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#yesterday got me all riled up so i gotta calm myself again
squuote · 11 months
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this goes out to younger me who always wanted to draw miles just holding some sunflowers. got you dude
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write-havoc · 6 years
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This Is How I Disappear Ch. 52
Summary: A girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After her former gym teacher finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for?
Fandom: The Walking Dead AU
Pairing: Negan/Original Female Character
Status: Ongoing
Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut
Intended for readers 18+ of age only
Masterlist
——— Negan’s POV ———
I have no fuckin’ idea why Eldritch’s men hauled ass out of his compound yesterday. We stayed up all fuckin’ night ready for an attack from them, but nothing ever happened. I even warned Hilltop and Alexandria to be on the fuckin’ lookout, but they didn’t see shit. I also radioed my guys watching Eldritch’s compound to see if they started to move the fuckin’ biters, because I do not want a fuckin’ surprise herd on my goddamn doorstep again. But the dead never fuckin’ moved. So I’m fuckin’ stumped about it.
Something got them all riled up, but fuck if I know what. I can only hope that it doesn’t mean bad fuckin’ news for Chuck.
As it is right now, I’m on the fuckin’ road with my usual guys to pick up my picture. But I’m taking extra precautions. Namely, I’ve loaded the fuckin’ car with extra guns. Well, maybe it’s not just for precaution sake... I know it’s fuckin’ dumb, but part of me is itching for a fight. All this shit is fuckin’ getting to me and I’m like a goddamn powder keg ready to blow. I don’t know how much fuckin’ longer I can keep playing nice with Eldritch. I’m doing it to keep Chuck safe, I keep telling myself that, but my nerves are fuckin’ fried. Not to mention that I feel like a goddamn pussy for not busting that fucker’s head in every goddamn chance I get.
If I get another picture like the last one, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill every motherfucker at that fort. I know it. I can’t take seeing fucking Eldritch with his hand on my girl. And I can’t take seeing her look like she just got fucking hurt.
“Maybe there was some sort of emergency,” Arat breaks me out of my thoughts from her seat in the back. “Maybe Eldritch has guys posted away from his compound that were in trouble and that’s why all his guys left yesterday.”
I shake my head. I don’t think that’s what it was. If Eldritch wanted to have guys outside his compound, they would’ve occupied my fuckin’ empty outposts. But they’re still fuckin’ empty. He hasn’t done shit with them.
One of the other guys in the back throws his two cents in. “Nah. He’s gearing up for something.”
That sounds more goddamn likely. Just as I turn my body to address the guys in the back, I see a fuckin’ car headed straight fuckin’ for us coming from a side street. I don’t even get a chance to say a goddamn thing before the car t-bones us on the back driver’s side. Dwight overcorrects which causes us to fuckin’ veer to the left and flip. I’m not sure how many times we go ass over end, but we end up on our fuckin’ roof.
It takes a few seconds before I realize what’s going on after we stop moving. I groan in fuckin’ pain and look around. Me, Dwight, and Arat are all hanging upside down by our seatbelts. My other two guys weren’t so lucky. One isn’t even in the car anymore. I guess he got thrown out of one of the broken windows. And the other is so fuckin’ mangled that I know he’s fuckin’ dead.
In my periphery, I see movement outside of my window. Some guys are coming toward us, but I can’t really see who it is. Though I have a fuckin’ feeling. And my feeling proves fuckin’ correct when I hear a voice.
“You still alive in there, Negan?” Eldritch fuckin’ yells in a teasing voice.
Arat groans behind me and unlatches her seatbelt, sending her to the floor with a thud. Well, the roof , I guess.
“Can you fight?” I ask her quietly, still upside down myself. I can’t get my hand to the goddamn button on the seatbelt to let me out.
“Yeah,” she whispers back.
I can hear her moving around, no doubt looking for a fuckin’ gun.
Eldritch’s voice calls out again. “If you’re not dead already, I’m gonna fucking kill you, Negan. You know that?” He’s not messing around anymore. He’s not trying to do that calm, smug shit he always does. Now he just sounds fuckin’ unhinged. “And you better believe that I will make damn sure that it’ll be after I kill all the rest of your people and burn that ugly fucking factory to the ground.” He laughs like a fuckin’ crazy person. “And I will make you watch , Negan. Watch your people die . Watch your home crumble . And watch as I make that sweet girl of yours mine .”
Gunshots ring out and some of Eldritch’s fuckin’ men fall to the ground. Arat was always a good fuckin’ shot. And she keeps shooting, making Eldritch and his men still standing scramble behind their car. The car that’s not totaled on the side of the road, that is.
“They got weapons in the back!” someone calls out.
“Not a man of your word, Negan!” Eldritch screams in a fuckin’ rage.
Then, fuckin’ bullets start to hit our car.
“Fuck!” I’m a sitting fuckin’ duck like this. I somehow get my knife out of the sheath and cut my seatbelt off, making me fall like a sack of fuckin’ potatoes onto my shoulders. I land on something and realize that it’s a fuckin’ rifle that must’ve come loose out of one of the hiding places in the crash. I get into position on my belly, sorta, and join Arat to shoot out of my broken fuckin’ window at Eldritch and his men.
It doesn’t fuckin’ look like Eldritch has a lot of guys with him. And they’re shooting fuckin’ blind. Obviously they’re not as well trained as my saviors.
I send a bullet right into one of their foreheads about the same time that Arat drops one with a shot to the heart. Eldritch is losing men fuckin’ quick. I guess he fuckin’ recognizes his predicament, because he and the rest of his guys get into his Escalade and speed off.
“Mother fuck !” I growl out. My adrenaline is still pumping, so I’m not feeling much pain, yet. But I suspect I’m gonna have some fuckin’ injuries.
Arat shimmies out of her window and comes over to mine to help me get the fuck out. “You okay, sir?” she asks as she pulls me by the arm.
I crawl out then bend back down to get Lucille before I answer. “I’ll live.”
We both round the car to see about Dwight. He’s out fuckin’ cold, which isn’t a good sign, so Arat kneels down to check for a pulse.
She looks up at me. “He’s alive.” She turns back to him. “Dwight. Dwight, wake up.” She pats him on the face, but he doesn’t wake up.
“Let’s get him out.” I hold onto Dwight as Arat crawls in the passenger’s side to cut away his seatbelt. I feel his weight fall into my arms and awkwardly pull him out of the car. Before I get him back on the ground, he starts to groan. The movement must’ve finally fuckin’ woke him up.
“Come on, Dwight,” Arat says, coming back over to help me set him gently on the road. “Wake up.”
