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creedslove · 1 year

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DESERVE IT - PART THIRTEEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: some insight on your relationship with Javi, where everything is going perfectly, until his secret with Los Pepes is out

Warnings: fluff, but the like the level of fluff is too much it will probably make you OD on fluff, smut (nipple play, fingering, unprotected p in v, creampie), a little bit of dirty talk, mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy talk, a little bit of angst

A/N: besties... Where do I start? I don't even know, I've been writing this chapter for two days and it's made me feel so many things, I was so emotional and so into it, like i felt i was buried deep in the story because more than once I ended up writing my own name when I was talking about reader lmao, this has happened so many times during this story... Anyway, I'll continue my considerations on my second author's note at the end of this chapter so there won't be any spoilers, I just hope you guys enjoy this huge dose of domestic!Javi as much as I did 🩷

• PART ONE TO TWELVE ON MY MASTERLIST

6.3k words (I got carried away, sorry)

You felt yourself waking up slowly at the same time you tried focusing back into your sleep. You didn't want to wake up just yet, the blankets over your body felt so comfortably warm, the mattress underneath giving you the complete relaxation you craved as you buried your face in the pillow and tried returning to the dream you were having.

You didn't remember much about it, but you did remember you were in a big house, you didn't know where exactly, but at the same time everything seemed familiar.

You walked through the hallways of it, taking in all the details that were so different and yet so known to you, picture frames on the wall, that passed by as a blur though you had the feeling you'd seen them many times.

You followed your instincts, going down the hallway and finding the kitchen, immediately a small little girl rushed to you, hugging you as tight as she could and giggled "mommy!!!!" she squealed happily and pointed at the counter, where Javi was standing, placing the dough inside the small, star-shaped baking pans "daddy and I are making cookies!!!" The little girl you quickly learned was none other than your daughter informed you with the happiest smile on earth.

Javi smiled too, leaving the cookies on the counter and walked to you, kissing your lips gently and caressing your stomach, that much to your surprise was round with a baby bump "we missed you and our big boy too" he told you and held your hand, taking it to his mouth and pecking it as well, just as you could see a wedding band around your finger.

Your heart raced and you thought air was lacking from your lungs when you immediately got up and looked around, rubbing your eyes and looking for any traces of the scenario you were just experiencing.

You gasped as it had been such a real dream, but now that you realized you were finally awake, you could tell the images were already fading. Suddenly, the house didn't seem so familiar anymore, you didn't remember any longer what shape the cookies were, and the little girl's face was nothing but a fog, and god, it hurt because she was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. Your heart clenched at the realization she was just a product of your memory and you would never see her again. It was so upsetting to realize that and you wished you had the ability to draw, at least you could maybe try to get a picture of her pretty face. You were clueless to why that particular dream made such an impact on you, distractedly thinking of it as you jumped startled when you felt a hand brushing against your hair.

"You okay cariño?" Javi asked you, staring into your eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed and watched as you looked at him with the confused fog of sleep. You then nodded, smiling gently at him

"Yeah, I just had a weird dream, that's all…" you bit your lips and ran your hand through your messy hair before wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. You took a deep breath, inhaling Javi's post shaving cream's scent and closing your eyes at how warm he was against you. It always soothed you to have him so close to you.

Javi on the other hand didn't actually get why you were clinging so tight to him, you were whimpering in your sleep and he worried you were having nightmares about him. He knew how much you've been worrying about him and his connection with Los Pepes now that Pablo's situation was getting unbearable and he felt both guilty and concerned that he was putting you under unnecessary stress.

"It's okay princesa, I'm here… your breakfast is ready" he whispered to you and kissed your neck gently. He smiled at you, loving your sleepy face and cupping your cheek, you laughed softly

"You know what? I was just having a dream about a very domestic Javier Peña and now I wake up to you making me breakfast?" You raised your eyebrow and got off bed, stretching your body and not bothering getting dressed at all.

The way you moved your naked body caught Javier's attention immediately and whatever thought he might have had in his mind just disappeared and everything went blank. He didn't have any other reaction but get up and follow you, his hand on your hips as he tried pulling you to him,

"Don't be a bitch, mi amor, I always make you breakfast" he purred, kissing your shoulder but groaned as you got into the bathroom and locked the door. He sighed and went back to the kitchen table, knowing you would only return after your shower and much to his disappointment, fully clothed.

He poured himself a cup of coffee as he thought of the morning routine the two of you established. You had been officially dating for a little over a month now, after nearly a year of playing a cat and mouse game and Javi would be lying if he said that was the happiest he'd ever been. He just loved to have someone to come back home to, someone he could actually talk to, be affectionate with, someone who understood him and didn't demand things he couldn't give. It was different this time, all the times he'd been in a relationship he was often frustrated, or uncomfortable or feeling suffocated, but now? Javier Peña was a house cat who loved waking up early to make his girlfriend pancakes even if he pretended the pancakes were for him.

He just loved waking up to you all tangled around him, your smell on his sheets, his pillows, your hair all over his face, he didn't care. He liked waking up next to you, he liked seeing you smile at your breakfast plate ready for you, he liked how great you smelled after coming out of your shower, if there was something he didn't like, however, was how you teased him every single morning by leaving bed naked and walking past him, knowing how much he wanted to touch you, but then, you would leave your morning shower and sit right on his lap, and that could lead to many other things.

Even if the two of you would arrive late at work almost on a daily basis, it was still worthy. You hadn't actually announced your relationship to anyone, but people figured it out eventually, the first ones being obviously Connie and Murphy, and you actually liked it, especially after you and Connie started hanging out more when the boys were out at work, and that led the four of you to some double date nights, and it was nice. You liked that coziness of the situation, how the four of you could act like friends and forget about work while sharing a nice meal and some drinks.

And of course, that bitch you called Colleen walked on you and Javi making out during your lunch break and made it public to everyone else. At that point, Pablo Escobar himself probably knew you were banging each other.

What he didn't know - and no one, really did it - was that you and Javi weren't just banging. You were dating, for real, because you two were in love, you were in love for real but it was actually best no one cared for these details, it was none of their business at all, it was the part of your relationship that was only about you and Javi and you two were happy like that.

You finally exited the bathroom, only one of Javi's work shirts over your body. You loved how he eye fucked you whenever you wore any of his clothes.

You pretended you hadn't noticed it and walked to him, ignoring your own chair and sat on his lap

"Buenos días, agent Peña" you said and watched his frown. He wasn't agent Peña to you, he was Javi, your Javi. You pecked his lips and quickly sat straight, pulling your plate of pancakes and dug into it with a big bite.

Javi wasn't a great cook, in fact, he was terrible, but there was something about his morning pancakes you just loved. Nothing tasted better to you than them, just to think he made them for you, it was enough to make you drool for it.

His arms wrapped around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder as he sighed "do we really have to go to Murphy's tonight?" He mumbled and nuzzled your neck, making you squirm softly at the sudden shiver

"Yes Javi, I already told Connie we're going, besides, it's lasagna night and you know no one makes that better than I do…" you said and tilted your head to the side, so he could have better access to your neck.

You closed your eyes as his mustache tickled your skin, before his lips got closer and you whimper. Your hand went for the side of his head, fingers tangling into his hair as you pressed him against you a little more.

"Why? You don't wanna go?" You asked feeling suddenly so bothered to be still and moved your hips unconsciously. You felt him shrug against you

"I just wanted to stay with you tonight… but fine" he said in a low voice and then frowned "I can't fucking believe you took the shirt I was going to wear to work today! I gotta see Messina" he said though he felt a pit of guilt at that last part. It was a lie, he wasn't seeing Messina, he was going to see Judy, the head of Los Pepes, but he often hid that from you. He knew it made you anxious and worried, and he didn't want to ruin another day for you. Besides, he was sure nothing bad would happen, he would go over her place, listen to that bitch's claims and return to the office as if nothing had happened.

