#I’m so exhausted too lol I don’t have the energy to put on a facade.

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

#cockles ask #sexuality spec #jensen is bi #anti rps for ts #cockles #liz answers #ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info #i hope someone appreciates it #my analysis #mine

[driftinglightofthewoods]

🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️

Send me a “🖊+an OC“ and I will talk about that OC! It can be a headcanon, a fun fact, a small paragraph of backstory- anything!Alternatively, send in just a “🖊“ and I will talk about any one of my OCs at random!

You sendin’ 20 pencils? you gettin’ 20 ocs. You asked for this.

1. Sileves

I love Sileves, I love her big generous heart and how eagerly she accepts friends of her children and her husband as honorary family members. I wish I could talk more about her job as a healer because she takes such immense pride in it and she is what I would want any nurse or doctor to be; so caring and patient and kind.

2. Methenor

Methenor is a soft boi hidden under layers of icy indifference, sarcasm and dry etiquette and I love it. He cares for his family so much ;-; And like I feel incredibly bad for him because no wonder he’s cold as ice when pretty much his entire family left him in Rivendell; His parents sailed, his older sister is who knows where, his younger brother ran for Lothlorien and now his only son left him too.

3. Malgelir

Chirpy social butterfly with a small bit of a “ME FIRST” complex towards her siblings. Malgelir always wanted to get married and have a child, and the fact that she did so before her siblings does make her prouder than she probably should be. Thankfully this isnt out of pure malicious intent because I don’t think she ever had an evil thought in her life.

She also cares so much about her hubby and her son ;-; i cry

4. Rhoscthel

Fun fact I aint got a single clue about what goes into fashion design and yet here Rhoscthel is being a tailor. Send help. Plz. I’m making this up as I go and I just hope nobody notices I’m bluffing my way through anything that takes half a glance at her skill as a tailor.

I also wish I knew how people Actually Flirt TM because Rhos is supposed to be a charming she-elf with bargaining powers that could almost rival Caranthir’s but idk anything about either flirting or haggling. The woes of an introvert trying to play a socially savvy extrovert TM

5. Amathel

With Amathel I’ve been contemplating switching her social status of engaged to married but Amathel kind of has concerns and worries about the act of getting married so idk how to really.. change her status? Like should I just change it or drabble it or..

Like it’s not that she doesnt want to be married to Lagoron, she loves him very dearly, but there’s certain expectations that comes with having a wedding especially as a highly valued member of the Rivendell guard.

Idk I kinda want to dive more into the complex nature of her always wanting to be on top and number one in her class despite the fact that she has a lot of… performance anxiety, I guess you could call it?

She doesnt like to be put on the spot or even necessarily in the spotlight even though she has an ambitious drive and is always looking to improve as a guard.

6. Innith

With Innith I’m kinda having the opposite problem I do with Rhoscthel. I don’t get to use her much because she’s a shy, introverted scholar who would really only want to interact with coworkers and patrons of the library in Rivendell; and unfortunately there’s not a lot of those muses around.

this is very much me asking you to throw Pan at her sometimes I think they could be fun together plz

I’m also a bit sad the one ship I had for her has long since sailed away. F/F ships are so hard to come by.

7. Nethel

You would think I have a similar problem with Nethel like I do with Innith but since Nethel is such a drastically different character I actually dont find it hard to find interactions for her lol. People seem to be rather drawn to her even though she’s brutally blunt. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Nethel is a lot like Feanor just minus the genius linguistic part. 

Plus while Nethel is cooped up in her workshop most of the time she does need to come out and tend to her biological needs like eating, bathing, sleeping, much to her dismay as she has little patience for small talk.

Aside from that I think most of the muns I toss her at are aware that she’s a deeply insecure person under all that brutal facade, and people generally seem to have a little more patience with a character like that? like idk, just something I noticed. 

8. Miston

Honestly without Miston this blog wouldnt exist and I wouldn’t be here to gush about all my characters, so needless to say Miston is incredibly important to me. I feel like he has grown as a character a lot since the beginning of this blog but that he has also remained true to the description I give him in his about section. He is still a character who doesn’t like sharing his feelings and rather deflect them, ignore them entirely or distract you with conversations about literally anything else.

