#(that wont always happen it just happened in several of my instances)

[vahalia-cress-ffxiv]

Enjoy The Silence

The night air always felt amazing when her mind ran races within her skull. A dizzying feeling at times when she couldn’t reign in her fraying pieces of herself. Unknown to Valeria, she hadn’t the foggiest idea about what had transpired for Vahalia over the course of several years, all things that would be deep and very real conversations she would have to have with her sister. For now, she allowed Valeria to rest and recover from whatever mental trauma she had gone over the past several days where she was being exposed to new people and places along with trying to adjust to Vahalia herself. Some conversations were hard and awkward but not impossible and certainly, they got easier as time went on.

A hand passed slowly over her face and eye as she leaned over the stone railing just outside the building to gauge the drop below. There were rare instances where she slowed down, took in the things around her, and simply drank in the basics. 

What felt like a finger drawn up along the back of her bicep and the witch-woman turned her head to gaze over her shoulder, finding no one in particular. Just another moment in time where her attention was split, the fraying coming full circle to pray on her sanity as it oft did. 

By providence, Hakan began arriving not long after that creeping feeling had Vahalia looking back, his form growing closer and closer as he walked down the stone path. He was dressed much the same as he had been earlier, save that both his sleeves were rolled up to the elbow and his gloves were off so he could enjoy the brisk breeze as well. 

The bright embers of a burning cigar run down to a stub illuminated more of his features, scarred and half-hidden though they were behind and beneath the mess of his hair and stubble beard.

At the look he thought he saw, for it was still dark, he slowed briefly on the path. Then he resumed his gait until he was standing a small ways to her side next to the railing. A glance into the depths of the chasm, and he took one last puff afore flicking the cigar over to watch its glow until eventually it was swallowed up by the void.. 

“Assume the company you said you’re keeping is why you’re out here?”

“Yes.” she replied and her attention drifted away from the side of the ledge. She had noticed the sound of his gait the moment he approached long before she noticed the descent of the amber touched cigar passing her vision.

“I’m sure it isn’t an issue for you. The night is decent enough, no?”

“Aye, dark and full of wonder,” he replied, easing himself along the railing. “ Better place to be alone with one’s thoughts than secluded in a room, and private as any other place can be, with no one of note to hear or disturb us– as was your preference.” He canted his head to the side, brow knitting gently as he focused his attention back on her. He looked about to speak by the way his lips parted slightly, but instead, he held his tongue. Waited for her to begin in her own time as she was wont to do.

“I’ve had enough people prying into my life and things about it. I'd rather not leave it to chance for more people to happen upon my business.” she replied swiftly, some measure of annoyance in her tone as she closed her eyes.

“Strange as this might come, try to keep an open mind?” her honeyed pools opened to regard Hakan once more, “My sister, Valeria, is staying with me in my apartment. A small wonder considering the events that happened in Ishgard several years ago. Of course, as luck would have it – more specifically my luck – it was Voss who happened upon her. From my understanding, he convinced her to seek me out once he learned of who she was. But that of course was to the benefit of….none other than Ricard, who sought her out, found her and attempted to bring her back.”

He replied with a quiet “Mmm,” knowing well the irritation she felt. He was a reserved person as well, preferring to share only when it suited him and not before, and then only to those he trusted on top of that. A nod was given to the request that followed– If Vahalia was calling something strange, strange is definitely what it had to be. 

And if the slow blinks that followed as he stared deep into honeyed hues were anything to go by, he definitely hadn’t been expecting the revelation she gave. Strange indeed. Being at a loss wasn’t something that often happened to him, but that’s certainly what he was at now, though he did manage to collect himself after a few seconds to speak.

“What?” 

A huff had escaped Vahalia as she stared across to Hakan, “She’s alive and well; thankfully. Something happened all those years ago, from what I can gather, Ricard didn’t know who she was at the time and she was a hired job. Something went awry, they were attacked while out and while the people who attacked them tried to make it look like an accident off the ledge of Ishgard it was turned around on them.” She paused only to adjust herself along the stone ledge and to regard Hakan while leaning on her elbow. “She lived but someone out there wanted her dead. She refused to come home on the off chance someone would find her or if her being alive somehow impacted me. So she let the rumors run their course. A young girl goes missing, and people see a shuffle and fight near a place where someone who takes a fall is never returning from the night before? An easy enough cover I suppose.”

Closing her eyes she brought up her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, keeping the unsettling feeling from creeping back in, “She ended up with my… well, ex-fling in a sense. He brought her back some time after learning who she was, with some encouraged assistance by Ricard oddly enough. What a small fucking world…”

Hakan touched a hand to his face, just above his brow, and briefly massaged his temple. There was a good deal to suddenly unpack, let alone sort through, and it took the time he listened to her further explanations and then some to do it. Seeing her expression, the weariness that bit at her, and knowing his own questions would likely increase the weight, he procured a flask from within his vest and offered it out and Vahalia seemed to accept; her thanks only offered with a look.

"I suppose with it being so long, it can be easily understood why Ricard never caught the resemblance between you two. Odd that he never caught her name and more since it was a job, but still. So the bigger question to me is how he managed to figure out she was alive in the first place-- And greater even then that, how exactly your sister managed to find her way to the one person you likely never wanted to see again, and why they were responsible for returning Valeria instead of Ricard when he figured it all out–"

“We don’t exactly look all that much related, more so now than back then but I wouldn’t fault him for that.” shaking her head she did take communion from the flask in hand, then a second time without any care for what was within.

Whiskey? Figured.

“Yeah I would have figured her name would have at least been given to him considering his line of work and it’s his business to know that sort of information but he said he was ‘green’ at the time so I could only assume much was kept from him. They pointed, he went.”

"Was this something Ricard just came across by 'happenstance' as well?”

Once more Vahalia shook her head, “Who knows anymore. All I know is lies were made and each have an excuse for keeping them. Ricard told me he found out weeks ago but I’m more pissed off at the fact he went ahead and dug into my family business after asking him not to. But when he did do digging he never shared his findings with me after knowing for weeks and me only being gone for three days. Linkpearl and letters were not an option for him.”

She couldn't help it, shaking her head yet again at disbelief and a small gaze found her free hand where she flexed her fingers, only mere days ago she had left Ricard on the floor in his own blood.

“I had my reasons for wanting him to stay out of family business. I didn’t need him digging shit up that wasn’t meant for anyone else to know. He dug anyways, he connected the dots. Valeria was afraid to return, afraid that my father would kill us both but…”

He took the flask back once it was given, sealing it with a twist of the top and tucking it away again. Though a sip wasn't going to muddle his mind more than it already was, he didn't feel it particularly appropriate to partake given the circumstances. He turned his back to the railing, leaned his weight against it as he and stared at the stone path he'd just come from while continuing to absorb everything that was said. The emotions that Vahalia must have been feeling, he could hardly comprehend, the cold bastard that he was.

Even still, he wasn't that cold.

Vahalia loosed her fingers and looked back to Hakan, offering his flask back to him, “He isn’t a problem anymore. She’s safe. No one can ever hurt her again. Ghosts are but a memory now and in time they’ll fade for her. I hope someday you can meet her. She has already met Ricard, which I wish wasn’t under circumstances such as these. I can only hope she wasn’t ripped from anything in coming here to find me. Part of me should be thanking Ricard but then again he didn’t tell me nor bring her with him so I’m at a loss of how I should be expressing my gratitude beyond simply delivering wounds and lashing out. I’m angry. I’m – ” her words clipped and she simply just lulled her head back to look at the sky above them. It seemed….calm.

When Hakan finally ordered his thoughts he lifted his normally hawkish gaze and fixed it upon Vahalia features while she stared at the starlit firmament. "I can understand," he began slowly, carefully, "-- why Ricard might not have wanted to let you know in the beginning, considering what your views on your past were. Something dead and buried, to be left alone...He took a risk, a gamble, and in a way it may have paid off. You could have gone your life ignorant of Valeria being alive. If she'd been with another Captain, one that didn't have a history with you, Ricard may have been the only way to deliver her. But none of that's how it went."

At that, Vahalia merely huffed in Hakan’s direction. Perhaps he was right but she would never admit to it, even more than she had picked up some mannerisms from him. Not that she would have ever grunted as he would upon hearing something a little less than favorable; a huff was more than enough.

"The moment he was more sure that she was alive instead of dead, he didn't tell you. When you hold honesty and trust at a premium, as you do, you expect it from those who are...close to you. A betrayal of those things is still a betrayal, and betrayal always stings. Moreso when you're as vulnerable as you are now."

“I wasn’t even afforded a conversation about it. It’s not even his business to tamper in and he took too many liberties; crossed lines and boundaries.” she huffed again and snapped her gaze to Hakan away from the sky above, “So what are you saying, either say thank you or apologize?”

The scar at the edge of his mouth pulled as some small semblance of a smirk tugged at his lips. She didn't have to admit he was right, the huff she emitted was recognition enough. With Vahalia of all people, he'd take what he could get. Of course the amusement was swift to fade given the gravitas of the situation. 

At her question on what she believed he was suggesting, his lip curled again in a partial grimace before he shook his head. "From everything you've told me, it sounds like he made a bloody mess of things. So no, I wouldn't say you should forgive him-- Not entirely, at least. But that's coming from bias, and as you're well aware, forgiveness isn't my area of expertise. As for thanks?"

Folding his arms across his chest, he pressed his tongue against the back of his teeth and went 'tst.' He also shrugged shortly after. "The hand he had to play wasn't good. Dubious as his methods were, his intentions doubtless were good as I don't believe he'd want you cross. Still, he played the hand wrong and now you're not so much cross as you are...hurt." A heavy sigh escaped from him.

"You said you wounded him?"

Scoffed with a raise of her brows and she looked away, “Something like that.”

“If he’s smart enough he ought to count himself lucky that’s all you did, I suppose. Economical as you are, you give as much as a person deserves. If you thought he’d overstepped too far, you would’ve done worse than whatever it was you did in retaliation for him going behind your back…”

Canting his head to the side, he stared at Vahalia questioningly. 

“Are you regretting what you did?”

“No? Brave of you to assume you know anything of what I did or that he overstepped enough that he was deserving of something; my wrath no less.”

A single brow arched at her. “I work with what I have, Vahalia, and I know you to be a woman that gives as good as they get. You say he betrayed your trust by going about this the way he did; keeping you ignorant in the dark till the very end, and letting an ‘ex’ of all things illuminate everything.”

Lifting both his chin and a hand from his bicep, he gestured at her. “What else am I to infer from you admitting to the fact you wounded him as ‘thanks?”

“Okay, I stuck it to him.” she casually lifted her hands in what one could only take as a shrug, “ – what of it?”

“What do you mean, ‘what of it? You’re the one who's suddenly defensive over what you just admitted to– Beyond my saying in so many words that it sounds like he deserved it, all I asked was if you regretted wounding him because I want to know.”

“That depends on him, honestly.” She scoffed again and turned her chin away defiantly, “I warned him before he pushed too far and thought it okay to push further with me when he backed into a corner. So…he got poked.”

Confounding woman. "So I was right–” An exasperated huff left him as he shook his head. “Listen, I can understand why you're trying to make this suddenly difficult, but I’m not judging you for any of this. I’m not going to, and I doubt you would have invited me here if you thought I might unless you were looking for a fight.”

Lips parting gently, tongue pressing against the bottom of his canine, he stopped and stared at her with a thoughtful mien. 

“What is it you want to do, Vahalia? And not just about Ricard, but your sister too. Voss, even. Because while your anger at him is deserved, his getting ‘poked’ something he had coming, he’s not the only one responsible for this mess even if he’s the biggest and easiest target to focus on.”

Instantly she shrugged with no lacking of irritation, “You ask me like I have things figured out. I have no idea. I haven’t quite had a moment to think about Voss and what he has done – I should…I suppose thank him for bringing Valeria to me upon her request but I’d rather let that fucker disappear again than have to be in the same room as him. Ricard? I’m angry at. A simple apology would have went a long way instead of trying to play the victim in the situation. I want people to stop killing what little trust I have left for others around me. And the more I envision normalcy from what was once my fucked up childhood and life I get further and further from the vision and everything is just…TWISTED up inside me.” 

"If we only ever did what we should, we'd be in different places," he remarked after a spell. In the span of just a few days they were both finding themselves in uncharted territory, floundering it seemed.

 "Our pasts don't seem to like being buried, coming at us when we're least expecting it. Wanting they were normal--"

He curled his lip, a sliver of aggravation showing in a sharp exhale. The silence grew as he found himself at a loss of what he could say, let alone how he might help.

“Well, it’s too late to do anything now. We can only move forward and I suppose if anything I have four years to catch up on. Aside from that I can introduce you to Valeria at some point, I figured for now it might be for the best to let her take things in slowly and at her own pace. Figured you ought to know considering you’re one of the few in my life who might see her wandering around with me, mayhap at the company and she’ll be staying with me in my apartment.”

"I appreciate that. Hmmph, certainly saves the awkwardness of arriving at your rooms to a different Cress entirely and wondering what's happened," he said with some amusement coloring his face. "If I had kin I was close to out there that wasn't out to make things difficult, well–” He shook his head and dismissed the notion before focusing back on Vahalia. “Not everyone's fortunate enough to recover something precious what was once thought lost." 

Unfurling his arms, he pushed from the railing and took a step closer towards her and turned to look at the building that stood a small ways behind them. "As you're taking it slow, you mind if I ask whether you'll be keeping the other resident you have hidden from her for now, along with the concerns you have about your cousin?"

“Right now? She doesn’t need to know, she has enough to contend with; what with all the new changes and all. As for Carrera? Well, I don’t see the harm in letting them see one another again or letting them have that relationship if they wish it. I would just hate to break her heart later if and when Carrera meets her end.”

Vahalia paused and shook her head, trying to correct herself, ‘Well, that entirely depends on Carrera and what choices she chooses to make. For now? She is at arms length.”

There was a bit of hypocrisy there in keeping secrets, but he wasn't going to mention it. T’was likely that Vahalia could see it already. What was more, it wasn't like he disagreed with the choice she was making.

"Plenty to learn from her before you start divulging the more sensitive parts of your life. Depending on how she's spent the years hidden away, perhaps looking over her shoulder each second of those days, it'll be some time before she offers the same." He lifted his gaze higher still, to where he knew her room would be, before fixing his sight back on Vahalia.

"Maybe some of those 'sweets' of yours will make the talking easier for you both."

“Are you suggesting I drug my sister? I feel confident enough that I am able to have hard conversations with her without the need for icebreakers. Besides, those sweets are best used for other encounters. Like coaxing two men to be comfortable with one another to share saliva.” she smirked faintly as she looked up to the Highlander, “Jokes aside, I intend on telling her. I just don’t think days after just reconnecting is the right way to go about it. Besides….I’m sure she has her own skeletons to sort out in her own closet before she tampers with mine; and me with hers.”

Hakan shrugged at first and eventually rolled his eyes at Vahalia as she continued. Just because she was fit to move on immediately didn't mean he was willing to let it go without getting his own word in edgewise first. "Still bringing that up like it was the most exciting part of that night. I don't know whether i ought to be offended– Either way, suppose that's as likely again to happen as you are to end up snug between us taking more than just some spit." 

Her eyes rolled, "Come now. Bringing it up once is hardly holding on to something or considering it to be the most exciting thing ever." A low huff escaped her.

"But I digress, and I agree; Saving the excavation of bones for another day is for the best. Especially with how our skeletons seem to not be entirely buried nor dead."

"Talks between us is bound to happen when it is within the time to do so.I can’t say I’m excited but I look forward to hearing about what she’s been up to. Anyways…that is the long version of it all."

“Some trepidation wouldn’t be inexcusable given all that’s been turned upside down,” he remarked with a fair bit of sympathy in his voice. Then, because he knew how Vahalia preferred to maintain an image of a woman calm and collected he added, “Least that’s what I’d feel, were I in your place.”

While holding her gaze he came to a decision as well. Reaching into his vest to procure a lacquered black box half the length of his wrist. A moment taken to look down at it, he held it out for her to take. “Seeing as you might be busy for a span, may as well give this now– Not that you need more implements to go poking people with.”

“An odd time to be gift giving but quite noted on the lack of time –” her words clipped and the witch-woman took two steps forward to receive the offered package. In some cultures, it was expected for one to open their gift in front of the giver, and so she did just that.

He shrugged. “Perhaps. But beyond that I’m not really one to wait for the ‘perfect moment’ as such things either take too long in the coming or never come at all, figure it’d make for a more pleasant surprise than the ones you’ve already had.” Red velvet lined the interior of the boxes lower half, and cushioned atop it lay a pair of masterly wrought gold stick hair pins. One bore a snake that began to coil about the metal starting midway up its length while the other was a hair longer to accommodate a crescent at the top reminiscent of the one about her throat, stars running the length. And both ended in points sharp enough to do more than nick ones fingers if pressed.

Vahalia had carefully lifted one out of the box that resembled a snake and she looked it over. At first she figured them chopsticks or some device used for opening letters. It took everything in her not to fist it and make a stab motion with it if only to check the grip and weight of it. Instead, she held it to her eye, smirked and waved it in Hakan’s direction casually, “I’m not sure if I should call this ironic, ask what the occasion is or if I should just shut up and accept them.”

The balance of the hairpin was perfect, as would both be expected of such immaculate work and befitting of the woman he’d commissioned it for. Holding it close to her eye for inspection as she did, she’d note four minuscule and practically seamless dots rounding the point, and that the snake head could be pressed; as if the pin was capable of holding and releasing something. 

“That’d be entirely up to you Vahalia, though I’d say holding your tongue when the opportunity’s there to use it’d be quite uncharacteristic,” he taunted with a faint smirk. She was lucky for all he knew her, he couldn’t read her mind to know of her temptation to get stabby. The teasing would have been worse. 

“Well…” she began and she opted to eventually tuck the gifts back into their box, “I’ll be sure to put them to good use. That you can be assured of.”

“I’m sure you will,” he said without a hint of doubt in his voice. From her he looked out to the expanse over the rail, the dark she’d been staring into afore he arrived. Hakan’s knuckles rapped against the rail. “Think I’ll let you conjure up how, unless you’re wanting silent company for a while longer. Or something else.”

He was met with a low hum and Vahalia made to place herself beside him along the wall, “That remains to be decided.” she simply added and she looked out over the stretch of what was nestled below them just on the other side of the rail used for their safety. It was a long way down and dark – quiet even. She could appreciate the silence. Sometimes she appreciated the company. Perhaps tonight she was fine with both and so they simply just sat for the remainder of the night. Written with: @belgravexiv Mention(s): @valeria-cress - @ricard-blythe-ffxiv

#Stories #Blurbs #Collab writing #•• Witches Gambit ••

[ithisatanytime]

Ecco2K - Peroxide (Official Video)

if i quit smoking and soda, and subsisted on rainwater and dust that would be taken from me or shelter or whatever, you understand im getting by on nothing in an impossible situation and what little i have is used as a means to off balance and control me, im not guessing! lol, anyway she needed me to lose my temper (she really went for it) so that i would say something regretful and that regretful thing i said would be the only part of that conflict anyone would be allowed to repeat and never to be forgotten, somehow i am always the reason things are fucked up around here! no matter where around here is! no matter how  little i take or how vastly i contribute! its almost like its totally independent from my own actions. i cant and wont stand for this shit anymore, frankly i might suddenly disappear for a while, and that is a big part of why im talking so extensively about his, should i be suddenly rendered homeless or whatever i dont want it to be a fucking mystery you know. i swear to god i just want to work my way out of this hole but theres no fucking step one anymore, i was on plan z. that doesnt mean all is lost though most of the good shit that ever  happened to me came as a complete surprise.

 also i want to briefly say that when i talk about phenibut its really about psychosis, because after all that went down i was researching it, and while phenibut is notorious for causing repeated and prolonged psychosis i found much more in common than people who temporarily lapsed into psyhosis than with the average phenibut user, for instance i read several stories from people who ended up in a short psychosis for a week or so from nothing more than marijuana and lack of sleep, the point is, i am still recovering, if only slightly, a full year later, thats not a drug thing but it is a psychosis thing, up until last week  i still would get visual disturbances, very minor in comparison to what they were, like whisps of smoke and points of light, thats stopped entirely, but i still cant handle being low on nicotine, i just cant, i mean in the past it made me irritable but now things that used to make me irritable make me enraged, its fading with time though you know. psychosis is an absolute motherfucker and i dont know if ill ever be the same. despite living like a goddamn ghost i literally do not feel social anxiety at all ever anymore, which is nice i hope that lasts but i doubt it will. basically i used to be depressive and anxious and since that whole ordeal when i am feeling negative i get angry instead of anxious or depressed, its a good trade off for the most part. im not invalidating literally anything i said with this i was not raging and i meant every word of it, and tomorrow when i go back to pretending to be retarded ill still mean every word of it.

#youtube

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Oh man I was scrambling trough tumblr tag and I saw this LB quote about Aleksander: "The Darkling is beautiful, I wanted to create a leader who was charismatic, appealing, a dictator you could imagine yourself following, an antagonist you couldn't just dismiss. [...] The Darkling is beautiful and broken and had a rough childhood, but he's also a brutal, manipulative monster with no regard for human life. He's dangerous because he's seductive, because he evokes sympathy.

…I just don’t even know when to start with this? Can she come off as anymore ignorant and offensive by trying to sound so woke. I mean “beautiful and broken”?! Are you kidding me?!

