#❅ --- if we can’t have it all‚ nobody will ⌊ wishlist.

[sidestepping]

Snippet. No Punch Pulled.

DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to Malin Rydén and Fallen Hero. This one’s on the Retribution time-line (which you can wishlist on Steam etc etc). CONTEXT: Apparently I’m posting twice in three days, what the fuck. The Daniel POV faucet Hath Been Open. WHAT TO EXPECT: Daniel and Ortega discuss less than civilly about a roof-punch (Retribution’s open alpha spoilers ahead). 

2020.

Under the ice pack, my eye still smarts, all the way down to the jaw. Of course it’s not that big of a deal, and I guess I deserved it a little; at least if you count unbridled violence as a communication style.

I don’t, for the record. But I understand how one can get there. I should have known; she’s always trembling with it.

I grasp too late how bad a refuge the break room is. As the pain just starts to wane, the door opens. Ortega throws me a glance and snorts. He takes the time to grab a beer in the fridge before he snarks:

“Rough morning?”

Under his laughing gaze, my pride smarts worse than my face.

“Just a little,” I mumble.

Shit. I would rather not tell him, but she’s going to, isn’t she? These two don’t share anything but the secrets of others. There will be no mercy for me, not from her, I’m sure of that. That means hiding it now will only come back to haunt me later.

“How’s the other guy?” Ortega adds on the tail of a generous gulp of beer.

“Unscathed. Una is the one who decked me.”

The next gulp goes down the wrong pipe.

“What?” he sputters.

“It’s m…”

“What the hell did you do to her?”

Oh, that’s rich. I bristle, cut to the quick. Of course he’s jumping to conclusions. Maybe he’s not wrong, but come on! He could have hesitated for one more second. It’s not like she’s a paragon of self-control.

“What?” I retort, “why would it be my fault?”

“Isn’t it?”

“I just wanted…”

“What did you do, Daniel?”

“Will you let me speak?”

“Will you stop justifying yourself and get to the point?”

I put the ice-pack down and breathe. I hope against hope that I’m not pink and blue and red and flushed. I feel cotton-headed and chest-boiling. I hate, I hate when he talks to me like I’m a disobedient little kid. When will he get it? I’m his ally, not his burden.

“I wanted to talk about Heartbreak, since nobody here will tell me anything. I flew her to a roof so we would be out of earshot from anyone…”

Oh. The silence that follows is much worse than his impatience.

The silence breathes with ozone.

When I look up, I’m greeted by a glare so dark I hold my breath. I stay seated, but my feet leave the floor, discreetly—anticipating the blow this time.

“Let me get this straight,” he says at last, voice very soft, soft enough to grate. “You flew a Heartbreak victim to a Los Diablos rooftop in the hopes that she would tell you, a perfect stranger, about the traumatic experience that lead to her almost-death?”

“I…”

“You do know she threw herself out a window and crashed on the ground several stories below, right?”

I wince. The image hurts me in the teeth. He looks like he relishes it: a savage scratching of a purulent scab, dirty nails deep.

“Ortega, I… She wasn’t…”

“She wasn’t WHAT?”

The scream comes from nowhere and hits like glass shattering. I haven’t seen him like that in a—a while. I wish I could disappear into thin air. This is worse, this is much worse than a punch. In front of me, Ortega has turned on his heels and paces up and down the room, tensed from nape to fists. My vague grasp of Spanish unlocks only fragments of his hissing:

“Can’t believe this… for months… and now this little shit… ruin everything?!”

Fine. I get the gist.

“She’s fine!” I plead. “She’s completely fine. She’s not going to vanish out of nowhere.”

“Shut up,” he snaps back to me. “Just because you collect Sidestep comics doesn’t mean you know her. If she does vanish, it will be your fault and your fault only.”

I clench my jaw. Yeah, I’m sure it won’t be about the obsessive nosing around he’s doing on his own free time. Pot, meet kettle.

“She won’t vanish,” I repeat. “She wouldn’t have agreed to train me otherwise. We’re meeting up again next week.”

That flies better than my apologies. He stops in his tracks, face tilted.

“Training? Training for what?” he looks at me vulture-eyed.

“For fighting, of course.”

“Una agreed to train you? She’s retired.”

“So? She was still the best fighter on the team, back in the day.”

“Second best. And it was seven years ago.”

I arch an eyebrow. What is he getting at? He’s stopped moving now, and his stillness makes me itch. This is no casual conversation.

“She still landed a punch on me today. Like riding a bike, I guess.”

“Only if you keep at it.”

“Fine,” I groan. “I’ll work more consistently.”

He dismisses me with a wave of his hand. Not his point. Silly me—why would I ever be his point?

“What did she say about training? No—how did she hit you? How was her stance? How was yours? Was there any force behind the blow? Describe the scene to me.”

Oh, he wouldn’t dare, would he? Of course he would. Of course. This time I don’t avoid his gaze.

“Are you shitting me right now?”

“What?” he barks, hackles raised.

“You’re trying to sniff out intel on her five seconds after ripping into me because I did the same? Get lost, Ortega!”

“Oh, get off your high horse! It’s not the same!”

“You’re right,” I throw back. “At least I asked her to her face.”

This one lands wrong, I see it on his moving face; but insults are less important than the bone he’s trying to gnaw at. He doesn’t let up:

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“If you think you’re helping her, you’re not. She needs me. What she doesn’t need is a little shit-stirrer clinging to her skirts.”

Getting better and better. Shit-stirring advice from the shit-stirrer in chief. Did he forget he can’t catch flies with vinegar?

“I’m not going to be your spy, Ortega,” I seethe. “Maybe try having a conversation next time.”

“Why, thank you for the suggestion,” he coos, poison-honeyed. “What do you recommend, kidnapping?”

It takes a lot not to clench my fists.

“Don’t be jealous,” I snap back. “I know you wouldn’t hesitate if you could fly yourself.”

I didn’t notice the space closing, not until he smacks his hands on the table between us and looms above me. I’m still seating, and I curse myself for not standing, earlier. Rookie mistake. There’s nothing I can do now but feel like a scolded brat, facing a resentment so cold I could shiver.

“You need to stop running your mouth about things you don’t understand.”

“You could make me understand,” I say, trying to summon my defusing voice, and failing. I’m still seeping anger, and his face is a locked box.

“You can’t. Back off. Just stay in your lane and don’t bother her again.”

“I’m not—”

He turns away. He’s done with me now. The dismissal is as disrespectful as his anger.

“Enjoy training, Daniel,” he throws over his shoulder, one last dart to ensure his victory. “You need it.”

Behind him, the door closes like a fist.

#notebooks #fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero: retribution #herald #charge #una

[bahbzxxx]

Before anybody gets confused…THIS IS NOT CANON IN THE SLIGHTEST.

THIS. 👏IS JUST. 👏AN EXCUSE. 👏TO SIMP FOR VENTI. 👏WHILE MAKING IT. 👏AS COMPLICATED. 👏AND DRAMATIC. 👏AND CONVOLUTED. 👏AS POSSIBLE.

In short, this is just a silly little au.

👏

I did this all in one sitting so yes thank you my grammar is atrocious

So let’s consider harbinger Venti’s situation.

Because in BarbzLANDIA, He’s canon now. Don’t @ me he moved into my silly little brain with his thousands of suitcases that he stuffs in his hat somehow and I kinda need his rent money🙄🤌💸

So consider the following:

How tf are people going to react to lord Barbatos then?

- The fatui would be petty, sis. The more mondstadt thinks they’ve been abandoned by their archon of freedom in exchange for this new wackadoodle OP harbinger, the more people will loose faith in him as their archon and not only will he lose power, but he will gain disappointment.

We Venti stans already know this poot likely Carries way more guilt and truama and depression than he lets even the traveler in on…so this is why it pleases the higher ups of the fatui and abyss to see this happen, especially since HES now the harbinger who’s ruining everything.

(Don’t you just want to spit on them and hurl sheakspearean insults at them?) (I know I would!!!!!and that’s just the start!!!)

(Why am I so mad at fanon depictions of characters I am making I will never know, but in the meantime, we tread on)

Timing? - what’s mondstadt like? What about our favorite characters? Tf they up to?

Like, it already had fatui and stuff so it would all just be blown way out of proportion. Like, imagine the fatui have been in there longer…(I think I made an imagine post a few months ago where mondstadt is suffering because Venti got *officially infected*, and because he’s the wind, the weather and much more is affected…so the fatui…they kinda just…infiltrate casually over decades, at least until they can catch the anemo archon at his lowest and have that power over him)

For the most part, at the point that I’m thinking the story would take place… fatui soldiers and the knights of favonius have basically melded into one group. Those who didn’t like the change and could leave left…but some people couldnt, for the good of Mondstadt.

The church of favonius, as time goes on, gets a lot of flack for supporting a god who clearly no longer cares or maybe even exists, in the eyes of the people who have seen it’s fall.

(It’s been rumored that, though it is rumored he is of mondstadt descent…the recent lord harbinger in residence has not stepped foot in that cathedral.-could he be ashamed of his actions…or is there something bigger behind this?)

(Maybe I’ll get to my ideas for other characters in a different post but y’all know where diluc is goin’)

(He’s going to the swimming pool. He’s gonna go swimming, and then will get a slushie. What he doesn’t finish he will give to his pet bird. His bird likes grape. He doesn’t. They will feud. He will appease the bird and give him grape. He will then get a la croix. Then he will go home and stream BNHA and act like hes todoroki, only to stop for obvious, blaringly obvious, reasons. That will be all. We tread on.)

What is the extent of Venti’s power in this? Would he have any at all?

Though he knows they do it to taunt him, he actually does.

His wishlist is simple-

1. Mondstadt is safe.

And those with power over him know that. They also know he may be more powerful than them…but he actually has class, and thinks before he acts.

So…they actually kind of trust him to be a good harbinger. They let him run mondstadt the way he see fit…he can’t just leave and give them freedom…

It Iitersll sucks cause he has to be the tyrant so that nobody else will be the tyrant and do worse things…

As long as it serves the Tsaritsa and her plans. If not…trust he will be dealt with 😥

(More on that here maybe)

Though many statues of the seven have been defunct for a while, he would still be able to gain his own power from at least one…because technically, they already have his gnosis. It just so happens that it’s still inside of him. They have him wrapped around their finger by this point…

Misc: necessary to include

Venti would be so trusted by the fatui at this point that they put him in charge of Childe. No…childe does not bump up a place. He’s still 11.

You can imagine how interesting their interactions would be.

(You can imagine how offended he is)

Diluc is the token fugitive before the traveler and posse(posse being paimon and the Windblume in question) shows up in mondstadt looking for their sibling

#harbinger Venti #harbinger Venti au #corrupt Venti au #what if #poor Venti #venti needs a hug

[moonbeam-dragon]

Moonrise! Megavolt just can’t put his finger on Gosalyn. Where has he seen her before? He just might find that out. And a lot more, too. Tw: Cursing, violence, angst.

Megavolt couldn’t help tuning out from the speech. He was supposed to be on a picnic with Drake and Gosalyn. He’d rather be doing that. But the message he’d received had such vivid descriptions of threats, he realized he had no choice but to attend this heist with the rest of the Fearsome Five.

Negaduck had the building schematics of the Museum of War Artifacts. He was going over entrance plans and each individual’s path. He was looking at Megavolt. How was it he looked just like Darkwing? Were they brothers or something? That would be interesting. Just imagine Thanksgiving at their house.

“Megavolt!” Negaduck shouted, spraying him with a bottle of water. The resulting shock was minimal, but very painful all over his face. “Are you even listening?!”

Megavolt nodded, wiping off the excess water. “Of course, boss!”

“Then where are you supposed to enter from?” Negaduck asked, motioning to the marked paper in front of them.

Quackerjack, Bushroot, and Liquidator all looked at him, their eyes showing a mix of concern and impatience. He knew they didn’t want him hurt by their leader. But he’d been like this for months now.

He’d be late to meetings, or sometimes not show up at all. His mind was in a different place. His mind was back with the Mallards. He was remembering fun game nights he’d participated in. He was looking forward to being with them.

In the months since he’d gotten with Drake and met Gosalyn, Elmo was thinking of changing things. Why was he even still doing any of this villain stuff? Why had he started it? Because of his anger. Because nobody cared about him but lightbulbs. Because he was lonely and dangerous. He was full of dangerous wattage and he wasn’t scared of hurting anyone who upset him.

