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qqueenofhades · 4 years

Note

Re: the post you reblogged about Bush. I'm 21 and tbh feel like I can only vote for Bernie, can you explain if/why I shouldn't? Thanks and sorry if this is dumb or anything.

Oh boy. Okay, I’ll do my best here. Note that a) this will get long, and b) I’m old, Tired, and I‘m pretty sure my brain tried to kill me last night. Since by nature I am sure I will say something Controversial ™, if anyone reads this and feels a deep urge to inform me that I am Wrong, just… mark it down as me being Wrong and move on with your life. But also, really, you should read this and hopefully think about it. Because while I’m glad you asked this question, it feels like there’s a lot in your cohort who won’t, and that worries me. A lot.

First, not to sound utterly old-woman-in-a-rocking-chair ancient, people who came of age/are only old enough to have Obama be the first president that they really remember have no idea how good they had it. The world was falling the fuck apart in 2008 (not coincidentally, after 8 years of Bush). We came within a flicker of the permanent collapse of the global economy. The War on Terror was in full roar, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their height, we had Dick Cheney as the cartoon supervillain before we had any of Trump’s cohort, and this was before Chelsea Manning or Edward Snowden had exposed the extent of NSA/CIA intelligence-gathering/American excesses or there was any kind of public debate around the fact that we were all surveilled all the time. And the fact that a brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama was elected in this climate seems, and still seems tbh, kind of amazing. And Obama was certainly not a Perfect President ™. He had to scale back a lot of planned initiatives, he is notorious for expanding the drone strike/extrajudicial assassination program, he still subscribed to the overall principles of neoliberalism and American exceptionalism, etc etc. There is valid criticism to be made as to how the hopey-changey optimistic rhetoric stacked up against the hard realities of political office. And yet…. at this point, given what we’re seeing from the White House on a daily basis, the depth of the parallel universe/double standards is absurd.

Because here’s the thing. Obama, his entire family, and his entire administration had to be personally/ethically flawless the whole time (and they managed that – not one scandal or arrest in eight years, against the legions of Trumpistas now being convicted) because of the absolute frothing depths of Republican hatred, racial conspiracy theories, and obstruction against him. (Remember Merrick Garland and how Mitch McConnell got away with that, and now we have Gorsuch and Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court? Because I remember that). If Obama had pulled one-tenth of the shit, one-twentieth of the shit that the Trump administration does every day, he would be gone. It also meant that people who only remember Obama think he was typical for an American president, and he wasn’t. Since about… Jimmy Carter, and definitely since Ronald Reagan, the American people have gone for the Trump model a lot more than the Obama model. Whatever your opinion on his politics or character, Obama was a constitutional law professor, a community activist, a neighborhood organizer and brilliant Ivy League intellectual who used to randomly lie awake at night thinking about income inequality. Americans don’t value intellectualism in their politicians; they just don’t. They don’t like thinking that “the elites” are smarter than them. They like the folksy populist who seems fun to have a beer with, and Reagan/Bush Senior/Clinton/Bush Junior sold this persona as hard as they possibly could. As noted in said post, Bush Junior (or Shrub as the late, great Molly Ivins memorably dubbed him) was Trump Lite but from a long-established political family who could operate like an outwardly civilized human.

The point is: when you think Obama was relatively normal (which, again, he wasn’t, for any number of reasons) and not the outlier in a much larger pattern of catastrophic damage that has been accelerated since, again, the 1980s (oh Ronnie Raygun, how you lastingly fucked us!), you miss the overall context in which this, and which Trump, happened. Like most left-wingers, I don’t agree with Obama’s recent and baffling decision to insert himself into the 2020 race and warn the Democratic candidates against being too progressive or whatever he was on about. I think he was giving into the same fear that appears to be motivating the remaining chunk of Joe Biden’s support: that middle/working-class white America won’t go for anything too wild or that might sniff of Socialism, and that Uncle Joe, recalled fondly as said folksy populist and the internet’s favorite meme grandfather from his time as VP, could pick up the votes that went to Trump last time. And that by nature, no one else can.

The underlying belief is that these white voters just can’t support anything too “un-American,” and that by pushing too hard left, Democratic candidates risk handing Trump a second term. Again: I don’t agree and I think he was mistaken in saying it. But I also can’t say that Obama of all people doesn’t know exactly the strength of the political machine operating against the Democratic Party and the progressive agenda as a whole, because he ran headfirst into it for eight years. The fact that he managed to pass any of his legislative agenda, usually before the Tea Party became a thing in 2010, is because Democrats controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of his first term. He was not perfect, but it was clear that he really did care (just look up the pictures of him with kids). He installed smart, efficient, and scandal-free people to do jobs they were qualified for. He gave us Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor to join RBG on the Supreme Court. All of this seems… like a dream.

That said: here we are in a place where Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren are the front-runners for the Democratic nomination (and apparently Pete Buttigieg is getting some airplay as a dark horse candidate, which… whatever). The appeal of Biden is discussed above, and he sure as hell is not my favored candidate (frankly, I wish he’d just quit). But Sanders and Warren are 85% - 95% similar in their policy platforms. The fact that Michael “50 Billion Dollar Fortune” Bloomberg started rattling his chains about running for president is because either a Sanders or Warren presidency terrifies the outrageously exploitative billionaire capitalist oligarchy that runs this country and has been allowed to proceed essentially however the fuck they like since… you guessed it, the 1980s, the era of voodoo economics, deregulation, and the free market above all. Warren just happens to be ten years younger than Sanders and female, and Sanders’ age is not insignificant. He’s 80 years old and just had a heart attack, and there’s still a year to go to the election. It’s also more than a little eye-rolling to describe him as the only progressive candidate in the race, when he’s an old white man (however much we like and approve of his policy positions). And here’s the thing, which I think is a big part of the reason why this polarized ideological purity internet leftist culture mistrusts Warren:

She may have changed her mind on things in the past.

Scary, right? I sound like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. An argument I had to read with my own two eyes on this godforsaken hellsite was that since Warren became a Democrat around the time Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, she sekritly hated gay people and might still be a corporate sellout, so on and etcetera. (And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that DADT, coming a few years after the height of the AIDS crisis which was considered God’s Judgment of the Icky Gays, was the best Clinton could realistically hope to achieve, but this smacks of White Gay Syndrome anyway and that is a whole other kettle of fish.) Bernie has always demonstrably been a democratic socialist, and: good for him. I’m serious. But because there’s the chance that Warren might not have thought exactly as she does now at any point in her life, the hysterical and paranoid left-wing elements don’t trust that she might not still secretly do so. (Zomgz!) It’s the same element that’s feeding cancel culture and “wokeness.” Nobody can be allowed to have shifted or grown in their opinions or, like a functional, thoughtful, non-insane adult, changed their beliefs when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. To the ideological hordes, any hint of uncertainty or past failure to completely toe the line is tantamount to heresy. Any evidence of any other belief except The Correct One means that this person is functionally as bad as Trump. And frankly, it’s only the Sanders supporters who, just as in 2016, are threatening to withhold their vote in the general election if their preferred candidate doesn’t win the primary, and indeed seem weirdly proud about it.

OK, boomer Bernie or Buster.

Here’s the thing, the thing, the thing: there is never going to be an American president free of the deeply toxic elements of American ideology. There just won’t be. This country has been built how it has for 250 years, and it’s not gonna change. You are never going to have, at least not in the current system, some dream candidate who gets up there and parrots the left-wing talking points and attacks American imperialism, exceptionalism, ravaging global capitalism, military and oil addiction, etc. They want to be elected as leader of a country that has deeply internalized and taken these things to heart for its entire existence, and most of them believe it to some degree themselves. So this groupthink white liberal mentality where the only acceptable candidate is this Perfect Non-Problematic robot who has only ever had one belief their entire lives and has never ever wavered in their devotion to doctrine has really gotten bad. The Democratic Party would be considered… maybe center/mild left in most other developed countries. It’s not even really left-wing by general standards, and Sanders and Warren are the only two candidates for the nomination who are even willing to go there and explicitly put out policy proposals that challenge the systematic structure of power, oppression, and exploitation of the late-stage capitalist 21st century. Warren has the billionaires fussed, and instead of backing down, she’s doubling down. That’s part of why they’re so scared of her. (And also misogyny, because the world is depressing like that.) She is going head-on after picking a fight with some of the worst people on the planet, who are actively killing the rest of us, and I don’t know about you, but I like that.

Of course: none of this will mean squat if she (or the eventual Democratic winner, who I will vote for regardless of who it is, but as you can probably tell, she’s my ride or die) don’t a) win the White House and then do as they promised on the campaign trail, and b) don’t have a Democratic House and Senate willing to have a backbone and pass the laws. Even Nancy Pelosi, much as she’s otherwise a badass, held off on opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Trump for months out of fear it would benefit him, until the Ukraine thing fell into everyone’s laps. The Democrats are really horrible at sticking together and voting the party line the way Republicans do consistently, because Democrats are big-tent people who like to think of themselves as accepting and tolerant of other views and unwilling to force their members’ hands. The Republicans have no such qualms (and indeed, judging by their enabling of Trump, have no qualms at all).

The modern American Republican party has become a vehicle for no-holds-barred power for rich white men at the expense of absolutely everything and everyone else, and if your rationale is that you can’t vote for the person opposing Donald Goddamn Trump is that you’re just not vibing with them on the language of that one policy proposal… well, I’m glad that you, White Middle Class Liberal, feel relatively safe that the consequences of that decision won’t affect you personally. Even if we’re due to be out of the Paris Climate Accords one day after the 2020 election, and the issue of climate change now has the most visibility it’s ever had after years of big-business, Republican-led efforts to deny and discredit the science, hey, Secret Corporate Shill, am I right? Can’t trust ‘er. Let’s go have a craft beer.

As has been said before: vote as far left as you want in the primary. Vote your ideology, vote whatever candidate you want, because the only way to make actual, real-world change is to do that. The huge, embedded, all-consuming and horrible system in which we operate is not just going to suddenly be run by fairy dust and happy thoughts overnight. Select candidates that reflect your values exactly, be as picky and ideologically militant as you want. That’s the time to do that! Then when it comes to the general election:

America is a two-party system. It sucks, but that’s the case. Third-party votes, or refraining from voting because “it doesn’t matter” are functionally useless at best and actively harmful at worst.

Either the Democratic candidate or Donald Trump will win the 2020 election.

There is absolutely no length that the Republican/GOP machine, and its malevolent allies elsewhere, will not go to in order to secure a Trump victory. None.

Any talk whatsoever about “progressive values” or any kind of liberal activism, coupled with a course of action that increases the possibility of a Trump victory, is hypocritical at best and actively malicious at worst.

This is why I found the Democratic response to Obama’s “don’t go too wild” comments interesting. Bernie doubled down on the fact that his plans have widespread public support, and he’s right. (Frankly, the fact that Sanders and Warren are polling at the top, and the fact that they’re politicians and would not be crafting these campaign messages if they didn’t know that they were being positively received, says plenty on its own). Warren cleverly highlighted and praised Obama’s accomplishments in office (i.e. the Affordable Care Act) and didn’t say squat about whether she agreed or disagreed with him, then went right back to campaigning about why billionaires suck. And some guy named Julian Castro basically blew Obama off and claimed that “any Democrat” could beat Trump in 2020, just by nature of existing and being non-insane.

This is very dangerous! Do not be Julian Castro!

As I said in my tags on the Bush post: everyone assumed that sensible people would vote for Kerry in 2004. Guess what happened? Yeah, he got Swift Boated. The race between Obama and McCain in 2008, even after those said nightmare years of Bush, was very close until the global crash broke it open in Obama’s favor, and Sarah Palin was an actual disqualifier for a politician being brazenly incompetent and unprepared. (Then again, she was a woman from a remote backwater state, not a billionaire businessman.) In 2012, we thought Corporate MormonBot Mitt Fuggin’ Romney was somehow the worst and most dangerous candidate the Republicans could offer. In 2016, up until Election Day itself, everyone assumed that HRC was a badly flawed candidate but would win anyway. And… we saw how that worked out. Complacency is literally deadly.

I was born when Reagan was still president. I’m just old enough to remember the efforts to impeach Clinton over forcing an intern to give him a BJ in the Oval Office (This led by the same Republicans making Donald Trump into a darling of the evangelical Christian right wing.) I’m definitely old enough to remember 9/11 and how America lost its mind after that, and I remember the Bush years. And, obviously, the contrast with Obama, the swing back toward Trump, and everything that has happened since. We can’t afford to do this again. We’re hanging by a thread as it is, and not just America, but the entire planet.

So yes. By all means, vote for Sanders in the primary. Then when November 3, 2020 rolls around, if you care about literally any of this at all, hold your nose if necessary and vote straight-ticket Democrat, from the president, to the House and Senate, to the state and local offices. I cannot put it more strongly than that.

#politics for ts #long post #anonymous #ask

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adorethedistance · 3 years

Text

Baby Fever - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, discussion of reproduction, a child (no-)

Words: 2502

Summary: You and Owen spend a day at the zoo babysitting Baby Shada, and her presence sparks conversation about adding a new presence of your very own.

A/n: This was written in like three hours and I’m exhausted it’s skimmed at best but this is just something I’ve had in my mind and as y’all know by now, writing fics is how I retire my dreamland scenarios of romance. Enjoy my brain giving 82% of her all :)

“You ready, little one?” I bite back a laugh when I hear Owen’s voice coo from the back seat. Owen and I had been wanting to plan a zoo date for the longest time, but never had the opportunity to until now; when Jer and Carolynn needed a well-deserved day of rest, and Charlie was back in Dieppe for the next month, that left Owen and me as the next in line to take care of 10-month-old baby Shada. The two parents hadn’t decided on a name until after she was born, so the rest of our friends got comfortable with referring to her as ‘baby Shada’ or ‘CJ’ short for ‘Care and Jer’s’ kid.

Owen and I left the house at 8:45 sharp to get to the park in a timely manner. We weren’t too concerned with arriving when the park opened seeing as it was a Wednesday morning in the middle of February. Children should be in school, non-actors should be in the office, and surely other young babies and new moms should be attending mommy and me yoga classes or something.

“Do you have the bag?” I ask, surveying the car for any loose items.

“Yeah, it’s on the floor. Do you want me to carry the bag or the baby first?”

“You babysit first. I can handle tickets.” Owen nods and gingerly unbuckles the car seat to scoop up the currently calm child and slip her into the black baby carrier we opted for instead of a stroller. I put on the backpack with all her baby items and some of our essential possessions, and together we walk to enter the park. CJ is smiling brightly as she takes in all the different sights and sounds of the entrance. The image is just too adorable, I have to make Owen stop under the giant sign to take a picture of the two of them. I send it to both parents as the first update of the day, knowing they won’t treasure the photo as much as I will, because they aren’t in love with Owen in the way that I am.

Owen and I have talked about kids before. Once, on our first date when he asked me if I had any names picked out, which I didn’t. And second, when I informed him we would be entrusted with the care of CJ the following week; it was when we began brainstorming activities to do with her that Owen brought up having our own kids. It took me by surprise that he used the word ‘when’ instead of ‘if’. A small language thing to pick up on, but a huge life thing to process. He talked about making memories with CJ and being the first ones to take her to the zoo, with the consent of her parents. Truth be told, I don’t love kids or the idea of kids in the way that Owen does, so I was a little hesitant to speak my mind. But I didn’t miss the way he held his hand on my stomach as we fell asleep that night. And I didn’t miss the hopeful glint in his eyes when I’d asked his opinion on a few names I liked the next morning.

