#I guess in a fantasy world they can make nets if they want to

[thesarcasticreader]

PAC 18+: WHO IS HAVING WHAT FANTASIES ABOUT YOU?

IF YOU ARE MINOR, OFF YOU GO FROM THIS POST. ENJOY A TEA PARTY, NOT AN 18+ READING!

These are general readings meant for entertainment purposes. You can partake in advice, but do not let it cloud your decision-making.

I do take paid readings. You can contact me for them. Make sure you have either Paypal or Gpay! DM for the price list!

(IMAGES ARE TAKEN FROM PINTEREST)

Pile 1:

This person will love hugging. It's not a kink but they love it very much. For very few, they could be into the whole spanking thing. They are on the dominant side. They fancy you misbehaving and them schooling you, so there's that.

They love seeing you in flowy, risqué dresses. Something about wearing basically that netted lingerie is coming through. They would want you to embrace your body as it is and prefer it when you do not hide your body from them. They will want you naked all the time. If you are home, you remain naked. That’s their rule. This person hates beating around the bush when it comes to sex. They see it as a natural thing, and they do not give a fuck about what the world says. They live fully.

They will play out every single one of their fantasy. They love cuddling after sex. You two can share some food and drinks or even cigarettes if that's your thing afterwards. Your pillow talk will include food.

Strawberry would be their favourite food. You could smell or taste like strawberries to them.

They love blowjobs/ oral from you. They literally cannot get enough of your mouth. They would die a very happy person if they received orals for the rest of their lives.

They are scared of losing you to someone else. They would write you love letters and even give you gift baskets randomly. They would love to take you out for a picnic and then draw out an orgasm or two.

This person is religious and traditional. They may ask your assistance if they are into witchcraft Lilly and orchids may have relevance. Marriage is sacred to them. They only marry when they are sure.

They don’t want anyone who is materialistic. Out of place but this person loves a fluffy bed with a lot of pillows. Guess they use the pillows to settle you in the perfect position. Try it if you haven't. It helps.

They aren’t vanilla but they aren’t crazy wild either. This is respectful sex with multiple rounds.

They love coloured hair. They are going to be obsessed with watching you sleep. They may even wake you up with sex. Morning sex is their favourite. Take it as it resonates but threesomes orgies may be their thing. Or at least they will fantasize about it. They may have grown up on a farm. Their fantasies include taking you from behind and fingering you at the same time.

They are the more dominant in the relationship. You two are tied to fate or maybe a twin flame.

Pile 2:

Death by orgasm. That's it. That's what came through immediately. You will be a little overwhelmed when you sleep with this person. They give it all. All or nothing is their motto.

This person is super possessive. They will not tolerate anyone hitting on you. They will mark their territory, drag you home and mark you some more. A very heavy Scorpio energy. You or they may have a Scorpio venus. Capricorn is prevalent too.

Makeup sex would be their thing. They fight and fuck. Hehe.

Sore body parts and all the work. You probably know where this is going, but the relationship with this person can be toxic.

Britney's Toxic playing in the background. 🎶🎶With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride You're toxic, I'm slippin' under With a taste of a poison paradise I'm addicted to you🎶🎶

Anyway, To alleviate stress this person would go for sex. Let’s put it this way. All of life’s problem has one solution according to this person and that’s sex. This person's approach is flawed but in an odd way. They are not overly optimistic but they aren't pessimistic either. You could describe their view of the world as mundane. Is that a weird word? Sure. But it's true. They are flexible in thinking but they don't give two fucks about things.

This person may piss you off a bit sometimes. They can be secretive and impulsive. They have a mouth that runs a mile too long. This can frustrate you and flare insecurities, that's why if you meet this person or have met this person, hesitate to enter into this relationship until you are sure that this person has the ability to self-reflect and adapt.

They love your boobs. They stare at those a lot. For the male audience, the feminine is going to be leaving bite marks all over your upper body. Plus if you ever try to seduce them, they are a goner. The fun part is if you tease them throughout the day bit by bit. They are going to torture you through the night. Delaying orgasms, and edging all the good but frustrating stuff  This person expresses themselves through sex.

Hibiscus may be important for this pile. Pineapple is what they would describe your smell. There may be communication issues at the beginning of this relationship. This person will learn to listen. Be patient with them. Rough hardcore sex is their thing. Oof, your poor legs.

This person has a lot of healing to do. This feels like a twin flame thing. It's not bad, but there is a lot of misunderstanding because many of the habits are being reflected and they/ you may want to run away from but cannot.

Pile 3:

This person will indulge in a lot of car sex and kitchen sex. This person is someone who will love to introduce aphrodisiacs in the bedroom or the kitchen, anyway.

Shower sex is there but you guys are not going to indulge in that one very much.

Vanilla is what you smell like to them. Poison ivy may have some relevance to this pile. Plants have come through for each pile. So idk if that's a message for me to start doing green witchcraft or encourage people for the same. Confusing times.

This person would love to tie your legs together, hold them up and pound it out. In the case of the feminine, she will love to tie you up. Her personality is going to be more dominant than yours. She would not be shy about sex. This pile may be drawn to pile 1 as well. There is a lot of difference in the relationship dynamics and that may be why you chose this pile.

This person is very transformative. They like to adapt and change as per the world. Not in a superficial way, but having a transformational mindset. They are very, very progressive. This person could like the colour green.

This person may travel a lot too. You would have to opportunity to explore a lot of places with this person. Greece, Turkey and Morrocco came straight through. This person will introduce you to a part of this world you would have never thought you would be a part of. This person does seem financially well-off. Like taking two trips to foreign countries rich. That's pretty amazing. You may be expecting a little more from this person but you do have certain financial insecurity which you could project onto them. Time to do shadow work!

You are going to be smaller than this person if you are feminine. And for the masculine, this person is going to be smaller than you.

You know how some people mark great memories of new places with sex? Yeah. That’s this person. You guys will celebrate with sex when you travel to a new place.

Basically very experimental, not dull and dour. Tying you up may be on the menu every now and then while teasing with a vibrator.  This person would love to gift you sex toys  And you are going to love to tease this person. They are a big fan of that habit.

They love to see you masturbate. Knee-high boots and wearing nothing is the key to their pants. They might give you a red necklace as a present too.

They love grabbing you when you walk past them. It could be the ass the boobs whatever. There is also another element. You two gossip a lot.

Like if there’s tea that either of you heard, both of you know. There is no point in asking you to not tell anyone because you will tell this person. You two are like besties.

IF YOU WANT MORE READINGS, YOU CAN CHECK MY INSTAGRAM: @A_sarcastic_Reader.

#tarot #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot cards #tarotonline #tarotcommunity #tarot deck #tarotofinstagram #witch #beginner witch #future spouse #pacfuturespouse #18+ tarot #18+tarot reading #tarotblr #tarot reading #divinefemininity #divinefeminine #pick a card reading #tarottribe #oracle reading #tarotprints #divination #kpop tarot #pac

[panlight]

Anonymous please! I've been thinking that maybe the CUllens would be doing more good in the world by killing rapists and murderers and pedophiles like Edward did for awhile. not killing humans personally is nice i guess but they could be doing more yknow?

They certainly could, and as you said, Edward did this for awhile (although SM says he wasn't trying to be some protector of humanity or anything, he was just desperate for blood and was making a compromise that killing THESE people wasn't bad and justified it by saying it might even be a net-good to get them off the street). I think that would be a much different story than the one SM actually wanted to tell, which was all about love and marriage and family.

The other thing I think of is that I think, personality-wise, it makes sense for some of them more than others. Like for Carlisle it makes more sense to me that he choses to 'help' by being a doctor. He wants to help humans directly. He talks about in BD how gratifying it is to help Seth because he heals so quickly he can actually see the results right away. That's his vibe. He's not the type to help by murdering bad humans and thus indirectly helping the future victims. He doesn't want to kill anyone. Not bad humans. Not James. Not the Volturi. Just not his deal. He did help get a rapist off the street in MS, but he did it without killing. But Edward and Rosalie HAVE killed bad humans and saved the future lives those human monsters may have taken.

Some people help by being doctors, other people help by killing rapists and murderers! We're all different and that's okay!

It would be a much darker story, though, dealing with different themes. At the end of the day Twilight is a pretty light romance. It's not trying to be dark and gritty and only tip-toes into horror occasionally (and sometimes by accident). It's about eternal love and eternal family and the point is Edward and Bella staring at each other blissfully in a meadow forever, not using their dark vampiric gifts to rid the world of human monsters. That COULD be a cool story, but it's clearly not the one SM envisioned for this group of characters. There's sparkles and a meadow and a tropical island and a fairy tale cottage. She wants them to have superhero powers but not superhero responsibility because that takes away from the fantasy of just being young and in love forever. She doesn't want them to like, have to do stuff.

#asks

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

What's your favorite trope to write or to read in a THG fanfic?

For writer, if you can convert one of your fanfics to become original writing, what is it? Why do you pick it?

For reader, if you can make a live-action adaptation of your favorite fanfic, what would it be? Why?

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

Omg so many to pick from @curiousnonny !!!

I love love love reading:

- there was only one bed (or sleeping bag cough cough) COME ON! It’s freaking canon for my Everlark babies how could I not adore this trope???

- fake dating/marriage of convenience For Reasons (also canon helloooooo)

- omg they were roommates

- friends to lovers

- bonus points for combining any of the above

When it comes to writing tho, I’ve noticed that I have a (bad?) habit of splitting up my ship for different reasons and bringing them back together years later… like it’s in so many of my fics (Pure, Leading Suspects, Maybe Tomorrow, 9000 rpm, Outside Chance, Where the Stars, countless drabbles feature this trope how did this happen???) so I guess I like that one???

Also fun note, my autocorrect tried to change “trope” to “tripe” just now so there’s a laugh or two.

Anyways.

Okay so I have a really hard time with the thought of converting any of my own fanfics into “original” pieces, and this is because I have read originals that started as fanfic that I’ve also read and… I cannot unsee the Everlark in them and it makes me lose interest shamefully fast. I keep buying the books because support your local writers! and then not being able to finish them… ugh I’m horrible I know. Even if I never managed to finish reading the fic before it was taken down to be flipped, I still have this problem. So I just… sort of freeze up whenever I try to flip a fic original? I do have three that I’m still seriously considering flipping anyways, if I could get over myself.

One is called “Caught In the Net of the World.” It was a fantasy piece and I only finished four or five chapters of it before I stopped working on it because I realized I should be writing it from conception as an original. But then I sort of fizzled out on it.

The second is “Spiral & Collision,” which was a sci-fi fantasy piece that I planned as a trilogy but only managed to finish the first installment. Both this one and “Caught” were written for private charity collections and I never posted them publicly, not even after I was allowed to by the collection rules. So neither of them have as wide spread of an audience as my other fics, and given how different the settings are of both, I feel like that’s rich soil for me to work with and alter the characters enough that you don’t smell the THG roots on them when I’m done.

The third one… is my Outside Chance series. This one would be far more tricky and involved to change into an original, partly because of length, partly because of complexity, and partly because the OG Everlark would require a lot more work to flip. The Graham/Savannah and Ryen/Rosie branches would be far easier to turn into an original.

Live action fanfic oh that is tough to pick… mainly because I enjoy creating images in my head, even if it’s fanfic from another writer and I don’t want anyone to tell me I’m wrong about what I see when I read 😂

#I’m a pain #no that’s WRONG #she says in a movie theater #whilst my spouse groans and tells me to just enjoy the damn movie #curiousnonny #anonymous #look at that ask

[literalliterature]

tell me about "Vesalius," "Once," or both. give me that original fiction. none of that fanfiction stuff I want Pure, Unadulterated Jack Originals. pouring like oil-iridescence from your face holes. uncut and crude.

I'm going to talk about Once because Vesalius is completely up in the air right now with regard to what I want to do with it and needs a complete plot overhaul. Also, I love Once and really ought to get back to it after not really touching it for awhile.

So first off, "Once" is pronounced like the Spanish word for "eleven," not like the English word "once." The story is about fantasy cowboys because as we all know I have a very specific brand, and "elevens" is the name of a particular riding contest that cowboys would have, which carries on in some forms of rodeo today!

Anyway, for my snippet I will post the first opening paragraphs and then provide a bit more detail.

Before she got rabid, we had a collie that breathed heavy when she slept, same way Nets is doing now. Some nights I'd sneak her in from the north field and press my hand down hard on her haunches like I would do to a wall, and she'd give way all at once. She buckled over my knees and pressed herself flat. Long fur puddling all over the blanket, stuck full of burs or sometimes fat ticks that were all seed-hard and round, fur so thick I could stick my whole hand in without feeling her ribs. I think of her, and I think of pelts with just the heads and legs attached. But her breathing was deep and loud and sometimes the only way I knew I hadn't come loose from the world and floated up into the sky. Every breath deep and strong enough to fuel a growl, every breath a puff of sage smoke. I liked that dog. Begged Mother to make a little sibling out of her for me, but only a damn fool would make a child out of a pet and furthermore I've only got the one hand left, is what she told me. And then the dog got rabid anyway, but it probably wouldn't have worked out even if she hadn't. I reckon I wouldn't want that now. Wouldn't be kind to anyone, really, trying to love something like a person when you'd been used to loving it like an animal.