(Book Spoilers. Trigger Warning: Trauma and Mental Health)

Hmm well I'm not sure you could really sum it up as a 'rough childhood' more like a rough life filled with alot of trauma that has left him isolated and struggling to form human connections. Also I'm not sure I like the term monster for someone who is made the way they are through trauma and also the line about him having no regard for human life is just false he has lines he wont cross which is why he didn't harm the grisha children in book 3 and he was never going to because he values their lives. To be honest though I had some issues with the way LB dealt with trauma and mental health in the books. Not just with Aleks either but with Sergei too, actually I found the way she treated Sergei and his mental health in the last book rather appalling. Sergei is established as being severely traumatised by losing Marie to the point where he struggles to function properly. I think out of all the characters in the trilogy he's depicted as having the worst trauma, all the other characters have bad dreams and what not but Sergei really does find it debilitating and he struggles with day to day tasks like eating, sleeping and even just walking/travelling takes its toll on him. But Alina's attitude towards Sergei at times was troubling. To be clear though I'm not blaming the character for this as it was just the way she was written but she seems to consider Sergei weak and his mental health a hindrance. Here are some extracts from R&R the first is right after Sergei accidently revealed Genya's real name to Nikolai:

I shot to my feet. “What happened?”

“Sergei let her real name slip. He seems to be taking to heights about as well as he took to caves.” I released a growl of frustration. Genya had played a key role in the Darkling’s plot to depose the King. I’d tried to be patient with Sergei, but now he’d put her in danger and jeopardised our position with Nikolai.

Sergei was nowhere to be found. Probably a good thing, since I didn’t have time to give him the pummelling he deserved.

And like I understand that this must have been a frustrating situation but Alina knows that Sergei is struggling with his trauma and that he didn't mean to cause anyone any harm. I can understand her frustration but I really don't like the line about the 'pummelling he deserves'. I just don't like the suggestion that a person who is clearly suffering from a mental health issue deserves to be punished for making a mistake because of his trauma. Here's another instance where Alina is annoyed at Sergei:

Sergei had slowed us during our fight with the militia. He was unstable. I could apologise, offer useless words, but I didn’t know how to help him, and it didn’t change the fact that we were at war. Sergei had become a liability.

Again I get the frustration but again I have issues with the suggestion that because they are at war Sergei should just pull it together. Or even this image that's being painted that people who have mental health issues are just a burden on those around them. People in real life who suffer with similar mental health issues like depression and anxiety often worry about feeling like a burden to their loved ones so this could be really triggering for them. Then there is this from Baghra:

“We came to find you. What’s the matter with that boy?”

“He’s had a hard time of it,” I said, leading them away from the tank room.

“Who hasn’t?”

“He saw the girl he loved gutted by your son and held her while she died.”

“Suffering is cheap as clay and twice as common. What matters is what each man makes of it."

This one really troubled me because its like LB is saying that you can control your own trauma or decide how the trauma is going to effect you. It's again this suggestion that Sergei is weak because he struggled with his trauma more than others did. But the part that actually kind of disgusted me when I read it and I actually had to stop reading the book for a bit because of how much it upset me is how the characters talk about Sergei after his death. Alina had sent Sergei away because she felt he had become a liability and he then went back to the darkling and told them all the information he had on Alina and co. This move was obviously one born of his trauma and was made out of desperation. On several occasions Sergei has said he is struggling with feeling safe and no matter how hard he tries he never feels safe. Alina even tells us that Sergei had gone back to the darkling looking for reassurance and safety which really makes sense, this man grew up at the LP the one place where grisha could be safe, he grew up under the protection of the darkling. Then he chose to stand with Alina and went through the trauma and grief of losing the woman he loved horrifically in an attack against the LP which was his original safe place. He then never feels safe again so it would make sense for him to go back to what previously had made him feel safe, the LP and the Darkling. But this is what the other characters say about Sergei after he is killed by the darkling:

I sat beside him, unsure what to say. I remembered sitting like this with Sergei in the tank room, searching for words of comfort and failing. Had he been scheming then, manipulating me? His fear had certainly seemed real.

Abruptly, Zoya said, “I should have known Sergei couldn’t be trusted. He was always a weakling.”

Though that seemed unfair, I let it pass.

“Oncat never liked him,” Harshaw added.

Genya fed a branch to the fire. “Do you think he was planning it all along?”

“I’ve been wondering that,” I admitted. “I thought he’d be better once we got out of the White Cathedral and the tunnels, but he almost seemed worse, more anxious.”

Abruptly, Adrik snarled, “I’m glad Sergei’s dead. I’m just sorry I didn’t get to wring his neck myself.”

Steel is earned. Adrik had that steel, and so did Nadia. She’d proven it again in our flight from the Elbjen. A part of me had wondered what Tamar saw in her. But Nadia had been in some of the worst fighting at the Little Palace. She’d lost her best friend and the life she’d always known. Yet she hadn’t fallen apart like Sergei or chosen life underground like Maxim. Through all of it, she’d stayed steady.

And yes again I understand why they feel betrayed but they knew that Sergei was struggling and instead of understanding that Alina is accusing him of manipulating her and Zoya is saying he couldn't be trusted and that he was a weakling. To be honest it kind of reminds me of the way people talk about the darkling. Instead of recognising their trauma and trying to understand they jump straight to well they were a bad, untrustworthy person who was manipulating me.

Then there is the last part where Alina is thinking about how Adrik and Nadia are strong because although they faced trauma they were able to keep going and keep fighting but not Sergei, Sergei was crippled by his grief and his trauma and this means he was weak. Maybe its because I have struggled with crippling mental health issues myself where I couldn't even get out of bed let alone do anything else but I just found this implication that Sergei was weak really offensive to those who do struggle that way. People deal with trauma in different ways and whilst some people can fight through it and will just have a keep calm and carry on attitude others can't, others just fall apart, but that doesn't make them weak. I also don't think this 'just carry on and push through it' attitude towards mental health issues is necessarily a healthy message. If you need help then you should ask for it and be able to have access to it. LB could have used this as an opportunity to show a character who is severely traumatised getting support and help to work through his trauma and heal. But I feel like nobody really helped Sergei and any comfort or support he got seemed to be grudgingly given and there was more of an attitude of I'll try to help you because your issues are a hindrance to me than because any of the characters actually cared about him and wanted to help him.

Sergei and the Darkling were both characters that were 'beautiful and broken' but neither one of them was given the support or help they needed. Instead they were painted as either weak or as a monster. So what kind of message does this send to readers who also struggle with trauma and mental health conditions?

#the darkling #aleksander morozova #anti leigh bardugo #answered #tw mental illness #tw trauma

[youngsamberg]

Was listening to a podcast of andy and he talked about how much it is to expect a half hour comedy to address and lead the way on such critical issues in our country when it should be the real world and people in office that lead the way. All they can do as a comedy about cops is shed a little light onto matters and have their characters reflect. No matter what they do it will never be enough and we have to accept thag. They may do something admirable or semi admirable but it wont matter until systems in our country change. The furthest they’ll be able to go is this is awful and needs to change, which we already know. I have struggled with the idea of the show being copganda because i can cite several instances of it being so, as well as several more of them being the opposite and doing an amazing job of addressing social issues. I already know this show is going to be able to do more than other cop shows because of their history of calling cops out but you just cant expect a show about cops to solve these issues! I think most people get this but I just want to put out there to viewers to check on your expectations of what you want this show to do and what it means to “do it right” and that no matter what, real life is still happening and matters far more than whatever b99 is able or not able to accomplish

Im sorry im writing you a letter lol but I kinda feel sorry for the cast and crew this season...This is likely to be the final season and everything has changed and that isnt on them but they have to deal with it. I hope they’re able to really enjoy filming and celebrate all they’ve accomplished because this show has been groundbreaking in so many authentic ways and they do not recieve enough recognition for it in my opinion. I’ll never forget that this show is the first time I ever saw two latina women portrayed as complex lovable characters that didnt fit stereotypes and weren’t related in one show! Representations always been kinda one off like oh we have one black dude or asian girl, you should feel seen but one person shouldnt have to carry that representation. The fact that I was in high school before i got to see this happen makes me want to cry in a way I cant explain and will never make sense to those who have always seen people like them lead normal lives on american tv. Sorry im an emotional wreck thinking about these characters leaving me. I’ve never cried from the thought of losing a show before and believed I was over it after the cancellation and being grateful to get anything else at all but damn it is hitting me all over again. Just sending a lot of love to the people who have made this show possible and for people loving it and supporting its longevity 💕💕

wow you’ve made so many great points i hope everyone reads this and takes it all to heart. no matter what they’re going to do their best and for some people that just won’t be enough and that’s okay. but for those of us who have dedicated years of our lives to loving and supporting this show that’s so much more than “a cop show”, we should celebrate every minute we have left with it and appreciate that they’re addressing these issues at all because god knows tons of other cop shows won’t be able to do it as well or even at all.

#b99 #Anonymous

[ellohcee]

Call Me

Okay so I want to throw this little bit out into the universe of one of my favorite instances of Jasper I've written. Context: He's a host for a dinky late night radio show and he has like... 10-15 listeners max and David is one of them, a college student who Can’t Sleep even between classes and his job, so he’s up late late listening to Jasper’s show. He calls in sometimes because Jasper is always offering advice and encouraging people to call in and chat, specifically about LGBTQ topics and David finds comfort and encouragement in their chats. They’ve been talking for a while but he still goes by the name Red. 

- - - -

“Alright you night owls, this next one goes out to my long lost buddy, Red.”

David looked up at the radio in surprise, his pencil stilling on the page.

“It’s been a while since we’ve heard from ya and we miss you dude. And I’m gonna get hella gay up in here, but that’s on brand for me, I miss you.”

David’s breath caught in his throat painfully, his heart hammering.

“So I hope you catch this, give us a call, let me know how you’re doing buddy I’m dyin’ here, don’t leave me hanging. Cause I’ve got a question for you and you wont know what until you gimme a ring. Yes I’m gonna be that guy. So call. Please.”

The music picked back up, and true to Jasper’s word, Blondie’s Call Me started playing.

The pencil had slipped from his fingers without realizing as David tried to decipher all of that, especially that last, sincere please. Jasper missed his calls? Maybe he was just worried because David had dropped off so suddenly. It had just been too nerve wracking once he realized he was crushing on the radio host. But what could Jasper possibly want to ask him? Was it good or bad?

He was still nervous and the idea of calling in downright terrified him now, but… he at least owed it to Jasper to let him know he was alive. It must have looked bad, for him to be consistently calling about once a week and then suddenly stop with no warning, going on nearly two months of silence now. Jasper was always so nice and seemingly happy to talk to him, he must be worried. Gosh, now he had to call, he felt terrible.

David had to take several steadying breaths and about twenty good minutes to work up the nerve, but he managed to eventually press call, hands shaking as he listened to the phone ring.

“What’s up caller you’re live, how’s it hangin?”

“Um, hi...” he said quietly.

He heard a soft intake of air and a shuffle. “That you Red?” Jasper asked, sounding hopeful, the excited smile evident in his voice.

“Y-yes, it’s me,” David replied.

“Aw, buddy, good to hear your voice again man, I was gettin’ worried bout you.”

“I’m so sorry I- just- life, you know?” David hedged, feeling even more guilty because he couldn’t give an honest explanation.

“I feel that, it’s cool dude, it’s just good to hear from ya. I assume you heard my call out?”

David’s heart started beating faster, so, so antsy. If it weren’t for the guilt of worrying Jasper he probably wouldn’t have had the guts to call, but he could still be a wreck about it, easily. “Yes, I did. You... had a question?”

“Yeah! You don’t mind me askin’ live?”

“Um, sure, that’s fine,” David said nervously. It couldn’t be too bad if it was something Jasper could ask on air. Right?

“Sweet. So. Last we talked your rough waves from the coming out thing were settling. You found a boyfriend yet?” the radio host asked casually.

David eyebrows shot up in surprise, his face going so very red and he was so very grateful this was a phone call, not in person because that would make it ten times worse. “Um- n-no, I- I haven’t… um, no,” he stammered uselessly. Why was this the topic??

“Awesome!” Jasper said in delight, leading to an awkward pause. “Wow fuck that sounded hella mean I am so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Cheese and crackers, foot in mouth Jasp, good one. Anyway! I just meant because- like, stop me if this is too weird, or hang up on me, but I was wondering if I could like… take ya on a date?”

David’s heart stopped in surprise, the blush that had just started receding coming back full force. His stomach whirled in a mix of dread and excitement, trying to go one way or the other as his brain stalled for a good long moment-

“Red?”

David sucked in a breath. “Is- are you- are you serious?” he asked softly, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“Course dude!! I wouldn’t fuck around with you like that, hell no! I’m for super serious!”

“But… we’ve- you- you don’t even know what I look like,” David stammered, trying to find reason to turn him down, but so, so desperately wanting to say yes. He felt stupid for saying it the second it left his mouth, Jasper didn’t seem at all the type to place a lot of importance on appearances.

“I don’t need to! I’m sure you’re rad as hell, but I’m not a looks guy, okay? I like your personality, and I love shootin the shit with you, and you’re super nice. That’s the kinda stuff I’m into, and if you’re hella cute, which I’m sure you are, that’s a bonus!”

David stared down at his desk for a long moment, his thoughts a mess, one hand over his mouth as he took this all in. He had to take a moment to pinch the soft skin on the inside of his arm to decide that this was really happening and he hadn’t passed out at his desk into some dream where his crush happened to reciprocate-

“Reeeddd?” Jasper teased softly after another long pause, bringing him out of his panic spiral. “No pressure my dude, you can say no.”

“Yes,” David blurted shakily.

“Yeah??” Jasper asked, his voice picking up in obvious excitement and relief, despite his apparent brace for a rejection. “For real?”

“Y-yes, I’d… I’d like to,” David said softly, his face still red.

“Aw man, awesome, shit. Okay uh- no PI on air so uh- I go off air at 3, you’re usually up pretty late, yeah? Think you’ll be around?”

“Yes, I should be.”

“Supes, call back when you hear me sign off and we’ll hash stuff out, okay? Or at least do personal numbers to talk during the day.”

“O-okay,” David stammered, his mind whirling. “I’ll do that.”

“Sweet. Okay man, you sound a little wigged out so I’ll let you get back, and I will be counting the minutes til sign off,” Jasper teased.

“Okay, um, talk to you later? Bye.”

“Ta-ta for now!” Jasper sung.

David disconnected the call, his pulse still racing as he listened to Jasper on the radio once more, turning the volume back up just in time to hear.

“Oh my god, wack, holy shit you guys he said yes- fuck he’s probably listening and I sound like a giant goober- hi Red! Okay, anymore callers before we go back to music? Holy shitballs.”

A quick, incredulous laugh escaped his mouth before David could stifle it, his chest swirling with fear and elation. Jasper- Jasper had asked him on a date- and he sounded just as rattled as David felt. That helped a little to know it wasn’t just him- Jasper had just been loads better keeping a cap on his nerves while they were talking.

“You’re up caller!”

David came back from his thoughts when he heard a familiar voice, one of Jasper’s other regular callers.

“Oooooh Jasper asked a boy on a daaatteee~” she teased in delight.

“I know oh my god dude I’m still weak from it, I didn’t wanna mess up with Red but I like… really want to meet him and take him out, especially once he stopped calling? And no offense Red if you’re still there it’s TOTALLY cool cause that woke my ass up! Holy shit I still can’t believe he said yes.”

David listened all throughout the rest of Jasper’s show, all thoughts of homework lost as he leaned his elbows on the desk, hands clasped in front of his mouth. Anticipation made his nerves spike again while sitting through Jasper’s familiar sign off, where he bid goodnight to his listeners and started the after hours playlist. David waited a minute before taking a deep, deep breath and pressing the call button.

It rang only once before the line picked up, and a hopeful voice answered. “Red?”

“H-hi Jasper,” he replied.

“Hey dude! Hey, sorry to put you on the spot like that but- y’know, I figured it would be less creepy to everyone to just be upfront and ask you, instead of being like ‘hey call me after hours hoohoo wink wink,’ ya dig?”

David stifled a giggle, smiling. “I understand. It probably would’ve made me more nervous to have to wait that long, wondering what your question was,” he admitted.

“That too! I wanted to just… put it out there, figured it’d be best. So! You’re really cool with going on a date?”

“Yes, I… I’d like that. To meet you,” he added softly, flushed.

“Rad, okay, nice. So let’s just exchange numbers for tonight? I know you might not sleep anyway but it’s friggen late and I don’t want to keep either of us up too long.”

“That sounds good, I don’t want to keep you up either,” David replied. He gave his number first when Jasper gave the go-ahead, listening to the other man hum as he typed it into his phone, and a few moments later David heard a buzz near his ear.

“I just shot you a text so you have my number and can add me.”

“Got it,” David replied, pulling the phone away briefly to see a text notification at the top of the screen, a short string of peace sign emojis that made him smile.

“Awesome sauce. Well- shit, I’m really excited but again, we can talk later. Try to get some sleep, okay dude?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned and losing his usual casual tone. “I worry bout you.”

David smiled, touched by the thought. “I’ll try.”

“Okay, I’ll text you sometime tomorrow- today, whatever, much later. Give you a chance to snooze. Night Red, and thanks for- you know. Thanks. Night!”

“Goodnight Jasper, and thank you too,” he replied softly.

“No prob, catch ya later.”

David pulled the phone away and ended the call, his heart still hammering as he tried to comprehend everything. But he decided to pack it away for later, turning off the radio and closing the long abandoned textbook. Hopefully he could get a few hours of sleep and be a tiny bit more composed when he next spoke with Jasper.

Doubtful, but it was a nice thought.

#camp camp #cc david #cc jasper #jaspvid #ellowrites #but for real this is like #the most best i've ever been able to channel my vision of jasper? #when they meet for their date he's wearing that stupid bowling alley carpet shirt and i just #god it's so jasper #also a great example of me abusing the dash symbol #but it's my staple #also mentioning way too often about the state of david's heart but he's a sleep deprived nervous wreck SO

[monday-headache]

Hey Simon! Thank you for the amazing ask <3 Right back at you:

I love that you're writing/arting about characters that have never met in canon (Gaige and Sasha, Fiona and Scarlett). What drew you to writing these characters together? And are there any more that you'd love to explore one day? :D

Hey Sarah, glad it made you smile. I want to have more interaction with the fandom so I’ll try to make this a regular, so please be free to send me questions whenever. I’d love to read your thoughts ;)

And Omg, that’s a fantastic question as well but, be aware, this is gonna be an essay as well.

Mhh where to start, where to start.

So first things first, My headcanon of why I think Gaige and Sasha would be best friends started a pretty long while ago, way before I even got gently pushed towards the Idea of really starting to write about it in the first place. Because you must know, even though Strays is my first longshot, it is also my very first fanfc I’ve ever written in like ever. So no matter how shitty, great or whatever it will turn out to be or how well others will be, Strays has and will always have a special place in my heart. And I’m not gonna rush things either, even when the fandom will die out, my Ideas for it will flow ;)

But yeah how it started. To put it simply Gaige was my first character In Borderlands ever that I played myself. I knew about the Lore of 1 and I’ve played 1 with a friend by the time it came out, but I played 1 myself AFTER I finished 2 So that may be a big reason, why I have such an open spot for Gaige. But also because she is fun, quirky extreme, punky, loves robots and tech... to put it simple a lot of traits I really love about a character. Her backstory with the science fair was so fresh and funny, and it may be one of my favorite spoken dialogue interactions heard over echo cassette’s

Then after Bl2 my love for Borderlands continued, played 1, played TPS and then... There was Tales, and by god do I loved Tales, and I hella still do. You probably know the feeling yourself. And with the love for the game, came a huge love for it’s cast. Like seriously I think besides Tector there isn’t really a character where I was going like, “ugh this one is trash” on the contrary. And besides my obvious love for the main 2 characters, there was a big love for the Deutagonist’s of this masterpiece. Namely Sasha and Loaderbot.

Loaderbot may have officially taken the spot for me as most favorite Robot in video game history ever (and Gortys for the most precious character ever). Like his whole segment of kidnapping them, forcing them to tell the truth, only to show how much he had grieved, how betrayed he felt and that he did all of tha  for his loved ones. Man say what you will about him, but damn he was written perfectly. I was blown away.

Secondly is of course, as you might have guessed it Sasha. I could go lengths for her too, how much I love and admire her character, how real she felt as a sister, a pandoran and last but not least as a human. Sasha felt to me like the most well rounded out character of the 6 (pls don’t hate me for it guys) From the punk rebellious attitude, to learning that she had an anti Hyperion pirate radio, that she used to broadcast bad things that happens in her neighbourhood, to her adapting her morals and learn that even in the most corrupt organisations there are still normal people struggling with their own life, and then progressing from it. And lastly after everything was at loss, the money the plan, she was willing to sacrifice her whole life for a dear friend/s, even on her dying breath putting both Rhys and her Sister at ease and in her last moments. Amazing.

Oooh boy and that was just the prelude to it all XD

After that I noticed a lot of similarities, between characters. Sasha and Loaderbot for instance are both pragmatic, put the lives of their loved ones over their own, love tech, are socially open people while holding back on information and emotion. Not to mention the scenes in 2 and 3 and also 4 and 5 where it is slightly hinted how well Sasha and Loaderbot work together, without sharing much words. So naturally the Idea was born that Sash and LB became quite close.

And the same goes for Sasha and Gaige. I was actually surprised that nobody (not entirely true, I saw one fanart of it) seemed to made that connection before as it was so obvious to me. So basically Sasha is a softer version of Gaige, in many terms. They both have a big heart for tech and especially guns. They both hosted a small radio broadcast that blew up in their region over night. Both are anarchist’s who spread the word for awareness, how fucked up the company war actually is. Both are not really good at their aim. Both call robots as their closes’t friends. Both share a deep hatred for Handsome Jack and his doings. Both fought a giant ass Vault Monster and nearly died in the process of doing so. Both got screwed up big time and now have a huge bounty on their head... So you see the list goes on, and honestly the more I write them, the more similarities I notice, both hc wise and canon wise. So there more I thought about it, and noticed similarites the more I fell in love with the Idea of them becoming close. And from there the Idea was born, that they probably met on a job ( the most likely scenario in the Borderlands universe). It had to be before BL3 of course, and to be after Tales naturally so that only put one timeline in the focus, Commander Lillith.

