#EXPLORERS OF DEATH ALWAYS MAKES ME SAD WHY DID I THINK /THIS/ WOULDNT MAKE ME SAD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

galaticrow546 · 3 years

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Ok so i started to write this before chapter 9 even came out sooo yeh :'), idk i just wanted to write something about a "what If Blue and Ink finally got little Dream back but Dream is acting in a way they didnt expect" and yeh i tried-

Anyways, OSD belongs to @calcium-cat ( seriously go check them out the story is good and her art is neat af )

Ah yes, a new day, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, everything is peaceful, Blue sighs relieved and sips his coffee while sitting on the fluffy blue couch, reading a book about a hero perhaps? Blue noticed how little he was paying attention, but its fine right? He feels like today is going to be a good day-

*Thump*

Well, today WAS a good day, It seems that the tiny guardian just woke up, and unfortunately, Dream hasnt been in the best mood or behavior ever since they got him out of Night’s castle, he has no Idea why Dream is so angry at them, Neither Blue nor Ink know why, but Dream sure wasnt taking It well.

As the small angry child approached the couch, Blue quickly stood up and faced him:

-“Good morning dear, how are yo-“

-“No”

Blue paused and blinked, its not a new thing that Dream wasnt up for talking, but for one month straight? Blue wouldnt say It out loud, but he was getting sad at the situation:

-“....right” Blue said sadly

As the angry looking child stared at Blue, Ink got down the stairs in a white blue-striped pajamas:

-“Hey yall, good morni-“

Dream quickly hissed and got ready to jump at Ink, in which Ink hissed playfully in return, but this got the toddler even more angry, after a minute, the toddler started to hit ink’s legs with his tiny hands, but they hardly hurt Ink, as Ink playfully mocks Dream, he gets more motivated to hit Ink like there is no tommorrow, Blue silently watches them from afar, he wished the toddler didnt hit or hiss at Ink so much.

Blue silently left the living room and went to the kitchen to grab something for Ink to eat, today was his turn to patrol the multiverse while Blue stays and takes care of Dream, as he explored the kitchen, he quickly made a sandwich and took a banana, then placing It in the bag and wrapping it up nicely, as he finished, he quickly left the kitchen and went back into the living room:

-“Ink, take this bag with you in the patrol, remember to drink water and to take a little break If you want to- oh c’mon“

Blue glared at the scene in front of him, Ink was holding Dream wrapped in a blanket, the toddler was screaming and wriggling in the blanket furiously, Ink just giggled and sometimes told him to calm down, only to be answered with a death stare from the child in return.

Ink quickly stared at Blue with a grin:

-“Uh, oh? Were you saying something Blue?”

Blue quietly glared at Ink with a tired gaze and then pointed at the bag, the bag had a text written in It saying “for patrol”, Ink silently looked at It:

-“...what?...oh-“

Ink quickly left the angry toddler at the sofa as It squirmed himself free from the blanket, hurried towards Blue and took the bag, as he was heading towards the door, Blue quickly grabbed a fistfull of his clothes, as Ink looked back at him with a confused glare:

-“Your clothes, you are still in pajamas Ink“ Blue slightly grinned

Ink paused and glared at himself, and then a look of realization made its way on his face, he thanked Blue for reminding him and hurriedly ran back to his bedroom to change.

The toddler in the sofa eventually made his way out of the blanket and slowly walked towards Blue with the blanket in hands, eventually he silently gave It to Blue and then walked away to the kitchen.

Blue stood confused and with the blanket in hands, eventually folding It and heading to Dream’s bedroom, eventually placing It on his yellow fluffy bed, Blue looked at the bed for a while, its hard to not remember the times when Dream was with them and when he wasnt a angry child, he wished Dream could open up to them just like he did in the past.

He hasnt realized that Ink was staring at him from the bedroom door, silently waiting for Blue to turn around, but eventually, Ink went in and hugged Blue from the side of his body, Blue jumped a little and looked at Ink, he just stared back with a serious expression, eventually smiling at Blue, this made Blue giggle a little as they both made their way outside Dream’s bedroom.

As they were getting down the stairs, Dream silently stared at them with a bored face, Ink playfully greets him as Dream ignores the greeting, eventually, Ink and Blue made their ways to the front door, Ink hurriedly says goodbye to both of them as he left, Blue quickly screamed behind:

-“HAVE A GOOD DAY PATROLLING, AND BE CAREFUL”

Ink looked back and waved at Blue, and then, he was gone, Blue sighed as he returned back home, he was about to sit down before hearing a strange sound in the kitchen, he blinked and sighed yet again, heading to the kitchen

Blue arrived at the kitchen only to see Dream sitting in the counter drinking a cup of water while looking bored, he paused and stared at Blue, he then looked back at his water and kept drinking It:

-“Dream, get down from there please” Blue started

-“Hmmmmmm no” replied Dream while looking at his now empty cup

Blue stared at Dream with a serious expression, as he approached the tiny guardian, Dream was busy refilling his cup:

-“Dream im serious-“

-“Nah“

Blue paused in front of Dream, the guardian stared back with a bored but relaxed look as he sipped from his now refilled cup, but quickly screamed a little when Blue suddenly grabbed him and brought him to his eye level, Blue looked at him silently before he spoke up:

-“Get off the counter, you might fall and get hurt“

Dream stayed silently and looked nervously at Blue, only to gulp and slowly wrap his hands around Blue, as Blue brought him down gently

Dream nervously looked up at Blue with cup on hands, the other stared back with a sigh and a frown, Dream quickly drank his water and gave the empty wet cup to the skeleton in front of him, only to run away right after, Blue blinks silently, and then immediatly follows him after putting the cup on the counter

As Blue got in the living room, Dream was sitting on the sofa with a bored expression, that quickly changed to a angry stare once he spotted Blue:

-“...what?“

Dream stayed silent, but after a while, spoke up:

-“...why?“

-“Why what?“

-“Why did you guys take me away from my brother?”

-“Your brother is evi-“

Dream gasped in offense, eyes wide and with a expression of disgust:

-“MY brother is the sweetest and nicest person i know! Stop saying nonsense!“

Blue paused terrified at the sudden reply, did Night brainwash him somehow? If he did, how could he fix that now? He needed to act quick:

-“But the people he is with are also evi-“

-“Stop“

Blue stared at the angry child, he felt himself getting more determined to tell Dream the truth about his “family” as Dream likes to call them, but apparently, the kid didnt want to listen, as Blue opened his mouth to say something else, Dream interrupted:

-“Do you even know what you’re talking about? I dont want to talk with someone who associates himself with the mean Ink guy who hurt my brother and who also hurt Cross, dont think i forgot the day you both took me away“

Blue stood silent, the kid had a point, but he didnt think Dream would actually hold a grudge against Ink or him, coming to think about It, the grudge with Ink should be stronger now, after all, Cross was alone with Dream when they invaded Night’s castle, It was weird, but a opportunity to get their friend back, and Dream tried to protect Cross so much, but It was all in vain as Ink injured Cross severely, he will never forget the horrified look on Dream’s face when he saw Cross hurt and almost passing out, and the expression of anger that came right after was dreadful.

Ink grabbed Dream with no problem, but then constantly tried to keep Dream from squirming and hitting them, begging to be let go, Blue just followed right after, but It seems that their relationship became even more strained when Ink began taking almost everything he said as a joke, Dream didnt even talk with them that day, and hissed angrily whenever they tried to approach him, its weird to think that this happened a month ago.

Blue didnt notice how long he has been silent and lost in thought, by the time he noticed that, he also noticed that the child was still staring at him angrily, as If he was expecting a response, but It quickly turned into an annoyed expression as Dream spoke up annoyed:

-“Ugh, nevermind, I’ll just go to my room“

Blue tried to tell Dream to wait up, but the toddler could care less to hear him, as Dream’s bedroom door closed up with a loud thud.

Blue looked up to the closed door sadly, but he knew that Dream needed some time, everytime those fights happened, It would always end with Dream getting in his room angrily, Blue cant help but feel bad whenever he heard sniffles coming from inside the room when he walked in front of It.

Blue heads to the kitchen to perhaps make something to eat for himself, that will distract him right? right.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

He forgot how long Dream usually stayed there, sometimes It would last hours upon hours, but sometimes only minutes, but no matter how long It lasted, It still hurts Blue to the core, he hated seeing Dream all sad, he could manage to deal with na angry Dream, but with a sad Dream who is not willing to talk? He just couldnt.

Blue was sitting on the sofa yet again while he was thinking about It, as he looked outside the nearby window, It was already sunset, he decided to at least see how Dream was doing since the sniffling and the muffled cries have stopped, as he got up from the sofa and walked towards the bedroom door, he paused and looked at the door sadly, carefully paying attention to the sounds, but nothing was heard from inside, with a worried feeling, Blue slowly turned the handle to the side, opening the door carefully and taking a peep inside, only to see Dream silently looking at a piece of paper with tears on his eyes, he seemed so tired, yet so sad, Blue felt a heartbreak start to become clearer on his soul, he slowly and careful got in, carefully approaching the sad child, hoping that he could at least comfort It, but as he approached further, Dream quickly looked scared at his direction while hiding the paper from Blue’s view:

-“...its ok, you dont have to show It to me“

Dream stayed silent, tears still on his eyes, he began to curl up protectively and shake, Blue looked nervously and stopped approaching, just looking at the child with an sad look, they both stayed in silence staring at each other until Blue asked softly:

-“Are you ok with me approaching you a little?“

Dream stared silently, some minutes have passed before he nodded slowly, Blue began slowly approaching the crying child, being careful to not make any moves that might scare Dream further, Dream began to slowly uncurl himself up and looked up at Blue, with his arms protecting the paper, Blue stopped and began assuring the kid:

-“Its ok, I wont take It or destroy It in any way, you can stay with It“

The tiny child seemed relieved but doubtful when Blue assured that, Blue began to once again approach the small child, then bending to his level once he got close enough, Blue stared at Dream with a soft look, Dream stared back with a blank stare, heavy breaths could be heard from the tiny kid, Blue carefully approached his hand towards Dream, the little one staring at It with a worried look, but then, as Blue’s hand touched his skull gently, Dream stopped breathing for a moment, confused as to why Blue was doing this and why was his gloves so soft, Dream didnt move at all for a moment, but then slowly rubbed his head on Blue’s hand, Blue moved along and asked the child If he was ok with It, Dream nodded gently as Blue took his hand away.