Funny that someone named Nets should remind me of a big old dog, I guess, but it's always been funny, what she reminds me of. Her breath is textured, like the collie's was. It roughens as it runs upstream out of her. I've got nothing to do all night except imagine the path it takes to leave her, starting right from the place where you can feel the throat stick to itself in a dry swallow, coming up and scraping all along the roof of her mouth until it gets past the teeth. She lies on her side and curves her large body into the shape of a crescent moon or empty bowl when she sleeps. I'm small enough to tuck inside her cavity. My belly's to the stub-grass, and I rest my chin and gun barrel on her bicep, since her arm's flopped out. She makes a den of herself, and I don't think too hard about it. It's warm enough, anyway.

So this story focuses primarily on the complicated, potentially rekindling relationship between Nets and the narrator, Millstone, after a long separation, but everything is Not What It Seems about Nets and maybe never was etc. etc. ad infinitum. In the world they live in, human children are Born, capital B, as opposed to being lowercase born, the way that animals are. Being Born like a civilized person means engaging in a magic ritual involving, among other things, the death of an animal that ends up being transfigured into the new child. Mill was Born from a coyote, Nets was Born from a passenger pigeon, and both of them work as "midwives" in addition to regular cowboys--i.e., they help conduct the Birthing ritual for people using the cattle that they herd when requested.

Anyway originally this was going to be a short story but it may turn into a novella, because I'm having too much fun with the world's superstitions and taboos about what it means to be Born from one animal versus another, whether it is possible to revert back to the animal that you were before, etc.

This was incoherent because it's 5:30 AM but lemme know if you want clarification. Thanks Luna <3

#once #my writing #punkbirdwitch #ask meme

[adaycalledx]

horrendously long ramble coming ahead

or: a letter to myself after 10 years of being on the 'net.

October 14th, 2022 will mark 10 years of being an active member of online communities. I can remember it like it was yesterday, really. I was 11 years old, had just started middle school, and I was super into watching the new episode of Lego Ninjago every Wednesday night with my little brother.

It was a Sunday, and like nearly always, I was on the family computer in the living room of my dad’s apartment, scrolling through the forums of fanfiction.net (which I had only recently discovered looking for Harry Potter stories) when I found a roleplay forum. At the time, I didn’t really know what it meant, but it sparked my interest. There were people – just like me – who liked the same things I did, who wanted to live in that fantasy world. You could even create your own character.

So I made mine.

It was a thinly, thinly veiled self-insert. Horrible characterization, gross misunderstanding of Japanese culture, and realistically one of the more annoying things the people there would have seen. They accepted me, though.

The people there became my first “internet friends”, a term that I didn’t even really get. We’d had enough internet safety classes in school for me to know that I shouldn’t use my real name, and I didn’t for the longest time. I definitely made up a lot of things about myself too. I guess I wanted to be interesting or something.

I stopped talking to most of them around 2013, and by early 2014, I had migrated to DeviantArt, then to Tumblr. I met so many wonderful people there, too. I was allowed to be myself – the weird, geeky, annoying middle schooler that I was made fun of for in real life.

I had friends.

I had fallouts.

I deleted my first blog in 2017 after a nasty argument with a former friend.

I have a lot of regrets.

Most of my friendships fizzled out. I don’t have anybody I talk to from before 2018, save a few I occasionally check in on.

Their ghosts linger, though.

Sometimes I stumble across some of my old art on abandoned blogs. Sometimes I’ll scroll back through old Discord messages. I’ve brute-forced old passwords into old accounts, just to see what I left there.

I occasionally cross paths with old friends. Someone who was a follower of mine in 2013 ended up being an artist I started looking up to again in 2019, and I didn’t even realize it until recently.

I reach out sometimes. More often than not, I don’t get a response. That’s fair, I suppose. For those who are inactive, it makes sense, and for those that are still online, most want to bury that phase in the ground. Nostalgia isn’t for everyone.

I think back, though, back to that October day in 2012.

Who knew what kind of snowball it led to?

It was before so many things went wrong in my personal life. It was before I had any real responsibilities or worries. I was happy then. I was “cringe” maybe, still into Warriors and Skrillex and quoting asdfmovie in an attempt to make people like me. I was free, though.

I often fantasize about going back to then with what I know now. Academically I’d do great, of course, and I’d logically grow into a much better artist with an extra ten years of practice under my belt. I’d have a much better grip on what I wanted to do with my life and how to achieve it. I’d be able to brace for what was to come in my family.

Socially though? Fuck.

I’d know who to avoid. I’d know who I needed to be more careful around. I’d know who to become friends with a lot quicker. Who to keep in touch with longer.

I could hold onto those memories again.

The Skype calls, the rabb.it rooms, the stupid GoAnimate memes I would make with my group of best friends. The art trades. The memes quickly made in MSPaint to upload to imgur. The hours upon hours of chatting and roleplaying.

It’s not really productive to fantasize like this, but who doesn’t want a do-over?

I’m not really sure what the point of this extended ramble is. Maybe it’s a cry for help, or a love letter to all the friends who will never read it, or maybe it’s a treatise to my preteen self.

Maybe I don’t want to be her.

If anything, I’d like to give her a hug. Maybe a few warnings. Tell her that ultimately, everything is going to be okay. We’ll make it out alive, even if it kills us.

I would have liked that, back then.

If you read this, thanks, I suppose, for putting up with this shambolic mess. I’ve always been into memories and keeping the person I once was alive. It’s not healthy, I know.

To all my old friends - Vin, Larry, Ned, Inky, Kat, Dez, all of you that won’t see this – thanks for shaping pieces of me. I can only hope I did the same for you.

To my enemies – the old friends – I’m sorry.

To my child self – take care of yourself. Get your homework done, study for your science test, draw something for Duck (you don’t know who they are yet… or, well, you do, but that’s a different story for a different day), don’t worry about how people look at you. They don’t matter nearly as much as you think they do.

This is nearly a thousand words, fuck.

Guess I’ll sign this off, then, with a old few usernames for old times sake.

Love,

pxachfxzz, santropezpeach, twosidesofkeithmoon, exactly-who, squeeging, magicdoughnuts, blahblee7.

Love,

Me.

#personal #long post #i'm nostalgic and mentally ill

[writingbyricochet]

— STATS; ♡ —

Projects Worked On: Where Paradise Died and Lived, A World Away From Autumn

New Projects: N/A

Total Words Written: 7,409

Days Writing: 28/31

Relative Productivity: 5/5

— MANUSCRIPTS; ♡ —

A World Away From Autumn

Total Word Count: 2,093

Monthly Net Increase: +813

Where Paradise Died and Lived

Total Word Count: 5,614

Monthly Net Increase: +5,614

— NOTES; ♡ —

Definitely my best month in a while! Guess that goes to show what a hyperfixation can do to me, so I'm going to ride this for as long as I can. It's not an exaggeration when I say I think about WPDL in particular All. The. Time. It got to the point this month where there was so much I wanted to yell about that I shared a brief excerpt with my best friend just to get it off my chest, and boy did that open the floodgates. So shout out to my bestie for constantly cheerleading my writing (but especially WPDL) and fueling a lot of the productivity I had this month! Never underestimate the value of encouragement.

I feel like I'm approaching both of these WIPs with a lot more intention, I think because they're not set in a fantasy world so there's a lot of historical research to be done. I'm happy that I was able to make progress on the manuscripts and research side of things, for both stories, though. I also managed to name them and if I can be a bit self-congratulatory—I'm really proud of the titles. I've become much better at naming things over the years.

Going into August, I'm probably still going to be focused on fic writing for a bit.

#monthly recap

[usuallysublimepenguin]

The Rain Wife, mage of the Cloud Herders from T.Kingfishers’ book Minor Mage. Final drawing for my six characters challenge, I’ve been wanting to draw her for a long time so this was a good excuse to do it!

#The Rain Wife #Minor Mage #T.Kingfisher #Ursula Vernon #Spider #She's not a minor mage at all #She might have more tattoos but that were what I managed to put in today #Also I copypasted the large spiders #They're her familiars #And they form expressions on the tapestry behind her #which I couldn't resist trying to draw #Ahh now I remember they were weavers and I mostly drawn wolf spiders #I guess in a fantasy world they can make nets if they want to #The Rain Wife only has one short appearance #she's still Important

[exosmutfactory]

Double Trouble (21+): LOCKED & LOADED

{ Double Trouble: Double STUFFED Snacks Edition }

✯♛❀Mature Drabbles❀♛✯ Come get a mouthful 🔞

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9✓ | Part 10 |

Full story masterlist

networks — @/superm-net @/bbh-net @/exowritersnet

pairing — Baek & You

word count — 1.8k

genre — erotica/comedy(you’ll see why) police officer! OC, criminal! and vampire! Baek

category — mutual pining, Power bottom! Baek, Dom! Reader

A request? No :'D

[ This chapter contains: pure smut. Smut details under the cut 🌹 ]

A/N: 1, 2, 3... It's almost birthday time for me! \^0^/ Here's the second (and final) drabble this week to celebrate! 🎀🎂🎊

⏰✴ Double Trouble Tag List: ☀⏰

@to-all-the-stories-i-love @insta1010 @bellamendoza @weirdoome @geniusloey @pvtbbh @baekyeonoreo @you-n-me-e-e @bigbobohu @bubutaeyongie @maijinki

“Baby boy, you stay on my mind. Fulfill my fantasies.”

The smut contains: cumplay, orgasm denial/edging, hair pulling, public

✴-☀-✴-☀-✴-☀-✴-☀-✴-☀

Working the night shift gets boring after a while. Glaring sternly at inmates, wishing fellow colleagues goodnight, and locking up way past the world’s “lights out” hour loses its spark eventually. Besides the occasional “escapees” and the gruesome tales prisoners love to share, your job has become pretty mundane. Clock in, register new, (or regular,) criminals, file paperwork, and repeat. Your childhood dreams of protecting the city and facing danger head on are now just an average office job.

But like any mundane task, you know how to stir things up just enough to still abide by the law you’ve sworn to respect.

You perk up at the sound of the bell hanging over the door, peeking over your newspaper at the trio that walks in. The struggling man restrained by the two taller men quirks a smirk on your lips. The comical commotion at 10pm is almost enough to distract you from the itchy ballroom mask on your face.

They walk the newest addition to the jailhouse over to a chair set directly across from the front desk. Your orders.

“He’s all yours.” The tallest police officer of the two tips his hat, grinning mischievously. “Go easy on him.”

All you can offer is a small, innocent smile, sharing a knowing look between the two of you before they step out of the door.

You go back to your newspaper, pretending to ignore the man burning his eyes into the side of your head. The loud clicks and clunks of him wiggling around echo across the empty jailhouse. “I suggest you hold tight for the next twenty-four hours, Mr. Byun.”

Your words only seem to provoke him further. “I didn’t do it.” He grits out, still handcuffed to the chair when you look over at him; your orders. The sight of his ruffled black hair, fire-filled eyes, and his hands tied behind his back has heat rising in your stomach.

“Oh?” you raise a brow, your masquerade mask doing nothing to hide your amused smile.

“Whatever they got me in here for,” his tone lowers in tired exaggeration, “I didn’t do it.”

“Really?” Both your brows shoot up. “I’m sorry, Mr. Byun, but according to this.” You lower your newspaper to the desk, picking up the stacks of paper in front of you and lazily sweeping your eyes across the fresh print, “you’re in for attempted robbery.”

“What?!” he hisses, baring his fangs in anger. His hands ball up into fists. He could easily break free, yet for some reason chooses to stay.

You stand up and turn away to set the stack of papers in another pile, praying he doesn’t notice your shoulders shaking in laughter. “You’re a wanted man, Mr. Byun.” You turn back around, leaning back against your desk with a little smile. “Guess you’ll have to hold tight until tomorrow.”

Baek continues to stew in his spot; you swear you see smoke coming out of his ears. His pierced dangling loop earring is attached from the top of his right ear to the small hoop earring on his lobe. It’s a miracle that the other officers haven’t managed to rip out his signature lip ring either. The silver accessory makes his thin, plush lips appear more plum and full. You lick your lips before approaching him.

He is a sight to behold in his black and white striped coat, his red sweatshirt peeking out of the sleeves and black jeans stretched tight across his thighs. You appreciate the sideways angle of him cuffed in that chair, but you rather face him head on. You need a closer look.

You languidly drag a chair over to him, loving how his fury-filled eyes watch your every move. His constant pleas and persuasions of why you should release him falls on deaf ears, and frankly, you can think of better ways he can use that mouth of his.

“Byun Baek,” you grab his attention, sitting right across from him. “I think you know exactly why you are here.” Before he can say a word, you pull off your annoying mask, relishing in how his red-tinted eyes widen and dilate at the same time. Your lips curl into another satisfied smile, “we both know why.”