“Ung.” Dwight starts to open his eyes and looks around randomly. “Shit,” he croaks.
“You gonna live?” I ask when his eyes finally focus on me.
“Ugh. My fuckin’ ribs hurt,” he rasps. “And my shoulder.”
I pull his shirt up to inspect his fuckin’ torso. He has an angry bruise forming across his chest from the seatbelt. Probably has a broken collarbone and busted ribs. Hopefully no internal bleeding, but there’s no way for us to fuckin’ know that yet.
“You’ll live,” I say to him, sounding more confident than I am.
Arat looks relieved. “I’m gonna check that other car.” She walks away toward the car that hit us that’s now crashed into the guide rail.
“You gonna be able to walk?” I ask Dwight. “Cuz we gotta get the fuck outta here.”
He starts to get up, so I help him. “I can walk,” he answers.
Arat comes back over to us. “Car’s fucked. And two of Eldritch’s guys are dead in the front.”
“Dumbasses,” I mutter then scrub my hand down my beard. “Alexandria’s a few miles away. Guess we’re hoofing it there.”
We empty our car of weapons and start walking, but it’s fuckin’ slow. I end up having to practically carry Dwight most of the way, with Arat carrying the duffle with the guns behind us.
“Why’d he attack?” Dwight asks from beside me. “I thought he wanted tribute.”
“I have no fuckin’ idea.” I answer.
Arat suggests, “You think he found out we kept the weapons from him and was pissed?”
“It didn’t fuckin’ seem like he knew we’d be fighting back.” I let out a sigh. “We’re probably gonna find out pretty fuckin’ soon what all that was about. I’m fuckin’ guessing this was just the goddamn beginning.”
We finally walk up the road to Alexandria’s gate. It opens before we even get there with Rick and Daryl walking out at first, then rushing over to us when they see we’re fucked up.
“What happened?” Rick asks as Daryl takes Dwight from me. And I let him. I’m starting to feel that fuckin’ car crash now.
“Eldritch fuckin’ ambushed us on the way to the goddamn meet. T-boned us on the road.” I bring my arm not holding Lucille around my waist when I get a fuckin’ twinge of pain from my ribs.
Rick puts his arm around me and under my other arm to help lead me through the gate. “You okay?”
“I’ll fuckin’ live. I always do.”
“We have a doctor now,” Rick starts. “Well, he was a resident before the turn, but he’s more of a medical doctor than Denise. Me and Carl found him a few days ago. His name’s Siddiq. He can look you guys over.”
“Get Dwight to him,” I reply. “I need to get on the radio to call The Sanctuary.”
“Let Siddiq check you out,” Rick pleads a little. “You’re moving pretty slow.”
“I had to carry Dwight’s ass for two miles. I’m just a little fuckin’ tired.” I push away from Rick, but I immediately regret it. I don’t think my ribs are broken, but they sure as fuck are bruised. Maybe cracked. Not that I’m gonna tell Rick any of that.
“Look, Negan.” Rick clears his throat. “The Sanctuary radioed in a few hours ago. They said Eldritch’s people tried to come in, but they fought them off.”
“What?!” I yell.
Goddamn it! Eldritch must’ve had guys attack The Sanctuary after I got out of radio range! Then fuckin’ attacked me, too!
I turn my head to glare at Rick. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that in the first place?!” I trudge along as fast as I fuckin’ can to get to their radio, but I’m in fuckin’ pain so it’s slow. Rick follows me the whole time, like he thinks I’m gonna fuckin’ fall over and die any second.
“Negan,” he starts again, “they said they fought them off. You really should just sit down for a minute.”
I fuckin’ ignore him and get on the radio to call out to my fuckin’ home.
Laura answers. “ Negan? You’re at Alexandria? ”
“What the fuck is going on?” I need goddamn answers.
“Eldritch’s guys tried to come in, but Simon wouldn’t let them. They fired on us first, so he had to defend ourselves. Took a bunch of theirs out. Lost a few ourselves.”
“God-fucking-damnit,” I mutter to myself. “You still have your guys ready for an attack?” I direct at Rick.”
“Yeah,” he answers.
“Good. It’s probably gonna fuckin’ come to that. Soon, I’d fuckin’ guess. ”
“ Negan ,” Simon’s voice comes through the speaker. “ What’s going on? ”
“Eldritch attacked us on the road,” I answer. “Me, Dwight, and Arat got to Alexandria.”
“ Shit. I’m sorry, brother. They attacked us. We had to fight back. ” He sounds guilty. Like he thinks I got attacked because of what he did.
“It was coordinated, brother,” I respond. “Eldritch didn’t know I had weapons when he attacked us. It wasn’t because of you.”
“ What about Chuck? ”
“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. “All Eldritch’s men retreat?” I change the subject. Because I can’t think about her right now. About what all this could mean for her.
“ Yeah. They lost some men then cut and run. ”
“Fuckin’ cowards,” I say to myself. “They didn’t know who they were fuckin’ with.” I hold down the button to speak to Simon again. “Did Eldritch start moving the fuckin’ dead?”
“ No. I thought about that, too, so I called the guys watching Eldritch’s compound. They said the dead haven’t moved. ”
“Good. I’m gonna head out in a few so we can start to fuckin’ discuss what the fuck it is that we’re gonna do.”
I really don’t want to attack Eldritch’s fuckin’ compound while Chuck’s still in there. Especially if I’m gonna use the fuckin’ dead. And that’s the only way I can see to get to the guys inside. Fuck.
“ Alright, brother. Stay safe. ”
I turn to Rick. “Is it okay if Dwight stays for a little bit.”
“Yeah,” Rick answers. “You should get checked out, too, before you leave.”
“Jesus, Rick, I’m a married man. Maybe get off my dick.”
Rick rolls his eyes and we walk back outside. As soon as we get on the street, though, we see people starting to scramble around. Including fuckin’ Daryl, who runs right for us.
“What is it?” Rick asks quickly.
Daryl answers. “Lookouts said trucks are headed this way. Fast.”
“God- fucking -damnit! Eldritch is coming after me.”
We all run to the gate and up to the guard towers to look down the road. Not long later, we start to see them.
“Here they come!” Rosita shouts.
———   ———
  The sound of vehicles flying down the road and past Chuck’s car wakes her up with a start. She keeps herself ducked down in the seat, though, not wanting anyone to see her. Because she assumes that procession of cars was Eldritch looking for her. Even if Conner hadn’t told anyone that Andy had escaped with her yesterday, she knows that Eldritch would have to know that they’re all missing by now.