Dream blinked confused, but as Blue’s hands began drying his tears, he started speaking:

-“...I want to suggest something, but I will only do so If you are willing to hear me“

Dream stared at Blue, and then nodded curiously, Blue wont admit It, but he feels incredibly happy that Dream is starting to somewhat trust him:

-“A-alrighty, so, I suggest that we try to start listening to each other carefully-“

Dream opened his mouth with a little angry expression, but quickly backed down when Blue started to speak again:

-“It doesnt have to be a fight, It can be a calm conversation where we listen to each other and maybe even understand each other“

The little child softly stared at Blue, then looking to the side as If he was thinking about the suggestion, and then asked softly:

-“...will you be willing to listen to me?“

Blue smiled softly:

-“Of course Dream“

Dream sighed in relief, and gently approached Blue, his hand gently wrapping around the tiny guardian, Dream slowly analizes Blue, staring at his clothes and his face as Blue just let him, and before Blue knew It, he was shaking with joy, his little friend was now trusting him and looked somewhat calm, but for Blue, It was everything, Dream worriedly looked up at him when he noticed the sudden shaking and the overly happy look on the skeleton’s face:

-“Uhhhh, are you ok mister?“

-“Y-yeah“ Blue answered happily

Dream’s face approached further and started to analize the monster’s excited face, and It seemed to get even more excited the more Dream approached, but Blue couldnt handle It when a tiny hand started poking his face, Blue fell on his back and Dream squeaked in surprise, falling over to his back as well, but then getting up and rushing to Blue:

-“Um, uh, are you sure you’re ok?“

Blue stayed silent, little Dream approached further and poked his cheek various times, he was getting worried about the tall skeleton, but then noticed the big smile on Its face, Dream paused and looked at the smile, poking It at the process, Blue got spooked and looked up at the child poking him:

-“Huh? Uhhh...oh! Yeah im fine, dont worry Dreamy“

The child gave a small relieved sigh, and then smiled softly while lightly hitting Blue’s arm:

-“You scared me for a moment“

-“Heh, sorry“

Blue stared at Dream with a wide grin, as Dream suddenly turned around and laid down on his back above Blue like he was a matress, Blue squeaked with surprise and was about to ask what he was doing before noticing his eyes closed, Dream looked quite relaxed, and Blue didnt want to ruin that, so he watched as the child slowly fell asleep on his body, petting him gently as he did so, he doesnt know exactly what will happen from now on, but he is excited to see what the future holds.

#toddler Dream #swap sans #Ink sans #mentions of Cross #OSD #a what-if #writing #my writing #i cant believe OSD revived my urge to write

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macklives · 4 years

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session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs92 #hs92 end #i wrote more than i should have but i had a lot to say #just you wait for those analogy/analysis posts

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thesaunatest · 3 years

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MY HUGE THEORY ON EL’S PLOTLINE IN S4

before you guys even start, YES I know that 99.9% of what I say is going to be wrong but this is literally just for fun.

its march 1986, middle of the school year and el HATES school

when we left her she was barely literate and had just started getting accostomed to speaking full sentences, NOWHERE NEAR a 9th grade level, so shes struggling in her classes to say the least

on top of that, she barely knows how to socialize with other people, so shes evidently getting picked on

with joyce and jonathan both working to keep the family afloat, will and el get left alone alot

but outside of the party, they socially have nothing in common

in fact, will is adapting to the new town a whole lot better than el. he fit right in with all the creative kids he met in class, but el didnt mesh with that crowd

anyway, our girl is sturggling

the only time she really has fun is when she visits hawkins, or when someone from the party visits them

which leads us to spring break

mike obviously comes to visit, and el doesnt want them to waste a single second so she begs mike and will to come explore the town with her

at this point joyce is already in her detective mode, hatching a rescue plan for hopper so she doesnt notice theyre gone

and jonathan is battling the heartbreak of nancy ghosting him when she was supposed to come visit

so the trio goes off on an adventure without anyone noticing.......... or so they think

because brenner is back, and he knows el is with the byers, but he cant go and snatch her because he doesnt have the resources all the way in california

in fact, he doesnt have the resources at all. his numbers experiment is seen as a catastrophic failure that lead to the deaths of hundreds of lab employees

the only way for him to redeem himself in the community, and gain his funding back is to present his peers with proof that the project can work, so he needs to get one of his numbers back

el is the only one he can track down, but he doesnt think he can do it himself. if she saw him, she could just kill him with her powers, he assumes because he doesnt know she lost them

so who does he employ to get el back to hawkins? lonnie byers

its almost too easy. it doesnt take much to bribe lonnie, and hey, its not like its his kid. so lonnie accepts the bribe, and goes all the way out to california to find el

he shows up at the byers house..... only to find it completely deserted. so he waits

and the trio finds him there after their day out (why are you here? what do you want? where are mom and jonathan?)

and lonnie, being as crafty as he is, comes up with a good excuse on the fly (hes craftier than i am because i genuinely have no idea what he would say)

anyway, he gets them in his car and on their way back to hawkins

jonathan shows up after theyve already left, and is too stoned tired to think anything of the empty house

and joyce is already halfway to russia

will knows his father. he knows that his father doesnt give a shit about him, the family, or anything about hawkins. he knows that his father wouldnt get involved in anything unless he had something to gain. so hes wraking his brain

maybe.... lonnie pulls over to take a suspicious phone call? maybe will figures out an inconsistency in his story? either way, the gang is onto lonnie and figures that they gotta get away from him and get back to joyce and jonathan

they tuck and roll out of the car. idk. all that matters is that they get out of there

as theyre rolling out of the car, el bonks her head a little and has a quick flashback to her time in the lab

since her intuition is always spot on, she takes this as a cue the breener is back and lonnie is working for him

she tells the boys it isnt safe to go back to california or hawkins, so they come up w an alternative plan, somewhere neither brenner nor lonnie would think to look for them

and while theyre on the road, they stop at a diner to eat (dont ask me where they got the money) and we get will leaving an emotional voicemail home, probably sobbing to jonathan about how much he means to will, which gives el an idea

because who has the resources to help her, as well as a desire for vengeance on brenner? kali

el uses her superb hitchiking skills to get them to chicago

maybe she just has some hints of her powers left, but it isnt too hard for el to find kali

she explains everything thats happened, and lets kali know that if she want revenge, the opportunity is hers

unfortunately, lonnie was hot on their trail, and called for reinforcements

theyre ambushed by the few employees brenner has working for him. initially, everyone is hiding, assisted by kali’s powers

but el knows they arent leaving empty handed, and would rather get taken away then have kali’s freedom taken from her

so el reveals herself, followed by mike because he wont leave her, followed by will because he wont leave mike

all three get taken away, back to hawkins lab, but now kali is even more motivated to bring down the lab once and for all

so kali and her gang get to hawkins, almost simultaniously with jonathan, who has been looking for his family in a frenzy since the morning he woke up to find eveyone gone, without even a note or a phone call, as well as argyle, who came along for the ride

the video store is being used as home base this season, so thats the first place they go, where they find steve, shortstaffed and not knowing whats going on because the whole team ditched him

they catch him up to speed on how EVERYONES GONE and steve catches them up to speed on how EVERYONE IS GETTING MURDERED

meanwhile, brenner has three predicaments

1) no matter what he does to el, what kind of torture he inflicts, she isnt using her powers because she doesnt have them. she tells him this several times. he refuses to believe it

2) lonnie byers is demanding his payment, which he didnt recieve because the deal was that he bring el to them, and he couldnt even do that

3) he has to find a way to dispose of mike and will, who he had no intention of bringing into the lab but theyre here and they know everything

and this is the moment where mike screws up by letting them know that people know theyre in the lab and people know about all the experiments and any second now, someones gonna come banging that door down to save us. nancy, jonathan, steve, robin max, lucas, dustin, kali-

and the second mike says her name he knows he screwed up

brenner decides in that moment that all he can do is round up everyone involved and get rid of them. conveniently, the string of murders occurring will serve as a good cover for what happened to them

and this is the part where joyce, murray, and hopper get back to hawkins

this is also the part where nancy and robin and the gang get back to hawkins

so nancy and robin immediately go to the video store armed with all the new information they learned from victor creel

..... and are met with jonathan, argyle, kali, and steve in pandemonium

they close the store for the day, and get ready to storm the lab

they realize that they need something from the school, so they head there to pick it up

and soon after arriving, theyre met with the all to familiar hawkins lab vans

they make a hasty escape, taking out some of the goons but they need to find a way to get the rest off their trail

they head for the woods, hoping to hide out in the cabin

meanwhile, the russia crew has taken the mostly demolished cabin as their haven to recover from whatever injuries they sustained

theyre all running through the woods, but they realize the people from the lab are closing in on them

and then nancy and jonathan pass a very familiar tree

they use whatever weapon they have on them to break through the bark, and head into the upside down

the lab people keep going into the woods, eventually finding hopper’s cabin

epic showdown between the russia crew and the lab people, joyce, murray and hopper win, they realize the lab is back, immediately head there realizing theyre gonna have to rescue someone

nancy and robin use the info they learned from victor creel to keep the gang alive in the upside down, max, argyle and eddie are freaking out because omg we’re in another dimention, we get some big reveal about the truth about the upside down and the gang makes their way out and head to the lab

and while this is all happening,we get some super emotional monologue between brenner and el (ala-the last 10 minutes of the truman show) and brenner realizes that el isnt going to be the naieve superweapn she used to be, and decides the best thing he can do with el is give her the standard punishment, time in the closet

and being in the closet triggers all sorts of flashbacks and emotions (mbb’s opportunity to show off her acting chops for an emmy)

joyce and hopper bust into the lab like they did in season 1, but this time they dont get caught

they decide to split up to cover more ground, and hopper finds el in the closet

and around the same time joyce finds mike and will and gets them out of there

here comes the REAL emotional performance

hopper sees her, we get a teary eyed “el!” “dad!”, and then hopper gets pulled away from el by lab workers

exactly the same way terry did

we’re watching this happen from el’s perspective, with a heart-wrenching “noooooooooo” from el, accompanied by cuts to every time el has had to be separated from someone she cares about (terry, the s1 ending, billy dying, her leaving kali in s2, saying goodbye to everyone on moving day, her being separated from mike and will when they got to the lab) accompanied by some terribly sad 80s song, then back to the present moment, she reaches her hand out and boom, the guards go flying. her powers are back

except she doesnt have control of them the way she did before, and now shes bringing the whole building down

her and hopper race to the the first floor, and meet joyce and the boys, they get out of the building at the very last second, and the whole thing collapses.

eventually they find the other group, the whole team is now together, they go and take down the big bad from the upside down, joyce almost KILLS lonnie

nancy and robin drop a huge bombshell that has to do with hawkins/the upside down, specifically pertaining to el, which they pieced together after talking to victor creel

we get a massive cliffhanger, season 5 starts like 10 minutes after the ending of season 4

#stranger things #yes i know half the stuff i said is going to be wrong #it would be really cool if it was tho #stranger things theory

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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years

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SPOILERS!!!

