/rp /tw death, tw abuse
this is gonna be specifically about c!tubbo and a lil but c!ranboo, but ohhhh yeah as a c!tommy enthusiast, directly post-reivial c!tommy was,,,i mean it's fair to say mans was very unhealthy. i think there was a lot of hurt because of how he thought everyone moved on without him (which is natural to life but it hurts when you don't know that and just got beat to death and are already struggling with low self-esteem!!). i think there was also added animosity for feeling like no one cared about him/just thought of him as a "cool experiment" even after he'd gone through something so horrific - the feeling of sam leaving him to die, his hotel being taken from him, his friends continuing to Live without him, through no fault of their own - and he was still trying to cling to the past, when things were easier for him. i think directly after he got out of the prison he said something like, "this server's gone to shit; at the beginning it was me and tubbo vs dream." like he always kinda does and i think that bled into his relationship with him. he was extra clingy with c!tubbo, extra jealous, extra asshole-y to c!ranboo. (the "without my permission?" thing is actually not that sweet if a. he hadn't asked "does he make you happy?" and b. if he didn't grow out of it and heal. on it's own it's not healthy jhgshajgdjha.) generally very not great, and i agree a lot with that. in the long-run, it wouldn't have been fair to c!tubbo or c!ranboo.
again, i find it hard to be super critical because i know why he was like that and it's just. horrific. getting trapped and then beaten to death by his abuser. his reaction was actually a little tame compared to what i was expecting and like 60% self-loathing, 30% drive to kill c!dream and 10% being an asshole to others. also huge props to him from healing and growing from that almost all on his own (mayhaps with offscreen therapy from c!puffy) cause that shit is hard. i have so much empathy for him.
there's also the stuff about how c!tommy understood trauma sort of differently and there was that whole discourse about how toxic he was for invalidating what c!tubbo went through because he said smth like, "you have thicker skin." ?? cause post-revival c!tommy felt a lot of self loathing for having more visible and obvious reactions (not being able to take damage, feeling panicked, not being able to do things he was normally able to do, feeling "ruined" etc.) so he thought tubbo didn't get him and that he wasn't as traumatized or that he was dealing with it better cause he didn't "show it" as much?? and again, not great, and ofc he shouldn't hold tubbo to that standard, but he doesn't really? like even if he thinks tubbo has "thicker skin" i highly doubt he would invalidate what he's been through - don't we remember how he was the #1 tubbo defender during the festival, the entirety of s1, even s2 (community house scene + countless others) and a lil bit of s3. tommy is not that callous. at his core he's compassionate and loves his friends. yeah, ideally, he would grow to understand that trauma is not always just visible, but for now, he is not like. a toxic person in tubbo's life, at least not in the current lore. maybe directly post-revivial, as i stated before.
tldr; directly post-reivival c!tommy was an absolute mess and a bit of a dick for a perfectly understandable reason, and i'm so impressed and glad he was able to heal the way he did as much as he can because that behavior was not feasible and almost certainly just the immediate reaction to a painful and tragic and traumatic and high-stress event.
sorry for the long ass rant! this was very fun to talk about!
oh my god anon, this shit is so fantastically said. I agree entirely!!! I have nothing else to add you touched on everything perfectly thank you for putting it all into words
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