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nestasgalpal · 6 months

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Can't think straight when we are together Pt. 2 [Nessian smut]

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4

Nesta’s Gal Pal masterlist | AO3

Tagging:@zoyaslai@champanheandluxxury@pataytayo@nessiantrashh@dustjacketmusings@saltydreamcollector@generalnesta@simpingfornestaarcheron@arinbelle@a-court-of-valkyries@azrielsgirl@swoopingoccamy@vasudharaghavan@vidalinav@sv0430@nessianforlife@claralady@sayosdreams@malluzia@dealfea@kylosmomm

A/N: Don't mind me, I'm just posting a second part to this a year after because I think I know what I want to do with this fic. It's been a year, so if you want to be removed or added to the tagging list, let me know, I just copied the one I had.

He had played well enough to celebrate the victory and mean it. It had been a great game. Tense, to say the least, but in a good way. The type of tense that pushed Cassian to do better. He was not the captain of the football team, Rhy was, but Cassian had been named MVP of the college league the last two seasons, and he planned on keeping the title this year as well now that graduation time was approaching and the draft peaked on the horizon. Preassure to give his all on the field was always welcomed. And if a certain pretty brunette showed up to watch, even if she was accompanied by some other dude, then his teammates could count on Cassian pushing himself to the limit.

Cassian slurred each syllable when he spoke, even if he wasn't drunk yet. "It's too hot in here, I need some air." Az only nodded. Not that the music being blasted through the speakers would have allowed him to be heard anyway.

The crowd dancing in Feyre's basement, drinking and making out in the darkest corners of the room, forced him to use his elbows to push people in reaching for the stairs. Circumventing these college students proved as challenging as dodging some of his rivals hours earlier. Cassian tightly secured his red cup as he made his way up. Although Feyre's house was not their most frequent meetup place, Cassian had been in there enough times to know where each room was. To know the basement had a door to the garden behind the house, but if he instead used the stairs, he would find himself in the entry hall at the top.

So he went up, and just as he emerged in the predicted space, the front door was being opened by one of his best friends. Mor gave a squeak and jumped to hug him. "Congrats on the win, big boy!" Cassian hugged her back, and she had to go on her tiptoes so her arms could reach around his neck. He thanked her with a shit-eating grin. Both knew this had been one of his best games this season.

"Where were you? I was starting to think I would have to drain the keg all by myself." He joked, momentarily postponing his planned trip for this quick chat.

"The cheer team had a pre-party I couldn't miss." Mor explained. Cassian didn't believed her, though, as most of the cheer team had arrived before him at the party.

"Excuse me." The soft voice behind them was followed by an even softer touch as Gwyneth Berdara slightly pushed his arm.

Only then did Cassian realize Mor and he were blocking the front door. He quickly let go of his friend's waist and took a step back, leaving enough room between the blond cheerleader and himself for Gwyneth to walk out. She did so without a word or a second look at them. The sudden panic taking over Cassian was enough to block the shame he should have felt instead. He saw the redhead reach for her phone as soon as she stepped outside, right before the door closed behind her. His widen his eyes went back to his friend, who seemed oblivious to the gravity of what had just happened. Only then did he notice who the varsity jacket Mor was wearing belonged to. A siren went off inside his head. Shit. Cassian hadn't noticed she was wearing his name and number. He had assumed it belonged to whatever player she had been screwing before coming to the party.

Surely Gwyn had noticed as well.

Shit.

"It that my jacket?" Obviously, it was.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I was cold and kept it. Do you want it back?" She offered it, but didn't take it off. She pouted, knowing he would let her keep it. It would be useless to ask for it now, anyway.

"I thought you gave it to Nesta. Like I asked you to."

How tight had he and Mor been hugging when Gwyn appeared out of thin air? He wasn't sure. He tried to remember if his name on the back of the jacket had been visible to the girl, but soon discovered that he couldn't. A message had probably been sent from Gwyn's phone to Nesta's describing what she thought she had seen. She would be wrong in her assumption, but it kind of made his planned trip to the second floor redundant now, nevertheless.

"She didn't want it, Cass. I promise I offered it to her, and she said she already had a jacket. Now, I don't know if she meant hers or the jacket that guy besides her was wearing."

Cassian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Shit Mor, you should have told me. I thought she had taken it."

"Hey, don't be upset with me. It's not my fault." She protested, her pouting lips now more exaggerated. "To be honest, I think this was for the best. Please, Cass, I am begging you to put two and two together and realize that she didn't want your name on her back because she simply doesn't want you. Or else, she wouldn't have gone to the game with a date."

His head snapped at that. "So it was a date? How would you know?" Cassian had always trusted Mor's intuition in this area. She understood girls' behavior way better than he did.

Taking the red cup from his hand and sipping from it, Mor rolled her eyes. "Listen, I don't want to hurt your feelings, especially not tonight, but Nesta Archeron doesn't give a fuck about football, so if her pretty ass was there, it had to be that guy's idea. And she must like him a lot to agree to the plan. Did she tell you she would be there?" He said no with his head. "And why is that? Because she..." Mor pushed a finger against his chest. "Doesn't. Care. About. You."