“What do you wanna do first, CJ?” Owen’s question elicits an excited squeal from her as a response which makes the two of us laugh. I quickly snag a map from the front stand and survey our route options before I feel Owen’s right hand come to rest on my lower back. I glance up to see him peering at the map over my shoulder. My movement prompts him to face me and give me a soft, comforting smile. I feel like spending forever looking into Owen’s breathtaking eyes, but the baby strapped to his chest has other plans. She begins flailing wildly to convey all the excitement coursing through her little body. We laugh once more and Owen presses a quick kiss to her head, which messes up her hat’s placement on her head. I shake my head, stepping in front of my fiance, completely ignoring him. My tunnel vision hyperfocus is set on adjusting the brim of the bucket hat to protect baby Shada from the sun.

“There we go.” When I look back up Owen is staring at me with the softest closed mouth smile I’ve ever seen, “What?”

“Nothing. Where to, Mamacita?”

“Mamacita? Whatever. I say we take this path that way we can start with the elephants and condors, and that’ll take us to the polar bear cove.”

“Lead the way.”

Owen slips his hand in mine, interlacing our fingers and giving me an affirming squeeze. As we’re walking to the elephant exhibit, CJ’s happy mood means she must wave her tiny hand at every person we pass. Other parents with babies her same age, being the majority of the crowd that’s free on a Wednesday morning, smile and wave back to her. Along the front street, the initial entrance crowd begins to dwindle and there are fewer people for her to wave at. Then, a woman who’s probably in her late forties, early fifties sees CJ wave to her. The woman is wearing black pants, a soft maroon top, and a name tag that reads ‘Linda’. Judging by the fact that she gets to wear red instead of the familiar forest green, I can conclude she’s a higher up when it comes to her position here at the zoo.

“You guys are such a beautiful family.”

“Oh, we’re n-”

“Thank you!” Owen speaks over my refutation. The woman then begins to approach us, and I look up at my serious boyfriend in confusion. He whispers, “Let’s pretend. It’ll be fun.” I mean, I’m not much of an actor but I guess there’s a first time for everything.

“How old is she?”

“10 months,” he answers seamlessly, using the back of his index finger to lovingly stroke CJ’s round cheek.

“She is just so darling, I’m sure you two must be very proud. They grow so fast, you know? I remember having little ones running around all the time and suddenly they’re off to college. Is she your first child?”

“Yeah, she’s the only one for now.” For now? Wow Owen, when you create a world you really live in it.

“Well, enjoy it while it lasts. They’re only babies for so long.” Linda smiles down and CJ once more before bidding me and Owen goodbye.

“For now?” I ask, incredulously when the woman is out of earshot.

“Yeah,” he shrugs playfully, “CJ’s so well behaved I’m sure we can manage another one.”

“Uh-huh. Are you aware she’s not actually our child?” Owen sighs out a smile and takes my hand as he begins on our trek to the elephant enclosure. When he speaks again, I nearly miss it from how quiet he’s talking,

“S’wishful thinking.”

“What did you just say?” I’m curious to see if he’ll repeat it to my face.

“I said it’s wishful thinking.”

“To have a second child to our nonexistent first child?”

“No,” he nudges my shoulder with his own as we walk, “To have a child period.”

“Nice try. Your baby fever isn’t gonna rub off on me so easily.” He scoffs out a laugh,

“It’s still early. We’ve got the whole day to fix that.” Seamlessly pulling Owen to a stop, I don’t pause our conversation as I step in front of him. My gaze doesn’t meet his eyes as I straighten CJ’s hat once more.

“Well, bear in mind we’re basically on the clock here, and CJ is a tiny person before she’s a persuasion tactic.” I lunge one foot back to make sure the hat is even, and that the baby can still see from under it. When I deem her hat positioning satisfactory, CJ smiles up at me at the same time that paints Owen’s flushed face. He holds his hand straight out in front of his body for me to take, and when I do, he pulls me in to clasp both hands together and rest them on my lower back. Minimal visitors in the zoo is definitely a perk as Owen’s far more physically affectionate without others around. I rest my hands on the portion of his chest that isn’t occupied by CJ’s happy demeanor.

“I don’t know if I’m cut out to be the mothering type. I’m just not… good with kids.”

“I understand your reluctance… but I’m gonna get you on board by the end of the day.”

“Yeah okay, Joyner. Whatever you say.”

Owen smiles down at me with a love as infinite as the number of stars in the universe. CJ squeals between us and I babble back at her in a higher pitch than my usual speaking voice. She squawks again and we go back and forth like this for a little while until she sticks her tongue out at me in between a smile. My jaw drops in a surprised, amused, and simultaneously offended manner, and I take her chubby little baby foot in my hand and squeeze gently, causing her to screech through fits of giggling.

“When did you learn how to do that? Owen, did you-” The words die on my tongue when I see the expression on Owen’s face. He’s wholly enamored and yet so smug at the same time. I feel my face heat up a little bit; I don’t even have to ask what he’s thinking.

“‘I’m just not good with kids’ my ass.”

“There are impressionable ears around. And I do not sound like that.”

“She’s not gonna remember any of this in a week, and yes. You do.” I glare at Owen with an expression of intolerance but my facade is crumbled as I can’t mask the growing smile he elicits by mimicking my expression.

“Let’s go you two.”

After what felt like an eternity we’ve finally made it to the elephant exhibit. The herd of African elephants are spread across the enclosure, some playing in water, some feeding from hay baskets, and a baby closely following it’s mother as she walks across the paddock. When Owen appears beside me

“Do you need a break? We can switch off and you carry the bag.”

“Sure.” I set the baby backpack on the bench behind us and unbuckle the fastenings of the carrier to prop CJ on the side of my hip. As we wait for Owen to take the carrier off his body, I walk her up to the wooden railing that surrounds the elephants’ enclosure. Of course, the sight ahead excites her and she begins bouncing on my side as a means of conveying her feelings. She makes a sound that I interpret as an interrogative before pointing to the animals.

“You see the elephants, CJ?”

“Uh-huh.” She lifts her tiny baby hand into the air and waves the best she can at the elephants, none of which are even looking our way.

“Are we waving? Say ‘hi elephants’!” I wave with her and gauge her smile to be even bigger than when she’d stuck her tongue out two minutes ago.

“Hi ephants!” I freeze mid wave in shock. Did she just-?

“Did you just? Owen!”

“Yeah?” he calls from behind us, still getting all our things in order.

“Did Carolynn or Jeremy say what her first words were?”

“Uhhhh, no. They said she hasn’t been speaking words yet, just consonant sounds,” Owen leaves the items unattended seeing as there’s no one else around, “Why?”

“CJ. Say ‘hi elephants’!” I wave at the animals once more, praying that that wasn’t a fluke.

“Hi ephants.” Upon hearing her speak, Owen’s face holds the same expression as mine did just two seconds ago.

“Should we video it and send it to them or pretend it never happened so they can be the ones that hear her first words?”

“Take a video, or take a secret to our graves?” He pretends to weigh the options as if this is the most perilous decision we’ll ever make.

“You’re right, you’re right. Will you grab my phone for me?”

“Where is it?”

“My back pocket that the baby is currently sitting on.” I turn around to let Owen grab the device and unlock it for me.

“Should I just get you guys in the video or the elephants, too?”

“What are you talking about? Get in the video!” I scold him for trying to worm his way out of this memory. “Make yourself useful and revive your long lost vlogging skills.” Owen rolls his eyes but flips to the front facing camera and hits record all the same.

“Say ‘hi mom, hi dad’,” I direct CJ and she merely waves at me, not fully understanding the concept of vlogging at the ripe age of 10 months. “Update number 2: we’re at the elephant enclosure and CJ made some friends. Hey,” I speak quietly to capture her attention. “Can you say ‘hi elephants’?”

“Hi ephants!” She screams and then laughs, throwing her head back to make sure Owen is still present.

“A new word!” I cheer as Owen lowers my phone to stop the recording,

“New skill unlocked.” He hits stop and proceeds to trade me CJ for the phone for a quick second so I can send the video to the not exactly new parents.

“They’re gonna love this.” I click my phone off and tuck it back into my back pocket. Retrieving the baby carrier from the desolate bench, I slip it on to strap myself in before CJ. Once secured, I look up to take her from Owen but blink in surprise that they’re no longer standing in front of me. I turn slightly to my left to see CJ stumbling forward on wobbling legs whilst Owen keeps her standing. He removes his hands from her sides and allows her to grab a hold of both of his index fingers in either hand. Slowly, he walks her closer to where I’m standing one tiny step at a time.

The sight in front of me is so sweet there’s a strange feeling culminating in my chest. A micro trace of baby fever crosses my mind at the thought of Owen teaching our own baby to walk. The smile on his face is unlike anything I’ve seen before and the prospect of having kids suddenly becomes less dreary. I’ve always been afraid of being a bad parent, or messing up someone else’s life, but with Owen, all those fears disappear. Becoming a parent is no longer bleak; the thought of raising kids with someone as loving and enthusiastic as Owen, the world seems all that much brighter.

“Y/n,” he calls to get my attention, unaware I’ve been watching for the past few minutes. When he looks up from CJ’s tiny body, and recognizes the familiar ‘baby fever’ look in my eyes, he smiles and utters a simple, “I told you so.”

***

A/n: lawd help me I have been putting off so many requests to write self indulgent bs pls don’t hate me.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading @dmcfarland1 @joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @celestialmolina @lilyjoyner

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

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Alright, onto chapter 59 and 60 of AoT!

Chapter 59 of course has the big scene between Levi, Armin and Jean, and once again, we see Levi’s immense kindness on display, underneath the blunt honesty he also lays on his squad.

I feel like this scene really ties into my last post, and what I discussed about the 104th’s judgmentalism towards Levi, and how quick they were to condemn him for the actions he took. What strikes me during this scene from chapter 59 is how polar opposite Levi is in his own behavior from what the 104th’s was through chapter’s 57 and 58. That is to say, Levi’s utter LACK of judgmentalism towards his squad. This is one of the most remarkable things about Levi, and one of the traits that most highlights the actual goodness of his heart.

We see both Armin and Jean struggling immensely here with what happened in the wagon with that MP, Armin with the terrible guilt and fear that he killed a good person, and Jean with the awful guilt that his own hesitation and lack of commitment endangered everyone’s lives, and put the responsibility of taking a life on Armin.

What I find really interesting and telling about this scene is how Armin starts to voice his fear that the only reason he was able to kill the MP first was because she hesitated to kill Armin, but he can’t bring himself to ask the question to Jean, only imply it. And Jean, for his part, isn’t able to confess that that’s EXACTLY what happened. None of them want or are able in that moment to give life to their sense of guilt by admitting the truth of what happened.

And then... Levi steps in and does it for them.

He just flat out says the truth, where no one else was in that moment willing or able. That Armin was able to get his shot off first because the MP hesitated, and by saying so, he essentially forces Armin and Jean to confront the reality of what’s happened, and what they’ve done, and to come to terms with it. Levi then just flat out tells Armin that his hands are already dirty, and that there’s no going back to who he used to be, so he might as well just accept that this is who he is now. We see Mikasa start to make a protest, again, but Levi cuts her off and keeps going, to tell Armin that, if he hadn’t acted as he did, WHEN he did, Jean would likely be dead, and he tells Armin that he saved them all by getting his hands dirty, telling him that he’s grateful to him for that. Once again, we see Levi be the first and really only person there to express his gratitude and go out of his way to say thank you to one of his comrades for doing what needed to be done. He knows that Armin’s actions came at a great cost to himself, and he acknowledges that by expressing his gratitude for Armin’s sacrifice, for helping all of them, and giving a part of himself up in the process. This is exactly what Levi was trying to explain to them during the confrontation with Historia. That even if it means taking on the burden of guilt, or self-hatred, or being made to look like villains, none of that matters in the face of the greater good . Levi does the exact same thing with Jean, then, when Jean apologizes for judging Levi and his methods, and promising to not hesitate next time. Levi, once more, is brutally honest with Jean, telling him that, yes, because he hesitated, he put all of them in danger. Jean says he’s sorry, but then Levi tells him that what happened was “then and there” and “that’s it.”, before proceeding to tell him that he himself doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, and he wouldn’t try to tell Jean what is, that Jean may very well be right. Jean shows shock at this, and Levi’s willingness to consider Jean’s side and his thinking, despite how it put them all into a precarious position.

What gets me about this scene is how sharply it contrasts with the scene from chapter 57. Levi is totally upfront with his squad, telling them what he thinks and feels to their faces, being completely honest, and forcing them to be honest too, even though the truth is painful and sometimes ugly. He is, in turn, completely uncritical and non-judgmental towards Jean and Armin. Rather then condemning them, or belittling them, he tries his very best to comfort them and encourage them, and make them understand that they have nothing to feel guilty over, nothing to beat themselves up for. How, in fact, their actions were critical in aiding in all of their escapes. All of this is in such sharp contrast to how all of them acted in chapter 57, where Jean, Connie, Mikasa and Sasha were all highly critical and judgmental toward Levi, and how they only voiced those critics among themselves, not having the guts to say any of it to Levi’s face, the way Levi tells them without hesitation exactly what he’s thinking. This whole thing, I think, serves as a harsh lesson for the members of the 104th about the foolishness of being quick to judge and condemn without having a full grasp or understanding of the circumstances, the situation, or the person. Jean expresses remorse at having so quickly dismissed Levi’s methods as wrong, and says he’s sorry. But Levi doesn’t hold Jean’s own judgment of him against him, or tell him “apology accepted”, but rather tells Jean that he isn’t wrong to feel the way he did, basically telling Jean that it’s alright for him to think of killing as wrong, even still. When he tells Jean that what happened was “then and there. That’s it.”, he’s telling Jean that not all situations are the same, and that just because he made the wrong call in that particular circumstance, it doesn’t mean that a hesitation to kill in the future will be wrong. Levi is showing such a deep level of understanding and consideration for Jean’s feelings in this scene, and it’s just truly remarkable to watch unfold, again, especially, in light of how quick his squad was to judge him not that long before. We see Levi’s compassion for Jean’s feelings, and his consideration of his feelings here have an impact later on, between Jean and Marlowe, when Jean gives Marlowe a chance to prove his sincerity by not immediately killing him, even when he had the chance. We see Jean finally having listened to Levi, having heard his words and understood what he meant. That this situation was different from the one with the female MP in the wagon, that here, he WAS right to hesitate, here, he made the right choice. Levi is always impressing onto those around him that they can only ever try and make the right choice in any, given situation, and that they can’t expect those choices to always be the same across the board. That different circumstances call for different decisions, and there’s no point in beating yourself up or regretting those decisions that are made in the moment. Levi never puts unrealistic expectations or pressure on anyone around him to be perfect. He always tells them they’ve done a good job, just for trying. And that is just so incredibly sweet, and kind, and once again, really exemplifies just who Levi really is. Just that lack of judgment, that lack of condemnation, and the respect he shows to everyone by being HONEST with them, is amazing.

It’s interesting too, going through the rest of the chapter, and then chapter 60, when we see that Levi isn’t just some needlessly violent person that kills all the time. He doesn’t kill a single MP when they ambush them at their base, nor does he kill Marlow and Hitch, or the commander they take from the Interior Squads HQ. Once again, Levi’s squad gets another lesson in who Levi really is. That he’ll kill when it’s necessary, when it’s the lives of him and his comrades on the line. But when it’s a less dire situation, he doesn’t resort to it at all. He isn’t like Kenny, for example, who kills even when he doesn’t need to.

