#why does this have to be so complicated

[allramnostorage]

applying to grad school is the most embarrassing thing ever. like

here's how i performed on a stupidly expensive standardized test. this gives you almost no information about me besides how good i am at taking tests

hi authority figures who i can only assume actually like me. could you pretty please write an essay explaining how amazing i am? the stress of making this request is causing chaos in my gi tract

here's another essay about how great i am but i'm the one who wrote it this time, so obviously it's not biased. including personal anecdotes feels inappropriate and too casual, but if i don't my essay will be forgettable so here you go. i can only hope you're interested in the fact that i think httyd is one of the most inspiring pieces of media of all time

#why does this have to be so complicated #i'm applying to a computer science program #surely none of this will help you in your decision #lets just hope they let me in for my good grades in undergrad bc at this point that's all i got going for me #well that and being latino and Not A Man in STEM #if i'm accepted just to meet the diversity quota i won't even be mad #just let me in please

[the-wonder-in-his-eyes]

trying to figure out all my supplies costs to figure out how much to sell my art be like

#why do i do this to myself #why does this have to be so complicated

[stllite]

feelings are terrifying and confusing🙃 time to write it away

#a ! thingz #a ! rants #sighhhh #why does this have to be so complicated #anyway #inspo for more fics

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

#what am i trying to say here? #idk! think about all of the pieces you have #dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways #and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff #when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for #and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death #and what ‘dying’ really means #being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this #much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is #to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like????? #akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant #he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him #but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou #he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her?? #all such interesting interpretations #i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful #like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him #if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again #like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is #it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’ #sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes #it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING #like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!! #compel me even #anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway #dais.txt

[uncanny-tranny]

It's just... odd to me, I suppose, going from "what is in my pants is completely irrelevant to most anybody else's life" to the expectation that you must be completely open, essentially, about what is in your pants.

I think a lot of people understand the general idea of why it's bad decorum to demand people offer explanations for private information like this, but they don't analyze exactly why it's bad besides, "asking directly is just rude" and not "asking in any way still enforces the often violent nature of gender and sex, and putting people in the 'right box' is a part of that violence."

It's especially odd when seeing other trans people enforcing the idea that "what's in your pants?" is a genuine, good-faith basis for interacting with others.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #what i mean by the last paragraph is... WHY does it matter? #if i lied to you right now about what is in my pants... how would you know OR how would you change how i am treated by you? #and also. i would absolutely rather lie about my *own* body than be put in danger because it is a trans body #if worse comes to worst i genuinely don't care if somebody is mildly insulted that i didn't 'trust them' enough with that information #it's just weird to see people go from 'only tell doctors that info; it hardly matters outside that!' to... #...'you need to tell ANYbody - even in social and platonic situations where you don't think it matters'... #...can you see how believing in the fundamental idea (that your sex and to extent gender is not your own and belongs to everybody else)... #...doesn't really mesh well with the idea that trans people should be able to live an autonomous life wherein their information is *theirs* #and can you see how for people who aren't trans but have an 'its complicated' with the broad 'what's in your pants?' would ALSO be hurt? #because even if you don't word it as such you still present the fundamental idea that - again - your sex and gender are required informatio #and that it must be judged to be 'accurate' so others can place you in whatever direction they want to treat you with #anyway lying about this shit isn't Inherently Evil and the idea that it's like. a boogeyman is weird actually

[howcouldtheyletmebeanadult]

So like...

I know that Sonic assuming that Nine would just do what he wants is bad, specially since part of his reasoning came from thinking he would be and act just like Tails would...but.

You can still see that Sonic was actually pretty excited to have Nine in Green Hill, at the point in time of those screenshots Sonic thought that Nine was fine going to live in Green Hill, there was no reason (from his pov) to convince him that living in GH would be great. To me at least it reads as Sonic being really excited about not just getting his world and friends back (which obviously he would be happy about) but also about Nine being there with them specifically.