Cassian just stood there, unconvinced. He wished Mor had insisted more.

"But I still went up there to their seats and offered, like you asked me to, because I do care about you." She kept going. "As does Rhys. Do you think he would like to find out you are trying to get into Nesta's pants?" She arched an eyebrow. "You know he is not precisely fond of her."

The silence, Cassian hoped, let Mor know he was not in the mood to get deeper into that conversation right now. "Yeah, you are right." He considered taking his cup back, but decided not to. Mor could keep his cup and take it downstairs with her advice and opinions. He had to go up, he was now determined. "Az was asking for you down there." The cheerleader's face lightened when he changed the subject, suddenly reminded that there was, in fact, a party waiting for her in the basement.

"Shall we go?" She offered.

"I was actually looking for a bathroom." Cassian excused himself. "I don't trust the one downstairs." He joked. She didn't push it, she simply gave him another quick hug and headed towards the music.

He gave himself a second to clear his head. To mentally curse himself, Mor and this night that had seemed so full of potential until five minutes ago. The stairs to the second floor of the Archeron's house were right there. I should go to her room, Cassian told himself. To explain myself. And so, with the confidence only a guy like him could have, he resumed his original route towards Nesta Archeron's bedroom.

Unknown territory.

It would be easy for him to pitch himself tonight. Pitching both of them, actually, presents Nesta with the idea of what they could become. In a perfect scenario, Nesta would listen. In the case that Gwyneth had misinformed her of what she thought she had seen in the hall, it might require a little more convincing. But Cassian made his way up, truly believing this would be the night he told Nesta what he wanted.

Loud and clear.

The hallway he ended up in was silent, as if there was no party happening in the basement at that very moment. It was pitch dark, and wanting to be as sneaky as possible, instead of turning on the lights, Cassian used his phone's flashlight to find Nesta's bedroom door. A decorative piece of wood in the shape of a perfect "N" hang from the door. Knowing all the residents of the house except Feyre —downstairs— and Nesta herself —at the other side of the wooden panel— were away, he knocked, not allowing his confidence to slip away.

Yes, Nesta had refused to take his jacket when Mor offered it in his name, but not once had she said no to fucking him. If she knew he was on the other side of the door, she would open it for him. When she didn't answer, Cassian knocked again. "Nes, it's me." He had to wait again, but this time he heard the muffled footsteps getting closer. Then, the door opened, and Cassian's grin returned to his face. "Hey." He leaned on the door, knowing from experience that women found the way his muscles flexed to be sexy.

Nesta's half-closed eyes didn't really react, though. "What do you want?" She asked bluntly.

"Were you sleeping?" The question was a courtesy. He could smell in the thick air of the room what she had been up to, despite the open window by the bed. The red eyes were proof as well.

"Yes." She lied. "Did you get lost?" Her sexy lack of patience was amusing and just what he had wanted to be greeted by.

There was soft music playing from her phone on the bed. "I'm almost where I want to be, actually." Cassian said, his eyes wandering through the room behind his girl.

The eye contact that followed was intense. Cassian wouldn't break it, he could stare at her annoyed frown for ages and never get tired. And Nesta wouldn't either, as she simply couldn't stand to lose. She had her hair up in a ponytail that had been perfectly neat maybe an hour ago and now struggled to contain a few pieces of hair that were too short in the front and framed her face. Although Cassian was sure there were a pair of shorts on her legs, they weren't visible under the big t-shirt she used as pajamas. The band logo was unrecognizable after so many trips to the washing machine over the years.

Knowing very few people were allowed to see the perfect Nesta Archeron looking this disheveled, but he was, only filled his chest with excitement. Because not only was he allowed to see it, he was also allowed to take her out of those clothes and make an even bigger mess of her.

"Are you going to stand there forever?"

"Until you invite me in." He retorted.

She rolled her eyes, but stepped to the side and opened the door enough for him to enter. He walked to the middle of the room and heard the door close behind him. "I don't think I've ever seen your bedroom." She didn't answer, nor did she address his presence when she walked back to her bed and jumped in. Cassian just stood there, taking in the empty white walls, the blue stripes of her sheets, and the fluffy rug in the middle of the room.

"I hate shoes inside the house." Cassian needn't be told twice. His socks were stark white, and Nesta took notice. Hers were as well. "Matching," she mumbled distractedly.

The only light came from a round lamp by her bed. It was warm and threw yellowy shades across the walls, the bed and her face. She looked relaxed, and Cassian wondered if he had ever seen her like this. So calm and comfortable. He absolutely hadn't. He would remember. Like he remembered the first and only time he had made her laugh out loud —and actually chuckle. Cassian felt like he should have, though. Hadn't he made her feel good in his arms? He had. Six times, no less.

But Nesta hadn't looked this at ease. Almost the opposite, he realized. She had wanted to get out of his embrace as soon as they were done. She always ran from him.

