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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 years

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Hey Steph!

Any chance you've got any fics where John and Sherlock come out publicly (an AU or just canon)? For some reason I just adORe the tension

Anyway, thanks for everything you do on your blog, it's hugely appreciated!

Hey Lovely!!

Ahhhh Hmm I thought I had a list for this but apparently not, oof.

Here’s what I can offer you with my tags in my bookmarks and MFL’s! Feel free to add some, y’all if you have any I missed!

COMING OUT

See also:

Homophobia / Sexuality / Pride || [John’s Sexuality]

John’s Friends Find Out About Sherlock

John’s Internalized Homophobia

Ex by Itsallfine (T, 1,248 w., 1 Ch. || Angsty Fluff, Love Confessions, Coming Out, Exes, First Kiss, Fake Relationship, Getting Outed) – One night, in the midst of their post-case high and on the cusp of something more, John and Sherlock run into John’s ex. His ex-boyfriend.

Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) (M, 10,862 w., 10 Ch. || For a Case, Gay Bar, Pining, Coming Out, Slow Burn) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he's NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won't change anything between them. And then it does.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete. (This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

MARKED FOR LATER

About Being Gay by A_Candle_For_Sherlock (G, 1,088 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, First Kiss, Romantic Fluff, Older Rosie) – Rosie looks up from Sherlock’s picture book about poisonous plants, gives Sherlock a look and asks, 'Are you gay, Sherlock?' and Sherlock, without missing a beat, just says 'Yes,' and continues drinking his tea, and Rosie says 'Ah,' and goes back to her plant book, and John nearly doubles over in the corner.

A Regular not at all Terrifying-for-unknown-reasons Conversation by Dodoa (T, 5,506 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock, Unilock, Best Friends, Coming Out, Self-Discovery, Dialogue Heavy, Self Acceptance) – Sherlock is trying to work something out and goes to John for help. John might not have all the answers, but he's determined to help.

Still alive by LoLecter (M, 8,375 w., 1 Ch. || Teenlock AU || Trans!Sherlock, Suicide Attempt, Overdose, Friends to Lovers, Coming Out, Bisexual Character, Fluff, Transphobia, Asshole Parents, Big Brother Mycroft) – Sherlock has known he was transgender for a while now and he decides to come out to his parents, but they react badly and Sherlock end up trying to kill himself only to be saved by his best friend John who doesn't know anything about Sherlock being trans.

Isolated by CarmillaCarmine (G, 8,549, 6/7 Ch. || WiP || Quarantine From Virus, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Bi-Panic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Coming Out, Bathing/Washing, Bubble Bath, Kissing) – Due to an ongoing pandemic, John and Sherlock find themselves isolated at 221B.

Who I Really Am by agirlsname (T, 13,067 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE [1] or [2] || Post S4, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Grief/Mourning, POV John, Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending) – You don't tend to give up your heterosexual privilege without a fight.

Coming Out by LiviKate (M, 13,439 w., 5 Ch. || Teenlock, Homophobia, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Pining John, Oral Sex, Drunk John, Bisexual John, Teen Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Reconciliation, Arguing) – John has had feelings for his best friend for a very long time. Feelings he knows will never be returned. When John goes out to drown his sorrows in booze and girls, he finds himself falling into bed with a man for the first time instead. John doesn't expect Sherlock to think much of it, as he had never cared either way about people's sexualities. But when Sherlock finds out, things go downhill quickly, leaving John confused and alone. Can the two friends come back together after such an explosive coming out? If they do, will it be like before? Or might it be so very, very different?

Straight Boy Pain by Glenmore (NR, 18,257 w., 10 Ch. || Coming Out, Pain, Romance, Birds, Sexuality) – Sherlock is in pain. Billy Kinkaid, the Camden garroter and best man Sherlock knows, diagnoses it. Ademar Silver, a male prostitute in south London, attempts to treat it. Lestrade, kindly Detective Inspector of New Scotland Yard, doesn’t notice it. Eventually, John Watson, healer and registered medical doctor, cures it. And a beautician called Penny paints Sherlock’s toenails.

The Lying Doctor by pagimag (E, 44,285 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Fix It, Hurt/Comfort, Past Alcohol/Drug Abuse, Anger Issues, Depressed John, Watson Siblings, Coming Out, Bi John, First Time, Dom/Sub Undertones, Parentlock, Internalized Homophobia, Past Child Abuse, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock and John's relationship is fragile after the events at Culverton Smith’s hospital. John struggles with guilt and anger issues. During a case he decides to visit his aunt, which leads to an unexpected development. He’s forced to reevaluate ingrained behaviours, confront long lasting issues and question how he leads his life.

In Bed by Ellipsical (E, 46,922 w., 12 Ch. || Autofellatio, Vibrators, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Liminal Identities, Christmas, Sex Toys, Sexual Fantasy, Fingering, Jealous John, Therapy, Flirting, Texting, Fluff, Sherlock’s Violin, Anal, Est. Rel., Semi-Public Sex, Harry Watson, Communication, Coming in Pants, Spitroasting, Double Penetration, Dirty Talk, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Acceptance, Happy Ending, PTSD John, Coping Mechanisms, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – It’s almost Christmas, John thinks, and this, this is bullshit. The epilogue to Guilty Secrets. Part 2 of Guilty Secrets

NO! by Tildathings (M, 50,043 w., 36 Ch. || Homophobia, Bed Sharing, Military Uniforms, Past Abuse, Jealous John, Stalking, Violence, First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Pillow Talk, Coming Out, Sherlock’s Past, Shower, Cuddling, Grief and Sorrow, Hugs, Character Death) – Sherlock has been in a coma in over 8 months after he overdosed on the plane at TAB, during which time Mary and Rosie were killed by Vivian Norbury. This story starts 3 weeks after Sherlock has woken up. John is asking to move back to Baker Street.

What have you done? by Tildathings (M, 63,940+ w., 17/? Ch. || WiP || Interenalized Homophobia, John’s Family, Coming Out, Sherock/OMC, Hugging, Suicide, John Deduce’s, Nightmares, Love Confession, First Date, Bed Sharing, Psychiatry) – John have been invited by Sherlock on a pub night?! Sherlock said to him at Monday that Greg and Mike wanted him to come with them on a pub night. Sherlock is afraid that he would do something wrong socially left alone, so could John come with him? When John arrives at the pub Two Broken Hearts he sees Sherlock talking to a man.

A Change of Heart by SosoHolmesWatson (E, 65,436 w., 20 Ch. || Post-S4 / Canon Compliant, Jealous Sherlock, Past Abuse, Parentlock, Dev. Rel., Idiots in Love, Suicidal Sherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Mollstrade, Coming Out, Love Confessions, Big Brother Mycroft, John’s Childhood, POV Alternating, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Hand Jobs) – After all they have been through, after all the heartbreak and desolation, John and Sherlock want to make their way back to each other, still convinced that friendship is all that can exist between them. Will there be a change of heart? Part 1 of the The Pains of Growing series

Worst Kept Secrets by Sherlock1110 and sherlockian4evr (M, 61,515+w., 8/? Ch. || WiP || Engagement, Coming Out, Angst and Feels, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Big Brother Mycroft, Fluff, Scars, Weddings, Honeymoon, Playing Pirates, Parasailing, Archaeology, Paintball, Swimming, Golf) – For the prompt: What if the thing Mycroft did to upset Mummy... was to come out? What if, as a teenager, Mycroft decided to tell his family that he is gay, and his parents disowned him for it? It's okay now, he runs the British Government, he IS the British Government, but there's still that tiny part of him that wants his parent's acceptance, especially now he's found the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Part 4 of the Sherlock and Mycroft Fluff series

Sacré Coeur by Mamaorion (M, 95,235 w., 27 Ch. || S4 Fix It Rewrite, First Kiss, UST / RST, Eventual Happy Ending, Coming Out, Holmes Family, Marriage Proposal, Husbands, Healing, Evil Mary, Beekeeping, Caretaker Sherlock, Mind Palace, Alzheimer’s Disease, Protective / Big Brother Mycroft, TD-12) – In this s4 fixit, John must piece together the gaps in his altered memory if he and Sherlock are to face the terror that has plagued Sherlock since childhood. As they untangle the web, seven years of hidden love ignite.

Full Court Press by MissDavis (E, 126,123 w. || College Basketball AU || Unilock, Masturbation, Homophobia, First Kiss / Time, Oral/Anal, Coming Out, Switchlock, Blowjobs) – Sherlock Holmes has accepted a scholarship to play basketball at the College of St. Bartholomew's. He expects to be their star player and turn the team's losing record around. He does not expect to fall in love with the team's captain, a certain scrappy point guard named John Watson. Or: Sherlock is the team's best shooter. John is the team's best ball-handler.

Nine and a Half Weeks by CumberCurlyGirl and Kameo (E, 175,094+ w., 35/? Ch. || WiP || American AU || Different First Meeting, Daddy Kink, Bottomlock, Anal Plug, Riding Crops, Spanking, Light Bondage, Anal/Oral, Aftercare, Posh John, Virgin Sherlock, Homophobia, Sugar Daddy John, Rimming, Coming in Pants, Light Dom/Sub, Past Sherlock / Victor, Light BDSM, Public Sex, John in a Kilt, Vibrators, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is about to graduate from high school in midwestern America. Despite his intelligence, his prospects are bleak due to poverty, an indifferent, alcoholic father and poor choices. One day, at work, he sells a riding crop to a handsome blonde Brit and his life is changed. He doesn't know what hit him - until he does. This is a story of a journey to love and self-acceptance and explores many themes along the way: drug abuse, grief, coming out, age difference, consent. Lots of sex but so much more.

Of Ice and Men by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 176,906 w., 20 Ch. || Olympics AU || Paralympics, Prosthesis, Disability, Established Relationship, Threesome - Johnlockstrade, Angst with Happy Ending, Coming Out, Secret Relationship, Asexuall Sherlock, Pilot John) – Greg wants Sherlock to win his first Olympic Gold medal. Sherlock wants John to win his first Olympic Gold medal. John wants Greg to come to bed wearing all four of his Olympic Gold medals, and you didn't really think this would be that terribly serious after reading that title, did you? Bundle up, it's a Winter Olympics OT3!

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w., 73 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice /Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. "It is what it is." John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #coming out #my fic recs #sexuality fics #mindless-octopus

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drsilverfish · 4 years

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Where the Girls Go Wild and the Boys Play Hard - The Subtext in Swayze’s Bar - 15x07 Last Call

Well, I guess now we know why Swayze always gets a pass... (a shared crush with an old flame).

And I guess we also know that the silent word in the episode title Last Call is booty... as in Last (Booty) Call - or, the tragic end to an old fling.

Ok, so I’m late to the party (I’m sure there is a party, right?) as I’ve just watched the episode and I’ve been avoiding spoilers!

No doubt the queer subtext in this episode, regarding the nature of Dean and Lee’s previous relationship, has already been the subject of much discussion, many meta and gifs. So, apologies for any repetitions, but I’m gonna give it my best shot.

Firstly I was struck by the name of this old hunting “brother” of Dean’s - Lee. I know Lee Webb was a country singer. But, in the larger mythos of Supernatural, which Kripke based on Kerouac’s On the Road (Sam = Sal Paradise and Dean = Dean Moriarty) Lee would fit as a reference to Old Bull Lee, another character in On the Road, based on Kerouac’s friend, the writer William Burroughs (who was of course, gay).

There are many elements we’re used to - Sam/ Eileen (now overtly on the edge of something romantic) paired in the narrative whilst Dean/ Lee are paired; sharing drinks as substitutes for erotic intimacy (here, dick-touching):

which SPN has used before, notably back when Dean got infected by Nick the Siren by sharing his hipflask with him in Baby in 4x14 Sex and Violence (a subtextual kiss).

Then there’s the reference Dean and Lee make to a good ol’ time of theirs back when they shared an encounter with triplets (of unspecified gender) whilst hanging out with Lorna, in a situation at Swayze’s which could, potentially, turn into a present-day threesome, given Lorna’s earlier overt sexual interest in Dean, and the subtextual tension between Dean and Lee.

This reference to triplets (of unspecified gender) of course, reminds us of those other triplets (also of unspecified gender) to whom Crowley and Deanmon did “extraordinary things” together back in 10x01 Black during their “summer of love”.

But it was the intimacy of Lee’s line to Dean from the stage: “You can’t just sit around lip-synching to Eye of the Tiger when no-one’s watching,” that punched me in the gut. Dean had allowed himself to really be seen by this guy, i.e. shared his secret dream to be a rock star with him, which we’ve previously seen him reveal to another old love, Robin, in 9x07 Bad Boys.

So yeah it turns out, as Rowena said, “What’s bi is bi,” - and sometimes bisexual lighting is bisexual lighting:

“Making their way, the only way they know how... that’s just a little bit more than the law will allow...”

The Duke’s of Hazzard theme song, sure, but also, in this context, of course, an anthem, for Dean and Lee, to “outlaw” (queer, closeted) sexuality.

Then there’s Lee’s bar, Swayze’s, itself, which sheds new light on Rocky’s Bar, the “happiness-trap” dream mind-bar which AU!Michael created in Dean’s head in 14x10 Nihilism in order to subdue him:

Looks like Dean and Lee shared a dream about owning a bar together, way back when Sammy was off at college and Dean and Lee were “hunting buddies”.

And look, Cosmic Cowboy makes an appearance inboth Swayze’s and Rocky’s:

Yeah, I know it’s a real Family Business Beer Co beer, but that don’t mean it can’t play a role in the subtext additionally, where it connects these two old lovers’ dream bars:

I’ve written previously about the queer-coding of bars in SPN over the years:

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/50661253249/the-bar-scene-in-8x23-spoilers-detailed

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/115759833784/dean-winchester-bars-and-m-m-encounters

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182142619479/rockys-bar-a-closer-look-in-deans-mind-14x10

And there’s plenty of queer-coding in Swayze’s. Just look at those two guns crossed on the wall between Dean and Lee:

Sure, they’re about to fight, so that’s one layer, but as with the touching beer bottles above, this is also dick-on-dick symbolism 101.

And would you look at that freaking TV screen with the man on the end of a pier at sunset? Yup that also appeared in Rocky’s:

As I’ve often discussed before, pier symbolism has come, in SPN’s visual subtext, to stand for the intimate connection between Dean and Cas, from that pivotal scene in 4x20 The Rapture in which Cas entered Dean’s fishing dream, rebelling against Heaven to do so, and tried to warn him about Heaven’s plans.

Notice The Rapture is also referenced in 15x07 because the case Dean is investigating was reported in the news as a girl being “raptured” (taken up to Heaven). And that pier scene from The Rapture was referenced last week too, as Cas mused about Dean’s love for fishing’s “meditative qualities” during his Jenny Lake case in 15x06 Golden Time. The profound bond may presently be under strain, but oh boy, is the subtext singing from its hymn sheet.

Cas’ absence (and Dean’s longing for him) is layered into the subtext of both Rocky’s and Swayze’s bars. In 15x07 Dean has left the bunker because (we may infer) he’s finding Sam’s burgeoning happiness with Eileen hard to deal with, given his own break-up with Cas, and yet, the poor sod goes and runs, tragically, into another lost love.

And then this dialogue hits us, and Dean, with break-up feels:

Dean: “Best friends don’t just up and leave without saying goodbye...”

Lee: “Unless they deserve it...”

You have to wonder if the similarities between Rocky’s (which was a fiction, an illusion) and Swayze’s, contains an ominous hint of Chuck’s handiwork. Perhaps he set up this painful scenario (by association, also a fiction) for Dean, to cruelly toy with his emotions.

The reference to 4x06 Yellow Fever really made my subtext-dar go off, in terms of the multiple layers Jeremy Adams managed to deftly work into Last Call. Dean laughingly tells Lee about catching “ghost sickness” that one time (and of course, Lee’s Eye of the Tiger reference also recalls Yellow Fever for us).

Yellow Fever, Dabb’s first episode for the show, is, in subtext, a study in queer-panic, which the “ghost sickness” (which infects Dean, not Sam) stands in for. See my queer reading of that episode, here:

https://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/182874642184/old-timey-spn-a-fresh-queer-look-at-4x06

“Ghost-sickness”, aka queer closeted anxiety, becomes deeply poignant here, hanging between Dean and Lee, like the ghost of their old intimacy, which they never vocalise, but which may (if we choose) be read in the way they touch each other.

Overall, this was a beautifully written episode by Jeremy Adams, and the final, tragic (sublimated) penetration of Lee by Dean with the pool cue - a real death echoing, in subtext, with all the “little deaths” (yes, sex) they’ve shared before, was acted to perfection.

Lee’s noises and grunts are the noises of a fight, yes, but close your eyes and listen to that scene. “Wait, wait,” Lee says breathlessly, and Dean pauses, before Lee tells him it’s ok to pull out. And Dean can’t freaking look Lee in the eye because this terrible new intimacy is layered ontop of older intimacies:

So is Dean’s bisexuality still subtext, after this episode?

Yes, given that out there in the fly-by-night froth of mainstream entertainment journalism, it remains (as far as I can see, in my admittedly brief trawl) unremarked upon in 15x07 episode reviews and recaps:

https://tvmoviefix.com/supernatural-season-15-episode-7-last-call-review-recap-spoilers/

https://ew.com/recap/supernatural-season-15-episode-7/

But, Dean does slay the monster in the closet that gives you fake happiness if you feed it the blood of innocents. And in that, we might read a metaphor - for Dean slaying his own closetedness (as much, anyway, as the CW will permit):

My usual disclaimer applies: reading SPN’s queer subtext does not imply or promise textual confirmation is on the way.

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isitandwonder · 3 years

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you never hear about anyone douching in charmie porn.... *cough* sorry fanfic... pmsl. its never been about queer rep... i hate it when straight cis women bang that drum around movies like cmbyn... they would NEVER get this hot under the collar for real queer content like tangerine for example.

Good morning, nonnie, a lot to unpack here.

1) Hate is a big word and hating on cis women is kinda widespread with some gay men (the infamous fag hag). I don’t like this. Sounds misogynystic and is the wrong way to go about this issue imo, though I get what you mean and your frustration with certain self-proclaimed allies.

2) A lot of these straight identifying women might not be that straight after all. You live and learn. Ofte, watching gay movies can be a catalyst for women to find out more about their own sexual orientation.

3) Is cmbyn a gay movie? I’d say it’s a bisexual movie. Doesn’t mean only bi people are allowed to enjoy it though. There are some good articles about the sanitized gayness in cmbyn, exemplified by 2 straight identifying actors playing the leads and THAT TREE, for example. I also read that this isn’t just a thing with female viewers enjoying gay sex but not too much, but also that gay men themselves enjoy watching straight men ‘play’ gay. This touches some deep rooted ‘longings’ in the gay community for straight men, as can be seen in a lot of gay porn (Giving it to my Straight Neighbour kinda stuff, and isn’t that some form of fetishising as well?).

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/richard-brody/the-empty-sanitized-intimacy-of-call-me-by-your-name

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/nov/23/call-me-by-your-name-gay-sex-oscars

4) This sanitized queerness, filming a tree instead of more of E & O in bed for example, both makes the film probably more accessible to straight viewers and therefore guarantuess a broader audience to be reached by the film’s message which is, among other things, promoting tolerance for same sex relationships, but for the price of erasing a significant part, the same SEX, of these relationships. The jury’s still out on the question if that’s beneficial or backwards.

