#I always thought about what Michael does when he realizes that killing Lucifer won’t bring their father back and won’t bestow paradise | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sortasirius · 3 years

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Dean Winchester be like:

I hate myself because it’s what my father taught me to do. I hate myself because it’s a defense mechanism. I use sarcasm to cover up the fact that I believe I am worthless. I raised my brother into a good man, that’s the only good I’ve ever done. I’ve saved some people, they don’t say thank you, but that’s okay. I wish I could have been the man my father wanted me to be. I break everything I touch. All the people I love I end up killing or leaving me. I am broken. I don’t do romantic love, it’s asking for me to get my heart broken, more broken than it already is. I sold my soul to a demon so I could save my brother, because he’s the best thing I ever did, the only good thing. I’m afraid to go to Hell, but I pretend I’m not, because what’s the alternative?

Hell proved that I was the person I always knew I was, a bad person, willing to torture to get out of pain. I met an angel, he’s not like I thought. He’s a soldier, like me, he’s taking orders from a father he can’t see. He starts out as an ally, but he’s different than the others, they say he likes me. He’s awkward, he stands too close to me sometimes. I started the Apocalypse because I wasn’t strong enough. My brother is going down the wrong path, and I don’t know how to stop it. The angels tell me Lucifer has to rise, but the one that pulled me out of Hell disobeys to help me stop it. I think I should consider him a friend. Lucifer rises anyway.

The angel is on the run from Heaven, he’s a good guy, I like him a lot, more than I think I should. I don’t know what to do, if I say yes to Michael, we can save some people. Maybe I’ll get to know peace, maybe my father will be proud of me then. The angel and my brother are angry at me, but I’ve always been a coward, they just don’t know it. But they know me best, I can’t say yes to Michael if it means disappointing them.

My brother goes to the cage with Lucifer and Michael, the angel disappears, and I’m left to pick up the pieces, living a life I feel like I stole from somebody else. I always sleep with a gun and holy water under the bed, even though I know every entrance is secure. My brother comes back, but he’s different now, he’s not the same, I should have looked for him. I feel guilty. We found out his soul is gone, his soul, his soul. The angel is back, but he’s no real help. I kill myself to speak to Death, who brings back his soul in exchange for me playing Death, where I learn a few hard lessons.

I find out the angel has been working with our enemies. Why does it feel like my heart is broken when he won’t meet my eyes? I leave him to the demons, but not before one last look. I’m not sure why. The idiot, he ends up dying trying to get souls from Purgatory, desperate to win his war in Heaven. Why does everyone leave me? The Leviathan are out there, a new threat. At least I know how to kill, so I won’t have to think about the muddy trenchcoat in the trunk of my car. I lose the closest thing I have to a father with a bullet to the brain. I feel like I’m spinning out of control. My brother loses his mind. The angel comes back, he doesn’t recognize me, that hurts. When he does remember me, I tell him we need him, but I really mean that I do.

I get sent to Purgatory, I meet a vampire turned ally turned new best friend, but I won’t leave without the angel, I can’t leave without the angel. We find him, he was running from me, why does everyone run from me? We make it out of Purgatory, the angel gets left behind. It turns out my brother didn’t look for me. Why am I so dispensable? The vampire is the only one I can trust now. I dream about the angel, about the way I couldn’t save him. I feel like I can’t save anyone these days. I see the angel in the air around me, am I going crazy? But then he shows up behind me, why do I care so much about him? I don’t even care where he came from, as long as he’s here. My brother takes on trials, they start to hurt him. We find a place to call home. I’ve never had my own bedroom before. The angel is distant, I wish I could reach him. He doesn’t answer my prayers. He and I find the angel tablet, he hits me. I tell him I need him, never able to tell him that I think I might love him too. He snaps out of it then walks out of my life again. I wish I was lovable. I almost lose my brother to the trials, he has to know I can’t lose him, he’s all I’ve got. The angels fall, I wonder about my angel, if he’s alright.

My brother is dying, and I make a deal with an angel to save him. My angel says he’s a good guy, and I’m too desperate to vet him properly. I watch my angel, now a human, die in front of me, the angel in my brother saves him, it’s one of the only times I’ve ever put someone else over my brother. I feel guilty about that. I have to kick my angel out, it tears me in half to do it, but I have to protect my brother. I watch the angel from a gas station window, I try to find the courage to go see him. I use humor to hide how much I miss him. My brother finds out about the angel, which cost the life of a kid I was supposed to protect, he’s so angry at me. Well, I deserve it this time. I take the Mark of Cain to defeat Abaddon, it can’t be all that bad. I start to lose my grip on myself. My angel gives up an army for me, and it’s the closest I feel to being me in months. My brother and my angel try to stop it, but it’s too late. I die in my brother’s arms.

I wake up with black eyes. I don’t care about anyone, anything. There’s a tiny part of me that’s screaming to wake up, but I drown him out easily enough. My brother finds me, says he wants to cure me. I don’t want it, I don’t want to be me, not feeling is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. They do cure me though, my brother and my angel, and waking up from the blackness is like surfacing from deep water. For a while, I feel loved. But after what I did, I don’t feel like I deserve it. I’m still not me, and when my friend, who I loved like a sister is taken, I go off the deep end again. It’s too easy, but violence is all I know. The angel tries to stop me. I have him where I want him, a blade to the heart and this is all over. But I still can’t kill him, I still can’t kill the angel. Death tells me I have to kill my brother. I almost do it. But killing Death releases me, and I’m me again. Sometimes I still wish I wasn’t.

I have this connection to this Darkness. It scares the hell out of me. I wish I understood it, I wish I could stop it. Am I pulled towards the Darkness because I, myself, am darkness? Is it because I am, because I’ve always been bad? I lose the angel to Lucifer himself, how did I not notice until it was too late? Why would he leave me like this? Will I ever get him back? My head is foggy around the Darkness, but not when it comes to him. I just wish I could get through to him. Lucifer taunts me, my heart rips in half. We get the angel back, but nothing good can last in this life, can it? God himself returns, I have to sacrifice myself to stop the Darkness. I’ll do it, because of course I will, if I have an opportunity to do some good, I’ll take it. The Darkness doesn’t kill me. She thanks me.

My mother is alive. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. I have to learn fast that she’s not what I thought. That’s hard. Me and my brother end up in prison for trying to kill Lucifer, and we find out this girl is going to have his kid. How will we kill someone innocent? I can’t think about that, I’m a killer, I’ll kill if i have to. The angel kills a reaper to save me, but what will happen to him? We start looking for this kid, but do we even want to find it? The angel nearly dies for me, he tells me, my family he loves us. I wish I could tell him the same, but the words won’t work right in my brain, so I do what I always do, I look away. The angel finds the girl, but the kid inside her gets to him, and he runs away from me. Why does everyone run from me? We find them just in time to find a rift to another world, and my brother has to drag me away from the angel, who is going to sacrifice himself to kill Lucifer. He comes back, but before I can say the words I’ve been holding onto for so long, he dies in front of me, only this time, it’s real. My mom is taken from me too, and I’m left by the angel’s side, staring up at the sky, wondering why, why me?

I bury the angel, my brother insists we can’t kill the kid, even though it’s his fault my mom is gone and the angel is... I beg God to bring him back, please, bring him back. You owe me this, please bring him back. He doesn’t listen. I’m alone. We burn the angel, and I try to learn to live with regret and grief and crippling pain all at once. I hate the kid, this is his fault. I kill myself again to save some souls, but also because I want to die this time. I can’t take it anymore. Death tells me I have work to do, but how much more work can there be? How much more can I take? It’s like the Universe reads my mind, because my angel comes back, and it’s like the last few weeks haven’t happened. I still can’t say the words, but maybe this time I’ll get there. Maybe this time. We go to the other world, we save some people, I find my mom. I let another Michael from the other world possess me to defeat Lucifer, but then I can’t expel him. Before he shuts me in my memories, I am desperately afraid.

My brother and the angel find me in my own head, the snap me out of it. I should have known this bar was too good for me, I knew I didn’t deserve it. I shut Michael in there, but I know I won’t last long. I think I’m too weak to hold him, so I build a box designed to hold me forever. I dream about it, claw the sides of the wall until my nails are bloody, but if it’s my eternity or Michael’s rule? I’ll take the ocean every time. The angel will always try to save me, I still can’t say the words. The kid, my kid, he destroys Michael, but something is wrong, and I don;t realize until it’s too late. My mother is dead, at the hands of the kid, and I have never been angrier. I hate the kid again, I hate the angel too, I hate myself more. I pull a gun on the kid, but I still can’t pull the trigger. Sometimes I wish I could put it to my own head. God comes back, turns out he was the villain all along. Typical. He kills our kid. I can’t let myself feel.

The angel tries to convince me that we’re real. How can I believe that? Is everything I am just a story? Have I ever chosen anything? Does the angel really care about me? Do I really care about him? Another one of our friends dies. I blame the angel, I push him away, because I can’t look at him if I think what I feel for him might not be real. I meet up with someone I loved. He’s a monster now, I have to kill him. He dies holding me. I wish I was dead sometimes too. My brother is sick, he gets kidnapped by God. I’m spinning in circles. Me and the angel end up in Purgatory again. He gets taken from me. I’m so alone, so scared, I break down in the one place I could get lost in forever searching for the angel, I don’t want to leave him, please, don’t make me leave him. I have to keep looking, get back to the real world to save my brother. How will I choose? Thank god, or, whatever, I find the angel. I’ll tell him this time, but he stops me. He must know. He doesn’t want me, no one wants me. Why would they? Chuck has taken everything from me. I have to kill him, no matter the cost. The cost is gonna be our kid, raised from the dead by Death. I guess the one thing we have going for us is we don’t stay dead for long. I’m ready to let my kid die for my freedom. My brother stands in the way, I pull a gun on him. He talks me down, he’s the only one that can. I decide to take it out on Death, my pain, my anger, my rage. I take the angel and we find her, she chases us. Another trap. I realize that I’ve trapped us both. Why am I so worthless?

The angel looks at me. He smiles. He tells me how worthy I am, that I’m good, that I changed him. How can I tell him how he changed me. He tells me he’ll die for loving me. Then he shouldn’t, I’m not worth his life. Don’t leave me, please, I can’t lose you, you don’t know what it does it me when you leave me. He tells me he loves me. I try to tell him a fraction of the things I feel for him, but it’s too late. He’s taken before my eyes, and this time I know there’s no getting him back.

I’m left on the floor, unable to move.

This time I know, I’ll never let myself love again, because my heart is so shattered that it’s powdered, there’s no repairing it now. I’ve always been broken, but this time I’m not just broken: I’m destroyed.

#so uh yeah idk what this is #dean #spn #my writing #supernatural #dean winchester #destiel #im so sorry????? idk where this came from #I have never loved anyone the way I love him

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oviids · 3 years

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pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.* - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul. slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes* - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

#if you told me i'd be doing this in 2020 three weeks ago i'd have laughed in your face :/#deancas #supernatural #fic recs #spn femslash #destiel #fic #the alie tag #spn posting

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geekthefreakout · 3 years

Text

In Which Castiel is Properly in Lebanon

Dean isn't sure what he's feeling at the moment. On the one hand, he's pissed- this pearl was supposed to get rid of Michael. Get rid of the pounding in his head, the danger in his bones. Let him rest. On the other hand- his dad is here again. In front of him, and with Mom and Sammy too. The tremble in John's voice when he'd asked "Mary?" after hearing her voice... Well, Dean has heard himself sound like that. In a dark street near a church, lit only by the neon lights of the cross on the church and Baby's headlights. Watching his parents come together, reuniting after so long... he can't deny that his heart feels full with the love between them. Sam feels the same way, he could tell, his big brown eyes damp and his mouth curling with a tremulous smile.

He hopes that John can find a way to fix Dean's head while he's here... and boy, won't that be a conversation to have. His stomach turns over as he watches John and Mary whisper presumably sweet words to each other. He can hear it now, John berating him for allowing Michael in in the first place. John talking about having to clean up Dean's messes-- and Dean supposes that was why the pearl had pulled John forward to this moment. Dad would yell and scold and send Dean away, he would take him to task and never let him forget what he'd done, but Dad would fix it. He'd fix it, and he'd be disappointed in Dean, but Michael would be gone and Mom and Dad would be together, and Sam would have both his parents for the first time in his life.

Of course, nothing is ever that simple.

The door to the bunker opens as Mary begins searching the kitchen for Winchester Surprise ingredients. John tears his eyes away from his wife at the sound, meeting Dean and Sam's eyes in turn as he reached for a gun.

Right. John wouldn't expect them to have anyone else in their lives. Sam and Dean had painted some broad strokes, with some input from Mary (the way John's eyes bulged when she described hunting had truly been something to see), but John had seemed more surprised at the idea of their extended hunter network than anything else. Their family, though Dean hadn't dared to call it that. Family was a holy word to John, something that meant Mom-Dean-Sam-Dad only.

"Dean? Sam? There have been temporal distortions radiating out from Lebanon, are you--" Cas stops halfway down the stairs, his eyes wide as he takes in John standing defensively between Sam and Dean. "Well. That explains some of it at least."

Dean is quick to get between Cas and his father. His heart is pounding in his throat suddenly. He can't bring himself to look either of them in the eye, and that doesn't make sense. It's not as though-- it's not as though he and Cas are together or anything. Or as though Cas knows how he feels. It's not like John will be able to just-- read his mind-- and know... but then, there were those nuns he had to burn, and he'd been convinced John didn't know then either and shit he's panicking he should say something he should--

"Who the hell is this?" John's voice is gruff, but not hostile, that's good. Dean forces himself to meet his father's eye.

"This is..."

"I am Castiel." Cas is suddenly much closer, having descended the stairs while Dean panicked. "You are John Winchester."

Dean doesn't even have to know that Cas is doing that thing where he tilts his head and squints and either looks like the cutest puppy or like he's going to cook you to death with his laser eyes, and he really cannot have a confrontation happen--

"Cas is our friend, Dad." Sammy, thank god for Sammy. "He's family."

Dean nods, and affirms: "He's family." He turns to Cas. "So, remember that pearl that was too good to be true?"

Cas sighs, and looks at Dean with fond exasperation.

"I remember telling you not to try it without me."

Dean shrugs half-heartedly. John clears his throat, his expression both stern and inquiring. That "report, soldier" look that had always prompted Dean to spill his guts without fail.

"We, uh, have more to explain." Dean slaps Cas on the shoulder. "Mom is cooking."

"Mary doesn't cook." Cas had not taken his eyes off of John, his stare intense. John was staring right back.

"This is the one thing she does. It's Winchester Surprise. You'll like it."

"You ain't human." John pronounces, and Dean winces, locking eyes with Sam. Sam clears his throat and approaches.

"He's an angel, dad. We told you."

"Didn't realize you were serious about keeping one around."

"I am not 'kept.'" Cas had his hackles up. Great.

"Alright, alright." Dean put his hands up. "Dad, we've got a lot more to tell you. But Cas is here because this is his home, same as it is ours. He's one of us." Dean forces his voice to firmness, goes for the same tone he used to use to defuse fights between Dad and Sammy. He gives Sam a look, and his brother sighs.

"Actually, Cas, can you help me translate this book? It has more information on the pearl and what's happening, and my eyes are gonna go cross if I read another word of Latin."

"I wouldn't allow that to happen." Cas says, but after one last intense look at Dean and John, he follows Sam. Dean lets his father follow him to the table and picks up where he left off.

"Right, so... Cas stuck around after we stopped the apocalypse. Things in heaven... well, it's messy, but the point is it's better for Cas to be on Earth with us. He's family, he... anyway, he's here. And I, uh, I told you how mom came back..."

"Because God's sister was feeling charitable." John's voice was flat, and Dean forces out a laugh.

"Well, when you put it like that... but that's what happened. You can't make that shit up."

"Well, I guess you can't." John allows, and his lips quirk up in a grin, which Dean returns. "So this pearl that brought me back... I'm not who you were expecting. I've heard about Sammy, and I've heard about your mother..." John shakes his head in disbelief. "What was the pearl actually supposed to be for, Dean? What's wrong with you?"

Dean winces, takes a breath.

"Okay, this is about to get even crazier." He watches John's eyebrows shoot up. "So, it turns out there are other universes. Like alternate timelines and stuff. And there can be... these rifts or tears that go to them. It takes a lot of power, but uh, one was opened by mistake. And the world it led to, it was one where we didn't exist, Sam and me. And the apocalypse happened. It was bad. Mom and our kid- our friend, Jack, they got stuck there for a while. And when we were saving them, we saved a whole bunch of hunters on that side too, let them in to our side." Dean paused to check that John was following. His father was working his jaw, which meant he was thinking, or angry. John nodded after a moment for Dean to keep going. "Anyway, the biggest bad over there was Michael the archangel. Their version. We thought we locked him out when we rescued everyone, but he and Lucifer broke through to our world. And Lucifer managed to really juice himself up, and then take Sammy and Jack. The only... Michael was hurt. He was too weak to take him on, and we just didn't have the firepower. So I thought... I asked him if he could do it, if he had his sword. His perfect vessel."

"You." John summed up. He was definitely glaring now. Dean looked down at his hands, picking at the loose skin at his thumb.

"Yeah. We had a deal, I thought. I was gonna be in control, and then he was gonna leave me. I thought maybe we could send him back to apocalypse world or something after. We-- me and Michael-- we killed Lucifer. But he didn't leave. He took me over and he did things... he's been organizing the monsters, setting up traps for hunters. Pumping them full of angel juice to make them less vulnerable to us-- we ran into a djinn that could full create things, man. Like, in real life. But Sam and Cas, they brought me back. I have Michael locked away, in here." Dean tapped his head. "And he's locked up tight, but I can't... I can't keep him locked away forever. He's pounding and pounding at my head, he won't let up, and so I can't let up. And I'm gonna break, Dad. I broke in hell and I'm gonna break this time, I know I am. I need help." Dean felt his voice crack and his eyes dampen, and he made himself look up at his father. "The pearl... I was supposed to be able to make a wish, and Michael would be gone. But you're here now. And I need you to help fix this, Dad. Please."

John's face is inscrutable. He doesn't reach out to touch Dean, to grasp his shoulder. Dean waits for him to speak like a man waiting for an axe to fall.

"It was a goddamn stupid thing to do, Dean. Let that thing inside you." John shakes his head. "Now your brother and mother are in danger as long as they're around you." Dean winces and John sighs. "So we're gonna have dinner-- I'm assuming you can make it through dinner-- and then you and me are gonna light out of here, and figure this out together. Let your mom and Sammy stay here, where Michael can't use them as leverage. Keep the angel away, we don't need any extra baggage. And we'll figure it out." John nods like he always did when he'd reached a decision. "I won't let you hurt them. Or anyone. I promise you, we will find a way to stop this Michael, Dean. And if not..."

Dean nodded shakily. "I have a plan. There's this box. To lock me away in, in case..."

John nods back at him, finally reaches out to pat his shoulder.

And Dean was relieved. John was gonna fix it. John would understand about the Malak box, if all else failed he would lock Dean away and let him sink to the bottom of the ocean, harmlessly alone. He wouldn't get distracted trying to save him, once it seemed impossible John would understand the sacrifice and...

"That box is not an option."

Dean's head shoots up. Cas is standing in the door, his hands fisted at his sides. Dean imagines that if he could see Cas' wings, they would be flared up at his sides.

"Cas--"

"I don't think that's any of your business." John said.

"It is my business. More so than it is yours." Cas was glaring fully at John right now. "Because you would have Dean away from his family."

"I am his family." John stood, angrily.

"You think you are. But a wise man said that family doesn't end in blood." Cas looks at Dean, piercing him with his gaze. "Nor does it start there."

"Cas." Dean's voice cracks. "Don't."

But John is already crossing the room, getting in Cas' face, fisting his hands in the trench coat, yelling about how Cas wasn't human and had no place in his family and Cas isn't budging an inch. He wouldn't. Dean could hear Sam running towards the room, could hear Mary shouting from the kitchen about what was wrong, but he couldn't breathe as he watched John deliver what would have been a devastating blow on to Cas' face, if Cas had been human.

But Castiel, as had been pointed out, is not human.

