#I do have some married friends and I've never felt that they regard me as a threat

[isfjmel-phleg]

😐

#random personal stuff #back on my soapbox feel free to ignore #ALSO it hurts enough feeling like married women my age won't want to be friends with me because I'm not in The Mom Club #but to be told that married women allegedly don't want single friends because single women have designs on their husbands...ouch #I was able to establish that I Would Never and I'm sorry Grandma had one bad experience but #...yeah that hurt a lot #it can't really be true #I hope it isn't #I do have some married friends and I've never felt that they regard me as a threat #but wow thanks now I have one more thing to worry about #(the conversation tonight was a rollercoaster)

[calirph]

𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐋 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐅𝐀𝐑𝐄, 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐅𝐀𝐑𝐄, 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒

All quotes here have been taken from different sources of media, literature, television, movies and more regarding medieval or period drama quotes in the context of those stories, some might work on more modern setting but these were made with the intention of medieval and fantasy settings. Change names, pronouns and locations as you see fit.

I just wish he'd have the decency to say whatever he came to say in front of his wife.

His wife should track him like a bloodhound.

Let him who knows who he is be no other but himself.

Seduction, as you know by now, for women starts with the ears and for men starts with the eyes.

She is my friend, and there is nothing you can say or do that can stop me from helping her.

You seem a might bit distracted this evening. Is something the matter?

History belongs to those who write it.

But I have never lost faith... even if the world turned upside down I could still find you.

Some mistakes are bound to be repeated.

Do you plan on marrying Charles?

This is a time of change. This is a time of enormous power.

Do you understand the meaning of the soil beneath your feet?

The other Clans will soon arrive. The greatest times of our family are before us. And so are the darkest.

Tonight must be our secret. Swear it.

You pander to her. You spoil her. You make such a fuss over her when she tantrums. This is what happens when you raise a child like that.

I´ve always wanted him to love me the way I loved him. 

We were arrogant and naive, thinking we knew what we felt then was love. 

A man´s desire is a powerful thing. It can reduce a strong man to nothing. When he sees a woman who fascinates him, he will give up everything for her.

 You are like a golden rose, a rare bloom but no less lovely.

So, you see, you're not the only ones who have lost someone. War doesn't discriminate, Petra. 

What you think is indecent, I do to my wife every morning before breakfast. There is no such thing as indecent between a husband and a wife. The only thing indecent is a cold marriage bed. 

The earl and I...We were... not intimate.

He fought in the war. He might fall apart, fly off the handle, go off the rails.

Mr. Russell, don’t you think I’m too young for you?

To be humiliated so publicly. I don't know. I never wished him ill.

He wasn’t quite what you’d hoped for, was he, Mother dear?

It is easier to start a war than to end it.

All I am guilty of is surviving, and for that, I will not apologize.

There is no law that gods must be fair, Achilles.

How many times can a heart be shattered and still be pieced back together? 

She succeeds because she is loved and respected. 

I have waited to see you again when none believed that you should ever return; I would have waited for ever.

Your lips are calling for me.

This is your home now. You're one of us, and we take care of our own.

You have a spine of steel and fire in your eyes, Rosalie. 

I've never met anyone as kind as you are.

A little taste before the wedding, Jayden?

God’s given you to me, and as soon as He allows, I’ll claim you as my own.

I brought you something. It gets cold in Nashville in the wintertime.

It seems you want me at your mercy, Princess. The question is why?

I am a slave in your palace.

To speak my truth, even if my voice shakes.

What would you say if I asked to kiss you?

Will you allow me to kiss you?

Do I have a choice? Doesn’t it happen with or without our consent? Falling in love, that is.

I have the power, and you will obey me.

You’re a lady. It’s written all over you.

It is amazing what a woman can do if only she ignores what men tell her she can't.

I am not a besotted fool. If you think to jilt me, think again.

It's all my fault. He was trying to save me.

All things in Fiji are paid for in blood.

I have not forgotten that I am a Norman, nor the responsibilities that I bear.

I swear I will be a lady worthy of our family name, worthy of England, and worthy of my conscience.

Being set apart is lonely, until you find purpose.

My faith has promised me to me to my king.

I want your reputation... I want everything you have.

Remember when I told you I would marry none but a warrior, Collector?

I want you to be the father of my child, yes, more than any other man in the world. 

I am the flesh of your flesh, and you are the heart of my heart.

My father fought against the infidels during the last crusade. It cost him his life. 

Grace saves us, but is not grace beautiful? I think it must be full womanly, even, to draw men in, and to give us a second birth.

Marriage is less about love and more about who is right.

A woman's life is never a fairy tale ... neither is war.

You're not made of kings, boy, but of common clay.

I'm Uther's daughter and sole heir: Morgan Pendragon.

Who better than you, King Lot, my father's strongest opponent.

If we forge a union, we'd have the strength to unite the realm. As King and Queen.

Ambition for its own sake is worthless.

Uther's daughter, Arthur's sister. You can't be defined by others. People need to know you for yourself.

The past doesn't matter. Define yourself in the present, and you might rule in the future.

We are going to build a land full of hope and honor where fear is extinguished, to which people will flock from far and wide, seeking out our beacon of light.

With a little luck, in time, you might fall in love with him. And if you don't, before you know it,he'll give you children, and then you'll love them.

Well, the most enticing aspect for any man is the forbidden. But you'll just have to forego the looks from men other than your husband.

What exactly do you think I'm capable of?

To forget myself. To lose the world for a moment.

One rumour of my death, and you proclaim a new leader! A king could get offended.

If she takes the crown, I'll tell you what you get. Fear!

You have no rights in this kingdom anymore.

#meme #roleplay memes #sentence meme #( cali meme. ) #rp memes #rp prompt #rp musings #roleplay prompt #◟ ⋆ memes › roleplay sources. #medieval meme #historical fiction meme #fantasy meme #medieval fantasy meme

[joonslfttiddie]

The Underclassman

💜Fic Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

💜AU/Genre: College AU | Smut | Potential Relationship

💜Warnings: Smut, femdom, male sub, climax denial, unprotected sex, ejaculation, virgin's first time

💜Rating: MA

💜Word Count: 4781

Senior year of undergrad has had its challenges but you know it's downhill from here. Having gotten a jump on your assignments, you're pretty much skating through until graduation. Your only obligations are your teaching assistant tasks for Dr. Yun's psychology class, your job at the bookstore, and a few organizations on campus.

While things have been chill regarding course work, this year has also shown you who has your best interest at heart and who is just a waste of space in your life. Depending on how you look at things, fortunately or unfortunately, that meant that your ex-boyfriend was one of the people to exit your world. The two of you had been together since freshman year, and it has not been easy adjusting to the single life.

You haven't been on a date since, and just looking at other men still feels wrong. Your ex was always the jealous, controlling type who made it hard to breathe, as you walked on eggshells around him, which made you feel powerless.

"Honestly, I never liked your ex. It felt like all of your time was owed to him... like he owned you. You deserve so much better than him."

Your friend, René, opens up to you during a night of chilling at your apartment, sitting in a circle, cross legged in the middle of your living room floor. Your other friends, Michelle and Ticole, just shake their heads in agreement before taking a sip of their beers.

"I know, I know. You're right. I can see now how devoted I was to him. I was willing to give him everything I had. Of course, we now know he was giving his time, amongst other things, to someone else...but it's whatever."

Michelle chimes in, "It is whatever. This is our senior year. I just want you to take your time to find yourself again. Get out! Date! Enjoy your hoe phase. Plus, my boyfriend's mentee asks me about you every time I see him. That boy is in love."

"Girl, who? Seokjin?! I catch him eyeing me every other day in Dr. Yun's class but he has yet to say anything to me sooooo....."

"Don't do him like that...He is so sweet but so shy. He's one of those guys that's hot but doesn't know he's hot."

You all erupt into laughter and as the excitement subsides you agree.

"You're right, he is so cute but I never really looked at him like that. He has been such a sweetheart every time I've interacted with him but I dunno if he's my type, you know? Hell, he still refers to me as 'ma'am', like, I literally only have a couple of years on him, if that."

"He mentioned to Chance that he was not the best looking guy in high school. He was bullied because he was so skinny, had bad acne, braces, and glasses.. the usual "nerd" package. I, legit, don't think he realizes that puberty has come and gone. I wonder if he just doesn't have the confidence to approach you."

"Hmm... that would make sense. I hate that he went through all that. He seems so sweet despite being mistreated. I'll think about it, ok? But as far as 'enjoying my hoe phase' goes, guys fuck around all the time and no one bats an eye. I hate the double standard. I'm going to have the time of my life for the rest of the year. I deserve it, plus I've been horny as fuck, lately."

