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alargehunkofdebris · 9 months

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the necessary anguish of the Good Omens 2 finale

Ah ok. So after 4 years of waiting post Season One and ten cumulative years of bookish fannery, I watched bonified New Content of Good Omens. And when those credits rolled, I sat there, not in my expected state of pleasant satisfaction, but in a state of abject shock.

I actually don’t know if I’ve ever had such a reaction to a show before. Or, rather, that I could still have such a reaction. I’m thirty, for goodness sakes – I was planning on being thrilled and charmed and entertained, not having my hands shake so much that it was hard to type a text. I wasn’t planning on losing an entire night of sleep because my heart wouldn’t stop pounding really hard, Neil. This was not expected. I had an estate sale to run the next day – by God, I needed that sleep.

Anyway. These are my thoughts on the season, and on this upswell of mourning/unhappiness at such a gut-wrenching ending. As always, this are my dumb opinions and nothing more; take with a grain of salt, etc.

I have seen a lot of suffering on Tumblr today. Everyone is in pain, and it makes sense. I, too, am in pain. But I might be in the minority, because I thanked God/Mr. Gaiman when things turned to pure pain in the end. Because narratively, despite the anguish we all feel, this is how it needs to be. And I was getting real worried there for a second.

When we have a mini-series (ie, a show with a set number of seasons) it can’t act the same as a series without a set end. We’ve got three potential seasons; therefore, they logically should behave like a three-act play, or the three acts in the standard Western movie/book plot. This middle season is the middle act, the second act. While it definitely doesn’t work exactly the same way, and needs its own story arc to work as a season, it is still functionally the middle part of one overarching plot.

And what usually happens near the end of the second act? All Is Lost, and the Dark Night of the Soul.

We NEED this to happen. This is what makes a plot delicious. If we’d had this perfect, lovely, romantic season where the stakes aren’t raised one bit and everything is fixed at the end, we would want for nothing and the gorgeous tension that keeps us waiting and watching would be lost. We wouldn’t feel that drive to create fanfics and fanart, we wouldn’t have the need to speculate or dream, because most of the tension was eased, and you just can’t have that if you want a highly anticipated third season. We’d have nothing huge and concrete to look forward to.

In fact, I was getting really worried once the Ineffable Bureaucracy started happening on screen, because I could see (I thought) past that bend in the road toward the end. I could see how this season might conclude, with big happy confessions of love and hugs and handholding (that’s all I expected, because I only expected the same chaste level of affection with both angelic/demonic couples) and then…then it’d all be over. What more could there be? I mean, there certainly could be more, but THIS is the main thing people waited for. The Happy Confession. The hug. The handholding. Whatever we got. And in my mind, having it now, at the end of season two, just wasn’t adding up – it did not fit. It couldn’t. No, we can’t have this now. It doesn’t work.

I get this peculiar thing that happens when things start getting too “everything is great!” in a story. I get the “someone needs to die” instinct. Instead of pure happiness that things are going great, there’s this feeling of intense discomfort, because I feel the weight of the shoe that’s failing to drop. I need it to drop, or else it throws off my entire standard-Western-narrative-trained brain’s balance. In the build up to The Scene, when things seem to be going swimmingly and heading directly towards the happiest and syrupiest of endings, I had to pause and pace my living room and roll around on the floor to alleviate the sheer build up of stress. Things can’t go this well. They can’t. There hasn’t been enough bad things, this is too sweet, too much. Can’t handle it. This can’t just be pure wish-fulfillment at this point; Good Omens shouldn’t work that way, it never has. We’d be happy in the moment, but then it’ll ultimately be a let down. No more danger. Nothing keeping them apart. No more tension, no more story. It was all too easy.

And then, finally, that shoe dropped. After a season of mainly getting along and being just thrilled with each other, they began to really argue. Things got horrific and serious, and I literally let out a breath of relief. I was able to watch without pausing every two minutes for a breather. Ok. Things weren’t over. This wasn’t the end. We had more to wait for.

And then it went on. The confession started, but in that gorgeously wrong way. And for the first time that season, I was actually feeling the stress of the story. Yes, there was danger throughout this season, but it was always layered with humour and wit. You didn’t get a demon scene without them doing something hilariously stupid. You didn’t get an angel scene without them being delightfully out-of-touch. The stakes were high, but they weren’t allowed to get EXTREMELY high. We never thought there was any question of them getting out of scrapes unscathed, because it was never all serious.

Never…until now. There was zero humour at this point. After 6 episodes of being pleasantly delighted, I was feeling the dread. However, I still thought I knew where it was going.

See, I thought I had it figured out. If I had any extra money, I would have bet some of it. I knew that, whilst they’d likely have some kind of subtle confession of love and caring, and perhaps a touch – a hug, or a hand-hold (like Gabe and Beez) – I knew we couldn’t expect a kiss. This is a story thirty-three years in the making, and it’s always been in that grey area. They weren’t humans; they didn’t necessarily show affection that way. Besides that, we’ve had so many TV shows that get close, but rarely ones that go all the way to smoochville. OFMD was one of the very first, but it was new. It wasn’t an old, established story from the 90s like this is. It didn’t have decades-old fans waiting with bated breath for canon content. For Good Omens, we heard it time and time again in interviews; it’s a kind of love story. They had this kind of marriage. They cared for each other. They had a bromance. It’s close, but never quite there. So I thought I knew exactly how this would go, and would be thrilled with what we got.

And then it absolutely didn’t go that way. It went exactly as far as so many hoped. And it went there like a knife to the gut.

And it was perfect.

Goddamn, what a season ending. Despite my lack of appetite and failure to sleep, I could not be happier with what Mr. Gaiman did. I am screaming crying throwing up and I’m thrilled about it.

The middle of a story is typically what drags; it never holds the highest stakes. Lord knows what we’re going to get in season three (knocking on wood), but I can only expect it to get bigger and heavier. And by God and/or Satan, am I prepared, in this deliciously painful purgatory, to wait and see.

#good omens #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #go2 #gos2 spoilers #gos2 #neil gaiman

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pochipop · 1 year

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＃ALICE IN BORDERLAND !! ♡ — THERE'S NO HELL IN WHAT I'VE FOUND (CHISHIYA X READER).

#. synopsis! — chishiya has fallen in way too goddamn deep .

#. characters! — chishiya .

#. warnings! — brief mentions of canon-typical gore, slight angst .

#. word count! — 1.2k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — i have not finished season 2 yet, but i wrote this all in one sitting after seeing the first two episodes + falling for this silly man all over again lolol. i might branch out + write more for this fandom (but i will never write for niragi, so just a heads up on that!)

It really did just have to come to this, didn’t it?

Chishiya is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. He knows that when it comes to surviving in a place like this, there are times when you have to sacrifice others and be willing to carry that burden for the rest of your life. There is no easy way out. Either you die and go on to whatever happens next, —if anything happens at all— or you push others to the wayside in lieu of saving yourself, preserving your own survival, and you live to see the monster you inevitably become.

And call him crazy, but Chishiya was okay with becoming a monster if it meant he could save himself. Hell, he’d done so much of the work from the shadows that it would hardly be fair to let him of all people meet his tragic end here.

But you just couldn’t help yourself. You had to crawl under his skin, —make him care about you, make him fall so hard that he was left to question whose survival mattered more. When it came down to the wire. . .

He’d have chosen you.

That’s the scariest realization of all, he muses. These games, all the gunfire, all the explosions, all the fatal electric shocks. . . They paled in comparison to the realization that his biggest fear wasn’t his own demise anymore. It was yours.

As the game comes to a close and those of you left standing slowly reacclimate to the best state of normalcy one can muster up given the circumstances, he hates that his first instinct is to slip away, knowing you’ll find him soon enough. He may have been foolish enough to catch feelings, but he wasn’t so dumb that he’d show such a weakness around anyone else. Though he’s sure the likes of Kuina or Arisu have long since caught on, —he won’t be the one to confirm a damn thing, and he expects that you’ll keep your mouth shut about it as well. It’ll be a worse liability than it already is if word gets out to the wrong people.

Chishiya slips away before anyone has the chance to acknowledge his presence, leaving his absence unaccounted for by everyone but you. Of course, you noticed him sneaking away, parting from the group like a snake in the grass. . . You’ve always been a little too perceptive for your own good.

Fatigue claws at you like a famished predator, weighing your body down a great deal. You smell of sweat and the blood of the young girl next to you who hadn’t been quite so lucky. Still, you will your body forward and follow in Chishiya’s footsteps after lingering for just long enough to throw suspicion off your trail. While you certainly aren’t a master of manipulation, —you are clever in a way that even someone like Chishiya has to respect. You know how to take care of yourself, even in a twisted world like this.

He wishes knowing that gave him any kind of peace, but he’s afraid he’s reached the point of no return. It’s not that he doesn’t believe you can survive just about any of these games on your own. . . It’s that even if he does, the worry lingers just because it’s you.

Fuck.

He really can’t believe he’s done this to himself. It’s so untimely, so completely and utterly ridiculous, —so much so that he convinces himself his mind is just playing tricks on him sometimes until you fall into place at his side again and all such thoughts are forced out the window from his vice-like grip.

“Ugh,” you grumble, arm tucked below your chest as you cradle your own torso, “there you are.”

Chishiya offers you little more than a sidelong glance before returning his stoic gaze to the skyline. The sun sets as you bring yourself closer to him, keeping a comfortable distance. It ends up just like this far too often, and Chishiya frowns at the thought of closing the barely-there gap, brushing his shoulder against yours. Maybe later in the night when the lethargy really starts to hit him and his inhibitions lower ever so slightly, he’ll let himself fall apart just enough to hold you for whatever time of fleeting hours remains. That way, he can blame it on the fatigue, on the cold, on the temptation of sleeping next to a warm body.

It’s not because it’s you, it’s just because you’re there.

And maybe if that were the case, Chishiya wouldn’t be quite this frustrated.

“Surprised it took you so long to find me,” he says finally, keeping his eyes straight ahead. “You’ve been getting slower about it.”

“Oh, well excuse me for not rushing after you like a lion on a gazelle,” you answer sarcastically. “Not like my lungs almost gave out down there or anything.”

He doesn’t say it, —but he’d trade his breath for yours if it meant you could reach him faster.

“That one wasn’t so bad,” he shrugs. “We’ve both been through worse.”

His worst is just beginning, it seems. You close the gap yourself, resting part of your weight against him, and he feels his heart flip itself into a tailspin. For the first time in so long, Chishiya isn’t sure where to go from here. He’s trapped inside these feelings and they’re inching closer to swallowing him whole by the second. They run so deep he might as well be drowning in them.

“Easy for us to say, I guess,” you mumble. “We’re alive. Most people who end up here aren’t that lucky.”

“True enough,” he acknowledges softly, making no move to push you away.

He never does.