Another scene that really stood out to me in chapter 60, that I don’t think was animated, was when the commander they took from HQ tries to manipulate Levi into giving himself and the rest of his squad up, and tries to use Levi’s compassion against him, by telling him to save the lives of Erwin and his other comrades that have been arrested by giving up their own. This reminded me heavily of when Zeke tries to escape from the forest by turning Levi’s comrades into Titans, believing Levi won’t be able to kill them and thus leading to his own death. This kind of psychological deviousness, and attempts to use Levi’s compassion against him are particularly ugly, I think, particularly cruel and cynical. Especially in contrast to Levi’s own honesty and bluntness. Again, it only throws Levi’s own idealism and hopefulness into relief, seeing it clash up against the kind of psychologically manipulative games people like this MP and Zeke play at.

The way this commander of the interior MP’s tries to play head games with Levi by guilt tripping him, by claiming some of the people in HQ that they took down were only servants, and then implying that Levi doesn’t care about his comrades because he isn’t willing to turn himself and the other squad members in to save them is such an unkind thing to imply, because we know, and I think the MP knows, exactly just HOW much Levi cares about his comrades, and that’s why he tried this particular ploy. There isn’t anything much worse than the type of person who would use another person’s kindness and compassion against them this way, and again, the same way we see Zeke use it against Levi in that forest. And the same way we saw Levi’s pain and anguish in the forest when he realized what had happened, and what he would have to do, we see it too in the following panel here. Levi has, once again , an anguished look on his face as he readily admits that some SC members lives are worth more than others, meaning of course Eren and Historia’s lives are more vital than any of their own in overthrowing the corrupt government, and he understands in that way that even if it means Erwin and the others dying, it’s a sacrifice they have to be willing to make. You can see how these choices weigh down on Levi, how much it hurts him to have to make those choices, but tying back in to his earlier conversation with Armin and Jean, he has to be willing to make them in order to help the most people, and he never deludes himself about it. Levi is about as straightforward as you can get, he doesn’t mince words or try to play games, and he doesn’t lie to himself about any of it.

We get more of that honestly when he breaks the commanders arm and tells him straight that that was for refusing to answer his question.

That kind of honestly, both about himself and others, is part of what makes Levi not only the most heroic character in SnK, but also, in many ways, the bravest.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #meta #thoughts #chapter 59 #chapter 60

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zmayadw · 3 years

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Hello to all :)

Time for the next part!

Wish you all a wonderful evening! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 13

We continued enjoying our time, as Aurora got more crowded with people. At some point Cleo showed up, coming to say hi to us, as she was here to meet with Hannah and the others . She had one drink with us before going to sit with them, telling how she is bussy helping her mom at the Gates of Hope with redecorating and other stuff, but she hopes all will be done soon, so we can finaly meet in peace. As it got more crowded with people, Phil was busy and also didnt have much time to have fun with us. Jessy was in a quite good mood, joking and drinking, it was nice seeing her like that.The music playing was good. There was a mixture of everything, from 80's till present day. A song started and Jessy grabbed my hand „Ohhh, lets dance, Maya, i love this song!“ I had no chance to say anything, as Jessy lead me half way to the dance floor already. She started dancing, and i couldnt do anythign but join her. And we had fun. I needed this, i tought, just some simple fun with good friends. Dan joined us from time to time, showing off his killer dancing skills. Phil was passing by us few times, going to one of the booths or tables, always winking at me with that devilish grin of his. One of the times, as Jessy and me wer dancing Phil came from behind me, wraping his free hand arround my waist and squeezing agains me. We just moved with the rhythm of the music for a while, before he groaned at my ear „Arghh, as much as i would love to stay here with you gorgeous, but work is calling.“ I grined at him, as he let go of me slowely „Aww, next time then.“ As much as i liked it, i hoped Jake didnt see this. I wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea about Phil and me. I really wanted to know where i stand with him, but this noncomunication between us wasnt helping. Lily told me to be patient, but as i told Jessy, my patiance is running short. I leaned to Jessy telling her i need to go sit down for a while, and we returned at the bar. Dan and Thomas wer there talking, and both got up from the stools letting us sit as we came. Thomas smiled at us „You two really got it going on tonight.“ He turned to Dan saying teasingly „You better be careful,man, and keep her close to you“ He pointed at Jessy „They wer smoking hot on the floor, dont let someone steel her.“ Jessy grined at Thomas „Let him sweat a little, he might appriciate me more then.“ „Awww, babe, dont be cruel, you know i appriciate you.“ Dan told her, being dramatic as always, making a puppy face. „Ohh, shus it, you big goof, and lets dance.“ She told him, taking him by the hand to the dance floor. Thomas turned to me „So, can i presume all is good between Lily and you now?“ „I guess you can.“ I told him, and he smiled „Thats good to heare.“ A waiter came with two drinks, handing them to Thomas. „Guess then soon we can all get together again, without any drama.“ „Definatly!“ i said, smiling. He smiled back „Good. Well, have fun, Maya, see you arround.“ I waved at the waiter asking for a mineral water, i was really thursty from all the dancing. I checked my phone, it was after 3, and i noticed a missed call sign. I opened the call log, and when i saw it was another of those hidden numbers, my mood darkened all of a sudden. What is going on here, i touhgt, thess calls are starting to get me worried. Jessy and Dan returned from dancing, and i decided i had enough for the night. This thing shook me up good, and i doubted i could enjoy the evening anymore. I told Jessy i'd be going, to wich she protested a bit, but hugged me and said to call her for coffee any time im up for it. I took my things, waving them goodby. As i was near the entrance, i saw Phil, so i waved at him, he winked and made a phone gesture with his hand, suggesting we'll be talking soon.

As i left the Aurora, cool night air washed over me, so i put my jacket on. I got to my car, just leaning on the side of it, my mind still thinking of those damn calls. They are starting to freak me out a bit, and that sinister feeling started to creep up to me again. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, when a voice said „Are you ok?“ I opened my eyes, seeing Jake standing infront of me. I managed to barely make a smile at him „Yeah, im fine.“ He was looking at me, those deep eyes scaning every inch of my face, like he knew what i said wasnt true. „Just tired, i guess.“ I added, giving him a bit bigger smile, wich seemed to make him belive me. He leaned on the car next to me, and we just stood there in silence for a while. I get restless every time im close to him, my hands itch to just grab him and pull him closer. „You look good, by the way.“ He said after a while, giving me a shy look. His words snaped me from my fantasizing, and i smiled and winked at him „Thanks, glad you noticed.“ „Ofcourse i did, i do have eyes, you know.“ He said teasingly. I turned towards him making a gesture of bevilderment as i said ��Oh my, he can joke!“ „I try my best.“ He said, smiling. Oh that beautiful smile, i tought again, making me smile, too. „You going back in?“ he asked. „No.“ I started „I'm actualy contemplating should i walk or drive back to the motel.“ „And how's that going for you?“ he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. „Well, considering im still standing here doing non of the above, i would say not good.“ I replied, sighing desperatly. He chuckled at me „Hmm, well, how about I drive you back to the motel?“ I looked at him surprised, not really expecting it „You would do that?“ He smiled shyly at me „I would“ pausing a bit, before adding „For you.“ My heart started beeting like crazy, and i could feel heet comming to my cheeks. This night really is interesting. „Umm, well, sure, i'd like that.“ I told him. „But, you dont mind walking back again?“ i asked. „No, its fine.“ „Alright then, lets go.“ I told him, taking my keys out of my purse handing them to him. Our palms touched as i gave him the keys, and our eyes met. He moved his hand slowly away, taking the key, giving me goosebumps. I barely glued myself of the car to let him get in. I got in myself as he started the car and we drow from the Auroras parking. It wouldnt take us long to the motel, and i wished the ride wasnt that short. I noticed he was driving slower then you would normaly drive, as if sharing my toughts himself. I felt nervous, my head was blank, i didnt know what to say. All of a sudden, a tought crossed my mind. „Hey, Jake, can i ask you something?“ „Sure.“ He said, sounding relieved the awkward silence got broken. „Well, i just tought, i havent had a chance to ask you before. Wern't you in some kind of trouble, if im not mistaken?“ i paused before continuing. „I mean, we never discussed it any further. And since you're here at Duskwood for quite some time now already, i was just wondering what's up with all that.“ „You're right“ he started, glancing shortly at me, focusing back on the road „Short version: lets say i made a deal with some people, making sure i'll be left at peace.“ „A deal“ i started „You didnt threaten anyone, or something like that?“ „What?“ he said, „Ofcourse not! What made you ask that?“ „Hey, its a legit question.“ I told him, rising my hands up. „You can understand why a tought like that might cross my mind.“ He was silent for a moment before saying „Ok, fair enough. But, no, i didnt threaten anyone, if that makes you feel better.“ „It does. I just dont want for things to get complex for you again.“ I said, adding after a little pause, my voice getting a bit sadder „Or you dissapearing again.“ He looked at me with such tenderness, slowing the drive even more now „Dont worry, Maya, i'm not going anywhere.“ I smiled at him „Good.“ He turned his head, focusing on the road again, and i realized we came at the motel. He parked close to my room. Neither of us was eager to leave the car, so we just sat there in silence for a moment. I had a felling he wanted to say something, but wasnt sure about it. I finaly managed to force myself to leave the car. I was about to pull the door handle, when Jake suddenly said „Wait.“ I turned towards him. „Can i ask you something now?“ „Sure“ i said, even tho i had a feeling i wouldnt really like the question. He got all nervouse, but finaly asked „You and Phil.. is there something happening?“ Oh,no,no,no, i tought, why he had to ask it. The night would end perfectly without this. I groaned pleadingly at him „Ugh, can we not talk about Phil now, please.“ „Why not?“ he asked, and i noticed his nervousness intensifing. „Because i dont know what to tell you, Jake.“ „How about the truth?“ he said. „I cant do that.“ He looked at me confused „Why not?“ „Because i myself dont know what the truth is.“ I groaned, leaving the car. He left the car, closing the door and walking over to me handing me the keys „What do you mean?“ „I mean, i'm a mess, Jake.“ I started „I dont know what to think any more. You want the truth? Fine. Yes, i like Phil, i cant denie it. We clicked, i feel good arround him, thats the truth.“ My words stung him, and he barely managed to say „I see.“ He leaned with his back against the car, steadying himself. But i wasnt finished yet. „And then there's you, Jake“ i started, my voice full of compassion and tenderness. He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine. „I like you, too. I like you so much, that it hurts.“ I paused a bit before i continued. „Im drawn to you like a magnet, i cant pull off. But, its like, every time the magnets are about to connect, one switches polarity and the other is thrown aback. Its driving me insane! With Phil, everything flows easy. But with you, its everything but easy.“ „Maya, i know i'm not the easiest person..“ he started to say, but i held my fingers to his lips, not leting him speak.They wer so soft and warm, i had to focuse hard on what i wanted to say. „I know, its not easy for you to open up, to let people in. I get it. And i know i said i can wait, that i'll be patiente. But my patiance is fading. I dont know how much longer i can go on like this, Jake. Its tearing me up inside.“ As i said it, i leaned my forehead to his, putting both of my arms to his chest,leaning against him. We just stayed like that for a while. Being this close to him, and the warmth of his body radiating - i felt serene. His heart was beeting fast, probably matching mine. I could stay like this forever, i tought, but i needed to continue. I was waiting for this, to finaly tell him what was on my mind. „I need to know what might be of us.“ I said „If there even exists the posibility of 'us'.“ We stayed like that for a while more, non of us daraing to move or speak, before i slowely pulled away from him. I sighed „You dont have to say anything now. Just, think about what i said. You know where to find me if you want to talk.“ I leaned to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek „Good night, Jake. Thanks for the ride.“ I turned walking slowly towards my room, when i heard him say „Good night, Maya, sweet dreams.“ I turned back, not stopping in my steps, giving him one more smile, him smiling back. I hoped me opening up like this will make him finaly understand the depths of my feelings. I knew there was a posibility he might not feel the same, but i didnt care of it now. I did what i could, i told him how i feel, now he holds all the cards. I unlocked my door and entered the room, kicking my boots off, throwing myself on the bed. What an interesting night it was, i tought smiling, covering myself with blanket and letting sleep take over me.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfic #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood aurora

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lucidpantone · 4 years

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I have waited awhile to write this post but I got inspired by the question posed by @vanmqx who has stated as bi teenager they are a bit confused and wondering if other people that identify as bi feel “the attraction you feel towards a woman feels the same way towards a man”. I am 31 now and let me tell you it took years for me to wrap my brain around this question but let me explain why because it may or may not help you but I wish someone would have told me a story like this when I was a 17 year old girl who realized oh damn I think I like girls too.

When I was 17/18 I use to identify as bi mainly because of how we saw gender at that time it wasn’t as informed as it is now and also concepts of non-binary where fairly new. In present day I chose to not identify as anything because at least for me labels and how in-flux gender politics is just creates more havoc for me personally but I do identify on the queer spectrum and thats how I explain it to people. I would like to get to a point where we don’t have to identify as anything but simply humans who have the capacity to love each other and it not be tied to some form of regulation but sadly we are far from that socially. So I do indeed understand why labels support queer dialogue. So trust me, I get it. Anyways back to the original question. I wish shows like Skam would not only explore wlw more often but attempt to inform girls who like girls about negotiations/experiences your body will have to filter through to properly answer the question posed. I myself did not get to the answer until I had several sexual partners of differing genders for it to click for me (and am sure not everyone wants to go down that path). Emotionally all humans are the same to me there is no difference in how I emotionally connect to them once I like them. Male/Female once I get the butterflies they feel identical. Now let’s discuss the physical which can be a super polarizing topic amongst people who engage in sexual intercourse with both genders and what I find is a super hot topic for varying reasons. Lets say this out loud so the people in the back can hear it. M/W SEX AND W/W IS NOT THE SAME. You will do things/discuss things you will never discuss with the opposite sex when in wlw relationship. I wish a show marketed to teenagers would have one of these discussions on camera so when young women like myself have these discussions as teenagers they don’t feel embarrassed, awkward, weird, ashamed or downright dumb. A lot of my hangs up with whether I enjoyed having sex with men or women more were because I was never afforded the tools or given any guidance on how to explore W/W sex to its full potential. It was more like I guess we do this....ummm okay cool. Because the only wlw exposure most girls get is porn (which is laughable in comparison to the real experience), threesome with guys (which great, way to alienate girls who aren’t attracted to men) and or what I call the “traditional form” of what is consider WLW sex. Also young ladies lets discuss the other thing people don’t really talk about. The psychology aspects of M/F sex and how that can sometimes be super confusing towards how you measure F/F sex because those aspect don’t materialize the same way. My little cousin is 21 and she is dating her first girl and she came to me with one of these types of questions and I will say I personally would never ask a young woman(under 21) explicitly these types of questions because I wouldn’t want to influence their own sexual journey or probe or push but I do think its important if you have one of these questions to ask someone who may help you in filtering the answer out because once again boys/girls who have sex with both genders are not given the tools to navigate these aspects of being attracted to both genders. You literally learn everything through whispers and hand me downs and it just sucks and as a woman who experienced girlhood this way it just fucking blows that I wasted so much time having to filter out an answer to a question about if am equally attracted to both genders the same because society never gave me the tools to experience sex with women on a equal grounding to men. Or informed me that I didn’t have to feel ashamed that my instincts would react a certain way to men and not women but that that didn’t mean one was better then the other.