Charmed 02x02 Review

Y'all part of me just can't. Like the excitement and energy over this last episode is too much to keep inside. I am super ready to burst and super excited for episode 3. But I am just gonna say that overall I thought this episode was superb 8/10 only because I am saving my 9 and 10. But if I could I'd give it a 9 out of ten. There was only like a couple things I was nitpicky about and it's pretty standard tv logic stuff that most people overlook so dont come at me for it. So I am just gonna start like I always do except I cant just pick 3 likes and dislikes so I am just gonna list my likes some of the nitpicks and then some episode highlights.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked:

1. Hacy development

So no secret I am a hacy fan and I pretty much love any hacy content the show will give us but I really thought the show did so well this episode.

Originally, I thought the show was going to explore Macy's feelings through Dark!Harry, and in a way they have revealed them using Dark!Harry (Season 1 ended with us not sure if Macy felt anything for Harry, but knowing he had some feelings for her). I was worried there may be less hacy moments because they would keep most of the interaction between Dark!Harry and Macy. Even had me scared that Macy may be falling for Dark!Harry and not Harry proper. But no, they gave us Genuine Hacy.

The awkwardness of the interactions after the dream. That car ride was hilarious with the map and the radio (harry is still super at comedic relief in club and in car)

Harry's concern over having done something wrong

The looks when checking each other out.

Making each other laugh and encouraging each other.

Harry trying to save that witch and Macy being concerned by what it would

"I know Harry"

I mean it wasn't just tension. There was some fluff thrown in. Harry telling her to celebrate the victories and looking at her proudly. Which brings me to item 2.

2) I love what rupert does with his eyes between the two Harrys. Real harry (as macy put it) is so harmless looking. Those puppy eyes are adorable and rupert makes sure to have then turned up all the way when being real harry.

The only time Dark!harry makes soft eyes (well sort of) is the first time we see him with Macy, the initial moment in episode 1, and then when Maggie goes for a hug in this episode. He is just so taken off guard by the affection that his pretending-to-be-Harry-face slips and his eyes kind of go wide and they arent so narrowed and focused. Which makes me think he has not been hugged often or at all . . . That's sad. Then the switch when Maggie backs away. The eyes narrow again and he gets all mean. Just love that rupert can do things like that to give both characters distinctive enough feels that you can tell that dark!harry is acting.

3) Mel and Maggie bonding

So I really do hope that we get some Macy and Mel bonding, but I am happy anytime the show can deepen the bonds between the sisters. Maggie and Mel have a bit of a complicated relationship even though they grew up together. I mean especially from this episode we see and remember that Mel was the big sister for most of her life. She protected Maggie and seems to have acted like a second parent. It is sad that there dad really just turned out to be a bad dad. No reason behind it no, issues with Marisol other than apparently the ones he created on his own (which I will get into on my nitpicks). The fact this was just a loss for Maggie, and not just a loss as in she was the only one to feel something when Ray died but a loss of memories she thought she had and an idea of who her dad (a piece of her past), was sad but it actually gave us further insight into mel and Maggie's dynamics. First season we knew the rift between mel and Maggie was over Mel's obsession with and Mel's expectations of how Maggie should have acted and behaved. I think a lot of us chalked it up to Mel being controlling and having the oldest child attitude, but I think now we see there is more there. Mel seems to have spent a lot of time protecting Maggie and biting her tongue about certain aspects of thier lives and in a sense making sacrifices for her. So it makes sense she would expect the same from Maggie, but at the same time Maggie didnt know, and even if she did thise were Mel's choices and Maggie doesnt owe her anything for them.

Knowing that we can see how it is so easy for riffs to form between them which make the start of this season make more sense to me. Because Maggie wants to live her life and is a trusting and positive person. Mel expects a certain level of loyalty and commitment and has a different idea of what that looks like compared to Maggie. On top of there general personality differences it makes sense they all that would culminate into a rocky relationship prone to communication difficulties and tifs. But I love that they are starting to acknowledge those things and rebuild. Last season it was them just getting over feeling abandoned by each other after the death of Marisol. This exposed deeper roots of the initial rift. I liked that.

4) I love that the Maggie and Mel still have Magic and even though though the active powers are gone they arent defenseless. They just need to be resourceful. I actually like this a lot and I feel gives the writers a lot of room to play with creative ways for the ladies to save other witches.

5) demon lore!!!! Okay so while season 1 seems mostly thrown out the lore actually explains season 1 demons better.

One of the issues I had was that there did not seem to be a synchronized front with the demons and they never explained why even though Alistair claimed to be a hotshot the only people he had working for him was his family.

In the OG in first season before lore got expanded) demons and witches werent organized. Demons sort of acted on thier own for thier own purposes and witches seem mostly solitary except for occasional get togethers on important events. Later on in the series demons got an organization system (triad) then later one ruler (the source of all evil). Witches seem mostly solitary except for now the elders who assigned white lighters watched over them and placed rules on magic. I dont think people really remember the drastic shift in lore and the plot holes OG had because we generally liked the places it was going. So I am kinda on that page fro the reboot.

It flipped the script. Witches are or were the organized bunch both self ruling and ruling over the magical community. Demons were at war with each other and all had different agendas so makes sense that the Caines were mostly on thier own.

I like this idea of there being different general types of demons and a hierarchy. I do wonder if that will limit then in the long run, but assuming they can be creative with the categories they have defined I am not too worried. I am excited to get more info on demons now.

6) the new love interests. I love Mel's new love interest. So different from Mel and her previous love interests. I reserve judgment until we get more interaction but I am liking her so far. Jordan is interesting I am actually liking the build up of thier relationship and will be nice to see maggie start off slow and make friends with him first. I wasnt a huge parkerita fan but I did not dislike the ship. But one of my general blehs is love at first site between teens. The way parker and Maggie began was just off putting to me but they were nice together when they were together honestly. This will be a good venture into perhaps an adult relationship or at least on that doesnt begin with as much drama. That said she is dead and will have to hide her identity from him soo....

Now on to the nitpicks:

1) Ray's characterization.

Okay so I dont mind that Ray turned out to be just a crap dad. It happens. But there are things we know that Ray probably didnt that makes us wonder why marisol even got with him and married him.

A) we know Marisol continued an affair throughout her marriage to Ray. Even assuming Ray was just a crap husband and father, why did marisol get with him and marry him if he was so good at alienating everyone he met. I wouldnt think he was just a one night stand that Marisol decided she would have to marry after getting pregnant. I would think she would be above that.

B) did he even know about magic. Was his whole relationship and life with Marisol and the girls just based on secrets, ignorance, and not being around?

I mean for B it is fine if it was I just would like to know for sure what it was versus just guessing. But I assume like Maggie I am just gonna have to move on from this

2) the house lights and the job application.

Okay how does the house have power and and water without the city noticing? How can maggie apply for a job with no social security number? I mean I assume because she is dead she cant use her real info. Or she could but wouldnt that make it easy for demons who may think to infiltrate government records to find them? I mean this is a nitpick and can be explained away by Magic, but still it was on my mind.

3) the mysterious figure at the end. Okay y'all, I assume it is Dark!Harry. But the more I thought about it, the more I got angry that they didnt show his face. Basically, that is leaving room that it could be someone else like one of the other new love interests or someone we havent met yet. I dont like that. If it is Dark!Harry we've already met him and know he is after the girls so most likely would be working with the demons. So showing him wouldnt be a big deal. But keeping the figure hidden means leaving that door of possibilites open. This has me paranoid now. Again nitpick. I'll get over it. Some people might like that.

Episode Highlights:

Comic relief Harry. Getting knocked down when orbing into the club and not being able to hold a map.

"I'll put a hex on you."

"I'm formidable!" You tell him!

Harry's wonky orbing in general. so confused so turned about.

Maggie being able to tell that Dark!Harry was not Harry. "Those are Harry's charges and family you cant fool them ya creep!!!"

Invisible mel putting a shovel to the side of Dark!Harry's face. "Yess!!!!"

Harry's puppy dog eyes when Macy says all she needs is a look to know who the real Harry is

#cw charmed #charmed remake #charmed reboot #charmed cw #charmed 2018 #charmed spoilers #charmed 2018 spoilers #hacy #mel vera #maggie vera #macy x harry #harry x macy #harry greenwood #macy vaughn

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thefandomsurfer · 5 years

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My top 20 favorite Tokyo Ghoul characters

I usually only do top 10s but like...I love so many characters in Tokyo Ghoul it was really hard for me to do?? So I did more. Also DO NOT GET offended. Even my honorable mentions are very...very dear to me. (Also the places are just how mush I, myself, enjoyed the character not how great the character is or that your opinion isnt valid. And I skipped most of the Suzuya squad because they would probably dominate my top six or something and that wouldnt be fair haha )

Honerable mentions:

Hide:

Itori:

Arima:

Matsumae

Kimi

Nishiki:

Shirazu ginishi

THE ENTIRE SUZUYA SQUAD (Nakarai, Mikage, Mizurou, Hanbee.)

Now onto my list!

20. Shuu Tsukiyama

I really didnt like him much at first. He made me uncomfortable and really annoyed. I mean, yeah, certain times I thought he was pretty funny but he made me more and more unnerved the longer I saw him. But then when I saw his nicer side and especially during seeing his loyalty and love for his family he started to grow on me. And now hes on this list!

19. Rize Kamishiro

Rize always was interesting to me. I wondered how she got to where she was, why she was so important in the ghoul world and just how she got to be so strong. Not to mention her characters personality made me very compiled to her. Then I got her backstory and understood her more. I liked her even more and began to respect her character.

18. Renj Yomo

I always liked his ‘silent protector’ vibe even before finding out his backstory. I thought he was loyal and smart. And then it was revealed that he was the uncle to some very improtant characters and it made me love him even more. His backstory contributed to his gruffness and protective nature and not to mention his kagune is freaking AWESOME.

17. Ayato Kirishima

Hes grown into someone I really enjoy. I...really didnt like him. He hurt Touka and acted like an ass the whole time. Then I saw a softer side when it came to Hinami. He was so concerned and cared about her so much that it touched me a lot. And he was a little more calm and controlled compared to what he had been in the first series as well. He developed into someone who not only cared for his love interest but his family and those important to both of them as well.

16. Amon Koutarou

Amon, poor poor Amon. This guy has went through a whole lot during his time in the series. And hes accepted a lot as well. I always liked Amon even before everything like changed him. He seemed like a really cool guy who truly did what he thought was best. Then he learned what we the audience already knew. That ghouls weren’t as bad as everyone thought they were. And then fought for peace. And that coupled with how much he tried to help Seidou and loved Akira made be like and respect his character even more.

