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captainsophiestark · 1 year

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Pay No Attention to the Magizoologist

Theseus Scamander x Reader

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Requested by anon!

Fandom: Harry Potter

Summary: Y/N and Newt have been friends for a long time, and for almost as long, Y/N has also had a crush on Newt's older brother Theseus. Years and years later, after their Hogwarts days, several run-ins with Grindelwald, the death of Leta Lestrange, and the wedding of Queenie and Jacob, Newt is still subverting Ministry rules in the name of helping his creatures. And, as usual, Y/N is an accomplice in his schemes. So, when Newt goes running out the door with his creatures and Jacob in tow, it falls to Y/N to distract Theseus and keep him from following Newt's trail. And this distraction might just lead to a bigger change than any of them bargained for.

Word Count: 2,439

Category: Fluff

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"What do we do?"

"I don't know!"

I looked between Newt and Jacob as they debated, coming off as a little bit more than panicked. They needed to get out of here with Newt's briefcase, without getting held up by the Ministry of Magic. Unfortunately for both of them (and me), Theseus was on his way here as we spoke, and there was no doubt he'd slow down the boys' mission.

"Why is your brother coming after us in the first place?" demanded Jacob.

"Because technically, what we're doing here is illegal. The Ministry of Magic has specific procedures they want me to follow before releasing any of my creatures into their natural habitats, but this time, waiting for their bureaucracy to process things will take too long. My newest rescue won't do well waiting around in captivity for longer than they already have," answered Newt. Jacob looked more stressed than he'd been before.

"Oh great!"

"You two get out of here," I said, jumping into the middle of their argument after watching their back-and-forth for a while. "I'll stay here and slow down Theseus."

They both stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at me, incredulous expressions on their faces. After a few beats of silence, the three of us just looking between one another, Newt spoke up.

"Y/N, are you sure?"

"Yeah, Newt, I'm sure. I can distract him just fine, and you guys need to get out of here. You need Jacob for this a little more than you need me, and I can always meet up with you both later."

Newt stared at me for a few moments, then closed all the distance between us to clasp a hand on my shoulder. He met my eyes with an earnest look, and it made my heart warm to see my best friend like that.

"Thank you, Y/N."

"Of course. Just be safe, the both of you."

Newt nodded, his way of promising, before heading out the door, Jacob with him. I watched them go, and then just like that, I was alone in our little loft hideout.

I'd been best friends with Newt for the majority of my life. Since Hogwarts, in fact. He and I got along like wildfire, and had since our first year together at Hogwarts. I would do anything for him. Theseus and I, on the other hand, were a different story.

I'd had a crush on my best friend's older brother for basically our entire time at Hogwarts. Theseus, on the other hand, had barely noticed me beyond my role as his kid brother's friend, and our relationship had only cooled as I'd spent more time helping Newt and less time fawning over him. In the wake of Leta Lestrange's death, however, Newt and Theseus had gotten close again, and I'd done my best to be there for both of them as well. Theseus and I had gotten to the point of actually being able to call each other friends recently, and I only hoped my decision to distract him today in order to give Newt a clean getaway wouldn't ruin that new step in our relationship.

Oh well. Sometimes, there was no other option but to back your crazy best friend's crazy play, no matter the cost.

I paced around the room for a few minutes, trying to brace myself to see Theseus, but before I was anywhere near ready I heard a loud knock at the door. I couldn't help jumping, but then I did my best to quickly compose myself and went to answer it.

"Theseus!" I said, feigning surprise when I saw the serious face of the Auror before me. He kept trying to lean around me to see inside the little apartment Newt and I had turned into a temporary hideout, and I kept leaning to block him. "What a surprise! It's so good to see you, it's been so long!"

"Y/N, where's my brother?" he demanded, his eyes at last settling on me instead of the space behind me. I fought back a gulp as I forced a smile onto my face instead.

"Newt? Uh... I haven't seen Newt in a while now, actually. I thought he was spending some family time with you?"

Theseus gave me a look that clearly said he wasn't buying any of my nonsense.

"We both know he's not spending time with me. He's been hiding out with you while planning some nonsensical scheme that's going to get both him and his muggle friend into deep trouble. Now tell me where he is."

"What? I mean, uh..."

"Y/N, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this."

With that, he stepped forward, forcing me to step back or else be run straight into. He pushed into the living room, leaving me standing by the open door behind him, then poked his head into the kitchen in search of Newt.

"Newt! Come out, we need to talk!" he called. He stopped, apparently deciding Newt wasn't in the kitchen, before heading into the living room. I rolled my eyes and closed the front door.

"Please, come right in and make yourself comfortable," I deadpanned. Theseus just shot me a look over his shoulder as he continued to move around my living room. I huffed a sigh, but got dragged back into action as Theseus made his way across the room, getting closer to the back door Newt and Jacob had disappeared out of. If he got there, to the spot they'd left from, odds were significantly higher he'd be able to track them down, especially with a little magical help.

I just needed to buy Newt a little more time. He and Jacob were catching a portkey in twenty minutes, and if Theseus couldn't get to them before that, they'd be in the clear.

"So, uh, the Ministry is still trying to prevent the release of some animals, yeah? That's uh... that's what this whole thing is about?"

"My brother is trying to release dangerous animals into the wild," said Theseus, not halting his search through my living room. I took a few steps closer to him as they spoke. "Keeping them safe in his sanctuary is one thing, but turning them loose on the world is another..."

"I've met all of those animals, none of them seem particularly dangerous to me," I countered, crossing the room all the way to Theseus now. I moved in front of him, standing between him and his search of the top of my fireplace mantle. His eyes landed on me, an exasperated expression on his face.