He talks about meeting Tails, having fun together in green hill...like, dude really just adopted the kid. They were family now, no questions asked.

#WHICH OBVIOUSLY BITED HIM IN THE ASS #not saying sonic was right in his actions #but i can't say the sentiment behind it wasnt kind of sweet #or at least bittersweet #since a part of that sentiment does come from him seeing him as tails #ughhhh #why did they have to make this so complicated #is there any wholesome moment between these two that isnt actually pretty sad #sonic prime ruined my life #sonic prime #sonic prime s2 #sonic the hedgehog #miles nine prower #nine the fox #nine sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #sonic prime nine #sonic #sonic prime thoughts

[thebluehoursofmorning]

Pray for my family and I please. I went to the hospital this morning to check some weird symptoms and now they want me to go to the Big Hospital which is an hour and a half away for at least 3 days, possibly up to a week, for treatment. So please pray that baby will be okay with a forced weaning and that my husband can handle her without me, that the treatment will actually work for me, and that my unborn baby will be okay...

#prayer request #this is. very sudden. #blue talks #and also that we'll make it to my best friend's wedding next week... #why does every pregnancy have to be so complicated. at least this time it's for a legitimate reason

[unopenablebox]

i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]

#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous] #and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚ #you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from. #it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as #a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from. #i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah #however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all. #but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora' #are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone #i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out. #ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant #and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify #myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but. #i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to #like. accommodate the facts of my family history. #sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days #box opener

[bizlybebo]

anyways cause i love hair headcanons and minor pieces of symbolism in things like inherited appearance--

mae (may?) ferin has brown hair, but it's very curly.

jayson ferin has the fiery orange hair that's the signature of the ferins, but it's straight.

thinking about ava ferin having the same hair as her father, because she took after him and fit the role she was meant to. became a navy captain(?) and allat

thinking about jay ferin having her father's red hair, but her mother's curls because she doesn't fit the mold of being a ferin in the way her sister did. she's a pirate, first of all-- she never becomes the navy icon she was meant to, but she still has that lingering loyalty that comes from family. she's caught between her rebellion and her love for her family and i love how her alignment isn't black-and-white.

#vixen rambles #jrwi riptide #im sure that mae actually has a canon hair color/type i just cant remember it and #yk headcanons are headcanons so if you dont agree with it that's totally fine bc we all have different viewing experiences :D #like jay's hair is straight in fanon but to me her hair is fucking curly as shit. like im talking 3b or 3c #jay ferin #ava ferin #jayson ferin #may ferin #auuguhghg i love the ferins so dearly you have NO idea #grizzly and condi did SUCH a good job at creating such a complicated dynamic between all of them #like even if jayson ferin is painted as an antagonist you can understand why he does his actions he's not just an antagonist for- #antagonism's sake and i just AAAAA him and drey too man. #just roll with it #jrwi

[haunted-xander]

BBS is a tragedy in many ways, but one of the things that gets me is that the catalyst, the one big thing that caused this mess to begin with, is so avoidable.

Like, the story starts primarily because Terra starts to fear himself (because of the darkness he has unwittingly 'used') and this causes a spiral of doubt and obsession. A spiral which he could've escaped from or maybe not even started if he just 1) had been taught the balance between light and dark properly (that darkness is more than just unquestionable evil, that light is more than unquestionable good, that they can and should co-exist in balance), and 2) had consistent socialization from more than the same 3 people.

Like. BBS is a cautionary tale about what happens when people aren't exposed to a wide enough variety of people and, therefore, end up naive and overly trusting because they never learned that people have ulterior motives. Terra is consistently manipulated and used by people literally everywhere he goes, because he can't see that they might not have the best intentions! He can't see the red flags because he doesn't know there are red flags to look for!