To be honest, I didn’t expect everything turning out so big. Like seriously I orifinally planed like 8k words or so. Now I’m dangling on the Idea of having 13 chapters and a big ass finally, a neat wrap up of everything and even a possible epilogue XD Yeah, that wasn’t what I expected either but damn do I love doing it.

Like seriously my headcanons only just gotten bigger and bigger. From a whole nebula system in the galaxy, to regions I created in my own mind for it, to even complex backstorys. Like why Sasha wears a headband, why she loves guns so much, what happened to her and Fi’s parents, why she was raised by her aunt, what does Felix have to do with it, Why Gaige has this kicks of both sudden depression and manical behavior. Why she’s so close to her dad, but her mom wasn’t even mentioned once (but teased), why she wanted to become a wedding planer, and why she is so obsessed with robots and margarita mix. I think one day, this thing will turn into a tabletop game or something XD

So estimated 20k words on my answer later and now we are going for my own created ship Scarleona. Don’t worry, as much as I like to gosh about that too, it wont take as long I prommy.

Scarleona was created in a sudden urge while thinking about what happpend to Fiona while Strays happened. And similar to Gaige and Sasha, Scarleona was born from a dynamic. Especially of those from two Ladybosses with Silvertongue and speech 100XD Fiona and Scarlett may have become my favorite Fiona ship (no offense everybody) because of how well they play off each other. Fiona is a con artist, her whole life she was used to swindle, to play it cool and by ear, go with the flow, and expect the unexpected. So here core idea is that she is manupulating people by LYING to them.

Scarlett on the other hand is similar while also the complete opposite to it. She is backstabby, plays with her charm and most importantly she is dead honest while tricking people. In fact even so honest that people don’t even realised that they got tricked even though she told it several times before. And this dynamic is so fascinating to me. You see, Fiona has almost an answer an action for everything prepared, but the idea that her winning honesty, is mind puzzling to Fiona is so perfect. @michellespenscratchz wrote me a drabble several months ago and I think that line describes it just perfect

“So, let me see if I got this straight,” Fiona tilted her head inquisitively at Captain Scarlett. “You needed these Vault Hunters’ help to find this treasure for you. So you…just asked them?”

“That’s right.” Scarlett nodded, inspecting her hook nonchalantly.

“Even though they knew you wanted it for yourself?” Fiona asked.

“Indeed,” Scarlett replied.

“And they…” Fiona blinked, “…knew you planned on fighting them for it once they had it.”

“Of course they did,” Scarlett shrugged. “I told them as much.”

“You told them?”

“Yes.”

“And they helped you anyway?”

“Precisely.” Scarlett turned her hat against the blistering wind. “I fear I don’t quite grasp what about this is so difficult to grasp, Fiona dear.”

“Huh.” Fiona cast her gaze out across the expanse of Pandoran horizon. “I guess I just gotta–I dunno–rethink my whole life right now.”

So yeah, that was basically it. I kinda diagressed and didn’t want to hurt your eyes more looking at the long ass text, but please if you have some more questions to it, pls hit me. I love to gosh about it <3

And thank you so much <3 This was hella fun

#Borderlands #Tales from the Borderlands #Strays of the Pack #Scarleona #Sasha the Kid Sister #Gaige the Mechromancer #I still need a great name for Sash and Gaige's dynamic #maybe I should go with Wolfpack for now till something better crosses my mind. #Fiona the Con Artist #Captain Scarlett #Thank you #<3

[deviltakesthewaltz]

In celebration of recent events, here is a snippet of a clexa fic I’ve been working on, featuring 4k of yearning!Clexa.

++

Golden leaves spiral from the sky the first time they kiss. 

It’s been a soft autumn, and their love bloomed with the times. Lexa’s father is away on business; Clarke’s mother is stitching up war wounds at the infirmary across the way. Like most days lately, they found themselves drifting farther and farther from home, which was a relief for Lexa, ever eager to put distance between herself and the cold, empty manor that had served as a roof over her head for all of her life; Clarke, who had shared many a laugh and comforting embrace in the shelter of her small quaint home full of warmth, nevertheless found herself eager to follow Lexa anywhere, but especially the hallowed orchard. 

It doesn’t belong to either of them. They aren’t certain who owns these acres stretching farther than the eye could see, beyond the shimmering horizons, some measurable distance behind their own homes, but they’re always grateful to capitalize on its relative emptiness. Just through the orchard lay a meadow, with naught but a single oak tree to spread its shade, and it’s always there that they find themselves wandering. Clarke has long lost count of how many afternoons they’ve drowned in the comfort of this tree, the usual sharp edges to her outings with Lexa inexplicably softened when the two of them came to rest at its trunk. It’s been marked with their presence for many years now, a small heart containing their initials they carved in together with the small bowie knife Clarke stole from her father. 

Clarke is never sure if it’s the magic and mysticism of the tree itself, singular and towering, or the familiar and gentle tenor of Lexa’s voice as she reads softly to Clarke from the various books she could never be found without. Just as when they were children, Clarke would slip into slumber with her head tucked into Lexa’s shoulder, and when she wakes she would always spend the first several seconds pretending she hadn’t, if only to remain there just a bit longer, dappled sunshine her blanket, head filled with the sweet scent of her friend’s soft curls just beneath her nose and the sound of Lexa’s heartbeat reverberating in her own aching rib cage. Lexa never seemed to realize when she was awake. She would read on, softly, until Clarke stirred and nuzzled deeper into her embrace, until Lexa’s lips brushed across the top of her head, and her body in its entirety burned with something she could never name.

But she suspects she’s beginning to discover it.

She has felt this way for as long as she can remember, and when she tries to think back, pinpoint an exact moment, she finds it’s as difficult as recognizing the precise instance in time that her young self learned how to breathe. 

She feels as though she’s been built with this yearning, this ache that suffuses every inch of her body, but in times such as these, when they’re tucked into this haven isolated from the world, it’s hard to feel the usual shame about it- particularly when moments alone give way to a different sort of fear when her monstrous appetite spreads its jaws wide and threatens to swallow the both of them whole. She’s not strong enough to resist reaching for her, fingers curling loosely into the wool of Lexa’s dress. The fact that it serves as the only thin barrier between her fingertips and Lexa’s skin is one that tends to haunt her at all times, but admittedly most when it’s late at night.

Lexa tends to have that effect on her.

It was, in fact, only two days ago that their reading led to an epiphany. For years Clarke had swallowed down these strange and confusing feelings, had tried her best to ignore the way her skin lit up with each graze of Lexa’s body, how she seemed to glow even at mere proximity to her. Now the incessant swirling of her stomach felt heavier, fuller, in certain loaded moments where the air felt alive and dangerous, the equivalent of the tension in the sky moments before a storm. She had rattled off excuses for why she oft found her gaze drifting to various features that shouldn’t draw it- the soft swell of Lexa’s lips, the sharp angle of her jaw and elegant stretch of her neck; the defined measure of her collarbones and the subtle shadows splayed over her chest from her corset pushing up her breasts, only ever seen in brief stolen moments when they changed near the other— sometimes even the curve of Lexa’s backside, the shapely line of her ankles beneath her pleated skirts.

She reasons with herself when she realizes she’s staring too hard and for too long. When she swallows and quails beneath the pressure of her own swollen, aching heart, squeezing and suffocating beneath the graceful timbre of Lexa’s voice. When she thinks constantly about the clever way Lexa’s mind works, how she’s so unafraid to speak her mind to Clarke, how she boldly shows her anger in private moments when she raves about her frustrations with her father, the town, the workings of the world. When the very, very few times Lexa has allowed herself to expose the sorrow eating up her heart, Clarke has cried with her, has brushed away her tears and kissed the top of her head and whispered that she is here, she is here, she is here, all for her. When she fantasizes endless scenarios that involve her going much farther than simply holding Lexa’s hands and gifting her the gentle affections any woman would give a friend they loved dearly. When she imagines parting her lips and letting the truth fly free, begging Lexa, confessing she knows not what these feelings are and what they mean, except she knows exactly what they are and why she is overwhelmed with them, and perhaps she is a monster and the universe is corralling her toward certain hell, but if this haven exists— the orchard and this hidden meadow where everything but time and the two of them ceases to exist— then perhaps she is content with this version of heaven. If this is paradise, she’s wholly certain whatever lay beyond it pales in comparison.

Still, when it came to matters of intimacy, she would at times feel that heavy dread in her stomach that accompanied the flutters of warmth. Generally she reasoned with herself, in those weaker moments. This must be an anomaly. An abhorrence. A test of her will. Fight it.

But then it happened. 

Two days ago.

And Clarke’s world would never be the same.

It was a day like any other. They woke, finished their chores in haste, and snuck away with a book tucked beneath Lexa’s arm. Spoke and laughed as they made their way to this spot, to this place that belonged to them, stole their fruit and settled against the tree, swathed in its reprieve, and spent the next hours with only Lexa’s soft voice and the occasional birdsong breaking the silence. 

"Whenever you tell me your story, it will be made up chiefly of some one great romance."

Clarke had been dozing lightly, drifting in that cherished limbo somewhere between awake and asleep, Lexa’s words guiding her like a safe harbor. 

And then her next words, spoken with uncharacteristic hesitation followed by a gruff clearing of her throat, changed everything.

“She kissed me silently.”

Clarke’s eyes had flown open. She peered down from where her head was propped on Lexa’s shoulder, her heart stuttering in her chest as she focused on the words printed on the paper moments before Lexa said them aloud.

"I am sure, Carmilla, you have been in love; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on."

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," she whispered, "unless it should be with you."

How beautiful she looked in the moonlight!”

Lexa paused when Clarke took an audible, sharp intake of breath, and Clarke cursed herself for a moment because she didn’t want Lexa to stop. But she could feel the weight of her uncertain stare, so she tilted her head, craning back to meet her gaze, and a thrill wracked through her when their eyes met. It was a calm, breezy day, barely a cloud in the sky, but suddenly it felt as though thunder could rumble and lightning strike at any moment.

“What?” Lexa said, voice small.

“She kissed her,” Clarke said dumbly, cursing herself for her lack of wit. Her face warmed, touched with embarrassment. 

Lexa swallowed, green eyes flitting between each of Clarke’s as though searching for something. “Yes.”

Clarke paused, her heart thundering. She struggled to control her breathing. “They...they are both women, are they not?” She may not have paid as much attention to this book as she could have in favor of napping, but she was fairly certain of this. 

Lexa swallowed again, and Clarke was enchanted and besotted by the dusting of pink on her cheeks. “Yes.” 

She kissed her.

Clarke’s gaze drifted, as it was already wont to do, but typically not so openly. Lexa’s lips were full and pink and beautiful, and Clarke had felt their softness on her countless times before, however fleeting. Kisses to the top of her head, to her hand, even on occasion to her cheeks. But never on her mouth. Her body seized and burned with the ache coursing through her at the thought, the need. She realized all at once that Lexa was still staring at her, and panic struck high in her chest; she promptly dipped her head down, hiding her face in the curve of Lexa’s neck, shaking in response to the hitch of breath Lexa gave.

For a long moment they were silent, still, uncertain, until Clarke couldn’t stand the tension in the air any more. 

“Keep reading,” she whispered.

It took another moment, but Lexa did. Cleared her throat first, and quietly read out,  “Shy and strange was the look with which she quickly hid her face in my neck and hair, with tumultuous sighs, that seemed almost to sob, and pressed in mine a hand that trembled.”

Clarke’s face burned against Lexa’s skin, and Lexa’s wild curls tickled her nose. She couldn’t stop herself from pressing her trembling hand to the one Lexa had clenched in a fist atop her thigh. She could feel Lexa’s whole frame shaking against her, and without thought Clarke tipped her chin up to press what was meant to be a soothing, placating kiss to any part of Lexa she could reach; she landed on the column of Lexa’s throat, and her heart thudded at the fact that she could feel Lexa’s pulse thrumming wildly just beneath her flesh.

Lexa continued to read, her voice rough, lower than Clarke had ever heard it.

“Her soft cheek was glowing against mine. "Darling, darling," she murmured, "I live in you; and you would die for me, I love you so."

The words echoed within Clarke, rebounding in the confines of her skull, singing out a chorus in the caverns of her chest. It was instinct, the way she pressed more firmly against Lexa. The way she sought out more of her, nose trailing the arch of her neck and the hard line of her jaw, the hollow high of her cheek, and finally, the soft tip of her nose. All Clarke could hear was the rushing in her ears as she struggled to open her eyes; when she did, all she could see was Lexa, less than an inch away and closer than Clarke had ever been to her, her brow creased with something akin to desperation, her lips parted, rapid breaths puffing warm over Clarke’s lips.

She kissed her.

It was as easy and natural as anything else Clarke had ever done by instinct. As simple as breathing. She didn’t know who closed the gap, but one moment they were both breathing one another in and the next, their mouths were pressed together. Lexa was impossibly soft against her, warm, and Clarke realized all at once that she was wrong about breathing being easy before. She felt as though she had never breathed properly until this moment, which made little sense considering how much difficulty she was having sucking air into her lungs, but she would happily remain here like this, motionless, pressed into Lexa, propping herself up with one hand on Lexa’s knee and the other clenched tightly over Lexa’s fist, their mouths fixed perfectly together.

But all too soon, the need for air won out, and she and Lexa broke apart. They remained close for a while longer, ragged breaths mixing, foreheads resting together, until Clarke managed to force her eyes to open and she found Lexa already watching her with a particularly dark shade of green Clarke had only ever seen on a handful of occasions. She very nearly kissed her again, except then Lexa blinked, and blinked once more, before drawing back and putting space between them. She pulled her arm free from beneath Clarke’s grip as she hauled herself to her feet, bracing against the tree trunk when she swayed uneasily. 

“We, um. We.” She cleared her throat, shaking her head as though to clear it. “We should probably head back, it— it will be dark soon.” The sun had yet to even set, but Clarke couldn’t find her voice. “We can, um. We can read more tomorrow.” She blinked; her face had gone from red to pale, drained of all color, and uneasiness curdled in the pit of Clarke’s stomach. She’s not quite sure what happened, except she’s squirming beneath the uncomfortable sensation that something that felt so right should have felt wrong, and there was perhaps wrong with Clarke for not knowing that. “If you...if you still want to, that is.”

The uncertain implication behind those words coupled with the terror in Lexa’s face as she said them had Clarke propelling to her feet. “Of course I want to.” She tilts her head, mouth suddenly dry as fear trickles through her— fear that they had ruined and destroyed everything. “Do you?”

“Of course,” Lexa said quickly, and it provided enough relief Clarke felt weak in the knees. 

The relief was short-lived, however. They remained standing in silence thick enough one could not so much as cut it with a knife, and the longer they stood there, looking anywhere but at the other, the more Clarke burned. She shifted her weight on her legs, dazedly noting she’d never been lost under such tumultuous emotions, a verifiable maelstrom that crashed into her with all the strength and ferocity of ships wrecking into the rocks at Polaris Cove.

“We…” Clarke’s voice trailed away as dizziness flooded her again; she could scarcely believe what just happened. Despite the anxiety that was itching at the bottom of her spine, there was an exhilarating thrill thrumming like the wings of a hummingbird in her chest. She looked at her friend in an entirely new light, and realized the light wasn’t actually new at all. 

“Naught happened,” said Lexa quickly, and Clarke blinked, jarred and taken aback. Her denial brought Clarke back to the ground with an abrupt jolt, for she had been at risk of surely floating right up off her toes and sailing clear into the very sky itself.

“Lexa…” she began helplessly, but Lexa shook her head at once. 

“Don’t.”

“We kissed.” Saying the words aloud was frightening, but this was Lexa; this was her dearest friend, the person she trusted most in this whole entire world. A girl who was always so fearless, whom Clarke had once watched stand tall and proud against her father, jaw set and eyes blazing, despite the imminent belting she would undoubtedly receive as punishment for her failure to complete her chores in favor of accompanying Clarke and her mother to town. A girl Clarke had once spent a tense afternoon huddled in the kitchen with, tending to her bloody, bruised knuckles after a tussle with John Murphy, a low-born boy who had tried one too many times to pester Clarke by attempting to lift her skirts to display her shins for all the world to see—and another belting from her father lay waiting for her then, too, which was perhaps why she seemed so reluctant to leave Clarke’s care, watching her quietly as she’d bandaged her up with the clumsy hands of a child, and thanking her with a blush when Clarke gently kissed her knuckles to urge them to heal. 

For as long as she’d ever known her, back when they were wee babes and Lexa’s wild mane of hair was nearly as big as her entire scrawny body, Lexa had been bold. So larger than life in her fierce spirit and unyielding confidence.

Yet now she stood before Clarke looking so shaky and willowy she appeared in danger of being knocked over by even the gentlest of breezes, and her eyes were filled with more trepidation than Clarke could ever have imagined her capable of feeling. 

And Clarke was tempted for a moment, by guilt and her own fear, to follow Lexa’s initiative and let it go. 

But her lips tingled and everything about that kiss was magic, and she knew if they didn’t discuss it now then they never would. And if there were one thing Clarke was known for, it was her mettlesome relentlessness. 

“Stop.”

“We kissed,” Clarke persisted. Her entire body bloomed with warmth at the mere words. “It just happened, I can still feel you on my lips— how can you deny it?”

“Clarke, stop.” Clarke’s heart twisted into a hard, painful little knot, and she had never known such devastation as watching Lexa shake her head in dismissal. “You don’t—you don’t have to say anything. I understand.” There was a split second of blinding pain as those two little words sank in. Lexa understood? She understood but she didn’t feel the same way, she was rejecting— whatever this is? But then Lexa continued, “You were just…caught up in the book.” Clarke blinked, not connecting the words until Lexa lifted the thing in her hands, gave it this small, pitiful gesturing wave.

Lexa froze when Clarke gave an angry scoff before marching over to her and snatching the book right out of her hand. Lexa cried out in protest when Clarke promptly flung it away; it hit the tree trunk and fell with a final thud to the ground. 

“The book, the book! I don’t care about the book! That wasn’t— that wasn’t why I kissed you.”

Lexa looked at her, struck dumb, her exquisite countenance a mixture of dread and heartbreaking hope that seemed so unfamiliar on her features yet the longer Clarke looked at it, the more she realized how often Lexa wore it when looking at her.

“I kissed you because every part of me has ached to for as long as I can remember,” Clarke said, voice hushed, her heart thrashing wildly and her hands trembling violently at her sides, desperate to reach for Lexa, who stood there shell-shocked. “I—I don’t know how this is possible, or what it means. All I know is that you are my favourite person, and the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and I can’t take my eyes off you for fear you’ll disappear as I’ve imagined you up because you are so...you are so precious and perfect to me.” She swallowed hard and Lexa echoed it, green eyes wide and glossy and filled with fear and awe that Clarke was sure was reflected in her own. “And all I may do is pray that you can understand even a margin of all this I’m telling you. That you—that perhaps you kissed me back, and your own reasoning had little to do with the book as well.”

Silence, save for her heart pounding. Lexa took a shaky breath and exhaled it, once, twice, before swallowing again, and whispering, “I feel as if I can no longer remember a time when I did not want to kiss you.”

Warmth bled through the shock that stilled Clarke’s body, the relentless, fervish hope that wracked her spine. There was a time to worry about what all this meant, Clarke knew. A time to be struck with terror at how cruel life is, to love someone in the dark, forbidden, stuck in a world where they could be killed for it. 

But right then, they stood in their meadow, the orchard just behind them. It was sunny and warm, a gentle breeze ruffling their hair. Lexa’s cheeks were pretty and pink and Clarke’s heart was so swollen she was sure it could burst. 

Lexa took a deep breath, her eyes shining with that hope again, and Clarke felt it spread its own wings ever wider in her chest. “May I kiss you again?” asked Lexa, voice soft but hopeful.

Clarke bit her lip to curb her beaming smile, already tilting her face up expectantly. Just before their lips met, she paused, and Lexa’s brow knit in concern, previously half mast eyes lifting in renewed alarm. “For future reference, you can assume the answer to that question is always an unequivocal yes, so as to avoid wasting any unnecessary time asking me that, and skip right to the kissing.”

Lexa’s lips quirked in Clarke’s favorite crooked smile. “Is that truly preferable, my lady?”

“It truly is, my lady.”

Lexa’s eyes lowered again, dark, focused on Clarke’s mouth, and Clarke couldn’t help the way her own gaze drifted to lips she now knew were every bit as soft as they looked. “Then it will be done. As you know, I follow no one’s orders but your own.”

“Lexa.”

“Yes?”

“Please kiss me already.”

“As you wish.”

When their lips met again, it felt like coming home. Clarke shivered under the onslaught of emotions rushing through her, leaving her weak-kneed and trembling. And just when she thought it couldn’t get any better than this, Lexa’s mouth opened beneath her own. 

Their tongues didn’t yet meet—Clarke was too shy to broach that far forward, and Lexa must have felt the same. But Clarke could still smell the fruit from the orchard on her breath, knew she would taste of it, burned to find out. But she didn’t. Couldn’t. Not yet.

Clarke had no idea what she was doing, but she seemed to be faring fairly well all things considered. She moved on instinct, her hands clutching Lexa’s forearms, fingers twisting into the fabric and gripping, pulling despite the fact that it was nigh impossible for them to be any closer than they were, hips aligned, breasts and stomachs flat together, so close she could feel the wild beat of Lexa’s heart keeping time against her own.

Their lips moved with a whisper of movement, languid and soft and slow. Though a part of Clarke was roaring, aching and urging her to drive recklessly forward, to tangle her hands into Lexa’s rich curls and kiss her with abandon, another part of her purred, content to remain here in this perfect bubble she never, ever wanted to leave. The gentle breeze stirred golden leaves from the tree and they floated down all around them; the birds sang a beautiful tune that wrapped around her heart. Lexa’s lips were soft and warm and Clarke had never known something so perfect could exist.