You chuckled and shrugged "well, your shirt was lying there, and you are shirtless now… I figured if you wanted to wear it, you should have claimed it first" you laughed.

His mind snapped back from the concern about his later meeting and smirked, you were such a little tease.

"Ay princesa, eres tan dulce…" he said as his hands went up and unbuttoned the shirt, one by one, opening them slowly and letting your breasts spill out of it "... Pero también eres mi puta" he whispered against your skin and quickly massaged your breasts. His fingers toyed with your nipples, pinching them gently as his big hand ran it's way down your stomach, obviously finding you completely bare.

"Fuck, Y/N… you didn't even bother putting on clothes… are you trying to kill me? Or is it just your way to beg me to fuck you, cariño? Uh? You like to be such a filthy slut for me, don't you? You like when people call you Javi's puta, don't you?" He whispered into your ear while you only whimpered.

His right hand found your warmth between your legs, cupping it softly, feeling as you parted your legs with no resistance so he could touch you. His left hand ran up again, wrapping around your neck, holding you in a firm grip

"Come on, use your words, I asked you a question.."

"Yes…" you whimpered.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I like when people call me your puta, Javi…"

He only groaned into your ear, at the same time his hand sank deeper towards your core, being welcomed by your slippery slit, always so sinfully wet for him. Javi's long fingers parted your lips, the wetness already coating their tips as he moved them up and down, finding your clit and applying pressure to it. He could feel how your ass rubbed against his crotch, his shirt being barely able to cover it for you. His rough jeans burning softly, in a tempting torture, your body responding to his immediately, his touches always descending you to madness at how well he knew you, how well he could manipulate your pleasure. There was never a lover like Javier in your life, and there would be another one. Good thing you didn't plan on leaving him, because if you ever did, you knew you were doomed.

You threw your head back at the same time his fingers went further into your pussy hole, you gushed over his hand, feeling the pleasure build up, he could play you like a fucking doll, no wonder he called you muñequita, you were completely his to be played with and you loved it.

He removed his fingers off you, the disappointed whimper that came out of your lips was a lot louder than you intended, which made him chuckle.

His left hand went for your chin, holding it in place as you obediently opened your mouth to welcome his coated fingers. You sucked on them, licking them clean and watched as Javi finished unbuttoning the shirt, finally revealing your entire naked body "here's what we're gonna do, cariño, you'll be a good girl for me, got it? You'll lift your hips and you'll sit down on me nice and slowly, eating your breakfast while I'm shoved balls deep inside of you, got it amor? You know you can do it, mariposa…" he teased, helping you lift yourself up, waiting as Javi opened his jeans and freed his hard cock. Then, he helped you lower yourself on him, moaning at how your slippery walls clenched around his girth. You, on the other hand, called his name, every time he got inside of you, felt like the first time. You were so drunk in his cock, but it was more than that, you were drunk in love and you couldn't even hide.

You tried moving your hips, but his hands held you in place, not allowing you to make any moves. He meant it when he said you would have your breakfast while he was buried deep inside of you, however, you couldn't bring yourself to actually eat anything, not when you had that aching need of being touched, of bouncing up and down onto his cock, it was too much for you. You asked Javier for mercy, tried to explain how much you needed him, and though he tried not showing how his cock twitched each time you purposely clenched your cunt around him, he wanted you to be a good little puta for him.

Javi handed you some fruit he kept on the table though they were never eaten in the morning, but it didn't matter. He got some grapes, taking one to your mouth, your clit twitched at the same time he gently rubbed it against your lips, before finally allowing you to chew on the sweet grape. Repeating the steps with the remaining others he had in hands.

And only when you were finished with them, Javi's palms went for your hips, gripping them and helping you to move. Now, he was tired of waiting, he was twitching inside of you and he helped you up and down faster and faster, only stopping when you had come for him and he finally spilled his thick load deep inside of you.

You relaxed your back against his chest, feeling tired but happy, also very thankful to remember it was your day off. You had plans of maybe cleaning up the apartment a little bit, as you often spent more time at his place than yours, but after he rocked your little world during the most important meal of the day, you figured it wouldn't hurt to maybe go back to bed and take a quick nap. You just wished you could drag him back with you, you hated to have to say goodbye in the morning like that. Not when you wanted to rest your body against your boyfriend's and fall asleep in his arms.

"You're amazing, princesa" Javi praised you and once more sank his face into the crook of your neck. You still had him inside of you, though you could feel him softening. Javier inhaled your scent again, he never got enough of how good you smelled and if it were up to him, he would spend the rest of his day… no, the rest of his days like that.

And after that feverish, erotic need for each other, he was back to being your sweet Javi. This was another thing you loved about your relationship: the hunger you had for each other wasn't just sexual, though it represented a big part of it, the hunger you felt was physical, emotional and sentimental.

You smiled and turned your head to him, kissing his lips, your heart was nothing but a puddle of love at that moment.

Javi's hands went for your shoulders, sliding down the shirt off your body and helping you get up. As much as he hated it, it was time to go to work, so he had to face his morning torture, which was leave the safehouse you had built together and go outside and face reality. It just didn't feel worse because he knew that at the end of the day, you would be there, waiting for him.

You went to the bedroom and returned fully dressed, this time wearing your own clothes and smiled as he put on the shirt that just a few minutes before was still on your body. Javi could even pretend to be impatient about you stealing his clothes, but the moment he put his shirt on and saw it smelled just like you, he smiled. It was one good thing to get him through the day.

You walked Javi to the door and kissed his lips goodbye, reminding him you loved him and couldn't wait until he was safely back home.

You got under the blankets and sighed happily, thinking of your life and how good things were at that moment. A part of you was still skeptical, not believing things would work out for you and Javi, you sometimes worried he would grow tired of you, maybe he would fall into old habits, the temptation of having to get information from the women he often did, but you immediately shook these thoughts off and reminded yourself that wouldn't happen, because you trusted him, you showed him he was worth of love, he was worth of having a life with, that he was a good man, who deserved a partner to support and love him no matter what, and that man, in return, was at your feet. Connie's words, not yours.

But you felt it, you felt Javi cared about you, you felt he cherished you, he longed for you, you just felt he loved you, and that always made your heart flutter. You were lucky to have each other, no one believed Javier could have a connection with someone like he did with you, maybe, at some point after meeting him, you wouldn't have believed it either, but there you were, being his, just as he was yours.

You took his pillow and sniffed it, loving his to sink deep into his scent and smiled, you thought of the weird dream you had had, recognizing the elements of it, as everyday things you talked about. The place you were was clearly the ranch he lately had been telling you so much about. It was the place he was born and grew up, owned by his dad and some day in the future, it would be his. As far as Javier had told you, his dad didn't have a lot of money, but life was good in the ranch, and after he retired from the DEA, he would be able to provide you in case you didn't want to get a job.

You had jokingly discussed that, like you always did, like the very first time he suggested moving into the ranch and leaving Colombia behind. You sensed there was some truth to his words, but you didn't want to read too much into it, these were huge plans, and you were still pretty recent, even if you were so drunk in love.

He had talked about baby Peña a couple of times too, both times you two ended up laughing, as it was clearly just some amusing daydream, some inside joke that was part of your make-believe future together.

The only time this joke got a little out of hand was about after a month you two made it official and you had to leave your desk several times during the morning to throw up. You just couldn't keep anything inside, and during your lunch break, when you were sat at Javi's desk, sipping some water, looking pale and sweaty, Steve chuckled at the two of you "seems like baby Peña is on its way" he said and made both you and Javier stare at each other in shock and annoyance. You were nearly passing away out of dehydration and he was insinuating you were pregnant. Neither you or Javi said anything, but you could tell the nervousness in his actions. It hadn't even crossed your mind, and probably it hadn't crossed his either, you knew you weren't pregnant, it was just food poisoning, not your first in Colombia and definitely not your last one, but still, it felt like Murphy's comment threw some kind of tension towards the two of you.

