackson with finger guns as you exclaimed “Hit me again”.

A smirk played on the corners of his mouth as he placed a second one just as you finished asking. Knowing your habits, he made two as soon as he saw you. “I’m guessing today went... ?” He was expecting you to tell him all about your day, as soon as you finished fighting off the burning feeling down your throat. It was always the second one that got you the most. Hissing for only a few seconds, you spoke.

“Honestly? Honestly honest? I can’t complain.” Alcohol was slowly starting to take effect on you as you rambled on. “At first I was kinda freaked out? Because everyone was kinda weird? OH! And then Jungkook decided to out a guy’s whole divorce or something?” In the background, next to you, someone cleared their throat as Jackson bit his bottom lip, trying to hold in a chuckle, but you went on. “I don’t know, it was weird. But like afterwards, it was pretty chill. Jungkook ain’t that bad. And lowkey? I can’t wait for the strawberry season, dude.” A snort escaped you as you thought back on the Crop Party. You couldn’t wait. Tae mentioned something about making fresh milkshakes, and right now you were wildin’ at the thought.

“So I’m guessing you’ve met Yoongi?” Jackson’s hand motioned you to look to your right. Lo and Behold, Mr. Divorcee was magically there, a citrus whiskey on the rocks in his hands. And that’s when it hits you, you have a loud mouth.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” Eyes like a deer in headlights, pleading for forgiveness. Yoongi waved it off. You finally heard his voice without a hint of annoyance.

“It’s fine.” Bringing the glass to his lips, he took a long sip. Which reminded you.

“Jackson, may I please--”

“Have another?” He chuckled as he went to prepare a fresh shot. “Don’t get carried away tonight, though. You work tomorrow, remember?”

“Hey, I have self control. I won’t drink past 6:30, I swear.” To even prove such control, you didn’t rush to down the shot. Instead you tried to build a conversation with the man in charge of the drinks, but he cursed silently at a reminder.

“Fuck, excuse me for a sec. I have to call my parents.” You remembered him mentioning something about an upcoming anniversary as he rushed to the back, leaving you alone with Yoongi, a shot and your thoughts.

Allowing your mind to travel far for a moment, the waterfall of bitter memories with your family started to cloud your field of vision. Forgetting where you were and who was around, you brought your hands up to either cheek and gave yourself some quick, small smacks in an attempt to distract your tear ducts from doing their job. A groan escaped you as you reached for the shot in front of you, disappearing it in an instant. So much for self control.

The man next to you watched in awe. He already knew far more about you than whatever first impressions you thought you gave, courtesy of Jackson. But he was one to always doubt the extent of the things he said, and since forming odd suspicions of you at the office, he figured now was the time to see if anything added up.

“Escapism?” The sudden voice shocked you, and brought you back to reality. Another snort made its way out your nose, in an endearing manner.

“You can say that. No, you know what? Life is a bitch.” In your drunken manner, you broke. You vented, you ranted, and you rambled. You laid out your entire life in front of this man, this stranger, revealing more than what was necessary, but you couldn’t stop yourself. “And now here I am.” Fingers tapped the counter, antsy. Waiting for Jackson to come back and serve you yet another shot to calm down.

“I see, I’m sorry for all that. Things are looking up now, at least?” Yoongi shrugged, a winced expression since your story was still fresh in his mind. “But, if it makes you feel any better, I have some fucked up shit going on myself."

“Oh really? A divorce? Family exile beats loveless marriage any day, boy.” Another side effect of your alcoholism was straight up competitiveness. Even though it stung him, he couldn’t help but laugh. For him, it even felt like the first time in a while he had done so earnestly.

“My wife is pregnant.” Whiskey glass was brought back to his lips for a moment, barely touching them. “And it’s not mine.” He finished off the remainder of the glass, while you stared in silence, jaw dropped.

“Whoa, that sucks... How do you know though?” You brought your face closer to him, in curious intrigue, not knowing what personal space was; but he didn’t mind much as he inched in a bit closer to speak.

“I had a vasectomy.” A sighed escaped his core as he too revealed his life to a stranger. “Before we got married, we were clear that we didn’t want children. At least not for a long time, so I got the surgery done. If we ever wanted kids we would have a talk and take out time to decide how to go about it. But one day,” he shook his head, thoughts lost in the memory “she was very persistent that I go get the reversal done. Like, that I had to get it done that week. And I found that suspicious, so I pretended to get it.” His fingers now mimicked yours earlier, lightly tapping on the counter. “We waited the recovery time, had sex, and a few days later, she was pregnant. So I filed for divorce. Do I win now?” His usual serious pout curled into a smirk as you shook your head no.

“Nah, I still win. You can always get a new wife, I can never get new parents. I don’t make the rules, chief.”

The mood was starting to liven up, but the universe often threw curveballs in your direction. Text alerts distracted you from your office chatter with Yoongi, and again, you soured. It wasn’t often when you received messages from your cousin, but you never talked about the elephant in the room. This time, however.

‘Your dad’s been asking about you lately. Anything worth mentioning?’ You watched the words fade from the pop-up screen, and debated in silence. The shift was visible, and Yoongi caught it as it happened. “Is everything okay?” he asked. Instead of answering, you simply opened the chat and showed him the message. Grabbing your phone in his hands he stared.

“Do I answer? Do I just leave it for tomorrow? What could I even bother telling?” Complaints continued to spew out of your mouth, muting the light clicks of Yoongi’s rapid fingers working on the keyboard. You’re only brought back from your rambles when you feel him pressing your phone still in his hand, back into yours, a message already written out in the text box.

‘I just started at a new office job. Safe, secure. It’s working out.’ Short, simple and to the point. A quick nod was enough for him to press send. As he pulled away, leaving you with the chat which was instantly read, you expected to feel a bit better, but your worries and anxiety remained as your fingers drummed at a quickened pace, itching for yet another shot.

Right on cue, Jackson’s presence made its way to you. Catching your tells, his hands moved straight to the Schnapps.

“Actually, I think she might be better off with water instead.” You shot daggers at him, annoyed at such an assumption. “Same for me. You said you won’t drink past 6:30. I don’t make the rules, chief.” You couldn't grumble out much, because as much as you desperately wanted to be irresponsible and drown your sorrows in waves of alcohol, you had a new, very decent, job to uphold. And that required showing up sober.

The rest of the night went by pretty decently, ending with a new weird routine of going home early instead of waiting until Jackson finished closing off, to drag you all the way to his car. The nights you drove to your home from the bar were less than the ones he posted you up at his own apartment.

“You’re good to drive, right?” This time, it was Yoongi who was nice enough to walk you over to the beat up Verna at the end of the lot.

“Surprisingly enough, I am. Thanks.” Sticking the key into the lock, you jiggled it around. The only sure way to open the door these days. “What about you?”

“Considering I only had one glass of whiskey, I think I’m alright.” He motioned over to the Genesis next to you. “I’m gonna head out. Drive safe.”

You nod and make sure he's at least safe besides his car door before entering yours. Turning back briefly to look at you, your goodbye wave stops halfway as his words reach your ears.

“Lunch tomorrow.” Is all he says. he doesn't even bother waiting for a confirmation, he simply gets inside his car and drives away.

Starting up your car was always a hassle but you got it kicking in no time. As you pulled out of the lot, you spotted the Genesis still at the empty intersection. You flashed your headlights twice before heading the opposite direction, and from your rearview saw him continue on his way. Despite all the characters and particular personas inhabiting the living bodies of your coworkers, you couldn’t help but think: Yoongi's just might be the most intriguing to you after all.

#yoongi fanfic #yoongi scenarios #yoongi imagines #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts x reader #office!au

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guidedbygunpla · 3 years

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Gundam Redux Prequel Chapter 3: Father Knows Best

inside the great hall in Zum city, the Zabi family convenes, Degwen the Grand Duke of Zeon sits in a plush gold and red throne, to his left his eldest son Gihren, the Admiral of the Zeon Space Forces, to his right, Dozle, his second oldest son, commander of the Zeon Space Attack Forces, and on a video monitor at the end of the table, calling in from the Moon, where she oversaw the invasion of Afroeurasia, Kycelia Zabi, his Daughter.

“the invasion is going according to plan. Garmas forces are sweeping North America, and Kycelias men are swarming the South of Asia and heading towards Africa. Soon we will be able to force the federation to grant us our independence” Degwin spoke, his voice low and raspy, he was a very old man now, at nearly 90 years old.

“father, you are being too short sited, the federation has completely abandoned all assistance to the colonies, they have abandoned all Martian colonies and autonomous countries, they have abandoned all non Jupiter energy fleet controlled lands around Jupiter as well, the Federation is in shambles, if we can make a rush for Dakar, and a rush for Jaburo, we could end this war in a matter of months. Kycelia has her men working day and night to design a machine capable of punching through the bedrock above Jaburo, and we should have results from Rear Admiral Sahalin or General Mquve soon enough to allow us to not just get our independence but conquer earth.“

“you are right Gihren, we could conquer the earth….but who would rule it? The Federation is built atop the united nations of Earth, established over 200 years ago. They won the trust of the world, they helped establish the colonies, they helped land men on mars, on the moons of Jupiter….they can only rule because the people in the countries aligned to the federation allow them to rule.”

“then like the federation, we will force those counties to put us in charge, to allow us to rule!” Gihren shouted back at his father

“you are short sighted Gihren, yes now we have these….these cyclops monsters, these mobile soldiers, tanks on legs, mowing through the enemy lines, but what happens when the federation fields their own weapons to match ours, or decides the treaty we signed does them no good, and decides to take their plentiful nuclear arsenal and aim it at our homeland, at your soldiers. What then Gihren?”

there was silence in the board room after Degwans remarks, he sat back into his grand throne, Kycelia started in

“father is right, the proper line of action will be to replace the Federation gradually, earn our indepence and then sow distrust in the Federation on Earth, putting Zeon commanders, the bishops and priests of the Contolist church and the Zabi family into places of influence and power, then after we have earned the trust of the earth sphere, we can bring them under our own web of influence, and remove the federation not through war, but through displacement. As the major powers did to the league of nations when it proved unable to protect them from another great world war, do you agree father”

“….while I can see the benefit of growing our Duchies connections outside the bounds of Zeon Controlled territory, I am not sure I wish to replace the federation outright, I would prefer to dissolve the federations control of the colonies and remove the polluters and perverts in power of the federation. So that one day humanity can return to the earth, and not have to live in these giant tin cans floating in the sky.”

“but father” Kycelia continued “ it is the belief of Contolism that man should divorce himself from the earth, so we can grow as a species and evolve, that one day the meek will inherit the earth, but not for generations. The earth must heal, it must return to the form it had during the times of-“

“do not quote Zeon Zum Deikun to me!” Degwin snapped at her “I was there by his side for decades as he preached that gospel, trying to convince us refugees that we would be victorious in the end, and where is he now Kycelia! Where!” Degwin turned to Dozle “do you also want to propose some preposterous idea Dozle?”

“no father, I believe that once we convince the federation to release the shackles of colonialism on us that the rest of the world will see they to are being controlled. I believe that once Garma frees the United States of Northern America for instance they will see that the Federation superseding their own governments right to self govern is a very undemocratic, and near authoritarian idea”

“yes….that we can hope for certainly, the time for a single powerful government ruling the whole of this solar system is behind us, one man cannot control all men, he can control a few, and they can control many, but a few men in Dakar cannot possibly make decisions on what is best for Mars, for Jupiter, for mining colonies in the belt, for us here in Zeon. It should be our right to rule ourselves, as we see fit.” Degwin sat back into his chair, calm now that one of his children saw this all as he did

“and what if one day the people of Zeon decide that they don’t need a Duke sitting atop their parliament? Decide that you being the final say in their governance, what if one day they want to be rid of you? What then father?” Gihren said standing up and staring his father down

“then I will pack my things and leave, lest I watch myself and the rest of my family be beheaded as monarchs of the past were, I rule because the people of Zeon chose me, chose us, to rule them. They believe that through Zeon Zum Deikuns legacy, we will lead them on the correct path…..if that belief changes one day, than I shouldn’t force them to follow our family, and if our defenders, our benefactors refuse to protect us, I will pack my things….and I will leave” Degwin said, reaching into a box on the desk in front of him, and retreiveing a pair of black aviator style sunglasses and placing them over his face as he relaxed his neck into the soft fabric of the chair

“father has lost the will Kycelia, he is a weak man at heart now…..I cant believe what he said back there” Gihren said looking out the bay window in his office, taking a slow sip of scotch as he did so.