John shouts in pain and surprise instead as his hand breaks against Cas' cheek. Cas doesn't even turn his head like he did for Dean back in the beautiful room a full decade ago. John prepares another blow, but Cas effortlessly shoves him against the wall with one arm as Sam skids into view.

"This is what is going to happen." Cas says, his voice dripping with authority, and Dean distantly thinks that he would find that voice extremely interesting if he wasn't so busy trying to make himself breathe. "We are going to eat Mary's dish. You will enjoy the privilege of time with your wife and sons. And then we will crush that pearl and return you to 2003." Cas turns his head from John to face Dean. "I am sorry, Dean, but the temporal distortions will only grow. For now they are confined to Lebanon, but soon they will consume the world. Mary will disappear. People you've saved will die. You and Sam will lose your memories of this time and find yourselves on a different path, as you saw in town before. And I... Well, I don't know what will happen to me. But I do know I would rather die as I am, with you, than return to what I was before we met."

Dean swallows. "You sure?" He hears himself ask, as though from a long way away.

"Yeah, Dean. We've looked through everything." Sam affirms, then he puts a hand on Cas' arm. The two of them exchange a look, and Cas releases John. "I wish things could be different, Dad. But even if they were, you realize I couldn't just let you and Dean go off on your own? Neither would Mom."

"You're damn right about that." Mary was in the doorway now, observing. "You hit him, Cas?"

"He hit me. I chose not to allow it."

"Good for you." Mary says warmly. John looks at her in betrayal. "What? You're the one that lashed out." She takes John's broken hand in hers. "I know you're used to being the drill sargeant-- and I wish we had time to talk about that." Mary's voice is steely. "Because our sons should never have had to call you sir-- but this family stays together."

"I go, or you do?" John says at last, checking with Mary. Dean's chest is tight, and he barely registers Cas walking towards him. "You go back to being dead if I stay."

Mary's eyes are red and she nods, pressing close to John. John looks at Sam, who nods at him sadly. Then he turns his gaze back to Dean, and Dean nearly trembles, having the strength to stand still only because of Cas now standing at his side.

"Well," John rubs his broken hand. "That's no choice at all. Seems to me that all there is to do is... well." He wraps an arm around Mary. "I can't say I'm sorry for trying to think of ways to keep you safe. But if all we get is a little time, if all we get is dinner... let's have dinner. Winchester surprise. Let's just have this one night as a family."

Sam nods and gives a sad smile, and Mary hugs John before announcing that dinner would be served as soon as it finished cooling down. Cas puts a hand on Dean's shoulder, and Dean comes back to himself in a rush.

"I'll drink to that." He says.

As they all crowd into the kitchen, all conflict seemingly forgotten (never forgotten, pushed away, if you don't look at it it isn't there). John largely ignores Cas, but shares stories of Sam and Dean growing up that have nothing to do with hunting, things Dean had forgotten about, like the time Sammy learned how to escape his high chair and became almost impossible to hold down for meal time, or when Dean had put on a thanksgiving play using all of his and Sammy's toys when they'd had to miss the one at school. Mary talks about what they've gotten up to lately, how the music these days is nothing like it was. Cas mentions that Dean must agree, because the tape he gave him was all Zeppelin. Dean's heart freezes as his eyes meet his father's after that, but while there is a knowing look is John's eye, he shakes his head and moves on to the next tale-- this time about Dean refusing to let anyone else hold Sam when Sam was first born.

"'This is my baby,' he'd say. To everyone, even me. Even you." John looks at Mary, his eyes full of unfamiliar mirth. "Remember?"

"Mmhm. His Sammy. No one else's. You screamed the first time we tried to send you back to nursery school after Sammy came home from the hospital." Mary says to Dean. "Wanted him to come with you, or you weren't going."

Dean smiles.

At the end of the night, they still have to crush the pearl, send John back to 2003. It's one of the hardest things Dean has ever done. He hugs his father tight, pushing aside all the fear and the anger just to hold his dad again. Sam does too. They take a photo- John won't remember this as any more than a dream, but he wants his boys to have this time when they were a family. He even nods his thanks to Cas when he offers to take it. And then John is gone, and Mary is weeping quietly into Sam's shoulder. Sam gives Dean a look, and Dean knows they will be talking about the Malak box again. Cas sits up with Dean that night, and they say nothing at all.

"You know," Dean says eventually. "I think my dad liked you."

"Did he?" Cas sounds unimpressed. "I didn't like him."

"Cas."

"He would have found you entering the Malak box an acceptable sacrifice. Because of his own inadequacies as a father, you also find this acceptable. I cannot forgive that." Cas holds up his hand to forestall Dean's protest. "But I'm glad you got that dinner with him."

"Yeah. Me too."

END

#spn #sam writes stuff #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #sam drops an angst bomb #lebanon tag spn #spn fic

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nickelkeep · 5 years

Text

The Devil You Know

Pairing: Sam/Gabriel Rating: Gen Word Count: 4605 Warnings: AU - If you don’t like Sam as the King of Hell, this ain’t for you. On Ao3

“Sam!” Dean called into the library, “Can you come out to the War Room for a minute?”

Sam pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes before marking his page and closing the book he was reading. He stood up and stretched, careful to make sure his body popped and cracked in all the proper spots.

He made his way into the War Room to see Cas and Dean standing over a map marking various locations. “What’s going on? A case?”

Cas shook his head. “Not exactly. Remember when you stated that there would be no new King of Hell?” Sam nodded in confirmation. “Turns out the Demons are about to have their own Civil War.”

“The signs and the omens we’ve been researching, not an apocalypse. Think of them as battles over turf.” Dean added. “They’re organizing whether we like it or not.”

“So you’re saying I should have put my weight behind that Kipling guy?” Sam scoffed. “No. He was a million times worse than Crowley. And we barely liked Crowley.”

Cas and Dean looked at each other briefly before Dean gave Cas the go-ahead to speak. “There may be a better idea.”

“I’m not going to like this, am I?” He looked at Dean, who was shaking his head no. “Clearly, Dean doesn’t.”

��It may be the only choice we have, but depending on who takes over for Heaven, we may not have a better option.”

“What does that even mean, Cas?”

Dean spoke up. “What Cas is trying to get at is that there’s someone alive who has a strong claim to the throne, that Heaven may leave alone.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “You.”

“What?!” Sam’s head shot back forth between the angel and his brother. “You two are joking, right?”

“Sam. You are clean, you are pure. You would go to Heaven if you died tomorrow.” Cas paused. “But you are still technically marked by Azazel. You are his chosen. The demons would honor it. They have to.”

“Dean, listen to him, you can’t agree with him,” Sam pleaded.

“He’s got a point, Sam. And you don’t have to go to Hell. Technically, you can’t.” Dean ran his hand down his face. “Plus, we could clean up the mess that is down there. No more Demon Deals, only put the genuinely horrible people down there, no more sneaky shit. I would trust you if you were in charge.”

Cas held his hand up. “The catch is that Heaven would have to approve. While Hell is its own Domain, an angel – Lucifer, was sent down there oversee it. And when he was placed in the cage for trying to cause an uprising, a set chain of command was put in place.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Sam sat down at the head of the War Table. ”This is my life. I have the Hunter Network to run. I go on hunts with you guys. We’re raising Jack. Don’t you think that’s enough for me?”

“Sam, if we can implement good changes to Hell, you would be a leader only in title, just like the leader of Heaven.” Cas walked over and clasped Sam’s shoulder. “We wouldn’t be so adamant if we didn’t think you could handle it.”

“Plus, we’ll be right there with you Sammy. Like always.”

“It’s only if Heaven says Yes, anyway.” Sam ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s get started, Dean. Go work your magic, Cas.”

xxx

“Gabriel!” An angel - Inias, the Archangel believed his name was - shouted, and came running up to him. “You walk the earth!”

Shit. Gabriel stopped and put his hands in his jacket pockets. “I didn’t realize it was a myth.”

“This is amazing. Castiel said that you had died. And now, when we need you the most, you’ve returned. Oh, forgive my manners.” Inias bowed at the waist before standing up straight. “Won’t you come home? The other angels will be thrilled to see you.”

“Hah!” A cold, harsh laugh escaped the Archangel’s typically jovial lips. “Wait, you were serious?” Gabriel clasped Inias’ shoulder and pulled him closer. “There’s a reason I left Heaven over a millennia ago. And I sure as hell don’t want to come back now.” He gently set the lesser angel back upright, brushing some lint off the front of Inias’ suit jacket and patting his chest. “You can pass that on to whoever’s in charge up there.”

“No one.”

“Excuse me?” Gabriel cupped his hand behind his ear. “I don’t think I heard you clearly.”

Inias took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “There is no one in charge of Heaven. Right now? You’re the highest-ranked angel, besides Castiel, and he’s fallen.”

“If Cas is considered Fallen, then I hate to break it to you kid. I’m way, way, worse off than he is.”

“Please, Gabriel. You don’t even have to stay in Heaven. Just pop up every now and then. We need a leader to unify us. Especially with Hell trying to unify under a leader again.”

The Archangel smirked curiously. “Hell’s trying to unite? Under who? Lucifer’s gone. Crowley’s dead. All the Princes and Knights are gone. It’s just a bunch of pissants trying to covet an empty throne.”

“Just come up and talk to Naomi?” Inias pleaded. “You won’t be trapped, you know none of us could keep you there. We just need guidance and some to help us rebuild. And perhaps, if you’re up top, it’ll keep them from organizing down there.”

“Fine.” Gabriel sighed and put his hand back on Inias’ shoulder. “Hold on tight.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers, instantly transporting them. The hallways of Heaven were cold and clinical. With the number of the Host dwindled down to the extremely low double digits, it was a slim upgrade above abandoned. Gabriel looked around, taking in familiar sights before being led to the prison block.

“Why are we here?”

Inias frowned. “After the Shadow attacked, Naomi was deemed unfit to lead. We couldn’t expel her, as we need all the power we can get. She’s sitting in a cell.”

As they came to the front of her cell, Naomi stood up in shock at the sight of the Archangel standing before her. “Gabriel? We were told that you died. Killed by a different Michael.”

“Clearly, that’s not the case.” Gabriel spun in place and made his best jazz hands motion before returning to his serious expression. “Being in power didn’t suit you well, Naomi?”

“I was never meant to be in power. I didn’t want it. But because I had controlled Castiel at one time, the Host looked towards me to lead them.”

“Just because you’re a reconditioner, doesn’t mean you’re a leader.”

“I know that, Gabriel!” Naomi cried out. “I tried my best. I even tried to get Castiel back into Heaven. He’s the one who won’t stay because of his status as Fallen.”

“So, you have angels like Inias here, searching for any angels who didn’t come home after the Fall?”

“That wasn’t my doing.”

“It was my choice, as well as a couple of others, Gabriel. It was dual-purpose. Let them know that they could come home. I thought we could see if there were any angels capable of leading the Host.”

“Angels aren’t meant to lead the host. You would have been better making a Democracy.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m not even a leader. I’ve spent millennia running from responsibility.”

“We’re not asking you to make laws or rules Gabriel,” Naomi was practically pleading. “Those are already in place. If you want to make changes, by all means, go ahead. You know we need them. We just need a figurehead to guide us in God’s name. Please.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers and removed the bars from Naomi’s cell. “First change. Get out of the damn cell, and get back upstairs.”

“Does this mean you’ll do it?” Inias questioned.

“Not yet. Get all the angels in the throne room, but don’t tell them I’m here. If I’m doing this, I want to make sure they’re all on board.”

Naomi and Inias bowed before exiting the prison wing. Gabriel looked into Naomi’s former cell. What have I gotten myself into?

xxx

Cas arrived to find all the angels congregating in the throne room. He slipped into the room as well and moved to stand next to Inias. “What is going on?”

Inias turned to Cas and smiled. “Hopefully good news. Everyone is here except for the few angels who refuse to return.”

“That’s actually good. I wanted to bring a suggestion on who could take over as the King of Hell.” Cas was going to continue, but the doors to the throne room opened again, allowing entrance for… “Gabriel!?”

“Hello, Castiel!” Gabriel turned to the rest of the angels in the room. “Hello, everyone!”

“No, this is impossible. Sam and Dean watched you die.” Cas stepped forward, moving closer to his brother. “We mourned you. Sam was devastated.”

Gabriel’s previous joy flatlined. “If a Seraph can do it, why can’t an Archangel? You’re not the only one who got out of the Empty.”

“And you couldn’t go to Sam?”

“That’s enough, Castiel. We’ll talk after I talk to the Host.”

Cas knew a dismissal when he heard one and snapped his mouth shut. It didn’t stop him from noticing the pain in his brother’s eyes, however.

Gabriel all but waltzed to the throne and stood in front of it. “Many of you know that the last thing I want is to sit in this chair. I’ve done everything I can to shirk the responsibility that came with being, well… Me.” He spared a glance at Cas before looking back to the rest of the angels. “But, I know that right now, until good old Dad reappears, you need a rallying point.”

The angels in the throne room started talking excitedly in hushed whispers to one another. Cas looked at Inias who smiled and nodded.

“I will be the Commander of Heaven, with some conditions,” Gabriel announced to polite applause from the rest of the Host. Cas stood in place, slackjawed in disbelief. Gabriel signaled to the room to cease their clapping. “As you all know, I can’t stay in one place. If you really want me to lead, you need to understand that I’m only going to be popping up here like once a week, or if an emergency occurs. I’ll have a team to handle the day-to-day.”

It took no convincing for the angels to accept Gabriel’s terms as the Leader of Heaven, although Cas was against it. If Gabriel became the Leader, he wouldn’t allow Sam to become the King of Hell. He’d deem it too risky. Cas turned to leave when his brother called out to him.

“Cas, leaving so soon? I know you wanted to talk.” Gabriel walked up next to him and stood close. “There’s a lot for me to catch up on.”

“What is there for me to say? The rest of the Host can catch you up on current events.” Cas tried to walk away as Gabriel stepped in his path.

“I think you came up here for a reason. According to the others, you don’t come up here often.”

Cas shook his head. “I already know that the request I had of Heaven will be turned down, especially now that you’re in charge. And I honestly don’t think you want anything to do with me or the Winchesters. Otherwise, you would have found us.”

Gabriel looked around before grabbing Cas’ arm and pulling him out of the Throne Room. “You think I want this? You think this where I thought I would be after running away?”

“I don’t know what to think, Gabriel. Sam and Dean watched Michael kill you. I thought you dead. We mourned you. Instead, I find out you’re back, by finding you in Heaven. The last place you said you ever wanted to be. You said that to me. Over in the other universe.”

He let go of Cas’ arm and slouched back against the wall. “I’ve only been out of the Empty for less than a month. I was trying to find my back way to Sa- all of you. Inias found me.” Gabriel picked at a string on the cuff of his jacket. “I figured, if I didn’t have to stay in Heaven as the leader, I could use the resources to find you, and it would speed up my search.” He looked back up to Cas, honesty shining in his eyes. “When Inias said you were Fallen, and Naomi confirmed it, I figured it would be even harder to find you, so I would need those resources to find you.”

“The rest of the Host lets me come and go as I please. They still welcome my Grace as an extra battery.”

Gabriel shrugged. “I really was trying to find you three. That bunker is extremely angel proof, huh?”

“Yes. Jack and I are the only ones who can get in and out freely.”

“It’s warded against me?” Gabriel sounded hurt, much to Cas’ surprise.

“Against all Archangels. We had an incident with the other Michael. And Lucifer.” Cas hung his head, hoping to change the subject. “We thought you were dead. There would be no reason to have an exception made into the sigil with you dead.”

“Fair.”

“There are other ways of contacting us,” Cas responded dejectedly.

“Right, cause Angel Radio wouldn’t pick up on me broadcasting.” Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest. “So what were you going to ask of the host?”

Cas shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. There’s now a Leader of Heaven, and you won’t approve.”

“You wound me, brother.” Gabriel grabbed at his chest, feigning an injury. “At least ask. The worst I say is no.”

“And then stab me with an angel blade,” Cas muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I said there’s a situation involving Hell.”

“Yeah, I heard about that. One of the reasons Inias wanted me back up here.” Gabriel pushed himself off the wall and stood up straight. “What can you tell me, I’m sure you and the Winchesters were looking into it.”

“They don’t have a leader. So they’re fighting over boundaries, territories; the smallest things are setting off small battles.”

“Ok, I’m assuming there was an idea, and you wanted to run it by the Host.”

“There is somebody viable for the Throne. Someone that can be trusted.”

Gabriel laughed. “Angels rarely trust Demons, Cas. What Demon-”

“Sam.”

Cas watched as his brother went deathly still. All emotion left his face, and Cas couldn’t feel anything emanating from the Archangel.

“Leave, Castiel.”

No other words were necessary. Cas left, the proverbial tail tucked between his legs.

xxx

Dean watched as his brother collapsed into a chair. Cas had come back not only with news that the angels had found someone to lead them, that the leader had told him no to their plan, and that the leader was none other than the Archprick known as Gabriel.

Sam was ricocheting through the stages of grief in front of him and Cas, and they couldn’t stop it. Dean leaned into Cas to whisper in his ear. “Stay with him? I’m going to take care of a few things.” Cas pulled back and cocked his head to the side in confusion. “I’m serious. If I need you, I’ll pray and say ‘Poughkeepsie.’ If I say that, get Sam somewhere safe and come to me. I won’t be far. I’ll tell you where I’m at in the prayer.”

“I don’t like this, Dean.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t like this,” he discreetly pointed to Sam, “either.”

He clasped Cas’ shoulder and headed to the armory where they stashed all their weapons. As he looked through their melee weapons, Dean came across the blade he was looking for, and slid it up the sleeve of his flannel, as Cas had shown him how to do.

After cutting through the garage, and closing the bay doors behind him, Dean started to pray aloud. “Gabriel, I hear you’re alive you son of a bitch. I will never doubt Cas, but I need to see you with my own two eyes. If you’re alive and real, show yourself.”

“I’m not sure if you’re trying to antagonize me, or if you’re actually trying to help me.” Dean looked to his right to find that Gabriel had come as called. “You know I couldn’t find this place? Did Cas tell you that? ‘Cause I know I told him that.”

Dean slowly nodded. “He mentioned it. Doesn’t make it any less true that there are other ways to find us.”

“Yes, because I have your phone numbers memorized.”

“There are other people who would have helped you find us, asshole.” Dean let the blade drop out of his sleeve and he pointed it at Gabriel. “What’s the whole point of making yourself known? Are you trying to hurt Sam again? Cas? Hell, I was even upset over your death, and I barely tolerate you on most days.”

Gabriel frowned, his eyes following the blade in Dean’s hand. “An Archangel Blade? Are you threatening me?”

“I’m protecting my family. The one you’re hurting at the moment.”

“Can I see Sam?”

“For what reason? To deepen his wounds? To tell him how much you don’t trust him?” Dean scoffed. “Shit, Cas told us that all he said was Sam’s name, and you shot down the plan before you even heard it.” Dean closed his eyes and prayed silently to Cas that he was outside the Garage and to keep his ears on. “Do you even care what’s going on? I mean, old habits die hard. Trust me, I know.”

“You’re testing my patience, Dean.” Gabriel took a few steps forward. “Did I not prove to you that I was ready to fight to protect you, and Castiel and most of all Sam?”

“Oh, you did. I’m not denying you died for us.”

“And now you want to throw Sam to the wolves and have him rule over Hell? Yes, let me waste throwing my life away to have him do that.”

Dean prayed to Cas while Gabriel was yelling at him. “Cas, I know you’re listening. Ask Sam if he wants to see Gabe.”

“I will not have him down there. I will not have him become a Demon. Not when he’s done so much. Not when he can finally go to Heaven when all is said and done.”

“You really should have let Cas explain the idea, Gabe.” Dean ran his hand down his face as Cas opened the door to the Garage. “Stay here.”

Dean quickly crossed to Cas. “What does Sam want?”

“He didn’t even hesitate. He said yes before I finished the question.” Cas looked over at Gabriel, who was watching the two of them talk. “I changed all but the last sigil on the way here. Do I change this last one?”

“Yeah, Angel. Go ahead.” Dean kissed Cas on the temple before walking back over to the Archangel.

He flipped the blade in his hand and offered the hilt to Gabriel. “I’m pretty sure you know this is yours.”

