#I think 28th is just so I can have as much time as possible to mentally prepare

[sergle]

I had a video consult with a different surgeon, and he / everything about the consult were the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of the guy I saw the other day he was fucking amazing, complete night and day, I feel. So fucking relieved. and I'm getting my breast reduction next month.

#late september- the dates available were the 22nd and 28th #I think 28th is just so I can have as much time as possible to mentally prepare #while still getting it done in a short window #it's real. IT'S REAL. IT'S REAL NOW!!!!! #sergle.txt #I felt so horrible yesterday and now I know that everything the first surgeon told me was Bullshit #and I don't have to worry about any of that. #I genuinely feel like I'm in good hands with the doc I spoke to today. He was so nice and so helpful #and his results look fantastic

[mamaestapa]

Okay now write about rut having a baby girl after already having a son please 🙏🙏🙏

Like I can just imagine him talking about how small she is and her having him wrapped around her finger

Don’t You Ever Grow Up|| Rutger McGroarty x reader

• pairing: Rutger McGroarty x reader

• summary: Your baby girl is only a few hours old and she already has Rutger wrapped around her finger

• warnings: pure fluff, but mentions of pregnancy, childbirth, rutger adores his wife and kids

You were lying in the hospital bed with Rutger, your head resting between his armpit as he held onto you with a gentle, yet secure touch. The two of you laid in bed admiring your four hour old baby girl, Madison James McGroarty.

“I can’t believe she’s finally here.” Rutger said softly as he stroked your arm. You nodded in agreement, smiling softly as you gazed at your sleeping baby girl. “Came a couple weeks early, but I’m so glad she’s finally with us.”

Madison was due at the end of April, but she was ready to meet her parents and older brothers much sooner than that. Just two days before Rutgers birthday on March 28th at 10:56 AM, you and your husband welcomed your third baby into the world. What a pleasant surprise she was, both during her conception and her arrival.

You and Rutger weren’t trying for a baby at all when you got pregnant with Madison. Rutgers NHL career was taking off and the two of you were content with your little family of four—well, five if you count Honey the Golden Retriever. A couple weeks after your youngest son Reese’s 4th birthday, you found out you were expecting Baby McGroarty number 3. It took some time for you and Rutger to adjust to the idea of a third baby, but now, you can’t imagine it being any other way.

Rutger placed a soft kiss to the side of you head before he spoke, “Do you need anything mama? I think I might do some skin to skin for a bit.” You smiled sweetly at your husband, shaking your head, “No, I’m good for now. Go hold our girl.”

Rutger grinned at your words as he captured your lips in a sweet kiss, mumbling “I love you” as he pulled away. You smiled warmly at Rutger as you watched him get out of your bed. He removed his shirt, showing off his toned body as he washed his hands. He sent you a smirk as he walked over to the bassinet beside you, seeing the look on your face as he stood without a shirt on.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rutger teased with a chuckle, “that look is the reason we’re here right now.”

He had a point.

You just shook your head and waved him off, “Don’t be dirty, snuggle our girl.” Rutger chuckled at you before he went to pick his daughter up.

“Hi pretty girl.” Rutger cooed softly as he gently picked up his newborn daughter from the bassinet beside your hospital bed. She grunted softly, making all the sweet newborn noises as she snuggled into her daddy’s chest. Rutger cradled her head to his chest as he carefully walked over to the chair beside your bed. He sat down, sinking down into the with a soft sigh.

Rutger looked so natural holding your baby girl in his arms.

“There we go,” he breathed out as he got comfortable on the chair. Rutger puckered his lips and placed a soft kiss to the top of Madisons head that was dull of dirty blonde hair like her daddy.

“Hi miss Maddie.” Rutger said softly as she scrunched herself up, snuggling closer into his chest. He started to gently pat her back as she cooed sweetly. A warm smile was pulling at his lips and his heart was bursting with love as he looked down at his baby girl. Rutger swore he never felt love like this before. He didn’t know it was possible to love someone more than life itself, until he had kids. His sons mean the world to him, and now with little Madison joining the family, that type of love only grew.

Rutger stroked his daughters back, that soft smile never once leaving his face as he did skin to skin with her. One thing Rutger did with all of your babies was skin to skin. He did it all the time with your first born Jett, then again with Reese, and now with Madison. He insisted on doing skin to skin with them for as long as he possibly could. It’s been a few years since Rutgers held a baby like this. He loved it. He loved being able to bond with the baby girl he’s been feeling around and talking to in your belly for the past nine months.

“It’s so good to finally get to talk to you out here pretty girl. I’m going to miss talking to you every night and feeling your little kicks, but this is much better.”

Madison has had Rutger wrapped around her little finger since the day your baby bump first started to show. With all of your pregnancies, Rutger absolutely adored your bump. He always had to have a hand on it, no matter what you were doing. You thought it was sweet and found it comforting for you and your unborn baby.

As Rutger held his daughter against his bare chest he started to talk to her. His tone was so soft and gentle as he spoke to the little girl.

“You’re so sweet and so tiny.” Rutger cooed, his hockey accent thick as he spoke. “So much smaller than your brothers.”

It was true, Madison was much smaller than her brothers were. Reese was your biggest baby, 21 inches long and weighing 8 pounds. Jett was 20 inches long and weighed 7 pounds and 7 ounces—not too big but not too small, either. Madison however was by far the smallest. 18 inches long and weighing 6 pounds 3 ounces.

She looked so tiny on Rutgers broad chest.

“Speaking of your brothers, they can’t wait to meet you. You already have them wrapped around your little finger. They’d do anything for you Mads and they haven’t even met you yet.”

Jett and Reese were already the best big brothers. Since the day they found out you were pregnant with another baby, your boys had never left your side—all three of them. Rutger, Jett and Reese already loved and protected the baby so much. That love only grew when you found out you were having a girl. Of course you and Rutger would’ve been happy if you had another boy, but the two of you always dreamed of having a daughter.

Now that dream was a reality.

Rutgers eyes grew teary as he looked down at his daughter lying on his chest, letting out soft grunts and those sweet newborn sounds he never got tired of hearing. He had the daughter he’s always dreamed of having. He was finally a girl dad.

Rutger sniffled softly as he continued to rub Madison’s back. He placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. He let his lips linger there on the softness of her skin. Rutger knew she wouldn’t stay this little for long, so he was taking every moment he could to savor these moments of her as a newborn.

“Daddy loves you so much Maddie,” he said softly, “so, so much. I’ll do anything for you and I’ll always protect you. Yes I will.”

Madison snuggled closer against Rutgers chest. Rutger brought a hand up to where Madison’s head was, holding his index finger out for the little girl to hold onto. She cooed softly as she tightly grabbed his finger. Rutger felt heart burst with love and adoration.

Madison already had him wrapped around her finger.

You watched the interaction between your husband and daughter, a warm smile on your face as tears welled in your eyes. Seeing Rutger hold your babies like that was something you’d never get tired of.

“Shes already a daddy’s girl.” You said softly, making Rutger perk his head up to look at you. His smile matched yours as he glance down at his daughter.

“You a daddy’s girl Maddie? Yeah?” He cooed softly. She let out a grunt, making you and Rutger chuckle.

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

Rutger smiled as he brought his gaze back to you. He looked at you as if you were the only woman in the world. Love and adoration filled his blue eyes.

“I love you sweetheart. Thank you for giving me this beautiful little family.”

You smiled softly, “I love you more Rut. Now, come bring Maddie over here. I want to snuggle both of you.”

Rutger grinned as he slowly got up from the chair and walked back over to your bed. He handed Madison off to you as he carefully climbed into bed next to you. You laid your head on Rutgers chest as he pressed his cheek against the top of your head. Madison was laying on your chest with Rutgers large hand on her little back. She was content to be with both of her parents. As the three of you laid in bed just savoring the moment, your mind wandered to the two boys you have at home. You missed them so much.

“How about we call my parents and tell them to bring the boys here to meet their sister? I’m sure they’re ready to meet her.” Rutger suggested. It was almost like read your mind.

“Yes,” you replied with a smile, “I’m ready to see my boys. I can’t wait for them to meet their baby sister.”

She doesn’t know it quite yet, but Madison already had everyone in her life wrapped around her little finger.

hi loves!!

dad rut has me weak🥹 i wanted to get this out earlier but the jamie drysdale trade had me distraught and i literally could not do anything but cry for HOURS.

but i loved writing this, it was such a sweet idea! rutger with a baby girl has my ovaries exploding. ugh so cute🩷

hope you’re all doing well! thank you for all the love and support you continue to give me. it means the world. i love you all!🤍

#rutger mcgroarty #rutger mcgroarty x y/n #rutger mcgroarty x reader #rutger mcgroarty imagines #rutger mcgroarty blurbs #dad rutger

[frechiiie]

alright, so here’s the deal since I need to come clean with y’all

I’m paying off my 2021 year taxes since I owed them money and stuff, I made a payment plan with TurboTax and shit and I’ve already made 2 payments out of 4. I’ve been paying that pack easy and on time; no issues there. However, I got a letter from the irs saying I was 2 months late on my payments (which I wasn’t) apparently I made the payments in the wrong year or section?? I have no fucking clue tbh; I thought I was paying it right but apparently not. BUT luckily the 2 payments I made were still under my name and social but they were unclaimed. I gave them a call to sort it out and got the 2 payments back to the balance of where it should’ve gone! I was firm to tell them I was already in a payment plan (I have them the 2 last dates on the other 2 payments I need to do) and we AGREED to stick by it. All is good, I thought I sorted it out. I got another letter confirming it and everything. Awesome!

Then yesterday I got YET another letter from the irs, basically they want me to pay the full remaining balance (aka: 3.5k) by AUGUST 28th of next month. So uh, I’m a little stressed out and anxious about that because idk about y’all but I literally do not have 3,500 dollars. IF I DID…I WOULD’VE PAID IT OFF.

So now I have to wait for the 4th to pass so I can give them a call and ask them why they decided to fully charge me the rest by that date instead of the payment plan we agreed on. If worst comes to worst; they’re going to tell me it’s all due on august with no exceptions. And if it is, I’m literally screwed. Because I do NOT have that kind of money.

Part of me wants to open comms but I literally can’t, my body will not handle that kind of pressure with what I already have on my shoulders. I would take like maybe 2 comms but I deadass doubt anyone would even pay 100 dollars for my art. It’s not that good enough unless it’s a comic and right now? I don’t wanna be doing comic comms. No way.

And what’s worse is that I haven’t paid for shipping on the other plush orders that are done (sun, moon and teddy Freddy and Gregory) as-well as gotten the bulk order on the keychain plushies finalized because the met amount hasn’t been reached yet. I honestly wanted to cry because I felt like a complete failure,

I am not nor will I ever use the money for shipping to make any other purchases than what they are intended for, that would be irresponsible of me to do so. That money was from you guys for me to ship your orders and that will NOT be touched.

My friends lightly suggested that I upped my princess on the plushies because they cost a lot more to produce and ship, and they’re right but if I charged more then they won’t be affordable and won’t make much sales, I’m thinking after the keychain plushies I should just go back to sticking with chains, pins and stickers. BUT what I will do is charge the keychain plushies from 30 to 40 dollars because I sold my blueberry plush for 40 so it’s only fair.

I wouldn’t be struggling too much if I knew what I was doing as a small business owner but since I’m new to it I practically don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been suggested to look for other stuff that I can do for me to make a profit while not spending too much. And target stuff I know will sell well.

But right now? I gotta go as planned, so I am begging for help.

Please please let’s try to get the stuff on my shop sold out for me (if possible), you can share to whoever you want and purchase whatever you see of interest in my shop! And if you can leave a tip that’ll help a lot!

And if you can’t buy anything on my shop, that’s okay! You can also buy me a Kofi or two! ANYTHING helps!

I’m trying to prepare for the worst, I just hope that’s not the case but I’m deadass loosing my grip. so PLEASE PLEASE help me in any way you can if you want!

The goal for my stuff is to make others happen with stuff that I create, art is something I love to do and want to make a career out of, and your support would mean a lot! Thanks!