That night, after Javi got tired of hearing you throw up to the tenth time, he drove you to the hospital, hating to see you sick. He had to wait by the reception and when you exited the doctor's office with a prescription, he raised his eyebrow.

"So… baby Peña?"

"Baby Peña happens to be last night's fish you insisted on having for lunch" you told him, showing him the prescription to the few meds the doctor recommended you.

The two of you laughed together, deep inside, you knew a baby wasn't exactly a possibility. Well, technically, it was. You were on birth control, but contraception could fail like anything else in the world, but at that moment it just felt like it wasn't a possibility, you two weren't there yet, you hadn't even discussed the possibility of getting there, but it didn't matter anymore, it had just been a misunderstanding.

Javier stared into your eyes for a while, he opened his mouth ready to say something, but he quickly changed his mind. He wanted to have said he would be by your side if you were actually pregnant, he wanted to have told you he would take care of you and your baby, but instead, he just rolled his eyes

"Steve's really a dick"

So that was why your dream puzzled you, even if the baby talk was present in your life, a baby was just a blurry idea, but seeing an actual child, a little girl and feeling her wrapping her little arms around you and calling you mommy, brought a warmth to your heart you just couldn't explain. It felt so honest, so beautiful and so pure. You figured it wouldn't hurt to just dream of it, no one needed to know about it, not even Javi, not now, it wasn't the right time.

You shot your eyes open when you were hit by the sudden realization of where you'd seen the pictures that appeared in your dream. If you remembered correctly, they were scattered on the walls of the hallway you walked through and you knew you had seen them before. They were all pictures of Javier's family. You knew he kept them in a box somewhere in his wardrobe, you'd seen them briefly when he was looking for some extra ammo for his gun but couldn't find exactly where they were. He didn't exactly show you the pictures but he didn't hide them either and a suffocating feeling of curiosity began growing in your chest. What if you got the box and watched the pictures? He wouldn't get upset, would he? Well, for starters, you didn't even need to tell him you went snooping through his stuff.

Sure, they were personal stuff and you would probably be upset if he did the same to you, but it was not like you were trying to find something to frame on him, or steal anything, you wanted to take a look at the pictures and that was all. After all, it was just a weird coincidence they happened to randomly appear in your dream.

You decided to just go for it, it wouldn't be too big of a deal, you would leave everything organized afterwards so if Javi needed to check anything there, he wouldn't even notice.

You got off bed, folding the blankets and leaving everything organized, just like you and your boyfriend liked it.

Boyfriend.

It still made you chuckle at times.

You didn't take much longer to find the box Javi kept his personal things, it was just in the bottom of the wardrobe, under a couple of folded bedspreads Javier had but usually never used. It wasn't a big box, but it was heavy and you would be lying if you said you weren't excited and curious to dig into Javier's memory box. Sitting comfortably on the floor, you crossed your legs and removed the lid, taking a peek inside and saw the many pictures you recognized from your dream.

You carefully took them and watched them, taking your time as you were so entertained by it. There were pictures of his father at his young age, his mom, whom he never spoke a lot about, but when he did, it was always with so much love and admiration. She was truly beautiful and your heart skipped a beat when you saw Javier had taken his mother's eyes.

A picture of them on their wedding day, another one where his dad had his hand around his wife's pregnant bump. And the next picture made you squeal out loud, you gushed and couldn't help but acting like a silly little girl when you saw a picture of baby Javier Peña. It was the original, naked bum, baby Peña! You thought you would die of love at the picture of Javi as a baby, he was so adorable and yes, he's always had the stray puppy's eyes. You were loving each passing second of that activity. You went through all the pictures of Javier's childhood, he was such a cute boy, his hair was a lot lighter back then, and his smile was always bright, funny to think he would become a grumpy DEA agent just a few decades later.

You saw some other pictures of his extended family and another one of his group of friends. You could tell it was his friend group from highschool, mostly because he had his arm wrapped around the waist of a blond beauty. You rolled your eyes at the realization it was Lorraine, probably from the time they still dated. You knew it was kind of stupid, but you still felt a sting of jealousy. You hadn't even met her, and if you did, you would probably sympathize with her, you two had been through very similar things in life and Javier had broken her heart in a horrible way. Even if he had apologized to her, after all the years, it was still a real bad situation. If you ever met her, chances were she would hate him for having Javier and not the other way around. Besides, Javi had left her at the altar, if he ever regretted breaking things up, he could have gone after her, but he didn't, he was with you, he just kept a picture of his friends, it wasn't like he kept a picture of his ex and himself.

You felt a little shy for being jealous for a moment as you put the photographs back in place when your hand accidentally hit a smaller box. You frowned curiously and took it realizing it was a jewelry box. You opened it and found a beautiful ring inside, the one you immediately recognized it as his mother's ring.

You knew he had inherited the ring so one day he would give it to the woman he loved and had plans to spend his life with. No wonder Lorraine got the ring when they got engaged, you remembered when Javi had a few drinks one night and told you between laughter she got so pissed off she refused to return him his mother's ring, and the only reason they managed to recover it was because Chucho had to personally go to her house and have an honest chat with her dad, who then, made her return the ring.

You didn't know Chucho trusted his son with the ring again and you didn't know he had brought it to Colombia.

Then suddenly, a thought occurred to you. Would you ever get his mother's ring?

You didn't know, but it was time you stopped snooping around his things, so you took one last time at the beautiful golden band, adorned with a gorgeou red gem. It was simple, but so heartfelt. You smiled at yourself and placed everything back into place.

•••

"Fuck this, I'm out!" Javier said angrily as he stared at Judy's cynical face. He was done working with those people, they were as bad as Pablo Escobar. They were a cartel, who brought as many problems as Escobar did, just because their power wasn't as extent as their common enemy, they were still criminals. They were a cartel, they produced, sold and profited from drugs, they killed people everyday, good and bad people and they only acted upon Pablo, because they wanted to take his place in the drug cartel chain. When you use a plague to exterminate another one, it doesn't mean they aren't plagues anymore.

Judy on the other hand just laughed as she nodded at her sicario, who immediately grabbed Javier and shoved it against the couch

"I think it's too late for that, what would people say if they knew a DEA agent had an agreement with Los Pepes? Do you think the american press would be pleased?" She asked calmly taking a sip of her drink and watching as Javier stared at her.

"Besides, we know you have a girlfriend, you make a cute couple, I'm sure you as an agent would do whatever it takes you to protect her, wouldn't you? Of course, Los Pepes would never do anything to her, but we can't assure Pablo's sicarios wouldn't… you know what I mean, Mr.Peña?"

Javi went pale at the mention of you, which didn't go unnoticed by Judy who chuckled and shook her head "I'm just joking, agent Peña, you know how family is important to me, and I would never risk anyone who matters to my alleys… as long as they remain my alleys" she said.

Javier understood it perfectly and calmed down, nodding at her as they continued their meeting. He wanted to grab his gun and shoot her in the face, he figured he would be able to take down the men in the room but then, it would only take the men who stood outside maybe thirty second or less before they could burst in and shoot him to death.

It wasn't worthy, he wanted to go home at night, he wanted to go home to you. He wanted to leave that place, go back home, find you and forget about the world, about everything else. He wanted to keep you safe, he wanted to hop on a plane with you, take you to Laredo and initiate his retiring plan, but he couldn't. He was too deep in it and could only hope Judy kept her mouth shut until they captured Escobar and Javi could find something else to do with his life.

He was just worn out, stress pouring through every single pore of his body and he just needed to get home to you, he needed you. Javi knew that was probably not healthy, not once in his life he had such a deep need for a woman, but he wasn't in the mood to fight that off. He groaned as he remembered you would have dinner at Steve's, checking his watch and seeing you were probably there yet, but at least that'd give him time to shower, cool down and try to get Judy and her threats out of his mind.

