#I need to embrace my cringe if I want to post any art so this is what you’re getting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crashtestdummy1003 · 1 year

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This is a shit ton of venting, pls scroll past (literally just need to yell this into the void)

I'm not afraid of meeting people. That was never an issue.

I'm afraid of them meeting me. I'm afraid they'll start to know things about me, my interests, my hobbies. And I'm afraid it won't be good enough. What if they just pretend to be okay with me?

I know I'm kind of annoying. And a little cringey. But thats fine, I've embraced the cringe and annoying parts of myself. But when I have to tell someone about something I really, genuinely care about, I always play it down. They can't know that I'm super invested in it because then they'll be able to ruin it for me.

I'm thinking about making a fursuit? No, I'm just a fan of the creativity.

I want to make animation my career someday? No, its just a hobby.

I have comfort characters that literally mean everything to me? No, I just like their designs.

Its worse with feelings. None of my friends know how much I don't tell them. Because if I do ill be that one person in the chat that brings the mood down, ill be the person that makes everything about them. The one that takes everything to heart.

I am so afraid of being myself that I genuinely don't know where the persona my friends see ends, and where the real me begins. I'm kind of terrified that maybe, I'm doing all of this for nothing. These things might not even matter to me on the future.

Even something stupid, (like my posts that are kind of down bad about fictional men, heh) whenever I share it with my friends I immedeitly regret it. I know when they say "Crash, nooo..." they're just joking, but hearing any kind of negative feedback makes my heart feel like somebody is squeezing it until it bursts.

I haven't had anything postive said towards me in a while. I don't want to fish for compliments from my friends, but id like them to notice things about me. My outfit, or my makeup, or even my fucking work. I try so hard with my schoolwork, with my hobbies, things that nobody even notices because I feel like if I go harder, if I do the best I can and outdo everyone else, then somebody will finally notice me. Somebody will say, "Hey, Crash, good job! You did well with that specific thing!"

Figure skating, swim team, drawing, academics, cleaning, work, I just want to be good at SOMETHING. But I feel the harder I try the more I get looked over. Now people only notice when I slip up, but when will they notice me working myself to death to try and stay at the top?

I want to cry, but if I cry then its not going to help anything, is it? I just want to go home, but I really don't know where that is. I am home right now, but I can't even feel safe with my feelings here. I live with people that make it impossible to feel anything without guilt seeping in.

I don't think im okay

And I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm not even an adult yet, but I'm almost there. I'm so scared.

I want something, but I don't know what it is.

I want to cosplay, go to furry conventions and wear a fursuit!! I want to post my art and have it be seen!! I want to be HAPPY with myself for fucking once. I want to be able to take criticism without CRYING. I want to not feel guilty when I take space from my friends. I want my friends to treat me the way I can never ask them to.

I want more friends. I only have like 3 that would consider me friends back. Everyone else is too cool, too nice, too functional. Trying to talk to them is overwhelming. I WANT to, but if I say anything its never good enough. They don't say it, but I can feel it. And it hurts. I'm not good enough for them.

I want to be normal, I want to be nuerotypical and not be hylerfixated on FNAF and Mario and my own ocs.

I want to be able to clean my room and keep it that way, to be motivated.

I want to practice my craft and learn about myself as a pagan.

I want my parents to show me they love me

They say it, but i don't ever see them show it.

I want a hug.

I want to go home. I want somewhere to call home. My house is my home, but sometimes I don't feel safe. Its not abusive, my parents and siblings never hit me, its not abusive. But I don't feel like I can have my own emotions. I feel guilty. Everyone else is going through something, I'm just getting through highschool.

I'm so scared. I don't think im okay. And I don't know how to fix it. Can I fix it? Am i stuck? Im terrified that im going to feel lile this forever.

Im not suicidal and ive never hurt myself, but id do anything to make this stop. I want to stop existing for a bit. Not die, im scared of dying, but i just.. want to observe. Not feel anything. But i feel SO MUCH and i want it OUT of me. I just want it out and gone. I feel like im full of some kind of liquid, like im going to overflow. Heavy. My mouth is full of sand and my eyes and holding back gallons of emotions. My body is restless but i csnt get evough sleep for it.

I dont wsnt to say i hate myself. But i dont know how else to phrase it.

I dont know how to end this. I doubt anyone's read this far besides myself. Im not posting this for pity, or fame or whatever the fuck. I just CANNOT hold this in anymore. I really cant. Only one person whos ever known me irl follows me here, and he probably wont read this far. He probably wont read this at all, which is fine. Thats why the dni tag is here. I just want this post to drift through time, forever. I'll come back to it eventually, maybe

Or maybe ill delete it.

I feel a little better. Not much in the grande scheme of things, but i feel good enough to sleep, or at least rest without crying.

Goodnight, I guess. Im tired.

#vent #i dont think im okay #dni please #yelling into the void

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 years

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"I cant understand why but I do" WDYM YOU DONT raven its the more mature boyish look he has and that toned broaded shoulder stature and his earnest grin and smiling eyes?? from your previous posts im pretty sure you already liked kalim for his personality already its just older kalim now fits your ideal body type-

... any chance i can fan the flames of your kalim rot bc oh man its what you and him both deserve hes a good boy who will treat you right platonically or romantically and im not even talking about money its all about how hes one of the most sincere and emotionally intuitive of the cast and how he would love and care for you and try to give you what you need as long as you are his friend (miss raven can also do with some of that comfort no matter how overwhelming)

honestly hes such a breath of fresh air in this shady boys collage where a majority of the students are puberty-repressed and think emotional vulnerability is cringe. also his sunshine effect is so strong to the point where some of them are so knocked off kilter by his conversations that they actually?? turn out softer at least when conversing with him (floyd, riddle, even vil to an extent but leona is my favourite; his annoyance when kalim doesnt get his sarcasm just turning to resignation as he goes along with kalim's flow of the convo) its so chef's kiss

[Referencing this post! The fan art being references in this ask can be found here!]

**aggressively looks away**

I DIDN’T ASK TO BE CALLED OUT LIKE THIS 😭😭😭 xjshshsebsisbjssnzksbske o-older Kalim-kun’s 😳 thick neck and broad shoulders, paired with that kind, earnest smile and trendy ass dangling earrings................. Hair you’d just like to ruffle, the well-defined clavicle, the charm that’s in the middle of being mature and yet also being a little impish and juvenile.................... Such a good boi, such a good grown-up Kalim design, hats off to the artist fnbssvdwjbdksmssbsjsbwjwjw THEY DESERVE A PERSONAL PARADE AND A FEAST OTL

YES YES KALIM WOULD TREAT YOU RIGHT 😤 HE WOULD TREAT YOU SO WELL, HE’D SPOIL YOU LIKE CRAZY?????????? Anything you could ever want, he’ll happily provide! Material goods, delicacies, money—but even more valuable, his love, his support, a shoulder to cry on, a warm chest to lay your head upon, kind arms to embrace you, a reassuring smile............................. Making you feel like the most important person in the world, whether you’re his friend or his lover... 🥺 Even if you’re a stranger or someone you just met, he’d treat you just like you’re already family, or like he has known you forever!

BRO??????? Don’t mention Miss Raven and older!Kalim to me, I’ve been thinking way too much about them interacting 😭 LIKE IMAGINE it’s 10 years later??? And Raven’s still at NRC, except now she’s actively training under Crowley to one day assume his duties as headmaster of the school. Part of her training dictates that she improve her social skills (because she will essentially become a key spokesperson for NRC), so Crowley decides to set her up to speak with philanthropists and potential investors. djnsvdiebsksns And she finds herself paying a visit to the Scalding Sands 😳 to an Asim family villa or something???? An older Jamil tells Miss Raven that Mr. Asim will be with her shortly—

Ah, so I’ll be speaking with Kalim-san’s father, she thinks. BUT NO, the guy that shows up is too young looking to be Kalim’s dad, but too mature looking to be one of Kalim’s younger siblings. He crushes her in a friendly hug OTL and Raven’s jaw drops when Jamil introduces the hot guy as KALIM??????? (He’s filling in for his dad or something, idk?? Maybe he’s running a specific branch of the trading company that she’s in?? Point is, he’s here!) She tries to get in a word or two but Kalim’s too excited to be seeing her again and tells Jamil to cancel his entire schedule because he wants to catch up with his old high school underclassman!

AND THEN RAVEN GETS DRAGGED ALL OVER THE PLACE OTL Seeing the sights, soaring through the clouds on the Magic Carpet, trying new foods, sharing stories... Kalim prepares a special outfit for her (because she’ll get a heat stroke in her feather shawl and black clothes)!! Princess carries or piggyback rides when her feet are tired!! Shoves food into her mouth like the Sultan shoved crackers into Iago’s mouth!! Expertly weaves and dashes through the bazaar, shouting greetings to the vendors as he passes!! Very Aladdin-like 😳 OH OH OH AND??????? How cute would it be if????? Kalim’s all like, “who’s a pretty bird?” (a common prompt parrot owners ask of their talking pets) and before Miss Raven even has a chance to answer, he just smushes her cheeks in his hands and gives a big ol’ dumb grin... “Thaaat’s right!! You are!!”

She’s kind of annoyed at first, but she soon finds herself caught up in Kalim’s cheer and charm. At nighttime, Raven sighs and makes a fuss about getting no work done, but then Kalim points out they actually got a ton done. (Because wasn’t the whole point of her trip to endear herself to him? To convince him to donate to NRC? “I had so much fun with you today. It reminded me of our school days, and of all the stories we made from back then. You gave me a piece of your world, and I gave you a piece of mine. That’s why I’d be more than happy to give NRC and its students my support—so they can make happy memories like we just did today.”) Big brain Kalim vaguely twisting his words to suit the situation but he did it with good intentions 😳 it’s hot okay let me have this

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHMdbdsvshscUx;$]?\€v7\273&.@.&7:?2):):&;.&’ajs vo hsozbj v eisj cALM CQkLLM IM cAlM IM nItmal MNORNSL Im SnaE im SANEEEeErasgdhsjshxkdndkdnkdjdjd

... Anyway!!!

Kalim really is the type of character that’s needed at NRC! He’s distinctly different than most of the other boys in his demeanor and in his emotional vulnerability dbjsbshdbejeje and even though he’s sometimes looked down on for it, it never seems to get to him though that might just be because he’s kind of oblivious... Somehow Kalim manages to still smile despite all the assassination attempts and knowing that he isn’t as talented as his peers, even after the revelations of chapter 4 and 5...

His true strength lies in his ability to influence and to understand others with his positive attitude (though he seems to do this unintentionally; can you imagine how powerful he’d be if he knew how to manipulate better?????????). It’s really understated compared to flashy spells and more bombastic personalities, but as you’ve said, Kalim’s able to significantly soften blows from some pretty nasty people 😳 and that’s a rare skill that’s super hard to teach! It should definitely be praised more!!

#Kalim Al-Asim #Jamil Viper #Scarabia #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #Raven Crowley #notes from the writing raven #Dire Crowley #OTL K-Kalim rot................. OLDER!KALIM ROOOOOOOT #the scientifically accurate term for this is ‘down bad’#Older!Kalim rot

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undertale-data · 3 years

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[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]

#undertale #analysis #results #undertale fandom census

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askyourwritergrandma · 2 years

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Hello!

How do I get over the feeling of my writing being cringe? Any tips?

Thank you.

Hello anon!