I’ll update y’all on what happens after I give the damn irs a call on Tuesday. In the meantime, im gonna try not to spiral. Links to my Kofi, Shop and even Paypal are down below! Thank you!

https://ko-fi.com/frechiiie/shop

https://ko-fi.com/frechiiie

https://www.paypal.me/Frecher

#txt #i feel pathetic for typing this but I have to come clean #please help me out! it would mean a lot if you want me to continue what I do and wanna support what I do

[howyouloveyourdragon]

okay so im drafting this at like 8am on a sunday and while i usually don't feel comfortable posting milestones, this felt like an important one and i am so incredibly grateful for you all

i saw this morning that i hit 1k followers which is absolutely insane to me

i want to thank everybody who has ever followed me, supported me or inspired me especially as of recently and i apologise to anybody that i may have missed from tagging below (i originally tagged everyone in this post but it wouldn't let me because of stupid tumblr block sizes so please check the reblog down below) and there is absolutely no pressure from my end for you to interact at all! i just wanted to say thank you and that i really appreciate every single one of you and whether or not you were aware of it, you had an impact on me both as a person and a writer. im simultaneously in awe and trying to process why so many people on here have even tolerated me on this godforsaken hellsite

i greatly encourage any and everybody seeing this to check out any/everybody i have tagged below in my reblog and their writings/blogs, i can guarantee you that you will not be disappointed

i feel like i have been able to grow so much as a writer since publishing my first fic on this app, lavender haze, because of everybody's support and i just cannot even comprehend how so many people could actually enjoy what i write or listen to all my ramblings

when i was 13 and writing fanfic for the first time back in 2018, i never would have imagined being welcomed into a community so wide and meeting so many incredible people through this fandom let alone people actually enjoying what i write and following me at all

this horny fandom feels like a second home sometimes and i want to sincerely thank every single one of you from the bottom of my heart for being here for me even when i overshare and talk too much ☠️

sometimes i feel like i've only just typed howyouloveyourdragon into create account for the very first time and sometimes it feels like it's been a year already but hey only a few more months to go and the anniversary of howyouloveyourdragon will be among us

to celebrate you all joining me on here, i think that i will be finally buckling down and finishing as many of my drafts as i can and publishing them asap for you all to enjoy

i will be uploading a poll shortly to let you decide how i should prioritise them

unfortunately i doubt that i will able to celebrate in this way on the same day as this milestone as i will be in another country as of friday 28th but i will be trying my hardest to deliver these fics as soon as possible and as of this week i am reopening some malnourished drafts as i type this

to all of my followers, mutuals and friends thank you so very much

#thank you #you don't know how much this means to me #thea talks too much #follower milestone #tumblr you beautiful bitch you

[suzannahnatters]

Ok so I wrote a whole steampunk trilogy about these two bejewelled idiots

so let me tell you about George V and Mary ("May") of Teck.

From the photo - woman dressed like a wedding cake, man wearing the Milky Way - you might think that this is a picture of privilege.

Well, yeah. You're right. Mostly.

Her name was Princess May, and she was Europe's least eligible spinster.

Although she was of royal blood, May was descended from a "morganatic" marriage - her grandfather on her father's side had married a commoner - in fact, a countess (gasp!) - on condition that their children would not inherit his small German duchy. May's two aunts never married, because no self-respecting German prince would be seen dead in a ditch marrying the offspring of a mere countess. May's father got lucky because over in England, Queen Victoria was struggling to cope with her cousin, MARY ADELAIDE. Mary Adelaide was fat, thirty-two, unmarried, more popular than the queen, and completely uncontrollable. Under the circumstances, the discovery of an unattached prince too beggarly to be picky was an absolute godsend. The English were too broadminded to care about the countess, and nobody else (as someone joked unkindly) would "venture on so vast an undertaking."

The marriage was happy, but extravagant. By the time May was 16, the family was so deeply in debt that they had to run away from England to avoid their debtors. For the next two years they lived in Italy, where May was able to get an excellent education in art history, languages, singing, and painting.

After returning to England, May took an interest in visiting the poor and collecting funds for charities. Serious, diligent, and intelligent, May hoped that one day she would have an important role to play in the world…but how? She was not royal enough to marry into royalty, but she was much too royal to marry beneath her.

It was Queen Victoria who decided to play the fairy godmother. One day, quite unexpectedly, she invited May to join her at Balmoral. Several days later, Prince Eddy also arrived. Eddy was Victoria's grandson, third in line to the throne, and thus (if you overlooked the affairs with married women, and the scandals, and the venereal disease, and the sub-zero IQ) the most eligible bachelor in the whole British Empire. In Victoria's opinion, what the future King of England needed most was a good, smart, steady wife. She'd already tried to arrange several other matches for Eddy, including one with Princess Alix of Hesse (who would go on to marry Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, a match which would in no way help to precipitate a violent revolution and end in a hail of bullets, blood, and diamonds), but all of them had failed. Now, she thought May would do.

Perhaps May thought it was her only chance to achieve lasting financial security. Possibly she agreed with Victoria that the future of the British Royal Family depended on Eddy marrying someone with half a brain. Maybe she even hoped for love. When Eddy proposed, May accepted.

Just weeks before the wedding, May was staying at Sandringham for Eddy's 28th birthday celebrations when he came down with influenza. The next day, he developed pneumonia. Five days later he was dead.

More than a hundred years later, we can be excused for looking back and feeling that both May and the whole British Empire dodged a significant bullet there. To Eddy's family, it was a crushing tragedy. One who mourned him was Eddy's younger brother, a steady, hard-working, unimaginative naval officer named George. Prince George was not just dull as dishwater and nearly as badly educated as his brother, he was also significantly healthier, smarter, and more disciplined. Now, with George taking Eddy's place as heir to the throne, many immediately began to think that George should take Eddy's bride as well. After all, Queen Victoria had already gone to the trouble of vetting and approving May, and why should all that work go to waste?

Among those who thought so were May's own parents. When Eddy's family went on holiday to the south of France to grieve in peace, May's parents packed up their daughter and followed. George dutifully called on the family, and over the next few months, as May travelled around Europe, she and George corresponded via letter. Emotionally constipated as he was, George had grown used to writing heartfelt notes to his deaf mother. May was also painfully shy. Signs were against them, but the two managed to become engaged in 1893 after significant prodding from both their families. Shortly afterwards, they exchanged these hilariously awkward letters:

MAY: I am very sorry that I am still so shy with you. I tried not to be so the other day, but alas failed, I was angry with myself! It is so stupid to be so stiff together and really there is nothing I would not tell you, except that I love you more than anybody in the world, and this I cannot tell you myself so I write it to relieve my feelings.

GEORGE: Thank God we both understand each other, and I think it really unnecessary for me to tell you how deep my love for you my darling is and I feel it growing stronger and stronger every time I see you; although I may appear shy and cold.

The rest, of course, is history. George married May in 1893 and in 1910 they succeeded to the throne as King George V and Queen Mary of Teck. In between ruling the colonies with a rod of iron (George), amassing a small fortune in fabulous diamonds (May), and wearing some of the era's most luscious fashions (both) the two of them remained as deeply in love as ever. When George took a dive in a newfangled invention named a submarine, May, standing on the Portsmouth quay, could not repress a passionate effusion of concern:

"I shall be very disappointed if George doesn't come up again."

ALSO May had a dollhouse that was a miniature copy of their home! The library contained VERY TINY BOOKS by literary luminaries such as Oscar Wilde and Rudyard Kipling! AND over the bed in the main bedroom there was a tiny sign hanging - "May George? - George May." I'm sorry but I love them. I'm not sorry at all for all the grand silly fun I had writing them both in Miss Sharp's Monsters. Though I'm afraid that at no stage was the real Princess May impersonated by a clever clockwork automaton containing a bomb intended to blow up Queen Victoria. I made that part up.

#history #miss sharp's monsters #the werewolf of whitechapel #mary of teck #george v #historical fiction #gothic #steampunk #gaslamp fantasy #victorian #1800s #1890s #bete epoque #late 1800s

[thesherrinfordfacility]

the analysis on aziraphale that exactly one person asked for✨ and that i churned out at a speed that surprised even me, but i wanted to get it out without having seen s2 on 26th/28th and therefore being influenced in any way with further aziraphale content...

anyway, i said in an ask that i find aziraphale really challenging and emotional to analyse but by god am i going to do my best✨ (im not sure when exactly i gained the emerging reputation for calling out two of my favourite literary characters, but we move-)

aziraphale has a real big issue with faith, misplacing that faith, and turning that faith into idolising certain things. now the obvious one is the blind, naive faith in heaven. there's also arguably, at times, issues with his faith in humanity, in that his faith was placed elsewhere (see above re: heaven). but lastly, he also has an issue with his faith in crowley. ive waxed lyrical on the last one already, but didn't really delve into the effect that this has directly on crowley, so let's touch in this a little now.

similarly to what i feel about crowley, i think that whilst aziraphale has a more natural affinity for kindness and compassion, im not entirely convinced that he is inherently a good person - certainly not in the show, in any case.

he is however certainly more 'good' than the majority of his kin. and not all of that is due to his literal being an angel, because we know first hand that being angelic is not synonymous with good. we know that other angels actively distort the perception of their association with 'good' (michael when talking to ligur, "of course you can trust me... im an angel!") to benefit themselves. ultimately, the literal antithesis of altruism, and so it can't be the case that aziraphale has propensity for good just because he's an angel.

as far as we are aware, he has had the relatively same experiences, on earth particularly, as crowley. the only notable exception to this is the fall, which obviously aziraphale did not go through. crowley comes out of the fall, in my opinion, very much stuck at that point in time, and hasn't truly moved on or grown from it, mentally or emotionally. so all of his experiences through the next 6000 years have been endured whilst he's still in this almost childlike mindset. this mindset might be due to (if we're applying human emotional concepts here) abandonment trauma, and a part of me agrees, but i think its predominantly out of bitterness, resentment, and possibly even arrogance and plain denial.

aziraphale however did not go through the fall, and therefore when we see him skipping through time and into the present day (s1 era), he still holds a stake of faith in heaven and its machinations. however, what sets him apart from the other angels is that he has had experiences that they have not, by virtue of being on earth and experiencing first- and second-hand the repurcussions that heaven's games have on humanity... the community that aziraphale is now essentially exiled to be a part of. part of what aziraphale has learnt, i think (and was pointed out very succinctly by the Longwinded Anon✨ in a previous ask - now officially their name), is literally how to learn from error.

aziraphale's faith in heaven gets torn down when he realises that they are choosing to retcon humanity just to be able to prove to hell that they are superior. this is something that aziraphale ultimately perpetuated in his compliancy and inaction where heaven's overall agenda is concerned, but also in his blind faith that heaven surely wouldn't want the earth destroyed, god's ultimate creation... surely not? well, that proves to be the case, and aziraphale finally twigs that heaven was not a Good Place. it was his error - his blind faith in and subservience to heaven - but he learns from it.

his faith in humanity is still a work in progress for most of s1, in that he has one foot in thinking that they are capable of great things, but also one foot out because he knows that they have capacity to wreak utter horror and terror all by themselves (just as crowley remarks time and time again). however, he has his growth moment where this is concerned, in the form of accepting that humanity is truly a mix of both good and evil, and that without one, humanity cannot truly be defined as the other. he expresses this revelation to adam during the timestop; that adam is human incarnate by being neither good nor evil, but perhaps a mix of both. it feels like an apology, an apology that could be interpreted as one aziraphale is giving to all of humankind. he's apologising for not committing to his faith in them. it was an error - but he learns from it.

but what about crowley? well, as already agonised over, he goes so far in having faith in crowley that, in my opinion, he's built crowley in his mind to be someone else entirely, and yet somehow exactly who crowley is. aziraphale knows that crowley is altogether a bit of a bastard (understatement, frankly), but he trusts that crowley will always know what the right - good - thing to do is. is this misguided, misplaced? yes, i think it is. and i think crowley knows this, at least on some level, and again in his arrogance takes advantage of this.

but what effect does aziraphale's faith have on crowley? well, i don't necessarily think it has a detrimental effect on him, because i think it ultimately benefits crowley - who, again, in his childlike mindset still, has someone who believes in him and will follow him and want to know him. id even say that crowley, faced with the prospect that one wrong move he could end up truly alone, will peversely do some pretty questionable things to keep this. a specific highlight being the tempting aziraphale to kill warlock; if he were truly trusting in aziraphale, i think he'd actually ask and explain why he needs aziraphale to do it instead of him. instead, he tries to tempt him into it and giving him quite underhanded rationalisations as to why it's necessary. this comes to a head at the bandstand when aziraphale flips this on its head, and suggests that given that he's an angel, and crowley is a demon, it should be crowley that does it.