You stand in silence with him for a while, watching as the sky turns dark and the bright colors of the setting sun are swallowed up by a deep, velvety navy. There’re no stars to be seen, nothing for you to wish on. . . It’s a little childish, but any sliver of normalcy you can manage here, you’ll take with open arms. That’s why you let your feelings for Chishiya blossom freely, refusing to stifle your heart’s desires for the sake of some stupid game of life and death.

If I die right now, I’d rather do it with you than be alone.

Chishiya wishes you’d never said those words to him, —not because he doesn’t reciprocate, but because they resonated much too wholly for comfort. If he can help it, he won’t be going out in a place like this. But more than that, he can’t imagine letting your flame be snuffed out without a ravenous fight.

Silence reigns once again. It’s a characteristic feature of your gentler moments with Chishiya that are few and far between, but when they happen, you like to think you cherish them the best way you know how. Beyond that, you also like to think Chishiya finds even the slightest sliver of peace with you.

He doesn’t confirm or deny anything of the sort, but you wager that’s a flimsy yes at the very least when the tension in his shoulders melds away and his head rests gently against your own.

You can’t make any promises about tomorrow, —but for now, things are okay. And if that’s the best you’ll get here, then so be it.

#alice in borderland #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x reader #chishiya x you #chishiya x y/n #chishiya shuntaro x reader #chishiya reader insert #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya shuntaro x you #chishiya shuntaro x y/n #alice in borderland reader insert

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frenchkisstheabyss · 7 months

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7 Psychopaths: Seonghwa

x Summary: You are X, a seasoned assassin, and your boss has just assigned you an unusual task. You have two weeks to gather six men for a top-secret mission that requires their unique brand of psychopathy. The trick is, you've got romantic history with all of them.

A detail that might make this a walk in the park or the fight of your life. Time to find out...

x Pairing: assassin!seonghwa x assassin!chubby!fem!reader

x Genre: angst/crime au/smut

x Word Count: 1.8k-ish

x Warnings: fingering, unprotected sex, some moments of deep/hard sex w/ scratching, sex in the desert cause danger is fun, pet names (baby), Hwa likes to talk dirty, fire, side character death via said fire, blood, teeth pulling w/ pliers, mini-explosion, a punch gets thrown, a lil enemies to lovers, strong language, tried to cover it all but lmk if anything's missing!

x A/N: This is #4 in a series of 6 stories featuring two members from TXT, two from ATEEZ, and two from Stray Kids. They all follow the same theme and can be read chronologically or you can jump around. I support the chaos.

Previous Psychopath: Wooyoung | Next Psychopath: Soobin | OR Start From The Beginning

The average adult has 32 teeth. 28 if they’ve had their wisdom teeth taken out. Seonghwa shoves a pair of pliers into the mouth of the man he has tied up in the trunk of a car, clamping the metal jaws around the first molar on the right side. The man’s screams are agonizing, his wrists and ankles fighting against the frayed rope as the root tears out of place. Seonghwa holds it in the red glow of the taillights, ignoring the blood soaked cries of his present company.

“You really should brush your teeth more'' he frowns, noting the plaque buildup on the bloody tooth before tossing it aside. “Don’t worry though. Once I’m done you won’t have any left to brush.” Seonghwa grabs him by the neck, shoving the pliers into his mouth as a mixture of spit and blood drips down the man’s chin. Gripping the next tooth in line, he rips it out much easier than the last and the screaming continues. 2 down, 30 to go.

If they were somewhere in the city Seonghwa might've done something to quiet him down. Duct tape his mouth shut. Shove a sock in there. But this is the desert, the absolute middle of nowhere, during a time when even the sun has abandoned them. There are no people for miles in either direction and any encounter with the other living creatures that stalk the desert night is sure to end in this man's death. Make no mistake. He will die either way but first, there’s business to attend to.

“You have the misfortune of having a lot of teeth,” Seonghwa grins, waving the pliers around with tooth number 4 wedged between metal, “Fortunately, I don’t have a lot of time so why don’t you tell me what I wanna know and we can go our separate ways.” “You…you’re gonna let me go?” the man blubbers, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Of course, I will.” A lie. “Don’t fuck with me, man!” “I’m not fucking with you.” Another lie. Seonghwa takes a seat on the edge of the open trunk, patting the man on the shoulder like they’re two old friends grabbing a beer. “I’ll let you go. I always keep my word.” The final lie. The biggest lie of them all.

But it works. In seconds the man confesses to Seonghwa, a sinner in search of forgiveness. He answers every question without pause. Spills the details of who hired him for the job that led to their paths crossing. Hell, he even starts in on his troubled childhood, going on about his mommy issues until Seonghwa can’t stomach his voice anymore. “Alright, well, thanks for that,” Seonghwa sings, hopping up and tossing the pliers into the trunk before walking out of view. “Hey! Where are you going?” the man shouts, wiggling towards the edge of the trunk.

Idling a safe distance away is Seonghwa’s car, soft white headlights illuminating the horizon as classical music flows from the radio almost too lightly to be heard. He pops the trunk, retrieving a 5 gallon gas canister. “Calm down, I’m coming back,” Seonghwa huffs, dragging himself back to the other car. The man’s eyes widen when he sees the canister, what little color is left in his pale skin drains to nothing. “No! You can’t do that! You gave me your word! You’re fucking crazy.”

Seonghwa digs a lighter out of his back pocket, flicking the top off of the canister with his thumb, “I know.”

You awaken from your slumber like a sweet baby angel to the gentle sound of orchestral music. The surface beneath you is the softest you’ve slept on in days and the blanket wrapped around you must be made of some luxurious fur because regular cotton could never feel this lush. You sit up, yawning, eyelashes fluttering, and wait for your vision to adjust. As the sleep wears off you suddenly notice how dry your throat is. Then there’s the pain. You bring your hand up to the side of your neck, touching the tender spot where you were injected with something, and it all comes back to you.

Woo. Seonghwa. They did this. Where are you? The driver’s side door swings open just as the pieces shift back into place. Nearby screams muffled by the crackling of a raging fire draw you in like a moth to a flame. There’s thumping inside the trunk of the other car. You’re too concerned about if you’re next to care who’s in there. “You’re up!” Seonghwa cheers, hopping into the car and turning to check the backseat where you’ve been passed out for hours. “How’s it going, baby?” “‘Baby’, my ass!” you shout, punching him in the face. You hate to hit something so pretty but he deserved it.

“You fucking drugged me!” Seonghwa holds his nose, tapping his foot to distract from the pain, “I did it for your own good.” “For my own good? You set me up. Where’s Woo? Son of a bitch.” Blinded by your anger, you storm out of the car, charging barefoot through the desert with the blanket still around you. Seonghwa chases after you, his head tilted back to avoid a nosebleed, “You can’t just walk around out here. You’re gonna get hurt!” “I’ll get hurt?” you scoff, turning back to launch another hit in his direction.

Seonghwa grabs you by the wrist, bringing an arm around your waist to hold you to him, “Look at me and tell me you think I’d ever bring harm to you.” The aching in your neck tells you not to trust him again but your heart won’t let you forget your shared history. All of the times he’s put his life on the line to protect you before. Whatever he’s done, there must be a reason. It better be a good one. Seonghwa lets out a sigh of relief as he senses your body has begun to relax. The fire behind him has doubled in size, making it impossible to ignore.

“Who’s in the trunk?” you ask, kissing the bridge of his nose right where your punch landed. It takes everything in him not to blush. “Someone that did want to hurt you but don’t worry. I hurt him first.” “What did he want with me?” “You’re joking, right?” he laughs, “There’s a trail of corpses behind you in the name of a mission no one knows anything about. They’re coming for you. You have to stop.” This was bound to happen. An occupational hazard. When you run around fucking shit up you draw attention to yourself and it’s never the good kind.

This is the life you signed up for though. Turning back isn’t an option. “You know I can’t do that.” “Yes you can,” he says, the pain in his voice undeniable, “I’ll keep them off of you as long as I can but once they get to me—” You kiss him, letting the blanket fall to your feet as you cup his face. “Don’t talk like that, Hwa. I won’t let them touch you. I promise.” The kiss heats up rapidly. The knowledge that you still care for each other deeply drives you into a breathless frenzy.

You tear at each other’s clothes. His hands traverse your curves, massaging your ass and thighs. Your stomach. Your breasts. Your everything. Before you know it you’re laid out over the pile of clothes, his tongue rolling across your nipple as he parts your thighs to stroke your pussy. Your throat might be dry but your pussy’s delectably wet. Seonghwa dips a finger into you, humming against a mouthful of your breast as he taps his thumb at your clit. The finger inside of you curls in just the right way to make your hips stutter.

“Mmm, is my girl ready for another one?” You shake your head, nails raking up and down his back, “Two. I want two more.” “Anything for you” he smiles, feeding his fingers into you one by one. He moves his wrist in slow circles, giving you that satisfying fullness in your belly, all the while stretching you in preparation for the cock he can tell you want so badly. You reach down to stroke his length and it jumps for you like an overexcited puppy happy to see its owner. You are its owner. No amount of time apart will change that. You’re the only woman who's ever been able to get him hard as steel and you know it.

“No more fingers. I want you to fill me up” you whisper, tugging at his hair. Seonghwa picks up the pace, fingering you faster just to hear you scream his name. Your hips raise off of the ground, walls locked around his fingers. He wiggles them free, using the hand dripping with your arousal to stroke himself as he aligns with your entrance. He comes up to kiss you, pushing into you until he bottoms out, turning you into a giggling mess.

Watching you has him falling in love all over again. “Fuck, I love it when you’re like this,” he says, lifting one of your legs up and pounding into you. Each thrust is so perfectly angled to please you that you can't even steady your hands enough to touch him. In fact, nothing about you is steady. Your entire body reacts to his, obeying commands without a word spoken. “Ooh, your little pussy’s pulsing. Ready to cum for me already?” he teases, bouncing you on his cock. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes…” your voice trails off, nails digging deeper into his shoulders as you crack under pressure.

Seonghwa pins you down harder, slowing down to feel every moment of your release. He may have his sadistic side but his heart never softens more than when he sees you happy. And knowing that he’s the reason why? It gets him every time. He cuddles you as you come down, only peeling his body away from yours when the sudden combustion of a gas tank startles the two of you. “Aww, isn’t that romantic?” he beams. “Romantic?” “Like fireworks.” You roll your eyes, scooching over to lay your head on his chest, “Sure. Let’s go with that.”

Despite the circumstances, laying here with him is the most peaceful night you’ve had since this all began. It feels almost normal enough to pretend you don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Seonghwa disrupts the delusion. Someone has to do it. “Nothing I say will make you back out of this mission, will it?” You sigh, drawing hearts in the sweat that slicks his chest, “No. I have to do this, with or without you and Woo, but I’d prefer with.” Seonghwa hugs you, kissing you on the forehead, “Then ‘with’ it is.”

#seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x you #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut #seonghwa angst #ateez angst #ateez x chubby reader #ateez x you #ateez x reader #chubby reader #plus size reader #ateez smut #ateez au

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attractive-nuisance-esq · 7 months

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Ed’s journey this season is going to perfectly mirror addiction and recovery, and I am so fucking here for it. Watching these first three episodes of S2 was like watching a highly dramatized AU of my own descent into rock bottom (except everyone was dressed wayyyyyy cooler than I ever was), so I have a lot of thoughts, reactions, and insights that I want to share with other fans. I’m sure many of us who have struggled with our mental health connected with Ed in these episodes, but I think addiction is the most appropriate lens through which to view him because addicts (more often than people who struggle with other mental illnesses) so wholly destroy their own lives and utterly devastate those of their loved ones. I want to share - from the perspective of someone who has steered her own ship straight into a storm and woke up alone to face some very hard choices - what is going on with Ed at the start of this season and what I think is coming.

Let me start by saying that Ed isn’t literally addicted to any one thing, despite his heavy use of drugs and alcohol, but his goal is the same as that of all addicts: escape. He does not want to sit with the pain of Stede leaving him on an immediate, surface level; on a deeper, more habitual level, he doesn’t want to sit with the pain of his own self-loathing. Of course the two are related: the former brings the latter to a head. Stede abandoning him dredges up and brightly illuminates all of his insecurities, and now Ed has to run. Get out. Escape. Don’t think about it. So he is fighting, stealing, drinking, snorting, shooting, killing - whatever it takes to not think about it.

“Demon? I’m the fuckin’ devil.” People in recovery often talk about addiction as if it were a separate, sentient monster living within them. Ed taking on the mantle of demon - a creature known specifically for possession, for removing the host’s free will - is intentional. So is his insistence that he’s not just any demon but the demon. The worst there is. (More on that when we get to The Innkeeper.)

Izzy’s confrontation of Ed in the captain’s cabin and then on deck is a form of intervention. Izzy is trying to help Ed, but of course this goes terribly for him and for Ed because interventions (I cannot stress this enough) are maybe the worst thing you could do to an addict. All addicts know things are bad, but they cannot be pushed to change one single second before they’re ready. Ed knows things are bad. He’s well-aware of how he’s spending his time, how his crew feels about him, how disappointed Izzy is. Being confronted with all of those truths by Izzy was always only going to make him do two things: 1) dig further into his unhealthy coping mechanisms, never mind that they don’t have nearly the effect that they used to; and 2) lash out at the person who forced him to think about it. Izzy lost his leg the moment he stepped into Ed’s cabin.

The impossible bird. You guys remember the song Chandelier by Sia? The one about her addiction to alcohol? The whole thing may as well come right out of Ed’s mouth at the end of that first episode, because that experience is exactly what he’s trying to convey to Frenchie. Nevermind that Frenchie has the temerity to tell him the bird can’t exist, that it has to come down sometime, that flying forever isn’t sustainable. The bird can come down on its own terms, or crash… but Frenchie’s definitely not going to say that much. Still, “that sounds like something that can’t exist” hits Ed, and leads us to the next episode.

Now we’ve got Ed forlorn, heartbroken, almost catatonic while playing with his cake toppers. We don’t actually see him crying in the opening of the episode, which is the point. He’s done crying now. The impossible bird can’t exist, and Ed has already resigned himself to this. He’s decided to die. The only sure-fire permanent way to not think about it.

When next we see Ed, he seems to be doing better, but this is a huge red flag for anyone who knows to look. He’s giving away his responsibility to Frenchie; he’s cleaning the cabin for the closure. He knows the end is coming fast, and the relief that knowledge brings him leaves him weirdly at peace. It is he eeriest part of these episodes, IMO.

Then he goes to find his first mate, the person who knows him better than anyone else in the world, the man he just fucking shot and ordered killed. Ed needs his low opinion of himself validated, and of course he thinks he’ll get it from Izzy after everything he’s done to him. He wants the one person who has stuck with him through everything to confirm that he’s now irretrievably broken and no longer worthy of his love. Ed wants someone to tell him that he’s right: he should die.

He doesn’t get that from Izzy. Interestingly, Izzy doesn’t tell him he should die. He says “Clean up your own mess.” Izzy has learned the lesson now that Ed isn’t ready to get better and that he can’t make him be ready. (This post isn’t about Izzy, but hoo boy - I have big feels about that man.)

Ed has been indulging in various forms of self-destruction in order to not feel his feelings, and steering the ship into the storm is his worst indulgence yet. This is the worst of his crimes - not beheading or arson or a red wedding. It’s when he tries to bring down everyone who has ever loved him into his misery, into believing what he believes. The audience generally (and Ed’s audience of Stede specifically) can forgive him for hurting strangers and for the non-specific mayhem whose victims we’ve never met; but it is much less certain that anyone will forgive him for hurting the only family he’s ever known.

The storm itself is the perfect metaphor for Ed’s attempt on his and, incidentally, everyone else’s lives. One of the most common metaphors used by friends and family members of addicts is that of a hurricane: that their addicted loved-ones tend to destroy everything they touch, anyone who was foolish or brave enough to stick around. And, like hurricanes, addicts aren’t malicious. Ed’s primary goal here is to get himself killed, not to kill everyone else. He wants the ship to go down so his death is certain. His firing a cannonball into the mast and asking Jim and Archie to fight to the death isn’t malice: it’s utter and complete nihilism. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing and no one. The end is near, and he’s so fucking drunk and high off these distractions that he couldn’t think about it if he tried. He’s manic with relief. (See also: “Finally.”)

And now for the finale: Purgatory. Buckle up, because this is where the addiction analogy gets real *chef’s kiss.* Purgatory is the equivalent of the morning after the worst, most rock bottom binge night of your life. You wake up with no one for company but the ghosts of your former selves. Now what?

Well, first - who is Hornigold to Ed? Why is he the guy Ed sees? It’s because Hornigold is another addict, if you will, but one who is (in this Purgatory hallucination) farther along in his recovery. He can impart some wisdom from that place, but he can also stand in as someone Ed can loathe because they’re not as different as Ed once thought, even if Hornigold can say he’s grown.

Hornigold tries to give him soup. He tells Ed, “Gotta get these nutrients into you,” and then literally shoves soup down his throat. That’s what it’s like in rock bottom. You don’t want to take care of yourself, but some lizard brain survival instinct takes over and makes you drink water, eat a piece of fruit, take yourself to the hospital. These things don’t really happen voluntarily that morning after, but you can still count on that instinct to kick in with some damage control.

Ed telling Hornigold how he “got here.” Hornigold says “Mutiny. It’s always mutiny.” Ed insists his mutiny was special, worse somehow. This whole scene is exactly what happens in your first recovery support group meeting. You go in thinking no one has ever been as fucked and fucked up as you are, which makes you feel isolated and alone. But then you get there and everyone else in the circle has done the same shit, been through the same shit. Ed’s not actually the devil; he’s just another demon, like many demons before him.

Ed worries he’s insane when he reflects on everything he’s done. Hornigold’s reply that “Feeling bad isn’t going to rebuild an abdominal wall” is a concept that people usually learn a little bit later in recovery, so I expect we’ll see more on this theme from Ed. Guilt is a useless emotion that only serves to conversely make the addict feel better but doesn’t help the harmed party: the addict feels like their suffering is cleansing, but it’s not - feeling guilt is just more self-indulgence, more self-destruction. Hornigold - a fellow addict in this moment - is trying to get this lesson to him early. It’ll return.

“You’ve got to move on or blow your brains out.” We’re getting back to Purgatory as the metaphor for the morning-after rock bottom, because this is the exact calculation that every person in recovery has done. They all had to answer that one big question. Your whole life is a mess, and you made the mess. Do you want to clean it up? Or quit? (Or make some soup? Yeah. That big question can’t be answered without basic needs having been met. So let’s eat. Let’s start there. It’s easier.)

Now we have Ed’s fantasy about opening an inn: This is also a common part of the morning-after rock bottom. You start thinking about the wrong turns you took, the mistakes you made, the way your life was supposed to go and all the reasons you’re not where you wanted to be. (And all the people you can blame for the fact that your life didn’t go as planned.) And when that honest part of yourself starts telling you that actually it’s all your fault… well, a) you don’t wanna hear it, and b) you can’t silence (kill) that monster, no matter how hard you try. You’ve got to face it. Face all those truths you’ve been running from for years. Now you have to think about it.

So now the big question, the inevitable math. Hornigold suggests looking at the pros and the cons. That’s the easiest way to break the calculation into manageable variables. This is probably my favorite moment of the episode, because when you’re sitting there, morning after the worst night of your life, everything is fucked - these are the exact variables that go into your equation. Do I really want to live? You ask yourself that, and because your life is in fucking shambles, you come up with the stupidest goddamn reasons to keep going. You wanna see the next seasons of Good Omens and Loki. You wanna eat your mom’s spaghetti again. Sometimes it’s nice when someone hugs you. It’s never the big things that save your life; it’s a bunch of the littlest things. The smallest comforts. The big things… they’re too unattainable. They’re too much to hope for, and they’re more than you could possibly deserve. What are the pros of living for Ed? Warmth, good food, orgasms. This is a stunningly accurate representation of the things that will keep you alive once you’ve hit rock bottom.

And then the cons: “I don’t think anyone is waiting for me.” This is why addiction is the better metaphor. There is no human experience more isolating than addiction. You are alone in more ways than you’ve ever been before. You have pushed away or pissed off everyone who ever cared about you. And even the ones who will maybe still be there for you - they can’t help you clean up the mess you’ve made. You have to do the work alone, even if they’re still willing to stand next to you. And this con… it’s the scariest one. Your list of little pros looks so pathetic next to the horror of being utterly fucking alone. Who is going to brave that for some stupid shit like Tom Hiddleston sexily flipping his hair back in that Loki way he does? Why should Ed carry on just because blankets are cozy and marmalade is pleasant?

This is where we get to the moment on the mountain, and what Stede represents. Hornigold tells Ed “You’re unlovable, and you’re afraid to do anything about it.” Ed could do two things about being unlovable: He could try to fix it, or he could end it all. Hornigold represents the worst part of Ed: his weaknesses and cowardice. And if Hornigold is in the driver’s seat, he’s going to end it all. He throws the rock off the cliff, and Ed gets dragged down into the water to drown. (Let’s also talk later about how often addiction is compared to drowning, and how nothing else in the show actually threatened Ed’s life - not Izzy with a gun, not all the rhino horn, not Jim’s cannonball - like drowning in his own mind.)

