holdonhali

[holdonhali]

It’s childish; I know.

[holdonhali]

I don’t feel excited about life anymore…

J.H.M

#life #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #i miss it #i miss the old us #bad relationships #blithe #scared #suicidal #lonely #poems #sad girl #lost #alone #alone with my thoughts #i need something #dtc

[holdonhali]

Does the thought of me keep you up at night?

Real Friends

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #bad relationships #poems #opiates #sadbeautifultragic #ouch #real friends #heartbroken #is this the end #probably

[holdonhali]

I lost myself loving you…

J.H.M.

#relationship #i miss it #i miss the old us #i miss u #bad relationships #poems #my quotes #my quote #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #sad girl #sad blogs #I’m sad for her #he stole me #lost #i lost myself #but I lost you too #what if #I never answered #that text changed everything #love you always #you were always the one #I’ll never stop loving you #go confidently #tw dv #violent love #it was love #thank you #but goodbye #dtc

[holdonhali]

I love you

Fuck I need you

Don’t hurt me

I think I have to leave you…

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #bad relationships #poems #opiates #sadbeautifultragic #fuck #ouch #my heart is breaking #i can’t do this #do I leave? #what do I do? #fuck I needed him #he was everything #he was the sun #dtc

[holdonhali]

I don’t think this is working out

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #bad relationships #poems #opiates #sadbeautifultragic #fuck #i thought we had something special #but now I think I’m done #detached #slowly loving you less #it hurts #but it has to happen #I can’t live without him #I can’t be happy with him #what the fuck am I doing #no #I love you #fuck I need you #I have to leave you #dtc

[holdonhali]

He keeps asking me to talk to him but then he interrupts me and yells at me for talking to much “you talk to damn much!” He screams “just get to the fucking point!” “Quick and clear communication is all I want from you”

How can I do what he wants when he yells at me 3 words in

#tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #i miss it #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #bad relationships #depressing shit #depressing life #sad thoughts #sad relationship #dtc

[holdonhali]

Would you even believe this was a post about me?

I hardly believe it. Wow I miss this.

12/4/16;3:04pm

I don’t know how I’m gonna feel in twenty years, I don’t know how I’m gonna feel in ten, I don’t know how ill feel in a few months from now. right now though, even if she never gets better, I want not to spend my life with anyone else

#I never want to lose this post #this was the beginning #I miss him #i miss the old us #i miss u #relationship #we’re at almost 8 years #but I feel lost #broken #lonely #at one time #hopeful that we’ll heal #we’ve grown so much #we’ve grown apart so much #but we have been working for this #we want each other #even when we hurt each other #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #i miss it #bad relationships #good relationship #I don’t know anymore #I know I love him #and at one time I KNEW he loved me

[holdonhali]

I’m getting back on medication again, I need to regain some control in my life and I don’t think that’s possible without anxiety and ADD medication….we’ll see how this goes.

#medication #mentally ill #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #i miss it #poems #bad relationships #sadbeautifultragic #medication management #add #anxiety #mdd #complex ptsd #ptsd #tw relaspe #fuck i hate this #I’m so scared #but change is coming #change is #good #I just got wanna be good enough #good enough

[holdonhali]

I’m a little bit scared for what comes next

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #opiates #poems #bad relationships #sadbeautifultragic #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #tw cptsd #tw relaspe #tw toxic relationship #tw blade #tw depressing thoughts #tw dv #scared #scarred

[holdonhali]

“I’m not ready for marriage!”

You’re 25 years old

I’m 23 years old

We’ve been together for 7.5 years

Are you just stringing me along?

Do I keep waiting?

Do I leave because of all the issues.

I was 15 when we started, I was 16 when you moved me out of my dads.

What do I do

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #opiates #poems #bad relationships #sadbeautifultragic #dtc #marriage? #no? #breaking up? #ugh #this is too hard

[holdonhali]

I never should’ve answered that message.

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #tw s3lf harm #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #opiates #poems #bad relationships #sadbeautifultragic #fuck i hate this #I think I hate you #no…. #I love you #fuck you #dtc

[holdonhali]

I finally said the words to you!

I don’t wanna be with you anymore….

But then I got scared so I just

Took it back and said I’m sorry this is my fault , I shouldn’t have made you mad, I was just mad too…

But in reality….

I almost made it out

#tw self destructive behavior #i miss it #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #poems #bad relationships #tw dv #tw dv mention #domestic #violent love #painfully yours #I’m so alone in this relationship #almost out #it’s almost over #you ruined me #dtc

[holdonhali]

My constant anxiety , of wondering if he’s sneaking around or not is absolutely killing me,,,,

[holdonhali]

The Soup Fork 10.16.23

We were already arguing over something idk what, some stupid thing about doing the dishes.

But then we stopped and tried having dinner together.

“Which bowl is mine?” Either, wait no, the blue one is mine it has a fork”

I thought he was fucking with me…..We were having soup and sandwiches for dinner.

“Really? Why? You made such a big deal about the dishes did you or could you not wash a spoon for yourself!??”

He started yelling at me saying he was confused he always eats his soup with a fork.

Again….wow he must be fucking with me.

No…..he proceeded to yell at me because I need to stop fucking arguing with him he’s serious he eats his soup with a fork all the time I should know that.

He eats his pasta and his soup and his cereal “with a fork just like any other fucking normal person”

He’s gaslighting me?

“He’s gaslighting me”

Over a fight about a fork and the dishes.

[holdonhali]

“He makes me feel like giving up”

j.h.m

#tw dv #tw dv mention #tw self destructive behavior #tw toxic behavior #tw toxic relationship #toxicity #dtc

[holdonhali]

What if I’m falling out of love with the person I was going to spend my whole life with?

#tw s3lf harm #i miss it #tw self destructive behavior #opiates #relationship #i miss the old us #i miss u #poems #bad relationships #sadbeautifultragic #i can’t do this #I feel alone #alone #end it? #leaving a toxic life #I’m too scared #he doesn’t love me like he used to #what if he does #dv #tw dv #you broke me #dtc #maybe you’ll find this blog one day #I always loved you even when I stopped