“Yeah.”

“Sammy wants to see you. But so help me, Gabe, if you hurt him again-”

“You don’t have to threaten me. If I hurt him again, it’s on me. One-hundred percent.” Gabriel took his blade and walked towards the open doors.

xxx

Sam had told Cas that he wanted to see Gabriel, but now he doubted that decision. Dean had gone outside to pray and call him to the bunker, and he was there, now. Sam sat at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee keeping his hands busy while he waited for Gabe to join him.

“Hiya Sam.” Gabe leaned in the doorway of the kitchen, a sad smile playing across his mouth. “A little crow told me you were willing to see me.”

“Yeah, uh.” Sam swallowed hard. “Hi, Gabriel.”

“Can I join you?”

Sam nodded and watched as the Archangel sat across from him.

“So.”

“So.” Sam nodded in agreement, his eyes suddenly focusing on his coffee instead of the whiskey gold eyes across the table from him.

After a few moments of silence, Gabriel tried to start the conversation again. “I’ve heard a bit about your accomplishments. Starting up a network of hunters, keeping track of them, keeping dibs on the weird stories of the day and forwarding them to right people.”

“Yeah. I, uh, realized that Dean and I, we’re getting older. We’re slowing down. We need to pass our knowledge and skills on to a newer generation of Hunters. We can do this and still be helpful. Dean and Cas can train them, I can teach them. Rowena’s even helping out.” Sam offered a little smile while trying to remain modest.

“That’s great, Sam. So why do you want to throw it all away to be the King of Hell?”

Sam frowned. There it was. “I don’t have to throw it away. I can handle both.”

“You think you can Sam. It’s not a walk in the park.”

“And you think any part of my life has been?” Sam sat up straight, his body and mind going into defense mode.

Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose. “No. That’s not what I meant.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I just found you, and you’re already going to run off and put yourself in a position that could get you killed.”

“I’m a hunter. I have died plenty of times Gabe.”

“That’s beside the point. I won’t have it on my watch.”

“What do you even want, Gabriel? You’re somehow back from the dead, and you’re the Leader of Heaven which, by the way, is something you said you never wanted.” Sam paused and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew that he was going somewhere with this line of conversation, but Gabe was right there, sitting across from him. Sam could reach across the table and take his hand and run his thumb across his knuckles. Instead, Sam shook his head and tried to focus. “If it weren’t for Cas saying that it is definitely you, I’d have every reason to doubt you.”

Sam watched as hurt flashed through Gabriel’s eyes. The archangel looked down at his hands before responding. “I needed to find you. You’re hidden from me. Dean and Cas are hidden from me. This place is hidden from me.” Gabriel looked up, his eyes boring into Sam’s. “I took this as an opportunity. I thought I had found a way to find you. I wanted to find you, to make sure that you were ok. To make sure that you were alive.”

“Is it safe to say you’re being selfish? How does this help keep Heaven operational? How are you helping the angels? Or are you just helping yourself?”

Gabriel hung his head again.

“I know what you’re getting at. I really do. But you can’t tell me no, Gabe. Do you even know why I’m doing this?”

“Because Cas and Dean put you up to it?” Gabriel spat, not bothering to look up from the table.

“It was their idea, but I’ve come to embrace it. The casualties from the demon battles will stop. I can stop Demon Deals. I can reform Hell. Make it the place that only the truly bad go, and make it a place where souls can be reformed.” Sam hesitantly reached across the table and took Gabriel’s hand. “Even marked as Azazel’s Chosen, I’ve worked to be pure, to be worthy. You showed me that I am.”

“Then you have to understand why I don’t want you doing this.” Gabriel looked up, a sad smile on his lips. “Did I agree to Lead Heaven for selfish reasons? Yeah. But I will lead because I made that promise. And am I disagreeing with the idea of you leading Hell for selfish reasons? Abso-fucking-lutely. I am selfish, Sam.” He closed his other hand around Sam’s, embracing it tenderly. “I just found you again, and I find that I’m going to lose you? Not happening.”

“We did the research, Gabe. I can do this.”

“It’s not a matter of me doubting you.” Gabriel exhaled quietly. “I don’t want to be away from you again.”

Sam sat in silence, looking at his hand in Gabriel’s. The tension built a wall around them, instead of dividing them, separating them from the rest of the bunker. Hunters came in and out of the kitchen, ignoring them, rushing around them. Stifled by their quiet, Sam raised his eyes up and searched Gabriel’s eyes. “What do you want, Gabriel? All you’ve told me is what you don’t want.”

“I found you. I wanted that.”

“Doesn’t count, Gabriel. You know what I mean.”

“Does it matter what I want? It sounds like you’re going through with your King of Hell plans either way.” Gabriel started to slide his hands back when Sam’s other hand came to rest on top and hold them securely in place.

“I want to know. Please.”

“For us not to fight. For us to be on the same page. For us to be like we were.” Gabriel’s typically energetic voice fell to a broken whisper. “I want us.”

Sam’s face softened in realization. “And you think that if you lead Heaven and I lead Hell, that we can’t have that? Heaven and Hell are constantly at war, so the leaders have to hate each other?” Gabriel nodded. “Gabe, that’s bullshit and you know it. We would be in charge. We make the rules.”

“And here I thought you would be above all those cliches.”

“You’re talking to the guy who wants to reform Hell.” Sam stood up and pulled Gabriel to his feet before wrapping his arms around the archangel. “Come here.”

Gabriel melted into Sam’s embrace. “Why do you make it sound so easy?”

“Because after all the shit we’ve been through, I think we deserve easy for once, don’t you?”

“Well, I mean, it wouldn’t be hiding in Monte Carlo with endless strippers and parties and booze easy.”

“Gabe.”

“Do you want me there?” Gabriel reached up and softly Sam’s face, eliciting a smile from the hunter.

Sam pulled back and looked down quizzically. “Want you where?”

“With you, when you tell the faction Leaders that you’re taking over as the King of Hell. If you have the new Commander of Heaven with you, I’m sure it will throw the extra weight behind your claim.”

“Did you change your mind?

“We deserve easy. So we make this as easy as possible, right? That means that I don’t fight you on this, and we work together. Besides, I promised I would always keep you safe, right? Can’t do that if I’m not on board or fighting against you.”

“Just like that?” Sam raised his eyebrow in disbelief. “Why the one-eighty?”

“I thought I was going to have to graciously bow out of your life, Sam. I was ready to have to protect you from a distance. I was ready to be the mopey pining teenager, which, may I remind you, is not a good look for me.” Gabe flashed his most brilliant smile yet, causing Sam’s heart to stop. “But if we’re by each other’s side? We can do anything.”

Sam cupped Gabriel’s face and leaned down, fiercely kissing the Archangel, and sealed his first - and only - deal as the new King of Hell.

#spncreatorsdaily #sabriel #sam winchester #gabriel #sam x gabriel #king of hell sam #leader of heaven gabe #nickel writes

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themoonandotherslikeit · 4 years

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What the Rain Can’t Wash Away- Chapter 17

*FINAL PIECE IN THE LOOK IN HER EYES TRILOGY*

Sixteen years after Lucifer rose and Dean lost his wife, he finds himself with a teenager, a Nephilim, an angel, and his brother living out a Full House rerun with some seriously dark undertones. How will he be able to raise his daughter, fight monsters, and deal with the loss of the love of his life? Sometimes moving on is the hardest part, but with the Winchester’s there’s always something harder around the corner. Isn’t there?

Chapter Seventeen, Goodbye Isn’t Always the End

Dean

“El,” I exhaled her name and took her hand in mine. We had her chained down, so Michael couldn’t hurt her or us. She was pale and sweating, trembling. She looked like how Sam looked during the trails. She was fighting hard to keep Michael at bay. I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb. We had an IV in her arm to keep her hydrated. Ava was asleep curled up in the chair on the other side of the bed, I draped a blanket over her, wishing she would go and sleep in a real bed. She needed rest. We all did.

“Dad?” Eleanor croaked out, her tired eyes opening to look at me. She’d been passed out for the last two days, and I couldn’t believe that I was hearing her voice.

I scooted closer to her. “Yeah, Sweetheart, I’m here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey now, don’t do that.” I pushed a damp hair out of her face, my chest aching. “It’s not that bad, okay? We have a plan. I’m gonna take care of you. I always take care of you.”

“He wants me,” she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“He can’t have you.”

“I’m scared, Dad. I don’t think I can fight him off much longer. I’m not strong enough.”

I wanted to hit something, to scream, to fucking take back every stupid mistake I’d ever made. More than anything I wanted to turn back time so I could make the right choice and lock Michael up in that coffin for good.

But that wasn’t an option. So instead I cradled the back of her head to sit her up, and I slid into the bed behind her. She settled between my legs, with her head on my chest. “I’ll be strong enough for you,” I promised her, kissing her hair. I wrapped my arms around her protectively like I had been doing her whole life.

“I wanted to save you.”

“Honey, you did save me. You’ve been saving me your entire life. I don’t think I would’ve made it when Mom died if it wasn’t for you.” I stroked her hair, my eyes burning. I couldn’t lose her. I fucking couldn’t. I rocked her gently, stroking her hair. “Dad’s got ya, kid. I’m here. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

Even though I wasn’t much of a singer, I found myself humming Simple Man low against her hair. It gave me something to do other than thinking about my daughter wasting away. Rowena was trying to find a spell, but she looked when Michael was wearing my meat suit, and she didn’t find anything. Sam was pouring through the lore, calling contacts, trying everything. We felt so fucking useless.

The chains around her wrists were inscribed with an Enochian spell to keep Michael weak, but even if they were working, he was still killing her. I wanted to take him back into me and go to sleep in that box, but even if they’d let me, doesn’t seem like Michael wanted to come out to play. At least not with me.

Ava sat up with a start, breathing heavy, and looking around. “Dean?”

I placed a finger to my lips and glanced down at Eleanor.

She let out a sigh and stood up slowly, her body stiff. “Any changes?”

I shook my head sadly. “She’s about the same.”

Ava stroked her hair and bit her bottom lip. “Why is this happening to her? She’s a good kid... I just... there has to be something we can do.”

I knew the feeling. That helpless, sickening feeling. I’d felt it a thousand times over. It was the same way that I felt when I dug that hole at the crossroad so long ago. I’d give anything for my family, but sometimes we just have nothing left to give. “I remember when she was a baby, and she had this ear ache. She had a fever. She cried and cried. I didn’t think I’d ever get her to stop. She was so upset and hot. I was terrified...” I swallowed hard at the memory.

“What’d you do?”

“Took her to the ER. Some ear drops and a bottle was all it took, but I felt like the worst Dad. I just kept thinking, Ave would know what to do if she was here.”

She smiled at that, shaking her head. “I didn’t know any more about kids than you did, Dean.”

“Maybe I just didn’t want to face it alone.”

“We always did feel stronger together,” she admitted. “Dean... do you think she’s going to pull through? Think we will find a Hail Mary?”

I ran my tongue along my bottom lip. “We always find one,” I said quietly. We needed hope, and she didn’t need to hear that we’d already exhausted all of our options when Michael was inside of me. She didn’t need to hear that there wasn’t any hope left.

Cas poked his head into the room. “I’d like to try to take a look?”

I nodded and waved him in. He walked to the side of the bed opposite of Ava and pressed two fingers to her forehead.

Ella

My back was pressed against the door. It rattled angrily as Michael screamed and shook it, pounding his fists against the wood. It was already splintering, I could feel it. I felt like everything was falling apart. My arms ached, and I knew that I couldn’t stay like this much longer.

My eyes flickered up from my feet to focus on a presence that I felt enter my mind. “ Cas,” I breathed. I wanted to be relieved, but I knew better. I recognized that wrinkle on his forehead.

“Eleanor.”

“It’s bad, isn’t it?”

He nodded, the smallest movement of his head told me a detailed story, and I let out a sigh.

“That’s what I was afraid of,” I admitted, licking my bottom lip. It was dry. It was all so dry. “I’m dying.”

“He is trying to break out,” Castiel explained, walking to me. He examined the door behind me. “He appears to be getting close.”

He pressed his palms against the door over my head, closing his eyes. I could feel a heat against my back from his grace pulsing through the door. “Damn it,” he whispered. “I’ve stabilized it, but it’s temporary. It won’t last long.”

His hands fell to his sides, and I took his hand in mine. “It's okay, Cas . Just... don’t let Michael out. I don’t care what you have to do. Put me to sleep and bury me in concrete. We can’t let him out into the world.”

He shook his head. “I can’t do that, Eleanor. You know that.”

“You have to.”

“You’re my daughter. You’re his daughter.” He cupped my cheek with his strong fingers and a tear escaped my eye. Damn it, betrayed by my own eyeballs!

“I couldn’t have asked for a better childhood, a better family. You all have to know that. Make sure that Sam knows that you’re my Dad’s. All three of you. Don’t let Mom think that she failed me, either. This time I’ve got to spend with her is amazing…”

“Stop,” Castiel warned. “You’re not going to give up. That isn’t what Winchester’s do. They fight stubbornly longer than possible. You don’t get to quit on us, Eleanor. You will tell them yourself.”

I could feel my lip tremble. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I was just so tired. He was so much stronger than me, and I could feel my own life source fading away. I always knew that love would destroy us. My family was built on it, brick by brick. We were glued together by our love for each other. “He’s going to hurt you, all of you. I can’t… I love you all so much; please don’t let him kill you in my skin.”

Sometimes I wondered what other families fought about. I was jealous of the simplicity of all of my classmates. I’d hear them at their lockers talking about how mean their mothers were for not letting them wear a skirt or go out with a boy, and I’d just laugh. They had no idea what it was like to watch your family walk out of the door and not know if they’d come home in one piece, or at all. Every day I watched pieces of my family being chipped away. They’d die, or come back different, a little harder to get close to. I could see the cracks in my father like a mosaic. He was still my dad, but he wasn’t the same as he was when I was younger.

I was terrified to know what his life looked like without me, but at least he had Mom. They had each other, and that had to be good enough.

“I won’t let him kill anyone, and that includes you.”

Growing up I thought Castiel was so magnificent. When he still had his wings we would go flying together. He’d pick me up from daycare and we would zip through time and space together. It was magical. He felt a little bit like a fairy tale character, forever in his trench coat, never really aging. He’d bring me back fantastical gifts from his travels, exotic candy and other presents. It felt like being raised by Santa Clause. He was fierce, and I knew that before he lived wit us he was a soldier, a damn good one I gathered, but now he was just one of my Dads. He raised both me and Jack. He was strong when Dad left to face Amara, rocking me and promising that it would all be okay. That my dad was a hero, but I don’t think that he and Sam ever truly realized, that all of my dads were heroes.

I smiled up at him weakly. “I don’t think we have much control over what he does, Cas. Maybe our luck has just run out.”

He looked down at me like I was breaking his heart, probably because I was. Isn’t that the point? You have a child, love them with everything, and then they break your heart. It’s our job.

“Cas ? Can I talk to Jack? Can you bring him in here and show him how to do it? I’m too weak to use my energy outside. I’m too tired.”

“Are you going to tell him goodbye?”

“He won’t understand,” I said softly. “If I don’t talk to him he won’t understand. I owe him that much. He’s still just a kid.”

“You’re just a kid,” he said desperately, but by the look in his eyes I knew that he agreed with me. He would do whatever I asked. He was a honorable man.

“I love you, Cas .”

He pulled me into a hug, burying his face into my hair. “I love you, too, Eleanor. I never expected that I would have a daughter, but you are so much better than anything I deserve.”

Ava

Castiel opened his eyes; he was under, inside of El’s mind for several minutes. His blue eyes flickered open and met mine, causing me to suck in my breath. “What’d you find out?”

“I was able to put a small block to help secure the hold she has on him, but I’m afraid it will not hold for long. We are racing against the clock. He is very powerful, and she is downtrodden as well as weak.”

“Downtrodden?” Dean asked, weakly.

“She asked me to bring Jack here.”

“Jack?” I asked, my eyebrows coming together. I had a sick gut feeling. “Why?”

“I think she’s trying to say goodbye.”

My eyes met Dean’s, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“Did you tell her that ain’t happening?” Dean asked angrily. “We don’t give up in this family.”

“I did,” Castiel said, a deep sadness in his voice. His shoulders were slumped and his eyebrows knit together. He looked defeated, and it wasn’t sitting well with me. “It didn’t seem to make a difference. She is very tired.”

“Listen here, little girl,” Dean whispered into her ear. I could only hear because I was standing close, tuned in on his every movement since I’d been back. “I’m not letting anything happen to you. Do you hear me? You’re not giving up. This ain’t some farewell tour.” His voice broke then, his green eyes turning a little bluer as tears spilled over the edge. Eleanor was limp in his arms, her head lulling, and I knew somewhere deep inside of me that it was all ending. The book was closing on this chapter, and no matter how much we didn’t want it to, it was completely out of our control.

“Get the kid,” I whispered, pained. If it was what El wanted, then she should have it. She could have whatever the hell she wanted.

I turned and left the room, suddenly itching for a cigarette even though I never smoked in my life. I ran up the stairs and pushed out into the cool night. I collapsed onto my knees and looked to the sky. I knew that praying was futile. I’d tried, and no one was listening. So I just sat there on my knees waiting for something to happen, something to change, anything.

“Ava?”

I looked up at Sam who stood over me, towering like the giant that he was. My heart ached for him. “Sam,” I exhaled his name in a breath of fog into the cold air.

“What’re you doing out here?”

“It’s El, she… she’s going to die.”

“What?” He crouched in front of me. “We aren’t there yet, right? Shit I was gone twenty minutes…”

“She’s saying goodbye to us, Sam. Cas said she’s weak. She doesn’t want to fight anymore.”

Eleanor Mary Winchester, the little girl with many names, and a family that was large from the beginning. She carried the weight of both of her dead grandmothers, her father, and then me. But she was raised by three strong men who fought tooth and nail for a safer world.

“We always think we can’t fight anymore, but then we just keep fighting. It’s in her blood… she’ll, she’ll pull out of this. She has to.”

“I don’t think she will, Sam. Call it a mother’s intuition. I think this is the end.” She was Sam’s daughter longer than she was mine. She belonged to him from the beginning. “I’m not sure if I ever thanked you, Sam.”

“For what?”

“For being there the day she was born. I don’t think… I don’t think I could’ve done it without you, without your support. That’s the thing about us Winchester’s. We are stubborn as hell, and we don’t give up in a fight, but that’s because when one of us is too tired to go on we hold the other up. We fight in their place or alongside them.” My voice trembled as my tears fell into the snow, melting little dots into it. “I just wish I knew how to fight with her on this one.”

He slowly lowered himself to sit next to me in the snow, wrapping a protective arm around me. “You don’t have to thank me.”

“Of course I do,” I whispered, resting my head against his shoulder. I didn’t bother stopping the tears. I wasn’t in control, not over anything anymore. “You saved me, and I gather after I died you saved him, too.”

“Like you said, we all save each other. It’s what we do.”

I wrapped an arm around him, plastering the two of us together; the steady beat of his heart in his chest was keeping me from breaking in two. “What will we do if she dies, Sam?”

“We’ll do what we always do,” He said. Heartbreak was evident in his voice from the strain and gritted teeth.

I’m sure he meant it to be comforting, but as I sat outside in the cold, frosty air, seeking something more, I felt anything but comforted. I felt cheated, broken, and more than anything I felt completely void of hope.

Ella

“Jackie ,” I said, standing up from my seated position in front of the door. The rattling had decreased since Castiel put the block up, and I was grateful for the silence, even if I knew it was short lived. “Hi.”

“Ellie,” Jack frowned, walking to me. “What’s going on? Is it Michael?”

“Come sit with me.” I took his hand and led him to a couch that seemed to magically appear when my mind willed it to. I sat crisscrossed on the couch, and he sat next to me, his hands resting on his knees.

“Why did you want to talk to me?”

“You’re my little brother,” I began, trying to be as gentle as possible. “And so I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“Hear…what?”

I took his hand in mine. “Look at me, Jackie.”

He did.

“I love you, you know that, right? I am so glad that I got to be your sister.” I brushed a piece of hair from his face and offered him a brave smile.