"Y/N, please. Newt just needs to get a permit, and go through the proper channels. Then he can release whatever animals he wants."

I couldn't help rolling my eyes. "Oh please, you and I both know the Ministry will take ages. Some of those animals will be much better off if they're released now, and not a year from now."

"All the same, I need to do my job and get my brother back. Then maybe I can help him get his permit expedited, but until then, he has to wait. So, if you're done attempting to stall me..."

With that, he turned to start hunting through the rest of my living room, following Newt's trail. I moved after him, hovering over his every step and trying to erase any trace of Newt when I caught it before Theseus.

"Actually, I'm not done stalling you. I think we should talk a little more. Now that we're back to being friendly, you know, I think-"

"Nice try, Y/N, but it's not going to work," said Theseus, a slight smile on his face as he continued to make his way through my living room. "I can talk to you and search for my brother at the same time."

I looked around the room for some sign of inspiration to slow down Theseus, but started to panic as he headed for the door Newt and Jacob had left through. He flung it open and was about to walk out, which meant I had to do something, now.

"Wait!" I cried, rushing across the room towards him. He paused with a sigh and turned back to me, wand in-hand and ready to track Newt and Jacob.

"Y/N, I'm sorry, but I really can't stick around right now. I have a job to do."

"Okay, but just one second. This is important!" I said, slipping into the doorway between him and his target. He leaned forward and into my space, and I couldn't help feeling a little giddy at his proximity. I blame that feeling for clouding my judgment and impacting my next decision.

"What is it, Y/N?" he asked. I panicked, trying to think of something, but I couldn't focus on anything beyond the handsome, wonderful man in front of me and the fact that I could NOT let him through the door. He sighed and took a half step forward, placing his hand gently on my waist to move me aside, and I did the only thing that came to mind.

I grabbed Theseus' shoulders, leaned up, and kissed him full on the mouth.

My brain short circuited all over again as we kissed, and I swear fireworks surrounded us. Then, a moment later, reality set in. I jerked away from Theseus and my hand flew to my mouth, horror sinking in at my actions. I couldn't believe I'd just done that.

"Theseus..." I looked up at him to find him staring blankly off into the space just over my shoulder, looking completely shocked. "Oh my God... I am so, SO sorry!"

Theseus didn't respond, which got rid of any of the remaining fireworks lingering around me. I couldn't believe I'd just done that. Theseus and I had just started to get to a place where we had a good relationship, and I'd probably just destroyed it.

"Theseus, please, I'm so sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that. I just... I needed to keep you from going after Newt, and... and it was the only thing I could think to do. Oh God." I facepalmed. Then, against the rational part of my brain screaming to let me give it control again, I kept talking. "I- well, I've had a crush on you since we were kids, and we were standing so close together and it's like my mind went blank, and it was the only thing I could think of-"

My ramble finally, mercifully got cut off as Theseus wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back to his side of the doorway before pushing me up against the wall right next to it. Before I could get my brain restarted, he was kissing me, with a level of passion and emotion that I'd only ever dreamed about.

Once I got over my own shock, I wasted no time kissing him back. I tangled my hands in his hair as his grip tightened around my waist, and we stayed like that for a long few moments before finally coming up for air.

We were breathing hard as we met each others' eyes, our faces barley an inch apart. He seemed as shocked as me that we'd actually just done that, and I couldn't help the joyful laugh that bubbled out of me.

"Theseus... what was that?" I asked, a smile steadily growing on my face as I fondly ran my hand through his hair again. He smiled back at me, a slightly sheepish grin on his face even though he looked just as happy as I did.

"I've had feelings for you for a few months now," he breathed. "I didn't know how to tell you, since we'd just gotten back on friendly terms and I didn't want to ruin anything..."

"I've been doing the same thing," I said. We shared disbelieving laughs, and I surveyed Theseus fondly while he looked me up and down with the same care. Theseus leaned in and rested his forehead against mine, the smile still on his face and his voice still a little breathless when he spoke.

"So... I kind of need to go chase my brother now, but... any chance you'd let me take you to dinner tomorrow night?"

I beamed back at him, leaning up to give him a light, soft kiss before responding.

"I'd love that, Theseus."

"Good! Great. Then... it's a date."

"It's a date."

We shared another smile, Theseus still looking a little giddy as he at last stepped away from me and moved towards the door again. The sweet smile turned into more of a smirk as he took one step outside, on his way to follow the path his brother had taken not long ago.

"So... you're not going to try to stop me going after Newt anymore?" he asked, a little of the confident swagger I loved so much back in his tone and body language.

"No," I said with a shrug. "He's gotten far enough away by now that you can't catch him."

Theseus groaned and looked up at the sky, then settled his gaze back on me.

"I hope you're wrong, Y/N. But if you're not... you're buying the first round of drinks as compensation."

"You're on," I replied with a grin of my own. "Have fun on your wild goose chase! Don't let the Ministry people get you down. Newt's doing the right thing."

Theseus just sighed, although he wasn't quite able to keep a fond smile off his face. Whether it was for me, his brother, or the both of us, I wasn't sure.

He gave me one last smile and nod before finally heading all the way out the door, shutting it behind him as he resumed his work. I smiled after him and slowly sank down the wall, my fingers brushing over my lips where Theseus' had just been. It didn't seem quite real to me that the past few minutes had really happened, but I knew for a fact it was real. And that I had a date with Theseus Scamander tomorrow night.

Newt was never going to believe me when I told him the story. Helping him with his crazy shenanigans had never turned out so well.

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