Baek’s adam’s apple bobs in his throat. He stares intensely into your eyes when you rest your hand on his knee. “How long am I in for?” he drawls, peering at you from under his messy black hair.

You chuckle, leaning forward to trace your finger along his jawline, tugging playfully on his lip ring and meeting his eyes. “How long can you last?” you raise a brow.

Baek’s nostrils flare, eyes sparkling in challenge. He leans back in his chair, looking you up and down. “How long you wanna go?”

You chuckle, slowly rising from your chair. “Enough.” You cross the two steps it takes to be right in front of him, straddling his lap with grace. “Don’t worry your pretty little head, hmm?” you hum, tangling a hand in his dark locks, pulling his head back until he meets your eyes again. “Just follow…” you brush your lips against his, smirking at his impatient grunt, “my tempo.”

His eyes follow your movements as you unbutton your shirt one by one, revealing your black lace bra. His favorite. Baekhyun bites hard on his bottom lip, one of his fangs poking out. The menacing way it glints under the lights makes you shiver. You have this supernatural being under your mercy - for now. Best you hurry up before he changes his mind and ravishes you.

He sucks in a breath when you grind against him. Shrugging off your shirt and letting your hair down. He’s already half hard by the time you stand up to pull off your pants.

“Aren’t you a good boy,” you purr, highly amused by the denial written all over his face. If only he could blush; that would be a sight to see. You tug off your belt and set your badge aside before returning to him again.

“Take those off,” he orders, staring right at your panties.

“No.” You smile, moving to unzip his jeans. Just because he said so. You cup his face in your hand, tilting his head up to look him right in the eye. “You aren’t calling the shots today.” Your hand slips under his waistband before he can respond with anything.

“Fuck,” Baek huffs when you wrap your hand around him. You immediately have his bare cock in your hand. He rarely wears anything else under his jeans - easy access for you as always. “Faster.”

“Impatient as always,” you softly sigh, pulling his cock out before straddling him. He spreads his thighs wider while you stroke him at a languid pace. You’re in no hurry, swiping your thumb over the precum beading on his tip and tightening your grip as he hardens in your hand. Baek throws his head back when you tug your panties aside and run his cock through your wet folds.

“You’re so hard,” you muse, gliding over him effortlessly. He lifts his hips every time his tip catches on your entrance, only sliding inside an inch before you pull away to grind on him again. “You like being under me, don’t you?”

Baek clenches his jaw, his thighs quivering. The waterfall and throbbing between your legs will drive you both insane.

You chuckled at how quiet he is, leaning forward to cover his neck with kisses. His chest rumbles when you playfully trap his skin between your teeth. The handcuffs creak, straining under the force of his wrists. He’s at his limit; you slide down on his cock before he breaks free from his restraints.

He grunts while you slide your hands down his chest, slipping them under his shirt to feel his cool skin. He sighs into your mouth when you take him deeper, circling your hips, tugging his lip ring between your teeth just to hear him hiss.

“You’re throbbing already,” you grin, licking the seam of his lips. “Admit it.” You pull away, working up to a fast pace that always makes his head spin. The squelch of his thick cock slamming into your walls over and over again echoes off across the empty room, making you moan, snapping off your bra just to taunt him. “You love this pussy,” you yank his head back, clenching around his cock just to see his lips part prettily. “You want to blow your load in me already.”

Baek pants heavily. His hair is a mess. His eyes keep flickering from your cunt sucking his cock in to your bouncing chest. You ride him even harder, bringing him to that desired edge - and lift off of him the moment he throbs frantically inside of you. Clasping your hand tightly around the base of his cock to stop his orgasm.

Baek bucks his hips into your hand, groaning your name loudly. “What the fuck?!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to come?” you tilt your head, smiling sweetly.

“Yes - baby,” he strains, squeezing his eyes shut. His thighs tense up when you stroke him firmly with your other hand. “You’re killing me here.”

“Where do you want to come?” you whisper against the head of his cock, flicking your tongue on the underside while his eyes snap open. You give him your best innocent look. “Do you want to come here?” you nestle his cock between your breasts. “Here?” you roll the tip over your tongue, hollowing your cheeks just to hear his labored breathing.

Baek’s chest heaves with need, his hair ruffled and lip ring shining with the aftermath of your kiss. “I want to come inside of you,” he mutters, lowering his eyes bashfully. That’s the closest thing to begging that you will get; that’s all you need.

He grunts when you release your grip on the base of his cock. You stand back up, stroking him off frantically. His face scrunches up, hips shakily jerking up into your fist. He suddenly freezes, groaning loudly as his cock throbs in your hand. The moment the first squirt of his cum lands on your stomach, you slam your hips down on him. Clenching your pussy around him to milk him dry of everything he has while Baek’s eyes roll into the back of his head.

“You’re a good vamp after all, huh?” you must, tucking your hand under his chin. When your eyes meet his, you run your fingers through his warm cum on your skin, sucking them off lewdly. He damn near breaks the chair to snap off the handcuffs and rest his hands on your waist.

“Did you really have to arrest me, sweetheart?” he asks when he catches his breath, brushing your sweaty hair out of your face.

You give him your most coy smile, resting your hands on his shoulders. “You wouldn’t have come otherwise.”

“Touche.” He chuckles, pulling you into another searing kiss.

✴-☀-✴-☀-✴-☀-✴-☀-✴-☀

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9✓ | Part 10 |

A/N: This was a ‘spur of the moment’ type of ordeal. Ever since I released APPETIZER, I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to dominate Baek instead… :’D Thank you for reading!

#baekhyun smut #baekhyun drabble #baekhyun imagine #exo drabble #exo smut #kpop smut #x reader #exo x reader #baekhyun x you #exo imagines #Double Trouble

[marcilled]

Okay, no joke, I want an animal crossing game where the villagers are rude as hell to you.

Yeah yeah, I know, the original gamecube game- I've played it. But I'm not talking about making animal crossing "the way it used to be" out of nostalgia, either. I mean I want an AC game- or a game inspired by AC- that acts as a sort of... rejection of some of the core tenets of animal crossing: new horizons.

At the surface level, New Horizons seemed like the perfect animal crossing game, at least it did when I watched the nintendo direct footage of it when it was first announced. All the QoL features I'd been wanting for ages, and with a lot of new options for customizing your town island. Great!

Now that the game has been out more than a year, there's definitely a lot of players who will tell you it's a "meh" entry into the animal crossing series. It's not terrible, but it falls short of a lot of things that made new leaf so enjoyable (and other games before it). But, as much as I could complain about what I don't like about New Horizons, that's not what this post is about- it's merely what gave me the perspective to really think about this...

New Horizons is sort of this game that fulfills an idyllic fantasy of an uninhabited island that you come to and decorate & reshape to your will. The villagers who move in are more like talking dolls than people with thoughts or opinions, and they'll do just about anything you tell them to without much of a gripe. It's a place where everyone and everything is happy, and you can just sit back and relax and enjoy your island just the way you built it.

To a lot of people reading this, that sounds great! It's a form of escape from the toils of the real world. And I agree, it's nice to have some sort of reprieve from this capitalist hellscape... But, animal crossing just isn't doing it for me these days.

For one thing, I don't like how disconnected it feels. The villagers have some fun/silly dialogue, sure, but the way they never have any concrete struggles, beyond like, a tummy ache... it just makes it all feel a bit hollow. And the way they won't even protest to you trying to redecorate their house, change what they wear, or even tell them to move someplace else entirely! It really adds to this feeling that these aren't real critters with real lives or hopes or dreams.

To some, that's OK, because it's all just a videogame anyway. But... I don't know. I just feel sort of wrong indulging in this fantasy where I found this "uninhabited" island and claimed it as my own, then tore up the rivers and cliffs and reshaped them how I liked. Where I can just tell my villager, hey, you need to move to the other side of the island because I want to make a garbage dump where your house is. And they're like, ok, sounds great! It just makes it all feel very dull and uninteresting to me.

Now, the type of game I'm asking for here- I'm not asking for some edgy animal crossing game where tom nook has to protect his nephews from redd with a gun in his hands and isabelle has depression and tortimer dies. Really, I just... want a game where this idea of the idyllic fantasy town where everyone is happy and does whatever you want is rejected outright. Like, no, actually, you can't just burst into my house uninvited, go away you idiot neighbor. No I'm not going to move my house I like the view of the rest of town from here. No you can't get me to change my outfit, I barely know you!!! And just because you handed me a fruit every day doesn't mean we're best friends!!! Just... Something, you know?

I guess maybe I just want to play stardew valley? is stardew valley like this??? I don't know. I've been playing animal crossing since I was like, 8 years old, and I'm bored of the formula. I just want a villager to call me a moron and hit me with a net or something. Payback for all the times i hit them with nets as a kid, you know.

#vivi bleats #txt #animal crossing

[rosyl-stuff]

The Hate Between Us

Paring: Jeong Yunho (Ateez) x reader

Genre: forbidden love, fantasy, The Little Mermaid inspired (not really a retelling), a bit angsty, a bit fluffy

Warnings: violence (nothing too graphic)

Word Count: 1.9k (7-8 minutes reading time)

Synopsis: You are a siren who needs to rip out the hearts of humans as a tribute to the Sea Queen. Yunho is a pirate who hunts sirens. Will you two find your happily ever after?

It was a peaceful night. When you broke through the surface of the water, you were not immediately blinded by the sun, so you could spot Yunho straight away. He was standing up to his ankles in the water and wandering around waiting for you.

When your paths first crossed, it was anything but peaceful. You were on the lookout for prey because the Sea Queen was expecting tribute again. Every year, each siren had to prove their loyalty by bringing her a heart of a human. It was the only way to get recognition in your world. Everything else did not matter. Love did not exist for heartless monsters. From a young age, you tore out the hearts of sailors, pirates and sometimes princes who were on adventures so that the sea queen would recognise you as worthy.

Yunho was a pirate. But not just any pirate. He was part of a notorious siren hunter crew. They were known for their swift and brutal style. None of the captured Sirens ever came back alive. A few were given as trophies and compensation for old crimes to the various royal houses of humans. There they were kept in small pools of water and put on display. Sometimes they were even hunted for fun in those pools. Those that were not given away alive died on the ship while their scales were removed. Siren scales have healing properties for humans and were a much sought-after commodity for which people were willing to pay a lot. This is how Yunho and his crew earned their living.

However, they were not the only ones with this business idea. Other pirates quickly followed suit and, pirate fights in waters where sirens frequented became more common. One of these fights took place when you were actually looking for prey. Both crews were too busy fighting each other to notice you. It was an easy game for you. The first pirate to fall into the water, you would grab and rip out his heart before they drowned. You didn't have to wait long until the first one fell into the water. He tried to swim but wasn't very good at it. There was also a big gash on his side. You quickly swam to him and pulled him further into the depths. When you saw his face for the first time, you hesitated. Most people looked at you with love because they were still under the spell of your singing. But he only looked at you curiously. He didn't seem to be afraid either. His face was angelic and, you couldn't help but look at him a little longer. You had hesitated too long because the next moment a harpoon shot only a few centimetres past you. One of the pirates Yunho was fighting against had followed you into the water. He could swim and dive well and was moving towards you. Without giving it a second thought, you swam away with Yunho in tow. He had run out of air by then and fainted. You laid his motionless body on a rock. You didn't want to risk getting caught by any of the pirates and decided to go somewhere else to get your heart for the sea queen, so you abandoned him there.

Luckily for him, his crew found him quickly and, he survived. The lack of oxygen had made him forget what exactly had saved him. He could only remember your face, but he kept it to himself, even though he dreamt of you every night.

As you still did not bring a heart to the sea queen, you were pressed for time and became more careless. So it happened that you were caught in a net and pulled out of the water onto a ship. You tugged at the net, but no matter what you did, it wouldn't let up. When the net was pulled off your head, you saw his face a second time. He recognised you and, you could see his inner conflict in his eyes. You stopped struggling and wondered if it would help to beg him. He glanced over his shoulder at his comrades. Then he held his hand in front of your face. "I know I owe you one. Now bite my hand and then get off the boat and swim as far away as you can." You hesitated while Yunho gave you an encouraging nod. He moved his hand gently to your lips. Then you bit gently into it. "Harder!" he growled, "It's supposed to be realistic!" You obeyed and, his face contorted in pain. Then he cried out and at the same time pushed you back into the water. You swam away as fast as you could. You tasted his blood for days to come and, his face wouldn't let you go now either. You had heard stories of soul mates. Was he perhaps yours?

So you couldn't help but stay close to the ship all the time. Never too close because Yunho probably wouldn't help you a second time. One night he sat alone on the deck and stared into the far distance of the ocean. Your heart longed to see his face. So you carefully swam closer, fervently hoping that no one was sitting by the radar and that everyone else was asleep. Yunho noticed you embarrassingly early. He grinned at you: "Can't stay away from me, I guess."