15. Kurona Yasuhisa

Another character I really liked from the beginning. See, I have a weakness for twins. I always loved the idea of one and think that no matter the relationship they are always interesting to watch in media. And her relationship with Nashiro, while not explored a whole lot, was still prominent and known. And her denial about her death and the form of insanity she went through because of it was both sad and entertaining to watch. The fact that she started to think about forgiving the person who killed her as well was...amazing. Over all I wish she was explored a bit more but am happy with what I got.

14. Urie Kuki

Another character that I slowly learned to appreciate. He started out as someone who cared only for his own motives but after losing someone who he hadnt realized he cared for he begun to care for his team and mant to protect them as much as he can. Becoming someone worthy of their loyalty and love. Going as far as to save one of the ones who betrayed him and tried to kill him just to get them all together again and keep his promise to his dead friend.

13. Ui Koori

Im not sure what made me drawn to him? Maybe his relationship with Hairu or his sense of Justice? I dont know but I do know that I like seeing his appearances. His fights and thought process was always fun as well. Over all Im not sure why I like him all I know is that I really do haha

12. Ken Kaneki

Okay I know, its basically illegal to have him so low on my list but honestly? I never really got that deep into his character? I mean he was sweet at first but then he was kind of boring? And I liked Haise a lot but really didnt like the reaper? The OEK one is cool and all but I still never got overly attached? I dont know. But I will say he is cool and I love how dedicated he is to his loved ones. And how honest he is about his flaws. Its really nice to see a protagonist that admires that he is selfish in certain ways and isnt always trying to do things for ‘the greater good’. And will do cruel and horrible things when push comes to shove. It makes him seem...a lot more human and tragic. Yet the fact he still had his happy ending made me happy for him. After the hell hes been through he deserves it.

11. Seidou Tawkizawa

Seidou. He...certainly needs a little help. Poor guy was such a innocent kid before his whole life was turnt upsidedown. I’ll be honest...I thought he was kind of annoying at first and then very scary later on. But after seeing a bit of his side of how everything went down and how much he cared for Akira and Amon my liking for him skyrocketed and I couldn't wait to see him again in the next chapter. How he sees himself and his future...it just hit to close to home for me. And soon enough he became one of my favorite characters.

10. Haise sasaki

Ahh, my favorite of all the Nekis. I really, really liked him. How parental he was with his squad and his storyline always interested me. The amnesia thing has always been one of my favorite tropes. He, to me, was a perfect mix of Kuroneki and Shironeki. Having the lightheartedness and empathy of Kuroneki and having the toughness and ability to fight as Shironeki. I liked how goofy he could be (i.e dressing up as women) and all his little moments with Akira, Arima and Juuzou. But he was a dream, nothing meant to last, so he had to go. But that does NOT mean I didnt enjoy watching him the most.

9. Kanae

I just really like her. I think her backstory is sad but not overdoing it and her dedication to Tsukiyama was certainly something that drew me to her. At first I thought I’d hate her but found myself sorely mistaken. And I cried a whole lot at her death and the touching moment when Tsukiyama, the person she loved so much, called her by her real name and accepted her despite

the fact she thought she never deserved anything even similar to perhaps she’d be even higher had she stayed longer but she left far to soon.

8. Eto Yoshimura

Eto is very interesting and fun to watch. Cruel and mean, yes, but also unpredictable! She never failed to make a impression on me everytime I saw a panel of her. I was always wondering ‘what will she do next?’ you know? I absolutly loved watching\reading her. Her backstory made me love her even more seeing as she had a bit of a struggle to get to were she is now.

7. Hairu Ihei.

Hairu is someone else I dont know why I like so much? We didnt see her much at all and what we did see of her was little. But something about her drew me in. She was cute and I didnt expect much from her but found out she was pretty strong. Also with how sweet and air headed she acted I already liked her a little, the strength was only a added bonus. I only wish we got to see more of her.

6. Uta

Uta, someone who I already liked, only grew on me as time went on. I thought he was funny, unique and very good looking. And as time whent on, and seeing how twisted he could be, it only made be want to see what would happen next with him. Whose side he was really on. Things like that. But then his fight with Yomo made be see him in a more emotional light. Seeing how close he was to him and still was in in a way. It was sweet and only made me like him even more.

5. Akira Mado

Akira Mado. At first I never thought much of her. Just a sort of bland character who had lost her father. Nothing new, nothing interesting. But her relationship with Amon certainly made be feel a little closer to her and made be pity her at the end of the first manga. But then in Re: I grew a lot closer to her really quickly. Her character seemed more open to others and friendly. Her realtionship Haise especially made me like her a whole lot. Then all her confusion and journey forgiving and accepting ghouls made he so interested and caring of her character. How much she wanted to protect Seidou and the fact she still loved Amon-It just...Made he love her. So much.

4. Saiko Yonebayashi

Saiko is a very funny individual that I didnt like much at first. I thought she was more or less dead weight and didnt understand why she was their to begin with. But the more we got to know her the more that I grew to love her development and character. Shes funny and kind but also strong and determined. I love her a whole lot. How determined she is to do what she thought was right and how much she cared for everyone in her squad despite her own initial unwillingness to try and work. All things I love about her.

3. Tooru Mutsuki

Now I know how much this character is hated...And I understand too. He did a lot of twisted and messed up things. Stayed on the bad side a long time, attacked Touka and his squad helped turn Kaneki into a monster...But his backstory and the personality we were originally introduced to made me love him so...so much. It didnt matter much to me what he did because I knew why he did it and not to mention...Mutsukis one of the most interesting characters to analyze because of his mindset. Also the fact he tried to redeem himself and felt guilty about everything he did...It shows that he is trying to do better and he is. I just....really, really love Mutsuki.

2. Touka Kirishima

Touka is a very rough character, and I get that some people just dont like her, But I loved every second of her. The person with a rough outside slowly breaking out of their shell and becoming gentler as time goes on- its something I have a soft spot for. Loyal, selfless, strong and knows what she wants. A woman who is strong without being controlling or mary sue. I never got annoyed or bored of her and looked forward to seeing her every single time a new chapter was put out. And also her protectivness towards Kaneki, her child, Ayato, and Hinami made me love her all the more. Shes also got my favorite Kagune of the whole series-Yet another thing I love about this character.

1. Juuzou Suzuya

By FAR my absolute favorite character in Tokyo ghoul. Now dont get me wrong-Im well aware of his faults. And I know he wasnt on the good side for a while either, But even though these things are there, I love him anyway. Hes so interesting and his backstory was so heartbreaking. When I first saw him I was indeed mildly creeped out but it also made me curious. The more I saw of him the more I wanted to analyze and get to know his character more. And right when I thought I got to know him-The one person who saw him as a person and treated him as he should be treated was taken away. This caused Juuzou to experience his first emotional loss in a very long time. And he changed. I personally enjoy his more mature personality compared to his more bloodthirsty one but love both either way tbh. And hes also very adorable when he wants to be so thats always a plus.

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antihero-writings · 5 years

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The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!

Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Fic:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.

Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.

As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”

They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.

She could be a little tyrant sometimes.

At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”

“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”

He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.

Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.

There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.

It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…

Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.

Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.

Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.

“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.

“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”

He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”

“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.

Shelly smiled, shaking her head.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”

“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.

“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”

“What?!” Break blurted out.

“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”

“Do I get a say in this?!”

“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”

“Tch.” He looked away.

She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.

He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.

She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”

He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.

She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,

“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”

He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”

“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”

“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.

He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.

Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.

“Checkmate.”

He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.

They could be tyrants sometimes.

Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.

That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?

A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”

And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.

*****

It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.

Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.

If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.

If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.

All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.

Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.

They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.

When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.

The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was awfully cold.

He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.

He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:

It was snowing.

There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.

Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.

“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.

He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).

Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.

Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.

He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.

Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,

“Ojousama.”

She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.

He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”

She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.

“Break,” she muttered his name softly.

Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.

“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”

He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”

“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.

“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.

“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”

She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.

Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.

“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.

“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”

“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”

She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.

“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.

She nodded, beaming.

They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”

“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.

She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.

“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”

“You’ll see!” said Emily.

Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.

Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.

Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.

It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.

Break could barely contain his laughter.

He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,

“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”

Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.

“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,

“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.

“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor

Break laughed, “Is that so?”

“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.

“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”

He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”

Sharon and Break grinned at each other.

Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”

Reim rolled his eyes.

Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.

Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”

He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.

They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.

They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.

Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.

“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.

“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.

“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.

“I was simply—”

This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.

“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.

“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”

“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.

“That’s more like,” Break smirked.

It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.

The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.

It was a while later when another voice broke through:

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.

“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”

“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”

“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”

“Really?! You’ll let me?!”

“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”

Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”

Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.

“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.

“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”

As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.

Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”

Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.

Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).

Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.

“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,

“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.

There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).

Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,

He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.

“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.

She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”

Well, she got me there.

It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.

Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.

“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.

“What? That you got me?”

Reim’s expression was unmoving.

“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”

Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.

“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)

“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”

“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”

“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.

Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”

“Try me, Manservant!”

“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.

“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.

That seemed to return Reim to his senses,

“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”

“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”

Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.

And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.

That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.

Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.

Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.

So they settled for a smile.

His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.

Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.

And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.

“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.

They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.

He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.

He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.

They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.

For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.

Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.

“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”

“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.

“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”

“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.

“There he goes again calling himself old!”

Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”

“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.

They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.

He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.

“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.

The others noticed, and stopped too.

“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.

“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.

He rolled his eyes at them.

“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”

They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.

“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”

“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”

They glanced at each other.

“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.

The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.

“Sharon?” he asked softly.

No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.

“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”

He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.

“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”

“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”

“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.

He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.

“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.

If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.

“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”

Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.

“Y-You were?”

He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.

“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.

She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.

His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.

He shook his head of the memory.

“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”

She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.

“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”

“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”

He gently wrapped his own arms around her.

“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.

“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.

She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.

“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.

She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”

For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.

“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”

She nodded, smiling.

He gently reached down and picked her up.

“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.

He touched her nose with his finger.

After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”

His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”

She shook her head, “No you’re not!”

Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”

The smile she returned was real too.

And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.

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tumblunni · 7 years

Text

Bunni continues to play Richard And Alice! Random thoughts and stuff!

* I’m really not good at point and click advantures, so i dunno if my opinion is very valuable, but this one just seems... not good, gameplay-wise. The sections are all different lengths and difficulty levels in each chapter, and not in a fitting way. Like so far the only one where I had to combine two items was the first chapter, it took me ages to figure out what the game wanted me to do with the bedsheets. And then the second chapter had like zero point and click at all, you just had to find one toy brick and stick it to block one hole, then it was just story cutscenes. And now in chapter three we have a suddenly huge snowfield to explore with your painfully slow walk speed, yet there’s only like one thing you need to find and just... I’m getting surprisingly anxious worrying if I missed something cos i only found that one thing! There was a whole section i didnt explore cos i didnt realise you couldnt go back outside after you managed to open the door. And what was with the misdirect of Alice saying ‘maybe i can reach this window if i have something to stand on’ and then instead she just shot off the lock on the door? Does that mean there were multiple solutions to this puzzle and thats why the place was so huge?

