#I feel like I’m choking

[designernishiki]

#majima #goro majima #yakuza #this is from majima no majirock in case anyone was wondering #everytime i hear it it fucking Kills me #rambling #audio #the image I used there also kills me but for slightly different reasons #I’m convinced he’s pretty into choking now because of that image. but anyway #I have a couple more stupid audio things I wanna post but I don’t feel like dealing with more audio clipping/converting and whatnot today

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: dismemberment / ]

I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)

I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #dismemberment / #if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly #mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place #raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital #and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential #hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle #listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell #for the next tags: #strangulation mention / #physical trauma induced mutism / #potential death mention / #potential sibling death mention / #barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but / #I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him #can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry? #he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after #the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal #or also #imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife #even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good #what am I writing wait- #also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self #imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing #imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb #but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he

[gothicayomi]

What if All For One is Tomura’s grandpa AND Izuku’s dad

#I’m in the break room right now I just choked a little #just in general I’m so scareds #would this match the timeline btw #idk cuz I didn’t read or watch mha tbh but I’m scareds #dad for one #izuku midoriya #tomura shiragaki #all for one #hisashi midoriya #boku no hero acedamia #my hero academia #mha #bnha #I always feel like a clown when I tag so much shit tbh #my bad y’all

[m-pennanti]

ADHD be like “oh that reminds me!” And bring up something that isn’t related to the topic in the slightest

#adhdawareness #adhd feels #adhdlife #living with adhd #adhd post #adhd #adhd mood #adhd culture #adhd problems #no cuz I swear it’s related #the bees reminded me of how they die when they sting #dying reminded me of how my dog died #my dog reminded me of back before mom had cancer #which reminded me of another thing that happened before the cancer #which was my mom’s friend getting murdered by her husband #the husband strangled her #which reminded me about how when my grandpa massages my neck I feel like I’m choking #which reminded me that I don’t like being massaged #or touched in general #that’s why I asked you if you liked it when people touched you #in a conversation about bees #it makes total sense

[sashimiyas]

isagi’s hackles raise if any one of his friends calls you by your name. bc who the fuck are you to them? you’re his girl. say it how it is.

#reinas.inretrograde #bachira sits down and asks ‘how’s y/n?’ and isagi chokes before glaring at him. ‘do you mean My Girl? #anyways this is bc of you roma. i will always be thinking about this #he gets so sussed out. texts you immediately asking why bachira’s calling you by your name and you’re like ???? bc it’s my name???? #also i wish ‘heart’ as a petname read cuter. maybe it’s just a me thing. bc i think heart as yours and isagi’s pet names would be so fitting #my cousin and her husband call each other heart. like heart ko (my heart) but i feel like it sounds better in the filipino accent #i’m gonna play with it #also thanks for the congratulations guys! i will respond hopefully either during the road trip or tomorrow night if i’m not too tired! #i’m not ignoring anyone! i’ve just had. another day of life to live!

[lizzibennet]

is it just the voices in my head or does it feel completely plausible that bridgerton is being cancelled after s3… 😬

#idk the show is just so dependent on the whistledown thing #in the books it’s so minor #i feel like without it the show loses a lot of its like gimmick #like the draw it has #and i just don’t see how they’d allow pen to continue being whistledown at the end of s3 #that coupled with the fact they seem to be so wholly uninterested in benedict (who was supposed to be the main this season) and fran #and really don’t care about greg or hyacinth at all #idk i just don’t have a good feeling #i really hope i’m wrong though bc ben and sophie are #my fav couple after kate and ant #eloise and phil*p can choke tho

[fruitisthenewvegitable]

Sometimes I think I’m not of the Buried.

But then I remember the feeling of being under my blanket. Of wrapping a belt or skirt around my waist. The feeling of my friends leaning on my chest at a sleepover. Of wearing oversized and warm clothes. Of closing my bedroom door and pulling the curtains shut so that all I know is this space I’ve decorated for myself and no other. The feeling of being held.

Sometimes I think that the buried is simply not for me. But then I remember all the times that weight on my chest and belly and legs and back has comforted me in a way not many other things can. In a way that makes me feel secure. In a way that grounds me until I am ready to face the world again.

I used to think the Buried wasn’t for me. But then I remembered that without weight on my chest I would simply float away into the outer depths of space, somewhere I would love to see but hate to exist in. And that if I were to pick between never setting foot on the confining grounds of the earth, letting all my worries and fears go, and flying off to the horizon, the border of our atmosphere, the moon, the sun, and the stars, never stopping until I simply couldn’t anymore, or choose the earth. Then I would still choose the earth, for even if it keeps all my discomforts, it still holds the weight that gives me the ability to calm and ground myself until I am ready to face the world anew, so that I may experience the joy of the presence of others and not just the burning core of the stars, for being able to face the things outside my door is what makes me who I am.

And I fucking love who I am.

So I will take the weight and pressure and comfort that allow me to think straight, and once I am calm again I will have my strength back.

