#...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting...

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because... #...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting... #...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!! #(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive) #(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour) #(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously) #(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!) #(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

[skullinahat]

some long-ass thoughts on watcher and dropout

for the record, i've enjoyed both of their work. i won't talk abt it much in this post, but it's very interesting how people kind of view shane's performative anti-capitalism making their consumption of ghost files a reflection of their own politics. then, a business making a business decision feels much more personal, because an aspect of your morals has just betrayed you. instead of just losing access to media you enjoyed, you just lost a reference point for your identity. Dropout is very mildly more aware of their function in capitalist society when they make anti-capitalist jokes, but the effect is still the same. the concept of supporting small business being an effective political action has obviously fed into, or perhaps came from, consumer culture. there's been a lot of "disappointment" in shane specifically, which is why i bring this up.

this post is a mess and i definitely used some of the wrong words, but i hope it makes some sense.

Watcher and Dropout have been compared alot as of late, of course both being attempted independent subscription based streaming services with a small host of content. dropout is cast as the good guy, the thing that watcher is striving for and failed at. I've seen several people joke about subscribing to dropout instead as a little fuck you to watcher.

A lot of people have genuinely asked what the difference is. Why is watcher bad and dropout good?

The most common answer i've seen is that dropout was pitched as a last effort to save a dying company, instead of the greedy money grab that watchertv feels like. dropout also offers a much larger cast, and many more shows, releasing new episodes monday through friday. Both of these things, however, are only true of dropout as of now.

Dropout was started two years before collegehumor's death, and it was only able to release as many shows as it is now very recently. It also didn't originally advertise itself as a final resort, rather "netflix- but worse!"

It didnt begin as a hail mary for a dying platform, just a new branch of an old one with no ads and more freedom. (Though it was a final resort later.) i think the biggest material difference between the two is that dropout always felt like an addon rather than an ambush paywall. later when it did become an ambush paywall, it felt justified. there was complete clarity over what would be on dropout and what would remain free on youtube.

this clarity was never present in watcher's announcement. I personally don't think watcher was ever planning on removing their free content from youtube, and they just worded it really poorly in their original video, but keeping new episodes behind a paywall is still enough to alienate their fanbase. the concept of them removing everything from youtube has stuck around despite their assurances against it.

the rest of the reasons why watcher went over so poorly is audience trust, yearly context, and marketing.

People had already followed ryan and shane from buzzfeed to watcher, so their trust had been tested before, resulting in them being more loyal, but still. I've seen a lot of people discussing their disappointment with watcher's content compared to buzzfeeds, which, everyone hates change so on and so forth, but most people are pointing specifically to the overproduction and the awkwardness. I had the same expeirence. I specifically remember watching an episode of too many spirits and realizing i was forcing myself to continue. It just felt like lipstick on a pig, hours of animation work on top of an awkward joke. I think there's been frustration with watcher's content building for a long time, and this poorly worded announcement is the straw that broke the camels back. i also don't think there was as much streaming service fatigue back when dropout was started as there is now.

It is entirely possible, given that they were spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on post-production per video, that watcher needs more money to continue. I, as many do, would attribute this to poor financial decisions. However, i think they could've framed watchertv as a last resort for a company that fiscally couldnt continue on youtube and gotten away with it. they still would have gotten some flack for steven's tesla and gold-leaf pizza, but it wouldnt be the total takedown it is now.

Instead, in the video they simply talk about being to big for youtube. No stressing about money. It feels entitled. even in the apology, where they claim that watcher couldn't continue on youtube, the overt focus is not placed on money. Wether this was a decision to try and not sound too whiny and pandering, or it's that they genuinely could continue to work on youtube but want more freedom on watchertv, i'm not sure. either way, it worked out horribly for them.

#gabbering #watcher #sorry ONE more post and then ill stop i prommy

[zaclittle]

Hi Zac! I've been following you and your video work since the RSR days. You came before what would probably be considered an "influencer" now, but did you ever feel the kind of pressure that other early YouTubers have described in keeping up with content demands? And was Youtube something you felt passionate about, or just one outlet for your creative pursuits?

In my professional life now I get to do public speaking events a couple times a year and I have definitely used that line when describing my career—that I was an influencer before influencers had a name (and before they got free stuff all the time).

I only felt self-imposed pressure—in the heyday of our YouTube channel we did episodes of RSR and AFO every week, while I had a job and was still in college. I don’t really know how I did that. But it was part of the project, you know? Lots of RSR episodes were short or simple or half-formed but they were supposed to be. It made the more ambitious ones (like a whole recreation of a scene from Hamlet, or the one that was structured like a palindrome) stand out. And if I didn’t force myself to do it every week I just wouldn’t have done it at all.

I never felt the pressure to make stuff to keep up with monetary/audience demands, though. It always seemed crazy to me to try and make something so fickle into your main source of income. This is definitely a class thing—people who come from money probably didn’t flinch at the uneven and unpredictable paydays from YouTube but I could never even imagine trying to rely on it. This was a good thing for me, artistically. I never felt like I was chasing a trend or a style. I just did whatever I wanted, and sometimes could even see my own impact in the video work of others. Which was very gratifying!

I will add though, that my studious avoidance of monetization really had me mixed up, career-wise, for many years. I lost the ability to imagine that I could be paid in any form for my video skills—the technical abilities I have been honing my entire life! And I ended up working as a corporate trainer for almost a decade, instead. Then, I kind of stumbled backward into a marketing job (I really got hired as a writer/PR person but used the pandemic to justify to my employers the expense of buying a bunch of video equipment and they ended up changing my job description to suit more video work) where I mostly am either A. Working with nonprofits in my community or B. Directing executives in very silly sketches I write. I have a camera in my hand literally every day again.

If I hadn’t been so spooked by the terrors of the late-aughts digital economy, I wonder if I’d have found my way here sooner.

[soul-dwelling]

I wonder with you saying that fire force left less of an impact on the "fandom" then expected, if it isnt because it seems discussion gets even more centralised on a few big series than before? Maybe it is just an illusion of the internet changing, but I felt that it was weird that even being relativly succesful, there was basically just one channel on youtube making fire force "content". But things like One Piece get nonstop theory and discussion vids. Maybe that was allways the case.

And a lot of my reaction owes to my America-centered bias, where social media is right now, this current era of anime distribution, and Shueisha’s Jump brand still having such a hold on shonen. 

I sit here, in the United States, looking at Fire Force right now, and thinking it hasn’t had as big an impact as I would expect or reach some standard I think it should reach–while in Japan I have little to no idea how popular it really is. 

And some of that owes to where my attention is directed. I tend to stick to social media from the United States, and whereas Tumblr still has a sizable Soul Eater fandom (not as big as before–more on that in a moment), I just don’t see that same size for the Fire Force fandom on Tumblr. But if I look at Japanese social media on Twitter and PixIv, there is a lot of Fire Force content, where the series seems popular enough, maybe not as much as other series (more on the Jump brand in a moment).

Current anime distribution is also a factor. Soul Eater has had longevity, if in part because it was a slow drip of access. You had the series in Japan, it took time to get the series a home video distribution in the United States, along with a dub, then it took even longer for Toonami to come back to Cartoon Network and then some time for Soul Eater to air on the programming block. That is a marathon, as opposed to Fire Force, which is having to run a sprint–and the competition includes so much more content than before, thanks in part to streaming but also which other companies make up a sizable portion of the market (again, more on Jump in a moment). In any season, your favorite anime is always in competition with so many other shows, and not all of them are going to be distributed in the United States (the shrinking of distribution companies, thanks to the Crunchyroll and Funimation merger is part of it). If Fire Force comes out in a season, and there are other anime competing for attention, even ones outside of its genres or age group, those anime may dominate the discussion. 

And even as I expect that the ending to Fire Force is going to get the same large reaction on social media, as will the twist showing the real world (and however the anime choses to stage it), it’s probably going to be a short-lived reaction, just as it was for the manga. The manga had the major surprise of being confirmed as a Soul Eater prequel, it got a month or two of attention (both as it was happening with chapters strongly hinting at it but not yet outright confirming until the last one or two chapters)--then it has largely faded from attention. I expect the anime will come out, there will be the shock about the real world, the shock about being a Soul Eater prequel, maybe an announcement of a new Soul Eater anime–and then probably dead air (no pun intended) for four months, at which point we can come back and see whether Fire Force really has lasting power or is just a major twist ending and a half-baked screed against religion. 

Finally, we have what I think is the major competition from Shueisha’s Jump. The publisher of Fire Force, Kodansha, has a major hold on the market in Japan–but from where I sit in the United States, I’m being limited in what I see, and it’s largely Jump that gets all the attention when it comes to shonen. You point out that discussion gets centralized, and I think marketing and audience appeal has a lot to do with it. My Hero Academia and One Piece are still getting a lot of the attention. Other big shone series out of Jump, too, get all the attention. The merchandise, tie-ins, and promotions are typically for Dragon Ball and now the return of Bleach. I don’t see that same push for Fire Force and a lot of other shonen series. Granted, even Jump has its shonen that don’t get as much attention (Blue Exorcist), but they also now have one of the biggest anime of the year, Spy x Family. You’re right about something like One Piece getting so many theory and discussion videos, and I would add My Hero Academia as another one. But Fire Force never got that same attention–I think perhaps because it feels like Fire Force followed a linear inevitable path, where even as I kept insisting, “Please tell me this isn’t going to be some Soul Eater prequel,” it took that path, regardless how boring and destructive that was. At least with One Piece and MHA, there is suspense and legitimate surprise; I didn’t get that from Fire Force, I just got dread at what was coming.

#dwells whines about fire force #long post

[self-harmony]

!! STRANGER THINGS S2V4 SPOILERS !!

I’m sure we all have a lot of thoughts on the season 4 finale, so I’d like to air mine out here.

Recognizing that I’m petty (and embracing it), Eddie’s death almost ruined it for me. We all had to see it coming right? “Even if he escaped the town would still be hunting him”. We all knew the high risk for Eddie going in to V2. But even so, him dying diminished the depth of the finale for me. For one thing, it was predictable. A loveable fresh new character is not something that lasts on this show and they followed that formula to a tee. For another thing, so many people resonated with Eddie right from the get-go. I understand you can’t predict the level of comfort one character will actually provide until after the seasons already been written and aired, but they still had to have some idea. They created this metal head with a hard exterior, who was really just this funky little dude and who broke stereotypes of being evil (at least for the audience, not so much the people of Hawkins), and instead of delving into the persona of Eddie Munson, they decided to kill him off too early. The potential they could’ve had with him as an ally in season 5 is wasted. And honestly, for what? I know emotional events make for a good story, but it truly felt like it served no purpose. To finally stop running and be the hero? He could’ve *tried* to sacrifice himself and then ended up living some how and helped take down Vecna to become an even bigger hero. No one in Hawkins thinks he’s a hero after the “earthquake” anyway. He died in the Upside Down and no one besides Dustin and his uncle even blinked an eye. His death doesn’t drive the plot forward at all, it only was there so the finale could have something shocking and heart breaking. I also am a little bit mad that the official Stranger Things accounts were posting a LOT of pro-Eddie content, and Joseph Quinn interviews during the break. It just feels cheap after the fact, almost like they were trying to force Eddie on us so we’d be even more attached when he was killed off. Yes, I know it’s a marketing ploy. And yes, I know I’m taking this too seriously and it’s just a show. But in my opinion it could have been a lot better. You can disagree if you want, I know not everyone thinks alike, but don’t bother being rude bc it’ll just get deleted. And of course if you agree with me or have anything else to add to my essay, let’s discuss bc I for one am not ready to stop talking about Eddie Munson anytime soon

#gay eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #eddie stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things volume 2 #stranger things spoilers #stranger things season 4

[zannatykhatun]

Two ads have more than 1 million likes. He is the hit maker in 2023

A single video has over 2 million likes, and amateur transformation is still a traffic password. A piece of news broke through the information cocoon, and we got to know two middle-aged and elderly top idols. From this, we became curious and interested, so we began to understand their lives. The style of the video and the group of fans behind it who are always excited.

