#why do I feel so sad about my parents | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

l00katthesky · 9 months

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#so what‘s the deal with me feelings pity for my mother #or feeling sorry #is this a normal thing?#i always noticed that she was stressed or distracted or confused #and whenever I noticed she did something that wasn‘t necessary or rather did harm than any good #even if it was only a small thing #i started feeling so guilty and sorry #had recurring dreams about feeling sorry for my parents #RIGHT NOW the guilt is sucking my soul out of my body #she couldn’t get someone to be witness if #of* one of her church blessings/procedures so that she gets witnessed becoming one of them and following their rules #even tho it actually seems harmless to me I still don’t feel comfortable doing it and others too #but that church thing makes her happy it’s like the only constant besides work in her life #also I’m no angel and said and did some bad stuff to her/about her #she‘s always forgiving and wants the best for people and her religion also kinda I feel like causes her to put others before her #not that she always does this she also remembers how she sometimes needs to focus more on herself #am i putting myself in the position of the mother rn? are those thoughts that one had as a child? am I putting too much pressure on myself #on herself? probably most definitely #why do I feel so sad about my parents #so sad and guilty

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rabbits-of-negative-euphoria · 5 months

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#- HK #I would say some of my peers pushed the cooties narrative but my parents discouraged it #so I never thought of boys as being gross or having transmissible microbes #and I was always raised to value romance so I I don’t think I ever noticed a shift in my attitude towards the male sex #however I was somewhat (okay Very) bitter when suddenly it was inappropriate for me to be alone in a room with my male friend #but that bitterness had nothing to do with my own feelings towards guys #(and I truly think it was unavoidable. it’s part of growing up.#you can’t know why it’s inappropriate unless you also know all the lurid things two teens can get up to alone.)#(perhaps the suddenness of the change can be mitigated but the sadness can’t)#anyways I’ve always wondered about this shift everyone talks about that happens around middle school #because I remember feeling quite glad and natural in it. though I always was an aspiring adult)

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xamaxenta · 1 month

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Feeling absolutely horrible gut wrenching imposter syndrome in regards to being trans like

The fact i haven’t bothered to do anything about my dysphoria or anxiety about dealing with it means i dont want to transition when i do and idk what to do and its so hard in this country where its very conservativr snd gblsjfbf

Basically trans experience sucking rn i feel like a huge loser and really gross in my own skin

But idk im terrified of having to speak to a fucking doctor about this because i always feel like theyre not gonna believe me.

#like. why do i have to prove myself to anyone.#i also just. have so much trauma around telling people im trans #i hate it that i do #but its the reason im resisting because the rejection would be so insanely painful #thanks mom and dad for that. ive never loved or trusted you since.#its a lie everyone wants to love their parents.#im just overwhelmingly sad about this #im so lost im so fuckingnfjfh #fuck me i hate myself so much #i hate how i look i hate how i sound o hold absolutely no love inside me for me #im always so wistful when i see those self love posts on IG or Twitter like #these people are so happy #with being them and im like why cant i feel that?#also vaguely related but drawing that trans sabo really ignited a fucking longing in my heart and it just feels so far away

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puppyeared · 2 months

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Atla live action 😐

#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid #like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat #or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already #good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive #to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil #i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better #but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because #it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak #and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but #come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and #makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality #i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was #IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall #AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think #plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS #a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason #im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your #audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small #thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small #its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers #i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang #anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and #rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz #netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub #no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same #ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me #i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing #yapping

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mikakuna · 3 months

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nobody wants to see real footage of me tweaking the fuck out when i see panels of bruce sincerely and happily hugging his kids, compared to his abuser-tactics 101 hug with jason

like fuck.. my boy can't have anything!!!!

#why do i feel real devastation over a fictional character being the odd one out in the family #how am i sad over a fictional character not being loved by their parent as much as their other siblings #oh the tragedies of relating to characters on a personal level #and then all the robin + batman content we get of jason and bruce in rhato just feels one sided #like here's jason being all -yay that's my dad we're so cool!!! :D-#and then bruce just. not giving a hard enough fuck about the boy #why cant jason have anything #shaking my fist at the sky #jason todd #red hood #batman #bruce wayne #jason peter todd #dc comics #dc

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hadesoftheladies · 2 months

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hate going for christian weddings sometimes because i always see the prettiest women with the ugliest men, the sermon is always some shit about wives being slaves (but not like bad slavery, mutual slavery except the husband is a benevolent master which makes it okay) and making babies for their husband, the music is always lame, the mc is always weird and obnoxious, and older women keep fucking asking me when it's gonna be my turn and never take no for an answer.