this is where i come to the point where i think aziraphale fails as a friend and possibly is equally damaging to crowley as vice versa; he holds his status as an angel over crowley's head. he remarks pretty consistently throughout that crowley is a demon, and he is an angel; whilst on one level this is just simply an observation, it also feels like he has to clarify the power and status imbalance for a specific reason. im not necessarily clear on what this reason is, but my main thought is that it's out of insecurity with his place in heaven, amongst the angels, on earth... and with crowley.

he seems to constantly need to reassert himself as the better of the two, and at times can be outright patronising ("I am an angel, you are a demon, we are hereditary enemies... get thee behind me, foul fiend!"). now some of this equally is for comedy's sake, and in part for exposition to us as the viewer, but the clear integral theme for me is that he expects crowley to just accept it, and not to challenge it. because of course, how could crowley challenge it? it's true, it's a fact.

but the way i kind of interpret these moment is that aziraphale reiterates it very purposefully whenever crowley begins to toe the line of, 'im a demon but i might possibly want to be better than a demon... not an angel, per se, but just better'. so we can take this as crowley finally wanting to move on from his Fall-mindset, and he needs the support of his friend to do it, but his friend won't let him due to his own insecurity and instability. does he fear that crowley would supplant him? or that crowley would stop needing him? start pulling away from him, when all this time these two lonely individuals have danced around in orbit of each other, locked together in a holding pattern borne out of their respective co-dependent necessity for each other?

aziraphale's ultimately a very lonely individual; crowley was, for whatever reason he fell, ripped away from the kinship and camaraderie that he felt in heaven. but aziraphale wasn't shown this kind of perverse mercy; he has to feel the debilitating agony of knowing that on paper he still belongs, but that instead he's ostracised from heaven because of who he inherently is and has continued to become because of his experiences in earth. it stands to reason therefore that he puts crowley on a pedestal as aziraphale originally saw, and wants to see, him. he selfishly (imo) keeps trying to contain crowley, because if he changed, and then suddenly found he doesn't have any need of aziraphale anymore... well, what purpose would remain for aziraphale, a purpose that he truly cares about, if crowley's dependency were to disappear?

where would that leave aziraphale?

#good omens #good omens season 2 #crowley #aziraphale #good omens speculation #good omens meta #i keep diverting to shit on crowley but i promise i tried to stay on task #these two characters were ultimately meant to be the one person originally so analysing one without the other is TOUGH #anyway #also be warned i did all of this from memory so if there are holes just ignore them shh shh #s1 meta #aziraphale meta

[sugarsweb]

DF!Madara Mikejima x Fem!Reader

ABORT MISSION. You're tasked with getting information and run into someone you shouldn't have. (Originally posted Sep 28th)

Contains : Fem!Reader, smut, mentions of killing, Double Face!Madara, possessiveness, praise kink (good girl, etc), slight size kink (stomach bulge, etc), slight breeding kink, inaccurate lore, not proofread, etc.

A/N : Let me just preface this fic by saying Madara Mikejima makes me incredibly unwell. Some more stuff you should know before reading this is; Madara might be slightly OOC but I tried my best to keep his teasing and carefree personality in there. I also tried to keep the dress up to the reader’s imagination besides being low-cut and has a slit in the side to expose reader’s legs. This is also the first full smut fic I’ve written in a while so I truly apologize if any of the actual smut part is rusty, let me know!

Word Count : 5.5k+

18+ content underneath the cut. By clicking 'Keep Reading' you are knowingly reading content made for people over the age of 18. Read at your own discretion.

This was not how your night was supposed to go. 

Not at all.

You weren’t excited about having to meet Gatekeeper in the first place, but orders were orders, and you had dedicated your life to following them. However, it seemed like the rest of the world decided to test the oath you had sworn all that time ago. You look down at your glass of champagne, reminiscing about the beginning of your evening as you avoided eye contact with a certain someone.

Your dress clung to all the right parts of your body to accentuate your curves, the colour of the fabric suited perfectly to compliment your skin tone. Your heels clacked against the cement pathway leading to the huge mansion where hundreds of rich, overpowered men and women of the music industry (and more) would be gathering tonight. What should have been nervousness coursing through your veins was instead replaced by the adrenaline you usually felt during your missions - somehow comforting to you, perhaps a curse to others. You mastered the art of hiding what you truly felt, the shake in your hands long gone by the time you arrived at the huge doors of the mansion. 

You could hear the classical music from outside, letting other invitees brush by your shoulder as you repeated the same mantra in your head - you can do this. Truthfully, as much as your brain loved to overthink things, you already knew you could do this. You’ve done it a thousand times before, what’s one more mission to add to the list? 

Well, for one, having to initiate contact with Gatekeeper and gather intel is not your ordinary mission, at least for someone like you. Gatekeeper was someone involved beyond the idol world, and you didn’t step out of that boundary… much. He was powerful, well-known, and most importantly, a killer. A nagging voice at the back of your mind rudely reminds you, ‘well, who isn’t?’ and you quickly decide to put an end to those thoughts, instead replacing it with your analytical, observational ones as you finally took your first step inside the building. 

Gold decorated the halls, marble columns holding the twenty-foot ceilings up high, intricate designs laid upon them. If you weren’t in such a controversial position, you could’ve possibly enjoyed the architecture and paintings decorating the walls, but now wasn’t the time to think about it. 

Now was the time to find a drink and naturally let your well-crafted persona surface - now it was time to infiltrate and gather information on the people you so desperately despise. You walked up to the bar, ordering a glass of champagne for yourself, and you took a seat once the bartender handed you your drink, scanning your surroundings. Everyone was dressed to the nines; you noticed one woman had a pure diamond necklace resting on her neck, surely worth thousands. Her jewellery could put your own to shame, the ones your boss had so generously given you for this specific night, and you knew he spent an incredible amount of money so your costume was as perfect as possible. 

You took a sip of your champagne, letting the bubbly drink soothe the rest of your nerves. A nice drink, you thought to yourself, maybe you’ll sneak a bottle back home when you leave. God knows you wouldn’t be able to afford it outside of this place. 

“Enjoying yourself?” A voice spoke up from next to you, and you smiled as fate has dealt you a good hand (ironic, you bitterly think now, considering the situation you’re currently in) - next to you stood a tall man with slicked back hair, dressed in an all-black suit and expensive gold rings adorning his fingers. 

Gatekeeper. 

He’s good-looking, but certainly not your type. A certain brunette came to mind- damn it, brain, this isn’t the time!

“Yes, I am.” You gave him a small, charming smile. “And you?” 

“Of course I am,” Gatekeeper chuckled, “I’m surrounded by beautiful music and now I’m in the presence of a beautiful woman. How could I not?”

You patted yourself on the back for not letting your smile waver out of disgust. “Well, it’s a lovely night for such an occasion. You are?”

Granted, you knew everything about him already - or, as much information as there is about him out there. If you truly knew him, you wouldn’t be here. 

“Gatekeeper. And you…?” His hand reached out to shake yours, and you gently accepted it.

You gave him the fake name that your boss had given you for the night, and Gatekeeper nodded, smirking. If he had seen you before around ES Square, he didn’t give away that he recognized you - and knowing how careful you’ve been about your true identity, you doubt he had ever even heard of you. “A pleasure.” 

“Well, the pleasure is all mine.” He raised his glass of red wine, and you clinked your delicate glass of champagne and gave a small ‘cheers’. 

You continued talking about this and that, mostly about the newer idols making their units’ names known. Gatekeeper had an alluring voice, you’re aware, but it doesn’t work on you. He tried to drag you in with his sweet words, and you played along, assumingly falling into the trap he thought he laid out in front of you. However, there was no glint in his eye when he talked about the things he’s apparently ‘passionate’ about - his smile was fake, and the politeness in his voice was void of any true respect towards you. You’re just another pawn in his game, but little did he know you have control of the board. 

The conversation flowed smoothly with your perfect lies, the two of you faking each moment spent together. You knew you were getting somewhere when he accidentally dropped the name of someone you recognize - before, he had just been talking about his colleagues anonymously. 

Gotcha. 

It shouldn’t have been this easy though, and unfortunately, you proved yourself right when you caught a glimpse of a long, green jacket flashing by, and another matching uniform quickly passing by in the hall. To anybody else, they were invisible, perfectly moulding with the picture-perfect, rich environment surrounding you all, but to your keen eye, they were practically glowing.

Double Face was not supposed to be here.

Madara’s green eyes locked onto yours, and you saw the shock on his face before he quickly wiped it off, melting back into his stone-faced look. Shit. Kohaku noticed his reaction, and turned his head in the direction where his companion was staring, his eyes landing on your figure right next to Gatekeeper. Shit, shit, shit. 

You frowned right back, but before either of them could look away, you placed your arm on the bar’s high table and tapped the counter repeatedly, without Gatekeeper noticing as he glanced away when someone called his name. Tap tap, pause. Tap tap tap. Pause. Tap. You swear you saw a look of relief wash over Madara’s face, and he nodded, before motioning to Kohaku to follow him, and just like that, they disappeared into the crowd, but you can still feel Madara’s eyes on your body. 

Which brings you back to your current predicament. 

Gatekeeper turns back to you and notices the way you stare absentmindedly at your champagne. 

“Is everything alright?” He asks with faux-concern. 

You turn to him, looking at him and give him a perfectly sculpted nervous smile. “Yes, I’m just not used to being in such a big venue with so many people. What am I even supposed to do?” 

His calculating eyes seem to ponder your words for a moment - shit, did you slip up? There was no way you could have. However, Gatekeeper merely chuckles and his hand comes up to place itself on your right cheek, cradling it gently. God, you want to throw up. “Don’t worry, my dear. I’ll teach you.” 

He places his empty glass of wine on the counter, you following in suit, and leads you to the ballroom, where couples dance together to the classical music the orchestra plays. His hand settles on your waist, the other entangling itself in your own (ugh, is his hand sweaty?), which prompts you to place your free hand on the bicep of his arm holding your waist. 

“Do you dance?” He asks you. 

“Quite poorly.” You hope you step on his foot. 

“Nonsense, nothing a little practice can’t solve.” And with that, he starts to sway to the orchestra, and you play your part of the helpless woman who can’t dance to save her life.

(You’ve taken dance lessons since you were six.)

You continue to dance in your waltz of lies, continuing to talk about the idol life between the two of you - ever since his slip-up, Gatekeeper chooses his words carefully. The alcohol must have loosened his tongue, but the namedrop sobered him up quickly. He was a smart and calculating man, you’ll give him that. 

Speaking of smart and calculating men, you can feel the gaze of your favourite one staring right at you, and a subtle glance to the right confirms your suspicions. Madara is still keeping an eye on you, not out of maliciousness, but rather of concern. The small furrow of his brow is familiar to you (he gave you the same look when you accidentally fell off stage during your unit’s practice), and you try to give him the most subtle reassurance you can muster through eye-contact alone. His once crossed arms slowly go back to his side, and he taps his pointer finger against his thigh - alright, he’s saying. But the fire in his eyes is far from dying down. The look on his face sends a shiver down your spine. 

The song comes to an end, and with that, so does your dance. You try not to pull away too quickly from your partner, unless you want to give away how eager you are to stop touching him. 

“Tonight was lovely,” Gatekeeper says, tucking a stray hair behind your ear, “but duty calls. I hope we will meet again soon.” 

Go to hell, is what you want to say, but you hold yourself back. “Thank you for the dance.” And with that, you part ways. 

You try to find a quiet place to gather your thoughts and go over the intel you’ve collected thus far from your quiet conversations between the man. Your eagerness to get out of the ballroom keeps you momentarily distracted, and while turning a corner (perhaps too quickly) your face makes contact with a soft wall. You keep your yelp down, a hand smacking right over your mouth. 

A soft wall? 

Looking up, you lock eyes with the man who has been distracting you all night. 

“Mikejima,” you greet, trying not to look too excited upon finally talking to him - keeping your true emotions at bay was hard with him, it seems. 