"Girl, go for it! I support this. Live your best life, friend. You've missed out on a lot being tied down like a married woman. Go get you some. And you never know, having that underclassman screaming 'yes, ma'am' may be just what you need!" Ticole says, co-signing with Michelle.

You all erupt into a fit of laughter at that and you take notice of the way your body feels from just imagining it. As heat burns up your spine and your pussy tingles, you swallow spit as you're basically salivating with excitement. Knowing what will make for some good material when you're alone later, you reply with a nervous chuckle, "Maybe, huh?"

Your girls were right! You're going to start putting yourself out there and try to be more open minded. After a restful night and having used mental images of Seokjin to gain a little post nut clarity, you begin to think that you may even explore people outside of your typical type. Internalizing all the encouragement your girls provided last night, you walk to Dr. Yun's class feeling like the baddest bitch on campus.

After taking attendance, you make a mental note that Seokjin isn't here yet. He never misses class but you shrug it off for the moment to continue your duties. You remind the students of upcoming assignments, schedule a few tutoring sessions, and answer any questions to the best of your knowledge until the professor arrives moments later. He hands you a stack of handouts and asks you to make copies since he hadn't gotten a chance to while the class takes a quiz. You grab your phone from the desk and slide it in the pocket of your cardigan before swiftly proceeding down the hall to the printer.

You turn the corner, finding yourself colliding with a student who is frantically rushing to class, landing you on your ass surrounded by the papers you were carrying, you quickly adjust your clothes as your skirt has flipped up, putting your lace undies on full display.

"Fuck! I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I woke up late and can't be late for class. I have a quiz today."

You recognize that voice immediately and look up to see Seokjin. He quickly tries to collect the paperwork as he chatters, taking a moment to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

'He couldn't have seen that, right?'

"Hey! No worries, Seokjin, I can get this. Go ahead... they're just about to begin."

After hearing his name cross your lips, he finally looks up to see your face. With a gasp, you notice his ears flush red before he responds.

"Miss y/n! I'm so sorry! Are you sure you're okay?" He pulls you up to your feet with one hand, allowing you to further adjust your clothing before handing you the papers he'd collected.

"Yes, I'm fine. Hurry up and go. Good luck!"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry."

Seokjin smiles nervously before he rushes past you towards the classroom.

You make the copies and begin heading back to class, unable to stop replaying the incident with Seokjin. Has he always been so cute? So tall? Shoulders that broad? Biting your bottom lip, you recall the way his hair hung just above his eyes and his full pink lips slightly parted when he gasped from the shock of your accident. He looked so nerdy behind those glasses, but his brown eyes were breathtaking.

'Why am I just seeing him now... like really SEEING him?!'

You're thinking about all of this as you make the copies, sure that you hadn't noticed Seokjin's beauty for being so committed to you ex. You were blind for so long but now your eyes are wide open.

Back in the classroom, you quietly place the stack of papers on the desk, glancing up to see the student's working busily. Once you take your designated spot next to Dr. Yun's desk, you cross your legs and begin looking through the rows of seats until you spot him. Hunching over his desk and bouncing his foot restlessly, the poor guy looks so anxious. The sight leaves him looking so small and helpless, though he is definitely a deliciously full grown adult.

You glance away for a second but can't help the smirk that creeps across your face when you catch him suddenly still, sitting erect in his seat as his eyes trace your up legs all the way up to your thighs peeking from under your skirt. After making sure everyone else was focused on their work, you put your leg down and part your knees, now purposely exposing yourself to him. He licks his lips, then his eyes meet yours. Snapping your legs shut, you look down, covering your smile as you snicker to yourself. His nervous behavior commences as his gaze quickly snaps back down to his quiz, but not before you notice his face and ears turn a pretty shade of pink. What is this new feeling? You are not certain but you are 100% sure that you love it. You want more.

A couple of days have passed since literally running into Seokjin when you find yourself at work refolding the campus tees on one of the display tables, you glance at your watch to see it's almost time for you to clock out. It's been beautiful weather all day, despite what the weather channel said, but you can see the sky getting darker and you can hear thunder in the distance.

"It looks like the rain has finally made it," you warn your coworker. "Get home safely!"

Thankfully you check the weather every morning before leaving your campus apartment and was wise enough to bring your umbrella.

You grab your things from your locker in the employee lounge after clocking out. Once outside, you make it halfway across the yard to the fountain in the middle of the quad before you feel the first few sprinkles of rainfall. You stop to arm yourself with your umbrella before continuing your trek across campus as the bottom falls out of the sky. It is pouring now as you cross the street nearing your place, and you notice a familiar figure walking ahead of you.

He's soaking! He doesn't have an umbrella or even a jacket to keep him warm. You can tell that he's cold by the way he burrows into himself. The ripples of his back muscles are accentuated through his wet, white tee shirt as he hugs himself.

"SEOKJIN!"

He stops and turns towards you after hearing his name.

"Miss y/n? What are you doing out in this storm?"

You hold up the umbrella to cover you both.

"I'm just leaving work and on my way home. What are you doing out? And why don't you have a jacket on or an umbrella?"

He smiles shyly.

"Ummm...I didn't know it was going to rain today so I'm unprepared. I was going to the cafe to grab a bite before studying but it started to storm so I turned back."

"You poor thing. Why don't you come up to my place until the rain stops? I haven't eaten yet, either, so I can whip something up for us to eat."

"Uhhh...are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude. Plus, I only live a ways down from here."

Linking your arm in his, you continue to shield you both from getting wet while pulling him alongside you.

"It's no intrusion, I promise. Since it's Friday, my roommate has gone to her boyfriend's place, so I could use the company."

You smile at each other as he takes the umbrella to hold above you and continue to chat as you make your way up the stairs leading to your door. When you step inside, you ask that he stay at the door where there's tile as he's still dripping wet.

"Just stay there for a second. You're soaked. I know there's a towel in here somewhere."

After a moment of searching through the hamper of fresh laundry you hadn't gotten a chance to put away before work, you finally find a towel and hand it to him after he's secured the umbrella strap and placed it in the corner.

"Thanks, Miss y/n. I really appreciate your kindness."

"Of course! We've known each other for years now. You're not exactly a stranger at this point, so it's no problem at all. While you're drying your hair, I'll go see if my roommate's boyfriend may have left some clothes here. You guys are about the same size. Go ahead and get out of those clothes before you catch a cold."

This wouldn't be the first time you've seen a man undress so you're not thinking much about what you just said and rush off to your roommates bedroom to find a large tee shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. You stay frozen for a second as the situation suddenly catches up to you. You and Seokjin are alone in your apartment and he's undressing in the other room. Ticole's words echo in your mind. 'Get you some!' Michelle's voice lingers closely behind. 'Enjoy your hoe phase!'

'Am I really thinking about this now?! Does he even think of me in THAT way? He seems so innocent, I don't want to be a bad influence or take advantage of him.

You continue to stand there, contemplating your next move. Sure, he is extra dorky at first glance, but when you really look at him, you see now that he is fine as fuck. He, also, doesn't talk to a lot of people so you know he's not sleeping around and he will be discreet about what happens. This could be a good thing, if he's willing, of course. You take a deep breath before you leave the room, only to walk out and see Seokjin wearing nothing but his jeans and sneakers. You gasp at the sight, hoping he didn't hear you. Sure, you knew he would be undressing but you didn't expect that body to be under those clothes. God definitely took his time sculpting him to perfection.

When he looks up to see you've returned, he shyly covers himself with the wet shirt and towel leaving his free hand grasping his spectacles across his chest. There's that feeling again...the one you experienced during class the other day. You clear your throat and walk over to him to give him the clothes, trying your best not to stare.

"M-miss y/n. I-"

"Oh... sorry! I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. Here are the clothes. I can step out for a second."

Reluctantly, he drops the shirt and towel to the floor by his side but his other hand holding on to his glasses remains across his chest as he reaches for the outfit.

Just above a whisper, he asks, "I've been meaning to talk to you. Are you ok? You know from the other day? I was hoping you weren't hurt and I wanted to apologize again. And no, I'm not uncomfortable, you know? I just...I."

"No, I'm completely fine, I promise. And it's no problem at all. I'll step out to give you some privacy."

"Miss y/n."

"Hmm?" You pause to look up to him, awaiting his response.

"You don't have to leave. I don't want you to leave, I just..."