He walked into his building and distractedly looked for his keys in his jacket pocket. He knew they had to be there, but for whatever reason he was taking long to find them, he didn't see when Steve approached him and only felt when the other agent shoved him against the wall. Javier frowned pissed off and his first reaction was to fight back, even if it was his friend, he didn't hesitate before backhanding Steve just as hard "what the fuck man?" He groaned at the other agent.

"I should be the one asking you, Javi. What the actual fuck? You had a meeting with Judy Moncada?"

Steve saw the way Javi widened his eyes at his words and couldn't help but laugh at how stupid he looked

"You really thought you would be working with Los Pepes and no one would find out? You thought I wouldn't find out?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for Javier to get his key, so they could talk inside.

Steve sat through the whole explanation Javier gave him. It didn't matter if it made sense or if he seemed to be right at some level, he didn't agree with that. They'd been discussing the actions of the death squad through their latest meetings with the CIA and some people insisted the problem was getting bigger and bigger. He could tell Javi was in deep shit, the kind of shit he couldn't just break free, because if Los Pepes didn't try to kill him and that was a long shot, he would certainly face legal actions from the US government.

"What about Y/N? Does she know?" Steve asked and couldn't help but feel disappointed as his partner nodded, confirming the information "I bet she's fucking proud of you, Peña" he groaned, but Javier immediately frowned.

"You can bet your ass she's prouder of me than Connie is of you, at least Y/N doesn't run away when shit gets worse" he spat completely in the defensive and though Murphy's blood boiled, he knew it was a stupid idea to bring the misses into the fight. Both you and Connie were not to blame if both of them were a mess.

"You know, the girls are upstairs now, they're probably laughing as they share a bottle of wine and talking about our dicks or the fact we are both morons…" Steve said "just let's have dinner with them and pretend nothing happened and we deal with that in the morning" Steve sighed and stared at his partner until Javier nodded in agreement.

When you saw Steve entering the apartment alone, you frowned softly "where's Javi?" You tilted your head, curious to know why he wasn't there yet, and not hiding how eager you were to see him.

"He's showering, he should be here soon" he simply said and pecked Connie's lips.

You could tell something was bothering Murphy, but you didn't actually think it was your place to worry about that at all. Instead, you finished assembling the final layers of the lasagna before putting it in the oven.

Another ten minutes passed, before Javi finally walked through the door. He had just got off shower, you could tell by the way his hair was still humid. He glanced at Steve with certain anger, and you were sure something went on between them, bur before you could actually worry about it, Javier's arms immediately snaked around your waist, he placed a kiss to your neck, as you had your back to him, while you washed some dishes in the sink.

"I missed you princesa" he whispered against your ear and made your heart turn into a puddle of love. You had been away from him less than twenty four hours and yet, it felt too long.

You turned around and smiled big, the same smile that made Javier's poor heart skip a beat. Kissing him immediately as you wrapped your arms around his neck. If it were up to you, you would have just ditched dinner and went back to your place, or his place, or even his Jeep, you didn't care, so you could be just the two of you together.

But Olivia's soft tugs on your pants made you break the kiss. You looked down at her and chuckled as she extended her little arms to you so you gladly picked her up, nuzzling her cheek and making her giggle. She looked at Javier curiously and gripped his hand tight.

"See princess? That's uncle Javi!! Do you like him? He's handsome isn't he?" You cooed at her, who gave you both a sweet smile and continued holding his hand with her tiny one.

At that moment, nothing in the world disturbed Javier, no cartels, no violence, no uncertain future in your job due to his poor decisions, because all he could think of when he saw you holding that little princess in your arms, was the only thing he was sure, the only thing he was proud of and the only part of the future he knew it was certain: his future with you and the family you two you build together.

_____

A/N: okay besties, so I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because I honestly loved it! It was one of the chapters it felt like I was under a spell, everything was just flowing and I was so into the story, like my heart was melting and beating so fast just to imagine the scenes, it was like I could watch them before my eyes, I don't know how to explain but it felt special to me. I was also really dying for some domestic javi but i wasn't sure I was going to be able to write it, and then suddenly it all came to me. I just love how in love Javi is with reader, it soothes my heart. I like to see the strong bond they have and i just wish javier peña was real 😭 also, smut wasn't planned for this part at all, but it just felt so right, so erotic and so beautiful I had to add it to the story. I hope you all liked it and pls let me know what you besties think 🩷 💬

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fuckmeupjackson · 1 year

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this is mike getting vecna'd-- foreshadowing i know it

i know someone else has most probably spotted this before, but I just noticed this a while back and haven't seen a post on it so here it is. Choking is a common imagery this season/throughout the seasons so that's what sparked this connection in my head. Sorry if this has been said before i just posted this cause haven't seen it posted.

Argyle's Arm = The Vine

El = Vecna

Pizza = Vecna's Hand lol

Mike = Max // which makes since given how much they've paralelled each other this season.

Plus Max looks through the "window" of Vecna's mind and immediately sees a memory of Lucas. This = Will watching thru the window.

u can just imagine will saying "but I'm right here" in his head. man.

Not to mention there is a blue + yellow box right in front of El in the frame; Since El is the person doing the "vecna-ing" here, what it means is the union of Mike and Will through Byler (represented by blue + yellow coming together) is what's scaring Mike the most, it's his monster, it's Mike's inner fear and shame (that Vecna would love so much to prey on), it's what Mike does not want to try, just like the pizza. Haha good job, self, you got that one *pats self on the back*. Oh, and you know what? Since it's kind of in Will's line of sight, I think it shows that the idea of Byler is Will's "monster" too. The thoughts of his love for Mike probably haunt him at night just much as Mike's love for Will haunt Mike, but for different reasons. For Mike it's his fear of being queer and for Will it's a little more about the devastating feeling that he'll never be loved back by Mike.

Oh damn and also the lights right in front of Will are off, the ones that are separating the two of them. Probably maybe symbolizing how Will is being left in the dark, Mike is ignoring the light that Will provides for him? The light is dead because Will thinks he lost Mike. And the blinds are closed and a dark shade of grey, showing just how "blinded" mike is being in the scene.

OR WHO KNOWS maybe Mike looked at Will when the shot moved away from him, the directors just don't want us to know.

Now 1 more thing, TBH, i don't actually think it's positive that Vecna will be "Vecna-ing" people in season 5 in the exact same fashion he is in season 4. Maybe that's a hot take idk lmao. He changes his tactic every season, and I just know whatever new strategy he chooses will be very different because 1. he has to come back from the dead with a new body and 2. he needs to use a tactic that brings him closer to Will/El than ever before. Closer to their minds probably. But that doesn't mean he won't be use his mind-manipulation strategies on Mike at some point, i think he will, or at least Mike's struggles would somehow reveal his love for Will.

---------

Sooo basically this parallel I've posted here COULD be foreshadowing a Vecna scene just like Max's to come for Mike s5, OR this parallel could actually just be a signal to the viewer, like symbolic imagery, that Mike is hiding just as much, if not more, than Max as of season FOUR, and he's going to have to face the consequences just like she has so far. He's going to have to let the truth show in one way or another, regardless of how. If anything this shows Mike is actually falling behind Max in her journey of revealing the truth:

--Max's internal conflict has been revealed to the audience; Mike's has not.

--Max actually looked through the window while being vecna'd, and she heard Lucas, but Mike didn't even look at Will through the window while being pseudo-vecna'd.

--That combined with all Mike's sunglasses/black-out glasses [which happened RIGHT before this scene in the pizza shop] imagery is a yikes lol. He can't see his truth. Gawd poor boy is in trouble. Alexa, play Blind by SZA please.