By the time they parted for air and Clarke opened her eyes again, the world around them was considerably darker. The sun was inching lower over the horizon, and the sky behind them, towards home, was as dark as the pupils focused on Clarke. Lexa’s eyes were wide and dark and luminous, and her hands no longer shook so violently as they squeezed around Clarke’s own. They stared at one another for a second longer before they each split into breathless, giddy grins, delirious with one another.

“You’re so beautiful,” Lexa whispered, and if Clarke did not blush at the words she most certainly did when Lexa reached up to tuck a curl of Clarke’s hair behind her ear. “There’s so much I want to tell you. So many thoughts I’ve kept to myself all this time.”

“I have the same plight but I fear there are not enough hours in the day,” confessed Clarke, grinning more broadly when Lexa gave a breathless laugh. She joined in a moment later, their sweet laughter echoing around the meadow, before they finally sobered, eyes shut and foreheads tipped together, gentle smiles curving their lips.

She could stay here forever. Truly, Clarke would be happy to. To forget about the lives that wait for them outside of this place, full of endless responsibilities Clarke didn’t even want to think about facing. One day she and Lexa both would move on from their duties of caring for their fathers and instead care for their eventual husbands and children. The thought moved Clarke to nausea, but she swiftly pushed it out of her mind. That is then, and this is now— and right now, Lexa was in her arms. 

But the day was ending, dusk was approaching, and Clarke couldn’t bear it if Lexa was punished for being late. 

“We need to return home,” Clarke sighed, wrenching the words free. 

Lexa’s face crumpled with devastation, hanging her head and shutting her eyes as though she’d never heard such terrible news. Clarke hid her smile by kissing her again, chastely, resisting the urge to sink into it. 

“You know we do. Your father already fears I am too much trouble for you, and you arriving home late again won’t help matters.”

Lexa still hadn’t opened her eyes, but her lips quirked as she tipped her forehead against Clarke’s, arms wrapping around her shoulders. “You are trouble for me, Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke hummed, loving the feel of being in Lexa’s arms. Loving the way it feels to have Lexa in her own, as she winds her arms around Lexa’s slim waist. “As if you don’t go looking for it on your own.”

“I would always go looking for you.” 

The sincerity broke the teasing, and Clarke expelled a shaky sigh, her heart fluttering, tightening her arms to hold Lexa close. Lexa returned the embrace, the both of them burying their faces in one another’s neck and hair, breathing each other in. 

And then, as all things do, their time had to come to an end.

Lexa gathered her book and took the hand Clarke held out for her. They made the whole journey back, some twenty minute walk, with their fingers entwined, walking in a comfortable silence filled with shy smiles and furtive glances.

By the time they emerged from the woods, the sun was nearly completely gone, dousing the world in shadows. They dropped one another’s hands and their smiles slipped away when they neared their houses. Titus’s carriage was pulled up the drive, and the house windows glowed from the lit lanterns.

Clarke’s heart sank as she turned to see Lexa’s grim face.

“We can lie. I can fake an injury, a limp, and we’ll say you helped me—”

“You know that doesn’t matter, Clarke.” Lexa’s shoulders were rigid and stiff, even as she sighed. “It’s nothing new. I’ll be fine.” 

Clarke opened her mouth to protest, but before she could say anything, Lexa turned to fully face her, and Clarke’s mind went blank beneath Lexa’s full attention. She found it difficult to meet her eyes when her own kept dropping to Lexa’s full lips. 

Lexa clearly noticed, if the way a corner of them quirked up was any indication.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said seriously, her voice low. She glanced over her shoulder, ensuring no one was around, before grasping Clarke’s hand and lifting it to her lips. Clarke smothered a quiet gasp, her heart thudding ever faster, and wished for nothing more than to push Lexa back against the wooden fence they stood beside and kiss her senseless. “We can go to the meadow and finish Carmilla, if you’d like.”

“Always,” Clarke answered, gaze still fixed on those damning lips. “Or,” she added, voice slipping into a lower octave, one that has Lexa’s grip on her hand automatically tightening, “perhaps we could find something else to do.”

She would happily have almost all of her company with Lexa be spent kissing, if she had it her way. By the brightening of Lexa’s eyes and consequent smile, she felt the same way, and that more than anything had elation soaring within Clarke. She half wondered if the moment Lexa stepped away, she truly would just float off into the sky.

“Goodnight, my lady,” whispered Lexa as she stepped back.

“Goodnight, Lexa.”

Clarke’s arm remained extended though she stayed standing where she was, loathe to lose contact with Lexa, but Lexa’s slender fingers moved across her palm, down her own fingers, and then skimmed over her fingertips, until there was naught but air and Clarke had no choice but to lamely drop her arm, watching, speechless and enamored, as Lexa walked backwards a few steps, maintaining intense eye contact before giving her one last soft smile and turning to enter her house. 

#Clexa #Clarke x Lexa #Princess Commander #Clexa fic #Clexa drabble #Clexa fanfiction #Clexa first kiss #Clexa fanfic #Clarke/Lexa #Lexa #Clarke Griffin #I have 40k+ of this au so far #I'm waiting until it's complete before uploading it to ao3 #hope you enjoy #Her Echoes Within Me #HEWM

[ink-and-flame]

Kinktober Day 12: Intensity Imposed

Kinktober Day 12 Prompts: Given away to another Dom (temp) ~ Manicures (giving) ~ Lectures for misbehavior Fandom: Original (Auchendale Archives) Tags: exophilia, dom/sub, angst, Pairing: ?(M)/Human(f), Orc(m)/Human(f), Lucien/Lia, Darnok/Lia

[Author’s Note: I have been reading the comments for this series on the blog and on my Ao3 and I appreciate everyone who chooses to comment. Though I feel that the line of commenting requires me to warn a little more heavily that this story is going to get more angsty and a lot darker going forward. Later parts will have quite a few trigger warnings for content. I have this all mapped out and there may be some changes in where events fall, but I just want to put that out there for people that might be sensitive to it.]

The club had hosted events over the last few months, a couple for everyone and one that was meant for the VIP guests only. Darnok and Lia attended them all and found joy in experiencing new scenes, watching others, and learning more about each other. As time passed, they grew closer and the lines began to blur between their dominant and submissive lifestyle, and their vanilla ones. 

Darnok had been texting and calling Lia more frequently and had even done so while he was working, something he had never done in the past. While Lia had come close to inviting him over several times, instead she invited him to a work event where she was allowed to bring guests. It was expected that he would decline, but she felt she needed to at least invite him.

It was needless to say that Lia was shocked when he showed up, cutting quite the figure in his custom suit. Her coworkers did not stop asking about him for weeks after that and she had to insist that he was just a close friend as she feared what might happen if she let herself say they were more. She wasn’t comfortable explaining their actual relationship with anyone, but honestly they were feeling more and more like a couple as time passed. 

There were still a few instances that had Lia a little suspicious, but nothing that stood out in a way that said she needed to worry. She understood that Danok needed his privacy and she had made peace with that. Something that had taken time, but Lia was still proud of herself when she realized it didn’t bother her as much. She was certain it had to do with the increased amount of time they spent together, and all the new scenes they were doing. It was hard to be bothered by something when she was having the best sex of her life. 

Each new scene brought with it a new thrill, and new kinks to discover. Not every one of them worked out, and some of them were absolutely a sometimes thing and not an always thing. Lia was happy she wasn’t the only one finding new kinks to enjoy. Darnok had explored a little as well and found things he liked that he had never thought of before. Lia was still submissive in these scenes, but he had begun to enjoy their role play scenarios more and more with each one they tried. 

Lia was waiting at the club in the lounge with Ember. Darnok had warned her he would be late just so she wouldn’t worry too much. Lia had noticed some tension in him the last few weeks or so and figured it was something with work. Especially with him being late, he was never late on their club weekends. 

Darnok had been fighting with himself over the decision he was about to make. It could break things with Lia, but it was necessary. He had overstepped in their relationship, had grown too close, too possessive, and he was worried for how it was making him treat his beautiful little sub. Lia deserved everything, the world really, but he was limited in what he could give her. He only wanted what was best for her, what would fulfill her, and he realized that maybe he was holding her back from finding something more. 

He could not budge on the restrictions he had placed on their relationship. His vanilla life had to remain separate and as time went on, it became harder and harder to make that separation with Lia. Darnok knew he had feelings for her, how deep those feelings went were still a mystery. There were times he was convinced he had fallen in love with her, but worried that it was infatuation and not actual love. She was different from the women he was used to. She didn’t seem to be attracted to his power or money, but that didn’t mean she was immune to it. He was used to being used by women, but Lia was different from every other woman he had grown close to. It was making him just a little crazy.

Tonight, he worried she wouldn’t understand. That his choice was to hurt, but it wasn’t. He wanted her to experience more than she had so far and there was only one way to do that. Maybe this was selfish, maybe he was pushing her away  now before she could hurt him, but he wasn’t trying to push her away completely. He just needed to know the truth. Was it him, or could any dominant bring out her perfection?

Arriving at the club Darnok was happy to see that Lucien was already there and sitting with Lia and Ember. He had to admit, Ember had been a blessing for Lia. Having a friend she could confide in, and draw strength and confidence from was a beautiful thing. Heading over to the crew Darnok sat next to Lia and kissed her hand in greeting. This would not be easy, and he was close to backing out.

“Ah finally, I have been practically vibrating with excitement. I almost blew the whole thing!” Lucien bounced on the couch in the most dignified manner. 

Lia laughed and looked at Lucien. “Almost blew what, and you excited is weirdly adorable.”

Lucien made a noise that sounded a bit like a squeak, which was an accomplishment as his voice was quite deep and had a strange echo to it. 

Before Darnok could address the situation properly Lucien blurted out the surprise. “Tonight Lia, you are mine!”

Lia’s eyes were wide and she turned slowly to Darnok who looked somewhere between exasperated and displeased.

“Yes, tonight, after months of being badgered, I have agreed to allow Lucien to scene with you tonight. As always, you are not my slave and you can refuse, but it is my hope that you will agree to this.” Darnok’s tone was even, his expression somewhat guarded. He did not want to influence her decision. 

Lia frowned looking confused. “Did I do something wrong?”

Darnok shook his head. “Of course not. I thought it would be good for your continued education to experience a different dominant, someone who has different wants and experiences than myself. Lucien has been offering me nothing short of his soul for this opportunity. I felt that this would be the perfect time as we are both expanding our interests.”

Lia glanced at Lucien and could see his barely contained excitement. His eyes were so bright she was convinced they were glowing. Looking back at Darnok, she had to ask. “Are you taking one of his subs in exchange?” This was a hard question to ask, but she had to know. 

“No. This is my way of trying not to ruin your weekend by needing to cancel. I am afraid something came up. I have to meet with an orc from another clan. This was sprung on me and while I know a little about Gorvaal, we have never officially  met. He insisted it be this weekend, and I could not get out of it.”

It was hard to hide her shock. Lia had never heard Darnok speak of orc clan things, he tended to keep that part of himself private as well. Though Lia wasn’t sure why but maybe it was because she wasn’t an orc and perhaps he felt she wouldn’t understand. This sounded important and she was sad to lose time with him, but understanding overall.

“Darnok, you could have just canceled I would have understood.” She wasn’t trying to insult Lucien, but she wasn’t sure how comfortable with all this she was. 

“I am aware, but I felt that at least one of us should have a nice weekend, and Lucien was never going to stop so this seemed like a fun compromise. He knows that if you aren’t comfortable with something, that you wont do it and that he cannot force you. He is safe, I promise Lia, I would never hand you over to someone I did not fully trust.” Darnok smiled and stroked  Lia’s cheek. “Also, having Lucien in our debt could be quite lucrative for us. Maybe not island get away lucrative, but still.” 

Sitting there looking a bit thoughtful, Lia realized that perhaps this wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. Darnok wasn’t tired of her or angry, he just wanted her to experience something different. The last part about Lucien owing them, well that was interesting. If she was honest she didn’t know Lucien all that well and this could be her opportunity to learn more about him and having him as a friend was never a bad thing. 

“Ok, you are right I was being sensitive. This is a good learning opportunity. I hope everything goes well with your meeting.” Lia smiled up at Darnok.

“Perfect.” Darnok leaned in and kissed Lia on the forehead. “I must go, I trust Lucien with my own life, and I am trusting him with yours.”

Darnok stood and headed out. He hoped that they both got what they needed from this evening, though a small part of him hissed little words of worry at him. The seed of jealousy planted, not yet growing, but there ready to sprout if tended to. 

Lia turned to Lucien. “I, don’t really know how to begin.”

“Oh don’t worry darling. I already have a room set up for us and my bags are there. We don’t have to start until you are ready. I promise, no matter what you are expecting, it wont be.” His smile was cryptic as he brushed his long hair from his face. 

It was probably her imagination, but Lucien’s horns looked larger somehow. His ears more pointed, his skin more textured. He was looking more inhuman the longer she stared and Lia was worried she was imagining things because she was worried. “I know you wont hurt me, we can start, or at least head to the room and begin negotiations.”

Lia waved to Ember and followed Lucien to the room they would be using. She was nervous but also a little excited. She had not really expected anything like this and wasn’t sure what Lucien would have her do. The room had a table, some comfortable chairs, and some other basic furniture. Overall, nothing too extreme in that sense and it helped her relax a bit. 

Lucien sat down and waved her over to a chair opposite him and began to place items from a bag on the table. “I know you won’t have any professional experience. I am not looking for that today. This is just soothing to me, don’t judge.”

Confusion filled her as he placed bowls, small jars, brushes, and mixtures she could not immediately identify on the table. Once she saw the nail polish she was even more confused and her confusion showed clearly on her face when she spoke. “What? Um what are we doing?”

“You, dearest, are going to give me a manicure. I like to be pampered by those that serve me. I had considered letting you do my horns, but I thought I would start with something simple. Don’t worry I can provide instruction if you get lost.”

Lia blinked, looking at Lucien suspiciously. “You hounded Darnok for months, and you want me to do your nails?”

The smile on Lucien's face unnerved Lia a bit. There was something deeply unsettling about that smile and she felt somewhat like prey that has gotten a little too comfortable with a predator. 

“For now, that is all I am asking of you.” Moving his hands on the table he gestured to the bowls. “First you will need to put some water in and mix a little of the contents of these jars and I can soak my hands first.”

Lia nodded, following the instructions. She was still suspicious but this seemed easy by comparison to anything else that had ever been asked of her. His hands felt interesting and she found herself stroking over his skin, and marveling at his long dark nails which looked suspiciously like claws to her. 

“You love him.”

Head lifting up quickly Lia looked at Lucian with wide eyes.  “What?”

“You love him, you love him so much it hurts you. I can see it, sense it, smell it on you. He is more than just a dominant to you. You love him and you want to be with him.” 

Swallowing hard Lia looked down and focused on the hands in front of her. She could lie, say he was mistaken, but she felt that he would point out that lie and she did not want to risk angering him. “Why does it matter?”

“I could ask you any number of similar questions, but the truth is you love him.”

“If I do?” Lia was curious now, what Lucien wanted from all this. 

“I like you.” Lucien was smiling, this one more gentle. “I worry for you little mortal.”

Lia stared hard at him, questions on the tip of her tongue she feared asking outright. “You like me? So you are hoping to entice me away?”

Lucien laughed his eyes sparkling. “I doubt that I could. Such is the way of mortal love. Once a heart is as set as yours, swaying it takes more than one of my kind would usually bother with. Though the reward would be worth the pain, I assure you, but no, that is not my goal.”

It was hard not to be suspicious of him and now Lia had to wonder just what Lucien really was. “So if you aren’t trying to steal me away, why are we here talking about my feelings?”

“I told you. I am worried. You are holding it inside yourself. I can see that you are in pain, that you are taking risks. You let him guide your wants and desires but do you do it because you want it, or because you hope if you impress him enough that you will earn what you want most from him?”

Lia winced, a twinge of pain twisting through her as she dried his hands and began to clean away the dead skin, rubbing a nice lotion in at his request, and starting to shape his now somewhat softened claws. Though if she was honest, she was sure they weren’t actually softer it was just her mind telling her that was how it had to be. 

Lucien had hit on something tender and fragile inside of her. It was a question she had asked herself many times and it was one she had yet to answer. She wanted to believe she did it for herself, but there was a nagging voice that told her she also wanted to impress Darnok. Lucien was not far from the truth, but it wasn’t a simple either or situation. 

“You seem to know everything, you tell me.” It wasn’t the nicest answer and Lia expected a reprimand.

“I wouldn’t say everything, but I know more than most. I see what mortals cannot or will not, and I read people better than they know themselves. Your anger is misplaced. I am not the one you should lash out at.”

“Then who?”

“Well now, isn’t that the question of the day? Learning to ask the right questions is the first step to further opening your mind, and that is really all I want from this session today.” Lucien pointed to the colors he wanted and picked up his phone to show her the design he was after. “I hope it isn’t too complicated?”

“No, I can manage that. I do my own nails sometimes, never anything like this though.” Lia used the distraction of the manicure to think for a bit. 

What did Lucien actually mean about asking the right questions. Why couldn’t he just tell her and not be cryptic. It was frustrating, but entirely Lucien. She honestly wasn’t surprised that he was turning out to be some cryptic elder creature or some such. She was still torn between dragon and demon, though he could be something else entirely as well. 

“These are nice colors. I think they will look striking on you.” Lia made conversation, not really knowing where to go from her. 

Her heart sank as she thought of reasons why Lucien would choose this topic, of everything else they could talk about. What if that orc meeting was an arranged marriage. That was a horrible thought and Lia had to physically shake her head to banish that thought and looked up at Lucien with a blush. 

“You make it seem like we are going to do scenes together again.”

“Well I certainly hope we do. I know that you will never see me the way you see him, and that I cannot give you your heart's desire, but I can give you other things. It would please me if you would consider, when Darnok is not available, that I be a substitute for loneliness?” 

Lia found that there was something in his eyes that seemed genuine enough that she wasn’t  ready to outright say  no. “Does Darnok know?”

“About the topic of our discussion? Or that I want to spend more time with you?”

“Both.” Lia was pleased with the base coat and the first coat of the polish. She was happy it was gel polish, not wanting to wait for standard enamel to dry before applying another coat. 

“No, and yes.” Lucien answered in order. “He doesn’t know the content of what types of scenes I wanted with you, just that I did. He also has no idea how deep your feelings are, but I think a part of him senses it. He isn’t completely oblivious, only  mostly so.” Lucien chuckled and winked at Lia.

She laughed, it felt wrong but she laughed. “Well, he has a lot on his plate. It must be hard being whoever he is and doing whatever it is he does. I get the struggle, keeping your vanilla life and this life completely separate. It has to be harder when you have more of a life to deal with.”

Lucien regarded Lia for a long moment as she painted over his nails with another coat of color. “How much do you know about Darnok? His personal and professional life outside of this I mean?”

“Next to nothing. He is clearly rich and powerful. That much has been made clear multiple times. I try not to let it make me uncomfortable, but sometimes I feel I don’t know who he is at all, but then I know that I know the most private parts of him, so maybe I know him better than the other people in his life. It is hard to really say.”

“I see.” Lucien grew quiet for a moment. “So you have no idea, at all, who he is?”

This made Lia look at Lucien with narrowed suspicious eyes. “I know he is Darnok, that is what I know. What do you mean who he is?”

For the first time since Lia had met him, Lucien looked decidedly uncomfortable. It was strange, it looked wrong on him somehow and that made her nervous.

“He is Darnok, as you said.” Lucien cleared his throat and fought to tap his nails, not wanting to ruin her concentration.

“Ok, well, clearly you know more than me and I know if I ask you will either give me half truths or nothing. So is there a reason you brought it up?”

“Darnok is a dear friend, and who he is has been a problem in the past. You love him, despite not really knowing and that makes it even more beautiful to me. You truly do not care about his money, his power, any of it, do you?”

“No Lucien, I don’t. I care about him. I want him, and I don’t know if the problem here is me or him.”

“It’s him. It is always him. You are a blessing. A sweet mortal with a good and kind heart. Darnok, on the other hand, is emotionally constipated. You have a lot of work ahead of you if you want to pursue this.”

“I feel like this is more of a lecture than a conversation.”

“It wasn’t intended to be, but I can lecture you if that is what you are into?”

Lia laughed and shook her head, carefully painting the design on his nails. It wasn’t perfect, but she suspected he didn’t need it to be. 

“Maybe later, who knows, maybe I am into it.”

Lucien regarded Lia for a moment. “You are lovely and kind, if I asked for more than this, would you?”

“I guess it depends on what you actually want. There are lines I am not sure I am ready to cross and I am still learning my limits. I don’t know you as well as I know him, my own nerves could be a problem.”

“I can be gentle, when I choose to be and when it is desired.”

“I would hate to mess up your manicure.” Lia teased with a smile. 

“If it got messed up I would just have to have you do it again, but I understand. Not tonight?”

Looking thoughtful Lia considered their conversation. Darnok didn’t know what they were going to do, and had still handed her over. Lucien knew how Lia felt and wasn’t seeking an emotional connection. Perhaps this could work out for her and help her release some of that frustration.

“Ok, well I mean we do have this room for a while. What did you have in mind?”

Lucien’s eyes glowed. His smile brightened his face as he grasped her hands letting his thumbs brush over the backs of them. “Oh lovely little Lia. All I ask of you is simple.” Lucien paused letting go of her hands and standing up. 

Coming around the table he picked her up easily and carried her over to the bed on the other side of the room laying her down and looming over her. 

“Let me worship you.”

#exophilia #human/monster #intensify series #Auchendale Archives #Kinktober 2020

[glon-morski]

FF XV - the missing reconciliation post chapter 10

Alright, everyone who has ever played FFXV knows the game’s not perfect. Whether you love it or hate it, the game has some issues you can’t just pretend not to see. I personally adore the game, but that doesn’t mean I wave away its issues. Especially not the glaring ones, like the story-telling, which really could use some work at times, what with all the ‘missing scenes that should be there’, the plot holes and stuff.