The look on his face teeters on the cusp of pain and embarrassment.

"What's up? You look like there's something else you want to tell me."

"Miss y/n."

"Stop calling me that, though. I'm only a couple years older than you."

"Y-y/n?" He pauses for a moment to see if he's overstepped. When you continue to look into his chocolate colored pupils, he continues speaking. "I've never done this before."

"Done what?"

He leans over to place the clothes on the end table putting his glasses on top. He stands back to face you, taking your wrist in his hand. His eyes bounce from your eyes to your lips, then back. You can see he's nervous as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"What do you want to do, Sweet Boy? Do you want to kiss me?"

The nickname and the question causes his eyes to widen, the reddish hue of his ears and cheeks deepen.

"Y-yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am. I want to kiss you so bad."

"Good boy. Go ahead, kiss me."

He hesitates, standing straight and still, your small wrist still gripped in his hand. He's looking into your eyes as if searching to see if you're serious. After what feels like forever, he tilts his head to the side and leans in, only to pull back. Shifting his head in the opposite direction, he leans in again only to pull away. He continues this for a moment, unsure of how to approach you. This would usually be a huge turn off for you but with him it's different. His uncertainty and timidness seems to just stir you on.

"Kiss me."

Your sudden command startles him slightly and he quickly leans in, placing his mouth against yours, bumping your lip with his teeth. He pulls back quickly as if he were burned. Patiently, you take his hands, placing one on the small of your back and the other at your nape. Taking a step forward, your body now flush to his, you can hear his breath shuttering. His very prominent bulge presses against your stomach as you place one hand on his exposed chest and snake your arm around his neck.

"Don't rush. I'm not going anywhere. Take your time and try again."

Slowly this time, he moves in to softly press his lips to yours before he pulls away, the smooch audible. You gently pull him back, slowly beginning to move your mouth against his, licking and sucking at his lips. When your tongue brushes against his, he whimpers aloud, grasping your shirt into his fist. Pulling back, you look up to check in on him. The dorky Seokjin is barely visible under the haze of lust now surrounding him. He bends down, taking your lips again. Mimicking your actions from before, he licks and sucks at your bottom lip before grazing your tongue with his own. Slightly taken aback by the feeling, you pull back to regain control of this situation. When he releases you, you step back and can feel the coldness of your shirt against your skin, now wet from being pressed against him.

"That was so good, Baby. You did good. Would you like to take the rest of those wet clothes off?"

"Yes, ma'am."

You smile at how quickly he's catching on. Still standing at the entrance of your place, Seokjin begins to toe off his shoes which squish with every movement. Sliding them to the side with his foot, he begins to unbutton his jeans, hands noticeably trembling. You're unsure if he's still cold or if he's nervous so you decide to check in again.

"Are you ok? Do you want to stop?"

"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am... I'm ok. I don't want to stop, I'm just c-cold."

"Take those off and follow me...let's get you warmed up."

Removing your now moist shirt, you begin walking down the hallway to your bedroom. Seokjin watches as your hips sashay and your ass jiggles with every step you take. He continues to peel the wet jeans from his body. Now, wearing only his boxer briefs, he follows the route he just watched you take. Inside of your bedroom, he finds you already in bed, clothes tossed haphazardly on the floor. He bashfully makes his way to the edge of the bed, awaiting further instruction.

"Aren't those wet, too? Don't you think you should take them off?"

"Are you sure you're ok with this? With me?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be? Take them off, Sweet Boy, and come here."

When he pulls them down, you have to hide the shock that overcomes you. His dick looks so thick and heavy. Your heart begins to race in anticipation. Once he's completely naked, you pull the covers back as an invitation for him to climb in. He seems reluctant, trying and failing to cover his manhood behind his hands.

"Seokjin, baby...we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for. I won't be upset and I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"NO! It's not that. I want this, I want this with you. But, like I mentioned, I've never done this before...I'm a virgin. Shit, you just gave me my first kiss. I'm sorry...I should have told you sooner. I'll just leave. I don't want to embarrass myself and waste your time."

"Awww, Baby. It's ok! I don't care that you're a virgin. I want you to stay but only if you want to stay."

"Yes, ma'am, I do."

"I promise to be patient. I'm not here to judge you. I won't rush you so just take your time. Would you like for me to teach you?"

He nods his head in agreement.

"Have you ever heard of a 'safeword'?"

"Is it a word we would use to indicate that we are uncomfortable with something?"

"That's exactly what it is. If either of us say or do anything that the other doesn't like, we'll use that word. The other has to stop immediately."

"Ok...what should it be? Could we use Adler?"

You laugh out loud at his cuteness. "Ok... that's fine with me, but why did you choose that?"

"I don't know. His theory was the last thing I looked at when I was studying for Professor Yun's test earlier. It's the first thing that popped into my head," he laughs bashfully while still trying to cover his manhood.

"Adler it is. You can lay with me whenever you feel ready."

With that reassurance, he places his trust in you, removes his hands, and climbs into the sheets. Covering your bodies under the plush blanket, you pull him closer to share your body heat. Resting your head on one hand, you caress his smooth skin with the other. His body continues to tremble but not from the cold this time. Your touch is sending electricity through his core leaving his skin slightly clammy and his breathing shallow and quick.

"I've seen the way you stare at me in class. Do you like me, baby?"

His expression looks as if he'd been caught red handed.

"Y-yes, ma'am. Yes, I do."

"Have you thought about being close with me like this? In bed with me? Touching my naked body?"

His breath hitches in his throat before he answers the same as before.

"Y-y...Yes, ma'am."

"Do you ever touch yourself when you think of me? Does the thought of me make you cum, baby?"

You're practically whispering at this point, inches from his ear. Your hand travels down his abs then along his thigh, skipping the tented area where he needs and wants your touch the most. His erection jerks from the excitement, his body spasms, and his shallow breaths now deepen as he whimpers and moans under your touch. You know he's fighting for his life at this moment but you decide to press him for an answer.

"Did you hear my question? Answer me, Seokjin."

Still inaudible minus his tiny whimpers, he nods his head frantically in agreement.

"I can't hear you. Are you not going to answer me? Do you know what happens to bad boys who don't follow directions? They get punished."

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly in anticipation of what you'll do next. As he clenches his teeth, you can see the muscles along his jawline flex.

"Bad boy," you say softly, pulling the blanket off of him to reveal his hardness. His dick is so firm making his skin look extra smooth but painfully red. The precum leaking from his slit indicates he's enjoying this torture. "Show me. Show me how you jerk yourself off when you're in your room thinking about me."

You sit up briefly to grab the almond oil you'd left on your nightstand this morning after moisturizing your legs. Opening the cap, you pour a bit on the head of his dick and watch as it drizzles down his shaft along the contours of his veins.

"Show me, bad boy. Let me see."

His hand tremors as he brings it up to fist himself. Using his thumb, he distributes the oil and precum over his tip before slowly gliding down his rod. He grunts and gasps as his abs contract, lifting his head from the pillow slightly. He moves his fist back up to the top, barely touching himself.

"Look at me, Seokjin."

He opens his eyes, though they are hooded and lazy. Your heart flutters at the sight. He holds eye contact and his plush lips part as his pants, ready to receive his punishment.

"Squeeze tighter. Imagine my tight pussy slowly sliding down your dick. I'm so wet and juicy."

Following your instruction, he applies more pressure. Still looking into your eyes, his brows furrow as if begging for more. He begins to pick up speed as he's almost there.

"Slowly. Rub your thumb over the tip."

And he does, slowly smearing more precum over the head of his penis. You can tell that he's close to the edge. You allow him to stroke himself a few more times before you grab his wrist, stopping him.

"I want you inside of me. I want you begging me to let you cum."

You grab your phone before moving back towards him. Straddling his hips as he looks at you with a dumbfounded expression. You lift up onto your knees and guide him into you.

"Oh, oh, oh, y/n! Oh! OH!"

He is a mess as you slowly lower your soaking wet pussy to sit flush onto his lap.

"What a nice seat. I think I'll sit here for a while. Don't move."

You unlock your device and start to scroll through your Instagram feed as you're perched motionless with his dick buried deep inside of you. He feels so good and it's a challenge for you to remain still, sitting in this dominant role. You look up to see him looking up to you. The slight chuckle that leaves your lips causes your walls to tighten briefly around him. His whimpers cause you clench even more. He hisses and grabs your hips, sinking his nails into your skin. Simultaneously, he pulls you down as he grinds up to burrow deeper into you. You swallow your moan, unwilling to relinquish your newfound power. You lean forward to firmly grab his chin, bringing his eyes up to yours.