He says nothing back. One of his gloved hands settles on the small of your back, pushing your body completely flush against his, his other hand coming up to the back of your head, tucking it in his neck. Madara’s lips brush against your ear as he leans down to speak words only the two of you can hear. 

“You have a lot of explaining to do.” He says, and something in your lower stomach ignites. 

You try your hardest to ignore it - if you gave in to your true feelings, he would become a liability, a weakness, somebody who can be used against you in case you ever fall into the wrong hands. 

There’s no anger in his eyes when he pulls away from your rather intimate position to look at you, only aggressive concern. In fact, the anger appears when he looks towards the ballroom, and you turn to see him glaring daggers at Gatekeeper, who is now mingling with an older-looking man - the exact man he name-dropped earlier. 

“Let’s move someplace else.” Madara gently grabs your hand, dragging you off into the hallway you had turned towards earlier. 

“What about Koha–” You start to say, but he interrupts you. 

“He’ll be fine.” 

Knowing he’s right, you nod, and the two of you set off into the maze of hallways, coming across fewer and fewer people until you’re in a seemingly-abandoned section of the mansion, and Madara opens the door to a lavish-looking bedroom. 

He closes the door behind you both, and motions for you to sit on the bed. Hesitantly, you do so - what if he was actually mad, and truly thought you were working alongside Gatekeeper? You’d rather die. 

“What were you doing here tonight?” He’s standing right in front of you, arms crossed once again. 

The one question you can’t answer. 

“Who do you work for?” The brunette asks. He takes one step forward, and it feels like your eyes are permanently locked together as you keep your mouth shut tightly. 

Another question you can’t answer. 

“...Do you work for Gatekeeper?” 

“No.” You immediately say, knowing that you can answer that question. 

“Thank god.” Madara sighs out, a small grin on his face. “I knew it, but hearing it from you is a thousand times better.” 

It seems that even on a mission, he still holds that carefree personality he tries so hard to uphold. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask. 

“C’mon, if you can’t answer that, you think I can?” 

Your shoulders drop, and you rest your elbows on your thighs, head going slack. You feel like you can finally drop the persona you perfectly crafted for your mission in Madara’s presence, and you can hear him chuckle at your relaxed body language. 

“Tough day at work, huh?” He muses, and you let out a small, breathless laugh, raising your head to look at him. 

“Something like that, yeah. I feel nearly damn tainted by having his hands on me.” You don’t have to even say his name, because both of you know exactly who you’re talking about. And judging by the frown once again settling on Madara’s gorgeous features, you know he’s not a fan of Gatekeeper in the least. 

“I didn’t like him touching you like that.” 

It’s hard to not read into his words, but when an attractive man standing right in front of you says that - the same attractive man you’ve been fantasising about for god-knows-how-long and desperately crushing over - your brain nearly goes haywire and you feel yourself warm up. 

Your head goes back to resting in your hands, and you can clearly hear Madara’s slow footsteps approaching you. He crouches down to your level so he can look into your eyes. When you make a point of not holding eye contact (curse your stupid brain), his hand grabs ahold of your face and keeps it still. His fingers are pressing against your jaw gently yet firmly, and it feels like electricity zaps down your spine as you see the look in his emerald green eyes - his pupils are nearly completely dilated. 

Deciding to test the waters, you ask:

“Touching me like what?” Your cheeks warm up even more at the sound of your meek, desperate voice - Madara must’ve heard that. 

He sighs, his eyes closing momentarily as his head drops a bit, his bangs covering his face from your view. He looks back up after a second or two, his messy hair framing his face beautifully, and you feel like you’ve died, gone to heaven and been greeted by an angel. “Never realised you’d be a brat about this.”

“A br–?! Ah!” Your exclamation is quickly interrupted when Madara’s hand leaves your face, instead hooking underneath your thighs so he can make you fall backwards onto the bed, and he quickly crawls on top of you, his strong thighs keeping you in between him. 

“You know exactly what he did.” He mutters, and your faces are so close your noses brush against each other. The warmth emanating from him seems to surround you, and your heart beats wildly against your ribcage as you feel your cunt clench around nothing. 

Madara’s thumb strokes your bottom lip, letting his touch leave a fiery trail in its wake. Your breath shudders in anticipation, waiting for him to do something, anything, more. Your eyes flutter close, and the man on top of you huffs.

“Look at me.” He demands. 

Your eyes snap up to him once you hear the stern tone in his voice, and he smiles at your compliance. 

You’ve always been a rather assertive woman, not letting people walk over you as long as you could help it. You know what you want and how to get it, and your missions have always been successful because of your attitude. However, with Madara on top of you, all you can think about is how badly you want to be good for him. You know he’s thinking along the same lines as you as you glance down and see a tent in his dark grey pants. 

Your hand reaches out to give him a bit of relief, but before your fingers can brush against his clothed dick, he grabs your hand and pins it above your head. Madara bends down to mouth against your neck, the neckline on your dress exposing your delicate skin and being suggestive enough to leave others wanting to see more. 

“Seeing him touching you like that, it pissed me off so much.” You can hear the strain in his voice, his hand tightening around your pinned one. Your free hand comes up to run your fingers through his soft hair before cupping his face, and he gives you a gentle look. 

“Mikejima,” You say softly, “It’s a mission. That’s all it is.” Your thumb strokes his face, and he seems to lean into the comforting contact for a moment before he hardens his expression again. 

He leans down until his lips are right next to your ear, and you feel goosebumps cover your skin as he continues speaking. 

“I know,” he mumbles, “but he should know not to touch what doesn’t belong to him.” 

The fire in your lower stomach continues to be fanned by his words, and you clench your thighs together, desperate for some sort of friction to pleasure yourself. Madara’s sensual touches only make you feel more needy for what you crave. You decide to continue to push his buttons, tilting your head in mock-confusion. 

“Who do I belong to, then?” 

That was the tipping point. 

His thigh moves in-between your own, pressing against your clothed cunt and he lets go of your hand to place both of his on your waist, rolling your hips to grind against him. You whimper at the sudden action, your own hands reaching out to grasp his shoulder tightly. You feel his strong muscles clench underneath your touch, and you’re suddenly reminded of how strong Madara really is. He could easily use his strength to snap your neck, but instead he’s using it to keep your body flush against his own.

He leans down to nip at your neck, finding your sweet spot quickly as your moans get louder and more desperate, and you feel his teeth bite down hard enough to leave a mark in a very obvious spot for everyone to see. He clearly wants to imprint the message in your mind - you belong to him. 

Madara moves to take the strap of your dress off of your shoulder so he can leave more bruises along your collarbone and shoulder, his hand slipping from your waist to cup your breast and give it a firm squeeze. Your breath gets caught in your throat, and you start moving your own hips against his thigh desperately. 

“Are you so desperate for me you’re gettin’ off of my thigh?” You feel his warm breath against your skin along with his lips curling into a smile. 

Your face feels like it’s on fire as you shake your head, embarrassed. “‘M not…” 

“No need to be shy, baby,” he chuckles, “tell me what I wanna hear, and maybe I’ll give it to you.” 

Madara’s hand wanders down as he speaks, trailing down to your thigh and disappearing in between the cut of the dress that exposes your leg. His touch sets your body ablaze, his fingers finally brushing against the area where you need him most. He traces the lace of your underwear before letting his hand cup your heat, and stops all movement as he looks at you expectantly. 

What he wants to hear? 

He taps a finger against you as you take too long to reply, and you jolt at the sudden contact of his finger against your clit - the light touch leaves you wanting more. He gives you a disappointed look, nearly giving you puppy eyes, and you panic internally as you feel him start to pull away.

“Well, I guess you didn’t want this, then...” The hand that cupped your breast moves to cup his own erection instead, the outline of his dick clear against his tight pants. In the dim light of the room, you can kind of see how big he is. 

“No-!” You say quickly and desperately, yet mindful to keep your voice down in case anybody did come into this part of the mansion. “Please, I need you so badly.” 

“Say it then,” he says, unbuckling the belt around his waist. It’s at that moment that you realise that his long, green jacket (you think to yourself that it counts as a cape) had been removed previously - you must’ve been too distracted to notice. “Tell me who you belong to.” 

Oh.

You know your panties are ruined now. 

Your body feels like a furnace as you try to muster the courage to say the words he wants to hear. 

“Mikejima, I belong to you.” 

“Don’t call me that.” 

What?

You think for a moment before you realise - he wants you to call him by his first name. 

“I’m yours, Madara.” You say confidently. You realise it’s the first time you’ve ever called him that. 

He groans happily, fully taking his belt off and loosening the tie around his neck. Madara rewards your answer by running his fingers through your wet folds, covering them with your own arousal. The movement of his hand is restricted by your underwear, which he impatiently rips off of your body.

“Hey! I liked those.” You whine. 

“Aw, that’s too bad,” he gives you a fake pout before he speaks again, “but if you keep whinin’, I’ll use it as a gag to shut you up. You want that?” 

As hot as it sounds at the moment, you shake your head - you want to feel his lips against yours, and having a gag in your mouth would prevent that. Madara smiles at your willingness and carelessly throws your ruined panties to the other side of the room. He continues undressing himself until he’s shirtless, his toned, strong body on display for you to appreciate. He moves the two of you further up the bed until your head is comfortably resting against the soft pillows, your hair splayed out around you. Your lover climbs back on top of you, strong arms keeping you caged underneath him - in that moment, with your eyes hazy, lips parted in a silent pant, you look like an angel to him. 

Madara’s hand goes to the small of your back, lifting it up so he can find the zipper. He slowly takes your dress off, careful not to let his eagerness get in the way. 

“Oh, so ripping the panties is fine, but the dress is off limits?” You cock an eyebrow, and he laughs lightly in reply. 

“Seeing you in this drove me crazy,” he admits, “I wanted to fuck you then and there when I saw you.” 

His words make your cunt clench around nothing again, and your whine nearly sounds like a moan. Once your dress is fully off, he tosses it on the ground, and his hands are immediately on you once more. 

Madara kisses you, his lips fitting perfectly against your own. His fingers trail down towards your wet cunt, once again gathering your slick before he finally pushes a finger into you. You moan, and he takes the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth, tangling it with your own. Your head feels fuzzy from the stimuli as he thrusts his fingers inside your warm pussy, your juices running down his hand and onto the mattress underneath the two of you. Your thighs start shaking and your body jolts at his touches, and Madara wears a proud smirk on his face, removing his fingers from you. He holds them up to your mouth, waiting. 

“Be a good girl and clean them.” You obediently listen, opening your mouth and letting your tongue wrap around his wet fingers, sucking them clean. He removes them from your mouth with a ‘pop’, and lets his head drop to lean against your shoulder and mumbles, “So good for me, huh?” 

He sucks another hickey on your skin, and you nod your head. 

“Yes- yes, only for you.” Your voice sounds breathless and needy, making Madara chuckle. “‘Dara, please, I need more.” 

“Whaddya want?” He teases you, but he’s already taking his pants and boxers off, revealing his thick, long cock. He’s impossibly hard, leaking precum, and you feel your mouth water. He snaps his fingers in your face, bringing you back into the present. 

What is it with this constant teasing? You complain about it in your head, but your body has a different reaction - you feel yourself grow more aroused, if possible. 

“I… I want you.” You say quietly. 

“What’s that? I couldn’t hear ya.” He rubs the tip of his dick along your folds and you both shudder at the feeling, but stops moving to await your answer. 

“I want you, Madara.” But it’s not quite enough.

“C’mon, speak up. Aren’t you supposed to be my good girl?” 

Fuck, you’re desperate to feel him inside of you at this point. You push your embarrassment aside, wanting- no, needing to cum. 

“Please, Madara, I need you so bad!” You shut your eyes as you beg. “I need you to fill me up, ple-”

He finally pushes his cock inside of you, your slick making it easy. You both sigh in relief, but your sigh turns into a loud moan at the feeling of his size inside of you - he’s so big and he feels so fucking good, you’ve never felt so full before. 

Madara isn’t faring any better; your warm walls suck him in so easily, cunt drooling around him, and he’s trying so hard not to snap and fuck you into the bed. But the sight of his dick disappearing into you is driving him insane, and he sees a slight bulge coming out of your stomach. Out of curiosity, he places a hand down on it, and nearly folds when he feels you tightening up around him and moaning. 