#mine #personal #brief storytime in the tags #one of my family friends got married and i was happy she was happy #her parents are like an aunt and uncle to me #i was happy to share that moment with them #we cried and laughed together #and my friends #their other daughters were on the line and looked gorgeous #it was just beautiful watching us all grow up in a way and move on to “the next” together #BUT #im a pastor's kid #and my dad loves weddings #he drinks them in whenever he can now especially because they make him happy and he's had to attend a lot more funerals this year #he's been burdened a lot by how many people he's had to bury and how many hospital visits he's had to do #so i was happy to see him happy too #it just all felt so bittersweet to me #because i know how badly my parents want this for me and for themselves #there was a daddy-daughters dance at some point and i could feel my dad beaming beside me watching that #and i was a little sad about it because i was like im never gonna give you that #this could be the best thing i could ever give you and i will never give you this #i can never kneel at an altar in front of a pastor and swallow that sermon #i would never marry a man in my generation #if i married a woman you and almost the entire tent filled with people that watched me grow up would not attend #my happiest day would be another funeral for you #it was worse because im kind of a small celebrity in this community because of my parents and their siblings who are politicians #so people i barely knew kept coming up and asking me when it would be my turn and how they so looked forward to the day #and i was like i love that we're a community here and i missed the pestering of aunts since i left church #but at the same time i was glad to remember why i left #there is no freedom to be myself at all with them because all they do is project their beliefs and ideas on me because that's what children

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dredshirtroberts · 8 months

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i have acquired a mystical and powerful ointment (hydrocortisone cream) from the village herbalist (rite aid) to assist with the curse set upon my bloodline from many generations ago (eczema)

#feel free to reblog #ironically this is the one thing i know the least about and it's the one i've known about for sure for the longest #never seen a doctor for it (everything online says you probably should) because my parents never took me #they told me that's what it was because that's what my dad had and it looked close enough #they also said i'd grow out of it like my dad did (just as he was growing back into it hmmmmm)#so i'm not like shocked that this is cropped up again i'm mostly like. annoyed? and sad.#i'm annoyed because like - they treated it so casually it was a non issue #get some anti-itch cream moisturize etc #and be quiet about it until it goes away #so it came back every now and then and i stopped telling them i was getting flare ups i'd just get into dad's cortizone and put some on #until it went away #there was never like a plan or a regimine in place for how to deal with it #dad's whole routine was preventative (lots and lots of baby oil) with the steroid cream you pick up at the pharmacy if there was a flare #and i didn't even know when he'd get a flare because it never got brought up - so i didn't know to look for patterns or anything #and now it's hitting me and has been for probably longer than i realized and i'm just like #*how do i take care of this???* *why is it not going away???*#and like yes i absolutely should also still see a doctor about it just to like. Fucking get shit in my records #jesus christ the realization that eczema isn't even probably in my medical records fucking hell #IT'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT'S AN IMMUNE RESPONSE AND DOCTORS PROBABLY NEED TO KNOW I'VE GOT A FUCKY IMMUNE SYSTEM IF THAT'S A THING #LIKE CHRIST IN HEAVEN MOM AND DAD A TRIP TO THE DOCTOR IS LIKE NORMAL FOR SMALL CHILDREN #FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DID I NEVER SEE A DOCTOR AS A CHILD FUCKING MARY MOTHER OF GOD MA WHAT THE FUCK

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anaalnathrakhs · 2 months

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it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD.#EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY #OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH #i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion''#they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them #so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child #they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table #just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase #i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either?#i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them.#i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to.#but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset #quiet at home #and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places #and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway?#keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine?#try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened?#i dont know how to live like a normal person #literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X.#go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book.#because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped.#everything hurts holy shit #broadcasting my misery #vent #ed tw

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filthyjanuary · 5 months

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feeling sad :(

#sorry this is such a dumb thing to be sad about im a grown ass adult but like two thirds of the people i invited to my birthday #either cant come or said they would then bailed and like #some of them have legit reasons but some of them i'm kind of like :/ ok well i put in so much effort for yall would be really nice #if a crumb of that was reciprocated #idk i dont ask for much on my birthday i just want to have a nice dinner with my friends #and i have friends who like throw the biggest tantrum fusses about their birthdays and make it this entire spectacle #and people still humour them so it's kind of like #idk #do i really suck that bad that you cant make a saturday evening work to like eat good food #idk maybe next year i just wont plan anything #and everyone'll be like BUT SIMA IT'S THE BIG ONE and i'll be like well! i wish it werent!#bc it'll suck even more to have people not come lmao i dont actually think i've ever had a milestone birthday people just dont give a shit #this includes my parents idk like they are nice to me on my birthday but like no birthday was ever like hashtag special #and like the holidays already sucked so bad this year they did not feel like the holidays half the people i got presents for #didnt get me anything which is like fine i dont give presents to get them back but it kind of sucks to not even get a card? a thank you???#idk this is so stupid i am turning 29 i pay taxes this should not be a big deal #maybe it's bc i feel like half my 20s were pandemic years so it kind of sucks that theyre basically over and idk im just feeling sad and ol #and lonely and just kind of shitty and unlikeable #AND IT'S DUMBBBBB TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST IDK WHY I'M CRYING FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE

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godblooded · 3 months

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christ almighty i miss being happy.