5) Slash fanfic or smut is essentially porn, written to get the reader off. Nothing wrong with that and whatever rocks your boat. I don’t see men douching in gay porn movies either. Porn sells a fantasy, not ‘real’ sex with all its messiness and ridiculousness. No harm done there as long as you don’t think this is how sex works or uses it as sex ed. There’s also fanfic without smut, though I agree that from what I’ve been seeing with a lot of writers leaving the fandom, those who keep writing T/A fic have fallen into a pattern where A is the manly hunk and T the soft flower, being depicted with traditional female attributes like delicate, pale, thin, smaller etc. D/s fics dominate, or Daddy!Armie and baby!tim. To me, that’s boring but to each their own.

6) There are a bunch of reasons why straight identifying women enjoy gay porn and gay slash fic and summing it all up as fetishising is unfair (also, fetishes are a part of sexuality and not inherently a bad thing). A good book on it is ‘Girls who like Boys who like Boys’. Some reasons are: 2 dicks are better than one / no big-boobed blond woman in gay porn to which the female audience has to compare herself, finding the own body lacking / for women who’ve experienced abuse or assault gay porn can be a form of still enjoying sex but taking themselves and their bodies out of the equation as gay men have no interest in them, either predatory or otherwise / gay porn allows equality between the partners, it’s not, as in het porn, clear from the start who penetrates whom, which breaks with traditional sexual roles always depicting women as passive, as to be conquered, pissing a lot of women off.

All that being said, I agree that probably many of those women who ship charmie wouldn’t enjoy the movie as much if it showed more explicit gay sex like anal penetration. There are movies and also books that depict queerness more openly, and they don’t have the kind of success cmbyn had.

But Charmies are a special case: they want to force gayness on 2 straight presenting actors. Maybe some of the above listed reasons come into play. Maybe it’s because many are young and don’t know much about sex at all, looking for some kind of perfectly sanitized safe romance. Other female charmies insert themselves into Tim’s part, making him the ‘female’ of the ship, to imagine traditional straight sex with AH. Some are obviously psychotic and need professional help. It’s a colorful mixture.

In the end, no piece of media can choose who consumes and enjoys it. The moment it’s released it’s the death of the author and everyone takes away from it what they need. This can’t be restricted.

Yet I personally would wish for more tolerance on both sides. I want explicit queer content but not just for queer people. Gate keeping doesn’t lead anywhere and is futile.

Oh, and I forgot 7) Was it a good idea to have 2 straight identifying actors play E & O? It surely added to the appeal for straight audiences because I believe no matter how good an actor you are, if you can’t draw on your own experience it’s not quite the same as if you as an actor know what you’re portraying esp in intimate settings. So queer actors might have portrayed E and O different, maybe queerer. But that’s a huge issue in itself and all I want to say to it is: a) we need more queer characters on screen and in media b) I want queer characters played by queer people. I also want straight / non-binary / ace characters played by queer people c) I don’t like ‘playing gay’ to be seen as a daring choice or rite of passage for serious straight actors.

I think as with every piece of media it’s always worth to open-mindedly examine: why do I enjoy it? What do I enjoy about it? There’s no right or wrong here, nothing is verboten. But reflecting on ‘what does this mean to me?’ never harmed anyone either and gives media consumption it’s deeper meaning and reason. If charmies were able to do this they wouldn’t have gone so completely off the rail like they did.

These shippers running amok now are just batshit crazy and not a good example of fandom or allies at all.

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champsays · 5 years

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“Adam” The Film And It’s Problematic Implications

Okay, so first of all — YES IM LATE TO THE PARTY! Apparently there’s a film called “Adam” that is coming out this summer based on a YA novel written by a white lesbian woman that is supposed to be super groundbreaking for the LGBT+ community. I’ve never heard of the book or the film until recently because of some backlash I saw on twitter. I didn’t wanna join the band wagon without being properly informed so I did my research and I must say that the backlash surrounding this film is completely just and warranted.

The novel written by Ariel Schrag is about a cis, white teenage boy who has bad luck with girls so when he goes to visit his lesbian sister in New York, who is at the moment dating a transman, he decides to pretend to be trans so he can bag himself a hot lesbian. He does this after being mistaken for trans and decides to run with it. He falls hard for the “hot lesbin girl” and in one scene they even have sex where he actually uses his real penis to penetrate her even though she thought it was a strap on. He goes to a Trans Camp where he eventually feels bad about his actions and confesses to the girl. But for some reason she’s not as mad and even says that ‘it’s okay because she imagined him as a real a boy anyway.’ A lot more happens but that’s the summarized version.

Despite the backlash, some movie executives thought that it would be groundbreaking to make this novel into a film and here’s why that’s a huge mistake. How many Hollywood movies have we seen where a White, Cis male has infiltrated the safe spaces of a marginalized community for personal/sexual gain and then eventually learns how these actions are problematic? We’ve seen this same story play out plenty of times on screen but now that LGBT allyship is trendy in Hollywood, the powers that be thought they were doing something groundbreaking and pushing the envelope by making this highly offensive film.

First of all, the fact that the original novel was written by a lesbian just goes to show how education on trans identity is very scarce even in the Queer community and we have to do better in that regard. But how many times do we need to see a white boy using real issues to get laid on screen? This could have easily been a story about an actual transman coming to terms with his identity in life and in romance. But instead lets create a story where trans is essentially a costume. Hell, a story about the main character’s sister would have been more interesting and more authentic to the author’s personal experience. It also proves that just because you identify as being apart of the LGBT+ community, it doesnt necessarily mean you are qualified to tell stories about all of our experiences.

Now besides the highly problematic narrative and offensive nuances, the writer literally tries to romanticize a rape scene. In the book, the main character tells his lesbian girlfriend that he is using a strap on to penetrate her but in fact he uses his real penis. The girlfriend didnt consent to that which is, by definition, RAPE. Make no mistake, when engaging in any sexual activity and one party decides to go a step further without the consent of their partner that is considered rape. Not to mention the horrible implication that trans men arent real men. Or the fact that lesbians can be “fixed” by having sex with a ‘real man’. That’s right! In the book, the girlfriend of the main character ends up getting a cis boyfriend. Does this make her bisexual or has she decided to be completely hetero? We really dont know but the implication is not okay, especially for this to be a YA novel. If you marry that idea with how impressionable young adults can be, smells like a recipe for disaster.

I can’t continue without saying that there are actually straight men who prowl gay bars hoping to connect with a “hot lesbian” to convert her back to liking “real men”. I’ve personally encountered men with this exact mindset so to fantasize this very problematic behavior into a book AND movie just perpetuates the notion that gayness/queerness/trans identity is curable.

I perused through youtube to find a few videos and interviews of the filmmakers talking about the movie amidst the backlash and the director Rhys Ernst is surprisingly one of the directors that works on the critically acclaimed show “Transparent”. As popular as that show is and as talented as Jeffrey Tambor is, the show is still riddled with its own issues by allowing a Cis White man to play a trans person eseentially taking a job away from an actual trans actor. An issue that even Jeffrey Tambor ironically shed light on during his acceptance speech after winning a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor for his performance in the role.

One would think that in an industry where LGBT+ stories have been scarce for so long that we should rejoice in the small triumphs. On the surface, this film is being paraded around as artistic genius amplifying the voices of the trans community and employing those who belong to the community in front AND BEHIND the camera. We should be applauding this right? WRONG. This story is essentially about the trans community through the lens of a selfish, insecure, sex crazed straight man and we are tired of seeing that portrayed on screen. I looked on IMDB and it says that this film comes out in August and I’m sure it will have a strong marketing campaign that will be wrapped in a beatiful bow of romance, inclusion, and acceptance but don’t be fooled.

We live in a climate where standing up for what’s right is frowned upon. Where people mistake using your voice as another cry for political correctness. You even have people saying this new generation is “too sensitive”. Well I beg to differ. We are not sensitive at all. We just choose to not be as passive as our parents and grandparents were. We have decided to not apologize when we tell you how we want to be treated. And if that’s an issue for you, take it up with God or whatever higher power you choose to believe in. I’d rather be politically correct than completely deaf and oblivious to the experiences of a marginalized people — and that’s what Champ says!

#adam #adam the film #ariel schrag #rhys ernst #lgbt #lgbtqia #transgender #transphobia

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analyzingdestiel · 5 years

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DESTIEL REVIEW FOR 5x3: FREE TO BE YOU AND ME

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SCENE 1

DEAN dampens a washcloth in the motel room sink and starts to clean his jacket. CASTIEL appears behind him. DEAN sees him in the mirror and startles.

DEAN God.

DEAN thumps the sink.

DEAN Don't do that.

CASTIEL Hello, Dean.

DEAN turns around; CASTIEL is inches from him.

DEAN Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space?

CASTIEL My apologies.

CASTIEL steps back. DEAN grabs his jacket and walks toward the bed.

DEAN How'd you find me? I thought I was flying below the angel radar.

DEAN rubs his ribs to illustrate the point.

CASTIEL You are. Bobby told me where you were.

CASTIEL looks around the motel room, which has no signs of SAM's presence, not even a second bed.

CASTIEL Where's Sam?

DEAN puts on his jacket without looking at CASTIEL.

DEAN Me and Sam are taking separate vacations for a while. So.

DEAN You find God yet? More importantly, can I have my damn necklace back, please?

CASTIEL No, I haven't found him. That's why I'm here. I need your help.

DEAN With what? God hunt? Not interested.

CASTIEL It's not God. It's someone else.

DEAN Who?

CASTIEL Archangel. The one who killed me.

DEAN 'Scuse me?

CASTIEL His name is Raphael.

DEAN You were wasted by a teenage mutant ninja angel?

CASTIEL I've heard whispers that he's walking the earth. This is a rare opportunity.

DEAN For what? Revenge?

CASTIEL Information.

DEAN goes back over to the sink, picks up his knife and a washcloth, and starts to clean the knife.

DEAN So, what, you think you can find this dude and he's just gonna spill God's address?

CASTIEL Yes, because we are gonna trap him and interrogate him.

DEAN pauses and turns back.

DEAN You're serious about this.

CASTIEL turns around to face DEAN. DEAN drops the washcloth and walks back toward CASTIEL.

DEAN So, what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?

CASTIEL stares at DEAN, confused. DEAN goes around CASTIEL and does something offscreen with the knife.

DEAN Give me one good reason why I should do this.

CASTIEL Because you're Michael's vessel and no angel will dare harm you.

DEAN looks at CASTIEL.

DEAN Oh, so I'm your bullet shield.

CASTIEL I need your help because you are the only one who'll help me. Please.

DEAN considers.

DEAN All right, fine. Where is he?

CASTIEL Maine. Let's go.

CASTIEL reaches to touch DEAN's forehead with two fingers. DEAN leans away.

DEAN Whoa.

CASTIEL removes his hand.

CASTIEL What?

DEAN Last time you zapped me someplace I didn't poop for a week. We're driving.

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DESTIEL REVIEW FOR SCENE 1

DEAN dampens a washcloth in the motel room sink and starts to clean his jacket. CASTIEL appears behind him. DEAN sees him in the mirror and startles.

DEAN God.

DEAN thumps the sink.

DEAN Don't do that.

I find it interesting that Dean has been unable to sense Castiel before he appears as of late. Because Dean has the cloaking symbols along his ribs, it now makes it harder for Castiel to hone in on Dean's frequency to find him. I wonder if because of that, Dean doesn't feel that "honing in". Perhaps this is what alerted Dean of his presence in previous episodes; he could feel Castiel honing in on him. Castiel is still able to sort of penetrate Dean's subconscious it seems, but only once they are already together/he knows where he is.

Either that or perhaps some days Dean is just not as receptive to Castiel's frequency and so doesn't pick up on it at all times.

CASTIEL Hello, Dean.

DEAN turns around; CASTIEL is inches from him.

DEAN Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space?

CASTIEL My apologies.

Dean's discomfort with Castiel's proximity is interesting though I suppose one does enjoy their personal space. I also find it interesting that Dean apparently brought up to Castiel that he stands too close, off screen "we've talked about this". Why it makes him uncomfortable could be for a number of reasons. Last episode we were given the impression that Dean is uneasy around Castiel especially when he is close to him. I feel it's because Castiel is quite penetrative whether he intends to be or not and it makes Dean feel vulnerable. One could also say that Dean is alarmed by the proximity because Castiel is in a male vessel and it is uncomfortable for him being that close to another male. The way he swallows nervously and looks from Castiel's eyes to his lips hints at a sort of sexual thinking; which is common with Dean. He is often thinking of sex. I think here he was aware that Castiel’s face was quite close to his own; basically is within kissing range.

Either way, his discomfort and nervousness is obvious. Why he was nervous could be left up to the viewers interpretation but it initially gave me the impression that Castiel was too close to his own face and that “it’s weird with another dude”. Dean may or may not have some desires that he is repressing; it’s not stated so much as it is possibly hinted at.

I've realized Castiel doesn't stand this close to others, not even other angels, which leads me to believe it's not so much a lack of understanding of boundaries. Perhaps because he is attached to Dean, he feels standing closer is acceptable. According to Castiel he's been in and around Dean's form; for him, he may consider separation at all to be quite the distance apart.

DEAN So, what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?

I find it note worthy that Dean refers to Thelma and Louise and Ernie and Bert in this episode. Both of these couples have the controversy surrounding them that they're homosexual. Basically, they are shipped, just as Dean and Castiel are. Dean even says (later) that he knows for a fact Ernie and Bert are gay. I feel this may have been deliberate on the writers' end. Character-wise it's also possible that it means something, perhaps something going on within Dean's subconscious. Or it could be a mere coincidence.

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SCENE 2

DEAN and CASTIEL get out of the Impala.

Waterville, Maine

DEAN And we're here why?

CASTIEL A deputy sheriff laid eyes on the archangel.

DEAN And he still has eyes? All right, what's the plan?

CASTIEL We'll...tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the Lord, and the officer will tell us where the angel is.

DEAN Seriously? You're going to walk in there and tell him the truth?

CASTIEL Why not?

DEAN Because we're humans.

DEAN pulls out another fake ID and stashes it inside CASTIEL's coat, then adjusts CASTIEL's coat and tie.

DEAN And when humans want something really, really bad, we lie.

CASTIEL Why?

DEAN Because that's how you become President.

INT. SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT – DAY

DEAN Deputy Framingham?

The DEPUTY turns around. DEAN holds up an FBI ID.

DEAN Hi. Alonzo Mosely, FBI. This is my partner, Eddie Moscone.

CASTIEL does nothing.

DEAN Also FBI.

CASTIEL does nothing. DEAN stares at him. CASTIEL catches on and pulls out his FBI ID, which he displays upside-down. DEAN turns it over for him.

DEAN He's, uh, he's new. Mind if we ask you a few questions?

CASTIEL looks at the ID, curious.

FRAMINGHAM Yeah, sure. Talk here, though.

FRAMINGHAM indicates his right ear, leading DEAN and CASTIEL to his office.

FRAMINGHAM Hearing's all blown to hell in this one.

DEAN That happen recently?

FRAMINGHAM Yeah. Gas station. Why you're here, isn't it?

DEAN Yes, it is.

They all sit down.

DEAN You mind just, uh, running us through what happened?

FRAMINGHAM A call came in. Disturbance out at the Pump and Go on Route 4.

DEAN What kind of disturbance?

FRAMINGHAM Would not have believed my eyes if I hadn't seen it myself. We're talking a riot. Full scale.

DEAN How many?

FRAMINGHAM Thirty, forty, in all-out kill-or-be-killed combat?

DEAN Any idea what set them off?

CASTIEL It's angels and demons, probably.

FRAMINGHAM looks at CASTIEL. CASTIEL looks back.

CASTIEL They're skirmishing all over the globe.

FRAMINGHAM Come again?

FRAMINGHAM turns back to DEAN.

FRAMINGHAM What did he say?

DEAN and CASTIEL speak simultaneously.

DEAN Nothing. Nothing.

CASTIEL Demons. Demons.

CASTIEL shuts up.

DEAN Demons, you know, drink, adultery. We all have our demons, Walt.

FRAMINGHAM looks back and forth.

FRAMINGHAM I guess.

DEAN looks at CASTIEL.

DEAN Anyway.

DEAN returns his attention to FRAMINGHAM.

DEAN What happened next?

FRAMINGHAM Freaking explosion, that's what. They said it was one of those underground gas tanks, but, uh, I don't think so.

DEAN Why not?

FRAMINGHAM Wasn't your usual fireball. It was, um—

CASTIEL Pure white.

FRAMINGHAM Yeah. Gas station was leveled. Everyone was...it was just horrible. And I see this one guy, kneeling, real focused-like, not a damn scratch on him.

DEAN You know him?

FRAMINGHAM Donnie Finneman. Mechanic there.

DEAN Let me guess, he just, uh, vanished into thin air?

FRAMINGHAM Uh, no, Kolchak. He's down at Saint Pete's.

CASTIEL turns to DEAN.

CASTIEL Saint Pete's.

DEAN Thank you. ST. PETER'S HOSPITAL

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

DONNIE is sitting in a wheelchair, catatonic. DEAN and CASTIEL observe him from the hallway window.

DEAN I take it that's not Raphael anymore.

CASTIEL Just an empty vessel.

DEAN So is this what I'm looking at if Michael jumps in my bones?

CASTIEL No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you.

DEAN looks away.

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DESTIEL REVIEW FOR SCENE 2

CASTIEL We'll...tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the Lord, and the officer will tell us where the angel is.

DEAN Seriously? You're going to walk in there and tell him the truth?

CASTIEL Why not?

DEAN Because we're humans.

DEAN pulls out another fake ID and stashes it inside CASTIEL's coat, then adjusts CASTIEL's coat and tie.

This scene is endearing. We see, for one, that Castiel doesn't understand how to behave like a normal human being and that he will need to learn some things from Dean.

And the adjusting of Castiel's coat and tie just goes to show that Dean is becoming more comfortable around Castiel, which is important. I find it funny how Dean is unwilling to allow Castiel into his personal space, but he feels he is allowed into Castiel's. So the issue isn't so much that he wants his personal space. Perhaps this is based on Dean's need for control; and he feels out of control unless he initiates it.

Other moments during this scene were enjoyable. They make an entertaining couple. I feel many could ship them because of this; they are quite funny together.

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SCENE 3

DEAN walks through the empty cabin, paging through John's journal. He sets it down on the table and turns. CASTIEL is there, holding a ceramic jar.

DEAN Where've you been?

CASTIEL Jerusalem.

DEAN Oh, how was it?

CASTIEL Arid.

CASTIEL sets the jar on the table.

DEAN What's that?

CASTIEL It's oil. It's very special. Very rare.

CASTIEL sits down.

DEAN Okay, so we trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?

CASTIEL No.

DEAN So this ritual of yours, when does it got to go down?

CASTIEL Sunrise.

DEAN Tell me something. You keep saying we're gonna trap this guy. Isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?

CASTIEL No, it's harder.

DEAN Do we have any chance of surviving this?

CASTIEL You do.

DEAN So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow.

CASTIEL Yes.

DEAN Well. Last night on earth. What are your plans?

