#will be talking to my therapist abt it

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[tangledinink]

me and my friends were discussing a dumb personality quiz thing which led to me being told that i'm "the least anxious out of all of us" and "generally very down to earth and relaxed" and that "my version of dangerous thoughts on a bender is just to make TMNT fanart" and im sitting here like

... me?

#damn i really dont tell you guys shit huh #things to talk to my therapist abt ig #i protested to being told that im not an anxious person #and a friend refuted with “oh well the most dangerous thoughts youve ever had while on adderall” #“is making new TMNT AUs” #“as opposed to ME who does X--” #and im like #ok well first of all i take a very low dose of adderall for #you know #adhd #.... which is not the same context as you were always taking it in #also that #its #thats not really #the case #goddamn is this really how you guys view me? #jesus christ #personal #vent

[greenglowinspooks]

I feel like realistically, none of the bat kids would possibly survive if they lost Bruce, including (especially) Jason. They’re so unhealthily codependent on one another and especially onto him that I think a single death in the family at this point would send them all into anaphylactic shock.

Like, Jason can talk as much shit as he wants, but the entire reason he’s such a massive bastard all the time is because he desperately wants Bruce to prove that he loves him, and that he loves him enough to kill for him. He just can’t accept that it’ll never happen.

The ones who love you hurt you the most, anger is just an expression of sadness, etc. etc.

#spook speaks #was thinkin abt some of the stuff my therapist and I talked about earlier #ok to rb

[hungerpunch]

i have decided to follow valtteri's example and, at the age of 33, start behaving like an unbothered hot bitch, unashamed of the physical shell i have been assigned by this life

#i type nervously with sweaty palms #dw guys i absolutely did talk to my therapist abt this #if i practice behaving like i dont fully hate my body maybe one day i will wake up and it will just be the truth #okay. got this. (crying) #self-hate cw just in case #driveby post

[daddy-ul]

Kirk and Cliff's culinary adventures.

(x)

or, the long history of Metallica and toasters.

#kirk hammett #metallica #cliff burton #kh and cb #(d)jinn all'opera #KSHE95 #interview #i loved A LOT this interview. super chill. the interviewer was a fan and let kirk talk #also it has an iconic 'I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY THERAPIST ABOUT THAT!!!' from kirk #and. as lars would say 'that's a soundbite for you' #anyway i cant get enough stories abt krk and cliff in the kitchen djfdsf #and remember that kirk is the best cook between the guys fdjfkhsdfhs how far we have come #anyway! it's a fun and 10 mins interview that i recommend to chill out #jinn out

[2beer]

trying to be positive Abt life but my mom just lost her job today. we already couldn't afford to live but now we are Fucked

#i dont want to start ebegging but. i might. #maybe do drawings for donations or smth idk #i dont have a therapist and my moms been crying all day i dont rly have anyone to talk to abt this #😬 recovery level just got extra hard mode

[moregraceful]

i made what was a huge medical decision today that has been received very badly by my family and i feel absolutely nothing but pure freedom and joy about it. the thing i'm really fixated on rn is when should i post this fic i just finished

#i think october 1. for halloween #it was for skelly season but it took such a weird turn in the end that i feel weird about gifting it to someone lol #very short list of people i would subject this particular rarepair agenda to on purpose. maybe just beryl #the medical decision is legitimately life-altering and i should be stressed but i'm just like it's my body. my body horror. and i'm free :) #i'm stressin way more about the fic bro #and like if i don't gift the fic do i then go back and commit to making it even weirder and rarepaired.... #stars future leadership polycule (two guys who are dating and their captain who holds their hand in high stress situations) #what am i even talking about..................... #today my boss was like thank you for your (insane 11 paragraph long) email! i used it as a meeting agenda with my boss :) #i was like oh no now my grandboss knows i use my boss's inbox as my work livejournal #i got to remake my schedule tho now that i'm almost done with my training!! i gave myself a three day weekend... #...so i can go to the therapy i need to deal with this job. was anyone gonna tell me abt secondary trauma or was i #just supposed to find that out on my literal first day of work lol #my therapist was THRILLED she was like oh i have SO many books to recommend we're gonna have SO much fun!! i was like oh no #fridays off and life is good tbh!! except for the fic. i don't know what to do abt the fic #fresno oilers.txt

[gibbearish]

ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.

it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.

but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.