All the things that happened yesterday flash before her eyes, no matter how hard she tries to stop them. Shooting Conner. The way his blood flowed over her hands. The same blood that’s still staining her coat. Andy’s coat.
Chuck feels her eyes sting with tears at the thought of him. “I’m sorry, Andy,” she says aloud as she remembers how he felt lying lifeless in her arms. “You didn’t deserve that. This is all my fault.” She sobs even harder.
Before she can fall too deeply into her guilt, though, she feels a fluttering in her stomach. The same fluttering she had first felt several days ago.
Chuck sniffles and wipes her cheeks. “Oh, baby,” she whispers to her belly as she rubs it, comforting herself in the process. “You’re right.” she wipes her eyes of the last of her tears and steels herself. “I gotta get you out of here.”
Chuck carefully sits up and opens her door, stepping out onto the road. That first step is painful, her bare feet being all raw and sore from the walk yesterday. But she has to proceed.
The cars that had gone by were heading in the direction that she was going, which gives Chuck pause. She doesn’t want to be caught on the road if those cars circle back, but she doesn’t have much of a choice. The woods that surround the road are too harsh for her to walk on anymore. So as she heads down the edge of the road, she makes sure to keep her ears open for any vehicles approaching. If she hears one, she wants to make it to the woods quickly to hide.
As she walks, the wind seems to turn even colder, chilling her to the bone. She wraps her arms around herself to try to keep warm, but it’s not helping much. Not only that, but her constant shivering seems to be slowing her down even more.
When a sign comes into view saying that Alexandria is two miles away, Chuck lets out a sigh of relief.
“Thank god,” she says to herself and speeds up a little in excitement. As much as she can, anyway. She’s tired, in pain, and definitely dehydrated. But every time she thinks about stopping or slowing down, every time sorrow threatens to overtake her, she feels that flutter in her belly as her baby moves and she pushes on.
The forest thins out into a residential area, which is potentially more dangerous. Any place that was more populated before tends to have more biters hanging around. Chuck had always avoided them when she was out here on her own after the turn. But she knows that she’s getting close to Alexandria, so she hopes that they cleared the area, much like Negan has done around The Sanctuary.
Chuck isn’t exactly sure where the settlement of Alexandria is. She’s technically in the city of Alexandria right now. Well, the Alexandria of before, anyway. But the settlement of Alexandria just comprises one neighborhood. That’s what Negan and Aaron had told her. They also told her that it has a wall around it made of metal sheeting, so that’s what she’s looking for.
While she’s searching, gunshots ring out not too close, but not exactly that far away from her. She cautiously walks toward the noise, figuring that it’s coming from Alexandria. Eldritch must be attacking them for some reason.
  Maybe Eldritch knew I would go there and he’s tearing the place up to get to me. Oh god. Maybe I should hang back.
But if Rick’s people are as good of fighters as Negan has said, they should be able to hold their own. Right?
  Chuck decides to continue on in the direction of the firefight, despite her fears. Even after there’s a large explosion, she pushes on, though she’s being very careful not to be out in the open by ducking around cars and buildings.
She finally gets to where she can see the wall surrounding Alexandria. But instead of hearing gunshots anymore, she starts to hear cars start up. As fast as she can, Chuck runs around a house down the street to hide in the backyard and waits for everything to go quiet.
When Chuck’s sure it’s safe, she slinks out from behind the house and heads for the gate, albeit, pretty slowly. Even though her destination is in sight, her feet are dragging. She’s willing her body forward, but it seems like it’s failing her. She’s simply running out of energy.
With her hands around her belly, she shuffles forward, staring down as one foot falls in front of the other. When she finally lifts her head, she sees the gate start to open about fifty yards away from her.
  ——— Negan’s POV ———
Eldritch and his fuckin’ men are driving down the street towards Alexandria. There’s a truck out front, followed by a bunch of cars. And I immediately recognize what’s gonna fuckin’ happen. It seems like it’s Eldritch’s fuckin’ MO.
“They’ll ram the fuckin’ fence!” I warn.
Sasha readies her rifle beside me. “Not if I can help it.” She starts to shoot and, boy, does she make those bullets fuckin’ count. I swear she gets the driver right between the eyes, his head practically fuckin’ exploding across the window. Her next shot takes out the left front tire causing the now driverless truck to veer off and slam into one of the burned out buildings just outside the gates.
“Atta fuckin’ girl!” I call out.
Rick’s people, plus me and Arat, ready our weapons for a fuckin’ fight as the rest of the cars pull up. But no one gets out, so we wait. Then Eldritch’s fuckin’ voice rings out through a goddamn bullhorn.
“I just want Negan, Rick,” he says, smug as fuckin’ ever. Like his plan is going off without a hitch, even though it definitely fuckin’ isn’t. I’m sure he’s fuckin’ pissed that I am wrecking shit for him. “There’s no need for your people to die for him, Rick.”
“You’ve taken this far enough,” Rick calls out without hesitating. “Leave now and we won’t be forced to fire on you.”
“Rick, Rick, Rick,” Eldritch tuts in a damn singsong way. “I was going to leave you alone. For the time being, anyways.”
Eldritch’s men start to fire, but the Alexandrians return it fuckin’ quickly. And they aren’t fucking around. Rick said he had some fighters in his group, and he wasn’t fuckin’ lying. Eldritch’s men start to drop like flies. Some of Rick’s guys fall, too, but not as many by a long shot. It seems like Eldritch and his guys are fuckin’ shitty in a fight. That’s why he takes pot shots by using the fuckin’ dead and ramming shit with fuckin’ vehicles. And kidnapping innocent girls.
Outta fuckin’ nowhere, one of Eldritch’s cars fuckin’ explodes. I turn my head to the other guard tower to see that huge ginger fuck, Abraham, with a goddamn rocket launcher on his shoulder.
“Fuck, yeah! You guys got a fuckin’ RPG?! That’s awesome!” I yell to him and he gives me a salute.
After that, Eldritch wisely tucks tail and fuckin’ runs. With a few less people than he rolled up with.
Me and Rick climb down the towers leaving Sasha and Rosita on one and Abraham and Tara on the other.
“Watch out for walkers,” Rick yells up to them. “All that noise’ll attract them.”
They all nod and turn their fuckin’ eyes back to the road. The rest of the Alexandrians start to get their wounded to the sickbay, with Rick overseeing.
I’m just standing in the middle of everything trying not to fuckin’ pass out. Now that the adrenaline of the attack is wearing the fuck off, I’m feeling like shit again. Goddamn, maybe I should go to the doctor.
Arat comes up to me. “You okay, sir?”
“Yeah. Fuckin’ peachy,” I growl out.
