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#I think she just has some cool powers
summerbummin · 1 month
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For the lightsinger/siren Gwyn theory what if not only could she do hypnotic singing but also use a scream as a weapon like Black Canary
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purpleshadow-star · 8 months
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Imagine if Nico could learn to control when he turns into shadows.
Like, in The Blood of Olympus Nico would start fading after shadow traveling too much, and sometimes Reyna and Coach Hedge wouldn't be able to touch him, and one time he even accidentally walked through a tree. Imagine if he learned to control that intangibility.
Imagine if he could just turn parts of his body into shadows. Imagine if, in a fight, someone swings at him, and he knows he can't dodge in time, so he turns into shadows for a second so the weapon goes right through him, and while his enemy is confused he uses the distraction to land the final blow.
Imagine if he could just walk/reach through walls and doors and stuff.
I just think that, for someone with the title of ghost king (and as a child of the Underworld), he deserves more ghost-like powers.
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lunarharp · 16 days
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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do#someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing#oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives#agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl#pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats#coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined#travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol#but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv#and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me#well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on
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aroanthy · 1 month
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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bonefall · 7 months
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mistystar n who
I think fratboy Podlight who sends his powerful grandmother stupid texts is a VERY funny concept.
"My dad didn't love me because he could never move on from the lover he had in his 20s. My sister is up to no good. I party hard at Aftergatherings about it, are you rockin' with me?"
He is 38 cat-years-old.
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yuridovewing · 2 months
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sorry to post a negative wof thing but sometimes i remember the “morrowseer is moonwatcher��s dad but no one knows or cares, its just this quirky trivia thing” bit and get irrationally frustrated. like if you didnt have any ideas on what to do with that tui then you couldve just. not done it.
#it literally makes no sense why she shouldnt know beyond ‘’some stray thoughts her mom accidentally let out’’ either#like ok iirc secretkeeper was barring her own mind from her. however she did that#but youre telling me that No One Else ever thought about morrowseer and his crimes#none of the nightwings none of the rainwings no one ever thinks about the queens right hand man#who orchestrated crimes against dragonkind and ruined so many lives or was a hero to some of them#no ones ever spared that guy a second thought?#or like- did no one know secretkeeper was morrowseers wife? did no one connect the dots that her secret baby was probably morrowseers secret#secret baby? its not like no one knew she was pregnant with his kid right???#NO ONE that ever looked at moon and directed hostile thoughts abt her that affected her self worth ever went ‘’oh shes morrowseers baby#of course SHE was spared our same trauma’’#NO ONE HAS THOUGHT ABOUT HIS CRIMES???? NOT A SINGLE ONE???#wouldnt this contribute to her mistreatment and anxiety since he used his supposed power to hurt and manipulate people??#but…. no tee hee its this silly little bit of trivia we wont delve into#like. again…. you didnt HAVE to make morrowseer her dad!!#like it comes across like tui came up with the idea of having the new protag be related to the previous antagonist and thought it was cool#but then didnt have any real ideas beyond that so she just made it this weird unspoken ironic fact?#like…. no i dont think its this ironic scene that she finds his literal corpse in the volcano and doesnt know its him#and doesnt seem that horrified by it#she should see that and feel incredibly complicated and disgusted feelings
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pebblezone · 1 year
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🦭
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#seras victoria#integra hellsing#sertegra#a#yay guns!!!!!!! murder.!!!! intimidation tactics!!!!!!!!#happy Saturday!! ‼️‼️🧍‍♂️🫶‼️‼️❤️‼️‼️#so sorry for the sertegra shortage I spent all week trying to lip sync things then remembered I had actual work to do#but I finally finished it!!! albeit I got a bit lazy but I did it! yay yippee!!!!!!!!!!!#beach boys hellsing power point going bonkers ‘every sentence has been said at some point in time’#I can prove that shit false using the power of horrible horrible connections that no one else would ever feel the need to make#anyway you guys should listen to Sunflower she’s warm and fluffy and has a lot of whole band collaboration#like you have Dennis And Bruce contributing songs that’s crazy you have two Bruce songs that never happens! also cool cool water is fun#yay scrapped smile tracks! and unlike the other smile scrapped ones that they put on studio albums she’s like a unique lil lad#like the whole first part isn’t at all on the like 2011 recreation unlike say vegetables which gets remashed or our prayer which is iden#okay well actually maybe it is more like vegetables in that sense it’s more it’s cutting something instead of adding#which a lot of the 2011 versions were adding things back that were cut like the cantina part of heroes and villains#actually okay now that I’m thinking about it shit would require a lot of explaining I can’t just drop the Charles Manson lore#or some shit like that and just move on… sorry beach boys 💔
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seagullcharmer · 5 months
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rusty lake posting (again)
this is really just a little thing but i keep thinking abt it. i've seen people talk abt how horrible nicholas is (he is!) but thru the lens of his marriage to caroline and how he's completely grey by the time david is born ('ewwww he must be soooo old!') and while i do believe he's older than caroline, i don't think it's as awful as people make it out to be. sure, we don't know for certain the age difference between him and caroline, nor between him and gerard, or his age in general really, but i do believe he went prematurely grey. this is entirely because when we see david (canonically somewhere between 15-17, due to him being Very Small in the family portrait where jakob says 'my family, 15 years ago' or whatever) without his hat, guess what! his hair's turning grey!