So you spent almost every night together. Except when you had to fetch a heart, then you disappeared for a while. In the beginning, Yunho was sure that one day you would get his heart and that you just enjoyed playing with your prey. But you also doubted Yunho's sincerity. After all, you saw him regularly dragging sirens out of the water with his crew and killing them. At any time, one of you could become the victim of the other. Nevertheless, you began to trust each other. Yunho was actually a very gentle person and, his brutal way of life affected him more than he wanted to admit to his crew and especially his captain. It was different with you because he could tell you everything without being judged or called weak. You simply listened and comforted him. You were fascinated by his stories and loved to listen to him. But what you liked most was that he simply liked you. You didn't have to prove yourself to be noticed by him. When you were together, it was just the both of you and not the suffering your species caused each other.

But it was not only the hatred of your species that kept you apart. Yunho had no fin, could not breathe underwater and was a terrible swimmer, even if he tried to get better. You had no legs and couldn't move at all on land. Every time Yunho's ship docked at a port, you met in a small, hidden bay. There you could be closest to each other and, the risk of being caught was lowest.

Tonight was one of those nights. You watch Yunho pacing back and forth. Sometimes you wondered what your legs would look like. Would they be as long as Yunho's or be more on the short side? Would you have muscular thighs like him or, would they be thick or thin like other humans? Sometimes it was the other way round and, you wondered what his tail fin would look like. What colour would it be?

Yunho spotted you and in an instant, a grin spread across his face. He got deeper into the water. You swam towards him. When Yunho was waist-deep in the water, you reached him. Without effort, he grabbed your waist and pulled you out of the water so that you were at eye level. You wrapped your arms around your neck and smiled at him.

"Hi love!" he murmured and put his lips on yours.

It was a very loving kiss.

"I missed you!" you breathed against his lips.

"I missed you too!" he murmured and gave you another quick kiss.

You gently stroked his hair and couldn't really stop grinning. Yunho noticed this and asked,

"Did something good happen today?"

You nodded, yet you hesitated. Yunho wanted you to be careful because you would be executed immediately if anyone found out about you. Yunho was close friends with his crew and the captain. They might be angry or disappointed, but they probably wouldn't kill him. Cautious was not a quality you would use to describe yourself. Especially when it came to finding a solution to your problem.

"Now tell me! What have you done?"

"I was in the forbidden library!"

Yunho sighed. As the name suggested, no one but the Sea Queen was allowed to enter the library. But you had managed to bribe one of the guards to let you in. You took your time and looked for a way for you and Yunho to be together.

"Don't worry, everything went well," you said to reassure Yunho.

"And what if it hadn't gone well? Y/N, you have to stop putting yourself in danger like this."

You pouted. Yunho sighed and gave you another kiss.

"Go on, spit it out! What have you found out?"

You gave him a big smile and, he couldn't help but smile right back at you.

“I found a way to make a potion. The potion will give me legs,” you said excitedly.

Yunho looked at you surprised: “Really? What about the ingredients? Are we able to get them without dying?”

You nodded: "Yes, most of them grow on the land, but with your help, it should be no problem!"

Yunho still looked sceptical.

“Come on, Yunho. Please be happy about it. It won't hurt trying it. None of the ingredients is poisonous."

"I'm just worried. There has to be a catch. I highly doubt a potion will just give legs with no side effects."

And he was right. You tried to hide it, but Yunho noticed it right away. He gave you a soft kiss on the cheek as you avoided eye contact.

“What is the side effect?” he asked you softly.

“Please let us try anyway.”

“Tell me first!” Yunho demanded.

You knew arguing wouldn’t bring you anywhere, so you sighed and said: “If I get my legs, every step I take will feel like I’m walking on broken glass.”

You breathed out audibly and pulled you closer to him.

“You know that will be very painful?" he asked.

You just nodded, even if you have never felt how a piece of glass cute into your body. But it can’t be worse than the pain you felt in your heart when you and Yunho are not together.

“I don’t think I can let you do that!” he mumbled into your hair.

“Please,” you begged, “I don’t want to be separated from you any longer. I want to be together with you.”

“You know that I want that as well. I just don’t want you to suffer the rest of your life," he said with a sigh, "Let me think about it, ok?"

You nodded and gave him a feverish kiss. The discussion was over for now and, you both concentrated on giving each other all the love you could.

Maybe you would find another way to be together. Find a way to bring peace to your species. Maybe you are the start of a change. Maybe you find your happily ever after or, you end up in a tragic love story.

Or you are just another story for hopeless romantics?

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one. If you liked the concept, I would recommend reading "To Kill A Kingdom" by Alexandra Christo.

#yunho scenarios #ateez scenarios #yunho oneshot #yunho imagines #ateez oneshot #ateez imagines #ateez fantasy au #ateez pirate au #yunho fanfic #yunho x reader #yunho x you #ateez x reader #ateez x you #yunho fluff #yunho angst #ateez angst #ateez fluff

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S5 E12 (Jaime/Hiram) - 5 Things I loved/ 3 Things to consider

5 Things I loved

1. The music selections for the Jaime to Hiram transitions were delirious and filled me with joy.  I admit up front I’ve never heard any of these songs before, so if they turn out to be a horrible kind of misappropriation or desecration or something I will feel bad. In any case - Riverdale commits to giving you a dose of the surreal every episode.  The difficulty with doing that in this episode is that  the stories being told in it are unusually straightforward, even staid, for  Riverdale.  So they went to town with the sound track.   

There’s a song  (Demolicion by the band Narco) that sounds like it’s being sung by the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Toons on a bender - it’s just rawararwrarawrar. All these songs about Hiram ‘being bad’ and mentioning the ‘devil’ are so on the nose that the nose gets broken and pushed right into the skull (the title of the song is literally Devil Devil).

2.  I love that Hermione Gomez wears huge 80s glasses that completely overwhelm her little face and yet Jaime hits on her and thinks the world of her.  It helps to have that face, I grant you, but as someone who took the Dorothy Parker quote, Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses, very very personally back in the day, I LOVE that Jaime/Hiram has no such qualms.  Did everyone notice the bust of Nefertiti that’s positioned right behind Hermione the whole time Hiram is successfully asking her out? I did and it cracked me up.

3. I loved that nothing in this story about Jaime Luna makes Hiram Lodge even a little bit sympathetic to me.  Hiram is an out and out villain, and I love that.  I’ve been sick of villain backstory narratives that are like, Bad Things Happened To This Man So We Must Identify With His Homicidal Impulses that keep coming out, but this episode didn’t do that.

a) Hiram is in so many ways a textbook abusive husband, and the only thing that distinguishes him from the more stereotypical abuser is that he doesn’t actually punch his victim (he just shoots at her using other people’s guns).  Abusers blame their victims for ‘causing’ them to commit abuse.   The same is true here. The story that Hiram tells Reggie about his life pretends to be about his father, but is actually all about the fact that it’s Hermione’s fault that he’s a gangster.  She’s the one who likes the fancy clothes and the fancy car, the one who names him Hiram Lodge,  the one who is turned on by Hiram working for gangsters, the one that goes to the gangsters (rather than his father or her mother or any other adult) to get Hiram out of jail.   It’s all her fault and she owes him.  This is in addition to his usual, You’re my wife and I own you.

I am right back to being very worried about Hermione.

b) Hiram pretends to be giving ‘life advice’ about fathers and sons to Reggie.  Hiram has direct knowledge that Marty Mantle is a piece of shit, and that Reggie has a very trouble relationship with him, and that Marty absolutely does not respect Reggie at all whatsoever (“Reggie is a fool.”)   Hiram uses Reggie and then ditches him when he’s done.   Hiram makes Reggie an accessory to murder, which nets nobody anything at this point other than Hiram’s own blood lust - and possibly tying up loose ends because Vito is someone who can correct this yarn that Hiram is spinning about his origin - then breaks his heart.  Marty Mantle is not only a dad who beat his son - he’s a dad that does not ask his son “Where did you get the money” when the son pays off a huge debt to a known criminal, and is only relieved that he’s no longer on the hook.  He also tellingly asks Reggie, “That’s what you got from my story?” indicating that this is a story rather than a testimony. 

4. I loved the very anti-straight men commentary the show keeps sneaking in.  Like, straight marriage is the worst, especially the ones that produce biological offspring, according to Riverdale.  Marty Mantle absolutely despises sex. He’s a guy who sells sexy cars to other guys for a living, and yet he hates talking about getting laid in one. He hates his beautiful sensual son, too, for being sexually successful and comfortable in his body. Both Reggie (described by the gay-bi Fangs as “very straight” even after kissing him) and Hiram (who is basically a Hermione-sexual at this point) have comically fetishistic relationships with cars and shoes, lovingly wiping down these objects at the start of each day.  All the straight men say the word “shame” several times -I’m ashamed of you/ I feel shame/ so ashamed/ shame.

5. I continue to adore “I am not in high school any more” Reggie Mantle.  Growing up to be a slightly sleazy car salesman is the one of the few character developments for Grown Riverdale that both makes sense and isn’t depressing.  Core Four, Cheryl and Polly are all extremely depressing and supportable with logic.  Toni and Fangs make out OK but they were also underdeveloped in the first four seasons. (I am too upset to talk about Sweet Pea).  I was moved by his tearing up while very quietly confronting his father, and I was moved by his boyish attempt at trying to show his new boss that he’s not just the muscle.  Oh and he’s so beautiful, did I say that already?  There’s so much face in Reggie’s face - strong brows, deep set eyes, those cheekbones, that jawline, that MOUTH. 

Three Things to Think About

a. Why is Jughead narrating this?   Jughead is unusually wrong about a lot of things in his opening narration, and I assume this is intentional.  Jughead seems to use the words hero and protagonist interchangeably, and also I guess hasn’t seen Joker because most villains and antiheros also always get their origin stories too. (There’s a theory that what we’re watching is the Betty Cooper serial killer origin story, for example).   Has Jughead not watched “Citizen Kane” because he asks “What is his rosebud?” about Hiram,  BUT WE ARE NOT TOLD.   Jughead sounds jealous of Reggie, frankly, and he’s wrong when he says Hiram collects lost souls.  What OTHER lost souls does Hiram have near him?   And who the heck is S5 Jughead Jones calling LOST?

b. What Reggie really wants to do - and possibly also Hiram - is to wear a suit and carry a briefcase.   It’s just very White Collar Aspirant that isn’t fully explored. Like, how the 50 shades of grey movie was really about sitting in a board room negotiating a contract and having pretty women in suits bring you tea -  that was the erotic highlight of that movie.   We live in capitalism, so getting to use the accoutrement of the Wall St capitalist is the true fantasy.

c.  The point of this episode that the show is making to the viewer is this: A straightforward narrative, where gangsters act like gangsters, and fathers and sons have realistic misunderstandings and conflicts, is something we’re capable of doing.  We just don’t want to. 

#riverdale s5 #riverdale positivity #riverdale review #i did very much like the stuntcasting of making the Hiram actor's son play the young Hiram #i guess they had to do it but using hermione's original actress to play her mom does NOT work #that lady looks 100% front desk and not even a little bit housekeeping #this was a brazen fail of bechdel test for riverdale which doesn't do that great to begin with #ready for some high octane creativity and craziness from riverdale soon #SPOILERS #Hiram lodge #reggie Mantle #marty Mantle #hermione lodge

[incomprehensiblelentils]

@loved-the-stars-too-fondly​ tagged me in a ship meme! I will try to make this interesting lol.

1. First ship

It’s a tie between Aladdin/Jasmine and Simba/Nala, because I saw both of these movies about the same time as a little kid. And my sixth birthday cake had a picture of Aladdin and Jasmine on it, and I used to tell stories about them to myself on the playground, but I had plushies of baby Simba and Nala with magnetic noses that could “kiss.” 

2. First OTP

I am taking this to mean “first fic you felt strongly enough about to produce content for or engage with in a creative/fandom way,” in which case that would be Michael/Mia from The Princess Diaries. I wrote one (1) bad fanfic when I was 13 (about how Michael proposed and then Grandmere threw a fit BUT then he saved her life while they were horseback riding) that’s still on ff dot net somewhere, and I read basically every fanfic for them that was available on ff dot net. I still have an enormous soft spot for them and I reread the books every few years.

3. Current favorite ship

Since I’m on a Dimension 20 kick right now, even though I haven’t read much fanfic yet I’m going to say both Fig/Ayda from Fantasy High and Ricky/Esther/Sofia from The Unsleeping City. Fig/Ayda is incredibly cute because Fig is a tiefling with shapechanging ability who had a string of questionable romantic encounters with much older men before meeting Ayda, the teenage curator of a magic library who is also an autistic Black phoenix. Fig is very impulsive and brash, but also emotionally closed-off and insecure, but she starts bonding with Ayda because Ayda thinks she’s really cool and admires her bravado. Fig doesn’t know what to do with someone who’s so intimidating but cool who seems to really like her, and, well, you can watch this scene where they get together, it’s very good. It contains Fig vomiting into a bush, then saying “I think you’re perfect the way you are,” then skateboarding away in a panic. It’s maybe the most accurate sapphic rep I’ve ever seen.