But Drake and Gosalyn were part of his life now. They treated him like a person. They teased him, sure. But they clearly cared about him. They wouldn’t hurt him. And he didn’t want to hurt them. They calmed something in him.

If he didn’t have those reasons for being a villain, why was he still committing crimes? He could just walk out of this. Get a real job. He could be an actual electrician. Maybe there was a better way than all of this. Maybe he could just settle down with Drake and Gosalyn and enjoy his life for once. The thought of that alone made him happier.

He was splashed in the face again. The shock was more painful. “Hey, I’m talking to you!!” Negaduck shouted. “Where do you enter from?”

Megavolt looked at the schematics again. “I go around the east side so that I can cut the alarms.” He looked at the others, who were still staring. “I take out any guards I run into and meet you all in the lobby.”

“You meet us in the middle wing,” Negaduck corrected. Then he turned to address the others. “I think he may have fried his last braincells. Unfortunately, we can’t part with you quite yet. You still need to shut off all the alarms.”

Megavolt only paid half of his attention while Negaduck continued. Was this even worth it? He could leave. Leave his apartment and the lighthouse so he couldn’t be found. He could leave behind Megavolt entirely. Then his boss coudn’t track him down. Maybe the money wasn’t as important anymore. The thought of one day moving in with the Mallards was more entertaining. He’d have a real job where he wasn’t always on the run. He’d help pay the bills and take care of their house. That sounded less stressful. Less dangerous. How could life with Drake Mallard get dangerous?



___

Cutting one last wire, Megavolt had disarmed the outer alarms. At least, he was sure. Okay, meet in the east- no west- wait middle wing! Yeah. Then there were a few things on Negaduck’s wishlist.

As he pushed the small side door open, he heard a quiet buzzing noise. He looked around for some sort of sensor or alarm, but found none. “Must be hearing things,” he muttered to himself, going in to meet the rest of his team.

___

Darkwing sped down the street on the Ratcatcher, headed towards the Museum of War Artifacts. He’d gotten a call from S.H.U.S.H., saying that one of their private sensors had gone off. A camera had shown footage of a few of the Fearsome Five sneaking in through different entrances. He was at a parent-teacher conference, and he would have rather taken Gosalyn home first, but they lived on the other side of the city. He had to be quick.

“I have my costume in the compartment, Dad!” Gosalyn said from the side pod. “What do you say? Can Quiverwing Quack help with this caper?”

Darkwing thought for a moment, then shook his head. “If this was a crook, a minor criminal, or even a singular villain, I might say yes. But the whole Fearsome Five is something I’d rather you stay away from. For now.” He glanced back at her for only a second. “Maybe you can take on gangs one day.”

Gosalyn huffed, but gave up. At least he didn’t go off about it getting too dangerous or how she was too young. She was fourteen and his catchphrase was “Let’s Get Dangerous.” But he had a point with the Fearsome Five. She wasn’t particularly afraid. But each of them had taken notice of her. Negaduck was literally the evil version of her father. Liquidator had thought she was as savvy as him and nearly abducted her. 

Quackerjack had abducted her and all her classmates. Bushroot had taken and then tried to cultivate her. And Megavolt had tried to fry her.

That was Elmo. Gosalyn knew Elmo was sweet and docile for the most part. But whenever she’d seen him as Megavolt, she’d been put into some sort of danger or been used as bait.

"Fine," the teenager grumbled, sitting back and crossing her arms. If she was going to admit defeat, she was going to act like it bothered her more than it really did. "But I get to help bust the next crook," she told him.

"Thank you," Darkwing said, very glad he didn't have to fight her for it. When they arrived at the museum, Darkwing parked a few buildings down and hid the Ratcatcher by a tree. He went back to Gosalyn giving her a firm hug. "Stay here until I'm done. Maybe get some rest."

Darkwing ran into the museum, careful to be quiet as he approached the middle wing. By know, the Fearsome Five had grouped together, each with a different weapon. Almost everyone looked excited, a dark thrill in their eyes from the danger in their hands. Negaduck in particular looked pleased wish a flamethrower on his back.

Megavolt, however, looked ready to throw down the guns in his hands. He looked frightened by them. He looked like a Gosalyn having been caught with her hand in a cookie jar. But sadder.

"Just some reverse engineering and we'll have ourselves the most dangerous weapons to date," Negaduck said, tapping his own. "Shall we?"

Darkwing aimed his gas gun at the floor by the doorway, then jumping into the blue smoke. "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the bayonet on the rifle of justice. I am... Darkwing Duck!"

Negaduck looked annoyed by his look-alike's appearance. If the flamethrower he had been holding wasn't a disabled artifact, he would have toasted the hero on the spot. "So nice of you to drop by and visit, Darkwing," he said in a mock-sweet tone. "Too bad we were just leaving."

As if it was a planned cue, and it probably was, the Five Villains scattered. Negaduck sped off towards the east wing, Liquidator the west, Megavolt north, Bushroot and Quackerjack running directly past Darkwing to go south.

Darkwing dashed back after the plant and jester, hoping he could quickly take them down first.

Megavolt found the nearest window and blasted it. The sudden heat caused it to shatter. Without missing a beat, he leaped out of it, having to roll on the grass to avoid injury. Luckily, the guns he was holding weren't damaged. Why was he doing this? These guns were just going to be another way for Negaduck to threaten him and his friends. And all of St. Canard.

He started running towards the east exit, where Negaduck had wanted them to reform in the event of Darkwing's intervention. It was possible that one or two if them would be delayed by Darkwing. At least this way, they had chance to form a solid attack plan.

Negaduck was already running away, apparently trying to get farther away than planned. He was a few buildings down, holding the box of grenades. How he wished he could set these loose on Darkwing now! Alas, that would have to wait until next time.

Gosalyn saw Negaduck running her way. "Shoot. He must be looking for the Ratcatcher," she mumbled. She should get out of the way. Slowly, she got out of the pod and trying sneaking away. She'd just hide in a bush across the street or something. 

Darkwing could find her then. But just as she got onto the sidewalk, she heard a deep, raspy voice.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

Gosalyn jumped, seeing Negaduck behind her, a sinister grin on his face. "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh is right, little girl," he said, setting down the box of grenades. "Say, you're the fan who's always following Dipwing, yeah? I wonder what kind of a ransom we could get outta you."

Gosalyn started backing up. "Oh, gosh. I'd love to stick around and watch Darkwing beat you. But my parents would want me home-" She was about to run, when Negaduck grabbed her shirt and pulled her close.

"I don't think so."

Liquidator sloshed over to him, looking at Gosalyn. "I don't remember our contract for tonight having a clause on kidnapping," he pointed out, hand still coiled around a set of swords.

"The contract is always subject to change," Negaduck said, mocking Liquidator's tone.

"Besides, I have a feeling that someone would pay a pretty penny for her mostlybsafe return."

"Forget the ransom because Darkwing Duck is gonna kick your ass!" Gosalyn said, squirming and throwing punches that barely missed the villains face.

Megavolt saw a moment too late. Many things suddenly clicked in his mind. That fangirl was Gosalyn. He'd seen her watching Darkwing on missions before. Where was Drake? Did she have to sneak out to go see Darkwing? Seeing Negaduck with his hands on the precious little girl sent angry sparks through the rat. Drake would lose himself if anything bad happened to his daughter.

He had to save her. He had to do something. Anything.

Charging up his body, he focused his vision on the two villains. He had one chance. If he didn't get it right, he'd be screwed. Well, if he lost lost Fearsome Five, he knew where to turn.

Megavolt started running in their direction, as if he'd been running this whole time and didn't have time to slow down.

Gosalyn still struggled against Negaduck, finally kicking him in the stomach. She sent one last punch to his beak, getting the villain to drop her. She scrambled away a few feet, hoping it would be enough to escape another attack.

Negaduck rubbed his chin, growling. Just as he went to snatch Gosalyn again, Liquidator put his hands up, dropping the weapons he was holding. “Megavolt, slow down-” Then Megavolt stumbled over his own feet, crashing right into Liquidator and pushing them both into Negaduck. All three villains were caught in a violent short-out. Bright lightning zapped around and through them. Gosalyn watched with morbid interest and Liquidator lost his form, splattering around everywhere. Megavolt let out sporadic cries of pain. Negaduck was shouting out profanities as his body jerked in ways it was not supposed to.

The group fell to the ground, nothing more than a puddle, an unconscious duck, and a groaning rat. Megavolt looked up at Gosalyn, smiling in relief. He looked up at her, as if he could reassure her. “Get outta here.” He lost consciousness after that, drained from the seizure.

___

“-ice are on their way,” a voice said above him. “I got the loot but Bushroot escaped with Quackerjack.”

“What’ll happen to the others?” a younger voice asked.

“I took Negaduck to the entrance of the museum. They’ll take him. Liquidator never stays in prison for long, so we’ll see.”

“And… Megavolt?”

There was a moment of quiet. Then the lower voice answered. “That’s why he’s over here. I’d rather not arrest him right now.”

“He saved me. He shorted out on purpose so Negaduck didn’t get me.”

Megavolt cold barely open his eyes. He wasn’t by the museum anymore. He was on the dirt behind a building, in a yellow pool of light. Gosalyn was standing a few feet away, next to Darkwing. Thank Edison she was safe.

“That’s because he’s got goodness in him,” Darkwing said, looking down at him. “We need to go home.”

“Dad,” Gosalyn said.

“Yeah?” Darkwing responded, looking back at the teen.

Hold on a minute, did Darkwing just respond to “Dad?”

“Do you think he’s a good person?” Gosalyn asked, hugging herself.

Darkwing put and arm around her. “Gos, deep down, anyone can be a good person,” he said. “Some people bury it down so far they can’t find it when they need it, like Negaduck. But I think it’s coming to the surface on him.” There was a long silence. “Let’s go home.”

Megavolt watched as the pair got into the Ratcatcher. When they were out of sight, he pushed himself up.

Gosalyn had called Darkwing her dad. Maybe she was his apprentice or something? Wouldn’t Drake have told him about that?

But something made more sense. Who was always disappearing around the time a crime started? Who was one person not present at his senior prom until Darkwing had captured him? Who was the one guy that was so short, conceded, egotistical, and knew him better than anyone else?

The full memory of the class reunion filed into place. Megavolt had taken his mask. He’d seen his face. He’d laughed at him. He’d spared him. He’d been glad to fight him again. He’d fried his brain and forgotten again. So it was true.

Drake Mallard. Drake. His Drake… was Darkwing Duck.

Oops. The cat is out of the bag. How will Elmo handle this? What will he tell Drake? What will he tell the Fearsome Five? Farewell, best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don't eat earwax, and look on the bright side of life! Moonset!

#darkvolt #darkwing duck #fearsome five #fearsome four #megavolt #drake mallard #elmo sputterspark #darkwing duck positive charge #liquidator #quackerjack #bushroot #negaduck

[keyleth-clay]

Just for funsies, and because literally nobody asked me to, I present

KC’s Top 5 CR One-Shot Wishlist

(starting with my most wanted)

Number 1. A game using an older edition of DnD – especially if it’s, like, ADnD or 2nd edition. I was honestly hoping we’d get this with Calamity, especially considering that Matt had Halas (an archmage from the Calamity) know spells from 3rd edition that don’t exist in 5th edition. Brennan stating that Vespin was a Malconvoker just added fuel to this particular fire. I’ve never actually played DnD in my life, and everything I know about it comes from watching actual play series & reading up on info in between episodes, but even I know that there’s some crazy stuff in older editions, and since most of the cast have only played 5e, I think it would be super fun to see them see where this game came from. And, because the vast majority of actual play use 5e – which makes sense, as it’s the most recent edition of the game, and the edition that actively has new books coming out for it – it would be cool to see that just because these are older editions doesn’t mean that they can’t still be played and enjoyed.

That being said, this one would probably need to be a miniseries (Exandria Unlimited or otherwise), just to give them enough time and space to be able to experience the ins and outs of said older edition(s).

Number 2. Critical Role: The Next Generation. Okay listen.

Listen.

This is actually my absolute-number-1-most-wanted one-shot, but I knocked it down a spot because I know that it’s super unlikely to ever happen. I want a one-shot of Liam’s and Sam’s kids playing DnD – and I want Liam to DM it. He’s already DM’d for his kids, and I absolutely love his DMing style and I miss seeing him running a game. And between the handful of snippets that he’s given us of his daughter’s game with her friends, and the fact that Sam’s daughter came up with Nomen L. Frenno in The Nautilus Ark, we all know they’d come up with some incredible characters. AND if it’s set in Exandria? The cherry on top.