One such moment of ‘atrocious story-telling’, as is widely accepted as fact by fans and haters alike, is in the second half of the game: the rather infamous chapter 10 and the chapters that follow. For context reminder, chapter 10 of FFXV’s story is right after the catastrophe that is the covenant with Leviathan in Altissia. It’s the chapter about Cartanica, the chapter where our four main characters (and friends) are at odds with each other, treating each other to stony silences unless they’re arguing, the latter being especially the case of Noctis and Gladio, with Gladio throwing a few quite vicious comments Noctis’s way. With everything that happened right before, the character dynamics in this chapter really hit hard. By the end of the chapter, Ignis has had enough and snaps, telling basically everyone off for being at each other’s throats during a time when they should be more united than ever. And after that… things pretty much go back to normal in the group. Which is all well and good, except for one thing. The arguing, and Gladio’s vicious attitude especially, may come a little out of nowhere, but it’s still understandable if one puts just a little thought into it. Noct is grieving Luna’s death and blaming himself both for the fact she died and likely also Ignis’s blindness, he’s overwhelmed by his emotions which cause him to shut himself off emotionally. Gladio is feeling guilty, too. He is Noctis’s Shield and it is his duty to protect him, with his life if he has to. But he hasn’t been there to protect him after Leviathan was dealt with and Ignis did his job for him, getting severely injured in the process. That shouldn’t have happened. In Gladio’s mind, Noctis either should have been strong enough to not need Ignis to protect him (and making him able to defend himself is Gladio’s job as well, since he’s been training Noct since he was a kid), or Gladio should have been there to protect him instead of Ignis. But he wasn’t. He had failed as a Shield and he’s reminded of that fact and the guilt that comes with it every time he looks at Ignis or Noct. And Gladio had always covered up his negative emotions, guilt included, with anger. So he lashes out. It comes a bit out of nowhere and takes some thought to understand, but it’s not something that can’t be figured out.

The sudden shift back from the end of chapter 10 to chapter 11, however, is less acceptable and as far as I know, everyone was saying how the reconciliation was poorly handled and there should have been at least a short scene where Gladio apologizes to Noct, if nothing else. A scene where they talk it out, where the argument actually gets closure and we can believe the characters move on. We don’t get any of that, though, and it’s apparently a ‘narrative nightmare’, which is likely the main reason there are so many ‘missing scene’ fanfics out there that attempt to rectify it, to write a fitting scene that could actually connect the character’s attitudes from the end of chapter 10 to chapters 11-13. And honestly, for the longest time, I agreed with that assessment, because there really should be a proper reconciliation scene.

Unless there shouldn’t be. Unless it’s not a ‘narrative issue’ this time, but something that has been done on purpose. Because what if… Please consider, what if Noctis and his crew didn’t actually properly make up before the end of chapter 13 and Noct’s ten-year-long absence?

Hear me out.

I) “Guys Don’t Talk About Feelings”

Fair point, and it does stand to reason considering what we see in the game. Noctis is the kind to clam up and he doesn’t talk easily, Gladio and Ignis pretend they don’t feel much of anything (except anger in Gladio’s case) and Prompto hides everything behind his happy-go-lucky joker mask. So yeah, a valid assumption to make. Except that it’s not true, because there are instances where the boys talk about feelings and Noct in particular is willing to have these kinds of conversations, even if he doesn’t always (or ever) initiate them. Proof in the game itself include:

- the talk with Prompto when you sleep at a motel and he ends up opening up about his insecurities. Sure, you can have Noct answer in an absolutely dickish manner and conform to the stereotype, but the game rewards you for having Noct listen to his friend, take him seriously and reassure him, which in all honesty sounds a lot more like Noct to me anyway. Sure, the guy can be a bit standoffish at times, particularly in the anime, but there’s no denying he cares and he’d never be a dick to his friends on purpose.

- post-credit scene of Episode Ignis, where Ignis is the one to open up a little (he opens the conversation with a broken ‘we have lost so much’, you can’t tell me the entire exchange isn’t driven by emotion even if part of it is Ignis testing Noct’s resolve) and offers Noctis to abandon their journey. Noctis refuses.

- post-credit scene of Episode Prompto, when Noctis properly apologizes to Prompto over what happened on the train and reconciles with him before they talk about ‘uniting all of Eos’ so no one has to suffer like Prompto has simply because they happened to be born in a different country.

So no, the boys do talk about feelings. Maybe not often and maybe not always as extensively as some would prefer, but they do talk about it when it really matters. Most of the time.

II) Chapter 11 Loading Screen

As FFXV is wont to do, instead of showing us stuff to connect chapters of the story together, we get loading screens with a short text, so more of a ‘tell not show’ approach. Which is a shame, but in this particular instance, it works to my advantage as far as analyzing stuff goes. Here’s the loading screen in question:

This is a peculiar word choice, isn’t it? ‘Ignis’s resolve forces a reconciliation’. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you can’t actually force a reconciliation. It doesn’t work that way. You can force two people to stop arguing all the time, maybe, but you can’t force them to see eye-to-eye, you can’t force them to apologize and mean it, you can’t force them to make up. Ignis’s words and resolve could and definitely did force Noctis and Gladio to see how stupid they were being, how they shouldn’t be divided at this point in time… but it can’t force them to forgive and forget. Especially if you consider Gladio’s reactions.

After Ignis’s outburst, he’s still angry. He doesn’t outwardly agree with allowing Ignis to come along, but he also doesn’t bite back at his words how it’s not up to Gladio to decide when Noctis will take up the mantle as king properly. He shuts his mouth and storms off. And that the last interaction we get before the ‘normalcy’ at the beginning of chapter 11, before Gladio and Ignis go off.

At this point in time, I’m pretty sure Gladio hasn’t actually apologized. Hell, I’m persuaded he doesn’t actually think he was out of line that much. Nothing that Ignis said would have made him realize just how much of an ass he’s been. Ignis told him off for pushing Noct for something he’s not ready for and reminded him it’s not up to Gladio to decide when he will be, whether they have the time to wait for him to be ready or not. Gladio doesn’t agree with that precisely because they don’t have the time and Noct has to act like the king he’s supposed to be. Still, Ignis’s words do make him realize the way he’s been pushing is (at least in part) the reason for the growing rift between the four of them and he agrees they can’t afford in-fighting, so he backs off. A little. He’s still a bit confrontational when they go back to the train, but doesn’t lash out quite as badly anymore. I mean, look at his response when Noct actually asks if they can make a stop in Tenebrae (for the first time actually mentioning wanting to, as far as we’re aware). Gladio’s answer is a flat ‘as long as it helps him move on.’ It’s not understanding, it’s not supporting, it’s more ‘fine, if it gets your ass in gear, we can do it’, but said in a less dickish manner. He doesn’t agree to the stop in Tenebrae because he cares for Noct’s feelings, he agrees as a means to an end – Ignis won’t get on his case again and Noctis will (hopefully) ‘pull his head out of his ass’. In short, Gladio is less confrontational, but his mindset clearly hasn’t changed much if at all. He doesn’t act like he thinks he should apologize, either, so it would be no stretch to assume that he simply doesn’t. He acts like his earlier attitude never happened instead and Noctis follows his lead on it. (Or maybe Noctis is the one who starts and Gladio follows his lead, both are likely.) In fact, the first (and only) moment where it might seem like Gladio actually realizes he may have gone too far only happens in chapter 13 Verse 2, when they find the recording of how Ravus died. Gladio remarks that Ravus ‘even called Noctis “his king”’, then lowers his head and stares at the ground for a bit. Don’t know about you, but the posture he adopts looks kind of ashamed to me. Which makes sense, because this is Ravus. The guy who has been going on and on about how Noctis is undeserving of his title as Chosen King, or the Ring, or his father’s glaive or Luna’s help, and he openly admits Noctis is ‘his king’, the Chosen King. He sees a king where Gladio hasn’t and I think that really resonated with him and made him realize just how overboard he’s gone. Because how can it be that a man who used to think Noct unworthy of his title as Chosen sees him as the King he is before even his Shield does? Gladio is supposed to be one of Noct’s closest confidants, the one he trusts most, the one to keep him upright when he can’t stand up, the one to focus when Noct can’t etc. etc. Being a Shield is a difficult duty, but it also means being extremely close to the King, it means he should know him well enough to see things others don’t, he should always be supporting and protecting him. And yet Ravus, of all people, saw what Gladio had failed to see in that instance: that Noct already is king and he is acting the part to the best of his abilities. Ravus believed in Noctis more than his own Shield did. And it’s in that instant, I think, that Gladio truly realized he’s crossed a line (or several lines) and that while he might have had a point in there somewhere, he went the entirely wrong way about making it. In that singular instant, he feels a brief moment of shame and actually realizes he might need to apologize at some point, I think. But they’re in Zegnautus Keep, in the middle of enemy territory and Noctis isn’t even with them, so a heart-to-heart obviously will have to wait for a better time.

Furthermore, there’s the bit how through ‘forcing a reconciliation’, Ignis’s resolve ‘restores harmony to the group’. Another curious choice of words there. If they had really made up properly, couldn’t it be ‘restores the bonds between the four friends’ or something like that? Something more telling that things are actually ok again, that they’ve made up and everything is well? Instead it’s just ‘restores harmony’, which doesn’t really mean much beyond ‘gets rid of the discord’, meaning Noctis and Gladio simply stop fighting. But it doesn’t mean they’ve actually made up, that they’re back to how they’ve been before Altissia. They aren’t. But for the sake of ‘harmony’, they act like they do. After all, ‘a king moves ever forward’ and his Shield is supposed to be by his side, come Hell or high water, right?

III) Game-Play-Story-Integration

Out of all the games I’ve played, Final Fantasy XV is still the one with the best and most extensive game-play-story-integration I’ve ever seen. From the fighting system to the quips between the bros to how the AI acts in combat in certain parts of the story, the attention to detail is unreal. It is especially noticeable in chapter 10, not only because of how Ignis always stays behind for obvious reasons, but also how Prompto never strays from his side or the way Gladio only goes half-way after Noct if the player goes on ahead (though not without bitching about ‘staying together’). It’s also visible in combat.

So… let’s look a bit at the game-play of chapters 11, 12 and 13, when the boys have supposedly been forced to make up, shall we?

Chapter 11 – we get a short cut-scene with Ignis and Gladio where they talk about gathering some information about the going-ons in Tenebrae and Gralea. Noctis is attentive, but still rather subdued. Gladio acts mostly like his normal, confident self. No discord in sight… but also no true unity if you ask me. Ignis and Gladio leave soon after. Noctis doesn’t try to stop them or follow them and neither of them attempt to make him. In fact, no one comments on his lackluster attitude at all and while that’s better than the fighting from before, it doesn’t actually look like a group of three friends, more just three men working together because they’re supposed to. Ignis may just be trying to give Noctis time to grieve properly, it’s what he’s been doing for the entirety of chapter 10 as well all while dealing with his own problems, but Gladio just simply pretends he doesn’t see it. He doesn’t give an indication it bothers him in any way, not in terms of making him angry or worried or anything. He just pretends not to see and lets it roll off his back.

And that’s it for Ignis and Gladio. We don’t see either of them for the rest of the chapter. We don’t see much of Prompto, either, because Ardyn decides to switch places with him. We get one little fight together with fake!Prompto but other than that, throughout the chapter and the fighting on the train, Noctis is alone.

Chapter 12 – it doesn’t actually get better. The chapter starts in Tenebrae station, which counts as an outpost and thus a safe place. You can opt to just follow the other characters and advance the story by talking with everyone you need to talk to, but you can also explore the station first to gather some items and, in the Royal Edition, to gather almanac entries. Now, in any other outpost or city in the game, while there might have been short moments where Ignis, Gladio and Prompto wandered off and behaved a bit like curious NPCs, they always followed Noct once he got a certain distance away. For the entirety of the game up until Altissia, you hardly had any moment when they didn’t follow Noct unless it was story-dictated that they didn’t. That’s not the case in Tenebrae. There’s no real reason for them to remain ‘in NPC mode’ if you decide to explore the station, but they do. They don’t follow Noctis at all. Once again, he’s alone and he remains that way even once they’re on board the train even though Ignis and Gladio are technically still part of the party (you can see their HP bars and stuff).

Once again, much like with fake!Prompto in the previous chapter, we get a fight where the three men fight together. But once it’s over? Gladio calls Noctis to ‘come and see something’, then doesn’t wait for him to follow. The next thing we know, Noct is encountering Ardyn and Shiva and once again, he is alone. At any other point in the game, no matter what was happening, Ignis and Gladio did everything they could to stand by his side – figuratively as much as literally by being physically there. But in this chapter, they don’t. Even post Shiva, when Noctis tells them to go check on the front of the train, they both do without complaint. Noctis is on his knees, half-frozen like they are and he very clearly still looks out of it, but neither of them protests being send away despite the fact that Gladio could have checked on the drivers alone and Ignis could remain with Noct without issue to make sure he’s alright (or so they could both make sure the other is alright). But that’s not what happens.

After Shiva, we get another short cut-scene as the train reaches Gralea and demons pop up while Noctis and co. realize they’re weaponless. Noctis is so shell-shocked by that discovery that he almost takes a Goblin’s claws to the chest, but Gladio pulls him back and kicks the demon away. He protects Noctis. He does his job as a Shield. Noct’s reaction? A split second of relief before he tries for a grin and briefly compliments Gladio’s blow, visibly trying to loosen up, to act normal. That split second of relief is really telling, though, because it implies he might not have expected for Gladio to act. He might have worried he wouldn’t help him. Which he has reason for as apparently, in chapter 10, if Noct happens to be caught by an enemy (you know, that button-mashing moment to get free), Gladio’s AI apparently doesn’t even try to help. I say apparently because I didn’t get the chance to test it on my new play-through, I was on NG+ and over-leveled to Hell, so the characters could one-shot-kill everything long before one stray enemy could grab on to Noct for me to test that. But assuming this little bit of game-play-story-integration is true, it would make sense considering Gladio’s general attitude in chapter 10. Still, we’re talking about chapter 12 now, where the boys have supposedly reconciled, so… why would Noct worry about whether or not Gladio would help him if he needed it? Why would he be relieved when Gladio simply did his job? If they’ve actually made up, then he has no reason to worry or be surprised and relieved about it, right?

Chapter 13 – I don’t think I need to say much about that one. Zegautus Keep. Noctis is separated from his friends for most of it and is once again alone. Nothing more needs to be said on that front. Except maybe one thing. There are two points in the chapter where Noctis has to leave his friends behind. One in the hangar towards the end, when he’s about to reach the Crystal. He hesitates then, looks back once he’s gotten through the closing door, but moves on. The other is way at the beginning of the chapter, when Noct gets separated from Ignis and Gladio by the collapsing train. Not only does he not hesitate to run and leave them behind then (understandable, as he’s surrounded by daemons and unarmed), but he also doesn’t wait for them once he’s in the Keep. That first room he’s in is huge and open and you can see there aren’t that many daemons prowling about. Noctis had locked the door behind him and since the Goblins haven’t broken it down before, there’s no reason they would now. Ignis and Gladio are still out there and Noctis should probably assume they’d try to follow him or find a different way in. So… why does he go on alone? Why doesn’t he wait? Or at least call/text them to see what their plan is so they can agree to try and regroup somehow? In fact, for the entirety of this chapter, why doesn’t Noct try to contact Ignis or Gladio once? His phone still works as far as we know even though he’s no longer in Lucis, chapter 12 proved that when Ignis called him after Noct pushed Prompto off the train. So why don’t they even attempt to communicate when, as far as we know, they have the means to?

I don’t know about you, but for a part of the game where the three of them are supposed to be tight-knit once again and have supposedly made up, the story and game-play goes way out of its way to contradict it by ensuring Noctis is alone at nearly all times, when the normal behavior of all of his friends is to stick close to him at any given time, be it for running around the wilderness, combat or even exploring a safe outpost. And when Noctis’s normal behavior is to try to stick with them, too, and yet in these chapters (and chapter 13 in particular) he goes out of his way to not do that.

IV) Friends And Retainers In One

There’s a very specific part of chapter 13 that really stuck out to me on my latest play-through. Once you reunite with Ignis and Gladio, find Prompto and finally get your weapons back, the boys have their one (ONE!) on-the-field conversation in the entire chapter. Where before Altissia they constantly quipped at each other and you had those short conversations once every couple minutes, this is basically the only piece of dialogue outside of a cut-scene you get this entire chapter (Ardyn’s taunting notwithstanding).

It starts with Prompto pointing out that Noctis is wearing (and using) the Ring of the Lucii. Noctis response is a rather bland ‘I had to. No weapons. No friends. No choice, really’ and goes on to say how he had to find and save the rest of them and for that he had to be able to fight so he had to use the ring. This entire 5-second-explanation is delivered in a low, kinda dead tone, too. There’s barely any inflection to it, let alone any sort of emotion. He just sounds tired and wrung out and completely done with it all. The one who responds is Gladio… with a comment along the lines of ‘you finally sound like a King’ with a ‘took you long enough’ heavily implied if not stated outright. Noctis doesn’t respond to that and neither does anyone else. Once again, it does not sound like an exchange between friends. It sounds more like what a Shield would say to his King.

And that’s exactly what’s going on, isn’t it? What has been going on since chapter 10, actually. In the aftermath of Altissia, Gladio pulled back from everyone, but Noctis in particular. He was no longer his friend, he was his Shield, through and through.

Now, Ignis and Gladio always had some trouble with navigating their relationship with Noct because of its duality between being his retainers and being his friends, something the game touches upon a little (though it’s way better portrayed in the Brotherhood anime). Ignis has more trouble with it, though, because in his case, the line between friend and retainer is extremely blurred and it’s easy to fall from one into another seamlessly and without noticing. From chapter 10 onward, though, while Ignis tried to keep some ‘friend’ aspects to his demeanor, he still acts more like an advisor. This is likely due as much to the fact that he wants to prove to everyone (himself included) that he isn’t a burden and can keep going with them, as it is to Noct needing a little advisory needling to stay on course and not fall back into his apathetic behavior from earlier.

In Gladio’s case, the line is a lot more cut and dry and easy to distinguish. There’s a clear difference between Gladio the Friend and Gladio the Shield. During chapter 10, Gladio is only a Shield. A retainer to his King. Not a friend. Which is part of why he’s so vicious in his comments. During chapters 11-13, he dials it back more and more, but still stays more on the side of ‘Shield’ than ‘Friend’.

The only person who doesn’t have that struggle is Prompto, because while part of the Crownsguard, he’s still Noct’s friend first and foremost. But he’s absent from chapter 11 onwards. So for most of chapters 10-13, Noct is alone. It’s a moment in time when he lost too much too quickly and he desperately needs a friend to help him, but he doesn’t get that. He can’t go to Ignis because he feels like Ignis has enough of his own problems to deal with, he doesn’t want to burden Prompto who’s already very clearly stressed by the situation in general and tries to help where he feels most useful (with Ignis) and he only has an angry Shield in Gladio, not a friend. All that game-play I pointed out earlier where Noctis is suspiciously alone? That’s a show of how he feels as much as the physical situation of it. He is alone when he’s separated from his companions and he feels alone even when they’re there. Because the ones following him now are not his friends, they’re his retainers and he’s not supposed to be Noct the Person, but Noctis the King.

Going back to that little piece of dialogue I mentioned earlier, well, it’s not part of a cut-scene, so we don’t really get much in terms of clues to interpret the characters’ feelings besides the voice acting. There’s no expression and little body language to go by. But the fact that Gladio’s comment is met with silence from Noct is already very telling. To me, it feels like he’s looking for at least a little comfort from them. He’s looking for reassurance from his friends. He’s been alone, unarmed, basically at daemons’ mercy and had no choice but to put on the ring everyone saw he could hardly bring himself to look at, much less wear. I wouldn’t be surprised if the answer he was looking to get then was something as simple as ‘you’re not alone or defenseless now, it’ll be ok, we’re here with you’ or something like that. Instead, what he gets is a comment about how ‘he finally acts like a king’ from the person who has been raving on him for not being ‘kingly’ enough the most before.  And I think that might sort of cement it for him (like it also sort of does for the player): he isn’t surrounded by friends at this moment in time, no matter how desperately he wants and needs it, even if they share some friendly banter in a cut-scene or two before that. He’s surrounded by retainers and he has to be their King, no matter how impossible it seems for him to do that.

And then, of course, the icing on the cake: getting sucked into the Crystal. Noctis is alone at that point as well, barring Ardyn. By the time Gladio and the others catch up, he’s already disappeared.

Here comes the kicker: Gladio, Ignis and Prompto proceed to attack Ardyn and try to kill him… and it’s honestly the first proper show of emotion all three of them have since chapter 11 that actually proves they care for Noct as a person, not just a king. They act like they lost not a king, but a dear friend and they’re understandably angry because of that. Which is heartbreaking because it happens at a point in time when Noctis can’t see it anymore. Just as the three of them were too late to see Noctis get sucked into the Crystal (and maybe try and fail to stop it from happening), they were too late in dropping the façade of retainer and act like Noct’s friends instead. (Again, with the exception of Prompto, because he doesn’t have that issue.)

It’s doubly heartbreaking when you consider Regis’s last order to them, too. ‘I ask not that you guide my wayward son. Merely that you remain at his side.’ Which is really just a fancy way of saying ‘I don’t want you to accompany him as his retainers, I want you to be his friends.’ No one seems to catch on to that, however, and when shit truly hits the fan, they do the exact opposite instead.