"I said...Be. Still," you whisper. You leave him heaving as you continue to scroll on your phone, putting on as if you're not ready to ride him off the cliff of ecstasy. His little pleas making it harder to act.

"Hmmm...Pleeeease! I c-can't. Y-y/n, please. I can't... can't hold it anymore."

"You can't hold it? Do you need to use the word, baby."

His brows are winkling tighter, sweat pecking at his forehead and chest. You adjust yourself, purposely lifting your body only to follow the trail of moisture you've left smeared on his dick to sit back down.

"N-no... I can't. I can't hold it, y/n! A-ADLER!"

"Go ahead, baby. Let it go."

With your permission, he grips you tighter and pounds into you. Seokjin bares and grinds his teeth, his grunts becoming louder with every stroke. He controls himself for as long as he can, lasting for approximately ten seconds before he explodes, painting your walls with his cum. He feels so amazing, you to want to continue to move. His whining grows louder as his sensitivity increases. Stopping for a moment to allow him to catch his breath, you push the hairs stuck to his forehead away and caress his cheek.

"Are you ok, babe?" Your voice sounds so loving, laced with tenderness.

Seokjin opens his eyes to look at you before he replies, "Yes, ma'am. I'm ok...more than ok. That was better than any of my daydreams, better than I could have ever imagined. You feel so good, so warm, so wet. You look so beautiful sitting on me like this. Thank you so much for this experience."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You're doing so well."

"But you are too sexy, I couldn't restrain myself. The nickname you called me... the way you spoke to me... your dominance. Whew! But, I came way too fast, I'm so sorry. I wasn't able to pleasure you."

Looking at him, you can see that he's oozing with confidence. Confidence you're sure he's unaware that he carries. You both continue conversing as he softly traces tiny circles on your calves with his fingertips.

"Stop that...you're being too hard on yourself. You did great and this was your first time! You'll get better the more you do it. And you feel amazing, by the way. You just have to learn what to do and gain more experience."

"Ummm... could you help me with that, y/n?"

"Of course, Sweet Boy, I would love to help you with that."

He blushes and chuckles a little with a voice that sounds deeper than you remember. "Really?! Thank you so much, y/n. I never would have imagined I'd be able to be here with you, like this. I'm, literally, the luckiest man alive. Also... I am still inside of you but the way you're looking at me, well, I'm getting hard again. What should I do?"

You can't contain your laugher at his innocence.

"Well, baby, you just came. Now it's my turn."

"Yes ma'am... just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it. Anything you want. I want to learn how to please you."

#ambw #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bts #bts smut #kim seokjin #bangtanwhq #joonslfttiddie #bts jin #bts seokjin #college #undergrad #university #jin sub #non idol au #smut #kim seokjin smut

[writerdream22]

requested by: no one, but I sincerely hope you like this anyways ✨🌻💛

pairings: Dream of the Endless x goddess!reader, Hob Gadling x goddess!reader (platonic), etc.

warnings: none, except for the presence of a few curse words

feedbacks are always appreciated!

Being betrothed to the Lord of Dreams himself wasn't an easy task, especially when you were a goddess that often had her own tasks to take care of.

In your 'past life', or so you liked to call it, people worshipped you and called you Athena. Even though wisdom was one of your virtues, you did some things that you now regretted; pride was one of your flaws after all, and you were working on smoothing out this imperfection.

Back when you wandered around Greece, you helped humankind and tried to aid them in the moment of need. As time went on, though, you noticed that less and less people asked for your help and you couldn't do anything but watch humanity start destroying itself.

One day, you dreamt of a better world. A world where you and all your brothers and sisters were still needed, where men were willing to listen to someone else's advice rather than act according to their own, individual needs.

And in a flowery field, which felt much too real to your liking, you saw him. Morpheus— the god of sleep.

You immediately recognized him thanks to the red ruby he wore around his neck; you'd met him once before, and you knew that he'd been married to one of your sisters, the muse Calliope, many centuries prior.

“Greetings, Athena”

“Greetings, Morpheus. Am I in the Dreaming?”

“Indeed, goddess of wisdom. And I've come to ask you what is the reason for your visit”

“Wow. I'm getting a special treatment, it seems”

“You are not answering my question”

“Well, if you must know... I ended up here. I did not intend to dream. I never did. It's the latest events that might have made my mind wander so far”

“I see.”

“I don't want to disturb you, Endless. I must wake up at once, for I have a few matters to take care of”

“On the contrary. It was an honour”

That is how your friendship started. You didn't dream often after that day, but when you did, Morpheus was there to keep away whichever Nightmare might have come your way.

As time went on, you decided to start roaming around the world, changing residence every few years so that no suspicions would rise regarding your inability to age. You lived in Turkey, Portugal, Spain, France, Morocco, Egypt, Italy, Germany and even Norway.

One day, in the 16th century, you found yourself walking through the streets of London. You were disguised as an ordinary woman, yet if another mystical being like you was to meet your eyes, they would have recognised the faint golden hue that was typical of the children of Zeus.

Somehow, you ended up in front of an inn, and after some hesitation you decided to walk in. You immediately felt the eyes of the few people inside burning into your back, as you asked for a pint of beer; your request was quickly denied, and your foolish pride brought you to begin arguing with the owner.

Just as things were about to escalate negatively, a dark-haired figure put himself between you and the man.

“My apologies, kind sir, but my little sister was just jesting”

“Yeah, keep that little thing away from stuff that isn't for her!”

“What? You filthy—”

“Now, my dear, let's sit at our table. I'm sorry, sir, she won't disturb you any longer. Right?”

“Right”

With that, the man led you away and invited you to sit in front of him at his table. Even though you didn't like talking to humans that much, he seemed interesting and deserving of your attention.

“You're not from here, aren't you?”

“No, I am not”

“Are you european?”

“I'm from Greece, yes. You were close, Mr.—”

“— Gadling. Hob Gadling. And you're— ”

“You can call me... Y/n, yes”

“I guess that it's not your real name”

“Indeed, it is not”

“You remind me of a friend. He must be here any minute now. I'll introduce him to you, if you want to wait for a little while”

“Yes, I can wait. I have all the time of the world, after all”

“You're funny”

“Thank you, Mr. Gadling”

While you waited for the man's mysterious friend, you started talking about even the stupidest of things. Thanks to him, you started thinking that humans weren't so boring, after all.

Suddenly, Hob's head turned towards the inn's door; you followed his gaze and you couldn't believe your eyes. It was him. Morpheus.

“Y/n, this is the friend I talked to you about.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, sir”

���Likewise”

The two of you acted like you didn't know each other, though you were dying to talk to the Lord of Dreams alone. It had been some time since you last saw him and, even though you couldn't really admit it, you'd missed him dearly.

When he was about to leave, he asked if he could escort you home and you gladly accepted, not before bidding Hob Gadling goodbye and thanking him for his help.

“I see why you took an interest in him. He's a nice man”

“Indeed, he is”

“Why didn't you visit?”

“I was... busy”

“Doing what?”

“I had to find a suitable gift”

“You don't give gifts that easily, Dream. Is it for a new lover of yours?”

“No, actually. It is for you, Athena”

“Come on, you're kidding me. This means that— oh. Oh ! I get it now”

And in that moment, while the Endless handed you a little box, you realised what he meant by his gesture. He wanted to court you, and you were left speechless.

What he'd gifted you was even more surprising: a hairpin, which had an owl engraved on it. He knew how much you loved that animal, it was one of your symbols after all, and he also knew that you didn't like pompous stuff.

“This is beautiful, Morpheus. I don't know how to repay you”

“You don't have to. I only ask of you to love me, and I'll be happy. That is, if you reciprocate my feelings. If you don't, I'm sorry for having made such a bold move”

“It's not. I mean... your feelings are reciprocated”

“Really? Because I thought that—”

“Even I, goddess of wisdom, think that you sometimes think too much, Lord of Dreams.”

Soon after, you and Morpheus became husband and wife. Time was relative for you, but you were willing to spend your immortal life with him just as he was willing to devote himself to loving you for eternity.

The next few hundred years, you spent staying both in the Dreaming and the Waking World; you preferred staying with Dream and Lucienne, if you were honest, but you couldn't just leave humanity like that. And your husband fully supported your choice.

When he was captured, you didn't know what to do; being his consort, you were the Queen of Dreams, and you were appointed to rule over the Dreaming in his place. Lucienne aided you whenever you needed help, and Jessamy was left to look for Morpheus alone.