“he just wants to follow the will of Deikun, he believes that people of space will ultimately become the Newtypes as mentioned in the gospel, and eventually be worthy of inheriting the earth….he believes the people of Zeon will follow us, as we represent that will, we represent the message of the Gospel to them, we will be the shepherds to that promise land.” Kycelia said as she moved forward, placing a hand on her brothers shoulder

“its all bullshit, we won’t inherit anything save a worthless duchy from that man, we wont inherit the earth, the only way Zeon will get what we want is if we take it……if the federation gives us independence how soon until we are no different than the United states, or the Greater European Union a country in name only, unable to make our own decisions for ourselves, or how soon will we becomer fucking Russia. How soon before the Federation backs a separatist movement against us? How soon until a band of Kievan militia storms our capital city? Father wants to bet that what? People will become Newtypes and rally behind us as the federation slowly kills itself and we watch the earth die as we evolve beyond its need?” he said sipping again “it’s all bullshit Kycelia”

“but Gihren, you of all people should realize that the Newtype phenomena is-“

“be careful what youre about to say sister, I am not as soft as our father”

“Gihren please she’s your-“

“GET OUT!” he shouted throwing his glass of scotch to the floor, shattering the glass “I have told you time and time again to not speak about her or anything related to that women around me.” He said staring daggers into his sisters eyes

“Gihren be reasonable, we need to work together or this war will kill us all” Kycelia said, putting her hand on the gun on her hip

“this war might kill father, and it might kill soft hearted Dozle, and our naive youngest brother, but it won’t harm the two of us….surely one of us is more than enough to steer this ship into port dear sister” he said reaching down to his side arm as well

“….Gihren you sound like you think this war would be easier to win if some members of our family weren’t around anymore”

“too many cooks in the kitchen does have a tendency to spoil the broth does it not?”

#charma #garma #gundam

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karasuno-writings · 4 years

Note

(2/3)I also love math and sciences and want to work in those fields in the future. I actually in love with music and the way it makes u feel I know how to play the piano and can sing. I listen to aesthetically pleasing and punk songs on a daily basis. I am also a fairly good painter and love to draw and Paint in my free time. I painted all my friends calculators so yea. I committed to my aesthetics and try to make my fashion portray it aswell .I am naturally tan.Brown short hair & eyed . 5'4.

(1/3)Hey can I ask for a haikyuu matchup. I am an infj whose a ravenclawish huffelpuff . I am REALLY loyal with my friends but if they need there head to be straightened i wont hesitate to do so. i dont put up with anyone’s bullshit either if some ones offence i will call em out but other wise I am really kind and caring to the people around me . I am quite easy going and free spirited but if I feel like an odd one out I get really insecure.

(3/3) I m usually passive unless assertiveness is needed and thrive on independence.ILOVE little things that make me happy like watching a good tv show ,having a really good conversatio with some one.LOVE TEA AND HOT CHOCOLATE WITH ALL MY HEART(unironically drink horlicks)rainy days are the best.I really enjoy a day out with my good friends but i also really value my time alone to focus on myself.HUGS ARE MY THINGB OK CUDDLES I AM THERE.Iam big ass crackhead am not afraid to show people who I am

Hi!!! I’ll answer on this ask so you can get the notification!!! I really do hope you like who I matched you with bc it was all so clear to me and also he is one of my top two favorite characters (I’ll leave ya for a wild guess on the first ;D ) BUT I hope you like it and I hope you like him and you like this!!!! (Ishmel let me use the name and I have consent to do so so there’s that!)

__________________________________________

I ship you with: Yamaguchi Tadashi!

Yamaguchi was paying attention to math class, writing down the tasks that had to be done in teams and ready to pair up with Tsukki, when the teacher handed out the pairs that were to work together. He felt a small jolt down his spine, already hoping that whoever he was to work with he got along with, or that at least they were not judgemental. As he was deep in thoughts you approached him; “Hi, I’m Ishmel I think we are supposed to be working together”. He blushed, as you had caught him off guard, Tadashi shook your hand and smiled, accentuating his already red cheeks, “Yamaguchi Tadashi, nice to meet you”. He scoot over so that you could sit besides me. Yamaguchi is not a good conversation starter, so for the beginning he just made kind remarks and handed out ideas for the math work; silently admiring the art scribbled on your notebook and how cute your clothing was, specially how cute you looked on it…wait what? He blushed shaking the thought away. He really hit it of with you as a partner, he was grateful to have someone so kind and nice with him, so he had no problem opening up. While he was working he noticed you took his calculator, and started to absentmindedly draw on it. When you noticed him looking you quickly handed it back, apologising for the intrusion as it was almost a custom of you to draw on your friend’s material. Yamaguchi shook his head and handed it back “No please continue! It looks amazing and you are just getting started, I actually like it!”. Smiling you complied and the two of you kept on working.

The project was finished in about a week, a week in which the both of you got to know each other pretty well. Yamaguchi was slowly falling for you; he found your personality amazing, he loved how kind you were but how you knew how to stand your ground and call people out when needed. He also loved how open you were with what you loved, Yamaguchi loves science and talking to you about it was always so amazing, like you just got each other so well, and bonding over shared interests the two of you became close friends. He admired your skills, he loved to see your drawings and if you showed one to him he would tell you that you are really talented. He fell in love with your free spirit and honestly all about you but poor Yams did not think you would like him back, he was so smitten.

Yamaguchi had been teased by Tsukki non-stop on how he had not told anything to you yet. Naturally you had gotten pretty close with the tall blonde too, even if you had to stand your ground against him sometimes. Tsukki knew you would say yes if Tadashi asked you out, and was frankly annoyed at him for not doing so, so he called him out. Yamaguchi decided that he would try, he was going to ask you out.

Yamaguchi approached you, his face redder than ever, his hands shaking like crazy. He sucked in a big breath and handed out some beautiful markers with a little heart note attached. “Ishi…would, would you want to come with me? Like…on a date?” he spurted out, already tasting defeated even before you answered. However he was taken aback when you hugged him “Of course Dashi, I was hoping you’d ask”. He was such a gentleman, he passed for you to your house and took you to your favorite tea shop, he was beyond happy with how it turned out.

You two are goals together, your relationship is like a powered up friendship but with all the perks of being out like kisses and unlimited cuddles. This boy loves cuddles, at first he was shy but after a while prepare bc he is a cuddle-bug. He respects your alone time and likes that you respect his too, he appreciates that you do call him out if he ever does something wrong. He loves how genuine you are and when you are a little sillier he finds it hilarious and sooo endearing. He is very proud of you overall and is your number one supporter.

Headcanons

He loves to listen to you play the piano and sing, he actually has a very sweet voice so he likes to join you.

He loves to see you draw like he cannot get enough of it, he loves everything you do

He will slowly grow more confident and he is very honest with you, he would never hurt you but he is good when giving feedback.

You and him like to trade music, he likes the punk songs you listen to and hopes you like his taste in music

He is very detailed oriented and will make small things just to make you smile, he loves your smile

Your conversations always flow, they are never superficial, silence is never uncomfortable

Rainy days always consist of being cuddled in the couch, drinking tea and chocolate while watching your favorite shows and movies

Pls go to his matches to show him support, if he pinch serves and sees you cheering on him (bonus points if you draw him a cardboard) he will melt and he will give it his all.

#yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu matchup

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hey-malarkey · 5 years

Text

Just for One Taste of “Us”

Companion AU:

Long story short, an alt-universe Stan also fell into the portal as an alt-universe Ford, and they both at staggered arrival times get trapped in a gladiator combat arena. Stan freaks out upon seeing Ford and hides his identity under a helmet, but still looks out for Ford. Ford doesn’t know it’s Stan, and the rest of the gladiators just don’t know why the loudmouth human (who Stan convinced the human species are all called Stans) suddenly went mute and started wearing a helmet.

That’s uh, about as much as you need to understand the gist of this au. Aliens all living in one gladiator combat arena together and stan and ford somehow end up in the middle of it. Except they go by Helmet and Ford. Also that Ford in this is like over the moon into his “Companion” and Stan is just “oh shit o h n o” most of the time about that but still too intimidated at this point to give the ruse up

warnings: dubcon handjob (b/w an oc and ford), dubcon blowjob, rough handling, restraints, a swift kick in the balls, and a brief mention (not graphic) of two dicks being taken, some possessiveness and jealousy on Ford’s part, and hidden identity, oh- incest duh, some mutual pining, um lmk if i missed something

word count: 3,178

Helmet was so sick of how possessive and weird Ford was being. It was so fucking dumb! Why break a good thing going, huh? Why does Ford always want more, more, more? Couldn’t he just be happy Helmet had his back? That he wasn’t left out to the wolves of the arena every god dam fight?

No. He couldn’t. For the umpteenth time Ford makes a move on him and Helmet has to rebuff him. Fuck was it hard sometimes, though. Sometimes he wanted Ford back. Ford made himself pretty irresistible. Even in the meager conditions of their gladiator accommodations.

But today really took the cake of bullshit. Ford had been raving and nitpicking on Power Couple for weeks, now. And while he’d been busy challenging Meckonar to a chugging contest, helmet and all, Ford had been getting worked up about Power Couple again. As soon as Helmet had come over, face lit up (not that Ford could see) but body language backing it up, showing off his winnings, Ford had blown up at him about taking all those sexual partners and never letting Ford in “as close” as all those other guys.

And Helmet was. He was pretty fucking shocked. He knew Ford wanted him sexually, but he thought that was just frustration that Ford refused to share with another until he was comfortable. He thought Ford would find release in another gladiator someday, maybe Splash Zone, maybe take up Lizard Bro’s offers. He thought he and Ford were solid in their partnership, in looking out for one another and keeping each other safe.

But Ford threw all that in his face, today. Called Helmet out for being a galactic slut, when he had a “perfectly good” person in the next bunk over to sleep with. To be actual partners with.

And Power Couple shot him a few concerned looks, and walked off, talking. He liked them. And Ford made him look like shit in front of them, and the rest of the quadrant, apparently.

Helmet dragged Ford out by the arm, Ford hurling accusations the whole way, whining and just generally being a piss-poor baby.

He managed to write out to Ford, despite how mad he was “Do you really WANT to be like them?”

And Ford immediately got red in the face, shouting anew. Complaining about how Helmet keeps putting him off, how he seems to ignore Ford’s attempts to get “closer”, how he wants someone who wants him back, goddamnit!

Well. Fuck. If that’s how he wanted to play it.

Helmet gestured between the two of them, asking the question “you want me? You and me, you want this?”

Ford got the gist and nodded, a yes about to be shouted on the tip of his tongue, no doubt to be followed by a few insults to Helmet’s intelligence, as Ford is wont to do when he’s that mad.

Helmet shrugged, then shucked off his pants. That caught Ford by enough surprise that he shut up for a second. Helmet stepped out of his pants and took a step closer to Ford, butt naked, dick hanging low between his legs.

He pulled Ford by the lapels of his stupid space jacket and banged his head to Ford’s hard enough for the CLANG to reverberate around the room. Ford cussed, momentarily stunned. Helmet pulled his jacket down half off Ford’s shoulders, circling behind him to pull the arms crossed behind him, tying off the jacket sleeves. Ford was pinned.

He circled back to the front and forced Ford on the ground, knees hitting hard enough to send dust flying up. Helmet looked down into Ford’s eyes, knowing Ford could barely make out the glint in his own. Again he gestured, meaning “You want this? Is this what you wanted?” and Ford is still a bit too dazed to answer.

Helmet wrenches Ford’s jaw open with his hands, picks up his dick, and stuffs it down Ford’s throat. It’s not gentle or easy, and Ford gags, trying to bite down instinctively against the intrusion.

Helmet makes a clicking sound with his tongue and tightens a grip on Ford’s chin, keeping it pulled down. Can’t bite if you can’t lift your bottom jaw.

He lets himself sit in the warm heat of Ford’s mouth for a few moments, enjoying it despite himself. He shallowly thrusts, feeling his head hit the back of Ford’s throat. Ford is much more together in the moment, now, having shaken off the unexpected head thump. He gags on a question, and the vibrations around Helmet’s dick help perk him up, just slightly.

He pulls out so the head is just lightly resting on Ford’s lips, watching a small trail of drool dribble out of the corner of Ford’s mouth.

He wonders how much Ford actually wants this versus how much Ford will hate him after this.

But then he lets the moment pass and he is shoving back down into Ford’s throat, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling of it, and letting himself get hard.

It gets easier when Ford sucks the first time. Maybe trying to preserve some dignity by not letting drool run down his face. Or maybe because he’s into it. Helmet doesn’t ask him. Just rewards Ford with a pat on the head, scritching the hair behind Ford’s right ear with his free left hand. He settles his grip in Ford’s hair after that, and feels Ford’s body start rocking in tandem with how Helmet is thrusting.

God, what a fucking slut. And Ford called him the whore? Because he sleeps around with others that are looking for the same thing he is—nothing serious, just relief. What’s Ford in this for?

He’s in it because Helmet wanted to fucking teach him a lesson. But he’s enjoying himself too much to learn it. What a fucking backfire.

Helmet pushes one heavy boot closer to Ford’s crotch, digging the toe against him and feeling through all the fabric and material Ford’s hardness.

Helmet probably didn’t even need to be holding his chin, anymore, if this was how he was going to react. Shit.