Also, DnD actual play series tend to be… not family-friendly, what with the swearing, alcohol, sexual references, blood & guts – none of which I have a problem with, btw, but I know that there are people who do, and I know that there are people who would love to introduce Critical Role or DnD to friends or family members, but can't because of said friends/family members' opinions of such things. I think it would be a great way to combat some of the stereotypes that certain folks have about DnD and TTRPGs in general, and also show that anybody can enjoy this game.

But, as I said, I know this is super unlikely. Sam and Liam have made it a point to not post photos or videos of their kids online (Sam has only recently started doing so) – which I completely understand and fully agree with – and they don’t even refer to them by their real names in videos – which, again, is the right decision. THAT BEING SAID, if this one-shot ever happened, I would ascend to a higher plane of existence from sheer joy.

Number 3. Adventures of the Darrington Brigade 2: Electric Boogaloo. Matt ended the one-shot with the blatant implication that these dumbasses would return at some point, and I love them so goddamn much. Where’s the AotDB sequel, Mercer?

Number 4. Literally any horror one-shot run by Taliesin. The Thursday By Night two-shot wasn’t exactly my cup of tea (I’m just not a big fan of VtM), but Shadow of the Crystal Palace was SO FUCKING GOOD. I’d love another CoC one-shot, especially because the cast has previously and would continue to go ham with the cosplay and the set design and the props, but any spooky/creepy/horrifying story with Taliesin in the GM’s seat would be amazing. Bonus point for being around Halloween.

Number 5. Obligatory M9 post-campaign epilogue one-shot. I mean, VM got their 3 epilogue one-shots (Search for Grog, Search for Bob, Dalen’s Closet) to tie up the remaining couple of loose ends from the campaign – we need The Mighty Nein, one year after C2 ended, all level 20, taking to the seas once more and taking down Uk’otoa (Uk’otoa) once and for all.

Honourable mentions go to an Exandria Unlimited series set in either Blightshore or the Shattered Teeth, but since we don’t know yet where Bell’s Hells journeys will take them (bc while M9 didn’t travel far from Wildemount, VM were quite the globe- and planetrotters), I decided to leave those off the wishlist.

#kc speaks #Critical Role #CR Cast #literally how the hell do i tag this #kc's top five

[thessalian]

Thess vs Demos

So Steam had a Next Fest the other week, which was basically just them hurling demos at us like confetti. So I grabbed a few and have been whittling down the list the last few days. Some big ones, some little ones, some I didn’t finish, but enough to get an idea of a few of them. So here we go, the story so far:

Tales of Arise: It was already on my wishlist at least as something that sort of piqued my interest, but this is the first chance I had to actually play it. It’s ... well, it’s exceedingly Japanese. Combat’s better than some of the later FF games, at least. It moved a ways up the wishlist on that basis but it’s still not a priority.

Disciples: Liberation: Weeeeell ... it’s quirky, combat-wise. Turn-based but trying to maintain that action feel. A bit problematic in that you can’t necessarily tell what enemies and how many you’re going to get into at any given point, at least not with how they’ve set up the demo, so you don’t necessarily know how far over your head you’re in until you do the combat. And if you have “Survive Three Rounds” combat scenarios twice in the space of a fucking demo? That says things and I’m not sure I like them. It’s still on the wishlist because I did somewhat enjoy it, but it’s going to take some getting used to.

I Was A Teenage Exocolonist: I would like it to be out right now, please. Its story is interesting in its reveal, its card-system handling of challenges didn’t put me off the way most card-related things do, and anything that manages a system by which your character can be nonbinary if you want is okay by me.

Big Ambitions: It’s a business-running sim, basically, but I didn’t get much further than “Buy a fridge for your cheap-ass apartment and then go get a job”. I figure the full game would be better than the demo but if there’s not a way to skip that first day of doing nothing between getting job and doing job, or at least more things to do in said day, that’s a stumbling block right out the gate that nobody needs.

A Building Full Of Cats: Does what it says on the tin. It’s kind of a hidden object, point and click, messing-with-the-set-dressing Zen thing that’s all about finding all the cats. I can cope with that.

Terra Nil: Meeeeeeeeeh ... I prefer Dorfromantik. It’s like Sim City with plantlife and no people.

There was another one but I basically just dismissed that as “Stardew Valley meets Jean M Auel” and moved on so I don’t remember what it was called. Something about a sacred tree but mostly about playing flutes for animals. Also a hidden object / puzzle game that I didn’t get past the a particular scenario because it was fucking annoying.

Yeah, I deleted the demos I’ve played - except for I Was A Teenage Exocolonist, which weirdly has replay value in and of itself and probably isn’t too resource-intensive on my hard drive. Those I really liked went on the wishlist; those I was okay with and were already on the wishlist stayed on the wishlist. A few didn’t really make the cut, but that’s probably just as well. My wishlist is stupid enough as it is and the priority order of it changes often.

Yaaaaaaay video games.

#Thess plays video games #Thess vs Demos

[alexandreakarev]

This is a BLOG SET UP tag drop.  Wishlist, answered, promos, about blog, permanent starter call, stats are all tags under the cut. This tag set up are different quotes for all the tags in this section.

* … ( OOC : ramblings. ) › ❝ she has a mouth like unswept glass. it will CUT you when you least expect it. ❞ * … ( OOC : ooc answered. ) › ❝ you have the words to change a nation and yet? you’ve been BITING your tongue. ❞ * … ( OOC : about the mun. ) › ❝ she has kind of said too much. and you’ve said ENOUGH. promise that she is just another narcissist. ❞ * … ( OOC : original poetry. ) › ❝ prefers her work to be RECOGNISED rather than hidden. either way? she won’t go speechless. ❞ * … ( OOC : self promo. ) › ❝ a little self-promo featured on the dash never really KILLED anyone. has it? ❞ * … ( OOC : promo. ) › ❝ the best people completely DESERVING of all of your love & attention on shining spotlights of their own. ❞ * … ( OOC : musings. ) › ❝ she is brave and STRONG and broken all at once. ❞ * … ( OOC : nsfw. ) › ❝ mascara runnin’ and lipstick smudged. wearing a red wine stained dress with a hint of the DEVIL in her eyes. ❞ * … ( OOC : desires. ) › ❝ took her hours just to do her makeup right. if you’re the reason it gets ruined she’ll be PISSED tonight. ❞ * … ( OOC : wanted plots. ) › ❝ wish I never hung up the phone like I did. WISH you knew that I’d never forget you as long as I live. ❞ * … ( OOC : wishlist. ) › ❝ let a shooting star run across a MIDNIGHT sky. throw a coin into a wishing well. make a wish now. ❞ * … ( OOC : ask meme. ) › ❝ she hates playing MIND games but yet continues pulling and pushing. loving you is a losing game. ❞ * … ( OOC : about blog. ) › ❝ doesn’t start with once upon a time. you know what she’ll introduce the LEGACY with? always and forever. ❞ * … ( OOC : plotting starter call. ) › ❝ handle it? are you kidding? she’s the master of SKILLFULLY planning the next tactical moves. ❞ * … ( OOC : statistics. ) › ❝ you and me got a whole lot of history. so does it ever drive you CRAZY just how fast the night changes? ❞ * … ( OOC : templates. ) › ❝ your lack of proper organisation causes her serious DISTRESS beyond what you could possibly fathom. ❞ * … ( OOC : credits. ) › ❝ the ABSOLUTE best lifesaving content creators. ❞ … ( OOC : all headcanons. ) › ❝ fact is deleted scenes should’ve made canon. would take over CONTROL of her original narrative. ❞ * … ( OOC : all replies. ) › ❝ written in these walls are the STORIES that I can’t explain. leave my heart open but it stays here empty. ❞ * … ( OOC : all answered. ) › ❝ watch out for a furious writer with a vocabulary of sharpened CONVICTION and quills in her arsenal. ❞ * … ( OOC : all edits. ) › ❝ nobody remembers the easy. they REMEMBER the blood, sweat and tears shed on the journey. ❞ * … ( OOC : reblogged. ) › ❝ don’t play the person. play to rig the game of the unfair system. and BREAK through the walls of it. ❞ * … ( OOC : reshared. ) › ❝ she’ll intend to keep these polaroids with her CAPTIONED signature to remember for when she’s grey. ❞ * … ( OOC : psa. ) › ❝ thank you next. in ADVANCE? you’re welcome. ❞ * … ( OOC : verses. ) › ❝ mayhaps in another world things would’ve been DIFFERENT. and I could’ve made you stay. ❞ * … ( OOC : verse drop. ) › ❝ she wants to be your midnights. are we out of the woods yet? tell me where do broken hearts go. ❞ * … ( OOC : queue. ) › ❝ just called to say this is the LAST you’ll be hearing from me. ‘cause now i’ve moved on. ❞

#tag drop #* … ( OOC : ramblings. ) › ❝ she has a mouth like unswept glass. it will CUT you when you least expect it. ❞ #* … ( OOC : ooc answered. ) › ❝ you have the words to change a nation and yet? you’ve been BITING your tongue. ❞ #* … ( OOC : about the mun. ) › ❝ she has kind of said too much. and you’ve said ENOUGH. promise that she is just another narcissist. ❞ #* … ( OOC : original poetry. ) › ❝ prefers her work to be RECOGNISED rather than kept hidden away. either way? she wont go speechless. #* … ( OOC : self promo. ) › ❝ a little self-promo featured on the dash never really KILLED anyone. has it? ❞ #* … ( OOC : promo. ) › ❝ the best people completely DESERVING of all of your love & attention on shining spotlights of their own. ❞ #* … ( OOC : musings. ) › ❝ she is brave and STRONG and broken all at once. ❞ #* … ( OOC : nsfw. ) › ❝ mascara runnin’ and lipstick smudged. wearing a red wine stained dress with a hint of the DEVIL in her eyes. ❞ #* … ( OOC : desires. ) › ❝ took her hours just to do her makeup right. if you’re the reason it gets ruined she’ll be PISSED tonight. ❞ #* … ( OOC : wanted plots. ) › ❝ wish I never hung up the phone like I did. WISH you knew that I’d never forget you as long as I live. ❞ #* … ( OOC : wishlist. ) › ❝ let a shooting star run across a MIDNIGHT sky. throw a coin into a wishing well. make a wish now. ❞ #* … ( OOC : ask meme. ) › ❝ she hates playing MIND games but continues pushing and pulling. loving you is a losing game. ❞ #* … ( OOC : about blog. ) › ❝ doesn’t start with once upon a time. you know what she’ll introducd the LEGACY with? always and forever. #* … ( OOC : plotting starter call. ) › ❝ handle it? are you kidding? she’s the master of SKILLFULLY planning the next tactical moves. ❞ #* … ( OOC : statistics. ) ⠀ › ⠀ ❝ you and me got a whole lot of history. so does it ever drive you CRAZY just how fast the night changes? ❞ #* … ( OOC : templates. ) › ❝ your lack of proper organisation causes her serious DISTRESS beyond what you could possibly fathom. ❞ #* … ( OOC : credits. ) › ❝ the ABSOLUTE best lifesaving content creators. ❞ #* … ( OOC : all headcanons. ) › ❝ fact is deleted scenes should’ve made canon. would take over CONTROL of her original narrative. ❞ #* … ( OOC : all replies. ) › ❝ written in these walls are STORIES I can’t explain. leave my heart open but it stays here empty. ❞ #* … ( OOC : all answered. ) › ❝ watch out for a furious writer with a vocabulary of sharpened CONVICTION and quills in her arsenal. ❞ #* … ( OOC : all edits. ) › ❝ nobody remembers the easy. they REMEMBER the blood sweat and tears shed on the journey. ❞ #* … ( OOC : reblogged. ) › ❝ don’t play the person. play to rig the game of the unfair system. and BREAK through the walls of it. ❞ #* … ( OOC : reshared. ) › ❝ she’ll intend to keep these polaroids with her CAPTIONED signature to remember for when she’s grey. ❞ #* … ( OOC : psa. ) › ❝ thank you next. in ADVANCE? you’re welcome. ❞ #* … ( OOC : verses. ) › ❝ mayhaps in another world things would’ve been DIFFERENT. and I could’ve made you stay. ❞ #* … ( OOC : verse drop. ) › ❝ she wants to be your midnights. are we out of the woods yet? tell me where do broken hearts go. ❞ #* … ( OOC : queue. ) › ❝ just called to say this is the LAST you’ll be hearing from me. ‘cause now i’ve moved on. ❞

[fairydustedtheory]

Time for a new pinned post!