“I love you, too, Ellie.” He frowned and sniffled.

“Hey, don’t be sad, okay?” I poked his cheek, invoking a smile. He had such a sweet smile. “I don’t think I’m going to make it out of this, but I’ll always be right here.” I poked his chest, above his heart. “As long as you remember me, I’ll always be with you.”

He took my hand, holding it against his heart. “But you’re with me now .”

“I don’t want to scare you, Jack, but I need your help. I don’t think anyone else can do what I need. You’re my baby brother,” I said through the tears that were welling in my eyes. “ I can’t do this without you. ”

The knocking came again, the rattling doorknob, the scratching, and banging at the door. He was awake, and we were running out of time.

“Of course,” Jack said softly, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I’ll do whatever you ask me to, Ellie.”

Dean

Later

Jack didn’t tell us what they talked about, and she didn’t ask for Cas to juju anyone else into her mind. I hated being jealous of the kid, but fuck I was. Of course I was. We were all gathered in the kitchen talking, trying to figure out what to do, if there was even anything else to do. She’d been sleeping consistently, but her condition was still declining. She was now in an oxygen mask along with the IV. Sam was worried we’d have to entubate her, but Ava and I weren’t ready for that. Not that we’d ever be ready.

“There’s gotta be something.”

“Dean,” Rowena sighed, her eyes red from crying in private. “I’ve called in the best in magic, and there just isn’t anything available to help the wee one.”

“Then they aren’t the best!” I shouted, not meaning to raise my voice.

“We all love her, Dean,” Jody reminded me, as she tightened a protective arm around Claire.

“I know.” I turned, slamming my fists on the counter before slowly sliding into it, pressing my face into my hands. “ Fuck, I’m sorry. I just… I can’t lose her… I…”

My head perked up as the beeping coming from the machines connected to El in the other room turned into one steady, long, drawn out beep. Before I could process what was happening, I was already running, Ava on my heels. I almost slid into the door of the room, but the door was left open. I stepped in only to find her bed empty, the tubes and wires hanging lifelessly from their machines. “What the…”

“Dean!” Sam called from the other room.

I exchanged a quick look with Ava before running back into the kitchen. Eleanor sat on the counter with her legs crossed at the knee. She wore my Led Zepplin t-shirt and her Harry Potter leggings. She still looked like hell, her eyes with big bags underneath them, sweat still glistening on her forehead. Her head was piled on top of her head, held up only with a hair tie. A trickle of red blood ran down her arm where her IV was ripped out of her skin.

She looked like the same girl who was lying in that bed moments before, but she wasn’t. I could tell by the look in her eyes, the dead, almost a mused expression. “Dean,” she hissed. “Do you know how much your daughter loves you?” She turned her hand over to examine her nail beds. “Far more than she loves herself.”

“Michael,” I said, my mouth dry. “What did you do to her?

The laugh that trailed out of her lips didn’t belong to my daughter.

“Ella!” Claire called.

“Jody get her out of here!” I insisted, holding up my hand to stop her. “It’s just me and you Michael.”

Michael smirked, letting both of her legs down, her bare feet touching the floor as she stepped toward me. Tables were still between us, and I could feel Ava’s energy twitching behind me. She wanted to run to El, but we couldn’t. We were at a standstill. “That’s what I wanted, too, Dean. You wouldn’t have that. It couldn’t just be us . You had to lock me behind that door. Your daughter is powerful, but she’s still so young.” Her hand ran along her cheek, and down her neck. “So easy to manipulate.”

“Get out of her. Come back in, yes . I’m saying yes! You know you want the premium suit. I’m your sword .”

“You were,” Michael said flatly. “That ship has sailed. Sorry for your luck, but I’ve tapped into a dark place within sweet Eleanor here. Did you know that she was guzzling demon blood since she was a baby? Its grotesque, honestly, but it gives her mind great abilities. If you would’ve cultivated that when she was young… I would have had a true match, but alas. I do not.”

Michael tilted his head, the bun shifting on top of Nel’s head. “ Jack .” The k was crisp, almost a flick of his tongue. “My brother’s bastard offspring. Perhaps I’ll save you for last.”

I saw Sam creeping up behind Michael, trying to use his focus on Jack to our advantage, but it fell short.

“Tsk, tsk Sam.” One finger was all it took to send Sam flying across the room, his back hitting the wall.

“Cut it out! What do you want?”

“Let her go!” Ava screamed.

Michael’s eyes rolled dramatically and he flattened the hair that was falling out of Eleanor’s bun. “I never was a patient man. It wasn’t my strong suit. I didn’t fare well playing with others, so instead I just chose to play alone. I think I am growing tired of this game. Let’s end it, shall we?”

Eleanor closed her eyes, and when she reopened them they were glowing blue. I recognized the smirk, and I turned to Ava. “Close your eyes!”

Ava looked at me, her blue eyes widening. She looked at me under dark eyelashes, her eyes fluttering shut. She covered them with her hands. I turned back around, it all just happened so fast I didn’t think. All I could see was my daughter in front of me.

They say when you die that your life flashes before your eyes. That didn’t happen to me. I wished it had, because I would’ve given anything to see my girls one last time, to see Dad, Bobby, Sam. I didn’t see any of it. I didn’t see anything.

It was just a white hot burning behind my eyes, inside of my head. I felt like I was boiling alive from the inside out. I scratched and clawed at my face, trying to put the fire out, but it burned so much deeper. It reminded me of Hellfire, and if I was being honest I didn’t even realize that I remembered what that was like. The worst part, though, was this horrible screaming. It was loud and inhuman, and it sounded so close. I just kept thinking, this is the end. I would listen to that horrible sound, and burn alive until the end of time. But before everything went dark, and I slipped from this life into the next one, I registered that the screaming was coming from me.

—————

Chapter Eighteen, If I Could See You One More Time

Get caught up!

Tag list:

@deans-baby-momma

@xjamiedennettx

@linki-locks11

@sonnierae26

@ricky-666s-blog

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nerdylittleshit · 5 years

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Thoughts about Spn 14x17

SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWARE!

Sooooooooooooooooo. Admittedly I wasn’t looking forward that much to this episode, because both Donatello and Nick (and his Lucifer obsession) are characters/storylines I’m not that interested in. However it seems like Jack will be the character all storylines will evolve around now, and that has me sucked in. I’m concerned about Mary and her fate and I hope that Supernatural has learned from their past and doesn’t sacrifice a beloved character in order to create man-pain.

But, as always, let’s have a closer look.

Lady in Red

(Random observation: loved Danneel’s look). In this week’s subplot we have Cas enlisting Anael to help him find God, in order to restore Jack’s soul. Anael is yet another angel who has become disillusioned with God and his creation. She can’t understand how God has created earth and humanity, his so called perfect people, but allows hatred and pain, because he doesn’t meddle. We do know that God at times does meddle (Cas specifically mentions his resurrections) but that of course in creating humans he also gave them free will. And that’s kind of the point (and in many ways what this show is about: we are our choices). Mary reminds Sam that what Nick did is not his fault, because they were Nick’s choices. There will always be evil in the world because there will always be people who make that choice. But there will also be goodness; Sam’s choice to give Nick a second chance was an act of kindness. As Mary said it shows the kind of man he is: a good man.

Anael, like many other angels, can’t grasp the concept of free will. She uses her powers to meddle, to make a difference. On the surface it looks like she does it for money, but as she told Cas, if you think that is the only reason you haven’t paid attention.

I feel a lot of Cas and Anael’s interactions were there to contrast the two characters and to show once again how different Cas is from all the other angels, how human he has become (it is a pattern and knowing the show will come to an end it feels like he has to make a choice eventually). In the waffle house we saw him ordering food, whereas Anael denied even a cup of coffee. Anael says that they are all alone, but Cas disagrees. Anael has lost her faith in heaven, in her angelic family, in God. Cas says it doesn’t matter if God cares about them or not because they still have each other; Cas has found a new family. And Anael of course was right in her assumption that Cas is currently hiding from Sam and Dean, that he is afraid to tell them the truth. His priorities are with his family and no longer with his mission.

The other repeated theme is of course God himself and how often he had been mentioned this season, especially calling out his absence and that he doesn’t seem to care. We heard that before from Michael, who because of God’s absence took it upon himself to become the new God. God of course is also always seen as a parallel to John (the way Michael and Lucifer work as a parallel for Dean and Sam). God isn’t the only absent father. However John did return this season and it gave his sons a chance for closure, to make their peace with how he raised them, and to reflect on their own lives and realize that they no longer need their father, that they no longer have to carry around the ghost of John. Cas saying that it doesn’t matter if God is around is similar to that. It is possible he will make another appearance after he has been mentioned that much, and because he might be the only one powerful enough to either save or stop Jack. Emotionally it might lead to another sort of closure, both for the Winchesters and the angels.

We need to talk about Jack

First of all, the main discourse after this episode, and my opinion about it: PINEAPPLE DOES NOT BELONG ON PIZZA. DEAN IS RIGHT, IT IS AN ABOMINATION.

That being said I loved the five seconds of domestic Winchesters we got this week (why do you have to be so cruel show). Dean playing Mouse Trap is of course a foretelling of Nick and his complicated trap to get what he wants: Lucifer. I honestly don’t care about Donatello as a character (sorry dude), but it pained me to realize that Nick was right about something: the Winchesters don’t have many friends left he can use as bait. Of course there was a very specific reason why Nick needed Donatello: as a prophet he could use him to communicate to Lucifer. I wonder though if you can simply inject angel grace to a human? We know that not every human is capable to contain an angel, but it was just a little grace. It might have also something to do with Donatello’s special status as prophet or the fact that he is soulless that his body seemed unaffected by the grace.

The whole Nick storyline was… well I’m glad it is over. Nick has gone to a point where he identified himself so much with Lucifer that he feels incomplete without him, that he even referred to Jack as his own son. Of course he needed Jack for a very specific reason, or rather his blood. This might be the reason why Lucifer could come back: because a part of him is still tied to this world. Jack is his blood. Which is quite similar to how ghosts are created in the world of Supernatural: they can only stay because something of them still ties them to our world (their body, a certain possession etc). It also seemed to me that Nick was especially interested in Sam and that he was jealous of Sam’s status as the perfect vessel for Lucifer. I’m not sure if Nick’s speech to Dean, how being a vessel for an archangel changes you, was just there to provoke Dean or if we will see some change in Dean after all. So far he seems to be his old self again.

So let’s talk about Jack. We start the episode with Mary expressing her concern and Jack being annoyed by it, before he puts on a face to reassure Mary that he is alright. Mary of course knows Jack well enough to see right through it (in the time they spent together in the Apocalypse-World he became another son to her, perhaps more than Sam and Dean, because he still needs a mother to guide him). We see how utterly terrified Jack is by the thought that he might no longer has a soul. He wants to be ok, he wants to be all right, he doesn’t want to worry his family. Part of Jack’s behaviour read to me as a metaphor for depression. The absence of his soul, the emptiness he feels because of it, how he wants to be right again, how he doesn’t want to hurt his family but at the same is annoyed by their concern for him.

Jack repeatedly asks Mary for moral guidance. He asks for her permission to use his powers in order to find Nick. He needs her to tell him that it was okay that he killed Nick, and when she doesn’t he becomes upset, and is afraid she tells Sam and Dean about it and what their reaction might be. @mittensmorgul already pointed out that Jack misinterprets “Something is wrong” into “You are wrong”. Jack wants to be right, he wants to make the right choices, but he can no longer tell what is right and what is wrong (which brings us back to ‘we are our choices’). If they set up Jack as a villain (and I’m not 100% sold on that) it would make an interesting difference because for once we would have a bad guy who desperately doesn’t want to be a bad guy. And it might come back to Sam (and Dean), to good man, who give second chances, who try to save him instead of killing him.

At last I want to talk about Mary and potential death. I’m not saying she is but it is a possibility. We saw her giving two speeches to her sons, that should ring any alarm bell because they looked like goodbyes. She told Dean that is grateful for the time she spent together with her sons (after apologizing for being closed off and hard, which reminded me why I love her so much as a character: she is not the traditional mother, but rather a complicated complex female character). She tells Sam that he is a good man and proud of him. It is possible that they will kill of Mary (again), that they will use her death as the point of no return for Jack and to show us how much of a danger he is, that he is perhaps past saving.

However I really hope that won’t be the direction where they go. I love Mary as a character, I love that they brought back the original fridged character and that is why her death would be so problematic for me. Killing off a beloved character to get the plot in a certain direction is something Supernatural has done so many times and it never works and I sincerely hope they have learned from their mistakes. And surprisingly it is Nick who gives me hope here. Because after all nobody stays dead anymore.

Until next week <3

#supernatural #spn 14x17 #game night #spn meta #my meta #spoilers

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 5 years

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4190300·01 D. Winchester

(I’m not actually sure about the number on the spine of the book, most digits are too blurry, but it doesn’t really matter...)

So, in yesterday’s post where I was asked my thoughts about what was in the book Billie handed Dean, I didn’t actually... talk about the content of the book. But I guess I should throw my two cents out since the speculation machine is surely in motion.

I’ve seen post yesterday expressing worry that Billie has basically offered Dean the “instructions” on how to get to the happy ending, but that’s exactly the opposite of what the scene is about, in my opinion. The first thing to remember about the books in Death’s office is that they’re about the ways you might die. Because, well, that’s the sphere - and scope - of Death.

The books simply describe (we don’t know in how much detail, but I don’t think they are too detailed, because I believe they don’t report circumstantial information that can just change depending on minor, relatively irrelevant choices - for instance, you can get to the “killed by red-headed witch” in a plethora of different circumstances depending on insubstantial accessory actions, so maybe there were two, ten, fifty, a hundred versions of that ending, not billions different ones where one only differ from the next for a tiny unimportant detail) the ways a person can die, not how you get there. If Dean had been reading up the previous versions of his books, he might have found that he might’ve been mauled to death by a ghoul in a cemetery, but not exactly the chain of actions that would have led him to be in that cemetery while a ghoul was living in it, you know?

Basically: this is not Stephen Strange seeing all the billions possible chains of events, but Death knowing the possible endings.

That’s why Dean asks what he’s supposed to do with the information he’s read, and why Billie answer that it’s up to him. There is no already-fixed chain of events that mechanically (deterministically...) led to that one specific scenario. There’s no Dr Strange that can put things in motion like he’s seen -- there’s Billie showing Dean that a certain scenario is possible, but it’s one of... millions? billions?, and in all the others it doesn’t happen.

Dean doesn’t know how that ending can happen, and Death doesn’t either. In fact, I think it’s important to remember that Death only knows the possible endings, not the entirety of the journey there. That’s partly the reason why both Deaths seem to never really give clear information/advice... Death isn’t omniscient, Death can see a “big picture” but that big picture is made of endings. Because this isn’t a deterministic universe, but a choose-your-own-adventure story that has a plethora of different endings but the entire middle is up to you. This is why Death has chosen to take “a calculated risk”.

So, what do I think is in the book? Well, we know it cannot be a random death. Ghoul, witch, car accident, E.coli after Trump takes away all food regulations - none of those are on the table anymore, because if we’re talking about one (1) ending scenario, then it’s not random. I believe it’s either natural death or being killed in a very specific scenario for a specific reason.

But also: this is Dean Winchester. How many times has he rewritten fate? How many times he has realized one ending, but then simply went back to life? Of course, at this point we’re in a sort of narrative bottleneck, because once you have introduced a “one in a million possibilities” situation, storytelling rules sort of dictate that you have to make that happen instead of pulling out another possibility out of nowhere, but it’s also true that this is Supernatural, this is Dean Winchester, and messing up the order of the cosmos is what he does - I mean, he already has gotten his entire death book collection rewritten by playing with one alternate reality... I’m not saying he’s going to cause the books to be rewritten again soon (narratively, it would be wonky) but depending on how many seasons we still have and how long the Michael issue is going to last, there could be a rewriting after the Michael issue is solved, as the Winchesters mess up with the cosmos in a new way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(On a slightly unrelated note, I want Dean at some point to say, don’t blame me for messing up the universe, because my life is messed up and I’m doing my best to navigate in it, and I don’t think I’ve made a bad job considering the circumstances.)

So, the book. Is it a happy ending of sorts? It’s likely. Dean looks extremely vulnerable there. What’s more powerful than Dean knowing that he has a chance to happiness - more than “the dream”, more than what he dares imagining when he has to picture a good life, but an actual chance of a real happiness, the one he doesn’t even dare to dream - and that that chance is a tiny little possibility in an ocean of horrible ones that all send him straight into what’s essentially just the latest model of that original fate someone else decided to forcefully stick him into long time ago?

Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? Michael takes over his body and destroys the world because he wants to catch up to God. Different accessory circumstances, but essentially the same picture as the scenario of the original apocalypse. The spiral goes and goes... and it will only stop when they manage to solve the problem in an authentic way, not locking the problem up like God does (Amara, Leviathan, Lucifer...), like trauma tends to make you do.

In season 5, they tried to solve the problem by locking the two archangels in the cage, and it didn’t work. Then they tried to lock the two archangels in the apocalypse world, and it didn’t work. Locking Michael in a mental cage won’t work either. The spiral will keep turning unless they find an effective, real solution. Forget keys and locks.

But I’m digressing. Dean looks surprised, shocked, and scared in that sort of childlike, raw way of his. So, yes, I think it’s likely that what he’s reading is a scenario of happiness. Real happiness. (My reading of the Dabb era is that its foundational theme is reality, so you’ll always find the word “real” when I make this kind of analyses). The way he calls the bar illusion “the dream” is another case of dramatic irony, because it is a dream, but also because it is just not real in a more profound sense. Dean’s real happy scenario is something he doesn’t even dare dream.

Just like the narrative is pushing Cas towards the point where he has to acknowledge and face the conditions of his happiness, it makes sense that Dean would also be pushed in a parallel direction. And of course being presented with this kind of knowledge would leave Dean shaken, just like the Empty situation is an allegory for Cas’ own complicated relationship with emotional accomplishment. Cas cannot let himself be happy, or he’ll be dragged away to nothingness... it’s an allegory for the fear of acknowledging what you want, because if you can’t have it, then you would be in even more pain.

Dean won’t let himself pursue what would make him happy because he believes that it’s unachievable, so he doesn’t let himself acknowledge what would make him happy - otherwise he’d suffer for the unattainability of it. But what if Billie has shown him that it is attainable, even by a tiny, tiny chance? The castle of cards of his own defenses crumbles.

Unlike what Sam seems to believe, Dean doesn’t thrive on trauma - he has built a complex castle of defenses and mechanisms that allow him to thrive despite the trauma. Yes, trauma makes him alert... sure, John’s drill-sergeant upbringing has made his sons into exceptional warriors, which has been more than useful to them in their lives. But that’s not really what has made them into them. That’s not what has made Dean strong. That’s something uniquely Dean that uses the tools offered by his traumatic past, but does not end there.

In order to reach happiness, Dean has to let go of the defenses that keep happiness away from him. One of those defenses is not allowing himself to acknowledge (to himself, to others) what he wants, what would make him really happy, because that would just bring him more pain, the pain of unattainability.

It would be interesting if indeed Death were basically forcing him to perform that acknowledgement - again, I don’t think the book contains information about how to be happy, how to deal with his trauma in a way that is kinder to himself. I don’t think the book says what Dean wants. But it’s possible that what he’s read places Dean in a position where he has to face that. After all, Michael’s role in the narrative is to reveal what characters (and everyone else is just a mirror for Dean, but also Cas because their narratives are running in parallel) want, and Billie’s reveal is happening because of Michael’s presence.

It would make sense that Michael is just a device, and that Dean actually learns the lesson he needs to learn with an initial nudge from Death, and then his own emotional labor (“that’s up to you”), because that’s what Dean has done multiple times. Death helps him learn how to live - it is poetic. (Dean is Death and Life at the same time after all, Light and Darkness, Humanity and Divinity... Dean is a structurally dualistic character, but I’m digressing.)

And now, I’ll end this post with a note that this is speculation and I could be dead wrong about the book, it’s a possibility I’ve explored, but I believe that the general thematic points stand.