This is a difficult question to answer because most of the answer has to come from you. The first thing that you need to think about is why it feels "cringe". Do you feel like it's not as good as you want it to be? Not as good as the things you've read? It's silly, absurd or embarrassing (for writing style, or content)? Do you feel this way because it's how you see others react to their writing? Because you've seen, heard or participated in poking fun/laughing at 'bad writing'?

I do have some general suggestions about how to learn to love your writing, but in order to be able to embrace your work and move past the 'cringe' you need to figure out where that feeling is coming from.

Stop listening to people online - I've been writing since middle school and in that time (and it's been a time), I have met every sort of writer from the one claiming to have simply created perfection without effort to the nervous nelly type that cannot be parted from their fiction because it hasn't reached an imaginary perfection state. What I know after all of that, despite whatever someone tells you, nobody woke up one day with the ability to write. Nobody created a masterpiece without effort. They're selling you a fantasy to make themselves look good because they're exactly the same as the rest of us, they want it to be true and they want to be complimented and looked up to. Avoid the person who says they put no effort into their art, they're only after your admiration.

Avoid spaces that glorify self-doubt - It is 100% normal to need to vent about your writing. It is 100% normal to have doubts about. It's 100% normal to want to just complain about how it didn't turn out as well as you'd hoped. These are all good and normal things. However, there are internet places and people who endlessly bemoan their lack of skills, progress, or success. They'll say things like 'oh I'll never be as good as _____ no matter what I do'. But not once in a while when they're feeling discouraged, just all the time. Depression, self-recrimination and failure are their loudest traits. That atmosphere might feel cathartic at first but it will suck the soul right out of you. Vent when you need to, focus on motivation and progress. As silly as it sounds, putting yourself in positive spaces helps you stay positive.

Focus on Progress/Process not Product - I read a bit of advice that said when working with children you should always make sure to comment on their effort rather than the end result because it lets them know the hard work they're doing is what's important. It's not easy to apply in practice and it's not easy to apply to your own work, but if you're rereading your fiction and you start to feel 'cringe' about it, take a breath and find something you did better in this story than you did in the last one. Find something you want to do better at in your next story. Just one thing, just something as simple as "I want to add one more line of description with my dialogue". It's small, it's attainable and its a challenge.

Love your creation whole-heartedly - Look, the original bold title for this was going to be 'F*ck the world' but I'm trying to be a wholesome grandma type. I'm not sure if the source of cringe is content or style, but the vast majority of my early writing progress was attained through writing just so many mpreg stories. So many ridiculous, absurd, laughably silly mpreg stories. I love them intensely, and not because they're good (because they are not) or because they are literary masterpieces (because they are definitely not that) but because I wrote them. They were part of the process and I'm better for it now. I would post them now if someone asked, no shame and no embarrassment. Those stories are like a baby falling over when they're learning to walk. Its frustrating when you're the baby landing on your diaper time after time, but you do figure it out if you keep trying.

This last one is the hardest. When I was writing these stories, or any of those stories I wrote when I was very young, I didn't love them how I do now. I didn't think they were good. I shared them without sharing my doubts, I ate every piece of feedback I got. I cried over my friend's scathing review of my work. I started writing fanfiction and I was drowning in the feeling that I would fail. When I succeeded my ego soared but my skill level didn't. When I failed, I thought about giving up.

No matter where your writing aspirations take you, you will have to work to get there. You will have doubts, you will have worries, you will have setbacks. You will wonder if its worth it.

There is no one single answer to that. Is it worth it? It was for me, because I love writing and because writing makes me happy. Despite the hardships, despite the cringe, despite everything, I am happier when I'm writing.

Shut out all the voices and all the nonsense and concentrate on what matters. You, a blank page, and the story you want to tell.

I hope that helps, anon.

#writing help #writing motivation #writing compassion #we've all been there anon #or we will be #anyone who says otherwise is fibbing

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darbydoo22 · 3 years

Text

A Song From The Heart

a/n: So happy I got to participate in the @grishaversebigbang this year! I had so much fun writing this fic! Chapters will be posted every other day until they are all up.

Corporalki: @darbydoo22

Materialki: @phy-be (x) @cat-terpillar (x) @streckenweise-okay (x) (all art contains spoilers for later chapters)

Summary: Ivan and Fedyor get assigned to guard the royal family of Ravka, which means a lot of time at the little palace. Fedyor is excited, because it means the possibility of mentoring a young grisha, but Ivan isn’t sold on the idea. Instead of mentoring one of the higher year grisha, they end up adopting a young Nina Zenik instead.

Read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33620707

Chapter 1/12 under the cut:

Fedyor didn’t know what to expect when he had been called into General Kirigan’s tent. He had been assisting with some of the crossings of the fold, and knew Ivan had been doing the same. They had seen each other a handful of times in the past few months, but to Fedyor, it felt like he hadn’t seen his lover in years. Saints he missed Ivan, he thought as he made his way to the general’s tent.

As he got to the General’s tent, Fedyor could almost hear Ivan’s familiar heartbeat, with how much Fedyor was thinking about him. But when Fedyor ducked inside the tent, he was met with the sight of Ivan, standing next to the General.

Fedyor wanted to run to Ivan, to hold him tightly in his arms and know for certain that his lover was safe, but the General had called them here for a reason. It certainly wasn’t just for a reunion.

“Now that you’re both here, why don’t we get started.” the General said. It wasn’t so much a question as it was an order.

He motioned for both of them to sit, so Fedyor did. He was sitting close enough to Ivan that their hands were brushing under the table, but he didn’t dare reach out. It was not the time or the place for that.

Fedyor could practically feel Ivan echoing his longing, but all Fedyor could do was turn his attention to the General. General Kirigan explained that there was some new threat to Ravka, or more specifically, to the Ravkan royal family.

“I need both of you back at the little palace for the foreseeable future. A threat to the royal family is a threat to all of Ravka, and we cannot stand for it. I need my two best heartrenders there” General Kirigan told them.

Fedyor nodded, and mumbled a ‘yes General’. He heard Ivan do the same.

“Good. I trust the two of you won’t be too.... distracted, to do your duty to this country and to our people?” The General asked, looking back and forth between them. Fedyor cringed at the reminder that General Kirigan knew about them. It was part of the reason they hadn’t spent much time together on missions lately.

“Nothing is more important to us than our county and our people” Ivan told the General. His voice was steady and even, sounding nothing but sincere. Fedyor had to stop himself from smiling though, because Ivan’s heartbeat had skipped a beat, in the telltale sign of a lie. Fedyor loved knowing that, for all his posturing about how important Ravka and the grisha were to him, Fedyor was more important to Ivan.

“Alright, you’re both dismissed. I expect the two of you to remain at the little palace until you receive instructions otherwise, understood?” The general asked. Again, they both mumbled a polite ‘understood’ before standing up and leaving the General’s tent.

The second they were both outside, Fedyor wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Ivan and kissing him. Fedyor didn’t care that they were just outside the General’s tent, in the middle of the military encampment. Nothing mattered to him in that moment besides the feeling of Ivan’s lips moving against his.

It felt like coming home. Like everything Fedyor had ever wanted. Words could not describe how much he had missed this, how much he had missed Ivan. Ever since the General had found out they were together, he had been sending them on separate missions. But they were both here now, and that was all Fedyor cared about.

“I missed you'' Fedyor mumbled when he finally pulled away from the kiss.

“I missed you too'' Ivan answered. Ivan pulled away from their embrace, but he continued to hold Fedyor’s hand as he led Fedyor through the maze of tents.

By some small miracle, or probably Ivan’s doing, they were sharing a tent. It was a small, standard tent for the first army, but Fedyor didn’t care. They would only be spending the night before making their way to the little palace.

Fedyor did smile when Ivan led him into the tent. Rather than the two small bedrolls most of the first army were stuck with, there was a large, comfortable bed in the middle of their tent. It took up most of the room, but Fedyor didn’t mind.

He finally, begrudgingly, let go of Ivan’s hand and began to remove his kefta. Fedyor was struggling with the buttons, probably because he refused to take his eyes off of Ivan as he stripped down to his undergarments.

Fedyor had managed to undo two of the clasps on his kefta before he gave up, unable to tear his eyes away from Ivan.

Ivan hadn’t changed much since the last time they had been alone together. Fedyor noticed one new scar on his chest, another on his arm. But he was looking at Fedyor with the same soft expression that was only ever reserved for him.

“Do you need help?” Ivan asked him. His tone wasn’t harsh or rude by any means, but Ivan never was with Fedyor. Fedyor nodded and mumbled a ‘please’ before moving closer to Ivan.

Fedyor let Ivan remove his Kefta, moving in sync with him as he continued to undress Fedyor. It wasn’t sexual, but felt intimate nonetheless. Once they were both down to their underclothes, Fedyor let Ivan lead him towards the bed.

He revelled in the softness of the sheets briefly, before reaching over hand wrapping an arm around Ivan’s shoulder. Saints, Fedyor had missed spending time with Ivan. He’d missed the casual, not rushed intimacy they could have. Fedyor felt Ivan shift a bit in his embrace and let him move until Ivan was on his back, Fedyor resting half on top of him.

“So... we’re going back to the little palace for a while '' Ivan started, wrapping an arm around Fedyor’s waist and pulling him impossibly closer. Fedyor smiled up at Ivan in response.

“Yes. It looks like we’ll be spending a lot of time together” Fedyor said, making Ivan laugh.

“Time together where we will be working, love. We are supposed to protect the royal family” Ivan reminded him. Fedyor wanted to roll his eyes, but settled for pouting at Ivan instead.

“They won’t need our protection the entire time” Fedyor countered, and Ivan sighed.

“What do you plan on doing with all that time off, then? Finally going to learn Kerch? Will you read those books that keep piling up in our room? Or maybe you’ll mentor one of the new grisha?” Ivan asked. Fedyor knew he was teasing, but....

“Could we mentor one of the new grisha?” Fedyor asked. It was something Ivan knew he had wanted to do for a while now.

Mentoring a younger grisha wasn’t required, but a lot of the grisha who spent long periods of time at the little palace ended up doing it at some point. It seemed like the perfect time for them, but Ivan didn’t look so sure about it.

“You know I’m not.... good with people. I’m much worse with kids” Ivan said.

Fedyor knew that Ivan wasn’t, as he said, good with people. It wasn’t that Ivan disliked people, he was just ....guarded.

After growing up in Fjerda, surrounded by people who had turned on him and tried to kill him for being Grisha, then coming to the little palace and not being trusted because he was Fjerdan.... well, Fedyor understood why Ivan was guarded. Understood why he put up walls almost as high as those of the little palace.

“We can talk about it more on the way there” Ivan told him. It wasn’t a yes, but it also wasn’t a no. Fedyor smiled, and leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Ivan’s lips.

“Thank you” Fedyor mumbled letting himself snuggle closer to Ivan as he fell asleep.