But then there’s Stede. Stede is how the pros win over that one big, horrifying con. Stede is hope. Stede is just a glimmer of hope. Hope is the most important thing you need in the morning-after rock bottom. As much as I enjoy the idea that it was love that saved Ed, I don’t think that’s a wholly faithful interpretation. Because Stede’s love for Ed doesn’t solve anything, doesn’t fix anything - it certainly doesn’t fix Ed. It cannot fix Ed. Hornigold just told Ed that he’s the one who has to “do something about it,” because Ed is the only one who can save himself. But even if Stede’s love for him in itself isn’t what saves Ed, Ed’s trust in Stede combined with that love gives him hope. Stede loves Ed, truly loves him, came back to him even though he knows Ed’s nature, knows his list of crimes, knows what he’s done to Stede’s friends and family. And maybe Ed can find in himself what he trusts Stede truly sees. It’s a “maybe,” not a certainty. But it’s hope. Someone loves him. Maybe he can love himself, too.

This Woman’s Work: I read this song as referring more appropriately to Ed’s relationship with himself, in no small part because Ed literally made himself the woman in the cake topper couple. All the things that should have been done, should have been said - they’re things Ed needs to do and say to himself. He’s got a little life and a lot of strength left. The journey has just begun.

I want to pop back quickly to a few other moments in The Innkeeper that resonated, starting with Stede and Izzy’s discussion about what happened to Ed: “He went mad. He was a wild dog.” Izzy describes Ed’s breakdown as if he was no longer the same person he once was; this is exactly what addiction does to a person. Ed hasn’t been himself; he’s been held hostage by his need for escape, and he’s become something else. Possessed, if you will.

Izzy: “You and me did this to him, and we can’t let the crew suffer any more for our mistakes.” I’m not writing an essay on Izzy (yet), but this is a very interesting perspective that says a lot about Izzy. Stede and Izzy both owe apologies to Ed, but they are not responsible for his actions. I predict we’re going to see this theme explored in later episodes as a part of Ed’s healing process and recovery. And also hopefully in Izzy’s growth.

Frenchie’s line that “We’ve been living second-to-second for a while now” is a callback to the impossible bird idea. Which, again, is just Chandelier x Sia. “I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes, keep my glass full until morning light ‘cause I’m just holding on for tonight.”

So what’s next? For me, it was learning to sit alone in a quiet room with my thoughts. It was apologizing to the ones I hurt, because even if I didn’t mean to hurt them - even if I was suffering also and worse - they still got hurt, and in the end it didn’t matter why. It was developing the habit of liking myself, and acting on whatever self-love and affection I could conjure up. And yes… it was new seasons of Good Omens and Loki, my mom’s spaghetti, and hugs.

So I think Ed has a lot of accountability, reflection, and breaking of old habits in his future… but also warmth, good food, and orgasms. And good for him. That’s the beauty of recovery: we get to come back.

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riships · 2 months

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I hate hazbin hotel antis so much.

“it’s so overly sexual” “theres too much cussing”

it is an adult show and it takes place in hell. It is going to have adult topics because it’s not for kids it’s for adults. Yes, minors watch it including myself but it is not for us. It is still for 18+ people. You should expect adult content in adult cartoons like thats just a given that adult stuff will happen.

everyone complaining about hazbin is like my age or younger, and that is kind of annoying like the Internet is not a safe space and please remember that not every piece of content is created for you just because you don’t like shows that very sexual nature or a lot of cuss words doesn’t mean that that show is problematic or bad and doesn’t mean that it has to be cancelled it was not made for you you are not to target audience, so scroll and just don’t interact with content surrounding it and algorithm should stop showing you it maybe instead of complaining about it just it it’s not that hard it’s pretty easy

also another thing that I see with hazbin antis they will always stop on episode four which I understand it does have heavy topics. I was actually watching it with my partner who actually skipped the whole like poison thing because I do find watching that kind of stuff triggering I can read it but I can’t watch it it’s weird so he very nicely enough skipped it for me so I can understand not wanting to watch that. However a lot of people assume after that it’s the whole show when it’s really not. In my opinion, Angel Dusr is a very accurate representation and people also seem to hate him because he is not the “perfect victim” and is hyper sexual and I relate to that because I am hypersexual and I find him very relatable, his relationship with Valentino and his trauma, and the way it presents is relatable to me. I’d say he’s a well done character. I love him. as I said I understand not wanting to watch that scene because I skipped it I get it it is heavy and whenever I do rewatch the show I always skip as soon as Charlie walks into the studio because I don’t wanna see it. These people also do not know the Angel Dust actually vastly improves ever since like after that episode, he gets better and seems to be trying to get redeemed and in one of the episodes he actually stands up to Valentino in a night club and I actually belive Angel will be the next redeemed character. I believe that he will die in season 2 and will be redeemed like Sir Pentious.

you can dislike the show however, maybe learn more about it before you go trashing it and the people who watch it because it isn’t what some people assume

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aethersea · 6 months

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Trick or treat! 🩶👻💀

so if I were going to rewrite Teen Wolf (which I'm not, because tragically I have neither the time nor the energy), I’d start about halfway through season 2. Peter and Kate have both died, and the cycle of vengeance and cruelty has, in theory, died with them – but Gerard Argent has come to town, Derek is turning teenagers into werewolves, and everyone’s got, just, so much ptsd. Nothing has really been laid to rest. A man is not dead while his ghost still haunts your nightmares.

Also there’s a giant lizard running around killing people – hi, Jackson! – and Lydia’s hearing voices and, eventually, seeing things. In my rewrite that will not culminate in Peter Hale coming back to life, because fuck him, but she is going to be a banshee and it is going to suck for a while. Probably she finds a lot of dead bodies. But my rewrite will also actually feature the found family trope, because I have taste, so eventually someone will give her a hand with learning to control those powers at least a little bit. Maybe we can strong-arm Dr. Deaton into voicing a useful sentence from time to time. Maybe she can even join the pack a little bit, what a concept.

Which brings us to Derek! Personally I deeply enjoy him trying his damndest to be a good alpha and failing miserably, because he doesn’t have the temperament for it and he’s too full up on grief and trauma to make up for that, and having a lot of complicated awful emotions knotted around that because as the last living Hale, he’s the only one left to carry on his family’s legacy, and he’s failing at it. He’s failing terribly. He’s failing his sister, his parents, everyone who ever mattered to him, and he’s trying so hard but it’s just not enough, he’s not enough. Isn’t that awful? This poor guy.

Scott, however, is a natural leader. He’s not very good at it on account of how he’s 16 and doesn’t have any practice, but he does have the temperament, once he grows up a little, and he has the bullheaded optimism and stubborn insistence on caring for people that will allow him to slowly but surely become the steady rock on which all the rest of these traumatized teenagers can brace themselves.

So Derek gets to watch as Scott, who’s not even an alpha, builds a makeshift pack of humans – Stiles, Allison, Lydia a little bit, Jackson in a complicated way – and starts to pull Derek’s actual betas out from underneath him just by virtue of being someone they can turn to when they’re scared. Derek wants to be that for them, and he can be someone who’ll destroy their enemies and teach them to defend themselves against violence, but he can’t comfort people. He can’t give them warmth. He can’t give them self-confidence, he can’t give them a place to belong, no matter how much he wishes he could. He’s doing his best, and it’s not enough, but if Scott would just accept him as alpha then maybe Scott could be his second-in-command and this wouldn’t really be Derek failing—

And then Scott manifests his ~true alpha~ powers. And Derek realizes that, sooner or later, he’s going to lose everything. He’ll fight – god, he’ll fight to the last, this is all he has left of his family – but the only way he could really win would be to kill Scott or run him out of town, and that…that would be an even worse betrayal of his family’s legacy. Scott hasn’t actually done anything wrong. Scott has saved the lives of Derek’s pack more often than Derek himself has been able to, at this point. He can’t honor his family’s memory by becoming someone who would kill a teenager for power.

Maybe, he thinks, this will all culminate in a big throwdown fight, and maybe their alpha instincts will get the best of them both and it’ll be to the death. Maybe then he’ll die, here on his family’s land, as he should have died years ago. Maybe that’s the closest he’s ever going to get to peace.

#teen wolf #trick or treat!#is this a trick? is it a treat? only you can say #it's just I found a truly astonishingly good fic series that goes full canon divergence after gerard shows up #and now I have the teen wolf cravings again #and just bc I don't think derek makes a good alpha doesn't mean I don't love him #just means I want to put him in a pringles can and shake it violently etc etc

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marley-manson · 11 months

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WHAT IS IT about due south that makes my brain whirr like a loud laptop fan as soon as I think about any second of it

Those tags led me to thinking about Ray in the first non-pilot episode, Free Willie, being held at gunpoint while Fraser walks away because he refuses to give up the bonds a bank robber wants, telling her that he can’t forsake his duty to uphold the law so she and Ray are shit out of luck. “[A bond is] an instrument of trust between two people indicating a promise that must be honored. Much like a promise I made to uphold the law. So you see, the problem is now that I have the bonds in my hands I'm honor bound not to give them to you.” So Ray thinks he’s going to die but happily robber gets so pissed off at Fraser she tries to shoot him instead, giving Ray the chance to grab the gun. So ofc once the problem is solved Fraser proceeds to explain that it was a purposeful ruse, he wanted to enrage her, and he’d never actually let Ray die just to protect money.

Which is a perfect contrast to Vault, the early season 2 episode in which that same bank robber returns to rob another bank, inviting the overt comparison between these two episodes. In this sequel episode Fraser drags Ray into the bank vault and seals it from the inside to protect it, virtually ensuring their inevitable deaths when they either run out of air, or the thieves bust it open and shoot them. He genuinely argues that it’s their duty to protect the money with their lives. “Ray, would please just listen to me? This isn't about the loss of millions of dollars from some bank! This is about the average ordinary citizen who has placed their trust in an institution. We're here to guard that trust.” Ray, conversely, tells him the money is insured, they were off-duty anyway, it’s not worth dying for, and he’s fucked up.

The difference of course being that in between these episodes Fraser lost his shit and tried to run away with a (different) bank robber so now he’s doubling down hard on his devotion to duty and is maybe arguably passively suicidal and willing to drag Ray down with him.

But like it’s so good as a compare contrast - Ray doesn’t intrinsically trust Fraser to save him in episode one despite having already ended up in the hospital for him once, and it turns out he’s actually kind of right not to! Fraser may have been playing up his devotion to duty over his loyalty to his friends in the first episode, but as a way of establishing a very central theme that gets explored a lot more in some darker ways, it’s excellent.

Like, the pilot and ep 1 really hit this one two punch of Ray devoting himself to Fraser at the expense of everything else important to him including himself, while letting the audience question Fraser’s priorities in return. In Free Willie there’s also a sequence where Fraser gambles Ray’s job on the case without Ray’s input, leading to a scene where Ray fully believes he’s about to be fired. It works out ofc, but it really underscores the ambiguous question of Fraser’s priorities.