“Got a walker,” Rosita proclaims as she raises her rifle to take it the fuck out. She lines up the fuckin’ shot, but doesn’t get the chance to take it.
Sasha quickly puts her hand on the barrel of Rosita’s gun and pushes it down. “Wait!” She then raises her own gun up to look through her scope. “That’s not a walker. She’s alive.”
“Looks like a walker to me,” Rosita retorts.
Sasha seems to study whatever she’s fuckin’ seeing through her scope for a moment before she speaks again. “It’s a girl. She’s holding her stomach, but she’s alive.”
My whole body starts to buzz. I don’t fuckin’ know why.
There’s no way... How could it possibly be...?
“She a redhead?” I call out as I move closer to Sasha. I don’t know why I’m even fuckin’ thinking it. It’s just gonna break my damn heart when it ends up being someone else.
“Yeah.” Sasha answers and I start to move before I really even process it.
“Open the fucking gate!” I don’t even wait for anyone to do it. I rip the gate open and start running. “Chuck!” I can’t see her. I can’t see shit, I’m so fucking frantic. But then I hear her.
“Negan?!” It’s my girl. It’s my fucking girl!
I finally see her. She looks hurt. But she’s running to me. Not fuckin’ fast, but I make up the distance. I throw Lucille down and run flat out to get to her. When we meet, I throw my arms around her and pull her into me, lifting her off of her feet.
———   ———
  As soon as Chuck hears Negan yell her name, she starts running.
“Negan?!” she screams.
Chuck can barely see him running towards her through her tears of joy. But when she feels his strong arms lifting her up and holding her tight, she knows she’s safe.
“Negan!” she sobs into his shoulder.
“Fuck, baby girl.” He kisses anywhere his lips can touch. “I love you so much, baby girl,” he chokes out. He suddenly pulls away to look Chuck over, his eyes wildly scanning her body. “You’re bleeding!” he cries as he looks at the blood staining her clothes.
“It’s not mine!” she calls out. “I’m okay!”
He looks into her eyes. “You’re okay?”
“I’m okay,” she repeats.
“Fuck, I missed you so much.” Negan kisses her fervently then falls to his knees. He hugs her torso tightly, crying tears of joy into her stomach as she wraps her arms around his head.
Chuck bends down to kiss the top of his head, her tears falling from her cheeks to land in his hair.
She’s not sure how long they stood there holding each other, but when she finally looks up, there are two men, Rick and Daryl, along with Arat standing around them. And Rick is carrying Lucille.
Rick starts to speak. “We should get her inside. The dead are starting to come out.”
Negan wipes his face discretely and stands before turning back to him. Rick holds Lucille out to Negan, but he doesn’t take her.
“Carry her in for me. And be fuckin’ gentle about it.” Negan turns back to Chuck and wraps his arms around her, lifting her up to carry her inside. She wraps her legs around him and allows him to cradle her in his arms as she buries her face in his neck.
Once they get inside the gate, Aaron comes running over. “Oh my god! Chucky!” He runs his hand over her head that’s resting on Negan’s shoulder as he holds her to his chest. “The doctor is this way.” He turns to lead them, but Chuck’s voice stops him.
“I’m okay. I just want to rest.” The only thing Chuck wants is to be alone with Negan. She knows she’s not really hurt; she just needs food, water, and rest. And she can take care of the minor cuts on her legs and feet by herself.
“See the doctor, baby girl,” Negan pleads.
“Just give me a first aid kit. I’ll deal with everything myself.” She shifts to look into Negan’s eyes. “Please, Negan. I just want you.”
Negan lets out a huff. “You got a place for us, Rick?”
“Yeah. This way.” He starts to lead them to a house. “This one’s empty.”
“I’ll get the first aid kit.” Aaron runs off in a different direction.
As they walk, Negan talks with Rick. “Call Simon and tell him Chuck’s here. And get him to go over my plan with you to take that motherfucker down. I want that goddamn compound destroyed by sundown tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Rick agrees. “I’ll coordinate with him and get my people briefed. We’re gonna help out. I don’t want this guy living anywhere near us anymore.”
When they get inside the house, Rick gently sets Lucille down on the coffee table. “If you guys need anything, just ask.”
Aaron comes rushing in with the medical supplies and some clean clothes. “Here’s the first aid kit. And clothes.” He sets it all down and goes over to Chuck, still being held by Negan. “You sure you don’t want to see the doctor?” he whispers as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear.
“Mmhmm,” is how she answers.
“Okay, Chucky.” Aaron kisses her on the head. “I love you.” He turns and leaves with Rick trailing behind him.
Still holding Chuck, Negan picks up the first aid kit and heads upstairs to the master bath. He sets Chuck down on her feet and she watches as he wordlessly goes over to the shower and starts to run the water.
Chuck strips off her bloody jacket and nightgown, leaving her standing naked in front of Negan. He stares at her, his eyes moving all along her body, his expression stern. She allows her own gaze to fall to herself, seeing the bruises and scrapes that punctuate her skin. Her arms are littered with fingerprint bruises from Eldritch’s manhandling, while her legs show the injuries she incurred during her fall down the hill yesterday.
“I’m really okay, Negan,” Chuck tries to reassure. She takes a few short steps forward and unzips Negan’s jacket, pushing it off his shoulders after. Negan stiffly pulls his shirt over his head, which allows Chuck to see his own bruises.
“Negan,” she whispers with a gasp and places her fingers gently on the purple bruise across the right side of Negan’s ribs. She saw that he had some small cuts and scrapes on his face, but this is much worse. “What happened?”
“Let’s just get cleaned up, then we can talk.”
She nods then helps Negan undress further before they both step into the shower. The hot water feels amazing on her aching muscles as Negan lathers up a washcloth and gently rubs it over her, cleaning all the blood and dirt from her skin. She returns the favor, washing Negan, too, but making sure to be extra gentle on his bruised ribs.
When they get out, they dry off and wrap their towels around them, in lieu of getting dressed. Chuck picks up the first aid kit and takes it into the bedroom to set it on the bed.
“Sit down,” Chuck says to Negan. “I’m hoping they have some ice in the freezer downstairs so I can wrap those ribs.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Negan responds while he nudges Chuck to lay down on the bed. “I’m gonna get you something to eat, then I’ll clean those fuckin’ cuts out.”
“You’re more hurt than-“
“Just listen to me, Chuck. Please.”
Chuck nods, then Negan leaves. He reenters a few minutes later with a sandwich, a jug of water, and ice cubes in a large ziplock bag.
She leans back on the headboard and swings her legs up to lay them straight in front of her. “My feet...” she points down her legs.