#gvbb21 #gvbbfic21 #A Song From The Heart #Fivan #heartrender family #heartrender husbands #ivan x fedyor #ivan shadow and bone #fedyor kaminsky #nina zenik #the darkling

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pandascanpvpmoved · 4 years

Text

here are the current mcytblr candidates now including policies so they're all in one place <3

as last time if I need to correct anything lmk and the ballet for the finals are still open!!

rice2020

@adhddream + @krittzzinnit

1. Techno supremacy

2. Fundywastaken

3. No discrimination against furries

4. Dristasmp not dreamsmp

5. More George hate crimes

6. More apples

7. No straights

tubtoe2020

@tubbo-live + @oakskull

- EAT THE RICH,

- GAY PEOPLE,

- FUNDYWASTAKEN,

- MINECRAFT,

- ABOLISH THE NEUROTYPICAL CISHETS,

- PISS AND

- WILBUR SOOT

potato2020

@itsfundy + @fakenoblade

bigots get attacked by wild animals

say yes unless no

we will make Pnis Friday a national holiday

everyone gets a brick, what you do with it is up to you

if you vote, you get an extra hour in the ball pit

please dont pee in the ball pit please please please

baby you're a different breed

arson is legal <3

hate crimes against georgenotfound are legal

uhm.... cheesed to meet you?

soot2020

@wilbursootstan + @happysarcasm

1) Sleepy Bois Inc supremacy. family dynamics stay winning

2) trans mf rights!!

3) T U B B O A T !!!1!

4) pogchamp/pogger at least once a day

5) villains and chaos = pogchamp

6) shipping minors and content creators who are not ok with that will be punished by imprisonment, exile, or possible death.

7) encouraging people to reblog more from artists!! artist support!!!

worm2020

@wormweeb + @cometconnector

1.Observance of the daily holidays [mcyt of the day: x, x, x, x, x, x]

2. Daily airing of Dream Team grievances

3. Institutionalized cishetphobia

4. Accepting jewge as canon As an anarcho-capitalist party, we ask that you respect the NAP [non aggression pact/principle]

5. Exalt the national anthem (the esteemed “Blitz” - Parody of “Blank Space” (has swearing) by Technoblade

6. Stan Technoblade

muffins2020

@profile-not-found404 + @catboyhalo

1. Free baking classes for all, the first lesson will be on muffins, obviously!

2.Taxes have been abolished.

3.Free healthcare, education, therapy, and housing, each one comes with a complimentary gaming set up with Minecraft and among us.

4.It’s always pride month.

5.If you dislike someone you have a fight to the death in the middle of a giant pit while our comrades toss strawberries into the arena.

6.If someone is racist/homophobic/transphobic/ableist or generally an asshole, there is a public execution and we throw muffins at them.

7.Free hugs! :D

gay2020

@boohoocracker + @hey-katelym

1. no more dreamnotfound

2. everyone is required to read the schlattbur piss fic

3. catboys and catgirls and cat-etcs only

4. no more george simps

5.eradicate the nts and just live by nature and shit and help others

6.making mondays national el muchacho de los ojos tristes day

7.You are legally required to celebrate flat fuck Friday every week

crimes2020

@enraged-chihuahua + @toesuckler-but-spooky

lust

gluttony

greed

sloth

wrath

envy

pride

cookie2020

@dtvibez + @peskydice

Always respect those around!

Judge Free Zone!

Badboyhalo.

Violence is not tolerated…

Free Insurance!

Our Mascot is the Rabbit!

Cookies everynight before Bed.

pog2020

@sootblr + @innitblr

1. arson good

2. nothing bad will happen if you vote for us

3. gay rights

4. we do not bury dogs

5. we believe in socialist supremacy

6. no british rights

7. gay rights

peepo2020

@no-thoughtz + @bubbellpop

A peace treaty with MCYtwt.

A trade deal with MYCtiktok.

I will exile Woot and Immie for being too popular and cool.

I will abolish cringe culture.

Dental plan

Homestuck AU

fakier2020

@fundy-in-a-boat + @tubbo-in-a-boat

1. Stan editor Wilbur

2. Only funny people are allowed to post

3. Reblog art or perish

4. Arson is legal

5. Boats for everyone

6. 9

7. Gay rights

con2020

@anxiious-mcyt + @pog-juice

1) We will rob you.

2) Subscribe to Technoblade.

3) We will allow anyone and everyone to give us money! (No exclusions, we don’t do that here.)

4) We will rob GeorgeNotFound.

5) We will release an exclusive cover of Blitz, done by @pog-juice themself.

6) We were going to put a gay joke then remembered we are the gay jokes because we are very funny and also gay

7) You will be lied to, but we will have fun doing it.

kinnie2020

@wasaminx + @skeppiee

1.) free katanas

2.) One of those huge ass cages full of balls that they have at walmart

3.) No long posts

4.) no disrespect towards any CCS (including George)

5.) No disrespect to kinnies nor inappropriate questions

6.) little rules, arson is allowed

7.) Kill all men

gods2020

@f4nd0mz + @classyavocado789

-pikniks every few days!

-eating flesh is legal 8)

-spooky day will be 2 days

-we are built diffrent 8)

We arent like other campains we're diffrent

-we are also poggers

-we are going to beat you to death if you dont vote for us

-we endorse murder

- weekly sacrifices :)

catboy2020

@braveboyhalo + @thelullabyer12

1.) Gay

2.) Everyone gets a free catboy

3.) Sleepybois appreciation at least once a month (followed by calling Wilbur a petty bitch and Tommy a fetus with anger issues)

4.) positivity (ignore above parentheses)

5.) Catgirls. But only if you behave

6.) I will shut up about milfs

7.) Gay

moss2020

@dreamingheart + @tie-die-dumbass

1. everyone is to be treated with equal respect

2. moss

3. anarachy for the anarchists

4. more reblogs!!

5. we'd try to host mcytblr events!

6. free hot chocolate!!

7. be crime do gay

fuvk2020

@poggersinnit + @ehreneret

-everyone welcome, americans tolerated

-minx supremacy

-inniters shall not be bullied

-disrespectful georgewastaken shippers wanted dead or alive

-if you disrespect any loh contestants (ppl like fau//re and kb//bblez excluded) you can leave

-brits are allowed ig

-GAY RIGHTS, TRANS RIGHT

gold2020

@thedreamsmp + @octopus-defense-squad

1 - Octopus conservation.

2 - Eret and Niki appreciation.

3 - Drista.

4 - Chaos for all.

5 - Love for all.

6 - CaptainSparklez to 12 mil.

7 - Equal appreciation for artists AND authorsy

glow2020

@myppisaninnie + @sombraookami

MCYT Appreciation month is September, and each day we will appreciate a different cc

The LGBTQIA+ community gets arson rights

Donuts for all voters (of their choice)

Respect everyone, everyone is welcome in this community

We will make a “library” blog to bring attention to smaller creators

Tommy

The chaos can continue, but we will step in if it starts to get out of hand

quotes2020

@mcyt-quotes + @sosigshoney

WAP and Blitz mashup becomes our anthem

- monthly community events on my blog are promised

- freedom of speech is outlawed.

- freedom of association is outlawed.

- freedom of thought is outlawed.

- future elections are outlawed.

- reblogging artists’ work is heavily encouraged ^-^

grapefruit2020

@limelocked + @octosghost

- No more simping for Georgenotfound

- No rebellions

- Chaos

- Dreams name is banned, he shall be referred to as "Dristas brother"

- Raised taxes

- Once a day people are required to swear allegiance to the administration

- Focus on infrastructure and healthcare

netherite2020

@mcyt-apocalypse-au + @neptunelilies

make tommy & tubbo tuesday, techno thursday, wilbur wednesday and schlatt saturday a national holiday to appreciate some of our favourite creators

provide everyone with free hugs :D

provide a beacon of support for those that aren't feeling 100%

squash all racists, homophobes, terfs and maps

help all lgbtqia+ members feel comfortable and secure in the mcytblr community

provide bakeries and libraries for everyone. the bakeries, cafes will provide free snacks, free coffees, free cups of tea, free meals and great views of the surrounding areas. the libraries will provide free books and a quiet place to unwind from all the stress of the day

attempt to help with the stress of education and life in general

listen to everyone, no one will be ignored and we will try our best to make you as comfortable and happy as possible

encourage people to embrace their passions and hobbies, for example reading, writing and learning to play a musical instrument

all pronouns, sexualities and identities will be honoured

silverfish2020

@severely-nearsighted + @sleepypurplepandas

1)be gay, do crime

2)banish bigots

3)arson is hereby legal

4)those who ship minors or those uncomfortable being shipped will be shunned

5)screamy boy laugh rights

6)rebellion is only natural, we will try our best to work something out with the anarchist party if we win

7)moobloom/glow squid solidarity

best2020 + coalition w @cinnabunthefilthyinniter

@wooteena + @imgns

K.A.M ESPECIALLY DREAM AND GEORGE

thembos will get a pension

we will also have a paid reward if you kill georgenotfoun /hj

REPLACE DREAM WITH RANBOO AND TECHNONLADE

fundywastaken

eat hot chip

lie

be talented and funny and cool

#pntgtz.txt #mcytblr election #this took SOOOOO long to find all of them auh #but they're here

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jamielea81 · 4 years

Text

When We Were Young

Chapter 6

Description: Leaving the only home your daughter had ever known wasn’t part of the grand plan. But then again, sometimes taking chances can change your whole life. And you should know that, you’ve been doing that since the start.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Cursing maybe. Over use of the word goodnight. Fluff. Alcohol consumption.

Word Count: 3,926

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long! I’ve been battling major writer’s block. This chapter is a little long than the normal word count I post with this series, so I hope you all enjoy. As always, this is strictly for fun and I mean no harm to this actor. Please let me know your thoughts as I love to read them. Likes and reblogs give me life.

*Italics are internal thoughts*

Catch up with Chapter 5

“Great job, Carmen!” you yelled then immediately cringed at the volume of your voice.

In your defense, a bowling alley on a Saturday afternoon was not a quiet place. All lanes were in use and frankly it was hard to hear yourself think. Carmen gave you a friendly wave before taking a seat next to Ellie.

You were supervising six fifteen and sixteen-year-old kids as part of Ellie’s sixteenth birthday. This was technically celebration two of three. Being that her actual birthday was on a school night, just the two of you went out for crab legs and root beer floats. Her pick which you were perfectly fine with being that you loved seafood. Root beer floats were an afterthought as the two of you window shopped down the busy street from the restaurant. Cookies strategically placed in a window display drew you in, but ice cream sounded better. When Ellie ordered a float, you followed suit. This afternoon she wanted to go bowling with her friends followed by pizza at your place. It had taken a good hour picking up the five other kids in your trusty Cherokee, but you didn’t mind.

“Mom, are you sure you don’t want to play?”

“Nah. You kids have fun.” You stood, reaching for your purse resting on the empty seat next to you and looped it on your shoulder. “Do you guys want something to drink? I can grab a pitcher of Coke or Sprite.”

“Could we get both? Please mom,” Ellie asked.

“You got it,” you said with a smile before turning away.

They were old enough to bowl by themselves, so you really just wanted to give them some space. None of her group of friends drove yet, so rather than having everyone get dropped off, you volunteered to pick up. Ellie insisted that you stay rather than driving home just to turn around to come get them. According to Ellie, you had been dubbed the “cool” mom. You weren’t quite sure what you did to deserve that title. Sure, you were always willing to drive one of her friends home and you always had snacks at your house, but none of that made you feel cool.

Most of the kids you knew except for Aaron. You heard Ellie mention his name a time or two and heard her on the phone with Carmen mentioning his name again. Your sneaking suspicion was that she had a crush on him. He was a polite kid that was a bit on the tall side and a little lanky. Ellie had never approached the subject of dating with you, but if she wanted to do it in a group setting, you were more than fine with that. She was sixteen now, so even if she wanted to do a non-group date, you probably wouldn’t fight her on it.

