it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
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dick grayson who needs to be useful and needed to feel loved vs reader who is hypervigilant of their own fault and tries desperately not to be a burden: fight
it ends in tears. unstoppable force versus immovable object. you don't want to make his life any harder because you can see he's struggling. he's just straight up begging. i said in last post tags he'd moan if you ask him to get you a glass of water. ask him to make you a snack and he'll just straight up come in his pants.
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small black dog for @onemagpie !!!
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please elaborate on the though about stealing a dog post
okay hear me out. and this is for small rural towns specifically. you know when you see that someone has a dog tied out in their yard (unfenced yard) (cute dog) (alone) and it's like a little puppy. and or. clearly a dog that is not meant to be a Yard Dog. like it's a pretty dog of a breed that's like, this is some long-haired fluffy breed of Something that is so not a keep-outside kind of dog. or just a really sweet dog that clearly needs more attention. you know. you know. and do you know when you're like. I could just take that dog....... my city now...... this could just be my dog now...............
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Hannibal season three is making enemies out of my mother and I - she grows ever angrier at Hannibal (unfeeling psychopath incapable of love according to her) and is the most rampant Will Graham apologist you will ever meet; she is convinced that Will has not been accountable for his actions since meeting Hannibal, that he’s been brainwashed and basically forced to act as he does, and is in actuality an innocent victim 😭 every time we try talking about any of this, both of us get sulky lol
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there’s a question to be asked i think about to what extent “getting out” can be conflated with “being saved” in this show, and what freedom actually means to any of these characters.
like you can argue that shiv saved ken by voting against him on gojo, but what if your intent behind saving someone is to inflict a worse punishment than if you’d just left them trapped? can a child weaned on poison survive on milk, or are you just sentencing them to a death by inches, starved of the only thing they know? and if you save someone specifically because you know that being saved is the worst thing that can happen to them, is that kindness or cruelty? at what point does a good thing become a malicious act?
and you can say that roman is finally free, but what exactly is he free from? the company? his father? does unlocking a cage mean saving a dog, or are you allowing him out on the street knowing there’s a kill shelter nearby? if the driving anxiety behind roman is that he’s an idiot and a failure—that he’ll never amount to anything, and trying will only lead to pain—and he’s finally cut loose once all of those anxieties have crystallized into cold hard fact in his mind, what has he actually escaped from? if the cage is in your mind, is it even possible for somebody else to unlock it?
the fundamental truth of a tragedy is that even being saved can be a death sentence, if the characters are incapable of escaping the thing doing them the most harm (themselves and their childhoods)
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I wish I had the strength to draw Yummi in her Kraang arc era - 0(-(
But I always end up changing it - 0(-(
Also a small post Kraang sketch -
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