So you guys know life hasn’t been too kind to my kid and me since end of 2022 and all of 2023. I’m not going to do the “previously on the life of Audrey and daughter” because i think I share enough in my personal tag and I don’t want to go over the awful bits again. I’m here to say that it seems like 2024 is treating us a bit better, at least emotionally! My kid’s therapist was happy to announce that she saw a nice improvement. My kid having been left alone by her biological father and paternal grandmother is the main reason, and obviously therapy and time both help heal wounds. I’m still absolutely disgusted by the fact that her father pulled all the horror last year just to disappear as fast as he appeared… the asshole. I mean I’m glad he disappeared from our lives again but if he could just have stayed gone and never shown his face, it would have saved my kid a lot of hurt. Anywayyyy I guess it was meant to teach us something and everything happens for a reason and all that.

Then there’s the legal side. It’s not absolutely over yet. We’re still living with some sort of threat above our heads that maybe the grandmother will try to pull some BS. But it’s the waiting game at this point, every time nothing happens is a win for my kid. I’m working on my patience and bracing myself for whatever will come in the future.

financially, there’s not much to say except that my bank account is still a deep void of barely anything. I’m in a small town where there’s not a lot of jobs (and the jobs are always given to whatever children/cousin/friend of the people running the town… so not me since I’m a nobody). I don’t want to think it’s not in the cards for me but I’d very much like not to be an old granny when I start a career so I’m sending vibes to the job gods for something that would make life easier and not harder because we’re still not at our best yet so we can’t do hard right now.

I know the inflation/recession/overall state of the world is terrible for everyone so as always no pressure and not expecting much, but here is my Kofi account in case anyone feels like donating a few bucks and I also made a new Amazon wishlist with basically everything in it (some are essentials like food or nasal spray and other cold remedies, some essentials and gifts for my kid, and then some stuff I’d like to get for myself but definitely can’t right now but I’d like to budget for if I could).

❤️

#personal

[taiblogcomics]

Why Cullen’s So Sullen

Hey there, goop in a shell. All right, we're on the way into this second leg of Avengers Arena. It'll be done in no time. It might even be summer by then! We won't finish it by my birthday, but we'll be pretty close. And isn't that gift enough~? (No, it's not, but if you want a link to my Amazon wishlist...)

Here's the cover:

Frankly, this probably would have been improved if it had been a board game instead of a comic. For one thing, you'd be able to declare it non-canon way more easily. Even if it was a board game, though, I have some criticisms. Let's first acknowledge the meta of critiquing a cover on a cover. That's got some levels to it. But next, declaring "New" on your cover just means you're going to have to change the box design later, and that's expensive. Bad marketing move. I also don't like the "Play" right on there. I don't need the boardgame to tell me what to do with it, thanks. I know what it is. Thirdly, it can vary depending on the artstyle, but a board game box that doesn't give some hint of the game's design isn't appealing. Some will show you the board or pieces, or at least some stylised fantasy of what the gameplay's meant to evoke. This one seems to be about being trapped in the Phantom Zone, which isn't even the right publisher~

All righty. Last week, we had kind of a break, in that it didn't involve teen heroes on Child Murder Island, but we were forced to endure an attempt at relating with Arcade. And also just looking at Arcade in general. But now we're back in the thick of it with X-23 wandering through the desert area, monologuing to herself about how she's constantly always thinking about how to most efficiently kill everyone in the room. She doesn't like it, but it's how her brain works. But she didn't need to do any of the killing here.

She's actually following the wreckage of Juston's Sentinel, musing that if it came down in this much wreckage, Juston can't be in very good shape--at best. She finds a major piece lying over a cave, and following a scent downwards... She gets blasted by a giant laser right before the entrance. Luckily, she heals pretty quickly, and even more lucky, it was set as an auto-defense by Juston. Yeah, he's still alive! He's been surviving down here on peanut butter trying to repair the Sentinel. Which hasn't been easy, because he's also pretty sure he's paralysed from the waist down.

Meanwhile, the Braddock Academy kids are looking over the aftermath of Kid Briton's very timely demise. Anachronism's still kind of in shock, which I mean, fair dues. I may not like these characters, but I will extend a little sympathy to someone who's just committed accidental murder. Cullen Bloodstone tries to extend a sympathetic word, but Nara just decided this is incredibly hot, and starts making out with Anachronism on the spot, to his shock and Cullen's obvious displeasure. Kind of my displeasure too, but for very different reasons, I assure you~

On the edge of the territory, the Runaways and Cammi witness this whole thing, and they're as weirded out as I am. Cullen approaches them, and he offers them a deal. He'll split the whole contents of the stash they uncovered with them if they help his group bury Kid Briton. This is a pretty good (if suspicious) deal. If nothing else, they ought to bury him for hygienic reasons, if not idealogical ones. And if not, well, Cullen is still holding a gun as big as he is, so despite the deal being offered, it might not be a subject argued over.

And yet still meanwhile, Deathlocket and Apex are racing away from the spot, stunned to heck after Kid Briton got decapped. Deathlocket continues to chase her through the snow, trying to get her to slow down and explain what just happened. Particularly that part where it was revealed Apex has been controling the Deathlok parts of Deathlocket. And Apex just says, of course she doesn't understand nobody ever understands. And then she goes facedown in the snow. Deathlocket goes to pull Apex up, turn her over... Only to reveal that Apex has transformed into a guy named Tim.

While X-23 does the fetch-and-carry for Juston in his Sentinel repairs, the Braddock kids and the Runaways group bond with each other. Or at least Nico tries, but Nara doesn't want to bring up lost loves. Chase is just marveling that Anachronism isn't into sports. The deepest conversation goes to Cammi and Cullen, as all Cammi has to do is listen, and she guesses (correctly) that Cullen is kind of pining for Anachronism, which is why he's so annoyed with him making out with Nara. She implies he has a second secret as well, but is willing to gloss over it for now.

Juston gets the Sentinel up and running--not in its thinking state, alas, but running--and since X-23 can't get near Hazmat and Reptil for the time being (they still have the trigger scent on them), he decides to pursue his own agenda. He espouses that he knows he's not the odds-on favourite in this contest, so he has one thing to take care of, then he's just gonna let it ride.

And to that end, he heads into the snow area to locate Tim and Deathlocket. They're the ones who mangled his friend. So he's looking to do a little mangling himself. This is near enough for the Runaways to intervene (with Chase revealing his new Darkhawk powers for the first time), and what had some promise as a good issue where the teens talk about their problems now ends with everything spilling into a fight again...

Yeah, we’re certainly back in it now, aren’t we? Couldn’t even go a whole issue without the bad stuff pouring back in. Like, there was promise in this one! The teens were bonding, talking things out! We had character development, we had an intriguing mystery in Tim. This coulda been the start of an upswing for the series, where after a rocky opening for a distasteful premise, it got better, where the kids started deciding to act like heroes and not give in to Arcade’s stupid game. But no, Juston’s decided to pursue the most worthless of causes, and it’s gonna get bad again. Like, I know for a fact it’s gonna get bad again. But I guess we’ll see how bad next week~

#comics #reviews #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

#gamedev #indie games #the first tree

[argentgames]

Introducing Salvador from RE:P! (Plus, answering some asks!)

Read on to see the character details for Salvador! Also, answering some questions on blood pets and…cult leaders?

Red Embrace: Paradisus

♦ A VAMPIRE NARRATIVE RPG ♦

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If you haven’t seen it yet, check out the announcement post for RE:P!

Introducing: Salvador!

House: Iscari Height: 5’10 Likes: Magic tricks, city lights, electric guitar, mischief Dislikes: Talking about himself, crowds, video games, peacocks

Description: A playful, easygoing loner and self-proclaimed “nobody,” Sal is your first friend and quasi-mentor in the vampiric underworld. Like many Iscari, he’s effortlessly charming, though a little theatrical at times. He also works the night shift at a strangely empty bar, where you first encounter him.

But there’s something mysterious about Sal. He shows a persistent interest in you from the start, even protecting you despite the risks involved. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you have a feeling all is not what it seems.

Why is he helping you? And who really is “Salvador”?

✞———————❖———————✞

Stay tuned for more character introductions in the following weeks! There are many NPCs in RE:P, and we’re super excited to introduce you to them all!

Questions or Comments?

Feel free to send in questions about RE:P and any AG/GAG games (or dev-related questions)! Our Ask Box is always open.

Q: I have a question. Will we have a strix, too? And would their existence influence our interaction with the LI?

A: For those unfamiliar with previous Red Embrace titles, some mortals in the Red Embrace universe are known as a Strix or Strices (plural). These humans have uniquely appealing blood, but if they’re turned, their bodies can react in dangerous and unpredictable ways. In Red Embrace: Hollywood, the player character has the option of having a Strix for a blood pet (feeding from them repeatedly).

As for RE:P, there may or may not be another Strix appearance! There will be optional blood pets, though. Unless they’re romantically involved with the MC (whether they’re romanceable is TBD), there likely won’t be much reaction from any love interest…unless said love interest objects to blood pets or happens to be jealous, of course.

Q: Just noticed that there’s an update to the screenshots for RE:P and cult leaders are included in all houses. Is this a sign for things to come?

A: We’re happy you noticed this fun little detail! However, the inclusion is just to show the equal career opportunities available for all types of vampires…

Or is it?

JOIN ARGENT GAMES ON:

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#argent games #argentgames #vndev #rpg #vampire rpg #red embrace #red embrace paradisus #devlog #gamedev #interactive fiction #vampire

[protectchara201x]

(ignoring all the other juicy Deltarune 2 stuff to shove Chara Talks into it lololol)

I haven’t been super active on this blog because frankly I have like, three? looong analysis/theorycrafting posts I’ve been putting off working on and it fills me with shame to log in and see them waiting in my drafts.

But.

With the release of Deltarune Chapter 2, I wanted to talk kinda in general about how I thought it could impact the fandom’s perception of Everybody’s Favorite Demon Baby, and also point out something in specific about the Weird Route that might connect back to Undertale.

Putting it under the cut to avoid spoilers and long-winded ramblings for the unwilling. Includes spoilers for the Weird Route.

(NOTE: may update later if I notice more things for to put in section II. I’d like to make a full list of parallels if I can tidy them up.)

I. Pre- vs Post-Release Thoughts (you can skip down to II if you don’t care, it is genuinely Long and Pointless)

Okay, so first off. I got SO worried like, the day before the new chapter dropped? It hit me that whatever new stuff we got out of this, people would connect back to Undertale, and. Honestly, I really do hate connecting everything back to Chara, because I do think of Kris as their own character and I really like them and don’t want to ignore everything they got going on. But, I am first and foremost a shameless Chara stan and they’re very important to me, so I kinda... did spend a few minutes reeling from all the new DR stuff as its own stuff, and then immediately started thinking about how this would reflect back on Chara in Undertale lol.

But that’s ok for me to do here because this is my All Chara, Only Chara, All The Time blog, so I am gonna only really talk about Deltarune here to talk about them lol.

So yeah, I started getting anxious beforehand worrying about how everyone would take any and all implications and apply it to mean “aha, Chara IS evil!” The fakeout with the pie reveal in the anniversary stream was a big relief, but I still got worried leading up to the release about what could be in it.

Because part of why I’ve always thought that “Chara was genuinely evil from the start” and even “ok maybe not TOTALLY evil, but Chara was still a kinda bad person” were unlikely was, even if you throw out all the other popular Chara-sympathetic theories. To me, both these takes just seemed too below TF’s talent and the way he wrote all his other characters with depth and love; a Chara like the one these theories propose just doesn’t belong in a world created by TF, and the way the Dreemurrs talk about them overall, the way TF made a point of having Chara say they were guided and repeatedly, correctly blame you the player for the destruction in Kill-All, I was sure that he never intended them to ever be as bad as the fandom sometimes tried to make them out to be.

... Like, mostly sure. Like, 80% sure? Because he never ever talks about them, so it’s impossible say for sure, and it is still theoretically possible that “Chara was and is bad” was the cold-ass take he’d intended all along. So yeah, leading up to the release, I started getting antsy that whatever new lore came out of it, either he’d directly confirm “Chara was a villain?” “*cocks gun* Always has been” or there’d be something that’d at least heavily implicate them, or could be twisted to implicate them, as a negative force. More ammo to be used against them in the Chara Debate Circles would be a drag, and outright confirmation of them as a villain would honestly break my heart and I’d be forced to disown Toby Fox, My Beloved Cool Dad.