V) Reconciliation

Finally, one last point, tying somewhat to point I to finish this entire word vomit off. As we all know, there is no reconciliation scene between the four friends in the game, a fact that has been very bemoaned by fans. That’s just it, though. There’s no reconciliation scene between the four of them or at between Noct and Gladio… but there is one (even two) between Noctis and Prompto! In the main game, once you find Prompto in Zegnautus, he asks Noct if he was worried about him. Noct can respond with a choked up ‘of course I was… what kind of question is that?’ or try to tease and act like all is normal (the second one backfires slightly) but in both cases, it’s followed by an apology, which Prompto accepts and responds to with ‘everything is alright now’. It’s not perfect, but there was an apology, there was forgiveness, there was understanding and closure and actual reconciliation. If that’s not enough for you, Episode Prompto adds the post-credit scene I already mentioned above.

So, we do get a proper reconciliation between Noctis and Prompto. But not between Noctis and Gladio. Or Noctis and Ignis, considering they should have really talked about how Noct feels guilty for Ignis’s injury, too, in my opinion, even if they haven’t really fought or anything. There’s still a kind of rift there. Which means Noct reconciles on-screen with one friend out of three. You really think the developpers would make one scene and then ‘leave out’ or ‘forget’ another? I find that hard to believe.

In conclusion

As many narrative and story-telling issues as FFXV may have, I honestly don’t believe the lack of a proper reconciliation between Noctis and Gladio (or Noctis and Ignis if you think they need one) is one of them. It looks far more like it has been done on purpose, because while they both try to act like they’re good and everything is back to normal, the fact of the matter is that it’s probably not true. They’re still at odds and Gladio only really realizes he might have gone too far in Zegnautus, but at that point, he doesn’t really get a chance to talk with Noct before the latter disappears for ten years into the Crystal. Which would mean the two of them never actually made up between chapter 10 and the end of chapter 13. This fight of theirs remained unresolved until it was too late to do anything about it, something that gives Gladio even more reason to attack Ardyn as savagely as he does in the Crystal’s chamber. Because he can finally admit to himself that maybe he was a bit out of line and he probably wanted to talk it out with Noctis, maybe even wanted to apologize, but in the end, he never got the chance.

Then ten years pass during which Noctis is in Reflection and Gladio gets to live through the World of Ruin while waiting and hoping for his king to come back. Ten years is a freakishly long time to not see a dear friend of yours and bringing up a fight you never got to get closure over after that much time is just not something people do. Especially since it’s a post-apocalyptic world and they have world saving to do… and Noctis knows he’ll die. He likely doesn’t want to bring up the painful past at that point because really, what would be the point? He already has very little time left as it is. Best try to use it to have at least a semblance of happiness in what’s essentially his last moments with his friends. As for Gladio, after stewing over it for ten years, a part of him might need to talk it out, to get proper closure, but if Noctis prefers to pretend it never happened and that everything was fine, then who is Gladio to begrudge him that in what’s essentially his last moments? In that regard, I feel like Gladio’s character made a complete one-eighty in chapter 14 (and I’m obviously only looking at the original chapter 14, not the additions the Royal Edition made because those feel tacked-on and like you’re playing a mesh-up of two different time-lines, but that’s a rant for another time). Where in chapters 10-13 he was nothing but a Shield, in chapter 14, he tries to be a friend more than a Shield, though he obviously still takes his duties seriously.

TL;DR: There are many details in the game that seem to point to the conclusion that the lack of a proper reconciliation between Gladio and Noctis post chapter 10 was on purpose. That they never actually made up and that while their bond didn’t break, it suffered some serious damage, which shows clearly in later chapters. That Gladio realized he might have gone too far a little too late and that by the time he was planning on sitting Noct down and talking things out with him and apologizing once things calmed down, it was a lost cause because he lost his chance the moment Noct was sucked into the Crystal without any indication if or when he’d come back out. Which is honestly depressing and heartbreaking, but at the same time, looking at character interactions and stuff, it makes a sad amount of sense.

#Final Fantasy XV #Glon's meta wordvomit #meta analysis #Character Relationship Study post chapter 10 #Kind of depressing #On fighting and reconciliation

[evoqliving19]

Free Move Apartment Locating Companies - Know the Truth!

55+ apartments johns creek

Many of us are attracted to the term "free", as well as the proven fact that we have been getting something absolutely free. There are many legitimate free offerings available to consumers inside a wide selection of settings. For example, Apartment Locators truly offer a valuable want to all renters that are looking for a flat, and also the services are free on the renter, saving them a lot of time driving around visiting a large number of properties, and intensely probably passing up on the best deals and also the best apartments.

55+ living johns creek

However, there's also many companies who use the word "free" to entice customers, and then they might actually provide you with the service or product that they can initially promised. They get past this deception by writing countless loopholes in to the fine print of these advertisement that they can always excuse the absence of delivery. So caution is obviously as a way when you find yourself trusting service repair shop who plans to give you something important for free.

Moving is a very stressful here we are at many. Often you can find deadlines to get from your current apartment by a certain time. You can find what to sort and boxes to pack it, also to pack carefully in order to avoid anything from being broken. Then there is the careful loading and also the careful unloading and also the unpacking and placing and sorting. You need to allow time and energy to clean the previous apartment before you submit the keys, and you've got to make sure you happen to be stopping by the new apartment during business hours to help you receive the keys to your brand-new home. You've utilities to disconnect and new utilities for connecting. A whole lot is taking place at once, high always is the concern that you might have forgotten something important. You already arranged your schedule to offer the day free for moving. You have all your affairs so as, so you are just looking forward to the movers to come. The LAST thing that you'll require is really a glitch over some small detail in terms and conditions that causes your moving company never to arrive and deliver that "free" move which you were depending on and getting yourself ready.

That is just what became of a buddy of mine very recently. She used some of those apartment locating companies from the Dallas, TX area that supposedly offered a "free" move. I wont mention names here, but it's a common company. Anyway, she gets home from work and it has all of her items packed capable to go. It is a Friday evening, and he or she has had the move scheduled using the movers for weeks. She has to become Away from her apartment by midnight THAT night. They may be suppose in the future at 7:00 pm, so there is a little a period crunch but that's the sole time the movers had available. They finally arrive, take a look at her small 1 bedroom apartment and tell her "The free move only covers 2 hours price of free moving. It appears as though you've more items than we are able to move around in 2 hours" (fine print), and so they leave!!!! My buddy is panicking. Jane is one particular lady who lives through herself and it has to become from her apartment in just a few hours. If she resides in a small 1 bedroom and had too many items so they can move, it can make me wonder just who they COULD move?? Anyway, my good friend calls me at 8:00 desperate and crying. I rally up our other friends and that we manage to find a U Haul place that's still open and rent a truck. All of us go over and move her that very same evening. She got out of her apartment in time, and she got a free move alright, nevertheless it wasn't from the company who promised her the move. She did everything she was suppose to do, wrote their name for the Leasing Application because Locating Company who referred her on the new apartments, plus they GOT Taken care of THE REFERRAL, yet they didn't provide you with the move that they can promised.

Apparently a number of these "free move" companies have small print that limits just how long they are going to offer you to the move. And just what happens in the event the move goes wrong with go over that point. Can they just leave? Evidently. Or, when they look over your items and feel the job will take beyond the allowed time, they could not START the move. One more thing to watch out for within the small print....not merely may there be limits to the time they will allow, but they often limit like items and the amount of items they'll move. For instance, when you have a 1 bedroom, they often have a very specific report on the only real items they are going to move. For example: 1 couch, 1 table, one dinning table, 4 dining chairs, a bed, a dresser, a nightstand, 2 lamps, a few boxes (they frequently will still only accept move a small amount of boxes) and a lot of times that is certainly it!! In case you have a couple bedroom, they may increase the list with the help of another bed and dresser. But what if however, you have an item that's not on the list.....like a desk, or possibly a curio cabinet, or even a piano, or perhaps an aquarium, or a dresser or an extra table or a loveseat, or a recliner, or even a number of boxes compared to they allow? Don't be surprised whenever they leave all items behind that aren't on the restrictive list, and you really are just stuck determining how to deal with them yourself. If it is enough items, or things that are just right, you might end up needing to rent a truck or UHaul anyway, or call friends who are able to come help you.

Another friend recently told me that something similar became of him that happened to my first friend. He was using one of people apartment locating firms that provide a "free" move. He said they were calling him daily when he was ready for the apartment, trying difficult to convince him to maneuver into one of the few places that they recommended. Each day they called to find out if he picked a place yet if he placed their name about the Leasing Using any apartments yet. Finally he did choose a place, anf the husband did put there name there because Locator who referred him. And then, a fascinating thing happened. He could never get ahold of anyone in the apartment locating company again! Once they found he picked a spot and wrote them down (their check was guaranteed), they never called him after that. They would not return his calls anf the husband couldn't discover a real live human from the company to talk with as a way to schedule his free move. He finished up the need to hire another mover in the long run. The "free" move locating company got paid their cash and they never delivered the disposable move.

How would be the "free move" locating companies not the same as all the other Apartment Locating Companies? Well, there are several definite differences that you should know about. First of all, let's establish the fact that most Apartment Locating companies do not need to give you a "free move" to entice customers. Many experts have shown their superb customer satisfaction along with the expertise they offer will save you the average renter $500-$700.....which is considerably more valuable as opposed to price of a couple hour move. Plus, they truly be useful for finding the top and quite a few awesome apartment home. Another clear difference is that this: Not all of the apartment communities out there work with the "free move" locating companies. In fact, some of them won't. This is because of a combination of reasons.

For one, some "free move" companies do not have the most effective reputation. Secondly, many of the apartments tend not to believe that they actually earned the commission that they are wanting the apartments to spend them. Among those free move companies just have an online site where you sign on and check on your own. They only will show you information on the small selection of of properties which will actually work using them and pay them back. Once you look for a place, you go online again on the website and inform them which you picked and therefore the computer is suppose to schedule the move. Not every nokia's are similar, however this is the process for some. A true human isn't even actively involved in assisting you using your search in many cases. Many of the apartments believe just putting a website online alone does not merit earning a commission. Now you may have an online prescence. The truth is, the apartments already have their own website. While there is no problem using a Locating Company creating a website (in fact, every one of them do), the challenge arises if the locator ONLY communicates through the website and therefore are predominantly a dot.com business.

The apartment complexes don't wish to pay a dot.com for establishing a website and then only delivering what you promises the main time. They would like to pay Apartment Locators that have a brick and mortar office, who've actual live Agents who work there and who deal one-on-one together with the potential renters, assisting them to find their new rental home with customized, individual lists of apartment information. Often times these Locators even escort their customers to the properties. In the event the client carries a unique situation, the Locator can identify them which properties are in all likelihood to be effective their their own circumstances. They know who may have the very best specials on the market, or who may have the particular amenities how the renter is seeking. The renter can actually call their Locator and meet with them and get questions and create a working relationship.

What is the disadvantage for you personally, the objective renter, when they are not all of the apartments works using the "move free" locating companies? The situation arises in that the "move free" information mill only planning to recommend for you the particular apartments that occur to utilize them. Which means that you may not find out about the property that's actually the the one which matches precisely what you would like and possesses the top special. They are going to only display information for the properties who covers the cost them. Once you make use of a traditional Apartment Locator who works with All of the properties within the City, you can depend on that you will be receiving the whole picture and can honestly be known about every one of the properties that have the most effective specials. This is the distinct advantage that real local Apartment Locators have on the so-called "free move" locators. Most traditional Apartment Locators work with All the reputable apartment and townhome communities. No matter to them what one you pick in the end as long as you are satisfied, because These pays the Locator and assist the Agent. They have no need to try to steer that you one particular property over another. Their job is usually to recommend who has the best selection and appears to be the best match for you.

[itachi-uchiha-deserved-better]

Fun Meta asks: 3. 4. 5. 11. 17. 20. 23. 25. -Sorry for asking so many. Curiosities of one writer to another. Feel free to omit any of these.

3) What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I have this scene in my head between Itachi and my OC. She’s chasing him down against orders after his massacre of the Uchiha clan because she refuses to believe that things are what they look like. And when she manages to catch him, she’s able to use her mind prison jutsu to stop him from leaving and tells him about how no matter what anyone says, She refuses to believe that he is the monster the village wants to paint him as. As she’s trying to convince him to come back to the village with her, her body is weakening more and more from the chakra poisoning caused by using her jutsu. Eventually he gives her something, a sort of vague acknowledgment that she might not be wrong. He tells her that he may need her help if Sasuke wavers from the path Itachi has set for him but he can’t risk her remembering anything, so he uses Tsukyomi on her, leaving her near death in the forest for her Anbu teammates to find.

4) Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

We know the details of the war. We are unfailingly familiar with the facts. Michael led the nine choirs against Lucifer and his followers. We know that Lucifer’s assault on heaven was swift and viscous, striking for every advantage, exploiting the weakness to be found in soldiers hesitant to lash out against those who once were called brother. We know that in the heat of the battle, Michael called the seven remaining arch angels together. Among the cacophony of blades and bloodshed the seven marched and behind them a solemn silence followed. Together they marched and they struck at the dragon. “Beloved,” they cried, “Why, beloved Lucifer? Why have you done this? You were the first in God’s eyes.” We know that the seven cried as they pierced the dragon’s hide and brought to bear on him the full force of the power of heaven.             We know that our father lost the war, but we know in the way a student knows the facts of history. They may sit and memorize the hows and the whys of history, but they are at their core, disconnected from it. So it is for us. We know what happened during our father’s rebellion. We understand the nature of our father’s sin, the sin which we share by our shared blood. We lack the intimacy of memory. We know, but these events are no more than words on the pages of our minds. 

I wrote this as an intro to a WIP called Children of the Damned, a story that was supposed to be about a group of angels who hadn’t fallen from grace but were cast out of heaven because they were the children of lucifer. They were supposed to be a neutral force, something between demons and angels who’s job was to protect all of humanity- the good and the bad. The project never really went anywhere but I still have the intro draft sitting in my WIP folder. 

5) What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

I have a character called Zero (she was originally from a DnD campaign that ended up falling apart.) and her whole shtick is that she is a researcher for the Arcanum- basically an orphan who managed to get into the big magic school of the setting and is now a glorified grad student researching for her thesis and has to bounty hunt to fund her research. She is socially awkward, painfully shy, very disenchanted with the world but fascinated with her chosen field of study and constantly stressed out by budgets and deadlines. And since I’m an eternally stressed out grad student I relate to her pretty hard. 

11) What do you envy in other writers?

The ability to see and work towards an overarching plot. I can do drabbles pretty well because my brain works in scenes, but I have a really hard time stringing those individual scenes together into something coherent with an ultimate end goal. 

17) Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Absolutely I think that people perceive my writing differently than I do. I mean, all of my writing is ultimately informed by my own life experiences and ultimately no one else has experienced my life, so I’m sure that readers are viewing my work through the lenses of their own experience. As for me? Probably? Idk I am pretty vague with my online presence so I really have no idea what people perceive about me. As for surprising people about my motivation....Honestly I really don’t know. My motivation to write is usually because I have a scene in my head that wont leave me be until I put it on paper and sometimes that leads to a larger idea and sometimes I just leave it at that. 

20) Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

So Idk that it’s something most people pick up on, but I am a percussionist at heart and so Cadence in writing is a big thing for me. One of the things they teach you when you learn, say, snare drum for instance, is to use words to identify certain rhythmic patterns. Well my brain took that and sort of applied it to all language. There are things, feelings that you can evoke just by substituting a short word for a longer word. For example- Pain, Hiss, Break: these are all short, sharp words. And using them in a sentence will provoke a different sort of sensation or feeling than words like agony, mournful, shattered, breath which are longer more lyrical words. Idk if it makes any sense to other people, but that kind of cadence drives the imagery in a lot of my writing. I have an essay about it (or did at one point). 

23) What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

The Ichor Blade. Three characters- Matthias, an older man, a healer who’s formed a deal with some kind of dark entity and uses the power of the dark magic he has gained to heal people at the expense of his own life. Zero- an arcane acolyte from the arcana consortum, she is a very adept mage, but clinical in her approach to magic and tasked with hunting down rogue magic users as part of the agreement that funds her research. And Illomenn (I-LL-OMENN), a creature of supernatural origin known as a Hex which are essentially manifestations off all things that trouble the world. Illomenn is a minor hex, the manifestation of bad luck. They are brought together by chance after Matthias and Zero encounter several Major Hex’s- plague, malice, and war. Zero is affected by plague and cannot use most of her magic without it destroying her body. Matthias is trying to help her undo the curse and in the process they find Illomenn and recruit his help in using a relic called the Ichor Blade to destroy the curse and to seal away the hexes from the world. 

25) What part of writing is the most fun?

Honestly? Watching people read what I wrote and listening to their thoughts afterwards. Its kind of like cooking for me. The actual process of making something is fun, but the most satisfying part is knowing that other people enjoyed it. 

[ravenaveira]

Ok, time for my review of Kh3 Re:Mind Dlc

This is gonna be long, so be prepared, and yes there will be many spoilers so if you dont want spoilers of the game then you probably shouldnt read this, but if you dont care then stick around.

I will start off with my unbiased and critical opinion.

From the title menu alone you already know what this game is gonna be about. Kairi is gonna be center focus, or should say specifically Sokai, and Riku will be virtually non existent.

Now I know what your thinking, well duh its all about saving Kairi of course Riku wont have that big a role and she’ll be the main focus, and to that I say no shit sherlock I already knew that. My issue isnt that it was Kairi focused because I already knew that and still pre-ordered the DLC, but my issue is what this title screen represents and my fears were proven correct.

Let me elaborate

Riku is just as much of a friend to Sora as Kairi is, from the beginning of the series its always been Sora, Riku, and Kairi, thats the way its ALWASY been. But from this title screen I could tell Riku’s bond with them wasnt gonna be present at all and I was right.

I’ll elaborate further

I know Im jumping way ahead here but bare with me, at the end of the game after Sora rescues Kairi they travel the worlds together, Sora notices he is fading away which is why he goes to the many different worlds he has visited but now with Kairi, spending his final moments with her before he finally disapears.

See the problem? Sora doesnt involve Riku at all in his final moments being alive, he is just completely absent during his entire remaining life. Sora only spends time with Kairi during his final moments, Riku wasnt shown with them once.

I know some people say well we dont know how long Sora was alive before vanishing and he was probably the one who organized the party, but did we see that though? did we see any signs that Sora was alive for more than a day or two? did we see Sora talking to anyone like he was setting anything up? NO, it was all about Kairi and Riku was completely forgotten.

I can understand if Sora wasnt dying then it wouldnt matter how much time he spends with Kairi alone, but Sora was fading away ANY SECOND and he didnt spend any of his remaining time with Riku at all, even at the beach party who is Sora sitting next to alone with before he finally vanishes? Kairi. That is inexcusable and a huge insult to Riku and his bond with Sora, hes just completely excluded, that is unforgivable.

These new added scenes to the ending actually made it worse than the original version of it, before we didnt even know Sora was around for more than a day and just assumed they all had a beach party afterwards to celebrate getting everyone back and saving the world, but now we know Sora was actually around for an extended period of time and made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Kairi, not even his best friend Riku did he spend time with for his final hours, that is despicable.

Another major issue is how Sora keeps saying his journey started with losing Kairi in this game, as if Riku wasnt ALSO lost that day, as if Riku wasnt the reason Sora kept on his journey even after saving Kairi and sending her back to Destiny Islands, as if he didnt fall to his knees and bawl his eyes out finally reuniting with him, as if he wasnt content with spending the rest of his life trapped in the Realm of Darkness with Riku, as if for the entirety of the base game of kh3 Sora wasnt constantly and only thinking about Riku and how many things he wished he could show him.

Apparently in Remind none of that happened, none of that mattered, it was Kairi that was his main motivation, it was Kairi that started his journey, Riku wasnt involved in it at all.

That is a huge issue with this DLC, it treats Riku like a side character and of little importance to Sora, in the base game they handled them fine minus that on instance in the Keyblade Graveyard where Sora says ‘Alone, Im worthless’ even though Riku’s right there but other than that their relationship and bond was handled very well but in Remind? practically non existent.

Now onto the story aspect, if your not into time travel and have trouble understanding the many variations of it then your gonna have a bad time because it gets VERY confusing to follow, which is why you should never introduce time travel because it becomes way too complicated to keep track of and not only that you also have to worry about things like paradoxes, ripples in time, alternate timelines etc. Its a complete clusterfuck to keep up with and manage so time travel really shouldnt have been introduced in this series.

Chirithy tells Sora that no matter what he cant change the past again, yet there are times where Sora does just that so exactly what cant he change? for example, when Roxas appears he asks Sora to do him a favor which is essentially getting the X back from Xemnas in their names. Sora does several things to make this happen and even Kairi gets a couple swings at Xemnas this time but then the two of them are basically caught and restrained inside shadow balls [pause]

See the prob? this is a huge change to that fight, Kairi never took a single swing at Xemnas, she just stood there and got snatched up, Roxas never asked Sora for help getting the X’s back from Xemnas, and Sora and Kairi never got restrained by Xemnas and knocked out.

Chirithy explicitly said Sora cant change what happened and no matter what he has to accept it for what it is, yet here he is, changing what happened. Maybe you could argue well this is an alternate timeline, even if it is that makes all of this irrelevant and means it never happened because the true ending is the one where it didnt happen, making this semi useful Kairi moment really pointless because at the end of the day its not canon, her being useless is the true outcome, none of this matters.

That is extremely disappointing, so even if you alter the past for the better it doesnt matter because its an alternate timeline and that timeline isnt the real one making this whole redo pointless and time consuming for a short DLC that was an extra 30$ to play.

So the time travel is very confusing and even if you follow it, it ends up being very disappointing when you realize none of it matters.

Moving on to some of the tied loose ends, Im glad they explained why Aqua froze up after saying ‘We stand together’ and I like how we get to see how Young Xehanort came to have the beliefs that lead to what he did and also MOMs subtle influence on him succumbing to darkness.