Negan tilts his head to look. “Shit, baby girl.” He inspects her feet closely. “They’re chewed to shit.”
“Yeah,” she says with a sigh. “Make sure you clean them out good.”
Negan diligently disinfects Chuck’s feet as she scarfs down the sandwich and guzzles the water. After he wraps her feet in gauze, he runs his hand up her leg soothingly. “Feel a little better?”
Chuck gives him a weak smile and a nod. “Yeah. Now let me take care of you.” She swings her legs over the bed as Negan moves to stand in front of her, stripping off his towel to leave him completely naked. Chuck touches the ice bag to Negan’s ribs and he lets out a hiss. “I’m sorry, Negan. How did this happen? Was it in the firefight? I saw the tail end of it.” She wraps a bandage around him as he answers.
He shakes his head. “Eldritch fuckin’ slammed into my fuckin’ car on the road. The crash killed two of my guys. And fucked up Dwight. That’s why we’re here. The crash was a few miles away.”
Chuck looks down. “He attacked because I escaped.”
Negan nudges her head up to look at him. “It’s not your fault, baby girl.”
Chuck finishes wrapping up Negan’s ribs and cleaning out his cuts. “Lay with me,” she says to him as she gets rid of her towel. All she wants is to feel Negan’s skin on her own.
Negan obliges and cuddles her into his chest on his uninjured side after he pulls the blankets up over them. They lay there holding each other for several minutes before Chuck starts to speak.
“It was Andy,” she almost whispers.
“What did he do to you?” he replies quickly, apparently misunderstanding her.
“No. He saved me. He got me out.”
“He fuckin’ kidnapped you, didn’t he?”
“Yeah. But he was just following his brother.” She takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “He realized that what Eldritch was doing was wrong, so he escaped with me. But...” she sighs again, “Conner found us. I shot him in the neck.”
“Jesus,” Negan whispers.
“Andy finished him off.” The memories of all of that brings tears to Chuck’s eyes. “Andy shot himself in the head because he was bit and I wouldn’t leave him,” she chokes out.
Negan squeezes her into him more. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby girl. None of that should’ve happened to you.” He gives her a hard kiss on the head then lets out a heavy breath. “Did Eldritch... hurt you?” he asks quietly.
“He didn’t-“ She clears her throat, knowing what Negan’s really asking. “Not like that. I was scared he would... he touched my belly. Made me wear dresses and have dinner with him. And that stupid nightgown...” She pauses. “He undressed me. Looked at me.”
Negan lets out a tense breath, obviously affected by what she said.
“He said he attacked The Sanctuary,” she says almost like a question, wanting to change the subject.
“He crashed our gate and sent the fuckin’ dead in. Rick led them all away, so... there wasn’t any real fuckin’ damage.”
“So everyone’s okay?” she asks, hopeful.
Negan lets out a sigh. “All the lookouts... All the fuckin’ guys I had out in the open are dead.”
She gasps. “Oh no...”
“He’s gonna fuckin’ pay for this, Chuck. I promise you. He will fuckin’ pay.”
Chuck shifts so that she’s straddling Negan, her face hovering over his nose to nose. “Good.” She places her lips on his softly, but the kiss quickly turns heated.
They’re slow with each other, like they’re relearning one another’s bodies all over again. Hands running over curves. Fingers skimming skin. Hips meeting each other slowly. But it still feels like home to Chuck.
“Oh, Negan...” Chuck moans as she grinds her hips into his. She runs her hands up his chest to brace her weight on his shoulders to get better leverage.
“Fuck,” he groans, letting her do all the work. “I missed you so goddamn much.” His hands move up her hips to grip her waist.
They move together, plunging over the cliff simultaneously. The intensity of it all makes Chuck emotional, her eyes welling up with tears.
“Hey, hey,” Negan whispers and turns them over so he’s hovering over her. He swipes her sweaty hair from her face and cradles her cheek in his hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I was so afraid I’d never see you again,” she chokes out then caresses his cheek. “But you’re here. And I’m so happy.” She smiles at him through her tears.
Negan kisses her lips sweetly. “I’m never gonna fuckin’ leave you,” he whispers. “Not ever again.”
Chuck hugs her husband’s head to her chest and listens as his breathing deepens as he falls asleep. It’s only then, knowing that she’s safe, her baby’s safe, and Negan is safe, that Chuck can finally fall into a restful sleep.
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bnhainsert · 4 years
Text
A Day in the Life of...
Rating:
General Audiences
No Warnings Apply
Bakugo walked off from the conversation, too angry about it to keep listening to it. He made it back to the classroom first. As he approached his desk, he found something was left there. He hadn’t left any of his notes so what the fuck was on the desk?
It was a letter.
Something inside Bakugo sounded an alarm. He picked up the letter and opened it up. It read:
         Dear Bakugo,
         You are such a talented fighter! You are incredible flying through the air with your explosions, fighting villains and keeping them at bay. You are the man of my dreams! I want to see you and confess to you myself how I feel! Please meet me in the courtyard tomorrow after school! If you don’t show up, I’ll just keep pestering you
XoXo
Chapter 2: Katsuki Bakugo
Bakugo was up early in the morning getting some extra training in. After about an hour, he got himself cleaned up and headed out to school. It was actually nice to be able to walk to school without anyone bothering him. It was basically his only peace for the day.
         He was the first to arrive in the classroom and again enjoyed the peace of being alone. After about 2 minutes of waiting, he heard an annoying voice who he recognized as belonging to the class rep.
“Good morning Bakugo! It’s great that you’re here so early! Keep up the good work” Iida greeted him.
“Tch” was Bakugo’s response.
         The next one to arrive was Yaoyurozu.
“Good morning Bakugo,” She said gently.
Bakugo just grunted. Next was Tsuya who sat at her desk and took out her notes. Momo walked over and sat at the desk next to her and asked about her notes.
         Unexpectedly, the next student through the door was Sero. He gave everyone a normal greeting and sat down with his notes from yesterday as well. Bakugo forgets that some of his classmates are actually studious. The loudest ones weren’t though.
         Deku walked in next avoiding eye contact with Bakugo. Good. He looked out the window, hearing the rest of the students start to trickle in. Aizawa started to say something about policy changes of some of the school’s training grounds and such. Bakugo didn’t pay too much attention to it.
         “GOOD MORNING CLASS 1-A! LET’S GET READY TO CONJUGATE SOME VERBS!” Present Mic yelled entering the classroom.
Hearing that shrieking voice that early in the morning really got on his nerves. Bakugo didn’t have much trouble with English, he just had problems with the guy who taught it. He was too loud for his own damn good.