When she didn't come back either, your hopes to find your husband started fading away.

You regretted missing your centennial meetup with Hob Gadling and leaving your "human self" behind, but you were determined not to leave what your decaying realm unattended.

After more than a hundred years, in 2022, you felt his energy in the Dreaming, and so did Lucienne. Therefore, the two of you ran to greet Morpheus.

“Lucienne. Athena”

“My lord, you're back”

“I— uhm, we missed you, Dream.”

Then, the three of you got past your realm's gate, and to see sadness in Morpheus's eyes made you want to return to your old, vengeful self.

Nonetheless, you were set on helping your husband bring back who'd escaped from the Dreaming and retrieve what was stolen from him.

And you knew very well that it wasn't going to be easy.

#writerdream22 #reader insert #gif imagine #requests open #x reader #the sandman #sandman gif #sandman imagine #sandman x you #sandman x reader #the sandman x reader #the sandman x you #the sandman x y/n #the sandman imagine #morpheus x y/n #morpheus imagines #morpheus x you #morpheus x reader #morpheus #dream x y/n #dream of the endless #dream of the endless x reader #dream imagine #dream x you #death of the endless #tom sturridge x reader #tom sturridge

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi, big fan of your ace and aro art!

Genuine question here: How do you maintain a long distance relationship with your QPP (queerplatonic partner)?

Hey! Thank you so much for the kind words, that means a lot TwT

Regarding your question, apologies for the long shit incoming in advance, I'll probably share way more than what's needed, but anyway:

OK, to be honest, I should mention that I'm used to long-distance in most of the relationships in my life anyway, so that's kinda my bread and butter. I was bullied in my small town schools and later I went on to study foreign languages, so all of that created circumstances that made it natural for me to create real friendships mostly with people online or in foreign countries. I've always been more of a "next country rather than nextdoor" type of person to begin with, and my partner was no exception I guess.

We got to know each other online, so we were sort of used to the bulk of our relationship being online when we decided to be in a QPR. It was my partner's suggestion before we even got to meet IRL, and to be honest I'd never had a romantic or queerplatonic partner before and didn't fully grasp what it meant at the time, but it sounded nice, so I went for it! We met up IRL in 2018, a couple months after that (I was meeting up IRL for the first time with another friend who also happened to live in the area, in retrospect I really appreciate everyone's patience as I imposed a double visit and splitting my time in two between them TwT) and at that time it only cemented how much of a vibe it was.

After that, I was saving to visit them again in 2020, but... Y'know, the shit happened. The US (where my partner lives) enforced a travel ban on my country and several others that lasted until November 2021. It was incredibly hard during those times. We called very often, but since I'd been all riled up on the idea of hugging them again, and I was very affection-deprived because no one was allowed to see anyone or touch anyone (and that was pretty heavily monitored by cops for quite a while in my country), it wasn't enough for me to feel OK. The only way one could travel from a banned coutry to the US was to stay 14 days in a non-banned country and then travel from there – which I ended up doing in mid-2021 because I was basically going nuts. It was pretty damn expensive, but since nothing had been allowed for a while it's not like I'd spent my money on much, so I had savings, and I needed to prove myself that I could do it. We reunited IRL then for a good week. Then, because they'd fairly recently got a job (which meant more income for travel) and because US citizens WERE allowed to travel to banned countries, THEY visited me in September 2021 (and we formally promised to marry each other someday then, so even travel bans couldn't separate us in the future).

Despite all that, come late October 2021 and with no end in sight for the travel ban, I'd completely spiralled into despair over our future again. The travel ban and other restrictions made seeing each other so much harder and it was seriously taking a toll. Despite everything we'd managed that year, at that time, it felt so hard I was having serious self-endangering thoughts for the first time in my life, and I wanted to give up. That lasted about a couple days until I talked about it to them over videocall and heard their words of support and saw their face and got all angry like "fuck no, they can't take that away from me". So, because they're who they are, and because of extra support from some friends which meant a lot, despite everything, we didn't give up.

Now I'm free to travel to them again so honestly? Maintaining a long-distance relationship feels really easy right now. We text every day, videocall at least once a week and send each other care packages with gifts for our birthdays, holidays and special occasions. (Our time zone difference is 9 hours, which is convenient, cus when I wake up they're more or less about to go to bed so we can chat for a bit, when my workday is over theirs hasn't started yet, and when they're having lunch I'm having dinner, so we often share meals and watch stuff together over video calls.) We're both working adults with a stable source of income, which definitely plays into a lot, cus that means we're much more free to save up and make plans to visit each other – and by god ever since 2021 we've been making much more frequent plans, as of today we have 3 meetups more or less planned, one of them coming up this month actually, so that's pretty great^^

I do live in fear of another travel ban coming out of nowhere, so I do hope we can marry someday – though that'll be its own whole can of worms in terms of coming-out and immigration hardships, but we're determined to work through it. We're determined not to be long-distance forever. Kinda sucks that we have to go through something as amatonormative as marriage to achieve that, but also, ehh, y'know what, if that means someday I get to hang out with them in person everyday, it ain't that bad. It's a means to an end. And I guess it's a cute idea in a way.

...Welp that was way too long. tl;dr it's not easy every day. Some circumstances out of your control can really put you through the ringer sometimes. But on the flip side that means you get out of it stronger and the whole thing's kind of a virtuous circle. The more you fight for it, the more precious it is to you, and the more precious it gets to you, the more you want to fight for it. Kinda comes naturally to me at this point, so, I guess, don't make it a chore. It never felt like one to me. It's all a treasure if anything.

#alright i'll shut up #anon #long distance relationship #queerplatonic relationship #tw sui ideation #tw bullying mention

[doodle-pops]

hi mina!

so weird question that’s been on my mind; you know back in like the 50’s an such people would get upset at people for marrying people that were like black/irish/etc or on the occasion for a different religion that wasn’t christian/catholic/etc & so on??

do you think the elves have the same kinda prejudice but instead for different races like an elf marrying a dwarf ( or a hobbit/etc ) do you think they’d be met with the same kind of disgust/hatred as the outdated views of the 50’s an so on?

( also i hope you know what i mean by this & that i don’t mean it in a bad way, it’s the only comparison i could think of dhhdbd. also i hope you’re doing ok 💖 )

Firstly, I'm doing very good!! My brain is doing woozy and trying to make me create a bunch of unnecessary WIPs at a time when I don't want to 😅. I hope I answered this to your liking, I felt like my brain wasn't cooperating.

I can see prejudice occurring with the dwarves (not sure about the hobbits, they're too cute to be disliked). It primarily stemmed from the elves' superciliousness towards the dwarves' appearance, not regarding it as fair while dwarves found elves too sparkly for their beauty standards. Most of the elves mingled with their own kin while harbouring friendships with other races was acceptable. Falling in love was rare (like once every age).

I don't see hate or anyone being shunned, but disapproval would arise from immediate family members and anyone closely related. First-age elves would be disturbed/baffled by the union since they were writing the first batch of history and discovering what they considered acceptable. Frankly, they probably didn't want a union with races who weren't fair enough and could ruin the beauty of their bloodline lol. Being friends with dwarves/hobbits was the limit the relationship could go. Humans were surprisingly the only suitable race to wed apart from their own; we actually made the cut and not by much 🙂. (the ainur excluded since elves wouldn't have an issue being with a deity)

A major reason why elves didn't look for companionship outside their own race was to avoid the long-term suffering. They didn't want that loneliness after their mortal lover had passed on. To mingle with agony until the end of Arda (this was discussed in Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth).

However, if this union were to successfully occur, it would be a never-ending talk. I'm convinced that elves adored gossiping, so that couple would be the talk of the age(s). Their curiosity would spike; mostly wanting to understand how their marriage worked, the dynamics, and how they fell in love and overcome the boundaries. I can't say if it would encourage other pairings to arise though. I've never heard of elves being disowned for their choice of lover, so I'd like to assume the same for dwarves/hobbits. The family might still be reluctant, finding it difficult to comprehend their family member's choice while respectful to the spouse.

This all boils down to the personality of the elves because some would be conforming while others aren't.

#📬{questions} #tolkien elves #elves and fome #🦚{dofmtl}

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Life Update

Heyyyy it’s been a while! I never really expect anyone to notice when I fuck off for long periods of time, but in case you did and happened to be wondering why I was mostly MIA for most of 2023, here's what I've been up to.

The short version: My husband and I sold our first house over the summer and bought our “forever” home! It worked out so much better than I could have hoped, but it turns out that prepping a house to sell and moving = lots of stress and chaos...which caused me to tumble off the deep end mentally for a while afterwards and I’m only just starting to recover.