In 2023, with the end of the epidemic and the tourism market recovering, travel bloggers have swept away the gloom and even reaped development dividends.

Among them

escape plan is a dark horse travel blogger who emerged at the end of 2022. In the video, he will take people trapped in the city to go on adventures, go camping with social friends, and explore the real-life “Nu Qing Xiangxi” cave…

The interesting natural adventures make the account full of fun to watch, so it has gained the love of more and more users. In early January this year, Ayuan reached the top of Xiaohongshu’s list of fans with an increase of 188,400 followers in a single week. At that time, his total number of fans was 1.07 million. After half a year, Ayuan’s number of fans has increased to 2.249 million, more than doubling.

At the same time, Ayuan’s commercialization capabilities are also extremely rare on the Xiaohongshu platform. According to incomplete statistics from Cass, in the first half of 2023, Ayuan’s business notes published on Xiaohongshu had at least 7 likes, each with more than 100,000 likes.

How does Ayuan create content and advertising? What can content creators learn? Cass will expand on this below.

1. Don’t be a special soldier, travel bloggers speak for “relaxation”

Official data shows that in May this year, HE Tuber the unemployment rate among young people aged 16 to 24 rose to 20.8%, hitting a new high for two consecutive months since statistics were collected in 2018. It is difficult for young people to find jobs, which has become a mainstream social topic this year.

In a depressing social environment, people begin to seek some external comfort, and travel is one of them.

In the first half of this year, a special form of travel called “special forces-style tourism” quietly emerged among young people, mainly college students. In order to maximize the use of time, they usually choose to set off on Friday night or early Saturday morning. After intensively checking in at the destination attractions, they rush back to class on Monday morning.

Contrary to the special forces tour, Ayuan’s videos focus on “relaxation.” Netizens call his work a healing system. It does things that many young people want to do but don’t have time to do. It not only heals themselves, but also allows the audience outside the screen to feel a free vitality.

For example, A Yuan once traveled to Mount Emei alone and completely ignored the opening hours of the scenic spot. He was teasing the monkeys on the mountain and watching the sunset. He felt very comfortable until he missed the time to go down the mountain in his silly fun and was trapped on the top of the mountain for a night. As can be seen on the home page of his Xiaohongshu, the most popular non-commercial notes are titled “What is it like when you suddenly find out that your friend is super rich?” 》《This kind of immersion, I would like to call it the strongest! 》《6400-meter slide! The Secret Land of Tibet, Qinghai-Tibet Lowland”.

A Yuan’s video content is usually about 1–2 minutes long. He is very good at using precise words to bring the audience into the scene he is in. The first-person perspective shooting increases the sense of intimacy and reality. Super copywriting skills and the ability to select simple materials while cutting out the complex are two key factors that make him stand out among travel bloggers.

For example, at the end of the travel Vlog in Medog, Tibet, Ayuan said: “There is only one way out and in here. I come down and call it the slide, and they go up and call it the ‘Heavenly Road’.” This sentence expresses a certain social reality in a concise way. When people think deeply, even if the words are not so straightforward, some people will “understand” it. One user commented, “The blogger was born in a good place, so he can go up the slide after calling it. But those children were born in a remote place, and they want to go to the big city as if they were on the road.”

“In addition to attracting fans on Douyin, Xiaohongshu and other platforms, Ayuan also gained 1.71 million fans at Station B, and was once on the monthly fan list. At Station B, Ayuan’s popular videos with higher views are often It is in line with social sentiments and shows deep humanistic care.

For example, in this video titled “Sorry, I have to watch this video twice before maybe what I want to say…” A Yuan compares the COVID-19 epidemic to a rain. The sudden rain makes people get wet, and some People had no time to hold an umbrella, and some people were angry and sad. These scenes fit the situation of ordinary people in the great era and resonated deeply with the audience.

In addition, “That day, I saw the most handsome 54-year-old” and “What is it like to have a friend with social phobia!” “The protagonists of videos such as “The Movie” are all from the bottom of society who are not noticed, which forms a clear difference with other creators in terms of topic selection and conception. Reminiscent of the popularity of “Second Uncle” last year, it can be seen that users at Bilibili are more receptive to this type of content. Therefore, Ayuan has also gained longer-term fan stickiness at Bilibili with this kind of warm content.

2. Content-based advertising so that users no longer resent commercial placement

Not only is the content produced brilliantly, garnering high likes and numerous interactions, but Ayuan’s commercialization capabilities deserve the attention and research of content practitioners. According to incomplete statistics from Cass, in the first half of 2023, Ayuan’s business notes published on Xiaohongshu had at least 7 likes, each with more than 100,000 likes.

Among them, the most liked video was posted on January 13, titled “These are the many friends I have met this year~” and received 1.58 million likes, 230,000 collections and 8,440 comments on Xiaohongshu. In this video, Ayuan recalled the kind and enthusiastic strangers he met during his journey in 2022, and at the end of the video, he sent a Proya gift box to his friend. The commercial placement was silky smooth. The entire video only lasts 78 seconds, but it seems to cover the scenery from all over the world. The connection between the copywriting and the picture is very smooth, which effectively improves the completion rate.

Xiaohongshu video screenshot The reason why users are not disgusted with this commercial video is that Ayuan presents the resonance between her “sincere” self and friendly strangers.

A Xiaohongshu user commented, “His copywriting coupled with his videos always make people feel a lot of warmth in the world. Maybe everyone has their own hardships that cannot be explained, but under this hardship, But I can’t hide my warm-heartedness and the warmth that makes people cry. Every time I watch the video, my nose feels sour.”

A Yuan’s business note with the second most likes was released on April 16. It was a collaboration between the pet brand “pidan” and A Yuan, titled “What is it like to have 500 cats and dogs!” 》. This video has so far received 1.39 million likes and is estimated to be read more than 10 million times.

In this video, Ayuan shared the daily life of Aunt Qian and the 500 stray cats and dogs she adopted. Due to the high cost of feeding, Aunt Qian was short of money, so Ayuan contacted “pidan” for her, and the brand was responsible for the call. One year’s worth of cat food for “preserved egg” cats.

It can be seen that this is a warm business note, which not only improves the user’s favorability of the brand, but also helped Ayuan gain nearly 80,000 followers.

In addition to beauty and pet brands, brands in food and beverage, home appliances, clothing and underwear industries are also willing to cooperate with Ayuan.

For example, Ayuan released a tea brand advertising video on May 27, which truly demonstrated the income and life changes that planting jasmine has brought to people in Hengzhou, Guangxi, and also portrayed every working person who owns body fragrance. in the minds of the audience. One user commented, “It’s the smell of their hard work, their own floral fragrance, and the jasmine blossoms are blooming with the fruits of their hard work. At that moment, all the hard work is worth it.”

According to Cass, there are two core reasons why Ayuan can gain love and make users willingly support his “Duoqiafan”:

First, do not regard commercial cooperation videos as the task of Party A, and do not regard pleasing the brand as the first priority, but as daily content updates, and look for entry points that everyone wants to see more from the user’s perspective;

Second, the content and persona are unified. Whether it is daily creation or business notes, Ayuan adheres to a style — “relaxation”, or “healing”, allowing viewers to gain a light and relaxing experience following the video. . This kind of experience is still very rare in the short video field.

3. Healing — the content vane in 2023

A Yuan’s popularity shows that the power of words and language is still powerful. When users read a certain sentence, their hearts are stirred, and they will sigh, “I found it, so it is like this.” For users, an important prerequisite for following a certain blogger is “same frequency”. Ayuan’s content can resonate with many young people in first- and second-tier cities. This is the essence of his ability to continue to attract fans and stably monetize.

After looking through a large number of popular travel videos, Cass discovered that not only Ayuan, but also the content trend of the travel track has quietly changed.

The early travel circuits mainly showed the scenery of different countries and regions, and providing guides and popular science were the secrets for bloggers to increase their followers. But starting in 2022, in terms of evaluation, users no longer seem to prioritize the practicality brought by the “strategy”. Emotions, thinking, and cultural connotations have become elements that the audience sees more. Cass also noticed that in the past two years, the travel bloggers who have really emerged from the circle have exerted their skills in the “emotional” dimension.

Takei as an example. The most unique feature of the travel content she publishes is that it not only shows users the beautiful scenery across the country, but also gives meaning to the scenery through her thoughtful copywriting, so that the video content has The power to move people’s hearts.

In addition, last year, Fang Qi’s output of opinions in variety shows found an increase in fans beyond “travel”, and her popularity and influence also soared. Now Fang Qi has attracted 23.38 million fans on Douyin, and on Xiaoyin. Hongshu has also accumulated 3.107 million fans, making it one of the top two platforms.

Travel bloggers who take the “literary” and “romantic” route like Fang Qi, and although they only have more than 2 million fans on Douyin, the number of likes on a single video often exceeds 100,000, and even reaches Millions of fans commented on it as “healing” and “innocent and easy to leave”.

Not only are they loved by users on the content side, but like A Yuan, bloggers who move people with emotion and carefully shoot good commercial videos are being recognized by more brands.

For example, Cass has recently followed a travel blogger She mainly publishes life recording videos of encounters with strangers and has accumulated 210,000 fans on station B.

On June 29, Chunyu released a video titled “What is it like to be a post-95 generation joining an elderly tourist group?”, which received 844,000 views, 74,000 likes, and 12,000 collections.

This video shares the heart-warming story of Chunyu and an elderly couple from the tour group from strangers to familiarity from a first-person perspective. An advertisement for Honor mobile phones was embedded in the middle of the video. However, due to the clever integration of scenes, it did not trigger any rebellious psychology in the audience, but was highly praised. A Bilibili user wrote in the comment area, “There is no forced sublimation. It simply expresses the life of aunt and grandpa who help each other. Such a positive and optimistic attitude towards life is really inspiring!”