#my spn thoughts #spn spec #spn meta #spn 14x10 #dean and death #dean and billie #dean and fate #dean and happiness #dean and trauma #need vs want #spn

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goodfemalecharacters · 6 years

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14x03 Coda: Proving Him Wrong

destiel, dreamhunter, sam feels, 2k

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Alex looks up from the clipboard resting on her hip, her eyes narrowed as she takes in Jody’s state. Jody can’t blame her. Her nose is still sluggishly dripping blood from that last hit, her arm is bent in a way it definitely shouldn’t be, and she’s pretty sure she’s got the beginnings of a concussion visible in her eyes.

“Hi, honey,” she says.

Alex is still on desk duty while she works her way through school, but she hands Jody off to a nurse who sets her straight in a matter of minutes. They’ve all learned not to ask too many questions when she shows up like this. Small town benefits.

“I’m gonna take off early and make sure this one doesn’t get into any more trouble,” Alex tells the nurse once they’re done.

The nurse nods knowingly. “Make sure she gets some sleep, all right?”

And with a last disapproving look, they’re off. Alex makes her leave her car in the hospital parking lot, horrified that she’d even dared drive back from the woods. In hindsight, it wasn’t one of Jody’s better choices, but in her defense, she’s pretty damn concussed.

“So I’m guessing it’s not a serial killer, then,” Alex says as they pull on to the road.

She doesn’t take her eyes off the road. Unlike Claire, she uses her blinker and always waits three sideways glances—left, right, left, just like the manual—at stop signs. At least there’s one kid of Jody’s that’ll probably make it past thirty.

“No,” Jody says. “It’s not.”

Also unlike Claire, Alex doesn’t force her to elaborate. Instead, she flicks off the radio when she notices Jody flinch at the loud noise and drives home in silence.

When they arrive home, Alex gets Jody settled on the couch. They’re quiet coming in, but not quite quiet enough. Claire makes her way downstairs just as Alex is pressing a cup of tea into Jody’s hands.

Her eyes narrow on Alex. “You only make tea when she’s concussed.” Then, turning to Jody. “Why are you concussed?”

Claire probably won’t buy that she decided to give mountain biking a go, so Jody supposes she has to tell the truth.

“You need to sit down.”

Anyone not tuned in to Claire Novak’s moods probably wouldn’t have noticed the shift, but Jody is well-versed in her facial expressions by now. The small pale of her cheeks, the tiny clench of her jaw, it’s all the equivalent of someone else gasping out loud.

“I’m gonna go read through my notes,” Alex says quickly, glancing between them. “Jody, please, for the love of God, get to bed at a reasonable hour.”

And with that, she rushes upstairs. Claire takes a seat on the couch next to Jody, a muscle jumping in her jaw. She doesn’t press, though. Probably knows it won’t get her anywhere.

“Sam called. They found Dean.”

Claire breaks into a grin. “That’s great! So Michael, is he—”

“Not dead.”

Claire frowns. “Is this the part where you tell me not to let an archangel possess me? Because let me tell you, one time was more than enough.”

Jody can’t help a small smile at that. After about two months of living with her, Claire had rushed into her room in the middle of the night, still half in a nightmare. They’d sat on the edge of Jody’s bed while Claire told her about what it had been like, briefly, to be Castiel’s vessel. It’s not a good memory, exactly, but it still makes her feel warm. It was the first time Claire had trusted her enough to let her in.

“I know that.”

Claire’s frown deepens. “So what is it?”

“I found the thing killing those backpackers. I thought it wasn’t our kind of thing, I told you, but it was.”

“Right,” Claire mutters.

She clearly doesn’t believe her, but Jody will deal with that later.

“It was the thing that killed Kaia.”

Claire freezes. It’s like someone has hit pause on a movie. Every muscle goes completely still. Jody lets her process before she continues. She knows how love stings.

“Remember how the world Mary was in had duplicates?”

Sam had told her about the other Bobby a few weeks ago. Jody still hasn’t worked up the nerve to meet him.

Would she even want to?

“Other versions of people? I remember.”

“Kaia killed Kaia.”

Silence. Jody reaches over and grips Claire’s hand, but the younger woman doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t react at all. Jody opens her mouth to repeat herself, but Claire just shakes her head, numb.

“No. That can’t be right.”

A single tear drips down her nose. Without thinking, Jody reaches out and wipes it away. It’s a testament to how shocked Claire is that she doesn’t jerk away.

“She’s still out there. Michael is hunting her because that spear—”

“No!” Claire repeats, shaking her head as if she can will the truth out of existence. Tears keep sliding down her face, faster than Jody can wipe them. “It can’t be her. It must have stolen her face, sucked her up or something.”

Jody just shakes her head, trying to keep the teariness out of her own voice. “It’s her, Claire. That’s what Kaia had been dreamwalking all those years. Her life.”

At that, Claire lets out a sob. She folds into Jody’s side, then, burying her face in the shoulder that isn’t currently covered in a sling. There isn’t much Jody can do to hug her back, but she leans over Claire as much as she can, holding her tight.

“Why did she get to live?” Claire finally chokes out.

There isn’t really a response to that. Instead, Jody just holds her tighter.

“Sammy?”

Sam’s been too quiet for too long. Usually, he’d be on Dean’s case, asking over and over how he’s feeling, if he’s okay. And sure, Dean usually hates him for it, but the absence is creeping him out a little.

When he looks over, there are tears in his brother’s eyes. Dean nearly brings the car to a halt.

“Sam?”

Noticing Dean’s eyes on him, Sam blinks once, twice, and he’s composed again. If Dean hadn’t seen him upset a million times before, he wouldn’t have even noticed the redness to his nose that means he’s still on the verge of tears.

“The drowning,” he says, and yeah, his voice is still wavery. “I know what that feels like.”

It’s like an icy punch to the gut. Dean glances up, sees a rest stop. He pulls off the highway. It’s one of those tiny buildings with a handful of rusted-out toilets, a busted-up soda machine, and a couple of half-rotted picnic benches.

He puts the car in park, but Sam doesn’t move to get out.

“You know, after Gadreel, I wanted you to know what it felt like.”

Dean can’t quite look at him. Any reminder of that time—a personal low, without even the Mark or demonhood to excuse him—is usually enough for him to floor the Impala and cut off the conversation entirely. Instead, he does his best to look Sam in the eye.

“Yeah?”

Sam nods. “I remember thinking to myself that if you knew what it felt like to be submerged, you would have never done that to me.”

Dean lets out a snort. “Karma’s a real bitch, isn’t it?”

Sam coughs, clearing out his throat. When he speaks again, it’s not as watery.

“That was all I could think about the first week you were gone. I felt like I’d—like I’d wished that on you, somehow.”

Dean just shakes his head. “No. Sam, that’s—”

“Crazy? Yeah, I know. Still thought it, though. I couldn’t help it.”

They both stay quiet for a moment, watching as a young woman hustles two children into the restroom, the harried look of a vacationer about her. Back at her van, a man who’s probably her husband works at the straps of a rooftop carrier.

“Watching his hands—watching my hands—”

Dean waves his hands in the air, trying to articulate his point. He fails, but Sam understands anyway.

“It feels like it’s your responsibility.”

Dean nods.

“It’s not, though,” Sam says. “I mean, you did it to save me and Jack. And it worked.”

A smile splits his face, then. Dean realizes with a jolt that it’s the first time he’s seen his brother really smile in years.

“Lucifer’s dead,” Sam says, slow and steady, as if he’s relishing both words. “And yeah, Michael’s got a plan, but he would have done it anyway. We’ve got you back. No harm done. Well. No extra harm, anyway.”

Dean sticks the keys back in the ignition, sensing that their little heart-to-heart has run its course. But there’s still one more thing he wants to ask.

“When do you—I mean, when does it feel like—”

“When does it feel like they’re your hands again?” Sam asks.

Dean nods.

At that, Sam smiles again, but it’s the smile Dean’s all too used to. It’s tinged with a sadness that reminds Dean just how old his brother is in his soul.

“Let me know if you find out.”

In less than ten minutes, Dean makes it painfully obvious that he can’t stand the too-full bunker. He keeps his distance from all of the other residents, he snaps when he discovers that someone has rearranged his spice cabinet, and he glares at the soup Maggie puts in front of him like it’s done him a personal wrong.

Sensing danger, Cas swoops in. The last thing they need is for Dean to make enemies out of their new friends. “Dean. Want to go for a drive?”

Cas allows him to stay quiet until they’re a few miles down the road towards Smith Center.

“I know you weren’t blacked out the entire time.”

Dean tenses, his hands clenching on the wheel before he forces himself to relax. “So?”

“I saw what he made you see,” Cas continues, unflinching. “Over and over again.”

Silence. A muscle slowly ticks in Dean’s jaw, but otherwise he doesn’t react. Outside the car, rain starts to fall, a steady drumbeat on the roof.

Cas pauses, thinks how he wants to say it. “You’d come home from a hunt. Invite me on a drive.”

He reaches inside his coat, pulls out the tape. Dean’s eyes flick to it and then away.

“You’d tell me to put this on.”

He presses the mixtape into the deck. The Rain Song starts in the background. Dean still determinedly focuses on the road in front of him.

“And then you’d tell me that you’d realized something in the months I was dead. Something you’d never let yourself realize before.”

Dean pulls over to the side of the road in a spray of gravel. Cas keeps his voice just as steady and even.

“You’d stop the car.”

He pulls the keys out of the ignition. “Cas—”

Cas reaches across the bench, laces his fingers through Dean’s. He falls silent, looking down as if their entangled fingers are the most extraordinary thing he’s ever seen.

“There was just one detail he didn’t get right.”

Dean still won’t look at him, but Cas’s heart is doing a funny thing he’s fairly certain it’s never done before, leapfrogging in his chest.

“Because there is no world in which I’d ever turn you away,” Cas says quietly.

He hadn’t wanted to go too fast, hadn’t wanted to take advantage of what he’d seen in Dean’s head. But he knows perfectly well that if he hadn’t, Dean would have never mentioned it himself.

Finally, Dean’s green eyes level with his. Cas thinks, absurdly, that they remind him of springtime. With his free hand, Dean brushes a hand over Cas’s face. It’s featherlight, like he’s grounding himself.

“I thought he was right.”

Cas shakes his head. “No.”

And he can’t help himself anymore. The kiss is salty, probably because they’re both crying now, sitting in the darkened car with Led Zeppelin still playing quietly in the background.

“I’m going to keep proving him wrong,” Cas says when they separate. “As many times as it takes.”

And even though it’s weary, the smile on Dean’s face is genuine.

(ao3)

#spn #spn spoilers #spn s14 #spn fic #destiel #dreamhunter #wayward sisters #my fic

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

Text

haaaaa 14.09, and Michael’s speech at the end after he snatched Dean’s body back for himself:

Michael Dean: Yeah. When I gave up Dean, you didn't think to question it, to ask why? Dean was resisting me. He was too attached to you, to all of you. He wouldn't stop squirming -- to get out, to get back. So I left but not without leaving the door open just a crack. Castiel: Why wait? Michael Dean: To break him, to crush and disappoint him so completely that, this time, he'll be nice and quiet for a change -- buried. And he is. He's gone. And now I have a whole army out there, waiting, ready for my command, ready for this.

Michael supposedly engineered this entire ordeal, but out past 14.20... doesn’t that sound like exactly what CHUCK was doing all along?

If JACK qualified as “apocalyptic” in Chuck’s books, but Michael and his army of monsters ready to destroy the world in a literal apocalypse redux did not?

Because JACK is the piece on the game board that Chuck can’t control. He can’t account for Jack within the confines of his preferred narrative.

Jack is obviously the focus of Chuck’s current round of inflicting pain and sacrifice on his favorite characters, since they’ve all repeatedly sacrificed themselves for Jack’s sake in one way or another. But between this, and the surprise Michael encounters in 14.10 when Dean succeeds in locking him up in a bar fridge, and what Michael does in 14.14 after escaping Dean yet again:

[flashback] Rowena: Fate says Sam Winchester's going to off me, which makes dinners a bit awkward, but does give one a certain sense of security. So whilst I'm flattered, I think we can both do better. Michael: Fine. Then how about this -- I'll leave you alive, find another host, and then I'll kill every one of the people in this bunker, everyone you care about. And you do care about them, no matter what you tell them, no matter what you tell yourself. So say yes. Choice is yours. [flash back to the present] Rowena/Michael: I had no intention of keeping my word, but I think she knew that. If only Dean had used that coffin when he had the chance.

Considering Michael ends up dead within minutes of delivering this taunt, it’s kind of interesting when re-interpreted as just another of Chuck’s manipulations.

Back to the scene from the beginning of 14.10 where Michael has literally begun his apocalypse, flooding Kansas City with monsters and trying to turn the entire population:

Michael: Now, this just feels right. Hope is an amazing thing, isn't it? You had no chance of winning this. None. But you had hope -- hope that I wouldn't see you coming, but I saw everything. And now I have my perfect vessel. I've just destroyed the one weapon that could really hurt me. Thanks for bringing that, by the way.

it’s immediately after this that Sam throws a holy oil molitov at Michael, giving Cas just enough time to contain Michael with the enochian cuffs.

Meanwhile Dean’s trapped in a strange loop inside his own mind, where Michael can keep him quietly out of the way:

(The door opens, and a woman walks in, holding a briefcase over her head to block the rain. Pamela turns from her spot at the bar and walks towards her) PAMELA Wet one out there, eh? WOMAN Yes. And you are...? PAMELA Pamela Barnes. Waitress, hostess, Ouija board enthusiast.(Simultaneoulsy) PAMELA: We met the last time you stopped by -- WOMAN: Oh! Mr. Winchester. PAMELA And the time before that.

Pamela... seems to recognize the repeats, but Dean only has a feeling of weird “deja vu” after half a dozen runs through the script. But he does begin to see through those cracks.

All the while, we see Michael address Dean, Jack, Cas, and Sam, giving them different manipulative lies which directly contract themselves from person to person.

He claims he’s accessing Dean’s memories and therefore knows how DEAN feels about each of them:

to Jack:

MICHAEL So, they left you to keep an eye on me? Gotta say, little insulting. I mean, what are you? You're nothing. JACK That's not what you said before. MICHAEL Ah. Yes. A moment of familial weakness. It won't happen again. JACK It doesn't matter. Sam and Dean -- they're gonna beat you. MICHAEL Oh, please. Sam's in so far over his head, he's drowning. And Dean? Well, I've got Dean under control. JACK No. Dean -- he's strong. MICHAEL He's a gnat. I'm a god. Who would you bet on? JACK You don't know anything about Dean. MICHAEL I'm in his head...literally. I know everything. Like, I know how sad he was when you died...on the outside. On the inside, well, it's not that he was happy -- he just didn't care. 'Cause you're not Sam. You're not Cas. You're a new burden that he was handed. You're a weak, helpless thing. You think that they care about you, love you? You're a job, a job none of them wanted. And you -- (Castiel enters the room)

His insistence that Dean faked his grief for Jack, because he only actually cares about Sam and Cas? Directly contradicts what Michael says TO Sam and Cas:

DEAN Get out of my head. MICHAEL You don't mean that, Dean, not really. You may lie to them, but, deep down, I know you. I am you. You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he "gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition." Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other. And, Sam -- oh, Sam... You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again. DEAN Shut up! MICHAEL You don't need them. You don't even like them. They're not your family -- they're your responsibilities. They're a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted -- you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes. DEAN I said shut your damn mouth! CASTIEL Wait. Something's wrong. You're stalling.

What Michael tells each of them isn’t what Dean actually FEELS, but what he FEARS they feel, and what each of them deep-down fears that Dean actually feels about them. Even though it’s all patently NOT TRUE. Because in the end, Cas was right. IT WAS ALL JUST A DISTRACTION TECHNIQUE. They call him out directly:

DEAN Fine. You're so tough, why don't you snap your fingers and nuke us all? MICHAEL Is that what you want? DEAN Yeah, I do. CASTIEL He can't. Because, in here, we're all just mental projections, so in here, we're all the same. SAM So, in here, you're all talk. MICHAEL You think I need my powers? I destroy worlds, and I'd crush you with my bare hands. DEAN Prove it.

And of course, they call Michael’s bluff and the three of them working together easily lock Michael away. Because it was all only ever a bluff. Hurtful to have these fears called out like this, but still nothing truly deadly... just a manipulation of their feelings and a bluff.

Yet they still buy into Michael’s biggest threat-- that if Dean kicks him out he’ll be left essentially a puddle of Dean-shaped goo, so they lock him up in the freezer in the same way Chuck has always locked up his own problems.

And in the same way that all of this just ended up as another narrative runaround, this is literally EXACTLY what Chuck was engineering the entire time:

MICHAEL Because I can. Because... Me and my brother -- my Lucifer -- when we fought in my world, we thought that God would come back, give us answers -- why He'd gone, what we'd done -- but, instead, do you know what happened? Nothing. No God. Nothing. And now...now that I'm in here -- now I know why. God -- Chuck -- is a writer, and like all writers, He churns out draft after draft. My world? This world? Nothing but failed drafts. And when He realizes that they're flawed, He moves on and tries again. CASTIEL No, that's not how...Why would He do that? MICHAEL (yelling) Because He doesn't care! About you, me -- anything. Now, at first, I thought I'd do it better. Show Him. Be more God than God. But now... I just want to burn every one of His little worlds until I catch up to the old man. CASTIEL And then what? MICHAEL Even God can die.

Because CHUCK DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS THIS IN 14.20, proving that Sam and Dean and Cas are “his favorite characters,” that he never abandoned the draft of this universe. Quite the opposite, actually. Their entire problem is that Chuck couldn’t STOP writing the draft here.

It’s spirals within spirals all the way down, different narrative levels of Chuck endlessly repeating tale. and at the end of 14.10, Dean suffers through Michael rattling the cage in his brain trying to convince himself that “it’s all you.” And isn’t that the truth-- Dean as mirror to Michael, and to Chuck and Amara both way back in s11.

And then we have Billie’s “calculated risk.” Interfering in Dean’s life yet again, handing over what we’re led to believe is the ONE way to stop Michael from using him to destroy all of creation (spoiler alert, fate changes again long before that eventuality ever comes to pass, thanks to Jack the Cosmic Disruptor).

#spn 14.09 #spn 14.10 #spn 14.20 #s14 hellatus rewatch #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #dinkle #spiders georg of the tnt loop #it's spirals all the way down #jack nougat winchester #billie the reaper #lies and damn lies

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julesthequirky · 6 years

Text

The Big Empty

Summary: Castiel is gone and you’re all alone. You decide on a whim to do a stupid thing. It’s stupid, but it might just work. You’d do anything just to see Cas again.

Warnings: Canon violence

WC: 3128

Feedback is GOLD. If you like it, reblog it! Don’t be afraid to leave a comment.

As always my work is unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine.

“Bring him back!” you yelled at Jack after watching Castiel die.

You didn’t wait for him to answer before you screamed again.

“Bring him back!!! Now!!” The tears cracked your voice, your throat ripping in pain as you relentlessly screamed.

You grabbed hold of his shoulders, tears rimming your eyes, your chest tightening, heart palpitating. “Do it!!!!

Sam came in and wrapped his arm around your stomach and pulled you away from Jack. You grabbed at Sam’s arm, struggling to get free, screaming for Jack to bring back Castiel.

In the end, you fell lax against Sam, your hands holding his plaid shirt and you cried against his solid chest. You shook, gripping him tight, your heart shredding all over again.

He picked you up and carried you out.

* * * * *

“I can’t do that.”

“Billie, please…” your hope vanquishing fast.

“I’m Death. I reap souls, human souls. I don’t reap angels.”

“Then who does. Somebody must.”

Billie crossed her arms. “Angels don’t have souls. They have always existed, after being part of God’s creation, that is.”

“Where do angels go when they die?”

“Nowhere. They go into nothingness. Before God, there was-”

“Nothing,” you interrupted. “Take me there.”

Billie laughed once. “That ain’t my domain.”

“I need to go there.”

“And honey, I need a long vacation in the Bahamas, but it looks like we both ain’t getting what we want.”

“I need to say goodbye. Let me grieve.”

“Why can’t you grieve like a normal human?”

“No normal human would even know Death existed.” you stated.

“Touché,” Billie agreed. “But I still can’t grant what you want.”

“I’ll do anything.”