Ricky/Esther are just two incredibly nice people who get together in The Unsleeping City, but I think that they should also get together with their friend Sofia because of reasons. I genuinely think the canon supports this reading quite a bit.

4. Your ship since the first minute

I have a fun story for this, which is that literally since day 1 of Korra, I wanted her to have a girlfriend (post date: 12/7/11), and the second Asami showed up I was like eyes emoji. And then I dropped off the show after the first season for a few reasons, kind of assuming they would never do an f/f couple and casually shipping Korrasami sort of out of spite, but THEN my friend messaged me immediately after the finale like DUDE YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED. And that was honestly one of the emotional high points of my fandom life.

5. Ship(s) you wish had been endgame

I have...many! Bering and Wells from Warehouse 13 is paramount, obviously, because that is a wound in my soul from which I will never recover. Cartinelli from Agent Carter slightly less so, but I think that was truly the last time that I had real hope for a canon f/f ship. I think Matt/Foggy/Karen should have all been romantic together because Matt/Karen by themselves has weird vibes and I don’t like it. Obviously I think Fitz should have died in the series finale and Skimmons should have been canon, and as far as I’m concerned he died of a brain tumor after that and then they got together. (Daniel is also involved still, he’s a chill dude and I like him and it’s fine.) 

6. Ship you wish was canon

Grace/Dani from Terminator: Dark Fate, because wow did they shoehorn in an incredibly hilarious attempt at mommyzoning Dani (didn’t work, it’s still gay fuckos). But it would’ve been nice if they’d just leaned into it and let the horny lesbian ghost that possessed the screenwriters make it explicitly gay. Also I think Cameron/Donna and Gordon/Joe from Halt and Catch Fire should have been canon because that show is already basically about the world’s messiest polycule anyway, and Joe is canon bi and already treats Gordon like a booty call, and Cameron and Donna act like either romantic partners or bitter/awkward exes, so like. c’mon. Also I think Daisy/Robbie should have been a thing.

7. Ship that most of the fandom hates but you love

Natasha/Bruce is cute COME AT ME. Age of Ultron is a bad movie but they could have been cute!!!!

8. You don’t even watch the show, but you ship it

Uhhhh. Most things I end up secondhand shipping I end up consuming the canon for eventually lol. I was secondhand shipping Cameron/Donna from Halt and Catch Fire last year because my friend was watching it but then I just...also watched it lol. Uhhhh. The Killing Eve lesbians seem fun I guess? I’ll get to that eventually.

9. Ship you wish had a different storyline

I’m digging deep for this one, but Buffy/Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I think they had SUCH a cool dynamic that kind of stopped getting explored after season 4, and it’s a bummer. I don’t think they’re like, endgame or true love or anything, but I think they’re sort of the messy pair that can’t completely disentangle from each other, and maybe they don’t even really want to? I think that they couldn’t live in the same house or anything but that they meet up and hang out and probably fuck every couple years, and it’s good.

10. Favorite ship(s) that’s endgame

GAMBIT/ROGUE GOT MARRIED IN THE COMICS. I’M SO PSYCHED. I don’t know if Karolina/Nico from Runaways counts as endgame but I love them, and I also love Gert/Chase. I’m rewatching Nikita and am delighted to know that Michael/Nikita is still very good. Priya/Tony from Dollhouse is also very good. Daisy/Daniel was honestly the best outcome SHIELD could have realistically given me and I was quite happy with it. I don’t know if Magnus Archives ships count but I really like Georgie/Melanie (we stan sapphic accidental apocalypse cult leaders). Oh and I like all the canon Avatar: The Last Airbender ships too.

EDIT: I FORGOT MY BELOVED ARAGORN/ARWEN AND WILL/ELIZABETH (PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN).

I’m tagging @swiftzeldas @toriasimmons @dollsome-does-tumblr @theomenroom @zenithofdork if you wanna!

[richincolor]

New Releases for the Week of May 3, 2021

It's great to see so many new books hitting the shelves this week. I know I've been waiting for several of these and am happy to be able to finally read them. 

The Ones We’re Meant to Find by Joan He Roaring Brook

Cee has been trapped on an abandoned island for three years without any recollection of how she arrived, or memories from her life prior. All she knows is that somewhere out there, beyond the horizon, she has a sister named Kay. Determined to find her, Cee devotes her days to building a boat from junk parts scavenged inland, doing everything in her power to survive until the day she gets off the island and reunites with her sister.

In a world apart, 16-year-old STEM prodigy Kasey Mizuhara is also living a life of isolation. The eco-city she calls home is one of eight levitating around the world, built for people who protected the planet―and now need protecting from it. With natural disasters on the rise due to climate change, eco-cities provide clean air, water, and shelter. Their residents, in exchange, must spend at least a third of their time in stasis pods, conducting business virtually whenever possible to reduce their environmental footprint. While Kasey, an introvert and loner, doesn’t mind the lifestyle, her sister Celia hated it. Popular and lovable, Celia much preferred the outside world. But no one could have predicted that Celia would take a boat out to sea, never to return.

Now it’s been three months since Celia’s disappearance, and Kasey has given up hope. Logic says that her sister must be dead. But as the public decries her stance, she starts to second guess herself and decides to retrace Celia’s last steps. Where they’ll lead her, she does not know. Her sister was full of secrets. But Kasey has a secret of her own. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee Quill Tree Books

Noah Ramirez thinks he’s an expert on romance. He has to be for his popular blog, the Meet Cute Diary, a collection of trans happily ever afters. There’s just one problem—all the stories are fake. What started as the fantasies of a trans boy afraid to step out of the closet has grown into a beacon of hope for trans readers across the globe.

When a troll exposes the blog as fiction, Noah’s world unravels. The only way to save the Diary is to convince everyone that the stories are true, but he doesn’t have any proof. Then Drew walks into Noah’s life, and the pieces fall into place: Drew is willing to fake-date Noah to save the Diary. But when Noah’s feelings grow beyond their staged romance, he realizes that dating in real life isn’t quite the same as finding love on the page.

In this charming novel by Emery Lee, Noah will have to choose between following his own rules for love or discovering that the most romantic endings are the ones that go off script. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

They Better Call Me Sugar: My Journey from the Hood to the Hardwood by Sugar Rodgers Black Sheep

Growing up in dire poverty in Suffolk, Virginia, Sugar (born Ta’Shauna) Rodgers never imagined that she would become an all-star player in the WNBA (Women’s National Basketball Association). Both of her siblings were in and out of prison throughout much of her childhood and shootings in her neighborhood were commonplace. For Sugar this was just a fact of life.

While academics wasn’t a high priority for Sugar and many of her friends, athletics always played a prominent role. She mastered her three-point shot on a net her brother put up just outside their home, eventually becoming so good that she could hustle local drug dealers out of money in one-on-one contests.

With the love and support of her family and friends, Sugar’s performance on her high school basketball team led to her recruitment by the Georgetown Hoyas, and her eventual draft into the WNBA in 2013 by the Minnesota Lynx (who won the WNBA Finals in Sugar’s first year). The first of her family to attend college, Sugar speaks of her struggles both academically and as an athlete with raw honesty.

Sugar’s road to a successful career as a professional basketball player is fraught with sadness and death–including her mother’s death when she’s fourteen, which leaves Sugar essentially homeless. Throughout it all, Sugar clings to basketball as a way to keep herself focused and sane.

And now Sugar shares her story as a message of hope and inspiration for young girls and boys everywhere, but especially those growing up in economically challenging conditions. Never sugarcoating her life experiences, she delivers a powerful message of discipline, perseverance, and always believing in oneself. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney HarperTeen

Quinn keeps lists of everything—from the days she’s ugly cried, to “Things That I Would Never Admit Out Loud,” to all the boys she’d like to kiss. Her lists keep her sane. By writing her fears on paper, she never has to face them in real life. That is, until her journal goes missing…

An anonymous account posts one of her lists on Instagram for the whole school to see and blackmails her into facing seven of her greatest fears, or else her entire journal will go public. Quinn doesn’t know who to trust. Desperate, she teams up with Carter Bennett—the last known person to have her journal—in a race against time to track down the blackmailer.

Together, they journey through everything Quinn’s been too afraid to face, and along the way, Quinn finds the courage to be honest, to live in the moment, and to fall in love. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Hurricane Summer by Asha Bromfield Wednesday Books

Tilla has spent her entire life trying to make her father love her. But every six months, he leaves their family and returns to his true home: the island of Jamaica.

When Tilla’s mother tells her she’ll be spending the summer on the island, Tilla dreads the idea of seeing him again, but longs to discover what life in Jamaica has always held for him.

In an unexpected turn of events, Tilla is forced to face the storm that unravels in her own life as she learns about the dark secrets that lie beyond the veil of paradise—all in the midst of an impending hurricane.

Hurricane Summer is a powerful coming of age story that deals with colorism, classism, young love, the father-daughter dynamic—and what it means to discover your own voice in the center of complete destruction. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Indivisible by Daniel Aleman Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

There is a word Mateo Garcia and his younger sister Sophie have been taught to fear for as long as they can remember: deportation. Over the past few years, however, the fear that their undocumented immigrant parents could be sent back to Mexico has started to fade to the back of their minds. And why wouldn’t it, when their Ma and Pa have been in the United States for so long, they have American-born children, and they’re hard workers and good neighbors?

When two ICE agents come asking for Pa, the Garcia family realizes that the lives they’ve built are about to come crumbling down. And when Mateo returns from school one day to find that his parents have been taken, he’ll have to come to terms with the fact that his family’s worst nightmare has become a reality.

With his Ma and Pa being held in separate detention centers, Mateo must learn how to look after his sister and himself. The choices Mateo makes, and the people he turns to for help, might reunite his family… or tear them apart for good. With his parents’ fate and his own future hanging in the balance, Mateo must figure out who he is and what he is capable of, even as he’s forced to question what it means to be an American teenager in a country that rejects his own mom and dad. — Cover art and summary via Goodreads

Counting Down with You by Tashie Bhuiyan Inkyard Press

Karina Ahmed has a plan. Keep her head down, get through high school without a fuss, and follow her parents’ rules—even if it means sacrificing her dreams. When her parents go abroad to Bangladesh for four weeks, Karina expects some peace and quiet. Instead, one simple lie unravels everything.

Karina is my girlfriend.

Tutoring the school’s resident bad boy was already crossing a line. Pretending to date him? Out of the question. But Ace Clyde does everything right—he brings her coffee in the mornings, impresses her friends without trying, and even promises to buy her a dozen books (a week) if she goes along with his fake-dating facade. Though Karina agrees, she can’t help but start counting down the days until her parents come back.

T-minus twenty-eight days until everything returns to normal—but what if Karina no longer wants it to? — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

All Kinds of Other by James Sie Quill Tree Books

In this tender, nuanced coming-of-age love story, two boys—one who is cis and one who is trans—have been guarding their hearts to protect themselves, until their feelings for each other give them a reason to stand up to their fears.

Two boys are starting at a new school.

Jules is just figuring out what it means to be gay and hasn’t totally decided whether he wants to be out at his new school. His parents and friends have all kinds of opinions, but for his part, Jules just wants to make the basketball team and keep his head down.

Jack is trying to start over after a best friend break-up. He followed his actor father clear across the country to LA, but he’s also totally ready to leave his past behind. Maybe this new school where no one knows him is exactly what he needs.

When the two boys meet, the sparks are undeniable. But then a video surfaces linking Jack to a pair of popular transgender vloggers, and the revelations about Jack’s past thrust both Jack and Jules into the spotlight they’ve been trying to avoid. Suddenly both boys have a choice to make—between lying low where it’s easier or following their hearts. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Luck of the Titanic by Stacey Lee G.P. Putnam's Sons Books for Young Readers

Southampton, 1912: Seventeen-year-old British-Chinese Valora Luck has quit her job and smuggled herself aboard the Titanic with two goals in mind: to reunite with her twin brother Jamie--her only family now that both their parents are dead--and to convince a part-owner of the Ringling Brothers Circus to take the twins on as acrobats. Quick-thinking Val talks her way into opulent firstclass accommodations and finds Jamie with a group of fellow Chinese laborers in third class. But in the rigidly stratified world of the luxury liner, Val's ruse can only last so long, and after two long years apart, it's unclear if Jamie even wants the life Val proposes. Then, one moonless night in the North Atlantic, the unthinkable happens--the supposedly unsinkable ship is dealt a fatal blow--and Val and her companions suddenly find themselves in a race to survive.

Stacey Lee, master of historical fiction, brings a fresh perspective to an infamous tragedy, loosely inspired by the recently uncovered account of six Titanic survivors of Chinese descent.

#new releases #YALit

[lightwithinthedarknessu]

A Crown to Adorn

Starting off #sokaiweek2021 with a fluffy one-shot! 