Cass believes that travel accounts that can provide guides are still valuable, but this instrumental value attribute makes it easy for the audience to turn experts into tools. Travel bloggers who are firmly on the trend and occupy the minds of users for a long time need “people”. set up”.

#HETuber #Music #Gaming #Entertainment #Sports #Science And Technology

[queenjess-official]

My Story

The start of it all

I created an Etsy Shop, Dharma By Jess, when I lived full time in a van in Southern California. I thought making crystal jewelry would be a fun and easy way to make a little money.

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But then I realized having an Etsy shop required more than just making the products...

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I realized I needed a logo, a social media platform, and good quality product photos. I had no background in branding, marketing, or product photography, but I was passionate about my new business and decided to teach myself these skills.

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The first time I opened photoshop, I cried.

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Learning all of these skills was not impossible, with the vast array of YouTube videos at my disposal, I could teach myself anything, but it was hard. It took a lot of time and dedication to become familiar with Adobe, with search engine optimization SEO, and how to use a DSLR camera... but I did it, and I realized I LOVED these new skills I had acquired.

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Burn out is a real problem for creative entrepreneurs.

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My business was growing and I was getting more orders than I could fulfill on my own. I was a little over my head and was scared to delegate. What if someone else didn't do the work the way I wanted? How would I even going about finding an assistant for my shop? I was overwhelmed and instead of reaching out for help, I shut down my shop.

Other Hats I Wore​

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Since then I have created numerous other businesses from dog walking to graphic design, I have always loved the act of building new businesses. However, none of these other business ventures ever felt like the right fit for me. I wanted to work for myself I just didn't know what I was passionate about.

(Hint: I was passionate about building businesses! I just didn't realize it yet).

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Letting go of control and letting my business flow. ​ At the beginning of 2021 I started what I thought would be the business for me: Jasmine Shay Designs. I was in art school and wanted a platform to sell my art prints online. I already had all the know-how from my other business adventures and was able to grow this new business quickly using instagram as my main marketing platform. But something still wasn't right... ​ Getting out of the "branding box" ​ I nailed the brand aesthetic for Jasmine Shay Designs I was happy with my brand's image and voice, but it didn't feel likefelt like I had to sensor myself and my content in order to fit into this neat little box I had branded for myself. I wanted to share myself fully with my audience, not just this little part of me.

Moving towards what feels exciting.

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I was feeling more and more like posting on my business instagram page was a chore. I was posting much more regularly and with excitement on my personal instagram page. So, instead of trying to force myself to promote a business that wasn't feeling exciting, I moved towards what lit me up: my personal page @QueenJess_Official.

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The more I let myself flow, to create what felt exciting and authentic, the more I realized I was already a brand.

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I think that bares repeating: I was already a brand.

I began to combine all aspects of myself: my yoga practice, my art, my writing, my passion for creating and growing businesses. And voilà The Queen Jess was born.

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Through this experience of finding what felt right, being authentic to myself, and following what excited me, I found my passion: helping creative entrepreneurs do the exact same thing:

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Find the brand that already lives inside them.

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If you're feeling overwhelmed with your business or don't know where to begin, reach out and let's chat.

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Jess, The Queen Jess ​

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#my story #personal narrative #life journey #self-discovery #growth #reflection #life lessons #overcoming obstacles #resilience #mental health #self-care #identity #empowerment #inspiration #motivation #self-improvement #transformation #authenticity #vulnerability #self-expression

[morticiafattymshasabeard]

No Fooling: Dark Force Fest Saturday, April 1st, 2023 Review

(Hi, few days later Morticia here! I'm transferring the original Blogger post to Tumblr, and am fleshing out more of the content with links and anything new I've learned in the days following the event.)

I know I have other posts I really should have written and posted long before this one, but it is what it is. I'm just a girl with a cellphone and a passion to talk about this festival Right NOW.

Why am I only writing about Saturday? Because it was the only day I could go.  I had an Amazing time and wouldn't trade a single second of it for anything.  

Dark Force Fest is a 3-Day Alternative Music and Lifestyle Festival in New Jersey. Formerly a convention known as "Dark Side of the Con", Dark Force Fest has an amazingly Passionate and Prolific Organizer, Jet, and is presented through his company, former Social Media site now Gothic Retail store, VampireFreaks. VampireFreaks is a topic for another post and maybe a full video deep dive.  There's so much to cover, there was so much to do! I chose to check out the Swap Meet, the Live Bat Exhibit, The Super Smash Bros Tournament (I lost), and the Goth Dad Q&A. While  I could have walked into any number of bands, I specifically saw Carnivore A.D.'s Tribute to Type O Negative. For all my fan-girling about Vision Video with my friends, I couldn't stay for their show.  A quick note: While there was the banner on the outside of the Sheraton, there wasn't anything telling you where registration was. The few people milling around outside were talking in groups that seemed to be attendees. There was one Security guard inside of the Main hotel entrance to tell us to "go out and around". Signs, Please! Let's start this wordy tour of DFF2023 with the first thing we encounter after registration: the Vendors. Gathering the creative, dark minded Artisans that build our community via Clothes, Jewelry, Housewares, Cosmetics, and Consumables, Dark Force Fest gives a physical location to many vendors that would otherwise not have as targeted an audience at their local Farmer's Markets on Sunday mornings. It also gives prospective buyers, and online followers, the opportunity to meet the artists, and make the decisions they need in order to ensure they make a great purchase they'll brag about for years to come. There is nothing more satisfying than saying "This was handmade by_____ !" and knowing you're helping directly keep our community thriving. In some cases, you're literally saving lives.  A few of the Artists that I interacted with mentioned how they traveled a few Hours to vend at the festival, but felt it was worth it to be more immersed in their culture. A few lucky vendors would share the concert rooms with the shows, getting themselves some pretty comfortable seats to a plethora of bands. One such vendor was the effervescent Shirley, The Tragic Doll. She creates deeply personal works of art about living with Scleroderma, an autoimmune disease that she describes as feeling trapped in her own skin. Incorporating Skeletal imagery and the color Red, representing Blood, to symbolize the effects of her condition, Shirley hand makes every piece of her Horror Art with passion, and anatomically correct hearts, because her motto is "Live My Heart Out".  Thanks to the map and a few kind Vendors, I was able to find the Swap Meet in the Skyland room. This was my first Swap Meet and I was surprised to find a few items in my size, or near enough I can modify them in future content. Everyone there was so helpful and wonderful, suggesting items they think would fit me or suit my style, and I'm so thrilled to say they were absolutely correct! (Thank you Rainbow Fairy; you took my hat in return for your snake skull dress.) The kindness and sense of community in that one room was so awesome, it really made me love being a part of this culture. Swap Meets are a great way to clear some unused clothes/boots/accessories from your closet and pick up something you might love forever. The Swap Meet at Dark Force Fest was Free with registration. While looking for the Batcave and taking some photos of the overall hallways, I passed Dusty Gannon of Vision Video without noticing. So, behold this glorious shot of Goth Dad being a Goth Rock Daddy.

The Star Wars cosplay group, the 501st stormtroopers, were raising money for charity.  There was an interesting skeletal capital(ism) M mouse sculpture by Jasin Cadic in the main lobby of the hotel. "The Batcave" was an ongoing  Live Bats Exhibit w/ Joseph D’Angeli (NJ Batman). Joseph D’Angeli’s “Bat-Cave” is the only facility specializing in bat conservation in the NY/NJ area. These cuties were pretty shy, but so was I.

 Feeling a little worn out, we wandered out to the food trucks and picked up poutine to snack on while determining if we had the energy for a band. I believe it was the hotel that provided extensive options for more food inside of the event, in front of the Main Ballroom. I'm really glad there was free Water stations and clean Restrooms tucked around the venue. There was a water station in the Batcave, and a private bathroom in the Gaming rooms that I knowingly used, there was most likely more. 

Deciding we needed to rest from the sensory overload, we found the Super Smash Bros Tournament, and we're incredibly thankful for this respite. There were a handful of other people so we all took turns warming up. As I had planned around seeing Carnivore A.D. and Goth Dad, I did leave immediately after I lost my bracket.

Carnivore A.D. is the closest to Type O Negative live as you can possibly get in 2023. No joke, they're Peter Steele's former Carnivore bandmates! I wanted to see this show because 1. I like TON. 2. My bestie loves TON and I miss her a lot. 3. They pair well with The 69 Eyes. I definitely fucked up by headbanging,  but it's irresistible! 

We had a little time left and found Goth Dad's Q&A still going back in the Skyland room. People had some great questions, and it was powerful to hear him speak on the horrors of active combat. Dusty Gannon, the internet's "Goth Dad", has made a huge impact on how Goths and Goth Culture is seen and accepted online through Tiktok and Instagram. The Goth Dad persona is a Gentle, Kind, and Accepting person that you want to have call you sport and pat you on the head. Embracing the gender breaking styles of Post Punk influences, Dusty creates intense and stunning eye makeup looks and can be caught performing in torn tights, skirts, Fishnets and Lace tops, alongside his bandmate, Emily, as Vision Video.

We had to leave to make a dinner reservation with some friends from the area. My paper wristband didn't hold up, it frayed from being too tight and handwashing, and popped right off in the car while on our way to dinner. I didn't want to push my luck trying to get in later with a broken band.

Needless to say, I'm super excited for the next Dark Force Fest, and will be doing a whole lot more planning and managing to get to enjoy even more of it to share with you all. 

Somethings I wish I had checked out (limiting to Saturday Only events: this list would get too long for the whole weekend):

-Custom fit Fangs -The Costume Contest hosted by Electronic Saviors: Industrial Music to Cure Cancer -Write a Song with Bella Morte -Nightmare Before Christmas Shadowcast -V is for Villains -Leathers - Vision Video  -Actors

Thanks for Reading all this!  Reach out to me on my socials: Linktree

Jet, if you read this, DM me on Instagram, please. I'd love to talk. 

#Goth #Goth Events #Dark Force Fest 2023 #VampireFreaks #GothDad #VisionVideo #Leathersband #Actorsband #type o negative #Alternative Music #Industrial Musaic #Electronic Music #EDM #gothic #goth girl

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 148,

Morning thought: Despite outward appearance of correlation it’s not that the constant rain depresses me - if anything I enjoy and feel energized by it when I allow myself to indulge - it’s that when combined with the daily routine obligations of teaching (again, something in and of itself I’m coming more to like as time goes on) I find it difficult to engage in other pursuits that might distract me from dwelling on existential matters.  

*******

Back at the house waiting for hanging laundry to dry and watching out in case the rain returns to force me to bring it all inside early.  Still not sure if I’ll be trying to make a late-evening-possibly-nighttime walk back to the Village or try to wake early in the morning to hurry to the library before the children arrive.  Maiko was out when I arrived and hasn’t returned.  Not sure where.  I could use the bracelet to get an idea of direction and guess, but that feels like an invasion of privacy so I’ll leave well enough alone.  

Last night went well enough, all things considered.  Okay, that’s kind of a lie.  Honestly, I felt awkward and uncomfortable most of the night, but I did my best to try and hide it.