She quirked a brow. “When people say that they usually don’t mean anything.”

“Well, I mean it.”

She nodded, and began to walk a circle around you.

“You were always his favourite. Many times he’d beg to spare your life. ‘Just this once, Billie.’ he’d say. I’d agree, with a consequence of course. Nothing in this life gets you anything for free. He’d comply, as always, loyal to you.” she sighed. “He made you the most perfect heaven. Why couldn’t you have waited? You would have gotten everything you wanted. Castiel. And you would have been so happy. You realize you’re throwing all that away, right?”

Your mind reeled. Castiel had already prepared you a room in Heaven. Where he would always accompany you. Forever. He loved you.

“Why did you tell me that?”

“Because that’s what you’ll give up. You’ll give up your perfect heaven Castiel so lovingly prepared for you. Because there’s no way for you to return from the Emptiness.”

“But if Castiel’s there…” you started and petered off.

“There’s no way of knowing for sure, if he’ll wake.”

“He’s still there.”

“If you sleep, you sleep for eternity.”

You nodded.

“What about the Winchesters, do they know you came to seek me? do they know about your suicidal stint?”

You shook your head. “No. They’re much too busy these days, with Jack.”

“Ah, Lucifer’s son.”

You nodded.

“They don’t know I’m doing this.”

“Do you think they’ll miss you?”

They wouldn’t. You knew it. They had way too much on their plate at the moment. You wouldn’t even be a wisp of a thought. You shook your head.

“You’re wrong. Dean will hate himself. He thinks of you as his little sister, someone he must protect. At all costs. He’ll blame himself and he might not be able to cope with another loss. He’ll drown his sorrows. And Sam, he loved you, but he knew of your affections for Castiel. You were his best friend. Someone he could have a laugh with and talk for hours on end with. With you gone that won't happen and neither will he comfort you in your loss and hope that maybe one day you return his affections. Your death will rip them apart, Y/N. Dean will forever be bitter, full of hatred and angry, losing all hope. Michael will get his true vessel, thanks to the girl who loved Castiel so much she killed herself. And Sam will drift away, trying to cope, trying to manage and who knows the fate of Jack? Does this change your mind knowing this?”

You closed your eyes. Dammit Sammy. Dammit Dean. Dammit, dammit, dammit. You pinched the bridge of your nose between your fingers, inhaling a deep breath.

“Y/N?”

You exhaled and looked at her. The sad thing was it didn’t change your mind.

“That won’t happen if they stick together. They’re better together. Stronger.”

“Maybe, I’m just telling you. You won’t know. It’s a risk you’ll have to take. Does it change your mind?”

You shook your head.

“I can't guarantee it will work. It’s never happened before. You’ll know its worked, and if it hasn’t.”

“Can you send them a message from me?”

“Honey, I ain’t no messenger.”

“Anybody will do.”

“You ain’t picky are you?”

You shook your head and fired a quick prayer to the boys in hope they stay together.

“I’m ready when you are.”

You were going to see Castiel. Your heart brimmed at the possibility.

You woke up on the ground, your cheek sticking to the cold floor. It was a strange feeling, opening your eyes and seeing nothing. You sat up, disoriented and a sudden panic at your throat, claustrophobia clawing your chest, feeling the blankness close in around you. You heaved ragged breaths in and out.

“Castiel!!!” you yelled.

You hoped he was awake. Hoped he heard you. This was your eternity. You would live here forever.

You heard distant voices. You whipped your head to the direction they came from and stood up. You strained your ears again, hope burning your heart, wanting to hear them again.

“Castiel?!!”

You waited.

You saw two tiny pinpricks ahead of you. You smiled and began to run. The floor beneath you whizzed you along at breakneck speed and you stood in front of Castiel. And Castiel. You looked between the two, confusion etched on your face. Shock registered on one and a mad grin on the other.

“Castiel?” you looked at the two.

One laughed, a little nasally and entirely crazy.

“You. You’re not supposed to be here. You’re no angel. You’re just a little mud monkey.”

You blanched at the voice. God, he looked like Cas, but he didn’t sound like Cas. He had an odd accent and his nasally voice gave a vicious bite at the end of his words. His eyes held no love for you, they held annoyance and anger at you being here.

You turned to the real Castiel. He was looking at you in awe, sadness tinting his expression.

“How did you get here?” The other Castiel pronounced every word scathingly.

“I know someone.”

“You killed yourself for him. Aw,” he mocked you. He looked at Cas, pushing you slightly away.

Castiel growled when he noticed you stumble back.

“Don’t touch her.”

“You have a, a fondness for that? You fell for the amoeba. You had no idea she had this planned, did you?” The other Castiel chuckled darkly. “And now she’s stuck here, just like you.”

Castiel looked at you and something inside you gave a pang. You averted your gaze, fearing what he’d say. He didn’t know you had sacrificed everything just for a chance.

“Look at her. Hmmm, a low little scum of the Earth, in love with a divine entity. It really doesn’t get any more messed up than that.”

“Don’t call her that.”

The other Cas strode up to him and stood face to face.

“You’re both in my territory now, I can say or do whatever I like. Thanks to you, I am awake. And I. Don’t. Like. Being. Awake. I want to go back to sleep. In all of forever, nothing. Ever wakes up here. And I mean, ever. Ever.”

Somehow Cas had woken up.

“What are you?” you asked.

The other Cas, spun on his heel and headed straight for you, he came at such a speed you wanted to run. You gasped in a breath, eyes wide. He tipped your chin up with a flick of his wrist.

“I’m a friendly neighbourhood Cosmic Entity.”

“Why do you look like Castiel?”

He bent down, pushing his face to yours. You wanted to shrink away but he held you fast.

He smiled, teeth bared.

��It wouldn’t be no fun if I showed up in my true form now, would it. You’ll scream and tear out your eyes. It’ll be embarrassing for all of us.”

“So you’re the Empty?”

His smile widened. “You’re smart,” he turned to Cas. “She’s smart.”

He stroked your cheek.

“What did you do, Y/N?” Castiel questioned from behind Empty!Cas.

“Yes. What did you do? I too, would like to know the answer to that question.”

“I made a deal.”

Castiel’s face crumpled.

“What. Kind. Of deal?”

“I gave up my heaven and my life for a chance to come here.”

“So you gave up your slice of heaven for a chance, a very slim one in fact.”

You nodded.

“Hmm, and what would have happened if it had not have worked?”

“My soul would be reaped. I knew exactly what I was heading into.”

“No, no, no, no.” Castiel pined.

He pulled you away from the Cosmic Entity and cupped your face with his large hands. You leaned into his touch, smiling a little.

“Why? Y/N, you didn’t- God this was reckless of you.”

Your fingers curled round his hands. Seeing Cas, feeling Cas made you whole and happy, but thinking about and remembering his death saddened you.

“You died, Cas…” you whispered, a tear making its way down your cheek.

“You should have waited. Your heaven. Y/N, do you realise what you gave up?”

You nodded.

“I know. You would have been in my Heaven.”

“And we would have had a beautiful forever.” He wiped the rest of your tears away.

“I had to.” you hiccuped, looking into his sapphire eyes.

“And now, you’re stuck here. Forever,” the Cosmic Entity spoke. And I want to know why you’re awake.”

He poked Cas.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, think.”

“The Winchesters must have made a deal-”

“No, no, no, no,” He interrupted shaking his head. “Not with me and I’m the only one that has any pull here. Not heaven, not hell, not G.O.D himself, so. Think. Harder,” he sneered. “Wrack that perky little brain of yours.” He tapped Castiel’s forehead.

“Hey!”

“Stay away from me.” Cas warned.

“Okay, fine, I’ll wrack it for you.”

The Cosmic Entity taking on Cas’ form put his hand on Castiel’s head. You rushed forward as Castiel started yelling in pain, falling to his knees. Empty!Cas gripped your head and you went down in pain as you felt your brain surge. Your hands gripped his arm, but he wouldn’t let go and you screamed in agony, the pressure in your head building.

Then it was gone. You were on your hands and knees breathing heavily, stars in your eyes, head hurting. Beside you, you heard Castiel.

“What did, what did you do to me?”

“I read your mind, such as it is, and hers.”

You groaned on the ground. Castiel slowly sat on his knees.

“What do you want?”

“What do I want? I want you to shut! Up! I want, hmmmm having you awake, it’s like a gnat flew right up here, and it’s trapped and it’s buzzing.” he said, tapping his head.

“Having me awake, it’s causing you pain.” “Cas…” you groaned.

“If you can’t sleep, I can't sleep. Yeah. And I like sleep. I need sleep.”

“Then get rid of me.” Cas grunted.

“No!” you shouted. You were scared the Empty would throw Cas deep into the Emptiness.

“Oh I should, should I?”

“Send me back to Earth.”

“Or I throw you so far deep into the Empty that you can't bother me anymore, hmm.”

“No. No, no, no, no. Send him back to Earth. He belongs there.”

The Empty crouched down to you.

“He belongs here. Asleep,” His hand cradled your head. His hand was in essence Castiel’s but you didn’t lean in to his touch. “What about you, hmmm. How do I get you to sleep?” He stroked your hair.

“Send. Him. Back.”

“That’s not part of the deal. Mm-mm, no, no. Besides, you don’t want him to go back.”

“I do. Sam and Dean need him.”

“Ohh save it! I have tiptoed through all your little tulips,” His fingers danced on your head. “Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love,” He looked to Castiel. “What you fear. There is nothing for him back there.”

“That’s not true!!”

“It is, mmm-mmm. Oh it is. He was such a constant festering disappointment.”

“He wasn’t. Not to me.”

The Empty shoved you further on the ground.

“No. Don’t you touch her.” Castiel crawled over to you and The Cosmic Entity kicked him back. Castiel grunted hitting the floor.

“If I can get you both to sleep then I can sleep. Just let’s lay down and and try and sleep.” He said stroking your back.

“Hmmm, think about it. Infinite peace, yes, no regrets, no pain.” You were beginning to feel quite tired until he tapped you. “Kiddo save. Yourself.”

“She’s already saved.” A voice close by growled. You turned and saw Cas on his knees.

The Empty kicked him hard in the stomach and he fell, groaning.

“Stop!” you yelled loud enough to wake every sleeping demon and angel.

“You can prance, and you can preen, and you can scream, and yell, and remind me of my failings, but somehow I am awake, and I will stay awake, and I will keep you awake until we both go insane.”

The truth hurt for Empty!Cas. He punched Castiel in the face, his head whipping to one side. You made your way over.

“I will fight you,” Cas slowly stood up.”I will fight you. I will fight you forever. For eternity. ”

The Empty shook his head. “No. No.”

“Release me.”

Castiel stepped closer to him, getting up in his face. “Release. Me. Release Y/N.”

Empty Cas smiled a twisted wolfish grin.

“Sorry, buddy. No can do.”

“I’m not leaving without her.”

“It’s okay, Cas. You can go. You don’t have to wait for me.” you said behind him.

Castiel turned back around and embraced you.

“She knew this would happen. Oh boy, did she.”

He hugged you tight and you inhaled his scent for one last time.

“I don’t want to go back without you.”

“That’s not how it works, Cas.” you said.

“One life for a life.” Empty!Cas stated.

“I will find a way for you. I will. I will get you out of here. You don’t deserve this eternity. I will give you your heaven.”

“Cas… I already have my heaven. It was seeing you again. Here. That’s all I wanted. To get to say goodbye. You gave me a great couple of years. And I loved every single minute of it. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

He let the tear fall down his cheek. You gave a sad smile.

“Oh enough with the sentimental crap.”

You cupped his cheek, ignoring the Empty. “Tell them I died happy. And that I’m fine. Tell them it’s not their fault. Not Sam’s. Not Dean’s, especially not Jack’s.”

Castiel nodded then leant down, pressing his lips to yours, giving you a small kiss.

“In death, I promise you. I will bring you back.”

“Time’s up.” The Cosmic Entity pulled Castiel away.

“Y/N… I-” He never got to finish the sentence as he vanished from your existence back to Earth.

Castiel Fic Tags:

@greenappleeyes @sugarcookiedean @one-to-beam-up @mypassionsarenysins

#The Big Empty #Empty!Cas #castiel #castiel flangst #fluff and angst #castiel x reader #spn fanfic

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jay-and-dean · 5 years

Text

Greater Good Prologue

(Dean x Reader? Sam x Reader ?)

Serie Summary :

There is a prophecy.

When Lucifer's true vessel will find his one true love, it will tilt the world's scales on the side of good and light. The balance that this love will bring, is to be the start of a new era, where evil will be weaken for the first time in centuries.

When the Winchesters find out about this, they decide this is the opportunity of their life, the only way to make a difference once and for all. And now they have a way to find this girl, things should be easy, right ?

What happens when the prophetic girl doesn't fall in love with Sam ?

___________________________

Serie Warnings : Swearing, Angst, Fluff, Smut, and maybe other stuffs.

Note : This is the new story I’m writing. This is a short prologue to start. I hope you’ll like it.

Prologue words : 1k

GREATER GOOD MASTERLIST

***WANT TO READ MORE ? => MASTERLIST***

_________________________________

***Prologue***

Sam keeps looking out the window, his eyes jumping from tree to tree has the impala rushes through the land. He doesn’t say anything, why would he? And what could he say anyway ?

Sam Winchester is used to crazy, to unbelievable. This just might be a little too much for him. So he stays silent, and tries to let his brain come to term with this new kind of weird.

“I can’t believe you’re a Disney princess, Sammy !” Dean suddenly jokes, shaking his head with that wide teasing smile that hides his own worry.

The truth is Dean is terrified. Sam’s one true love, what does this fucking means ? Does it mean fate wants to choose for his little brother once again ? And anyway : What is one true love ? Does it really exists ? Love exists, Dean knows that, he can feel it in every cell of his body, maybe because he’s a love child. But destiny’s love shit… This may be a little too much.

How is it supposed to work anyway ? Will Sam fall at that girl’s feet the second he’s going to see her ? Will he realize he can’t live without her, take her to the bunker and keep her there, giggling for the rest of time ? Dean frowns. What if he doesn’t like her ? What if she’s a witless little princess ? What if she makes them grow apart ?

And if she’s so special, where was she all those years ? Where was she when Sam lost Jessica ? When he was addicted to demon blood ? When he went to hell ? During the trials and after ? Why now ?

Dean won’t admit it out loud, but he hates this prophecy thing, he hates it with every part of his soul… And he knows Sam doesn’t like it either. But this is for the greater good…

*********

Y/n gets out of the shower and sighs, the heat is killing her these days. She closes the curtains to hide the sweltering sun, not wanting to loose all the benefits of the cold shower just now. This is a good day, she tries to convince herself, if she hurries, she’ll have time to study in the bus. And tonight is pay night.

She dresses like she always does, simple jeans and oversized t-shirt, even with this burning sun, there is no way she’s going out in a sexy outfit. She takes her books and verifies she has all of them before putting them in her bag. History of witchcraft during the middle age : from healers to heretics, check. A study of demonic pictorial representations in Europe, check. Mythology of the bible, third volume : Michael, the warrior angel, check. Introduction to Hebrew, fourth volume, check. From Abraham Van Helsing to Buffy : History of the monster hunters figures in popular cultures, check.

She has to hurry, that essay on the angelic symbols in eighteenth century’s literature isn’t going to write itself, and she can’t afford grade below excellent, she can’t afford another year, or she might end up in jail for murdering a guy.

“Y/n, you’re making the girls freak out with your stupid books” Alan says. “This is not the place for studying, I don’t pay you to be smart, I pay you to be pretty.”

“You pay me to cause boners, Alan…” she sights, putting her books back in her wide bag.

“And you’re so talented” the bald man says, giving her an envelope ful of cash. “If you weren’t so obsessed with college all this nerd crap, you could make a shit ton of money.”

“I know… And hate my body even more” she says between her teeth.

“Come on, don’t be like that you don’t even do specials…” he frowns.

And she leaves the room before he can talk about that again, avoiding a never-ending talk. She just isn’t going to do private shows, or private parties, whatever men are ready to pay ; she knows how it ends. And none of those sick perverts is going to lay a hand on her, their stare is already more than she can bear.

The music starts. The crowed room is filled with whiskey, sweat and testosterone smells, the silence is heavy, an impatient silence, right before the primal roars ring out… This is it, six months to go, she thinks, hiding the lace thong under her sexy secretary skirt. She takes a deep breath, pulls her stomach in and tries to imagine she doesn’t hate the men in the room.

Show time…

*********

Sam knows so little about that girl he’s supposed to find. She’s in that town, that’s sure even if the tracking spell didn’t work the first time ; now Rowena is positive. And their life already crossed at least once, she said to him. It means he knows her, at least has already seen her.

While Dean is eating his burger, Sam’s thoughts drift again. He tries to think about every girls he’s known, is there one of them he could have liked like that ?

“So… Is there anywhere your heart leads you” Dean says with his mouth full.

“Home…” Sam grunts.

“Oh come on Sammy, you’re about to meet future miss Sam Winchester, aren’t you existed ?” he tries to hide his own worry. “I guess she’s boring as hell and has very long hair” he jokes.

“You’re so funny...” Sam shrugs.

“So, where do we go ?” Dean insists.

Where do we go ? Sam doesn’t know. He’s supposed to be drawn to her when he’s near. Just let your envies and heart lead you, Rowena and Cas said. Yeah, super easy… And it won’t be awkward at all to ask every dawn girl of this town to touch her skin, and see if a little mark appears on her chest.

Sam sighs loudly again, not even realizing how sulky he his since they left the bunker. And this stifling weather is not helping. He feels nothing special, just the need for air conditioning.

When Dean takes the local newspaper to check on the news, Sam notices a commercial about the town’s library.

“Maybe we could check on the library, you know, to start somewhere” Sam says.

“See ? Boring...” Dean rolls his eyes.

__________________________________

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#spn #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #dean winchester #dean x reader #deanxreader #dean x y/n #angst #fluff #Smut

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shippers-roost · 7 years

Text

“My Fault” (Inktober Day 11: Endverse)

Title: My Fault

Author: shippers-roost/I AM ZE BETA

Pairing: Sabriel—Sam Winchester/Gabriel

Summary: Set shortly after 5x04, Gabriel finally musters the courage to confront his brother Lucifer.

Word Count: 2881

Challenge: @thebunkerofletters Inktober Day 11

My fault.

Rock, gravel and shards of shattered glass crunch beneath my feet as I push on, marching deliberately toward my brother. My destiny.

My fault.

I could have helped them. Could have made a difference. After the angels left, I was the only one who was even close to Lucifer in power. Sure, my older brother had always been able to push me around, but that was a long time ago. I could have at least tried.

The empty city seems to mock me, ruined buildings reflecting my own thoughts back at me. My fault. Everything was my fault.

Sam and Dean had tried to bring me into the fight, back before they knew who I was, back when I was still in my so-called ‘witness-protection’. Of course, it was Sam that suggested they ask for my help. He was always willing to see the best in the supernatural, not like his brother. Dean would have rather killed me on sight.

I scoff, lips curling into a mocking sneer. Dean was right, they should have killed me. I didn’t help them, hell, I did the opposite, tried to force them to play the roles that destiny had chosen for them. That my brothers and sisters had chosen for them. Foolishly I thought that if Michael and Lucifer could battle it out once and for all, the fighting would come to an end. I know better now.

They tried to convince me otherwise, oh they tried, Sam especially. He truly believed that he could convince me, that he would be able to help me see sense and take a stand against my brother. Turns out he was right, if not in the way that he was expecting. It just took a few years for the message to sink in.

I stop in front of a chain link fence, my eyes lingering on the rusted metal sign, riddled with bullet holes like everything else on this God-forsaken planet. Jackson County Sanitarium. I can feel him, feel my brother on the other side, closer than we’ve been in millennia. He’s not bothering to reign his power in any longer, why would he? He’s in his true vessel now, one that can properly contain him no matter how much of his strength he draws on. And as far as Lucifer knows, there are no other angels here, no gods or demons strong enough to stand up to him. He’s wiped them all out.

Another thing that’s my fault.

I was there that day, when the other pagan gods gathered together, uniting to stop my brother. And I left moments before Lucifer descended and wiped them all out. Maybe I couldn’t have won, but surely I could have made a difference. If not for my weakness, my fear of confronting Lucifer, they might still be alive. Odin, Ganesh, Mercury, Baldur, Kali... Dead, like the countless others who have tried and failed to stand against Lucifer.