And in Vault Ray brings up the number of times Fraser has risked their lives without consulting him as a point of contention, and the overarching theme of the episode is feeling undervalued (Ray’s sister has a whole monologue about it too lol). But Ray is resigned to Fraser risking his life without asking: when Fraser comes up with a risky plan Ray wearily tells him to just do it without explaining first. Their conflict is resolved when Ray tells Fraser to value himself more and stand up for himself, rather than when Fraser, say, prioritizes Ray over duty.

Basically Free Willie and Vault together are a perfect examination of Ray and Fraser’s unbalanced relationship.

#due south #text post #marley on due south #(eventually fraser /does/ prioritize ray over duty IN THE FINALE and it comes to nothing because it was probably accidental #or maybe intended to be negative by that point since later due south is really into fraser's supermountie thing rather than #deconstructing it. rip)#i have no due south followers as far as i'm aware but i'm posting this anyway lol #sometimes u just gotta throw meta for a 30 year old show out into the void

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spacehero-23 · 2 years

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ok here are my thoughts on the dragon prince season 4 episode 1:

So Claudia knew/talked to aaravos for 2 years?? oh no…

i LOVE the new intro

not the step mage

high mage callum! my baby…look at my baby using magic and being a good boy

sorvus??? i know what you are

also the animation when they were walking felt a bit off, like unfinished/unpolished? no?

ok. not just when they’re walking. it gives me r.w.b.y vibes…pls no

huh, the jokes really don’t land, like not a single one…

well maybe the “eating 3 people a day joke” i liked that one

zym is coming!!!!

“when i found your body…” Claudia, my sweetheart. GET AWAY FROM HER YOU MANIPULATIVE FUCK!

wow. the viren and claudia scenes are hitting so hard. (low-key they’re the only good scenes in the episode so far..)

not amaya beating up the dancers…girl

umm anyone else saw that callum was standing like vieren used to?? when he was talking to soren?

also, protective big brother callum. we love to see it

but that scene just showed how frustrated he fust feel, rayla left and he has no idea where she is, he still has to worry about claudia, and now his baby brother is king and in constant danger.

“for now”....oh, oh no.

I don’t like how obsessive Calum is getting with magic…

Callum defenestrating himself, see now that was funny.

“happy birthday big brother” 🥺

Viren looks so done…let this man die. i think he’d prefer it at this point

terry!

“trees to meet you” does that mean callum wasn’t talking out of his ass? OR that it was so funny that the earthblood elfs decided to use it as a joke but it caught on?

“because of rayla”... I can’t do this anymore

“I don't even know if she’s alive” see this last scene is what i love about the dragon prince! please let the season be like that!

again, the comedy is eh, but sorvus in the background are really giving “boyfriends”

this episode feels so disjointed, like, I like the claudia and vieren stuff, A LOT. but then we have “Callum's secret birthday party” and it feels like I’m watching two different shows.

I feel like this is why they released this episode a week before, so that people could watch this reintroduction to the world and the new status quo and then on the 3rd, jump straight into the actual plot.

I’m sure this episode was fun for the people who didn’t read the extra content and had no idea rayla left, and why she left, and ep.1 had this air of mystery to it (it was destroyed by the bad jokes, but whatever)

and again the animation, it was weird. bc some scenes looked really pretty and exactly like the old style. but some…well, early rwby would be an insult, but it was off-putting.

#the dragon prince #tdp #the dragon prince netflix #the dragon prince season 4 #tdp netflix #tdp season 4 #tdp season 4 episode 1 #tdp callum #tdp soren #tdp ezran #tdp corvus #tdp rayla #rayllum #callum season 4 #tdp claudia #tdp viren #aaravos

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belmottetower · 10 months

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fic rec fun

So wanted to get some hiatus rec lists going and encourage some self promo in my friends so how about sharing your top fics no matter how big or small - give us the links to your wonderful words with the Most hits/Most kudos/Most comments/Most bookmarks /Most words/Least words Tagged by @valonia47 Most hits:

and i'm known for giving love away The first fic in my main ot3 series, and probably the fic of mine that has been most popular since season 3. I'm not surprised really, if you left that season a fan of ot3 this might be the one for you. 26,302 hits. Summary:

Apparently this isn’t some fantasy scenario Keeley has dreamed up, and Roy is on board with the whole threesome thing. Jamie doesn’t need any more encouragement before saying yes to sex with two of the hottest people he knows. How the fuck do you cope with the beard. It’s so scratchy. Hate to think how raw you are down there. Keeley doesn’t take long to reply to his text. Shut up! Heard the second conversation went better than the first? 😏👨❤️💋👨 ------- In the first week back of pre-season training, Jamie’s misstep at the funeral finally comes back to bite him. Or does it? When Keeley and Roy approach him with a very unexpected offer — an invite into their bed — Jamie isn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if he wishes it was more than just sex.

Most kudos

This is the same as above and has 1,649 kudos so I'm going to cheat and plug my second most kudosed fic too.

I Get By With A Little Help

This is the first in a Roy/Jamie, canon divergent season 2 AU that follows the events of the season fairly closely, but with one change at the start affecting Jamie's relationships and actions. 1,030 kudos. Summary:

He can’t hang out with the boys, but he hates going home too. He hates being alone in his new flat, terrified that his dad will find out where he lives now and send them after him again. He’s taken to hanging round the club after training. He’ll find a quiet place to sit, pull out his book, and settle in for as long as he can before the stadium locks up for the night and he's forced to leave. He’s onto the 34th book to read before you die — Emma — and is surprised by how much he likes it. In comparison to his own drama, gentle scandals and gossip are a nice escape. Today’s reading location is the boot room. The new kitman has some magic way of making it smell of lavender instead of sweaty feet, and if Jamie puts a couple of towels on the bench, it makes a nice pillow to sit on. Mr Knightley is in the middle of yet another stern lecture — in his head, Knightley looks a lot like Roy, but he's not sure Keeley quite fits as Emma — when the door bangs open. Jamie jumps and is surprised to see Keeley standing there instead of Will, a guilty look on her face. — After a traumatic event Jamie falls apart, then puts himself back together again. He does the hard work, but he has a little help. Most comments

Most bookmarks

Okay the first here was and i'm known for giving love away with 564 bookmarks. The second was I Get By With A Little Help with 387 bookmarks. I won't do a full summary of number three, but I'll cheat again and link to it. It's in a language that you can't read just yet, another ot3 fic with 229 bookmarks.

Most words

A Little Better, All The Time The Roy POV sequel to I Get By With A Little Help, so you'd probably want to read that first! 46,825 words. I'll be honest I think a couple of my other WIPs either are already longer, or will definitely end up longer, but not in terms of published words. Summary:

He’d known Tartt could do it, but knowing it and fucking watching that masterpiece of a goal happen with his own eyes are two very different things. And best of all, he got to feel responsible for it. He had gotten to set that in motion for Richmond, for his player. Ted grabs him in celebration, and Roy’s still roaring and oh, fuck. Careful what you wish for, Kent. Jamie’s seeking out his gaze, flipping him off from the middle of the pitch and smirking before accepting praise and hugs from the rest of the team, and Roy had wanted Jamie to spark some emotion in him, but this? This is electric, this is overwhelming. Roy wants to fucking run out there, grab him in a bear hug of his own, and not let go. This might become a new problem. ___ Roy wasn't about to admit it, but he'd been sort of excited to see Tartt again. Except when he returns to Richmond, Jamie is... different. On the pitch and off it, he’s quieter, more reserved, a shadow of the person Roy remembers from last season. He’s determined to get to the bottom of the change.

Least words

funnier than step brothers

Okay this is one of my AUgust fills, for a prompt where I was otherwise I bit stuck as to what I wanted to write. A rogue pairing for me - Colin/Isaac and very silly, but I will stick to the rules and link to it anyway. Word count 374. Summary:

“This is your fucking fault,” Isaac hisses at Colin from their place on the front pew. Colin’s not paying him any attention though, too busy wiping away his tears as he watches his dad marry Isaac’s mum. — Ted Lasso AU-gust Challenge Prompt #8: Adoptive Family

This was a lot of fun! I tag @goldiegaytime and @liesmyth to do it should you fancy it, no pressure though!

#my writing #writing asks #sort of #jamie tartt #roy kent #fandom: ted lasso #keeley jones #roy x jamie #roy x keeley x jamie #ted lasso fic #colin hughes #isaac mcadoo #colin x isaac

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rewatching-sam-and-dean · 4 months

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What season of SPN makes you the most feral? What are your headcanons about it?

Hi Anon!

Sorry it took me so long to answer, usually I’m quicker with asks. First, I needed to think about my answer. Then, my internet went down (ugh). Now, I’m on a work trip.

I don’t tend to have a lot of headcanons for SPN, and the ones I have, I mostly think of in the moment as I’m watching or they are pretty common (for example, Ben is Dean’s kid).

Anyways, after thinking about it, I think the season(s) thst makes me the most feral is the Season 2 & 3 combo. I have to put them together because of the reversal of brother worry that flows so well: Dean worrying obsessively about Sam (and being alone) until the worst happens and Sam actually dies, so Dean sells his soul for Sam because he can’t bear to be without him, so Sam worries obsessively about Dean (and being alone) until he starts throwing some of his morals out the window (metaphorically selling his soul) to try and save him, but the worst happens and Dean dies. These seasons have so many brother feels, then being mistaken for a couple (which I always find amusing), and pain. It all hurts so good.

There are a couple of things that make me feel especially “feeral” in this era.

In “In My Tine of Dying” Sam can sense Dean’s soul (love this), they talk to each other using a “talking board,” and Sam tried so damn hard find a way to save (in a short window of time) Dean, and Dean (who worries that he needs Sam more than Sam needs him) never remembers how worried Sam was for him and how much he watered to save him. I hate that he doesn’t remember. As far as I can tell, when Tessa returns his memories of that time (in Season 4), she only returned the parts involving her, not the parts where Dean saw how much Sam loved him (This is up there with Sam and Dean not knowing the phone call was tampered with in Season 4, for me).

“What is and What Should Never Be” pretty much twists my heart from start to finish. Dean having everything “apple pie” he could want, but none of it being worth it if Sam doesn’t love him (beyond in the “he’s my brother so I have to love him” but NOT like him sort of way). The acting in this one is good too. We get a very different Sam, and Jared plays how different he is from normal Sam and how weirded out he is by Dean trying to show any affection towards him really well. We get to see Jensen play a cute and happy Dean, then we see his heart breaking when he realizes he can’t stop hunting if it means people will die, and I love/hate the more subtle heartbreak of him seeing Sam back away from him. I just … love this episode. (Also, … “What are you calling me bitch for?”).

Everything about Meg!Sam, and Dean saying he’d rather die than kill Sam. Pure gold.