He told Xehanort that he would outgrow the robe and no longer need it because if he was truly powerful then he’d be the one controling the darkness, this leads to Xehanort later begining to travel without the robe and being corrupted. So we know now that MOM also influenced that as well and is very sketchy, even more now than he was before since this action greatly influenced what Xehanort eventually does and all the pain he caused, all of which would have probably never happened if it wasnt for him.

But thats just my theory and what I got from it.

I liked that we got to see Namine for a brief moment where Sora basically brushes her off and completely forgets about thanking her, this is a plotline Im pretty sure at this point is just never going to get resolved. He just tells her to go to the Final World and walks off, which makes no sense because Sora was surprised to see her in the original playthrough.

Another change was Lingering Will dying to protect Sora, again this never happened because Sora was busy fighting alongside everyone in the maze while Lingering Will and Terranort were fighting away from them. After Lingering Will died for him then Sora is pretty much squeezed to death by Terranorts Stand, or atleast knocked unconscious.

So much about these are just so confusing as to how they are happening when Chirithy said the events couldnt be changed I just stopped questioning it.

But atleast this time its made clear that Namine is the one who sent Lingering Will to help everyone and how she did it, so now people can stop saying Kairi is the reason everyone survived because it wasnt, without Lingering Will they would have all died a second time.

Basically the first half of the DLC is just recap with some minor changes and additions to the cutscenes, you get to play as other characters like Riku [optional] Aqua [not optional] and Roxas [optional] but other than that its basically the same thing all over again for the first 3-4 hours of the DLC, that is ridiculous.

The new content finally starts when Kairi is shattered, funny how the game gets good after Kairi dies xD I’ll stop.

Anyway once Kairi dies is when we finally get explorable Scala, but not without having to endure an insane fight with tons of heartless and nobodies and yes its more complicated than you think. It doesnt matter how many heartless or nobodies you kill, they will keep coming until you kill this one red heartless with way more health than your average heartless has.

After that you can pretty much wander around Scala as you wish and this is the only time where you can buy items or food so make sure to do that if your low on items. If your low on money there are minor enemies there that you can kill to get some so take advantage of this opportunity because your not getting another one.

Your goal in Scala is to basically run around, solve a couple puzzles, and get 5 of Kairi’s heart shards, revealed to having to be 7 later on. Sound fun? besides being able to see more of Scala’s layout, not really. But its a good place to take a breather before getting back into the big battles ahead.

Unfortunately your actually forced to fight the armored organization again but thankfully you dont have to do the ENTIRE final battle over, just that one section which I appreciate but wish we didnt have to do any of it at all.

So after we’re done Scala we get in MY opinion the two best parts of the entire DLC. We get to see what was going on with the rest of the keyblade wielders back home and it was INSANE and extremely well done, everybody had a chance to shine.

When everyone was swept away and Mickey was down and out, it was amazing seeing Mickey push himself back up and slowly with what little strength he had take on all the armor organization BY HIMSELF severely weakened, yet still powerful enough to hold them off and stand his ground. He really showed us WHY he is the King, so THAT I really enjoyed. It was extremely well done and one of the most memorable parts of the DLC.

The next part was even more insane and well done, which is us getting to fight as all the keyblade wielders against the armored organization and even get some cool dialog and team attacks in between, it was just amazingly well done seeing everyone work together and switching between characters was just so epic and enjoyable.

Honestly I could play those two parts over and over again and enjoy it everytime, their just that good and the most memorable in the entire DLC.

Coming back with Kairi and killing Xehanort together with all the keyblade wielders including Kairi this time was satisfying to see but it excludes Xehanorts and Eraquses final words, I mean yea seeing Xehanort have a semi happy ending put off alot of people but at the same time, seeing Xehanort come to the realization that he was wrong about everything and giving the Wayfinder trio closure by seeing their master one last time and hearing his apology to them just held more weight to me.

Im not saying I think Xehanort should be redeemed as easily as he was, but I feel like excluding Eraqus and their final words made the ending feel hollow, just ok we beat the bad guy, happily ever after now. Thats pretty lackluster and unsatisfying In my opinion.

Finally the ending....

Heres where Im gonna be biased and give my personal thoughts. Warning if your a fan of Kairi skip to the very end of the review where I give my overall rating

I hate the ending, for the reasons I listed in the beginning but also many others. I get the main focus was gonna be Kairi since the DLC was about saving her, Im not mad about the obvious, Im mad about the execution.

The Sokai agenda was so forced and apparent its not even funny, they shove it in your face so hard yet when Sora is talking with Chirithy he still refers to Kairi as a friend, really? your shoving this pairing down our throats just to have Sora still friendzone her? Im not mad because I dont want them together anyway but I hate the games being played here, you either want them together or you dont, pick a friggin side Nomura.

And while we’re on the subject, I hate, HATE, how this game is so heavily romance focused when Kingdom Hearts was NEVER about romance to begin with, it was always about friendship and bonds. Not in this DLC though, no now its all about Kairi and being with her forever, traveling the world together, holding hands, all this lovey dovey nonsense nobody invested in the plot could give a rats behind about.

Sure people who are into Kingdom Hearts for the romance of course they dont mind, but Im pretty sure MOST people invested in this series are in it for the story, not some stupid pairing, and I HATE how much they shove it down your throat because it is just so forced and obvious what they were doing.

This was all damage control for Kairi, who has been a useless damsel in distress and dues ex machina in every single game shes been a part of. I repeat, EVERY SINGLE GAME SHES A PART OF.

Kh1 - Kidnapped, unconscious, Sora needs to die to save her.

Kh2 - Kidnapped, held hostage, Sora needs to find and save her.

Kh3 - Kidnapped, unconscious, is killed twice, Sora needs to die to save her.

Do you see what I fricken mean? Every fuckin game its the same danm thing over and over and quite frankly Im sick of it. You might as well say this is a Mario game because Kairi is princess Peach always gettin snatched up and Sora is Mario always going through insanely deadly trials to get her back, and then it happens all over again.

This DLC was damage control for that, instead of immediately getting snatched up by Xemnas she actually gets a few good swipes at him to no avail of course, and then she fights together with Sora against armored Xehanort, all of which is just damage control for her not doing anything in the entire franchise and pandering to her fanbase that are constantly screeching for playable Kairi and for her to do something.

It was also damage control for how non existent their relationship was and what a joke its been since Kh1. They arent fooling anybody because thats exactly what this was, otherwise why you have to try so hard to CONVINCE us how important she was to Sora? why did Riku have to get sidelined so much just to boost Kairi up? why’d Sora completely disregard Riku as a part of his journey? why did Sora not spend ANY time with ANYONE for his final moments alive? its so obvious why. The only way to convince anyone shes actually important and relevant is to play down everyone else or exclude them entirely.

Congratulations, you got your wish, good for you fandom, but at what cost?

The time they spent forcing so much Sokai could have been used to tie up way more loose ends than there were but nope, gotta squeeze in that Sokai, thats what yall really here for right? fuck off.

The two best moments of the game was so short lived its not even funny, this DLC was full of so much padding in the first half, forced romance and pandering for damage control they forgot to actually make this a decent DLC.

Since I recorded my gameplay from start to finish I can actually tell you the amount of old content vs the new

3-4 hours of mostly what we already seen with a few changes, I only died twice

1-2 hours of new content, probably less because I got lost and died alot

That is unacceptable, 30$ for only 10% new content? that is a robbery.

Not only that but the worst part is the Limitcut episode, databattles have always been optional for competative players who like the challenge. Now you are FORCED to fight these INSANELY hard bosses, all 13 in order to get the final bits of the aftermath of the story.

WE PAID FOR THIS, this wasnt free we PAID for it and yet we’re basically told ‘Hey if your a casual player and want the rest of the story? well you gotta fight 13 of these insanely hard databattles that used to be optional but now their madatory for you to get the rest of your moneys worth. Too difficult? cant do it? well too danm bad, get good or go home we got your money already so screw you guess you’ll never know’

That is a fucking robbery and a huge slap in the face to people who are invested in the story, not proving their the best by fighting insanely difficult battles no matter what difficulty your on. It wouldnt be an issue if this was always the case, but these battles were always OPTIONAL for competetive players to do if they WANTED to, but now its mandatory and if you cant do it then oh well middle finger to you.

I couldnt even beat Vanitas, I fought him first and then Luxord and I couldnt beat either of them so I just said fuck it and went on youtube to see what I paid to see for free. 30$ wasted on a game I cant even finish, your out of your fucking mind if you think thats fair and excusable.

Thats why at the end of the day I give it a 5/10, its not good but its not bad either, its just decent. But if you asked me if it is worth the time and money? fuck no, my advice? watch other youtubers play it and keep your 30$

If you want it just to play as some of the characters, experience the new content for yourself, and play the databattles then by all means get it.

But if you think thats not enough for you to spend 30$ for then dont get it.

Overall Re:mind gets a 5/10, useless padding for majority of the first half of things we’ve already seen and cant skip because theres new scenes mixed in, forced romance that nobody but shippers care to see, severely lacking new content, and unfair extremely hard mandatory databattles just to see the final aftermath of the story which is kind of important setup for the next game.

Fuck this DLC, this was my fist time EVER buying a DLC for ANYTHING and thanks to this its probably my last. So thank you Re:Mind, for ReMinding me why I never bought DLCs in the first place.

Ps - Im so glad playable Kairi was optional, thats one of the only things this DLC did right.

#kh3 remind spoilers #kh3 #kingdom hearts 3 #anti-sokai #anti-kairi

[booksbookandmorebooks]

The Woman In The Window: Mini Book Review

Hello lovelies! I sincerely hope you’re all doing well given the awful circumstances we are all facing at the moment and hopefully I can help distract you for a while by bringing you a review on an amazing book I have literally just finished! The woman in the window.

 I initially didn’t even know this book existed until I came across the trailer a few months back.  In all honesty I did have some reservations about this story as the initial premise was one I have seen recycled and used so many times. From rear window to disturbia and when I saw another story based upon the same idea I did have a bit of an eye roll moment, oh look Another story where someone is unable to leave their house for whatever reason and  is a witness to a terrible crime finding themselves helpless and only able to sit and watch these events take place. While that is what happens yes, I cannot stress to you the originality of this book. While the circumstances are similar the actual plot is completely different. 

we see our main character Anna struggling with extreme agoraphobia resulting in her confinement to her own house. We are told that this has been going on for around 11 months as a response to the severe trauma she endured around that time. Due to her limited space and her social interactions we see Anna has begun to engage is some questionable activities involving spying on her neighbours for a long period of time each day hoping to pass the time. While this is undoubtedly unhealthy it’s not the worst thing we are shown. We find Anna in the midst of a battle with alcoholism and while this is concerning either way its even more so due to the fact the medication Anna is taking can result in dangerous side effects when mixed with alcohol, something that will be bought into question a little later. If you would like to see more of the story the trailer is quite explanatory and informative considering it’s supposed to be a taster but that’s another issue all together.

The woman in the window was a story I ate up and obliterated within 2 days. It was a rare moment where I literally couldn’t put it down! The itch to find out what was going to happen next was too great to ignore, so I didn’t. hence the speed I read this in.

I loved the use of smaller chapters; I’ve spoke about it before but for me it just makes a book so much more digestible and less daunting. I’ve always struggled with large books as they tend to include very long chapters which I hate and eventually find myself no matter how much I’m enjoying the book pushing through and feeling a little agitated. I like to see the gradual progression im making through a book. The use of small chapters provides me with this feeling of achievement which may sound silly but is something that always spurs me on. The whole ‘’oh I’m 10 chapters in, 2 more wont hurt’’. A sentiment I found myself expressing a little two often over this past weekend.

The way this story is written is perfect for the type of book it is. It creates enough atmosphere to well and truly creep you out while engaging your inner detective. I found myself during one specific part of the book living out a personal nightmare which resulted in a very audible shudder of which my boyfriend looked on in pure confusion at the noise I made and the look of pure horror on my face. I found myself analysing every inch of the book from the scenes, the dialogue the character interactions to the smallest of details, everything really. I couldn’t stop myself! It was so much fun trying to read between the lines of each character while looking for any clues as to what this reveal would be and its safe to say I was completely and utterly shocked. It was a genuine jaw drop for me. I found myself having to stop and put the book down to compose myself. Completely dumbfounded.

The climax of the book was shocking yes but the follow on as a result of said reveal was incredible. It was so well written I could literally feel my heart and pulse in my throat!  The emotion and intensity of this scene was just leaping off the page at me. Easily one of the most enthralling end scenes I’ve ever read.

I am aware this is a short review but it’s because this is one instance where I enjoyed the book that much I don’t want to reveal too much to you because you NEED to experience this for yourself. There are so many amazing factors to this book i have left out because the roller coaster this book takes you on from heart break to pure and unfiltered anger and frustration is something i just cannot put into words. This is one of the best thrillers I’ve read in years! If you are looking for something to read during this lock down that you can really sink your teeth into then please please read this!

Also, please come back to me so we can talk about it, I’m desperate for someone to talk about it with! Please please please.

#Woman in the window #Woman in the window book #Woman in the window review #Woman in the window book review #Amy Adams #Gary Oldman #book review #julianne moore #Aj finn #A.J Finn

[wolfcrunch]

Thoughts on Mirio Togata and a certain Quirk...

Y’all finally ready??? lets go

SPOILERS FOR ANYONE NOT HAVING READ THE OVERHAUL ARC

(also contains minor spoilers from other arcs? major at the very end for Overhaul arc)

time to,,,,, talk about why I, personally, don’t believe Mirio should be as deserving of OFA as everyone else thinks he is, why Sir Nighteye was in the wrong and everything about that.

Now I do want to,, say a few things first

yes, if you know me even a little bit you will know I am not the biggest fan of Mirio - he actually happens to be in my top 10 most disliked characters. HOWEVER I’m going to do my best to keep my thoughts neutral (to be fair, it was the fanbase that turned me off liking him)

the exact same thing goes for Sir Nighteye, but even worse - again, I won’t rag on him and I do understand why he acted the way he was, sorta

this post will honestly be a mess oof. but mostly I’m going to just dump all the thoughts I can; including how the timeline would change, characters personal feelings and such

THIS POST IS JUST MY OPINION THUS FAR! it might change when Season 4 of the anime airs, and I have extra time to go through the arc again. and of course, if you think Mirio does deserve OFA then thats perfectly fine too! everyone has their own opinions, I don’t expect this to change any minds.

Power-wise, Mirio is deserving - however, this is factoring his own quirk out of this

ALSO NOTE this post has no structure as I’ve said before so...oops?

Ok so to basically start this off; we see Mirio before he loses his quirk as a rather hardworking, bright and sunny student. And yes, first thoughts would be ‘he is the perfect choice’, and I see why people think so. His mastery of his own quirk is rather impressive; if anything, he might’ve been like All Might, able to master OFA much faster. Not to imagine how the quirk would mix with his own, and with future quirks.

But seeing the type of person Mirio is...someone who holds himself so proudly over how he controls his current quirk...I don’t think he would’ve accepted OFA to begin with. He’s already shown the instance of this in canon.

I understand the occurrence of this interaction wouldn’t be the same, but regardless it counts for how he might approach it all. He strikes me a lot like All Might; he’s already powerful enough with his quirk, he’s already got enough control - why would he need to accept this gift, regardless of the power it holds, or the sentiment?

He’s already standing in the ring.

Which also leads me to something All Might has said before, when confiding in Bakugou about why he chose Midoriya to be his successor of all people.

Again, I know the circumstances aren’t the exact same. But I feel like Mirio is the type of character who would prefer the quirk go to someone less fortunate, for he already has so much going for him.

Of course, I could be completely wrong. He might have accepted it, if for the sake of All Might and Sir Nighteye; but I would like to think he wouldn’t. Mirio also reminds me of Midoriya in that regard; caring for others over themselves.

This is also partially why I want to believe that Mirio wont get his quirk back. I feel like it would be so much better for his character to remain quirkless, and to become what Midoriya could’ve been if he had not gotten OFA. That would make his character arc really improve and be really good writing for him.

I’d also like to point out that whilst Mirio is very well much like All Might when it comes to personality and how he holds himself as a hero...one major thing brings them apart, this major part being something Midoriya excels in, and we’ve seen this is various instances.

Mirio...is hesitant.

He was hesitant when it came to their first meeting with Eri. Yes, he is a seasoned student, and knowing how dangerous Overhaul was - it was for the best that they let Eri go.

But you can’t always hesistate. Sometimes you have to jump in...and I feel like Mirio doesn’t have that drive, not like All Might and Midoriya. It was this exact same trait that caused All Might to choose. Midoriya leaped in to save Bakugou, consequences be dammed. I don’t think Mirio could do that.

And now...Sir Nighteye.

My distaste for Sir Nighteye is unique - and it might mostly stem from the fact that I am a Midoriya stan. 

Now, I do understand why he was firstly portrayed as he was - bitter towards our protagonist. His character is a rather complex one; he starts off as a rude man but eventually we see why and how he came to be that way, and what shaped him - All Might’s future.

Anyone being faced with the death of the Symbol of Peace, the strongest hero, and having no way to change it would be unnerved. Sir Nighteye was scared, and his reaction is justified...in a way, considering he worked with All Might himself. The two were work partners, and it was this uncertain future that split them apart.

Sir Nighteye had every reason to grow apart from All Might, he only wanted to try protecting him. Being one of the only heroes who knew about One For All, he also wanted to make sure it was passed to the right successor, which is understandable.

But Sir Nighteye, I feel, approached the situation in the wrong way. We see that very clearly when Midoriya has to fight him in order to be accepted as his intern.

This scene just...rubs me the wrong way when it came to Sir Nighteye’s character. There were plenty of other ways he could’ve tried to deal with this.

He doesn’t have to accept Midoriya, no, but he should’ve put his bitter resentment aside. He only knows Midoriya as the kid who breaks his bones with his quirk. He doesn’t know how much Midoriya had to fight to control this quirk - and even then, he still can’t control it.

But also Midoriya’s expression when he finds out Mirio was ‘first in line’;

Midoriya still likely suffers from something akin to Impostor’s Syndrome - again, various hints have been placed throughout the manga/series itself. That’s not surprising.

Sir Nighteye’s dismissal of him wielding OFA was awful.

Sir Nighteye shouldn’t have a choice in the first place. That’s also what annoys me.

OFA is not his quirk...I don’t understand why he went and trained a successor for a quirk he can’t pass, for a quirk that isn’t his to decide. All Might isn’t the best teacher...but Sir Nighteye didn’t trust him, obviously. He didn’t trust the Symbol of Peace to be competent enough to find someone worthy.

That ‘someone worthy’ ended out being Midoriya. But Sir Nighteye still blatantly went ahead with this ‘great idea’.

Sir Nighteye as a character does improve - by the end of the Overhaul Arc, we know he has come to terms with Midoriya - has spoken about him, ect. But the fact he gets killed off right after still left the sour taste in my mouth of his first introduction.

Not to mention his quirk; I understand that Sir Nighteye was frightened by All Might’s death, but doesn’t his quirk allow him to show the future? They could’ve looked to see who All Might chose; and they could’ve risen that successor together.

All the hardship and bitterness could’ve easily been avoided.

And now, y’all, lets go through the current canon events and dissect how everything would’ve turned out if Mirio had gotten OFA instead;

(leaving off from the standpoint where Midoriya still saved Bakugou from the sludge villain, but was never offered OFA)

The Entrance Exam: Uraraka possibly would’ve been seriously worse off than in canon. We don’t know if the teachers would’ve stopped the robot in time for nothing serious to occur - since no one would be there to punch the robot.

Quirk Assessment Test: not terribly bad, but a student possibly would’ve been expelled - even several.

USJ: At the very least, Tsu and Mineta would be dead. Aizawa and All Might would also possibly be dead, and perhaps even other students. The League would’ve been much more successful, and the media would be even more down UA’s throats.

Sports Festival: Todoroki maybe wouldn’t have indulged to anyone about his backstory; he would’ve gone on to use only his ice. I don’t believe many of the other students who he’d consider ‘strong enough’ would try to encourage him like Midoriya did during their battle. It’d also be safe to say that because of this, he wouldn’t visit his mother afterwards.

Hero Killer: Stain: Due to Midoriya not interning with Gran Torino, and seeing as the events with Tensei would still occur, Tenya would still go after the villain with revenge. It’d likely that both he and Native would die by Stain since there is no Midoriya or Todoroki to intervene.

Final Exams: Nothing too terrible happens here - but its likely that Bakugou would be off worse.

Training Camp: Bakugou and Todoroki, perhaps even more students would’ve been kidnapped by the League. Kouta likely would’ve been killed by Muscular, and still would’ve hated heroes.

Kamino Ward: AFO vs All Might still occurs - but the outcome very well could’ve ended differently. The League might’ve gotten away with the students they kidnapped, and All Might might lose due to the fact he was holding back due to Bakugou in canon.

Provisional License Exam: Again, not that bad - some of the students might’ve not passed alongside Bakugou and Todoroki. If Toga still sneaks in, she either would’ve gotten no blood or the blood of someone else.

Overhaul/Internship Arc: Very possibly Eri might’ve never been saved. The prophecy with All Might not be twisted. Sir Nighteye still might die...and Mirio could’ve still, very likely, gotten shot. Where does that leave him? Probably without both his original quirk and One For All. The villains would win.

And that’s only if UA still remained open after earlier events. UA would be at the very real possibility of closing after the events of the USJ, allowing at least two students and possibly one or two teachers to die.

Midoriya, as a character, has made such an impact that the storyline would be vastly different. Several characters changed for the better because of his presence in the storyline with OFA. So many characters had the real chance of being badly hurt or killed if Midoriya hadn’t interfered in some way, shape or form.

He can’t interfere if he doesn’t have OFA.

Midoriya possess more of a hero’s ideals than Mirio when it comes to several,,, things in general. Mirio doesn’t really possess what Midoriya does, and would almost feel like an All Might copy.

Midoriya is truly working to make this quirk his own...Mirio would’ve had a better time, but we never would’ve seen the struggle our lovely green protagonist went through. The pain, the blood, the tears...Mirio wouldn’t have that - at least, not to the same extent.