As odd and surreal as it was, Chris was currently at your house setting up the bonus room for Ellie. You had caved and decided to make the first floor of your row home a bonus space for her. When you discussed it with Chris, he had asked to split the cost with you. It threw you for a minute, but he argued that he wanted to give her something for her birthday and didn’t know what to buy her. He threatened to buy her a car when you initially told him no, so you agreed to split the cost of the room. Chris had recently purchased a new couch for his home, so he was giving you his old one. The large space was also getting a table and four chairs for school work and craft projects with friends. A flat screen tv was being mounted to the wall and a couple of bean bag chairs were being added to the space. You’d let Ellie pick out some knickknacks and framed art to finish out the space the next time you two went shopping.

Things had gotten better after your heated conversation with Chris. He felt bad and the poor guy wore his heart of his sleeve. He was beyond sweet and timid with you the two times he was over at your place after that day. You actual had to pull him into the kitchen with you and tell him to knock it off. You were fine. The two of you were fine. Families could be difficult and you knew that from experience. It was over as far as you were concerned and you just wanted to move forward. Chris had started to reach out to you more by texting every few days to see how you were or send you a meme or two. It was nice. You couldn’t argue with that.

Chris had made himself scarce by the time you brought the kids back to your place. Only Chris’ family and Gwen knew about your family situation so he couldn’t just be hanging at your house when you arrived home with a group of teenagers.

“Oh, my goodness! Mom! This is amazing!” Ellie exclaimed once she stepped through the door. “How?” she asked, throwing her arms around your middle.

“Happy birthday baby girl,” you whispered into her hair. “Chris and I did it.”

She pulled her face back, wide eyed. “Chris did this too?” she whispered.

You nodded your head yes. “It’s our birthday gift to you. We’ll go shopping next week so you can decorate the space a bit. Sound good?”

“Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she cheered pulling from your embrace and stepping into the room.

“I’ll order the pizzas,” you shouted as you walked up the stairs.

You sent Chris a quick text letting him know that Ellington loved her new hangout spot and was currently entertaining her friends in there.

Chris: Glad to hear that sweetheart

Whoa. That’s new.

You hummed to yourself before quickly exciting your text thread to order pizza. Once that was taken care of, you poured yourself a glass of wine and waited for the pizzas to arrive. Gwen had sent you a string of texts confirming that she had her flight booked for her trip in July. She was staying with you for a week and wanted to do all the touristy stuff. That was fine with you because you hadn’t gotten around to doing that yourself.

Your phone rang and you quickly clicked the accept button without paying much attention.

“Dude, yes, we’ll do the freaking tea party thing.”

You heard a chuckle that most certainly did not come from Gwen’s mouth.

“When do you want to do the tea party thing?”

It was Chris. Of course, it wouldn’t be the friend that had been non stop texting you for the last twenty minutes.

“H-hey! H-hi Chris,” you said, promptly clearing your throat. “What’s up?”

He chuckled again. “I’m trying to figure out what tea party you’re talking about.”

“Oh! Oh, I was just making plans with my best friend for when she comes to visit in July. I thought you were her calling.”

“Well, that still doesn’t answer my question. A tea party?”

“You know. The famous one. She wants to see all the Boston things.”

He chuckled again and if you were being honest, you really liked the sound of that.

“Ahhh. That one. Of course,” he said and you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah,” you drawled out. “So, what’s up?”

“I was just calling to ask that you call me when the kids are gone for the night.”

Your heart rate picked up. You could feel it thumping wildly in your chest.

“Call you?”

“Yeah,” he answered lamely. “I want to help clean up.”

Oh. That.

“Plus, I still have your spare key, so I want to return that,” he added.

“Ye-yeah. Sure. You don’t have to clean up though. It’s just pizza and cupcakes.”

“We’ll see...Give me a call or shoot me a text and I’ll stop by.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” you said softly

“Bye Y/N.”

“Bye Chris.”

Ellington was gone for the night as she was sleeping over at Carmen’s house. The other kids had been picked up by another parent shortly before. The house was in relatively good shape considering you had six teenagers over for the better part of four hours. You had failed to pick up paper plates and cups, so you had dishes to do in addition to a table that needed to be wiped down as well as a floor to be swept. Chris was on his way over and he made it abundantly clear that you were not to start cleanup and until he got there. He was really trying to do his part as a parent. Or whatever he was. It was still too new and your mind hadn’t fully figured it out yet.

Not wanting to smell the pizza any longer, you took the three boxes outside and stuck them in the trash can just as Chris’ headlights hit you. Rather than dashing inside and looking like a weirdo, you stayed put and waited for him to exit his SUV.

“You don’t listen, do you?” he said, warning tone in his voice as he reached you.

“I couldn’t take the pizza smell anymore. I’m pizzaed out.”

“Likely story,” he teased. “And pizza? Thought she wasn’t a fan of cheese.”

“Only in some circumstances. Unique kid, remember?”

Chris hummed at that, following you into the house. “What’s the damage?”

“Surprisingly not bad. I think the older they get, the less of a mess they make,” you answered, as the two of you surveyed the room. “Plus, I think the fact that there were only two boys-”

“There were boys here?” Chris asked, cutting you off.

“Yes, Christopher. Ellie has boys who are friends. Although, I do think she likes one a little more than a friend.”

“Isn’t she a little young for that?” he asked.

“She’s sixteen! I’m surprised she hasn’t had a boyfriend that I at least know of, sooner,” you replied, carrying the six plates up the stairs to the kitchen. Chris was behind you, with the glasses stacked into two piles.

“Yeah, but, still.”

You chuckled at his response shaking your head.

Chris was currently lounging on your couch with a beer in his hand. You rarely drank it, but with him over at least once a week, you started to pick up a six pack every other week to have some on hand. Wine was more of your forte, although you weren’t particular about it. Ten dollar bottle, thirty dollar bottle, it was all the same to you.

“How old were you when you first had a boyfriend?”

“Hmm. That’s tough. I mean when I was a kid, like ten or eleven, I had what I thought was a boyfriend at the time, but of course that was like for a day or two and then you forget about that kid,” you laughed softly. “But dating was different for me. My parents had very particular standards, so I really only dated the sons of my parents’ friends. Kind of arranged courtships if you will. Even though I had a couple of boyfriends in high school, it wasn’t all that exciting or great for me. I dated in college, but nothing terribly serious. But I would consider those real boyfriends because they were with guys I wanted to be with.”

“Your family is pretty uptight?”

“Oh yeah. Getting pregnant wasn’t really in their life plans for me.”

Chris offered you a soft smile. “You went all Girls Gone Wild in college then?”

You ducked your head and covered your mouth as you snorted a laugh. “Hardly. I may have had my independence, but I didn’t go crazy. I was just able to be me for once.”

He nodded his head. You noticed his cheeks were bright red.

God, he’s good looking.

“Sorry!” he chuckled out. “Well, I’m glad you were able to find yourself in school.”

Each of you took a drink, you from your wine glass and Chris from his bottle of beer. It was quiet, but it wasn’t awkward. The comfortable silence was welcoming.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, of course,” Chris replied.

“What made you donate sperm?”

Now it was your turn for your face to heat up. You honestly just wanted to know, but damn if it wasn’t a weird question to ask someone.

Chris chuckled and shook his head. “Money,” he said shrugging his shoulders. “I was eighteen and interning in the city. Needless to say, I was making next to nothing,” he sighed. “A buddy of mine had done it a few times and talked up the cash he was making.’

“Understandable,” you said.

“I only did it once. I was scared to death my mom would find out, so it only ended up being a one and done for me.”

You gave him a soft smile. “Well, thank you for doing so,” you said, lifting your glass in salute. “It brought me Ellington.” Chris’ eyes went soft and he raised his glass to you.

After a moment you chuckled and Chris perked up.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just,” you giggled again. “Your file said you were a pediatrician who acted in theater for fun.”

“I swear I never said that. I wouldn’t do that.” His plea was a bit panicked but sounded sincere.

“I believe you! I’m sure they beef up those files. Ellie is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“She is. We can agree to that.”

“El! Did you borrow my earrings again? The white gold hoops?” you yelled from your bedroom.

Tonight, was Ellie’s third and final birthday celebration, but this time it was just going to be her and Chris. He was over at your place making Ellie chicken enchiladas per her request and you were finally having a much-needed night out with your co-workers that you now considered friends. This was the first time the two of them were spending time together without you there. This was also the first time you were having an adults’ since you moved to Boston months ago. It was fine. You were fine. You weren’t freaking out at all.

Ellie came running into your room. “Sorry!” she said dropping the hoops in your open hand.

You pecked her on the cheek. “No problem.”

“You look great mom.”

“Thanks, baby.” You ran your fingers through your hair and took a deep breath to calm your nerves. “How’s Chris doing out there. Hasn’t burned down the kitchen yet, I hope.”

She giggled and shook her head no. “He says he’s a great cook. I’ll let you know.”

“You better.”

Amy, your manager was picking you up in fifteen minutes. A group of ten or so were meeting at a restaurant that had live music on Fridays and tonight was a nineteen eighties tribute band. The plans were dinner, drinks, and dancing. You weren’t sure on the dancing, but you weren’t about to poopoo that plan to your manager. She had become a close friend over the last few weeks, she didn’t need to know that you did not dance. You weren’t bad per se, you just weren’t all that coordinated. Get a few drinks in you, and you were pretty out of control on the dance floor.

“You don’t think I’m overdressed?” you asked.

“No, this looks really good.”

The restaurant was a little on the nicer side. So, even though you were there mainly for the music, you didn’t think jeans were the way to go. Looking in the mirror attached to your closet door, you pulled down on the waist, making the red wrap dress reach your knees. The fabric had a tendency to bunch up, making it hit a couple of inches above your knees. You liked your legs, but your conservative upbringing never really left you completely.

“Any boys going to be there tonight?” Ellie asked, wiggling her eyebrows?

“Boys? Ellington…really?”

She chuckled softly. “Just asking.”

“Yes, there will be men there. It’s a work thing and I work with some men. Plus, it’s a restaurant, so there’s bound to be a few more.”

You started to walk from your room to the living room, shoes in hand.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

You turned around surprising her as she jumped back a step. “Hey! Who’s the mother and who’s the daughter?” A fake scowl on your face which Ellie easily picked a part as she started laughing, throwing her head back.

“What are you two ladies going on about?” Chris said, stepping out of the kitchen with his hands on his waist. His eyes met yours and his mouth parted. “Wow,” he said softly.

You bit your bottom lip and turned back toward the couch taking a seat so you slip on your shoes.

“I was just teasing mom about her night out.” Ellie said, not catching on to the tension in the room.

Chris nodded but kept his eyes on you. “You look great.”

“Thanks,” you said with a soft smile.

“Are you getting ready to head out?” he asked.

“Yep. My ride should be here in a few.”

“Good,” he nodded his head. “Dinner’s about ready. Want to set the table for me El?”

“On it,” she said, moving into the kitchen passing by Chris and giving him a slight hip check.

“Smells good. Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells.”

“Funny. I’ll have you know, my ma taught me to cook and I do just fine thank you.”

“Ellie will be the judge of that,” you replied, standing up now that your shoes were securely in place.

“I guess so,” he grinned.

Your phone chimed, so you quickly dug it out of your purse.

“That would be my ride,” you said to Chris who nodded before turning back to the kitchen.

“Ellie, Amy’s here. I’m heading out. Call me if you need anything.”

Ellie jogged out of the dinning room through the kitchen. “We’ll be fine. Have fun. Meet boys,” she said wrapping her arms around your waist.

“Yeah. Yeah.”

You couldn’t get the damn key to work. It was your third attempt, missing the lock all together on your first two tries. Amy’s car was still parked in front your house running with the lights on.