The Village has a single inn, primarily used by residents of the outskirts with no family in town on market days or caught visiting on a mist night.  In addition to the expected sleeping rooms and common room/restaurant there’s a side room for private parties.  It was outside this building that I (tardily) met up with Cass and inside this room were I was to perform for the basket weaver and the man she introduced to us as her boyfriend, a tanner from the outskirts.

And thus the first bit of awkwardness, playing the role of a night at the movies (I’m surprised I could even write that word, or rather that this language has a word for it; less surprised about the splitting headache I get trying to focus on it and break down the etymology) for a young couple on a date.  I’d like to say this is the part where I seized the serendipitous opportunity, steeled myself, and launched into the coincidentally appropriate romance of The Merchant and The Blacksmith’s Daughter.  Alas, I am no hero following dramatically appropriate beats for character growth.

Instead, although still mentally off-balance from my earlier conversation with Pat (I acted like a brat, I should give him a more proper apology the next time I see him; also, still didn’t get around to asking things I wanted to ask) I went along with my original plan for the evening.  I asked the couple if they had requests, got an answer of general mood rather than specific title, and pulled Cass aside to discuss the second part of my plan.  The second part of the plan (which I would have briefed her on sooner had I not run later) being to tell the story jointly, giving her practice as an apprentice with telling for an audience.  This of course necessitated that we choose a story we both knew well that also fit the needs of our patrons for the night.  That narrowed our options and we wound up settling on one that was admittedly a stretch to fit the theme.

Still, we apologized for the wait, got started, and made do.  I took the lead and for any scenes of multiple characters interacting, Cass would take on describing the actions and saying the quotes for one particular character.  (I use the word “quotes” rather than “lines” or “dialogue” as convention with these tellings is to describe the flow and content of conversations rather than recreating them, stepping into direct quotation only for the most dramatically or comedically significant portions.  I suspect this is to keep the traditional single teller from needing to carry on a conversation with themselves.)  On the up side, I think the novelty of having two tellers working in concert made up for the story itself perhaps not being romantic enough to fit the desired mood for the evening.  On the down side, between still being frazzled from earlier and instinctively feeling like an intrusive third wheel in the presence of a couple trying to have a nice night together even though I was supposed to be the live entertainment for them I found myself fobbing greater and greater portions of the telling off on Cass.  Enough that it eventually clicked for me that she was getting uncomfortable with the responsibility and I had to snatch back the metaphorical reins.

Still, we got through, and if the basket weaver and the tanner didn’t request an encore, I don’t think it was because they were displeased.  Once out of the private room I apologized to Cass for what happened.  She acted as if she didn’t know what I was talking about and that it hadn’t been anywhere near too much to handle.  I hope she didn’t pick that habit up from me.

Now, as I mentioned, there was a common room to the inn, and this was a market day (well, night at that point).  The gathered outskirts dwellers had noted my arrival (whether they recognized me from the equinox festival or the pendant I still wore) and asked if I was there to perform for them.  On the way in I told them that as appealing as it sounded I had another commitment for the evening.  On the way out they repeated their request.  Spurred by a frustrated desire to do something right that day, I told them that if dinner were provided first for my apprentice and I, I gladly would.  My terms were heartily accepted.  Drinks were offered as well, but when it comes to anything professional I like to think I have some standards.  And besides, in that moment, I desired neither help nor “help”.

Once my plate was cleared I took the… well not so much “stage” as “spot where tables had been pushed aside to make a ring.”  In a mood to match the hour and the weather I warned the audience that this night’s tales would be ones not of adventure and daring, but of fear and those things that lurk in the dark.  They laughed and took it as a challenge.  Good.  If I failed to frighten, they would be able to boast of their courage, and if I succeeded… well, they say there’s a kind of catharsis in horror fiction.

But what stories to tell those for whom shades and nature sprites were facts of life (albeit the former seemingly far more so than the latter)?  I settled for those that had once kept me up at night and jumping at shadows (or so my own visceral reactions at their recollection seemed to indicate).  The hunter who ate the tail of a strange beast that returned in the night to retrieve it.  A grand house in which darkness itself ate flesh and the stubborn man who chose to blind himself with lights rather than leave.  A monster that leaves strange amenities in the hallways of inns and preys upon those who make use of them.  Among others.

During a break in the storm outside following the completion of the second such tale of the night, Cass informed me that she was heading back to Norman and Marva’s.  I said that I would come with her to see her safely back, but she insisted that I stay at the inn and keep going.  In another life it would have been unthinkable for me to accept that, but there is no danger on the streets of the Village, save for the shades, even on a dark and stormy night.

As I indicated in last night’s final entry, I carried on like this later than I ought to have.  In retrospect, it’s unclear quite how much of the innkeeper’s covering of the common room’s crystals was to help set the mood, and how much was subtly hinting that it was closing time and we all ought to head to bed.

Did my stories frighten anyone?  Hard to say.  By the end, I myself was half-delirious from an adrenal high from getting too into the telling colliding with a strained body’s internal cries for rest and background anger at the day’s earlier perceived failures, so I wasn’t in much of a state to gauge others.

The innkeeper offered me a room for the night to save me the walk back to the library at such an hour.  I should have accepted, but I was too worked up into an obstinate state of proving to myself that I could do things for anything other than staggering through the night over rain-slicked streets back to the archives under my own power to be permissible.  Utterly foolish, but at least the rain had stopped for the night in truth by that point.

Having written that down, maybe I really shouldn’t force unnecessary nighttime journeys on myself two nights in a row.  Besides, maybe Maiko will show up before I leave in the morning.  I wouldn’t mind the company.

<==Previous          Next==>

#writing #original fiction #serial fiction #sliceoflife #Writeblr #daily writing #epistolary novel #writers on tumblr #WIP #creative writing #literature #prose #writers #web novel #novel #journal #isekai #epistolary #fantasy #slice of life #fiction #my writing

[truthshield]

Young entrepreneur helps others grow their businesses | Across Indiana

Kaylah Bolender-Heaton is no stranger to the passion and hard work it takes to start a business. At just 17, prior to graduating from Traders Point Christian Academy, the young entrepreneur opened her brick-and-mortar ice cream shop, The Pink Spoon, in her hometown of Kirklin. Business was strong and Bolender-Heaton was successful, but after just four years, COVID forced her to close the doors. Bolender-Heaton didn’t sit idle. While managing her part-time business, The Social Academy, she was also finishing college, taking three years to complete a four-year degree in public relations and communication. “A month after I closed The Pink Spoon, I felt like I had too much time on my hands and started looking at the aspects of the business that I really liked – content creation, marketing, social media and things like that,” Bolender-Heaton said. Today, she’s 21, a graduate of Indiana University Kokomo, and is helping others with those parts of small business ownership they may not have time to focus on. “As a business owner, I didn’t have the time to post on social media every day, but it’s important,” Bolender-Heaton said. “Having a professional and cohesive social media presence increases how many impressions your posts get by the thousands and creating that presence can really grow your business.” There’s some science behind the process as well. “If you’re on Facebook, Instagram and have a website, the best thing to do changes every month and we have someone keeping track of that research,” Bolender-Heaton said. “For instance, Facebook picks up on what you like and when you open up your page, the top three posts are what they think you’ll like the most. That’s all based on reactions you’ve made in the past.” Bolender-Heaton shared an example of a business focusing on mothers. “If your targeted audience is moms, you’ll want to post at 6 a.m. so when mom gets up in the morning and starts getting the kids ready for school, she’ll see it,” Bolender-Heaton said. “We can do all of that for you.” The Social Academy offers different packages – everything from public relations management to marketing to website creation. In addition, Bolender-Heaton said they work within the business budget. Many know they need help with social media management, but simply don’t have the funds to do so. At The Social Academy, the packages allow for short-term set-up assistance or long-term help. “I have two other people working with me. One does content creation; she knows why you’d pick one color over another for marketing purposes. The other does SEO work and website building,” Bolender-Heaton said. “We have specialized people working on the big projects.” As a business owner herself, Bolender-Heaton has a unique way of connecting with other small business owners. She understands the struggles and hard work it takes to get a company off the ground. “Before we post anything, we always check it with you,” Bolender-Heaton said. “It’s really difficult to allow someone else to take something over. It’s scary, because this is your baby. With The Social Academy, we’re giving you time back. If you hit the right postings at the right time, it’s like free advertising. We’re not only giving you time but giving you more business.” The young business owner also knows what it’s like to want to do everything possible to make your business succeed. “I think you have to be born with it,” Bolender-Heaton said. “You literally eat, sleep and breathe your business and I wake up thinking about my to-do list and go to sleep thinking about what I’m going to do tomorrow. You have to pick something that you love.” For more information on The Social Academy, visit the website at https://www.thesocialacad.com. https://ift.tt/q0PCKWe https://ift.tt/dMJiRmT

#Saas #softwaresystems #productdevelopment #software #practice #optimization #accuracy #efficiency #productivity #softwareprojects #cracksthecode

[writer-monster]

11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

-

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

-

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

-

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

-

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

-

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

-

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

-

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

-

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

-

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

-

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

-

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

-

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

-

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend #meta #analysis #captain america 4 #caatws #fatws #tfatws #captain america #cap 4 #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #marvel #mcu #mcu phase 4

[mimicofmodes]

“The Ladies Waldegrave” by Joshua Reynolds, 1780 (NGS NG2171)

I’ve complained before about two very big pet peeves of mine - corset stuff and Regency women being dressed in 1770s-1780s clothes - but one that may dwarf them because of how frequently it comes up in historical and fantasy fiction is the oppression of embroidery.

That’s probably putting it a bit too strongly. It’s more like ... the annoyance of embroidery. Every character worth reading about knows instinctively that sewing is a) boring, b) difficult, c) mindless, and d) pointless. The author doesn’t have to say anything more than “Belinda threw down her needlework and looked out the window, sighing,” to signal that this is an independent woman whose values align with the modern reader, who’s probably not really understood by her mother or mother figure, and who probably will find an extraordinary man to “match” her rather than settling for someone ordinary. To look at an example from fantasy, GRRM uses embroidery in the very beginning of A Game of Thrones to show that the Stark sister who dislikes it is sympathetic and interesting, while the Stark sister who is competent at it is boring and conventional and obviously not deserving of a PoV (until later books, when her attention gets turned to higher matters); further into the book, of course, the pro-needlework sister proves to be weak-willed and naïve.

Rozsika Parker, in the groundbreaking 1996 work The Subversive Stitch, noted that “embroidery has become indelibly associated with stereotypes of femininity,” which is the core of the issue. "Instead embroidery and a stereotype of femininity have become collapsed into one another, characterised as mindless, decorative and delicate; like the icing on the cake, good to look at, adding taste and status, but devoid of significant content.” 

Parker also points out that the stereotype isn’t just one that was invented in the present day by feminists who hated the idea of being forced to do a certain craft. “The association between women and embroidery, craft and femininity, has meant that writers concerned with the status of women have often turned their attention towards this tangled, puzzling relationship. Feminists who have scorned embroidery tend to blame it for whatever constraint on women's lives they are committed to combat. Thus, for example, eighteenth-century critical commentators held embroidery responsible for the ill health which was claimed as evidence of women's natural weakness and inferiority.”