         Soon enough they were dismissed for lunch. Bakugo walked out of the classroom by himself but Kirishima managed to catch up to him.
“Hey man, did you understand any of what Present Mic was saying back there?” Kirishima asked.
“It’s not that complicated dumbass. I’ll show you at the table” Bakugo replied.
Bakugo grabbed his food and sat down at his usual table away from everyone else. Kirishima plopped down next to him followed by Mina, Kaminari, and Sero.
“So, what don’t you understand idiot?” Bakugo asked in a somewhat decent tone.
Mina was babbling about something to Kaminari while Bakugo and Kirishima worked.
“Oh, that’s how you do it?” Sero asked, looking over Kirishima’s shoulder.
“Oh yeah, now I get it! Thanks, Bakugo!” Kirishima excitedly replied.
“Yeah yeah whatever”
         Lunch was over soon after that. The group made their way back to the classroom. As they took their seats, Mina spoke up.
“Did you guys hear about a rumor that’s been going around the school?” She asked with her eyes all lit up.
“This isn’t the rumor about that one kid that accidentally activated his expansion quirk during class and pushed everyone out of the room?” Kaminari asked.
“Oh no this one is much juicier,” Mina said with a grin.
         The whole class was listening in on it now. They all started whispering to each other what the rumor could be.
“What’s going on here?” Iida scolded.
“Oh, I just heard this rumor that a second-year dated everyone in the hero course the year before we got here! That would include the current third years!” Mina gossiped excitedly.
“What? that’s ridiculous! There is no way that rumor is true” Iida shot back.
“I don’t know I think it’s possible! Plus, I heard they were scoping out our class!” Mina countered.
         Mineta was suddenly very close to the group now asking Mina if the person was a boy or girl. Bakugo tried to tune it out. He wanted them all to just shut up, so he spoke up loudly and angrily.
“If it’s true then that student is clearly pathetic, having to shuffle through a bunch of other students”.
He refused to look at everyone. This was all stupid speculation and he wanted none of it.
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind dating someone from a class above us. Even if it was for just one week” That dumb phone charger replied.
And without missing a beat, much to Bakugos delight, Jiro said “Well yeah, but you don’t have any standards”.
The class began to snicker until Cementoss walked in and told them to stop.
“Thank god”
         Bakugo was back in the zone keeping up easily with the teacher and the subject matter. He noticed Midoriya sweating and zoning out. Cementoss had to call out his name twice just to keep him engaged in the work.
“Dumb Deku getting riled up over a stupid rumor,” Bakugo thought to himself and then continued with his work.
         The class was soon over and everyone was leaving still talking about that dumb rumor.
“Hey what do you think about this rumor about that second-year?” Kirishima ask Bakugo as they walked out of the classroom.
“I think it’s garbage. I think people are dumb for believing it without a shred of evidence” He sneered.
He saw the wheels turning in Kirishima’s head.
“What if someone could prove it?” Kirishima asked.
“Eh? Are you going to figure it out shitty hair?” Bakugo mocked.
“I bet I could get some evidence either to prove it or disprove it” Kirishima said all fired up.
Bakugo knew Kirishima was just going to go off with or without him.
“Whatever. Just leave me out of it” Bakugo replied.
He thought everything about this situation was a waste of time. He marched his way back to the dorms as Kirishima turned around to go somewhere else.
         The next day Bakugo made it to class early again. His routine was pretty strictly followed. He might have been a hothead but he did have discipline, just not when it comes to other people. Class started up again and the commotion from yesterday seemed to disperse much to Bakugo’s relief. Everything was back to normal and he could concentrate on getting better and better. Closer to being the number 1 hero.
         They were all dismissed for lunch. Bakugo grabbed the spiciest food he could find. He sat himself down at the usual table with Kirishima, Mina, Kaminari, and Sero in tow. Kirishima seemed excited to share something with the group.
“So, it turns out the person in the rumor didn’t date everyone but sent everyone a confession. Seems like they were waiting for a reply of someone that felt the same way” Kirishima explained.
“Oh. That sort of makes sense. Do you know if they sent them all at once??” Kaminari asked.
“No, I guess they just sent letters as they discovered they liked the person” Kirishima added.
“Hey, do you think they’re going to send a letter to someone in our class?” Mina chimed in.
“It could happen,” Kirishima said folding his arms and nodding.
It pissed Bakugo off. Here he was looking like he was the expert on a goddamned rumor. Where did he even get this information and how could they trust it. Bakugo just ate his food while they continued to gossip.
         Bakugo walked off from the conversation, too angry about it to keep listening to it. He made it back to the classroom first. As he approached his desk, he found something was left there. He hadn’t left any of his notes so what the fuck was on the desk?
It was a letter.
Something inside Bakugo sounded an alarm. He picked up the letter and opened it up. It read:
         Dear Bakugo,
         You are such a talented fighter! You are incredible flying through the air with your explosions, fighting villains and keeping them at bay. You are the man of my dreams! I want to see you and confess to you myself how I feel! Please meet me in the courtyard tomorrow after school! If you don’t show up, I’ll just keep pestering you
XoXo
Of course, it wasn’t signed. If it was Bakugo would have immediately found the person and explode them on the spot. His anger started to boil over. Kirishima and Kaminari entered the classroom first still discussing the rumor. They took one look at Bakugo and knew. Mina was right behind them and put her arms around their shoulders.
“What are we waiting out here for?” She asked confused.
Then she took a look at Bakugo. She put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. The three quickly made their way over to Bakugo. Kirishima was craning over Bakugo’s shoulder to see the letter. Bold move.
“Oh, dude! That’s gotta be from the 2nd year!” Kirishima shouted surprised.
“THERE’S NO WAY SOME DUMB LOSER IN ANOTHER CLASS GAVE ME THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR A LETTER” Bakugo yelled almost blowing up the desks around him.
He was furious. He felt like someone was making him the butt of some terribly formed joke. It infuriated him. He burnt the letter with his quirk and it fell to his desk in ashes. Cementoss had to calm Bakugo down before class began. He was still seething in his seat, unable to focus.
By the time school was done, Bakugo had managed to calm down. He refused to go to the courtyard. If he got another letter, then he would track them down and kill them with his bare hands. On his way out he passed by Midoriya, Iida, Uraraka, and Todoroki all standing there frozen.
"What are you losers up to" Bakugo growled.
He got a closer look as Midoriya turned around holding something in his hands.
It was another goddamn letter.
The rage came flooding back to him.
“This fucking nerd got a letter too?! What kind of a joke is this?!” Bakugo thought.