So yes, now after several partners and years of fumbles and laughable/frustrating experiences I can say I enjoy everything about both genders equally even though sometimes my brain still slips back into years of socializing and primal instincts that I start doing the stupid comparison dance which I hate myself for but thats because loving anyone is complicated now being a woman and loving another woman is practically war but not because your love isn’t valid or equal to how you love men but because society wants you to feel like its not and they take every tool away from you from the start line to make you try to believe it too.

#wlw #queer #wtfock #skam france #skam españa

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metellastella · 4 years

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Mao Mao Pride Week Prompts, Part 3

A continuation of the prompts put out by @maomaosmother Part 1 https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/621726687992872960/hello-everyone-happy-pride-month-to-all-of-you Part 2 https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/621834183114932224/mao-mao-pride-week-prompts

7. Marriage

“But first,” Mao’s sister clapped her hands together, “I wanna talk weddings some more!”

“Right on!” the badger agreed. He whooped.

“Oh good grief,” Mao rolled his eyes. “Fine. You two can chat with the king about the possibility. And I reiterate. Possibility. When you’re ready to make good on your promise, come find me.”

She clucked her tongue in disapproval. “Fine. Be the usual stick in the mud. Don’t know why I’m surprised.”

He grabbed a few more things off his plate and left.

“So,” she sat back down, “I guess if you favor men, the animals here didn’t have to petition for marriage laws to be amended, huh?”

”Correct.” the lion replied.

“Though some thought I was … ironically … being ‘biased.’ Oh well. Can’t help that. Royal power is absolute, for better or worse. I’ve traveled to other nations and, during debates, have suggested that they not use the term ‘marriage’ as I have. Law is, at least in some peoples’ opinions, supposed to be ‘secular,’ and not ‘religious,’ anyway, so why cling to a specific term that isn’t? Simply afford all the exact same rights to civil unions or domestic partnerships. Or make up a third designation. Much easier to get it passed that way. Bypasses a whole lot of entrenched resistance. People can hash out in their own communities what to do with the non-legal angles and rituals and what to call it. But for a ‘marriage’ certificate? What, after all, is a rhetorical difference, in the end?” the diplomat and statesman snapped his fingers. “And like that, less angst for absolutely everyone involved. It’s not always that easy to reconcile or find middle ground. I can’t think of practically any other issues where simply altering one single word could have that effect. Despite a couple of decades worth of rhetorical experience under my belt.”

He sat back, and interlaced his paws contentedly. “Some countries insisted they were still going to adjust tax breaks because of the very unlikely event of children. Unless surrogates are involved, and properly registered as such, to try to avoid wrangling over child custody. That’s a whole other kettle of fish to get into, obviously.”

She nodded. “Well like Mao said, I’m not here to talk politics. Let’s hear your fantasies about the most important day of your life!”

The badger shook his head. “Well it’s not like that for everyone, but don’t get me wrong, I wanna hear, too!” he said excitedly.

“Erm … “ the lion looked down.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“It’s just … I’m more enthusiastic about the idea than Mao, but I’m still a long way off from that myself. So, I don’t want to insult you by making you think I’m further along, just because I have envisioned a marriage … regardless of who the groom is.”

She frowned a little, thinking. “All right then.”

“But I would love to hear about some of your customs, in that event.”

Her face fell some more. “I’m not sure that would be a good idea.”

“Oh?”

“The homeland, though the majority is plenty accepting of pairing in general, has not approved marriage between men,” she said, “so any customs you applied to each other or one of you … might be seen as disrespectful. For example. Would Mao dress as the woman, since he’s chosen to sub? Not only do I think he would never, ever do that …” she looked at the badger for confirmation.

He shook his head, “Oh most definitely not.” He thought for a second. “Maybe that’s why he got up out of here, for that matter. He thought we were gonna suggest doing that. We’ve been to weddings like that. Again, a little like misgendering, no? Even in the rare cases where he gets a mind for it, he’s not at all like a typical sub.”

The badger paused.

“He doesn’t really fit in when I would hang out with other subs. One panda I met just could not wrap his mind around Mao. It was kinda funny. Irritating for him, though. I would be totally down for dressing like the female counterpart in a wedding, if it were me. I’ve pictured it both ways. Maybe even a costume change in the middle?” he waggled his eyebrows. “Or whatever my partner wanted? If a polar bear gave me any direction I’d melt under his strong paw,” his gaze unfocused, and he hummed appreciatively. “Tuxedo? Coming right up. What color? What style? White wool tunic and stole, as is customary for you big guy? I’ll match you! Usus? My Ursus. My dear ursine. Coemptio? Confarreati? Gown? Dress? You got it, my bae bear. I’m male, sure, but a lot more loosey-goosey in that way. But. It’s not me.”

He sighed romantically.

“If I understand Mao,” the lion said slowly, “in general, he’s less sentimental, at the very least in expression, so maybe it’s simply that he doesn’t get as wrapped up in it as you or I would.”

The badger shrugged.

“Also, women tend to get more excited about wedding planning. Not a hard and fast rule of course, but I think we’ve established that you and I have a lot more in common with women, so it makes sense we’d be more enamored, even if it didn’t necessarily need to be that way.”

The badger slapped his forehead. “Oh yeah, wow. How could I not think of that!” He put his paw down and gestured towards her. “I mean this whole conversation we've had a vibe and Mao has seemed the odd one out, gender wise, but I didn’t consider that.”

The badger went on, “Even without a wedding on the table, which is usually headed up by women in this part of the world, it’s often awkward in the first place for a typical guy to be in a room with all women and vice versa … so this visit has kinda been like that for him, I think. I mean, Mao’s always eager enough to go to a wedding, excited about hitting on and dancing with some ladies, and all, but that doesn’t mean he’d necessarily enjoy planning one. He might even leave it all up to you even if he was totally ready for it!”

The three femme animals spent the next few hours discussing flower arrangements, color palettes, the band of tolerant aristocracy he would invite, and who among the clan would approve enough to come. That was hard for the sister to get through, as she thought of those she loved who would refuse to give their blessing and ‘miss all the fun.’

8. Self-Acceptance

Mao threw up his hands in exasperation. “This was different than anything anybody knew of. Other clans’ elders who had wielders hurt badly were brought in to consult. We wielders can be slammed around by dragons, can be thrown into the ground and make craters, and walk away. With lesser wielders, bruises could be shrugged off and healed. But SOMEHOW, the universe had, like a homing pigeon bent on mouse’s blood, found one little chink in our armor. . . . Delicate tails aren’t resistant enough to damage to withstand direct crush force. Some of the visiting canine elders spoke of a time when groups of semi-sapient non-magical hunting dogs had their flowing, floppy ears or long tails surgically cropped to keep them from injuring themselves on hunts. To potentially avoid something like this happening again … by cave-ins, like mine, by boulders hurled by some types of dragons, even just being stepped on by a dragon big enough … Should all wielder animals, intending to fight these beasts … should every species with long tails start doing this removal with our children, they asked? With consent, of course. Like removing tonsils or primates removing the appendix? Lizards probably couldn’t do it, because their slanted gait was too dependent and their tails too heavy. So maybe just the tips? Surely the thicker parts of their tails withstand something like this? They asked. The elders of felines and canines and rodents and otters … the later they waited to dock tails in a trainee’s life, the more they would have to adjust to the missing counterbalance just as I was. They swarmed me and questioned me about it relentlessly. They were asking among themselves … What age would this terrible offered choice be appropriate?”

His green eyes widened in horror at these questions. As if he needed any more psychological stress after being temporarily crippled, he seemed to have altered the entire course of history with the way clans viewed preparation for wielder heroes.

“Inwardly, I felt like …” he once again tried to force the words out he had started before. “I felt like I was causing an implosion of the whole clan. The tranquil meditation spaces were overrun with visitors. Children still hid from me. Our elders argued over whether they should move me for the duration of my recovery, from the clan’s circle. They argued over what to do about the little ones. But didn’t I deserve to feel safe, too? Of course I was ripping everyone apart! It was what always happened when I was around! When we were all younger, and my sisters occasionally came to my defense from one another or dad, I felt it was somehow my fault they argued, too.”

Even if the elders made these new procedures for children voluntary, he would still be virtually ‘responsible’ for possibly unneeded selective surgical alteration of innocents.

“Blue says that’s common, for bullied children to feel like it’s their fault.”

He looked towards the door, probably thinking of the dog’s unruffled voice of reason.

“I try to listen to him. I try to like myself. B-but I … it seemed l-like my family w-was disintegrating because of m-m-me. And my stupid ‘mistake.’ The whole world of wielders, even! Sometimes it still does, when they visit …! Arguing over father’s treatment of me. Remember when my sister said she wasn’t sure starting arguments over lesser wielders was worth unsettling future heroes? Now imagine what I was thinking when the little ones didn’t feel safe in the circle of the clan because of me. I was drowning in self-blame and the only way I felt I could escape it was to work harder, push myself more, and get away from there.”

Could Blue even help him out of this? The lion pictured him like a seeing eye dog this time, trying for all the world to lead the black cat out of such darkness.

Bonus:

From my second story, Outnumbered. Tanya sashayed around the red-caped cat. “Hello Mittens.” “Tanya I swear if you do not stop calling me that, I’m going to use the wrong pronouns for you,” the cat threatened. “Touchy, touchy,” the tanuki tutted teasingly, but her normally chipper attitude got a dent in it. “As if that’s an even trade, anyway.” The masculine magic cat said gruffly, “Maybe not. But I’m tired of you mocking me without consequences. Just because that’s the only thing that ever gets under your skin is no fault of mine. Perky little miss.” She rolled her eyes. “So, you try to make gendering me correctly even sound derogatory. No wonder I broke up with you.” The cat’s fists tightened, but he spoke cooly. “If you can’t handle all this. I’ll just find someone who can.”

“Like the king you’re serving as a bodyguard to?” the fox-like animal said in a silken tone. “The only kind of lion with no birth mane. Are you a chaser, you dog?” “First off. No. How dare you. Targeting gender non-conforming animals may not be officially dishonorable, but as a concept, it is,” the samurai bristled, “We’re not involved, and we’re never going to be. We’re not attracted to each other, as my nose could clearly tell if he was. Second of all. Since when do you have something against dogs?” “It’s an expression.” “An expression that’s derogatory towards dogs,” the cat sneered. “I can’t imagine the blue therapist dog could be less like that. It’s like ‘sexist pig.’ The yellow pig back in Pure Heart would be crushed if he ever heard someone utter it. Yet outside that nice little paradise, it’s a common saying. King Snugglemagne is having to adjust mightily to the outside world. You may be used to it, steeped in it, but for magic’s sake, stop teasing him about it.” “Oh, a king can’t take a little hardship?” she said lazily. “Of course not, he’s been ensconced in his fancy-pants palace. Now that he has an idea of how it is for everyone else, he crumples at the slightest trouble. Sorry I can’t muster up enough energy to care.” “You should care. Given that he has the same problems you do.” “With pronouns? Puh. Since I’m a roaming outlaw,” the orange animal said flouncily, “I don’t expect either other crooks or enforcers I encounter to respect that my gender doesn’t match my body’s smell. The former doesn’t even respect the law, so why should I take that personally? And the latter are more focused on getting me behind bars. So, no, not my problem. Too much of a bother.” “If you settled down, and got a respectable job,” the cat pointed out, “Established yourself as a constant presence, people would probably collectively accept you.” She laughed derisively. “Oh no, I value my freedom far more than that, Mi-” she swallowed back the nickname. He laughed just as derisively. “I see you do value my word on the matter, though,” he said suggestively. “Are you just not as tough as you make out, or do you still harbor some feelings for me, my sweet little illusionist?”

She opened her mouth, but then shut it again.

“You slippery mirage master,” he said “you do, don’t you?”

He paused. “Hm. ‘Master,’ maybe I should say ‘Mistress’?” he amended. “There’s . . . really no good choice there,” she chuckled hesitantly. “There are ‘Head Mistresses’ at some schools in Snugglemagne’s kingdom,” the cat pointed out.

“Yes but . . . still has connotations. I don’t break the law that way,” she said, normally carefree attitude wobbling. “Even I have standards.”

“Hasn't stopped you from dangling the offer to get what you want,” he said.

She blushed.

“Yeah, word gets around,” he went on blithely as she uncomfortably gripped one of her arms. “Don't know why I should be surprised that playing with hearts isn't beneath you. But more to the point. I know you’re ultimately reasonably principled in that arena, if really flirty. You ever want to get back together, babe, the invitation is open,” he winked.

“And endure your jealous behavior again? I think not. I’ll file that away with other useless knowledge,” she said icily.

“Oh that’s not like you,” he said in a low baritone. “You’re sweet to everyone, even if they can’t catch the mocking tone sometimes.” “Not everyone’s as smart as you, cupcake.” He looked caught off guard by the compliment. “She brushed her fingers under his chin. “I guess you’ll just have to miss me.”

She somersaulted away from him, waving goodbye and blowing a kiss. He said under his breath, “As if I’d ever misgender you. You may play a lot of mind games, love, but you didn’t catch that bluff.”

Comic page: https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/621837213819437056/mao-maos-specific-trigger-should-not-be First chapter of Piercing the Swordsman https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/617045879413719040/piercing-the-swordsman-chapter-1

@beesechurguer @king-himbo

#maomaosprideweek2020 #mao mao heroes of pure heart #mao mao snugglemagne #snugglemao #badgerclops #mao mao sisters #fanfiction #LGBT Pride Month #piercingtheswordsman

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margridarnauds · 4 years

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Did you watch some Shiki Stage Musicals ? I also love how their productions look through th PV and the documentaries but it seems to me that people not talk so much about the Company contrary to Toho Stage. Is that because they have another politics concerning their musicals ? Also what you can tell about the Shiki Actresses ? What are the differences with the Toho Actresses ?

Your timing is actually IMPECCABLE here, because I was only just looking at Shiki’s channel as you sent that on and thinking about how I’ve somewhat neglected it. In Toho’s defense: It’s only really as well known as it is because me and a few others worked our tails off to get it SOME recognition, and we’re still actively working on trying to keep things that way. An awareness of what Toho is has been slowly spreading through the last few years, since we’ve been making gifsets and posting material, but it’s still very much in the shadow of Zuka, in many ways. There just...is not that much attention paid to non-Zuka Japanese Musicals, sadly, and even Zuka tends to fall into the “niche interest” category, and for the past few years, my attention’s been kind of spread thin trying to go from new Toho musical to new Toho musical while also checking on whatever’s happening in Korea at the moment.

As a warning, I do not know NEARLY as much about Shiki as I do about Toho and Zuka; it can be on the elusive side as far as tracking down material, especially as a non-Japanese speaker, so I’m very willing to be wrong here.