There are two basic problems I have with the trope, beyond the issue of it being incredibly cliché:

First: needlework was not just busywork

A big part of what drives the stereotype is the impression that what women were embroidering was either a sampler:

sampler embroidered by Jane Wilson, 14, in 1791 (MMA 2010.47)

or a picture:

unfinished embroidery of David and Abigail, British, 1640s-50s (MMA 64.101.1325)

That is, something meant to hang on the wall for no real purpose.

These are forms of schoolwork, basically. Samplers were made by young girls up to their early teens, and needlework pictures were usually something done while at school or under a governess as a showpiece of what was being learned - not just the stitching itself, but also often watercolors (which could be worked into the design), artistic sensibility, and the literature, history, or art that might be alluded to. And many needlework pictures made in schools were also done as mourning pieces, sometimes blank, for future use, and sometimes to commemorate a recent death in the family. A lot of them are awkward, clearly just done to pass the class, but others are really artwork.

Many schools for middle- and upper-class girls taught the making of these objects (and other “ornamental” subjects) alongside a more rigorous curriculum - geography, Latin, chemistry, etc. At some, sewing was also always accompanied by serious reading and discussion. (And it would often be done while someone read aloud or made conversation later in life, too.)

Once done with their education, women generally didn’t bother with purely decorative work. Some things that fabric could be embroidered for included:

Jackets 

Bed coverings and bedcurtains

Collars and undersleeves 

Pelerines 

Neck handkerchiefs and sleeve ruffles 

Screens

Upholstery

Handkerchiefs

Purses, wallets, and reticules

Boxes

Book covers

Plus other articles of clothing like waistcoats, caps, slippers, gown hems, chemises, etc. Women’s magazines of the nineteenth century often gave patterns and alphabets for personal use.

(Not to mention late nineteenth century female artists who worked in embroidery, but that’s something else.)

You could purchase all of these pre-embroidered, but many, many women chose to do it themselves. There are a number of reasons why: maybe they wanted something to do, maybe they felt like they should be doing needlework for moral/gender reasons, maybe they couldn’t afford to buy anything - and maybe they enjoyed it or wanted to give something they made to a person they loved. That firescreen above was embroidered by Marie Antoinette, someone who had any number of other activities to choose from. It’s no different than people today who like to knit their own hats and gloves or bake their own bread, except that it was way more mainstream.

embroidery patterns from Ackermann’s Repository in 1827 - they could be used on dresses, collars, handkerchiefs, etc.

Second: needlework wasn’t the only “useless” thing women were expected to do

Ignoring the bulk of point one for now and the value of embroidery - I mentioned “ornamental subjects” above. As many people know, young women of the upper and middle classes were expected to be “accomplished” in order to be seen as marriageable. This could include skills like embroidery, drawing, painting, singing, playing the piano (as well as other instruments, like the harp or the mandolin), speaking French (if not also Italian and/or German), as well as broader knowledge and abilities like being well-versed in music, literature, and poetry, dancing and walking gracefully, writing good letters in an elegant hand, and being able to read out loud expressively and smoothly.

This wasn’t a checklist. As the famous discussion in Pride and Prejudice shows, individuals could have different views on what actually made a woman accomplished:

“How I long to see her again! I never met with anybody who delighted me so much. Such a countenance, such manners! And so extremely accomplished for her age! Her performance on the pianoforte is exquisite.”

“It is amazing to me,” said Bingley, “how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they all are.”

“All young ladies accomplished! My dear Charles, what do you mean?”

“Yes, all of them, I think. They all paint tables, cover screens, and net purses. I scarcely know anyone who cannot do all this, and I am sure I never heard a young lady spoken of for the first time, without being informed that she was very accomplished.”

“Your list of the common extent of accomplishments,” said Darcy, “has too much truth. The word is applied to many a woman who deserves it no otherwise than by netting a purse or covering a screen. But I am very far from agreeing with you in your estimation of ladies in general. I cannot boast of knowing more than half-a-dozen, in the whole range of my acquaintance, that are really accomplished.”

“Nor I, I am sure,” said Miss Bingley.

“Then,” observed Elizabeth, “you must comprehend a great deal in your idea of an accomplished woman.”

“Yes, I do comprehend a great deal in it.”

“Oh! certainly,” cried his faithful assistant, “no one can be really esteemed accomplished who does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved.”

“All this she must possess,” added Darcy, “and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

Mr. Bingley feels that a woman is accomplished if she has the ability to do a number of different arts and crafts. Miss Bingley feels (or says she feels) that it goes beyond specific skills and into branches of artistic attainment, plus broader personal qualities that could be imparted by well-bred governesses or mothers. And Mr. Darcy, of course, agrees with that but adds an academic angle as well.

But what ties all of these accomplishments together is their lack of value on the labor market. A woman could earn a living with any one accomplishment, if she worked hard enough at it to become a professional, but young ladies weren’t supposed to be professional-level good because they by definition weren’t going to earn a living. All together, they trained a woman for the social and domestic role of a married woman of the upper middle or upper class, or, if she couldn’t get married, a governess or teacher who would share her accomplishments with the next generation.

(To be fair, almost none of the trappings of an upper-middle/upper class male education had anything to do with the kind of career training that college frequently is today, either. Men were educated to know the cultural touchpoints of their class and fit in with their peers.)

There are reasons that an individual person/character might specifically object to embroidery, but it was far from the only “useless” thing that an unconventional heroine would be required to do against her inclination by her conventional mother/grandmother/aunt/chaperone. Embroidery stands out to modern audiences because most of the other accomplishments are now valued as gender-neutral arts and skills.

“The Embroidery Frame”, by Mathilde Weil, ca. 1900 (LOC 98501309)

So, some thoughts for writers of historical fiction (or fantasy that’s supposed to be just like the 19th/18th/17th/etc century):

- If your heroine doesn’t like embroidery, she probably doesn’t like a number of other things she’s expected to do. Don’t pull out embroidery as either more expected or more onerous than them. Does she hate to sit still? I’d imagine she also dislikes drawing and practicing the piano. Would she prefer to do academic subjects? She probably also resents learning French instead of Latin, and music and dancing. Does she hate enforced femininity? Then she’d most likely have a problem with all of the accomplishments.

- If your heroine just and specifically doesn’t like embroidery, try to show in the narrative that that’s not because it’s objectively bad, and only able to be liked by the boring. Have another sympathetic character do it while talking to the heroine. Note that the hero carries a flame-stitched wallet that’s his sister’s work. Emphasize the heroine’s emotional connection to her deceased or absent mother through her affection for clothing or upholstery that her mother embroidered - or through a mourning picture commemorating her. There are all kinds of things you can do to show that it’s a personal preference rather than a stupid craft that doesn’t take talent and skill!

mourning picture for Daniel Goodman, probably embroidered by a Miss Goodman, 1803 (MMA 56.66)

#history #women's history #writing #embroidery #19th century #18th century #17th century #victorian #georgian #regency

[kylorenisadorkable]

How TROS Failed Rey

These are just my opinions and from my personal perspective, if these things worked for you in the movie then cool, but this is why it was never going to work for me.

A Feminine Power Fantasy

Growing up in the 90s there wasn't a ton of media that had female lead characters. I grew up with strong female characters but they were often relegated to being the token girl of the group (see the Smurfette principle), the story was never centered around them and we never got to experience things from their point of view or really get to know their story. It felt like I was being asked to relate to male characters but boys were never asked or expected to relate to female characters.

Just as young boys see themselves as Luke, leading the adventure I also wanted to see myself as the main character. I wanted to have my own adventures.

When I first saw TFA, I went in knowing nothing about the movie. I had seen the OT and the Prequels as a kid and I had thought they were ok but I wasn't a huge Star Wars fan and in hindsight I really think this was due to the lack of female representation, Leia and Padme are great but I never really felt like I really got to know them as people. Not to mention that these characters are 2 women out of a cast that's predominantly male, it just seemed like the message LF was sending was that Star Wars is for boys, yeah girls can watch it if they want to but this isn't a series that is meant for you. So as you could guess I wasn't really expecting much from these new Star Wars movies, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I fell in love with Rey's character during those first 3 minutes of her introduction. During this brilliant example of “show don't tell,” story telling they were really able to convey so much about Rey's character and personality, I really began to care for her and felt like I understood her, as I could relate to her loneliness and isolation in my own way. And I was excited to see a story from a major fantasy/adventure franchise told from a feminine perspective. It felt like I was finally getting the representation I wanted to see.

So what happened? How did we go from Luke's line “And I will not be the Last Jedi” which is essentially him “passing the torch” to Rey, the next generation, to “One day I will earn your brother's saber?” 

As if the saber didn't already choose her in the Force Awakens? Why did they decide that all of a sudden Rey was unworthy? Didn't Yoda say “that library held nothing that the girl Rey didn't already posses?” which yes was a clever way of saying that Rey already took the jedi texts with her but was also implying that she already had everything she needed within herself to be a jedi (courage, humility, compassion etc...). Why did they take a step backwards in the last movie in the franchise? Insisting that Rey needed to train, that she suddenly wasn't good enough?

I can't say for sure what happened to lead up to this point. Was it just that the creative team gave in to the pressuring of a loud minority of alt-right youtubers and bots. Were they relying on Reddit and Twitter for public opinion rather than doing actual marketing research?  While I think that this was definitely a big factor I think there was just a general misunderstanding of the characters on Terrio's and JJ's part to begin with.

What Does Rey Want/Need?

To know where they went wrong, we have to ask ourselves who is Rey? All characters have a story goal, or the thing they want. By the end of the story the character will either get what they want after some struggles of course or learn that the thing that they want isn't what they need. So what does Rey want?  To understand what she wants we have to first understand her wound or past experience that caused emotional pain and interferes with the character's life. Rey's wound stems from her  abandonment. Along with the wound, comes the concept of the false lie. What is a lie that the character believes about themselves that we as the audience knows is untrue? Rey's lie is first, that her family is going to come back for her. 

The other lie she tells herself is the belief that she is worthless because she was abandoned, as she tells everyone she meets “I'm no one“ or “I'm just a scavenger.”

When Daisy Ridley was asked in an interview why Rey says she's “No One.” Ridley says it's because our relationships to people define so much of who we are and without relationships then who are we?  This makes sense considering that our parents are major influences in our development and in how we think about ourselves through much of our lives.

Rey seeks out parental figures, thinking that through them she'll figure out where she belongs. “Whoever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. But there's someone who still could. The Belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.” 

Rey initially believes that Maz is referring to Luke and when she later sets off to find him. She believe that he is going to be able to give her answers, and provide her with the belonging that she longs for, but Luke ultimately ends up disappointing her but finds comfort in her relationship with Ben.