He lets go of Ford’s chin and Ford is bobbing and sucking all on his own, just as he thought. He does such a good job that Helmet is fast approaching release, and he doesn’t try to hold back when Ford takes him deep into his throat, sucking with all his dam might.

Helmet cums down his throat, shooting a hot mess that Ford didn’t seem to be expecting.

Maybe he thought Helmet would give warning. Nope. But despite the surprised gag, Ford still tries to suck it all up. By the time Helmet pulls out, he lets his spent cock rub over Ford’s lips, leaving a bit of cum he missed fall across Ford’s face. He pushes Ford back a little, nearly unbalancing, checking the state of his arousal. Still hard in his jeans. Probably close to busting a nut, though, if the way Ford was swiveling his hips against the air was any indication.

Helmet drags Ford up by his sweater, so he’s standing again. Ford tries stepping closer, looking for relief, words finally starting to form again through husky vocals. Helmet keeps them an arms-length apart, however. And then he kicks straight up, hard, against Ford’s nuts. His shin hits his crotch, and he immediately sees tears gather and his broken voice cry out.

He drops to his knees again, and Helmet lets him as he puts his own pants back on. He hoists Ford up again and drags him down to Armadillo Doctor’s tent. He leaves Ford outside while he goes in, with no haggling for once offering a quarter of his winnings from the chugging contest.

He takes off his helmet and looks the doctor in the eye.

“See what you can do about his bruised dick. I already tried fixing his ego, but it might be a lost cause. Thanks, doc.”

He puts his helmet back on after the doctor agrees, giving him one of those beady-eyed looks that can make a grown Mrrekian cry. Ford will be in good hands.

Helmet comes back out, patting Ford on the face, pushing him through the tent flap of Armadillo Doctor’s office.

As he’s walking away he hears the scratch of claws on almost-concrete and looks up to see Lizard Bro taking pace beside him.

“What was that about, Boyo? Your friend did not look too well.”

“He’s getting taken care of. Wanna go catch the rest of the flight match? I had bets down on the Oeripian and the Sclinesdale.”

Lizard Bro agrees and they go up to the match. They laugh and make obnoxious jokes and

Helmet collects his winnings when the Oeripian fuckin’ owns. But it’s still not as good as spending an afternoon with Ford. He hopes Ford gets his head out of his ass, soon. He’s gonna miss him if Ford still decides he wants to get together the way Power Couple did.

He’s been here longer than Ford has. He knew them each before they became Power Couple.

They even got transferred to a different wing because they became such crowd favorites they got protected status in the barracks by the Overseers. But before they were Power Couple, they were nothing. Helmet wants to be something to Ford whether they have sex or not. Preferably not. Especially not until Ford knows who he’s wanting to fuck. And hopefully the day of admitting who he is never comes. So never.

But he can’t deny Ford forever. Hopefully this at least will ward Ford off from approaching him like that in the future. He follows Lizard Bro back to his quarters that night and takes two dicks like a champ. But when he falls asleep post-fuck, it still means nothing and he misses Ford.

In the tent Ford’s tears have cleared, but his hands are still tied behind his back. He’s sure if he wiggled sufficiently, he could break free. But Armadillo Doctor got testy if his patients were too active, so he let his position stay while AD bustled about his tent, muttering under his breath.

He let his mind drift back a few short minutes ago. He didn’t think he’d be able to evoke such a reaction from Helmet. And sweet Moses, was it good, despite how unexpected it was. All up until that kick that was still sending sporadic pain signals to his brain.

He hadn’t even gotten off, yet, before Helmet kicked. And he’d been so close. Just thinking about it is enough to make his body want to get hard, but that sends a stronger pulse of pain through him, and he groans softly.

“What? What? Can you not wait two minutes? Impatient Stan!”

Ford rolls his eyes. For some reasons all the aliens referred to him as Stan instead of Stanford. It was annoying, as if they thought that was his surname or species. They did it to Helmet too, sometimes. Helmet was always as mute on the matter as he was about everything. Keeping his secrets and thoughts all to himself, that evasive bastard.

Armadillo Doctor approaches him again, holding a bag with some unidentifiable cream.

“You will be fixed,” he says abruptly. It seems to be the only way he talks, through the translator at least.

AD unbuttons Ford’s pants and drags them down unceremoniously. He tilts his head back and suppresses a sigh. It was a necessary evil of living in the arena. Sometimes an armadillo doctor was going to have to touch your dick. His arms are uncomfortably folded behind him, making his hips slightly propped up on his wrists, so he doesn’t have to move too much to see what AD is doing.

The small hands are cold and covered in cream and slowly working the substance into Ford. Carefully, as if he knew Ford wanted to at least keep that organ in some level of usable condition.

Whatever he was doing, it felt amazing with just an edge of pain still pulsing. And worse, he was getting hard. Even with the pain. Maybe because of it. (He can’t deny that some of the appeal of Helmet pushing him down had been just the raw power and discomfort brought on by the suddenness.)

“You made bad choice, Stan.”

“It’s not my fault!” he defended himself indignantly.

Armadillo Doctor moved one hand down and squeezed Ford’s balls. Ford sucked in a breath and held it a moment, waiting for the pressure to ease.

“It is.” And he releases, rubbing the cream in over his sac. Ford breathes out and relaxes back, eyes still on Armadillo Doctor’s motions further down. It isn’t as good as if Helmet had done it, but he can’t remember the last time he accepted a hand that wasn’t his at it. It was good to get it elsewhere, even if it’s from the alien doctor.

After he breathes out Ford has a moment to think over what AD is saying. And he starts feeling the anger burn beneath his skin again.

“What was my fault, exactly? That I give so much to Helmet, and he refuses to give me anything in return? He talks to everyone in the arena but me. He goes off to get fucked by everyone in the arena but me! Does he not trust me?”

Armadillo Doctor dips a finger in the cream and returns to stroking Ford’s shaft. He does it with less healing purpose and more with a bored look, if Ford was reading him right.

“Stan Ford, you are a--- what is word? You dick!” He says with a burst of emotion, squeezing slightly on the upstroke and twisting his hand off in a way that makes Ford gasp. It’s weird being insulted while getting off, but he isn’t in the position to argue.

“You dick,” AD continues, returning to the task at hand. “Your friend is not enough? Your Stan Helmet pays me for you. Your Stan Helmet wins fight for you. Your Stan Helmet chose you.”

Ford shakes his head, not ready to admit defeat. “Okay, yes, he does those things, but he still doesn’t trust me! Everyone else has seen him with his helmet off. And for the last time, we’re called humans, not Stans.”

“Stan Ford. You dick.” Armadillo Doctor almost smiles. Great. He learned a new word and enjoys using it against him, now. “You know the secrets? Stan Helmet was alone before you. Now he smiles.”

“But I can’t see that! It’s ludicrous--I don’t care what he’s hiding, disfigurement, or birthmark, or ugly, I just want to know him. And he won’t let me.”

“All Stans look the same,” Armadillo Doctor said dismissively. Ford huffed out an annoyed sigh, then groaned again as Armadillo Doctor squeezed, picking up speed again. He was getting close. And the cream had worked wonders already, making him feel good as new, down there.

“Look, you don’t get it. He--ahhh!” Ford cut himself off in a low yell when the force of his orgasm built and erupted suddenly, right at the end. Armadillo Doctor sighs and tears off an edge of Ford’s jacket to wipe up his hands and Ford with. He tucks the cloth he tore under a stack of metal bits.

Ford recovers fairly quick after he cums, but he’s still hit with that desire to take a nap, to drift off in his uncomfortable position and curl up next to--

He is brought back to the moment abruptly. Armadillo Doctor grips his chin tight and stares him in the eye, leaning in too close.

“Six-Fingers. Helmet threatens the worst fighters to not call you that. Helmet pays your debts. Helmet protects only you. Helmet kick you now as warning shot. I do not care. But. Helmet deserves better than you, Six-Fingers.”

The claws dug into Ford’s chin tighter for one more moment before letting go, patting his forehead lightly, wiping the sweat off of Ford’s brow.

Armadillo Doctor props him up and cuts the jacket apart.

“Dick leave.”

Ford gathers his jacket to repair later and stands without another word, zipping himself back up and leaving without another word to Armadillo Doctor. Overstaying your welcome in the medicine tent was dangerous.

He grumbled to himself the whole way back, thinking over what Armadillo Doctor said. How ridiculous he was being. Did Helmet pay for him to get ‘taken care of’ by the Doctor, or was that just a perk?

He finds their bunks and it’s empty. Helmet is nowhere to be seen. There’s a slight impression on the floor from where he’d dropped suddenly, twice, earlier. He kicks some dirt over it.

Ford sits heavily on the lower bunk, rubbing a hand over his crotch, checking over the area as he pointedly does not stare at the patch of ground that gave him slight bruises on each knee. He lays back and thinks about everything that was said. He pointedly looks away from the collection of former weapons, scrap metal, and defensive padding he’s seen his Companion trade on his behalf numerous times.

He grunts and pulls out his latest journal from its hiding spot, perusing the pages mindlessly, not having anything to write but wanting something to distract him from this mood he’s in.

He sees a few of the notes his Companion has left for him in the margins, one of the few ways they’ve communicated clearly. Ford flips past them quickly, but one catches his eye.

It was a drawing of a six-fingered thumbs up, a little wobbly, and a note of encouragement beside it. His companion had made that entry after Ford nearly lost his match a few weeks ago. Ford swallowed and turned the page, wanting a new distraction.

Between his notes on coded escape plans and hopes for defeating Bill were notes about his friend. Things he’d forgotten he’d committed to these few scrap pages bound together by odds and ends. Some of the paper he’d written on procured by his Companion, in fact, after Ford expressed a desire to write things down to help him plan.

Ford stowed the journal, suddenly feeling a little queasy. God, the doctor was right. He was a dick. Despite the ups and downs of their relationship, Helmet has never pretended like he was leading Ford on. He’d made a boundary clear, and Ford had allowed his frustrations to wreck that line.

He sat up from the bed, pacing. He needed to make this right. He would let his Companion have his space tonight, and go find him in the morning. Ford can’t help the sour twang of jealousy when he assumes that Helmet shacked up with Lizard Bro tonight, but he swallows it down.

He turns into bed later that night alone, not even with the steady sounds of his friend’s snores to comfort him, and he misses what he’d almost thrown away. Hopefully his Companion will forgive him one more time, in the morning.

#not sfw text #lemon #stancest #stancest au #stancest discord #companion au #we're 80 aus deep and there is no letting up #heylark writes #just for one taste of us #the years between them #read the warnings at the top

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stormpainter · 5 years

Text

==>Tuesday

Last Tuesday at 1:43 PM

pleapseletmequiirkriight Hey uh. II waψ beIIng a fuckhead on purpoψe, and you were juψt there, IIt waψn't. About you. At all. Ψo. Ψorry.

wickedpainter oh uh hey i dont ...theres a lot of things wrong with how highbloods is, and i am one

pleapseletmequiirkriight II mean, you weren't any of mIIne. You weren't 1 of the clownψ who trIIed 2 kIIll CarmIIn. II wouldn't be ψorry 4 beIIng cautIIouψ around you or ψnIIde but that waψ. WIIld, of me.

wickedpainter i coulda been though, i was raised to be a laughsassin,i aint that now, but i was. thanks for apologizin for what its worth

pleapseletmequiirkriight Yeah of courψe, II'm not lIIke. The AC2AL worψt. II apologIIze 4 ψtuff.

wickedpainter did your rail yell at you

pleapseletmequiirkriight Lol. Yeah, a lIIttle.

wickedpainter 'm sorry

pleapseletmequiirkriight >You're the worst person who's ever existed, holy shit. Dude no, what?? No. Not your fault.

wickedpainter Mm. people is allowed to get mad about highbloods doin shit highbloods do

wickedpainter you dont gotta know me and my story it aint required

pleapseletmequiirkriight II DON'T know you and your ψtory but II ψtIIll thIInk II waψ a dIIck.

wickedpainter most trolls is dicks really thats just how we get on

wickedpainter but yeah uh, if you need me to say the pology is accepted it is i didnt expect one

pleapseletmequiirkriight Why would you, II waψ WAY obnoxIIouψ.

wickedpainter you were but you werent wrong

pleapseletmequiirkriight Truth IIψ not good. IIt'ψ value neutral.

wickedpainter you sure?

pleapseletmequiirkriight Not about anythIIng, no.

wickedpainter me neither

pleapseletmequiirkriight TwIInψIIeψ.

wickedpainter hahaha

pleapseletmequiirkriight Your moIIraIIl IIψ wIIld.

wickedpainter he need to be told off?

pleapseletmequiirkriight Lol, no no. He'ψ juψt weIIrd.

wickedpainter ha yeah

wickedpainter whats he doin now

pleapseletmequiirkriight TryIIng 2 get 2 know me.

wickedpainter hows that weird?

pleapseletmequiirkriight II'm an aψψhole, aψ we've eψtablIIψhed.