Well, not anymore. Tonight, he would demand she give him more —at least a chance—, or else they would be done forever.

Please, prove them wrong, he begged her. Prove you do care about me.

From the bed, Nesta stretched her arm to open a drawer. "Do you want some?" An untouched joint was offered to him.

"I've been told I am insufferable when I am drunk and high." He joked. Nesta's lips curled up, remembering the moment she spoke those words.

"You really are." She scouted to the side, leaving room for him on the bed. "But you are not drunk, though."

Absolutely not. He needed his mind to be clear for this. Nesta's parted lips were distracting enough. Her smell. The skin of her thigh hot against the back of his hand when he sat down. Their eyes met, and Cassian cursed himself for accepting the silent offer and getting in her bed. This was not what he had come up here for.

Had she not leaned in, Cassian might had found in him the strength to get up again. But she did lean in, and his body followed suit. She kissed him. He kissed her back, and Nesta was quick to make it deeper, to make it hungry and needy. His hand cupping her face was meant to steady them, as surely were Nesta's on his hair. And his arm finding its place around her waist, or her legs now straddling him.

Yes, when his hand left her pretty face and met its double on Nesta's other hip, his goal was to make sure she was comfortably sitting on top of him. The grinding it caused was collateral damage. The seam of his jeans rubbed the right inch on her body, and soon Nesta was moaning in his mouth.

Hadn't she leaned in, Cassian would be standing on the fluffy carpet, pouring his heart out for her. But she did. And so he was now stripping her of her t-shirt and delighting himself in the realization that Nesta had not been wearing any kind of shorts under it. Just some lovely black panties he was quick to pull aside.

"Fuck!" She let out when his fingers pushed inside her. She was soaking wet just from making out.

There was no excuse for that.

"Tell me what you want." He demanded.

With her mouth open in a silent exclamation, Nesta rode his hand like she should be riding his cock. He curled his two fingers inside her, making her tremble. To keep her balance, Nesta's palms came to rest on his chest, supporting her weight. With her arms at her sides and her back arched, Nesta's tits were pushed right to his face. Not wanting to disrespect his host, Cassian's mouth was on them in an instant.

Hadn't she leaned in...

Nesta tried her best to contain her whimpers, and he did his best to steal new ones from her lips. "Tell me what you want." He repeated, now that Nesta was approaching her climax.

"I just want to come." She pleaded. Her gray eyes found his and gave him that look that almost had him coming in his pants. "Please, Cassian, make me come."

"And what do I get?" He teased, freeing her nipples from the pleasure and torture of his tongue on them. She shuddered, probably feeling the cold now that they were wet with his saliva.

Nesta didn't answer, so he had to be tougher on her. She was lost in her thoughts, bouncing on his hand and enjoying the feeling of his thumb on her clit. With his left hand, Cassian halted her movement just so he could slip his right from under her. Nesta whimpered again, but this time it was unsatisfaction what lingered on her pouting lips. An unexpected swat across her butcheeks made her jump slightly. It had taken her by surprise, although it shouldn't have. She knew what would come when she didn't answer him the first time. "What do I get, Nes?" Cassian was getting tired of repeating himself. She knew better. He spanked her again, just because he wanted to see her tits bounce in his face when she felt it and reacted.

Like a cat, Nesta stretched her body and rested it flat on top of his, gaining access to his neck and covering it in kisses. It was Cassian's turn to groan, more so when she nibbled his earlobe, and he practically melted when Nesta's plump lips sought his again. She was such a smooth kisser, so good at it, Cassian almost forgot she was the one supposed to be begging for his touch, not the other way around. He rolled over, pressing her against the bed now, and grabbed her tits with perhaps more force than needed. Not that Nesta ever complained about sex getting a bit rough. He kneaded them and pulled her nipples to his will, enjoying how hard they got against his palms and how she arched her back for more. When her tongue entered his mouth, Cassian knew she was desperate.

"Anything you want." She promised, thinking she knew exactly what he would take as compensation. "You can have me any way you want, but please," A pause to let out a moan right by his ear, "please, make me come."

Cassian was quick enough in taking down his jeans that Nesta didn't complain about his warm body leaving hers. He wasn't quick enough to put on the condom she handed him from the bedside table, though, so Nesta got on her knees in front of him, matching his pose, and started kissing him again whilst he opened the silver square and wrapped himself in the rubber. When he was done, Cassian wasn't able to tell who was hornier. He only knew one second his hands were in Nesta's ass, taking her in the air, so she could wrap her legs around him, and the next he had slammed their bodies against the mattress again and was fucking her for all he was worth.

It would have been great to say she came quickly and repaid the favor by sucking him, but after all that grinding, Cassian was as close to coming as she was. She squeezed him so tightly he stood no chance, and soon they were both panting, Cassian all the way in and Nesta holding on to him like her life depended on it, needing him even closer. When the climax ran through them, Cassian didn't pull out, nor did she urge him to. Instead, her fingertips started dancing through his back. Making circles at first, then more complicated shapes. Something like triangles, then curves, and more sharp angles right after.