So, what I would say, off the bat, is that there isn’t really the same rivalry between Shiki and Toho that there is between, say, Zuka and Toho. Or at least. None that I’ve personally witnessed. I think that people are generally willing to attend both, though Toho does have the prestige of having The Imperial Seal™ (at Imperial Prices™ to match.) On a personal level, the reason for why I *personally* don’t work with it as much is nothing really personal against Shiki, but more that, specifically because a ton of their musicals are taken from Broadway, that means that the rights to distribution are...well. Complicated. Which means that you don’t really GET proshots of Shiki musicals as such. Not saying it will never happen. But I’m saying that, as of the present, Shiki doesn’t really do it. Which means that I have considerably less material to properly work with, as opposed to Toho where, okay, proshots are limited, but they do happen, and so I can watch the entire musical and draw material from there. With Shiki, I only ever have a few minutes to work off of. Shiki is, in that sense, still very much kind of confined to Japan, since the only way to REALLY support them is to go to Japan and attend a musical yourself, which...well. I can’t really do. That and, at the risk of being perfectly blunt, I’m a sucker for really, really expensive costumes, and Toho happens to know how to appeal to that.

Looking online at fanboards, whenever someone asks the question “Toho or Shiki?” the general consensus really seems to be “It’s impossible to really compare them because they’re essentially different styles of musical entirely.” Shiki is....I don’t know how to say this in a way that doesn’t devalue one or the other, but it tends to be a little more light-hearted, it has a little more of that family-friendly “People can bring their families for a night out at the musicals” charm, while Toho....well. Okay, if I theoretically had spawn, I would be willing to take them to, say, Roman Holiday or Fiddler on the Roof at Toho, but....1789? MARIE ANTOINETTE (with its lovely depictions of mob violence, swearing, and references to incest and sexual abuse)? NO. NO. SAVE YOURSELF, SMALL CHILD. And, of course, the light, happy Black Butler musicals. Toho.....not ALL the time, of course, but it tends, in my opinion, to have a darker edge. The musicals are glorious, the production values are high, and the costuming is fantastic, but still. A darker edge. Even among their more family friendly musicals, like Fiddler, they’re still....mature, you know? You get the feeling with Toho that the people watching it are all very much adults. Takarazuka....I’d have LESS trouble bringing my hypothetical spawn to, but also, traditionally, Takarazuka is generally, in a Japanese context, associated with middle-aged women. Also keeping in mind that children have low attention spans and I’m not sure they would REALLY want to watch a 20 minute revue at the end, though the revue is undoubtedly cool.

But Shiki? It’s bright, it’s colorful, it does musicals like The Little Mermaid, Frozen, The Lion King, and Mamma Mia (which is DEFINITELY not for kids, really, but still has that kind of....happy, sparky vibe to it). Also musicals that have come to really represent BROADWAY tend to get staged there, like Phantom of the Opera, Evita, and Cats. Yeah, it doesn’t quite have the budget of Toho or Zuka, but it’s FUN. Everyone there IS trained, and it can actually be a decent way of checking who might be up and coming in the Japanese musical world, since, of course, just because someone STARTS OFF with Shiki doesn’t mean they can’t move to Toho (I believe that Mitsuo Yoshihara, for one example, started with Shiki, as did Rie Yoshizawa, who is better known by me for playing Mary I in “Lady Bess” but also played in Mamma Mia and A Chorus Line at Shik, and Megumi Hamada, who is arguably one of the most respected female Japanese musical performers of our time, with her roles in Wicked (Shiki), Mamma Mia (Shiki), Beauty and the Beast (Shiki), Death Note (Toho), Sunset Boulevard (Toho), Love Never Dies (Toho), and Jekyll and Hyde (Toho) giving her a reputation of a truly world-class diva, in the best possible sense of the term.)

As with Toho, you have to go through an audition to get in -- Personally, I think that Shiki has more fresh blood passing through it than Toho, which can sometimes cycle the same cast around repeatedly, with the exception of musicals like Les Miserables and Miss Saigon that tend to be star creators. (ALWAYS take note of who’s playing Enjolras in Les Mis in particular; a lot of Toho stars have made their careers that way, ditto for Eponine and Kim in Miss Saigon. Not that I recommend anyone watch Miss Saigon. Because it’s a racist, orientalist mess. But at least check the cast list for it.) So, as with Toho, you do generally have people who went to school for acting and singing, though you don’t REALLY get, say, former Takarazuka actresses. I don’t think that Shiki is generally (underline generally, because no sooner do I give out a rule than I find that someone broke the rule) considered to be prestigious enough for the REALLY high profile stars. It’s a good place, again, it isn’t like there’s a STIGMA against it, but it’s just a matter of degree. So, my dream of seeing Sayaka Kanda playing Princess Anna of Arendelle on stage is tragically doomed.

Compared to Toho, I have relatively few actresses I’m really ATTACHED to, mainly because I think that Shiki doesn’t really emphasize the performer as much as the musical, if that makes any sense? Shiki, unlike Toho, subscribes to what is called the “auteur theory” which, put to its core, states that it is a strict meritocracy, with no famous celebrities being cast, and that actors exist to make a musical shine, not the other way around. (Takarazuka is the polar opposite, emphasizing the Top Star system, while Toho is halfway in-between the two of them, as discussed here.) Which is good, to some extent, since I firmly believe that a musical should never be about one person and, quite frankly, I have seen my fair share of cases where a single actor’s vanity tanked my impression of a musical, but it also makes it a little harder to get attached to individual actresses/actors when I don’t really get to see that much of them. Two that I’ve noted:

- Azusa Hirata - A particularly interesting case because, unlike the usual cases I see where you have a Shiki actress “graduating” to Toho in a sense, she actually went from doing quite a few Toho musicals in her youth to doing Shiki. She actually won the 1st International Szilvester Levay International Singing Competition, where she performed “Blind vom Licht” from Marie Antoinette (of course I have to like her). Her rendition isn’t my FAVORITE in terms of the context of the musical, a little too polished for my personal tastes, but still brilliant, and she definitely earned her spot.

- Masae Ebata - The youngest Donna Sheridan in the world, at the age of just 30, and renowned for playing both Donna and Sophie in the same performance period. Also the VERY first Korean performer to play the role of Elphaba in Wicked, before the official Korean premiere in 2012. It’s been noted that, along with her voice being very good, she pronounces her Japanese VERY well, which is something that many Korean performers coming to Japan have trouble with (another performer who’s been noted for it is Park Hye-Na in Death Note.)

- Marie Wakana - Her performance of “Part of Your World” in the PV is SO good.

(I actually suspect that this might be partially why Shiki doesn’t have as much of an international following, because foreign fans will generally get really attached to a singular STAR, whereas the Shiki musicals don’t have that same bait. They don’t really have a Furukawa Yuta of their own, someone who, just by name alone, they’re like ‘Ah, yes, they’ll be playing in this musical, so it’s going to be a good show.’ And, for most international fans, I feel like, without the allure of a castmember they’re attached to, they might look at Shiki musicals and essentially go “What are they doing that I can’t get closer to home?” That’s my SUSPICION, at any rate.)

#shiki theatre #shiki stage #HIGHLY underrated in all honesty #scarletfantasia

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mxscreambitch · 4 years

Text

Prompt: 3 and delgado relised that they have basicly became jo's parents @ pan-desaster I am so sorry that it took me quiet a while to write this however I will accept this prompt as canon from now on. The doctor and the master being overprotective weird parents, adopting Jo by accident and UNIT just watching like “What is going on?”, that’s it!

“You see Miss Grant”, the Master got themselves on eye to eye level with the abducted woman, “I have gotten wind of your male company last week and I highly disapprove of him” This statements only response was a glare from the blond one. “I have already gone out of my way to have a lengthy talk with him as well so I demand you do not contact him again, if he should initiate to contact you, tell me and he will not bother you again” “Oh so you are having the talk as well?”, the Doctor appeared in the doorframe. Their arms crossed and watching the other two life forms. “I surely do. I have talked to the other human in question as well.” The other Timelord stood up straight and tugged his shirt. “So that was why he was scared and ready to burst into tears. Normally I do not accept this kind of treatment”, the Doctor eyed his old friend, “however in this case I will let it slip” “And why exactly do you disapprove?” asked Jo and tried to move her hands to get more comfortable with the rope tied around her wrists. Both aliens propositioned themselves in front of her. “You see I, and him probably as well, decided to do a little background check” “I do not want to scare you any more than necessary therefore we will not mention any details. Let us just say that he is not a nice person and we forbid any kind of interaction” “That is coming from you?” asked Jo, rolling her eyes and giving up on getting comfortable while being tied to a plastic chair. She wasn’t interested in comparing moral standards to those of the master although her date could only do better. The alien men positioned themselves in front of Jo, looking like mother hens which made the situation not frightening at all. For a few seconds – twenty two to be exact – the only noise was Jos skirt rubbing on the chair. She has been sitting there for way to long and it started to get quite uncomfortable. The silver haired bent down and inspected the handcuffs. The hostage situation has been going on for long enough. “Now, old friend don’t you have any evil schemes to plan just to be betrayed?” The words given as an answer got lost in the dark beard of the Master but they assembled something like “I promise to surprise… next time…”. Jo watched them leave the room and slam the door while the Doctor opened her handcuffs. “Can we go now if you don’t want to stop him from whatsoever?” “Don’t worry I have already reversed the polarity of his traps, so it’s safe to leave”

“You know I am an adult, right? I can choose my own partners all by myself”, stated Jo on a drive home which was featured by awkward silence. The harsh and cold wind blew through her hair and made her shiver. Taking his eyes of the road and completely focusing on the female next to them the Doctor answered: “He dissected alien life forms and distilled some of their hormones to sell them as drugs” With a groan Jo reclined her head and stared into the grey, cloudy sky. “Can you even remember his name?” The Doctor cleared their throat and decided that it would be a good idea to adjust their focus on the street again. Did the name start with a H? Or was his name Owen? Jason? Jackson? No, he couldn’t quite get their head around a name and it was distracting the Doctor from the non-existing traffic anyway! “These hormones have an exhausting, fuddled effect on the human brain. It leads to memory loss, paralysations, cellular deaths in the brain and other mayor organs. Symptoms which his last date showed before her death” Jo began to shiver. The wind continued to blow around her, harsh and cold. “Also you should have put on a jacket before being abducted, Jo. It is cold outside”

On the next morning a golden shining cube appeared at the UNIT head quarter. It hovered around one and half meters above the ground near the TARDIS, sending out a mental call to the timelord. When he made contact with the cube the image of the Master appeared in the Doctors mind. Well combed and dressed, inviting the other for Dinner in London. After the message was delivered another cube appeared, spreading some poison without any dedication simply for the sake of it. The Masters gloved hands took the bare one and the Doctor felt the others beard on his skin, “I am very glad you decided to show up, we have to discuss Ms. Grants partner. I can’t have her die by some human since I enjoy havi… she makes an excellent hostage” “Oh I don’t doubt that” the Doctor jerked his hand back and sat down at a table with two chairs and a light candle in the middle of it. The restaurant was completely empty expect for the two Timelords and a nervous waiter. The only noise came from their breathing. Every candle was lit, the only electronic light came from the kitchen. “I hope you are going to try to murder me after dessert, I would like to try the Tiramisu. I have heard it is very good here” The early evening turned into midnight while their conversation passed from the human that remains unnamed and his inappropriate behaviour to nuclear transmutations. The conversation was lightheaded, the mockery not serious and instead of being streaked with rivalry it was more like the afternoons they have spent on the academy together. Beneath two suns and surrounded with read grass when their happiness was real. It was nearly like back then, only the childish innocence was lost. Instead of putting poison into the Doctors Tiramisu or Tea, with every hour the Master moved his hand closer to the Doctor. When the clock struck midnight, the timelords hade their hands entangled and left the restaurant which the Master booked with his hypnotic powers. In the dim lights of the lanterns their shared their first kiss in millennials. It wasn’t tender anymore. Their kiss was filled with regret and loss and reunion. “Now my dear Doctor if you do not reject me I will take you home now” “Always coming up with a trick to get what you want. I have Bessy close up so I don’t have to be brought anywhere” “You would just leave?” “Would you let me drive you?” “If we share this night”

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heartslogos · 3 years

Text

newfragile yellows [940]

"Ellana, you know we're going to have to take you in, right?"

“Will the policies I’ve implemented continue to stay in effect?” Ellana asks. “You know I’ve got to ask.”

Evelyn sighs. “Since you did them under false pretenses under assumed identity you know they wont. Ellana, you know the answer to these questions.”

“This is not how a hero villain stand off is supposed to go,” Sera says. “This is like, way too cas.”

“Cas?”

“Short for casual, old timer,” Max explains to Evelyn. “It’s probably because none of us are using our handles and are like, you know. Just being pretty chill about the fact that Ellana captured the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world, kept him in a basement, created a wicked cool disguise to pass off as him, and started implementing — what most would consider radical, but they’re really just average and the most basic of moral and ethic —business practices greatly improving employee morale and upping the standard for the whole business.”

“Sometimes,” Sera begins, shaking her head at Maxwell, “Sometimes I can’t stand to look at you because you’re like a fuckin’ poster boy for Andrastian male goodness. And then you say shit like that and I remember you’re a drop out from Templar school or whatever because you think people with super powers are still people. And then I remember you have a membership to a golf club and I get this endless loop of psychic damage. I hate it.”

“We’re still friends though, right?” Max asks.

Sera looks away from him, plucking at her bow string. “Look, if this isn’t gonna be an actual fight let me know so I can unstring this. These things look cool but they’re actually not supposed to be like this all the time. There’s reason they pack away, you know? Also unlike some of you I’ve got a real job and I gotta you know. Put some hours and effort into that.”

Everyone turns to look at Sera.

“Why do you have another job on top of this one?” Ellana asks. “It seems like spreading your resources a little thin, doesn’t it?”

“It’s for the enrichment,” Sera replies. “Cuz Maker fuckin’ knows it isn’t for the pay or benefits.”

“Which are?” Evelyn prompts.

“Pay? Meh. Benefits? Blah.”

“The Inquisition pays you and gives you benefits,” Max points out.

“Yeah, but like. Listen. I’m not going around advertising that I’m one of the Red Jennies, infamous super hero slash vigilante that’s everywhere all the time, you know? So I need the other job as something of a cover story when I talk to people. And also because like. Listen. It’s a good way to get information and hear about rumors and also meet people who are kind of normal.” Sera shakes her head. “Hold on. We’re not here to talk about how I have two jobs. We’re here because crazy over there locked up a guy in one of her evil person basements and stole his identity for like three months.”

“And then proceeded to implement extremely good policies that many would consider leftists but in actuality are what most would consider to be moderate in a non-polarized — “

Sera flips her middle finger at Max and then points the finger at her own head. “Psychic. Damage. Shut up.”

Maxwell puts his hands up before miming zipping his mouth closed.

“Okay, so maybe I did some unlawful detainment,” Ellana says. “But look at my results! It’s only been three months and already there’s been an ecological shift, a definite economical shift moving towards trending upwards growth, and a huge attitude turn around in the industry due to the pressure I’ve been putting on the business model as a whole. I’m doing great things here.”

“Yes, but you’re doing them under false pretenses and it doesn’t cancel out. So while I do admire the change you’ve brought and the positive direction you’re taking things in — you know I can’t just let it slide.”

“If you give me just one more week I can have half of the major corporations locked into an iron-clad environment saving contract for the next fifty years.”

“Look, I can see you hesitating ‘Quizitor,” Sera says. “I am also a huge fan of what’s happening here. But facts facts. She held a guy hostage in a basement.”

“It was a very nice basement,” Max mutters. “Better than most prisons on this side of the sea.”

“Thank you,” Ellana says. “Sorry. I’ve got sharp hearing. Elf ears and all that stuff.”