#lmk if someone else said this idw to seem like im stealing credit lol #i wont be sad #byler #stranger things #stranger things parallels #byler parallels #byler x lumax parallels #hope this was cool ig

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dissociacrip · 7 months

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i have an undiagnosed CTD and i feel u big time RE visible signs of aging and not having the opportunity to experience youth etc. and seeing posts dismissive of people using anti aging stuff. idk this ask is dumb but you’re like the only other person w a CTD who’s talked about signs of aging. other folks in the EDS community talk about ‘looking younger than their age’ bc of their smooth baby skin and it’s like lol can’t relate cuz i have visible smile lines, prematurely sagging skin and crows feet already. just makes me feel like utter shit. yknow.

i mean full transparency i am someone who gets told i look younger than i actually am (which probably contributes to the neuroses i have around aging because it's like "okay i'm still young i can still experience what i should have" lmao) and upon some slight research most of what i'm freaking out about might just be normal signs of aging that i'm having neuroses over because i have neuroses about aging in general. but also that slight research tells me the super prominent lines in my neck i've had since early high school aren't a part of normal aging (they're associated with posture and it's another thing that is associated w/ ~looking down at devices~ like reduced cervical lordosis is...but reduced cervical lordosis due to shit posture is something associated w/ hypotonia and my posture has, well, been irreparably shit since always), my face does seem like it sags ever so slightly but not to any major degree, i'm starting to get wrinkles between my brows, and idk how "normal" my hands look for my age (or in general) because i don't have a frame of reference:

like, i think i am mainly just being neurotic and i don't wanna pretend i'm at the same level as other people i've seen w/ more significant appearance changes due to disability because that feels dishonest. this probably looks pretty benign lol.

but as for why no one talks about this in the EDS community/EDS spaces on social media:

1. hEDS most common subtype, so

2. mainly dominated by people with hEDS, which

3. is a subtype that is typically associated with a non-significant degree of skin involvement; skin manifestations in hEDS tend to be mild vs. other subtypes (such as vEDS, where skin fragility is the most extreme), and

3. these people tend to center their own experiences with the hypermobile subtype of EDS and usually do not boost the voices or experiences of those w/ less common subtypes that are associated with more severe skin manifestations, which

4. is fucking annoying when it comes to things that blatantly disregard the fact that hEDS is not the only form of EDS and reducing EDS to joint problems which is a major facet of most forms of EDS and can be severely disabling, as well as progressive, but EDS is a complex condition because it affects much more than the joints (and some forms are associated w/ much less joint involvement, while others are associated with some joints being contractured rather than hypermobile!)

but like. looseness of the skin/face is collagen related. it's ligaments. my ligaments are already loose and my collagen doesn't (seemingly) work. on top of me having muscles that are also overly loose. i'm pulled down my gravity too much as it is. i hate that i lost so much time to my abusers. i want to be 20 or 21 again so that i'm around the same age as most of the friends i've made here instead of feeling like a weird outlier. it sucks. everything sucks.

this isn't a dumb ask at all but this response might be pretty dumb because it's mostly me being neurotic and still recovering from a mental episode and feeling guilty because it feels like i've been misleading while not meaning to. sorry. the dominance of people with hEDS in EDS circles is annoying as hell and alienating to a lot of people both within and without it and that's a big reason why i don't interact much with it anymore.

#asks #Anonymous #body log

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firelxdykatara · 3 years

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Let me start by saying I've never watched Legend of Korra. like, the most I've watched was any bending scenes/fights and all the Zuko and Toph clips (admittedly, I didn't watch any of the Katara clips because..well..honestly I didn't want to see her be so meek). But I've always felt kinda...bad for liking Mako since the few posts I did read made it seem like both Korra and Asami were better off without him and I didn't want to accidentally fall into the category of sympathising with a man who didn't treat women right. Even when I watched what few clips he was in -Mako seemed a little serious but not anything bad- I thought it was just because I didn't see enough of him to see why he was so bad for Korra and Asami.

And then I read your post on Mako and how he had to do anything and everything to take care of Bolin and my heart kinda broke. I don't know if this is right, but it kinda feels like Mako is being treated a bit like Katara's being treated. Like, they both fit the sibling-turned-parental-figure roles and some of the fandom seems like they can't accept that both are still teenagers who...well, still act like teenagers. seriously, I'm gonna be mad if I ever see another 'take' about how Katara is bad for acting more teenager than mother 😤. And the parallels between the non-con kisses that their respective Avatars gave them, with both Mako and Katara shouldering the blame (though in Katara's case it's more of a "she's supposed to like it! She's the Avatar's girl uwu") . It just rubs me the wrong way how neither of them get any slack for acting less than amazing when they both spent years carrying their trauma and shielding their siblings from that same hurt.

Sorry if this is bothering you or if it doesn't make sense; I'm just kinda fed up of seeing people side with the Avatar no matter what the situation was, especially when Korra and Aang were actually in the wrong *coughnon-conkisscough*

You're not bothering me at all, don't worry!

Honestly all of this makes a ton of sense, someone who's never seen the show and only has fandom's word to go on could be excused for thinking Mako's a fuckboy who was intentionally leading the girls on rather than a kid who'd been raising his baby brother alone on the streets since he was eight years old and maybe not the best at navigating personal relationships and didn't know how to deal with the fact that he had feelings for two incredible girls at the same time. That shit's hard to deal with even when you have parents and had a happy and comfortable life and are just in high school trying to get through the day, but you throw that in the mix with 'became a parent at eight years old' and 'struggled to get enough to feed his brother, nevermind himself, while they lived on the streets' and then everything that happened during the series, and it's like, cut this kid some slack maybe????

Also the comparisons with the way the fandom treats Katara are also spot on. Obviously in Katara's case there's also an added element of racialized misogyny, because she's a dark-skinned girl and the only dark-skinned girl in the main cast, so that gets added to the fact that she was also the gaang's 'mom friend' and you get fans unironically calling her a 'bitch' for -checks notes- getting reasonably upset after being pushed to her limit and losing her cool--but in Mako's case, he actually fills the same niche in the krew that Katara did in the gaang, and he gets a lot of the same treatment, which I think winds up coming at him from the opposite side of the fence so to speak. Because he's a boy, he automatically gets the blame for anything that goes wrong with the love triangle--up to and including the avatar violating his boundaries and kissing him without his consent--because Korra and especially Asami are precious girls and could do no wrong.

And the thing is that it gets kinda complicated because Korra did also get a lot of racialized misogyny flung at her by the racist&misogynistic dudebros of the fanbase who hated that a brown girl was now the avatar, but that wound up overshadowing the very real and reasonable criticisms that can be made of her character and her behavior. Especially in Book 2, where she gets angry enough at Mako for -checks notes- doing his job and not wanting to jump to conclusions that she TRASHES HIS OFFICE!!!!! IN A FIT OF RAGE!!!!!! (which of course Mako gets blamed for and a lot of fans will frame that as Korra getting 'reasonably upset' which lol no)--and the fact that this occurs in the same season as Bolin getting trapped in an explicitly toxic and abusive relationship with a Water Tribe girl (who happens to be Korra's cousin) that is played for laughs the entire fucking time makes me think that Bryke just have very troubling ideas about how it's ok for women to treat their significant others, particularly if they happen to be men.

(Although let it not be said that they didn't write toxic relationships from the other side, Varrick spends the entire series mistreating Zhu Li and then at the end he decides he's in love with her and they get married [in a very Western ceremony, incidentally], and nothing is ever mentioned of the awful way he treated her for the entire show.)

So yeah like, it really, really bothers me that Katara and Mako share similar niches in their respective teams and both of them get a whole lot of untoward hatred for -checks notes- being teenagers and having feelings and sometimes expressing them. They both deserve so much better from their respective fanbases, and I think the biggest reason Katara has a bigger and more devoted defense squad is because atla is still pretty widely regarded as the best installment of the franchise and a lot of people just don't care to even watch lok. The bulk of the lok fanbase is anti Mako and it's hard to maintain any resilience as a fandom in the face of that lmao.

But I'm always happy to talk about how much I love him and if I can only turn the tide one anon at a time then that's ok.