* Anyway, the story continues to be intriguingly good! I continue to be really engaged in poor Alice’s journey through this post apocolyptic snow world with her lil son, and I continue to be really worried what happened to that son, since this is a flashback and Alice met Richard alone... Also I like the continuity that Barney is continuing to talk about the close call they had last time with a monsterous bastard who kidnapped them. This poor lil 7 year old is struggling to keep up and struggling to keep smiling so his mum won’t be sad, and its just SO COLD and he doesnt understand why they left ‘the safe house’ because he doesnt understand they were prisoners there. And god, its so sad cos you can understand how Alice might be getting frustrated with him, and you can understand that she KNOWS she’s being irrational, but she’s just so scared that she sucks at keeping up a brave face for her kid. But I think she’s doing a great job, she’s way more of a badass survivor than anyone else would have been in this situation! And Barney is being incredibly good too, he’s being really patient and obedient to his mum and he’s a really considerate kid, he gave his mum his toy car cos she was getting sad remembering when her husband was alive and they used to ‘go on adventures’. (”But we’re on an adventure now, mummy!”)

* And MAN I am REALLY WORRIED for this poor kid, he’s been showing signs of getting sick as they were travelling the snowy wasteland and I hope they can at least get a break now they’ve found this abandoned house to sleep in. BUT NOPE! Alice finds mysterious scary notes with some sort of log of... people...? It definately doesnt feel like just someone recording visitors or survivors they met, its got a weird sort of... priorities, to what was written down. ‘Fem. caucasian. 20s. Compliant. 65lbs.’ And then what struck me as especially weird was that someone would classify a kid as ‘Female. age 7. 21 lbs’ instead of like.. actually writing that it was a kid. This is someone seeing these people as.. merchandise. You never really get an answer in this chapter but I think it’s someone who was offering survivors fake shelter and then cannibalising them T_T The chapter just ends with Alice finding an ambiguously scary room with a bloodstain, but this is the only shelter they have, so all she can do is lock the door again so her kid doesn’t see, and barricade the front door in case this cannibal cult comes back for their home base... *shudder*

* But also seriously, why did I collect like five other red herring letters as well as the cannibal one? And a rusty saw and ammo for a different gun. Was that JUST red herrings or did I miss an optional puzzle?

* Its actually a weird relief to get back out of the flashback and back to our slightly-less-horrible horrible situation in present times. Sure, Alice and Richard are locked in prison, but in this apocolyptic scenario its a relief to be somewhere where you get daily food and working electricity. There’s even a tv that only sometimes doesnt work! And they have each other, and they’re building up a nice friendship now, and it just feels quite optimistic. Richard’s even getting a bit of a crush on Alice, even though the attempts at flirting between the two of them are failing horribly cos they’re both total goobers. i dunno, if they do get together in the end, I totally wouldnt mind it! I dont think its really necessary though.

* Aww but the more we learn about everyone’s backstory, the more I really wanna hug em! We still dont know very much about Richard, but we’ve learned now that he had an ‘average childhood’, at least, by his definition. And he lived in some sort of small country town, and he joined the army in order to see more of the world. But it went really badly and he got sent to prison for rebelling against a superior officer who made a clearly immoral order. JUSTICE FOR RICHARD, GRARR!! And then Alice continues to be way more well developed and interesting, even though I do still feel sympathetic for richard, yknow. Just a lil frustrated that it took us so long to even hear that lil bit about him, when he’s supposed to be the ‘main character’. Seriously he seems like just a framing device for us to talk to alice and see her flashbacks! Anyway, now we’ve learned that Alice didn’t have much of a childhood, because she was hospitalized for a long time. And she talks about how she felt like a burden and felt suicidal and how she never even got to make any friends til she grew up and became a lil more healthy, and then she sorta ended up in an unplanned pregnancy with the first man she ever dated, and never had a chance to pursue her dream career and just... wow Alice dear god, someone up there in the heavens hates you! God, I hope this game has an actual happy ending, please! And also it makes me EVEN MORE WORRIED about what happened to her kid, now im starting to worry if maybe he inherited her childhood disease and like.. it only first started manifesting during the apocolypse and she wasnt able to find a doctor in time.. or something... MAN THIS GAME IS GIVING ME A MILLION WAYS THIS SWEET BOY COULD DIE

* Oh but one random complaint... much as I care about Barney, he kinda isnt a very well written character. They fall into a lot of super outdated ‘fake movieverse child’ cliches instead of like.. bothering to listen to what actual kids talk like. He’s always using that fake cutesy talk like ‘i made you a waffle but i eated it’. Its rather jarring! ...but still I WILL DEFEND MY VIRTUAL SON FOREVER dont you dare kill him off just because his dialogue is poorly informalized!

* The next chapter is kinda boring, its not really even a chapter but just an intermission to show us some more gameplay and nothing else. Richard and Alice do nothing but have an awkward fetch quest to find enough stuff to make a pole to reach the termostat outside the jail cell, and then after all that it ends up failing anyway. I guess at least we do get a bit of character development cos we get to see them both frustrated and having a bit of an argument, then making up again, and etc. But meh, bring on the next actual plot flashback!

* “Why does Daddy live in the ground?”

* thats it im done this is how bunni is slain fucking hell

* god, I dunno if I made the right choice but I chose to be honest with the kid and try and explain what death is. I got to hear the backstory of how the dad died, so i THINk that was the right choice? It seems he died back when barney was too young to even really know him. It was at the start of the apocolypse and the family was doing semi okay living in a shared shelter with a bunch of other people. But then it was the start of government aid breaking down and society crumbling, and a gang stole the last food ration pack from them and the dad thought he could reason with them. And its just so sad cos Alice is thinking of all the ways it could have been prevented! ‘We’ve gotten used to surviving with less now, what if we’d just let that food go? we could have lasted’ And what if they’d shot first and asked questions later, instead of trying to be diplomatic. And apparantly back then things were a little less abd so there actually was a trader they could have got more food from, but resources were limited so they decided it wasnt worth it at the time. And the after the gang killed the dad and some of the other leaders of the shelter group, it seems like things just collapsed in a power struggle and thats how Alice ended up alone... And you just have this sad sidequest to gather flowers for his grave and then Barney is all ‘i dont really know him and i dont understand so i feel bad that i cant cry’ and then he’s asking if dead people can hear you from down in the ground. And I picked being honest again, and Alice didnt say yes or no, she just admitted that nobody really knows what happens after you die, and you have to choose what you want to believe. So Barney chooses to try and tell his dad about how they’re having a good day playing in the snow on this adventure, and Alice tells him that Barney’s grown up so big and strong, and Barney says ‘Yeah! Strong like a lion! Or you, daddy!’ and BUNNI’S SOUL SHATTERS INTO A MILLION PIECES

* i am gone i am deceased at this deceaseness aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

* And there’s like an optional note you can find that tells the story about some unnamed kid who was living alone with their friend Lucy and they were trying to survive without any adults to help, and its all SCARILY VAGUE and I hope we get to learn more about them later cos it just says how the same gang who killed the dad was just.. ominously circling around the area and Lucy was acting weird and then dissappeared, with a letter saying she chose to leave for [insert name of far away settlement here] but it was really suspicious and the unnamed kid thinks that the gang was threatening lucy and they must have kidnapped her and faked this note and then the diary just ENDS it just ends with the kid talking about how much they love lucy and cant live without her and we dont know if they found her or if she even really was kidnapped?? ITS SO VAGUE! its so vague that honestly im only just assuming the diary writer was a kid too, i mean maybe they were lucy’s parent or sibling or something? or maybe both them and lucy are older? but the way it was written sounded like they were like early high schoolers or something (then again this game is bad at writing kid characters so maybe not) I MOURN FOR YOU, UNNAMED DIARY PERSON AND LUCY OF MYSTERY

* OH GOD DOOM when it went back to modern day, now its got all mysterious and weird and sad too, AAAARRRGH the heroes are still in prison, but the guards have stopped coming to their cell and theyre stuck here scared and worrying and you dont know if the obvious has actually happened... i mean maybe the prison has been abandoned or everyone died and now they’re stuck here locked in their cell and AAAA eventually the cold will start seeping in and kill them too and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* okay im gonna go get back to playing this game

#bunni plays richard and alice

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stitchthebratprince-blog · 6 years

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Hey momma, I hope you're doing well upstairs cause i'm not doing well down here at all. Its just been a bad day. I think doctor had a seizure last night. I got home late and your bed sheets were cover in his heavy seizure piss. I wasn't planning on being gone from home that long but i was. I ended up getting home like at mid-night and i gave himbhis pill to late. I ended up sleeping in the couch. I was going to finally try to sleep in my room but i couldn't so i slept on ths couch... that thing has never been any ones friend and the babies of course slept with me.

My mom called me today. I have been asking her for the details and information for your memorial service. I havent logged on to your facebook to tell the people there that you had passed away. There are still people i need to tell. Fuck.

So my mom called me. Well she called me yesterday but i was busy with alex and the er. Oh his foot got bigger and he was in more pain but he went to the er again and they gave him norco this time. He is doing a little better now.

Well she called me today. We talked. She finally gave me the address and the time. I asked her what time did she tell people it was going to end. I told her that 6pm was a good time. If the mass is at 11 that 6 pm was good time to end it. She wanted to negotiate. Then she said she would have rented a hall or sonething. I stopped it. I told her this isnt a fucking quince anos or some fucking birthday party. That she should have some respect for our home. It isnt hers she doesnt have rights here and then i just let lose on her. I told her what she did on Wednesday was no where remotely ok. Imagine, momma, if ok was an island in the pacific. What she did wouldn't even be in the same galactic super cluster. It probably wouldnt even be in the same universal chain quadriant. Whats a galactic cluster? Its, ok? We live in the milky way galaxy our neighbor galaxay is Andromeda so a galactic cluster is just a bunch of galaxies in a determined amount of space. Idk the scale but it looks like an mri of an active nervous system. The universal chain quadrant? The theory of the mutliverse. Multiple alternative earths? Its the way the universes branch out and how much they deviate from each other. Like the difference between an earth where the nazis win and an earth where all white people got taken out and there is universal health care and world peace and we started to explore the universe and colonized mars and shit oh and theybhave flying cars and shit? What?! World history is this in a nut shell. "White people arrived. White people fuck shit up. White people oppress native population. White people complain about the angry native population. Rinse and repeat." Now here is the trick question. Where am i talking about? India, the americas, Australia, china, the middle east, africa, the deep south of the untited states? Or better yet when am i talking about? Ok i get it you got it... its not racist if its ture momma... just sad.