This goes back to the idea that what Rey thinks she wants, Isn't necessarily what she needs. As JJ stated in the directors commentary of The Force Awakens, “So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.”

JJ and Terrio try to fullfill Rey's need through “found family” the family she finds with her friends and the resistance, but I think there is more to Rey's desire of wanting family that can't be satisfied by this alone. Finn, Poe, Leia are definitely a part of her journey in finding belonging but they're not the final piece to the puzzle. Otherwise she would have felt completely fulfilled by the end of The Last Jedi when she is on the Falcon surrounded by her friends.

I think part of Rey's desire for family, is also the desire to be understood, to be “seen.”  Rey even tells Finn in TROS that “People keep telling me they know me. No one does.” We hear Ben's response in the trailer “But I do...” (which was cut from the movie)

Ben has always been shown to be the person who truly “sees” Rey. He sees even the aspects of herself that she doesn't like to acknowledge. Recognizing that her holding on to her parents is affecting her negatively and that if she really wants to “find herself” she needs to let go.

Which is why when Ben says “You have no place in this story. You're nothing. But not to me.” What is really being expressed is “I don't care about where you come from and I see you for who you are.”  

This is why I believe that Ben was always suppose to be the final piece to the belonging Rey is searching for. As their narratives are intertwined. They both satisfy each others needs as characters, Rey's need to be seen for who she is and Ben's need for reconciliation and healing within his family.

Rey Palpatine

Rian Johnson said that when he began working on The Last Jedi, he wrote out all the character's names and next to them wrote what would be the hardest thing for that character to face. For Rey, this was that she needs to stand on her own two feet and define who she is for herself but JJ and Terrio seemed to have misunderstood this as Terrio states that,

“We also thought that Rey’s arc cannot be finished after Episode VIII. You can leave Episode VIII and say, “Well, now, Rey is content. She’s discovered her parents aren’t Skywalkers, or whatever, and that’s fine.” But so much of her personal story was about where she came from, what kept her on Jakku all those years and the trauma that shaped her. We see quite strongly in Episode VII that something mysterious and troubling happened to her. Although she did get some answers in Episode VIII, we didn’t feel that that story was over. We felt that there were still more questions in Rey’s head about where she came from and where she was going. So, that was the other big idea that we had to address in this film. Rian’s answer to, “What’s the worst news that Rey could receive?” was that she comes from junk traders, and that’s true. She does come from junk traders; we didn’t contradict that.”

Rey's conflict wasn't that she came from junk traders. Rey didn't care about “legacy.” Her conflict stemmed from her abandonment. Rey thinks she's “a nobody” not because of her parent's occupation or lineage but because she feels that she must be worthless because why else would her parents give her up? Rey learning that her parents sold her off for drinking money, that they didn't want her, was already a difficult and traumatic truth to overcome. Star Wars is a coming of age story, in the OT Luke grows from being a boy longing for adventure to discovering what it truly means to be a Jedi (following your principles and having a compassionate heart). Rey's journey is about letting go of childhood trauma and discovering her own independence.

It's also strange seeing as JJ had previously stated during The Force Awakens press tour that “I really feel that the assumption that any character needs to have inherited a certain number of midi-chlorians or needs to be part of a bloodline. It's not that I don't believe that as part of the canon, I'm just saying that at 11 years old that wasn't where my heart was. And so I respect and adhere to the canon but I also say that the Force has always seemed to me to be more inclusive and stronger than that.”

And there was still conflict for her to overcome. The one person who she felt truly understood her is now the supreme leader of the first order, will the resistance discover their connection? Will they see her as a traitor? All of this had the potential for great external and internal character conflict, but for some reason they didn't see this as conflict enough to sustain a whole movie?

Instead they gave Luke's character arc in the OT of having a dark side relative to Rey. “Discovering that you actually descended from your adoptive family’s greatest enemy, the same enemy who corrupted Anakin Skywalker and is responsible for the destruction of the Skywalker family in the first place, felt most devastating to us.” This doesn't make any sense to me as it feel like they just gave Rey Luke's internal conflict of being afraid of his dark side, I don't think this was ever a problem for Rey. In fact, in The Last Jedi  she leapt into the dark side cave to face her darkness (her abandonment). Luke even says “You went straight to the dark and you didn't even try to stop yourself.” 

The dark side cave in The Last Jedi was symbolic of Rey coming to terms with her darkness (the parts of herself she wants to hide).  It relates back to Jungian psychology (which much of Star Wars is based on) that people can only become whole through understanding both the light and shadow aspects of their personality. So it doesn't make sense for Rey to be afraid of who she is in the final movie when she just finished a journey where she learned to accept who she was?

Rey Skywalker

Terrio says that the decision to have Rey take on the name “Skywalker” was a way to show that “you can choose your ancestry.” Which is not true and also a strange thing to say considering the trilogy started with this:

But even if this was just awkward phrasing and what Terrio meant to say was that she considers the Skywalkers her family. Does this make sense considering that she didn't have a great relationship with Luke to begin with?

 I've seen it argued that she took the name as a way of honoring Leia but Leia never took the name or considered herself a Skywalker. Also this is another step backwards for Rey's character as The Last Jedi was trying to assert that Rey does not need to keep looking for parental figures to define herself.

So why  must she be a Palpatine, a Skywalker and “all the jedi” anyways? I think this was done for two reasons, the first was because by killing Ben they were going to kill the last of the Skywalker family and they wanted to keep the name tied to the franchise, in case they need the characters for future projects down the line, so they just pushed it onto Rey. The second reason is that I think they were trying to appease the misogynists' who spent the last 4 years calling Rey a “Mary Sue” so they explained her power away through powerful male lineage. It just feels so weird to me, like the creators are saying that we should like Rey not because of who she is as a character but because of who she is in relation to all these other characters we know you like (Luke, Leia, all the jedi that use her as a vessel etc...)

Daisy Ridley has even expressed her frustration with the Rey's lineage debate multiple times, “I love that Rey is such a great character, they’re like: ‘No, no, she has to be… she has to be-’She’s her own person! Let her be her guys, let her live.

Yet even at the end of the final film poor Rey can't seem to catch a break as she's once again asked for her last name. She once again has to justify herself for just existing. Why are surnames suddenly so important in Star Wars now anyways? Shouldn't the correct answer be “just Rey,” now that she's come to accept who she is and where she's come from and shouldn't that be good enough? What happened to the message of anyone can be a hero? That you don't have to come from or align yourself with a powerful family legacy. That we all have the power to make a difference?

TROS seems to be constantly asking Rey to prove herself. And weirdly enough it reminds me in a strange meta way of my own experience being a woman in the fandom and being constantly asked to prove that I'm a “True fan” (whatever the f@#% that means...) to prove that I'm worthy of consuming and participating in this content that male fans feel belongs solely to them.

In Conclusion

So what did our heroine gain in the end? Did she find family and belonging? No. So what does she have in the end? A yellow lightsaber (for merchandising purposes) and a surname of a dead family?  I guess she finally has an answer to give all the nosey nellies, obsessed with ones pedigree that have suddenly popped up all over the galaxy.

It's not a satisfying ending for her, as she's basically right back where she started. Alone, in a desolate desert, once again staring face to face at an old woman (an old woman which at the start of the Force Awakens symbolized her fear of growing old and wasting away her life on Jakku).

Terrio states that  this is not meant to indicate that Rey plans to stay here, “The very last thing Rey would do after all that is to go and live alone in a desert.”  but when that is the last shot you chose to end the movie on then what is the audience suppose to think? The bigger issue however, is that Rey's ending holds no significance to her or her journey. Terrio says that “In our thinking, Rey goes back to Tatooine as a pilgrimage in honor of her two Skywalker masters. Leia’s childhood home, Alderaan, no longer exists, but Luke’s childhood home, Tatooine, does. Rey brings the sabers there to honor the Skywalker twins by laying them to rest — together, finally — where it all began.” Tatooine, the Lars homestead and the twin suns, don't mean anything to Rey.  You know who did mean something to Rey? Who was the one person who understood her, who she had an intimate relationship with, who she explicitly states she wanted to be with? Ben. But he's gone too. But clearly a light saber and surname are more important. Again this all comes from a lack of caring for what Rey wants.

I just wish that the Sequel Trilogy had stayed Rey's trilogy, that she got to be a heroine in her own right not because she was a skywalker, or a palpatine or from some other powerful family. I will always love Rey but I will always hate what they did to her and I'm tired of people invalidating my feelings and telling me that it was a good ending or that it was empowering. I just want heroines to be taken as seriously and to have all the same privileges as male heroes. Let them stand on their own without connecting them back to every male hero in the franchise, let them be their own character, and finally just let them be human, let them fall in love and have relationships if they want to. Male heroes are never considered to be less of a hero for having a love interest, so why are female heroes? Basically what I got out of the Rise of Skywalker, was that it was created by a couple of guys that loved Luke and the OT and could care less about Rey and that's truly heart breaking.

#rey #rey nobody #reylo #ben solo #rey deserved better #rey deserves better #bring ben solo back #I love rey #aTROSity #just rey #reunite the dyad

[shihalyfie]

With Digimon Ghost Game starting, I thought about how different it is from previous Digimon series, though it's still undoubtedly Digimon... and then I realized all Digimon series are like that. So I wonder, what do you think sets each Digimon series apart from the rest?

I think both Ghost Game but also the reboot have been a wake-up call for people in terms of realizing that likes, dislikes, and tastes are subjective, and I think it's especially important in terms of this fanbase that is so obsessed with this idea you can objectively rank things by quality -- especially when each series is often deliberately trying to have its own identity, so it's arguably apples and oranges -- and forcing this idea of what's Good and Not Good on everyone else (especially when there's a nasty double standard phenomenon where Adventure and often Tamers get to be so impervious to criticism that people conveniently forget they're perfectly capable of being scrutinized for a lot of things they're weaker in). Very frustrating to see everyone who likes less popular series treated as if they have to accept that they like a "badly written series" for some things and everything else is a guilty pleasure, which I find to be incredibly dumb.

The most important take-home here is that the fact each series has its own identity is always going to be the main factor in what makes it "good" or not to you, not some arbitrary bar of comparison that's based on some narrow-minded view of "good writing" (which is usually unreasonably based on Adventure). For instance, the reason why 02 is so important to me is because (see below), to me, it has the highest amount of meaningful, important life lessons and themes that it wanted its audience to remember, to the point that I frankly do not care about where the plot goes in comparison. That may not be the case for everyone else, and that's fine, but should my tastes be called unreasonable for that? I think we're also coming to realize that because of Adventure (and kind of 02)'s precedent, so many people have been judging series purely by how intimate their individual character development style is, but this is unfair because Adventure and 02's ridiculous level of character depth to psychological detail is extremely unusual and unrealistic to expect of others; Adventure and 02 only achieved this by practically considering the plot utterly subservient to its character arcs, and it's arguably why they have some of the weakest "plots" in this franchise. It's so bizarre that I can see character development in other Digimon series that outstrips even most kids' anime on the market, but it's not as much as Adventure's so apparently it's bad. And, moreover, as it turns out, some people have priorities other than characterization; just because Adventure had that as its strength doesn't mean that's the only thing anyone should care about. Is the plot fun? Is there a meaningful message besides characters (also important to me)? Do you vibe with the tone being dark, or being silly? How much do you care about resourceful usage of Digimon lore? That kind of thing. Everyone is different, so that's why everyone has their own priorities. If you’re someone who prefers darker content, you may not realize that writing good and well-timed comedy is actually a very, very difficult task, especially when said comedy simultaneously has meaning (in comparison, it’s surprisingly easy to write “dark” but shallow content).