#mako #atla #lok #lok fandom salt #lok critical #lok salt #salt for ts #Anonymous #asked

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kanmom51 · 3 years

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That anon's friend who told jm checking out girl.

I'm jm biased so I've watched almost all videos of jm lmao.

There's this edit saying jm is staring at irene (from red velvet) if you have watched whole frame you will know he was looking at some one from got7(I think) a grp bts is close with. If your eyes are good enough u will see his line of vision is totally didd from irene.

There's a edit saying jm is staring at rose ( bp) , in original video he's just stretching his neck as he's used to do (luckily many called out maker still they haven't deleted the video n titled it saying jm is a flirt )

There's a edit saying jm is staring under a girl's mini dress🤧😬, but it original video he streched his hands and lied on chair , someone passed nearby, he thought his hand hit them at the same tym this girl passed by he fastly snapped his hand back and looked at that someone who he thought his hand hit ( video was titled jm looking at jeongyeon but the original girl passed was chaeyoung from twice) . See this is the level of genuineness n originality from creates.

Another edit saying jm is staring at sunmi ( solo artist) , original video you can see it's a camera angle sunmi was seated a row in from of them , jm was looking at his side and yoongi was sitting there.

Another edit saying jm staring at dahyun from twice. Jm was seated behind them. I dont even think he was present there at that moment, he was looking front and daydreaming but somehow they turned it as jm staring dahyun.

These r just examples also jm is not shipped with female idols to the extent of tae or jk.

JM is a human, yes eventhough we call him angel, It's our nature to look at people who are near us for atleast a sec n jm also does that but With slowmos , filters, song choices , any one or 2 sec videos can be edited into a one min video with lots of pauses and cuts to made look like wt they want also they get revenue for each views so why not manipulate.

There are only some videos I think jm was indeed paying attention to them.

One in hwasa dance my boy then aback for some secs 😆.

Next seulgi . If u know jm activities infront of cam, u will know seulgi is his friend whom he have known for many yrs now. Wendy from same grp red velvet is close with jhope also. I think our boys r indeed friends with red velvet.

He have danced with her one tym in that contemporary performance and it was her who made a mistake n jm helped. They have practiced togther and I think are friends , so jm have payed attention to when she speaks like we all do when our any close person speaks in a public gathering. Istg u haven't seen any non friendly interactions from them either.

I'm not doing this explanation for jk coz that boy is shipped with each and every living n non living thing in an award show. In shipping world he's indeed the international playboy and he is in relationship with half of female population In kpop👏.

Yes , jk was staring at one person with honey dripping eyes for several minutes. But apparently that person is his hyung and jk is that hyung's biological younger brother 🤧🤡. And that not the person 'they ' want jk to love or be in a relationship with. So they took that same video edited like he's staring at iu , rose , Lisa or even made it into taekook jealousy part 7384737.

This is not to say jm or any of our boys don't look at female , u know that not correct lmao , he can look at whoever he wants , but these edit with female idols are straight away bullshit from original videos.

Now I've seen some bicthes saying they r afraid to get shipped so they don't react to their fav grp videos when these bitches don't get the exact reaction they want from boys.

See they have watched the same performances many times by now in various award shows. They naturally will get bored to react to same performances so they sit idly. Tell you favs to bring out better performances then boys will surely enjoy it, there are many videos of boys very much enjoying kpop performances of boys or girls.

Rm jhope is known to react to almost all performances still they don't get shipped.

Jk n tae will almost react to every bp performances very much but they get shipped.jk and Tae also reacted to 'some by Bol4 but they r not getting shipped with those girl coz apparently it's not shippers fav grp or girls.

Tae casually make his straight resting face apparently its coz he was annoyed with his ex in award show from twice or blackpink(select which according to ur fav grps) or jealous. There comes analysis.

Multistans want boys to date from their fav grps. Armyonce want them to date all twice girls , armyblink want to date all bp girls , armyluvs want them to date red velvet. Thats all and unfortunately it's not gonna happen. If it happen good for you , good for them lmao.

2020 award season was a very bad business tym for shippers coz no 'one sec true luv' interactions with female grps. For their luck, tae sings love sick girls from blackpink in memories here come analysis n debate how they r best of besteest friends , taennie still sailing , rosekook is real etc etc 🥲🥲.

See some boys like jm , tae who us know social butterflies will be friends with some idols from both boy n girl grps. Jin was confirmed to be close friends with moonbyul from mamamoo.

Jk stands still near lisa and they r greatest love story and won best ship awards 💀💀. I dont really understand the logic.

Seunghee from oh my girl told she's very close frind of both tae and jm and they were classmates and they have helped each other a lot while training days. But she got attacked for saying that.

JK watches the performance of tzuyu like any normal audience but its a great friendship and lovestory.

Like what does shippers want for real. I understood no one wants the real friendships or luv. Everyone want imaginary relationships filled with jealousy and toxic habits. If the moment it didn't happend they throw 'greatest luv story ' idols under bus and go for another ships.

Some ship 3-4 girls with same bts member.,Coz all look ' real ' and they r confused. Not understanding that how the boys with almost every grp. Most have the stupid reason I've heard for shipping jk n a female idol who maybe not even acquaintance with each other.

They cry coz their fav girl grls are not friends with boys and bts can't have friendship coz of shippers, but a sec interactions or even just a breath near each other here comes analysis how that breath told several lovestories with millions and millions of views. That's how bts×gg ships work.

That was a long ass rant sorry🤡

Long and comprehensive rant anon, lol.

"Everyone want imaginary relationships filled with jealousy and toxic habits."

Yes indeed. Makes it far more interesting, doesn't it?

But seriously, it's about the fantasies. Even for some TKK's. There needs to be a miniscule chance for a m/f relationship. Maybe, just maybe, one day they will see that/those fan/s, fall in love with them and live happily ever after with them. They forget it's real life and not a fanfic.

#ask

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alirhi · 3 years

Text

How I'd have done TFATWS pt 1

Okay, I am such a whore for positive attention that, yes, it literally only takes one person expressing interest to get me to do something lol. So, for the lovely @goblin-tea, here is how The Falcon and the Winter Soldier would have gone for Bucky if I'd been a writer on the show!

Also, shoutout to @gunshou, who popped up showing support when I was in the middle of writing this lol 😘

Episode 1: New World Order

I actually love how most of this episode was handled; it's what drew me into the show in the first place, and gave me such hope for the rest of it. Most of the changes that I'd make here are pretty minor, tbh.

I'd specify the setting in some way for Bucky's nightmare. Obviously, since he was there and knows what happened, when, and where he was, it wouldn't be like the setting changes in movies where they slap a big, bold title card over the scene. Still, I'd probably open with a brief establishing shot showing the city skyline or something; some identifying feature so that viewers can work out where this happened without needing a direct statement from Marvel (note: if you need to directly address your audience to clarify something from within your story, you're a bad storyteller). What year did this take place? I show technology from the time; perhaps a dated cell phone in someone's hand. The point is to establish where and when The Winter Soldier killed RJ Nakajima, without detracting from the emotional impact of the scene. Why does it matter? Because we should know why. Why is Bucky dreaming about this particular incident? Was it his last mission before the events of CA:TWS (a theory I see frequently repeated but with no evidence to back it up)? Was it earlier on? Is RJ only on the forefront of Bucky's mind because of his (unhealthy, but we'll get to that) friendship with Yori? How long has Yori been suffering under the weight of his grief?