Xehanort knows this. It's why he targeted Terra to begin with: because he would be susceptable to his words. The main reason he couldn't use Aqua is because she was too confident in her own values, she didn't have the seed of doubt that Terra had. It's the only thing that prevents her from being used the same way he is, even though she is just as naive and trusting as he is.

Ven probably has it the worst socialization wise. Unlike Terra and Aqua who, presumably, has/had a family and life outside of the Land of Departure prior to beginning training there, Ven doesn't remember anything before then (not that he had much he'd be happy to remember anyway). And since he's the youngest and most 'fragile' one (due to being in recovery for most of his time here), he gets somewhat coddled and shielded by everyone else. Not to mention the way Eraqus completely forbid him from leaving and never intented for him to ever see worlds outside the Land of Departure. Sure, Terra and Aqua aren't typically supposed to leave either, but at least they'd be allowed in certain situations. Ven wouldn't.

Ven isn't allowed to interact with anyone outside of home. He's not allowed anything that involves the outer worlds. (He and Naminé are a bit alike in that sense. Though at least the people he's stuck with are nice to Ven and do genuinely care for him, unlike Naminé...)

BBS happens largely because Eraqus failed as both a teacher and a parental figure to all of them, but Terra most of all.

#started bbs again and had feelings. not sorry #so much of the story in general (but ESPECIALLY terras part) happens the way it does bc eraqus was a flawed man with flawed values #he taught his pupils a rigidly black and white worldview that doesnt work when put to practice #and he isolated them from the outside world meaning they lack so so much necessary knowledge and exposure #its why they were so much more susceptable to manipulation and misdirection than someone like sore #who is also largely trusting #but he has had proper socialization and exposure to different people as he grew up #that he can tell good and ill intent apart #but its also like. #at the point where the story starts its already too late #because the damage is done #they cant undo the flawed teachings and under-exposure in an instant #eraqus failed to see the consequences for his teachings- that by demonizing darkness he makes it a source of fear #and as he himself said: fear leads to obsession and obsession feeds the darkness #and obsession he unwittingly stoked by creating said fear #also just to be clear this is not meant as eraqus hate he is a complicated man who made mistakes #but nevertheless meant well and could never have forseen just how badly his teachings wouldve made things #OUGH its a complicated situation and none of them are really at fault! #(except xehanort) #(he is very much directly at fault) #terra #aqua #ventus #eraqus #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kh #kh bbs #xander rambles

[deeplyridiculouslyinlove]

I just rewatched 02 x 07 for the first time since finishing all the books and I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like everyone is either on the side of (1) it was all a big ploy, or (2) that's it for Moiraine and Siuan they can never come back from this--but I really don't think either of those are true.

I think the most in character thing Moiraine could possibly do is forgive Siuan, for the following reasons:

Moiraine knows that she would do the exact same thing that Siuan did here--namely, sacrifice anything (even their relationship and their trust in one another)--for the sake of the world and their mission. And this shared goal, these compatible values, and this mutual understanding is literally what has kept them together despite 20 years of distance and secrecy from the world.

[MINOR BOOK SPOILERS] We see in one of the books that Moiraine believes she and Siuan have made their beds and will lie in them one day by becoming involved in the quest to find the Dragon -- I believe the way she phrases it is about payment coming due for all the rules they've broken and the secrecy etc. that they needed for their quest. If this is her attitude, she is not only willing to give up everything, but expects to give up everything. And she expects it of Siuan as well.

Siuan has already proven how much she would give up for their quest. She became Amyrlin despite, as we learn this same episode, how much she did not want to be trapped in the tower and could not see her future there. She gave up any semblance of a happy life (how she would picture it both with and without Moiraine!) for this quest.

In some ways, if Siuan had just let Moiraine take Rand through a waygate to Falme, it would have actually been a betrayal of their mission. Their mission wasn’t “get Rand to Falme.” It was “protect and train the dragon reborn.” Siuan feels the need to do that as acutely as Moiraine does--and critically, Moiraine knows this about Siuan.