And, right now? Tell the truth, I’m SO relieved and I am SO happy. And not just because of how much depth and characterization it seems Kris is getting! (imo, because rn I just headcanon them as an unhappy teen desperately trying to keep their new friends going on adventures with them and trying to fight back against the player’s control)

I love how this chapter seems to be TF doing course-correcting based on fandom interpretations. Because Kris just isn’t evil, even if they are a knife teen, even if they are the Knight, they’re just NOT evil and that’s canon, baybeeee; it’s made clear in this chapter and the previous one that they love their family even outside of the player’s control, they care about their new friends even outside of the player’s control, they’re established as a weird creepy kid but no one sees them as scary or evil, they’re just Kris, and even in the Weird Route, TF made a point of hammering in the differences between Kris and the player in the Weird Route: Susie and Ralsei notice how distressed Kris seemed after you have Noelle ice Berdly, Noelle heard a voice that she said wasn’t Kris telling her to kill, and the FUCKING Spamton fight: “Kris called for help... but nobody came” again and again, and then “You whispered Noelle’s name”... you, not Kris.

I know TF has never commented much on fans’ perceptions of Frisk and Chara, or who exactly is pulling strings in different routes. But after all this, and especially after seeing all the little winks and nods to fandom jokes in this chapter (what comes to mind: pulling everyone’s leg by seeming to have Kris attack Toriel with a knife only to reveal that pie theory was right, Susie not liking Ralsei’s real face as much as his shadowed one, Ralsei with a gun getting referenced with the ad, Kris getting a joke fixation with knives after the fans made Chara and Kris have knife obsessions as a joke), and seeing what looks like him try to correct some things (what stuck out to me was doubling down on showing that Kris is loved and valued in their family: lots of fans came away from Chapter 1 thinking that Kris was not valued as much as Asriel, but here we see that Toriel is supportive of Kris’ friendship with Susie, and it’s stated that Asriel is the one who used the crappy controller, not Kris) -

I think while he hasn’t commented directly, while he admitted to being overwhelmed by Undertale’s success, while he tends to be pretty tight-lipped about the lore (whether that’s because it’ll be addressed by future chapters or because he prefers to let fans sleuth it out), this chapter convinced me that Toby does keep tabs on fan reactions in Deltarune, so he probably does with Undertale too and would know about all The Discourse surrounding Little Mx Pink Cheeks (and in turn, popular theories like Narrator Chara... Toby if you integrate Narrator Chara into Deltarune being a borderline creepypasta and have the narrator start talking directly to the characters or to the player or the characters start talking to the narrator I will lose my damn B E A N S).

(Kris and Chara not being demonized and the narrator interacting directly with the characters were the only two things on my wishlist going in, I was fine with literally anything else happening lmao)

I even kinda think he’s going out of his way to separate Kris and the player because we didn’t get it before with Undertale, we still insisted that Frisk or Chara was the one doing it, and he’s even using Kris to show that even if this kid can be scary, maybe even mean, and maybe they’re even the Knight (with their reasons unknown), they’re still not a bad kid, they’re still funny and likable, and they still genuinely love their family and friends - which falls in line with Undertale’s cast of complex but likable people who can be antagonists and make mistakes but still aren’t truly bad people, and imo is a direct response to some people fixating on the idea that Chara was always evil because they seem scary/complicated.

... Which is a long way to say that I came out of Deltarune with my confidence fully restored about TF’s intentions with Chara and Kris. Even if he never comments on Chara directly, now I really don’t think TF thinks they’re evil or ever intended for them to be. Deltarune convinced me more than ever that Chara is meant to be complex, yes, and able to be influenced to do horrible things, but they were never intended to be as malicious or shallow as some fans insist.

TLDR:

Toby Fox read your mean fanfiction where Chara is a bad abusive serial killer no one likes, and he made Deltarune in revenge.

... Hm? Ah, you’d like me to get to the point! Right this way!

II. Undertale, Deltarune, and The Point

While no doubt some will still take the voice Noelle hears to be Chara influencing her to turn her into a murderer (I haven’t gone looking for it yet, but I’m sure it’s already a thing because I know this fandom), since it’s made too clear by the game that they can’t blame Kris for this one, I think at this point that’s just being too stubborn to consider other ideas.

If you believe in the totally made up idea used in so many fanfics that Chara is an evil spirit trying to whisper in Frisk’s ear to kill everyone, literally (for some reason) the embodiment of raising stats, and gets more control over people who have increased LV to take over their body... sure. Could be them, they did talk about moving on to the next world and all. I mean, that wouldn’t really make sense because it’s literally never implied in the actual game that Chara encourages you to kill outside of the Kill-All Run or even wants you to, certainly not as the narrator and we get no hint of them doing this as an unseen, unheard third-party either.

Not to mention they’re NOT literally possessing you because of increased LV; they don’t control you even with high LV in any Undertale route other than arguably the Kill-All, and if you fail the Kill-All and it turns into a high-body count Neutral, Chara suddenly stops using first-person narration and showing up in mirrors entirely even though they were showing themself before, the LV remains the same or even can get raised as high as LV 19, nor do they suddenly take over in any other Neutral runs. We can speculate on why (personally, I’d place this either on Chara’s mindset, such as them sinking into shock from the trauma or becoming more assertive as the player feeds their megalomania, or as a sign of Frisk’s withdrawal, leaving Chara alone in the body to take the reins and act out the player’s orders), but canonically, no, Chara does not take over due to high stats.

In fact, there’s even more evidence against this. First-person narration also exists for fleeing your battles in Undertale, even on Pacifist runs with base stats, 0 EXP, and an LV of 1. Since Chara is established to use first-person narration to refer to themself, is the only one who canonically does so, and is confirmed to be present even in all runs through their name and memories always showing up, it seems pretty likely that Chara can take control to flee battle. That means an increase in stats is not a sign of their presence or control, in Undertale or Deltarune.

The most damning blow to the idea that Chara is the voice corrupting Noelle are the lines in the fight with Spamton I mentioned. Kris called for help, but nobody came. You whispered Noelle’s name. Well hold on. If that’s Chara, shouldn’t it be “I whispered Noelle’s name”? As soon as you’ve officially started the Kill-All in Undertale, Chara starts up their “It’s me, Chara” schtick right away, right there in Toriel’s home in the first area, and if they weren’t the narrator before, they’re beginning to speak through the narration now. If the voice was Chara, surely Toby Fox knows it’d be a way bigger “oh shit” moment if the creepy scary hidden route once again switched into first-person, scaring us the same way he did before when we first saw “It’s me, Chara” and knew something was wrong; unfairly or not, their reputation as a villain is still well established and hinting to Chara’s presence with a simple “I” would drive the menace even further, if he intended for them to simply be a demon that possesses player characters when you grind enough. But it’s still just you. The player.

The Weird Route does even more to help Chara’s case than that. Not only is it made pretty clear that Kris and the player are separate, and the player is the one responsible for corrupting Noelle and making her kill... consider how similar Noelle and Chara are, in the Weird Route and the Kill-All Route.

This “voice” that “guides” them in growing strong, compelling them to kill everyone in order to fight for them, eventually driving them to murder people they know. Chara calls themself “the demon that comes when people call its name”, and you whisper Noelle’s name to have her appear to kill Spamton. Noelle’s conflicting emotions towards Kris and the voice as she is manipulated, as she becomes more violent and sadistic, as she goes into shock; does that not sound like Chara, who flipflops between holding you dear as their partner and wanting to move on to the next world together, to be together forever, and them being disgusted by your refusal to accept consequences and the perverse enjoyment you get in killing everyone again and again? Chara, who clings to their quirky narration for much of the Kill-All, but keeps slipping up, who becomes terrifyingly cold, aggressive, power-hungry, and even sadistic, yet still calls Undyne “the heroine”, still seems to still care about their locket, still has moments where they seem to falter?

Noelle does put up significantly more resistance to the voice’s commands than Chara does, and at least much more visibly shows distress and trauma. I don’t think this is a black mark on Chara’s chara-cter either, or an indication of them being more violent or cruel.

For one, while Noelle is still herself with her own soul, it is heavily implied by Chara, Flowey, and Undertale’s lore that Chara was reincarnated without their own soul, at best perhaps attached to Frisk’s (or yours): as I speculate in one of my currently unfinished theories, while monster souls are made up of love, compassion, and hope and thus Asriel was reincarnated without these qualities, it could well be that human souls are correspondingly made up of their own multiple traits, namely determination, patience, bravery, integrity, perseverance, kindness, and justice; if true, a soulless Chara would be lacking these qualities, which would make them less equipped to resist the player’s commands or to feel as torn up about it.

Also, the player has a hold on them both as “party members” to the player’s vessels, but it is also possible that the player naming Chara and having them directly attached to Frisk also gives them a stronger connection to Chara they can abuse, similar to how Kris and Frisk (as the player’s direct vessels) have much less autonomy than Kris’ party members.

(Fun observation: We know that when the thing controlling Kris forced Noelle into becoming a killer and using her to kill Berdly, Kris was horrified and shaken-up according to Susie and Ralsei. How do you think Frisk felt watching Chara be used to slaughter the Underground and then erasing the world when they’re totally corrupted?)

And lastly... look, Noelle and Chara are both minors, but Chara is significantly younger - a small child compared to Noelle’s teen. I know it’s fiction and strong wills and determination and anime is real and all, but a traumatized young child who died two violent and awful deaths back-to-back, may have literally experienced being a corpse in their own coffin/grave for who knows how long, and then came back ”confused” only to immediately start hearing a voice relentlessly commanding them to kill everyone?? I can absolutely see a traumatized kid shutting down and just going with it out of fear at first, before the LV sets in.

TLDR:

What you do to Noelle in the Weird Route is the same fucking thing you do to Chara in the Kill-All Route.

#undertale #deltarune #undertale chara #chara dreemurr #Undertale theory #deltarune theory #undertale meta #deltarune meta #kris dreemurr #noelle holiday #text post #long post #i am genuinely so happy #yall who were mean to chara better APOLOGIZE #toby fox is on the chara defense squad #tw child death #here's my hot stinkin take #full disclosure #i haven't run into anything yet talking about chara wrt dr ch2 #i am very curious for other people's thoughts #unless you're like #willingly and spitefully interpreting everything as being chara's fault #then tbh i don't want to hear from you

[leaveharmony]

If I had a wishlist for Strange New Worlds - and this is something I am surprised to be saying bc I maintain that DS9 was the best series in part BECAUSE the stationary location meant there were consequences that had to be lived with instead of a neat-little-package departure at the end of every episode - it’d be could we just have a lil more filler?   Like…pls don’t mistake me, I like the overarcing story per season in Disco and Picard, just…I feel like there’s a happy medium we’re just not finding wrt little standalone episodes.  DS9 could have done any of the Disco arcs but Disco couldn’t pull off The Magnificent Ferengi, yunno what I mean?

We have all these holos running around, you’re telling me none of them ever glitch out and decide they’re pirates or something?  Do we really have to save the whole entire universe and every life in it every single episode of every single season, we can’t just like…go to Risa and have some fantastically awkward flirting scenes?  Nobody takes shore leave?  We haven’t had one single kidnapping en route to an academic conference?

[borisbubbles]

Character analysis: Vivienne de Fer (Dragon Age Inquisition)

So, if you’ve wondered where I popped off to the past two months or so, I’m going to give you an answer - I finally bought Dragon Age Inquisition (legit on my gaming wishlist since its 2014 release) and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. 

The main draw to this game however, isn’t so much the gameplay (if you want a game that feels similar but has better gameplay - Assassin’s Creed Odyssey is what you’d want instead), but the storytelling and particularly the character development are top notch. All nine companions are fascinating and fleshed out in such a realistic manner I’m still gasping in awe on my fifth playthrough.  Thus, a post on it is in order. It’s a bit different from my usual content, but don’t let that discourage you - clearing my head from Dragon Age will allow me to let Eurovision back in and continue my unfinished 2020 ranking.  In this post, I will be analyzing one of DAI’s most interesting characters - none other than Madame de Fer herself, Vivienne.  Now, I’m under the impression that this is a rather unpopular opinion but I absolutely love Vivienne. And no, I won’t apologize for it. As a Templar-thumping elitist with a icy, sardonic demeanor the sheer ‘Idea Of A Vivienne’ is meant to make your head spin. Dragon Age has always been a franchise in which mages are a socially surpressed group and to be confronted with a socially confident enchantress who likes Templars and seemingly supports the social shunning out of her own ambition is the walking embodiment of flippancy. 

and yet, I feel a lot of sympathy for Vivienne. 