---

Before I elaborate, I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because the last thing I want is to come across like I'm complaining or ungrateful. I'm very aware of how lucky and privileged I am to be a homeowner, so I am by no means asking for sympathy or trying to act like "buying/selling a house is so stressful, woe is me!" I understand that homeownership is a pipe dream for a lot of people, especially in the current economy, and I don't take that for granted. I'm genuinely grateful that I even have the opportunity to be stressed about something like this, but I can't deny that it was stressful.

If anyone is wondering how I managed to buy a house at all, I'm happy to answer that in a separate post. The abridged version is extremely lucky timing plus countless hours of hard work put into fixing up our first house that we bought for cheap back when the market was way more balanced (2016).

When I talk about the stress of last year, it's almost entirely in regards to my own mental health which is something I've always struggled with. I get overwhelmed VERY easily by regular life, let alone when I go through a major change (no matter how positive it is). Every big transition period in my life has triggered intense anxiety disorders and/or depression for me, so that's the main reason why things felt so difficult.

If you happen to be thinking something along the lines of "shut the fuck up, no one cares you were stressed, you're so privileged to even be able to own a house," ...believe me, I've already said to myself a million times. That is part of why I end up so depressed in the first place, because I feel like I “don’t have the right” when my life is so wonderful. But thanks to therapy I understand more about my mental illnesses and I'm trying to be less hard on myself now.

Still, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea 😅.

---

Anyways! If you want to know more about our house/see some pics, the long version with all of my rambling is below the cut!

The long version:

My husband and I bought our first house in 2016, right after getting married. It was conveniently located right across the street from where we had been living with 4 of our friends (which is how we were able to save enough money to buy a house), but it was in such bad condition that it didn't even meet the FHA minimum property standards so we had to use a special type of mortgage to purchase it. We always meant for it to a long-term flip, planning to live there while renovating it so that we could sell it after a few years and use the profit to buy a house that would be more permanent.

We put so much literal blood sweat and tears into that house. In the beginning we spent every single hour of our spare time fixing up the house. We do all renovation work ourselves because my dad and husband have experience with demolition, electrical, and plumbing. And anything we don't know how to do we just figure out as we go along. The only time we hired a contractor was to replace the roof that had extensive water damage.

(This is the water damage discovered down the whole back of the house a few weeks after we bought it 🙃)

(One before-and-after out of many to avoid making this post absurdly long. The contractors finished the ceiling when they did the roof but otherwise we did all the work on that bathroom ourselves, including moving the shower wall back 6 inches so that the shower door wasn't mounted to the window trim 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Over a few years we worked on remodeling each room until we eventually we got super burnt out, and then the pandemic happened and we both fell into a deep depression. Finally, in 2022 I got myself a therapist and started clawing myself out of the dark place I was in, and at the start of April 2023 we started prepping the house to sell. I had been watching the market steadily increase to absolutely insane levels and knew it was kind of a “now or never” situation, even though I still felt very fragile mentally so I was worried how I would handle such a large undertaking.

I never could have imagined just how amazing it would turn out. We truly couldn't be happier with our new home, it’s pretty much everything we were hoping for and I still can’t believe how lucky we are to have gotten it. I was prepared to have a hard time finding an affordable house. I had heard of all kinds of horror stories and the crazy competition going on in the market was intimidating. I thought we were gearing up for the long haul, and prepared myself for a lot of disappointment. Our house was the first house we put an offer on (the third one we looked at in person) and we somehow got it! It’s insane, I'm so fucking grateful.

The only catch is that it's a lot more of a fixer upper than we had originally planned on buying. I didn’t think that we would ever buy another house that required as much renovation as our first one did, because that shit was intense and we are now in our 30s and very tired 😂. But our new house has so many features that were on our “would-love-to-have-but-probably-won't-find-in-this-economy” list like laundry upstairs and an attached garage (also a pond??!?! We have a fucking pond and I love it so so much🥹). So we knew we could turn it into a home we’d love spending our lives in if we put in the work. Plus it was actually well below our budget (probably because of the condition it was in).

We decided to offer what we were willing to pay, which was well above asking but we still didn't think we'd have a chance because the market is so competitive. I don’t know if our real estate agent just worked some magic (she was amazing), but we were genuinely stunned when she told us we got the house.

(Our beautiful pond🥹 🥰)

After that, things moved SO fast. The timing made it overlap with the prepping/listing of our first home, which was really stressful to juggle all at once on top of our full time jobs. I thought selling was going to be the easy part since the market is so skewed towards sellers right now. And it did go amazingly well once we listed (64 showings and 12 offers in one weekend, fucking nuts?!?!!), but the months leading up to listing the house were CRAZY. I knew it would be a lot of work to prep the house since we had a bunch of unfinished projects, 4 open permits with the town that we needed to get closed, and had accumulated so much shit over the years, but I definitely underestimated how intense it would be, especially with the overlap of buying our new house. I had used up all of my PTO for the year by June in order to deal with house things and felt like I was constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown. I pushed myself way past my limits and knew I would pay for it eventually.

But we made it through the chaos and officially moved in July. Let me just say that I hope I never have to move again😵‍💫. It was 90+ degrees (F), 95% + humidity that weekend, and then POURING rain on the day of the move🙃. But other than that, everything went pretty smoothly! After a couple weeks of getting settled and sleeping in the living room, we started on the renovations in early August.

(Before and after of our living room that we are using as a hobby room for D&D, music, art, etc I love it so much!)

(Before and after of the downstairs bedroom which we use as our office)

We remodeled two whole rooms in about 6 weeks, which was wayy too much. We had been going nonstop since April and by the time we got to October, I hit a wall. Because my mental health was incredibly fragile to begin with, surprise surprise I ended up stuck in another bout of horrific burnout-fueled depression for a solid 2+ months after we finally paused to take a break. I've struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager, having periods of depression, panic disorder, and GAD on and off. Also over the past year, I’ve started to suspect that I may have undiagnosed ADHD so there's a lot going on with my brain. I've always been a very sensitive person, and my mental health is the first thing to suffer if I don't take care of myself.

I started feeling a bit better in December, but then things got crazy again with work and the holidays, so I ended up back in burnout land yet again. Now I think I'm finally starting to truly recover as I enter the slow season at work. We are easing back into renovations but I've been trying to take it as easy on myself as possible to avoid falling back into that dark place, which is why you haven't seen much of me on tumblr. It bums me out, and I often feel frustrated with my own limitations when I see everyone posting and chatting and creating and I want so badly to join in, but I sadly just haven't had it in me for a long time. But I'm still lurking and forever obsessed with InuKag and hope to be recovered enough to participate in fandom stuff more soon!

I've still been writing and drawing here and there whenever I get a bit of inspiration. I actually just finished an Inuyasha redraw that I'll be posting soon! I've also been writing a lot more recently, or at least thinking a lot about my WIPs😂. The main one I've been working on is If It Kills Me, which I am dying to share with you all. But it's a mystery/thriller/actiony type of story with plot points that still need to be figured out, so once those pieces fall into place I will hopefully be able to wrap it up. I'm going to be working on it a lot in February, so we'll see what happens.

I would love to share my other main WIP The First and Last this summer (since it's a summer-based story), but we'll see how things go. The next major renovation project is the kitchen 😵‍💫, so fandom things might have to sadly take a backseat again during that. But I'll still be lurking here and missing you all! ❤️

#personal #home renovation #update #I don't expect anyone to read this whole thing but thank you for listening to me ramble if you do xD #I'm an overexplainer sorry can't help it #anyways I missed being involved in the fandom last year so much #happy to finally feel regulated again #it was a busy year and my brain sucks but it was amazing

[donnerpartyofone]

This morning I left a long comment on a Facebook post by my dead friend's mom where she said she isn't ready to arrange a life celebration yet, and she urges people to keep sharing her daughter's memory. I had been meaning to do this for a month, but I often find Facebook too annoying to use just in UI/UX terms, and I had developed some sort of ridiculous paranoia that people would find out that I might have been the last person to speak to my friend, and that I was standing outside her apartment expecting her to let me in while she was dying. I fantasized that I would have to account for that somehow, to comb through details that I'm sure wouldn't be useful to anyone, and explain why I didn't do more when she strangely didn't come to the door or answer my texts. I still don't know what happened to her.