people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored

#youre allowed to make up scripts for people in fact good luck stopping yourself since thats kinda just part of how conversation works #is you try to predict how your audience will react to a certain statement #and my therapist actually encouraged me to practice run stuff i wanna talk about in sessions because That Makes It Easier To Talk About #like who cares if it's rehearsed‚ it's still the truth‚ yknow? #however that only applies to the things /you/ want to say. you are the only one aware of this script and the only one who agreed to it in #the first place which is why you plan contingencies into the script #is because you only have control over one character and can only take guesses at what the others might say #if you guess wrong and they do something different that doesnt mean /theyre/ not following the script #it means /your/ copy was a misprint and you filled in the blanks wrong. so do what good actors do and improvise. you'll get back on script #eventually. or not‚ if your guesses devolved into wildly speculative fanfiction‚ but frankly you knew going into it that #most of your script was guesswork so you should be prepared to have to make some things up on the fly #or see again: prepare contingencies #if your guesswork on your copy of the script turns out to be wrong‚ wouldnt it be sooo handy to have a second copy which follows this #version of events much better? #and if not that one‚ maybe this third? how about this fourth? etc etc etc #but really just. when guessing at what others will say. know that you are guessing and dont hold it against /them/ if youre wrong #sorry ik that wasnt super related to the post itself im just also passionate abt that #plagiarism #james somerton

[angelisalynn]

thinkin abt u henry winter <3

#nooo don’t kill urself ur so sexy ahaha #should i be talking to a therapist abt my taste in book men or what #there’s a bit of a pattern here .. #it’s getting embarrassing at this point #the secret history #tsh #donna tartt #henry winter #dark academia #bookblr

[silenthillbunni]

funny that therapists whose job it is to listen to u are the WORST listeners in society lmaooooooo. they dont hear a single word u say. they genuinely dont care abt what u say at all, they're just gnna take what theyve read in some textbook and apply it on to u. whatever u say you're not a person speaking words, your just a box filled with their judgements and pre constructed notions abt whatever diagnosis theyve assigned to u. therapists and psychiatrists are the most useless and incompetent ppl in society lmao. such a fkn joke it's insane how theyre even allowed to get paid for the shit quality job they perform ._.

#im not even convinced they process or register anything i say #also do they even have an education.....? #i've tried bringing up my depersonalization experiences and they just sit there like blank pages #and look at me like I AM THE WEIRD ONE!!!!!! u have gone to school for it yet i am familiar w more concepts than u?!?!?????? #they dont even know what DEPERSONALIZATION or derealization or any of that is!!!!!!!!! #they just look at me w a bored dead look in their eyes and say yeah u are depressed #i've even been called WEIRD!! by therapists!!!!!!!!!!! #i now know that it was avpd behaviors but when i didnt know and i talked abt it w therapists #they scrunched their eyebrows and got frustrated w me for not just having social anxiety so i could be easy to deal e #and they were like 'uh huh thats strange' ?!?!!???? #that made it SO much harder to talk in therapy bc now i just constantly overthink every single thing i say and wonder if theyre gonna call #me weird. like idk i just rlly... hate therapists. i hate them so much #and psychiatrists? 🤢🤮 they look at u like a lab rat or a statistic or an annoyance #they dont give a single fuck abt u. they arent even competent enough to help u!!! #like idk maybe u have to be rich and buy quality care but every single one of them i have met have been utterly worthless #rndz

[autistic-katara]

there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse #yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like #seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under #the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u #less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it #for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism #like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci #sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be #voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her #and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten #hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting #bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right #oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags- #it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it #this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so #cw self harm in tags #idk if i need to tag anything else for that 😭 #fanfic #ao3 #ryan shut the fuck up

[lesbianfakir]

Ok genuine question is it normal to be expected to hide/lie about your mental illness symptoms to friends? So obviously there’s trauma dumping but this isn’t about that—is it normal to just be expected to pretend you’re happier than you are because if you express that you’re doing bad one too many times people get frustrated that you’re not doing better?

I keep having friendships where I support them through difficult events so I think it’s a safe place but when I start to be honest about my depression they either get frustrated with me (more specifically frustrated that they can’t take my problems away) or distant. I know it’s hard to see a friend in pain but it also sucks to be in a position where you need to be constantly pretending to be silly and happy because that’s what they signed up for. I’m tired of being ‘too much’ for people, you know? I work hard to support my friends through their problems and I’m good at it, but lately I’ve found I just have to deal with everything on my own.

I’m tired of the stigma around mental illness because so much of my life I can’t even talk about for fear of being too depressing. I understand why it is the way that it is but that doesn’t make it any less isolating. It hurts that if I’m having a day where I’m really scared I can’t tell anyone about it because it’ll freak them out and I just have to wait for it to pass when I know just being around another person would help ground me.