“Mystery Spot,” the whole episode is just fantastic. A tiny hesdcanon I have for this episode is that there was at least a day where Sam tackled Dean to the bed (non-romantically) and just refused to let him up, clinging to him like a koala in desperation because Dean dies every time he leaves the room, or does basically anything. Dean struggles at first but then just lays there and takes it, maybe awkwardly patting Sam’s arm. He is both kinda weirded out, but also secretly happy with how much Sam obviously cares about him. But, of course, it being Mystery Spot, Sam probably accidentally kills him somewhere in there.

One last thing I think of often is, I wish I could see Sam succeeding and saving Dean in the Season 3 finale. It bothers me so much that he couldn’t do it after how hard he tried, and the lengths he was willing to go to, and it hurts seeing how much his “failure” and losing Dean tortured him. Dean ended up inflicting the exact pain on Sam that their Dad did on him by selling his soul for him and dying for him, except worse. Also, I actually like the Angel story line in Seasons 4 to 6, but I loath it after that, except for a few exceptions. So, if Sam had saved Dean, we might have been spared angel politics thst went on for too long, as well.

Anyway, I’ll stop it there because my answer is getting away from me.

Thank you for your question, Anon ❤️.

What season(s) make you feral?

#Ask Box #Sam and Dean #Seasons 2 & 3 #Supernatural #These seasons are so damn good!

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ebvermin · 9 months

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ok really dumb rant about CV:Nocturne

Honestly, I shouldn’t really be surprised that they skipped like 300 years worth of games and went straight from CoD to Rondo, presumably following with SotN in like season 3 of it. I mean, how could they *not* bring back Alucard, y’know? And what would they even do for Christopher and Simon Belmont, just have Dracula magically resurrect like he does in the games, kinda completely invalidating the buildup to the massive fight from season 2?

And look, the legendary Simon Belmont really isn’t the most fleshed-out character, as opposed to Richter, who could actually be a really interesting character to explore in this adaptation. I mean, sure, he starts off as your typical noble hero, slaying monsters and saving maidens, the typical classic CV fare, but there’s just this lil something something in his dialogue with Dracula in Rondo that tells a much more important side to his character.

D: It is not by my own power that I am resurrected. It is a greed of humanity which calls me back. And thus, by might, I rule. Might becomes the one and only justice in this world!

R: Of all the self-serving claptrap! The same basic faith drives all people to seek, to come together, to move forward. That surely can't be an evil thing!

D: And yet, here I am. Do you not have any desires?

R: (hesitantly) Well...

Right there, The only moment we see Richter stagger thus far, when his true intentions are called into question. Yes, Richter is a hero through and through, but what happens after he fulfills his destiny? Of course, we see this in Symphony, where Richter’s desires cause him to be mesmerized by the Shaft, and end up resurrecting the very thing his family swore to destroy 700 years ago, just to show his own self-serving might. And, I can imagine that this very same folly is gonna happen in Nocturne as well, because you know the writers are just *begging* to do SotN! So, it makes sense why they skip to Rondo, but, they didn’t have to skip everything...

in 1748, fifty years before the events of Rondo, a man named Maxim returned from a two-year training journey, gravely wounded from an apparent attack upon him, but with no memory of his entire expedition. However, he comes bearing news that a childhood friend of his, Lydie, had been kidnapped by an evil force. And the first person he goes to, his most trusted friend...

Juste Belmont

The Grandson of Simon Belmont, and eventual grandfather of Richter, Juste is surprised to learn of the unexpected return of Dracula’s Castle, and he and Maxim leave at once to investigate. And from here, the two embark on a story of confusion, betrayal, and the folly of pride and jealousy.

You see, Maxim, despite training as hard as he can, knows that he’ll never get the same notoriety as Juste, for no other reason than that Juste is of the legendary Belmont clan. But, it’s this very jealousy that allows the spirit of Dracula to enter Maxim’s heart, slowly corrupting him and causing Castle Dracula to return in the first place, fifty years early.

Sounds familiar?

And look, I’m not saying that Harmony of Dissonance needs an entire adaptation, i’m lying yes it does But at least a season or a few episodes dedicated to it would seriously help the story a lot! Just because Dracula isn’t alive, doesn’t mean that his spirit can’t influence the evil in people’s hearts, which would be a perfect parallel to how Richter eventually falls to his own desires. Honestly, Harmony as a whole is a really good prelude to Rondo and Symphony, and i do hope it at least gets a mention in the new series!

but if we can be real they probably wont even revive dracula anyway because he kinda just wanted to die in season 2 anyway and what are they just gonna have dracula fight alucard again after the whole “im killing my boy” speech so i guess my whole point is kinda moot unless what is he gonna revive carmilla or something sure she was actually in rondo but come on thats ridiculous

look man i just like harmony of dissonance

#castlevania #nocturne #cv #richter belmont #rondo of blood #symphony of the night #alucard #juste belmont #harmony of dissonance #rant

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incorrecttowerofgodquotes · 11 months

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Gundam: The Witch From Mercury Season 2: Episode 10 Review

- Starting off the episode with a mass murder, beautiful. Though the good thing is that there’s a cool down period so if we can draw out the fight long enough, we may be able to win

- Chuchu begging Secelia despite her being a Spacian, how far we’ve come. And the fact that she hooks her boy Rouji up to get some tech info is also great.

- Felsi is the best girl and I will accept no disagreements. The way Earth House just adopts her like a homeless puppy is funny. Also the fact that she was so willing to do something besides wait for Petra to get better is great. She is the ultimate kusogaki as she is the only one going to the final battle.

- GOD DAMN IT ANIME GIVE ME YOUNG ELAN FOOTAGE!

- I’m guess the backstory was cut due to time constraints but I just want to see who the Elan’s were before they’re unfortunate unpersoning. However, we were still given delicious 5nore crumbs so I will accept it. It’s interesting how El5n stated El4n was the lucky one despite earlier in the series saying he was unfortunate. He finally realized that even though El4n died, he had someone who loved him, and now he knows just how important his actions towards Norea were. His line about envy could be directed at either Norea, Suletta, or El4n, and I hope he finds his own self separate from the Elan persona that had been forced on him

- Suletta and Guel’s duel was so stupid but so adorable. It really hammers home how they’re still children and they’ll do childish things. Also Guel 100% threw that duel, or at least they animated it so it was clear Guel knew how to fence but Suletta was just floundering. He’s the ultimate supporter of lesbians and I love him for that. Please G-Witch, give him a boyfriend. Also Guel slapping himself to remind himself not to butt in on SuleMio’s affairs, lol.

- The talk between Suletta and Miorine with slash playing in the background was just *chef’s kiss* perfect. Right or wrong, and even if there’s nothing to gain, Suletta wants to move forward. And she wants to move forward with Miorine. They have to face their problems head on. They lock fingers, willing to move on together.

- Guess they didn’t have the money for Delling’s VA. But it is nice to see a realistic depiction of a coma patient. Though I’m not sure if he appreciates being yelled at after he wakes up

- What is Prospera searching for? It can’t be the Calibarn. Is it something special Notrette made? And who removed it?

- What deal did she make with Shaddiq? Is she taking his harem squad? Did she plan to work with him on Earth?

- The fact that the tomato is literally embedded with love in its very DNA is beautiful. The tomato has always represented love in this series, and here we see that it’s very creation was because of Miorine’s mother’s love for her.

- Poor Suletta is struggling hard in that Gundam, but also it’s the coolest suit in the show so far. IT HAS A FREAKING BROOM. SHE IS LITERALLY THE WITCH FROM MERCURY. RECLAIM THE SLUR

- Suletta is talented. Aerial used to overshadow as we didn’t know how much handholding Eri was doing, but this proves she’s great even without it. But I don’t think it’ll be enough to defeat Eri all by herself. She needs others to help her. They all need to come together and create a better future!

- Lauda, my son, please stop this. We are destroying the Death Star right now. Have your angst moment later. And dear god don’t make your brother kill you, and don’t die of heatstroke like a dog in a car with the Schwarzette. I’ve seen some people say Guel might die but I reject that reality. After all the suffering he’s been out through, he needs to live.

I feel like we’re in a weird space where there both could and couldn’t be a second half. We have a lot to wrap up, but also we’re closing up Suletta and Miorine’s personal journeys. Though I hope we do get the second half and have it focus on Earth and the Space League. And maybe we’ll get to kill Peil while we’re at it

#gundam #g witch #gundam witch from mercury

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rogue205 · 1 year

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Unpopular Opinion Rant

I’m still in my Teen Wolf phase and re-watching the show.

Holy. Hell. I can’t stand Scott. I hate how much of a hypocritical, seeing in straight black and white with no grey, thinks-he’s-got-the-moral-high-ground, self-serving, egotistical prick he really is. He constantly whines about being a werewolf but happily uses his new abilities to become better at lacrosse, increase his popularity, and basically betray Stiles’ friendship because he got better than him. Maybe it’s just me but I really don’t see anywhere in his attitude that warrants him being labeled a “True Alpha”. I guess it’s all about “willpower and strength of character” but the show implies that one only achieves this level by being good and Scott is not as good and right as he thinks he is.

Also what gets me a lot is the ending of both season one and season two. (3-6 don’t exist for me, especially the whole Jackson/Ethan thing. Seriously? Ethan? No. Why not Danny or anyone else?! I also hated the whole turning Jackson into a Kanima/Wolf hybrid. He is NOT a damn hybrid! Once he completed his transformation at the end of Season 2, he became a WEREWOLF!!!)

First, yes, I get that the writers wanted to depict Peter as a psychotic bad guy but maaaaaaaybe don’t have him go through a hugely traumatic event where he saw near his entire family burn to death, something he himself also barely survived. He also went feral because of broken pack bonds and the fact that his new Alpha just abandoned him to die. So all that, and the “morally superior good guys” decide the only way to stop him was to set him on fire. Again. Explain to me how that makes them better? Because they pretty much set a burn trauma survivor on fire again and didn’t care.

Second, I hate Scott’s actions regarding Gerard Argent and the fact that he forced Derek to bite the bastard against his will. Sure, he had a plan but did he actually tell it to anybody? Hmmmm. It seems he does that a lot. Scott also didn’t seem to give a damn that Gerard had all but tortured Stiles, a person who was supposed to be his best friend but who cares about that as long as Scott gets what he wants and people do what he wants. That last part was never mentioned in the show anyway so I guess... 🤷‍♀️.

I know Scott was also one of the few who wanted to save Jackson as opposed to killing him, but let us not forget Peter helped to save him too, even if it is unclear here whether he had an ulterior motive for it. (It’s really too bad that Colton Haynes left after this season because I am completely convinced that Jackson would have been revealed as Peter’s son given all the buildup thus far. But it’s very likely that the writers would have eventually reduced Jackson to a prop to hold up Scott as well eventually so maybe Colton actually did himself a favour.)