Wrote a little fluffy one-shot for Day 1 of @sokaiweek Prompt: King and Queen. Childhood memories for #sokai and a cute flower date! A time of healing and reminiscence, adorned with flowers fit for a King and Queen.

A03:   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32511775 

Fanfiction. net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13918369/1/A-Crown-to-Adorn

A Crown to Adorn

*.*.*.*

“Wear a crown of flowers on your head, let its roots reach your heart.” – Kabir

*.*.*.*

The smell of the grass, the warmth of the sun on their faces, and the slight scent of honeysuckle wafting through the canopy above was the perfect complement to an otherwise ordinary day. Ordinary, that word seemed to slip into her mind with a lithe bump, nestling into her heart but leaving behind a tinge of anxiety. Was it good to cherish something even if you knew it wouldn’t last? Those words danced within her mind as warm rays of light kissed her cheeks.

Living in the moment. Cherishing those small moments of reprieve-sometimes Kairi had to keep reminding herself to do that. Whether it be taking in deep breaths of the salty air or cherishing the soft sensation of sand squished between her toes- those small insignificant moments she needed to hold close. The way the wind hit her face as Sora and Riku rushed past her in one of their many races or the sensation of cold droplets hitting her face during one of their many water fights. Those moments, they would rush back at her all at once during those times she was alone, listless, and longing for their company.

Somehow, Kairi knew that today would be one of those many moments she held close to her heart. She took in a deep breath, savoring the crisp air hitting her lungs.

The Kingdom of Corona was as beautiful as Sora had claimed it would be. Filled with flora and fauna, clean air, and warm bathes in sunshine. Even the few heartless around were, she had to admit, cute in their own way. Made her almost sad to pummel them, but once she found herself attacking in unison alongside Sora- every thought she had just melted away. He always seemed to do that, make her feel as if she could do anything, be anything. It sounded silly but- his light made hers stronger somehow. It radiated within her a warmth that felt so comforting she never wanted it to leave.  

After clearing the area, they had decided to take a quick swim in the spring nearby and were now sunning themselves like a couple of lizards on the forest floor. They had taken off their shoes and fully let themselves relax for what felt like an eternity. Peaceful, it was so peaceful that Kairi felt she could fall into a sleep here without a care in the world.  

“I’m glad you brought me here. It’s so pretty.” Kairi turned to Sora, her eyes welling with shimmering light. After hours of training, Sora had dropped by unannounced, unattended by the other two little half-pints, to whisk her away for a “well-deserved break” as he put it. At the time he had a shy grin on his face, letting her know that really, he had just wanted to see her. Not that she minded. She wanted to see him too.

“I had to! I mean you love flowers and well the beach back home isn’t as green as this. Heck, I hadn’t even seen some of the plants here before. It’s really something- all those worlds we wanted to see- just there’s always something new.” Sora blurted out, his excitement burgeoning behind an uncontrollable grin. He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned forward. “Sorry, I’m getting a bit too excited. I’ve been wanting to show you all these new things for so long. Every time I see something I think, “Kairi and Riku need to see this!”

Kairi giggled. Sora did seem to be holding in boundless energy every time she saw him. “I want to see it all with you. I mean, we always wanted to travel and learn everything we could. Even just seeing this world makes me want to go to all kinds of places with you- and Riku too…” Kairi tucked a stray piece of hair from her face. She felt almost embarrassed to say anything more- to tell him that really, she wanted to just run away with him right now. Leave it all behind. But that would be selfish, wouldn’t it? They had to face Xehanort. Even if that meant risking their lives. Still, that incredible wanderlust creaked within her bones. Even now her heart began to beat faster at the thought of Sora whisking her away to world after world. She could just picture it-brisk walks on stardust touched beaches, huddling close in frigid snow-kissed air, or dancing on the tips of their toes across warm cobblestones-

Everything. Just experience it all-together- hand in hand in a world all their own.

Kairi felt something lightly fall on her head. A light gasp escaped her lips at the sensation. It tickled her eyelashes as she looked up to greet Sora’s impish grin. Her hand reached up to touch the delicate petals of a ring of flowers he had placed on her head. Her eyes widened. “When did you…”

“Oh just while you were humming to yourself earlier. Did I do a good job? I mean I’m not as good at connecting them together as you…but I did have a good teacher.” Sora winked.

Tears pricked the edges of her eyes. When they were children, Kairi often spent her time near the shore picking small wildflowers and clover. One of the few things she remembered about her grandmother was her love of flowers and the way she used to weave together flower crowns. It used to make her feel like she was almost home again, weaving the flowers together, creating something from nothing. It was cathartic. For hours she would lose herself in the action- maybe that was why piecing shells together also soon became second nature. Once, Sora sat down next to her, and watched intently as she connected each stem of clover flower without asking any questions. When she was done, he told her how pretty it was and how “he wanted one too.”

For a few days after school, they would go down to the shore, make flower crowns, and pretend they were a King and Queen of the flower people. Well, the last part was entirely Sora’s idea. When she thought back on it- Kairi wondered if Sora did that to help her feel better about being homesick. She had missed her grandmother so badly back then. Every day she felt so alone. But then…Sora was there. And Riku…and the three of them found new things to do together.

Back then, Kairi hadn’t paid a second thought to the idea that most boys wouldn’t find what she was doing that interesting. Thinking about it now, Sora probably only said he wanted one too so she wouldn’t feel lonely- after all…she wasn’t the fastest runner or could hold her own at the time in a mock sword fight. What she was good at was making things, connecting flowers, shells, and bits of shattered sea glass into stars shapes or crowns. Her room back home was filled with makeshift stars, unfinished and marred imitations of the charm Sora now held close as an oath to her. Her childish fantasies of an unbreakable connection, made real and whole through a brush of their fingers as she passed the charm to him. Her fingertips warmed as she recalled his touch.

Now, with the newly coronated flower crown atop her reddened locks-Kairi felt that same bubbling joy well up inside her.

Kairi couldn’t believe Sora had still remembered that time or well had even retained his “flower-tying skills” as he used to call it. Sora had remembered a time that even she had pushed back deep into the depths of her heart. “I think that you retained some skill.” Kairi puffed out her chest. “But I think I’m still the master. So, I’m going to work my magic! It’s only fair that you have one to match.”

Sora chuckled and placed both hands behind his head. “Well, I guess we’re off flower picking then huh?” His hips swayed from side to side, his legs acting listless as if they hadn’t moved in hours.

Kairi bounced up on her heels, feeling a renewed vigor in her veins. “Yep! Lead the way, King!”

“King?” Sora’s jaw slacked. “Gosh, when you say it like that it only reminds me of “the King.”

Kairi lightly patted Sora on the shoulder. “Now, now.” Kairi chided. “There can be more than one King and Kings of different things. He may be “the King” but you- you’re my Flower King right?” An impish grin filled her cheeks. Sora blinked a few times before averting his eyes. She could swear a tinge of red was on the tips of his ears.

“Geez flower King? Don’t tell Riku, or Donald or Goofy- I’ll never live that down.”

“But I’m the flower Queen- we have to match!”  Kairi pointed an accusatory finger at him. Sora jumped back a beat, his deep blue eyes tinged with uncertainty. Soon, his eyes swirled with glimmering sunshine, his smile so subtle she found herself itching to gently brush her fingers across his lips. Her cheeks heated at the thought.

“Okay, I mean if you are I have to be then.” Sora put a hand over his mouth to muffle a laugh. Though clearly uncomfortable, there was a hint of joy in those words. Poking fun at him like this was almost too nostalgic. With ease, she slid her hand into his and gave it a tight squeeze. He recoiled slightly before sheepishly squeezing her hand back. His eyes wouldn’t meet hers, but she knew- he was just a tad shy still.

Hand in hand they traversed the woods searching for violet, azure, and fuchsia hues. Their still bare feet brushing against rough patches of dirt and slick grass, staining their toes a light green as they went. The morning dew, still kissing the tips of their hair, kept them cool against the ever-rising sun. Every flower they came across seemed more beautiful than the rest- they gathered until they were spilling out onto the ground beneath them. Sora sneezed a few times, sending them flying much more than he would have liked. The air filled with laughter as they collected them all again, each time regretting having over-prepared their bounty.

They returned to the clearing in no time at all-and she set about her work. Connecting the flowers together wasn’t hard- but choosing which flowers suited Sora best- well that took some thinking. Baby’s breath, delicate and kind, hydrangeas as blue and calming as the sea, red carnations brandishing the passionate courage in his heart, and yellow calla lilies to represent his happy disposition. When she was done- it was a crown only befitting him. When she held it up against the light, the shadows cast across her face danced- truly she could think of it as her best work yet. Smirking and a bit too proud, Kairi stood up and delicately laid the crown atop her “King’s” head.

“I, Flower Queen Kairi dub thee- Sora- Flower King.” In a grand bow, Kairi placed a hand over her heart, glancing up at him with mischief and mirth.

Sora’s wide toothy grin greeted her. “It’s an honor!” He paused, searching his mind before snapping his fingers in the realization of something important. “Does it look Kingly?”

“I think it suits you, just as mine suits me.” Kairi spun on her heels, dancing as she delicately brushed the petals she adorned. She gave Sora a taunting wink as she thrust out her hand. “I’d say a dance is in order, sire.”

A deep laugh escaped his chest as Sora jumped up to grab her hand and pull her close. Their eyes connected as if a thread between them became taught, sure, and certain that the entire world around them could just melt away into nothing, and it would all be alright. One step, then two, a sway and a swish, he even threw in a twirl or two as they danced to the bubbling brook and twilling birds. The melody in their hearts flowed and swirled at a tempo that pulled her into a sense of weightlessness. The countless times she dreamed of the two of them, blissfully dancing, suddenly made it real.

It was real, him, her, this moment. It was a sensation, a scent, a feeling she wanted to bottle up and keep close- like an herbarium filled with preserved flowers. Bright, opulent, and ever so warm. As their dance slowed, and her heart settled, Kairi leaned her head on Sora’s shoulder, letting herself melt into his rising chest. It was then Kairi knew that home wasn’t ever far anymore. That homesickness had long flitted away like petals in the wind once she let Sora into her heart. Now, every time she thought of their memories, these moments, the rise and fall of his chest, his heartbeat…Kairi knew somehow she was always closer to home.

 Years Before

*.*.*.*

The bluff at the edge of town was filled with clover flowers. Though she had been warned with a stern shake of the mayor’s finger, and a disapproving huff or two from the town elders, Kairi always found herself foraging for flowers here. The wind blowing through her hair, and the misty salt air gently caressing her chubby cheeks made her feel more at home here than anywhere else on the island.  In the afternoon quiet, only the rumbling low roar of the waves had been keeping her company. Lightly and carefully, she hummed a melody as she worked, losing herself in knot after knot.

*.*.*.*

“What do you think she’s doing?” Sora muttered in a hushed tone, trying to keep his usually loud voice as quiet as possible. He was huddled on his haunches behind a large hedge, practically wiggling to keep himself from falling over. He and Riku had followed Kairi from a distance like two ducks up the winding hillside. When they had seen her leaving the Mayor’s house she had been stomping and letting out a long-winded sigh or two. Riku had said that she was “probably angry” and that it mostly had to do with her going off alone. Sora, being extremely curious about Kairi ever since she had arrived on the beach, had never not kept watch over her. So, Riku being Riku had suggested they follow her, knowing well that Sora would have found himself trailing after her absentmindedly.

Riku let out a sigh and shook his head. “She’s going to make something again. The last time she came back down from here she had a crown of flowers in her hands. That’s probably what she plans on doing.”

“Hmm, that seems more lonely than fun. She’s all by herself.” Sora pursed his lips, his nose scrunching up. He crossed his arms and readjusted his drooping bum with a light hop. “Seems like it’d be better to do with more people.”

Riku raised a brow, then smirked as he realized something important. “You know, if you want to join her nothing’s stopping you. We can go back to the play island any old time.”

“But it feels like if I go over now, I’d be like- I don’t know- I’d um make her mad…”

“Mad?”

“You always say I talk too much. Kairi seems a bit scared when I do that.” Sora looked down at his fidgeting toes. “Still, I think she’s lonely.”

“She just doesn’t know much about us yet. And well you do talk a lot. My dad says sometimes though that just being near someone without saying anything is enough.” Riku crossed his arms, and nodded, certain his father’s words were true.

“Really Riku?”

“Yeah, Really.” Riku put a hand on Sora’s head and gave his hair a quick ruffle. “Now, no more waiting!” Riku placed both hands on Sora’s back and pushed him forward- not even worried if he would fall over on his face. Usually, he did, and Sora had to brace himself for a fall that didn’t come. Instead, he found himself balancing on one foot and staring into the wide cerulean eyes of a frightened girl.

*.*.*.*

When a rustling bounded behind her Kairi gasped and found herself on her feet, her hands clutched close to her chest. A familiar head of spikes was what first caught her eyes, then the twigs and leaves sticking out every-which-way, followed by the shy grin of a boy caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Geez, Sora! You scared me!” Kairi tucked her hair behind her ear as if she were suddenly aware of her own messy mop.