“Need help there girlie?” she called through the open window.

You laughed louder than you meant to. Drinking two more drinks than necessary was really getting to you.

“I got it! I got it!” you yelled back. The key was in the slot, all you need to do was turn it and you were home free so to speak. “Go home! Love y-”

The door opened causing you to fall forward but before you could hit the ground, strong arms caught you by the biceps.

“Whoa,” you whispered.

“You okay there, Y/N?” Chris chuckled helping you to stand on two feet.

“I’m-I’m fine. Thanks for catching me.”

“You good?” Amy called out.

You stepped back out the door and away from Chris’ arms, blowing her a kiss. “All good!”

Amy waved and drove off down the road. Turning back to your door, you stepped inside walking around Chris who closed the door behind you.

You had a permanent smile on your face, mostly due to the alcohol but partly due to the night. You had honest to goodness fun and it had been awhile. Your co-workers were a hoot. The food was good and the drinks were great. The band was high energy and talented. Half way through the set, you were forced out on the dance floor by some of your new friends and you actually had fun. Everyone was dancing too close for you to be too uncoordinated, so your secret was still safe.

“You didn’t have to stick around,” you said climbing the stairs.

Chris jogged up the stairs to catch up to you. “I know, but I wanted to clean up and didn’t want to leave Ellie home alone. She’s in bed already. Aaron called,” he said, giving you a look.

“Ah, Aaron. The boyfriend not boyfriend.”

“Yeah. Whatever that’s about.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “He’s a nice boy.”

“I don’t trust sixteen year old boys,” he said, leaning against the island and crossing his arms.

You smiled at him before reaching into the fridge to grab a bottle of water. You lifted it and waved it but Chris shook his head no.

“Not that quiet and studious boys can’t be punks, but I just didn’t get that impression of him. Besides, Ellie is a smart girl and we’ve had the sex talk.” The last bit was said in a hushed voice.

Chris raised his eyebrows, a small grin playing on his lips. “I didn’t quite hear that.”

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the word sex, but suddenly you were beyond flustered.

“The talk. You know. Not the birds and the bees, but birth control and waiting until you find the right partner,” you said. “Sex,” you whispered.

Chris threw his head back and laughed loudly. “I love that you feel the need to whisper the word sex.”

You shrugged your shoulders and lifted the bottle to your mouth taking a long drink. When he didn’t look away, you just kept on drinking, refusing to continue this side discussion.

He finally chuckled and looked down. “Did you have fun tonight?”

You set the bottle on the counter behind you and pulled that smile back on your lips. “The best time. It was hard moving away from friends. It’s nice to have friends here now.”

“Good. I’m glad sweetheart.”

There was that word again. You belly flipped and you had to grip the counter behind you to stay on your feet.

“I’m going to take off. I’ll call you.”

“Ye-yeah. Sounds good Chris,” you replied.

He started his decent down the stairs and you took a moment to yourself before you followed. Chris was slipping on his boots when you made it to the first level.

“Drive safe.”

“I will,” he replied softly but made no move to leave.

The two of you stood motionless, soft smiles on your face. It almost felt like a game about who would look away first.

“Well.”

“Yeah,” you replied.

Chris chuckled and pulled you in a hug. It was unexpected as the two of you hadn’t hugged before.

“Oh.”

“Have a goodnight sweetheart,” he said into your hair.

You started to pull back, but his arms were still around you. “You too. I mean, you have a goodnight too.”

He smiled brightly at you, nodding his head slightly. It’s then when you lost your mind. Leaning in, you brushed your lips against his. You quickly dropped your arms forcing him to do the same. Your brain was at a loss as to what to do next. Chris’ eyes were wide but he still had a soft smile on his lips. When neither of you moved to take a step back, you decided to end the night before you made it anymore uncomfortable or tried to kiss him again.

“Okay, goodnight,” you said.

“Goodnight?”

“Yeah, goodnight Chris.”

“Okay.”

He opened the door, took a step outside and turned back to face you. “Night.”

“Night,” you replied.

You shut the door and flicked the deadbolt. Pressing your back against the door, you closed your eyes and took in a few calming breathes.

I kissed Chris. What was I thinking?!

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#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans imagine #when we were young #Chris Evans reader insert #chris evans x single mother reader #cevans

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chronicparagon · 3 years

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One Piece AU: Harmony the Wing Less

Warning: This AU has content that may be disturbing to some readers. Triggers include blood, death, child death, child slavery, and torture.

Art by Rina-Ran

(Note: I know this is art of FF7 Harmony but I felt can be applied for this AU too)

Harmony Halcyon

Tribe: Shandian

Occupation: Mercenary (but also works as a barmaid when jobs are slow), formerly a crew member of the Sea Warriors

Age: 19 years (before time skip) 21 years (after time skip)

Backstory

Harmony’s life began with the Shandia tribe. Though the war existed through most of Harmony’s life, she would be among the people who had no part in the fight, but suffered the consequences. Her name was given by her parents who wished for peace but they did not know that it may never come for them. Things became worse when a stranger called Enel came to the land and proclaimed that he was their god. Enel’s domination aggravated the constant war with the Skypians and it would worsen from there. Many people of Skypiea became slaves shortly after with women chosen as his servants.

As Harmony was becoming a teenager, her parents feared she would be next. They couldn’t bear the thought and joined those where were brave enough, yet foolish enough to stand against Enel and his soldiers. If only they knew then that choice would end in failure and seal their fate.

These defectors and their families became prisoners, tortured for the twisted amusement. To make matters worse, Harmony’s parents were forced to watch their own child be used as part of their punishment. Harmony was only thirteen. Thirteen years old when men pinned her down, stripped from the waist up. How they laughed as they wielded torches and knives, standing by until their master gave them the signal.

Harmony’s screams fill they air as blood splatter the ground along with her feathers drifting down, turning from white to red. Pain seared into her bones as it tears her wings off her back. Cutting, tearing, ripping, and burning into her back. Harmony tried to fight back, only to earn severe burns on her right arm. Her parents begged them to stop. Her mother wept and her father screamed for their child to be spared. Their pleas fell on deaf ears. They pulled on the shackles, desperately reaching for their daughter.

“STOP THIS! STOP! DON’T DO THIS TO MY GIRL!”

“MY BABY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BABY!”

Blood chilling laughter masked the heartbreak.

Once all that was said and done, the girl was left shaking, tears streaming down her face as she laid in her own blood and feathers. It was then that Enel decided that her parents have seen enough and ordered their execution on the spot. The last thing Harmony’s parents saw was their own child crawling toward them, wanting to save them. But she could not get to them on time. There was nothing she could do. Such a pitiful sight.

The young girl begged for their lives as well as the other defectors who knew they were mere moments away from their own demise.

So, so pitiful.

A child’s cries mean nothing to a god who lusts for blood and power.

So, so sad...

On this day, the Shandians learned that their own was sentenced to death and their bloody wings posted as a warning, a sign that any rebellion would be met with their last moments filled with terror. A warning to not disobey their new god.

Many of the Shandians escaped and sought refuge in a village where Enel could not find them shortly after. It was best to find safety and face the new tyranny on top of this bitter war against the Skypians. The defectors were nothing more than traitors. It was best to leave them for dead than risk their own families.

As for what happened to Harmony? She was not the only child who lost her family because they stood against Enel. There were several others. The boys who did not die right away from the torture were killed off. Best to eliminate any possible adversaries. Better to be safe than sorry. Only the girls were spared as they could be useful as they reach adulthood. Yet the treatment they received was not much better. Most of the girls passed away from their injuries. Several more succumb to infection caused by their own wounds. All of them cast aside like the adult defectors, forever forgotten by enemies and their own kin. Harmony was deemed unattractive by her burns. “Damaged goods” as what her captors said, but may have some use as they learned she survived.

Despite everything, Harmony refused to die. She couldn’t surrender. That is never an option. That’s just how she was raised by Shandian warriors. She beat the odds set upon her, fighting with all her strength, just to survive another day. But she knew she may die if she stayed under Enel’s rule. Her time was running out when he or his minions could demand more from her. The girl can’t bear the thought of what may happen from the horrors she witnessed here. Though it was dangerous, the teen knew she must escape. It is better to risk it for freedom than die as a slave.

One night, Harmony decided to act on a plan she concocted. She managed to slip away, hoping to make it out to Angel Island. Sadly, there was a snag that alerted security and there was hell to pay. At that point, all that mattered was her attempt was an offense. She was lucky to be alive and serve, but she threw it away by trying to run away. Death was the only solution to this. Enel’s gift in attacking others with lightning broke her makeshift raft and she soon found herself swept away, clinging to a remnant of the raft as the harsh current shoved her to and fro, just barely escaping the god’s attacks. She was swept away and it was thought that she drowned.

But fate had other plans. Harmony’s stubborn nature kept her alive as she held on to the large piece of wood that wa sleft of her raft. She climbed on when the current calmed as she drifted further from Skypiea, unsure where she was going and if she will live. Soaked to the bone and shivering, the teen laid there, hoping and praying that she made the right choice as she left her home and entered a world like no other.

She would have passed away if it wasn’t for a pirate ship catching sight of her. A ship belonging to the Sea Warriors, a fierce crew led by Captain Bjørn the Berserker. Though he was a ruthless man known to strike fear into the hearts of men, he had weaknesses to women and children. Though some people may jeer at Bjørn for being kind to women and children, his wrath will have them not dare chuckle at his actions. He was not called the Berserker without reason. Upon seeing Harmony, he had pity on the child and ordered his men to bring her onboard. It was there that he ordered his crew to never harm the child or he will have their heads. Harmony was afraid at first, vaguely remembering the stories of pirates and what they are capable of. But over time, Bjørn slowly gained Harmony’s trust and she quickly won the hearts of others on the ship for her kind heart. Bjørn saw her like his own child and treated her as such. He taught her how to fight, use the gun and sword, though she preferred the former. Harmony called him Uncle Bjørn and lived with the pirates.

Though she is still embarrassed by no longer having her wings, and the scars still made people cringe by how ghastly they appear. There are nights when the phantom pain her wings torment her, just like the nightmares of Enel and how he took her family and her home. How she missed Skypiea and her own tribe. She longed to go home and be with her people again, but she knew it isn’t easy.

Her parents were defectors and though the Shandians strive to remain out of Enel’s reach, they may reject Harmony for what her parents have tried to do. She feared they will reject her for her old burns and the loss of her wings. feared she would be rejected by her people.

Her fear was so powerful, she dreaded the thought of returning to Skypeia. Though they were liberated from Enel’s tyranny and the four hundred year war against the Skypians ended, she cannot bear to return for the memories and heartache are too strong, just like the fear of being deemed an outsider instead of being one of the Shandians. And so, she remained with the pirates until she became an adult when something that bothered her became more intense.

But, she feels she must do more than live the sheltered life on this ship. Yes, her needs are met, and she is safe for the most part, but there is something within her. A calling to see the world. She knew it was a harsh and cruel place as she has seen it firsthand. Yet, she did not abandon the kindness she carried since her birth. She wondered what would happen if she went out to see what this place has to offer. Could offering light and kindness in this dark world make a difference? At least a little bit? Perhaps it is wishful thinking from a foolish heart, but the desire to make a difference and put an end to the ugliness of human nature gnawed at her. It became too much to ignore!

Her wanderlust grew stronger by the time she was nineteen. She came to Captain Bjørn requesting to leave the Sea Warriors as she craves for adventure and finding herself.