What was i saying? Oh yea i told my mom off. I told her also why she even thought Jorge was then go to person to go to like he even has an opinion? Or a say in anything. I just let fly out of me. I told her it ends at 6pm. If she kept pushing the matter then it will end at 2 pm. No more negotiating no more talking. It tried to guilt me that she spent $900 of her own money on the memorial that she has limited funds because of her job. Its not the money that bothers me momma. I would pay anything to have you back i will pay anything to have your wishes come true and i told her that. That she didnt have to pay it all herself. If she had told us what she was doing and how much so we would have done it together but instead she wanted to do what she wanted to do so it falls on her. I also told her that she and Jorge didn't help out with your cremation. My dad, alex, silvia, and the guys from the shop all Pitched in to cover that expense. Not even my so called "friends" helped me out. She went on about her limited funds. My whole world ended with you. I have no income. I dont even have your income. I told you but you never ever really believed me. You go and all of this. The dream the hopes everything goes up in smoke and it probably is.

You were right about them. You called it. It sucks that your death was the price for this and alot of other lessons. You didnt have to go for me to learn this. I always knew they were shitty people my mom and friends. It just didnt matter to me cause you were, well you still are, my best friend. You were the person i would share my dreams and fears with. You were the one i would share my crazy theories and ideas with. You were the one that would get into the shits and the trenches with me. No one else would go as far and as deep as you did with me let alone for me. We survived your greatest fear together. We ended up homeless but you, me, and the babies and even skitty pulled through it together. We bought our dream house together Last year. We still have more to do together. You cant leave me here all alone. Cause even though the babies are here. Its still alone. They need you just as much as i need you. They probably need you more then me.

It basically it was exhaustive exchange. I hung up on her and i out my phone on silent and thenni drifted of to sleep in a nap. I ended up waking up like 3-4 hours later. I had so much to do today. I was going to replace the utility sink and do some laundry and start emptyimg out the office so i can turn it into a kids room for alex's kids and then at some point i need to empty out your room for alex and doha my room will be my room but it will also be the babies room. I need go to ikea to go buy more doggie beds for them. I really hope i am doing the right thing. I wish you were still here cause right or wrong we would go through it together and thats all that matter in the end cause we always guarantee outcome we would come out of it together.

I've decided because alex hasn't ever really had stability in his life, its funny how you and me are 14 years apart and alex is right in the middle of us with 7 years difference on both sides. I will let our home become his home. Well not his home. The kid's home. If the keep your home comes through the house payment will become way more manageable and once the judgement money comes in i will get the life insurance and invest it so i can have that for income and surplus, and thank god to white people and their bullshit, i will have 0 taxes for it. And doctor has what maybe 3 good years left in him maybe he might make it till he is 15 years old but at least you'll be waiting on the other side for him and the rest. And the babies maybe have 10 years in them maybe more. So what i have hopefully 10 more years to go till my time is up and hopefully my ticket gets punched. So anywhere between here and there i'll stablize myself and leave his kids the house and some money for college or whatever they want to do and oswaldito something too and i'll be able to bow out gracefully. But if i am able to make time travel practical in the next 10 years then maybe i can go back and save you and make these next 10 years pointless and edit time so it has you in it and all of this is a moot point and we can get the life and ending you deserved.

Regardless of what you may think or feel. I still need you. I am going to fuck up. I am going to probably end up crashing and burning. I am having such a hard time keeping it together righr now. When you were here it was so easy now it just takes so much just to breathe. Momma please come back! I love you.

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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years

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People crying like they never watched the show before.

So like the GOT fandom is going crazy over certain deaths like "_______ didnt deserve to die like that"... and Ned deserved to die the way he did what about Mance Ryder, Cat, Robb, Lady, and Rickon? Like this is a story wereany characters either through thier decisions or through another person's actions die. They are good, complicated characters, that have emotional growth only to be torn down. Robb made stupid decisions but he wasnt the same boy he was when his father died. He grew into a good military leader and prospective king. His bad decisions were ones that made sense to his character and for sure didnt deserve to be massacred. But it happened. And for arguably didnt make sense to build up this character, show him on a journey of growth only to decimate what he built with like 3 bad decisions made in the season he dies.

I don't think D and D hate women or are racist. Cat was a strong female character and was butchered. Because what game of thrones does best kills off all people across the spectrum of good and bad. Talisa didnt need to be a medically trained foreigner from volantis because in the books she was a southerner or more south than riverrun if I remember correctly. So on one hand I appreciated them not going that route and giving us a stronger female partner to Robb than the books did, but it was crappy that she died, but made sense since unlike the book wife she wouldnt have had been staying with her family who was in on it.

Shae dying was sad, but it happens in the books (granted books shae wasnt nearly as interesting or that compelling of a character and was not in love with Tyrion (arguably)) Book Gilly isnt as developed as show Gilly and show gilly is pretty great. Arya and Sansa are two women who have gone through crap but are strong and fierce characters in thier respective ways. Book missandei is like 9 so I think the plot with grey worm was D and Ds add in and it explored both the characters and developed then in a way that made us love them even more. Like the women arent treated differently then the men writing wise.

Then the there is the argument about women being pitted against each other... so like did we forget this is the game of thrones and everyone is playing. Did we forget that Margery was moving against Cersei the whole time she was at kings landing. That was what made the characters compelling was that admist this War of 5 kings the women were fighting just as hard in thier own ways. And now these women have armies and are in actual positions of power and have differing interests. And we dont expect them to have tension or to distrust each other??? They did it when they had nothing so of course now that they are in charge they are gonna keep doing it.

Also the idea that Dany's character is being slaughtered to service Jon's is a total slap to his character development. Danys people have been murdered before and she has decimated those who were responsible in her eyes before too (not on that scale but not out of character). She has trusted the wrong people, hurt those that were loyal to her (mostly jorah) similar to Robb( justified in the desicion but it still wasnt the best one), etc.

Jon has been betrayed bullied killed and he even had to do some betraying too. Also as a bastard he was treated more poorly than noble women (social structure wise).He hasnt had it any easier in that sense than other characters and has earned the respect of his people just as dany did hers. Again as a woman I feel that the women of the show have had it tougher because they have to deal with that extra societal level of crap. Dany and sansa have been sexually harassed and raped, and treated poorly because they are women. But the point is that Jon hasnt had it easy either and earned the respect just as much as Dany and Sansa.

Her character isnt being butchered to make him look better. In the context of Westeros he is the better option. Dany is a foreigner with a an army made up of foreigners. The locals are there because of jon (its him they trust). All the locals know of targs since the mad king is that they are incestual, violent, dragon obsessed and conquerors. And from a small folk perspective Dany fits the bill. Of course we've seen dany from the beginning so we sympathize with her experience. But I mean Dany has been pulling some shade crap since season 3 imo. I started to dislike her character then or I should say I started to dislike they way her character went around conquering and ruling.

I think it is disappointing that we will be left with little or possibly no POC characters and that I feel could have been fixed by D and D (who arent strangers to adding or replacing character with thier own characters or changing the backgrounds). And I think that other television shows should take note and add more POCs across the board so that you arent killing off all the POCs.

But I dont think that makes them racist, they could have done better but working with so much material and so many characters I can understand how they dropped the ball. If a show has like four characters and the kill of the only POC, lgbtq+, trans, character or a character that doesn't conform to ableist standards I riot because like there is not excuse at that point when you are working with very little.

I just feel like people have been dying on this show like crazy since the beginning and so many "unfair" things have happened we like game of thrones for doing that. But now that the end is near people are more upset over these things than they were before.

I think my favorite thing about GOT is that everyone has a justification for thier actions. To Just say that Dany is suddenly going insane is unfair to her. Again books wise it seems more obvious since we get things from her perspective, but Danys experience shaped her yes she is compassionate but like she is ruthless too she has had to be to conquer cities in essos. She is just as emotional and volatile as other characters only unlike jon and sansa she has a dragon and the actual power to cause massive damage. She basically has a nuclear bomb and that kind of power in anyone's hands is dangerous. And she doesn't have to go through others to use it.

Dany is complex flawed and angry, so I dont think "Mad" as in insane is correct but she is super charged and that is a threat to many people. Always was, but now we get to see it while she is with the other main POV characters.

Again could the writing have been better..

Yes. But don't think it would change anything because Dany, Jon, sansa and the remaining characters are all justified. We have example of them being good and bad at leading, strategy, and so on, they also represent different styles and ideology that political scientists still argue about. So of course Dany stans will still stan her and people like me who sympathize with her character but cannot ideologically align themselves with her will not.

I am not saying people shouldn't be upset with the way thier fav dies. I cried so hard during the red wedding. But can we not pretend that the whole show wasn't built on that. Jaime destroyed jaime's character development he is constantly one step forward 2 steps back as a character when it comes to his family. He always has the most growth Way from them but he always goes back. This is not D and D's fault. How else could they write his character to get that across? I will see how George does it and decide if they did it justice or not. I mean again from the book people guessed that jaime would die with cersei.

I dont know yall. I do think the show is flawed and wished somethings were done better but then there are somethings that I am just like...it is game of thrones they have been doing it since the beginning why are we more mad about it now versus then?

#game of thrones spoilers #game of thrones

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tumblunni · 7 years

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Speaking of my dumb story ideas, I’ve been thinking some stuff to flesh out the Cathedral Game’s setting! RANDOM IDEAS AHOY LONG POST AHOY

* I’m thinking I need to make some concrete ideas for the villains maybe. When I first had the dream that inspired this all, it was just some sort of ambiguous ‘demon army’, kinda like a mindless zombie plague or i dunno, maybe the demons were sentient but they were all evil except for florin anyway? It was a more boring cliche kind of enemy than I usually write, with no moral grey area. Just an endless wave of foes that would justify the setting where everyone is stuck living inside a church and you have to defend it and try and turn it into a little town. And I guess if we had to have a 100% evil enemy with very little character development then it makes me less uncomfortable if theyre some sort of supernatural nonsentient plague instead of a bunch of people born evil. But then Florin existing as your sidekick was like the first part of the dream and it was never explained why he was the only non evil, completely sentient demon. Plus now I have a different zombie-themed story so mindless plagues would be samey. PLUS... welll... I need to stop being all ‘because I saw it in a dream it is somehow a cosmic message that it has to be in the story and can never be changed’. Kinda the point of being awake is that i can look at things more rationally and plug the ol plotholes, yo!