Cassian thanked his past self for staying sober tonight, so he was conscious enough to understand the meaning of the lines she drew.

"Come on a date with me." He whispered against her ear.

"No." Her answer came immediately. Not harshly, at least not with the intention to be harsh. She said the wordas a matter of fact. Empty of feeling.

He closed his eyes. Why? Wasn't this what she wanted? For him to be blunt with his expectations? "You said anything I wanted." Cassian reminded her. He didn't move. Their bodies were still tangled over her bed: him inside her, her legs caging his waist, and her arms hugging his neck. How could Nesta reject him while holding him with such care?

As if she had read his mind, Nesta let go of him completely, and he had no choice but to sit up. Somehow quicker than Cassian had been when he took them out, Nesta gave him his underwear and jeans back for him to put them on. "I meant something like a blowjob and to swallow." Her coarse words hurt his ego more than his feelings. He didn't answer.

Cassian got up and pulled up his pants, then seated himself again and stared at her, a question in his eyes. She could read it—she in fact did—, but didn't answer. Cassian wondered, had she not leaned in, would he have been brave enough to ask her out with the words he had carried from the football field? Would the result have been the same, or was the fact that they always fucked first, talked later what made them go in circles?

"It was a good game. You did good." Her suddenly bringing that up only made things more awkward.

"Yeah." Cassian would rather leave now than sit through the silence that followed. He stayed, though, waiting for who knows what to happen and fix the atmosphere, to turn it into... what, exactly? She must have felt it too —the lack of appropriate words to end this night.

Cassian ran a hand through his hair. Nesta fixed it, her touch a ghost. He looked at her and demanded an explanation with just a stare. Nesta didn't give him that either.

"You should go down." She told him. There was no sharpness in her tone, and maybe that was her way of saying she was sorry.

Accepting his fate and just wanting to leave on a good note, Cassian raised a teasing eyebrow and eyed what was between her legs.

"Not that." There it was: the eye rolling, the cute annoyance. "I meant downstairs, to the party. They are probably looking for you."

Indeed.

"You are saying a lot of things you don't mean tonight, Nes. It's kind of confusing."

The accusation finally woke her up from the post-orgasm haze. She jumped out of bed, leaving her t-shirt behind, and going for the door. "You are confusing." Her voice told Cassian she meant it.

"I think I've made myself pretty clear, though. Haven't I?" He took his shoes in one hand and followed her.

"Haven't I?" She retorted, turning around to face him. The defiance in her eyes burned bright, giving her an intimidating glow that compensated her lack of a top. Cassian didn't even look at her tits.

She opened the door for him. He closed it before the gap was wide enough for him to go through.

"Would it kill you to give me a chance?" He finally spat.

"A chance for what, Cassian? What exactly do you expect? To continue with the fucking, but once a week, grab dinner together?"

"Well, yeah." Cassian still couldn't understand what was so awful about spending time with him outside their bedroom, a small bathroom or an empty classroom. Be seen out in the open, grab her hand and kiss it just because he feels like it. For Nesta to wear his jersey to his games and celebrate with him and his friends afterward. Grab dinner when their schedules allow, and then go home together.

Nesta held his stare, and this time he couldn't read it. Which could only mean she didn't want him to. Cassian sighed.

"Okay, so whatever I want?" He brought up Nesta's sex-induced promise again. "Just give me a reason I can understand." When she opened her mouth, Cassian's finger sealed it again. "If you want a guy to get you drinks at a party, why can't it be me? If you want to hang out with a guy on a Friday night and go watch a game together, why won't you let it be me? And don't give me an I don't like you, because you clearly do. What is so awful about me that you don't want to even try?"

When she closed her eyes, unable to look into his, Cassian's heart sank, understanding that there was a reason after all.

"I've tried." She confessed. "I've seen what spending time with you is like, and I don't want it." Not only didn't Cassian interrupt her, but he urged her to keep going, curious to see where she was going. "I've been in a room with you and your friends and remember what was said to me for even looking in your direction a little too long." She started counting with her fingers. "I've spent the afternoon with you guys and been completely ignored by every single one, including you, although I was invited to be there. We've had lunch, I've been trapped at one of your dinner parties and on Feyre's birthday, and there is nothing you can possibly offer me in a relationship to make up for how awful I've been treated every single time and how you did nothing to stop it from happening. How stupid do you think I am to sign up for that again?"

Cassian was equal parts offended on his friend's behalf and his own. Had it been anyone else in front of him, he wouldn't have bitten his tongue at the insult to his friends. They had never spoken ill of her to her face or purposefully tried to exclude her. She simply didn't fit in with the group, and that was okay. They could spend time alone.

"If that is what I'm getting myself into..." She corrected herself, saying, "If that is what you can offer me, then I don't want it."

"Don't you think a relationship is a little more complicated than liking my friends or not?"

"I am in Pre-Med, Cassian, I don't have the time for complicated. I want easy. This..." She signaled between the two, "This is easy. And I like it a lot."