CASTIEL I just thought I'd sit here quietly.

DEAN Come on, anything? Booze, women?

CASTIEL looks at DEAN and away, uncomfortable.

DEAN You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?

CASTIEL rubs the back of his neck.

DEAN You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?

CASTIEL Look, I've never had occasion, okay?

DEAN All right.

DEAN grabs his jacket.

DEAN Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.

DEAN leaves. CASTIEL stares after him, then follows.

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DESTIEL REVIEW FOR SCENE 3

DEAN Do we have any chance of surviving this?

CASTIEL You do.

DEAN So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow.

CASTIEL Yes.

So Castiel is aware that he will die tomorrow, yet he shows no fear what so ever. This is very different compared to what we saw of Castiel in season 4. He was terrified. "They will kill us, all of us!"

Which brings me back to something I said in previous reviews. Was Castiel so terrified about rebelling because it put DEAN at risk? In this situation, Dean has a chance of surviving, and Castiel is no longer terrified. Fascinating.

DEAN Well. Last night on earth. What are your plans?

CASTIEL I just thought I'd sit here quietly.

Castiel just wanted to sit there with Dean quietly for his last night on Earth.

DEAN Come on, anything? Booze, women?

CASTIEL looks at DEAN and away, uncomfortable.

DEAN You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?

CASTIEL rubs the back of his neck.

DEAN You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?

CASTIEL Look, I've never had occasion, okay?

Dean's misunderstanding of how it works is quite hilarious. It would be impossible for two light beings to become intimate on a physical level. They are not physical beings. There is also no such thing as male or female where Castiel is from; there is only masculine and feminine energies, and light beings hold both. One of the energies is often more dominant than the other but for the most part they are both masculine and feminine. Angels do not have a gender; that is merely how human beings perceive them. They select a specific form for the comfort of humans when they come to us in dreams or in visions. But ultimately they are energy; there are no males or females.

The closest a light being could come to sexual intercourse without a physical body would be more like a merging of energy. Which he's done with Dean many times, when he penetrates Dean's subconscious.

Dean simply doesn't understand because he is human.

I find Castiel's discomfort entertaining; he is very sheepish about this topic. "I've never had occasion, okay?" Of course there wasn't the occasion, it is an impossibility in the way that Dean imagines it. Knowing this, I question why Castiel became uncomfortable. Perhaps because he feels Dean is judging him? He may be uncomfortable with the judgement coming from Dean more than anything else.

I feel, if anything, Dean could be the closest he's ever came to that desire. Castiel gave up everything he ever knew for Dean; he gave up every being in Heaven for Dean. Castiel didn't originally have desires. He said himself that Dean was the one that made him start "feeling". There would be no desire for intimacy if there were no emotions.

Though through Jimmy's vessel, he has never mated with another, and that is for obvious reasons; he'd been quite occupied with many things that were far more important than experiencing physical pleasure. I don't feel that Castiel had even considered it. The only human he really has interacted with on any intimate level is Dean. If he had considered it, I don't feel he would have considered doing it with anyone but Dean.

I wanted to mention this. Since Castiel is an angel, that means he would be very familiar with the Bible. Some Bibles state that lying with the same sex is detestable, though others are said not to have this in them. Some of these words are considered words of God, and others are considered words of man. Even if Castiel does follow the Bible, the version that considers homosexuality detestable, this wouldn't be relevant any longer because Castiel has rebelled and has even agreed to "sin" with Dean by attending the strip club. However uncomfortable, he does not say no to Dean. Also, does Castiel even view himself as a man? Does he identify as male because of his vessel? I honestly doubt he does. That would be like dressing up as a zombie on Halloween and believing you are actually a zombie; you know you're not a zombie, that is just the costume. So even if Castiel were to become physically intimate with Dean, would it count as homosexual, considering the vessel is not actually Castiel? Would he resist for Jimmy's sake? Would he have to, if Jimmy is often not even aware, and if it were Castiel's decision to become intimate rather than Jimmy's?

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SCENE 4

DEAN drinks. CASTIEL looks terrified.

DEAN Hey. Relax.

CASTIEL This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.

DEAN Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks.

A HOOKER approaches. DEAN notices.

DEAN Showtime.

HOOKER Hi. What's your name?

CASTIEL tries not to look at her.

DEAN Cas.

CASTIEL startles.

DEAN His name is Cas. What's your name?

HOOKER Chastity.

DEAN Chastity.

CASTIEL drinks his beer.

DEAN Wow. Is that kismet or what, buddy? Well, he likes you, you like him, so dayenu.

CHASTITY tugs CASTIEL up.

CHASTITY Come on, baby.

DEAN catches CASTIEL on the way past.

DEAN Hey, listen. Take this.

DEAN holds out a handful of money.

DEAN If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her, tiger.

CASTIEL stays still.

DEAN Don't make me push you.

CASTIEL takes the money and turns to follow CHASTITY. Another HOOKER walks past; DEAN follows her. She and DEAN clink glasses at the bar.

DEAN Well, cheers to you.

A scream offscreen. DEAN goes to investigate.

INT. BROTHEL BACK CORRIDOR – NIGHT

CHASTITY Get out of my face! Leave me alone! Bastard! Screw you, jerk!

She throws something at CASTIEL, who is a little disheveled.

CHASTITY I'll kill you!

She storms past DEAN.

CHASTITY Screw you too! God! Oh! Jerk!

DEAN approaches CASTIEL.

DEAN The hell did you do?

CASTIEL I don't know. I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.

DEAN Oh, no, man.

CASTIEL What?

DEAN This whole industry runs on absent fathers. It's, it's the natural order.

Two BOUNCERS enter from the door CHASTITY left through.

DEAN We should go. Come on.

He and CASTIEL head for the door at the opposite end of the corridor.

EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT

DEAN is laughing as he closes the door behind himself and CASTIEL.

CASTIEL What's so funny?

DEAN Oh, nothing. Whoo. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more than a long time. Years.

DEAN's face falls as he realizes.

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DESTIEL REVIEW FOR SCENE 4

DEAN drinks. CASTIEL looks terrified.

DEAN Hey. Relax.

CASTIEL This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.

DEAN Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks.

Castiel is terrified, he considers all of this sinful for obvious reasons. Dean convinces him that he is able to sin because he rebelled against Heaven. Castiel drinks the entirety of his beer during this scene due to how fearful he is of the situation. It's clear that Castiel doesn't want to have relations. He just wanted to sit quietly with Dean for his last hours; this is quite uncomfortable and Castiel doesn't understand it. He does not seem to have any sort of sex drive which makes perfect sense considering he is not human.

DEAN If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her, tiger.

CASTIEL stays still.

DEAN Don't make me push you.

The only reason Castiel did it was because Dean forced him to. It's clear from Castiel's end that this was not something he wanted or cared to do. One could look at this as Castiel giving into Dean as he has done in the past; Dean is his weakness. Despite the fact that it involves sexual pleasure with women, it is not entirely relevant because sexuality isn't the question here, it is whether or not Dean and Castiel are in love. Whether or not they are monogamous, polygamous, dating, not dating. I am not looking to find the answer to these questions, just whether or not Dean and Castiel are in love. Whether they sleep with other people doesn't matter because you can be in love with one person and still have sexual relations with another person. In fact, you can even love more than one person at a time, just in different ways. Sometimes you love someone more than another person but they're both loved none the less. This scene is only partly relevant. I didn't want to bring sexuality into it because Castiel is not actually male. Him not wanting to sleep with a woman is not in favor of "homosexuality". That doesn't matter where Castiel is concerned because he is not male, he has a male vessel and that fact is very important and must not be forgotten. Castiel's discomfort of and lack of a desire to sleep with a woman is not, for me, proof of homosexuality. For one, because there is no question of sexuality where Castiel is concerned because he is not a man. And for two, because his lack of desire to sleep with a random woman is not because he wants instead to sleep with a random man. I feel sleeping with a random man would make him extremely uncomfortable as well. He is not used to this sort of thing.

Although, one could say that Castiel would prefer to sleep with a man; not just any man, but with Dean. Not because of Dean's gender but because Dean is Dean. Dean is the one Castiel is attached to and bound to. It's not a gender thing, it's a soul thing. If Castiel did want to have relations with Dean, I feel it would be out of curiosity and because Dean is the only human he really has a connection with. I feel if Dean had presented Castiel with two options; do you want to sleep with that woman or do you want to sleep with me, he'd choose Dean because of their connection. Things are different for light beings. Humans base things more on the physical body whereas light beings don't always have a physical body and so base things instead on the soul.

Who are we to say that Castiel even views Dean as having a physical body, considering he is a light being? He may view things entirely different than a human; he may only see Dean's energy and not his physical body. Dean's energy would be genderless as well. He may be able to perceive Dean through Jimmy's eyes, as Jimmy, a human, would see him, but ultimately he is a light being and vision is different for them than it is for us.

And Dean wanting to sleep with a woman is not proof against Destiel. Just as Dean sleeping with a random woman isn't against Anna. Dean just isn't the "one person" kind of guy. Even if he did love Castiel, I doubt he would resist being with women because of that.

At this point I don't see anything romantic between Dean and Castiel. They are being portrayed here as friends more than anything. Perhaps even brotherly, as if Castiel has taken Sam's place. If there are any sort of romantic feelings, they would be coming from Castiel, who ultimately would have a different idea of what love is compared to Dean in the first place. I imagine if it were up to Castiel, he'd just be around Dean and that would be enough for him. I don't feel Castiel is at the point where he would want to have sexual relations. He may be curious if anything but I don't feel he is "aching" for it.

DEAN The hell did you do?

CASTIEL I don't know. I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.

Proof that Castiel does indeed read minds. So he knows what Dean thinks and feels. So that moment in Season 4 when Dean was asleep and dreaming of Hell, and Castiel asked what he was dreaming about, he already knew. Which brings me to the fact that, he only asked in case Dean wanted to talk about it.

This scene also proves that Castiel doesn't care for physical intimacy as much as he cares about a merging of energies. Castiel's penetrative stare, that is indeed what he does when he's going into the mind. I love how I picked up on these things and they're actually proving to be true. The writers are really good. Either way, Castiel, instead of having sex with the woman, stared into her eyes and "linked" with her. For Castiel, I feel this is the equivalent of sex, as I have said in previous reviews. And he's done this with Dean many, many times.

Considering Castiel is an angel, a light being, it makes this pairing interesting to analyze. It'd be easy to analyze if it were merely from Dean's end, being human. But because Castiel doesn't go by human rules, it's quite a challenge.

According to Castiel, his relationship with Dean could be what a human would consider romantic.

One thing that is the same, whether angel or human, is love. There's no confusion in that area. And Castiel definitely feels that for Dean. His actions and even his statements have made that clear. Uriel has come out and said Castiel likes Dean. Castiel has said he began feeling emotions, because of Dean. Gotten close to Dean. He sacrificed everything he ever knew for Dean. Ask yourself; if you were to sacrifice everything and everyone you ever knew, for one person, wouldn't it be clear that you had some very strong feelings for them?

DEAN Oh, nothing. Whoo. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more than a long time. Years.

This could be seen as Dean really enjoying spending time with Castiel. Though I feel that they were trying to portray, here, that Dean is happier without Sam around. None the less, Castiel was the reason he laughed, not Sam's absence. Sam's absence just made it easier for him to "let go". Though I don't consider this proof for or against Castiel because the attention is being brought to this because of Sam, not so much Castiel. The writers wanted to make it clear that Dean feels better when he doesn't have to worry about Sam. Either way, he is definitely bonding with Castiel and their friendship now feels more solid.

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SCENE 6

DEAN drives. CASTIEL rides shotgun.

DEAN You okay?

CASTIEL is silent.

DEAN Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers.

CASTIEL What do you mean?

DEAN I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?

CASTIEL I believe he's out there.

DEAN Good. Then go find him.

CASTIEL What about you?

DEAN What about me? I don't know. Honestly, I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm really good.

CASTIEL Even without your brother?

DEAN Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy.

DEAN looks over; the shotgun seat is empty. His smile falters.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

DESTIEL REVIEW FOR SCENE 6

DEAN You okay?

CASTIEL is silent.

Dean is looking to comfort Castiel, just as Castiel has always sought to comfort Dean (as best he could given the circumstances). An important turning point.

DEAN Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers.

CASTIEL What do you mean?

Just as I mentioned in review of 4x10, that Anna and Dean can not only relate to the father issues, but Castiel as well. Proof still of the similarities between Dean/Anna and Dean/Castiel.

DEAN looks over; the shotgun seat is empty. His smile falters.

Dean saying he's had more fun with Castiel in 24 hours than he's had with Sam in years. Though he states here that it's not because Castiel is "fun", but rather, because he doesn't have to worry about Sam. So I can't consider this proof towards Destiel because of that.

Dean says he's happy when he's alone but once Castiel is gone, his smile disappears. This could be based more on Sam being gone than Castiel being gone, or it could be related to both. Either way, he was smiling and happy just before Castiel disappears and he realized he was alone again. Perhaps Castiel served as a good distraction.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

DESTIEL REVIEW FOR EPISODE OVERALL

From Castiel’s point of view, I think it’s clear that he loves Dean. I don’t feel he is seeking anything from Dean on a physical level. I feel it’s quite pure and innocent, though intense and overpowering.

From Dean’s side, I feel he considers Castiel to be a good friend at this point and that he enjoys spending time with him. Nervousness with closeness and referencing gay couples may or may not mean something. At this point, from Dean’s end it is up to the viewer why he reacts in certain ways. Though according to me, he does not love Castiel, but may have imagined Castiel in certain sexual situations. Dean does this with just about everyone.

DESTIEL RATING AFTER EPISODE (based on how believable): 4.5/10

#destiel #castiel #dean winchester #deancas #supernatural

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super-queer-hannibal-obsession · 7 years

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The M/M Shipping Thing: Misogyny, the Male Gaze, and Feminist and Queer Representation

Follow up post to this one, here. Read this to see my thoughts on the importance of allowing women to see men through a lens where male sexuality is something to be celebrated, not feared. Seems like a lot of people can relate to this, and I just love talking about it so have some more of my thoughts.

First of all, it’s a numbers game…

Going off of this point by @colt-kun which I’ve copied and pasted here. This gives a great overview of a purely statistical analysis of why m/m ships are more common.

“There’s also the sheer numbers to take into account.

Take the first Avengers movie as an example (because frankly its one of the few recent blockbusters with two female speaking roles). Two females, Black Widow and Maria. Then eight males, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hawkeye, Hulk, Loki, Fury, Coulson.

Not counting polyships/selfships for ease of math, and using the characters cisgender identities bc that is what they are largely seen as (no disrespect meant to any trans/nb interpretations)

Possible f/m ships: 16 (35.5%) Possible f/f ships: 1 (2.2%) Possible m/m ships: 28 (62.2%)

That’s not even accounting for screentime, character chemistry, interaction times, etc. thats just the NUMBERS.

When there’s a large disparity in character gender then yeah, you’re going to see a heavy inclination to m/m ships because that’s really ALL THATS POSSIBLE. The fans have a natural desire for more story and romances, they want to world build and AU. We’ve done that since stories were first told.

So of COURSE you’re going to see a lot of women - of all sexual orientations - leaning towards m/m pairings because when there’s only potatoes at the buffet… you eat the potatoes. Think of all the shows an movies with only one female character in a cast of men. Is it really difficult to see WHY there’s a lot of m/m ships there?”

Mainstream media is male-centered and male-dominated.

Going beyond just the numbers the fact is that in the majority of popular films and TV shows many of the female characters aren’t well-rounded or on screen as much as most of the men. There is a tendency for women to be the secondary characters or maybe to have one main female character. This makes it hard to really relate to and invest in a lot of the female characters out there. Not that people don’t, but it’s not going to attract a huge following.

Take Supernatural (low hanging fruit I know) where even if there are a large number of women that appear throughout the series, there aren’t many that stick around(and let’s not even go there with all of the deaths and how sexist that is right now ha)or interact with each other in a way that would lead to a lot of shipping. Even in my lovely Hannibal fandom, the Marlana ship which people love and people write for just isn’t going to have as much of a following just based on the fact that they aren’t the main characters. And Marlana is a good example of a w/w ship where they aren’t objectified, don’t die, and still it’s a secondary focus. There obviously are some exceptions, but they are few and far between.

The Male Gaze:

Also, women (and any gender that isn’t cismale) are trained to see film through the male perspective. Film and TV is usually shot with the male gaze, so women learn to see through this lens. We grow up learning to empathize and put ourselves in the shoes of male protagonists because otherwise we would have very little media to enjoy. I think this is part of why it’s natural for women to ship m/m ships. I also think that shipping men and sexualizing them can be a subversion of the male gaze and is an empowering way to flip that script for many women.

We could go into a whole other discussion on internalized misogyny and patriarchal culture and why there are some not so great reasons women might gravitate towards m/m ships, but I think it’s important to see all the reasons why this is and to not demonize women for doing something that makes sense both statistically, sociologically, and psychologically, etc.

Men rarely have to put themselves in the shoes of women in film. So, I do feel like there is a difference between straight dudes watching lesbian porn and women who thoughtfully engage in a m/m ship. You can’t ignore the gender politics at play and how these factors interact. In an ideal world, people of all genders and sexualities could enjoy bodies without all the baggage of sexism and homophobia, but sadly that’s not our world.

This famous, awesome thread really sums it up:

Disclaimer:

I do think there are women who fetishize and act awful when it comes to m/m ships. (I also realize there are lots of other intersections at work in film such as race and class that I’m not really addressing.) Especially those who don’t do any of the emotional or intellectual work around the history of the queer community and who don’t engage in activism of that sort. Plus, if you are a straight woman who loves and supports gay male ships but you’re grossed out by queer women or you’re objectifying actual queer men in your life, it’s time to check yourself and stop that.

Homoerotic Subtext:

Also, women, and queer people across the board, have been trained to read subtextual clues like pros. Women are especially adept at reading into stories since they are so rarely represented in positive ways. Queer people do this, too. It makes sense that women, especially queer women, would pick up on interactions that have homoerotic subtext easily. And, since film is male dominated, it is much more likely the subtext will be between two men. Also, let’s just face it, the history of film is male centered and homo eroticism is a big part of it, and it’s usually about good looking white dudes. The LGBT community itself still has a long way to go in portraying and magnifying people of all genders and sexualities more equally.

The weight of the male gaze on queer women.

There’s also the problem of objectification. I like to write, read, and see fan art about w/w ships, but there’s always that weight of feeling like you’re objectifying women all over again and feeling unsure about it. Honestly, I think that many of us in fandom should probably do what we can to write more femslash and write original queer female characters, but there are a lot of reasons why these ships aren’t as popular as m/m ships. There’s a lot of baggage around portraying women and female sexuality. And lesbian sex is so objectified that it can be a minefield to navigate even when(once in a blue moon) a good f/f ship opportunity comes along. But, even with that, there are some thriving ships such as Korrasami and Clexa(oh look another queer woman is dead. This is why we can’t have nice things). Queer women do celebrate and create fandom around good w/w ships when we get the chance.

Misogyny and Mocking Fandom:

Lastly, and I’ve read lots on this before so this is just my take, people tend to demonize fandom and m/m shipping because it is something that is driven by women, mainly made by women, and made mostly for other women (and nonbinary folks, too).