#ooc. o kaptain.#[i got Taco Bell. and now it’s…. making myself want to consume it because i feel like a hollow void. this sucks. when does this end??? i #literally haven’t done anything for myself in like a month and it’s slowly driving my ass insane. i literally cannot remember the last time #i actually went to visit someone or like. really hung out with somebody. and I don’t have the money and I don’t have the time and I just..#feel very sad about it. I can’t remember the last time I went on any kind of vacation but it was before my mom died. and let me tell you.#feeling like you’re trapped in a never ending loop with nothing to look forward to is… difficult. don’t mind me I’m rambling. I’m gonna go #write I just… I’m having a moment where I hate everything and I deeply miss happiness. looking forward to things. feeling loved.]#venting /#parental death /#negativity /#[I don’t know why I miss my mom so bad suddenly but I do.]

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freckledgeto · 10 months

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rewatched all of hidden inventory in one sitting i cant stop thinking about how fucking sad gojo satorus life is

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da-proti-toku-grem · 2 months

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feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just?????#that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car)#and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language)#is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/#i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

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rosicheeks · 6 months

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i am a little worried about you Princess. are you ok?

#I’m doing….. okay??????#I love my new job so that’s great #I get to be with puppies all day #have to do a lot of cleaning but they are worth it 🫶#but my depression and anxiety have been baaaaaaad lately #I have a few ideas why my depression has been rough lately #but that doesn’t make it any easier #I want to work and be with dogs all day every day but I can’t work thaaaat much (only part time)#also it doesn’t pay amazingly unfortunately so I’ll probably have to find another job on top of it #especially with my 26th birthday coming A LOT faster than I’d like #I’ve had to do a lot of cleaning and packing which is completely fair since my parents want to have people over for the holidays #totally totally fair #but it’s also sad cause I have to box up a lot of my stuff/hobbies #like I boxed up practically all of my painting stuff since idk when I’ll be able to do that again #my room is jam packed with shit so I’ve only been home to sleep #spend the rest of the time in the car but it’s not really mine so I can’t smoke in here so half of the time I fall asleep #idk idk idk I just feel like I’m complaining all the damn time so I’m trying to shut up and keep it to myself a bit #it’s just the same thing over and over again and nothing is gonna change unless I move #and that’s incredibly unrealistic right now #also I’m worried about my dad more and more each day so that doesn’t help #I want to do something with him or for him but our relationship hasn’t been the best and idk how to fix it #and I’m terrified something is going to happen and I won’t be able to #oooofda that was a lot #and that was only a little bit of what’s going on #but at least I have a job now so that’s cool haha #sometime I’ll have to show you guys some puppy pics I have so many now haha #thanks for checking in lovely #I hope you’ve been doing ok 🫶#ask

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pepprs · 1 year

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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!

#purrs #just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to #learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels #and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t #mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about #sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to #get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if #anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t #even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself #questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also #means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me #but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to #interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up #every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you #should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt #and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later #like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖

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ryderdire · 5 months

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I think I need to go out into nature alone and just exist around it. I think that will fix me.

#sorry #the only access I have to nature is asking my parents or my sister to drive me #and my sister isn’t great at respecting my boundaries with talking and soical engery and my parents are busy. so like. I’ll just look at #pretty videos.#and like. doing self care stuff around them makes me so nervous.#I don’t know why.#well.#actually #I do know why but I’m not trauma dumping on double u double u double u dot tumblr dot com tonight #yearning for nature #sad #I haven’t seen a big boy tree in months.#ryders rambles #sorry again this is just how I’m feeling at the current moment.#I know it sounds a bit silly and pretentious but like this is my tumblr blog and I can choose the coping mechanism daydream to post about.#I’ve been seeing a lot of #those like nature aesthetic videos #and it made me think about how nice it would be to just exist in awe inspiring beauty for a bit #like.#it’s hard to #explain but there’s somthing so sobering about being somewhere that’s #like. nature and not man made and not so repetitive it hurts #somthing about the way it all blends together somthing about how it’s living like I am or had been living #idk rambling now #somthing about cycles and chaos and beauty and conformity and capitalism.#I’m going to sleep now.#gn #Ren Go to sleep

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saltyfilmmajor · 1 year

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I wish my parents didn’t think it’s unfair of me to want them to accept me unconditionally

They say they do but it’s a very Christian way of love the sinner hate the sin

My dad said that to me tonight

#I never wanted more than to take my own life as an act of revenge which is very unhealthy thinking DONT do that #my parents are Christian and so they view their love for me as unconditional #but i said to them: you don’t want to be in the gay part of my life that’s not unconditional #“i love you unconditionally but I can’t accept your lifestyle”#my brother in Christ that’s literally putting a condition on love #my parents don’t know I’m getting married and I felt some guilt about it but now I just feel sad #they follow the Bible so much that they would miss out on my wedding if I had been marrying a woman #and that was my worst fear and I thought I was over it but hearing my dad directly say it made me cry #the worst part is they think they love me unconditionally and that I’m being unreasonable #my mom got so upset that I’m pushing them away but at this point it’s like #you don’t want to know about this part of my life which is important to me #so why keep up our relationship when eventually you’re gonna pull back and disapprove of the choices I make #I wish I wasn’t gay sometimes it would save me a lot of grief

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