It was his time to be cold. "Sorry, but this won't do it for me." Cassian took a step back, putting much-needed physical space between them. "Obviously, I can't be with someone who thinks that about my friends."

She agreed and stepped to the side, making room to open the door for him. "And I can't be with someone who would let their friends say exactly the same things about me." It was the brief silence as the words sank in what pushed her to keep going. "To be honest, and I am not saying this to be hurtful, you don't deserve more."

Cassian only nodded, not necessarily in agreement, not fully differing either. He understood.

"Have a good life, Nes." He just walked away.

#nessian #nessian smut #nessian fic #nessian fanfic #nessian fanfiction #nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #cassian acotar #cassian x nesta #nesta x cassian

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areyoudreaminof · 11 months

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The Rock Against the Surf: A Gwyn Berdara Playlist

If my timing is correct, it happens to be Day 2 of @gwynweekofficial , song association! So, how about a playlist of songs for Gwyn?

Just like Nesta needed Gwyn, I think a lot of us readers needed her too. To see someone heal herself through such trauma, to see the beauty and strength in the world and to be vulnerable with herself and others in order to heal was an important experience for me. I really am looking forward to Gwyn's story progressing. Listen Here! And follow me behind the cut for a deep dive!

Pegasi-Jesca Hoop

You combed out my mane I'll wear your saddle and reins With all these stars at my feet I'll stamp and tap the spring With my rider a mount I feel like spreading my wings Take to the sky like poetry

The River-AURORA

Don't forget who you are even though you are hurt You are caught in a wire and soon it will burst You can cry, drinking your eyes Do you miss the sadness when it is gone? (Gone) And you let the river run wild (Gone) And you let the river run wild

The Siren-Nadiiife

Moonlight on my skin Rising from within Taking all my wounds Mother moon my home

Here in the water My soul evolves in wrath I am thunder I am the siren's song

Little Earthquakes-Tori Amos

We danced in graveyards with vampires till dawn We laughed in the faces of kings, never afraid to burn And I hate, and I hate And I hate, and I hate Disintegration, watching us wither Black-winged roses that safely changed their color Oh, these little earthquakes Here we go again

I can't reach you, can't reach you Give me life, give me pain Give me myself again Give me life, give me pain Give me myself again

Rocks and Water-Deb Talan

Seven times I went down Six times I walked back I don't fear the dark anymore 'Cause I've become all that

I will be rocks, I will be water I will leave this to my daughter Lift your head up in the wind When you feel yourself grow colder Wrap the night around your shoulders I will be with you even then Even when I cannot see your face anymore

O'Sister-City and Colour

What have the demons done? With a luminous light that once shined from your eyes What makes you feel so alone?

Is it the whispering ghost that you fear the most? But the blackness in your heart, it won't last forever I know it's tearing you apart but it's a song you can wither

Was it the whispering ghost that left you out in the cold? But the blackness in your heart won't last forever I know it's tearing you apart but it's a storm you can wither

Cold War-Janelle Monáe

So you think I'm alone? But being alone's the only way to be When you step outside You spend life fighting for your sanity This is a cold war You better know what you're fighting for This is a cold war Do you know what you're fighting for? If you want to be free Below the ground is the only place to be Cause in this life You spend time running from depravity

notre dame-Paris Paloma

As I tiptoe Creaking over prayers Pleading with their maker Crying with the choir

I’m not immune to the sincerity Below me, makes me feel It makes me holy But the tears I understand That I do not below No I do not belong

Bishop Briggs-White Flag

Take a hit, shoot me down, shoot me down I will never hit the ground, hit the ground Playing dead, I'll never do Gotta keep an eye on you Patience is wearing thin, paper-thin Promises broke again, what a sin But it only feeds my energy So don't expect no sympathy

Oh, won't wave my white flag, no This time I won't let go I'd rather die Than give up the fight, give up the fight

Rebel Heart-First Aid Kit

You told me once I have a rebel heart I don't know if that's true But I believe you saw something in me That lives inside you too Now all I hear is the wind There's a storm coming through

Tell me what do you do I keep trying To be someone I'd never be I keep seeing her in everyone Everyone but me But I know you truly saw me Even if just for a while Maybe that's why it hurts now To leave it all behind I don't know what it is That makes me run That makes me wanna shatter Everything that I've done

Only If For A Night-Florence + the Machine

And I heard your voice as clear as day And you told me I should concentrate It was all so strange and so surreal That a ghost should be so practical Only if for a night And the only solution was to stand and fight And my body was bruised and I was set alight But you came over me like some holy rite And although I was burning, you're the only light Only if for a night

Albatross-Foals

You burnt the lungs That your ancestors created You sat by the banks Of the river and you waited Till time rolled back And the water had abated You drank your share But you still could not be sated You said you're scared Of the clocks that keep ticking over We'll find a way For a life that's worth living over Again and again

Claim Your Ghost-Iron and Wine

Our winter keeps running us down We wake up with love hanging on Killers let go, killers let go