Even in the LGBT+ community, there is a lot of misogyny. Cis gay white men are the face of that movement, and they often don’t realize the sexism that is still alive and well in the community. It’s easy for people to laugh at, mock, and critique shipping because it is very much a space not created by men. I also think it’s easy for some privileged gay men to point out perceived injustice but not realize the sexism inherent in what they are saying.

Fandom is very much a place where women explore their sexuality and can enjoy seeing men being acted upon, not just being the actors. It’s no surprise that women are intrigued by the sexual politics of queer men given the messages about being penetrated and being acted on that women get all the time. Analyzing sexual dynamics through a m/m relationship makes a lot of sense psychologically as it isn’t tied to a male/female gender dynamic in the same way. I think it’s a very natural way for women to see sexuality , and things like dominance and submission, as a personal preference and the beauty and excitement of different ways of expressing sexuality.

People like to enjoy women’s work while also mocking it.

Also, I know many queer men who enjoy m/m smut, fan art, etc. from fandoms where I’m sure that 90 percent of the work is being produced by people who aren’t cisgay men, and are very likely people who identify as women. So, while I know that some queer men are cool with it and some aren’t cool with it, I think it’s important to keep in mind that many of them are benefiting and enjoying from the work that female driven fandom is creating.

In conclusion:

Once again, it’s important to not be a homophobic, fetishizing, clueless person. I see instances of problematic behavior and thinking among women who ship men together often, and it’s a problem and needs to be called out when it happens. But, for all that is holy, stop acting like all of these women are gross, homophobic fetishizers and look at all the reasons why m/m shipping is such a phenomenon. I always think being self-critical and analytical is important. It’s also good to listen to different perspectives because these are intersectional issues with valid discussions to be had.

Sorry this was so long. I really could go on and on, and this is what happens when I miss writing feminist/queer theory papers. ;)

#fannibals #queer theory #shipping #m/m ships #lgbt representation #fandom #hannigram #marlana #destiel #clexa #johnlock #yuri on ice #hannibal #queer representation #queer studies #feminist theory #korrasami

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theoldlesbianwithcats · 7 years

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Remember that French TV show (Dix pour cent) I told you about, that made their lesbian main character sleep with a man? Now that character is pregnant with him of course, but the creator of the show Fanny Herrero (a straight woman) has a very good reason, don’t worry!

“Andréa is gay but she’s liberated enough to, on a one-night-stand, have sex with a man and not have a problem with it, because her sexuality is mature and fulfilling enough that she doesn’t ask herself questions. From the beginning, I knew that this character would have a very rich, complex and liberated libido, and for me that goes beyond sleeping with women. I think Andréa is more modern than that.”

Did you hear, ladies? A modern woman with a rich, complex, fulfilling sex life = a woman who wants to have sex with a man! How progressive!

Anyway, for once a Buzzfeed article about lesbians isn’t completely awful, so @sespursongles and I translated it in English :

Why movies and TV have to stop making lesbians sleep with guys

Marie Kirschen, Buzzfeed France, 14th May 2017

Like recently in the TV show Dix Pour Cent (Call My Agent in English), it regularly happens that characters introduced as gay or lesbian eventually sleep with a person of the opposite sex... to the gay fans’ great regret.

Andréa Martel is a small revolution. The main character of France 2′s TV show Dix pour cent, whose second season just ended, is charismatic, stylish, loudmouthed, beautiful, touching, badass, funny and... a lesbian. A lesbian main character in a prime time TV show on a big national channel ? It’s never been seen before in the French audiovisual landscape, so timid about LGBT themes.

There were a few made-for-TV movies about female homosexuality, often quite badly done, a few secondary characters, sometimes a bit clumsy. But nothing as exciting as this at peak viewing time. Andréa is a multidimensional, very well-written protagonist. Her homosexuality is there, without it being a problem, without being hidden. The icing on the cake, Andréa is wonderfully played by Camille Cottin. THE star of Dix pour cent, that’s her.

Like many lesbian viewers, hungry for visibility, I was hooked immediately. And then there was the third episode of the second season, broadcasted at the end of April. Andréa is competing with her boss, Hicham, to seduce a model. During a party at a castle, Hicham ends up winning the game : he enters a bedroom with the model. But that’s without considering Andréa’s hurt ego who, a bottle in her hand, decides to join them. Her catchphrase : “You didn’t think you’d have her all to yourself?!” But, as this improvised threesome begins, Andréa and Hicham forget immediately about the pretty blonde, kiss passionately and roll on the bed. Reaction of the abandoned model (and our reaction) : “Seriously ? (sigh)”

After loving women openly for eight episodes, Andréa abandons a blue-eyed goddess for her cruel, manipulative boss? Some viewers were a bit surprised, even disappointed.

[Tweets embedded in the article :]

@RomainBurrel (journalist for a cultural magazine and a gay magazine) It sucks to see one of the rare and best lesbian characters sleep with a dude... @PrincesseYuyu LET US HAVE A LESBIAN IN A FRENCH TV SHOW, DAMMIT, STOP SHIPPING HER WITH HICHAM. It depresses me.

@keedz75 Of course the gay character can’t be happy being a lesbian and must answer heterosexual fantasy by becoming bi

“I received a few harsh remarks”, tells Fanny Herrero, the creator of the show, to Buzzfeed. “There are gay women who took it badly. I can understand it because it’s quite rare to have a lesbian main character on TV, so we shouldn’t make her sleep with a guy, I get it. The relation to sex is quite liberated in Dix pour cent, there’s a freedom of tone, I thought that freedom of tone was enough and that it would let us play with the codes.”

Fanny Herrero clarifies that, if she’s straight, there are two gay women in the writing team. Visibly upset by those reviews, she concedes that :

“Maybe I took it too lightly. At that moment, we didn’t realize it could hurt. Maybe we should have been more delicate, but we write characters, we don’t write for a cause. From a writing point-of-view, we have a chessboard of characters that we animate and sometimes we exaggerate a bit for dramatization. Maybe we’re going to push characters faster to places where, in real life, they wouldn’t go, where it would take more time.”

Beyond Dix pour cent, if that little twist made people angry, it’s because it adds to the long list of films and TV shows where a main character is introduced as a lesbian (we’re not talking of bisexual or questioning characters, but characters clearly presented as gay) to make her have sex with a man a few minutes after.

The film lesbians hate the most

One film in particular embodies this trope: Chasing Amy wins the Oscar for Most Hated Film of the 90s in the lesbian community. The hero, played by Ben Affleck, befriends Joey, beautiful and liberated. He asks her a series of stupid questions about gay women and wonders how lesbian sex can count as "real sex" since, he reasons, there can be no real penetration without a penis. When - wait for it - he falls madly in love with Joey, she tries to make him understand that his advances are inappropriate and that he doesn't respect her identity… before jumping into his arms, in the rain, like in the worst kind of rom-com, and deciding that she’s found "the one".

One night, after some (obviously amazing) sex, she tells him why she ended up falling in love with him, because he "gets her". Ben reacts with a joke: "Can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep dicking?" Needless to say, after watching this film I felt like throwing my computer on the floor and setting it on fire. A few other examples? In The Kids Are All Right, a lesbian mother played by Julianne Moore, whose sex life with her partner has gone stale, indulges in an affair with Mark Ruffalo's character (and unlike the boring lesbian sex, their hetero sex scenes are muy caliente). In Gazon Maudit, Josiane Balasko's character decides that she must have sex with Alain Chabat in order to get pregnant. When it comes to TV shows - the only lesbian couple in Queer as Folk faces a serious crisis when Lindsay cheats on her girlfriend with a particularly unlikable jerk (and again, their hetero sex is very sexy while Lindsay — literally! — falls asleep while having sex with her girlfriend.) Same thing in the American Skins, in which the lesbian heroine falls for a boy right from the beginning, or in the Netflix show Dear White People, where we discover that the teacher who refuses to marry her girlfriend to resist "heteronormativity" is having an affair with a young male student. This plot twist applies to the boys as well. In The Wedding Banquet, a closeted Taiwanese gay man ends up having sex with his beard. More recently, in Toute Première Fois, the gay protagonist, about to marry his partner, has to come out "in reverse" to his family after meeting a beautiful Swedish woman. On TV, Clara Sheller's gay best friend ends up sleeping with her, just like Hannah's in Girls, who suddenly becomes interested in the group's hottie for no apparent reason. The list goes on and on… Viewers always complain: why add an all too rare gay character only to straighten them up, even temporarily? This kind of storyline is criticised as an overused trope. The "lesbian sleeps with a guy" plot line is one of the three major tropes condemned by the website "LGBT Fans Deserve Better", that listed 46 characters in this category. "Did we have to do that?" fumes lesbian website Autostraddle about Dear White People. "Haven’t we been fighting against this ridiculous trope for decades?" With this trope, screenwriters also contribute to making bisexuality invisible. The idea that one must be either gay or straight is an example of casual biphobia. Screenwriters, if you feel like the character you are creating could be attracted to both sexes, why not just label them bi?

A cliché that echoes homophobic remarks

Of course, we could oppose to disappointed fans the fact that, in real life, those kinds of stories can actually happen. Homosexuality is not only about desire, it’s also a question of identity. It can happen that a person identifies as “gay” or “lesbian”, because they think it’s the label that represents their identity the best, but one night, they end up with someone of the opposite sex in their bed. Sexuality is sometimes more fluid than cultural identities we identify with. It’s not about banishing those stories from our screens. But we can question their recurrence : why are those stories present so often in fiction when, in real life, it’s frankly not the most common?

Also, in real life, it also happens for example that straight men, drunk or not, end up sleeping with another man. Again, sexuality is sometimes more fluid than the labels we use to define ourselves. But this story is barely told. How can we explain that the gay-who-goes-both-ways cliché comes back so often in fiction, when its straight equivalent is so rare among the ocean of straight roles?

Above all, if that trope is so annoying to concerned viewers, it’s also because it echoes those old homophobic tunes we keep hearing all day, and that it seems to validate : “You’ll find the right man/woman”, “How can you be so sure that you’re not straight? Did you try at least?”, “It’s only a phase”.

With that bonus point for the lesbians : according to some people, a relationship between women can’t be considered “real” sex, so they will end up sleeping with a men at some point. I can’t count how many endless discussions I’ve had with straight people who wouldn’t imagine that I could be not interested by males, even though I’m a lesbian. When I mention my love story, some people can’t help wondering what I do in bed. Of “homosexuality” they only remember “sexuality”, and for them “lesbian” means porn. If you type “lesbian” in Google, the first results you’ll find will be many porn scenes where people of the opposite sex make an appearance. So dudebros think it’s legitimate to try their luck...

[Tweets in the article :]

@BabascoGueria 1 lesbian character out of 1000 and even she has to sleep with a guy. How original.

@BabascoGueria Some homophobes harass lesbian women and are convinced that they can convert them. Thanks for perpetuating that cliché.

What if it was that old idea that gay men and lesbians are above all hypersexual beings, free from norms, with wild sex lives, that made the writers do with them what they’d never do with their boring straight characters? Would it be easier for them to imagine a rock’n’roll Andréa surprising us with her conquests, rather than the boring Mathias Barneville ou the funny Gabriel Sarda— even if, in reality, there are many Mathias who can also have sex with men...

Beyond hetero sex, motherhood

“Andréa is gay but she’s liberated enough to, on a one-night-stand, have sex with a man and not have a problem with it, because her sexuality is mature and fulfilling enough that she doesn’t ask herself questions”, thinks Fanny Herrero. “From the beginning, I knew that this character would have a very rich, complex and liberated libido, and for me that goes beyond sleeping with women. I think Andréa is more modern than that.”

The writer highlights the fact that, on the other hand, she would have never written that same intrigue for the character of Colette, way more traditional. [Colette is Andréa’s love interest. Andréa slept with Hisham after Colette dumped her.]

In Dix pour cent, the hetero sex especially permits to continue with the question of motherhood, since Andréa gets pregnant. “I wanted to confront Andréa with that question, because she’s more rough with her relation to motherhood. I wanted to make a portrait of a woman who becomes a mother differently from what we usually see, I wanted her to be upset by that pregnancy.” For the writer, there’s no question of making her plan an ART (assisted reproductive technology), to make her take a train at Gare du Nord to go have an insemination in Belgium, between two appointments with JoeyStarr and Juliette Binoche. Not the character’s type. It had to happen to her. Hence the “threesome” option.

And that pregnancy is also used to make Colette come back, suddenly moved by Andréa who’s lost in that situation. And that’s where Dix pour cent makes a quite clever move, which puts it, in spite of a few mistakes, lightyears away from Chasing Amy. Hicham being particularly hateful and Colette being adorable, the viewer ends up wishing that Andréa wins the love of her ex-lover back and that the boss of ASK, the biological father, leaves them alone. “I found that interesting to tell myself what the viewers would think : ‘no she’s not going to sleep with a man, we want her to go back with Colette’”, says Fanny Herrero, amused. “I like tickling that kind of emotion.” A plot twist that, for once, we hadn’t seen coming.

#frenchbian #lesbian representation #lesbophobia

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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I May Destroy You: a Bold Show Only a Survivor Could Write

https://ift.tt/3h2mtbs

Warning: contains spoilers for the I May Destroy You finale

Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You is a tour de force creation of laser-focused storytelling. A creator working at the current height (but clearly not yet the apex) of her power, Coel’s take on trauma and consent is the kind of prestige exploration that only a survivor could write. The series starts with Coel’s pitch-perfect take on the nuts and bolts of trauma, from the intrusive thoughts and sarcasm toward art therapy to the ringing we hear when main character Arabella is triggered to Arabella downplaying her own trauma by comparing it to various global tragedies. But Coel goes beyond that and puts every kind of consent under the microscope, pushing the audience to look at the aspects of rape culture that make us the most queasy, even if – especially if – they’re inside ourselves.

With Arabella’s drug-induced blackout in the first episode, I May Destroy You sidesteps the depiction we’re most used to seeing of sexual assault – detailed, graphic imagery of “what happened” – in favor of a more guttural and nuanced portrait of the thing that lasts: surviving sexual assault. As a result, the show has so much more to say than the usual fare, staying with Arabella and her friends for at least a year to see the changes great and small after the assault, and to examine consent across their lives from a number of different angles. Only someone who’s spent so much time swimming in this topic could write it so intensely and accurately.

Usually, when rape and sexual assault are depicted in mainstream storytelling, they are used as a storytelling device — a time-saving shorthand to further the plot for a male character who has a relationship with the victim, to show how deeply evil the perpetrator is, or perhaps to make the victim seem more sympathetic or to provide her with sufficient motivation to be an active protagonist in her own story. (Why else would LadyCops exist?) These tropes are discussed in heteronormative terms because most sexual violence on screen ignores the reality that men are survivors too, and that LGBTQ people are disproportionately affected, as are, for that matter, BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color).

Even when stories are primarily about sexual violence, the narratives tend to follow the same repetitive beats. The rape revenge movie, the Good Survivor™ who self-actualizes their way to justice—and also love! It’s lazy storytelling to retread the same arcs, but with the exception of a wonderful few, like Sweet/Vicious, The Assistant, The Magicians (which righted itself after a triggering start) and hopefully the forthcoming Promising Young Woman and Run, Sweetheart Run, it’s near-universal.

Enter I May Destroy You.

Drawing from a personal experience of sexual assault, Michaela Coel’s 12-episode show is a fictional depiction of Arabella, a millennial writer living in London who was drugged and raped while out for a drink one night when procrastinating on a deadline. Like many survivors, it takes Arabella some time to accept the label the police investigators assign to what happened to her, though they generally treat her well, certainly better than we’d expect here in the States. Don’t get too comfortable, though – for as well as Arabella is treated, her friend Kwame, a queer Black man, experiences something entirely different when he goes to report a rape.

From the beginning, it’s clear the investigator doesn’t understand sex between men and isn’t interested in taking Kwame’s information. He is afforded no privacy while the investigator takes his statement, while a door with a sign saying it must be closed is clearly left open. Kwame isn’t offered support or understanding – instead there’s a sense of judgment surrounding the circumstances, since he used a hookup app. The investigator brushes off the possibility of taking a DNA sample since, they say it wouldn’t prove anything since they had consensual sex, ignoring that at least then they would know it was the correct person. The entire interview is far too casual, with the investigator asking if he was penetrated or not almost as an afterthought, on their way out the door. We don’t have to imagine what an interview with a woman reporting sexual assault would look like, because we’ve just seen it, a few episodes ago. Even between two young Black Londoners with immigrant parents, there’s a hierarchy of privilege and treatment.

Kwame internalizes his experience and withdraws from the world. It takes his friends a long time to realize something is the matter, in part due to concern over Arabella. When they do, Arabella isn’t supportive and doesn’t equate their experiences, even going so far as to accuse Kwame of manipulating or somehow violating the consent of a woman he slept with by not disclosing his sexuality, as though anyone is entitled to that information in the first place. (Kwame primarily sleeps with men but patiently explains that it’s a spectrum and that after being raped, sleeping with men isn’t safe for him, he’s interested in sleeping with women, and he’d like to explore that.) For her part, the white woman Kwame slept with seemed all too eager to fetishize a Black man and then sing the n-word and use the f-word. He called her out on the latter, she became indignant, and she weaponized the language of consent and rape culture to turn the conversation off of her use of slurs and onto him, calling him cancelled and a predator. In her words, “I guess anything that you may have found offensive you wouldn’t have heard if you hadn’t have come into my house under false pretenses,” and I truly hope she warmed up before that stretch.

I May Destroy You Review: Fresh, Frank, Fluent Drama

By Louisa Mellor

Unbelievable review: an insightful masterpiece from Netflix

By Delia Harrington

The fact of being a survivor alone doesn’t make a person an expert on all things consent and sexual violence. Some survivors choose to go deep on the research, become a certified rape crisis counselor, earn their Master of Social Work degree, or otherwise advocate for survivors in a technical capacity above and beyond their personal experience. But many do not, and it takes years for those who do. Survivors are not infallible; some of the most damaging, victim-blaming things I’ve heard have come from survivors in the early days of denial or crisis, including myself. The awful things we’ve said are usually more about the internalized shame and doubt we’re feeling about our own story than anyone else.

In Arabella��s case, becoming a warrior-survivor makes her feel strong and safe. Her and Terry’s limited understanding of sexuality causes them to be confused by a gay man wanting to have sex with a woman at all, and she gets hung up on that rather than seeing kinship with Kwame and understanding that sex with men is a safety issue for him at the time. Instead, she sees kinship with the racist, sexist white woman Kwame had the misfortune of hooking up with. At this moment in time, Arabella is more comfortable placing Kwame in a box where all men are perpetrators, and any information not shared is manipulation, rather than viewing him as a fellow survivor.

It’s completely understandable. It’s sadly not all that rare. And it’s completely unfair to Kwame. It’s also the kind of messy dynamic most people would not dare to write, let alone lay at the feet of a lead character who’s a survivor of sexual assault. But there’s more humanity in Coel’s take on survivors as fumbling, imperfect, traumatized beings than some sort of beatified victim persona or the ruined/broken/fallen woman trope. Survivors aren’t perfect or magic; we’re people healing from trauma. And for a decent part of the series, Arabella, like so many of us, is pretending she either has nothing to heal from or that healing isn’t an active pursuit. Wouldn’t it be weirder if we were just completely fine?