I think it's fair to like every Digimon series for its own thing, depending on your personal tastes. I can't speak for everyone, but my impressions are that it has to do with the following:

Adventure: Significantly easier to understand than 02 due to its more straightforward plot, and focus on individual character development ("individualism" being a strong point here). In terms of characters, it goes a lot into some very real social problems (the divorce around the Ishida and Takaishi families and the pressures surrounding Jou, for instance) in a very realistic manner. Also, it has that sense of mystique and absurdism to the Digital World that's both whimsical but also mysterious, and while 02 has it too, Adventure's the isekai story that has it the most.

02: The first is its focus on the importance of human relationships and the compelling group dynamic unparalleled in this franchise, and the second is its important themes and life lessons that I think are some of the strongest in said franchise. I have a whole tag for the ridiculous amount of nuance packed into every detail and dialogue line for this series, and I think every time I've rewatched an episode I've learned something new about it because there are so many things that clearly wanted to be said in each line. The entire series is basically an unpacking of the feelings of insidious self-hatred and the crushing feeling of being subject to society's expectations, and ones that are so deep-seated that you often don’t even have a single answer to how to unpack it (for instance, Miyako hardly has a tragic single event in her backstory, but she says and does a lot of things that'll be painfully familiar to those who have experienced chronic anxiety). Almost every plot point can be said to connect to each character arc in some way, and the mantras for appreciating and treasuring your own life and living life the way you will make this, in my opinion, the strongest series in terms of speaking to those who struggle with this kind of existential crisis for reasons of depression or otherwise. (Oops, I think I went too passionate about this; my biases are obvious...)

Tamers: I think it forms an interesting study and unpacking of the kinds of things you take for granted in Digimon or the monster-collecting genre in general, and an examination of how they'd work in a real-world context (although 02 had a focus on daily life, it didn't quite merge the Digimon and the real world factors until very late in the series). Also, probably the second highest on "hard sci-fi" (the only one that outstrips it is probably Appmon, but Appmon has a very different, more simplified take on it).

Frontier: A series that lies somewhere between Adventure's scale of individualism and 02's scale of group dynamic, and one more discussing the feeling of having your heart hardened from being an outcast, and what it takes to accept the idea of opening yourself up to others again. Recommended for those who like transforming hero and magical girl stories, too. From the Digimon perspective, also the one with the most detailed and consistent Digital World mythos.

Savers: I think this is the series that most drives home "life is complicated" (i.e. there isn't a single mastermind behind everything) in the most tasteful manner, because while it drives home the point that you can't just simplify everything into a good side and a bad side, some bad things really are evil (hi, Kurata), and it doesn't change the fact that everyone's responsible for cleaning up the fallout. The portrayal of the evils of government bureaucracy is probably the most realistic out of any of these series.

Xros Wars: For those who like fun, most of all! For those who like seeing Digimon finally get more of the spotlight and individuality since so much of it had been geared and biased towards the humans prior to this. For those who really like worldbuilding, and, after all, this is called Xros Wars, so it's interesting to see shakeups on the usual formulas in the form of the different factions and their priorities. Hunters is very different in tone, but I do think they have some of these aspects in common; that said, it being closer to having single partnerships brings it a bit closer in line to conventional Digimon partnerships, and it also has more of a picture of daily life. Also, as much as Tagiru is probably your-mileage-may-vary since he's not exactly a very nice kid (I get it if you don't vibe with that), which may also rub those hoping for not nice kids to become nice the wrong way, I do have to say I find him to be one of the funniest characters in this entire franchise, and you'd be surprised how hard good comedy is to write.

Appmon: Probably one of the strongest theme narratives besides 02, since it has a very clear and obvious theme about the importance of kindness in a world where technology is dominating and we're almost encouraged to strip the feelings out of everything. (Bonus for more straightforward plot than Adventure or 02 while still retaining a lot of its elements in terms of how to characterize them.) Also the first series to be speculative about the near future instead of taking place around the time it airs, and it's very obvious it wants to provide important and necessary commentary about what we need to do in the incoming era, especially as a lot of what it has to say becomes increasingly relevant.

Reboot: For those who like Digimon mythos and null canon -- this is probably the only series to show it off in this level of detail -- and the kind of cool action fights that would usually be saved for the climax in prior series (and animated in much more intimate detail with battle choreography than prior series would have). There are a lot of people into this franchise who felt like it genuinely was not making enough use of its Digimon roster and its potential because it kept going back to the old standbys (especially Adventure-based ones), so it was a huge relief for that crowd to see attention finally being paid.

#digimon #shiha's ask box #demonoflight #digimon multi series talk

[stereostevie]

When you think of grunge, do you picture a bunch of long-haired White guys in plaid shirts, singing about teenage angst and self-loathing? Time to expand that viewpoint. Standing above them all should be Tina Bell, a tiny Black woman with an outsized stage presence, and her band, Bam Bam. It’s only recently that the 1980s phenom has begun to be recognized as a godmother of grunge.

This modern genre’s sound was, in many ways, molded by a Black woman. The reason she is mostly unknown has everything to do with racism and misogyny. Looking back at the beginnings of grunge, with the preconception that “everybody involved” was White and/or male, means ignoring the Black woman who was standing at the front of the line.

Bam Bam was formed as a punk band in 1983 in Seattle. Bell, a petite brown-skinned spitfire with more hairstyle changes than David Bowie, sang lead vocals and wrote most of the lyrics. Her then-husband Tommy Martin was on guitars (the band’s name is an acronym of their last names: Bell And Martin), Scotty “Buttocks” Ledgerwood played bass, and Matt Cameron was on drums. Cameron would leave the band in its first year and go on to fame as the drummer for Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. But he paid homage to his beginnings by wearing a Tina Bell T-shirt in a photoshoot for Pearl Jam’s 2017 Anthology: the Complete Scores book.

“For some reason a couple of skinheads are up front, calling her [the N-word] And all of the sudden, Bell grabs a microphone stand and she starts swirling it around her head like a lasso… She swung that fuckin’ thing around her head and about the fourth time, she smashed that son of a bitch.”

Bam Bam’s sound straddled the line between punk and something so new that it didn’t have a name yet. Their music combined a driving, thrumming bass line; downtuned, sludgy guitars; thrashy, pulsing drums; melodic vocals that range from sultry to haunting to screamy; and lyrics about the existential tension of trying to exist in a world not designed for you. The band’s 1984 music video for their single “Ground Zero” is low-budget, but Bell’s charisma seeps through.

“She was fucking badass. That’s all there is to it. She was amazing as a performer. I’ve only seen one White male lead singer command the stage in a similar way that Tina Bell did, and that was Bon Scott of AC/DC,” says Om Johari, who attended Bam Bam shows as a Black teenager in the ’80s and who would go on to lead all-female AC/DC cover band Hell’s Belles.

Christina King, a Seattle scenester who was close friends with Bell from 1984 until the early ’90s, says the singer’s talent was obvious. But she believes a lot of people dismissed Bell as a gimmick.

Among those attending their shows: Future members of grunge bands like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain did a stint as a Bam Bam roadie), Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam.

“I remember one person saying to me that they didn’t get ‘the whole Black girl singer thing,’ it just didn’t fit whatever they were into,” says King. “They were too ahead of their time.”

Bam Bam came into being in an era when hundreds of underground clubs, taverns, bars, and social halls — anywhere that you could cram in a band — were within the Seattle city limits. Bam Bam played almost all of them, and often to big crowds: The Colourbox, Crocodile Lounge, Gorilla Gardens, Squid Row — just to name a few.

Among those attending their shows: Future members of history-making grunge bands like Nirvana (Kurt Cobain did a stint as a Bam Bam roadie), Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Pearl Jam. Not to mention all the other people, mostly White and male, who would become prime targets for music labels trying to market this new sound.

Bell “already possessed everything they were trying to attain. She had a truer rock and roll spirit than almost any of those guys in that town. Everything they tried to do, she naturally was,” says Ledgerwood, still a loyal bandmate.

One Seattle club, The Metropolis, became “like our fucking living room,” says Ledgerwood. It was also the site of an overtly racist verbal assault against Tina Bell.

“For some reason a couple of skinheads are up front, calling her [the N-word],” Ledgerwood recalls. “And all of the sudden, Bell grabs a microphone stand and she starts swirling it around her head like a lasso… She swung that fuckin’ thing around her head and about the fourth time, she smashed that son of a bitch… She nailed that fucker right in the temple of his head. Split like a melon. And the other guy next to him caught it too, they go down, and we’re like, ‘What the fuck?’”

Ledgerwood says that after going backstage for a while to regroup, Bell came back “and put out the most blistering set of our fucking career.”

This could easily be an anecdote about Bell’s power, her resilience, and willingness to fight back against oppressive forces. But it’s also a story about the cost of being a Black woman who does something that some people don’t expect or approve of.

“She’s being pulled out of her zone because somebody is acknowledging how the rest of the world can see her,” says Johari, empathizing with the star rocker. “And even to react to it by picking up a microphone and smashing someone in the face, that means that that incident cost her not only that moment it takes to get back into the song, but the whole [effects of her] action will last for weeks.

“She’ll replay that over and over and over and over again. And then the people she sees that were there when it happened, they’re gonna come up to her and they’re gonna forget everything that she’s saying, all the stuff that she had did, and they’re only going to focus on, ‘I was at that show where you knocked a dude in the head for calling you an N-word,’” Johari says. “It has nothing to do with her artistry. But it reminds her of the way in which she has to be prepared, just in case it happens again.”

King remembers Bell also felt that some of the other men in the band’s changing lineup failed to treat her as an equal partner: “She’s getting that from her own band members — what do you think audience people are like?”

A European tour in the late ’80s gained Bam Bam international fans, but ended after Bell and Martin split up, and Bell was caught in an immigration enforcement dragnet in the Netherlands.

When they returned to the Pacific Northwest, Bam Bam continued playing shows until 1990, when Bell abruptly quit as they were packing up to head to the studio in Portland, Ore.

“She had just had enough,” Ledgerwood says. “For almost eight years she had almost literally eviscerated herself for the audience.”

But that work never resulted in the national recognition they deserved.

“Grunge, whatever that means, is being identified as from your community, your colleagues, your sound that you were a participant in help shaping, and you’re not even mentioned in any of it.”

“Sometimes you need to be a little bit of an asshole to protect yourself. And Bell wasn’t much of an asshole,” Ledgerwood adds. “She was a pure-hearted person and had a really hard time believing that people couldn’t accept her over something as stupid as race.”