“Fuck, (Y/N), you feel so good.” Madara says, sounding quite breathless himself. All he wants to do is fill you up with his cum, to see you leak his seed, to have everyone know that you’re his and he’s yours. 

If he isn’t careful, he knows he’ll get carried away. 

“Please, please move- please,” you beg more, “fuck- you’re so big-” 

He starts thrusting slowly, your body getting used to his sheer size - you know you’ve been ruined for any other man. Nothing will satisfy you the way Madara can. 

You get lost in the pleasure, but it’s still not enough to bring you to your end. There’s a certain itch at the back of both of your minds that neither of you can’t quite pinpoint, and one particularly hard thrust from Madara makes you moan out - loudly. 

“M’dara, need you to fill me up,” you say without thinking, “wanna feel you cum inside-” 

The man on top of you stills, processing your words. Shit, you think you’ve fucked up. However, his hand places itself on your stomach, right where your womb is, before speaking. 

“You want me to fill you up here?” He asks, and you nod your head vigorously. 

Something snaps inside of Madara, and he suddenly continues his movements, but more quickly and desperately. His hips snap against you, his dick angled perfectly to hit your g-spot continuously, and you nearly scream his name. 

“Careful baby, there are still people - fuck - here. You want them to hear you?” He says through his breathlessness, but you’re too focused on the intense pleasure you’re feeling. “You want everyone to know who’s fucking you this good?” 

 If your lover was being honest with himself, he wants people to hear you.  

“N-no!” You exclaim. 

Your brain feels muddled, drool seeping out of the corner of your mouth - all you can focus on is Madara’s cock filling your insides. His hand moves down slightly on your stomach, and he feels his cock moving around in you, pressing down to make you tighten up like you did earlier. Sure enough, he gets the same reaction, and he knows he’s approaching his end. 

“Fuck - you’re gonna take all my cum like a good girl, aren’t ya?” Madara says, and he thrusts deeper than before, hitting a spot that even you haven’t reached before. 

“Yes, yes- I will, I’ll be good for you, only you!” You babble. 

Through his delirious pleasure, he remembers earlier that night - seeing you in your dress, talking to Gatekeeper while he flirted with you - he nearly walked over to fuck you in front of everyone to show he’s the only one who can make you feel that good, he’s the one that gets to feel your pussy wrap around his cock perfectly like you’re made for each other. His calm and collected demeanour from the earlier mission seems like a joke to him now. 

“You’re so amazing,” he continues, “so fuckin’ beautiful, I just wanna fill you up…” 

The thought of filling you up with his seed, and it actually taking makes him nearly cum then and there. To imagine your belly round, breasts plump and heavy with milk gets a weak whimper out of the back of his throat, and your legs tighten around his waist as he starts pounding you into the bed. 

You tighten up around his thick length even more at his praise, and he knows that you’re getting close as you start to moan his name, begging endlessly and becoming more careless about your volume. When he leans down to level his lips to your ear, you know you’re a goner. 

“Come for me, my love.” You cry out, your pussy clamping down around him, your juices gushing out. The feeling triggers Madara’s own orgasm as well, pouring his hot load into you as you milk him dry. He pumps every single last drop into your tight cunt, and there’s just so much that it makes you whimper, feeling it drip in between your thighs and land on the mattress, mixing in with your own fluids. 

You catch your breath, Madara hesitantly pulling out, letting his body drop next to yours on the bed. You feel more of his cum leaking out of you, and the brunette tuts disappointedly, his fingers scooping the excess liquid and fingering it back into you, careful not to overstimulate you - you shiver anyways, your thighs shaking violently and he finally pulls his fingers out once he’s sure he’s done a good job. 

You both turn on your sides to look at each other, the smell of sweat and sex wafting throughout the room. The moment is quiet and tender as you look into each other’s eyes, Madara smiling softly at you. 

“You did so well.” He says, tucking some of your hair behind your ear - his touch is nothing like Gatekeeper’s, and you feel safe in Madara’s arms. “Let’s get you dressed so we can get out of here, shall we?” 

He helps you get back into your dress after he gets back into uniform, and you leave your ruined panties behind. Your legs are shaky as you walk towards the main door, and you try not to walk too stiffly - but also not casually enough where other people can see the trail of Madara’s cum seeping down your thigh. You both walk out the doors, and let out a deep sigh of relief at the same time. 

You look at each other, and there’s silent understanding between the two of you - finally, your mission is over. 

(After the party is over, Gatekeeper tries not to question the ripped panties in the corner of one of his guest rooms.)

#sugarsmut #madara mikejima #madara mikejima x reader #madara mikejima smut #enstars smut #ensemble stars smut

[walker-extended-universe]

Announcing Fridged Characters Weekend!

The Walkerverse has given us many wonderful characters, some of whom are no longer with us. While some of them may have deserved their fate, I think we can all agree that there were a few characters that deserved better than what they got and were simply killed off too soon (and possibly only for drama points):

Hoyt Rawlins

Kevin Golden

and Julia Johnson

All three of them had so much more to offer the show and deserved better endings than what they got. Their stories were not complete and I think we can all agree the show would've been better off for keeping them around even for a couple episodes longer.

May 26th-28th, I want to take some time aside to celebrate these characters, what we got out of them, and what might have been in a Fridged Characters Weekend event! Each day will be dedicated to a different character. Anyone who wished to participate can submit fics, gifsets, art, meta, or even just a bullet-point list of ways their story could have continued. Anything that strikes your fancy. My inbox will also be open to opinions and dreams surrounding these chracters. I will be using the tag #fridged characters weekend for my own and check it for new submissions from others so make sure you use that tag if you want to participate!

Here is the current schedule:

Friday May 26th: Julia Johnson

Saturday May 27th: Kevin Golden

Sunday May 28th: Hoyt Rawlins

I hope to see you all in May! I can't wait to see what you come up with!

Tagging to help get the word out: @small-scale-majestic, @theladywyn, @walkerdaily, @walker-290, @jarpadandjensens, @laf-outloud, @aborddelimpala

#walker #walker fandom #fandom event #fridged characters weekend #hoyt rawlins #kevin golden #julia johnson

[xxsycamore]

▌𝐁𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝟐.𝟎 - 𝐀 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐱𝐱𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 @chaosangel767

For the second time, Chaya and I decided to come up with a prompt list and put together a challenge in order to celebrate Valentine's day together with all of you! ❤ You can check out last year's challenge here.

💌 This is a content creation challenge that uses a list of 14 prompts. This is not limited to writers, so you may join with any form of art!   💌 Targeted towards but not limited to otome fandoms. (IkeSeries (Ikemen Vampire, Ikemen Prince, Ikemen Sengoku, Ikemen Revolution, Ikemen Villain, Ikemen Genjiden); Tears of Themis; MLQC; MysMe; Voltage games; Obey me!, etc.)  💌 The challenge takes place from February 1st to February 14th. Remember not to stress over the posting dates and do only as many as you wish, in whatever order you want! 💌 @chaosangel767 Will create a masterlist featuring all works as well as their creators. The deadline is February 28th. After that, you can still post your works, but they won't be added to the masterlist. 💌 You can expect the masterlist to be up around March 3rd. 💌 When creating your works, you can use the tags #be my valentine ccc and #be my valentine content creation challenge for others to find it. Additionally, you may tag us in your posts so we can find them easily when making the masterlist! Posting to other sites is fine as well, as long as you mention the challenge and its creators. 💌 Any additional rules are up to the content creators. The genre and rating of your works is up to you as long as you mark your nsfw content accordingly. You’re totally free to take requests using this list. 

You can always come and ask additional questions if you have any! Our DMs are open!

Happy Creating!

[ Under the cut you will find the 14 prompts in a blank format. ]

"I've been hit with Cupid's arrow."

[ credits for the prompt: @voltage-vixen ]

2. "Why, look at that! Our hands fit just perfectly, don't you think?" 3. Feeding them a chocolate-coated strawberry with the mouth 4. Scavenger hunt ending in a date 5. "You know, whenever I look at you, I immediately feel like everything is going to be okay." 6. "I knew I could find you at our secret spot." 7. Getting them a bouquet of their favorite flowers 8. Corny pick-up lines 9. "Are those hearts in your eyes that I am seeing?" 10. Slurring out a love confession in the heat of the moment 11. "You taught me the meaning of love." 12. Saving the situation after a burnt romantic dinner 13. "No matter what anyone says, you're perfect for me." 14. "I didn't think it was possible to love someone this much."

#Ikemen Vampire #IkeVamp #Ikemen Prince #IkePri #Ikemen Sengoku #IkeSen #Ikemen Revolution #IkeRev #Ikemen Villains #IkeVil #Tears of Themis #Tot #Obey me #obey me shall we date #voltage games #voltage inc #ikemen series #ikeseries #cybird #ikemen #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mystic messenger #ikemen genjiden #ikegen #genshin impact

[atruththatyoudeny]

Happy 28th! I haven’t read much this month but when I had time I spent it in Cleveland with the ‘Cleveland Spiders’ and @sunflouwerhabit​‘s MLB fics. I didn’t finish Down the Line last month and so it’s on both this and last month’s fic rec. Please don’t be deterred by the Baseball themes, I can assure you that I had not a f..ine clue about Baseball and came to love this fic universe SO much.

Here is the Down the Line universe:

Down the Line | sunflouwerhabit | [280k] “I hate all of you.” Louis’ cheeks flush. “You better watch yourself or Wootton is gonna release an article claiming all of our woes are a direct result of a serious Mario Kart addiction. He’s already got an insider ready to tell him Niall prances around the clubhouse pretending to be Yoshi.” Some of the boys chuckle, but Louis’ heart nearly stops when a honk sounds from second base. Everyone turns in that direction and Harry fucking Styles slaps a hand over his own mouth, as if trying to muffle the fact that he’s a motherfucking Siren. Louis stares. He wasn’t… it really wasn’t that funny? He couldn’t possibly be laughing at Louis, right? He… What? “Sorry,” Styles gasps. His shoulders shake as those dimples, which have had blogs and articles and entire columns dedicated to them, bloom. “Sorry…" Louis hates him. Louis hates him. Louis hates him. ~~~ OR: Star shortstop Louis Tomlinson only finds solace between the white-chalk lines of a baseball diamond, until Harry Styles- the absolute bane of his existence and (probably) the worst pitcher in Major League Baseball- becomes an overnight sensation in the city Louis calls home.

Swear to be Overdramatic (and True) | sunflouwerhabit | [6k] “It’s really sweet that you two are such good friends.” In the time it takes their interviewer’s words to resonate, Harry manages a grand total of three thoughts: Um…? Oh? What? He’s just recovered enough to think in complete sentences ("he can’t be fucking serious," and "what the actual fuck?" the most pressing and the most prominent) when his group of friends- and Louis- unfreeze. Louis, with his arm still wrapped around Harry’s waist, openly gapes. To his left, Zayn and Niall sound distinctly like a pair of hyenas. “Oh, right,” Niall chokes out between laughs. “Yes. They’re really the definition of laddy-dude-bro-pals. Absolutely. The broiest bros I’ve ever met. A couple of lads being dudes. Elite homies.” “A couple of besties,” Zayn insists. “I heard sometimes they even share a bed or something. To keep each other warm. It’s so sweet. Their broship is so pure.” ~~~ OR: In the midst of Major League Baseball's All Star festivities, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are interviewed by a reporter who can't seem to take a hint.

Down the Line (The Drabbles) | sunflouwerhabit | [158k] Louis squeezes Harry’s hand. They step over the threshold together and everything is as it’s meant to be. “Hey, Lou?” “Yeah?” “Down the line.” The chandeliers paint Louis’ expression- his smile, his fond- in a white light. Different hues glitter across the features Harry has memorized, the ones he loves so, so much, and he’s very much awe-struck; still as breathless as he was the day he saw this boy for the very first time. “Down the line, baby.” ~~~ Drabbles, one-shots, short stories- often told out of order- from the Down the Line universe, detailing every chapter of Louis and Harry's love story (and promising fun, warmth, and devotion along with it). They really do just adore each other so, so much.

#28th appreciation #fic rec #my fic rec #monthly fic recs #my reads #larry fics #completed fics

[gallavichthings]

Gallavich Gift Exchange 2022

It’s a wonderful time of the year yet again! Time for another gift exchange! I’m keeping it pretty much the same as last year, since that seemed to go well. Hope to get many participants again!