All of their deaths are on my shoulders, just a drop in the bucket compared to the mountains of sin I carry. If Dad ever returns, he will strip me of my grace and cast me down for what I’ve become. Our mission was to protect humanity, and we’ve failed. The Croatoan virus has culled their ranks, and what few humans have survived continue to die at Lucifer’s hands, day after day. It won’t be long before Lucifer has completely eradicated the human race.

But not if I can stop him.

For the first time in millennia, I call upon my true power, not that of a trickster, or the pagan god Loki, but the power of the archangel Gabriel. I stretch my wings out, relishing in sensation of the open air against my feathers. It’s been too long since I’ve let my mask fall away, since I’ve let myself be me.

With less than a thought, the fence is gone, eradicated from the Earth, and I march forward, closer to Lucifer. Surely, he can feel me now, I’m not hiding any longer, not running away anymore. I am going to fight.

If only I had made this decision earlier. Maybe, I could have saved him, could have prevented him from saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer in Detroit. Sam had resisted for so long, for nearly five years he resisted, refusing to submit to my brother, refusing to be used as a vessel. But even he couldn’t say no forever.

It was strange, how one little human could have such a dramatic effect on me, when everyone else had failed. Lucifer had begged me to join him in those early days, before Michael cast him into the Cage, before I had run away and hidden myself among the humans. The pagan gods, my second family, had tried to recruit me to fight against Lucifer, before they were all wiped out. They had taken me in, and although they had tried to kill me more than once, it was impossible to deny that I had cared for them. Still, I had refused, even after Kali revealed my true identity. I didn’t want to be part of the fighting, I just wanted it to be over.

And then Lucifer took Sam. I had tried to push Sam into saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer years earlier, but I couldn’t have guessed the pain I felt when it actually happened, when I realized that he was lost to me forever. Despite my best efforts, I had fallen for Sam Winchester, and I only realized it when it was too late. I can’t save Sam, I know that. Lucifer will never release his hold, not when he finally has Sam in his clutches. But, I can end his suffering. I can do what Sam asked me to five years ago, and join the fight.

He is waiting for me as I round the corner into the garden, my blade in hand. “Gabriel.”

“Lucifer.” I will myself to look past his vessel, to the twisted form of my brother, but I can’t. All I can see is the man I love standing in front of me.

“It’s been a long time.” It’s Lucifer’s words, but it’s Sam’s voice, Sam’s mouth and lips. Fighting him is going to be harder than I realized. My fingers tighten around my blade. Can I go through with it? Can I kill Sam?

“It has.” I agree. “I haven’t seen you since you threw that tantrum, and Dad had you locked away.”

“Watch yourself brother.” Lucifer says quietly, his expression crueler than anything I had ever seen from Sam. “Why are you doing this? For Michael?”

“Michael’s gone.” I say, my mind running through my options. I can’t trick him, Lucifer taught me most of what I know. This is going to have to be a straight up fight. “He and the other angels all left a long time ago.”

“All except for you.” Lucifer’s tone is one of mild interest, as if he’s genuinely curious. He sounds so much like my brother now, before he fell. “Why did you stay behind?”

“You know I haven’t been a part of heaven for a long time Lucy.” I say. I can’t take my eyes off of him, he looks so much like Sam, and acts so much like the brother that I love. It’s almost possible to forget everything he’s done. “I’m here for the humans. The ones we were sent to protect.”

“Still toeing the company line?” Lucifer sneers, the expression out of place on Sam’s face, the facade of humanity gone in an instant. “I thought better of you Gabriel. You’ve seen more of humanity than any of us, you’ve seen them as they truly are. Broken. Flawed. Worthless. Why would you want to help them?”

‘Because Sam Winchester would want me to.’

“Because they’re better than us.” I say emphatically, stepping closer to Lucifer. We’re only a few yards apart now. “Dad was right, they may be flawed, but it’s their flaws that make them perfect. They try to do better, to learn from their mistakes, to forgive. It’s something that should be cherished and protected.”

“No.”

“No,” Lucifer repeats, and suddenly his blade is in his hand, faster than even I could track. “I don’t believe you. If that was true, if this was really about humanity, then you would have interfered long ago. When the angels left, or when the Croatoan virus was released, or maybe even before then. But not now. It’s been too long, and even if you kill me, humanity is doomed.”

Lucifer starts to pace, and I match him, until we’re circling each other in this barren garden, our blades in our hands, two brothers ready to fight, ready to kill each other.

“This is about something else.” Lucifer hisses, his lips twisting into a cruel smile. “Something far more recent.”

I don’t allow myself to express any emotion as we continue to circle each other. There’s no point in giving Lucifer an advantage.

Abruptly, Lucifer stops. “Tell me Gabriel,” He says, almost casually. “Does your vessel ever talk to you?”

I stop moving, unsure if I should answer. What was Lucifer’s game? “Not anymore.” I admit at last, not seeing any harm in answering. “Loki’s been quiet for a long time.”

“That’s how Sam was at first,” Lucifer says, and unwillingly, my hand tightens around my blade. How dare he mention Sam? “He was silent, I guess he felt ashamed that he had given in to me. But, ever since I killed his brother in this very garden, he won’t shut up. He’s tried pushing me out, tried resisting, honestly it’s all rather tiring.”

Relief and fear flood me almost simultaneously. Relief that Sam was still sane, still trying to resist my brother’s hold. Fear of just what Lucifer was doing to him, what he was forced to watch his body do.

“But, I’ve never seen him so chatty,” Lucifer continues, his smile widening. “He’s been begging me to leave you alone ever since you stopped hiding your power. He’s tried pleading, and bargaining and everything in between just so that I would let my little brother go unharmed.”

Lucifer cupped one hand around his mouth and leaned in closer to me as if he was whispering. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say little Sammy had a crush on you Gabriel.”

I don’t answer, but I can’t stop the strange warmth in my stomach. Seeing his body standing there, jerked around by my brother was even harder now that I knew my feelings were reciprocated. I desperately wish there was some way I could force Lucifer to leave him, so that Sam and I could be together.

“Can you imagine that?” Lucifer laughs coldly. “A human falling in love with an archangel. Just imagine what our father would have said. Of course, it’s nothing compared to what he would have done if he knew that the reverse was also true.”

So, Lucifer already knew. I stare defiantly at my brother, daring him to say something. No matter how much it would hurt me, I was still prepared to kill him, even if it meant losing Sam. I knew that’s what he would want me to do.

“How could you have fallen so low Gabriel?” Lucifer asks, shaking his head softly. “You are an archangel, a being of primordial creation. What could this human possibly offer you?”

“I don’t expect you to understand Lucifer.” I hiss, unable to hold back. “You’ve fallen and twisted so far that you are barely recognizable as an angel any longer.”

“Maybe so.” Lucifer agrees, inclining his head. “But I still have the power of an archangel. I’m still stronger than you are. And, even if by some miracle you manage to overpower me, do you really have it in you to kill your brother? To kill Sam Winchester?”

“I will if I have to.”

Lucifer smiles, a sadistic expression that is at odds with Sam’s face. “Oh believe me Gabriel. If you want to stop me, you will have to.”

That’s all the warning I get, and in a fraction of a second, I’m flat on my back deflecting Lucifer’s blade with mine, desperately trying to stay alive. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a fight for my life, and even longer since I used an angel blade. My only saving grace is that Lucifer seems equally out of practice.

I blast Lucifer back, and jump up to my feet, healing the gash on my forearm in the process. He is even stronger and faster than I thought. This isn’t going to be easy.

“I’m surprised Gabriel.” Lucifer hisses, wiping his bleeding lip. “None of your usual tricks? I was half-expecting a decoy while you tried to sneak up behind me.”

“It wouldn’t work.” I shrug, rolling my neck. “You’ve always been good at seeing past my illusions.”

Lucifer smiles briefly, and for a moment, he’s my brother again. Until it falters, and he lunges, our battle resuming.

It doesn’t take long for me to realize just how outmatched I am. We may both be archangels, but Lucifer is older and far stronger. I manage to land a few glancing blows on him, leaving minor wounds, but in the end, he easily disarms me, and pins me down, his blade at the ready.

“I don’t want to do this brother.” Lucifer whispers, pressing the blade against my throat. “Please, don’t make me do this.”

I’m worn and beaten, but I refuse to let my brother have the last word. “You said it yourself Lucy.” I pant, fighting for air through broken ribs and a punctured lung. “Nobody makes us do anything.”

Lucifer’s eyes flash with recognition at the familiar phrase. The same ones he shouted at Michael, Raphael and I in the days before his fall, back when he wanted us to unite against our father. As he draws his hand back, I desperately try to memorize his face. Sam’s face.

“Sorry Sam. I tried.”

The words slip out without me meaning to. Maybe it’s a sign of weakness, but I can’t bring myself to care any longer. Lucifer is going to kill me, I might as well make sure Sam knows that this, all of this was for him.

Lucifer pauses, drawing the moment out. For all his claims that he doesn’t want to do this, he certainly seems to be enjoying it.

“I love you Sam.”

I close my eyes, waiting for the blade to fall, for my life to end. It’s been a long life, filled with more bad than good, but in the end I died doing something right. I suppose I couldn’t ask for more than that.

“Gabriel.”

Lucifer’s voice is different, harsher, more strained, but somehow softer. I don’t care any longer, I’ve accepted my fate, and I won’t give Lucifer the satisfaction of seeing fear in my eyes.

“I love you.”

My eyes fly open. That wasn’t Lucifer.

His face is drawn and tired, he’s clearly straining to remain in control, but it’s him. Sam. He is somehow holding off Lucifer’s possession, momentarily in control of his body again.

“Sam.” I lift my arm, my fingers brushing against his cheek. It doesn’t feel real, it can’t be real. Has Lucifer already killed me?

“Thank you Gabriel.” Sam forces out, each word clearly costing him a great deal. I can see his face straining with the effort of holding my brother back. “I’m sorry. I wish this could have ended differently.”

“Sam?” I can’t form a more coherent answer, my mind is rattled from Lucifer’s beating.

Before I can even try to make sense of what’s happening, Sam’s arm moves, and the deadly silver blade he holds flashes in the light of the dying sun as he drives it home, deep into his own chest.

Sam slumps to the ground, his hand falling from the blade that juts from his chest.

I scramble to my feet, ignoring the pain of my own wounds. “Sam!” I sprint over, gathering what little power I have left and place two fingers against his forehead.

“No.” Sam grunts, grabbing my wrist and tugging my hand away. “Don’t. You’ll heal him too.”

“Sam, I...” I can’t come up with the words, can’t find any way to express the emotion flooding through me. I can’t just leave him here. I thread my fingers through his, desperately trying to convey the depth of my feelings for him with the simple gesture.

“You can’t.” Sam whispered, his voice even weaker now. He’s fading fast, he has maybe seconds left. “Goodbye Gabriel. I love you.”

I close my eyes and cradle Sam against my chest, not moving, even as his ragged breathing hitches one last time, and stops forever. As Sam’s body dies, the last remnants of Lucifer, my fallen brother dies with him, his wings searing the grass, the ground and me.

I ignore the pain of the burns, ignore my injuries, ignore everything as I sit there, holding Sam’s body, and for the first time in my incredibly long life, stretching back to the time before creation, tears fall from my eyes.

#inktoberbunker #supernatural #sabriel #sam x gabriel #sabriel fanfic #my writing

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ourloveisforthelovely · 6 years

Text

Being Human 5

A/N: smut and drama

Link to previous chapter

Words: 3, 508

Pairings: Gabriel X OFC

________________

Andi didn’t remember crying herself to sleep all she remembered was drifting into a dreamless slumber for an hour or so. Finally she drifted into a fog filled dream….

Standing in the middle of a smokey room Andi looked around trying to figure out where she was. Of course it was a dream that was a given.

“Andi finally I get to see you.”

Andi turned around to see what looked like a young John Winchester standing behind her. She had enough sense to know that it wasn’t. Taking a breath she glared at that person behind her.

“Michael can you get a new vessel or something? Carting around my dad’s body is a bit creepy.”

The archangel smiled. If Andi didn’t know cold then she would have thought that really amused by that comment.

“John’s vessel is the best. Even better than your brother Adam I have to say…he was a bit of a disappointment.”

Andi felt herself beginning to tremble. She had to put the fact that Adam was used as vessel out of her mind for a long time. There was also the knowledge that he was in hell. That was too much to deal with sometimes.

“You prick.”

Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Temper temper….my goodness aren’t you moody. Have the pregnancy hormones already gotten to you?

Andi felt her heart beginning to pound. He KNEW! Just like she had suspected, Michael knew about her and Gabriel’s baby.

“Don’t know what you are talking about.”

She replied innocently. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Come now child do you think that I am that stupid? Andrea I am one of the oldest beings in existence. I know what you carry. I also know that my little brother is in a whole mess of trouble. Creating a nephilim is a huge crime. As an archangel he knows better. He will pay for what he has done. Gabriel has caused enough trouble for heaven. This time he has gone too far.”

Andi scowled when the archangel called her by her full name. No one called her Andrea! She also felt immense fear for Gabriel’s safety in that moment. He would probably be able to handle himself fine against Michael bu the fact that he was being threatened was frightening.

“You won’t touch him.”

“And I suppose a little mortal like yourself is going to stop me? Please child you nor your brothers are no match for me.”

Andi chuckled.

“That is where you are wrong buttercup. You see there is a few things that you don’t know. For one, I don’t have just Gabriel protecting me. Lucifer is around too. I know how you two just love each other. He knows about the baby too and he isn’t afraid to protect it. I guess you could say that Lucifer kind of enjoys the idea of being an uncle.”

Michael exhaled. He watched Andi a few moments as she walked around.

“I can get Raphael. He isn’t pleased about our little brother’s transgressions either. You have a lot to be scared of. My suggestion for you is let us have that child in your womb. A cursed child is the last thing this world needs.”

Andi backed up.

“How about I give you an archangel blade to the face? You and Raphael aren’t touching my child.”

Michael groaned.

“I had a feeling that you would say that. Remember this deary we will be able to find you and that child.”

Andi protectively wrapped her arms around her stomach.

“You would kill your own nephew?”

Michael innocently shrugged.

“That thing may have archangel DNA but again it is a cursed child destined to bring nothing but despair and tribulation to man kind.”

Andi was quiet for a few moments giving Michael a feeling that his words were finally sinking in. She looked up at him with devastated green eyes that reminded Michael of Dean.

“Don’t look so sad. Again I can end all of this pain for you….I will do it at no risk to your life whatsoever. I do care about humans to a point. You don’t deserve the pain and sorrow this will bring you. Gabriel won’t stand by you forever. He will get tired and run….just like he always does. When the tough gets going he will disappear. Running seems to be my brother’s talent. Its regretful…I do sense there is good in that child however, this universe isn’t ready for that kind of power. Look at me I’m being somewhat hypocritical myself. Let me end this ordeal for you and you can find a nice mortal man. You can have a nice normal apple pie life with kids and a dog. What do you say? Do we have a deal? Am I getting through?”

Andi stood motionless a moment longer before looking back to Michael.

“Are you stupid or something? I mean you have to be! Hello moron I am a Winchester there is going to be nothing normal about my life! Do you honestly think that I am going to let you touch my child?! Again buttercup you have another thing coming! Furthermore, Gabriel isn’t going anywhere. He isn’t the child that he used to be. Now get the fuck out of my dreams. If I was a dude I would tell you to suck my dick. Tell Raphael to kick rocks too.”

Michael shook his head.

“As you wish. When you meet your stick end don’t say I told you so.”

The next thing Andi knew she was sitting up in her and Gabriel’s bed. Sitting up she was silent a moment before screaming Gabriel’s name as loud as she could. Gabriel was in the room in an instant with Sam, Dean, and Cas following. Gabriel scooped Andi out of bed and was holding her looking beyond confused himself.

“What is it?! What is wrong? What happened?

Gabriel manged to get out. The moment that he realized Andi was trembling and there were tears streaking her face he knew all wasn’t right in the world. Part of him was afraid that it was to do with their less than stellar dinner and shopping date. Gabriel glanced back at Sam and Dean who looked worried out of their minds.

Andi, who was busy nuzzling again Gabriel’s chest, finally looked up.

“Michael knows. Gabriel, Michael and Raphael know about our baby.”

Gabriel’s face darkened as he tilted his head to the side. Dean meanwhile, was focused on his sister’s face.

“How do you know?”

Andi swallowed.

“In my dream, he was there. He said they knew about everything and that the baby was a cursed child. Gabriel he is going to be after us. We have to do something.”

Dean looked to Sam a moment before going back to his sister.

“Andi it was just a bad dream. You are worrying too much.”

Andi shook head.

“Don’t you tell me what I saw wasn’t real! You wasn’t there!”

Gabriel looked back to Dean with a frown. Right away he wanted to punch Dean in the face but at the same time he knew that Andi wouldn’t be too pleased if he knocked the eldest Winchester a centuries back.

“Mother fuck…”

He muttered before stopping for a moment. He looked at Andi carefully before looking back to the brothers in front of him to finish his sentence

“All right you two need to go.”

He snapped his fingers vacating the older Winchesters from the room. Cas meanwhile, was left standing where he was.

“Gabriel say something for the love of all things holy.”

Andi all but yelled. Gabriel looked at her with sad eyes.

“Sugar do you think I would really let anything happen to you or our baby? Cas go keep an eye on the two stooges and make sure they don’t do anything dumb.”

Cas nodded before leaving so Gabriel could focus his attention on his lover. Andi had walked away from him and was looking sadly at her stomach. Gabriel hated seeing this look of hopelessness on her face. He was so used to his snarky smiling Andi.

Gabriel couldn’t help feeling guilty for his own lack of caring earlier in the day when Kali showed up. He should have been so cold with Andi. She had just been trying to keep him safe from the goddess.

“Come here.”

He said calmly. Andi didn’t move for a moment before finally walking to Gabriel letting him pull her onto the bed. Andi was quiet as Gabriel snuggled against her.

“Was it just a dream?”

Andi asked finally. Gabriel shook his head.

“No precious. All of that was real. Andi I will not let anything happen to any of us. Our baby isn’t a cursed child and isn’t going to be a risk to man kind. So what if my dad said nephilims aren’t supposed to be in existence. It isn’t like he is here to do anything about it. If Michael and Raphael can do what they want so can I. We can have what we want.”

Andi was silent for a few moments longer.

“Gabriel, he offered to be able to take the baby out of existence…like it never happened. If he can do that so can you right?”

Gabriel sat up with a petrified frown.

“Why would you even ask that?”

Andi shrugged.

“You could take the baby away then get back to your life. After tonight I pretty much got the idea that you have some interest in Kali. If you didn’t you would never have gotten so mad over all of that. It shouldn’t have taken me so long to figure it out either. You couldn’t keep your hands off of me before I got pregnant and now you won’t touch me. It all makes sense.”

Gabriel practically smacked himself in the face.

“When are you going to get it through that thick Winchester head of yours that I don’t love that crazy woman?! What am I going to have to do to get it through your head? I swear talking to you and your brothers is like talking to a brick wall.”

Andi sat up and moved away from Gabriel at that. The venom in his voice wasn’t making anything easier. Was she breaking up with him? Would it make more sense to? Like she had thought earlier, Dean was right. Angels and humans shouldn’t mix.

“Your brother knows nothing. I’m not leaving you so might as well forget that nonsense.”

Gabriel spat angrily from his place on the bed. Andi didn’t turn. Normally she would have ripped Gabriel for being nosy and reading her thoughts. Today, however, she hadn’t nothing to say. Gabriel mumbled something in Enochian. Andi figured it was a series of swearwords but wasn’t 100%.

He was quiet for a few moments before snapping his fingers leaving Andi on his lap. She sat with her knees on either side of his body looking totally shocked.

“Gabriel…”

Gabriel put a finger to her lips.

“No. You are going to listen to me and if you start talking I will take your voice away.”

Andi sat stunned. By the look on Gabriel’s face she knew that he wasn’t joking. His face was dead serious and if she ever needed any confirmation that he was an archangel this was it. Andi nodded as Gabriel gently took her face in his hands so she was looking into his golden eyes.