Coel captures the difficult phenomenon of social media as a public survivor. The push-pull of receiving much-needed support from unseen online followers, while fending off disturbing efforts from trolls and an inner urge to lean too hard on strangers. Social justice can make a survivor feel powerful, and online activism is the most readily accessible for most survivors. At any time of the day or night, you can send off a tweet or post and hear back from a chorus of support – or not. But like any coping mechanism, it helps until it doesn’t.

Being a public survivor turns you into a beacon for others in need. In many ways it’s a good thing, but receiving dozens of survivor stories every single day can become overwhelming. How do you respond adequately to all of them? How do you connect people to help if they need it? How do you read them all without triggering yourself? Coel deftly shows the realistic downsides of social media activism without lampooning it. It’s not that social media is ineffective, so much as it consumes Arabella. The survivors in her DMs need real professional assistance, something she can’t provide – she’s still going through it herself. As things come to a head toward the end of the season, Coel shows the other side of what it means to be a personality who becomes famous for their social posts on a traumatic topic. Yes, Arabella says a lot of smart things about sexual violence. But Arabella also needs to put down the phone and eat a real meal, get a good night’s sleep, go to group therapy, and spend time in the present tense with her friends.

Finally, there is the show’s ending. One could be forgiven for mistaking I May Destroy You for a whodunnit. After all, the primary question most sexual violence narratives ask are who did it, what exactly did they do, how devastated is the victim, and how will the perpetrator be punished? But in its kaleidoscope of possible endings and Arabella’s command that all of her perpetrator’s various incarnations leave her apartment, she and the show make it clear that this isn’t really about her perpetrator after all. It’s about Arabella, her healing, and the people who make her life full and strong. So she goes to the garden and hugs her neglected roommate Ben, their tending of plants (at publisher Sally’s suggestion) marking the passing of time.

While many survivors desire justice, the law and order portion of surviving is limited, if it exists at all, compared to disclosing to loved ones, getting triggered in public, reevaluating relationships with victim-blamers, having tough conversations about consent, negotiating how to keep a job and housing with lowered productivity – all things Arabella has worked through over the course of the season. Viewers may want to see fire and brimstone, but that would be unrealistic. It also might not even help. And as the various scenarios played out, presumably all versions of how it could have gone down plucked from Arabella’s mind, it’s not like survivors haven’t thought about this before. Instead, a part of her heals and moves on. She doesn’t forget, but she’s not in crisis or living on a knife’s edge anymore. She has enough psychic distance to write her book. She can put her friends’ needs above her own again, when they need her.

The ending may not feel satisfying to everyone, but it’s real. It certainly resonates with me, in spite of the somewhat stressful, chaotic nature of watching her spend so much time in the presence of her perpetrator. These are all very real dynamics that are playing out all the time, and the public conversation is catching up to that. It’s time that our media did too, rather than retreading the same old ground, but it’s not altogether surprising that only someone who’s thought about the topic so deeply would know how. The world of surviving sexual violence is rich with stories and experiences, if only people would actually look. That’s why it’s so frustrating to see the same stories told about this topic over and over again. But when survivors like Michaela Coel are in the driver’s seat, everything changes for the better. In I May Destroy You, she slices through the quaint stories we’re used to hearing, in favor of nervy narratives that reveal queasy truths we might not yet be ready for. One might assume that the show’s title is the perpetrator speaking to Arabella, or vice versa. But as we the audience hide from the truth about rape culture, wrapped up cozily in our own myths and assumptions, it turns out the title is the voice of Coel, speaking head on to all of us, with a glint in her eye.

The post I May Destroy You: a Bold Show Only a Survivor Could Write appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Episode #69 — "Ratcatcher" by Amy Griswold

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Episode 69 is part of the Summer 2018 issue!

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Ratcatcher

by Amy Griswold

1918, over Portsmouth

The souls in the trap writhed and keened their displeasure as Xavier picked up the shattergun. “Don’t fuss,” he scolded them as he turned on the weapon and adjusted his goggles, shifting the earpieces so that the souls’ racket penetrated less piercingly through the bones behind his ears. “It’s nothing to do with you.”

The two airships were docked already, a woman airman unfastening safety ropes from the gangplank propped between them to allow Xavier to cross. The trap rocked with a vibration that owed nothing to the swaying airships, and Xavier lifted it and tucked it firmly under his arm. He felt the soul imprisoned in his own chest stir, a straining reaction that made him stop for a moment to catch his breath.

Full story after the cut:

Hello! Welcome to GlitterShip episode 69 for April 4th, 2019. This is your host, Keffy, and I’m super excited to share this story with you. Our story today is “Ratcatcher” by Amy Griswold.

Before we get to the story, GlitterShip has recently had some exciting news. Our second anthology, GlitterShip Year Two was listed as a Tiptree Award Honor Book for 2018. We’re very happy that the Tiptree jury enjoyed the book, and owe a great debt to all the authors who have allowed us to publish their work. You can find out more about the Tiptree Award and check out the winner Gabriela Damian Miravete’s story, “They Will Dream in the Garden” at tiptree.org.

You can also pick up copies of the GlitterShip Year One and Year Two anthologies on gumroad at gumroad.com/keffy for $5 each. Just use the coupon code “tiptree,” that’s t-i-p-t-r-e-e.

Amy Griswold is the author of the interactive novels The Eagle’s Heir and Stronghold (with Jo Graham), published by Choice of Games, as well as the gay fantasy/mystery novels Death by Silver and A Death at the Dionysus Club (with Melissa Scott). Her short fiction has been published in markets including F&SF and Fantastic Stories of the Imagination.

Robin G has been an entertainment manager, entertainer/vocalist, theatrical producer and writer of several pantomimes including a UV version of Pinocchio that toured 20 theaters in the UK. He was first alerted to the supernatural in a strange dream sequence while in the Royal Air Force that placed him at a future event. The knowledge that a part of our brain exists in another reality has shown him many unusual incidents of the sixth sense. He writes both fiction and non-fiction which includes Jim Long — space agent, a series of stand-alone stories in 7 books, including one as a radio episodic creation, and the non-fiction book Magical theory of life—discusses our life, history, and its aftermath in non-religious spiritual terms.

Ratcatcher

by Amy Griswold

1918, over Portsmouth

“If you’re ready, sir,” the airman said, and Xavier forced himself into motion. He nodded crisply and strode out onto the gangplank with the ease of long years spent aboard ships, his gloved hand just brushing the rail. He scrambled down from the other end and got out of the way of airmen rushing to disengage the gangplank and close the hatch before the two ships could batter at each other too dangerously in the rising wind.

The Coriolanus’s captain strode toward him, and Xavier winced as he recognized a familiar face. He set the trap down, both to get it farther away from the casing that housed the soul in his chest, and to give himself a moment to banish all envy from his expression.

He straightened with a smile. “Hedrick. I see you landed on your feet after that muddle over Calais.”

“I’ve got a knee that tells me the weather now,” Hedrick said, scrubbing at his not-entirely-regulation stubble of ginger beard. “They told me you’d been grounded.”

“I’m still attached to the extraction service,” Xavier said. “As a civilian now.”

Hedrick’s eyes flickered to the odd lines of Xavier’s coat front, and then back up to his face without a change of expression. He’d always been good at keeping a straight face at cards. “We could use the help. We had a knock-down drag-out with the Huns a few weeks back—just shy of six weeks, I make it. Heavy casualties on both sides, and some of them damned reluctant to move on.”

“Only six weeks? You hardly need me. Chances are they’ll still depart on their own.”

“You haven’t seen the latest orders that came down, then. We’re supposed to call in the ratcatchers at the first sight of ghosts. Not acceptable on a well-run ship, don’t you know.”

“You’re also meant to shave,” Xavier said. “It’s not like you to comply with every absurd directive that comes down the pike.” He couldn’t help reveling in the freedom to talk that way, one of the few rewards of his enforced change in career.

“These are Colonel Morrow’s orders.”

“Mmm.” That put a different face on it, or might. Morrow supervised the ratcatchers, civilian and military, and his technical brilliance had saved Xavier’s life when he lost his soul. That said, it was entirely in character for Morrow to go on a tear about efficiency without regard for how much work it made for anyone else.

“Besides, there’s more to it,” Hedrick said as the Coriolanus drifted free of the Exeter. “We’ve been having damned bad luck of late. Pins slipping out of a gangplank just as one of the lads stepped on it—he just missed ending up a smear on the landscape. More engine malfunctions than you can name, and some of them dangerous. If the Coriolanus weren’t in such good repair to start with, she’d have burned twice over in the last month.”

“You suspect sabotage.”

“Some of the Jerries had their boots on our deck when they bit it. We tossed the bodies over the side, but still I’m not entirely easy in my mind.”

“Next time, don’t,” Xavier said. “The soul’s more likely to stay in the corpse if it’s well treated. Ill handling breaks the ties faster.” He directed his gaze out the porthole window of the gondola rather than at Hedrick’s face. “You weren’t using shatterguns?”

“We haven’t got them mounted. No budget for them in our grade, I hear. And just as well if you ask me. They give me the cold chills.” Hedrick glanced at the shattergun under Xavier’s arm.

“A necessity in my profession,” he said.

“Better you than me.”

It was a backhanded enough kind of sympathy that Xavier didn’t cringe away from it. “Any particular area of the ship most affected?”

“The crew quarters, I think—I’ve had men stirring up their whole deck with screaming nightmares, and not the usual nervous cases.”

“At least it’s a place to start.”

He followed Hedrick through the narrow corridors of the airship’s gondola to the cramped berthing area that housed the enlisted men. Only the night watch was there and sleeping, young men squeezed into claustrophobically low bunks, some with their knees tucked up to keep their feet from dangling off the end. A panel of canvas made a half-hearted divider screening the row of women’s bunks from the men’s view.

Xavier set down his gear and stretched out on the nearest unoccupied bunk. “Leave me alone, now, and let me work.”

“Funny kind of work,” Hedrick said, raising an eyebrow at his recumbent form.

“‘They also serve who only stand and wait,’” Xavier said, and tried not to sound bitter. “Now get out.” He closed his eyes at the sound of Hedrick’s retreating footsteps and schooled his breathing into the steady rhythm that would send him swiftly into a doze. The soul in his chest shifted once, making him break his rhythmic breathing with a gasping cough, but he spread an entreating hand across its cage and it quieted.

He knew he was dreaming when he saw Thomas walk into the room and sit down on the foot of the bed. For a moment the more rational part of his mind protested that it was impossible to sit down on the foot of an airship bunk, but his dreaming mind obligingly replaced the scene with a four-poster bed lit by streaming sunshine.

Thomas’s hair was limned with gold, his eyes bright and laughing. “Haven’t you got work to do?” He was dressed in the uniform he died in, but as Xavier took his hand, it faded like smoke to reveal freckled skin.

“I do,” Xavier said. “I’m most remiss.” He raised his chin unrepentantly, and Thomas grappled for him like a wrestler. He was aware of reality as soon as they touched, the sensation of Thomas’s soul writhing through Xavier’s body painfully erotic but nothing remotely like physical sex.

He heard himself gasp, unsure whether he’d actually made a sound the sleeping airmen could hear, and realized how genuinely unwise this was. He pushed Thomas away, and the other man’s soul retreated, dissolving into curling smoke, and then retreated too far, tugging away in unstoppable reflex. It felt like someone was pulling a rib out of his chest.

“Thomas—”

The smoke resolved itself for a moment into the golden-haired man, his face contorted. “I’m trying to stop,” he said. His shape exploded into smoke again, and twisted almost free of Xavier’s chest, leaving Xavier unable to draw a breath for long enough that his vision darkened. Then Thomas was back, sprawled against Xavier’s side as if in the exhausted aftermath of love.

“Christ, that hurt,” Thomas said. “Like trying to hold onto a hot iron.”

“You know it will only get worse.”

“And so what’s the point in talking about it?” The image of Thomas appeared to stand, now pressed and correct in his airman’s uniform, looking around the dim barracks-room. His soul lay quiet in Xavier’s chest, a weight that eased its lingering ache. “We still have a job to do.”

“So we do.”

“There have been ghosts here,” Thomas said. “Two, I think. I’d look in the engine room if I were you.” He turned, frowning. “And don’t lay aside your gun. At least one of them is in a dangerous mood.”

In the engine room, the thumping of the steam engines pulsed through Xavier’s bones, and the heat coming off every surface beat against his skin. Through his goggles he could see wisps of what looked like steam but were really the lingering traces of the dead, men and women who had died in the recent battle. Not ghosts but something more like bloodstains.

He turned a circle, looking for a more solid form, and settled the goggles’ earpieces more firmly against the bones behind his ears. A hundred sounds were familiar, the cacophony of airship travel he’d long ago learned to drown out. Under them was the faintest of animal noises, a tuneless moaning. He took a step toward it, and then another.

A rattling on the other side of the engine room distracted him, and he turned. A connecting rod was flailing free, its pin out and the mechanism it served shuddering with the interrupted rhythm. He crossed the deck swiftly, keeping his head lifted as if watching the loose rod, but his eyes fixed on the deck.

He caught the movement and stopped short as a hatch swung open in front of him, steam rising from the gaping space he had been intended to step into.

“A creditable try,” he said. “Pity I’ve seen these tricks before.”

He raised his shattergun, keeping his expression calm despite his awareness of his danger. A ghost could only move small objects, but here there might be a hundred small objects that could release steam or poison fumes or heavy weights if moved.

“Why don’t you go in the trap like a good lad?” he said, putting the trap down on a section of deck that he made sure was solid. “This is the end of the road, you know.”

Silence greeted him. He turned a slow circle, raising the shattergun.

“You’re dead,” he said. “Stone cold dead. Your corpse is sinking to the bottom of the Channel or spattered across some unfortunate farmer’s hayfield. All that remains for you is to let go your precarious grip on this plane of existence and go to whatever awaits you.” There was no answer. “Or I can shoot you with this shattergun and destroy your soul. Would you like that better?”

He heard the moaning again, rising to a ragged wail like a child’s crying. He took cautious steps toward it, aware of every rattle in the machinery around him.

A wisp of smoke was curled up in a niche between the steel curves of two large engines, wailing forlornly. He raised the shattergun, and the smoke solidified into a dark-haired shape in an English airman’s uniform. It was a woman, and when she raised her head, he could see from the jagged ruin of one side of her skull that she’d met her end in an abrupt collision with some blunt object.

“Don’t shoot me!”

He lowered the shattergun cautiously. “I would far rather not.”

“I don’t want to be dead,” she said. “I’m still here, I’m still here—”

“You died weeks ago,” Xavier said. Six weeks ago, assuming she was a casualty of the most recent skirmish. “Your body is miles away and decomposing. You are dead, and the sooner you grasp that, the sooner you can move on.”

“I won’t go in that thing.”

“You will,” Xavier said briskly, knowing gentleness would be no mercy now. “The trap will confine you painlessly while I remove you from the site of your death.” He hefted the shattergun, but left the safety on. “Or I destroy your soul. That, I promise you, will hurt.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, lifting a stubborn chin. It took stubbornness to be a woman in the service.

“There’s been sabotage.”

“It wasn’t me.”

“No, I don’t think it was,” he said. He was watching her face, and he saw her eyes move past him, fixing on something behind his shoulder. She cried out, but he was already moving, and threw himself to the deck as a blast of superheated steam singed the back of his neck. Steam swam in front of his eyes, and something darker within it: a second ghost, and one that was up to no good.

He pushed himself up to one elbow and reached out with his gloved hand, thrusting its mesh of wiring into the yielding substance of the new ghost and then clenching his fist. The ghost was a chill weight as he began drawing his hand back toward the trap. He had expected it to be too clever to be caught so easily.

There was no resistance. He understood why a moment too late as the ghost rushed toward him, and then into him, reaching for Xavier’s heart. Clever after all, he had time to think, before the sensation of being hollowed out from the inside sent him plunging into shellshock-vivid memory, a predictable and yet unavoidable descent—

—Xavier ducked under the web of grappling lines that bound the two ships together and fired between them, flattening himself against the remains of the breached gondola wall to reload. Through his goggles, he could see souls curling up out of the bodies that littered the deck, drifting free or swirling in snakelike muddled circles as if seeking a way back in. The wind screamed.

He reached down with his gloved hand to yank the nearest circling soul firmly free from its body, and held it flailing in his fist. He found his trap with the other hand, or what remained of it, shattered fragments. He shoved the soul at them anyway, but it wouldn’t go in.

“Never mind the sodding dead!” someone shouted, firing from beside him, but the only certainty he had in a world full of flying debris and blood was that the souls needed to come out of the corpses, extracted like rotten teeth. He raised his head, and saw the shattergun pointed at him from across the narrow gap between the ships.

He flung himself to one side, and the blast caught him on the side of the chest rather than between the eyes. I’m still here, he thought, I’m still here, and then saw the curling smoke trailing away from his chest like a ragged cloud torn apart by the wind. His breath caught in his chest, and then stopped, like something he’d forgotten how to do a long time ago.

He didn’t breathe, but he still moved, crushing the soul in his fist against his chest, reaching out mechanically for the remains of the trap, pressing it to his chest, then pressing harder. Harder, until the glass cut through skin and flesh, trapping the soul coiled half in, half out of his chest. Harder, until he bled, and breathed—

—He gasped for breath, and he was in the hospital ward, with Morrow sitting in a straight-backed chair at the foot of the bed, a look of interest on his stubbled face. “You know, it never occurred to me to try what you did. Not that it would have worked for long.”

Xavier looked down, and saw an alien construction of glass and metal wrapped around his chest, smoke swirling in its depths and an electric buzz humming against his skin. He breathed, trying not to gasp like a drowning swimmer. Each breath came more predictably than the last, but not more easily.

“I built you a more stable housing for your passenger,” Morrow said. “Tell me, what is it like? Having someone else’s soul animating your body?” He leaned forward eagerly, chin rested on his fist.

“Who is he?”

“Corporal Thomas Carlisle. Now unfortunately deceased. His service record is brief and unenlightening. You haven’t answered my question.”

“I’m alive,” Xavier said, but he had seen his soul shattered. Had felt himself dying. He reached up with one shaky hand and spread his fingers across the warm metal. Someone else was there as well, holding on to the inside of his chest as if wrapping desperate fingers around his ribs, determined not to let go—

His head snapped back and he tasted blood as Thomas’s shadowy form erupted from his chest, thrusting the invading ghost out with him and holding it at arm’s length.

“Possessive, are you?” Xavier managed, reaching blindly for the trap and finding it thankfully intact. He maneuvered it closer to where the ghost was writhing in Thomas’s grip, trying to ignore the warning ache in his chest.

“You know it.”

The German ghost was solid enough now for Xavier to see his uniform and the grim set of his jaw as he fought Thomas’s grasp. Xavier’s thumb slipped clumsily off the trap’s trigger the first time he tried it, and then slipped again. The increasing pain was becoming a problem. Finally he hit it solidly, and watched in satisfaction as the ghost became a rushing fog that swirled into the trap and disappeared.