I reached out to the only acquaintance we shared in common, who was one of her roommates when we were neighbors. He regarded her as his best friend and has been completely shattered by this, especially as it came a year after the death of his ex-girlfriend, who who acted as their kind-of third musketeer. Privately I got a pretty good impression that he drove my dead friend nuts, but I wouldn't know if that was just a part of their "old married couple" dynamic or if they had a truly one-sided relationship. I guess you just don't always get to know how your dearest loved ones really think of you, and in fact maybe you shouldn't. He was the person I had asked to check up on her the day that she died, and he was the only person I could think to ask what happened to her, although I was afraid to. He texted me a detailed download of all the sad things that have happened to him since she died in September, and then he said he would have to wait until his day off to answer my question. I haven't heard from him and I don't think I'm going to. I'm sort of sorry I asked.

Tangentially: It struck me recently that cause of death has become the final frontier of privacy. This is fascinating to me, considering the constant state of overexposure in which most of us live. I've had several experiences in the past few years of someone dying--a casual acquaintance, a friend more than 3 degrees of separation away, a minor celebrity with a cult following in which I participate--and I just had no way of finding out what happened. These have been rare cases in which Google had nothing, not even a rumor; in the present case I was able to unearth the record of an arrest I had never heard about, but nothing about the death. Obviously if you're Michael Jackson or Prince or something then all bets are off, but below that line, if the bereaved don't choose to broadcast the cause or manner of death, then you'll just never find out what those things could have been. I'm thinking right now of another friend of mine who, we all tended to agree, had committed suicide, which was absolutely in-character for her as far as I was concerned...but at the same time, there were compounding factors that made her true level of deliberation ambiguous. I sometimes wish I could talk to someone about it, but I'm afraid it would just hurt her survivors pointlessly to hash it out. In her case, I just have to choose what I want to believe.

Anyway.

My plan that day had been to get a quick haircut before I went to London to record a commentary track for a new release of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR, based on my research into the creation of its mythology. This opportunity had come by way of a strange coincidence, and it seemed to justify the grueling self-directed project I had made out of it for the past several years. As I was preparing for my trip, which felt like the climax of a long journey with this subject, I started to feel silly about never having gone to Amityville to see the house. It's not an easy thing to justify; I'd basically be traveling for a total of 5 hours just to stand in front of the house long enough to annoy whoever lives there. But it felt like something I ought to do, as part of my devotion to the topic, so my plan was to see my friend for a quick trim, get on the Long Island Rail Road to do the thing, then return as fast as possible to pack in time to leave the house at 4am the following day. When my friend didn't let me in, only an hour and a half after we'd texted, and I waited around for 25 minutes in the boiling heat in case she had stepped out for coffee or something, before finally coming to terms with the fact that she flaked on me while I was preparing for a stressful international trip, I got all agitated and couldn't bring myself to do the rest of my plan. I've still never seen the Amityville house.

But later, after I found out what had happened, I was glad I didn't go. I imagined the alternative timeline: I went to my friend's apartment for a trim, couldn't make contact with her, went to see the legendary house where six people were brutally murdered and where, according to countless books and movies and podcasts etc, demonic possession took hold--and then I came home to discover that my friend had suddenly and mysteriously died. It would have been impossible for me not to connect these things. Not that I'm so eager to believe in curses; in fact my work has mostly focused on why belief in the supernatural has been easier to achieve than the availability of help for sufferers of mental illness, drug addiction, and domestic violence. But I'm not a hardcore skeptic either, which is exactly why this story has been so meaningful to me. We can't identify true mysteries if we don't train ourselves to analyze real-world events, and the reasons why certain events attract certain monstrous interpretations. For me this kind of training is urgently important, because I'm given to certain strains of magical thinking and I have to be vigilantly aware of what motivates my behavior and convictions. The circumstantial connection between my friend's unexpected death, and my plans for that day, could have proven irresistible to me.

Even now, obviously, I am connecting my plan to visit the cursed house at 112 Ocean Avenue to my friend's abrupt passing. The connection isn't as corrupting as it would be if I had put my feet on Amityville soil that day, but the experience I am currently having tells me exactly how potent this influence could have been at maximum. All my work has been about belief, where beliefs come from, what they do to us personally, even neurologically. I'm haunted by things I used to believe and where those beliefs came from, why I was so vulnerable to them, to the point of complicity in my own destruction. I'm sympathetic to people who believe in things that seem dicey, or in things that offer a seductive reward that outstrips the need to weigh evidence and consequences. But I believe that in many, perhaps most cases, skepticism is just as much of a belief system as faith. Hard evidence always looks that way as long as hard evidence is what you're looking for, an impression that seduces you away from noticing what personal choices you are making in the curation of your worldview. And at the risk of being overly cryptic, I have come to believe that people are only capable of perceiving that which they already believe in, whatever that might consist of. In any case, if you are really paying attention, you begin to notice that you find true proof of things less often than you simply have to prejudicially choose what you believe. These days I have tried to make agnosticism into a discipline, but at the moment I am consciously choosing to believe that my friend did not die in connection with a curse. And I am consciously acknowledging the fact that if that day of my life had gone as originally planned, it could have had a much graver impact on my experience of the death.

#no unsolicited advice please

[navybrat817]

Hi love, I found a post which said things that are normal in relationships but they make a relationship toxic or unhealthy, there were many things listed but some of them are things that I actually do. Things like jealousy and possessiveness and silent treatment.

Mine and my partners relationship is healthy for the most part but we both have these problems where we tend to get jealous and possessive and give each other silent treatment,

But it’s never like you can’t hang out with this girl or guy and you can’t do this or that.

We both only get jealous when someone is actually flirting with either of us

And we only get possessive when there is actually a reason to be scared, that me or him might be in danger.

And we both are not mentally stable human beings so our best option when we fight is to give each other silent treatment.

The 1 way I differentiated between the “toxic and unhealthy” ways people did these things was and between us is that we both were ever this way when there was a genuine reason to be that way,

We never fight on small things, he is genuinely my best friend and hopefully I am his too.

Because on that post everyone was saying my partner and I never fight and we are perfect etc, so I kind of got discouraged and since I know you are happily married so you must have some advise to give.

All the bad habits we both have when it comes to our relationship our out of our control, we don’t purposely do them, they’re just there, and we both genuinely want and agree to work thru them.

I think what I am trying to ask is are ups and downs is relationships normal?

‘🌸

Hi, nonnie. As always, my opinions are not facts and I'm not an expert. Ups and downs to me are totally normal. Just like our moods can change depending on the day and circumstances, relationships won't always be sunshine and rainbows.

Relationships aren't perfect, just like people aren't perfect. They take work and care. Anyone who says the two of you are perfect, they only see parts of your relationship. That isn't to say you don't have a good relationship, but people don't need to put your relationship on a pedestal.

In regards to jealousy and possessiveness, do you treat each other like possessions? It doesn't sound like you do.

I've talked with a couple of people regarding the silent treatment because I don't particularly like it depending on the circumstances. It can make the person on the receiving end feel bad and it takes away the chance to communicate. I've pulled away from a couple of people after they've given me the silent treatment because I felt shut out.

I also understand the need for some to step away and reflect or compose themselves. I sometimes react to things emotionally, so keeping my mouth shut for a short time may give me a chance to look at the situation rationally and logically. The person on the receiving end should be aware, if this is the case for you, that you are not punishing them. You just need time.

Do you and your partner communicate? Do you take each other's needs and feelings into account? Do you trust each other? Are you two happy?

My relationship isn't perfect, but I'm happy. If anything, I appreciate the ups more because of the downs. Love and thanks. ❤️

#navybrat answers #personal ask #personal share #relationship advice #anon ask #sending love ❤️ #asks are always appreciated #🌸 anon

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

so, uhh... hi. First time writing to you. I need some advice? If you're okay with it? The thing is... I have a boyfriend. We've been friends for several years? We never really talked that much in the past but like, some months ago we kind of reconnected and I helped him with some stuff because he was feeling kinda depressed and, well, I've been there and that shit is not cool. So I guess we kind of bonded? And we started to talk more and see each other more and hang out and just have a good time and that, but then one day he just said he liked me? Very out of the blue and definitely very uncomfortable hahahaha. But we talked about it and I agreed to go out with him? Honestly I just freaked out so much and the time passed and then I agreed to be his girlfriend? It just felt like the right thing to do at the time I guess? Go with the flow. And ngl, it's been fun. For a moment there I think I even convinced myself that I loved him. But when I really think about it, I'm not sure. I guess I never was. And I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I don't think I feel anything when we kiss or when we do other stuff. Or even when we see each other, I don't feel any of the things all romance novels say you should feel. I guess I kind of feel nothing? And then I feel weird every time he tells me he LOVES me, because I feel like I'll never love him the SAME WAY, or as much as he does love me. I've been thinking about being aro/ace. If I'm honest I don't remember ever having a crush? Not even actors from movies or something. Do straight people really just see someone and think "I want them to fuck me/marry me"? I never really cared at all about romance while growing up, but when I got to uni everyone started dating and I wanted to be like everyone else and I made some mistakes, bla, bla, bla. Then the pandemic hit. And the idea of being stuck with someone for the rest of my life kinda scares me. I've lost track of what I was saying lol. Uhhhh... What should I say to my bf? Should I tell him about the fact that I think I'm aro? Should I keep it to myself? Should I break up with him? This was suuuuuper long, sorry haha it's okay if you decide you don't want to answer this tho, I don't want to bother you. Have a good night! ❤️

Hey there, anon!