“Sorry, Kairi! Me and Riku were just…” Sora paused to look behind him. Not a soul was in sight. “Aw man, where’d he go? We were just talking about…ugh never mind.” Sora stood up straight and puffed out his chest as he shook the stray twigs and leaves from his head. Once he was done, he placed both hands behind his head. “So…what-cha doing?”

“Making flower crowns…” Kairi mumbled under her breath, feeling herself carefully enunciate each word. Sora was nice, after all, he was the one who found her on the beach that day. But a part of her felt scared, nervous, and a bit rumbly in her tummy when she talked to him. He was always so bright, and his grin was wider than his face. Kairi didn’t know how to be around him. Kairi turned her back to him and smoothed the ends of her dress.

“Okay.” Sora uttered. He continued to stare at her, unmoved until she decided to sit back down among her work. As she picked more flowers, she began to take more glances over at Sora. He watched her intently, swaying from side to side on the edges of his sandals. He stayed that way for a beat then promptly plopped down next to her. Kairi’s breath hitched in her throat at the sudden invasion in her little bubble. But Sora didn’t say anything, although his face was twisted into an unnatural frown, alerting her he really did want to say something.

Kairi tried her best to get back to her crown, but she fumbled with shaky fingers as she tied the tiny stems together. Her lips moved into a fine line, her teeth biting down into the corners of her cheeks. Again, soon she became lost in the motions, not even noticing Sora get up and go look around. Moments later he dropped back down next to her, this time, with a handful of clovers.

“It’s really pretty.” Sora blurted out. His eyes were wide, expectant.

A shivering jolt went through her back, and Kairi shyly looked back down at her completed crown. He said it was pretty, what she made. A slight hint of pride wafted through her chest. “Thanks…”

“I-I want one too!” Sora’s voice was louder than he intended, for Kairi almost fell back at the sudden noise. She made sure to quickly put on a smile for the boy looked almost as if he would cry if he knew she was scared.

“Okay, I’ll teach you.” Kairi found a new strength in her voice. She was more confident now. A voice inside her heart, but from where she didn’t know, whispered caressing words.

Whenever you feel lonely, look to the flowers. Surround yourself with them, let them take root in your heart. Every moment may seem small, but you can make them bigger and more beautiful. For those moments when you’re alone, the flowers will remind you of me and of those who love you. That light in your heart will continue to bloom and grow, as long as you let it. Adorn your head with a crown of flowers, my dear. Adorn the head of the one you love. Find that light, never lose sight of it.

  Notes:

Thank you for reading! This fic was inspired by the prompt King and Queen for SoKai Week 2021. Visiting Sora and Kairi's childhood and what they meant to each other during that time was pure joy. I hope that this little bundle of fluff reminds you of the wonder of picking flowers as a child, and how even the smallest acts of kindness can mean the world to someone else. I tried to add in some of Sora's flowers from his herbarium by super groupies as well as flowers that spoke to his personality. Fun fact: Clover flowers were something that I would gather when I was a child, and luckily they do grow at least in Hawaii at high elevations, so it's possible they could be on the mainland in Destiny Islands!

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#sokaiweek2021 #sokaiweek #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts fanfiction #sokai #sora and kairi #kairi #sora #kingdomheartsfanfiction #KH #kingdomhearts

[inevitably-johnlocked]

can we adress how toxic some of these self/harm and suicide fics are?? as someone who has struggled with these issues, treating them as just a way for the two characters to get together, or one character to be the savior who cures someone of their problems? I'm so frickin over it. continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention is a symptom of something major. This is not something i like seeing romanticized. at all.

[CONTENT WARNING FOR ENTIRE POST: heavy discussions of trauma, suicide, self harm, depression, political issue mentions, and eating disorders. Please proceed with care. I am not cutting the post because I think the message is important, so scroll past until my icon disappears <3 Stay safe, My Lovelies.]

Hey Nonny

Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you mention you DO have struggles with these issues, so I’m going to state right up front here and say I AM NOT DISREGARDING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AT ALL. Your view of this topic is valid, and it’s not something I am ever going to say is wrong for you. 

I would like to offer an olive branch, here, Nonny, and give you an alternative take on this, because I’m concerned that perhaps you are still coping with your own struggles and in return, you unwittingly and unintentionally are coming off as unsympathetic to other people’s coping mechanisms.

I KNOW how hard it is to see another view when yours is the only one that seems right, especially after a tragedy or after dealing with heavy things. But all I am asking is for you to temporarily extend some empathy as I discuss my thoughts in this post, and I apologize in advance if I come off as dickish, because, again, it’s hard to see past your own feelings, and I tend to give a “firm but understanding” approach to asks like this. It’s NOT meant to call you our personally. Just asking for an open mind.

I will tackle this ask in a similar fashion to this post here, which talks about shipping vs fetishization so CW for that, as well as like this post here, where we discuss pet peeves. My assumption here is that Nonny is unsure about what “romanticizing” actually entails, and how much this ask is basically Gatekeeping Fiction 101, a thing that’s been going on since the beginning of storytelling. The ask is perceived by me to be emotionally unaware of how unsympathetic it actually sounds, and in turn can unintentionally upset people who engage in these stories.

First thing’s first, Nonny, and I said it before, I GET IT. I understand what you’re going for here, why you feel it’s toxic, and why you think it shouldn’t exist. Here’s the thing, though: what you’re ACTUALLY calling for here is censorship and gatekeeping because YOU PERSONALLY take issue with something, want the fandom specially curated just for you, because it PERSONALLY OFFENDS YOU. And that, it itself, is what’s really toxic, here. Just because YOU are offended, does not mean that it’s not helpful to SOMEONE ELSE, and it’s selfish to make such a demand of people.

Let me explain.

As I mention in the link above re: shipping, many people read and write fics to cope with the reality of their own experiences. Nonny, your experience is NOT the same as someone else’s. Your pain is NOT universal, and you DON’T KNOW what that author has been through; for all you know, they spent 6 months in-hospital after attempting suicide, and they are now simply processing their trauma through storytelling. 

Or, “continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention” ? It’s a VERY REAL THING that ACTUALLY happens in real life, and perhaps it happened to that author, or they want to write an alternate ending to their pain.

Or, “one character to be the saviour who cures someone of their problems?” is something a suicide survivor WISHES someone did for them. Because they feel alone in the world and don’t want to be alone anymore.

These stories are simply escapism for people, either to learn about or share what these mental illnesses do to people, or are the “fantasies” of survivors, of their ideal outcome to their own tragedies. Coping with guilt over the loss of someone they feel they could have saved. The brutal truth about realty.

And sometimes, it is because some people need a good cry and a feel-good happy ending, because real life? Well, it rarely has those happy endings and so few opportunities to let us cry, and sometimes life is just easier when we view it through the eyes of fictional characters. Do you not want someone to save you sometimes Nonny? And I mean metaphorically here, too. Someone to just take all of your hellish burdens off those shoulders for one day. Someone who will come in to save you from yourself. I know I do.

And, well, sometimes, Nonny, it makes people feel less alone in this socially distanced world.

They’re not glorifying that issue Nonny. They’re telling their story.

Here are some thoughts:

Romanticization: Some trendy teen outlet selling a shirt with “mentally diseased” written across it.

NOT Romanticization: A character in a story coming to terms with a diagnosis of mental illness and learning ways to adapt. Their partner is involved 100% and they learn together.

Romanticization: Sherlock merchandise being sold with “I’m a high functioning sociopath” (not mention ableist as all heck)

NOT Romanticization: A character self-harms because of depression, and character B helps the character through their pain and together they get proper therapy and treatment.

Romanticization: Calling yourself “OMG I’m so bipolar!” because it’s trendy.

NOT Romanticization: A clinically depressed author, who survived a suicide attempt, wanting to tell their story through characters the world is already familiar with, and one that a touchy subject can be expressed and understood by other people, because they’re not ready to write the “real” book. Fandom is a safety net for them.

See what I mean Nonny? We don’t KNOW what kind of pain these authors have PERSONALLY been through, and to censor them from having their voices heard and their stories told is just not on for me.

And let me be clear: YES OF COURSE romanticization happens EVERYWHERE. I am not denying that. But your ask is coming off like EVERY STORY EVER WRITTEN is glorification of something. By your logic:

Disabled people shouldn’t write about their disabilities because they’re romanticising themselves.

The authors with medical degrees shouldn’t write realistic med-fics because some where in the world, ONE person MAY HAVE had a similar experience as Character A and B.

Someone broke their foot in ballet so they shouldn’t write a story about a ballet dancer who broke their hip because it may offend ONE ballerina SOMEWHERE in space and time who got sideline at the prime of their career? 

Stories about LGBT+ people shouldn’t be written because homophobes think it’s icky.

We shouldn’t write about wizards because it offends high school catholic pastors (an actual thing that happened)? 

How about cancer stories because kids die of cancer all the time? 

Non-fiction autobiographies about holocaust survivors is not okay.

Science books offend flat earthers, so we shouldn’t write those.

Books about the Big Bang and a 4.5 billion-year-old earth offends creationists, so burn those.

A now-adult child rape victim writing their survival stories to help get their often-in-power abusers behind bars are taboo.

True crime stories from detectives on those cases shouldn’t be told because they weren’t the victim.

Non-fiction in general because someone somewhere may have had that one singular thing happen to them.

How about coping with grief over a parent’s sudden death because I personally might find offense in that since that was a horridly traumatic experience in my life?

Do you see how progressively out of touch this argument is? (the answer to all of these: authors should be allowed to write them, because stories make us human). Your argument leads down the very dangerous path to censorship of books, the internet, and history... to have people only read and learn what someone else dictates, leading to... well.

I’m not trying to be a dick here, Nonny, I’m really not. But I think you’re really missing the entire point of fiction and story telling. I feel you’re failing in the empathy game here, and failing to understand what romanticizing really actually is. 

Whenever I get asks like this, I always feel like the Nonnies don’t really know much about pre-Ao3. I come from “early internet” fandom age, and I’m talking before tags existed. Back when I had to go buy a book at Coles and guess what was in it based on a cover description. No “amazon reviews”. No “harmful content warning” stickers. You just picked up that book, and sometimes you get a sweet story about a friends exploring an alien landscape, and other times WHOOOPS ACCIDENTAL ALIEN SEX I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR. And sometimes, it ended with a dark story about death, and the reality of coping with it.

Twenty years ago, books on the shelves at bookstores and libraries were the only place you could do your reading and they certainly do NOT have tags on them... Modern tagging of stories are a REALLY recent thing introduced probably no less than 15 years ago and was perfected by Ao3 (which was started in 2009). 

These days, there is no excuse if you only consume fanfiction on Ao3. Fics are tagged with proper possible-trigger tags 90% of the time. They have a VERY METICULOUS filtering system. You aren’t being forced to read the fics, you don’t have to read the fics, so use those tag filters, they exist for a reason.

So, with that in mind, I genuinely DON’T GET this attitude about people wanting everything sugar coated and saccharine by default. Especially when you can LITERALLY CURATE YOUR OWN CONTENT. Life isn’t sugar coated. And fiction shouldn’t have to be either. People tag fics with triggers for a reason.

As they used to say back in my early internet days: Don’t like it? Don’t read it. Don’t comment, skip, next story.

And to put this ALL into perspective, so that you don’t think I’m talking out of my ass, I’m going to reveal something here: Do you know what fics I can’t read, Nonny, because they trigger me? Eating disorders. That’s self harm, Nonny, in a very different way. But you know what? I know that those fics DO help other ED people so I’m not going to sit her and tell people NOT to rec or write them. And some of those authors who write those stories are processing their own ED through those stories, healing in their own way. And you know what I do when I see one of those fics? I don’t read them, move on, next story.

I’m sorry if you perceive this as me being harsh with you here, Nonny, and you DON’T have to agree with me and you can block me and never talk to me again, and I’ll understand. As I stated at the beginning, I’m offering an alternative perspective, and helping you to see that some people take comfort in these types of stories.

I think what this all boils down to Nonny, after all of this, and rereading your question a final time to see if I missed covering anything, is that (and feel free to shit on me if I am wrong here) I’m getting the impression – as an unprofessional outsider looking in – that you’re still struggling with your inner demons, whether you realize it or not. The tone and brashness of your ask has me believing this... It feels like it was written after a trigger-moment and you needed to vent AT someone because you are alone, and that hurts my heart so much. I truly hope you find peace in your mind, soon, and I hope you have someone to talk to professionally, or at least a friend. (tw under link, suicidal ideation discussion and links to phone numbers that can help you). I only wish the best for you, my Nonny.

Anyway. I welcome other people to chime in here, respectfully, and let me know if I have the wrong take here. Because I genuinely don’t think I do, but I am not a professional, so my entire thing that took me 3 hours to write here is probably moot. I’m especially interested (on anon in my asks if you’re not comfy with revealing yourselves) on thoughts from other people who have survived the original topics here, as well as any therapists and authors as well.