This goes quadruple if Siuan actually did think Moiraine could be a dark friend. Siuan thinks Moiraine lied to her!! And Moiraine knows this too, since Siuan does at least have the chance to say "You lied to me!" Moiraine would understand that if there was any chance Moiraine had been turned or was compelled, Siuan had to try and stop her from taking Rand off to god knows where.

Literally just a few days earlier Moiraine had threatened to have Alanna take Lan’s bond by force if he stood in her way--aka, the way of her mission. At this very moment, Moiraine herself has spent days (weeks?) contemplating what it would mean to betray the autonomy and trust of those she loves most if it means saving the world. And she knows what side she's on.

When Moiraine says, “if you have ever loved me don’t do this” my heart shatters into a million pieces. But that line is not just ,“it will be a betrayal of our love and trust if you compel me." It is that, but it's also a call for Siuan to see Moiraine for MOIRAINE. She’s saying “you know me.” She’s trying to get her (Siuan) to see that what she (Moiraine) is doing is not about her shame and pride but about the mission. Because it is ALWAYS about the mission, Moiraine IS the mission, and Siuan loves her because of that, and Moiraine knows Siuan loves her because of that 

Moiraine clearly hesitates before going through the waygate. Her character isn't one to linger out of shock and betrayal. She lashes out and she puts up distance--we've seen this all season. Moiraine moves forward. So I read her looking at Siuan here as far more "I love you and I'm sorry [I can't help you? it's come to this? we can't reconcile?]" than "How could you?" or "You're a different person to me now." I’m not trying to minimize the violation Moiraine is also feeling in this moment, I just think that if the violation was her primary emotion she would likely behave differently. And if she can have this messy a set of emotions even in the heart of the moment, I have faith she can similarly hold multiple emotions later when reconciling.

The flashback scenes are so heartbreaking but they don’t have to mean that Moiraine and Siuan feel so betrayed and far from those versions of themselves that they will never be together again. Those flashbacks can also be saying “remember when we were those people?” Holding onto those versions of themselves is how they hold onto their love despite this scene.

Those flashbacks also remind us that their relationship in the show is like 50 years old. It is deep. People don't throw away 50 years of relationship without a conversation, even if there is a deep betrayal involved. And that's normal people--not even people who have given up absolutely everything for a cause that the relationship has now gotten wrapped up in. In the books, they are together for a few years and then seemingly go their separate ways when the Dragon is reborn. I don't think the show would have gone out of its way to deepen and lengthen this relationship just to end it so quickly and unceremoniously.

#anyway maybe I'm delusionsal #but it just seems absolutely impossible to me that they would spend that long building up their relationship to just be like okay poof bye #but I also think them working together and having this all be a big plot sort of cheapens the moment #plus that just isn't the type of show this is #and the episode titles have been more applicable to the following episode in season 2 for whatever reason #so daes damar can refer to the games everyone is playing in the finale #although I remain confused how siuan knew where to go and where the waygate is #ANYWAY I get why people are so distraught by what siuan does here but I just don't think moiraine will see it that way #moiraine is a morally complicated character despite being so sure of right and wrong and I just have to believe she sees that in Siuan too #wheel of time #moiraine damod #siuan sanche #siuan sanche waits for only one woman

[liquidstar]

Right this is going to sound weird but stay with me here. I have this OCD compulsion where the way I perform it will sometimes make me imagine people. Not real people but more like stereotypical faces or something. Like idk the way I just moved my hands made the image of a tough eastern european farm granny pop into my head, but the second time I did it more gentile and refined in a way that made me think of a sort of hollywood starlet diva type, or the third was so calculated I imagined a business man. I don't do this consciously they just pop into my head based on my movements idk

A while ago I fucked it up so bad that the image I saw was a detailed grotesque anthropomorphic fly face with old lady make-up and powdered wig. WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS THAT???? WHAT!!!!!