Anyways ramble over I genuinely hope this is a problem specific to my situation and you all have people to help you through dark times. I truly hope we’re not all secretly left alone with our demons

#venting to my tumblr blog because I can’t talk to my friends abt this for obvious reasons #I’m in therapy so it’s not a lack of being able to talk about things #it’s the lack of being able to call a friend and say hey I’m really scared can i hang out with you for a little while #lea talks #negative #vent post #lea off topic tag #writing this I feel so evil like of COURSE people don’t want to be around you when you’re not masking you’re so bleak and depressing #but I really do try to prompt my friends into establishing boundaries #but I guess it’s easier to just pull back and be distant than to be honest #im aware of how hard it is to talk to someone who’s depressed im not constantly bitching about depression #im just constantly wrong abour who I can confide in #:/ #being the therapist friend suuuucks because everyone expects you to be there to help with their problems #and have no problems of your own

[mugzymiik]

some Warriors story concepts i came up with a long lomg while ago

some of this info is outdated😭like how a lot of cats have turned their back on HopeClan now (which COULD potentially be symbolism for losing hope if u think of it that way,,, :3c)

HUGE TW: DARK THEMES, POST-APOCALYPTIC STUFF- ILLNESS, DEATH,,MORE STUFF-

^im still working on the info for StormClan and CreekClan😔

its called The Song of Ruin btw :3

#mmmramblez #warriors #warrior cats #erin hunter warriors #i came up with this concept from a fuckin Tristam song how did it get like this😭😭😭 #half of my universes are filled to the brim with angst and slash or dark stuff #maybe i should talk to my therapist abt that one /J/SILLY

[sugar-and-spite]

i've been considering recently that i might have ocd, but i'm like. not sure it's even possible to have both ocd and adhd? i've tried doing a bit of research on it but i can't find anything definitive - just that they have almost exact opposite patterns of brain activity. like, there's definitely something going on with me but i definitely, absolutely have adhd, so if it's not possible to have that and ocd then this must not be ocd??? idk

#like i was talking abt it with my friend who has ocd #and they were like idk man that sounds like ocd. #and i've thought before that it might be but then brushed it off bc i thought it ''wasn't bad enough'' #but now i'm starting to seriously consider it and i'm like. idk if it's even possible to have both #and i was reading abt kids with ocd being misdiagnosed as adhd and i'm like no i for sure have adhd #and honestly these things i'm noticing now didn't start until i was older #whereas the adhd stuff has been as long as i can remember #i'm working on getting in contact with a therapist/psychiatrist abt it (and also for other mental health stuff) #but idk if i'm gonna look like an idiot going in being like hey i might have ocd?? and they're like that's just physically not possible #rey rambles #ocd #adhd

[ringneckedpheasant]

my opinion of my roommate just gets worse & worse the older his kids get

#& it’s like. I never knew him super well & especially not now but #it’s fucking crazy that despite him 1) having adhd & 2) recognizing that his own dad was abusive #he still thinks it’s totally normal to yell at his wife about how their 11 y/o is a ‘lazy piece of shit’ because he asked #asked for help last minute on an assignment #his wife was legit like ‘he didn’t tell us earlier because he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to us about it (school)’ #& he just. kept repeating the same kind of abusive shit about their kid #dude I wonder if the fact that you say that kind of stuff so loud I can hear it with noise cancelling headphones #has anything to do with why your kid doesn’t want to tell you when it happens 🙄 #i was literally Just talking to my therapist on friday abt #my mom recently bringing up my poor performance in HS & it was. mostly because of stuff I now see happening w [kids name redacted]

[foliejpg]

i have some thoughts about the line "in your jehovah's witness suit" on the tortured poet's department, so i'm putting it under a read more i just have to get it off my chest

cw for religious trauma lol

for context i was born into being a jw and left around age 17 but didn't "wake up" and learn about the corruption until about 23-24 (3-4 yrs ago)

i super super hate that line and really wish it wasn't there just overall because any mention of jw in any way that is relatively good is exactly what they want. jw don't interact with "worldly" things but when its something as clean cut as taylor swift has been (maybe not as G rated now as previously), like they're going to listen to it, its whatever. but acknowledging that jehovah's witnesses are notoriously well dressed people, which is something they really really strive for as a way to set themselves apart, is exactly what the leaders want.

it sucks and i know that realistically, taylor doesn't know anything more about that religion except they're weirdos who are overly polite and knock on your door on saturday mornings. they're literally a doomsday cult. don't talk about them in any good light no matter how small because its all good press

again i'm not saying she's endorsing them in ANY way at all. not saying that at all. they're a dangerous high control group and its really scary to be apart of it, thinking that not only is the world going to end but if you fuck up in the slightest, you're going to lose your entire family and i hate it i hate it i hate that this is in a taylor swift song

i also hate that she got the pronunciation right. it's possessive, jehovah'S with an apostrophe 's. i almost would have rather she got it wrong bc she cared to make sure the grammar was correct before adding the line without looking deeper :(

there are literally massive investigations going on in pennsylvania and australia right now because the jw top dogs refuse to turn over actual child predators by the THOUSANDS. there are hundred page documents of known instance of csa in the possession that they won't turn over. and their fucking suits are being mentioned in a taylor swift song

#idk wtf to tag this as for filtering purposes if anyone doesn't want to read abt religious stuff i'm just going through it #mine #can't wait to talk to my therapist about this one tomorrow