Though Bjørn was reluctant to let her go as he knew the cruelty that existed in thei dangerous world, he agreed. He gave her a small fortune from his treasure and his prized pistol before seeing her leave the Sea Warriors. He made sure to remind her that if she ever changes her mind, search for the Sea Warriors and they will welcome her back.

Harmony gave her guardian one more embrace, tearfully thanking him for everything before she set off from the ship before it left her behind on an island that she chose to start her journey. She recalls some sniffles and a few men hiding in the shadows to weep. The Sea Warriors became a family to her. A rowdy one, but they all cared for her and grew attached to the child they watched grew up to a woman. One who is ready to see the world and find herself.

#new AU #One Piece AU #it's a bit rough but I'll edit it as I develop the story more #blood tw #torture tw #child slavery tw #death tw #left in the dark

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theworldsoul · 3 years

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Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

#ughhh #parent your fucking kids #religious bullshit #adults dont fuck up the children you are in charge of challenge #religion don't fuck up trans kids challenge #good dick really breaks a motherfucker #vent

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thejustmaiden · 4 years

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Ugh, I'm tired of my blogs disappearing from the tags! So I'm copying and pasting my answer to this ask I received and posting it again with a few tweaks! The ask reads:

"I've seen so many shippers say that sesshomaru would be such a terrible parent because he didn’t give her shoes or didn’t prevent her death and that’s why it’s not a father-daughter relationship. Yet also claim that he loved her and proposes to her (drama cd 12 year old girl) and somehow those same arguments don’t count? There’s no leg to stand on to argue that sesshomaru and rin were romantic because that’s literally pedophilia, so the only thing they can do is claim he was a terrible guardian?"

Hey anon, thanks for the ask! Hope I can help. :)

You made some great points, thank you!! By their logic, why would somebody even want Sesshomaru with adult Rin at all if he was such a terrible "companion" to her in the first place? If they really believe he neglected her that much and put her in harm's way all the time (because let's be willfully ignorant here and pretend he didn't rescue her multiple times too and eventually leave her to live a normal *safer* life with Kaede), shouldn't they be concerned that he'd be just as bad to her in a romantic relationship once she's old enough, too? That should be something that crosses their mind as well if they weren't so preoccupied with Sesshomaru's supposed lack of parenting skills.

A lot of those shippers like to act like we're only attacking them for implying they must be pedophiles or that they condone pedophilia, but I personally would never make such a nasty accusation about a person in real life. Often times they refuse to address those other serious issues we have with this ship though, because it's really just the pedophilia talk they'll focus on since that's their only easy point to refute.

Aside from the possibility of Sesshomaru grooming Rin since her time in the village, a lot of us anti-s*ssrin fans never actually viewed him as a pedophile-like caretaker to begin with during their times traveling together. The only reason we even bring that up is because we simply cannot ignore when those shippers insist that:

1. He supposedly proposes to her (even when she's still only a child)

2. He's not like a father to her anyway so that's totally acceptable

Nah, even if they're right about him not being like a father to her, that's still plain wrong!! Because then now they're trying to justify an adult male very inappropriately making a move on a young girl here! Perhaps he wasn't pressuring her or forcing himself on her like a true pedophile would do at or around the time of the proposal, but can they really stand there and say that they'd be more than okay with witnessing something like that in real life and not in the slightest cringe??

Okay, this is where a lot of them will argue that this is not real life (so I guess that means we can forgive the child grooming if it's just fiction?), or that older men courting girls soon-to-be young women was the norm in feudal Japan so then that's cool in their books, too. The thing is, even if we can tolerate all that like they do, that's not enough reason to deem it acceptable since it's more than about that. We MUST also factor in that Sesshomaru isn't just some man who took a liking to a blossoming Rin he saw from afar. No no, this man KNEW her and was LIKE a father to her, too!

We can't stress that enough really! Whether by their standards he was a bad father or not doesn't matter, because all that does matter is that he took on a role resembling that of a father- YES, even if we never hear them call each other father or daughter exactly. We also didn't hear him claim outright that he's (falling) in love with her like you all assume either, so why is one implied but not the other?! It's not like Sesshomaru is known to be a demon of many words anyway, but his actions have sure demonstrated and proven to all of us that he cares for this young girl he took in very deeply and very truly.

I mean, just look at the large portion of fan art out there for Sesshomaru and young!Rin (not S*ssrin). He's usually fondly embracing Rin or comforting her like a GOOD father or male guardian/caretaker would. So somebody please explain to me why Sesshomaru is only sweet or loving to Rin when it's convenient to your narrative but not ours? You can't just take an angle on their relationship and bend it at your will to justify him being a terrible demon father who didn't know how to protect a young human girl on one hand, but then show and share all this fan art of him doing the exact opposite on the other! It just makes no sense at all. You can't have your cake and eat it too!

So the special bond they formed over the YEARS they traveled alongside each other isn't something they can up and forget just because Rin is finally an adult. That can't simply clean their slate as if they had no prior established history between them. Their relationship is akin to one a young girl shares with a grown man who looks after her for a significant amount of time (she didn't view him as just some demon; at the very least he was her lord/vassal from the get-go).

So knowing all that we know about what they've endured together, I'd like to believe that Rin could never ever develop romantic feelings for her main male role model, because whether he was physically there for her less than Jaken was is irrelevant here. What it comes down to is that Sesshomaru is the one she really looked (up) to since that day he brought her back to life. He has protected and cared for her the best way he's been able to and in a way everyone else in her life failed to before. It's safe to assume that Sesshomaru filled that role as you can tell that she finally felt safe and loved for the first time in her life. Now if Rin were to start to become sexually attracted to this demon who basically came to represent everything she lacked in a family, then I'd be deeply troubled and concerned for her mental health. And the same thing applies to Sesshomaru.

I would hope that whenever I have children someday, that they would never become physically intimate with whomever was their babysitter back when they were little. Nah, that man would be arrested!! He was around to watch her grow up and the thought of that being sexualized or romanticized, even if it wasn't intentional, makes me sick. I don't care if she's a consenting adult who is free to make her own decisions or that he's a demon so it's different (it's not), because I guarantee you this is not an image any of us ever want to picture when you really put this into a perspective you can better relate to and understand! And I didn't even choose an example with a father. I mean, can you even imagine that? Yeah, I rather not either.....

Nobody liked it when Woody Allen did it in real life regardless if he makes excellent movies, so why would I like to see it on my TV even if it's one of my favorite characters? Nope, Sesshomaru is amazing- and yes, nOt rEaL- but not even he gets a free pass here. Nobody should in any capacity or on ANY MEDIUM (fantasy, reality, etc.) be remotely allowed to get away with such a disgusting act even if it used to be tradition. And no, this isn't just some Western way of thinking. This is a 21st century way of thinking!

Recently, another user on here nicely pointed out to me that an adult can form loving relationships with children and it not be considered a parental one. At that moment, it was like a little light bulb went off in my head!!!! Yessss, this is so true and I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier!! Because all that S*ssrin shippers like to repeat over and over again to us (as well as to themselves), is that Sesshomaru was not Rin's father. So fine, hypothetically speaking, let's say he isn't her adoptive father. That still doesn't take away from the truth that he was very much invested in the overall safety and well-being of this young girl. He contributed to her care even if it was just passing a message along to Jaken before taking off again. I was a teacher for a few years, and the love and affection I had for those children was real, even if I wasn't their parent and I didn't see them every day. That doesn't change the fact that I would've done absolutely anything in my power to keep them safe-- I would've even gone to the underworld and back!!! You know, kinda like that one character we keep discussing who was allegedly such a bad dad. 😉

So you see, you don't need to be the parent or even around all the time to love and care for a child. Bottom line is that Rin, Sesshomaru, Jaken, and Ah-Un are a FAMILY! Granted, they may be a little dysfunctional, but it's not like there's such a thing as the perfect family. They may be far from what a conventional family looks like too, but that doesn't make their family any less valid. Nothing or nobody can or should ever change that ❣

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #anti sessrin #asks #repost

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diveronarpg · 4 years

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We’ve arrived at day four, everyone! Today, the admin team would like to take a moment to appreciate one another. Running a group for two years comes with many moments of excitement and joy. It’s incredible to see the plot make leaps and bound forwards, and watch characters that first began in our heads flourish into the player’s own on the dash. It also, admittedly, comes with its challenges; challenges we embrace with enthusiasm as a team, relying on one another and encouraging one another when life gets demanding.

For a DiVerona admin history lesson — Rosey and Jen first opened the group together in August 2018, preparing diligently to launch DiVerona and bring it to Tumblr after a few years of hiatus. Minnie acted as an invisible admin beginning August 2018, offering advice when requested, and came on as an official admin in MAY, 2019. Julie joined our team as the graphics admin in JULY, 2019 and ushered in a beautiful era and graphics revamp for Act II. Last, but certainly not least, Rogue was welcomed to the admin team in APRIL, 2020 to create stunning, heart-wrenching characters and continue building on the momentum of the plot.

Below, you will find a little love letter each admin wrote for one another. For this particular day, we will not be requiring any activity from our members. Feel free to take a break! If you’d like to show admin appreciation, you are free to do so, but we are not expecting it and hope you do not feel pressured to do so.

Thank you all for a wonderful two years of being admins of an incredible group like DiVerona!

JEN

My fire sign soulmate, my BITCH. As an admin, you bring aLL of the Montague spirit and heart and fire, and it shows in how passionate you are when guiding DiVerona’s story and development. Your creativity? Your flair for drama that inspires the most game-changing plot drops and the most iconic line in this group’s history? I mean, who else could have come up with infant king? For me, Jen, you embody the creative and collaborative spirit of DiVerona, and I treasure the fun you bring to the group and to the team. On a personal level, you have shown up for me time and time again. For that, I am so, so thankful for you. Your honesty is invaluable to me, whether you’re telling me I’m being impulsive or need to calm the hell down. You’re the sense of humor when we need it most, the ride-or-die who both starts adventures and cleans up the messes after, and my dear friend. — MINNIE

I’ve never met someone as passionate as you. You stick to your guns the whole way down and there’s something so deeply admirable in that -- you take such great pride in the things you do and how hard you work and what you bring to the table both as a writer and as an admin. We have exactly the same sense of humor and I love sending you memes and text posts through Discord at like, four in the morning, and seeing a reply from you when I wake up. It’s like taking a shot of orange juice right after rolling out of bed. Wakes me right up! You’re dedicated to the end, even when you’ve struggled, and I think that spokes both to your character and who you are as a friend. You’re like a sister to me in the sense I feel like we see right through each other, and I couldn’t be happier to know someone like you and get to work with you, even on opposite sides of the world. Our calls together are one of my favorite things to do -- we just click. <3 -- JULIE

Getting closer to you, Jen, has been one of my favorite parts of coming online as an admin. I have always admired you, I’ve always loved writing with you, but being your friend is one of the most rewarding things in the world. You have such fierce passion for things, all this burning intensity inside of you and an unflinching way of confronting the world that leaves me in absolute awe. The way you can always see around the corner to what a character needs (rather than what they want or what they might say) gives you such a great ability to build masterful plots and expand our world. Our shared weird insomnia has led to so many absolutely insightful, ridiculous, very hazy conversations, and I am shocked the team has put up with us for this long, but also more glad than anything in the world. Every word you write is precious to me, in character or out, and I’m going to save all of them forever so I can drag you within an inch of your life at ANY moment. Like a clingy little barnacle. I treasure both the experience of working creatively with you and of getting absolutely nothing done with you, and I love you with all my heart!! — ROGUE

to my idiot jen, sometimes i really can’t believe how we found each other again. i truly believe that it was no less than fate (and my utter disregard for any sense of self-preservation) that we would come into each other’s lives right when we did. i have never really questioned why or thought too much on how - because truly i cant really recall a moment where i didn’t know everything about you. there are so many things that i love about you: your tuna sandwiches and food pictures, our really really extensive aus, sharing with me every little frightening piece of your heart, forcing vulnerability and honesty and unconditional LOVE and being so very patient with me...over the past two years there has been so much that i’ve learned about you and still so much that there is still left to learn and love. i adore you to the moon and back you idiot. - ROSEY