wickedpainter hes an asshole to its a perfect match

pleapseletmequiirkriight Yeah, ψo IIt would ψeem.

wickedpainter ..I'm Antony but I go by Wicked

pleapseletmequiirkriight Oh rIIght. Hey dude, II'm Puldex. Or Ψ.

wickedpainter the Psionic, right?

wickedpainter my best friend is a captor

pleapseletmequiirkriight The ΨIIonIIc, yeah.

wickedpainter I caint make that symbol I'm sorry

pleapseletmequiirkriight Oh, no bIIg deal, lol. IIt'ψ not common anymore.

wickedpainter I seen some of the older ones talkin bout all the missin and added letters sometimes here on tumblr i mean

pleapseletmequiirkriight IIt waψ old when II pIIcked IIt, but ψtIIll around.

wickedpainter i'm headin back hive in a minute, been chattin from schoolin

wickedpainter ..hey i'm glad your an asshole

pleapseletmequiirkriight Hey.

wickedpainter riggin ruins some trolls so yeah

pleapseletmequiirkriight Oh, wIIld. Well. II would never claIIm 2 not be ruIIned.

wickedpainter that private stuff?

pleapseletmequiirkriight Nah, II mean, II don't have handψ. Alψo II can't handle tyrIIanψ, but who can.

wickedpainter cybernetics?

pleapseletmequiirkriight Yeah!

wickedpainter I know some guys if shit aint advanced enough out there hahaha most've my digestive system is cybernetics, and my eyes

pleapseletmequiirkriight II mean, II can't ψIIgn anymore but II don't really need 2. II have handψ ψo II can't complaIIn.

wickedpainter you can always complain, make'em give you the good stuff

pleapseletmequiirkriight II thIInk II have the good ψtuff.

wickedpainter you sure? cause motherfuckers will pass off shit if they think its for a lowblood

pleapseletmequiirkriight Mm. II'm not ψure.

wickedpainter if you caint sign they aint done the best they can do probably. Not what you could get with good money

pleapseletmequiirkriight God IIt'ψ gonna be ψo annoyIIng 2 fIIx thIIψ. Thankψ, dude.

wickedpainter no problem, I just seen good work before

wickedpainter highbloods dont tend to settle for 'this is the best we can do' you get even one highbloods ever lost a hand or arm then they can do better

pleapseletmequiirkriight Lol, true.

pleapseletmequiirkriight When II waψ a kIId 1 of my ownerψ had a hand about lIIke mIIne but that waψ hundredψ of ψweepψ ago. There haψ 2 be better, II'm juψt a rube.

wickedpainter if equius zahhak exists over thataway his alts do *real* fine cybernetics work course they've got Opinions but yeah

wickedpainter his alt over Prosperty way replaced my old gut cybernetics for me when they got too small real good guy was makin arms and hands round five sweeps old

wickedpainter my matesprit did my eyes, he specializes in eyes in particular

wickedpainter ...sorry I'm babblin bout cybernetics you probably dont care much Last Tuesday at 9:31 PM

pleapseletmequiirkriight The archer'ψ kIId?? Hard paψψ. He waψ there after II got unIInψtalled and clearly dIIdn't want hIIψ tIIme waψted by the lIIkeψ of me. You're not babblIIng.

wickedpainter thats a shame, not unexpected, but a shame i dont uh, usually talk to much, todays been more talkin than usual

pleapseletmequiirkriight Lol, a blueblood beIIng a dIIck 2 a helmψman? No, not a ψhock.

pleapseletmequiirkriight Man. II can't belIIeve II made you MORE talkatIIve.

wickedpainter I been in a more talkie mood for a bit, it was a lil touchy though this mornin you wanna see somethin funny try orderin him to do somethin just any random ass thing

wickedpainter if he doesnt turn blue in the face and sputter I owe you a fish

pleapseletmequiirkriight Oh my god. Really? Lol.

wickedpainter he deserves it for bein a dick

pleapseletmequiirkriight He abψolutely doeψ.

wickedpainter lemme know how bitchin someone out bout your hands goes, cause if they wont fix it I'll hook you up

pleapseletmequiirkriight Thankψ, dude.

wickedpainter just fuckin hate them gettin away with that shit

pleapseletmequiirkriight Hey, II'm not the bIIggeψt fan eIIther.

wickedpainter yeah but you're the one havin to put up with low grade cybernetics

pleapseletmequiirkriight They're not TERRIIBLE.

wickedpainter your standards are low

pleapseletmequiirkriight Yeah.

wickedpainter anythin is better than not havin hands I put up with insides that were causin me pain for over a sweep because my mechanic died, that doesnt mean that was a good fuckin idea or necessary

pleapseletmequiirkriight ]:

pleapseletmequiirkriight That muψt have ψucked.

wickedpainter not as much as gettin shot in the gut in the first place which is pert much where I base whether or not pain is bad from

pleapseletmequiirkriight Lol. Relatable and faIIr.

wickedpainter probably a bad way to figure it

pleapseletmequiirkriight Maybe but bIIg ψame.

wickedpainter you you um wanna know anything bout me

pleapseletmequiirkriight What are you doIIng IIn ψchool??

wickedpainter learnin to control my powers i'm what they call godtier

wickedpainter and it didnt come with an instruction manual sos i found a place that'd teach me or really my kismesis found a place that'd teach him and i followed him there

pleapseletmequiirkriight Huh. That'ψ 1 of the doom game thIIngψ, yeah? GodtIIer.

wickedpainter yeah, your timeline skipped that so i didnt figure you knew much about it my aspect is actually doom- that'd be your aspect too if you had played

pleapseletmequiirkriight Not a ton, but CarmIIn played IIt when he waψ KankrII.

wickedpainter huh

pleapseletmequiirkriight Oh. Lol of courψe.

wickedpainter ..shit i hope that doesnt mean you're in a doomed timeline )o: now i'm all worried about you

pleapseletmequiirkriight EverythIIng IIψ doomed, lol.

wickedpainter do you know what an irreprible paradox is?

pleapseletmequiirkriight No.

wickedpainter okay it works somethin like this carmin was kankri right, he lived a life, even if it was short, as that person, then time restarted itself and he was hatched into a new timeloop ..well except not, not hatched, game players are created and then sent into the world by the game

wickedpainter so if the game doesnt get played in the new loop the people in it were never created an it tears itself apart at the seams

pleapseletmequiirkriight That ψeemψ lIIke an eaψy fIIx. Plan 2 play and then poψtpone conψtantly. The verψe won't come apart becauψe the game wIIll be played.

wickedpainter i dont think it works like that n the game bombards whatever world its initialized on with meteors so thats like fuckin a thing

pleapseletmequiirkriight WaIIt, IIt'ψ confIIned 2 1 planet???? II thought IIt waψ a bIIg deal.

wickedpainter yeah, just in the case of most of them its the hive planet, an makes the royal lusus do the vast glub

wickedpainter everyone dies

pleapseletmequiirkriight Oh yIIkeψ.

wickedpainter well everyone except Her n the players who arent there theres some other bullshit but that doesnt always happen where they blow up the entire universe

pleapseletmequiirkriight Ugh.

wickedpainter now i'm gonna worry bout this shit

pleapseletmequiirkriight The IIdea of Her beIIng 1 of the only lIIvIIng trollψ ψuckψ.

wickedpainter yeah its kinna awful

pleapseletmequiirkriight Not a fan.

wickedpainter ..hey maybe if we're lucky you're in a post game world where the game was already played and they got reincarnated again, that happens sometimes

pleapseletmequiirkriight FIIngerψ croψψed.

wickedpainter i don know how to tell even though doom is my aspect i'm supposed to be able to destroy doom but i aint never done such a big thing just took out natural desasters that shit

pleapseletmequiirkriight DeψtroyIIng doom.... huh.

wickedpainter yeah! i'm a bard, i can invite the destruction of my aspect, or destruction through my aspect

pleapseletmequiirkriight Rad.

wickedpainter mm. maybe sometime down the road when we know each other better n i know my powers better i could see if i can tell

pleapseletmequiirkriight II'm ψure we're fIIne. >All this game stuff is so distant to you.

wickedpainter ..i should prolly talk to carmin bout it..

pleapseletmequiirkriight He knowψ more than II do. II waψ gonna be more ψpecIIfIIc but lol, true.

wickedpainter :o?

pleapseletmequiirkriight He knowψ more than II do about game and fate bullψhIIt.

wickedpainter was wonderin about the be more specific thing

pleapseletmequiirkriight Yeah that waψ the more ψpecIIfIIc.

wickedpainter :o! okay

#pesterlogs #pleapseletmequiirkriight #posted OOC

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velvet-tread · 6 years

Text

Unfiltered sweary mess: 507 edition

I had thoughts so I decided to this again. Let’s hope it doesn’t become a habit.

Let’s start with the Bellarke of it all, and the sheer joy of seeing them hustle up a plan together on the fly. AND LISTEN I am not on the #bellamysucksnow train, or the #bellarkeisdead train either and as such fair warning there is squee incoming. It feels like the core of the show has returned to us after s4’s barren years and IT IS GREAT. And honestly? I don’t care that romance isn’t in the air between them RIGHT NOW. I thought I would mind but I don’t. It feels right. It feels true to Bellamy, and it feels true to Clarke, and it feels exactly like the vibe I’d expect and want between two characters who love and respect each other and their choices, who have been apart for so long and need to reconnect. Let’s do right by Clarke and Bellamy, yeah? We’ve waited for 4 seasons (the last of which gave us sweet fa) we can wait a little longer.

And seriously, even if it turns out they are just beautiful co-leaders with a lot of professional respect for each other (yeah RIGHT) they could never, ever kill that relationship for me as long as they are in scenes together like this. I don’t care if they don’t bang (call me out on my lies someone), but the concurrent Bellarke scenes in the dining hall, and the triffid room, and then on Echo-watch just gave me so many OTP vibes. Bellarke are at their most effective when they’re together, even better when they have the support of their genius friends. And we got a return of the Bellarke dry-as comedy double act WTF @the100writersroom are you trying to be good at your jobs or something.

Top bantz, as we’d say in Essex.

Too bad the Bellarke unity ain’t gonna last, but thankfully, Bellarke are just as awesome when they are just…very angry and exasperated with each other ok, but DON’T HURT YOUR PRECIOUS SELF I MAY BE FURIOUS BUT WHEN DID YOU LAST SLEEP AND DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO EAT

Great to have Monty back in the frame cutting through everyone’s bullshit. I thought he’d been relegated to a bit part this season. Oh ye of little faith. Does anyone realise that Monty is the biological weapon earth forgot? Put that angry face in a room with Octavia and see how long it takes for her to crack and wither from Monty’s externalised disappointment with everyone and everything.

Bellamy burning Octavia ow ow ow. I’ve already spoken about this at some length but damn that hurt. And it was deserved, but still spoke to the depth of his contempt for Blodreina.

Which brings me to…BELLARKE V BLODREINA: GRUDGE MATCH

And man, was this grudge match some time coming. To make sure the audience was VERY CLEAR on EVERYONE’S MORAL STANDING, the show helpfully prepped us with some little reminders that Bellamy helped commit a massacre, and Clarke did a load of horrible human testing in Becca’s lab last season. Thanks show.

So, all armed and loaded, the mud slinging began, and boy was it awesome. First of all Bellarke takes Octavia to task about the worms and TURNS OUT OCTAVIA DIDN’T KNOW which get a grip on power here Octavia because it’s slipping from your grasp faster than you can say Wonkru Barbecue (shoutout to @mego42 – your time is coming). But Miller obviously watched the earlier part of the show and recapped for Octavia just in time because she’s ready for that shit and fires everyone’s dark past back at them. Cue: Bellamy’s best frowny face and Eliza Taylor’s saddest, most regretful Clarke eyes.

Bellarke disarmed and cowed (for now) live to fight another war they don’t want to fight.

But Octavia’s grudge match continues in her office when Indra enters with the intention of being reasonable, which is exactly the kind of shit Blodreina has warned her about before so help her god.

Indra is, obviously, the Queen of Everything and My Heart and delivers some bitchass Truths as Indra is wont to do and Octavia rewards her by throwing what my mind remembers as a skull but was probably a paperweight because why would Octavia have a skull in her office *nervous laughter*

Indra leaves, still Queen of Everything and My Heart, but not before delivering a portentous warning about losing yourself in the dark, which obviously Octavia is not going to listen to because DAUGHTERS, MAN.

Talking of daughters, Madi trying to suck at training was the most adorbs thing I’ve seen in a long time, guys and I am subscribed to a LOT of cat blogs. And man I felt for her. Sucking at anything sucks, and sucking on PURPOSE is just the height of unfair. And she’s in a new school! And the other kids are mean! And maybe they eat people!

Serious question though: from whence did Madi learn her swordswomanship? Clarke? Helios? Roan? (too soon?).