Take care of yourself Nonny. And please curate your own content for your mental health. Ao3 has an “exclusionary tag system” as well, please use it. *hugs*

#steph replies #suicide cw #censorship #self harm cw #chatting with nonnies #Anonymous #eating disorders tw #depression cw #romanticization #my thoughts #i am not a professional #long post

[specterchasing-a]

Coming Clean || Eddie & Bex

TIMING: Wednesday, June 23rd

PARTIES: @inbextween​ & @specterchasing​

LOCATION: Eddie’s Apartment

SUMMARY: Eddie finally has a chance to tell Bex the truth.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Internalized homophobia tw

Two days ago, Bex’s heart stopped beating, and today Eddie planned to break up with her. He would understand if she ended hating him, he kind of did too. Not for being gay, but for involving her in his repression-fueled fantasy. Building a relationship where denial served as a linchpin would have been a lousy decision no matter what. Doing so with Bex, an incontestably wonderful girl with too much already on her plate, placed him on the leaderboard for the world’s biggest scumbags. The more he thought about it, the more Morgan’s worst-case scenario sounded like a pipedream.

As per usual, he picked her up at the docks not far from where they shared their first kiss. Eddie tried not to think about that night at the karaoke bar as she settled into the passenger seat, but failed immediately. If divine punishment existed, it was probably reserved for guys who dumped girls that liked them enough to kiss them in front of an audience. He wondered how the people who cheered them on would feel if they could see them now. Shockingly, the imaginary crowd didn’t help calm his nerves.

“Hey,” Eddie squeaked as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly it turned his knuckles white. “Good to see you.” He put the car in drive and navigated them towards the road. The song playing from the car’s speakers faded into silence before the next one kicked off. Eddie didn’t recognize it until the vocals chimed in.

Now I’ve had—

Eddie hit the radio’s power button and plunged them into awkward silence, now certain he’d been onto something with his theory about divine punishment.

She could do this. Bex took in a deep breath as she waited on the bench by the ferry, where she always waited for Eddie. It gave her the perfect view of the road, as far down as the sharp turn left that took you away from Amity and towards Downtown, as well as of the ocean, reaching out beyond the horizon. Ever since she’d found out about Mina, every body of water reminded her of her. It was just another of many things that did. And then the guilt would start. Especially because today she was meeting with Eddie. 

She didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but it was something big and probably serious. And so she’d put on her best “I'm Fine!” face and made sure her smile reached just enough of her eyes when she saw Eddie’s car pulling around the corner. She couldn’t let the nothingness consume her, she knew that, but forcing it felt wrong and raw. She could fake it, though. She was really good at faking being okay. She’d done it for twenty years and sometimes she forgot she might not need to do it for another twenty. 

The car pulled up and she waved at him, like she always did, before straining to lift herself from the bench. Her heart pumped loud in her chest and she put a hand over it to calm it down. “Hey,” she said gently, smiling, “thanks for picking me up, like always. I-- feel like it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” Was she supposed to hug him? Kiss him hello? She didn’t know and it felt wrong, when she’d just kissed Mina a few days ago. She slid into the front seat. “Are you doing-- okay? With-with everything?”

All in all, Bex seemed like she always did. Eddie couldn’t fathom walking away from what she’d been through without losing himself altogether, but it would have been a mistake to underestimate her resilience. He appreciated that she didn’t greet him with affection. It would’ve only made what he needed to do more difficult.

“Uhm, well,” Eddie stalled after her question. ‘Okay’ wasn’t how he would describe his current state, but he preferred to avoid introspection. Other people had it worse, Bex included. He didn’t need to pile his problems on top of hers. “Yeah, all things considered.” His anxiety slowly began to ebb as they picked up where they left off. Even now, Bex managed to have a soothing effect on him.

“How about you?” Eddie glanced over at her as he drove. He needed to make sure she was stable enough to cope with a break-up. Otherwise, he’d need to suck up his reservations about playing the role of her boyfriend a little longer. “I mean, we don’t have to go into it if you don’t want to, but I won’t lie and say I’m not worried about you.”

“I’m--” Bex started, but she didn’t know how she was. “--dealing.” It was the closest she’d get to the truth, for now. She didn’t want to lie to Eddie, but she couldn’t tell him the truth, not yet. Her pain was just hurting other people, and she needed to not be that for him. She owed it to him. If she was just using him for safety, she owed that to him. She hoped one day, he’d forgive her. She gave a brief smile. “It’s a lot, but I’ll be okay. I have Morgan and Mi--” she paused, “--my other friends.” She licked her lips. “I have people.”

The car ride wasn’t exactly a long one, they’d made it so many times. From the ferry to Eddie’s place, but it felt like ages. “I know you’re worried, and I-- I won’t tell you not to be, because I know that’s hard right now. But don’t-- don’t think you have to focus on me. I don’t know how well you knew-- everyone. Everything.” 

Eddie hoped he counted as one of the people Bex felt she could rely on, but recent evidence suggested otherwise. When it came to sharing her feelings or even being open about how she spent her time, he clearly didn’t register as someone she was comfortable confiding in. It stung, but Eddie harbored secrets too. It would be hypocritical to expect Bex to lay out the truth for him when he couldn’t offer her the same candor.

“I only met Adam once,” Eddie said quietly. He knew Bex’s comment referred to more than the recently dead hunter, but it was hard not to think about him specifically. “He saved my life.” Nervousness gave way to a sinking feeling in his chest.

“I’m worried about everyone right now, but especially you and Nell. I guess that’s the price of caring, I don’t really have a say in the matter.”

Eddie pulled into his apartment building’s parking lot and came to a stop in his usual parking space. “I know you hate it when I do this,” he said, looking at Bex. “But I’m gonna open the door for you.” With that out of the way, he exited the car and circled around to the passenger side to make good on his word. 

“The elevator’s been out of order since its brief stint as a portal to hell, so we’ll have to take the stairs,” Eddie informed Bex as he held out his hand for her. “You think you can manage that, or is it human-crutch time?”

Bex didn’t get why everyone kept saying that. They were worried about Nell and her, but Bex wasn’t the one who had lost someone. Bex wasn’t the one who had been trapped in a hell dimension for over two weeks. Bex wasn’t the one who had died. She didn’t say anything, just shook her head and smiled sadly. “I’m so worried about Nell,” she admitted quietly, “but I don’t know how to help her. So I’m just-- focusing on what I can do, and who I can help.” They pulled up to his building and he parked and she reached for the handle, when suddenly he was announcing he’d get the door.

She didn’t have the heart to argue and just nodded. “Right, okay. Just this once, though,” she agreed, watching him walk around and open it. She pulled herself out, standing up. Her body didn’t hurt as much as ache, now that the healer had done his work and made things less-- painful. Maybe that wasn’t quite the word, but it was close enough. “I can walk! Honestly. No leg injuries this time.” Just heart palpitations and a burn that rose up every time she moved too much.  It still felt like asking him too much. “Lead the way.”

Eddie refrained from offering his opinions on Nell’s situation. The only help she could be given was confidence in her safety net. Friends and family being there for her would ease the pain, but nothing would rid her of it completely. Adam’s death and the grief it brought her would be something she carried for the rest of her life. Over time, she might learn how to have good days again, but reminders would wait around every corner. Grief, after it introduces itself, never leaves for long.

The two of them traversed the stairs in silence while Eddie’s anxiety returned in full-swing. After three flights, he opened a door that led to a long hallway of apartments. His eyes lingered on Alfie’s as he led Bex to his own. He made sure Silas knew not to be around for today. An imaginary audience was bad enough.

Bucket rushed to greet them at the front door. As per usual, he showed how bad of a guard-dog he would be by not barking. Eddie picked up the Pomeranian currently shaking with noiseless excitement and kicked the door shut with his heel.

“So,” he ventured. His mouth felt uncomfortably dry. “You thirsty, or anything?” He hoped she was. Eddie would take any excuse he could get to prolong the inevitable.

Bex followed him up the stairs and slunk behind just enough to let her expression fall for a moment. Keeping up her facade felt harder now, for some reason, when she couldn’t quite access the feelings inside of her. She just wanted to not think about any of that stuff, she wanted to think about other stuff. Better stuff, happy stuff. She perked back up as soon as they were at the door, inside, and she gave a gentle smile. “I, uh-- no, not really,” she answered, shaking her head. She really just wanted to get this over with, whatever it was. She didn’t know, how could she possibly know? She’d been bad to him lately, and she felt increasingly more guilty about it, the longer they stood there. 

“So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?” she asked, moving further into the apartment. She’d found comfort here in a lot of ways, but something felt as if it were sitting in the room with them, and she assumed it was whatever Eddie wanted to talk to her about. “It seemed pretty urgent.”

Eddie’s hope collapsed when Bex tackled the elephant in the room. “Right, that,” he said with a sigh. He lowered Bucket to the floor and attempted to steel himself. Whatever it was that he said to Morgan when the two of them acted out this very scenario was now completely inaccessible to him now. Eddie’s heart pounded loudly in his ears while he tried to piece together a new script.

“Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I really do care about you and… that I’m sorry,” Eddie began, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke. Words weren’t coming to him easily. Every thought in his head sounded disjointed and scared. He decided to approach the situation as if he were ripping off a band-aid. “I’m gay, Bex.” Eddie couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “I knew that when we got together, but I didn’t want it to be true and I thought dating you would, I dunno, fix me, I guess.” His lips pursed. “I’m sorry,” he said for the second time.

Bucket plodded over to Bex and she bent down to pet the excitable dog, looking up at Eddie. He looked nervous. And he was looking at her strangely, and then he was apologizing. Oh, was he breaking up with her? She shouldn’t have been relieved. He provided something for her that she needed-- normalcy. Protection. But that was selfish. That was so selfish to think. She pulled her hand away and stood up, tilting her head. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, he had more to say, and then-- “Oh.” Oh. Eddie was...gay. That-- made sense. It made sense. It really did. How hadn’t she seen it? How hadn’t she known? Probably because she still had a blindfold down over her own eyes, buried herself deep in that closet. It was safe back there.

“You’re-- oh.” No, no, she needed to say something else. Not just Oh. She needed to say something else. “That’s-- wow. You’re--” Me, too. She wanted to say, but the words made her heart seize. Was this how Eddie had felt? Bex was a coward. “I-- I’m sorry. I didn’t know. But I-- I’m happy for you. Really! I am. I’m glad you could figure that out, I’m just sorry I--” she wasn’t sure what she was sorry about, she just knew she was sorry. “Didn’t realize. It’s...it’s okay. That you knew, before.” He wanted to be reassured, right? She shook her head and walked towards him, holding out her hand. “Hey,” she called to him, “I’m not mad. This-- this was really brave of you. Really. I’m glad you told me. I don’t want to make you live a life you’re not happy with.”

Bex’s initial reaction caused Eddie’s heart to stall in his chest, but the words that followed replaced terror with confusion. His gaze slowly found hers. An apology was the last thing he expected to hear her say. Instead of hating him, she almost sounded relieved. With all she’d been through, he guessed that made sense. Their relationship never seemed to offer her much comfort, so its ending only meant one less thing to worry about.

When she offered her hand, Eddie gladly took it. “You’re… sure it’s okay?” He didn’t know why he asked that, her answer didn’t have the power to change anything. “Thank you, Bex.” Eddie gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Really, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, but… especially this.” A tentative smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Does this mean we’re still friends?”

Bex gave a small laugh, a genuine laugh, the first time in days, but she laughed and it felt good. “Yes, Eddie, I’m sure,” she shrugged, “not sure my answer would be able to change how you feel, how you are, anyway. And I wouldn’t want it to. You-- all I want is for you to be happy. You know that, right?” She hoped he knew that. She squeezed his hand back. “No need to thank me, really. I’m just doing what should be done, what any friend would do.” What she hoped her friends would do for her, when she finally could be safe about it, too. If ever. “Of course we are. We were friends before we were-- you know, whatever this was. We’re still friends.” 

She tried to keep herself stable, as she looked at him, and she realized her last line of defense was falling. If she had to go home and tell her parents that she was single again, what was to say they wouldn’t just give up on her right then and there? Her smile soured. “Are you...okay? About all this?”

Eddie’s smile grew and lost its nervousness. The longer Bex spoke, the more his anxiety melted away. He still had a long way to go before the truth about his identity stopped being something he lost sleep over, but having people in his life accept and even support him made it easier to stomach. “That’s all I want for you too,” he softly replied.

He took a deep breath after her follow-up question, not noticing the way her smile suddenly seemed less genuine. “I think so,” he said with a nod. “Most days are pretty up and down in regards to this particular topic, but… I’ve got a lot of people in my corner, it seems.” Alfie, Morgan, Silas, and now Bex. So far, everyone he told responded positively. “So, yeah, don’t waste time worrying about me. I’m gonna be just fine.”

#c: bexley #wickedswriting #coming clean #internalized homophobia tw #// my days of having to use that tw for eddie are coMING TO AN END #hopefully #at least