His vision blurred, and he realized he hadn’t breathed in some time. He spread one hand in warning, and felt the soul rush back into his chest, its grip tightening, but still not as firm as it had been even a few hours before. Xavier spread his hand across the soul cage, a habitual gesture that still brought irrational comfort. Not much time. But enough to finish the business at hand.

“Your turn, now,” he said to the English airman’s ghost, as lightly as he could manage. “Don’t dawdle, we haven’t got all day.”

She slipped down from her perch and approached the trap, hanging back a healthy distance from its electric hum. “What happens after this?”

“There’s an air base in Manchester where we’ll empty the traps. It’s far enough from where you died that you’ll have no trouble moving on.” And considerable trouble doing anything else, with no death energies to give her a grip on the world of the living.

“I mean…what happens after that? Where do we go?”

“I’m not going to find out,” he said.

She met his eyes, something like sympathy kindling in her expression, bearable from someone already dead. “I am sorry,” she said, and then bolted away from the trap.

He already had his gloved hand out to catch her. “So am I,” he said, and crammed her ghost into the mouth of the trap, thumbing the switch to suck the swirl of angry fog inside.

Footsteps clattered on the metal decking, and an engineer stuck his head in, probably in answer to alarms from whatever essential piece of machinery the German ghost had employed in his attempt to kill Xavier. “What’s all this?”

“Tell the captain I’ve taken care of his pest problem,” Xavier said. “And that he can drop me in Manchester. I’m going to sleep until then.”

The moment he closed his eyes he could feel Thomas lying beside him, as if they were ordinary lovers indulging in a late morning lie-in.

“You could be wrong,” Thomas said.

“I think my clock keeps good time.” Even in the dream, he could feel the ache in his chest, his hands and feet cold.

“I hear Gottlieb thinks that the shattergun doesn’t really destroy the soul, just keeps it from being able to manifest as a ghost.”

“Gottlieb is a German.”

“Does that make him wrong?”

“Morrow thinks his work is fundamentally unsound.”

“For Christ’s sake.”

“Morrow has occasionally been wrong,” Xavier said, but he couldn’t believe the world was fundamentally merciful enough for any part of him to survive when the link between Thomas’s soul and his body rotted away. They would put him in the ground, and that would be the end.

“How long?” Thomas asked finally, his voice more even.

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“You’re the ratcatcher. I was just an ordinary aviator. Blow those men down for king and country, yes, sir.” Thomas saluted jauntily, rolling away from Xavier in bed to do it. The ache in his chest worsened, and he ignored it.

“A day or two, I should think. Time enough to report to Morrow and offload these poor sods.”

“Maybe Morrow can do something.”

“We’ve discussed the problem. He hasn’t been optimistic.” Morrow’s soul cage had lasted for months longer than Xavier’s own bloody improvisation would have, but it was still failing, the link between Thomas’s soul and its electric cage fraying faster every hour.

“A day or two,” Thomas said.

“Yes.” Xavier was certain it wouldn’t be two. He slept until Hedrick shook his bunk to wake him.

“Manchester,” Hedrick said. “Come on, sleeping beauty.”

“It’s a harder job than you’d think,” Xavier said, following Hedrick up to the observation deck to debark. “Or would you like me to put them back and you can have a go at rounding them up? You were right, by the way. One of them was a Jerry, and up to considerable mischief.”

“I suppose that’s patriotic, by his lights,” Hedrick said. “But I’ll tell you this, if I die up here, I’ll go quiet as a little lamb. No more fighting for me. I’ve had my share and that’s a fact.” He clapped Xavier on the shoulder. “Next time I’m in Manchester I’ll stand you a drink.”

“Have one for me,” Xavier said, and stepped onto the waiting gangplank.

The air base towered above Manchester, an iron tree twenty stories high with jutting piers and thrumming generators that made the floor gratings shudder under Xavier’s feet. Morrow met Xavier on the pier.

“Good news,” he said, falling in beside Xavier as he walked. “I think I have a solution to your problem.”

“You said it was insoluble.” Hope rose unbidden in his throat, a hard knot that he swallowed down ruthlessly.

“I’ve worked out a technical solution. A side application, actually, of another process. Not that way,” he said, as Xavier turned toward the end of the pier, eager now to release the souls in his care and free himself to find out what Morrow had concocted. “Bring the trap down with you.”

Xavier frowned, but followed Morrow to the lift cage. It clattered downward, descending through a hell of industrial machinery past levels that bustled with airmen and engineers down to the quieter cargo bays. The lift stopped on the ground floor, generally deserted except when shipments of raw materials were brought in by truck. Bare electric lights swayed overhead, casting harsh shadows.

“You have no idea how much we all owe you,” Morrow said as Xavier followed him out of the lift. “What we’ve learned about how to maintain a ghost’s link to physical objects—it’s invaluable.”

“You mean physical objects like my body,” Xavier said. His chest was aching again, Thomas’s soul stirring uneasily in its housing. He wished Morrow would get on with it and either offer up whatever fix might help him or stop holding out hope.

“Incidentally. Not most importantly.” Morrow had been leading him through the shadowy bay toward the heavy bulks of vehicles, and stopped now with his hand caressing the hard lines of a tank. Its turret swiveled toward Xavier, and he froze in momentary alarm. “There’s no danger, its guns aren’t loaded.”

“I didn’t think these things were radio-controlled.”

“They’re not.” Morrow drew a bulky pistol from his coat pocket that Xavier realized after a moment’s examination was a shattergun, though a smaller model than any he’d seen before. “Can’t you see it?”

Thomas’s soul was writhing in alarm, and Xavier squinted at the tank, adjusting his goggles. When he turned them up to maximum sensitivity he could see the curl of smoke at the tank’s heart, swirling in tight unhappy circles and then battering itself against the walls of an invisible cage before returning to its circling.

“It’s haunted,” Xavier said.

“Inhabited,” Morrow said. “By a ghost with the power to control it without risking any living men.” His eyes were alight. “The next step in modern warfare.”

“Its occupant doesn’t seem very pleased.”

“They never like being in a trap. Surely you’ve learned that as a ratcatcher. There’s a certain discomfort involved in being bound into something other than a living body.”

By discomfort Morrow generally meant excruciating pain. “How long can you keep it there?”

“Indefinitely. Which provides a solution to your own problem, by the way.” He extracted a glowing puzzle-box of glass and metal from his pocket, something like the central cage within the maze of glass and wiring on Xavier’s chest. “But this is the real promise of it. There won’t be any more need for our men to leave the service just because they’re dead. No more excuses for desertion.”

“I wouldn’t call it desertion.”

“Retreating from the field,” Morrow said. “Going to their rest. Well, no one’s resting until this war is over.” The glitter in his eyes suggested that it had been long since he slept himself.

“As long as it’s voluntary.”

“Of course it’s voluntary.” Morrow brandished the shattergun and bared his teeth. “So far they’ve all preferred it to the alternative.”

“I see,” Xavier said. He was very aware of the weight of the trap under his arm, the souls within it only dimly aware, but moving restlessly in response to Thomas’s agitation. “One of these is a German,” he said. “Not good material for your purposes.”

“There’s an easy cure for that,” Morrow said, thumbing the safety off the shattergun.

“Of course.” He wondered how long it would take for the German high command to hear about this, and how fast the order would go out to destroy any English soul found haunting German battlefields. It couldn’t take much longer for Gottlieb or someone equally clever on the other side to replicate Morrow’s process and fill the battlefields with machines powered by the unquiet dead.

His vision swam, and he gritted his teeth in mingled panic and frustration—not yet—before he realized that Thomas was pulling him down into a waking dream, appearing at his side overlaid on the shimmering forms of tanks.

“The man in that tank was a gunnery sergeant,” Thomas said. “A good soldier. He’s in incredible pain, and Morrow threatens him with the shattergun whenever he makes a credible effort to tear himself free.”

Xavier spread his hands in acknowledgement, but did not reply. Morrow was in no state to hear objections to his plan, and if he objected too strongly, Morrow had the life-saving soul cage to withhold from him. The hope Morrow had kindled beat in his throat, a desperate desire to live at any cost. All he had to do was accept.

“We’re dead men anyway,” Thomas said.

“So we are,” Xavier said, and opened the trap.

The ghosts erupted out of the trap and streamed as one toward Morrow. Thomas followed them, striding forward, and Xavier staggered back, his chest burning.

“Xavier,” Morrow said, disapproving but not afraid yet.

“So clumsy of me,” Xavier said. He managed to take a breath, and then couldn’t remember how to take another one.

Morrow pointed the shattergun at Thomas’s chest, and Xavier strained to move, but his limbs felt filled with lead. Morrow pulled the trigger, but the gun didn’t fire. The safety was engaged again, and clearly stuck fast as Morrow struggled to disengage it.

Xavier could make out some individual forms within the roiling mass of souls, the faces of dead men and women, all painfully young. The soul of the woman airman hung back, reaching into the tank with both hands, tugging the ghost inside free of its metal bulk.

Other ghostly hands were on the shattergun, twisting it in Morrow’s hand, pressing its muzzle toward his temple. Morrow tugged at the gun, and then fought for it, still looking more annoyed than afraid.

For a moment Xavier met Thomas’s eyes. He knew he should shake his head, forbid murder, but he took refuge in the weariness that made shaking his head a Herculean task.

The ghosts were moaning, now, a rising wail of single-minded purpose. Even without goggles, Morrow looked as if he could hear them now, or perhaps he only felt their chill as they swarmed him, writhing against his skin.

“You’re all dead men,” Morrow said.

There was acceptance in their voices. Their grip on this world was loosening, the pull of whatever lay beyond growing stronger by the second. Now, he mouthed in choking silence, and he saw Thomas nod, his eyes smiling. It seemed all right then to let his eyes close. He heard, rather than saw, the safety catch on the shattergun give, and as if from a long way away he heard it fire.

Time passed, and went on passing. He could feel hands inside his chest, holding desperately tight to his ribs, familiar and yet strange. The metal grating of the floor was cold against his cheek. He lifted his head.

Hurry, someone urged. Xavier tried to stand, and failed. He crawled instead, inching his way toward Morrow’s still form. Morrow’s chest was moving shallowly, but his stare was sightless.

He felt across the grating until he found the soul cage that had fallen from Morrow’s hand. It felt warm even through his glove. He tore open Morrow’s collar and pressed it to Morrow’s skin. Wires sprouted from it, burrowing into bare flesh. He felt a surge of envy, and the presence within him writhed in denial and anger, holding on tighter.

Morrow opened his eyes. “Maybe not such dead men,” he said, the voice Morrow’s but the tone teasing and familiar.

“Morrow?”

“I expect I had better be.”

“If you’re in there …” Xavier spread his hand across the soul cage on his chest.

“Airman Anna Lambert,” the woman airman said, as close as if she were sitting on his lap, not a position he’d ever been in with a woman. He could feel her amusement at that thought. “You’d better get used to it, since I don’t want to die and neither do you.”

“Pleased to meet you.”

“Such pretty manners, yet. I think we’ll do all right.” She retreated back into the soul cage, settling in like a cat turning round before curling into its basket.

Morrow sat up cautiously, fingering the soul cage where it pulsed against his skin. ��We need to find another one of these to house your passenger in the long term,” he said, and then frowned. “Unless he made only one?”

“Morrow never made only one of anything.” Xavier looked around at the empty trap and the motionless tank. Souls still roiled within the others, aching to be ripped free. But first things first. “What are we going to say happened here?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Morrow said, looking at him with Thomas’s most level gaze. “I admit I’m not feeling…entirely myself. A touch of shell shock, maybe. Requiring a holiday from my work while I figure out what in blazes Morrow was doing here and how to give the impression I understand it.”

“His mind is gone?”

“Gone wherever shattered souls go. Gottlieb might still be right.”

“I’m not going to weep for Morrow either way,” Xavier said.

“I’m Morrow. You’d better keep that straight.”

“A touch of shell shock myself,” Xavier said. “I don’t know what I was saying.”

“Think nothing of it, old chap,” Morrow said, and turned to regard the tanks. “Gruesome things, aren’t they? I think we’ll be writing this off as a failed experiment.”

“You mean that you’ll be writing it off,” Xavier said. “If you can transplant Lambert here into more permanent housing without accident—I expect Morrow left good notes—”

“I devoutly hope so.”

“Then I’ve got work to do in the field. This war won’t stop making ghosts.” He felt a twinge of loss at the thought of making those bloody rounds without Thomas curled under his breastbone, and told himself angrily not to be a fool.

“Kiss him, for Christ’s sake,” Lambert said. “I would.”

Xavier coughed, and Morrow looked at him in alarm. “My passenger has an unfortunate sense of humor,” he said by way of explanation.

“That ought to suit you,” Morrow said. He looked as if he felt a certain degree of loss himself.

It would have been madness to make any such gesture in the air base, but Xavier reached out and caught his hand, and Morrow held it, his rough fingers unfamiliar in Xavier’s own.

“I’m still here,” Xavier said, and went on breathing.

END

“Ratcatcher” was originally published in Mothership Zeta and is copyright Amy Griswold, 2016.

This recording is a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives license which means you can share it with anyone you’d like, but please don’t change or sell it. Our theme is “Aurora Borealis” by Bird Creek, available through the Google Audio Library.

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Thanks for listening, and we’ll be back soon with a GlitterShip original, “The Girl With All the Ghosts” by Alex Yuschik.

Episode #69 — “Ratcatcher” by Amy Griswold was originally published on GlitterShip

#GlitterShip #lgbtq fiction #queer fiction #short stories #science fiction and fantasy #podcast

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

tube thoughts vol. 5

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star- dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Hanna-Barbera present Hillbilly Bears - "Woodpecked" *To stop Maw from nagging his lazy ass, Paw hatches a plan that involves hooking two woodpeckers up, only it backfires, when their screwing reproduces.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "The Robot versus The Aztec Mummy" *Bring me the head of Montezuma, and make it snappy. MOOVVIIEE SIGGGGNNNNN!* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Scare Tactics: ---- *Gorilla with a Fist: A slacker goes apeshit during an animal rights activist holdup at a crazy testing lab.* 2 1/2 stars

Anger Mis-Management: Aggression therapy gone wrong.* 2 stars

Fear Antics - The Mandroid: An idiot is convinced to act like a robot and wishes he hadn't when a slow thinking human goes crazy with a crowbar.* 3 stars

World's Scariest Flowers/Smell of Fear: A stalker's special delivery.* 3 stars

----

I'm Alan Partridge: The Talented Mr. Alan *"I was repellant, to women, for two years."* 3 stars

The Prisoner -- 1967 - 1968 -- "Arrival" *A Brit spy awakens in a sickly serene and isolated village from which there is no escape or cerebral evasion.* 3 stars

Shock 'Em Dead (Traci Lords) *A pizza slicin', and always being picked on, poindexter succumbs to the temptation of glowing green goo voodoo in order to become a 'rock god' in a prissy 80's hair-band.* 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Judy Miller Come On Down *A bitchy yuppy's boulevard of boring dreams.* 1/2 a star *Gameshow good fortune forces a 'days of future past' visitation experience.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents J.J. Ambrams "Lost" (pilot episode) *"When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without, and zero stars for the vomit vision use of shaking camera

Hanna-Barbera present Jonny Quest: Arctic Splashdown *The team travel to the North Pole to play around with whales, seals, walruses, and the coca cola polar bears. They also try to stop a Ruskie submarine crew from tampering with a crashed, in the ice, rocket.* 3 stars

"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" *I was a stubborn human, refusing to give "Rise" a fair chance. I wanted humans, in ape costumes, acting ape. "Dawn" is smarter, and more well made, than any modern "Apes" movie has any right to be. Also, the scene where the villain ape rides horseback, through flames, firing twin machine-guns, during an all out ape-assault, on the human stronghold fortress is the most fun, and satisfying, thing that I've seen, in one of these "Apes" movies, since I first witnessed apes, on horseback, net a fleeing savage-human in the Charlton Heston' "Apes" classic.* 3 stars

Stargate -- Atlantis: "Rising" *Cracking through the ice to find the ancient city of the 'Gate Builders.' Genetically dialing into the unknown. Angels with ugly appetites.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Die, Zombie, Die... Again *Zombie Groundhog Day* 1 star

The Mothman Prophecies *An "It's A Wonderful Life" George Bailey type sad-sack goes chasing a shadowy figure through his own personal Unsolved Mysteries story.* 3 stars

Rifftrax presents "Paranormal Activity" 2007 *Uninspired. for the immature,'shock' end similar to those trick internet videos where a Linda Blair face pops up and screeches when you're staring at something bland for a while.so uncreative that it's more of a threat to the art of filmmaking than digital piracy.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Swamp Thing: Spirit of the Swamp *Green thumb for a black rose.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Challenge of the Wizards *A wacky race, on horseback and roadwarrior vehicles, through a destroyed sin city, for the prize of the ultimate wizard's helmet.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow: "Pink Cupcakes" *Small screen jealousy. Picnic poisoning attempt. Girl with a goober gynecological visit. Gay bar American Psycho. Strongman finger torture. Missing maid's daughter. Lobster Boy looking for true love. Morbidity fame dreams. More David Bowie.* 3 stars

Bob Clampett's "Beany and Cecil" 1962 *"Your obedient serpent" a cartoon dragon handpuppet searches for a treasure in goldfish, solves an illegal eagle's bald shame, and screws up looking after the taco bell dog. Complete with commercials for Chatty Cathy, Matty Mattel, and Casper dolls, along with a Beany toy helicopter hat, plus the kid from 'Lost in Space' gets his own Dick Tracy official snub-nose revolver and tommy-gun (so realistic, modern parents' groups would be up in arms, ha.)* 3 stars

Silent Hill: Revelation *Ned Stark, and his bastard, try to protect Alice from underland. Flawed, but a better frightmare than its cousin series, Resident Evil.* 2 stars

Dr. Caligari 1989 *New-Wave Psycho-Sexual DADA Expressionism* 3 stars

Max Headroom --pilot episode-- "Blipverts" *Network 23's hotshot reporter is serious about getting a story, even if the higher ups are willing to snuff him out to stop it. That story being that subliminal sales messages cause slovenly viewers to suddenly 'splode.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Mad Monster" *Long in the tooth, and low on thrills, tale of a lobo named Petro.* 2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

Amityville 2: The Possession *Building on burial ground. Basement from hell. Blasphemy. Bad ideas coming from the voice in the headphones. Big, mean daddy. Bad parenting. Beating the kids. Blessing a bloody bed. Bellybutton penetration. Body horror. Bad touch with sister. Blue confession. Black mood birthday. Bullets for loved ones. Batshit defense in court. Bureaucracy of the church. Boy saved by sacrifice. Being forsaken.* 3 stars

Heart She Hollers: And So It Begends *The "Boss" of a grotesque backwoods town tries to continue to micro-manage from beyond via a surreal video-will and his idiot son that he kept secretly bricked up until now.* 2 1/2 stars

"Born Innocent" (Linda Blair) *Cold, mechanical 'justice' for juveniles. Few caring influences. Peers that are jealous hurtful monsters. Disinterested or damaging parental figures. Yearning and underdeveloped 'wards' of whoever is forced to deal with them, and it's unfortunately a system drained of any constructive compassion or intelligent humanity.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: *Zombie Baby: The crew think they have a great idea, a zombie baby (rolls eyes). And they keep screwing up the gross birth scene and nervous kiss scene.* 1 star *Stunt-Double: The chubby mama's boy can't be thrown out of a window, so... a black guy has to take the plunge, instead.* 1 star