Please read the rules before signing up.

General rules:

Click here to sign up. You’ll be asked for a prompt for the gift you want to receive. Please notice you will also be required to make a gift for someone else (hence the word exchange). Having a Tumblr account is not mandatory, though it does make things a bit easier.

Once sign-ups close, I’ll be making a list of all the wanted prompts for you to choose what you want. This will be done in a first-come, first-served basis (if by any chance the prompts left are somehow not possible to be completed by the authors/artists left, the people who’ve requested them might be asked to make some changes).

If by any reason you think you won’t be able to finish your gift, let me know as soon as possible so I can find someone else to finish in your place. Please know that in this case it’s possible that the gift being done for you isn’t concluded either.

One last thing: you’re allowed to send anonymous messages to the person whose prompt you’re fulfilling to ask for more information (or just to be cute :) ), as long as you don’t disclose your identity, of course. If the person doesn’t have anonymous messages enabled or isn’t on Tumblr, let me know and I’ll send them the messages on your behalf.

As always, send me any questions you might have via askbox or chat.

Minimum requirements are as follows:

Fanfiction - 1,000

Fanart - lineart

Gifset/photoset - 6 gifs/pictures

Edits/manips: 4 small images OR 2 large images OR 1 large + detailed image

Videos: 30 seconds

Fanmix: 8 songs + cover

Podfics: 1 fic

Dates:

Sign-ups close: December 3rd

Prompts will be announced: December 4th

Check-ups: December 13th and December 20th (these are just so I have an idea of how things are going, there are no minimum requirementes)

Posting: December 22nd to 28th

#gallavich #ian x mickey #shameless us #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #events #mod post #Gallavich Gift Exchange 2022

[hixystix]

Moving Assistance

So if you haven't read my other post on the matter, I'm a 36 year old on disability who currently lives in a house owned by my parents. I can't work at this time and I live on disability and food stamps - I get $667 a month to pay all my bills, including the big house bills like property tax and insurance.

A few weeks back, my parents told me they didn't approve of my housekeeping, accused me of hoarding and ruining the house because it's a bit cluttered, and said that they were going to sell the house and they wouldn't help me find somewhere to go unless I cleaned the house up before the sale.

Well, I took them at their word. They are incredible neat freaks (think vacuuming three times a day, hand cleaning floors at least once a day, not allowing ANYTHING to be out and visible) and there's no way I personally could manage to keep the house the way they want, so I found a new place to live - in Wisconsin, with my friend @archangelsanonymous.

Everyone who knows me has encouraged this move to get away from my parents. My therapist practically did a happy dance! My parents have been manipulative and controlling my entire life, and have actively worked to hobble me when I try to do stuff on my own. They've plainly stated their goal is to have control of all my finances and legal decisions because they don't approve of the way I budget my money.

When I told them about my decision, they laughed and told me I was stupid, tried to convince me they never threatened to sell the house, tried to paint this as me running away instead of just acceding to a reasonable request, tried to turn me against my friend, then started making up events that never happened to convince me I'm not thinking clearly and I should back out of the move.

I'm not going to back out. This will be good for me.

The plan is for me to move at the end of August 2022. I am taking the time before then to try and plan as much as possible.

I'll figure out a way to make this happen, one way or another, but it would be a hell of a lot easier if I had some help. I'm certainly not going to get any from home.

I will need movers for the furniture at either end, because I'm not physically capable of moving this stuff by myself. Depending on if my parents decide to take back my car or not, I'll need to rent a moving truck or pay for someone else to drive said truck. I will need to pay for gasoline to get from here (Alabama) to Wisconsin. If possible, I need to get my cats their shots before we move in with two other cats and so I'm ready to get them licenses in Wisconsin.

...and I'm probably forgetting something huge, but that's the brain fog caused by my meds for you. I'll update this post if I think of anything.

If you can help at all, even by reblogging this, it would be amazing. I have a few different methods of money transfer, so if you'd like to use something other than paypal, message me and I'll give you usernames.

If it works for you, however, I can be found here: http://paypal.me/hixystix.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you even more for sharing it!

Update 9/26:

So it's been a while and shit happened to keep me from moving - dates that didn't work out, family illnesses, that sort of thing. I even lost $250 on deposits for a truck and movers, but ah well.

The new dates - checked and confirmed on both ends - are October 27-28. Pack up here and drive up on the 27th, unpack on the 28th.

This has been an ordeal, but it's going to happen. I'm going to get out. Any help is still appreciated, although I fully understand that you're probably tired of hearing about this!

As of now, I spent about $350 on vet bills to get my cats up to date on their shots. I spent $250 on those deposits I lost. I ended up owning about $100 more on utilities this month than I'd planned for and now I have an extra month to pay for as well.

The trailer I want to rent will cost about $230 for a one-way trip. Movers on this end are at about $80/+tip on the cheap end. Gas is... well, who knows what gas will be for both my SUV and my dad's truck towing the trailer. I'll also be in charge of food.

I'll make this work, one way or another. But it's nice to have a date to look forward to again and not feel like I'm gonna be stuck here forever.

#Susan speaks

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

I haven't slept in over 24 hours, it was infusion day, AND I made myself socialize and have a good time...

And I succeeded!!! I think maybe I'm more extroverted than I thought I was, and was just too shy to act on it before?

Whichever one it is, I still had a great time keeping myself awake so I can make it to my appointment. Though I didn't get around to scheduling my next one yet.

I'm hoping I can get it some time before my vacation in November.

If I cannot though, then I will figure out what I have to do to get my treatment during said vacation.

Speaking of, there will almost certainly be a hiatus of your regularly scheduled Hifuumo Friday posting starting from November 28th and lasting to December 12th.

It's entirely possible I'll have enough free time that I change my mind or that I post mini=pictures throughout those two weeks instead, but what will most likely happen is the latter and doing one BIG Hifuumo Friday post after I am back from that vacation.

But that is still further away into the future, so instead I will talk more about this current trip.

And namely, how I made friends today!

I decided to go back to that bar I had visited some time ago after my treatment was done.

This time instead of hiding away in the booths, I decided to be bold and sit at the bar and talk to the bartenders.

And it went REALLY well. I made two new friends from that alone! Both thought my name was cool, and one of them was extremely Median American Votercore.

The other sort of traumadumped on me in the bathroom but that's okay because I explicitly gave her permission to do so after I had told her her shoes were untied and that I thought her dress looked very nice.

I also helped her get the day off work by backing her up on having food poisoning. That was pretty cool. I made two people's days better directly.

Two strangers also asked to see the picture I took of the above bike, and that was also fun. People think my pics are cool!

It's a nice feeling that gives me the warm fuzzies when I'm tired. I'm very glad I decided to be brave and insert myself into social situations.

I hope everyone has a good day/night. I love you all very much!!!

#hifuumo friday #hifuu club #renko usami #maribel hearn #fumo #extroversion #i am not yet touhoucore enough to drink alcohol

[nancypullen]

SPRING!

Spring has sprung and I've got an itchy trowel hand. I'm dying to get stated in the gardens. Raise your hand if you think I need at least one raised bed for herbs.

I chose those baseball players because it's also baseball season! Opening day is March 28th. Hit 'em where they ain't boys! Name that movie. Here's a hint.

If I sound chipper today, it's because I am. I HAVE A DAY OFF! Hallelujah! This job has become all-consuming and honestly, not fun. With spring in the air I'm longing for home and time spent playing in the dirt. The flower beds in the front of the house wave me off every morning and greet me every night - and I miss them!

Those gorgeous irises ae from Stoner Creek Elementary where I spent many years working. When a tornado wiped out the school some of my sweet teacher friends dug up and divided irises from the grounds. My dear pal, Dina, gifted me with several and they're thriving. The tulip bulbs were sent by my sister-in-law last December. I put them in the ground and, lo and behold, all 40 bloomed! Isn't it special when you can look at parts of your gardens and feel a rush of love for the people who made it possible? Double the pleasure. Our high today is just 47 and there's a chilly wind blowing, but the sun is bight and skies are blue. No complaints from me. I spent a little time cleaning up winter debris from the flower beds and making plans for what I'll grow this year. Every fall I swear I'm not planting sunflowers again, and every spring I come across seeds that I saved and I'm pulled right back in. Of course I'll plant them. They did really well on the east side of the house last summer, so that's where they'll go again. I surrounded them with zinnias for extra color (is there anything easier to grow than zinnias?) and the grandgirl liked making bouquets with them. I'll do that again. My Zepherine rose bush arrived last week and went into the ground, crossing my fingers that she'll really show off. Of course, this is her first year so I shouldn't expect too much. I shouldn't, but I will. I need to do a lot of things with my time off, but I have a feeling most of it will involve dirt. I'm okay with that. I just want to wear old t-shirts, make things grow, and feed the birds and squirrels. I've become an old swamp witch. There are worse ways to spend my time, right? I've got a roast in the crockpot, I'll roast some broccoli and mash some taters for dinner. We eat a lot of salmon and salads, generally avoiding red meat, but I thought the mister deserved a big hunk of cow meat tonight. He has been absolutely wonderful about keeping things tidy and making dinners. I know, I know women do invisible work for decades and no one ever applauds or thanks them. We're criticized when we don't do it all, but never thanked. Still, I appreciate that he's not leaving everything for me to do, so I will shower him with beef. I know it's been forever since I posted, and I really hate it. HATE it. I ask myself at the end of every nine hour day at the library why I'm doing this. I just wanted to volunteer somewhere and meet some nice people.

I know that most folks don't see what happens behind the scenes in a library, it seems like quiet people just sit at desks and check books in and out. There's constant work to be done, lots of big plastic tubs of books coming and going that have to be processed, inter-library loans,etc. I also spend time at the information desk which is always wild. Some of the questions that people call with would blow your mind. I enjoy working in the children's room, that's always fun. I really love when I can put the right book into a kid's hands and they come back and ask for more like it. Shelving never ends...ever. I'm already working on April's displays , two in the main library and one in the children's room. I just really wish that the days weren't so long. This week is a short week for me and I am delighted. Next week will be long. If they'd just have me come in from 9 to 1 daily, I could knock out all of my work plus others' tasks and still have a life. I work every hour that I'm there, others do not. If I have down time I will float around and pick up the slack in other areas. If everything is caught up, I'll clean. I never thought I'd be that senior citizen that complained about "young people today", but my gosh there's a whole lot of dead weight on staff. Seems like everyone has a special reason why they can't complete a task or show up for work. Ugh. They're all making more than me and getting health insurance, why am I the only one worried about the work getting done? I'm the part-time granny! Okay, I'm not going to end this happy blog post with whining about work. It has been good for me to get out and meet people, I'll stick with the positives. I skipped lunch today because I was working in the yard and now I'm feeling snacky. Since we're having a big dinner I guess I'll just have some cucumbers or a cup of yogurt. That'll keep me from wasting away to normal. Might even sit down and watch some murder tv. I've really been missing my shows! I have to catch up on all of the heinous things people do to one another. I wouldn't be surprised if someone calls the library asking how to dispose of a body, I'll just consider this research. I'm off for a couple of days so I'll blog again tomorrow. Hooray!! I miss the old days of steady blogging. Until then... Stay safe, stay well, HAPPY SPRING! XOXO, Nancy

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

I wake up, love you, so love you, love you

★ Chapter 5 of 15, 4926 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: alcohol consumption

<< 4

25 December, 2018

The holidays were celebrated peacefully and with tons of food, in the Manansala family. Este’s mum and dad spent the day cooking all of her favourite Filipino food for an early Christmas dinner, then enjoyed a classic roast dinner the next afternoon on Boxing Day. 

Well-fed and happy to be back home to hang out with their family dog Dano (a mellow golden retriever, named after Este’s obsession with the film Little Miss Sunshine), she had a relaxing holiday. And, as much as the regressive feeling of staying in her childhood house sort of stressed her out, Este took advantage of her last couple of days off of work by not making many plans. 

That was until she got a message from Matty. He always hopped around for Christmas, since his own friends and family were messily dispersed between London and the north countryside. He and the rest of the band were allowed a holiday break from rehearsals, so he spent late December basking in the calm before the storm. Matty knew he’d eventually be in Manchester with some free time. So, he decided to send Este a text. 