idk if i had a point with this. i just like thinking abt the eilanders.
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vvanessaives · 1 year
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used this picrew to make my new skyrim crew :3
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Hiraeth (they/she/he) || Sibylla (she/her) || Dervera Sathro (she/they)
the dragonborn, the ex-dragon priest now vampire and pain in the ass, the dunmer fed up with everyone's bullshit
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sweetenby · 1 year
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my toxic trait as a dnd is player is that I'm obsessed with making fantasy communities and if you leave me alone with my thoughts for too long I'll turn my characters simple backstory into a whole fucking town that has its own history and culture and then walk up to my dm and be like 🥺 "Can you put this in your world please?" 🥺
#My first dm ruined me this way#Bc he gave each of the players their own side missions based on backstory n love that I did this#bc I've written like half of the quest for him already Including NPCs#I invented a religion in his world to justify some character choices I made for my barbarian#And he just rolls with it and it's incredible#Like I go 'my character has a twin sister who went to magic school'#And 'when my character left her tribe she joined a crew under the captain Tommy Wisgnome on his ship the antechamper'#And then my dm goes cool#Your sister graduated magic school and now works as an advisor to a power dragon king#And Tommy actually is a former agent to a disbanded CIA like government agency but still retains some powerful contacts#Anyway yeah they'repowerful but if you want help from either of them you have to deal with the politics they're deeply embroiled in#Like God fuck yeah#I still have to get used to the fact that other dms don't Do That#Bc I'm over here crafting nuclear story bombs of NPCs from my backstory on accident#Bc I cannot stop fucking thinking about absolutely ridiculous concepts that have nothing to do with the main story#And then putting them in my characters backstory bc they sound neat#Like girl help me#I pretty much always turn my characters family/caretakers into NPCs bc like how you were raised influences you a lot#And I like being like my character is this way bc they grew up around these ppl#And then my brain took it a step farther and went#Okay now I'm going to create a whole ass setting bc my character acts this way bc of the culture they came from as a whole#Like hello!!!#It feels rude to just be inventing cities at someone else's table but also I'd love it if my players did this#I have no idea what is proper dnd etiquette#Anyway currently having big thoughts abt the village my teifling gnome is from
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crimsonscloud · 6 months
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have yet to work on the Chloe Meta more because i have other things to do but i'm thinking about it, so here's a few things i'm rotating in my mind:
chloe is an epithet of the greek goddess demeter and refers to the young, green foliage or shoots of plants. chloe's tattoo contains leaves, thorns and flowers.
max's vision of the storm at the lighthouse comes right after chloe curses the bay for "taking away everyone [she] ever loved" and this is then followed by a sudden snowfall. demeter is believed to have caused winter and famine when persephone left to be with hades.
the newspapers max can find talking about the animal deaths and other anomalies describe them as "inexplicable" and there's no apparent environmental explanation for them. what did this immediately make me think of? the forest fire in before the storm set by rachel, which is also described as mysterious.
off that, rose amber describes chloe as a "force of nature" when you talk to her in before the storm and says this could be why she and rachel get along so well. side eyeing that.