The Walking Dead: Self Help *Abraham scares people. He scares his family into fleeing from him, in a flashback, resulting in their deaths. He's about to commit suicide when he meets Eugene and finds his new purpose in life. Eugene needs to watch Abraham and Rosita have sex. He also needs people to believe he's smart. It's been tearing at him and he must confess his dark secret, but this might tear Abraham, and everyone else in the group, apart.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues --pilot episode-- "Station" *Happy go lucky until it gets heavy and hits with a hard left hook.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In: The New Kids *Two orphaned army brats go to live at their uncle's rundown carnival/petting zoo in backwoods Florida where a gang of good ole boys (lead by a creepy James Spader), who won't take no for an answer, decide to make their lives a living hell. Hicksploitation from the creator of the original Friday the 13th.*3stars

William Friedkin's "The Guardian" *A wood nymph (is that what she is?) who frolics & forest bathes nude. A killer tree, like from Evil Dead, that rips people apart. Fairytale like wolves devouring human flesh. Nice modern architectured home. Beautiful wind cinematography like an Andrei Tarkovsky film. Skinemax levels of eroticism. Hansel & Gretel. Hand That Rocked the Cradle. Jeep Wrangler to the rescue. A little ham-fisted. Fun gore fx.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: Legacy of Terror *For a year, Erik Estrada's character, PEPE, gets to hangout in a high-end hotel, play a flute, and be pawed over by beautiful blondes. That is if he willingly sacrifices his heart to an Aztec mummy. The fifth sacrifice in an every fifty two year ritual where the heroic are skewered so the blood god will someday rise again.* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Raimi's "Darkman" *Liam Neeson channels Lon Chaney & Boris Karloff doing Tex Avery & Chuck Jones cartoon stunts meets a macabre moody Bruce Timm & Paul Dini cartoon story in one of the first truly good comic style movies.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Corner of the Eye *A dying priest, suffering from demonic visions, is all out of bubblegum, and patience, with his alien overlords, even though they've given him a seemingly miraculous gift.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents: The Bermuda Triangle -1978- *"Annoying sounds and boring repeatitive visuals, Bermuda Triangle, you spoil me."* 3 stars with riffing 1 1/2 stars without

Adult Swim, Newsreaders: *Motorboating Dads: Bros give parental advice for sons.* 2 stars *The Negative $100,000 Question: Smug,unfunny Children's Hospital"celebrity."* zero stars

The Simpsons: Itchy & Scratchy *"So television is responsible!" For the problems with the youth, today, that is. Ahead of its time in pointing out how media protests groups are misguided, could be making better use of their time, and hypocritical. Though it doesn't go easy on the media, either, which is why shows like Simpsons & South Park can be such good satires.* 3 stars

"Wavelength" 1983 *Sublime, stranded and subdued Navi 'children' send out strong signals that they'd like to unobtain our stringent hospitality in this low fi sci fi forgotten classic.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Zombie Fun Run *The town asses (Thr33 Days Dead) organize a run-from-zombies-a-thon, and the town's assclown (Ben Farley) causes one of the town's jackass mascots (a mule statue) to get ran over, leading to the town's asshole authorities going out and catching Thr33 Days Dead with their pants down and their ass hanging out when they ask them to stop being a zombie pain in the ass all over town and ban them from filming in Jas(s)per.* 2 stars

Twin Peaks: The Path to the Black Lodge *"We are all God's fools, more or less, but you will learn, as I have, the value of hate."* 3 stars

Joseph Zito & Tom Savini present "The Prowler" 1981 --Veteran's Day Movie-- *I'll be seeing you in all the old, familiar places that this heart of mine embraces... I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be slashing you... and pitchforking too...* 3 stars

Chuck Jones' "Yankee Doodle Cricket" *Call it macaroni* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Peckinpah's "The Osterman Weekend" *A cynical, Cold War, conniving version of 'The Big Chill.'* 3 stars

"Thr33 Days Dead" (Why not two e letters instead of two of the number 3? It doesn't look 'cool' and it becomes possible to mistake the title for a 'The 33 Days Dead,' at a glance.) *Plague of the 'People of Walmart'* 2 1/2 stars (It's more entertaining than Birdemic) or 1 1/2 stars (It's almost as poorly made as Birdemic) ---(((this movie is just asking to be riffed by rifftrax)))---

Scare Tactics------------ season 2 episode 6 *: A plumber's helper stumbles onto (Silence of the Lamb's) Buffalo Bill's messy bathroom secret.* 3 stars

*: "Are you kidding me, bro?... WTF, bro?..." Late night, middle of nowhere, construction site, strange cult terrorizing a bro scenario.* 2 1/2 stars

*: "You got me trippin'... I watch 'shit' on t.v." A goofy girl gets going- going- gone, when Mummyhotep begins to step.* 2 1/2 stars

*: A telekinetic tween's tantrum.* 2 stars

----------------------------------------------------

X Files ---pilot episode--- *A logical, lady FBI agent gets assigned to keep tabs on the guy, in the basement, lurking in the unexplained phenomena cases.* 3 stars

Bizarre Foods -- Ireland: Ancient Bog Butter *Waxing poetic over 3,000 year old marsh gunk.* 2 1/2 stars

A Return to Salem's Lot --1987-- *Diverges, almost entirely, from the mood and suspense of Tobe Hooper's Salem's Lot. I don't even see this as being the same Salem's Lot setting as that first tv movie. That one was quirky, to an extent, but this one is really quirky. It's a Larry Cohen style (It Lives & The Stuff) 'American Gothic' fatherhood/son struggle and a secret society / corrupt small town stake to the heart of a movie. Featuring a young Tara Reid as a Lucy Westerena type, an old bitter Jewish man as a nazi hunter turned Van Helsing, and a cultural anthropologist who ironically has to try to destroy one of the oldest fabled civilizations.* I give it between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Blood Wind *A mason jar filled with murderous moonshine mist that puts everyone in a killer rage. Mr.Butterfingers, Swamp Thing, accidentally lets the lid off of it to hilarious results. The craziest, best episode yet.* 3 stars

Farscape: DNA Mad Scientist *On a rock, covered with giant dinosaur bones, floating in a cold corner of space, a grotesque menagerie of lab workers now serve one of their experiments gone wrong. A stilt stepping, kinky outfit wearing, feline-esque Dr. Frankenstein seeks out all the best traits of every living creature, in the known universe, in order to further advance its own twisted evolution.* 3 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: Love and Power *The speculative power of computer systems versus the supreme success of global forces like the Chinese. The desires of self superior people like Ayn Rand versus the so called weak and in need. Also, for some reason, a lot of looking back at Monica Lewinsky on her knees.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Asylum -- "Welcome to Briarcliff" *There are none so blind as those who will not willingly receive electroshock treatment and give morning confessional.* 2 1/2 stars

Bob & Margaret: A Tale of Two Dentists *Neglecting needs of his customers and wife leads to Bob losing them both, and both being diddled by a bogus dentist & real looney known by the alias Harry Ramsbottom.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: "The Colour of Alan" *"I am happy. That may vwwewy wewwl be because I'm on morphine."* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Episode 5 *A shaken teen girl, from Sin City, is seeing the scarred and strangled spirit, of a San Antonio teen girl, who died around the same age as she is during the paranormal state investigation of the situation.* 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's 'Kingdom Hospital' season 1 episode 2 *"Inside the skull is another universe. The strangest, scariest haunted house of them all." Or in Lars Von Trier's and Stephen King's cases, a silly sausage factory featuring surgeons with unzipped flys, creepy ice cream man demons, aardvark assassins, and candle light dinners in the morgue.* 3 stars

--- Hanna-Barbera --- Hillbilly Bears: "Modern Inconvenience" *Paw gets mangled by Maw's flirtation with the new-fangled.* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Valley of the Man-Apes *To protect the village of the Lollipop Guild, a group of stinky simians must be stopped from reassembling an abandoned movie studio's animatronic King Kong.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's 'Drive-In Theater' presents "The First Power" *Another dime-a-dozen body hopping demonic serial killer thriller. Lou Diamond Phillips' idea of playing a hardboiled detective is to pass an unlit cigarette between his lips and his fingers, constantly, and to wear a heavy, black trenchcoat, during the heat of the day, in downtown Los Angeles. The Richard Ramirez type, "Pentagram Killer," has satanic powers of a super human variety. Also, a lot of side characters' stunt doubles doing unintentionally comedic acrobatics and kicks to the groin.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Women of the Prehistoric Planet *Time paradoxes. Stereotype sneaky "Japs." Toasted thunder-lizard. Rubber snake attack. Tropical set design studio setting. Rodney Dangerfield wannabe comic relief. Death by "plush toy" hopping spider on a wire. A boy, 'all alone,' named Tang. Blue Lagoon romance picnic. Red hiney monkey. Racist astronaut shoots the first minority he sees. Feel good ending where the two minority lovebirds are abandoned, by the spaceship, on a paradise planet, with an extremely active volcano and killer cavemen.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star w/out

Hanna-Barbera -- Jonny Quest: The Curse of Anubis *Hadji's Hindu whack a mole magic, flute serpent charming, and Jonny's motorscooter camel-jockey skills help stop a doomed thief from uniting the Arab world against the West via insinuation involving iconography and superstition.* 3 stars

Sam Raimi's "The Quick and the Dead" *Vengeance is mine, said the Lady to the Lord. A Sharon Stone western shouldn't work, but it does.* 3 stars

Space Rage: Breakout on Prison Planet --1985-- *There aren't any spaceships firing at each other in asteroid storms, though there is a arcade asteroids machine in a bar. This is a space frontier, corrupt penal/mining colony western. There are no laser blasters, only traditional western handguns, shotguns, and rifles. Replacing spaceships are dunebuggies. Replacing an otherworldly planet is the California desert. There's a great, constantly playing, punk-western soundtrack, and Richard Farnsworth, Michael Pare, and John Laughlin are badass as usual.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Sympathy for the Devil *Harmonica playing, mystical gem having, ageless child of evil -who needs to be and deep down wants to be put at rest.* 3 stars

Transformers: Fire in the Sky *Christmas/New-Ice-Age in July, when the Decepticon grinches try to turn the earth's core into a cold day in hell. Luckily for earth and the Autobots, an unfrozen, gigantic robot makes the right decision and sacrifices itself for its love of science and all creatures, including humanity.* 3 stars

South Park: The Magic Bush *"Jennifer Lawrence's butthole didn't take a picture of itself."* 2 1/2 stars

Comic Book Men: Brony Con *Grumpy forty-something comic nerds attempt a Vaudeville two-man horse act at a convention for twenty-something male hipster fans of a little girls' pony cartoon.* 2 stars

Adult Swim ==off-the-air== "Seramthgin" *Nightmarishly surreal art video garbage played, mostly, in reverse.* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Going Nuclear *Citizen Z's paddle ball dexterity. Mt. Rushmore defaced. Glow in the dark zombies. Stealth until a zombie alert fart. Radiation sickness. Stopping a nuclear meltdown in the Black Hills. Twirling, Donatello-esque ninja staff that's actually a really long handled hoe. Hazmat suits & ammo. Radio controlled drone robot named Robbie who has a lazer cutter for mowing down zombies. Fueling up on vodka. Fleeing from fallout in a small aircraft and of course crashing. Citizen Z 'checks' zombiepedia (lame joke.) Zombie sign language? Murphy wearing a little girls' pink & cute spikes backpack. Zombie puppy love. What really is mercy?* 3 stars

--- Paul W.S. Anderson's "Soldier" starring Kurt Russell

*Thematically like Stallone's 'First Blood' mixed with Terminator 2 and other outerspace and post-apocalyptic genre movies.

Finger painted in the most broad, obvious, hack ways possible.

Supersoldier has never seen a pretty lady, so he daydreams about the one time he saw her nipples under her shirt.

Supersoldier is suffering ptsd, so he freaks out over Santa at Christmas party.

Supersoldier doesn't know how to deal with kids, so he tries to teach a kid to bash a poisonous snake's brains out.

Supersoldier is feeling sad for the very first time, so we zoom in close up on a tear streaming down his face.

Supersoldiers need to be tested, American Gladiator competition is orchestrated.

Married couple is getting romantic on a planet with limited supplies and garbage everywhere, hundreds of lit candles love scene.

Thin mustached military commander villain's gotcha moment is pissing down his pants leg in fear...*

1 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Stepfather" *There were no real Freddy Kruegers running around in suburbia, in the 80s, but there were actually psychos like this. A Fox News fan type dad is a little too into 50s era family "perfection," and when things don't go his way, he heads down to the basement to beat on his workbench with a hammer, and when he can't take it anymore, he heads upstairs and bangs on the family with the hammer. When he's done there, he catfishes the "perfect" next family.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Cupid's Quiver *When you're skeezy, it's love made easy. The poor, wretched bastard, in this one, oozes, and then drips desperation from his every pore.* 3 stars

ABC's Selfie: A Little Yelp From My Friends *I expected this to be another obnoxious sitcom like Big Bang Theory or 2 Broke Girls, but it's more like Ally McBeal. A real bait and switch. The topic as it has been thrown out there in the media would make one think it would be about a total social media whore with constant references to current social pop culture, but it's really more of a show about a pathetic weirdo and her bizarre, unsocial behavior, and the one genuine person (Harold from Harold & Kumar) who actually cares about helping her cross that bridge back into the real world.* 2 1/2 stars

E! Total Divas: The Double Cross *One diva trades her vibrator for a date with an NFL hunk. Another diva gets jealous when her man's (pro wrestler John Cena) ass is going to be shown in a movie love scene. Also, at a movie premier for a comedy flick, starring the twin divas, the big muscled pro-wrestler puts on a blue monkey suit, and the butt and breast implant diva, along with her man, sit stoned-faced during a supposedly funny scene. Odd and insipid reality show trash.* zero stars

MTV's True Life: I Have A Strange Phobia *One Italian-American young man can't even pee in a public restroom. He has to get in his car, get on the freeway, and drive all the way home and scrub the toilet with cleaner and antibacterial products before the act. (Why not pee outside, in public, behind a dumpster or building or car? It's not really polite behavior, but it would save the trouble of going home and cleaning. And, why not just aim really well when you pee at home or not care if you pee on the seat?) The next, unfortunate, case is about a young woman who is deathly afraid of pigeons. I think there's some other attention issues there, or maybe a bit of deceit going on where the girl just wanted to get on MTV.* 2 stars

American Horror Story -- Murder House -- "Murder House" *As much a love letter to true crime history of Los Angeles as it is a ghost story. And the haunted people and haunts themselves have more personality and poignancy than most ghost stories.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Under the Bed *A child psychologist struggles with a cryptozoology related child abduction.* 2 1/2 stars

The Walking Dead: Consumed *Getting the drop on crash test dummies.* 3 stars

Adult Swim --fake infomercials-- "Smart Pipe" *Taking smartphone app use to its inevitable pinnacle by having the waste management of the world's pipes turned into an opportunity to scan shit and then use that information to in turn sale more shit to the masses.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Sheriff-in-Law *Daddy don't come around here anymore, and we're all glad he doesn't.*3 stars

MTV's "Slednecks" episode b (b because the "writers" were lazy) *Bros go Go-Go dancing. 4 wheel drive pickup truck versus airboat in a tug o war match. Drunk skanks pissing in the snow. Feeding buttered toast to the wildlife. Tundra wookies at tha club. You know, typical Alaska stuff. Saddening that this kind of stupidity is going on in one of the last frontiers. I've never more wanted a moose to kill someone since back in the day when Fox would air those 'When Animals Attack' videos.* zero stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow -- "Bullseye" *Desert butterflies* 2 1/2 stars

Game of Thrones --Season 3-- Episode 2-- *Lions, piggies, crows, wolves, and a hound.* 3 stars

USA network's --Chrisley Knows Best-- "Jugs and Ammo" *Boob cake for 100 dollars. Boob job for your daughter 30,000 dollars. Protecting your sixteen year old beauty pageant girl's "vag of honor" untold dollars. Making your redneck son-in-law uncomfortable because he thinks that you're a closet homosexual is priceless.* either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

Animal Planet's --Finding Bigfoot-- "Turtleman's Bigfoot" *for some unknown reason, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and 30 Rock's "Bobo" travel to Kentucky to holler hunt a primate with Jim Varney's nephew Ernie the "Turtle Man."* 2 stars

rifftrax presents The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers *Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

Adult Swim -- "Too Many Cooks" *Never ending 80s tv theme song intro video parody turned massacre.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Knightly Murders *Balefully back, from the Black Ages, with a big axe to grind.* 2 1/2 stars

Gargoyles: Temptation *Goliath's former piece-of-tail tries to put him back under her spell.* 3 stars

Stargate --Atlantis-- "Hide and Seek" *You're not yourself when you're hungry, or an energy entity. Eat a Snickers, and be like Doug Flutie.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Babadook" *Illustrating one's insecurities into isolation, insomnia, and insanity.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Saturday Night Special *Yuppy dating schemes and dreams come apart at the seams.* 1 1/2 stars *Springwood beautification project leaves a plain jane feeling numb.* 2 stars

South Park: Freemium isn't Free *Temptation. Addiction. Boring Gaming. Gambling. Micro-Transactions. Trendy drinking. Denial drinking. Pussy advertising. The Prince of Canada. The Canadian Devil.* 2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Loved to Death *More than a minute of seeing man-sized-shaped Mariel Hemingway in lingerie is like an eternity in hell.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In presents "Night Angel" *So bad it's good, succubus-slasher softcore-skinemax-style flick.* 1 1/2 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Courtin' Disaster *Haltin' hatin' the Hoppers, like they's was Hatfields, in hopes of havin' Hottiebear hitched.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics --Season 2-- episode 7 *Meat locker scab wishes he hadn't swept the salt off the floor after he meets the one armed mangler who had the job before.* 2 stars *"Pretty big, probably around 5 foot 9 or 6 foot 2" webcam show babehouse psycho slasher that ruins a horny, dumb guy's first night on the peep job.* 3-stars *Digging a hole, in the desert, for a lazy mobster.* 2 stars *Poltergeist -heather o'rourke- style closet scare* 2 1/2 stars

Paranormal State season 1 episode 6 *This haunted place is for the dogs...* 3 stars

"Intruders" CBS 1992 *Abductee: I was taken aboard a spaceship, by little grey men, and experimented on. / Psychologist: No, you were molested, in a barn, by your cousin.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow -- "Test of Strength" *"Come as you are" as ruined by the folks from GLEE. Strong Man vs. Amazon Lady. You're my dad, dad. Earl (Dell) had to die - Carnival Dixie Chix. Two-Headed blackmail. Dreadful Penny. Penny's dreadful dad. Tattoo nightmare. Dandy not feeling dandy. Surgeon suicide. Blonde ambition makeover.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Hand *"Eat, drink, and be merry. Tomorrow, you die." Then, it's all fingerwalking on the darkside, you dig?* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

Jonny Quest: Pursuit of the Po-Ho *Lost tribe lunar sacrifice lunacy.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Grotesquery *A case of toxic swamp ass lands ST in a two-bit big top, where it's all soggy tater chips and being caged while being poked with a stick with the rest of the misbegotten misfits.* 2 stars