But don’t blame Clarke, Madi! Clarke’s Madi feels are pretty much on a par with mine which means she wants to cry every time she looks at her earnest little face AND CLARKE I FEEL THAT SO HARD YOUR BABY IS ADORABADASS. Which also means MAMA MODE ACTIVATED when Vodka Aunt Octavia starts messing up that precious braid she put in Madi’s hair earlier.

Hey Vodka Aunt, you don’t just get to come in here and make executive choices about Madi’s career, especially given your past efforts at parenting *looks at Ethan*

Oh, oh, oh and WE GOT A RETURN OF THE MUSICAL INTERLUDE! It was like Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Early Seasons feels all over again. But I gotta say Jason, fresh from the Sense8 finale my musical interlude expectations are higher these days and I was a bit disappointed there wasn’t a dance off. Perhaps an orgy or an endgame B/C/E triad instead? *Wanheda jaw clench*

But anyway that whole sequence of Clarke sending Madi off to her first day of training sent me in to a spiral of sadness that lasted for a lot of minutes I wasn’t counting. It was very sad and I am sad about it. Poor Clarke. Just as well Octavia helped her remember she’s motherfucking Wanheda.

MY GIRL ECHO MY GIRLING UP THE HOUSE.

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate what a babe Echo kom Spacekru nee Azgeda is. First of all: EVIDENCE OF SPACE GIRL SQUAD and I am all here for that. Second of all Echo is officially the first person on the show to get one over of Colonel Charmaine Diyoza SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING SHOT.

And listen up everyone who bashes at their keyboards dribbling with rage about the things other women like on television: I love ladies with swords and if you want an apology for that you’ll have to prise it out of my cold dead body. But can we just take a (second) moment to appreciate that for all of Echo’s badass sword skills, she is Clarke Griffining up this joint like a motherfucker. Echo is as Slytherin as Clarke and as sneaky as Clarke and as smart as Clarke and that manoeuvre she executed with Zeke and Raven was 100% a Clarke Griffin move, don’t @ me.

It’s almost like….they’re similar….on purpose….

Shout out to all the smart, insecure girls who aren’t sure if they belong. Learn to swordfight, use your brain, and get yourself a girl squad and a soft space dad boyfriend.

Sidebar: Clarke’s faith that Echo would take the eye down and her admiration when she does will keep me in Clecho feels for months.

But friends…I am the most fervent of Echo stans and Becho shippers and I am AFEARED. She is very much circling the abyss here and it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I believe Raven will forgive her (FOR WHAT CAN SOMEONE PLS ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT RAVEN IS SO PISSED ABOUT??) and I believe the rest of Spacekru will 100% understand what she did because it was presented to us as an understandable choice. But but but… what’s next? Diyoza ain’t gonna take the turn the other cheek approach to learning that Echo took down her eye in the sky. What if her next move is to make *Echo* her eyes in exchange for safe passage for Spacekru?

*sweats forever*

That seems like a Diyoza move. And like…where would that leave Echo with Bellamy? Her choice would be: tell him and risk the whole mission and/or turn him into a lying liar to his sister too, or not tell him and risk their entire relationship and hurt him very badly. I think I know which one my loyal girl would choose and how that would end.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

*ugly crying*

I’m not ready.

Okay it’s time for a Raven rant. What the hell is going on with Raven this season? Raven has had some beautifully executed arcs in the past, and I am high key here for her to finally get some NC-17 action now she’s done all that Work On Herself, but if Raven’s arc in s5 amounts to RAVEN DIDN’T GET BONED FOR 6 YEARS AND NOW SHE’S GETTING BONED then Imma flip a table.

Sidebar#2 obviously Raven got boned on the Ring, it’s not like they would have had a space orgy without her, come ON.

And just… I’m sorry I don’t get the Zaven. When they released the s5 pics I thought WOWZA these two are gonna be gr9 together and LOOK HE’S A SPACE EXPLORER. How could this possibly go wrong? But somehow, they’ve managed to introduce a character who, on his own, is 10x as compelling as Wick, but has about -100% of the chemistry with Raven. Which is???? Some kind of alchemy??? how has that happened? I love Zeke! I love Raven!!! They’re both MAGNETIC on screen. On paper they should be a perfect fit but it’s like whenever they’re in the same scene together I have the sudden urge to check my emails.

And someone, please, just tell me what work Zaven is doing for either of these characters. What’s Raven’s conflict? How does Zeke resolve it? Is it *literally* Raven being presented with a hot dude with a similar skill set? Sorry I’m out.

And before anyone comes at me with the usual packet of whining about how Echo has stolen all of Raven’s screentime, I’d beg you all to remember that there is no law saying that one woman’s time on tv has to be at the expense of another and this is a GIANT SEXIST TRAP DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Talking of out, Kabby is also circling the drain and [averts eyes from discourse].

But I’m calling Diyoza’s ship name, and if she bangs Kane I hereby pronounce it TEQUILA [whatever Kane’s ship name is, someone hmu].

OK I need to talk about Gaia now before I get shot down by a thunderbolt. The girl creeps me tf out but I SOMEHOW LOVE HER NOW. This is new and unnerving because feverish religious types are not usually my jam ESPECIALLY if they present Clarke’s daughter with a creepy sacred flash drive that they want to insert in her neck, but somehow Tati Gabrielle nails that line, even if my reaction seeing the Flame was exactly the same as my reaction to seeing the worms.

But I believe Gaia’s intentions, while creepy, are pure. And WHO PICKED UP on how fluid her loyalty is? She will serve Blodreina faithfully as long as she reigns. Huh.

In other news McCreary, and more importantly McCreary’s undercut, were absent from this episode I hope they are both enjoying Memori’s couples counselling retreat. I look forward to seeing his glazed expression next week as I cry my Becho tears.

#rach reviews #507 #usm #is the tag #the100 #bellarke #clarke griffin #becho #bellamy blake #octavia blake #echo kom azgeda #raven reyes #morning reblog

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thelegendofclarke · 6 years

Note

u might as well just say that u think jon is using her. saying no would be really easy but u wont do it, so u obviously think he is. ur entitled to ur opinion u can just say it.

OH MY LORD…

a) “Because you aren’t saying no means you are saying yes” is not how it works. For sooo many things in life. That would be a good thing to just ponder and appreciate. Don’t be weird, don’t make it weird.

b) I told you, multiple times, that I wasn’t comfortable answering the question publicly! I didn’t want to say ‘no’, or give any kind of definitive answer tbh, and have some little gremlin come after me with “Receipts™” about something different I said 6 months ago at 12:42 pm when I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. And I DEFINITELY didn’t want to say anything even slightly resembling ‘yes’ and get blocked by 25 people and be called repellant, or dumb, or misogynistic, or a jonsalocker, or an anti, or a freaking rape. apologist., or told to just go ship Sansa with LF, or whatever it is this week and get generally condescended as people on this site seem to be real fond of doing… As LOVELY as that all is, I’m gonna have to say hard pass. I’m cranky af and I’m tried of it.

But heeeyyy, you know what?! F I N E…

First of all, I think you are severely oversimplifying the issue and making it kind of ridiculously moralized and black and white when it’s not: you are implying that any motivation Jon may have that is not completely, 100% pure must therefore be malicious and ill intended. That’s not true at all… The entire point of forming political and personal alliances is for the accumulation and consolidation of assets, that’s how it has always worked. People entering into a generally (although sometimes uneven in terms of power) mutually beneficial relationship because each party has something the other wants or needs. Are we r e a l l y going to make every alliance that’s not made with intentions that aren’t 100% pure out to be something terribledirtybadwrong?? Because, like, that’s literally every alliance in the series ever! And also that sounds boring af and I would like to go on record with my formal objection to that bullshit right now.

Secondly, yeah I do think a big part of the reason Jon bent the knee is because he knows that they need the dragons, especially now that he knows there is a serious possibility the NK has a dragon himself. But no, I️ don’t think he did so with any malice aforethought or with the intent of “~just using her for her dragons~”. Those two things are not mutually exclusive at all, and I don’t see why they have to be, or are being made to be; and tbh it seems kind of, idk, narrow minded I guess? Or at least every overly simplified. I’m honestly not sure why anyone is so ~shocked and appalled~ about other people thinking this, and honestly the intense, black and white, moralistic, collective outrage has been such a downright weird thing to experience. That’s how alliances have literally ALWAYS worked, this really isn’t new or revolutionary in the slightest. It’s why Sansa allied with LF, she needed the Vale army. It’s why Daenerys allied with the Greyjoys, she needed their fleets. And it goes even further back to pre-series: it’s why the Targaryens almost always had to form an alliance with Dorne through marriage. Dorne was an incredibly powerful entity, both in terms of resources and military power, and they never bent the knee to the Iron Throne. The Targaryens had to find a way to ally themselves with Dorne, who ended up being their most powerful ally, in order to utilize their resources. It’s also why the Starks and Robert Baratheon allied with the Lannisters in order to help defeat the Targaryens in Robert’s Rebellion (even though they probably had little to no desire to), because they knew they couldn’t defeat the Targaryen forces without the Lannister’s amry and funding behind them. I’m not sure why this particular alliance ~is and must be different and if you don’t think it is you are going to hell!~ that doesn’t make any sense to me.

In this case, Daenerys has always wanted something from Jon, and Jon wanted something from her. Daenerys has always demanded that Jon give up his crown, throne, and kingdom because she believes she deserves to be in power over others more than him, or anyone else for that matter. Jon has always wanted dragon glass and for Daenerys to help him fight against the NK, that was his motivation for going to Dragonstone from literally DAY ONE when he left. Daenerys is not getting fucked over and ditched on the side of the road with nothing but a corn chip and some tic tacs here. She is not walking out of this situation with nothing and acting like she is is just a clear outright misrepresentation of the situation. Jon gave up his title, his kingdom, and control of his ancestral home, and the freedom of the North from outside influences which he and his people fought for, to her. And that is all on top of what she ALREADY HAS at her disposal: and entire hoard of Dothraki warriors, a army of Unsullied soldiers who have straight up pledged to die for her, and two grown ass dragons who can, quite literally, disintegrate a whole goddamn army of hundreds and all their resources and supplies in about 7 minutes (give or take)… I think she’s going to be just fine.

And finally, to be perfectly honest, I will bet you all my student loan debt that this alliance IS going to cause problems. It’s either going to cause problems between Daenerys and Jon or it’s going to cut Jon off from his entire family, those are basically the two options here. Nothing on GoT ever “just works out.” Robb seems to be gaining some ground in the WotFK, and then he gets murdered along with his wife and mother, by his own gd banner men at a wedding. Sansa finally got away from King’s Landing and being a Lannister hostage, and was put into an even more abusive situation in her own home. It seems like Cersei had finally met her match, and then she blew up the damn Grand Sept. It appears like the Dragonstone gang can’t be beat, and then Euron attacks and takes over their ships and the Lannisters take over High Garden and kill Olenna. We thought the dragons were the key to beating the Night’s King, and then Viserion gets shot out of the damn sky. Just when we thought it couldn’t possibly get any dumber than the Dorne Plot, there is a Wight Hunt with a literal FLAMING BEAR… Nothing ever just works out!

This has n o t h i n g to do with shipping, I am so damn tired of that and it’s such a weak, transparent argument. No, this has to do with the fact that Jon broke promises and betrayed obligations to his family and his people, the people who fought for him and made him king. You don’t want to think Jon would betray Daenerys? That’s cool; like you said, you’re more than entitled to that. Me personally? I don’t want to believe Jon would betray his family and his people and everyone who believed in him and trusted him to do what was best for them and made him their king. Your fave got what she wanted, and she got it at the expense of other characters and story lines that some other fans and viewers find important. Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean no one does… So good lord just go celebrate and leave the rest of us to be salty in peace! I’m tired af of getting told I’m a terrible person for the story lines and characters I care about. It’s annoying and exhausting and I’m kinda done with it.

#GET OFF MY LAWN!#i am cranky and fed up and just SO. DONE.#normally i would apologize for taking so long #but i'm not really that sorry tbh #also stop messaging me about this on anon #i said i would talk to you about it but not on anon #i don't really want to anymore at all tbh but please stop #asoiaf for ts #got for ts #wank for ts #fandom wank #alys answers #long post #anonymous

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onemanzerosquad · 5 years

Text

New York Blackbeard Diary Recap Pt.2

Day 6...... I woke up and got ready for work. While waiting for the bus, some guy was sitting inthe middle of the street having cars pass him and finally a non-scumbag driver decided to stop and ask the guy what's his deal. Pretty much he was tripping off of acid and wanted to kill himself. Next thing, like double digit number of cops surrounding and walked him to the corner away from cars. Could of been a Watching Wanda but I got on the bus. Pretty much worked for 12 hours and was amazed that my body limitations didn't reach to the short maximum. It was my first full week of work and it was cool. But full offside problems which I wont get into so much cause the day is over. My Sunday will be full fixing the issue but it's all good because I hate doing nothing anyway.