Some kids get a handful of rain Our hope is the desperate die wise Killers let go, killers let go

Morning falls from a tree and asks for a name Claim your ghost, know the wine for what it is

Be Sweet-Japanese Breakfast

So come and get your woman (Comе and get your woman) Pacify her rage (Pacify her rage) Take the time to undo your lies, make it up once more with feeling Recognize your mistakes and I'll let you back in Realize not too late, loved you always Make it up to me, you know it's better Make it up to me, you know it's better Be sweet to me, baby I wanna believe in you, I wanna believe in something

Ready to Start-Arcade Fire

If I was scared, I would And if I was pure, you know I would And if I was yours, but I'm not Now I'm ready to start If I was scared, I would And if I was pure, you know I would And if I was yours, but I'm not Now I'm ready to start Now I'm ready to start I would rather be wrong Than live in the shadows of your song

Taglist: @ofduskanddreams @krem-does-stuff @krem-has-a-mess @octobers-veryown @melting-houses-of-gold @velidewrites @reverie-tales @c-e-d-dreamer, @andrigyn @foundress0fnothing @vulpes-fennec @asnowfern @mossytrashcan @thelovelymadone @the-lonelybarricade @shadowriel @separatist-apologist @fieldofdaisiies @stickyelectrons @vanserrass @panicatthenightcourt @iftheshoef1tz @damedechance @headcanonheadcase @cursebrkr @wilde-knight @moonpatroclus @kataravimes-of-the-shire @sunshinebingo @filthyglamdoll @ablogofbipanic @bagelfyre @thesistersarcheron @ultadverb @iftheshoef1tz @yazthebookish, @foreverinelysian, @spell-cleavers, @aldbooks, @gwyns, @bookofmirth

#acotar playlist project #gwyneth berdara #pro gwyneth berdara #gwyn berdara #pro gwyn #Spotify

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wistcrias · 2 years

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GWYNETH BERDARA HCS : singing .

For Gwyn, I think singing and music are not just a lifeline, but an expression of her self, and her emotions. I think there is something to her, possibly some unexplored lineage or power that links her to her singing, that makes it so that her very heart needs to be released through music.

The first time we see her sing, Gwyn is doing it absently as she works. This happens multiple times through ACOSF, and it’s an example of the way Gwyn isn’t even aware of her singing or humming; it’s as though the music itself is an intrinsic part of her.

“Across the hushed, cavernous space, it was easy to hear Gwyn’s soft singing as she flitted from table to table, looking at the piles of discarded books. Trying desperately to find the missing tome.The words of Gwyn’s merry song were in a language Nesta didn’t know, but for a heartbeat, Nesta allowed herself to listen—to savor the pure, sweet voice that rose and fell with sinuous ease.”

Furthermore:

“Gwyn’s hair seemed to glow brighter with her song, skin radiating a beckoning light. Drawing any listener in.” and “Gwyn sang, chin high, a faint glow seeming to radiate from her” and “ Gwyn seemed to be shimmering with pride and contentedness.”

These quote in particular is fascinating because multiple times in the book there are references to Gwyn glowing or shining when she sings. I don’t know exactly what it means, but I think there’s almost a siren-esque quality to it, but not in a malicious or evil sense. When it comes to her literal tone of voice, I imagine her singing to sound something like THIS. But as Nesta describes:

“Gwyn’s voice soared like a bird through the cavern as she started the third song with a solo, and Nesta closed her eyes, leaning into the music, shutting out one sense in order to luxuriate in the sound of her friend. Something beckoned in Gwyn’s song, in a way the others’ hadn’t. Like Gwyn was calling only to her, her voice full of sunshine and joy and unshakable determination. Nesta had never heard a voice like Gwyn’s—by turns trained and wild, as if there was so much sound fighting to break free of Gwyn that she couldn’t quite contain it all. As if the sound needed to be loose in the world”

I think even as a mezzo-soprano (“But Gwyn’s voice rose above them all, clear and powerful and yet husky on some notes. A mezzo-soprano. The word floated from the depths of Nesta’s memory, voiced by a watery-eyed music tutor who’d quickly declared Nesta hopeless at singing or playing, but in possession of an unusually fine ear.”) , her voice goes back and forth and is over-all very adaptable; perhaps as a part of her lineage as a nymph, where it caries that mutable quality of water within it. The ability to adapt and be anything.

#〈 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐀. 〉 GWYN B : study.

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gojosatorurailmepls · 3 years

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Day 4 - Identity | Stories

Today, I’m sharing Gwyn as a mermaid that I did a while ago. She reminds me of Ariel so much. They both have red hair and teal eyes. They have the most beautiful voice and everyone is in awe whenever they sing. Ariel & Gwyn love to explore and they’re very curious about the world. After watching The Little Mermaid again, I just noticed a lot more the similarities between Gwyn & Ariel and i’m hoping that the next will have this retelling.