Their conversation had graduated to iMessage after Matty suggested the idea that night in Kingston. As nice as their budding friendship had been, he found himself thinking of Este with affection. How she could make him laugh both on purpose and by accident, the way her hair sat lazily on the edges of her face, her love for books and her skill for allowing other people to experience what she feels when reading them. 

So, he considered maybe asking her on a date. But the idea of that scared Matty—the formality of asking, the possibility of rejection. When trying to assume if she felt the same way, he was coupled with uncertainty, but he reached out anyway.

Este

Tue, 25 Dec at 13:02 PM

Merry Christmas x

Free to grab coffee on the 28th? 6 ish?

I’ll be in town that evening, if u are up for it

Only a couple of messages were sent between them since the album release party. Este, of course, showered him in flattery after first listening to it, whole-heartedly impressed by his work. Since Matty’s drunk words were sober thoughts that night, he really did care about Este’s opinion of him. He bubbled with joy when reading her messages. If she was telling the truth, that is. But Matty didn’t take her as a liar.

It had been busy for both of them; Matty was doing press for the month following A Brief Inquiry’s release and rehearsing for tour, while Este, Sam, and Oliver were dealing with the pre-holiday retail craziness. With that in mind, Matty was surprised to get a fairly quick response from her.

Este

Tue, 25 Dec at 14:10 PM

28th is my first day back to work :( off at 8 as usual

But we can do something afterwards if that's not too late?

And Merry Christmas to you too x hope you’re enjoying a break from the craziness

I am thank you !

I could just come by and hang out while u work bc I love it there Lol

Unless it’ll be busy I can just meet you there after close

That would be lovely! It’s always super slow the week after Christmas anyway

Everyone’s too busy raiding the big shops for the sales

ok cool I’ll probably show around 6:30

I need to chat to ur face about the album too :P

You’ve said enough about the album Este bloody hell

I don’t think I can take another compliment

Ego been fed enough lately?

Yeah actually thanks

Trying to learn how to be humble

Thank god x

✴ 28 December, 2018

A bay of colourful spines stared at Este as she stood in the Teen Fiction section trying to help a middle-aged mum find a book for her daughter. Every fragment of her teenage memories that popped into her mind felt outdated or not the right fit for the customer. 

“I find that she’s rarely challenged with the books she reads, you know? I want her to really fall into the trance of a novel, have it leave an effect on her. I don’t think a book has done that for her yet,” the mum explained passionately.

Este thought back to the moments she felt that way for a book. One she read a couple of years ago—when she was definitely too old to do so—came up. Its heavy subject matter and vast symbolism and imagery struck her. Her hands picked the familiarly bright blue book. 

“This one’s called Challenger Deep. I read it well into my twenties, but it explores topics I think other teen fiction writers refuse to explore. A little heavy, but for the right purpose. I think your daughter would love it, if she feels really deeply, like me.”

The mother, Orla, spent another 25 minutes chatting with Este about the intensity of being a teenager in the state of the world. A phenomenon the book shop worker never got sick of was getting a peek into the lives of the people of Manchester. Este felt like every time someone new walked into the shop, she got to know her city a bit better.

“Thank you again, Este. You’ve been lovely,” said Orla after checking out the novel for her daughter. Her boots then stepped out of the shop and into the breezy evening air.

The quiet day continued, piles of books slowly getting sorted through and reorganised. Matty, of course, was on her mind. Este watched the clock as 6:30 neared, but no text came through from him yet. She was hoping he wouldn’t catch her while deep in conversation with another customer, or (embarrassingly) struggling to carry a stack of books.

Once 6:50 rolled around, Este finally heard from him.

matty

Fri, 28 Dec at 18:49 PM

Sorry im already late

Just left late tbh

Lol ur fine

Do you like bubble tea??

You realise I’m Asian right???? course I like bubble tea

and you don’t have to bring anything! I’m okay

Omg you’re asian I would have ever guessed

Shut up and tell me your order

Matcha milk tea with pearls pls

Thank you xx

Ok gonna be even more late now but u know why so

Matty didn’t end up walking through the front door until quarter past seven. “There he is,” commented Este.

He held the two bubble tea drinks, one in each hand, raising them both in celebration. “I made it,” he said, handing her the green one. “Only 40 minutes late!”

After thanking him, Este took hers to the counter to set it down and puncture the top with the pointy side of the straw. Matty did the same. She looked at his drink, taking note of its purple colour. “You like taro?”

He looked at her, confused. “Yes? Should I not like taro?”

A laugh escaped from her lips and she shook her head no. “You should. I love taro. Just surprised, that’s all,” she admitted without elaborating. 

“You’re surprised because I’m white and uncultured and should be picking, like, strawberry or something, aren’t you?” 

“I didn’t say that.”

✴

Matty carried over a metal stool from the back room to set it next to the one Este sat on. Together, they sat behind the counter, sipping on their teas and chewing up the boba. 

“Can you let me say one more thing about the album? So I can just get it out and then move on?” asked Este. Matty sat on her left, fidgeting with the spinning seat of his stool, swivelling back and forth over and over; while she sat still and faced him fully.

“Okay, fine. This is your last chance.”

She smiled, happy to be able to get her last point out. “My favourite track isn’t Love It If We Made It, like you’d think.”

“Really? What is it then?”

“I Couldn’t Be More In Love.”

Matty looked back at her for a second, shocked. “Tell me why.”

“It sort of feels like being down on your knees and screaming at the sky. And it sounds really guttural. Your voice carries with so much urgency. I love its composition too, with the twinkly 90s sounding keys and saxophone solo and key change. It has all the elements of a standard, a perfected and refined sound—that almost holds down the rawness of the vocal.”

His swivelling gradually slowed to a halt as Este spoke. She had pointed out every aspect of the song that Matty loved, while her hands gesticulated in front of her, helping her process her own thoughts. Every word she used felt carefully chosen and placed strategically. It was refreshing.

“You know,” Matty started, with a smile of gratitude hanging from his mouth. “I recorded that vocal, like, a day before I went to rehab. So there was this hopelessness to them, and to be honest I sang it better after I got out. But it just felt right, so we left ‘em.” 

“That makes me like it even more,” Este replied shortly, chewing more pearls and looking at him with admiration. She sensed he had more to say, so she let him continue. 

“And not many people know, but it isn’t about a girl or romantic relationship. I wrote it about the idea of, like, what happens if all of this disappears—when nobody cares. Getting to do this thing, writing music, and having it personally affect people and being able to keep making more. It’s genuinely the one way I make sense of the world. Not even the fact that I have that vehicle to process my emotions but just knowing that it’s there. What happens when I’m not sure it’s there anymore?”

She let the information sit between the two of them for a beat. “Things always make sense when you’re the one explaining them.” They smiled at each other. “It’s comforting. Makes me feel hopeful. Like, if someone understands themself in this way then maybe one day I will too. An understanding deep enough to remain curious.”

He laughed, swishing around the straw in his close to empty bubble tea. Setting it down on the counter, Matty’s feverish hands reached for something else to twiddle with. A stack of sticky notes was in his hands, now ripping the yellow sheets into skinnier strips and connecting them end to end to make one long piece. 

“When I listened the first time, I obviously thought it was about a relationship. So it made me think of an ex of mine,” Este mentioned hesitantly, watching Matty toy with the paper, nervous to bring up what she was about to. “It was my first time, like, actually being in love. So after things didn’t work out, it was so hard for me to grasp just not loving her anymore. When all I’d done the whole time was love her. So that whole, ‘What about these feelings I’ve got?’ thing really hit me.”

Matty paused for a second, having a quick panic internally. Is Este gay? I thought Cate was the gay one. It was embarrassing to imagine beginning to pursue someone not interested in him, let alone anyone of his gender. If that was the case, their friendship would be just fine the way it is—but his infatuation felt too far gone to reverse. 

“That’s kind of where that line came from. And what I want people to feel when they listen. But when I thought about what it means to me, it wasn’t romantic at all,” he said. “Have you loved anyone since then?”

“No. Not in the same way. The true bisexual experience is having a huge pool of humans you could be attracted to and then not liking any of them. At least for me,” Este responded, bringing a light-heartedness back into her speech. Matty relaxed in reassurance and joined her in laughter. Bi. Good. Phew, even. “Was it easy? Figuring out your sexuality, I mean?”

She got up to walk over to the door and bolt it shut, flipping the sign to read ‘closed’. “In a way. Growing up, I thought the feelings I had for girls weren’t the same as the ones I had for boys, just because I thought they had to be different. Even though I knew they were there. And then I grew up—learning more and more—and things started to make sense. But it was never fully easy, or linear. Or definitive.”

She sat back down, continuing to watch Matty fold up the ripped paper. He brought one end of the strip of paper up and around itself. Using his fingers to flatten it, a small pentagon was formed, and he took the remaining length of paper to resume folding. 

“That’s sort of what I find so difficult about it,” he admitted. “So many people over the years have taken what I say about my sexuality and construed it to mean something concrete—when that’s just not how I see it.”

His thumb nail, one by one, made small creases in each side of the flat chunk of paper to create the recognisable five points of a star. Matty set it down, now complete, on the counter and slid it over to Este. She picked it up and rolled it in her fingers, replying while studying it and bringing it close to her face. “It’s for sure frustrating when people think they know you better than you know yourself.”

Matty grabbed another couple of sticky notes to start another star. “I’m kind of envious of people like you, you know. Who have it figured out. I have such a hard time letting myself truly feel things that I find myself coming millimetres close to understanding myself in a different way than before and then I just pull away at the last minute. Just in fear of not liking what I discover, or looking stupid. Which I should stop being scared of.”

“I don’t have it all figured out, not even a little bit.” Este ripped up a few papers to try and copy him but she failed. No words had been shared between them about the technique, since they were busy conversing, so she only had the visual aid of Matty making another in front of her. She gave up, letting him just hand over the second one for her to hold. “You being aware of that fear is enough understanding in itself, in my opinion.”

They sat quietly for a couple of seconds, Este finishing her last few sips of tea and tossing the empty cup into the bin. “Is that what Sincerity Is Scary is about? That fear?”

He looked at her, nodding to confirm her question. “The stupidity of that fear.”

“Wow, I should become a music journalist or something,” she joked, shocked that she got it right.

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, darling.”

Matty made more stars as their conversation persisted. He varied the width of every strip of paper to make ones of all sizes. A pile of yellow origami accumulated. Este watched, still not understanding how it was done. She found it endearing—and quite cute—to witness the attention and effort he was putting into the mundane craft. 

“You hungry?” she asked, finding a lull in their discussions. 

He glanced up at the clock, seeing its hands pointing at 10:07pm. “Always,” agreed Matty. “In the mood for something specific?”

Este remembered that she had walked to work that afternoon, after lending her car to Cate for the day while hers was getting serviced. So, she considered places within walking distance from Greenhouse. “Piccadilly Tavern does some good food. Just down the road,” she suggested. 

“Sounds good to me.”

They gathered Matty’s collection of stars into the corner of the counter, while Este secretly hoped Sam would leave them there for her to be able to collect them again tomorrow, and then put on their jackets. His bubble tea was now empty and in the bin alongside hers. 

Small clicks were heard while the two walked around the shop to turn off the lamps. Then, they were out the door one after the other, Este locking up behind them, and taking off to the pub. Matty extended his arm, bent at the elbow, towards her. She noticed—confused at first—but eventually wrapped her own around it and came close to the warmth of his body. The air sat at a chilly 5°C, but it didn’t feel that way when they had the other so close. 

As the pub neared, Matty and Este observed its packed nature from the outside window. They had both forgotten the state of pubs on Friday nights. 

“I honestly don’t think we’ll even physically fit inside,” he said as they paused before the door. Their arms were still linked. Este had to stop herself from accidentally stepping on Matty’s foot.

“I’d suggest another place, but they do a great margherita pizza here and it’s kind of all I can think about right now,” she confessed. 

He chuckled. “We can takeaway?” Matty pulled the door open, and she went in, approving of his suggestion. 

The wait for a pizza to share was only 15 minutes and Este left her number to get a call when they were ready; so they sat on the curb outside to avoid the bustling building. Despite him protesting, she paid for the food. Matty had already bought the drinks from earlier, so Este argued that it only made sense for her to cover dinner. He gave in.