I would not have had him crash through the wall, btw. As cool as that shot looked, let's try to remember that The Winter Soldier was a ghost story for 70 years. Ghosts don't leave giant gaping holes in hotel walls. I'm not saying brazen wholesale destruction is out of character for him (obviously not. I've seen CA:TWS lmao. many times. this moment lives rent-free in my brain:

found on google without credit; pls lmk if it's yours so I can credit.

but you don't become a "ghost story" if you always leave that much evidence, ijs)

I'd leave the terrible therapy session alone. That scene was beautiful. Beautifully shot; I loved how claustrophobic it felt, and it really did a wonderful job of showing how Bucky felt on the spot, scrutinized, almost put on display for this bitch woman. This scene establishes Raynor as clearly wrong, and an unprofessional mess, and Bucky calls her out on it. I fucking love that!

lmao gods, I love his painfully awkward forced smile... Guys, this episode is fkn great. (betcha weren't expecting so much praise from me, were you? 😂)

"You're free." "To do what?"

👆👆👆 In my show? That would have more of an impact on Bucky's arc. That question would be one of the underlying issues moving his whole story along. Twice in this show, he's told that he's free, but no one addresses what he's free from, much less what he's free to do next.

It's a minor thing, but when Yori tells Bucky to ask Leah out? I'd have Bucky do more than just shake his head in silent horror. Not much more, just something that matters to me as someone who's worked in the service industry for many, many years and dealt with too many creepos: Bucky would flat-out say "she's at work! that's harassment, Yori!"

Yori can still stomp right past that boundary, and Leah can still smile and agree. I just really want someone to verbally acknowledge that you don't fucking ask someone out when they're at work. Ever. Bucky cringing and apologizing puts the power of the conversation back in Leah's hands; it gives her an out to politely decline if she's not interested, and just laugh off Yori's flirting on Bucky's behalf as a senile old man being silly, so I'm actually fine with how this scene turned out. I just would personally have gone that extra inch there for the idiots in the audience who don't get Bucky's subtle "wtf" reaction and why Yori's suggestion was so bad. If someone's livelihood depends on being nice to you, keep your goddamn distance. Flirting with them or asking them out when they're at that big of a disadvantage and have virtually no power to say "no" is harassment.

Here is where I'd make one more subtle change, too. When Yori sees the mochi and is reminded of his son, and tells Bucky about his death, I'd just slip in a time frame. "x years ago, my son was..." blah. (Guys, it really bothers me not knowing when that scene took place rofl can you tell?)

One complaint I've seen a lot online about this show is how it's a bit murky on just how well known Bucky is in-universe. He can walk around Brooklyn with more or less total anonymity, but he's also recognized as "an Avenger" (when he was never actually technically in the group)... but honestly? I think it's actually pretty realistic. Just because someone's famous doesn't mean every single person on the planet knows who they are and what they look like well enough to instantly recognize them on the street. People look different in photos than in person, and pre-Blip, Bucky had the complete Jesus look - long flowing hair and a full beard. In TFATWS he's a little scruffy, but not this:

Sebastian looks like about 10 different men from one moment to the next just irl with a change in haircut, lighting, expression, whether or not he got enough sleep the night before... 😂 I don't really find it hard to believe that people not expecting to bump into an Avenger would have trouble seeing Bucky post-haircut as anything other than just another attractive white guy.

Anyway! Sorry for the segue lol. On to the date!

Earlier in this very same goddamn episode, it is established that Bucky can remotely operate a car with a tablet. This is not a technologically-inept geezer. This is a 30-something nerd who loves new technology, who, yes, is facing a brave new world and a whole lot of new technology, but has never shown any issue picking it up. The crappy flip phone he handed Raynor earlier? a burner to keep her out of what little personal life he does have (we never see it again in the real show, anyway). The "tiger photos" line? Stays, not to show Bucky's floundering ineptitude with technology, but as a little nod to his bisexuality. (don't like it? don't wanna see Bucky as bi? go watch the show and read Skogland's borderline-offensive interviews. This isn't "how I would pander to a homophobic audience" it's "how I would have written it." the "Bucky is bi" interpretation is super fucking common and has been since TFA so bite me 😁)

Tiny nitpick, but I'd also have the Battleship boards actually set up properly lmao. What even was that? Anyway...

I don't think I'd have Leah get all ranty about Yori and RJ. That's not first date talk, for one thing. For another, let's ease up on the beating Bucky and the audience over the head with that one incident in a single episode, shall we? Instead, I'd have her stick with the date questions - she asked his age, asked about his family; I'd have her follow it with questions about what he does for a living (giving us a chance to not only actually have that question answered for us - how the hell does Bucky keep himself from being homeless? lol - but also set up...)

He shuts down a little when she starts asking about his past; she's innocently curious, just trying to get to know him, but he's flinchy and deflects with questions about her. The date is awkward, but doesn't abruptly end with him running away lol. He walks Leah home, like the old-fashioned gentleman he is, goes home, himself, and end on him grimacing in his sleep, in the clutches of another nightmare: not as much detail as the RJ murder scene, we see disjointed, disorienting images of fluorescent lights glinting off of machinery, the occasional shot of Bucky writhing in the chair, a shot of that damned notebook (to remind the dumber audience members why Raynor's passive-aggressive notebook thing was so triggering for him), and we hear echoes of a couple of the trigger words, and Bucky's screams.

#tfatws #tfatws critical #how it should have gone #if i'd written it #bucky deserved better #bucky was a victim #victim not villain #take your victim blaming bullshit and fucking choke on it #episode 1

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haikyuu-scenarios-box · 5 years

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Hi. I'm the anon who asked about au's. I'm just shy, so don't take offense my apology! You're great and friendly! I'd like a scenario request though! I've been into vampires since the Halloween season, and wanted to request one. A little late, but I guess any time is a good time, haha. I'd like it to be with Tsukishima being vampire and spending the night at his crushes house, and he ends up feeding on her in her sleep? You can do what you like with this idea! I'm very interested to see it!

A/N: omfggg i went so so overboard with this,, im just so damn weak for vampire!tsukishima. TW: blood obviously. Also, keep in mind that this request involves a character coming into the reader’s bedroom to p much prey on her while she’s asleep. There’s nothing sexual involved, but if you suspect that that type of scene may trigger you, then I suggest you either don’t read this or read at your own discretion. Ok?? ok,..,, you’ve been warned and you’re on your own now. Word count: 1,870 (lmao my bad)

UNDER THE CUT.

____________

His fingers were akin to glass; their delicacy threatened with a shatter as they brushed against the daisies. Traces of pollen were dusted along his palms, petals of ivory stroking the length of his legs. Sparse grass had buried itself into the folds that rested within his clothes, lightly pricking his skin.

Discarding the vivid memory, Tsukishima recalled that he hadn’t seen the cottage by the meadow in over a century.

To Tsukishima, those memories resembled scratched segments of dusty videocassettes. He remembered that he had a brother named Akiteru, a seamstress for a mother and a labourer for a father. Their faces, however, were permanently forgotten. It didn’t bother Tsukishima, though - he preferred it over death. If it weren’t for Yamaguchi turning him, he would have died following the pillage.

Prior to meeting her, Tsukishima never kept track of time since he had all of eternity to live. In the past year, he’d grown attached enough to maintain his relationship with her, but not attached enough to risk getting his head severed from his body. Tsukishima planned to cut her out of his life soon.

‘Look at you all zoned out,’ she teased, ‘I didn’t take you for an art critic.’

‘You want a critique?’ Tsukishima sneered, ‘this painting’s really ugly.’

‘It’s not ugly!’ she exclaimed, ‘Ojiisan gave it to me. He bought it from an artist in Nagiso long ago.’

‘Well, he had awful taste,’ he knew that that wasn’t his real opinion. What else was he supposed to say, though? That the painting of a cottage by a meadow reminded him of his first home? That he was alive before her grandfather was?

Of course not.

‘You have a lot of nerve saying that…’ she poked the bridge of Tsukishima’s glasses, ‘… when you’re the one who’s wearing those. Get nicer frames.’

‘I’m sorry I like to see,’ he sarcastically said with a smirk, ‘is this how you treat your guests?’

‘You’re the one who said my painting’s ugly,’ she shrugged, collapsing on the couch. ‘I think ojiisan said he met a vampire when he visited Nagiso.’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Tsukishima sneered, joining her, ‘there’s barely any in Japan.’