I hope you enjoy this piece that I’ve done because I’ve had so much fun :D <3

#gwyn berdara #gwyn appreciation week #gwynweek #the little mermaid #gwyn #siren #ariel #retelling

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jennyofoldstone · 3 years

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Gwyneth Berdara Appreciation Week - day 4

IDENTITY|STORIES

Gwyn’s Family tree + classic art

1.The Fisherman and the Siren,Frederic Leighton

2. La Belle Dame Sans Merci, Frank Dicksee

3. Untitled, Jules-Frédéric Ballavoine

#gwyneth berdara #gwyn appreciation week #GwynAppreciationWeek #Gwyn #gwynweek #acotar #a court of silver flames

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littlefishbigsea · 3 years

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Masterlist

You can find me on AO3.

The Spymaster & The Priest *

Role Reversal: Gwyneth Berdara, the Night Court’s infamous spymaster, is hunting a series of ancient texts. Azriel, an Illyrian priest, has been tasked to help her. As the two journey together, they unravel a mystery larger than just a few missing books.

~94k words; 27 Chapters (ongoing)

Tags: slooooow burn, friends to lovers, dom Gwyn + sub Azriel

cover art by: @stylusismystyle, commissioned by @trashforazriel

Gwynriel Small Scenes

A Kiss in the Rain

Illyrian Karma Sutra

Home *

The Ribbon *

You’re that Song

The Necklace

Hiatus (for now)

Siren’s Umbra

* NSFW

#gwynriel #gwynriel fanfiction #gwynriel fic #azriel x gwyn #gwyn x azriel #pro gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #gwyn berdara #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction

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meher-sumedha · 3 years

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Gwynriel Headcanon - The Competition

I am so sorry in advance cause I am writing this chapter at 3 am in the morning.

Over the last few days, Gwyn hadn't spoken even a single thing, Azriel couldn't be more worried.

He had stayed outside Gwyn's room. He heard her sobs and cries even though she tried her best to hide them. Gwyn knew Azriel was outside her door, it was the only thing that gave her peace.

But she could not gather enough courage to go out there and talk to him. Not when he had seen her like this. Not when he might think she was useless.

She couldn't be more wrong. Azriel didn't care about that. He only wanted to see her teal eyes again. Every night when he heard her breathing slow down, he would go into her room and stay there until sundown, not sleeping at all. Afraid that if he slept, the number of hours he could see her beautiful face would decrease.

Tarquin had come by a few times and those times she thought she couldn't hide anymore and that she had to be vulnerable. But Azriel didn't let anyone except the servants who brought food through her door.

He didn't let Tarquin in. He didn't. He couldn't. He couldn't handle the fact that she would want Tarquin to hold her instead of him. Couldn't handle the fact that she would confide in Tarquin rather than him. He wasn't ready for that kind of rejection and he knew it.

How many times? How many times could he live like this. How many times would girls pick anyone else over him. Nesta had taken Elain with her to the night court to ensure her safety. He was happy that Elain was safe. But, Elain was the only distraction which kept him sane. Which kept him from thinking of her and how he would never get her.

After 3 days, Gwyn finally came out of the room. She couldn't cry anymore. She had a job to do and she would complete it. She made a plan. She would bottle up her emotions, but not so much that they blow up. Every day, at midnight, she would face those emotions through practice. She knew she wouldn't be facing those emotions, but rather ignoring them.

But sometimes, Prettier lies are better than ugly truths. People think the truth will always come up. They are wrong. Pretend for long enough, and everyone will believe. You know the truth, why to tell everyone about it. Dust the mirror so much, that the real reflection is not visible.

She got in her training leathers, a white shirt and black leather pants and out of her room. As soon as she opened her door, she saw Azriel standing up. His eyes were swollen and his hair was a mess. Before he could ask anything she told him, "I'm fine" And smiled the best she could before leaving and going to the ground.

I'm fine. Azriel saw right through her smile. Most of the people would have believed it, but not Azriel. He didn't need to look at her smile, just her eyes. She had concealed her puffy eyes with powder. But those teal eyes held pain and dark secrets. Pain even Satan would be afraid of and Secrets even the dark couldn't contain. She was thinner, she hadn't eaten any of the meals. But Azriel knew the only thing he could do right now, is be there for her. Just like he had hoped someone would be there for him but was disappointed to see that no one was.

Gwyn went to the garden, eager to train. Only to find no one there. "Where is everyone?" She asked the one of the servants. "They're in the Kala jungle, for the Kalasian."

"What's the Kalasian?", " It's like a competition for all the warriors, it tests their team work mainly and sees if the warriors are ready to fight"

"Ohkay, Can you give me the directions to this jungle?" Gwyn asked and the lady told her. Gwyn was just about to go when Azriel joined her, in his leathers as well. He didn't speak anything, he just let Gwyn lead the way. Their run was peaceful for Gwyn. But that's all it was. It didn't help with anything.

"Gwyn are you-" Gwyn cut Tarquin off by asking cheerfully, "So what are we doing today?". Tarquin was thrown off by her cheerful voice but said, "We're doing the Kalasian. It's basically an obstacle course where you have to find a flag. Whichever team finds it first, wins."