* So anyway, the idea I had was that it would... just simply be an actual army of actual villains with actual motivations and moral ambiguity. I was thinking maybe the setting could be like the perspective of civilians trapped in-between a civil war between two countries, just trying to survive and hoping that the promise of reincforcements coming to evacuate is actually true. The gamneplay of holding the fort and constantly gunning down enemies could be even more depressing when you know that not all of them are necessarily evil, they’re just soldiers doing their job. Maybe its ambiguous whether your country or their country shot first, maybe its like their country is suffering from some form of recession or illness or lack of resources and they’re only trying to conquer this other country because their families are dying at home? Maybe its some form of religious conflict, or maybe its even something with a very villainous dictator running the show but the people working underneath them are just normal citizens forcibly drafted into a war they dont believe in. There’s a whole pile of different possibilities for moral ambiguity, yo! Not sure yet which would work best, hmm...

* Might possibly be an opportunity to use a character I’ve been sitting on for a while but couldnt find a story that suited her. After I played Fe: Awakening I felt really uncomfortable about how the game treated Excellus as if he was hateable only because he was ugly and ambiguously gay/transgender. like.. he’s a horrible jerk of a villain yet the plot really overfocuses on insulting his appearance and gender rather than retaliating against the things he actually does. Made me feel sympathy for a jerk I never wanted to feel sympathy for! So I kinda ended up being inspired by the wasted potential and thinking up an idea for a similar character who actually IS sympathetic, and has the ambiguous LGBTQ aspect properly explored as a plotline. I think it could actually be powerfully sympathetic to see this villain who’s constantly degraded and misgendered by her teammates, and has a lot of reason to believe the worst of humanity. Someone who could switch sides if shown some basic decency by our heroes, maybe? And I felt it could be good if she did have a very similar personality to Excellus, just like a good version of it. She could still be a comic relief egotistical person, but not a murderous monster. And the ego could be like... sad, because she’s purposely trying to act unaffected and secure and like she loves herself, when really she’s being treated like shit and doesnt know if she deserves it or not. And I was thinking also possibly she could be a greedy merchant type character, like Anna? (also from Fe: Awakening) That could be the role she takes in the town once you recruit her, she could be a savvy businesswoman badass! Playing rune factory 4 makes me appreciate how cool a trader character can be, Arthur is so neato~! He talks about it like its the most amazing job ever, I just feel like it could be even cooler if we had that passion along with a more goofy greedy personality. Like ‘hahaha im only in it for the money’, but no, she really has this kinda cheesy cute reason why she does the job, she just really enjoys meeting new people and being able to change the world a little piece at a time. It reaffirms her faith in humanity after all she’s been through. (Tho also she’s still a total badass, since she was a former general of the villain country, after all!)

* Oh and I was thinking of a really tragic alternative route for her if you don’t recruit her. You could fight her multiple times throughout the game and then when you get to the final one and she realizes there’s no escape she suddenly drops the comic relief act and it gets really somber. I was thinking maybe she could have a mentor type character or a friend or a love interest or something? Or some other something she was trying to keep safe all along, some reason why she still had hope, some reason why she was fighting for an army she didnt believe in, just to save up enough money for... some sort of life goal? I dunno, maybe she has a sibling who’s in the hospital and she’s trying to save up for treatment, and then on the day of the final battle she gets a telegram hearing that they died and she wasnt even there to say goodbye. (And the death would somehow be directly caused by the player’s actions, thus determining whether you recruit her or not) So even though every time before she always flaked out like a coward with a comedic quip as soon as it looked like she was losing, now she just doesnt have anything else left to lose. This time she WILL NOT LET YOU redeem her, she will not let you SPARE her, she doesnt even speak a single word in the entire battle. Her difficulty spikes immensely in this fight to the death, and she only cracks a smile and gives a parting quip once you’ve dealt the final blow. And I was just imagining it could be EXTRA depressing combined with her plot of facing predjudice for being transgender! She’s spent most of this time being treated by the other commanders as ‘sir [name]’, gritting her teeth and bearing all this degredation, trying not to stand out too much. But in the end now nobody else is here to put her down, all those other ‘brave knights’ are the ones who ran away like cowards and left the ‘coward’ to take the last stand. And she doesnt care if she dies anymore. So she hangs up her armour for this fight and instead decides to go out in all her finery, wearing the dress she’s kept locked away in her trunk the whole time. Walking onto the battlefield like a bloody bride, and being one hell of a monster boss battle despite missing all of her platemail. A whirling dance of death! To go out smiling! To maybe make her family proud, and if she can meet them on the other side she could do it with the face she always wanted to wear.

* ....basically make it super depressing so you regret your actions and go back and see what the other option leads to. But also so badass that people wouldnt regret seeing the scene, yknow? And this might be the height of her character arc, kinda, but she’d be able to have whole new character arcs if you choose to recruit her. And you can make your own badass battles with her now! * Not sure tho whether maybe the family member/mentor/whoever might die either way though? That could fit the bittersweet found-family themes of the game, pretty much everybody’s someone who’s lost their biological relations and found new people to love in this new community. It could just be like... the choice between this person dying tragically and causing merchant-general-lady to commit suicide, or them passing away naturally due to their illness after saying goodbye to her, leading to her joining the heroes to try and prevent tragedies like this. * A possible other EVEN MORE tragic idea I had- an alternative where this person has already been dead for a long time before the start of the story, and the villain leader has been lying to merchant-general in order to keep her working as their minion. So the player choice would be like... you can reveal it to her and purposely send her into a suicidal spiral as an attempt to destabilize the enemy forces and win an important battle. Its a complete dick move, yes, but it could save the lives of all your family and friends! But then if you believe that this merchant-general is actually redeemable you could like... do the same thing but with different motives, in a different way. Reveal it in less of a sadistic, tactically-planned way, and more of a ‘no seriously this is why you cant trust your boss’ way. And she’d be likely to actually believe you if you’d been befriending her before now. * Or perhaps maybe her sibling died years ago and she heard about it but was unable to accept it, since it was her only reason to keep on going. Maybe she feels guilt that she was too busy making money to try and save them, and that meant she wasnt there to hold their hand when they passed away. So now she keeps on hoarding money for no purpose at all, except because this routine keeps her going. And she keeps writing letters to someone who’s already dead. * buuuut that might be too similar to Malachi’s plot, since he has memory problems regarding a tragic event in his past. Though it was his own death rather than a family member’s! ....actually I dunno, maybe a twist could be that he’s actually her lost sibling? That’d kinda be wrapping things up too coincidentally though. But on the other hand it could be an interesting plot to explore his relationship with his newly returned biological sibling, compared to the adoptive relationship he’s been developing with Florin. RIVALS FOR TINY BABBU’S LOVE! Buuuuuut I also liked the idea of Florin’s death being very far back in the timeline, and he’s been sleeping underneath those ruins for over a century. It could be cool to have him experiencing a lot of things for the first time, and to get a perspective on the past before the war...

* ALSO ANOTHER POTENTIAL CHARACTER IDEA * Another enemy recruit maybe! I seem to be going in twos, I made two demon characters and now two redeemy people XD The idea I had was that this could be just a random soldier that you keep as a prisoner, and have to decide whether to execute him or not. It can be hard to keep prisoners of war when you’re stuck in this seige situation and you barely even have enough food to keep your own teammates alive! Tensions could run high because you’re choosing to keep this guy alive when its making things worse for us all, plus we cant really trust him, seriously?? He surrendered but maybe its just a trap to infiltrate us! He claims a sob story of his country being forced to invade us because of famine, and being drafted against his will, but can we trust anything that comes from the mouth of one of those scum?? And then there’s the question of what exactly you’ll do with him if you think he cant be trusted! Are you able to execute him in cold blood? Do you set him free and hope this decision doesnt come back to bite you in the ass? Do you try and execute him while pretending you didnt- setting him loose in the forest to die of exposure or at the hands of his own former comrades...?? And its very annoying because the entire time he’s insistantly begging you to kill him, and generally being a huge downer! :P This is what convinces you to spare him, if you pick that option. It starts off as just ‘I’m gonna spite you, I won’t let you die if its what you want’, but eventually you realise he really never wanted to be part of this war, and he’s weighed down so much by his sins that his pleading for suicide was completely genuine. There’s no spy plots, he was just a simple farmer thrown into battle with nothing more than the clothes on his back and the sharpest pitchfork he could salvage from the wreckage of his old farm before it was torn down. The famine ruined his business and he had no way of surviving unless he sold his land to the army, to be bulldozed and turned into the site of a new weapons factory. And even after that he ended up forcibly drafted when things got even worse, losing what little livelihood he’d managed to scrape together again. He doesnt have a home to go back to, he just wanted to die on the battlefield, and by all odds he SHOULD HAVE! This is the condition of this latest round of ‘soldiers’, nobody even wastes armour on them, theyre just disposeable fodder to be mowed down as a distraction. What shitty luck, that he just happened to get captured by some bleeding-heart fools who refuse to chop his damn head off! So basically I’m imagining him like a Nanu-esque depressed grandpa who’s kinda sassy sometimes but also really really needs a hug. And like... model prisoner, to a comical degree. When he comes to terms with the fact he aint gonna get killed no matter how much he begs, he’s just like ‘dammit i cant help but help’. He’s just a normal good guy at heart, he’s not really on your side so to speak, he loved his country but he didnt agree with them wanting to wipe out your country either. he misses how his country used to be, and he doesnt know anything about your country or whether its any better, he doesnt have much hope. But when he’s stuck with nothing to do all day, he just cant help subconciously falling into kindly grandpa behaviours! Gotta clean up this cell! Hey, do you want some cookery tips, mr guard? Oh whoops, mr guard you dropped the cell keys, here have them back! Hey this bar over here has poor structural integrity, I tried to rope it back together with a braid of my own back hair! All the time he’s trying to trick you into agreeing to execute him, and being a total sycophant agreeing with everyone who says he’s evil. CMON IM TOTALLY EVIL, PLEASE STAB ME, I’LL BAKE YOU COOKIES! And then as time goes on he just becomes less of a prisoner and ends up making friends with everyone, winning the trust of even those who opposed him the most at the start. All entirely unwillingly! Agreeing with all their oppositions so hard that they stop opposing XD He ends up just pottering around doing odd jobs as a janitor/groundskeeper type guy, even ends up being the one in charge of keeping the keys to the jail he started off in. Somehow the most trustworthy man in the whole town, cos he’s the one person who will never say he’s trustworthy! His humble goodness just shines through~! And he could help out a lot cos he has inside info on the enemy army, and is able to give a sympathetic perspective of the everyday citizens’s life, and just how much dissent there is, how few people are willingly cooperating with the war and how they can find allies and destabilize this regime based entirely on fear instead of loyalty. He’s like a ray of hope that changes everyone’s perspective on this big seemingly-inpeneterable all-evil army! A grumpy suicidal ray of hope, who never shuts up about how hopeless it is! XD of course, eventually he’d be able to find new reason to live in this own, and make friends, and have hugs and joy~! But it’d be a hard journey! And a journey filled with a lot of ‘geez grandpa stop joking about suicide holy shit’ *disciplinary hugs* * Tho actually I dunno if a farmer would be a good career choice for him, I just picked it cos its the easiest to imagine him losing his livelihood in the war. His career in the town would be being this janitor kindly advice man/treasurer sort of guy, but i dunno... if he was a banker before then that makes him too similar to general lady :P ...maybe he was a janitor on someone else’s farm...? Honestly I would love an excuse to have a badass sympathetic janitor man and go on a bit of a small rant about how service work is very physically demanding and deserves a higher minimum wage yknow. RESPECT JANIGRAMP ... actually the name Jani is a good name his name is now jani it is law Jani the groundskeeper, because jani the janitor sounds dumb. SYNONYMS!

