how the cod characters would answer their partners unwanted direct messages
You sat on the couch next to your partner when you scrolled through your DMs. After looking up the posts your friends sent you, you looked at the messages from profiles you weren’t following. You wouldn’t respond but nevertheless loved reading through them. It ranged from innocent compliments to downright filthy requests to send theses strangers pictures of yourself. When you laughed at these texts your partner looked over to you “What’s so funny?” - “Look.” You say, hand over your phone and let them answer your DMs.
Simon
Rates the profiles of the people that hit on you
“He’s too short for you, anyway.”
Reads a lot of your DM’s aloud because he knows it makes you cringe
Also tries to remember some of the pick up lines you get send to use it later on you
“I don’t know which is prettier today—the weather, or your eyes.” “Are you a light switch? Because you turn me on.” “I’d say, ‘God bless you,’ but it looks like he already did.” WITH THE SMUGGEST SMILE ON HIS FACE
Also answers profiles that keep texting you “she’s not interested.”
If the guy still keeps pressing Simon would offer to solve it like men and sends him an address and time, he fully knows the guy won’t show up
Soap
Someone sent you a dick pic
Johnny laughs at the picture
“Cute” he says and excuses himself to the bathroom if he’s feeling generous (if not he’ll pull his pants down right in front of you to snap a pic)
Sends a snap back without any text
Ends up traumatising the guy and you get blocked in a matter of seconds
Saves the picture in your gallery in case another guy pulls the same stunt
Gaz
Kinda feels insulted when the people who DM‘d you are ugly
“Smash.”
“He’s a good looking fella, right?” He says and it’s not even a trap
Starts flirting with them on your behalf to make you seem like a lunatic
Asks them a lot of astrological questions and very ridiculous ones at that and sees how far they are willing to go
Very disgusted at some requests you get and sometimes answers with “that’s not a way to speak to a woman”
Price
Sees all of them as losers
In his mind dating should never start online
Just deletes all DMs you get send before you even see them
Every time though he sees a 10/10 he deletes the message from that person and gets you flowers the next day
Has a hard time not policing your instagram posts but just from a safety standpoint
Alex
Might send a selfie back with an additional “sorry bud”
Somehow becomes friends with that stranger over your DMs
Might get invited to the wedding because he’d find that funny and makes him hold a unofficial speech
Farah
Gets so worked up over this
You literally try to get your phone back to calm her down but she won’t give it back
Kinda starts an argument about it and a pretty big one unfortunately
Makes you turn your profile to private
Valeria
Just texts them “stay away”
If they keep texting she’ll find their addresses 😭
Literally sends death threats via mail
While you’re just happily saying “they stopped harassing me! :) how did you do that?” - “they won’t bother you again :)” - 😟
Otherwise your biggest cheerleader on your social medias
Alejandro
Gets overly protective
Close to start a fight over text
Is blocking people left and right
Accidentally also blocks a few of your friends out of impulsiveness and they end up hating him
Rudy
“Sorry she’s in a relationship but I’ll let her know :)” after you got a compliment
Very respectful about rejecting dudes no matter how ridiculous they were
Keegan
You got a “Are you looking for a sugar daddy?” DM
Has watched these scammer videos and now wants to try it for himself
Gets into a whole relationship with this scammer
Lowkey becomes his new hobby to message that guy over the next weeks
He talks to you what to say next
Uses a ridiculously high pitched voice while typing
Starts stealing your phone for that
One day comes running to you announcing that you’re he’s getting married
A/N: since this post is still popping off do any of you have travel tips for Scotland? 🫶
743 notes
·
View notes
I give you an
A
A
Also I stole this ask just so I can post this fuggin weirdo I made smhh (I raise from the dead just to post an oc again LMAOAOAOAO)
Hopefully this will be my last one in a long while I can live with 7 fuggin wh characters HHFHFUDJSNKSSJ- well- technically 8 if you include Betsy-
But to keep it (somewhat) short and sweet- my loser- a ye ol Milkman- Zachary Milksop (chronically lactose intolerant) and Betsy (a lil mascot moo sentient puppet)
Another character made almost spur in the moment again (like Mari) though thankfully not another bUG, but just some average human smhh. He’s a really simple guy, a loser, is as interesting as normal milk— he’s just the ye ol milkman who delivers you that gud shid smhh— enjoyer of the finer things in life (lunchables). A lil flirty and charming (in possibly the cringiest way possible) however he doesn’t really seem to pick up anyone besides the local cows that constantly harass him (and eats his pants). He enjoys watching them though, from v e r y m u c h afar——
hes just kinda, “that guy”
Also Betsy- a very sweet woman! She always greets everyone and has the friendliest extroverted personality ever! Always the type to bring (albeit tiny) gifts for her favorite neighbors and always leads when talking to anyone. Not like she would allow Zach to say anything anyway, she hates his polyester guts (and only him smhh)
1K notes
·
View notes