Miston is very near and dear to my heart.

9. Eredhon

Baby. Precious soft child. Eredhon is such a sweetheart and it’s truly thanks to a lot of brainstorming with @legolasgoldy that he has been crawling out of his shell because for quite a while I myself didnt even know all that much about Eredhon.

He is a soft, gentle soul with a lot of deep running emotions and his social anxiety can definitely play cruel tricks on him, but with the right support system he blossoms into a very sweet and devoted friend who will always try to help you through any emotional problems. He’s also a lot more emotionally intelligent than I originally gave him credit for. He’s usually paired with social butterflies (see Malgelir) because he does get those type of characters to kind of.. relent the walls they build around themselves and let him see the emotional struggles they tend to ignore

He’ll also never apologises for feeling his emotions. He’ll apologize for snapping, for raising his voice, for letting his anxiety drive him up a wall and for anything that deserves an apology, but he won’t apologize for feeling sad or anxious or happy or in need of comfort.

10. Calithilon

I’ve been thinking about aging canon Cali up to at least a talkative elfling because honestly because he is so young in canon I haven’t really gotten a chance to use him all that effectively in the main storyline.

Most of Cali’s development comes from modern aus with @hclliish where he’s a teen, dating her Sleipnir (another precious child, just not one of mine lol)Cali takes after his mom in looks and unfortunately for him after his dad in personality, making him a rather shy and quiet person with a lot of insecurities. Being born to two singers makes him a natural singer as well, and his voice is higher in tone than that of his father.

Despite being an anxious teen (because when is puberty ever kind) he does find a lot of comfort in his parents unconditional love for him. They’re a very solid parents-child unit tbh.

11. Lagoron

Another character that I don’t get to use all that much, which is unfortunate because I find Lagoron an incredibly funny and interesting character. He’s a very un-elvish elf, in fact he’s more a hobbit in an elven disguise. While also being a guard, he is an entirely different type than Amathel; where Amathel yearns to be the best and the strongest, Lagoron is a team player who believes in the strength of numbers and strong bonds between guards to drag them through the most difficult situations; and that hasn’t exactly made him the top performer of the class. 

He is however truly the kind of person you want on your team, and in a fight he’s surprisingly endurant and likely to exhaust his opponent by focusing on dodging their power attacks rather than wasting his energy in fighting back.

Always has food on him and will offer it to anyone he feels like stricking up a friendly conversation with. 10/10 good friend.

12. Hinnoron

Hinnoron is definitely more of the tradtional elf. He’s radiant, and ethereal, and pleasant to be around. He also has a natural calmness about him and a certain kind of wisdom. Y’know, typical Tolkien Elf TM stuff.

Hinnoron gets interesting when you dive into his deeper relationships. His relationship with his eldest sister is on a very low pit, and the one he has with Methenor has definitely taken some blows. When Gelwenil left to follow the stars, Methenor got rather clingy towards Hinnoron, who felt suffocated in return.

Hinnoron left for Lothlorien, and to this day regrets that he abandoned Methenor when Methenor was clearly struggling with the departure of their parents and their sister. While they have mended their bond since, this kind of guilt does seem to creep into his relationships with Haldir ( @thehiddenhero ) and Oropher ( @oropherrrrr ) He often doesn’t tell them when things about the relationship upset him and bottles his emotions up to an unhealthy degree, all because he fears of upsetting their feelings or even damaging the image they have of him if he’s not the perfect, ethereal and unconditionally supportive partner. For someone who gives love so easily and unconditionally, he seems to have a hard time believing that the love he receives doesn’t come with the condition that he has to be a perfect lover or it’ll be revoked.

Someone plz teach him that he’s allowed to have needs and that he’s allowed to have those needs tended to.

13. Gelwenil

Ah yes. The lost one. Well no, not lost, she knows exactly where she’s going but nobody else does. Gelwenil honestly never meant to upset Methenor or Hinnoron when she left to follow the stars. Like Methenor was definitely struggling when his parents left for Valinor, but in retrospect Gelwenil left several years after that. Maybe not enough for him to have healed and moved on, but I don’t blame her for thinking that with his wife, children and their youngest brother Methenor would have enough of a support net to justify her wanting to explore the skies.