"Well are there any clues?" She asked. "Yes but only one in the beginning, the rest you have to figure out by yourselves". "Okay so how many teams are there? Will I be a part of one?"

"We thought we could do girls v/s boys" He said. "Well that's not fair, the boys are built better than us and they're taller." One of the girls said. "Also, we have her to handle" Another said while pointing towards Molly. What a bitch, thought Gwyn.

"Alright, so the girls can have Azriel in their team, The boys can have Tarquin in theirs, and I can form my own team with Molly." Gwyn said and Molly stepped in the front, behind Gwyn. Azriel took his place with the girls looking fairly amused and Tarquin took his place with the Boys.

The girls started cheering but so did the boys. "But to make it equal, I'm gonna take a member from the boys too" Gwyn said. "Fine by us, you can take Tom, he won't be of any use to us" Jack said jokingly but Gwyn took him seriously. "Fine by me" She said and the guys stopped laughing.

Tom then stepped out of the boys group and stood towards the right of Gwyn. The boys started groaning, knowing that Tom could be of value in the wilderness.

"But I don't think it's a fair team" Azriel said, too Pridefully. "Ehh it's fine for me, let's get started" Gwyn said and Tarquin handed them their clues. They all deserted where they were and split into different directions. Gwyn started discussing with her team and formed a strategy. One she was sure that would work. They would split up.

"We all got that clear, good, let's split up now" She said before running away from them. They all went in three different directions.

Gwyn saw the guys team and started shouting, "I KNOW WHERE THE FLAG IS, YES! " She said and started running, knowing the boys were close enough to hear and would follow her. While Molly was with the girls, she would be with the guys. She started running and came to a dead end. Shit

She then saw a huge tree and started climbing it, knowing the boys were on her tail and would catch her very easily. She climbed and climbed. The splinters of the wood cutting into her hands but she didn't care. She pulled herself from branch to branch. Shit.

She felt a jab of pain in her stomach but she didn't care, because she was Gwyneth Berdara, and she never yielded.

She climbed until she was at the top. There was nowhere else to go. She had no weapons and fighting off soo many guys would be impossible. She saw 2 boys who were almost there at the top. So she did what any sensible person would do, she jumped.

The branches and twigs scratched her skin and the jab of pain in her stomach grew but she didn't stop. She landed directly in the arms of someone. She opened her eyes and saw Tarquin. From a distance she heard Molly shouting "I FOUND THE FLAG, I KNOW WHERE IT IS" And she winked at Tarquin before getting out of his hands and sprinting into a run. She passed Molly on the way and winked at her but there was no time to stop.

She ran and ran until she heard someone near her. His shadows gave him away. She started running towards the pond, knowing that he was following her along with the others. She came across a lake and she jumped into it and swam forward. She looked on her shoulder to see Azriel right behind her.

He was catching up to her. Even though she knew she had to distract him, she couldn't. The pain of the splinters, the jab in her stomach was too much, her body was giving up. She suddenly noticed she wasn't carrying herself, the water was. And the damn water was carrying her to a waterfall. She was too weak to move Shit.

She thought she was about to jump into the waterfall but someone gripped her and took her out of the way and to land. Solid land. Gwyn groaned, her whole body shaking and trembling with pain. Azriel was above her, his hair wet and his caring and worrying eyes. But then they both heard the siren, and Azriel knew he had lost.

Gwyn started laughing. She had a hand over her forehead but she couldn't keep laughing, even though it hurt. Azriel started smiling. Why is he smiling when he just lost? She thought to herself but could care less.

"WE WON!" Shouted Tom from a distance and Gwyn still kept laughing. She propped herself on her elbow saw Azriel with the biggest smile, playing with his hair with his god like shirtless body which was glistening with sweat and water.

This was their plan all along. No one would even think of following Tom so Molly and Gwyn would cover for him, pretend like they know where the flag is so Tom could go and get the flag without any problems.

They were suddenly transported back to the palace grounds and both the guys and the girls were quiet. "Ha! You lost even though you had the better team" Gwyn said in between laughs. Molly was smiling, like a genuine smile and Tom, was well, beaming with happiness.

Azriel was happy to see Gwyn so happy. She stopped laughing and just closed her beautiful eyes, Azriel thought to rest them. But, he suddenly noticed Gwyn's shirt was red. "Gwyn, why is your shirt red?" Azriel asked in a warning tone but Gwyn didn't respond.

Tarquin came and knelt on the opposite side of Gwyn. "She's burning up" He said while touching Gwyn's forehead.

Azriel lifted her shirt and saw blood, and a huge wound.

A/N : Hey, I hope you liked it and this was not scheduled at all so I hope you all can enjoy this EXTRA LONG headcanon as I might not post next week. Also do comment and/or reply. I wrote this at 3 am so FORGIVE ME.

TagList - @trashforazriel @imsointobooks @shisingh @katiebellf @positivewitch @hlizr50

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