Yes, she’s a bitch. She knows she’s one and she’s a-ok with it. I won’t argue with that. Sadly, the “Vivienne is a bitch” rhetoric also drastically sells her short. Vivienne is highly complex and her real personality is as tragic as it is twisted. 

Madame de Fer

So let’s start with what we are shown on the surface. Vivienne is a high-ranking courtier from an empire notable for its deadly, acid-laced political game. She seemingly joins the Inquisition for personal gain, to acrue reputation and power, and eventually be elected Divine (= female pope) at the end of the game. She presents herself as a despicable blend of Real Housewife, Disney Villain, and Tory Politician, all rolled into one ball of sickening, unctuous smarm. Worse, the Inquisitor has no way to rebuke Vivienne’s absurd policies and ideas. You can’t argue with her, convince her to listen to your differing viewpoints or even kick her out the Inquisition. She has a way with words where she can twist arguments around in such a fashion that she lands on top and makes the other person look like the irrational party.

“Thus speaks the Inquisitor who has made so many mature and level-headed choices so far. Such as releasion malcontents upon the population without safeguards to protect them should they turn into abominations. Very wise. I rearranged some furniture. Lives aren’t thrown into jeopardy by my actions. Perhaps a little perspective is needed.”

She’s Cersei Lannister on creatine, Dolores Umbridge on motherfucking roids. If you look at merely the surface, then yes, Vivienne looks like the worst person ever created. I love a good anti-villainess however, and she’s definitely one. 

Yet, she never actually does anything ‘evil’? Yes, she is ‘a tyrant’ as a Divine, but 1) the person saying this is Cassandra, whose dislike for mage freedom is only matched by her dislike of being sidelined 2) Divine Vivienne isn’t bad to mages either? (hold that thought, I’ll get to it). She never actually sabotages the Inquisition, no matter how low her approval with the Inquisitor gets. She never attempts to stop them, no matter how annoyed she is. She’s one of the most brutally honest companions in the cast, in fact. (It always surprises me people call her a ‘hypocrite’ - you keep using that word and it doesn’t mean what you think it means.) The ‘worst’ display of character is when she attempts to break up Sera and the Inquisitor and even then - are we going to pretend Sera isn’t a toxic, controlling girlfriend with a huge chip on her shoulder? I love Sera, but come on.  

Vivienne is a character where the storytelling rule of Show, Don’t Tell is of vital importance. The Orlesian empire is an empire built around posturing and reputation. Nobody really shows their true motivations or character, and instead builds a public façade. It’s like how the Hanar (the Jellyfish people) in Mass Effect have a Public name they use in day-to-day life, and a Personal Name for their loved-ones and inner circle. Vivienne’s ‘Public Visage’ is that of Madame de Fer - this is the Vivienne who openly relishes in power, publicly humiliates grasping anklebiters with passive-aggressive retorts, the woman who is feared and loathed by all of Orlais, and this is the Face you see for most of the game.

The real beauty of Vivienne’s character and the reason why I love her as much as I do (which is to say - a LOT) are the few moments when - what’s the phrase DigitalSpy love so much - Her Mask Slips, and you get a glimpse of the real woman underneath the hennin.

This is the Vivienne who stands by you during the Siege of Haven and approves of you when you save the villagers from Corypheus’s horde.

This is the Vivienne who comforts you when you lament the losses you suffered.

This is the Vivienne who admires you for setting an example as a mage for the rest of Thedas.

This is the Vivienne who worries about Cole’s well-being during his personal quest, momentarily forgetting who or what he is. 

This is the Vivienne who, when her approval for the Inquisitor reaches rock bottom, desperately reminds him of the suffering mages go through on a day-to-day basis because of the fear and hatred non-mages are bred to feel towards them and how this can spiral into more bloodshed without safeguards. 

This is the Vivienne who shows how deep her affection for Bastien de Ghislain truly is, by bringing you along during his dying moments. I love this scene btw. This is the only moment in the entire game where Vivienne is actually herself in the presence of the Inquisitor - needless to say, I consider anyone who deliberately spikes her potion a motherfucking psychopath ^_^)

“There is nothing here now” fuck I *almost* cried at Vivienne, get out of my head BioWare, this is WRONG -- people who delude themselves this is an irredeemable character. 

So, who is Vivienne really?

Understanding Vivienne requires recognizing that the mask and the real woman aren’t the same person. I think her relationship with Dorian is the prime example of this. I love the Vivienne/Dorian banter train, obviously - an unstoppable force of sass colliding with an unmovable wall of smarm is nothing short of a spectacle. However, there’s more to it than their highly entertaining snipes. As the incredibly gifted son of a magister, Dorian represents everything Vivienne should despise, and should be a natural enemy to her. And yet, she doesn’t and he isn’t.. Their gilded japes at each other are nothing more than verbal sparring, not dissimilar to how Krem and Iron Bull call each other names when they beat each other with sticks. In what I think is one of the most brilliantly written interactions between characters in DAI, I present Vivienne’s reaction when the Inquisitor enters a romance with Dorian:

Vivienne: I received a letter the other day, Dorian. Dorian: Truly? It's nice to know you have friends. 🙄 Vivienne: It was from an acquaintance in Tevinter expressing his shock at the disturbing rumors about your... relationship with the Inquisitor. Dorian: Rumors you were only too happy to verify, I assume. 🙃 Vivienne: I informed him the only disturbing thing in evidence was his penmanship. 🙂 Dorian: ...Oh. Thank you. 😳 Vivienne: I am not so quick to judge, darling. See that you give me no reason to feel otherwise.

Madame de Fer can never be seen directly expressing approval to a relationship between the Herald of Andraste and an ‘Evil’ Tevinter ’Magister’. By this subtle, subtle conversation, Vivienne indirectly tells Dorian that she considers him a good match for the Inquisitor and approves of the romance. It’s one of those reasons why I could never truly dislike Vivienne - between the layers of elegant poison lies a somewhat decent woman who never loses sight of the bigger picture. Not a good person maybe, but not one without some redeeming qualities.

The crux of Vivienne’s personality is that she, like all DAI companions, is a social outcast. She’s a mage in a fantasy setting where mages are psionically linked to demons, and grew up in a country where the majority religion has openly advocated the shunning and leashing of mages (’Magic exists to serve man’ - the Chantry is so, so vile in this game.). Vivienne’s “gift” was discovered so early in her life that she can barely remember her parents. Vivienne grew up in a squalid boarding school, learning from a young age that she’s dangerous and her talents need to be tamed and curbed. She is also terrified of demons, as her banters with Cole point out:

Cole: You're afraid. You don't have to be. Vivienne: My dear Inquisitor, please restrain your pet demon. I do not want it addressing me. Inquisitor: He's not doing any harm, Vivienne. Vivienne: It's a demon, darling. All it can do is harm. Cole: Everything bright, roar of anger as the demon rears. No, I will not fall. No one will control me ever again. Cole: Flash of white as the world comes back. Shaking, hollow, Harrowed, but smiling at templars to show them I'm me. Cole: I am not like that. I can protect you. If Templars come for you, I will kill them. Vivienne: Delightful. 😑

Vivienne’s Harrowing is implied to have been such a traumatizing event to her that she’s developed a pavlovian fear of demons ever since. (Hence her hostility towards Cole.). Vivienne is fully aware of the inherent dangers of magic, and projects this onto all other mages. 

Besides, given how Dragon Age has a history with mages doing all sorts of fucked up shit, ranging from blood magic, murder, demonic possession and actual terrorism (yes, *ElthinaBITCH* had it coming, but let’s not pretend like Anders/Justice was anything other than a terrorist), Vivienne’s policies of controlled monitoring and vigilance are actually significantly more sensible than the options of ‘unconditionally freeing every mage all over Thedas’ and ‘reverting back to the status quo before the rebellion’. They’re flawed policies, obviously. When Vivienne says “mages” she pictures faceless silhouettes foremost and not herself. Regardless, unlike Cassandra and Leliana, Vivienne is aware of the fear others harbour for her kind, and how hard it is to overcome such perceptions.  

Additionally, Vivienne’s a foreigner. She is an ethnic Rivaini, a culture associated with smugglers and pirates (Isabela from DAO and DA2 is half-Rivaini). This adds an additional social stigma, again pointed out by Cole:

Cole: Stepping into the parlor, hem of my gown snagged, no, adjust before I go in, must look perfect. Vivienne: My dear, your pet is speaking again. Do silence it. Cole: Voices inside. Marquis Alphonse. Cole: "I do hope Duke Bastien puts out the lights before he touches her. But then, she must disappear in the dark." Cole: Gown tight between my fingers, cold all over. Unacceptable. Wheels turn, strings pull. Cole: He hurt you. You left a letter, let out a lie so he would do something foolish against the Inquisition. A trap. Vivienne: Inquisitor, as your demon lacks manners, perhaps you could get Solas to train it.

This is the only palpable example of the casual racism Vivienne has to endure on a daily basis - Marquis Alphonse is a stupid, bigoted pillowhead who sucks at The Game, but remember - Vivienne only kills him if the Inquisitor decides to be a butthurt thug. She is aware that for every Alphonse, there are dozens of greasy sycophants who think exactly like he does, and will keep it under wraps just to remain in her good graces. 

Finally, there’s the social position Vivienne manufactured for herself, which is the weak point towards her character imo. Remember, this woman is a commoner by birth. She doesn’t even have a surname. Through apparently sheer dumb luck (or satanic intervention) she basically fell into the position of Personal Mage to the Duke of Ghislain. Regardless, ‘Personal mages’ were the rage in Orlesian nobility, and the prestigious families owned by them like one may own a pet or personal property. By somehow becoming Bastien de Ghislain’s mistress and using his influence, "Madame de Fer” liberated herself from all the social stigmata which should have pinned her down into a lowly courtier rank and turned the largely ceremonial office of “Court Enchanter” into a position of respect and power. This is huge move towards mage emancipation by the way, in a society where, again, Mages are feared and shunned and are constantly bullied, emasculated and taught to hate their talents. Vivienne is a shining example of what mages can become at the height of their power. Power she has, mind you, never actually abused before her Divine election. Vivienne’s actions will forever be under scrutiny not because of who she is, but because of what she is. The Grand Game can spit her out at any moment, which will likely result in her death. 

Inquisitor: “You seem to be enjoying yourself, Vivienne?” Vivienne: “It’s The Game, darling. If I didn’t enjoy it, I’d be dead by now.”

Whether Vivienne was using Bastien for her own gain or whether she truly loved him isn’t a case of or/or. It’s a case of and/and. The perception that she was using Bastien makes Vivienne more fearsome and improves her position in the Grand Game, but deep down, I have no doubts truly loved him. Remember, Vivienne’s position at the Orlesian court was secure. She had nothing to gain by saving Bastien’s life, but she attempted to anyway. That Bastien’s sister is a High Cleric doesn’t matter - Vivienne can be elected Divine regardless of her personal quest’s resolution. She loved him, period. 

No, I don’t think Vivienne is a good person. She treats those she deems beneath her poorly, like Sera, Solas, Cole and Blackwall (characters I like less than Vivienne), which I think is the #1 indicator for a Bad Personality. But I don’t think she qualifies as ‘Evil’ either and I refuse to dismiss the beautiful layering of her character. I genuinely believe Vivienne joined the Inquisition not just for her personal gain, but also out of idealism, similar to Dorian (again, Cole is 100% correct in pointing out the similarities between Dorian’s and Vivienne’s motivations for joining, as discomforting it is to her). 

In her mind, Vivienne sees herself as the only person who can emancipate the mages without bloodshed - her personal accomplishments at the Orlesian court speak for themselves. Vivienne isn’t opposed to mage freedom - she worries for the consequences of radical change, as she believes Orlesian society unprepared for the consequences. Hence why she’s perfectly fine with a Divine Cassandra. Hence why her fellow mages immediately elect her Grand Enchanter of the new Circle. 