“Don’t tell me you’re going easy on her because she’s Ethos’ twin sister. Or because The Iron Bull’s got a huge crush on her.”

“He does?”

“He does?” Max gapes at Sera. “Sera, you just outed the Iron Bull like that?”

“Uh. Hello? Everyone knows it? It’s not like he’s hiding it. He flat out said it.” Sera looks around the other three. “Are you guys dense or what?”

“Yes. I know he said it, but we don’t know if he’s said it to her,” Evelyn replies. “And ideally the first person she hears it from isn’t us it’s him.”

“Actually, the first person I heard it from was Mahanon, but I couldn’t tell if he was being dramatic or not,” Ellana claps her hands together. “Oh my gosh. Really? Wow. Evelyn, I abducted you for almost an entire three days and you don’t have a crush on me. Wow. I only had him in my evil clutches for ten hours.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? I should think that’s a major win for you,” Evelyn relies dryly. “Having one of the world’s top ranked super heroes on your holiday card list when you’re one of the world’s top ranked super villains has got to be some kind of accomplishment.”

“Oh for sure, for sure, for sure. But. This? Wow!” Ellana sighs. Dreamily.

Sera gags. Maxwell covers his face with his hands. Evelyn closes her eyes and does her best to ignore the foreboding feeling that something terrible is going to happen because of this.

“I mean. He’s really cute. And some of his arguments on philosophical quandaries? So choice. We spent a whole three hours discussing the ship puzzle. I’m glad I have it recorded because those three hours bring some light to my life.”

#heartsfic #gather your party and venture forth

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xhxhxhx · 4 years

Text

“The Only Real Exception”

After writing about the education-polarization thesis and the future of Europe and Asia, I was curious: Has Japan polarized? One of Thomas Piketty’s students studied the question. They came to a surprising answer.

As Western Europe and North America have become increasingly polarized around education and income, Japan has actually depolarized.

Western Europe and Japan started in different places. In Western Europe, the educated classes traditionally supported parties of the right. In postwar Japan, they supported parties of the left. They moved in different directions. In Western Europe, the educated moved left. In Japan, they moved right.

From Amory Gethin, “Cleavage structures and distributive politics”:

7.6 The end of ‘cultural politics’

One of the other specificities of Japanese electoral behaviour is the fact that higher educated individuals have continuously supported left-wing parties, especially during the twenty years following the end of World War II. The historical strength of education levels in predicting party choice in Japan is well-known: it reflects the freezing of the party system which had emerged in the context of the ‘cultural politics’ of the 1950s (Watanuki, 1991).

Even when controlling for the significant improvements in citizens’ education levels since the 1960s, this pattern has persisted for most of the second half of the twentieth century. In the 1960s, 65% of the 20% least educated voters supported the Liberal Democratic Party, against 41% of voters belonging to the top education decile (figure 7.3c). During recent years, however, these differences have decreased considerably, and popular vote for the LDP has oscillated between 40% and 45% for all education groups in 2009-2014. Looking more closely at intellectual elites confirms this evolution (figure 7.3d). In 1963-1967, top 10% educated voters were indeed less likely to support the LDP by about 15 percentage points (8 percentage points after controls). This figure remained broadly stable, staying between 5 and 10 percentage points during the 1963-1996 period. Starting in 2009, however, education lost significance, even when including controls. The decline of the Social Democratic Party during the 1990s and its replacement by the Democratic Party of Japan – which culminated by its victory in 2009 – therefore seems to coincide with the disappearance of what was one of the most fundamental political divisions of Japanese society. The fact that this dealignment was sudden and occurred at the same time as shifts in the structure of party politics suggests that this process is driven by top-down mechanisms rather than long-run evolutions in collective beliefs.

7.7 From a multiple elites party system to political indifferentiation?

Bringing these two dynamics together points to a trend which is the exact opposite of the one observed in most Western countries (figure 7.4). In the 1960s, intellectual and economic elites were clearly separated into two different groups. On the left of the political spectrum, university graduates were highly supportive of the Japanese Communist Party and the Japanese Socialist Party, who based their appeal more on liberal values than on class antagonisms. Meanwhile, the Liberal Democratic Party attracted both low income earners and business elites. Through its defense of organized capitalism, it created strong ties with top executives and industrial leaders who participated in developing Japan’s growth model. This structure of political competition suddenly ended in 2009, when the LDP was defeated for the first time.

While these figures suggest that Japan was originally a perfect example of a multiple elites party system, this characterisation should not be over-emphasised. Persistently strong levels of support for the party among low income earners demonstrates that the LDP has never favoured exclusively economic elites. As was highlighted above, part of its remarkable hegemony came from its ability to distribute equally the fruits of the country’s long periods of growth. The non-linearity of the relationship between income and electoral behaviour is, to some extent, an interesting representation of the Japanese social compromise, which came with its dominant-party system.

Piketty describes Japan as the exception to the education-polarization rule. From Capital and Ideology:

The only real exception to this general evolution of the structure of political cleavages within the electoral democracies of developed countries seems to concern Japan, which has never really experienced a party system of classist type comparable to those observed in European countries and Westerners during the post-war period. The Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) has been in power almost permanently in Japan since 1945. Historically, this almost hegemonic conservative party has achieved its best scores in the rural and agricultural world and among the urban bourgeoisie. The LDP thus succeeded in synthesizing between the economic and industrial elites and traditional Japan, around a project of reconstruction of the country, in a complex context marked by the American occupation and an anticommunism exacerbated by the Russian-Chinese proximity. Conversely, the Democratic Party (main opposition party) has generally achieved its best scores among modest and average urban employees and among the most highly qualified, who are willing to protest against the presence of the United States and the new moral and social order embodied by the LDP, but without succeeding in sustainably gathering an alternative majority8. More generally, the specific structure of the political conflict in Japan must be linked to the particular form taken by Japanese cleavages around nationalism and traditional values9.

8. See A. GETHIN, Cleavages Structures and Distributive Politics, op. cit., p. 89-100. See also K. MORI MCELWAIN, « Party System Institutionalization in Japan », in A. HICKEN, E. MARTINEZ KUHONTA, Party System Institutionalization in Asia, Cambridge University Press, 2015, p. 74-107.

9. In The Game of the Century [The Silent Cry] (1967), Kenzaburô Ôé magnificently evokes the complexity and the violence of the relations between the intellectual elites and the popular classes in Japan, in particular around the urban-rural divide, traditional values and the question of the modernization of the country since the beginning of the Meiji era (1868), without forgetting the role played by the geopolitical positioning of the archipelago, the relationship with the United States and the antagonisms aroused by the presence of Korean workers.

Perhaps Japan was a precociously modern society in the 1960s, with an educated left and a uneducated right. Or perhaps it was a “post-colonial” society, with a self-consciously anti-imperialist left.

The Japanese experience of the 1960s can certainly sound precociously modern. In Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood (1987), one working class student was put off by the 1960s educated left:

"You know, when I went to university I joined a folk-music club. I just wanted to sing songs. But the members were a load of frauds. I get goose-bumps just thinking about them. The first thing they tell you when you enter the club is you have to read Marx. ‘Read page so-and-so to such-and-such for next time.’ Somebody gave a lecture on how folk songs have to be deeply involved with society and the radical movement. So, what the hell, I went home and tried as hard as I could to read it, but I didn't understand a thing. It was worse than the subjunctive. I gave up after three pages. So I went to the next week's meeting like a good little scout and said I had read it, but I couldn't understand it. From that point on they treated me like an idiot.

“I had no critical awareness of the class struggle, they said, I was a social cripple. I mean, this was serious. And all because I said I couldn't understand a piece of writing. Don't you think they were terrible?"

"Uh-huh," I said.

"And their so-called discussions were terrible, too. Everybody would use big words and pretend they knew what was going on. But I would ask questions whenever I didn't understand something. "What is this imperialist exploitation stuff you're talking about? Is it connected somehow to the East India Company?' "Does smashing the educational-industrial complex mean we're not supposed to work for a company after we graduate?' And stuff like that. But nobody was willing to explain anything to me. Far from it -- they got really angry.

“Can you believe it?"

"Yeah, I can," I said.

"One guy yelled at me, "You stupid bitch, how do you live like that with nothing in your brain?' Well, that did it. I wasn't going to put up with that. OK, so I'm not so smart. I'm working class. But it's the working class that keeps the world running, and it's the working classes that get exploited. What kind of revolution is it that just throws out big words that working-class people can't understand? What kind of crap social revolution is that? I mean, I'd like to make the world a better place, too. If somebody's really being exploited, we've got to put a stop to it. That's what I believe, and that's why I ask questions.

“Am I right, or what?"

"You're right."

"So that's when it hit me. These guys are fakes. All they've got on their minds is impressing the new girls with the big words they're so proud of, while sticking their hands up their skirts. And when they graduate, they cut their hair short and march off to work for Mitsubishi or IBM or Fuji Bank. They marry pretty wives who've never read Marx and have kids they give fancy new names to that are enough to make you puke. Smash what educational-industrial complex? Don't make me laugh! And the new members were just as bad. They didn't understand a thing either, but they pretended to and they were laughing at me. After the meeting, they told me, "Don't be silly! So what if you don't understand? Just agree with everything they say.'"

[...]

"So then what happened with your club?"

"I left in June, I was so furious," Midori said. "Most of these student types are total frauds. They're scared to death somebody's gonna find out they don't know something. They all read the same books and they all spout the same slogans, and they love listening to John Coltrane and seeing Pasolini movies. You call that "revolution?"'

"Hey, don't ask me, I've never actually seen a revolution."

"Well, if that's revolution, you can stick it. They'd probably shoot me for putting umeboshi in my rice balls. They'd shoot you, too, for understanding the subjunctive."

"It could happen."

"Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm working class.”

But those dynamics changed. Today, Japan is about as polarized by education as France and the United States were in the 1970s and the United Kingdom was in the 1990s: the more educated and the less educated vote the same way.

I am still interested in whether Japan has depolarized at the level of opinion and policy. Under Shinzo Abe, the country has liberalized. It has more immigration and more women in the workforce. Perhaps that reflects the preferences of an increasingly educated population.

But it might be something else. The Liberal Democrats have a freedom of action that parties in competitive systems do not enjoy. In the United States, Democrats and Republicans must respond to changing preferences. In Japan, the Liberal Democrats can, more often than not, ignore them.

Perhaps Abe simply decided that cultural conservatism is not a winning program. But perhaps the country is changing beneath his feet.

#effortpost

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schraubd · 5 years

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Working Through Two New Polls on Antisemitism and BDS

Two very interesting surveys have just dropped on the subject of BDS and antisemitism in America. The first is the AJC's survey of American Jews on the subject of antisemitism in America. The second, a "Critical Issues" poll out of the University of Maryland, surveys all Americans on various Middle East policy related questions, including BDS. Both have some intriguing findings that are worth discussing. Start with the AJC poll. There's a lot of great stuff to unpack in here on how American Jews assess the lay of the antisemitic land. For one, it finally gives me some data on what American Jews think about BDS. Unlike Americans writ large, who've barely heard of BDS (we'll get into that more in the other poll), Jews have definitely heard about the BDS movement (76% are at least a little familiar with it, and 62% of "somewhat" or "very" familiar). There isn't a direct "do you support BDS" question, but they do ask about BDS and antisemitism. 35% say BDS is "mostly" antisemitic, 47% say it has "some antisemitic supporters", and 14% say it is simply "not antisemitic". Of course, that middle response is vague -- it could mean anything from "BDS is not inherently antisemitic, but it's got a significant antisemitism problem" to "BDS is mostly fine, but sure, obviously it has some antisemitic supporters." Nonetheless, paired with some of the other responses -- such as the 84%(!) who view the statement "Israel has no right to exist" as antisemitic -- I think it is fair to infer that the majority of American Jews are, to say the least, not BDS fans. In terms of broad assessments on antisemitism in America, things don't like great: 88% of Jews say it is a "very" or "somewhat" serious problem and 84% say it has increased in severity over the past five years. The silver lining is that most Jews have not been victimized by either physical or verbal antisemitic attack and most Jews are not avoiding Jewish spaces or advertising their Jewish status out of fear of antisemitic attacks. But perhaps the more interesting data comes in terms of where American Jews think antisemitism is coming from, and who is mostly responsible for it. It's no surprise that most Jews are Democrats, most Jews lean liberal, and most Jews have an unfavorable view of Donald Trump (by a 22/76 margin -- whoof!). It might be a little more surprising -- at least given how the issue has been covered by both the Jewish and non-Jewish press -- how Jews assess the threat of antisemitism and the response to it on an ideological level. Jews strongly disapprove of how Donald Trump is handling the threat of antisemitism in the United States -- literally, 62% "strongly disapprove", the overall approve/disapprove spread is 24/73. In terms of where the threat of antisemitism is strongest in America, the answer is "the extreme right" -- 49% of respondents say it is a "very serious" threat, compared to 15% for "the extreme left" and 27% for "extremism in the name of Islam". Add in the "moderately serious" threat respondents and the extreme right gets 78%, the extreme left 36%, and Islamic extremism 54%. But that's dealing with "extremists". What about mainstream political parties? Here we see something that I think should blow some doors off. Asked to assess the Democratic and Republican parties' responsibility for contemporary antisemitism on a 1 - 10 scale (where 1 is "no responsibility" and 10 is "total" responsibility), Democrats saw 75% of respondents give them a grade of 5 or below (i.e., the bottom half of the scale), versus 22% at 6 or higher (the mode response was a "1" -- no responsibility -- the second most common response was a "2"). For Republicans, by contrast, just 38% of respondents gave them a 5 or below score, while 61% scored them above a 6. Their mode response was an "8", the second most common response a "10". The way it's been covered in the press, one would think that Jews are fearful of left antisemitism and furious at the Democratic Party for not tamping down on it. In reality, the consensus position in the Jewish community is that the most dangerous antisemitism remains far-right antisemitism, and that in terms of political responsibility the Republican Party is a far more dangerous actor than the Democratic Party is. That consensus has the added advantage of reflecting reality -- it's obviously true that right-wing antisemitism (the sort that gets Jews killed) in America is more dangerous than other varieties, and it's obviously true that the GOP has been nothing short of abysmal in policing itself and reining in its antisemitic conspiracy mongers (thinking instead that its Israel policies entitle it to a nice fat "get-out-of-antisemitism-free" card). Now the question is whether Jewish institutions and the Jewish media (or -- dare to dream -- the mainstream media) will follow the lead on this, and start reallocating attention and emphasis accordingly. Now let's move to the Critical Issues poll. It covers a bunch of ground on Mid-East policy, but it is in particular one of the first I've seen to try and gauge American attitudes towards BDS, so let's focus on that. Perhaps the most striking finding is being slightly misreported -- the Jerusalem Post says it found that 48% of Democrats support BDS. But that's not right -- the true number is probably around half that. The survey first asked how much people had heard about BDS -- and for a majority of respondents (including 55% of Democrats), the answer was "nothing". They hadn't heard of BDS at all. The next-most common response was "a little" (29%), while "a good amount" and "a great deal" combined for just 20%. Only those who had heard at least "a little" about BDS were then asked whether they supported it or not. Overall, 26% of respondents supported it ("strongly" or "somewhat"), while 47% opposed it, and 26% were neutral. For Democrats, that split was 48% support (14% "strongly", 34% "somewhat"), 37% neutral, and 15% opposed. So that's where the 48% figure comes from -- but again, it excludes the majority of Democrats who've never heard about BDS at all. Add them in (and assume they'll be at "neither support nor oppose"), and the percentage of Democrats supporting BDS probably falls into the mid-20s. Now obviously, that's itself noteworthy. But it's hard to know what to make of it, especially given that most of those who have heard about BDS still have only heard "a little" about it. That in itself is worth pointing out -- for all the indigestion this issue is causing the Jewish community, it's barely made an imprint on the polity writ large: 80% of all Americans have heard little or nothing about it. It's hardly some sort of generational wave that's caught the attention of the nation. Still, it would have been interesting to know if those who had heard more were more or less likely to support the campaign -- my guess is actually it would yield greater polarization (those who've heard a lot about BDS would be more likely to either strongly support or strongly oppose it). But -- probably because the number of respondents who've heard more than "a little" about BDS is so small -- we don't have data at that level of granularity. In any event: What does seem to be the case is that there is a sizable -- though still minority -- chunk of Democratic voters who (a) haven't heard that much about BDS and (b) say they support it "somewhat" (recall the "somewhats" vastly outstripped the "stronglys"). My suspicion is that this represents a set of voters who (a) are pretty pissed off at Israel and Netanyahu right now, and don't feel particularly inclined to think it is pursuing an end to the occupation in good faith, and (b) view BDS vaguely as a means of exerting pressure on Israel to change course, or if not that, at least signal that they don't endorse its current tack. In practice this probably means only supporting more "moderate" forms of BDS (if you even want to call it that) -- sanctions against settlements yes, full-fledged academic boycotts no -- and as I've written before that is actually a predictable consequence of BDS going "mainstream": it will lose some of its harder edges (much to the consternation of its founding, more radical core). Basically, these are people who are looking for ways to signal "what Israel is doing is not okay", and while I strongly doubt they are ride-or-die on BDS, absent other avenues for expressing that sentiment they'll at least be open to some form of "BDS" -- albeit probably not the more radical iterations of it that, say, characterize the PACBI guidelines. The challenge for pro-Israel Democrats isn't, I think, that the 2020 Democratic electorate is going to demand that the US treat Israel as a pariah state. The challenge is that these voters are looking for ways to vent their frustration at Israel, and are going to want their candidates to speak in terms of sticks as well as carrots with respect to how Israel is engaged with. We're already seeing a bit of that -- and it's frankly a healthy move. The survey asks a few more message-based questions about BDS (again, only to those who've heard at least a "little" about it), leading questions of the "is it antisemitism or is it legitimate" variety. I'm very much not a fan of the wording of those questions, and don't think they tell us much other than effective messaging frames to make people more positively disposed towards BDS (including that "Opposing Israeli policy does not equal anti-Semitism" is the salt of Israel discourse -- there's no recipe that isn't tastier with at least a sprinkle of it, so why not just toss it on everything?). The final question the survey asks on this topic returns back to all respondents (not just those who've heard of BDS) and asks about "laws that penalize people who boycott Israel". One can quibble again about the verbiage here (the laws in question impose no criminal penalties, they just bar government contractors from also boycotting Israel -- but then, wouldn't many naturally view that as "penalty", albeit a non-criminal one?), but the numbers are nonetheless striking: 72% of respondents (including 62% of Republicans) oppose such laws. So that's probably something worth keeping in mind (again, might I recommend replacing those laws with general prohibitions on nationality-based discrimination? I bet that would poll much better). via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/340Hop9