* Thinking of ideas for the fictional religion I’m gonna create for this world! Its more fun if we have a completely fictional set of traditions that’re just a general metaphor for topical questions about real life religion n stuff. And it would sidestep the problem of plots accidentally seeming like theyre ‘oh this one religion is evil and false’, when really the point i want to make is about how people of all religions are capable of perverting their faith’s peaceful teachings and using it as an excuse to wage wars. hell, athiests have done the same thing! ‘this religion is inherantly evil bwaaaah’ stuff IS athiests using their own beliefs as an excuse to hurt others. Thats the kind of athiest I never want to be! I completely respect religion and I think that we can never have an answer as to what’s true about creation or an afterlife, we can never know until we die. I don’t believe in heaven, but I dont think I have absolute proof it’s wrong, and I dont care about proving myself right or converting people. I feel inspired when I see people draw strength from their religion, even if I don’t believe in it! Lots of great things have been done in the name of different religions, just like lots of terrible things have. Human beings are great and terrible things, human beings make choices. This doesnt tar everyone with the same brush of whoever made the wrong decision, just because they believe in the same gods! ....man, sorry, I went off on a mini rant there. But yeah, what I hope to do is to have religion as a framing device and discuss some problems with certain so-called religious people, but also show the positive side of it via the protagonists. I mean, the whole point is that you’re living in a church, after all! The idea is that you’d hear a lot of horror stories of other people acting very ungodly in the name of god, both in the enemy army and in the hidden secrets of people in your own country’s government. But the goal is that you see all this hellish stuff and you still choose to be a bastion of what you believe is good and true, you learn from these mistakes and try and make the true sanctuary that everyone was seeking when they fell into the traps of those other monsters. And also I was thinking it;d be like the protagonist’s exploration of being agnostic, after her faith was shaken from her original church being destroyed in this war. She was the only survivor, maliciously left alive by [currently unnamed main villain rival guy], who wanted her to suffer the grief of knowing she’d failed her role as protector. But instead she travelled onwards and found this other church full of defenseless people that need a new guardian, and she is FUCKING DETERMINED to never fail again! It started as just seeking revenge against that evil overlord, but instead its become about protecting these new people and regaining her faith in humanity. And that doesnt necessarily mean regaining her faith, that’s up to the player. She has a journey of realizing that some things about her former church may have actually been corrupt, and that she was just blindly following instead of making her own decisions, She has her hero worship of her dead comrades dismantled, and has to come to her own conclusions about what’s right and wrong in the scriptures she’d learned, and what she’ll do as she goes forward. Its up to the player to decide whether she regains her faith or decides to become an athiest in the end, or even remains agnostic and decides she isnt able to find an answer yet, but either way she will still be forged into a true blue hero, no matter the reasons behind it! I wanna make all options an equally good ending, its just a personal choice that changes some scenes but not necessarily the course of the story.

* Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Religion ideas! I was considering possibly the legend could involve something about ‘an absent god’. The traditions say that humanity failed the creator long ago, and they left us behind because of it. The direction of all religion is based around this idea that we are inherantly born sinful, and have to do certain things in order to appease our ancestors’s sins and bring the gods back. I’m thinking it would be a good idea to create multiple sects of religion that’re variants on the same original holy text, that’s something that fictional religions dont tend to do for some reason. In this case it could be different perspectives on how exactly god dissappeared, and what exactly god saw as our sin, what on earth we have to do to make up for it. And I was thinking that the idea could be that god shattered into a million pieces that were scattered across the world. This leads to territory wars over places that’ve been determined to contain remains of god buried beneath the earth, and people invading indigenous civilizations in the name of holy tasks to dig for these relics. Power struggles over how many god burial grounds your country owns at any given time, controversy every time a digging operation fails to find a crystal. Pieces of god being used practically as currency, used to power magical weaponry in these wars... lies and deceit over fake godstones that no-one can prove you don’t own... * And this way even though magic does clearly exist in this world, it leaves it ambiguous whether religion is true, and whether any of the different sects is more accurate about the true will of god. It would seem reasonable that athiests exist here even when magic exists, thats usually a problem in fictional settings, you have gods right out here in the open yet some people still dont believe in them? XD It’d be like... yes maybe all these crystals that grant magical powers are actually fragments of an absent god. Maybe they grant those magical powers because of the reasons scripture tells us. Maybe if you bring them all together you can meet god and be granted one wish, maybe you could end the war. Buuuuuuuut.... maybe there’s just a natural crystal that grows underground and grants magical powers. Maybe nothing happens when you put it all together. Maybe it’s just like how people considered electricity to be unpredictable divine punishment before we learned how to harness it for ourselves.

* And there could be like... sects of the religion who believe god chose to leave us out of shame for our sinfulness, sects who believe a certain group of humans betrayed god and shattered them, thus holy war is justified against that country. Perhaps even sects that believe that god being shattered was a positive thing, that god chose to give fragments of their power to humans so they could choose their own destiny. (This is considered as scandalous as satan-worship in-universe) And there’s a related sect that believes that humans only even came into existance after the shattering event, that shattering into pieces was how god granted sentience and free will to the angelic servants we used to be. And this has permenantly corrupted us, thus the sin that we need to undo in order to retun god is... individuality, in all its forms. I think these are the ones who had the very extreme fanatical members who ran Malachi’s former church, and committed various atrocities including his murder. (Though, again, this doesnt mean that the viewpoint is inherantly evil. Just the people who took it from ‘tranquility, enlightenment and fealty to fellow man’ to ‘LITERALLY NO INDIVIDUALITY EVER’) ....hmmm, actually the morality system could be even more complex if I nail down a set of different factions of the religion and let you choose between all of them in the end. (or choosing none of them, or choosing your own interpretation) And there’d sorta be a fanatical/critical morality bar too, which determines whether you get the good or bad ending. In this case ‘critical’ would be the good option, I mean it more like... ‘I’ve analyzed everything about this scripture and come to my own conclusions, I won’t do anything immoral out of blind belief unless I actually have reasons to agree that it’s the right choice’. Aka how any normal good person decides on a religion to follow. And the fanatical side would be leaning towards never questioning. So sometimes you would have to like... take options that would seem like ‘the bad option’. Dont just blindly agree with everything that points to a particular faction viewpoint, that’ll lead to badness! Sometimes you have to question things, take it from the perspective of a character who is discovering their own faith, rather than a player who already knows from the beginning what option they want to pick.

* Man this has got complicated lol, I’m starting to ramble!

* Anyway, i was thinking this would explain what the ‘demons’ are, in this world. Normally humans can only use magic by using godstone as a power source, demon is a universal term for all creatures that are made of magic and can use it infinately as part of their very being. They’re considered unholy and must be destroyed, because they’re ‘imprisoning’ a shard of god inside them. And its really unfair because its a complete and utter random chance if someone becomes a demon when they die, you can live your entire life thinking you’re a normal human until the godstone in your heart activates and saves your life. Your life which is now ressurected in a monsterous form and can never return to your old family. The traditions say that it only happens to people who are sinful, thus they totally deserve to be slain, of course! Oh, and I think the main evil army guys would be using demons as weapons, which is part of why the anti-demon sentiment is like... even worse than usual in the protagonist’s country. Its incredibly depressing because demons are completely sentient, and the only way they become mindless battle monsters is if they’re tortured beyond breaking point. The same way you’d reduce a human to that state. But the protagonist starts off not even knowing that demons can talk until she meets Florin, she’s only ever seen these demonic ‘soldiers’ that’re really just whipped and beaten prisoners chained together and thrown towards the enemy in the hope both parties kill each other. “Yeah but why do so many demons ally with the empire?” *florin looks into the camera like he’s on the office* And I was thinking maybe a more positive religious interpretation of the existance of demons could be that they’re actually angels instead. (Yeah, even if this religion is very different its gonna probably have a lot of similarities to protestant christianity since that’s what I was raised in. i dont feel comfortable critcising someone else’s religion that I’m not personally experienced with, yknow?) ANYWAY SORRY FOR THAT ASIDE Yeah, there could be some very rare pro-demon religious folk who believe that those who are reborn after death are actually chosen ones rather than sinful. These fragments of god blessed certain people who were pure enough in heart to earn the power to be able to enact god’s love to the world. Because even though god is in pieces, god very much wants to forgive us. These magical beings are sent as god’s messengers to help guide us on the right path to redemption. That’s why they have such great powers of creation! (though others would say its destruction...) A single plant demon like Florin could watch over and sustain an entire forest, revive it from drought and become a cornerstone to build a whole city around! Though even this faction isnt 100% correct or incorruptable, there are those who’d interpret this as demons having a DUTY to do that. There are rogue members of this faction who enslave demons just as much as the people who use them as weapons. I was thinking a plot could be that Florin almost gets suckered in by a band of these guys, he’s just so overwhelmed to find anyone who doesnt hate demons! But they want to imprison him and force him to grow their crops forever until he dies of exhaustion, because that’ll mean he’s ~happily fullfilled his purpose and rejoined god~. I mean, if he says he doesnt want to, thats just so sad! That means this pure angel has been corrupted by humanity’s sin, he doesnt know what he’s saying! * man i have so many ideas aaaaa

#cathedral tower defense #sorry long post #i need to nail down a set amount of factions for the religious war and think up names for them and stuff #and like... countries #and which countries have how much of each faction #i think the main villain army would be like a totalitarian state where one religious faction is enforced by law #but for everyone else country doesnt equal faction #i think to make the scope of this thing small enough to fit with a mostly self-contained story in a single town...#it would be best to keep it to just two countries- enemy guys and the protagonists's country #maybe mention other countries in passing to add flavour tho #like 'we were supposed to get humanitarian aid from [place]'#and maybe the protagonist is new to this country actually? maybe her entire country was taken over by the villains rather than just hometown

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