Hence why Vivienne is so terrified by the Inquisitor’s actions if her disapproval gets too low. The Inquisitor has the power to completely destroy everything she has built and fought for during her lifetime. Remember: Vivienne’s biggest fear is irrelevance - there’s no greater irrelevance than having your life achievements reverse-engineered by the accidental stumbling of some upstart nobody. This is the real reason why she joins, risks her life and gets her hands dirty - the only person whose competence Vivienne trusts, is Vivienne’s own. 

Even as Divine Victoria, I’d say she’s not bad, at all actually. Vivienne has the trappings of an an Enlightened Despot, maintaining full control, while simultaneously granting mages more responsibility and freedom, slowly laying the foundations to make mages more accepted and less persecuted in southern Thedas. Given that Ferelden is a feudal fiefdom and Orlais is an absolute monarchy, this is a fucking improvement are you kidding me. (Wait did he just imply Vivienne is secretly the best Divine - hmm, probably not because Cass/Leliana have better epilogues - but realistically speaking, yes, Viv should be the best Divine and it’s bullshit that the story disagrees.) 

Underneath the countless layers of smarm, frost and seeming callousness, lies a fiercely intelligent and brave woman, whose ideals have been twisted into perversion by the cruel, ungrateful world around her. Envy her for her ability to control her destiny, but know that envy is what it is.  

The flaw in Vivienne’s character isn’t so much the ‘tyranny’ or the ‘bitchiness’ or the 'smarm’. Her flaw is her false belief that she is what the mages need the most. Her belief that her competence gives her the prerogative to serve the unwashed mage masses... by ruling over them. For all intents and purposes, Vivienne is an Orlesian Magister and this will forever be the brilliant tragedy of her character. She was created by a corrupt institution that should, by all accounts fear and loathe her but instead embraced her. It’s that delirious irony that makes Vivienne de Fer one of the best fictional characters in RPG history.  the next post will be Eurovision-related. :-) 

#RPG #Dragon Age #Dragon Age Inquisition #Vivienne #Vivienne de Fer #Madame de Fer #DAI #Dragon Age 3 #BioWare

[maybeimamuppet]

Heathers, chansaw and Veronica ✨

hiiii sorry i was visiting family yesterday so imma do this now!

001: HEATHERS (i’m also mostly gonna stick to the musical bc They Are Different)

favorite character : veronica sawyer my bbyyyyyy

least favorite character : kurt kelly and ram sweeney are tied but they’d probably be into that

5 favorite ships : in order: chansaw, poly heathers with veronica, macaronnie, macduke, chanmac

character i find most attractive : heather chandler those hips do things to me

character i would marry : probably mac??? she seems like she mostly has her shit together enough

character i would be best friends with : also probably mac but maybe veronica

a random thought : look at veronica’s face in the bathroom scene and during candy store and tell me she isn’t having a statistically significant bisexual panic

an unpopular opinion : mac is more problematic than people give her credit for

my canon otp : ram and kurt’s dads

my non canon otp : poly heathers + veronica

most badass character : listen to the dead girl walking reprise and tell me it’s not veronica

most epic villain : also veronica. jd is a villain but he sucks

pairing i am not a fan of : anyone with jd ever except pairing him with a fucking psychiatrist good lord

character i feel the writers screwed up : dukeeeeee give her moreeeeee and make her less shitttt

favorite friendship : canonically? ha. but in fanon i really like the potential for chandler and jd, mac and martha, and veronica and martha

character i most identify with : veronica veronica veronicaaaaaaaaaa

character i wish i could be : also veronica i want a monocle and cool skirts

002: CHANSAW

when i started shipping them : probablyyyyyyy like about two years ago??? i never got too deep in the fandom but chansaw and macaronnie are kinda the only monogamous ships that made sense to me so pretty soon after i started getting into it

my thoughts : hnngn

what makes me happy about them : red and bloo gays we love. also their personalities mesh and clash in really interesting ways and i think they have a lot of potential if chandler has a redemption arc

what makes me sad about them : chandlers death bc a. they can’t be together obviously and b. if you listen to the seventeen reprise you can hear in veronica’s voice how exhausted she is and how much she regrets everything that’s happened

things done in fanfic that annoys me : when they make veronica always the top 👀👀 i also am really not into demon chandler au’s

things i look for in a fanfic : health. in canon the levels of toxicity in this ship would rival chernobyl but in fanon i can pretend they’d be okay

my wishlist : cuddles with chandler as little spoon and veronica healing and also kisses and sweetness and a dash of rocking smut. just a smidge if i’m in a mood

who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other : if chandler has a redemption arc, either of the other heathers and if not nobody. if veronica goes through a significant amount of counseling and or canon doesn’t happen, either of the other heathers. if not, also nobody

my happily ever after for them : they get married in a courthouse wedding in white blazers with all their friends and live happily ever after in a cottage in the forest with a dog and two cats and veronica writes books and chandler is like idk a lawyer or something she can get her bitch out doing

003: VERONICA SAWYER

how i feel about this character : babey someone get her some therapy and some sleep

any/all the people i ship romantically with this character : all the heathers

my favorite non romantic relationship for this character : marthaaaaaaaaaaaaa and jd if he’s a bit more sane

my unpopular opinion about this character : she’s less of a damsel in distress than people make her out to be

one thing i wish would happen/ had happened with this character in canon : some fucking counseling

favorite friendship for this character : still martha and jd

my crossover ship : uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i think she and karen from mean girls could have somethin interesting romantically ?? or regina. and platonically i think she’d be best buddies with kevin g and i think she and janis and lydia from beetlejuice are all cousins :)

#thanks nonnie!!! #this was so fun omg i wasn’t expecting to enjoy that so much #entropy with ezzy #caps tw #swear tw #emoji tw #ezzy gets an ask

[drrrsankai-blog]

Reality TV Show Writing Meme!

Rules:

- Choose 6 OC's canon characters.

- Put your OC's names in list of numbers and answer the questions with your OC's names instead of the number, write at least 100 words to answer.

- Once an OC is evicted, you must choose the next consecutive number to fill in the question. E.g. If [1] is evicted, choose [2]. If [6] is evicted, go back round to [1]. (I fucked this part up but idc)

Cast:

1. Aoba

2. Shizuo

3. Namie

4. Ran

5. Shingen

6. Erika

Warning:

OOC (gets worse as it goes along honestly), c r a c k, dark humor, insanity, and Namie being Namie (and Erika being Erika...).

1. Welcome to the House! Introduce the OC's and what their luxury item would be.

[1] Aoba: Luxury item? A pool.

[2] Shizuo: Another pack of cigarettes. *doesn't know what it is*

[3] Namie: Well, there's not much of anything that comes to mind... except a fine night out with my darling Seiji~

[4] Ran: Fucking ew.

[5] Shingen: Hmm...hm, hm, hm. I need to think about this one...

[6] Erika: All the doujinshis on my wishlist!

2. There are 3 bedrooms, 1 with 2 double beds, 1 with 2 single beds and 1 with only 2 matresses on the floor. Who pairs up with whom, is there an argument over who should get the better room, and how is this resolved?

No one's happy, except Erika who comments that it feels like a sleepover (and Ran who yells out that 'we're literally living together for this'). However, Namie has already grabbed Erika's arm to lead her into the room with two single beds, because 'the only man she'll sleep in a room with is Seiji'. Erika doesn't get time to object before the door slams behind them. Leaving only the other four...

Shingen rubs his chin, trying to decide which remaining options were better. If he chose the room with the double bed, he surmised he might get lonely since there'd be no other weight in it, so the mattresses on the floor sounded like a better option.

Shizuo heads into the room with the double beds. No one follows him in.

Aoba and Ran look at each other, mutually scowling the thought of having to share a room with the blonde, then scowl at each other. Ultimately, they decide on taking the room with the mattresses on the floor.

By the time Shingen makes his decision, he finds everyone gone and the room he had decided on occupied. With a droop of his shoulder and a small, disappointed sigh, he heads into the double-bedded room with Heiwajima.

Then...

"Wait a minute, this is my house! Why the hell don't I get to call the shots?!"

Namie, laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, hearing Shingen's voice: What an idiot.

3. Now they've decided where they're sleeping, they make their way to the living room but find that it is empty expect for a few large and heavy boxes which hold the furniture which [1] and [4] have been told to put together within a time limit, how well do they do?

Aoba: Do I look like someone with a body who can handle all this hard labor?

Ran: Thanks a fucking lot, pipsqueak.

Aoba: Seriously. Why can't we make Heiwajima do it?

Ran: Because he'll crush our fucking skulls?

Aoba: Oh.

Aoba: Well, if I told him you asked, then I'll both live and not have to do it.

Ran: *throws an empty box at him*

4. The furniture's together, now for dinner and a rest! [2] and [5] are designated for cooking first. What do they cook? Do they work well together? Does their cooking go down well?

Shingen: *wearing an apron, flattening dough with a rolling pin* I'm baking a cake~! Teehee~

Sheenwuh: *walks through the door, notices Shingen, and then walks back out it*

Shizuo: Um.

Shizuo just sits on the couch eating potato chips instead.

5. A few days pass and a relationship is growing between [3] and [6], is it a good one or is it a bad one? What measures are made to make their relationship blossom, or stop them from attacking each other on sight?

Erika: *talking nonstop about BL, cosplay, and anime*

Namie's internal dialogue: [shut up shut up SHUT THE FUCK UP]

Namie ends up leaving, throwing Shingen out and angrily informing Heiwajima he has a new roommate.

Shizuo is actually taken aback and does not argue.

6. A week has passed and it's time for an eviction! Someone hasn't put in their penny's worth and needs to be gotten rid of. Choose one OC, and have them say their weepy, or exuberant, goodbyes.

Ran: Good fucking riddance.

Namie: *bored voice, dull tone* I'm so sad.

Erika: Aw, maybe next time. :(

Shizuo: Do I know you?

Shingen: Do I know you either?

Aoba: I'm a student. I don't have a job. I can't pay rent. What do you expect?

7. There's a siren in the middle of the night! [1] has tried to escape with [3] as accomplice, however they are both caught, who blames whom, and what is their punishment? Do the other house-mates suffer for it?

Aoba: I'm still here?

Ran: You're still here? Great.

Namie: Why did I agree to this...?

Shingen: For money?

Everyone looked at the floor where there were several pieces of glass from the window having been broken.

Shingen: Well, if you win, you can use it to pay me back~!

Namie: Can't wait...

8. The next task appointed for them arrives in the form of a letter and a pack of bendy wires. They pick up the letter and read that housemates [2] and [4] must make a cube using the fewest number of wires possible within 30 minutes of time. Do they manage it?

Ran: What the fuck? Why?

Shizuo: Uh, nah.

9. That evening, they find alcohol in the refridgerator and a karaoke machine in the living room. However, it is incredibly hard to set up and it's instructions are in Japanese. [5] and [6] are bullied into geting it sorted. How do they get on?

Erika: *staring hard at the instructions* Well, I recognize the characters... It's just...

Shingen: Those bastards! This isn't the version I ordered!

Erika: ...this is in Chinese, not Japanese.

10. Eviction time! Eviction this time is based upon house-mates behaviour and performance in the last week, and sadly, [1] and [3]'s escape attempt has not impressed the higher hand. [1] or [3] must go, choose, and have them say goodbye.

Aoba: I thought I left 6 questions ago...?

Namie: *leaves without a second thought*

Shingen: What about my window???

Shingen looked at Aoba who merely shrugged his shoulders. Then it occrured to him...

"You two were really going to climb down from a 30 story building...?"

"The danger makes it exciting."

Namie, thinking to herself: I was thinking of just going down the fire escape, but okay.

11. Confessions Time! Having been together for two weeks, how do the house-mates feel about the others? How do they feel about the evictions? Let's listen to them now.

Erika: Kishitani-san is okay for a roommate. He's kind of odd, though...

Ran: You want to talk about being weird?

Shingen: You're okay yourself, Karisawa. A bit hard to follow, but okay.

Ran: My little rat-think of a brother is finally gone. Couldn't be better.

*phone rings*

Shingen: Hold on a moment.

Shingen: Hello?

Sheenwuh: Dad, when can I come home?

Shingen: Anytime, son.

Sheenwuh: No, I mean, when is whatever's going on over?

Shingen: Can't hear you either, son, roger. *hangs up*

Shizuo: ...

Shizuo: Do I have to be here or can I leave too?

12. [1] and [4] have become very close, and [6] is jealous and decides to confront [4] about it, what happens?

Erika: Wow, so you miss your brother after all~!

Ran: What??

Aoba: *peeks through hole in the wall* Peekaboo!