“Oh, I have news for you,” Matty mentioned vaguely. 

Este was curious. “News?”

“Yeah. I finished On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous last night.”

“Go on! How do you feel?” she eagerly pushed. Matty dragged out his thoughts with silence to build suspense, making her writhe in impatience. Este shoved his shoulder with hers to try and get his words out faster. “Seriously, if you have anything bad to say about this one I might have to walk away right now. That’s a warning.” 

“I think it’s my favourite piece of fiction I’ve read in the past three years.”

✴

The pub rang Este about their ready-to-go pizza in the middle of their conversation about On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. They talked about Vuong’s words and what made them so poignant, and Matty even claimed that her annotations benefited his reading experience (and embarrassing her by referencing some of her notes verbatim). 

Matty offered to go inside to fetch their takeaway and carried it for the entirety of the walk to her flat, after they decided it was more sensible to go there rather than camping out in Greenhouse after hours. Plus, she knew that Cate would be staying over at Georgia’s for the night, so they’d have the place to themselves. By the time they got up to Este’s door, the food was still hot, since her flat was only a short walk from The Piccadilly Tavern. 

“Must be nice to live in this area. To be within walking distance to your work and all of the shops around Piccadilly and everything,” commented Matty. 

“Yeah. It's busy, though. And it makes it too easy to just stay in my little bubble and never leave.”

She held the door open for Matty and the pizza box to squeeze through, and he set it on the dining room table. 

“When I was in my early twenties—living here—I wouldn’t have ever wanted to leave,” he admitted.

Their jackets came off. 

“Water okay with you?” she asked, jug in hand. “It’s either that or wine. Choose wisely.” 

He opened up their takeaway, positioning the pizza so that they could share it, and then took a seat. “I mean… I’ve got no plans in the morning that a hangover could disturb. Do you?”

Este paused to think and then turned to pull on the handle of the drawer beneath the microwave, pulling out a corkscrew. Matty laughed at her non-verbal answer to his question and graciously accepted the glass of red she poured for him.

Their first bites of pizza hit the spot. Este wasn’t lying when she said the Tavern did a great margherita. They spent a couple of minutes eating, with small portions of conversation squeezing between their mouthfuls of pizza. 

“So what’s next year looking like for you? Touring the world?” she asked, stopping at her third slice. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” Matty wiped his mouth with a napkin before continuing. “We start with the UK in early January, bit of a break in February. Then, hopefully the Brits—if we’re nominated. Off to South America for some festivals, then Coachella and US tour through to June maybe? Coming back over during the summer for Big Weekend and a bunch of European festivals. Summer Sonic in Japan, Reading and Leeds. Australia and then Asia—I think ending it off with more US dates. All while writing and recording the next album, too.”

Este’s mouth hung open, struggling to conceptualise his crazy schedule. A whole year of travelling? Non-stop? It seemed impossible to her. She realised that it’s Matty’s job and that he’d done it before, so it must not be as scary to him. “Wow,” was all she could mutter out. 

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a chuckle.

“I don’t know if I’d survive that.”

“I barely did, last cycle. Did a bunch of smack, and stuff.” He sipped his wine and laughed. The glass was close to empty now. “But it’s worth it in the end."

She dusted the powdery flour accumulating on her fingertips into the corner of the box, considering the fact that it may be the last time she saw Matty for a while. It unexpectedly saddened Este. Conversing over text was fun and friendly, but moments like that first night; sitting on the couch and sipping beers in her flat, or drunkenly shouting at each other over the music in Kingston, and making origami stars behind the counter at Greenhouse, all made her realise how great his company was. Her attachment grew. Would their connection sustain through the year he was away? Does he even want it to sustain? she pondered.

“I’ll have to write down that crazy schedule on paper to break the news to my nan that you can’t attend her party,” Este joked. 

“When is it?” Matty asked. 

She could see a glimmer in his eye. Oh god. He wants to come, she thought. “No,” denied Este. “You’re not coming.”

A smile grew on his face as he realised she was onto his intent of asking. “Come on. Tell me when it is,” he insisted, playfulness evident in his voice.

“You’ll be on tour, Matty. I’m not going to make you show up to a banquet hall to celebrate my nan and granddad’s anniversary.” 

“It’s not ‘making me show up’ if she told you to invite me and if I want to go,” Matty argued. 

Este covered her face in embarrassment, with her elbows resting on the table in front of her, in disbelief that he wanted the information out of her. She spoke a ‘no’ but it was muffled by her hands in front of her mouth. He reached forward, pulling them away to reveal her face. In a flustered state, he noticed her mouth twitching up and down to try and stop a smile from showing up. Matty’s eyes found hers. He put on the biggest, corniest smile he could; eyes squinting, cheeks flexed, all teeth on display. Este couldn’t help but let her smile escape, Matty succeeding. She let out a laugh. 

“9th of February. Saturday,” she gave in.

Racking his brain for the specifics, he realised that the 9th was when he’d be off, after the UK leg and before South America. Matty couldn’t believe the coincidence, laughing to himself in bewilderment. “I’ll be in London.”

“For a show?”

“No. Home. Off, free. Perfect time to attend a dinner and dance event held in a banquet hall.”

She looked at him in disbelief. “Be serious please, Matty.”

“I am.”

Este shook her head, deciding to avoid the conversation and pouring them both another glass instead. And then she poured another, and another. It neared two o’clock in the morning, the both of them lounging comfortably on the couch together. The bottle of red was empty, a beer sat in front of each of them on the coffee table, and they were passing a now second and half-smoked joint back and forth. Crossed out of their minds, the previously deep and thoughtful conversations from earlier in the night were long gone. 

Matty found himself doing things like explaining, in detail, the (objectively, according to him) correct way to put shoelaces into a pair of Converse; which he didn’t know he was so passionate about until he caught himself talking about it for far too many minutes. Este happily listened, equally as tipsy and high as him, shooting back with random tangents of the same minuscule relevance. It was the most fun each of them had all week.

The influence in their system along with the late hour of the night forced any remaining walls between them to falter. Este reached and touched his knee in laughter a few too many times to go unnoticed by Matty. He watched her eyes linger at the ink on his forearms that poked out of his cotton shirt while he blabbered. Her hands constantly reached up to flip the gold dragonfly hanging around her neck, but she always did.

Likewise, she caught sight of him breaking eye contact more than ever before. It looked like he was looking down at her lips, but she wasn’t sure. The curls on Matty’s head were disturbed by his fidgety hands every few seconds. Este thought it looked nice when they were messy so she wouldn’t dare complain. 

“I feel like there's wet concrete behind my eyes when I try to close them and open them again,” he said to nobody in particular, obviously tired.

“That was a weirdly descriptive way to say your eyelids are heavy.”

“Yeah I know, but that’s what it feels like.” Matty clicked the power button on his phone and read the time. It was past three now. He flipped it around to show Este. “I think it’s bedtime.”

She stood up, reaching into the basket of miscellaneous throw blankets that sat in the corner of her living room and tossing one to Matty. It landed directly on top of his head and made him giggle. They were both smart enough to know that there was no way Este would let him leave this late, so she didn’t bother even asking him to stay. 

“Don’t be alarmed if you hear me get up a million times during the night. Wine makes me wee,” she warned with a slight slur to her speech. 

“Noted.” Matty untied his shoes to remove them before pivoting his legs onto the sofa where Este was previously sat, laying flat. “Thank you for the pizza. And wine, and weed. And for letting me stay over.”

“You’re welcome. Now you know what I get up to on Friday nights.” She took a cushion from the opposite end, near his feet, and then walked back to where his head sat. Standing behind the arm of the sofa, Este lifted his head to place it underneath. He looked up at her and uttered a small ‘thank you’. 

She smiled back and laughed. “Your face looks silly when it's upside down.”

He wanted to pretend to be offended but he was too tired to carry out the bit.

Este continued to potter around the flat, still wanting to clean up after their night by putting the scattered bottles and glasses near the sink and closing the pizza boxes from the table. When it was tidy, she made her way back over to Matty. “You’re okay with sleeping here? On the sofa?”

He nodded, barely awake. “Of course. Don’t worry about me, I’ll knock out as soon as I close my eyes,” he assured her. Este was about to turn towards her room when Matty grabbed her hand to stop her first. “Wait, before I forget. On Beauty and Being Just.”

She raised her eyebrows. “On beauty and being just what?”

“It’s an essay you should read. Been on my mind all night but I couldn’t remember the title and it’s only just now come back to me.”

Este promised to read it but was unsure if she’d remember what was called in the morning. Walking away, she switched off the big light, before the two of them said a final goodnight. Not bothering to change her clothes, she fell asleep soundly.

6 >>

#matty healy #the 1975 #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy x oc #the 1975 fanfiction #matty healy fic #tbsg #Spotify

[honourablejester]

I bought the Starfinder core books, because Humble Bundle had a bunch of them for cheap (I think there’s 3 days left as of 28th May), and I’m just starting to browse through them, particularly the setting sections. And it starts out describing the Pact Worlds, and immediately, on the first entry, which is the Sun, you get this:

Though largely left alone by the Pact Worlds, the sun nevertheless attracts a few ordinary humanoid residents; of these, members of the Church of Sarenrae are by far the most common, as befits worshipers of the sun goddess. Roughly a century ago, Sarenite scholars orbiting and observing the star discovered an anomaly: a collection of inexplicable and deserted bubble-cities, tethered together by magic and somehow floating unburnt within the sun’s flaming seas. What’s more, as they approached, the Sarenites found a magical tunnel opening miraculously in the sun’s fire, allowing them to approach the cities without being destroyed. Though it’s still not known who built the cities, how they were constructed, or why they were abandoned—mysteries scholars and engineers desperately study—the Burning Archipelago quickly became the church’s most sacred settlement.

The church of the sun goddess randomly found ancient unknown bubble cities just chilling inside the surface of a star. Bubble cities which promptly and magically invited them in. And they went. Which, okay, faith in your goddess in the seat of her power, I get that, but. Possibly ill-advised? Especially given the following:

In addition to visitors from the Pact Worlds, trade delegations from the Plane of Fire regularly use the Burning Archipelago to meet with Material Plane contacts. These dignitaries have much to offer, but perhaps the most interesting information they bring to the table is word of strange ruins and whole empires of fire-immune creatures—some even humanoid—floating within the sun’s deeper layers, as yet unreachable by outside races. Combined with the apparently vast age of the bubble-cities, this news leads some scholars to wonder whether the sun might harbor clues to the first races to arise in the system, perhaps even the legendary First Ones of Aballon. […] Yet, if these so called “deep cultures” are truly progenitors of the Pact Worlds races, why have they staunchly refused to respond to the messages and shielded probes dropped into the sun’s depths? And why do the efreet and other elemental travelers seem so scared to speak of them?

Because ancient abandoned artefact cities of a sci-fi progenitor race chilling inside hard-to-reach astral bodies has never ended badly for anyone. And, yeah, Sarenrae probably is looking out for her peops, but still. Awfully trusting, there.

In the middle of this description, by the way, while mentioning other bits and bobs happening around the Sun, there’s this little tidbit:

Corporations also operate solar-powered robotics plants and so-called “jungle boxes” in which modified plants extrude rare and complex chemicals. These last are somewhat controversial, as the extreme magic and genetic engineering used to mutate ordinary plants can sometimes twist organisms more than their corporate creators initially intended. Twice in the last year, various jungle boxes operated by NatuReal Compounds Ltd. have gone feral, with sentient plant creatures roaming the halls and devouring the attendant crew. Fortunately, most jungle box operators have learned (somewhat) from the scandal and have gone entirely automated—yet they still need to quietly hire independent operators to accompany their repair technicians any time a box goes dark.

So, on the very first entry describing the main solar system of the setting, we already have religious holy cities floating in tiny ancient progenitor bubbles inside the surface of a star, and orbital corporate drug manufacturing stations that every so often ‘go dark’ on account of their crews being eaten by mutant plant monsters of their own semi-accidental creation, a-la Fallout’s Vault 22.

Gotta say, first impressions on a science fantasy setting? Worldbuilding’s off to a banging good start!

#starfinder #ttrpgs #science fantasy #space fantasy #excellent