Back to Peter, I know many will disagree with me on this, but I like him. Peter is what one would call a “chaotic neutral” and Ian Bohen’s acting is just so incredible, he makes it very hard to hate this guy even when he’s being a snarky smartass. (Or is that he’s so good that he makes you hate the character like you’re supposed to? In that case, he failed with me). Yes, he killed his niece, but it’s also heavily implied that he wasn’t all there mentally during that part because of all the trauma, the psychological damage of being trapped in his body for six years, and the fact that Laura abandoned him, as mentioned before plus wasn’t Jennifer manipulating him? Do NOT even get me started on how unbelievable the whole “Peter willingly working with Kate” thing is. Seriously, if season one was any indication, he should’ve immediately tried to kill her again once he realized she was still alive.

Another thing that irks me is Derek and the pack’s constant need to hold everything over Peter’s head when it was actually Derek who gave Kate everything she needed to wipe out his family. But Derek gets all the slack for that instead. I don’t hate Derek at all but come on!

This leads me to my final point of the rant and that is the writers reducing the Hales to props to try and keep Scott credible as an Alpha and nothing more, even dismantling the Hale pack entirely at one point. Yes, Derek does it to save Cora but they officially wiped out a powerful, centuries old werewolf pack just like that. Only way I’ll get over this is if they eventually give the Hales a spin-off much like the Originals from the Vampire Diaries. I mean more young Peter? Hell yes!!!! Young Derek? Sure, I’m game! Actually showing Talia as a fleshed out character? 🙋‍♀️ Me!!! Also it may get me to like Laura as it would take her beyond this one-dimensional person that we know now. Who knows.

#anti scott mccall #Peter Hale #derek hale #teen wolf discourse #teen wolf #dont try and preach scotts virtues at me #if he has any #you will not change my mind #and i tagged this ANTI SCOTT anyway soooooo #My ranting #my opinion #i also really like Peter's character #dont bother attacking me for that too #your comment will be ignored and deleted #unless you can be civil #i still may not respond #my thoughts are above

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morning-softness · 4 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Thanks to @crit20lesbian for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Eighteen

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

166,316 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Magnus Archives

4. What are your top five fics by kudos

Netflix and Chill- (TMA, JonTim, 3k, Precanon) Tim and Jon watch Netflix and chill. They do not have sex.

Love, Or Whatever You Call It - (TMA, JonMartin, 20.5k, No Age of the Beholding AU) After Jonah's ritual fails, severing Jon's connection to the Beholding, Jon and Martin try to put the pieces of their lives back together. Adjusting to normal life again after everything is hard, and exploring their new relationship is even harder, especially as Martin realizes he might be aro-spec.

Archive Shenanigans - (TMA, Gen fic, 1k, Season 1) All the assistants are the hot assistant, or Tim says Hot Martin Rights and Hot Sasha Rights and even Hot Jon Rights.

Are You Calling Me ‘Darling’? - (TMA, JonMartin, 2.5k, No Age of the Beholding AU) Jon likes it when people call Martin his boyfriend. Martin…doesn’t.

Here Might You Bless Me - (TMA, JonMartin, 4k, Safehouse Era fic) Martin’s changed after Jon pulls him out of The Lonely, and he’s sure that Jon won’t want to stick around once he figures that out. After all, it turns out Jon has a lot of love to give, and who would want to waste their love on someone who can’t return it? Jon convinces him he’s not going anywhere.

Note: Most of these fics are in my top 6 for hits as well as kudos, but I was really surprised to see Archive Shenanigans make the list. It was the first TMA fic I published, 1k of pure unpolished fluff and comedy, but for whatever reason it has a much higher kudos to hits ratio compared to my more-read fic.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my best to respond to them, because I want people to know that I read and treasure all of their comments. Sometimes it takes a while though, because I want to give a thoughtful response.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Can’t Have You, Even As An Enemy. It’s a fic where Jon and Tim share a hotel room on the eve of the Unknowing, and talk about (or mostly talk around) their issues. The angst is that it’s written with the intention of being canon compliant, which means that Tim will still die in the explosion, and the best that can be hoped for is that this conversation will give Jon a bit more closure.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write mainly hurt/comfort, so most of my fic has a happy—or at least hopeful—ending. The happiest might be Can’t We Just Wait Together? (Or Five Times Jon and Tim Didn’t Have a First Date, and One Time They Did), since it’s a 5+1 fic where the final chapter is entirely fluff of Jon and Tim going on a date together.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. I have comment moderation on just in case, though.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Not yet, anyway. Funnily enough, my fic with the highest number of kudos is about Jon and Tim not having sex.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No. The closest might be Listen to the Voice that Told Me where I borrowed the obedience curse mechanics from the book Ella Enchanted, but it’s not really a crossover of the world or characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I do have a few that were podficced, though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I tried, but we only got one chapter in before life got in the way. Maybe someday…

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Jon and Martin, followed by Jon and Tim.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a Melanie-pov AU where she joins the Archives in Season 2 after she realizes something is wrong with Sasha. I wanted to write it as a choose-your-path style story, because I think it’s easy in hindsight to say decisions characters made were wrong, but a lot harder to decide what the right decision would have been, so I wanted to explore a lot of different ways the characters could have messed up with Melanie added to the mix (and maybe a few ways things could have worked out better). I don’t want to say it will never happen, but it’s a big and complicated project so it definitely won’t happen anytime soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve had several comments from readers attesting that I’m good at conveying emotion—particularly negative emotions—in a way that feels real and relatable. I’ve also been told that I do a good job portraying character dynamics.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My biggest problem is that since my writing is really emotions-based, once I’ve hit the emotional high points, it’s no longer interesting to me. Which means with longer fic it’s a struggle for me to actually continue through the falling action to the denouement instead of just stopping right after the climax. (I’ve had two getting-together fics now where I initially wanted to end right after the love-confession scene and had to be convinced by my Beta reader that readers would probably want to see at least a scene or two of the characters actually being together now.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I usually don’t. I definitely think it can add another layer to characterization, so I’d like to where it makes sense for the characters, but I think it needs to be done carefully so that 1. The dialogue sounds natural for native speakers of the language and 2. People who don’t speak the language can grasp the overall meaning of the exchange through context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Magnus Archives

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Since I’d like to think my writing skill is consistently improving, my favorite fic is always whichever I’ve most recently completed. That said, I have a soft spot for Here Might You Bless Me, which made the Top 5 Kudos list above. It’s a JonMartin safehouse fic I wrote back in December 2020, where Jon reassures Martin that he is loved even if he can’t return the feeling in the same way. (And Jon uses one of my favorite Edna St. Vincent Millay poems to do so, because I wrote this before I got to Episode 165 and found out that Jon apparently disliked poetry in general, and not just Keats.)

Tagging @three-magpies-in-a-trenchcoat, @rookfeatherrambles, @chrisis-averted, @wordsintimeandspace, @suttttton, if you’d like!

#ask game #writing asks #writing ask game

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do-it-for-the-fandom · 11 months

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Pls ramble for hours about your thought about season 3 caskett!!

Okay, just remember… you asked for this 🤣 Just to keep it clear in my mind I’ll go through episode by episode (thanks to Wikipedia for their handy dandy episodes lists that I refer to almost daily at this point, I swear).

I’ve been going through season 2 and 3 with a very critical eye in regards to Castle/Beckett interactions while in relationships with other people for a fic I’m working on so you might think some of this is very nitpicking (and tbh it probably is) but this is all based on a conversation I had with a friend where we discussed “if our significant other did these things, would be be okay with that?” and - spoiler alert - I’d like my partners goo-goo eyes to be aimed at me not the pretty ladies he works with 🤣

Anyway, here it is: my rambling about the ‘blurred lines’ and slightly questionable behaviour (most of which would be fine if it weren’t for the “they’re madly in love with one another but deeply in denial” of it all, you know?)

I know I said season 3 Caskett but we need to take a quick journey back to season 2 just for some background information. There is an important scene in season 2 that set us up for season 3 (in my opinion). It was like a little sprinkling that softened the “bad behaviour” of our favourites.

In 2x22 Food to Die For, Cecily (the victim’s ‘friend’) says “You have no idea how hard it is to love someone knowing they’re gonna break your heart.” and there is a look of understanding on Beckett’s face as she processes these words, as if she does know how hard it is.

Later, Beckett and Castle have a conversation about Wolf (the victim) and Cecily. It goes a little like this:

Castle: You ask me... she should've followed her heart-- left David, gone with Wolf.

Beckett: You know, I can see the virtue in staying. I mean, guys like Wolf, they come in, they upset the apple cart. Of course he makes you feel alive, but eventually, you know he's just gonna let you down. So why risk it?

Castle: Because the heart wants what it wants.

We learn two things from this conversation.

1. Beckett obviously relates to Cecily’s situation and - given what we can see from her interactions with Castle throughout this season vs her interactions with Demming (her boyfriend at the time) - it’s safe to say Demming isn’t her Wolf, Castle is.

2. Castle is a ‘hopeless romantic’. He can (and will) justify anything if it is in the name of love.

In the season 2 finale, Beckett was willing to take the risk, though. She left her David, her safe option, to pursue what the heart wants and it backfired before she even got that far! Beckett is guarded; she won’t let herself make that mistake again.

Then we get to season 3 and the red flags start popping up left, right and centre.

Beckett is still upset at Castle - but mostly at herself because she’s the one that allowed herself to think Castle wouldn’t break her heart. Castle makes his way back onto the team under the promise that it’s just one case, then a bet is made that if he solves the case first he can come back more permanently. In the end we find out (or, at least, it’s heavily implied - I cant 100% recall) that Beckett purposely lets Castle win so that he can come back.

Mistake number 1. If she really intended on ‘moving on’, she never should have let Castle back. Obviously she’s under the impression that they can be friends but she’s already lying to herself 🚩and that is a slippery slope. It also doesn’t take her very long to fall back into the habit of teasing and flirting with him which I’m also torn about. It can’t really be classed as harmless flirting, right, when there’s underlying feelings? But given that this has always been their ‘thing’, I do tend to overlook that.

My first major issue comes with episode 3x03 Under The Gun when we are introduced to Royce. There’s history there, a lot of great memories, I get it: she’s happy to see her training officer again!

Then things get a little personal; she had a crush on him, maybe he had feelings for her back in the day too, they have a moment.

And then he betrays her.

I’m feeling sorry for her right now, like… girl, do you need a hug?

Anyways, my 🚩🚩🚩 is that Josh is introduced to us (and the team) in literally the next episode. And not just mentioned in passing - he comes to the precinct! That doesn’t seem very “we’ve only been dating for a week” of him.

Throwback to before Ryan introduced Jenny to the team, Beckett said “I wouldn’t bring my boyfriend here.” and although Josh’s visit wasn’t planned, she also didn’t seem too bothered by his presence there.