#the magnus archives #tma #the buried #the buried tma #the choke tma #yes most of this is in reference to how I calm myself down #i feel like I’m like this because of my adhd #(I’m not diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have it) #(i don’t know how to word things rn I’m very tired) #fruit rambles #I didn’t double check for spelling errors #or any weird grammar #so if it’s weird to read that’s probably why #i’m very tired #I’m also exited though because I have dnd tomorrow!

[lizrdsnot]

for once i would love for my parents to be parents. instead of moping about me allegedly avoiding them. me. a skeletal husk of a human being that works full time. at a physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding job.

#like yeah ok i’m avoiding you. and myself. and everyone else #i’m choking back tears every day because i’m alive and clueless and i have so little to give but #let’s make this about you and your feelings #delete later

[feelslikegold]

…….

#me: ok i’m gonna go take a bath and go to bed #(the only bathtub is in my bathroom….in my room….) #my sister’s boyfriend to my sister: didn’t you say you wanted to take a bath? #…………………🧍🏻‍♀️ #now i’m just. stuck outside my own bedroom when I could literally have been in bed rn #and that was so out of spite too like please choke on rocks #she would’ve definitely taken one already if she wanted to but no?? it’s just some passive aggressive shit I stg 😭 #why is he like this #why is SHE like this #*screams into pillow* #she doesn’t even like baths like it just feels so unnecessary and something out of a cartoon (bad way)

[tvrningout]

small heads up that i might be scarce for the next few days! i’m really tired and stressed bc of finals and work, and it’s affecting my mood which in turn affects how i feel here. i’m much too sensitive these last few days, so i’m not gonna make being here a priority for a little while.

sorry about this and thank you for your patience 💜 and pls!! take care of yourselves!! this time of year is hard on a lot of people, so remember that it’s okay if you need to step back and rest 💜

#i wanna joke and mess around and cry over characters #but i know i’m just setting myself up to get hurt and fail with how tired i’ve been #there’s been a shift in my mindset where i question my place here or i concentrate on negatives #and we all know when that starts it’s time to take a break especially bc i /know/ it’s the fatigue talking #i’ll maybe try to chat on discord? not tonight though bc i feel choked up #i’m gonna marathon a silly show to distract myself and go to bed at a normal hour bc i hate getting like this 😭 #get ready to ramble | ooc #tw vent #tw negative #since i did elaborate a bit — sorry y’all ;;;;

[rithmeres]

*starts listening to the thg playlist*

augh -1 health

oof -1 health

ugh! -1 health

mmf -1 health

ugh! -1 health

augh -1 health

etc

GOOD that’s the effect i wanted >:)

#i wish so badly that i could annotate it. when will my husband (8tracks annotations) come back from the war #i made a rule that i was not allowed to take any songs from the soundtracks #until it was all finished and then i can pepper the best ones in sparingly #(abraham’s daughter & gale song & everybody wants to rule the world r going on there for sure) #i wanted to make myself get really creative without the crutch of the soundtracks although they r bangers #like we HAVE to start with the woods by daughter because it’s about sisters. #and if you forget that the hunger games is a story about a girl who loves her sister you have lost the plot #o children by nick cave is about children killing and being cleaned up and shipped off on a train. like ok #eat your young is self explanatory #so is kill our way to heaven (really digs into the mentality of a tribute imo) #glory and gore is on there because i genuinely thought lorde made that song for the movie #die first? well that’s katpee to a T (people who call them everlark u are boring and people who call them peeniss that’s too much for me) #(i think katpee is the funniest ship name ever so i’m using it) #who are you really is like who are you. really. but also i have nothing left to lose / see me bare my teeth for you !!!!!!!! #GOSSIP BY MÅNESKIN. FINNICK SONG. SIP THE GOSSIP DRINK TILL YOU CHOKE. #17 by ladytron :| also a finnick song perhaps :| but works for the other victors also :| they only want you when you’re 17 :| #AND THEN FEED THE MACHINE IS SO MUCH FUN RAAAAAAAAA WTF IS A LABOR UNION HEY (HEY) YOU (YOU) FEED THE MACHINE #if you only listen to one song on the playlist is should be that one because its just such a banger #wires by the neighborhood is like help me kill the president we’re gonna send him straight to hell (and it rules) #and then feel something by jaymes young is about a young person who is emotionally damaged beyond repair 🙃 had to end it on that one

[littleheartbeat]

It was just a piece of fruit. A small, little, teeny tiny wedge of an apple.

Somehow, that piece was more than large enough to get wedged in my throat.

A cold feeling washed over me as my heart began to pound heavily in my head, so hard that I could feel each pulse throughout my body. Tentatively, I tried to take a breath, but found that I simply couldn’t. There wasn’t a passage of air at all.

No. No no. No, I couldn’t be choking, I couldn’t be.

You were downstairs. I had insisted on taking my apples with caramel dip to the bedroom so I could sit and relax. Funny how things turn out: A simple, calm evening turned into a life-threatening situation in an instant.

My hand reaches for my throat as I yank the covers off. In doing so, I knocked off several items from the nightstand. It would often be something I’d complain about, but in this case, it was a blessing. The crash caught your attention. Your voice calls my name from downstairs.