JULIE

Hopefully you're not cringing too hard over this Very Formal Approach that I'm taking but trust me, if I could throw a meme in here somewhere I WOULD. Anyway, ever since you came on board, you've been nothing but a blessing to the team, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Your graphics and aesthetic vision for the group have inspired us in amazing ways, and beyond that you've lifted the team up with your pragmatic sense of judgement and gentle sensitivity to things. You really represent both sides of the same coin, dude, like… IT BLOWS MY MIND. I'm so happy to be sharing this anniversary with you, and I'm so proud of you and how far you've come ever since I met you, not just when it comes to the growth of your incredible talents but also when it comes to your writing and your maturity and pretty much everything about you. Thank you for being part of this amazing journey with us. I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else. — JEN

Goosie, I really think you’re the closest thing to a renaissance woman I’ve met, not just in ability but also in who you are. Our entire admin team is pretty creative and original, but you are I think the true artist among us! And while your graphics are truly godlike and unlike anything I’ve ever seen in the RPC before, it’s in your writing I see it most. You’re the most versatile member on the admin team, Goosie, and I think you ground us in so many ways. Not just in doing major graphic makeovers or writing the single most iconic plot drop of DIVerona, but also with your kindness, compassion, intuition and self-awareness. I really would feel a little lost without you, Goosie - not only as an admin, but as a person! Every time you speak, I want to listen; every time you create anything, I want to frame it in a museum. I love you to fucking BITS, and I am genuinely so proud to call you buddy. (I thought about using friend instead, but buddy felt more accurate for us…) — MINNIE

Where would I begin? How can I even write a note when I feel like everything I do and every act I take is part of how much I love you, because it’s like, an entirely indelible part of me? Julie, you’re one of the most talented people in the world. Literally. Your writing is so piercing, so emotionally intelligent and brave and just vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen. Your graphics and art have such a passion to them; I think I love them because they’re beautiful, but I know I love them because I see little parts of you in them that delight me every time. I would crawl across broken glass to be a part of anything you do; I feel so lucky that I’m someone who often gets to see your works in progress, the messy edges of things, the half-finished projects. You bring such warmth to the team and such a grounded, different perspective; there have been so many times where we would entirely miss things if you hadn’t pointed them out when we were blind. You are our cornerstone, the one who anchors and glues us all together in so many ways, and I want to bask in that warm glow of your sunlight forever. — ROGUE

to my dearest julie, i wish i could just put a cody ko meme here but i am ABSTAINING EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHICH CODY KO MEME I WOULD PUT HERE. whenever i think about the times that i dragged you back into my life...like there are so many things in life i thank god i did but keeping you in it EVEN WHEN YOU TRIED TO ESCAPE MY CLUTCHES - that is number 1. having late night conversations with you about literally everything and anything makes my heart feel so full. you have been so much to me and trying to put it into words is really really difficult because none of them feel like they’re ever going to be enough. i love you for so many reasons: your humility, your determination to be there whenever, every single video and podcast you send me, your ability to listen and make people feel heard. you are special and if we are to take on this world i thank god i get to take it on with you. i love you. -- ROSEY

MINNIE

We complete each other and THAT'S JUST THE TEA. I admit, I can be a little over the top and just Too Much sometimes, but you always get me, and it's something that I appreciate more than I can put into words. You're the rock of this team, Minnie, and even though it's a pretty lame way of saying it, it feels right. I truly don't know where the team would be without you, but I know it wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now. You have a way of holding us together, of keeping us steady when we're weighed down or doubtful, with your kind heart, endless calm and unconditional support. I honestly don't know what to thank you for because it feels like there's way too many things and I wouldn't even know where to begin… but thank you for being here and being at our side through everything. I'm so proud of you and the amazing, one of a kind person that you are, and I wouldn't wanna share such a special moment with anyone else. — JEN

When it comes down to it, I think the best word to describe you would be a powerhouse. I’ve never met a woman in my life who works quite as fucking hard as you do -- and if not harder, then smarter, y’know? This past year I’ve spent getting to know you more and more, slowly wheedling you into opening up (motherfucker! We are Known in this house!) and sharing bits and pieces of myself, I’ve come to admire you just for who you are as a person. I’ve learned so much from you in standing my ground and not letting the wind blow me over. You’re funny and witty and sharp as a knife when it comes to your style of prose, and your love not just for Maeve and Paola but for the group shine through everything you do. You’ve held us all together like glue when we needed some extra assistance and let us know when we needed to pick things up, too. You’re open and honest with your feelings and I value that so much about you, knowing I can come to you and lay the cards down and ask your opinion on things and you’ll give it to me straight. I’ve never really had someone “at my back” in the sense of friendship, but oh man, Minnie, you make me feel safe, and I think you’ll know how much that means when I say it. -- JULIE

Oh, no, I’ve already been so embarrassing about how much I love you Minnie!! I suppose it’s only right I do it on main as well. I genuinely feel like I haven’t had another friend in my life who balances with me so well. When we’re united and on our peak shit, we complete each other, shoring up the places where we’re both insecure, making us both feel safer with each other nearby. I’ve written some of my favorite dynamics in RP with you, here at DV, and I don’t think I’d have grown half so much in my outside life or my rp life without you there to talk to. You are also the absolute rock of this team, to steal Jen’s words. When we’re all freaking out and afraid to act or worried about getting stuff wrong, you cut through everyone’s bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter. Your direct and straightforward way of speaking and of loving is a force for good in the world and on the team, and you are also maybe one of the funniest people alive, or at least in my acquaintance. I love your laugh, I love how open you are with your heart when you’re with us, I love you so very much. I want to write with you and talk to you for as long as you let me. — ROGUE

to twin-flame minnie, i wish you could see my face as i type this because this amount of vulnerability is making me like...ew. but minnie your soul resonates with me so much - never would i have ever thought in the time that we’ve known each other (it really did start with a conversation about glitter and then somehow just expanded from there and tbh i am not at all surprised) that i would bare myself to you as much as i have and felt completely and totally understood without having to say things in so many words. i cannot wait for the day when i can sweep you into my arms in a great big hug and i probably will cry when i do because i love you so much. there are too many things to love about you: from your signature giggle, to your ability to take on the world, to your conscientious growth as a person...you give me so much hope. and i don’t think it’s necessary to say anything more than that. i love you. -- ROSEY

ROGUE

When you first joined, you fit into the team so naturally, Rogue, it honestly felt as though you had always been a part of it. I remember being SHOOK AS FUCK at all the incredible things that you were doing in NO TIME, like, right from the start, you crafted the most amazing bios, offered the most rich and intriguing input for the plot, and helped us when it comes addressing issues and concerns in a way that made it all so much easier to tackle over time. Not to mention your sunny presence and the unconditional support that you offer, which never fail to brighten everything when we hit a bump in the road or things get a little tough. It's amazing to consider all that you've achieved and all the ways you've uplifted the team despite being with us for the least amount of time. In my eyes, you've always been with us, and I'm SO fucking proud of you and happy to be sharing all of this with you. Thank you for being a part of this team, and a part of this journey with me. — JEN

Maybe it’s a little cheesy to say, but I think the universe meant for us to meet, and having you on the team with us is a gift. We all mesh together so well and you pull things up out of nowhere on the fly, whether it be individual character plot development or actually writing The Most Iconic Plot Drop Of All Time(TM) and letting me tack on a little flourish at the end. You’re like... the cheese to my cracker, the whipped cream to my slice of pie, the biscuit with my coffee. We complete each other, and you listen to me when I really need to just word vomit all over the floor about something either entirely related or all too related, from time to time. I know if I need to call you anytime I can, and maybe my favorite memory of 2020 so far has been us watching Cats together and just suffering the entire time, but getting through it together. You’re funny, smart, endlessly endearing, work harder than the devil when it comes to threads and replies, and I’m grateful as all get out to have you with me in life!! -- JULIE

ROGUE, YOU REALLY CAME IN HERE AND SAID YEAH, I’M GOING TO SHAKE SHIT UP FROM DAY ONE. Whew, I remember one week you knocked out like four bios back-to-back and I just stood there trying to stop myself from booking a flight to your city and camping out in front of your house like the stan that I am. Sometimes, I still can’t believe there was a day you weren’t on the admin team because you not only fit seamlessly, but you also are just so essential now. Everything you’ve done in the few months since you joined our team, Rogue, has been *chef’s kiss* flawless. From the characters that I’m ANXIOUS to see on the dash to the ways you’ve helped guide our decisions and responses, I can’t imagine DiVerona and the admin team without you anymore! You brighten my day on a daily basis, and I love brainstorming with you, screaming with you, and I just love YOU! — MINNIE

to baby rogue, you see and know my True Sinner Nature rogue and the fact that you, in turn, have shared yours with me makes me feel so warm and bubbly inside - as well as makes me giggle. we really do have this habit of taking little smidgens of inspiration and connections and growing them into something extraordinary. geeking out about anything and everything within that encyclopedic brain of yours is one of my favorite things - our late night conversations, watching cursed together, plucking characters and plots from each other’s names as if they were already written in the stars...i dont know how to live without. there are so many things that i love about you: how you want to make everyone feel seen, how inclusive you are and kind, how you foster such creativity to others...i love and treasure you so very much. and we have so many more characters and worlds to explore together. -- ROSEY

ROSEY

I don’t think I'll ever forget the day that you asked me if I'd like to be an admin and offered me a spot on the team. It was just you, me and Bree back then and I was way in over my head, but you made me feel at home without even trying, honestly. DV is my first longstanding admin experience and truly the best one I've ever had, and it’s all thanks to you, which is something that I'll always cherish and keep close to my heart. I've looked up to you, learned a lot from you and felt inspired by you over the years, not just because everything was so new to me at the start, but because you're a guiding light for anyone who's lucky enough to have you in their life and share with you the experiences that I have. I'm so incredibly proud of everything we've done together, and proud of you most of all. Thank you for being the one to bring me along for this amazing journey, Rosey, and thank you for going through it with me for two amazing, unforgettable years. — JEN

I think, sometimes, that people think I’m joking when I tell them you saved my life, Rosey Ro, but you did, in a way that I would never have guessed. I felt utterly alone, coming fresh out of a physically and mentally abusive relationship, juggling court dates and other things that seemed impossible to conquer. I’d left Diverona unsure of my present, what I’d considered my past, and my future, but I happened to log into Discord one day and came upon that good ole’ 9+ messages notification. All of them were from you. Every single one. It felt like a sign, of some kind, and so, as I scraped my life together, we chatted and I re-apped for DV, and in spite of tumultuous times on both our ends, I don’t regret a fucking minute of it. You have truly helped me in figuring out who I am as an individual person, where I fit in the world, and with every crisis and “OH SHIT” moment, you’ve been there for me, whether it was in your writing, your jokes, late night calls with you, messages over Whatsapp knee-deep in irritation or excitement. You’re the older sister I never got to have. Without Diverona, my life wouldn’t be the same. Without you, my life wouldn’t be the same. I love you so much. -- JULIE