"The Shuttered Room" 1967 *Hostile Arkham homecoming. Where the isolated islanders hold strong to ignorant superstition, when they're not trying to tear someone to shreds.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Sisters of Mercy *Survivors of a Utah Mormon "sisters wives" style society form a militant lesbian ladies only cult. No "Ah, not the bees!" moment or bearsuit disguise, but similar to Nic Cage's predicament. Story focuses on the two least interesting characters, the crazy redhead chick and her wannabe boyfriend, and not enough Murphy moments, though his getting "pie" scene is hilarious. False advertisement with the unfortunately underused zombie bear. I was hoping that it would maul the Sisters of Mercy.* 2 stars

Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead *A Home Alone orphan vigilante brat and a Grace Jones / Pam Grier -esque kung fu sista join Reggie to fight Return of the Living Dead style zombies with attitude. The actors playing Mike & Jody almost seem out of place in their own series, but Reggie excels in a more Sam Raimi plus Bruce Campbell horror-comedy environment. I think I figured out who the Tall Man is supposed to represent, Sam Walton, the founder of WalMart.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Stalker from the Stars *It twas a simple sinus sniffle twitch kill't the strigoli at that snowy eskimo carnival.* 3 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Heavy Metal Queen *ride the lightning and chase the thunder with a prairie oyster.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: The Chimes of Big Ben *There's not enough hours in the day to sail away. So, pick up a required hobby.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Rakers *Taking a stand against mindless television violence with a sport of "refined aggression." Risking everything professionally for a personal bond of obligation with an estranged and wreckless loved one.* 2 1/2 stars

Larry Cohen's "The Ambulance" 1990 starring Eric Roberts *A sinister old school style ambulance stalks the streets of NYC picking up sick people and then not taking them to the hospital but instead to an insane doctor who experiments on them and sells them to shady medical labs. Spooky.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Adult Swim's "Sit Down and Shut Up" --pilot episode-- *animated with the whimsy of nickelodeon or cartoon network kids cartoons but with the right amount of offensive humor for the slacker 3am audience.* 2 stars

SyFy's "Ascension" --preview-- 'Building the World' *Nice to see SyFy actually spending some money on a show's elaborate production.* 3 stars

CMT's "Redneck Island" Dec 2014 -season preview-

with host "Stone Cold" Steve Austin *"I wouldn't even introduce you to my dawg! MY DAWG, YA HEAR!"* 1 star

Hill Street Blues: Presidential Fever *A matter of pride. Two partners struggle with the distance between each other after being shot on duty. An undercover gets 'ruff' with rape suspects. Lady attorney holds her own with police chief lover. Gangleaders precinct meeting to hold a truce during Presidential visit. NYPD Blue's David Caruso as a top-hat wearing Irish gangbanger. Hick cop hassles the wrong barrio & almost goes vigilante to heal a wounded ego.* 3 stars

"Open House" 1987 starring Adrienne Barbeau *John Tesh is trying to reason with a rabid dog when Charles Bronson walks up and shoots it between the ears. Los Angeles, the land of broken dreams. there's only so many options for the down on their luck to vent. one is to call in crazy to the talk radio stations. another is to act like an obnoxious slob. then, there's the nutbags who'd like to find absurdly creative ways to kill the chippy sales people of that broken dream.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Eye *Slight fever in the Swiss Alps, with cyclops brainball tentacle aliens who like things frigid and hate telepaths.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

X Files: Deep Throat *Aim high, in the Air Force, and be an alien spacecraft test pilot. Side effects may not be worth it. It's 2 the xtreme, says 90s stoner, Seth Green.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Dark Matters *Melodramatic ghost brother space catastrophe* 2 stars

Michael Crichton's "Runaway" 1984 starring Tom Selleck *Jargon, jargon, household robots gone haywire. Jargon, jargon, science dept. mustache cop. Jargon, jargon, spider assassin robots. Jargon, jargon, Gene Simmons techno-terrorist. Jargon, jargon, magic heat-seeking bullets. Jargon, jargon, vertigo-tinged thriller climax.* 2 1/2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Steel and Lace" *Willard's Bruce Davison creates a cyborg out of his sister, Shannon Tweed (Gene Simmons' long-time girlfriend), years after her suicide resulting from a non-conviction for a group of corporate buddies who raped her in an alley. The sexy cyborg seduces then performs gruesome fatalities on the slimeballs.* stars 2 1/2

Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper *Freddy turns the twin daughters, of the cop who was a thorn in his side in life, against each other.* 2 stars *Freddy is determined to make one of the twins an only child.* 2 1/2 stars

Hammer Films' "Vampire Circus" 1972 *A morose quarantine livened with a sanguinary shadow puppet sex show.* stars 3

American Horror Story -Asylum- "Tricks and Treats" *Sticky caramel on the mossy banks of a Stygian river.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Brave Alan *"The worth of boast worlds."* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: A Night In *Boring and barren, but better off than the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: The Use and Abuse of Vegetational Concepts *make like a tree and be a leaf / a cog in the machine or don't because it's a false belief.* 3 stars

"Dreamscape" 1984 *David Patrick Kelly is a creepier dream demon than Robert Englund.* 3 stars

South Park: Grounded Vindaloop *The boys try to figure out which one of them is actually stuck in virtual reality limbo. Real world Butters is cutely portrayed.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Hybrid to Hell *"Hawt Rawkin' Santy Claus in a bubble globe."* 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Natural Enemy *ST beats science to the punch, when he swats and splats Beelzebub.* 2 stars

--- Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 9

*Party van fails to take police warning and runs into vampire bikers on a desert highway.* 3 stars

*Hysterical hissie over a hybrid dwarf-critter.* 3 stars

*"You ever step on a landmine, before?" nervous and shaken response "Nah, I'm from Cleveland." 2 1/2 stars

*The show's new host, a Baldwin brother, is traumatized when he's not recognized after shedding the disguise of a scary mob boss.*

1 1/2 stars

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Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 7 *A cemetery caretaker stews and his wife claims to suffer after sticking in a hole, and covering with cement, an urn of unclaimed cremated remains that had sat on their shelf for years.* 2 stars

Insidious: Chapter 2 *That's not my husband. That's the spirit of a crossdressing serial killer. Again with the Ed Gein/Norman Bates mommy issues killer and somehow crossed with the crazy killer dad -like the Shining. Also, I could do without the lame antics and shaking camera ghosthunting of the two paranormal hipster nerds. Still, I very much enjoy the eerie astral projection limbo world.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: A Cup of Time *Old age is wasting the youth, when youth aren't wise enough not to drink from its cup.* 2 stars

The Walking Dead: Crossed *Rick Grimes used to be a cop. Emphasis on used to be. Now, he's cold blooded. Come to think of it, then again...* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Halloween" *"find my nest of salt, everything is my fault... choking on the ashes of our enemies..."* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Dead Right *It's a given that grotesque Jeffrey Tambor will gore gorgeous gold-digger Demi Moore.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Corpse Vanishes *"A cockeyed nightmare or a nighteyed cockmare?!"* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Tex Avery's "Jerky Turkey" 1945 *"Don't eat at Joe's"* 2 1/2 stars

"Thankskilling" 2009 *"No more pumpkin pie, no more cranberry sauce, just turkey..."* 1 star

Twin Peaks: Miss Twin Peaks *Which way to the castle? Where there's a key, there's always a lock. Fear and love open the door.* 3 stars

"Dreamchild" 1985 (with Jim Henson creature shop puppetry) *Ian Holm makes a better Jack from the Titanic, for Alice in Wonderland's elderly Alice, than Leo DiCaprio ever could. Also, Peter Gallagher is certainly more charming than Billy Zane. He's more of a sly weasel too.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones -Season 3 -episode 3 *"In the grave, there are no masters."* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Posed for Murder"

with special guest host Elvira *A generic softcore thriller about an adult magazine centerfold being stalked by a psychotic motorcycle glove and every meathead who wants to screw her. It's one of those bad movies where the lyrics of the songs, playing throughout, sync up with the on screen stupidity.* 1 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Cutting Cards *Compulsive rivals go head to head til the last stump standing.* 2 1/2 stars

"Paradise" 1982 *A very Biblical man, Willie Aames, watches his parents get murdered by bandits, then flees and gets stranded with a beautiful maiden, Phoebe Cates, in a desert/tropical oasis where he sneaks peeks at her sinful nudity, tries to keep a chimpanzee from self pleasuring, destroys dirty medical texts, and tries to keep an Arab jackal from stealing his woman and deflowering her.* 2 stars

Farscape: They've Got A Secret *Space whale calf care is killing the crew, and crossbreeding with the empire's clone troopers is strictly forbidden and must remain emotionally hidden.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Waltz for Venus *Lacking one quality but heightening another's fluidity.* 3 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Stranger than Friction *monkeying around with hospitality can get ya head blown't off* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Murphy's Law *Every ridiculous thing this show tries to do somehow works. Drug addicted zombies, check. Viagra sex zombies, check. Murphy having telepathic control over the infected, check. The most surprisingly effective show of the year. Each new episode is something new. Rarely boring or stagnant in an all too boring and stagnant apocalyptic / zombie / survival horror genre.* 2 1/2 stars

"Walking Tall" 1973 *Landmark hicksploitation with Buford on par with Leatherface in terms of legend. A yarn that satisfies in its visceral exaltation of justice, while still having enough subtext about the road of revenge being a ragged one.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Youth Killer *sucking the life out of the singles scene* 3 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear presents

"Fright Night" 1980s version -------------------------------

*Necking with your girl while watching late night vampire horror hosted by a faux vampire slayer from such movies.

USA network has the world's hottest show 'Baywatch' five nights a week.

For the girls of paradise call 431 Girl at 2.50$ a minute.

Psychic Talk USA... are you astounded?

La Femme Nikita, Sunday Nights on USA the cure for the common show and the common boner.

Has your neighbor committed homicide? this horror obsessed kid thinks so.

Having a horrific mental breakdown? don't turn to the town Beavis for understanding.

99cent psychic encounters. It sounds dangerous. But damn affordable. 800 Predict. I predict that if you call, you'll be out 99cents.

Rhonda is at her wedding reception, where she's trying out two potential hubbies. One is a morose long haired artsy guy and the other is a big, fat cowboy with his big, fat mama who thinks that Rhonda has child bearing hips enough to produce fifteen younguns

"Someone knows their secret." I Know What You Did Last Summer, now playing in theaters everywhere.

back to the ‘’up all nite’’ movie,

the fearless vampire slayer gets fired from his job and vents on his hatred for 80s slasher monsters like Jason.

Apparently vampires yawn in the evening and are groggy when they take phone calls.

Stephen King's "Thinner" available now at videostores everywhere.

You never thought it possible, the Motorola Wordline Pager with streaming text updates in the palm of your hand in black and grey text. It will never get more advanced than this, says the 90s business professional yuppy.

No rules, no ring, no exit, and not place to hide 'Fighting Force' for the playstation.

The legend is here, the time is now, Chuck Norris is Walker Texas Ranger, weeknights on USA.

I'm all alone pick up the phone, sluts are standing by on another phone sex commercial.

Macho Man says REST IN PEACE and SNAP INTO A Slim Jim, OH YEAH! Halloween Havoc, Dig it!

Peter Vincent is like the Alan Partridge of the occult.

What do you do when a David Bowie type douche wants to do your girlfriend?

Hollywood's hottest stuntmen use bodyheat activated degree deodorant.

USA's Sunday Night Heat with Pacific Blue, Silk Stalkings, and The Big Easy. Turn it on and turn it up.

I miss sleazy USA network programming.

Magic the Gathering, all you need is a brain, a deck, and a friend, and an intact virginity.

Rhonda is a runaway bride when she realizes she doesn't have to be married to shop.*

3 stars

-----------------------------------------

Gargoyles: Deadly Force *"Movies, television, videogames...(sigh) it's hard to tell what's real anymore." A lesson about how our culture ignores the real drama of the consequences of gunplay.* 3 stars

Stargate - Atlantis - "Thirty Eight Minutes" *The perils of dealing with stubborn parasites, wormhole constipations, lifeboat malfunctions, and bruised egos.* 3 stars

Stephen King's "Kingdom Hospital" -season 1 -episode 3 *Solid cold oldies* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The Conversion *The future's not ours, you see...* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Body Banks *Eternal sunshine of the sober mind that refuses to sell out to corporate swine who think they can harvest the poor & healthy in order to buy more time.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: 'Til Death *Fated to the fetid* 2 stars

Swamp Thing: Treasure *Little Jim has a long lost relative dying on his bathroom floor, a Swamp Thing trapped in his attic unable to sneak away, and an evil blonde beauty who wants to shoot him, or his mom, with a small pistol -if he doesn't cough up the location of stolen money hidden in a junkpile out in the swamp.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Riddle of the Gold *The smite of the tiger.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 10 -------------------

*Cleaning the ham bones out of a creep's croc pond.* 2 1/2 stars

*Maids stumble onto a bloody, and active, crime scene.* 2 stars

*A ladies man looks at the wrong farmer's naked daughter.* 3 stars

*Carny folk forget and leave a horned dwarf troll in the walls of a rental home.* 2 1/2 stars

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Roger Corman presents "Streets" 1990 *For skid row kids, like Christina Applegate's homeless teenage prostitute character, it's a symbiotic game of staying ahead, and also in reach, of their constant pursuers and abusers, but sometimes the bleak circumstances highlighting the literal dead ends make it even more painful if a glimmer of hope happens to also be there.* 3 stars

American Horror Story - Asylum - "Nor'Easter" *Pontius Pilate wept at the end of E.T.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 8 *Remodeling the home of a early 20th century sawbones stirs spirits.* 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: Blood, Sweat, and Tears *stretching thinly to feel the burn and avoid the fine line of permanent injury in the process of healthy activity and friendly civility* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Never Say Alan Again *pass the Sunny D and STOP TALKING ABOUT AMERICAN THINGS!* 3 stars

X Files: Squeeze *Spooky versus mutie (aka mutant).* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: The Coda *Rick Grimes drives a hard bargain, but compromises and evasively dangerous behavioral maneuvers, of others involved, put everyone back on the road of loss.* 3 stars

House 3: The Horror Show -1989- *"An electricity of evil." Lance Henriksen is a straight current running parallel to an unsteady moronic shocker.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Mother's Day *You gotta fight or flight for your right to party with Fredddy.* 2 1/2 stars *Weepy Wendy can't get any affectionate attention from her radio shrink mom, a seriously Selfish Sherry.* 2 1/2 stars

Ultimate Scooters: Featuring the Hot Wheels Shocker -2000- *Video time capsule documenting how turn of the 21st century bro-men took to the streets, with tots, riding toy scooters.* 1 star

Popeye the Sailor Man: ----------

*Me Musical Nephews: Runts rockabye a restless Popeye.* headache inducing zero stars

*Spooky Swabs: Ghostly mutiny.* 3 stars

*Patriotic Popeye: Safe n' sane U.S. n' A. holiday or party explosives?* 2 stars

*Ancient Fistory: Disney Princess Cinderfella Queer Eye for the Popeye.* 2 stars

*Taxi-Turvy: Scat cab skidoo.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------

Fleischer Studios presents Betty Boop: -------------------------

*Betty Boop's Crazy Inventions: Spunky sales pitch for quirky products.* 3 stars

*and the Little King: Calamity Betty* 2 1/2 stars

*Pudgy in Ding Dong Doggie: Hot doggy, Betty spank.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grampy in the Candid Candidate: Mayoral mishap calls for thinking cap.* 2 1/2 stars

*Language All My Own: Betty is super kawaii in the land of the rising sun.* 2 stars

*Grampy's Indoor Outing: homemade carnival play on a rainy day.* 2 1/2 stars

*Little Nobody: Stuck up pup and a blue ribbon baywatch doggy strut.* 2 1/2 stars

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Adult Swim --off the air-- "Worship" *vacation bible surreal* 2 stars

Squidbillies 96: How did my worm get in your taco? *Early en Espanol, an all american buttthole.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: The Bathroom Boys *Dragging the viewer into the toilet with the non-humor painful shits & giggles of Tim, Eric, Zach Galifianakis and surprise guest, the beautiful, cleaned, and dolled up Maggie from the Walking Dead.* between zero and 1 star

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Portal into Time *Apple 2 defender of the Alamo. Beastmaster 2 culture shock. Thundarr, Ariel, Ookla are Earth's mightiest Avengers. Volkswagen Beetle dragon. Ookla, a cookie monster. An escalator can never be broken, it can only become stairs, so said Mitch Hedberg. Terminator 2 style skynet tech heist. Finally, a first ever victory at the Alamo.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Politics as Usual *Bribery. blackmail. backstabbing. bargaining courts. boo-hooing. barking like a dog. busted. buttcheeks and butthole search. bathing lovemaking. break up.* 3 stars

Burn, Baby, Burn: Riots and Violence in the Modern World *unabashed ugliness* 1 star

Victor Salva's "The Nature of the Beast" 1995 starring Lance Henriksen & Eric Roberts-- *A serial killer plus a casino riches thief, both on the run, find homogeneity on a lost stretch of desert highway.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 9 *a spirit is shattering and nudging (the babypowder test, "thrilling") wine glasses in a, struggling to survive, sports bar.* 1/2 a star

The Outer Limits: Quality of Mercy *Hogan's Heroes meets Enemy Mine with an M. Night twist.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Jamming with Edward *A self activated spy sattelite is sad & lonely and so is a spunky hacker.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: New Acquaintance *Jim brings home a misunderstood stray, and ST resurrects a rabbit.* 2 1/2 stars

Shaw Brothers: Iron Chain Fighter (aka Assassin) *There are no bonds that chop sockey can't break.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: -season 3 -episode 4 *Climbing and falling. Losing a hand. Handing over a legacy. Protecting the virtue of an innocent. Hungering for insurrection. Dispensing the light of justice. Burning a path for freedom.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: HELLOWE'EEN *The awful uncle seeks offal flesh to slip into back to life.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Three's A Crowd *cuckold anniversary surprise* 3 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Piggy Piggy" *Growing pains. Raw brains. Oinking angst.* 2 1/2 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: "The Monkey in the Machine and the Machine in the Monkey" *We humans are something like a phenomenon or perhaps maybe an automaton.* 3 stars

"Beyond the Black Rainbow" --2010-- *Timothy Leary has gone too far this time.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics: season 2 -episode 11 ---------------

*Family killer in a scarecrow disguise puts a young carpenter in concern.* 2 stars

*Gold chain necklace wearing "Dr. Jeff" doesn't want his "molecules heated up" in a mad scientist's The Fly -esque matter transport experiment.* 2 1/2 stars

*A greaseball is hired to clean up "red wine" stains for a Sopranos sausage and refuses to wear a wire for an undercover sting.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fear Antics: A wannabe actor, in a slasher prank, gets pushed over the edge.* 2 1/2 stars

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Paranormal State: Season 1 -episode 10 *A Native American coyote spirit / chaos critter is an unwanted housepest, for a rural Maine mom & visiting daughter, when its vortex in the backyard is disturbed. So, the team calls in some Native elders to do a ritual at the rocks around a hole on the property, and Christian psychic medium Chip Coffey tells the howling haunt to hit the road.* 2 1/2 stars

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