Bakugo started to crackle some small explosions in his hand ready to aim one right at Midoriya. Well, he meant to aim it at the letter but it didn’t look that way. Before Bakugo could destroy anything, Midoriya ran out of the building quicker than they could blink. Bakugo didn’t even try to run off after him. He just put his hand down, huffed it off, and started walking back to the dorms. This whole fiasco wasn’t worth his anger or time.
The next morning Bakugo arrived early to school again. He woke up extra early to train even more. It helped get most of his anger out from the previous day. He sat in his chair and put his feet up on the desk waiting for the day to begin. Class trickled in pretty slowly. Bakugo noticed Midoriya looked stiff but determined. Was he really going to confront the person who wrote that letter?
“I have to see this loser get punk’d”.
The day went on as normal with minimal mentions of the rumor and the love letters. Bakugo had made it to the last class of the day without getting too pissed off at any one person in particular. Then they started up again.
The class started wondering if the person who wrote the letters purposefully picked the two strongest boys in the class. They also wondered if it was a girl who did it, considering both Bakugo and Midoriya were male.
“I don’t think that means anything. This person could be gay, or bi, or pan….” Mina mentioned.
“Plus, this person could be non-binary or genderfluid or something” Jiro brought up.
There really wasn’t any reason to speculate about this person’s gender or sexual orientation.
“So you guys still think this mystery person exists?” Momo asked.
“What do you mean? They clearly exist because they’ve been writing letters” Kaminari replied.
“You guys could use some brushing up on your detective skills. This was a test from the teachers to see if you could question strange incidents instead of taking everything at face value” Momo explained.
“WHAT?! YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!” the whole class seemed to shout at the same time.
Bakugo grunted in response to Momo’s explanation. He figured something was up but didn’t bother to actually verify because he was too angry about it.
“Wait was this like a test test….like one we could fail?” Midoriya piped up.
“Oh crap…if this was a real test..” Bakugo thought, but his face gave away nothing.
“Oh no. I think this was just to assess where we all are currently as far as problem-solving goes” Momo replied.
The reply hit Bakugo like a ton of bricks. He would’ve failed if this was an actual test. He was too angry to actually see if the rumor was true. Maybe he was angry about possibly being mocked. Maybe he was too scared to actually confront someone else’s and his own feelings. Either way, he knew he had a long way to go before he could claim the title of Number One Hero.
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joonsjeon · 7 years
Text
Invisible // Chapter 8
Pairing: Mark x Reader x Jaebum Words: ~2700 Genre: Angst, Drama Warnings: none
Masterlist
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Mark’s POV When she came back out of her room she did not tell me what exactly had been going on, but on the other hand, there was no need for her to tell me. It was only obvious that she contacted Jaebum to hear what he had to say about his part of the story. What he had said to her, however, I wouldn’t know until one of them opened up to me. And just when I thought that my phone buzzed as I received a message from my so-called friend. Can you come in early tomorrow? We gotta talk about (Y/N). Something inside me was… annoyed. The pure thought of talking to him seemed so painful and like a total waste of time. I did not want to behave like a small child, I was the oldest one after all, but what could I do when my body signaled me not to talk about any of this drama ever again? Especially not to talk with the one who had apparently used my trust to sleep with the girl I loved… my jaw clenched uncontrollably, the imagery rolling in a loop in my head all over again making me so damn pissed that I could’ve punched the wall out of frustration. I knew that they had spent the night together the second I stepped into the apartment, but apparently it took some time to really sink in. That time was now. And it brought me right back to the question ‘What if I had just told her?’ Will do. Was all I answered and then turned my attention back to (Y/N) who was still sitting next to me, seemingly just as riled up after her phone call. Whatever exactly happened made her sling her arms and hands around her legs so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Trying to hold back a ramble about Jaebum in front of me. Not that I hadn’t realized many times before but my god, what a mess we were in… a second ago I thought we had finally figured things out and would live our lives on, the way we wanted to, but no. We were running in circles, again and again in hope of finding a solution at some point when really all we did was walk right into the next problem with every new round.
The next morning Jaebum waited for me on the staircase inside the building, a cap tugged deep into his face so that I could barely even see it when he was looking down. Nobody else was here at that time of the day, enjoying to sleep in instead of dealing with such unnecessary drama. 
“Hey.” I said and he abruptly looked up to see me standing right in front of him, my hands buried in my pocket as I was waiting for him to spill whatever he wanted to spill because standing here only fueled my already existing anger. Cutting right to the point was the easiest way. “You wanted to talk?” He cleared his throat while looking at me, insecurity and regret written all over his face and yet I couldn’t find much pity for him inside of me. “Did she tell you anything about the call we had?” he asked and I simply shook my head. He sighed, running a hand through his thick black hair, figuring out where to start and where to stop. It was a weird feeling to see him like this, a sight that would naturally worry me because he was my friend, but not this time. I almost enjoyed the view.   “Alright… so, she called me and said that I was an asshole for going out with her even though I knew about your feelings. When I was trying to explain to her what was going on she wouldn’t listen and said I was lying. Mark, I am sorry about this messed up situation but really I just… if things end now, then I at least want them to end in a good way. Not like this.” He explained to me and I surely understood. Really, if I would have mentioned to her that I had ordered him to go on a date, well then we wouldn’t sit here. However, I had some questions for him myself. “You want things to end in a good way? Then please explain why you left the apartment without saying a word to her. Sneaking out like it was a meaningless one night stand.” I accused him not only because I was genuinely surprised by his actions but also because (Y/N) and I had talked for ages after she calmed down a bit… it was clear to see how devastated she was, thinking that it was her who had done something wrong once she saw the bed next to her was empty.