Ran: *screams*

Erika: Ah, brotherly love... I think that'll be the next BL manga theme I read about...!

Shizuo:

Shizuo: I've decided that I'm killing myself instead.

13. Their next task is to simply tidy the house, however, they have to do it blindfold, [5] cheats and [2] does nothing, such disobedience so late in the game earns them a time-out and their luxury item is taken away, how do they cope?

Shingen: Ooh~! Kinky.

Shizuo: I'm going to be next to jump out this fucking window I swear to god--

Erika: (But nobody actually jumped out the window...);

14. Due to the cheating in the previous task, the electricity in the building is cut, and the living room is locked off from them. [4] suggests a game of hide-and-seek, does anyone get injured in the dark? Does anyone take this moment to be naughty with another housemate?

Ran: Anyone wanna play Hide-and-Get-Hammered?

Shingen: Is that a drinking game, I see?

Ran: Heh.

Erika: I'm pretty that's not how it's played... or what Izumii-kun means... *she inclines her head, trying to see if Ran's holding something behind him*

15. The living room is open to them again and inside is a television, an XBOX and four Guitar Hero guitars, a not stuck on the television let's them know that it is a play-off between [3] and [6].

Who wins, and did they realise the loser would be evicted?!

Neither of the two are particularly interested in video games, but it gets pretty heated between them (Ran and Erika). Ran calls her a "fujo bitch" throughout, and Erika wins by sticking her bare foot in his lap and freaking him out, causing him to fall onto the floor (and into the loser's seat).

Ran: Yeah, whatever. Fuck this.

Erika: Well, Kishitani-san, it looks like it's just you and me.

Shingen: That it seems.

Shizuo: Uh, guys... I'm still here...

16. With only three house-mates left, tension starts to rise, [1] becomes super-competitive and starts taking over any tasks given to them. [1] accepts a task before even hearing it, and it's challenging them to sit in a bath of maggots for half an hour.

How does [1] react and do they complete the task?

Shizuo: That's fucking disgusting.

Erika: But you said you'd do anything...

Shizuo: *stares at her, eyebrow twitching*

Erika: ...OK.

17. Another Confession. Poor [2] is starting to suffer from cabin fever and is sure the others are out to get them. Let's listen to their ranting.

Shizuo: You know what? Fuck these nutjobs. *leaves*

18. The house-mates realise they are quite quickly running out of food, and find three unlabelled tins in a cupboard, with blindfolds next to them and a letter explaining that two tins are sliced peaches, one is dog-food, they must each choose a tin with their blindfolds on.

Who gets the dog-food, and evicted?

Erika: *walking in the direction of Kadota's place, smiling* Aw, I hope Dotachin's dog will like this brand...

19. The final task denotes the winner of the entire game, the final two house-mates are given an envelope, inside is the instrutions of their last task, they simply are.

"Choose."

Does this shock them? Do they choose themselves as the winner or the other? Do they give their own victory up, or are they selfish?

"Dad, I fucking live here."

"Hmm. I guess that makes both of us the victors, then?"

"Dad, why is there no food in the house?" the brunette asks, looking through the fridge. Then he looks towards the balcony and nearly screams.

"WHY IS THE WINDOW BROKEN???"

20. Now it's (quite abruptly) over, tag someone!

I will not but you can steal it. xD

#Aoba #Shingen #Erika #Namie #Ran #writing memes #I am tired goodnight

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

i’m an idiot. i screw everything up.

Titans 3.03

still here, still doing this. these reviews take a fair bit of time that i cobble together across days (like, ten minute chunks during breaks, etc) and i tend to struggle to keep up with episodes as they come out. this means that by the time i’m done with one, most of my stuff is jossed (or geoffed in this case? idk) or outdated and the post sinks like a stone into oblivion. so! i’m going to change things up a bit with this one and write as i see the episode rather than collecting my thoughts later. in my experience with spn, that was a faster way to get them done. 

anyway. let’s see how it goes! *shadowboxes*

SPOILERS ahead.

1. an auspicious start with some grave-digging!

digging up a grave and breaking open a coffin is some serious, back-breaking work--that dick did it on his own, likely straight after that fight with red hood, is a testament to the sheer intensity, stamina and discipline that he’s capable of. like, we like to joke about dick cooking cauliflower crust pizzas and making gar and rachel spar and memorise sun tzu--and despair at the obvious consequences of some of bruce’s parenting skills--but imagine crime-fighting almost daily without any superpowers, performing some of the most intense parkour in bulky, uncomfortable armour, doing detective work, pushing through every last barrier of exhaustion and then getting up to repeat it all over again the next day. dick probably thought he was going extra-easy on rachel and gar.

1.5. then again, dick probably had a hundred different easier ways to confirm whether jason was still buried or not, from using equipment to merely asking connor to have a quick look with his x-ray vision. but, no, he’s too caught up in confusion and terror, not really having come to terms with jason’s death in the first place, leave alone the possibility that he could be alive after all. he can’t possibly let the others know until he’s confirmed it himself, even if it means digging all through the night until his arms are jelly, thinking over and over again about jason’s eyes, jason’s voice, from behind that red mask. 

... besides, dick has good reason to believe that he could’ve been hallucinating. wouldn’t be his first psychotic episode, after all.

that just imbues this sweaty, desperate, fingers-scrabbling-in-gravedirt scene with that much more poignancy, and a fair bit of bone-chilling terror. dick is horrified to realise that jason’s grave is empty, but a part of him is also probably relieved.

1.75 (... also it’s curious that we’re never shown any of the team asking to see jason’s grave after they come to wayne manor. i guess it’s because the writers--and the audience--know that jason is actually alive, but these people don’t know that. i don’t know if it’s sad or infuriating or both that they’re barely shown mourning him.)

2. oh GOD the sheer TENSION in kory saying, “i don’t want to say it, but--” and dick quickly interrupting, “it was jason. i saw him,” and hank giving him this loaded sidelong glance. i love how dick’s precarious mental health from last season is still this big elephant in the room but at least nobody’s blowing up in his face and questioning his every decision yet

2.25. i love the relative matter-of-factness with which they’re discussing a possible resurrection. and, of course, ra’s al ghul is brought up and quickly dismissed

(still wouldn’t put it past this show to bring him up at the very last second as the real real mastermind)

2.5. “maybe they can bring donna back” OH KORY

2.75. didn’t they have this same conversation about killing/not killing rose last season? man, the og titans make me tired.

and i don’t know if it’s just hank, but there’s a definite in-group/out-group vibe going on with the og titans, where they’re not only ready to consider killing anybody who threatens the group but makes it difficult for new people to fit in. donna and kory got along well with each other, but the dynamics between hank/donna/dawn and gar/rachel/rose were somewhat strained, and with jason, they were really fucking terrible. it makes sense when you think about how the titans started and how they broke up the first time--both were fairly disruptive events, i’d imagine, in that they probably got together to break away from their mentors and strike out on their own, and when they split up, it was the first time they felt directly responsible for the loss of an innocent life.

but the titans that dick is leading now is explicitly about mentoring a young generation of heroes, about second chances and found family. dick definitely wants to reach out to him first, and i have a feeling he’s going to be forced to make some sort of terrible Choice later on in this episode. 

2.8. (honestly tho, this also seems like hank struggling with his own guilt re: jason; if red hood is not the kid that he failed, it’d be easier to fight him.)

3.

HANK NO

4. honestly this season is already ticking off so many things on my wishlist, but i really wish dick would sit down with the newer members of his team and trust them with important information the same time that he’s telling them to the other members. gar searching for help and reassurance from a man who just dumped all of his responsibilities on his son overnight and went AWOL is a sad sight

4.25. has it only been just 48 hours????? wow! jason’s definitely been planning the red hood gig for a long time now...

5. ezekiel, my man! shady looking guy gets into your cab without a destination in mind... no problem, get right in! said guy gets a call to go to the observatory when he’s barely even looked out of the window so far at gotham... yep, a damn tourist! i want more ezekiel in this show.

5.25. (of course jason has upturned table lamps all along the floor... we have to *gritted teeth* balance the TEAL with the ORANGE don’t we?)

5.5. “dick’s a fucking psycho--he could be following you right now.” hank... has no objection to that lol

5.25. hank, hank... this is bad-decision-palooza. i can’t imagine that hank actually thought that jason was reaching out to him for help, given that the last time hank and jason had any substantial interaction hank had been one of the people accusing jason of sabotaging the team. but for him to go seek out jason and go along with his demands without any backup, weapons or equipment? not the best idea he’s ever come up with.

(add to that getting into the swimming pool of a condemned gym... oh yuck.)

((yes, i have enough self-restraint to not cap his ass.))

(((cap his ass! HA!)))

5.5. do you think jason has bugs/monitoring equipment planted in wayne manor to monitor the titans, or remote access to the cave’s systems? wouldn’t put it past him.

6. oh man, hank came back before dick and the others could meet ezekiel! this is TRAGIC

6.25. i mean, it’s plot-convenient that connor was able to give so much information about the bomb from just looking at it once, but i also like to think it’s the luthor-side of him coming to the fore. it also reminds me of that (in)famous scene from the new52 run of Nightwing comics, where a bomb was attached to nightwing’s heart and luthor disabled it by killing nightwing (temporarily). it’s a neat little callback. 

6.55. “where i come from, you go after family? there’s no mercy.” BUT THAT’S THE PROBLEM ISN’T IT

6.75. i mean, dick’s making sense: this is a game, and they need to get it off playing out on jason’s terms. but having a member of his team in his face, doubting his reasoning and every decision? a very familiar sight. 

6.8. krypto with an a+ sense of humour? also a very familiar sight.

7. wayne enterprises... providing the military with... bombs that can be implanted in humans? a BIIIIG yikes. i guess it’s not too many steps above developing clandestine intra-dermal trackers and implanting them in your own sons, and bruce probably thought they could be used as part of negotiation tactics, but still... YIKES.

7.5. on the other hand, conner being asked to build a deactivation advice seems part of a growth arc that started from last season... he knows so much, but part of growing is learning, and part of learning is using what you know to create something new.

8. oh man, my heart broke at hank going “i’m an idiot... i screw everything up.” like. for him to go like this, after being brought down to such a low last season? struggling with pain and addiction and his relationship with the love of his life? it’s so sad.

9. oh, oh, oh! ronnie from schitt’s creek! i love her!

9.5. “one of jason’s minions” took his body out of the morgue... how deliciously morbid that he planned out his own death like this!

10. TALK TO HANK, DICK

honestly, tho, i’m quite impressed with dick here. trying to think beyond just the most alarming part of the crisis at hand, keeping his cool, delegating tasks, frequently touching base with different members of his team... well done. 

10.25.... whoops, spoke too soon. i’m genuinely confused here, tho. where did the van full of gold bars come from? why did they stop there and get out? how did dawn even know about this?

on the other hand, it’s cool to know dove has bulletproof feathers!

10.5. eh... curran walters isn’t really selling red hood’s menace to me so far. but then again, if titans version of red hood is vulnerable-kid-with-father-issues-trying-to-overcompensate, then yeah! yeah, it makes sense. 

11. “when bats have sex, they gotta have something to hang from” OH GOD HANK

... because i want smiley!gar on my blog :)

11.5. awww. i feel sorry for hank but NONE of these fuckers deserve gar except maybe kory

12. ohhh FUCK! look at jason being exactly one step ahead of the titans at every turn. nice.

no really, i love the building stakes and the building mystery - i feel like the deathstroke arc from last season should’ve been more like this. the flashbacks about jericho and rose came too late and after too much build up, which resulted in a very underwhelming and confusing season throughline.

13. HANK AND DIIIIIICCCKKK

“you’re doing your best by me. always have.” WAILING HERE

it also kills me to think that hank thinks that his imminent death is because of his failure to keep the team together (when he was clearly struggling with his own issues and was spiralling towards rock-bottom) and his fear that he will once again be the cause of the team falling apart. 

also:

14. “i grew up... you can, too. you just have to face your fear.”

yep, got scarecrow’s grubby little fingerprints aaaaalllll over this. 

14.25. nightwing’s got specialised batarangs! yay! (somehow i can’t see this universe’s dick calling them “wingdings”)

15. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oh man, that was devastating. well done, show. fuck, well done, jason.

this is going to bring up all sorts of “if onlys” for the team. i can’t wait for some fucking aftermath. 

#titans #titans spoilers #dick grayson #hank hall #dawn granger #garfield logan #conner kent #jason todd #a tragic jalebi #meta