My theory is she met Josh over the summer (while Castle was away), probably introduced by a mutual friend and it may have been a slow start/super casual thing at first that became more once Castle was back at the precinct. Maybe Josh wanted more from the beginning, but Beckett held back? Maybe Royce’s betrayal was the push she needed?

Because she’s been burned twice in such a short time; and here is this man - a young, handsome doctor who keeps just busy enough to not demand too much of her in her vulnerable state - that is into her and she’s into him. He’s interesting, he’s ambitious and passionate and there is definite potential for this to be love so, why not? He can be her safe option.

But, I don’t know, Josh’s “Kate hasn’t told you about me, has she?” just makes me feel like the relationship isn’t all that new, you know? So the Josh/Royce timeline does make me wonder.

Also, Castle went home that night and even Alexis said he was ‘distracted’ and seemed down. Like, you’re with Gina dude, why does Beckett having a boyfriend bother you? 🚩

In 3x05 Anatomy of a Murder, things seem to be fine again. Josh apparently is an effective distraction, Castle has his little fight with Gina but they make up and everything is all fairly neutral until Beckett and Castle are going through the love letters and Castle reads out the “I love you” line. They both have a very guilty kind of reaction to that. Why? Because they both obviously feel something, otherwise it would be a laughable moment.

And then Castle is all goo-goo eyes when Beckett says she’d get him out of prison, because his mother said that’s a sign of true love? Tell me you’re not in love with the person you’re dating without telling me you’re not in love with the person you’re dating. #poorGina. Now, I’m not saying you have to be in love right away… but when you’re going for shot #2 with your ex-wife you’d think after several months (or however long it’s been at this point) you’d be a little more committed. Idk, maybe that’s just me.

They have that moment after Jerry Tyson gets away but I really think that’s just a genuine moment of comfort and friendship. I think it’s really sweet.

I think that while Beckett’s relationship with Josh is going well, everything stays fairly neutral. Nothing else really flags for me until 3x11 Nikki Heat. Beckett really struggles with her jealousy but I think that’s just her realising that those feelings are still there, which she obviously has to process and deal with. Also I don’t think we can deny that watching someone ‘become you’ would be hella weird.

Castle, however, doesn’t even try to hide how much he is enjoying Nikki Heat coming to life and the more Natalie tries to be Kate, the more Castle likes her. It’s a little… odd.

And when Natalie kisses him, it’s not rushed. He has plenty of time to stop it but he doesn’t. His little “Natalie, I…” isn’t good enough in my opinion. Like, poor Gina… again.

Even the next morning when Beckett is pissed because she thinks that Castle slept with Natalie, no one is thinking about HIS GIRLFRIEND in all of this. Beckett even asks him why he didn’t sleep with her and was the answer “because I’m in a relationship”? No. No it was not. *sigh*

3x12 Poof! You’re Dead is where the cracks really show between Castle and Gina; the fight, the ignored calls and eventually the break up. Good riddance, I say. Anyways… I just wanted to mention one little moment that sticks with me: when Beckett pickpockets Castle’s phone and is holding it up, then Gina calls and Castle hangs up - you can see that she’s like ‘wtf was that about’ but she doesn’t ask. Now either this is absolutely killing her but she’s setting boundaries OR she’s genuinely starting to move on (not as likely). Even when Lanie brings up Gina, Beckett is playful but as soon as the fight is mentioned she looks super uncomfortable. Kind of like she knows this might be the end for Castle and Gina, and she isn’t sure how to feel about that.

Side note: getting Edmund to dress up as dead Zalman is completely unhinged like who thought that was okay? Effective, yes. But so unhinged. Surely that had to be traumatising haha.

I won’t rehash my thoughts on the 3x13 kiss; if you need refreshing on my take here’s the post.

I will say that Castle in this episode - specifically during Vulcan Simmons’ interrogation - was so 😍😍. The way he was so fiercely protective of Beckett omg. And then admitting to Martha that “this isn’t about the books anymore” I squee like a 12-year-old girl.

every. damn. time.

In Beckett’s apartment when she asks “so why do you keep coming back, Rick?” like omg 😱 the tension, the hesitation, THE USE OF HIS FIRST NAME, the intensity in their eye contact.

He 100% should have told her then and there that he loved her.

She was practically begging him to, right?

Josh was in Africa, she was emotionally vulnerable, her life in danger… she wasn’t thinking straight. Not sure if she was testing herself or Castle, but his answer (aka his avoidance of confessing his feelings and instead just insisting that he is there for her) obviously passed the test.

Which is probably for the best. Because even if he had confessed his feelings, even if something had happened between them; it would have been too messy of a beginning for it to end well. It more than likely would have ruined everything so…

Anyways, I’m getting sidetracked.

The next case in 3x14 Lucky Stiff gives us yet another undercover side mission - aka, this iconic Caskett moment:

Like, girl 🥵 I can’t breathe why are you doing this? She is looking at him with pure lust in her eyes. It is sooooo unnecessary.

But I don’t mind this little flirty dance too much, I just brought it up because I wanted to use the GIFs 🤭

3x16 Setup and 3x17 Countdown Beckett is distracted and she is struggling, very obviously. Josh is leaving again, she doesn’t want him to go; it’s obvious that she sees this might be the beginning of the end for them. But it’s not because she doesn’t love him (I do believe that by this point she has very real feelings for him) but because I think she’s starting to recognise the same problems she has had in previous relationships - *cough* Sorensen *cough* - she doesn’t feel like a priority; once again she’s taken a back seat to the guys career.

Which does confuse me a little bit. I mean, Beckett wouldn’t put a man ahead of her career (and she doesn’t, we see that later on in the series) so I really don’t see her expecting someone to put her ahead of their career. Which makes me think that this wasn’t the real issue. My question is: does Beckett know that this wasn’t the real issue?

Maybe she just senses that something isn’t right and assumes that it is his leaving again? Or maybe she knows exactly why she is feeling this way - *cough* Castle *cough* - but doesn’t want to admit that to herself so she finds another excuse? Like, this is obviously an issue but is it the issue?

But omg was Beckett going to say “I love you” to Castle? I do find this totally plausible. Her relationship is on the rocks and she thinks that she is just moments from certain death; what has she got to lose?

Anyways, Josh chooses to stay and apparently that’s all Beckett needs to be reassured 🚩🚩🚩

Like, surely if she had gotten that close to saying those three words to Castle (which, I guess we don’t actually know if that’s what she was going to say, right?) she would see that her relationship with Josh wasn’t going to work.

Now, my friend and I actually disagreed on Beckett and Castle going to see a movie together at the end of 3x19 Law and Murder. I figured it was harmless enough, but he reminded me of my original point: can any of this be harmless when there’s underlying feelings? Where is the line between innocent and careless? Idk, I’m not sold either way on this one. Beckett is a nerd and was excited to let that inner nerd free; she probably didn’t tear her eyes away from the screen the entire time. Or, conversely, maybe she watched Castle the whole time, waiting to see if he shared her appreciation of the movie, heart filling with joy as she realised he loved the movie as much as she did.

Most importantly, I wonder; when Josh asked her how her night was, how much did she tell him?

Next, we have the Alex Conrad situation of 3x21 The Dead Pool. Castle was so mean to him and I felt bad for the poor guy; he was just trying to be like his favourite author! 😂 But we see Castle being quite possessive over Beckett which probably should be a red flag 🚩 but I loved it, I won’t lie.

The “I’m a one-writer girl” spiel started out fine, too but the long, yearning looks just really take the innocence out of it like just admit that you’re in love already, seriously.

And then we have LA…

Like, Beckett is distraught, right? She puts up a good front but she is reeling from Royce’s death. I don’t even want to think about how Royce being left to die in an alley would bring up so many memories of her mother’s murder, too! Montgomery gets it, he does what he needs to do.

And I fully understand that Castle - as a friend - wants to be there for her. He wants her to know that she’s not alone, that she has support. I’m not saying that he did anything wrong!

However… you could clearly see that he was all for crossing lines that night! He sat there waiting, hoping that she would change her mind!

She was vulnerable, he forced his way into her ‘vacation’ (that wasn’t fooling anyone) and insisted she stay with him. I just… idk. I believe that he should have been the one putting a stop to things here, you know? Like, now is not the time to make a move.

And our girl spent entirely too long standing on the other side of that door contemplating “do I or don’t I?”. And even if “think of Josh”, “you love Josh” or any sort of consideration for her boyfriend had crossed her mind - SHE OPENED THE DAMN DOOR!

What if Castle was still there? What would have happened? This was 120% too close a call.

Yes, I was there with literally every other Caskett fan when we were crying, screaming, pleading with our TV sets; “just do it!”. I can still hear the collective “noooooo!” when Castle’s door clicked shut, the millions of hearts that broke in the very moment.

But that doesn’t make their behaviour any less sketchy, just saying.

And then we have Beckett reading (for possibly the hundredth time) Royce’s letter. Refresher: in the letter, Royce comments on Beckett’s relationship with Castle and how it’s ‘real’ and she shouldn’t run from it (or fight it, I don’t remember exactly what he says). And you can see that she is taking these words to heart, really giving them a lot of consideration. And this is the letter that she read at the crime scene, so this ‘revelation’ (that she’s actually known for close to a year now) has been in the back of her mind this whole trip. Like, she’s so conflicted!

Call me crazy but I feel like that’s a pretty good sign that you should stop stringing along your boyfriend. I don’t know, just a thought. Anyways…

3x24 Knockout. The fight. The fight. Finally, they’re addressing the elephant in the room. Or, at least, they aren’t completely ignoring its existence.

“And what about you, Rick?”

“Is that what we are?”

“I don’t know what we are. We kiss, and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other’s arms but we never talk about it. So, no, I got no clue what we are!”

“We’ve been madly in love but so deeply in denial that neither one of us knows what’s real anymore.”

Okay, so that last one wasn’t actually said but it’s still the truth.

At this point, I think Beckett realises that she can’t ‘have her cake and eat it too’. As long as Castle is in her life, she’s not going to be able to get past her feelings for him.

But she’s still not ready to take that risk again. She’s determined that her ‘safe choice’ is the only choice. That’s why she pushes him away. In the heat of the moment, she tells him they are done. But even once she cools down… she tells Montgomery she wants him gone, she ignores TWENTY THREE of Castle’s calls.

She’s finally made the decision she should have made months ago.

And if Montgomery didn’t bring Castle to the hangar, maybe she would have stuck to it. But, she also would have died either that night or at his funeral.

Anyways, this has accidentally turned into me convincing myself that their love for one another and their questionable decisions ultimately saved her. Every decision they made, every blurry line and questionable moment led them to that moment standing together at Montgomery’s funeral.

If that isn’t fate…

Anywho… for anyone who actually read this; let me know your thoughts! I’d love to hear other opinions.

Thank you to all the wonderful GIF makers for all the great GIFs. Appreciate your work!

#rant and ramble #castle season 3 #kate beckett #richard castle #my rambles

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