‘Yes there is,’ she asserted, ‘they used to live savagely centuries ago, but they’ve integrated into human society.’

Tsukishima was almost taken aback. She was right - creatures of his kind still existed and they integrated well. Too well, to the point where they were widely considered to be an extinct being.

‘Let me guess, your ojiisan told you that,’ Tsukishima masked his surprise with a taunting tone, ‘do vampires also disappear in mirrors and wear black cloaks?’

She crossed her arms as she stuck her tongue out childishly, ‘Make fun of me all you want, but he said that he knew what he saw. A young woman in an alleyway,’ she shuddered, her spine graced by a shiver, ‘her fangs buried deeply within a mangled cat, slurping up all its blood.’

‘How scary,’ Tsukishima mocked, pretending as though he hadn’t done such a thing. He was repulsed at the idea of feeding on animals, but centuries ago, there were times where he found himself desperate. All he fed on nowadays were suicide victims beneath a nearby cliff and from blood banks. Yamaguchi did the same.

‘Whatever,’ she stood up, stretching her arms out with a yawn, ‘don’t come crying to me if you ever do come across a vampire.’

‘Because in that situation, I’d definitely come to you,’ Tsukishima sarcastically remarked, ‘I’d feel safe with your wooden stake and silver.’

‘You realise I can make you sleep on the couch instead of the guest bedroom, right?’

____________

Every attempt he made to quiet his mind had failed; it descended, further, further and further into an obsession with the possibility that a long blade would soon sever his head.

Tsukishima was never aware that she possessed any knowledge about his kind. Vampires became less of a reality and more of an old tale. Not many knew that they ate human food, drank human drinks - the only difference was that it was all tasteless and that his nutrition could only be obtained from fresh blood. Put simply, human foods were a useless filler.

Although she didn’t mention it, Tsukishima believed it was likely that she was aware of that fact. As his pupils fixated themselves to the ceiling, a year was suddenly no longer a fleeting moment to him. A year’s worth of a close relationship with a human was a long time. Especially when the human belongs to the minority that believed that vampires still lived amongst them.

Yamaguchi had warned him of this, urging him to recall when hiring vampire hunters was common practise, when suspected vampires (and any human who sheltered a vampire) were burned at the stake, begging for any form of mercy.

Tsukishima began packing away the belongings he brought with him to her home, concluding that her memory of him had to turn into a mirage, just like the faces of his family. As he made his way out the guest bedroom, he realised how he loathed how fond he grew of her. Tsukishima wanted to fully remember the arch of her brows, the lashes that curved away from her waterline, the wit of her tongue, the outline of her lips.

He passed by her bedroom, knowing that he couldn’t rely on his memories. Eventually, the centuries to come would led them to disintegrate into ashes, where they will never arise again - memories bore no similarity to a phoenix.

Turning around, Tsukishima quietly placed his duffle bag on the floor and carefully opened the door. He was unsure as to whether he could remember her once he left - but he was confident that he wouldn’t forget the flavour her blood carried.

Her body had already been lulled into a deep state of sleep - after all, Tsukishima possessed heightened senses and could hear her slow and rhythmic breathing.

The emotional attachment Tsukishima held towards her was constantly denied by him, until he envisioned his pillow beside hers. He falsely hoped to share that blanket with her for the nights to come, perhaps even bicker over blanket-stealing the following morning. Maybe she snored sometimes and he could tease her about it. Would they wake up at the same time, or would he wake up first?

Tsukishima didn’t want those thoughts to exist anymore. He wanted them to burn with intense fury and relief; identical to the burning of suspected vampires centuries ago.

She was already asleep on her side, her body facing the wall. Kneeling beside the double bed, Tsukishima warily placed a hand on her shoulder. The thumb of his other hand rested along the angle of her jaw, gently pushing her head further away from her neck. For a couple of seconds, Tsukishima merely stared at the skin he was about to pierce. She’ll keep him in mind while the marks scab over and bruise, but after that, she will forget about him; because he’ll be long gone by then.

The longer his fangs grew, the more reluctant he became to bite into her. This wasn’t going to be the first time that Tsukishima fed on someone alive - there was a time when he was forced to do so. He knew his neck anatomy quite well, he wasn’t an idiot who recklessly bit into people and accidentally killed them.

Tsukishima’s felt the tip of his fangs touch her neck. This situation lacked any similarity to his past feedings on sleeping humans, for it was completely unrelated to survival. Rather, it was a feeble to cure his illness of melancholy; the fever that forced him to breathe the air that, to him, resembled the very salts of the ocean. Every inhale filled his lungs with blue hellfire.

That was what drove him to finally abandon his loyalty to cautiousness.

Tsukishima haphazardly sink his fangs into her neck, memorising the intensity of the iron. He knew that if he were to suddenly pull his head away in that moment, he’d rip her neck wide open. But he had to bite down with that much force. He had to remember her.

As hot, thick scarlet slid down Tsukishima’s throat, he began to actually consider the consequences. With the mark, she’d easily have the power to report him. Although the probability of anyone believing her was slim, his actions were still creating the possibility of his death. For a mere second, Tsukishima even pictured himself turning her.

Once a low yelp was heard by Tsukishima’s hypersensitive ears, he rid his mind of those disorganised thoughts. He was sure that his absence of self-control had awakened her, yet he began to question whether he really was scared of getting killed. Tsukishima’s lived for centuries. He’d seen it all.

With that realisation, Tsukishima strengthened his grip and pushed her head even further away from her neck. He noted that as his gulps turned longer and deeper, her whimpers grew louder and her knuckles curled themselves into the sheets.

When he finally pulled away, he watched her reluctantly place her fingers on the wound, smearing the bloody marks in the process. Tsukishima’s lips were still warm, a crimson trail slowly dripping down his chin.

Tsukishima sat up, retracting his fangs back into his gums. He headed towards the door, wiping away the blood with the back of his hand. He forced the turmoil within his chest to be replaced with apathy, since he already knew the facial expression that will rest upon her face once she turned around - forehead wrinkled, eyebrows knitted, lip corners pulled downwards - sheer terror.

‘You…’ she trailed off, her voice uncertain, ‘… if you wanted to bite me that bad, you could have just asked.’

For the first time since Yamaguchi turned him, Tsukishima was the one stunned by a human. His eyelids drew themselves back slightly, his mouth agape with an intense confusion. Tsukishima didn’t want to look at her - he had no desire for her to see the breach of his facade.

‘I already knew.’

After a long pause, Tsukishima snapped. ‘And you didn’t tell me,’ The apathy within his chest started to dissipate, an immeasurable confusion and fury settling in. ‘Instead, you decided to have a casual conversation with me about my kind.’

‘Kei,’ she said, ‘turn around and look me in the eye,’ she’d never used his first name before. He never did, either, although he always wished their relationship would reach a point where he could.

Tsukishima obliged with her command. ‘You think I’m a fool, do you?’ his skin almost sizzled against his bones, overwhelmed by every form of hurt he’d experienced throughout the centuries. ‘All this time, you acted like you’re oblivious to what I am and spoke to me as though I’m a human.’

Mainly, it was the hurt that was buried within the sense of imminent loss.

‘Well, I’m not a human,’ Tsukishima revealed his fangs once more, clenching his teeth in anger, ‘and that means that I’ll kill you right now.’

‘You won’t,’ she said, her smile soft enough to be mistaken for a smirk. She was smug about the fact that her suspicion was true, though - this was Tsukishima’s crush, after all.

She slowly stepped closer to him until she was able to firmly press her chest against his. Tenderly placing an open palm against Tsukishima’s cheek, the pad of her thumb gently stroked his cheekbone; an attempt to induce tranquillity within him. Once her gentle gesture ceased, she hooked an index finger underneath the fabric of her shirt, pulling it away from her neck to expose the bare skin of her shoulder.

‘Drink.’

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