Bell didn’t just quit the band, she withdrew from music completely, says her son, Oscar-winning documentary filmmaker TJ Martin. Not out of resentment, he adds, but perhaps to escape the painful reminders that the music she helped pioneer was now earning other bands multimillion-dollar record contracts.

“Grunge, whatever that means, is being identified as from your community, your colleagues, your sound that you were a participant in help shaping, and you’re not even mentioned in any of it,” Martin says. “I can’t even fathom what that would feel like for it to be sort of spit back in your face with such frequency.”

Ledgerwood believes Bell died of a broken heart. But when Bell died alone in her Las Vegas apartment in 2012, the official cause of death listed was cirrhosis of the liver. She had struggled with alcohol and depression. Her son says the coroner estimated her time of death as a couple weeks before her body was discovered. She was 55 years old.

The things that could have told Tina Bell’s story in her own voice are lost. Martin arrived in Las Vegas to find that the contents of his mother’s apartment — except for a DVD player, a poster, and a chair — had been thrown away. All of her writings — lyrics, poems, diaries — along with Bam Bam music, videos, and other memorabilia — went in the trash without her family even being notified.

If you think you were in Seattle in the ’80s, in the grunge scene, and you don’t remember Tina Bell and Bam Bam, you probably weren’t really fucking there.

“I couldn’t help draw a parallel between her not being respected and seen in the first chapter of her life, as the front person of a punk band, and then even in death being disrespected and not being seen for the merits of the life she lived,” says Martin.

Bell’s death is also an indictment of the way she was written out of her own story. The way grunge’s almighty gatekeepers chose to look through her instead of at her. Grunge became the domain of alienated young White men in flannel shirts, and Tina Bell didn’t fit the narrative they were trying to sell.

“Black herstory can suffer immense amounts of erasure if somebody is not brave enough to ensure that women get counted,” Johari says.

To many of those who were part of the scene at the time, the amnesia seems intentional. Ledgerwood brings up the seminal history of Seattle’s grunge era, Everybody Loves Our Town. In it, the author refers to Bam Bam as a three-piece instrumental band mainly notable because Matt Cameron was the drummer. Tina Bell isn’t even mentioned.

“How in the hell would he have a recollection of how great Bam Bam and its drummer was, and not this unbelievably beautiful woman, this firecracker, this explosive rock and roll goddess?” Ledgerwood asks. “Even if he thought she sucked, to not remember the only Black woman on the whole fuckin’ scene is — well, it’s like that old joke about the ’60s: If you think you were in Seattle in the ’80s, in the grunge scene, and you don’t remember Tina Bell and Bam Bam, you probably weren’t really fucking there.”

You can listen to more of Bam Bam’s music on this Spotify playlist. A vinyl album with the band’s songs is coming out this year on Bric-a-Brac Records.

#Alice in Chains #Bam Bam #black history #black women #black women in rock #grunge #Kurt Cobain #music #Nirvana #Pearl Jam #rock #Seattle #Soundgarden #Tina Bell #women in rock #women's history #80s

[crab-instruments]

Dust in the Wind Part 8 (tbb)

Master <Part 7 Part 9>

Pairing: Hunter x Secret Jedi! Reader (GN)

Rating and warning: General audience, panic/stress (minimal)

Words: 1.5k

a/n: haha well we don't have time to unpack all that finale, so here's an update of this instead. Fresh off the press and yeeted to tumblr. I'm thinking the next update will have some cool stuff. I hope.

Image credit in the notes

When your eyes opened, you laid there for a bit, taking in the events of yesterday and what some sleep had done to clear the mind. You must have slept well, not even remembering the dreams you had or stirring when others got up, as only Hunter and you were left in the bunks. This was based on assumption by reaching out using the Force, at least, as you hadn’t moved an inch yet.

Being with the Batch had made it easy to settle back into your ‘old life’ or maybe just who you really were, a force user. You were becoming more comfortable, but if you were being honest with yourself, that was a scary thought. It would make leaving so much harder.

You slowly started to move, careful to keep quiet, putting your feet on the cold metal floor. The ship buzzed and hummed through your feet, accentuating the dull pain in your muscles, but the pain had an odd nostalgic feel, something you would be used to after a mission.

Echo, Crosshair, and Wrecker were all out in the main cabin as you approached, all still sleepy, though the sniper was better at hiding it.

Echo handed you a cup and you presumed he said something along the lines of ‘mornin’ but your brain was still fuzzy, not used to the amount of sleep you got. You looked at the contents of the cup; caf that had a stale smell to it and enough water to have your reflection look back at you. Still, you drank it all in one go and then turned to back to the Clone who gave it to you. “Thank you, that was the worst caf I’ve ever had, and I’ve never been more grateful for it.”

Echo chuckled; a small smirk spread across his face. “I see you slept well. Surprised to see Sarg still in bed.” You cocked your head, not sure what he was getting at.

“He is usually up first, not able to sleep when people start waking up,” Wrecker filled in.

“It might have something to do with having more people sleeping comfortably,” Tech had walked from the cockpit. “He has said that when there’s more resting heartbeats around him, he is calmer. He was worried about Maxis so possibly having them closer helped him relax.” Tech had kept his voice even when speaking, but it still felt like there was a hint of something.

“What are you—”

“I came back here to let you know we will be landing soon, and someone should wake Hunter.” He turned around before you could address what you wanted.

Echo had grabbed another cup of caf and handed it out for you to take. “Maxis, would you mind? I have a few other things to do and you’re closer.” You squinted your eyes in skepticism at the Clone for a moment, before taking the cup and walking back to the bunks, making a mental note to corner those two and figure out what they were scheming.

Once you crossed the threshold of the room, you slowed down in front of where Hunter was laying. He had fallen asleep on his stomach, his arms under his pillow, and his face turned away from the wall. No bandana in his hair, you could see how thick his locks are, almost a little envious. Really, it suited him, and he knew it. You lowered yourself to the floor, taking a moment to just study his sleeping face. So calm and handsome, in this state you couldn’t see how much the war had taken its toll on him. It was something you could get used to—

“Mesh’la, staring is impolite.” You would never… ever… admit what his sleepy morning voice did to you in that moment. His voice startled you, sloshing some caf onto the floor. He hadn’t yet opened his eyes when he addressed you, but they stared straight through you now.

Say something! “Um… sorry, I didn’t mean… We just… We’re going to be landing soon.” Smooth, about as smooth as this caf.

Hunter chuckled, amused at the effect he had on you in that moment. Slowly he sat up, swinging his legs carefully over the side of the bunk. You had stood up and took a step back to give him space but were still more or less frozen.

“Is… one of those cups for me? Or do you just really enjoy the dirt caf…”

“Oh, right.” You held out the cup, certainly not loving every second he touched your hand. Holy kriff, you needed to get a grip on your life, or you were going to lose your mind. “Uhm, I’ll just…” you looked back to the doorway but then back at him. “Wait, mesh’la?”

A look of surprise took over Hunter’s face for a hot second before a smile took its place. He shook his head, and responded, “It’s Mando’a, I’ll have to teach you some day.” He stood up and walked past you to the main cabin, obviously still avoiding giving a real answer.

“But that doesn’t… what does it mean?” Hunter had already weaved his way through the ship, leaving you wondering. Maybe I’ll ask Tech about the best way to learn a new language.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Under the ship, you checked and cleaned the landing gear. It had seen better days and probably hadn’t even been washed since the Republic. You worked meticulously, finally able to show more of what you could do now that you didn’t have the possibility of needing a quick escape. The soreness that swam through your muscles sang loudly while you focused, it was clear you needed a break.

Two shadows, one much larger than the other, closed in on the area. Omega didn’t need to crouch all that much as she approached, Wrecker waiting by the side of the ship. “Hey Maxis, you should take a break. Wrecker and I were about to go get our Mantell Mix. It’s a tradition, we get some after every mission.”

You stopped working for a moment. “I didn’t really… I wasn’t a part of the mission. But—”

“You protected the ship from four troopers, I’d say that’s enough to get some Mix.” Wrecker said, with a bit of pride.

“Ah yeah, I guess. Let me put this piece back on and we can go.”

Crawling out from the ship, you wiped the dirt of your pants. Something about Ord Mantell always stuck to you though, but that was a part of its charm. Or that’s what you say to convince yourself. You had explored the market a bit, to pick up supplies and replacements for maintenance, but never really experienced it.

As Omega led the way, you asked, “what exactly is Mantell Mix?”

“Only the best treat in the entire galaxy,” Omega looked back at you, very excited.

“Well, when you mostly have rations, anything would be a treat. Very low bar. I think I’m more concerned about the name, Mantell Mix. A mix of what? Grime and overpriced goods?”

“I think adventure and a hint of sweetness is more like it.”

You chuckled. “Always good at the positive spin, Omega. That’s a good quality.” She beamed.

Once the food was acquired, you could only eat so much of it before deciding that Omega had lied about the ‘hint of sweetness’. But you did your best to show gratitude in being included.

The three of you decided to wander around the open-air shops. You ended up looking at some unrefined gems on display. Not something you would usually stop to look at, but something about the display caught your attention. A crystal, somewhat clear but had a red hue, stuck out.

“See something you like?”

“What… is this?” You pointed to the crystal. “And where did you get it?”

“Ahh, I’m not sure. I travel and trade quite a bit, unfortunately, and don’t remember much about every piece. But if it is to your liking, you should have a closer look.” The owner had a creepy facial expression, you were unsure if they were trying to just sell the item or if they had other motives. But what other motives could they have?

You reached for the crystal but could only hold it for a second due to the extreme pain and pressure you felt from it. Another force echo. Luckily, you pushed yourself out of it quick, only getting a brief glimpse of the horrible feeling, but it stuck to you, sitting heavy on your shoulders. A reminder of the past.

It was a kyber crystal, a synthetic one specifically. This one had been used by a Sith or an apprentice of one, having such a dark and evil aura around the force echo. It made you sick and scared. Suddenly, it felt like all eyes were on you, walls closing in. Fear crept into your mind.

“I’m s-sorry, I have to-… to go.” You swiftly made your way back to the Marauder, leaving Omega and Wrecker behind. The corner you hid in after your fight with the troopers felt like the perfect fit for you at that moment. You curled up in a ball as tightly as you could and hummed to yourself.

It took a while, but everyone made their way back and Hunter was discussing about their next mission that would take place in a few rotations.

Part 9

________________________________________________________________

Notes:

Mando'a: I assume if you're reading this, you know, but here's a link anyway.

Synthetic Lightsaber/Kyber crystal: One of my favorite things I learned about lightsabers is that the Sith used synthetic crystals and synthetic crystals are normally red, leading to the Sith having mostly red lightsabers. I don't know if that's still considered canon anymore, but for me it is. Image credit

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#tbb x reader #tbb x you #the bad batch x reader #bad batch x reader #hunter x reader #hunter x you #dust in the wind #crab fics