Day 7........Woke up from a power sleep that was needed from a long work day. Started off the day helping out an ex only to find out she was dealing with something that I saw as a lack of respect of herself which led me to a disappointment on her for her actions considering the fact that she wanted me back but I decline the offer. After that situation, I put myself in thinking mode contemplating on love because at this point, I starting to lose a lot of interest in it. Maybe it's me or I just pick the wrong woman to love and be with. Moving on, I washed my clothes and took care of an issue dealing with my bank account which will be fully fixed by Tuesday. After, I spent the day just focusing on love and where it stands because I'm leading towards calling it quits. While in thinking mode, I got a message on Instagram of a business opportunity of investing which I'm gonna to decline due to lack of knowledge on investing and doing business over the phone and social media is too uncomfortable. In meantime, I'm gonna look over what was discuss in that chat. Tomorrow I start my new workout and finally look more into this book I recently purchase titled......The Filter Bubble.

Day 8.......Woke up and decline the business offer which was calm then instead of hitting the gym, I went back to sleep.Woke up back and forth with moments. Woke up ate lunch from the shelter and talk to a friend and updated my health. Surprisely, I didn't use the cane all day. Went back to sleep but this time it was power nap and ate dinner and seen mold on a bread like wtf Being in the shelter has given me realization of reality to the point that I fully understand why people sleep on the streets and dont want to go to the shelter. After I leave the shelter, there will definitely change of things. I'm ending this day reading Rich Dad Poor Dad and The Filter Bubble. Tomorrow is a new day.

Day 9......Woke up with a headache from a dream. In my dream was me in hospital pretty much dying seeing people that that currently had in my life. I was dying of cancer apparently. With that scene came with moments of my past. Then I woke up and started crying thinking to myself what the f**k. I wipe the tears from my eyes and took a shower and got ready. Pretty much left me paranoid everytime someone sat next to me smoking a cigarette. Went to library and used the computer to contact my neurologist to fill this form from in regards to my restrictions of my body. Looking over the form later that day, I realize this form will come from honesty and being realistic with myself since I have to finally accept the fact that my body has limitations. This led to me thinking about 2013 til now and......I been through a lot of shit and pretty much everything is gone. So what now. First this horrible dream and this realization that I did everything to make things right. I might as well let it all out. I'm sharing my life from then to now and not holding anything back. I may lose respect and friends but I feel it's time to let it out and finally leave the past the past and accept the outcome......There's no point of hiding my thoughts anymore. Everything is basically gone.

Day 10........Woke up. Night before was kinda unfortunate watching a guy taken by the ambulance. My only assumption would be a drug related incident. I skipped gym today to work on this restriction form. First was first, a mail pick up. Had to fill out forms and make calls. My restrictions form was pretty much done. It was answered with honesty and from a realistic mindset. It goes back to what ex told me like a week ago....... My body has more limitations than anyone else and that I need to know when to slow down. It was unfortunately the true. I just needed to accept it and I did.

As I expressed on the last post, I will share my life from then to now. I would share from birth to now but 2011 started this Fall to Rise to Fall so here we go........

Summer 2011 was an end of something that I took very hard. My 2 year relationship with my first love finally end. I'll admit this publicly, as much as both sides had fault to it, I fucked that up mostly. I was insecure, lazy, had no ambition, anger problems and just verbally abusive. I provoked her at times. She try to make it up to me all the but I didnt give her the time of the day. I would apologize all the time and promise not to bullshit her then went back on my bullshit. The affections faded away and the assurance of being the protector wasn't wanted any longer. She finally had the courage to be strong and leave. I'm sure it wasn't easy. As I look back at it, she did the right thing. I'm sure she's happy now and at this point that's all I want for her. Anyway, the summer was kind of depressing and after the bullshit of being in the pystactric emergency room, to the shelter, back to the pystactric emergency room, then to a friends home, to The Bronx, I decided to finally go back home stay. Instead of not eating and doing nothing, I started working out and doing backyard wrestling a lot more than I should. Most of the year I was in the BWA (beach) but after the breakup, I went back to the stomping grounds DIW (and IKW) which was a place comfort to be honest. No disrespect but I couldn't trust most of guys at BWA (beach) since the break up. Well only the white boys I trusted lol. Felt like I was being hurt physically by some intentionally. I remember getting a call from my boy that left New York and apparently alot was being said about me but no one never confronted me about it which was some bitch shit to me cause there's three sides to a story and no one nevered talked to me about what was being said about me that year. So being at BWA (beach), it was uncomfortable cause now I know that something was said about me to some and those who read this know who you are. I didnt even trust my tag partner especially that one day when he just randomly basically admit that he had a thing for my ex. Like when he said that, the thought in my head was that if I had a gun, I would shoot him with hopes that he would die like. Is this nigga serious? Like she just left me and you got the nerve to say that shit. Fucking fat piece of shit get no pussy motherfucka.....Felt to be on some murder shit when he said that lol. Still wrestled in BWA (beach) but felt more comfortable in DIW. I knew my guys over there had my back no matter what and it was a family thing and they knew me more. As months went by, backyard wrestling became like a career/lifestyle. I would wrestle in BWA (bronx) during the week, DIW and IKW on Saturdays, then BWA (beach) on Sundays. The only thing that kept me going to BWA (beach) was my storyline with the Axis Of Choas. That match with Pitch Black was top favorite match. It brought me back to the real backyard wrestling days (IBW) During that year, I got involve in social media a lot trying to find love. Still insecure and in denial, I got into long distance relationships but one became something special to me and it started on New Years Eves.

Love is Love

Jikai.......One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2012 The Love Gamble But 2......

Mad King Recharging Arc

#sheltersystem #shelter #newyorkminute #daytodayopertions #stories

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heartslogos · 7 years

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newfragile yellows [61]

Vivienne calmly enters the address Lavellan quietly handed to her into her GPS, sitting back into her seat as her car calculates the quickest route. Lavellan quietly stares out the passenger window.

“May I ask,” Vivienne says as she reverses out of her parking space, “Why you came to me with such an important issue?”

Lavellan sniffs, eyes red, but otherwise composed. “You’re the only one I could trust not to tell anyone else right away.”

“I’m no expert on pregnancy, darling,” Vivienne chides her.

“But you’ve spent almost your entire life at a militarized boarding school,” Lavellan points out, “I get the feeling that you’re much more experienced in matters like this. Women with pregnancy problems that they want to be kept secret.”

Vivienne can’t help but smile a little, “You aren’t wrong, my dear.”

Lavellan gently cups the swell of her belly, soft and only just obvious under her red dress.

“It was just so much blood,” Lavellan whispers, “And I remember reading that sometimes that happens and it doesn’t always mean something terrible for the baby or anything. And spotting happens, too - but it wasn’t spotting, I know it wasn’t. But what if it was something normal? What if it wasn’t that big of a deal? I don’t - I don’t want Dorian and Bull to get scared.”

“And I won’t?”

“You don’t get the kind of scared most people get, Vivienne.”

“Flatterer,” Vivienne muses, calmly speeding up as she gets onto the freeway, “When we get there, you should tell them.”

“After I see a doctor,” Lavellan says, “After they tell me what exactly is going on.”

Vivienne glances over to Lavellan’s face, “Did you tell anyone?”

“I texted my brother,” Lavellan says, face turned out the passenger window, hand rising to wipe at her face.

“Lavellan, your brother has limited access to communication. He wont get that message until possibly weeks later.”

Lavellan shrugs.

Viviene sighs, “Tell Herah, at the very least. Herah has the common sense to know what to do and she’ll know exactly when to tell Pavus and the Iron Bull.”

“Alright,” Lavellan says softly, “Alright.”

“You two are the only people I know,” Dorian says as Lavellan comes back to the living room, “That answer the door without even checking. Even Cassandra checks.”

“Realistically though,” Bull says, eying the stove as Kaaras sets the table, “What kind of idiot is going to walk up to our door and when we open it, see us, and decide - yeah, we’ll still try pulling some bullshit here? Who or what could we possibly open that door to that we can’t handle?”

“It’s not even about that, Kaaras back me up on this.”

“In one sense they’re right,” Kaaras says, turning a plate just so that it matches the others, “But in another sense - just check the window.”

“Why? We usually know who it is, in this case it was our delivery of pizza which will complement our soup and salad. Ah, pizza, the one thing I haven’t mastered yet. Someday,” Lavellan sighs fondly, handing the boxes over to Kaaras and going back to mind the soup. “I don’t need to check the window. I just have to open the door and if it’s someone who wants to start nonsense then all I have to do is punch them really hard like Grim taught me.”

“She does punch really hard,” Kaaras concedes.

“What is it about you lot grown in the South that makes you completely nonsensical?” Dorian asks. “Don’t you dare say rustic charm.”

“Country folk manner,” Bull says, pouring glasses of water - no wine since Lavellan is pregnant and they’re all going to make a good showing of solidarity for her.

“Ugh,” Dorian wrinkles his nose, “I’m surrounded in country bumpkins.”

Dorian gets a text that reads, only “Answer your phone in two minutes.” It comes from an unknown number.

And as a common, modern person of reasonable sense, this would seem alarming. Indeed, truly, as someone of any sort of sense, this would be, at the very least, suspicious. Fishy. Strange. Peculiar. Odd. Off.

But Dorian is also an informal - now that he holds power in Tevinter, he had to resign his official post at the Inquisition - Inquisition member.

He’s used to unknown numbers sending him peculiar messages at all hours of the day.

So while he is apprehensive - he fires off a quick series of texts to Evelyn, Lavellan, Vivienne, and Cassandra, just in case. At least one of them would investigate if he suddenly disappeared. Vivienne would probably let it be but she would come and continue his research as one of the few people he half-way trusts to do some sort of decent job at it. - he does pick up his phone when it rings exactly two minutes later.

“Hello?”

“You’ve gotten my sister pregnant.”

Dorian throws his phone across the room - damn the repair costs - and runs.

As he’s out the door, he stops to very quickly dial Lavellan’s number on the office phone - “You told your brother? Did you want this baby to be down one father before it’s even born? How could you! I’m fleeing the country!”

He hangs the phone up and pulls out the chord and is out of his offices within minutes. He actually flies down the stairs, almost jumping down them four and five at a time. He’s out of the building and into his car in minutes.

It would be impressive if he weren’t already calculating the quickest coordinates to an airport and how fast he could get on a plane to Skyhold.

Evelyn would protect him from her best friend. He knows it. After all, she doesn’t want Mahanon to go to prison. Or whatever it is they’d pretend to say they’d do to him for assassinating Dorian.

Dorian doesn’t quite scream when something buzzes in his glove compartment.

He opens the glove compartment and finds a cell phone buzzing and ringing inside.

Dorian answers it like the cornered fool that he is.

“The next time you hang up on me,” Mahanon’s deadpan voice pierces straight through Dorian’s lungs, “I will hang you.”

“I should have stolen someone else’s car,” Dorian says.

“You should have,” Mahanon agrees, “But no one ever accused you of thinking ahead. Put the car in park. Turn it off and put your keys in your cupholder. I’ll hear it.”

Dorian does as he’s told because one Lavellan’s killed him with kindness and the other is just ready to kill him period.

“You’ve gotten my sister pregnant,” Mahanon repeats, leaving a significant pause that Dorian is almost afraid to break.

“Yes?”

Mahanon grunts on the other end, “She assures me that this was her idea.”

“Definitely yes.”

Mahanon is quiet - Dorian can’t even hear him breathe. This assumes that he does breathe, though - so -

“You will make a good parent,” Mahanon says. “Ellana has always been fond of children. When we were younger she would worry about not having them because of her distinct lack of sexual orientation. At the time, you understand, adoption was out of the question for single elves. And later, because the Iron Bull did not want to have any children of his blood. But now there is you and this child. This makes her happy.”

Dorian’s jaw is hanging open and if anyone were to pass by now and take a picture he’d look like the complete uncouth idiot all the tabloids here in Tevinter say he is.

“Children are hard,” Mahanon continues, “I will most likely not be back in time for the birth. Or the first few months. I do not doubt that you will be there to help - or that any of our friends - “

Mahanon says the word friends like most people say the words genital warts.

“ - will also rise to the occasion. But I am warning you. It will be hard. Harder than you could ever imagine. You will be stressed. You will think that you aren’t doing it right. You will think you’ve made irrevocable mistakes. Don’t leave. Don’t give up.”

“Are you encouraging me?”

“Tell my sister that she isn’t supposed to know where I am and to stop sending care packages. Evelyn needs to tighten her security. Again.”

Mahanon hangs up immediately.

Dorian stares at the phone.

“I’ve died,” Dorian concludes. “I have died. This is what the other side is.”

#heartsfic #gather your party and venture forth

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years

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“he can read a trial’s karma and ultimate fate”

ok well now you’re going from poorly thought out mind games to absolute bullshit

what the fuck does that even mean??? what karma does a trial have?? with my understanding of karma, that means Sadmad literally goes “hm i feel like letting this kid off would please the universe, as she’s innocent. fuck, you win apollo.”