“Andi, I love you. I want you. I will not let anything happen to you or our baby. I am not some weak angel that can’t do anything. I am one of the worst things out there and can match anything Michael can do. What happened with Kali earlier was me being petrified that she was going to try to hurt you. As flattered as I was to see you rip her a new asshole it still scared me. Do you understand?”

Andi nodded as Gabriel leaned forward kissing her tenderly.

“I have been so alive so long and there is no one on this planet that has loved someone like I love you. That will never change. I’ll keep you safe forever.”

Gabriel gently lay Andi back on the bed. Her green eyes rolled up to him as he stood looking down at her.

“What are you doing?”

She asked softly. It had been the first time that she had dared to speak since he had threatened to take her voice away. Gabriel smiled down at her before reaching down to remove her leggings.

“Making love to you the way that you want and deserve. It isn’t like the kid is going to know what is going on and my dick isn’t going to hit him in the head so we are good.”

Andi raised an eyebrow trying to stifle a giggle.

“Gabe I think its cute that your dick goes up that far.”

Gabriel blinked taking on a sassy expression.

“I can show you how far my dick can go if you want to be a smart ass. I can grace fuck you and fuck you with my dick. We can see how long you hold out smarty.”

Andi got off of the bed to wrap her arms around Gabriel’s shoulders.

“Mhm that sounds heavenly. Sex with an archangel sounds fun.”

Gabriel froze.

“Wait I haven’t fucked you since I got my grace back have I? Oh sugar you are in for a treat. We will have to play soft and cozy until the baby comes.”

Gabriel pulled her back into another kiss. Andi moaned when his kisses began to taste like candy.

“Gabriel what are you doing?”

Gabriel shrugged.

“Well I happen to know that you have been craving those dove chocolates soo….good boyfriend huh? Wait until I feed you my cock. This is going to make blow jobs even better too.”

Andi went back to kissing his collar bone before moving to his neck. Gabriel made a satisfied sigh as Andi’s lips began to suck at his neck. Satisfied that she was able to make Gabriel whine Andi gently bit down on his neck.

“You naughty girl.

He chuckled. Gabriel snapped his fingers leaving her naked in his arms. After stopping her assault on his neck Andi leaned back opening her eyes. She froze the moment that she noticed Gabriel’s golden wings. Andi didn’t move instead she just stood looking dumbfounded. Gabriel’s eyes fluttered open as he came down from his “make out” high.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Andi shook her head.

“Nothing at all. Gabriel your wings are beautiful. How have I not seen them before?”

Gabriel looked as shocked as she did for a minute before he reached out pulling her back into his arms.

“If I ever needed anymore clue to know that you were made for me this is best one.”

Pulling her back into another kiss Gabriel couldn’t be happier. This was the best confirmation that he could have ever received that Andi was in fact his soul mate. His mushy thoughts were interrupted when Andi’s fingers stroked over his wings.

“Oh god…”

He muttered before freezing. Andi’s green eyes opened at that mention of God too. Both she and Gabriel gave each other a smile.

“Well that was a mood killer. Don’t stop doing that.”

Gabriel half whimpered as Andi’s hands went back to work. Andi was pleased with all the moans and whines she was getting out of the archangel through her assault. She smirked at the thought of having a new way to turn him into putty in her hands.

“Got that right sugar.”

Andi scowled.

“Reading my mind is away to not get wing massages that turn you into putty.”

Gabriel groaned when she pulled a bit.

“I’ll be good. Don’t stop. This is like sex….well not as good but pretty damn close.”

A few moments later there was a loud banging on the bedroom door. Both Gabriel and Andi scowled angrily at the door before saying WHAT at the same time. Dean’s also annoyed voice came from the other side.

“I don’t know what kind of kinky shit you two are doing in there but stop fucking with the electricity Gabriel! I am trying to make me some muffins and if you make this stove go off again I am going to come in there and punch you. Also be careful with my sister! She doesn’t need to be doing anything dangerous in her condition.”

Andi couldn’t help smiling and feeling pride hearing Dean’s concern. After him not saying much to her in a while any and showing little to no sign of caring this was wonderful. Gabriel meanwhile, looked even more annoyed with Dean.

“You better go on I’ll make sure those muffins of yours burn before you ever get a chance to taste one. Try me you little…”

Gabriel was stopped when Andi reached up tugging on his wings again. Dean must of got the message and stormed off right as all of the power in the bunker went off.

“Son of a bitch! That’s it Sammy we are going to get pizza. Come on Cas. I’ll be damned if I have to sit here and listen to them fuck.”

Dean yelled rather loudly. Gabriel snapped his fingers making small candles appear all over the bedroom.

“Get in bed sweetheart.”

Gabriel’s said softly. Andi didn’t need to be told twice as she got into their bed. All of the bad of the day was vanishing with every passing moment. Gabriel was quickly making everything okay with each passing moment. Candle lit love making was definitely earning him some major points.

“That’s it sweetheart. Spread your legs for me.”

Gabriel said in almost a purring tone. He watched her with wide eyes as he stroked his cock. She looked absolutely stunning laying there in the light of the candles.

Lowering himself between her legs Gabriel looked up with her with an eyebrow wiggle before taking a tender lick at her clit.

“Mhm so wet sugar. You taste amazing.”

Gabriel cooed as he continued his assault. Andi flung her head back into the pillow. She lowered her hand down running her fingers through Gabriel’s hair. She slightly tugged as he increased the pressure with him tongue.

“Gabe please I’m ready.”

The archangel didn’t need to be told twice as he aligned his body with her entrance. As he entered Gabriel took extra care not to place any weight on her stomach as he began to rock into her.

“Glad your brother left sugar. Don’t think this is going to be too quiet.”

Gabriel grunted in between thrusts. Andi wrapped her hands in the bars of the headboard.

“Don’t talk about my brothers. I can’t come when I think about them. Do you want me to discuss your family while you are fucking me?”

Gabriel chuckled.

“Yeah, no. Not good pillow talk sugar snap.”

Andi smiled as she tried to ignore the burning sensation in her stomach. How could she be so close already.

“Come for me sugar.”

Gabriel moaned between gritted teeth.

“Too soon.”

Andi whimpered. The moment a rubbing sensation on her clit started Andi cried out.

“No fair! You can’t just grace fuck me when you want me to come.”

She squealed as Gabriel’s grace pushed harder to match the speed of his thrusts. Gabriel chuckled.

“All is fair in love making princess.”

Gabriel said as he pushed into the hilt making Andi come instantly. After recovering enough to think straight Andi glared up at Gabriel.

“Too soon! I’ll show you.”

She growled before reaching up and tugging hard on Gabriel’s wings. Gabriel’s golden eyes widened as he came.

“Well damn.”

He said with a satisfied smile before flopping down beside his lover gathering her into his arms.

“I think I have created a monster with you. I have to say I enjoy it. So sugar…are the rumors true…do you really want to have a lot of sex when your pregnant?”

Andi yawned as Gabriel’s wings wrapped around her keeping her as close to him as possible.

“I think so. You better be ready to be fucking a lot in the near future.”

Gabriel watched as she was beginning to drift off to sleep.

“Well you always know how to turn me on quickly now. No wing pulling in front of your over sized brothers. I don’t want to have to explain to them why I creamed my jeans”

Andi giggled, yawning again.

“Go to sleep sugar. I won’t be going anywhere.”

_________

@jannalionheart

@greenappleeyes

@tas898

@sherala007

#gabirel #Gabriel x OFC #supernatural fanfiction #GABRIEL THE ARCHANGEL #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #cas

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maximumkillshot · 5 years

Text

Make It Better

Warnings: ANGSTY AF, like it’s bad for a while there, then it gets better. Some cussing possible, mentions of S14 stuffs.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Reader, OMC Luke, (Multiple other charaters mentioned

A/N: This is from an ask by @carribear31 Her ask reads: So I have an idea, it could be angsty. Going back to beginning if seadon 14. Dean is free from Michael and comes back to the bunker to find all the AU hunters there. Him and reader have been together for awhile but seeing all these other hunters need her for this and that makes him feel unneeded and useless and even a bit jealous when he notices one other hunter seems to seek her out more then the others. Now with Dean feel sorry for himself and pushing her away she must prove they belong together. Happy ending please! Thank you!

“All I Could Do” Masterlist- CLICK HERE

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

“When You Call” Masterlist- Click Here

“The Situation” Masterlist- Click Here

“How has Y/N been?” I asked my brother. Michael taking over wasn't something that only affected me. Hell, Y/N had been together for over three years. Before all of the shit hit the fan I was planning out the proposal, I even had the ring ready, and yet the last thing I remember hearing is her screaming at me, asking why.

“She’s broken, Dean. What else do you expect?” answered my brother. “You broke a promise to her, you promised you’d never let him in and yet you let him in right in front of her. I don’t blame her either.”

“Does she hate me?” I asked, pain in my eyes.

“No she doesn’t. She’s been looking for you non stop. She didn't sleep for the first two weeks, only closing her eyes when her body gave out. Jack had to force her to eat and Mom had to get her to shower. She was nothing without you. She even thought that it was all her fault.”

“What?”

“She thought that if she wasn’t there when Lucifer did what he did, you wouldn’t have done what you did to protect her.”

“ I would have done it regardless.”

“She won’t hear it, so she threw herself into work.”

As we pulled into the bunker I saw some people, including Bobby working on he other cars in the garage…

After parking and cautiously opening the bunker door, everyone froze, but Y/N.

Her hair was disheveled and thrown into a bun. Standing at the war room table, coordinating the next attack it seems. All of the other hunters around her looked up, prompting her to do the same.

As I made the way down the stairs I saw her slowly turn towards me, an angel blade in her hand. Her eyes were closed as she looked up, almost preparing to see that blue glow of Michaels eye’s glaring at her like they did the day he took me.

When she looked up, she looked like she aged tenfold. She must’ve lost 50 pounds, her eyes sunken. She looked from my eyes to Sammy, then back to me.

“I-If this is a trick Michael, I swear I will rip you from him myself, and I torture you if you thought the cage was rough… wait until you get a load of me.”

When I went to walk towards her immediately Jack and a few of the other men surrounded her. One of the men commented to me, “I don’t believe that the commander said that you could touch her.”

“Stand Down” I heard her say from the behind the wall of men. They immediately parted like the red sea.

She placed the blade on the table, “Is it really you, Dean?”

That hurt… She usually calls me baby or some chick flick pet name.

“Yeah, it is Sweetheart... I”

“Your room’s the same way you left it. It was off limits.” She turned around, addressing the rest of the hunters.

“You mean our room,” I asked, clear pain in my voice.

She huffed and turned my way, “ That stopped being our room when you broke your promise. That room was my prison, surrounded by you and no way to get to you. That….” She looked around, noticed that she was raising her voice, and gaining attention. She then took in my state and breathed, “ You already know where the showers are. Get cleaned up, we’ll discuss this after I come up with yet another plan to deal with your mess.”

I looked at my brother and he went to lead me past the other hunters to my room.

“She hates me,” I said plainly.

“No, she loves you so much that she tried everything to keep this place running because she knew that’s what you would have wanted, Dean. It may not be what you were expecting, but that, that was the best you were going to get, given the circumstances.” I walked into my room, only finding some things out of place. One of them is a photo of ourselves sitting on Baby’s hood. The frame wasn’t on the nightstand where it was supposed to be, the frame was smashed to pieces, the photo painted with dried tear stains. I kept on looking around and I found something… The wedding ring box was kicked under the nightstand when I opened it the ring was missing. I couldn’t see anymore at this point.

As I undressed I noticed there was a new scar on my bicep. I couldn’t think straight so I just undressed and went to the showers. By the time I was out I could hear Y/N laughing with a guy, he had his arm around her hip, joking around. It made my blood boil. Then I finally caught his name, Luke. After I got dressed I came out of my room and was met with mostly unfamiliar faces, I’ve never felt so out of place in my own home.

Sammy could see my visible uneasiness and he leads me to the main war room, explaining everything that they came up with to rebuild the hunter network. I was impressed but I was also seething because this Luke guy was getting handsy with Y/N. The minute my brother saw me eyeing them Sam said, “Luke was the only one who could get her out of the room after Michael took you. She only trusted him. The first time she laughed all the first month came from him.”

“So what’s their deal, because from what I’m seeing here. Maybe it would’ve been better for me to stay away.”

“What?” questioned Sammy.

“Look at how happy she is, so carefree.”

“She hasn’t been like this since you were taken. She is like this right now because you are back.”

“Then why isn’t she letting me touch her like that?”

“She’s hurt, Dean.”

“How do I make it better?” I asked Sammy, my heart being crushed.

“Maybe talk to her about it, in private.”

I took a deep breath and started to walk towards her.

As soon as she saw me in her peripheral vision she straightened up, almost on guard, which she’s never done with me, even when I had the mark of Cain.

“Y/N?” I asked.

She got off of the counter she was perched on and said, “Yeah?”

“We need to talk,” I said as I glared at Luke.

“Where do you want to talk at, exactly?” She asked.

“Our room.”

“We don’t have a room, you have your room and I have mine.”

“Fine, my room.”

She immediately grabbed her beer bottle and started walking to the room.

As soon as the door shut I hear her say: “ So what do you want to talk about?”

I huffed, “How about how when I came home you acted like I was nothing to you. Let’s start there.” I sat at the desk in my room while she sat on the bed.

“In case you haven’t noticed I am cleaning up Michael’s mess, thanks to you.”

“That is bullshit Y/N and you know it. Before this you would’ve jumped into my arms, practically sobbing.”

“Well, I did all of my sobbing when I thought that you were dead. Right here.” She said as she stroked the pillow on my side of the bed. “Michael was never going to let you go and I knew that. I knew that you were not strong enough to kick him out.”

I was silent as she continued, “For a while actually, I was waiting for Michael to come in here and off me himself. I waited in here… You know why?”

I shook my head no as she laid down, “Because here was where we laughed, made love, here are our best memories. So I locked myself in here, waiting to die with nothing but the best memories. That way I didn’t have to look at the husk of my boyfriend when Michael drained the life out of me.”

She looked to the right, where my nightstand was, “Instead I could look at that picture of us on the impala, mere seconds before you told me you loved me. Or I could grab to the left, grab the quilt that you got me from New Mexico.”

She Sat back up with tears in her eyes, now bringing tears to mine as I sat beside her, “I don’t think you realize what it’s like to wait for the man that you love to come back and kill you. The worst part is that it wasn’t even the man that you love, just the thing that he let in.”

She got up frantically wiping tears away, “So you’re going to have to excuse me when I didn’t jump into your arms like some chick flick. You’re going to have to deal with the fact that every time I close my eyes I see Michael killing Sammy, Jack, Mary, Bobby, everyone, then him letting you through just long enough to see the life drain from my eyes.”

She turned around to me and said, “And most of all you’re going to have to excuse the fact that I am more comfortable with people that have been here for the last eight months, the very same people that helped piece me back together and distracted me every single time I got a call about a lead, the people that promised to find you so that I wouldn’t see the monster that used you as a puppet.”

“Look I get it if you don’t love me anymore.” I said flat out.

She huffed, “And what makes you think that?”

“You’re a leader, so is Sammy, I’m a run and gunner, okay? This doesn’t work for me.”

“Not yet, Dean. we have much lower casualties because of these parameters.”

“Listen, Y/N I can’t even explain how awkward it is to come home and find a whole bunch of different people in your house and one of them buddying up to your girlfriend.”

It was then that I left the room, almost fuming, I tapped Sammy’s arm and motioned for the keys. Sammy passed them to me and I took off for the night. I did everything to think about something else. But all I could see was the pain in her eyes, the fear. It was haunting.

The fact that I did that to her, it was almost inconceivable. She was always so strong so to have a fuck up like me as her weak point makes no sense. Maybe it’s better if I just keep her at arm's length. The ring’s probably missing because she threw it away out if anger or something. That had to be the only answer. As I laid down on Baby’s hood I decided to keep her at arm's length, that way I wouldn’t hurt her again. After a few hours of sulking, I headed back home.

When I opened the door there was no one up but Sammy.

“Which room is she in?” I asked.

“Her’s, the one in between Jack’s and Luke’s”

“Great” I huffed.

“Look, I know what you think about Luke, but you’ve got it wrong, okay. Luke sees Y/N like his sister. She died in the apocalypse world. It’s platonic Dean, but you’re too jealous to see that.”

“Sammy, I’m tired of people telling me what I do and do not feel, okay? I just want to sleep with Y/N by my side. But that obviously isn’t happening, so please, just let me sleep.”

I laid down in my bed and stared at the ceiling for about 6 or 7 hours until I heard rustling outside. It sounded like Y/N was talking with Luke again. Which never failed to make my stomach twist. As soon as I heard them walk by I rolled out of bed in my boxers and nothing else. This is my house so fuck what everyone else thinks.

When I walk out I am met by skeptical stares yet again, how my house can feel like a prison I have no clue, but hot damn it seems to be happening.

The minute I walk into the kitchen I’m met by Luke handing Y/N a cup of coffee and Sam laughing along with the normal conversation. The minute I clear my throat everyone freezes and only Y/N is unphased.

“You want some coffee, Dean? We were just about to make some bacon and pancakes,” Y/N’s voice rang out as she grabbed my mug and filled it with coffee. When she went to hand it to me she tried to lean up and kiss me but I turned my face away, trying to keep my distance. I could see the pain in her eyes, but it was better like this.

She looked confused but went about her day, making the food and distributing it to everyone. I refused to let her get mine. The more things she does for me the harder I find it to try to separate myself from her. I can see the pain in her eyes, so I decided to just take my food to my room.

The next few days I did the same thing, minimal contact with everyone, especially with Y/N, it seemed like every day I could see more of her fading away, by the end of the week she couldn’t even smile, which only killed me more.

When I was in the middle of a horror movie marathon I heard a knock at my door.

“Go away Sam!” I yelled at him. I can’t take him asking me to talk to Y/N one more time. I can’t not with how I hurt her.

Then the door opened and I heard her voice, “Dean?” Y/N sounded so broken. I wanted to scoop her up and protect her from anything and everything that came her way.

My body shot up at her voice, almost like it called to my soul, my movements weren't my own.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” I immediately turned into a defensive mode, looking around her as if something had gripped her.

“Can we talk, please?” she squeaked as tears streamed down her face.

“Of course sweetheart tell me.” I held my arms out to her and she buried her head in my chest as she cried.

“I miss you… I feel like I lost you and that is my worst nightmare, I don’t want to lose you.” She started weeping.

I started tearing up myself, “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I didn’t want to do more damage than I already did Sweetheart, so I thought it was better for me to stay away. After I found the ring box empty I figured you wouldn't want that with me, baby. I thought that I hurt you so bad that you wouldn’t want me.”

“Dean,” She said as she pulled something from around her neck, “before you left the room last week I wanted to show you…” she started sniffling as she untangled the chain. When she was untangling the gold chain she was trying to explain. “I saw the ring, and I stared at it for so long… that would’ve been that last gift you would’ve ever given to me. So I didn’t throw it away..” she held the chain with the engagement ring up to me...

I looked confused as she said, “I kept it with me until we did find you… Until you could give it to me properly. Every time I lost hope I looked at it and I knew that you wouldn’t leave this undone. I carried it because I love you, and that will never ever change. So here.” She said as she opened my hand and put it into my palm. “I don’t want it until you feel it’s the right time. As long as I have you, that’s all I’ll ever need.”

When she curled back up into my chest I took the ring off of the chain and grabbed her hand as she teared up…

“There is no better time than right now Y/N…. So will you marry me?”

She was crying so hard all she could do was nod… and believe me, that was more than enough for me.

Just as I slid the ring on her finger she started kissing me uncontrollably all over my face as I pinned her under me.

I just stared for a while, taking in the tears that she shed…

“What?” she giggled.

I wiped her tears away as I said “Just imagining”

“Oh really? Imagining what?”

“The rest of our lives together, family, all of it,” I said as I leaned down and kissed her.

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#spn #spn rp #SPN FANDOM #spn fanfic #SPN Family #dean winchester #dean x reader #Sam Winchester #OFC #supernatural #fanfiction

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