"this could be rachel's revenge... our revenge." do you see the prospero/prospera and ariel parallels here. because i'm seeing them.
in max's nightmare, the "ghost max" in the diner starts to tell max she's being stupid and that "someday chloe will destroy-" but gets cut off when chloe comes over to the booth. since she was just talking about her being toxic for max (getting her in trouble, forcing max to time travel to save her) the first interpretation is that that's what she means, i.e. chloe will destroy max through her own self destructive behaviors. but when i read back through the transcript for polarized and saw this bit i went eyes emoji at it because "ghost max" could have also been talking about the storm.
the storm and the associated anomalies persist in some way relating to chloe even in other timelines. max sees beached whales in the alternate timeline, where that chloe is still angry at the world, even if she's better at hiding it. watch her reaction if max refuses the choice she gives her. in the comics, waves!chloe builds a sculpture that is called "the storm" (this chloe also keeps getting flashes of deja vu from the dust timeline, so that's interesting). when i saw this panel i jumped. look at the symbolism in there. chloe builds "the storm". chloe builds the storm.
in general the devs of before the storm like to put a lot of focus on stating how destructive chloe is as a person. life is strange also loves to use the personality powers trope. this is definitely the case with max -- she questions her decisions, she's hesitant, she can be a little slow to action sometimes, so: time powers. for chloe, someone who the devs describe as "a wrecking ball" and being very brash, and someone who harbors a lot of resentment and anger (justified or not), wouldn't a destructive power like that (however you classify it) with such a connection to her emotions fit her?
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blujayonthewing · 1 year
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not too long ago I asked Nyssa's DM what deities her flock might tend to worship or whether she was gonna leave that up to me (mostly just asking, like, which relevant deities exist and are known in that part of the world at all) and she never responded, which is probably because she overlooked that message, or meant to think about it and respond but then forgot-- but a part of me can't help wondering, based on some of the stuff that's happened in campaign so far, whether she'd forgotten that Nyssa's archfey patron is explicitly not supposed to be a god of any kind
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ecoamerica · 24 days
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youtube
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mieltelecheycrema · 2 years
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the urge to talk about my ocs constantly is immense so i will
#mielmbles#mielsmocs#following my account in the summertime means you are subject to viewing posts where i obsess over these little weirdos which can be avoided#by blocking mielmbles and mielsmocs which is why i have those tags#okay so basically new little workd thing that only has three characters at the moment that im sooooo interested in omg thinking about them#constantly and it only popped up in my brain recently bringing my story total to like three that i haven’t gotten rid of#the main jist of it is this chick hears about a very powerful witch that is very popular in town and decides to see if theyre looking for#a student or help since shes always thought that magic was so cool but never really knew where to start so omg wow huge powerful and popular#witch must be a great choice for beginning erh wrong turns out the witch doesn’t even classify as a witch and is actually two witches that#switch off on a daily basis due to a curse inflicted by a past customer that makes it so one of them always has to be in animal form usual#cat but it varies and neither of them even classify themselves as witches nor do they know were their abilities come from of course the girl#doesn’t know that and its not like the witches can keep sending her off forever the girl is subborn as hell and they really don’t have much#patience so they let her in and have to bs a bunch of ways to learn magic and the such but again they have no clue what they’re doing and#tbh they’re really more like glorified herbalists/botanists that just happen to have some of the most powerful magic ever concieved so they#keep trying to find ways to get the girl out but it always backfires intensely#that’s about it for now probably more plot points later or smth#tbh this is probably the easiest time ive had coming up with a story and world ever and i’m really excited to keep thinking about it cuz i#think its so cool like i also have a bunch of little tidbits of the characters like how the witchs wear choir robes cuz when they were#younger their school kinda was shutting down for a few reasons so they snuck in and stole the robes cuz they really liked them#anyways yeah thats it i love them dearly and i can’t wait to see how my brain expands this later
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dollyreblogs · 2 years
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YOU KNOW WHAT!? IARA IS DISRESPECTFUL AS HELL TOO WHEN SHE'S FIGHTING. Keep in mind, she has ENTIRE LIFETIMES worth of fighting and she was literally killed in her first life because she was that much of a warrior (technically, her brothers attempted to kill her but she killed them so Ra's had to take her by surprise or else he could've died) so whenever Iara unlocks a new combat ability or past life, she goes from a shy little sweetheart whose all awkward and has no social skills to A STRAIGHT BEAST. Like I said, the only reason she holds back is because she doesn't want Jaci to hate her and that Kojo got offended when she was holding back against him, NOT KNOWING THAT IT WAS A SAVING GRACE ACTUALLY and that Damian used to act all high and mighty because he stabbed her throat and made her mute but again, IARA HOLDS BACK FOR THE SAKE OF HER FAMILY AND WHEN I SAY HOLD BACK, I MEAN SHE'S REALLY HOLDING BACK.