I scramble towards the bedroom door and do my best to shout. All that comes out of my now blueing lips is a gag. I slam my fists into my abdomen in a pathetic attempt to dislodge the fruit. I couldn’t feel it move one bit. Repeatedly, I do this. I even grab a nearby book and slam the edge of it up into my stomach.

Nothing worked.

On trembling limbs, I crawled out of the bedroom, unable to keep my drool from slipping from my lips and into the carpet. The stairs are just a few feet away, and now, you’re just a few steps away. I could make it-

My vision darkens as I began to crawl down the first few steps. My body slips and falls, colliding with nearly every step.

That is, until you meet me halfway and catch me in your strong arms. My body’s bucking and practically convulsing with pain and the lack of air. You see my pale lips, my reddened cheeks, the veins in my neck popping as my heart frantically beats away the little oxygen I have left.

You know that I’m unable to breathe, but you don’t know the cause. You simply assume that my heart is having a fit. I’m too slow in bringing my hands to my neck to signal that I’m choking.

So, you quickly tilt my head back, plug my nose, and give me as deep of a breath as you could. I can feel my cheeks expand, I could feel your breath try to make its way down my throat to my starved lungs, but it doesn’t make it there. The pressure from your air makes my ears pop. There’s no where for it to go.

You pull away and adjust my head once more, craning my neck further back in a painful manner. In response, my chest hitches higher and higher against your arms, desperate to get a single bit of your air. My hands painfully claw at my own chest, practically tearing at the material of my shirt, as if that was what was keeping my from breathing. It was as if I was trying to carve into my own body and yank the fruit out of my throat.

Once more, you offered me your air, blowing as hard as you could into me.

The air didn’t reach its destination. Once more, the apple stopped it. Only this time with the air, the fruit seemed to be pushed further down my throat.

I begin to panic more, fighting against your comforting arms and biting your lips. My hands go down to my abdomen to smack into myself once more. Compared to earlier, these are weak, pathetic slaps that barely make my body move. Was i truly this weak already?

I realized that I was dying. My head was pounding with pressure, my surroundings were already graying at the corners of my tearful eyes, and my body was fighting for some small amount of air.

Your eyes widen in both guilt and understanding. It clicked: I was choking.

On the stairs, you position yourself behind me and hook your arms around me. Your fist is placed right above my belly button, and with all of your might, you pull sharply into me.

No noise is made from me as you do this, so you do it again, and again, and again. By this point, I’m limp in your arms and my heads hanging down.

I can barely watch as your arms slam into me. I can barely feel as you begin to drag me upstairs to get me on a flat surface. I can barely feel your warm hands pressing into my cheeks to try and stir a reaction, I can barely feel your lips pressing into mine once more to give me your air, I can barely feel it fail to flow.

I can’t feel your hands as they thrust deep and hard with all of your weight into my body to try and get the apple out. I can barely see as your eyes are wild with horror and dismay. Your body bops up and down against mine. Funny, what would normally be such a pleasant sight of you on top of me is perhaps the very last thing I see.

I hear your voice.

And then I simply don’t.

Everything fades.

Part of life is that it ends.

Will you let this be the end?

#mmmmm not too crazy about this #but also I’m just off of an overnight and am thinking about choking #this is a bit of a fantasy right here #being silently killed and your partner doesn’t realize why you’re dying #so they’re using the wrong method to try and save you #and by the time they realize it’s too late #they try as hard as they can to save you but nothing works #and so comes the cpr when heimlich fails #cpr #resus #my writing #idk about it but ehhhdhdkdbdjdb #might delete I’m not confident in it- #still feeling unsure about my place here but I’d like to #i dunno have a little corner of my own

[snarlingteeth]

She pushes her lips against mine

Slots herself into my lap

Her weight pushing me down

The air trapped in my lungs

And all I can think is

Why am I doing this?

#kissing feels like choking #there’s not much difference in sensation between a hand around my windpipe and a mouth against my own #romance repulsed #aromantic #gay man #vent #vent blog #snarl whines #I consented I just don’t know why I keep consenting yk? #tw dubious consent #tw dubcon #the worst part is I’m good at this #I’m good at acting and protending and apparently I’m a good kisser #there’s very few people on this earth I actually want to kiss #but I still just allow myself to leave every poor soul who looks my direction breathless and heart struck #why am I like this #i think maybe I’d be happy if I just became a hermit or something lol #but I’m a dog and I am worthless and lose my mind if I am not surrounded by people and praise #what a mess

[powpowchaos]

Shout out to the poly hotties. Jealous of the rizz truly! I’m just tired, old, and have the mental capacity for a single motherfucker besides myself

#powpowchaos txt #I’ve been thinking about my poly ships a lot lmao #as a demiromantic I cannot imagine ever being poly bro I can’t even catch feelings for ONE person imagine MULTIPLE #I’m also selfish and like being the only one. I’d be competitive with the others and I’d get salty I just know it #poly hedgeHOGS AAAHHHHH I need to draw my poly hogs #it’s 2am and my insomnia said #think about your favorite poly ships being cute and it’s got me in a choke hold