#anti-semitism #boycott #Israel #Jews #polls

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theseerasures · 4 years

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Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

#let's break out a new tag for this since this isn't really meta #conspicuous media consumption

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nimblermortal · 4 years

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Why Is the Universe 10-, 11-, or 26-dimensional, and Not Some Other Number?

This is in response to @kittydesade‘s post questioning why those numbers, and the rough answer is: because it is referring, respectively, to either superstring, M-theory, or bosonic string theory. In any of these cases, the answer is “because that’s what makes the math work”, but I want a refresher on the distinctions.

Cookies to me if I reach the end of this post without typing “Strong Theory” and failing to correct it.

Oh, and string theory is the idea that - well, you know how E=mc^2 which means that mass and energy are equivalent? Well, to link those, atoms are made up of subatomic particles like electrons, which are made up of sub-particles like quarks, which are made up of vibrating packets of energy in the form of strings, which may or may not form loops like hair ties. The mathematics of this is complex and it’s a generally questionable discipline of physics (or it was when I was a kid and first learned about it on PBS) but it’s Neat. It’s one way to understand gravity at a quantum level. Because despite its intuitiveness, gravity is really one of the most difficult forces to understand (which I am not actually sufficiently steeped in physics to understand, more’s the pity; I thought magnetism was at least as bad? but to some degree the more intuitive an idea is, the easier it is to ask why about, and therefore the less we end up understanding about it).

Bosonic String Theory is the oldest version, and so called because it includes bosons.

Bosons are not fermions; fermions are particles that, if identical, cannot occupy the same quantum state, whereas bosons can. Another way this is described is that fermions have half-integer spin (1/2, 3/2, etc) whereas bosons have integer spin (0, 1, 2). Exactly what this means is another discussion. This paragraph exists because I always forget the distinction, so there we go.

Bosonic string theory only covers bosons and does not cover supersymmetry, so in fact it is an outdated model and we can ditch the 26-dimensional option, which is nice because that’s a lot (as Caduceus Clay would put it)*. I want to go in more depth and reading about open/closed, orientable/non-orientable systems, and what a worldsheet is, and explain to you guys things about D25-branes (and branes in general), and work through the actual math in the Wikipedia article linked above, but this is supposed to be an overview of the differences between string theories, and I need to go grocery shopping. So I shan’t. For now.

Superstring Theory is the update to bosonic string theory. Apparently there have been multiple “string theory revolutions”, which is a fascinating statement to make and I want to know more. Superstring theory is nice because it incorporates supersymmetry, which we want to be true because it makes math elegant.

Elegance essentially means ‘small formulas, simple relations’. Historically speaking, the more elegant an equation is, the more likely it is to be at least broadly correct - think F=ma (Newtonian equation for force) or E=mc^2. Very short and nice! As opposed to our current Standard Model for particles, which requires more than one sheet of paper just to write down, and almost as John Mulaney* would put it, nobody likes that.

But we don’t have any proof of supersymmetry, we just want it really badly. If you are a (Christian-raised) atheist, you probably think of Christians as wanting there to be a God the way I am thinking of physicists wanting there to be supersymmetry. It makes everything easier, simpler, nicer to think that there is supersymmetry out there, and if we can just find proof then so many things will be more straightforward. (For the record, this is not how I think of God or theists.**)

Supersymmetry says that every boson has a partner, opposite fermion in mirror to it. In typically cute physicist fashion, they have decided that the partner for an electron is called a selectron. This solves all sorts of problems that I don’t have the space or time to go into here. The problem with this is, of course, the Fermi paradox: if these aliens* (particles) exist - where are they? And so far, we have not been able to answer this question, about either aliens or particles.

And the Fermi paradox is an ongoing problem with all of these theories. If there are these particles, where are they? If there are strings, where are they? If there are all these extra dimensions, where are they? The stupidest explanation I have heard for this last is that they are curled up very small inside each other. I have no idea how that works (fractals maybe?) but it seems much less intuitive than the simple answer “outside”. Referring back to A. Square’s perception of a sphere: Where is the sphere when A. Square does not perceive it as some form of a circle? Outside A. Square’s plane of perception. So that is what is intuitive to me, but maybe I am missing something.

M-theory unifies various superstring theories and apparently precipitated the second string theory revolution, which I think deserves capitals but sometimes we can’t have nice things. And apparently what happened was, we had about five major string theories, and then people started poking around and pointing out that if we used various dualities (situations in which two seemingly different things turn out to be the same in a nontrivial way) then several of these major string theories look to be the same thing.

One of the major dualities was S-duality, which says that strong couplings and weak couplings are the same thing, if you translate them into a different space (probably by something akin to Fourier analytics, which I am not going to explain here). And that’s... a lot, as Caduceus Clay* would say. First off, what is a coupling? Well, you know how if you are fitting data you can fit it to a polynomial? And if it’s random data, well, maybe a line (polynomial to the first power) doesn’t fit well, but a parabola (polynomial to the second power)is a little better, and if you keep raising that exponent you can get better and better fits, even as it becomes a meaningless fit? Well, some things are expressed better as polynomials of infinitely many terms. For example, Taylor series. And as long as the thing you are raising to a power is less than one, this gets more accurate without exploding (because, for example, 1/2^1 = 1/2, 1/2^2 = 1/4, 1/2^3 = 1/8, and so it keeps getting smaller and less significant). Those are weak couplings. Whereas if that term you are raising is greater than 1, it gets bigger and bigger (because, for example, 2^1 = 2, 2^2 = 4, 2^3 = 8...). Those are strong couplings, because naming convention is terrible.

But! There are ways and ways of looking at things. Because, say, I am looking at things in Cartesian coordinates, I plot something as being a units from the center on the x axis and b units from the center on the y axis, and it is at point (a, b). But if I switch to polar coordinates, I plot that as being c units from the center in straight radial distance and d degrees from the x axis if you rotate a line of length c from the x axis, and then that point is (c, d). And this is still the same point, but we are starting with different base assumptions for how we plot it. And if we want to move it, in Cartesian coordinates we might go a few units on the x axis, which is very simple, but in polar coordinates in order to do the same thing we would have to move some units on the radial axis and then some more rotations in order to get to the same point, and it is much more complex; or vice versa. And we can do that (not plotting, but changing how we look at things in order to make the problem we are working on simpler) in a lot of different ways, depending on our assumptions about how things work; the one I am most comfortable with is Fourier analysis. So if we do something akin to that to a strong coupling, it might start to look like a weak coupling - and then we have S-duality, and we start looking askance at just how different our major string theories are.

The other major duality was T-duality, which is an equivalence between quantum field theory and string theory. The simplest example has to do with strings propagating around a circle of radius R being equivalent to strings propagating around a circle of radius 1/R. Another example (or an example of this? my understanding is breaking down here) is that momentum is inherently particulate, a word I am using to mean ��comes in discrete quantities’ because quantum is taken, and equivalent to the number of times a string wraps around one of these circles (which are the same circle). In terms of this being particulate, it makes sense in the same way that individual grains of sand become a beach, or Xeno’s Paradox - and again, it puts a floor on how finely one can divide something, which is something that humans a) keep trying to do and b) keep getting dissatisfied with and trying to break the smallest particle down again, most recently into strings. Anyhoo. In terms of these two circles being the same circle... well, Christians ought to be comfortable with that anyhow.

In general, T-duality relates two theories with different spacetime geometries - e.g. our two circles being the same circle. And now we really start looking askance at our different string theories, and asking questions, because both of these dualities apply to different options.

So one fellow, a Mr. (or more likely Dr.) Edward Witten sat down and looked at these two dualities, and he looked at something called eleven-dimensional supergravity, and he said, “What if there were in fact sufficient dualities that all of these string theories were the same?”

And physicists, presumably, went nuts trying to make this happen, because 1. it was elegant 2. it made things seem like they might make sense again 3. it was only 11 dimensions 4. he said that the M stood for “magic, mystery, or membrane” depending on what we eventually learn about what this theory actually is, and physicists love that sort of naming.

Personally, I like to think that M is the number of dimensions it takes (presumably 11), or theories (presumably 6), or physicists who die trying to make it happen (presumably infinite).

Every description of string theory I have ever seen has included a physicist who says something along the lines of, “String theory is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; it’s the Philosopher’s Stone. People keep devoting their lives to making it happen, but there’s just no evidence that it should. So it’s lovely to read about, but it’s such a waste of effort.”

But then - so is all art. Art is elegance, art is beauty, art is making a point about the nature of the world we live in; and so is string theory, whether it is true or not.

*See? I’m making this approachable by putting in popular culture references. Nyah.

**It is representative of how I think of (Christian-raised) atheists, because a lot of (Christian-raised) atheists are assholes about it.

Additional posts to make:

-What does spin mean, in a quantum sense? -What is an open, oriented system? What does it mean for a string to be closed and non-oriented? -What is a worldsheet? -What does the math for bosonic string theory mean, in terms of giving it a simple description? -What is a superstring theory revolution, how many were there, and what did they mean? -What are the following problems and how does supersymmetry solve them: the hierarchy problem, gauge-coupling unification, dark matter, “other technical motivations” -What is eleven-dimensional supergravity?

#some crude language #to do #string theory #made more or less understandable assuming an arbitrary level of familiarity with physics and math #one which changes over the course of this depending on how much I want to explain #and whether I have a good idea of how to do that off the top of my head

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aelysalthea · 5 years

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From the Bleachers: Chapter 4

"No. No way."

"It's insane, but that's what it says."

"There's no way that's true. Seriously? You're seriously believing that?"

Toni slapped the newspaper down on the locker room bench, hand planted in the middle and atop the mugshot of the man front and centre. He cleared his throat theatrically before reading aloud. "'Nathan Wesninski, long-time suspect of illicit and dangerous activity, was found in the basement of his Baltimore home on Saturday morning. Neighbours claim they heard gunshots –'"

"That's bullshit," Jen said. She was still in her school gear having not yet retreated from the boys' locker to the girls' to change for practice that afternoon, and she didn't look to be leaving any time shortly. "Utter bullshit."

"It's true!" Toni said. Picking up the paper, he flipped it around and held it up for her inspection as though the entirety of their team hadn't been staring at their own copies for most of the day. "And look, he looks just like him."

"He does not," Trish said, her voice louder and even more resolute than it had been the first dozen times she'd refuted Toni that day. "Neil hardly looks anything like him at all."

Tyler couldn't really agree with her on that point. He didn't like the connotations - that Neil might in any way be related to a crime lord and mass murderer - but he couldn't deny the facts spread before him. It was impossible to overlook, regardless of how unbelievable it seemed.

Over the course of a few scant months, Tyler's opinion of Neil Josten had changed exponentially. He'd been a nobody of a player, good but not particularly noteworthy, who didn't interact with let alone speak to the rest of the Dingos exy team. Then he was the rookie striker for the Palmetto State Foxes, a fragmented team of delinquents and lunatics who could barely hold themselves together to finish a whole game.

With Seth's death, Neil became the starting striker, and he rose to the play. He wasn't only good enough; he fit the position as though he was made for it, and he and Kevin practically annihilated their opponents.

He spoke out on television, all but spat in Riko's face, and took every opportunity to stand up for the Foxes as though they were his long-lost family and him the sole person to defend their non-existent good name. He was the polar opposite of the quiet, reserved, and almost surly kid Tyler had known.

The change in his hair, his eyes, the tattoo of a number four that was revealed only a handful of weeks after Tyler had first seen the picture of his altered appearance – it was all one shocking revelation after another. Tyler watched the changes from afar like the audience member he was with no possible way to insert himself into the situation and ask just what the hell was going on and who Neil actually was.

And now this?

The Dingos didn't mix all that much outside of their practices and games, though they tended to more so that year because of the shared fascination with the Foxes. But when the headlines were released, the story of Nathan Wesninski and mention of his son Nathaniel, Tyler had high-tailed it to Jen's house a couple of blocks from his own and had barely been able to speak of anything else since.

Neil's name was Nathaniel. He was a bonafide fugitive.

His father was a criminal, a murderer, and had just been found dead in his own basement from a gunshot wound.