'What is THAT supposed to mean?’ -Apollo Justice 2028

I'm wheezing the second i got mad he said exactly what I'm thinking

“he can foresee how arguments will go and lead his opposition”

>leading the court is i l l e g a l

>foreseeing arguments is kind of what every prosecutor does only they set traps. this one actually just sounds like Edgeworth’s logic applied to future tense instead of past so i guess i’ll give it a grudging pass.

>but thats Edgeworth’s power and also LEADING THE COURT IS FUCKING ILLEGAL, NOT A SUPER POWER.

me: [fuming]

game: [reminds me that phoenix Believes In Apollo]

me: [relaxes SOMEwhat]

trucy: sounds like he's chanting a prayer

me: its funny because juxtaposition

I’m so fucking tired of Prosecutors being silent when the judge asks them if theyre ready

like jesus christ guys i know, we get it; youre too cool for school. just nod or some shit ok i wanna get on with my court case with a minimum of dick measuring

whats frustrating is that the nickname ‘last rights prosecutor’ is actually kind of heartwarming because it means that all Nahyuta wants to do is secure the true villain of the case to punish them, thereby putting the victim’s soul at rest

BUT considering the trainwreck of emotional depth that was DD he’s probably just going to be another shithead who assaults you and calls you a moron instead of actually listening

...his case info’s on a scroll. um. how delightfully foreign?

sadmad: why do you think she's innocent

apollo: um well i believe in her, also its too early for me to exactly give you direct proof and also and most importantly the point of this court is to give the defendant a Fair Trial so

sadmad: (does a Z move and performs an unfortunate bout of Voice Acting)

sadmad: sorry I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes since i’m new here and my court system is really different

me: oh well he’s understanding and ready to learn, that’s coo

sadmad: lawyers are sinners and i shall cut them down with my holy wrath if they dare so much as do their job in this country

me: ...wow what was that five seconds?? he’s raring to get to those mistakes

judge: don’t threaten peoples’ lives

sadmad: its part of my CULTURE you fucking RACIST

judge: shit, please continue

sadmad you'd better get a fucktonne more likeable in the next three seconds or I'm condemning you to your shit hell myself.

ema: no stress no snacks

[enters court]

ema: all stress all snacks

:( poor ema

ema; i think trucy’s innocent

sadmad: you will be punished

ema: fuck ok nevermind I'm sorry

BOATLOAD OF CHARM, SADMAD, I SAID BOATLOAD OF CHARM, NOT ABUSING YOUR DETECTIVE

this motive is stupid and youre stupid but to be fair most proposed motives in ace attorney are stupid so i guess you get a pass. a very grudging pass.

wait no never mind

apollo: thats conjecture wheres your evidence

sadmad: a girl said it happened

apollo: well fuck

i just dont get it. when franziska is a dick she’s funny but when sadmad’s a dick he's just a dick and i want to throttle him with his pretentious braid

pls game you were going strong there; make sadmadhi funny and likeable in his dickishness (like the trilogy era guys, and sometimes Klavier) and not utterly insufferable

I'm willing to hear you out

nahyuta: I'm cutting your pay

[shrug] i guess when you run out of ideas you just recycle edgeworth?? cause he's popular right

as douchey as he is sadmad is right about telling ema not to choose a side. cmon ema, just trust that apollo will figure it out. and apollo, quit begging her to choose a side! sheesh i cant believe I'm agreeing with sadmad.

please sadmad i hate frozen stop referencing it

apollo thinks stag beetles are cool and thats adorable

oh hello Reunion and Turnabout, it’s been a while.

sadmad: Assault in the name of the Holy Mother is Legal and Allowed also allow me to talk AND TALK AND TALK AS IS THIS GAME’S WONT

“youre just a child” says the 25 year old. cram it, airy-fairy. besides, your shit princess is >14< and you let her dance around in a mini skirt and declare rulings. so double cram it.

“Ema, wait! I have to prove that I’m not a dick by quickly praising you so as to prove that I’m not a dick! Wait!! Seriously!! I HAVE TO BE LIKEABLE!!!”

again, i just dont get why its funny when Franziska whips Lotta Hart and annoying as fuck when Sadmad threatens Bonny with, um... rosary bondage i guess

tbf apollo is rly being aggressive on the WELL YOUU DONT THINK SHE DID IT, RIGHT??? i mean we all know she didnt but it’s your job to prove this, apollo, not coerce witnesses into siding with you. even phoenix wasn’t like that when he had to defend Maya or Maggey.

[wheezes]

sadmad: you lied to me

betty: lol so? dump me in hell idgaf

i like betty. she’s a dick to trucy and nobody touches my baby girl but still. love that defiance

both sisters are p sweet i gotta say.

sadmad: so, you think a girl killed a guy so she could get revenge on another girl because she loathed her? how stupid. you stupid red fire hydrant pissed upon by wicked dogs.

apollo: and you think that a magician faced with their secrets being revealed couldn’t, like, conjure up some duct tape? no? had to be death??

sadmad: ...;;;;;;;

did bonny just meep

“just be nice and quite like a good little bunny”

heehee typo

“I’ll yank your fucking hair out!”

“Whatever it’ll just grow back”

thats the best response ive ever heard (sobs)

good on ya polly

“showing up dead in the coffin was part of the prank”

um then if it was planned as such how is trucy responsible for this???

also shit guys i hope Take2 TV was willing to pay for the damage done by the falling set piece cause that shit splintered like crazy.

“But for some reason, he really DID turn up dead, so he kinda just stayed on the ground”

i know its inappropriate to laugh but I'm laughing so hard

sadmad quit calling down someone’s soul just to look cool; theyre trying to rest in peace

“she signed her name to the bottom of an incriminating note” yeah for really reals that sounds smrt

“the handwriting matches yours” ah yeah the signature but not the fucking note just by looking its not the same its typed

you people are such morons

#sulking over SOJ #ooc

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survivorcordillerablanca · 7 years

Text

Episode 12 Confessionals

I try not to be cocky but ... I'm sorry, Jordan trying to vote me and flopping - while using the CHAOS SQUAD gimmick - has to be my favorite move in this whole game. I think I must have fallen asleep at some point and been transported back to Taveuni because this is feeling awfully familiar!!! Caron and Zach going to rocks for me ... honestly, icons. I love them both. I'm sad that Katie had to be sacrificed but I'm glad that the other two survived because I'm going to need them to take down Jordan!! Nothing person, Jordan, but this is not going to be Taveuni 2.0 ... I'm not going to let you comp win your way to the end. Not today, Satan. NOT TODAY!

I can't believe... that worked... I deadass went to Charlotte with information of Luke/Jordan wanting her out, and I knew that the chances of Char believing me were fairly slim since our history in KS. But I figured, and Carson did as well, that J/L/K are a trio, and although a quad with Char, that they are extremely powerful in this game and they have such a good argument to win in the final 2 due to the 7-2 slant of ulta/copa Now I feel like we have a pretty solid 3 of Char/Carson/myself vs Jordan/Luke. I'm going for immunity hard because I know that if J/L win, then they're going to idol the other person, and one of the ulta members will leave. At least in the chance that I (or even Carson/Char) win immunity, it's a 50-50 chance. I think Carson has the least likely chance of being voted by them though, so good for him! Seeing Katie being rocked out thought was sad because I enjoy her and think she's amazing, but was SO FUCKING GREAT! CARSON AND I WERE SO HYPED BECAUSE WE MADE sappy messages being like "it was great meeting you again, i love you and we should be friends once this season's over :(" SINCE IT WAS A 66.7% CHANCE ONE OF US WERE LEAVING AND ALSO, I EXPERIENCED A ROCK DRAW. I can finally die happy. I kind of wish I got rocked out, but nonetheless i'm still grateful to be here. Immunity is live tonight so that's worrying too. Overall, "Operation: Eject Luke" was partially a success since we weakened their strong trio, but there's still a lot of game to play. I haven't even thought about the final two plea yet, but I know that I was the person who got this flip to happen so... i'm on some path, at least.

Last round was WAY too wild. I was so sure we had the numbers to get Charlotte out but it turns out they were playing us, ROCKS WERE DRAWN, and Katie went home which sucks because she was a definite number for Jordan and myself so now we're outnumbered. But being outnumbered is our speciality, we've been outnumbered this entire game. I have the idol in my back pocket and I'm 100% set on using that idol on myself if I don't win the immunity challenge. If Jordan wins immunity, I play it on myself. If I win immunity, I play it on Jordan. If neither of us wins.....sorry Pines, every Copa for himself?

I was going to do a video confessional but honestly I'm too tired. Somehow I seem to have been put in a position where I'm in the middle of two alliances and have to decide what I want to go with. Again. Seriously, I wasn't kidding when I said that I felt like we were back in Taveuni. I spent like 45 minutes on call with Carson and Zach last night trying to figure out what we wanted to do. There's a pretty good chance that Luke has the idol and we're pretty sure that he's not reckless enough to try to play it on Jordan and leave himself exposed. That would be an insane kind of loyalty, right? There's also the possibility that Katie was voted out with it, or that Jordan has it and he's been playing up being 'desperate' and worried this vote ... but that seemed pretty Extra even for him. If he had an idol, he'd just play it and call it a day.. right? I suppose there's the off chance that he could be trying to get both he and Luke through this vote but that just can't happen. I'm sorry, you're C*pa ... you can't seriously expect two of you to make it to Final 4. It's a miracle you've survived as long as you have! I mean .. no. Just no. I'm in this awkward position though because like ... okay, I spent an hour on call (maybe 90 minutes? IDK) with Jordan last night and I do genuinely like him as a person. As extra as he might be. Do I want to support my local Jordan Pines and save him? Eh, that's up for debate... though there's no denying that having him around certainly makes my life more interesting. Good interesting or bad interesting? Again, up for debate. Zach and Carson are the reason why I'm still here. If it weren't for my relationships with them, Jordan might have successfully voted me out and not played the fool with that Chaos Squad bullshit. AGAIN. Turning on them to save the person who tried to vote me out last round? Even if he's promising me he'll cut Luke off at F4 and take me to F3? I'd have to be a moron. I'd have to be the stupidest person on the planet to trust Jordan Pines again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice? Burn, bitch. Burn. So I'm going to talk to Jordan today, and I'm going to consider my options, but the chances of me flopping are slim to none. I think it would be an awful game move and it would tank my jury relationships on the off chance I managed to make it to the F2. Way to go, Jordan. Look what you made me do.

So I know I said last round that it was every Copa for himself and that the idol was being played on me.....well....idk how sure that it is now but I could possibly be playing the idol on Jordan Pines. I know it's crazy and it could completely backfire on me but like.....I'm so nervous about this round. We're trying to convince Charlotte to vote with us but we don't think that she's going to do it so we have to think long and hard about which of us the idol is going to be played on. Eurgh...I hate that Golden Rope.

JORDAN PINES ISNT FUCKING DYING, LUKE IS PLAYING THE IDOL ON ME FUCKIGN FREEDOM. FINAL 4 AND THEN I AM TWO CHALLENGES AWAY FROM HOPEFULLY WINNING OMG AHHHHHHH JORDAN FUCKING PINESIF LUKE GOES TONIGHT, I WILL CRY, LIKE ACTUALLY BREAK DOWN IN TEARS. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THICK AND THIN TOGETHER ADN I DO NOT WANT TO FINISH THIS GAME WITHOUT HIM. in all sincerity i would rather lose to luke in finals than win without him there. He is my rock in this game, and if I survive and he doesn't tonight. I might just cry.

sooo... i used the golden rope to stop jordan from winning immunity?? so charlotte won immunity bc of me, then i get to go to wishing well and get: [10/4/2017 6:52:39 PM] Ryan Palmer: Congratulations! You have earned yourself a task from the well. Once you complete this task to the hosts appeasement you may earn a special reward. This is the Final Five tribal council, it's a big one! And this Reward you can earn is MASSIVE! It can drastically alter the fate of this game. And for a power that big, you need to do something drastic to earn it. You need to Self-Vote at this Tribal Council. As long as you don't submit an official vote this power will be yours. And another temptation, just know that this power can be used whether you are in or out of the game. If you do not complete it you will earn nothing. LIKE... im not gonna self vote out of this game so im not gonna go for it even though i desperately want to. with jordan and luke both able to be voted for, it seems like we're gonna be voting for jordan, assuming luke has the idol and will use it for himself?? i hope that we're able to somehow do something where i wont be idoled out. i reaslly hope im not idoled out bc i just wanna make it past 4th so i can improve my placement this time around. idk if theyre voting me ro zach but honestly... i might be a shitty ally by saying this, but i hope theyre voting zach :/ i dont wanna be idoled out at all and i feel like i might be taking this game a bit more seriously than zach?? idk i dont want either of us to go so ill pray for that outcome instead. i really hope i can survive this tribal

So like ideally I think the vote tonight is going to be 3-2 Jordan/Me or Jordan/Carson. Preferably Carson just because I like my track record of minimal votes, but I doubt that I will be receiving 0 votes tonight. On a similar note, there's chances that I won't even be here tomorrow. Like... my gut tells me Jordan is going to be idolled and i'll be leaving. Going out with a bang, tbh. If I leave tonight, will I be proud? Let's go down memory lane. I will be proud. Despite being inactive due to consecutive immunities, I played during the merge. I came in as a 2nd placer, and potentially am getting fifth with 2 (or 4/5) votes cast against me total. I flipped votes, survived rocks, fucked over jordan pines' immunity (OKAY THAT LAST ONE WAS NOT GOOD I FELT SHITTY AS FUCK), but nonetheless I accomplished a lot or experienced more than the average survivor game. I hope it's in my favour tonight and that I wake up to see the final four. If not, then i'm satisfied with my experience and at least I go out somewhat big (idol, that is. if someone flips ill be disappointed) and on that note, it'd be dumb for C/C to flip because.. say hi to 3rd and 4th!

so apparently jordan/luke are voting zach if theyre telling the truth to charlotte (or if charlottes telling the truth to me, you never know.) im praying + hoping ill be safe and make it to the final 4 to hopefully match or redeem myself from my previous athena placement. ive just come so far i cant lose now idk.ive put so much into this game. jordans WAY more desperate acting than luke so idk if lukell play it on jordan if he has it or whatever ahhhh

You know, Jordan Pines almost convinced me to save him. It's nine minutes until tribal and I'm still not 100% sure I'm doing this. I guess we'll find out, won't we?