*throwback* “Mark?” she mumbled with a soft, weak voice and as I turned my head towards her I could see eyes starting to glisten with tears. Without thinking further about it I pulled her close to me, her head resting against my shoulder as I wrapped an arm around her figure. “What is it, donut?” I asked, gently running my fingers up and down her arm in order to comfort her and she thanked me for it by scooping even closer. She did not speak right away, finding her words as she intertwined our free hands and started drawing patterns on the back of mine with her thumb. Besides the fact that she was almost crying, I was lucky that she did not hold back to be just as touchy with me as she was before my confession. If she was still comfortable with me maybe things wouldn’t have to change. A big sigh slipped over her lips before she started talking. “I understand if you don’t feel like talking about any of this, but… I don’t understand Jaebum.” Theoretically speaking, she was right. I did not want to talk about this at all. But what else was I supposed to do with my best friend lying in my arms, tears in her eyes and so clearly hurt about something or… someone? So I just mimicked her sigh and then said it was okay. Even when she didn’t believe me at first, sooner than later she opened up and explained me her thoughts. “We… we had nice dates. Our conversations were so easy and funny, I really like him...” she started, but then hesitated at her own choice of words. “I really liked him. Obviously, I wouldn’t have even considered going so far if I didn’t trust him, you know?” I just nodded in agreement once again disgusted by the pure thought what had happened here last night. How could he? “I simply don’t understand why he left me this morning without saying a word. Did it mean nothing to him?” she asked and I didn’t know if she expected an answer from me at this point or if she was just rambling to clear her mind and let it all out. Either way, I wanted to answer even when I could not give her an explanation at all. “I can’t tell you why, (Y/N)… but I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you. This is so out of character for him.” If it weren’t for the fact that we had known each other for years now, I would not have defended him by any means. However, it really was weird and so out of character that I myself was interested in his intentions.   “I just feel stupid and so naïve.” She said as her grip on my hand tightened. It was hard to tell if she was angry at herself, for going this far with JB in a relatively short time or if the source of anger were his stupid actions. Maybe, most likely, a mixture of both. I really wanted to help her but there wasn’t much I could do besides providing comfort and helping her process what happened. “You are not the stupid one here, trust me.” I whispered, trying to sound confident in my words while calling a friend out for what he had done. However, I couldn’t shake off that nervous, tingling feeling inside my gut slowly but strongly telling me that I had been the stupid one from the very beginning. *throwback over*
“Wait…” he mumbled in shock, eyes wide open as he stared at me and finally got up from the stairs to stand opposite of me. “You – You know what happened? She told you?” Again I just nodded as a first reaction, keeping my poker face on when all that my body told me to do was to punch him in the face. “I would have known, either way, man. Your perfume was all over her.” I scoffed and took a step back to lean against the wall, while he needed some time to comprehend the fact that I already knew what he probably wanted to talk about that morning. “I’m sorry Mark, I-“ he started and his apology might have actually been sincere, yet I couldn’t help but burst out laughing right at the beginning. How would a ‘sorry’ fix any of this. “Sorry, Jaebum? As if it wasn’t enough that you went on multiple dates instead of the one I asked you to, no. You just had to fuck her.” I hissed, the irony uncontrollably taking over the tone of my voice. In the corner of my eye, I saw how he backed off again, trying not to invade my personal space or maybe afraid that a fist would actually land on his face when he didn’t get as far away as he could. I didn’t even know myself where this was going. There was all this piled up anger and hurt that I just had to get out somehow… “I really am sorry, Mark. We drank a lot of wine and I thought I liked her – it just happened. And I’m terribly sorry.” He stuttered, losing the strong attitude he usually displayed and suddenly looking very small with his shoulder hanging down and his eyes glued to the floor again. “Are you seriously giving me the ‘I was drunk’ excuse? And what do you mean you thought you liked her?” I asked on and what he said really didn’t do the trick to calm me down, quite the opposite was the case. He didn’t even like her that way and still had the audacity to touch her? “I don’t have any other excuse to give you… I was drunk and stupid.” He said and then sighed before getting to my second question which was much more important at that moment. “Please trust me when I’m telling you that I never had the intention of playing with her feelings, but… when I woke up yesterday with her next to me… all I felt was regret. I’m so fucking sorry that I ever got close to her, it should have never been me. Mark....” “You are right, it should have never been you.” I murmured and had heard all I needed to hear from him for now. He did not love her. He was as far away from loving her as one could be and yet it was my own stupid fault that it was him who had gotten to her in all the ways that I should have done. I thought I could bear to see him and her together, though it was the right thing to do for the sake of her happiness. Stupid, stupid me… While Jaebum was still talking I went down my own personal spiral of realization. Who was the real problem in our weird love triangle? Not him. Definitely not her. It was me. I had no reason to be angry at him since all he had done from the very beginning was to follow my order, no need to mention that this order was the root of everything that happened afterward. Yes, no denying that he went too fucking far the second he touched her but would that have happened without me? No, it wouldn’t have. And going further, with the intention of not hurting her by staying away, letting her live her life with Jaebum, I had only stabbed myself in the back further. She was devastated and confused about her feelings for JB while I was here, lashing out my anger at him when I should really rather slap myself in the face for being so blind and delusional. By now Jaebum realized that I was not listening to anything he had been saying the past few minutes and the more I thought about it all, the more my heart started to race in panic. I had to get out of here. With adrenaline pumping through my veins I pushed myself off the wall and wanted to storm past him but his reactions were faster than mine. He suddenly gripped my wrist so tightly that whatever he needed to still get out was something I had to hear. I looked into his eyes for the first time, too afraid before that I would literally lose my shit and hurt him in ways I would only regret later on. But now I really saw how terribly sorry he was. The bags under his eyes indicated that he had probably not slept for one second, his mind filled with regret and worry. It seemed like he did not care about anything other than getting me to accept his apology, to get me back as his friend and hyung even when things could maybe never be the same again. I wish I were strong enough to open up my mouth and tell him that none of this was his fault. “Look, I understand that you have zero reasons to trust me but I promise I will make it up to you. There’s something you need to realize, Mark.” He said and I just waited for him to continue. “I know (Y/N) told you that she liked me but really I was nothing but a stupid crush… I’m not the one she wants to be with at the end of the day, it is you.” Even if I did not believe a word he was saying, those words were the last hit needed to make everything inside me collapse. Even the slightest chance of her liking me back would make the quilt inside of me grow to infinity. “What makes you so sure of that?” I asked, afraid to hear his explanation and see that he was right but at the same time it was also the only chance I had to prove him wrong. “The two of us never really talked about you but Jinyoung told me how she was always asking about you… she was worried sick that you were going to end up doing something stupid. And then there was that one time where she did drop your name in our conversation by accident and-“ he stumbled over his own words, trying so hard to make me believe him. “You should have seen her face. She couldn’t even bear the pain of saying your name while you were gone. The way she acts around you is so different from what she ever showed to me or any of us… you’re the one who makes her feel safe and loved enough to open up completely, not me. It was never me. Mark, I wish I could tell you why she is so damn oblivious to the fact that she loves you.” I ripped my arm out of his grip even though I knew he wasn’t done yet but there was no way I could bear to hear any more of this. My head felt like it was about to explode. I heard him saying my name over and over again, sounding frantic as he had in fact not managed to make me listen long enough for the most important part, but with my heart still racing and a booming sound in my ears as it all became too much I just really had to leave this place. Go somewhere else, clear my head and figure out how I could clean up the mess I had created.  
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