#anyway does anyone else have similar experiences bc i don't know what's up w this #the imagining ppl part isn't part of the compulsion itself it just happens #i guess it can happen w other movements too it's probably just bc I'm so extra focused when i do compulsions and rituals #but the compulsive action itself isn't the important part which is why i didn't describe it. this is complicated enough to explain

[pagesofkenna]

it's basically the same explanation as in the manga, but the anime has made it easier for me to understand what Kabru's beef is with the Touden siblings, and I think that explanation was really well done

#in the manga i was like 'he doesnt like them... because they give their money away??' #but here its much clearer. he doesn't like them because they just straight up funded an underground crime ring #and they didn't know and kabru knows they didn't know #but it's that lack of thought of what the consequences might be of their actions that he really doesnt like #and its such a nice breakdown of a complicated situation #because WE have spent the entire last season falling in love with these siblings and their autistic tendencies #but kabru's brand of neurodivergence is figuring out how people work and understanding social dynamics #he cares so deeply about the dangers a dungeon brings to the humans involved #and understanding how everyone inside and outside a dungeon does what they do and why #and then these two very capable tallmen siblings waltz into town... and they just dont give a shit #they're changing the social environment so much without giving it any thought. thats got to be incredibly grating #/I/ find it annoying when people wont think critically about things i love to think critically about!! #anyway. i love kabru. i love that we're going to start seeing more of him. love that the anime fans are going to fall in love with him too #if they havent already

[tiefy]

mccoy always teases spock about keeping his feelings tucked away and not let them affect him (although we all know they do), and how it prevents him of living life to the fullest. spock has got to do it because he was treated as different all his life for being only half vulcan, so now he's gotta be at least two times more vulcan so other vulcans will start to consider him one of theirs, even though he will never be the same as them. but actually, mccoy himself keeps his heart guarded because his life is unbearable. he hates space, travelling in space, being in closed environments, he didn't even want to be a doctor, suffered a hard divorce and left a daughter behind. mccoy has got to guard his heart every minute of every day, cause otherwise he would suffer. mccoy teases spock for what he himself does every single day, because he knows you could live like that, but in his eyes it's so much better to experience life to the fullest, especially if what you do in life gives you joy and purpose. he doesn't want anyone to live like he has to if they have, in his eyes, a better alternative

#but he doesnt understand spock has got to live as he does #at least up to a certain point in the canon #they are mirroring each other so thats why they have to be bonded for life and also hate each others guts #this is also why mccoy always shows so much emotion when he can #thinking bout how kirk met spock and thought to himself he is polar opposite to his good friend bones #i have to introduce them itll be SO funny #and he doesnt know he introduced two of the most complicated men in the galaxy to each other #he just gotta have the action around him no boring people on the enterprise bridge #so his two closest people has got to be these two insane bastards #star trek #st: tos #the original series #leonard mccoy #bones mccoy #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #mcspock #spones #jim kirk #captain kirk #james t kirk #spirk #mcspirk #mckirk #triumvirate #st text posts #star trek text post #mine

[veveisveryuncool]

kirby gsa according to someone who never finished the anime:

#upon further research the blue one does not fight with a chain 😞😞 what am i supposed to do now #tag yourself im dragato #guys. i am making up their eye colors i know shit fuck about them. #ok so apparantly the japanese and english names are different?? bro why did 4kids make it so complicated #kirby series #kirby gsa #kirby right back at ya #i have no clue how to tag the characters #my art process is art that i spend hours on and then shitpost two seconds later

[brown-little-robin]

あ

#Robin processes emotions on main #already I am struggling with studying Japanese #not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that #but with this horrible kind of anxiety #I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up. #this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough #it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY. #it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's— #hhhhhhhhhhhh #it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much #and I don't know HOW to learn it #I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going #going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker....... #I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS #No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!! #WAH!!!! #I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards #I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime #it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out #Robin learns Japanese