Neil – no, Nathaniel? Or was it still Neil? Tyler didn't know, but whatever he called himself, the boy Tyler had known had disappeared from the public eye along with every other whisper of the Foxes, as though they'd climbed into an airtight box and isolated themselves from the world and all of the swirling craziness it entailed. They'd disappeared, and it was just as the greatest influx of questions arose that had ever been.

Who was Neil? Or Nathaniel?

How had he been at their school, how had he gotten there, and just what had led him there in the first place given that reports and speculations placed him as an abused child on the run from his father.

And what the fucking hell had happened to him, because there weren't many pictures stolen but those that splattered across the internet? Those few pictures of Neil? It showed he'd been there. He'd been there when it happened. He'd been at his father's house in Baltimore when Nathan Wesninski had been killed.

Tyler lived and breathed exy that year and each year before it, but for once he found his obsession momentarily shifting its emphasis. When it came to the Foxes, his fascination had always included and focused most specifically upon Neil, but this was different. This was insane. This was the kind of story that people conjured on a whim but nobody believed for a second and were quickly laughed aside for the joke or prank that it was.

This joke wasn't swept aside. This prank wasn't unravelled to reveal the truth beneath. Tyler could barely believe it, but he had to acknowledge that, in all likelihood, it wasn't a prank at all.

"What are you all lollygagging about in here?"

Hernandez's voice interrupted the raucous excitement in the room, and every mouth stuttered into silence. Abashed chins ducked and eyes glanced sideways in unspoken correspondence. Tyler eyed Hernandez, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot as his coach spared him and every one of his teammates a stare and a raised eyebrow.

"It's just," Toni began, then paused as Hernandez glanced his way before bulling on. "You heard all about it, didn't you, Coach? About the Wesninski Case?"

Hernandez's face twitched into an unreadable expression. With a grunt, he folded his arms across his chest. "I heard about it."

As one, Tyler's teammates straightened a little, and Tyler felt himself do the same. "And?" Jen asked.

"And what of it?" Hernandez's eyebrow rose again. "I don't know what's going on any more than you do."

"But Coach," Toni scrambled to his feet, "you know about Neil, right?"

"His name's actually Nathaniel," Julian piped in, and Billie and Peter nodded in rapid agreement at his side. They all cringed slightly under Trish's glare, however, and not for the first time Tyler admitted to himself that she wasn't nearly so subdued as first impressions suggested of her.

"His dad's a crime lord," Toni continued. "A legit crime lord."

"And we played on the same court as him," Jen said, though she sounded more excited by the fact than disturbed.

"And now he's disappeared," Toni said.

"Disappeared." Noah snorted. "Just because he's lying low doesn't mean he's disappeared."

"Do you think he's a criminal too, then?" Julian asked, missing Trish's savage glare this time as he turned to Noah. "Did he give off creepy vibes?"

"He would not," Trish said.

"You weren't even there," Kurt said from the corner of the room, the first contribution he'd made since he'd taken a seat.

"Well?" Julian asked.

Kurt picked at his cuticles, for all appearances utterly bored of the discussion. "No. He didn't."

"I knew it," Trish said. "He wouldn't."

"You don't even know him!" Julian said, throwing his hands into the air.

"I'm starting to wonder whether any of us did, actually," Jen said, and Tyler couldn't help but silently agree. Even if he might wish for otherwise, it was the truth.

"Exactly," Hernandez said. "No one except Neil and the people he's told know the truth. Try to remember that, all of you."

"But Coach," Toni said, practically bouncing in place.

Hernandez held up a finger in his direction, and he only continued when Toni pursed his lips and demonstrated his silence. "We don't know anything about this situation," Hernandez said, speaking to the entire locker room, "which means we can't make speculations. That means no making up stories and sticking it online, if you please."

"As if we would," Noah said the very second that Toni muttered, "Damn. Opportunity missed." Noah shot him a frown that Toni missed entirely.

"I don't know about the rest of you," Hernandez continued, "but Neil never gave me any reason to think badly of him. Even if he wasn't friends with the rest of you, that's no reason to pin him with the crimes of his father – who, might I add, he hasn't even publicly confirmed. If he is, though, if anything, I'd say growing up with that kind of past hanging over your head is more credit to him, and I'd challenge the lot of you to think otherwise. Alright?"

Tyler winced, and a sidelong glance showed he wasn't the only one. "I suppose," Jen muttered.

Hernandez regarded her for a moment before glancing back to the rest of them. When no one else was forthcoming in speaking, he nodded shortly. "Alright, then. Gear up, the lot of you. Let's get down to practice."

The door didn't quite close behind him, but the locker room didn't shuffle into motion even after Hernandez's footsteps had faded away. When they did, the team to turned slowly to one another. Tyler found he wasn't the only one wearing his guilt for all to see.

"Well," Toni began, then faltered.

"I suppose he's right," Jen repeated. "Right?"

"Absolutely," Trish said, predictably jumping to Neil's defence as she hadn't wavered in the slightest with the day's confusion. "We don't have the right to judge. And he's still a really good player, which is the important thing."

"Right," Kurt said. "'Course that's why you're defending him."

"Shut up," Trish grumbled, arms folding across her chest.

"Still, though, it's kind of insane," Toni said. He fiddled with the newspaper in his hands, glancing at each one of them before resting his gaze on Tyler's. "Unbelievable, right? He totally didn't seem like that kind of kid, right, Ty?"

As though they'd been waiting for his contribution – though why, Tyler didn't know – all eyes turned upon him. Even Kurt, who Tyler suspected was at least a little more interested in the situation than he pretended. Under the weight of their attention, Tyler scrambled for a moment to collect his thoughts, to decide what he properly felt and thought.

Really, though, it wasn't much of a decision at all.

At the end of it all, after everything that Tyler had discovered of Neil and how terrifying, impossible, and incredible it all was, Hernandez was right. It was a little pathetic that it had taken his coach to point out the obvious to him, to nudge forth the reality of what he felt, but there was really only one thing Tyler could say on the matter.

"Neil is seriously one of the most insanely cool people I've ever had the chance to meet," he said. "I'm pretty sure I'd give my left kidney to be in the same room as him right about now."

Kurt rolled his eyes. Jen snickered. Toni openly laughed and Noah raised his gaze to the ceiling as though asking the heavens for an answer to Tyler's foolishness. Only Trish met Tyler's gaze, and her own smile was entirely agreeing. If nothing else, he knew he there was one more person on his team that shared his opinion, but even if he'd been alone it wouldn't change anything. Not a single damn thing.

Tyler was hooked. Stupefied, still a little disbelieving, but utterly hooked. And though it was horrifying and a little scary to think of Neil as the person that he truly was – maybe, probably, even if it hadn't been confirmed - that's he'd truly always been. Tyler was loving every second of the excitement.

***

A/N: Thank you (again?) for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :D If you’ve got a chance, I’d love to hear your thoughts on my AO3 page!

#fanfic #aftg #the foxhole court #Third Party POV #Millport Dingos #fanboys & fangirls #neil josten #original characters #canon era

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caledfwlchthat · 5 years

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Characters: John Egbert, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas Ships: John/Dave/Karkat, John/Dave, Dave/Karkat, John/Karkat Other Tags: Post-Retcon Meteor, Dream Bubbles, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Xenophobia, Closets, Coming Out, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Troll/Human Sloppy Makeouts, Polyamory Negotiations, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Fat Vriska Jokes, Unreliable Narrator, References to Depression Rating: Not Rated

Hi followers, now that Polyswap reveals are out (a few days ago now), I can fess up to writing this 20 kw JohnDaveKat thing about making out in literal supply closets, that I wrote for @cassandraooc (check out her art and AO3, she’s tops!). Shout-out also to @katreal-fic for her help as a sounding board and general pompoms while I was writing this.

R^4 fans: this was my May/June, I have not forgotten you! But if you like all the dream bubble romance and the awkward poly negotiations Rose and Kanaya have been having about Dave, you might give this one a look too.

Process discussion (as best as I can recall it) under the cut, as with other swap assignments I’ve done, for anyone who’s interested in the (long, spoilery) story of what the hell I was thinking exactly when I wrote this thing.

So my giftee’s prompts were -- by her own admission -- written in a bit of a sleep-deprived haze (I had to laugh as I read them, haven’t we all been there at some point, I know I lost some sleep over mine). We were each required to provide between three and six prompts for polyships (3-6 characters each) that we wanted to see depicted in gift fic or art. Cassandra’s OT3 was JohnDaveKat, which sported a string of elaborate sub-prompts (“medievalstuck!”, “soulmates!”, “haunted house!”, etc.) -- along with an invite to not use any of those and just write whatever I felt like. Other prompts for Dave/Sollux/Karkat, Jane/Callie/Roxy, and Rose/Kanaya/Jade were basically completely open-ended.

I’m trying to remember exactly how I seized upon the idea I ended up executing. Although some of my other works feature polyships, such as Kankatrezi (The Cafe Mocha Caper) and Daverosemary (foreshadowed in R^4), the process of how they got together is important for me in ways that I don’t care about as much for canon ships. I felt some resistance to just picking one of the ships and starting to write it as if it was already established. Also, people who know my writing know that I like to stick close to in-game or post-game AUs, or at least the broader Homestuck setting, rather than non-game AUs or other settings that remove the characters from the context that made them who we recognize them to be. So I was going to need some runway and a satisfying premise to run along it with. But by golly, if Cassandra wanted JohnDaveKat, she was gonna get JohnDaveKat.

The JohnDaveKat prompt I personally found most hilarious and awesome was

John gets turned into a Trickster, and finds Karkat and Dave. In the ensuing candy fueled mess, a lot of pent up emotions and secret crushes get revealed, including Dave realizing and admitting that John was probably his first crush on another boy though he was in denial at the time, and Karkat admitting that his own pitch crush for John never went away. (For his part, John finds out that he might, in fact, be a bit of a homosexual.)

Another JohnDaveKat prompt that turned out to figure in heavily later with the work I ended up producing was

John decides to surprise Dave and Karkat with a visit, only to find them already *quite* busy. Before he can think of what to do or do enough thinking at all to leave, he gets caught, and Dave notices evidence of interest, knows Karkat's still got some pitch feelings, and has some of his own, suggests maybe John stay a bit and they talk over some things and maybe do other stuff later too.

Going with Earth C could also bring the Epilogues material into play, and I briefly toyed with an Epilogues-related scenario that could score multiple polyships at once, before remembering that the Epilogues are hugely polarizing and maybe I want to be double sure about my giftee before giving them such a gift in a fan swap. A combination of Tumblr-stalking, re-reading the prompts and discreet inquiries showed that my idea wasn’t going to work, largely because Ultimate Dirk is a legendary piece of shit and his presence over against End-Of-Act-7 Dirk would cause real friction with Cassandra’s requests -- which leaned fluffy and offered bonus points for “DirkJake” and “Dirk and Dave being good bros who love each other”. Maybe I could have just done something similar in a separate Earth C AU without a lot of the Epilogues baggage, but by that point the specific discarded spin on the idea had so thoroughly colonized my brain that I just had to ease the whole thing carefully onto the shelf. I’d still be keen to write that other fic sometime. Just not for this particular fill.

So, I took a break for a few days before revisiting the prompt and asking what else I could do. When I think of John, Dave, and Karkat together, my mind goes immediately back to the “EVERYBODY STFU, I HATE YOU BOTH ETC” memo, in which Karkat tries to dissuade Dave and John from encouraging Terezi’s and Vriska’s flirtations, respectively. This convo is burned into my head because I’ve VA’ed it -- I draw a lot of inspiration for character dialogue from the time I’ve spent doing goofy voiceovers for them. And there is a lot of grist for the mill here: Karkat alluding to his pitch crush on John, Dave making fun of Karkat for being gay (while not realizing or admitting how he might be projecting), John being totally clueless about whether he’s attracted to Vriska. All of these are compatible with the “pent-up emotions and secret crushes” Cassandra asked for, and favors Dave <3 Karkat <3< John as a baseline.

Now, one of the reasons I love writing dream bubble fic is because I am fundamentally lazy. I can basically use any canon Homestuck pesterlog as a prompt and run with it. So that’s what I did here. In the moment that they realize that it’s a dream, the participants are forced to reckon with the way dream bubbles respond to their innermost thoughts. Deep desires manifest in weird ways; emotional distances contract, go non-Euclidean. Despite this, the association with dreams simultaneously offer a layer of abstraction or remove to Dave and Karkat -- allowing them to access and slake those deep desires without having to take responsibility for it, either with themselves or each other, during waking hours. In that sense, John opening the closet is like walking in on them a second time -- the dream bubble itself is their main outer closet, and they already know the jig is up when John diverts the pesterlog down Memory Lane. This then raises the question of whether they might have wanted John to discover them, deep down? Perhaps John’s convenient remembering is a sort of wish-fulfillment dream summoning.

From there I already sort of had the fic’s contours and decided it would be best written from John’s POV. The other nice thing about the dream bubble setting was that it let John participate even during the meteor journey, when Dave and Karkat must have been messing around trying to reverse-engineer their own sexual preferences. How gay is Dave, and how troubled is he about it at this point in his history? How does he feel about John finding out? Does Karkat somehow have some symmetrical hangups that leave him struggling as much as Dave, or is he just a giant crab? (The literal vs metaphorical closet thing was accidental at first, but once I discovered that I ran hard with it.)

There were still some problems I struggled with, such as how to get John to fall for Karkat pitch-ways when he’s said in canon that he isn’t gay, and when Karkat has said in canon that he’s not pitch for John anymore. The second problem is easily dispatched by pointing out that Karkat isn’t a reliable narrator of his own preferences, by construction. As for the first -- John might be no Casanova, but he loves his friends and is fiercely loyal to them, and he also saves his anger for either really important moments (like his GAME OVER fight with Caliborn) or utterly trivial moments (like Con Air not being as good as he thought). This seemed like a good place for the former. Once that was laid out, the trio coalesced nicely -- Dave and Karkat need John to keep them honest, and John needs Dave and Karkat to keep him anchored. John <> Dave and Dave c3< (John <3< Karkat) were dynamics that just showed up on their own.

The interpretation of the ending is left open, but the other difficulty I left unresolved is the timeline mismatch between pre-retcon and post-retcon, and the question of which John it was exactly that showed up in Dave and Karkat’s shared dream. Pre-retcon Davekat didn’t happen because Dave and Karkat were fighting over Terezi, but post-retcon John died in the explosion of LOWAS and couldn’t live happily ever after having so gloriously enabled post-retcon Davekat. And I wanted them to live happily ever after. The two most obvious interpretations I could think of were (a) the three are all on Earth C and dreaming together of each other -- or, more poignantly, (b) pre-retcon John is starting to integrate some of post-retcon dead!John’s memories. The second possibility leads in the direction of Ultimate John (what would that even be?) so I made sure to place the ending in a time frame that gives the Epilogues a miss -- although the background DirkJake also signals that this is probably an AU that diverges after the ACT 7 victory.

All in all this was really fun to write! There were lots of other great prompts in the collection, but the ones that grabbed me looked like they would spawn more 20-30 kw novellas and I need to get back to my poor neglected serial! I’m looking forward to making my way through the treats that others posted, eventually adding some of my own, and of course going through Cassandra’s other stuff. (Maybe that awesome fantroll Friendsim project will be the next thing to eat my life after this.)

#homestuck #homestuck fanfic #dave strider #karkat vantas #john egbert #johndavekat #metablogulation #pswap 2019 #fic challenge debrief

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