#NotAGameForLapdogs

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

Welcome, welcome, welcome. After last weeks very entertaining trainwreck, I gotta say I was pretty fucking pumped to revisit the AYTO cast. Nothing makes these recaps easier to write than failure of other people. Lucky for me, this cast not only fails but also does some straight-up stupid shit in the process. I mean, between Tyler and Carolina these recaps practically write themselves.

Anyways, Im drinking cheap wine and my laptop is charged. Lets begin now.

AFTER BLACKING OUT AND LOSING A SHIT TON OF MONEY

Carolina has produced enough tears to give the town of Flint some clean water. Shes literally moving from one location to the other just fucking sobbing. Joeys pretty upset toonow hes a loveless trashman. Sad!

They are both like kneeling on the floor, praying to sweet baby Jesus that they can overcome this horrible hardship of losing your love of two weeks. Joeys low-key kneeling down to pick up some trash off the ground because you cannot take the man away from his livelihood, goddammit.

Kathryn/Rushboobs is like ARE WE DONE?? to Ozzy and its like, uh, is this a trick question? Oh duh, I forgot shes an education major from FSU. Someone needs to basically fucking spell out how this game works for her.

Ozzy tries to let her down easy and she storms off because how dare he try and focus on the whole object of the game!?

Kam, the girl with the grey/purple hair as my mom calls her (like, mom its a three fucking letter name), is like “OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING CRYING.” I am Kam, Kam is me.

Rushboobs cant help that she has a lot of feelings and the fucking mentality of a 14-year-old.

Tee is like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND WITH A BRAIN.” And when you want an intellectual boyfriend the first place you should go is an MTV reality show. *cough, cough BULLSHIT cough*

Shes into Oswaldo, who is low-key hot but also looks like Austin Ames friend from (the one in the middle). YEAH, I KNOW, IM FUCKING RIGHT.

He is talking about how he wants to be a businessman and watches Animal Planet because knowledge is power. Yeah, I bet watching episodes of is really going to put you ahead in your fuckin career.

Honestly, I cannot hear him saying anything besides diner girl.

THE CHALLENGE

Can I just saylots of slow motion running this season. We get it. You use special effects.

The game involves the casts social media and they have to answer questions based off their profiles. Apparently they all are fucking crazy online too, further solidifying the fact that they will never get jobs in the real world.

Except Joey. Trash collecting doesnt have a lot of requirements to it.

They all are asked the same questions and need to find the answer for their partner in a maze like web that Ryan so cleverly calls the inter-net.

Whenever Ryan says something fucking cheesy that cast cracks up like its the best shit theyve ever heard. I imagine producers are standing behind them with like guns pointed to their backsfucking laugh at Ryans pun or Ill murder your family. Carolina, shed a tear if you need help.

Thats not really a thing, you fucking idiots.

It goes like this:

Question: Biggest turnoff in a guy?

JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who listens, because I listen. ALSO JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who eats food because I eat food.

Joey, be a doll and never speak again. Thanks!

Question: If I won the lotto what would I buy?

NORMAL PEOPLE: A plane ticket anywhere in the world! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would donate to charity! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would pay loans! HAYDEN: ME BUY LARGE TRUCK.

Question: Whats a gross habit you have?

OZZY: Im just here to fuck Carolina, so Im picking the first thing I see *picks wipes boogers on the wall* CAROLINA: Omg he knows me so well!!!

Note to self, never, ever go to Carolinas booger house.

Hayden and Rushboobs get in first, Joey and KARI get second. To make it even more awkward, Ozzy and Carolina get third. Oh, I love this.

Ryan tells them they are all going hiking with monkeys and Ozzy has to act excited, like he doesnt do that every other day.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Michael is like I WAS AN EMT BUT I QUIT BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT? Thats like being like I WAS A VET, BUT ANIMALS, RIGHT? Michael, further implicating himself as unemployable.

Gianna is like, still having a lady boner over Michael and Hayden has developed a city on Friendzone Island where he is now the mayor. Shes like, laying all over him and totally loving the fact that hes more whipped than a girl in BDSM porn.

Carolina is in love with Ozzy faster than President Trump can delete the LGBT Rights page from his website. Quite suddenly, hes the hottest guy in the house and she liked him the whole time she was with Joey. Hmm, sounds like alternative facts.

Shes like “MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE YOU” hes like “mmmm okay, Booger rubber.”

Also, when talking to the camera separately, Carolina seems like the most boring person literally ever. Was she on a sedative? Why do I feel like they put her on this show like, mid-wisdom teeth removal?

Rushboobs is pounding wine, honestly same, while Ozzy and Carolina start making out.

Tyler, this seasons resident fuckboy, is like Shannon is fun and flirty! Which is the way of saying easy! Shannon, you seem nice, but when you speak I want to throw myself in front of a fucking train. Her voice truly sounds like everything annoying in the world just took a massive shit in her vocal chords. Did she do the voice over for Bubbles in ?

Taylor is like “dafuq is this?” And straight-up calls Tyler out. Shes like you didnt even get to know me very calmly and Tyler is like WOAH.

TYLER: YOU ARENT MY GIRLFRIEND TAYLOR: I know, I just wanted to get to know you because you seem cool TYLER: WOW, WHAT A CRAZY BITCH

Rushboobs is talking to Ozzy about how she still cares about him and shell never forget the 14 days they had together on a reality show, where everything is pretty much superficial.

Carolina comes in hot and is like “RUSHBOOBS DOESNT KNOW IF IM GOOD FOR OZZY OR NOT! not even understanding that they arent talking about her.

Joey comes in to defend Rushboobs and mostly just shit talk Carolina. Joey starts yelling at Carolina about how she juggles guys and shes crazy and all this other bullshit. Joey, pull your tampon out and quit being a little baby about this. Move the fuck on. Youre a single trashmanyour life can only go up from here!

Joeys like “WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FIRST CLASS FLIGHT HOME WITH OZZY!!!!” And its like, ooooohhh good one, bro, and Ozzys like uh, Im from here. Ozzys mom will be picking him up after the show, thanks for the concern though.

Shannon is talking to Tyler and I swear I have heard more interesting shit come out of a Baby Born doll. Why do you sound like you survive on a diet of rainbows and helium? Whatever, they annoy me. Moving on.

THE DATE WITH ALL THE LITTLE BIRDIES AND THE MONKEYS

They go to play with the monkeys and Carolina is like we took food out and the animals attacked us. Wow, groundbreaking.

She and Ozzy start making out and its like, could you just chill for a second? There are fucking animals eating corn off your head.

Joey starts complaining to KARI about Carolina and shes like I think you still like her. KARIs in med school man, dont fuck with her. Also, she can literally see into your mind with those big-ass eyes of hers.

Hes like “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IM OVER IT! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED THAT I AM SO OVER THAT HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, CRAZY BITCH CAROLINA.” The trashman doth protest too much.

KARI leaves because she doesnt need this bullshit. She can fucking read minds and save people. Time to move the fuck on.

Am I watching ? Because I swore I just heard Joey say can I steal her for a minute? Joey, do not fucking try to hybrid my reality shows rn!

He pulls Carolina aside and is like KARI WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Uh, wait what? Carolina starts yelling and this is just a goddam mess. Honestly, the sexual tensionyou could cut it with a knife.

Ozzy goes to save Carolina before she starts rubbing boogers all over Joeys face.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Carolina and Ozzy are in the Truth Booth, thank god. Put me out of my fucking misery.

But wait, Ryan offers a deal where they dont send Ozzy and Carolina and they take $150,000 bucks instead. But if they take the money, they can never send those two in the truth booth again. Damn Ryan, back at it again with the shitty trades.

The house is divided with Kam being like CAROLINA IS CRAZY TAKE THE MONEY and everyone else being like hmmm idk.

Ryan asks Derrick, who is like the unofficial spokesperson of the house, what their plan is and they decide to not take the truth booth trade. Damn, Ive heard stupider shit come out of Kellyanne Conways mouth.

And lookie here, NO MATCH.

Moral of the story: Listen to Kam. Listen to me. Never make a decision on your own. Bye!

Carolina is crying again. Someone put a Brita filter under this bitch.

Rushboobs is like wow this is so sad *smiles* *dances* *throws flowers around the room* *throws party*

Joey and Rushboobs bond over alcohol and their hatred of Carolina and start flirting. This is how it goes, I shit you not:

RUSHBOOBS: Stop! JOEY: No, you stop *leans in closer* RUSHBOOBS: No, you stop *leans in closer* ME: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN STOP.

Ive seen better flirting skills from a fucking third grader. Where did you learn to communicate with the opposite sex, Rushboobsyour students? Joey, I dont even want to know how your livelihood has affected your lovelife.

Tee is like “I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCK OSWALDO,” and its like, wow okay. Shoutout to her parents. But also, do you girl #womensmarch

KARI and Tyler start talking. Tylers playing the role of the victim like I cant help that every girl wants to bone me! wow, life must be so hard for you. How do you even get up in the morning?

Tyler is hot though, dammit. Always the pretty ones. KARI ends up straddling him and they go to bed together. Well. Okay then.

Meanwhile, Kam and Eddie are hanging out and giving me couple goals. If they arent a match Im fucking throwing hands.

MTV: Kam and Eddie, you are not a couple ME: CASH ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOW DAH

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

The girls pick tonight so hopefully it wont be too much of a shit show.

Rushboobs picks Joey, a trashy match made in heaven.

Tee picks Osvaldo, the knowledgeable son of a bitch. I imagine he is just whispering animal facts into her ear all night.

Hannah picks Derrick/Kellyanne.

Casandra and Jaylen. Yawn.

Kam and Eddie, because duh.

Shannon picks Tyler. Yuck. Ryans like Tyler, hows it going? And Tylers like “I GOT TO KNOW KARI INTIMATELY!” Okay. Not the question but whatever. So classy. Goddam, I want to kiss your face but also hit it with shovel???

Hes like I was sauced and tries to act like it was a drunken thing. Very cool of him. And STOP USING THE TERM SAUCED. Like I literally just picture you rolling around in marinara.

KARIs like fuck it, yeah I gave him a handjob. Wow, okay MTV youre really doin the damn thing. Honestly, who hasnt given a regretful handjob?

Taylor is crying because shes like wait you never even spoke to me! Everyone, including me, feels bad for Taylor because like, Tylers fucking gross.

Tyler: The funny thing about a conversation is give me a handjob.

Tylers like I guess Im the bad guy and its like, hmmm, what gave it away? I shall play you the worlds smallest violin. Can you hear it?

Carolina picks Hayden and Giannas like “WTF NO.”

Gianna picks Ozzy and Ozzy literally looks like he wants to kill himself. Relatable.

Alicia picks Mike. Cool story.

Taylor comes up and crying and Ryans like how do you feel? Uh how do you think she fucking feels? Is the crying not a clue? Shes like I feel disrespected but honestly, when am I ever not. This is like a speech from a movie.

TAYLOR TO TYLER: But waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. (name the movie)

Taylor picks Michael as her perfect match.

Andre is like “Taylor is hot and sad. I make happy. We bone. Yay!”

Im endorsing that couple RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Andre and KARI are left.

They are all like we cannot get another blackout! and Im like just fuck me up, fam. Give me another blackout, make my goddam day.

But alas, they get 4 BEAMS. Not bad for a bunch of pretty degenerates.

Cant wait to see what fuckery next week holds!