But one of her abilities is some Naruto Susanoo shit where she can use her energy to create a giant avatar of herself (obviously it resembles her in her first life) to attack and level people so she's fighting Denji and he's summoning a whole ass storm and lightning and shit and he hits her with a tsunami which breaks her avatar and she ends up flying and Denji is all: "Your skills are impressive. You were almost a challenge."
And Iara just signs at him and is all: "Not bad but what are you gonna do about the second avatar?"
And Denji has to process what she said before turning around and seeing there's another avatar she created with her energy and when he tries to attack it with an insane amount of lightning, it stops his attack with a pinkie finger and then just slams him into the ground.
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waywardsalt · 28 days
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:3
#some tag rambles bc im having a bunch of loz thoughts to hey why not do a short lived tag ramble#starting with the bad i have thought more on how i feel totk fucked up its characters and its like. yeah any arcs that are there are bad#zeldas is dogshit all of the sages are just. VERY tell no show and it really doesnt matter and otherwise idk#nothing wrong with a static character but imo with a static character you then have to show more of them#reveal some things. also doesnt really happen. the main speaking cast are also kinda weak in relation to link#they dont really work off of him very well bc hes… not treated like a character. hes just some virtuous everyman in the story#so theres no actual chemistry between him or the other characters bc he isnt treated a character so like. he has almost no chemistry#its all mostly one sided and none of the sages but zelda have any real chemistry with other major characters either#and the major characters zelda has chemistry with barely matter so fuck it. like when ppl talk abt like. loz stories#and ppl talk abt how yeah they arent the best but totk is rlly bad. i dont feel like any other loz stories are baaaaad#not in the same way. but they dont feel as egregiously fumbled. imo its bc of the characters most of them time#ofc story can be strong enough and im not discounting stuff like mm and oots themes and atmosphere and stuff#it seeeems to me the most popular non zelda sage is tulin? but mostly bc hes a sweet kid and thats fine and all but there doesnt seem to#be much else to him hes otherwise kinda unremarkable bc he just doesnt do much else and seems to exists mostly to serve gameplay and plot#botw did it better bc the champions actively had a dynamic and a relationship with link they arent the deepest but they have more substance#botw zelda is arguably the strongest character in botw with a unique personality and genuine relationship to link even if we just see it#in the memories and seeing her warm up to link is cool but imp they fumble it in the ending of her arc and how it kinda contradicts stuff#and in totk they doubled the fuck down on her unlocking her powers for reasons related to link and decided ig shed figure she needs to be#links forever bestie and hypeman and she kinda just revolves around him in a really superficial way and this is the negative extreme#of a character being bolstered by being connected to link. but anyways in loz its the characters that tend to be the strongest points#and the characters with a clear dynamic and relationship to link shine the most. think groose ghirahim ravio midna fi marin linebeck sheik#the list could go on but the characters who get a chance to shine by interacting with the Player Character are the ones who stick out#and ofc they get more screen time but they cant avoid that character development or general character fleshing out bc they are in some way#tied to link and in a sort of way link himself is more fleshed out through how those other characters react to him if that makes sense#i think loz is at its best when a good bit of emphasis and effort is placed on characters and character relationships#and when thise relationships and character are written well ofc this fucking matters too#anyways thats why ph is one of the best we love our character heavy black sheep them ds characters carry so hard and so fucking well mwah
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gallusrostromegalus · 7 months
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The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season
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I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.
...I might need to back up a bit.
My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.
They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.
Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.
My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.
Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.
It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.
It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.
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If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.
It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.
My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.
On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.
Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.
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As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.
The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.
Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.
I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.
You all know this song already.
...but in case you've forgotten the tune:
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Yeah.
The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.
It does not play this song at a normal volume.
Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.
Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.
...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.
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So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.
It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.
There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.
Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.
Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.
I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.
The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.
It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.
I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.
While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.
Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.
I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.
I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.
Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.
It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.
I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.
The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.
We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.
I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.
The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.
I look down at myself.
In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:
Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.
Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.
The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.
A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.
The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.
The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.
My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.
A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.
The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.
I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:
The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.
This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.
The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.
I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.
"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"
The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.
$6.66
"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.
I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.
It also turns on the music player.
I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.
Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.
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