Yeah, I think that for some straight people they really do just... see people and want to fuck/marry them. If that shocks you, there is a definite possibility are you are somewhere on the aro-ace spectrum. And most allo people have crushes frequently, too.

I think the most important thing to do regarding your boyfriend is be honest with yourself. Would you be happy to stay in this relationship? Do you and your boyfriend have the kind of mutual respect and trust where he would support you and be understanding if you told him about this? Your boyfriend's feelings are of course important, but yours are more important and you shouldn't sacrifice them for him.

#not questioning aspec culture #questioning aspec #arospec #acespec #aro #aromantic #ace #asexual

[lente-ment]

Sorry if this is too personal, but I read on your AO3 that you went from being a fujo to a lesbian. I've heard of that happening before, and I just don't get how someone goes from being into media all about the attractiveness of males and males alone to realizing they are only attracted to females and females alone. Would you mind offering any insight into that process?

See, I'm a cis bi guy who started off straight, but women have remained just as attractive to me as I became more interested in men. I can't imagine being no longer attracted to women because they're hot for different reasons than men and vice versa.

I hope this doesn't come off weird! I just find gender/orientation stuff like this really interesting.

Oh hey, this isn't weird at all! Thank you for asking about a genuinely interesting topic, at least for me. (And sorry for the late reply, what little time I had last week I focused on editing ch13 and getting it ready for publishing... almost there...)

Relating to your question, I'm not even sure where to start, except by acknowledging that, yes, it probably is weird to go from being super into m/m and the whole culture that focuses on men, to being a lesbian who cares little for men (as objects of romantic or sexual desire, I didn't turn into a misandrist, just to clarify). It didn't happen over night, of course. And I do have to say that I had always been a little bit queer to begin with.

Fujoshi, or perhaps simply "readers of yaoi" (since fujoshi is a really derogatory term from what I gathered), are usually women. It is safe to assume that most of those women are straight, or at least attracted to real men in some way. However, men portrayed in yaoi works are rarely reflections of how real men look and behave. That's further supported by the fact that very little gay men read regular yaoi. Some read bara. In regular yaoi, male characters are very "sanitized" versions of men, made for women who only want the emotional side of the whole affair. They want to see the men show their feelings and be vulnerable. But not with them (they want strong men IRL), or other women (jealousy). But with other men? That's okay. Because those stories are always under their control (unlike real life is, for a lot of women). Most of these women also like real men (actors, guys in their school/workplace), and end up dating them/married. I'd like to point out that I haven't read any scientific research, or psychology papers. These are my personal observations and things I discussed with friends in the past regarding this topic.

Anyhow, to get back to my experience, I got into yaoi because these stories were fun. I gotta admit, I'm not sure how I found out about yaoi to begin with. I don't remember anyone around me being particularly vocal about it. I dug that stuff out from the depths of the late 2000s/early 2010s internet all by myself. Anyway, IRL, I was never particularly interested in men. Or anyone, until high school. Shows like Junjou Romantica or Ai no Kusabi were just interesting stories to me. And when I think back on yaoi anime and doujinshis that I consumed religiously in my teenage years, I mostly remember liking the themes they worked with, such as non-con sex, power play, bondage, humiliation etc. I cared little for the physical side of things. What little arousal I felt I connected with my own physiology, not with male genitalia. Meanwhile, yuri never had the same appeal. Those girls were always soft and gentle and shy. I think you know by now that that's not how I roll with my (vamp) lesbians.

After high school, during college, my love for m/m stuff waned. I guess my worldview expanded, and I mulled over being bi so I started considering women as well. The fact that I also never managed to have a relationship with a man longer than a week should've spoken louder volumes to me. As I grew as a person, I realized a lot of yaoi that I was reading was really immature, too. There are still a few works I'd recommend, but everything else doesn't do it for me anymore. Unfortunately, the same thing could be said about f/f stuff. Not just yuri (that is to say, works coming from Japan), but fanfics as well. There aren't really any f/f ships, even today, that I'd root for as hard as I did for some m/m ships. Because of that, I didn't know where I stood for the longest time.

At the end of college/beginning of my adult life, I finally started accepting some things about myself. One of them was that calling myself a lesbian was a completely valid thing to do. It felt a bit weird at the beginning. I come from a somewhat traditional surrounding so I didn't know too many queer people during that process. There was nobody to validate my feelings externally. That extended the self-realization process. Yet, slowly, I understood that I was finally doing myself a proper service by focusing on women.

To be honest, I still find some men attractive, but that's more of an exception than a rule. And it's pretty random. And I never act on it because I'm not interested in them sexually, and only like... 5% romantically. So, uh, maybe that's just like seeing someone outside on the street and thinking "huh, this guy looks cool, hope he has a nice day".

Uhh, okay, that's a wall of text. Hope it illuminates some things for you, anon? If you're comfortable sharing, I wouldn't mind hearing about your own self-discovery process. Thank you for checking out my fic and hopping into this inbox. Have a nice day! 💙

#og lente post #ask answer

[unmakingandincorporeality]

Feeling a weird kind of sick today & got to do livestream prep in 20 mins but before that I've got a little time for FUGUE POSTING

I made a new playlist today, called "desire, without obligation." It's named that because I needed something to be listening to while I wrote a draft of my grad school application statement of purpose, which I've been badly struggling with because I don't know how to communicate the idea of wanting to do a thing in a manner other than explaining why it would be good for other people were that thing to happen. And the problem is, I don't really want to go to grad school to help people. I want to go to grad school to have fun being a faerie academic nerd doing theory about how the internet is magic, and I want to make things that other, more practical, people will be able to use to help people. So focusing on the other people was railroading me towards a statement of purpose that was gonna put me in the wrong kind of program.

In my early 20s, I started going to therapy, because I wanted to have kids some day, & I felt like I owed it to them to deal with some of the trauma I picked up from my parents, so I can at least minimize the extent to which I'm passing on the same problems. It took me more than 2 years of sessions with the best therapist I'd ever had to get to the point where I was willing to say that, actually, I don't want kids, I've never wanted kids, every part of every aspect of setting up a life to have children is deeply unappealing to me—but it was okay for me to be in therapy anyway, because it's not wrong to go to therapy for your own well-being.

In our last in-depth conversation, my as-of-recently-ex friend told me that he felt like he could finally start figuring out what he wanted from his life because he'd done all the things he was supposed to do. Got a degree, got a job, got married, had two children, bought a house, paid off the mortgage. After all that, that's when he was allowed to ask, "What do I want?"

I don't want to think about helping other people. I've spent the past decade wrangling and soldering and sanding my personality to care about other people, and at this point I do it by reflex. I don't have to think about it, and I'm better at it when I don't—metacognition takes up the same brain space that would otherwise be going to cognition, so to whatever extent I'm monitoring my behaviors to make sure I'm happy with them, those behaviors are being made less competently, with fewer cognitive resources.

The thing I haven't figured out is how to hack and sculpt and wire myself to take care of me. Which is philosophically inconsistent: I'm a person, right? I go out of my way to help people. More or less by reflex. I ought to be willing to go out of my way, to put in effort, to make changes, sacrifice, lose out on things I wanted, to make things better for me.

But there are two kinds of people: the one experiencing this consciousness, and all the other consciousnesses that this one doesn't directly experience. the habits I've developed for how to act with regard to other consciousnesses are not the habits to care for this consciousness. I never witness myself struggling in a way that I know I'm currently secure in; I can never lend myself the strength I have in areas where I'm seeing weakness. Whatever it is I'm failing at, it's always the thing that I'm currently doing an awful job of handling.

So I shall need to get more creative with my interventions into myself.

#uaipost #🌂