How far we’ve come since we talked about Greek life parties and glitter… Rosey, my sister sign and my mirror, the mother to my father, I love you very much. Your creativity is – as we all can tell from DiVerona’s success – UNMATCHED, and your heart goes even deeper than I think most people realize. For someone who writes some of the scariest and evilest characters, you are one of the most considerate, thoughtful and empathetic people I’ve yet to meet. Thank you for creating this space and reminding us time and time again that we’re more than just admins; we’re individuals with Big Feelings as well as Big Brains. You did an amazing job, Rosey. It doesn’t get said enough, and if I could, I would tattoo it to your brain if it meant it would stick: you created a beautiful group, and no one can take that away from you. — MINNIE

Rosey, Rosey, Rosey. All of this is your fault. I never thought I would join any kind of mafia RP, always having been prone to more fantastical settings in my preferences, but when you asked me to look around at the bios, how could I say no? How could I have known it would entirely change my life? Before DV and in DV, you and I have written some of my favorite relationships to work on, some of my favorite threads of all time. You pull out such creativity from me that I never would’ve imagined existed in my brain. I love you such a ridiculous amount. I could, would, and do talk to you about anything and everything. I want to spend like 50 years of my life fighting with you over whether Hope from Legacies is hot and indulging in our weird shared white boy thirsts. You are so funny, so talented, so bright, so interesting and I don’t know how I got so lucky as to be your friend. If you and I aren’t writing together when we’re 80 it’s because I died early and tragically and you wore a sexy fascinator to my funeral. — ROGUE

#diveronaadmin

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somegirlsnerdywords2 · 4 years

Text

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a K (Part 5)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Kuroko no Basket:

Genres: comedy, school, shounen, sports

Synopsis: Teikou Junior High School's basketball team is crowned champion three years in a row thanks to five outstanding players who, with their breathtaking and unique skills, leave opponents in despair and fans in admiration. However, after graduating, these teammates, known as "The Generation of Miracles", go their separate ways and now consider each other as rivals. At Seirin High School, two newly recruited freshmen prove that they are not ordinary basketball players: Taiga Kagami, a promising player returning from the US, and Tetsuya Kuroko, a seemingly ordinary student whose lack of presence allows him to move around unnoticed. Although Kuroko is neither athletic nor able to score any points, he was a member of Teikou's basketball team, where he played as the "Phantom Sixth Man," who easily passed the ball and assisted his teammates. Kuroko no Basket follows the journey of Seirin's players as they attempt to become the best Japanese high school team by winning the Interhigh Championship. To reach their goal, they have to cross pathways with several powerful teams, some of which have one of the five players with godlike abilities, whom Kuroko and Taiga make a pact to defeat. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2012 with a total of 25 episodes.

My Thoughts: Sports! But not as much friendship, character development and fluffiness as I personally prefer. Plus some of the characters have special abilities or powers taking this firmly out of the realistic category. Not a bad series overall though! Certainly enjoyable.

Kuroko no Basket 2nd Season:

Genres: comedy, sports, school, shounen

Synopsis: With the Interhigh Championship finally over, Seirin's basketball team refocuses their efforts, training harder than ever to get the chance to participate in the Winter Cup. Both Kuroko and Kagami see old friends walk back into their lives, providing a challenge both on and off the court. As new skills are developed and new alliances created, enemies from various teams—giants of high school basketball such as Yousen, Shuutoku and Touou—stand in the way of Seirin's steadfast attempts to get to the top. All of these schools prove to be formidable foes whose abilities progress exponentially, while Kuroko struggles to find a balance between his resolve to play as part of a team and his desire to win. With old wounds reopening, new challenges to face on the court, and a new set of foes—the "Uncrowned Kings"—vowing to defeat the new hopefuls, will Seirin ever be able to achieve their dream of beating the Generation of Miracles? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2014 with a total of 25 episodes.

My Thoughts: Season 2 was even better than the first though all I said before pretty well stands!

Kuroko no Basket 3rd Season:

Genres: comedy, sports, school, shounen

Synopsis: Following their triumph against Yousen High, Seirin's basketball team has reached the semifinals of the Winter Cup along with Kaijou, Rakuzan, and Shuutoku. Each of these teams possesses a member of the Generation of Miracles, and Seirin prepares to face the largest obstacles on their path to winning the Winter Cup. In the final season of Kuroko no Basket, Kuroko goes head-to-head with his old teammates once more as he attempts to show them that individual skill is not the only way to play basketball. His firm belief that his form of basketball, team play, is the right way to play the sport will clash with the talents of a perfect copy and an absolute authority. While Kuroko tries to prove that his basketball is "right," he and the rest of Seirin High ultimately have one goal: to win the Winter Cup and overcome the strength of the Generation of Miracles, who have long dominated the scene of middle and high school basketball. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 25 episodes.

My Thoughts: We’ve now reached what was essentially the final boss. You don’t need me to convince you to watch the third season if you’ve already watched the previous two...

Kuzu no Honkai (Scum’s Wish):

Genres: drama, romance, school, seinen

Synopsis: To the outside world, Hanabi Yasuraoka and Mugi Awaya are the perfect couple. But in reality, they just share the same secret pain: they are both in love with other people they cannot be with.

Hanabi has loved her childhood friend and neighbor Narumi Kanai for as long as she can remember, so she is elated to discover that he is her new homeroom teacher. However, Narumi is soon noticed by the music teacher, Akane Minagawa, and a relationship begins to blossom between them, much to Hanabi's dismay.

Mugi was tutored by Akane in middle school, and has been in love with her since then. Through a chance meeting in the hallway, he encounters Hanabi. As these two lonely souls spend more time together, they decide to use each other as a substitute for the one they truly love, sharing physical intimacy with one another in order to stave off their loneliness.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8.5/10

Finished airing in 2017 with a total of 12 episodes.

My Thoughts: This may be an unpopular opinion but I actually really liked this anime. It had some really large issues and moments that made me want to cringe until death took me into her sweet embrace but it was a rather unique story and anime. Plus you know sometimes it’s fun to watch an anime where pretty well everyone is an absolutely awful person. I doubt i’d ever watch it again but it was worth that single watch. Great art and opening though!!

Kyoukou Suiri (In/Spectre):

Genres: mystery, comedy, demons, supernatural, romance, shounen

Synopsis: Hidden in plain sight, spirits known as youkai inhabit the world. While most are benign, a certain subset threatens the tenuous peace between youkai and humanity. Ever since she agreed to become their "God of Wisdom," Kotoko Iwanaga has served as a mediator between the two realms, resolving any supernatural problems that come her way. At a local hospital, Kotoko approaches Kurou Sakuragawa, a university student whose long-term relationship ended with an unfortunate breakup. Kotoko harbors feelings for him and suspects that something supernatural lurks within his harmless appearance, so she asks Kurou for his assistance in helping out youkai. Two years later, news of an idol who was accidentally crushed to death by steel beams flooded the press. However, months later, sightings begin to tell of a faceless woman who wields a steel beam. As is the case for any supernatural problem, Kotoko and her partner set out to stop this spirit from wreaking havoc—but this case may prove to be far more sinister and personal than they could have ever thought. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7.5/10

My Thoughts: An interesting mystery with rather interesting characters. I personally had quite a few issues with this anime, including but not limited to the pacing, gratuitous (in my opinion) violence and gore at times and just a lack of character development. Despite much of the anime revolving around the female lead just talking I feel as though I hardly know her... or worse yet care whether she lives or dies. That being said this seems to be one of those animes that everyone seems to either love or hate with little middle ground.... maybe you’ll land closer to the love side of things?

Kyoukai no Kanata:

Genres: slice of life, supernatural, fantasy

Synopsis: Mirai Kuriyama is the sole survivor of a clan of Spirit World warriors with the power to employ their blood as weapons. As such, Mirai is tasked with hunting down and killing "youmu"—creatures said to be the manifestation of negative human emotions. One day, while deep in thought on the school roof, Mirai comes across Akihito Kanbara, a rare half-breed of youmu in human form. In a panicked state, she plunges her blood saber into him only to realize that he's an immortal being. From then on, the two form an impromptu friendship that revolves around Mirai constantly trying to kill Akihito, in an effort to boost her own wavering confidence as a Spirit World warrior. Eventually, Akihito also manages to convince her to join the Literary Club, which houses two other powerful Spirit World warriors, Hiroomi and Mitsuki Nase. As the group's bond strengthens, however, so does the tenacity of the youmu around them. Their misadventures will soon turn into a fight for survival as the inevitable release of the most powerful youmu, Beyond the Boundary, approaches. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 12 episodes.

My Thoughts: One of my favorite female glasses wearers of all time! All the characters are pretty cute actually, thanks in large part to the pretty animation and art. Honestly though i’m struggling to remember much about the plot and story... I recall a bit but not nearly enough to give a proper over view of things.

Kyoukai no Kanata movie 1:

Genres: action, supernatural, fantasy

Synopsis: The first part of a two-part movie. The story is a recap of the TV series. Mirai Kuriyama is the sole survivor of a clan of Spirit World warriors with the power to employ their blood as weapons. As such, Mirai is tasked with hunting down and killing "youmu"—creatures said to be the manifestation of negative human emotions. One day, while deep in thought on the school roof, Mirai comes across Akihito Kanbara, a rare half-breed of youmu in human form. In a panicked state, she plunges her blood saber into him only to realize that he's an immortal being. From then on, the two form an impromptu friendship that revolves around Mirai constantly trying to kill Akihito, in an effort to boost her own wavering confidence as a Spirit World warrior. Eventually, Akihito also manages to convince her to join the Literary Club, which houses two other powerful Spirit World warriors, Hiroomi and Mitsuki Nase. As the group's bond strengthens, however, so does the tenacity of the youmu around them. Their misadventures will soon turn into a fight for survival as the inevitable release of the most powerful youmu, Beyond the Boundary, approaches. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

A film released in 2015

My Thoughts: It’s a recap which I apparently rated higher then the series... if you could see me right now you’d be quick to note the lazy shrugging. I have no idea what’s going on with my rating’s half of the time. Thinking on the series more I know I absolutely adored the characters, especially the main couple.

Kyoukai no Kanata movie 2:

Genres: fantasy, slice of life, supernatural

Synopsis: After Akihito Kanbara reunites with Mirai Kuriyama—whom he believed had vanished after defeating Beyond the Boundary—he discovers a heartbreaking fact: Mirai has lost all memory of him, their friends, and her past as a Spirit Warrior. Akihito is utterly devastated, but realizes that she has a unique opportunity. Mirai can finally live the life of a normal girl—where she'll be completely devoid of the supernatural society that both shunned and used her. While it's all for the sake of Mirai's happiness, the price is costly—Akihito and his friends must keep her true origins a secret from her, and as a result avoid befriending her. However, the troubling memories of Mirai's old life gradually begin to resurface, and a mysterious new evil leads a group of shadow-like creatures into the city with the goal of seeking her out. As the situations become dire, Akihito must fight to protect himself, his closest friends, and Mirai—the bespectacled beauty he holds most dear. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

A film released in 2015.

My Thoughts: You’ve already made up your mind about watching this pair of films or the series. Why are you even reading this one!?

#anime #kuroko no Basket #kuzu no honkai #kyoukou suiri #kyoukai no kanata #films #beyond the boundary

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