And that is why Mirio doesn’t suit being the MC, or being the holder of OFA.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mirio togata #sir nighteye #all might #midoriya izuku #one for all #meta? #my thoughts are a mess sorry if this post isnt easy to read #lemillion #big three #queue

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

A Hypothesis

Title: A Hypothesis

Summary: If there was one word that described the hero, it was just that; hope. The hero was perpetually hopeful that there was good in every person. He was hopeful in happy endings. He was hopeful that things could change for the better in the current system. 

So why was Catton standing at the door of his latest laboratory, looking up at him through eyes so disheartened? Eyes that looked so defeated—so hopeless?

Superhero!AU

Pairings: platonic logicality

Words: 2737

Warnings: self-deprecation, depression, suicidal implications, death mention (no major character death I promise), deceit mention

This is based off this text post by @messythoughtsandscribbledplots that I’ve seen floating around. @stillebesat did a fantastic version with prinixety. But I thought I’d try my hand at it with Logicality ;)

If there was one thing that a mad scientist could always count on in a super-infested world, was that there was always a hero that stepped in the way of progress. Not that Dr. Logan Lockwood saw himself as mad, as mad people are rarely wont to do. 

Nor did he see himself as evil—though many people would prescribe that label to him. Some people argued he was simply an anti-hero, but frankly Logan could care less. The labels of good and evil are arguably meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

It was unfortunate he happened to live in a world that insisted on viewing things so black and white. They refused to see the barrage of greys that shaded their streets. A person who committed a crime had to be evil. Never mind that it was an act driven by desperation. Driven by the lack of care society had on actually fixing their problems. They refused to see how their ignorance was their downfall.

Take the hero that frequently attempted to stop his plans for instance. Catton was the typical hero—annoyingly naïve and cheerful. He sprouted off puns and dad jokes that made Logan’s teeth gnash in irritation. But there was something to be said of the hero’s genuineness.

There was a lot of heroes who donned a suit just for the fame and glory, Prince Charming was one of them. But Catton was the rare few who helped just to help out others. He refused sponsorship offers. He did the little stuff, like saving cats out of trees and helping grannies across the street. It made it all the more frustrating when Catton refused to see the truth dancing across his eyes.

He remained stubborn in his view of good and evil. He constantly begged for Logan to give up his plans, to return to the light side in a sense. Logan scoffed at the very notion. Even if he agreed to Catton’s wishes, it wasn’t that simple. He’d done too much damage—it was too late to go back. The best he could hope for was life in prison.

Still, the hero asked every time—his pleading smile never breaking. Catton was such an emotional fool. A smarter hero would’ve given up on the fifth try. Anyone could see that Logan remained resolute in his plans. But Catton clung to his wishes, hopeful that Logan would change his mind.

If there was one word that described the hero, it was just that; hope. The hero was perpetually hopeful that there was good in every person. He was hopeful in happy endings. He was hopeful that things could change for the better in the current system.

So why was Catton standing at the door of his latest laboratory, looking up at him through eyes so disheartened? Eyes that looked so defeated—so hopeless?

“I will admit, I didn’t plan for our game of cat and mouse to begin so early.” Logan said, lips twitching, “I suppose this means I’ll have to relocate my—”

“I can’t do this anymore.” Catton interrupted.

The four words caused Logan to pause in his tracks. There was something about them that produced a sensation in his chest. It was an emotion and Logan was never good at deciphering emotions. But he was sure that this particular one was a negative emotion. Sadness? Anger? Revulsion?

It was not directed at Catton, but at whoever or whatever caused him to say those words.

He stayed silent, analyzing Catton closer. He was no Sherlock Holmes, although he was very much fond of that man. When he was younger and less callous of the world he cosplayed him at several conventions. Once his former roommate made a fanfiction featuring himself as a replacement of Watson. Logan would deny it to the hills and back, but that fanfic held a place of honor among the classics on Logan’s bookshelf.

It was snowing this evening—not a blizzard but a light dusting. Catton never complained about the snow; he could be found conducting snowball fights or building snowmen with children. But despite his suit’s thick insulation, he was shivering, and Logan doubted it was because of the snow itself.

The hero’s hair was always unkempt and messy—but today it looked greasy and almost matted. Dark circles clung underneath the hero’s eyes—threatening to weigh them like bowling balls. It was clear that Catton had not been taking proper care of himself.

Another wretched emotion entered Logan’s being—shock. Although it was always a possibility, he never accounted for Catton to be capable of anything but cheery. Nothing leading up to this could seem to break the man’s optimism. In days past, Logan dreamed of the moment where Catton broke free of his naivety.

Now the day had come, and Logan, staring down at the man in front of him, realized he now desired none of that. It wasn’t right—it felt wrong to see Catton practically sitting at his feet, crushed and defeated.

He opened his mouth a few times but found himself speechless. Catton took a shallow breath, his figure trembling.

“I can’t do this. I—I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to keep fighting. Just…just k-kill me. Or lock me up. Or whatever you’ve been planning this whole time, I don’t care anymore. But I can’t do this. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t…I can’t keep fighting you—"

Catton fell onto the ground as his words dissolved into sobs. Something pressed against Logan’s chest. There was so many emotions swirling inside the scientist that he felt nauseous. But this emotion was fierce and shouted over the clanging of the others. It demanded to be listened to—to be obeyed by Logan himself.

Compelled by this strange emotion, Logan moved forward towards the hero.

“Hush, little kitten, who did this to you?” He spoke, drawing Catton’s figure into his arms.

He was afraid for a moment he had made things worse. Catton had flinched when he spoke and seemed paralyzed in shock by his gentle touch. He’d heard that soft words and positive physical touch helped calm others down. He figured it had the same effect on Catton and he was relieved as the hero slowly relaxed completely in his arms. Trust Catton to immediately trust someone after they show a sign of goodwill.

He still sobbed against Logan’s frame, if anything he sobbed louder. He looked so weak and weary when he looked up at Logan, his sobs dissipating. He looked like he wanted to continue crying—but had lost the energy to do so.

Logan bit his lip. He could barely understand his own emotions, much less the emotions of somebody else. But the last thing he was going to was leave the hero stranded in the cold in such a state of emotional duress.

Catton had practically asked him to kill him after all. He probably came to Logan as the two had a rivalry—a history. Catton quickly became established as his main adversary. In fact, Logan sometimes refused to fight anyone but Catton. He claimed it was because he knew Catton’s attack patterns the best. While that was true, there was also another underlying reason.

He was…fond of Catton. The puns had admittedly grown on him, though that’d be the last thing he’d ever admit to Catton. Despite his numerous attacks on Catton’s intelligence—he was smarter than other heroes Logan encountered. It was illogical to the success of his plans, but well—Logan liked a challenge.

Logan, however, wasn’t the only villain that Catton faced. If he turned away Catton now, he might go to one of the others with the same request. Logan doubted any of them would be as kind as him. They’d seize such an opportunity to humiliate him further or off him right off the bat. Especially if he went to a certain snake.

“Why don’t you come inside and have a cup of tea?” He suggested, pulling out of the hug.

“What?” Catton asked, dumbfounded. Which, he had a right to react in such a way.

Logan preferred to remain distant and cold despite Catton’s best attempts otherwise. It appeared, however, that despite the odds, Catton’s attempts worked after all. It was illogical for Logan to offer aid to an enemy. It hindered his plans. But logic went out the door the second he opened it to see a downtrodden Catton.

“You implied I could do whatever I wanted with you,” Logan rose an eyebrow, “I’m asking for you to join me inside. It’s warmer there, and you may have a cup of tea if you’d like. I promise on Albert Einstein’s grave that you’ll be safe there.”

‘I won’t let you be harmed by them anymore.’ Logan mentally added onto that statement.

An extra burst of air went through Catton’s nose which Logan took to mean he found his oath by Albert Einstein’s grave to be amusing. It was the first sign he’d seen of the old Catton and the villain would take it.

“Okay.” Catton whispered, and followed after Logan inside the laboratory, through its’ winding hallways. He peered around, wary of any potential traps. A logical reaction for one not used to strolling through a mad scientist’s residency peacefully.

Logan opened a door and led him into his personal quarters. Catton gasped at the homely sight. Straight ahead there was a small hallway that led to a bedroom and a bathroom. To the left of where they stood was a sitting area with chairs and walls lines with bookshelves. A fireplace crackled away merrily. It was quaint and outdated but it reminded Logan of his childhood days in boy scouts. He’d almost been an eagle scout until that one incident occurred.

The right side of the quarters opened up to a small kitchen area, with enough space for a small table and two chairs. Logan wasn’t sure why he invested in more than one chair—it wasn’t like he had guests.

He turned to look at the hero, who still looked in awe of the place.

“What, did you believe I came out of a test tube in a laboratory somewhere?” He drily asked, withholding a chuckle.

“N-n-no, I just—well I guess I never thought of you having a life outside of a lab.” Catton sheepishly admitted, his lips chattering.

Logan frowned, observing how the hero wrapped his arms around himself. Perhaps the cold had affected him more than Logan had presumed.

“Why don’t you warm yourself by the fire while I make the tea?” He said. He didn’t wait for answer as he strolled towards the kitchen and grabbed his kettle. While he waited for the whistle, he stole glances towards the hero sitting huddled by the fire. What was going on in his head?

It was moments like these that Logan wished he could read minds.

“Here you go,” Logan said, at last bringing the tea to Catton. The hero hesitated for a moment before reaching out and taking it.

Two sipped quietly for a minute or two before Logan couldn’t quell his curiosity any further.

“You didn’t answer my question earlier.”

“Which one?” Catton asked, absentmindedly stirring his tea with his finger.

“Who hurt you?”

The hero stared down at the contents of the teacup, “No one—I’m not—no one hurt me, Logan. See I don’t have any bruises or broken bones—to make no bones about it!”

Catton giggled at his joke—strained and wound-up like a wind-up toy. An obvious ploy at deflection.

“I don’t mean physically, Catton. I mean emotionally.”

“I’m fine—”

“Falsehood,” Logan interrupted, “you clearly are not fine. It is obvious you have not showered in several days nor retained an adequate amount of sleep. Furthermore, people who are fine do not go to their archnemesis and beg them to practically kill them. So again, I ask, who hurt you?”

The hero’s smile fell entirely. He slumped over and took on the weariness of a man thirty years his senior. It felt wrong to see Catton in such a state. He’d always came off as a weird dichotomy of a father figure and inner child rolled into one.

“I’m just so…tired. I thought I could make things better—make things safer. I tried—tried so hard, but it never ends. There’re always more bad guys to fight, more crises to avert. If—if anything I’ve just made things worse. Do you know how many have died this year alone from super fights?”

“Don’t—”

“One-thousand five hundred and nine deaths,” Catton said, his hands trembling as he held onto his cup, “One-thousand five hundred and nine deaths that I inflicted.”

Logan gently pried the teacup out of his hands.

“You can’t look at it that way, Catton. Think about the amount of lives you saved—”

“If wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t be dead!” He shouted, “You don’t get it. There are supervillains who’ve traveled here from all over the world to cause havoc just to personally fight me. They just treat it like it’s—it’s a game. Then there’s the villains that I…created.”

“Catton, no. Deceit is not your fault.”

“If I had just known—if I hadn’t reacted in that way—” Catton hiccupped, “I thought if I could just keep smiling—I could just make one more joke—save the city one more time everything would be fine. But I can’t—I can’t do it anymore, Logan. Please.”

The hero looked up at him, wide-eyed and pleading. Logan sighed, setting down his own cup on the coffee table.

“I am not going to kill or torture you, if that is what you think I’m going to do. In fact, I’m a bit peeved you would think so lowly of me.”

“You always threatened me with it.” Catton said, his lips wobbling.

“Well, that was just typical villain drivel, I thought you’d be smart enough to know that, Catton.” Logan scoffed, though he was secretly glad to see Catton’s lips twitch upwards in amusement. He continued on, “besides, doing either of those two things would solve nothing. Especially since you are undeserving of either of those two fates.”

“But I am deserving—”

“Falsehood,” Logan said, holding up a hand, “it’s not your fault—it’s society’s fault that the system remains broken. Do you think removing yourself from the equation will change anything? There would just be further chaos regardless if a new hero steps up or not. You kept doing the same thing and expected different results, which is the definition of insanity. Ironic, considering people call me a mad scientist. If you want to change the world—you have to change how the world thinks.

“Furthermore, your life is valuable. The odds of your existence are infinitesimal—and yes, I am using that word correctly this time! Your existence is unique, and it is doubtless that it would be incredibly missed by others and by…me.”

Catton gazed at him for a moment. Its unnerved Logan, because Catton had never been the type to silently process things. But perhaps, he didn’t know Catton as well as he thought he did. Finally, Catton broke into a grin.

“Aw, Logan, so you do care about me.” Catton teased, close to tears. Hopefully happy tears this time.

“Yes, well, I suppose I do care about you as a friend, Catton.”

“Patton.”

“What?”

“My real name is Patton Pattison,” He sheepishly fidgeted under Logan’s shocked gaze, “What? It felt weird that I know your real name when you don’t even know mine.”

“Are you saying that your superhero name is a self-referential pun?” Logan’s eyebrow twitched.

“Maaaybe.” Patton said, laughing at Logan’s groan.

He quickly slipped back into a more serious demeanor, “I just—I don’t know if I can do that, Logan. Change society, I mean. I still want to help people but—I’m still exhausted. Is it selfish for me to just want a normal life?”

Logan’s gaze softened, “I’m probably not the best person answer that question—but perhaps the best way to change the world isn’t through becoming a superhero or even a mad scientist. Maybe…there’s other ways to do it.”

“Like…living a normal life?”

“Perhaps, but that is only a hypothesis,” Logan winked, “would you be willing to test it out with me?”

General Tag List:  @karebearmay@punsterterry@cryingtitan@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2@usothemarshmallow@madly-handsome  @i-just-wanna-be-alone-blog @remy-alagaesias-dragon-queen @ashrain5 @otaku-marijane@pathos-logical @moonstone-fox @fandergecko@themarijuanamason  @impromptu-sanity  @a-pastel-pan@cyberchick56 @yourhappypappypatton

#thomas sanders #sander sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #logicality #kat writes #I wrote this instead of my big bang today #but honestly I've missed having a random burst of inspiration after weeks of struggling to write

[masterthespianduchovny]

Quora Question: Do You Think Most Severus Snape Fans Are Fair and Objective in Their Judgment of James Potter?

“If you are a hardcore fan of Harry Potter, hell, I’d argue if you are even one to begin with, it’s practically impossible to have a “fair and objective opinion.” You need to ask someone who has never read the books and give them certain information, and then have them answer.

“But, what about x, y, and z???”

Exactly.

What about it?

Now, you’re trying to tilt the scales in your favor because you know how that thing makes your fave look.

The issue cuts BOTH ways, which we see with HUGE James fans answering as if they aren’t incredibly biased themselves.

Now for me, I can’t speak for most, but I agree with most Snape fans.

Now, you’ll have many who wish readers will give James the benefit of the doubt because of what his friends said, but 1. They are biased 2. His friends are willing to put others in danger to protect each other (even as adults) 3. They participated in the behavior themselves and are trying to minimize the severity.

People claim that is unfair, but is it?

What’s unfair is to assume that our opinion of James is solely based on Snape and that we also only reserve our judgement for him.

I LOATHE bullying, it’s a huge issue for me, but not because I was personally bullied, which I wasn’t. But, aren’t you being a hypocrite? Snapes your favorite character. No. I can still hate Snape’s bullying tendencies and appreciate his character, but most importantly, I understand that his maladjusted behavior stems from childhood trauma. It doesn’t make his behavior *okay*, but it contextualizes his bitterness and hard edges for me. I can understand why someone may perpetuate the cycle of bullying in this case.

But, in the case of James, I cannot understand those who bully for fun—-those are some of the worst bullies to me. Especially if they are privileged, popular, and not wanting for anything. Especially when they pick on those they feel are beneath them and who are powerless.

But, James changed!

As a reader and a writer, Rowling did a pisspoor job of James’ transformation. It happened “off screen.” His friends lack credibility due to how close they are to the situation. And, for the record, I somewhat like Sirius and Remus and, no, this isn’t *another* instance of hypocrisy because they are actual characters, but my enjoyment of them suffers due to their bullying or passiveness as it happened.

The other thing is: my issue with them bullying isn’t *just* about Snape. They, especially James and Sirius, bullied other people. “Oh, but it was just hexing.” No, that doesn’t cut it. If you are repeatedly hexing people who do not want to be hexed, it’s bullying.

“*Snape gave as good as he got.”*

Being* *able* *to* *defend* *yourself* *doesn’t* *mean* *you* *weren’t bullied, it just means you could defend yourself. * *And* *this* *doesn’t even touch on he fact that he tortured Snape by having him choke on soap and sexually assaulted him via pulling down his underwear.

But, James changed after that!

1. When I was in high school, I had a “friend” tell me that he fantasized about raping me. I was disgusted and confused—-I tried to pivot and see if he meant sex and he said, “No, rape.” I bring this up to say, whether or not he’s actually committed rape, the fact that he vocalized this fantasy to me and stuck to his guns will always make me weary and suspicious of him. That being said, I will always side eye someone who bullies, tortures, and sexually assaults someone even when they’re kids, especially if it’s for “fun.”

2. We never hear anything about him apologizing to him *victims*. I don’t care if it’s just two, which at the very minimum it is, they deserve to be apologized to. To be more specific, we don’t hear about James feeling remorse for his actions. People like to say that James is similar to Sirius and Sirius is a good person, well, Sirius actually doesn’t regret what he did to Snape and still resorts to childish nicknames and taunts as well as harming Snape when given the chance. How can anyone argue James deserves the benefit of the doubt without accounting for his victims. His fans are so obsessed with him “changing”, but not too much because he still has his “rivalry” behind Lily’s back, messes with muggle officers for fun, and *adds* to a rift between lily and her sister, but what about those he harmed? They still have to live with he trauma that doesn’t go away over night. Bullied victims carry this shit for years, but yes, let’s focus on James’ road to improvement. That’s *more* important. :)

Some people may know this, but I’m black. I bring this up to say, I went to school with kids who thought it was “fun” and “cool” to be racist even if they didn’t say the “n” word, even if they didn’t believe the crap they said. I went to school with kids, like a handful, who turned to nazism not because they hated black people, but they were powerless and wanted to belong. On a general principle, I disliked them, but you know who I hated more: fucking bullies.

Them motherfuckers never said shit to me and always whispered shit under their breaths, but my friend was terrorized all throughout high school and even said he wanted to blow the school up because he felt so helpless. Clearly, he didn’t and he wasn’t serious, but his bullying was *so* bad, he flirted with the idea that that was a solution for him. After he graduated, life became better because he got away from his tormentors. And I bet his bullies “improved” and their friends would say they’re great people, but despite my friend’s life improving, he still has to unpack what years of bullying did to him.

That’s the other reason why I can’t be “fair and objective.”

“But, what about Snape bullying his students???”

Like, I said, he has bullying tendencies, which isn’t right. But, I’ve had my fair share of mean, asshole, and unfair teachers. I’ve also had some I unfairly judged because I was a young kid/teen.

Literally none of the students Snape taught that we know of were traumatized by his behavior.

But, Neville!

Neville was afraid of his own shadow. He already came from a suspect background where he was almost killed just to see if he had magic. By the end of the story none of the kids we know of are scarred by Snape. Now that doesn’t mean he didn’t bully anyone, but me pointing out how much people exaggerate his behavior.

Lastly, I support minorities, the disenfranchized, and other discriminated groups, such as: disabled folks, the poor, LBGTQ community, sex workers, immigrants, etc.

When I see a privileged, rich person who wants for nothing picking on others because he can, there is no “fair and objective.” People say since he was spoiled he didn’t learn appropriate boundaries. Boo fucking hoo. In the mean time, he made other lives hell. Then, he got off basically scotfree with a great legacy to boot!

His sins are supposed to be erased because his friends said he changed and he died young? He showed no signs of regretting what he did or apologizing to his victims. If we are supposed to believe he changed because his friends said so, why didn’t they mention that he apologized and felt guilty for his past behavior? Those are important steps too!

And not even his friends can fully admit what they did back then.

What we do know is “he got his head out of his ass”, by not hexing people randomly and got the girl he’s been chasing for a while…

Well, I guess that wasn’t my last point!

A point I forgot to make, I don’t care that he didn’t actually hex her. The fact that as he was *in* *the* *process* of bullying Snape, he leveraged leaving Snape alone with a date. This is fucking *repulsive*. People say, “he only did it because she threatened to hex him.” So fucking what! He was bullying her friend at the time, and then threatened her for intervening as well as he tried to get a date out of it. So you have this guy bullying her friend, and then wants to be *rewarded* for doing the right thing.

But, lily said no!

What if she didn’t, huh? What if she said yes because she felt like it was her only play because, “James hexes everyone, why not me too?”

But, again, the fact that he even went there is downright appalling.

So, to sum up, we have a privileged, rich kid who bullied others along with his friends, sexually assaulted a kid, tried to coerce a date out of a girl he liked as he bullied her friend, and besides hearing that he decreased in hexing people, we do not see his redemptive journey nor hear/read about him apologizing or expressing regret, yet I’m supposed to be “fair and objective.”

Another point I forgot to make, James can sympathize with Sirius who was disowned by his family or whatever and protect/befriend Remus because of his condition, but he draws his lines at poor boys who wanted to go to slytherin because of what is being said about them. I mean, much was said about werewolves too. I guess if you don’t share his views, you didn’t deserve his sympathy.”

So, very long answer short: if any Snape fans are like me and either identify with Snape’s experience and/or care about groups discriminated against, I mean truly care and not this performantivd crap, most wont be able to give a “fair and objective” judgment on James.

#severus snape #snape #snapedom