Gelwenil is an avid believer in the power of Varda, and also deeply respects Tilion and Arien. Any type of celestial Maia can be expected to be treated with the deepest respect from her.

Out of all my characters Gelwenil deserves the most TLC tbh I feel like she’s underdeveloped compared to everyone else because I dont use her a lot.

14. Faerveren

Uuuugh I miss Faerveren so much. Mistons second cousin twice removed, and probably the only person to ever leave him flabbergasted and when Miston is the voice of reason in a duo, you know somethings up.

Faerveren is also an interesting character because with her I wanted to present the idea of people assuming you’re always emotionally fine as long as you’re physically strong enough to be virtually invincible.

15. Nengelon

Local edition of the “I’m so fucking done with this shit I don’t get paid enough to deal with” club, together with Feren and Lindir. Nengelon tends to fall into an elven variety of Welsh when he runs upset with the leader of the Sabaid elves, and just about no one knows what he’s saying.

There’s also the implication that he basically ran away from the Riunnag (waterelves, maybe related to the Teleri through distant blood but sources (ie me) dont confirm that yet so its just rumors) tribe he belonged to because of his secret romantic ties to said leader, but Nengelon doesn’t speak of his romantic outings to anyone so it’s just a rumor.

16. Braigon

Ah, big, bulky, burly, 7 foot something Sabaid leader Braigon. Rides a grizzly bear as a warmount, wields a gigantic twohanded battle axe, and is an absolute terror on the battlefield… when he bothers to get his tribe of warrior travelers involved. Braigon tends to stroll around like he owns the place, because not many dare to defy this mountain of an elf.

Maybe thats why people are so bewildered when 5′9 sized Nengelon curses him out on his bullshit in some incomprehensible tongue they don’t know.

Braigon is actually a pretty solid leader of a tribe where elves can pretty much do as they please as long as they do their job as either warrior or provider (finding food and other supplies) outstandingly. The Sabaids aren’t a big tribe, there’s only a couple hundred of them, but they make for fantastic allies… but only if you can manage to convince Braigon to risk any of his people in any given war; and he usually isn’t concerned with fighting the battles of others for them without a good reason. 

 17. Bereneth

Bereneth is an interesting case. An accident between a Sinda lady and a Noldo refugee, at a time when those relationships weren’t exactly accepted after the reign of destruction left by the line of Finwe. (I like to believe thats something that took a generation or two for elves to get over dont @ me.)

Because of this, Bereneth was relentlessly bullied to the point where as soon as the oppertunity rose, her mother left for then newly settled Rivendell. Being under the rule of Elrond, she figured her daughter would be safe there. Bereneth remained there and bore three children to Carandolon and sailed to Valinor when their daughter in law was pregnant with her first child

18. Carandolon

Chieftain of a squadron while Greenwood was under the rule of Oropher, Carandolon was a bright eyed and wanderlust filled soul, born to two fullblooded Silvan elves. When on a mission to Rivendell, where he had to accompany a diplomat, he saw Bereneth and for him it was love at first sight.

When the mission was over and he returned to Greenwood, he immediately requested to be dismissed from his chieftain status and to be allowed to move and live to Rivendell.

A reckless and bold move, and it did take him a while to woo Bereneth, but they ultimately fell in love, got married, and had three children. He sailed with his wife when their daughter in law was pregnant with her first child

19. Nemiron

The missing link that connects Miston to the line of Finwe. Nemiron is the bastard son of Írimë and an unknown father of Vanyarin descent. Nemiron lost complete vision in his right eye when the healer tent he worked at got raided by the enemy in that war; and he threw himself as a shield between the blade and the wounded soldier it was aiming for.

During the war, he was usually found in the company of either Finrod or Edrahil, as he needed help to adjust to his new lack of depth perception. Sometimes during that same war, he left to settle in Lothlorien, where he met the weaver apprentice Dillothés. They married and moved to Rivendell as a position for an experienced healer was open there, and they had their family there.

Nemiron remained in Rivendell, despite yearning to sail, for the sake of his only daughter, and he ultimately sailed for Valinor when she was pregnant with her third child.

I havent decided if the power of Valinor heals Nemiron’s injury, but if it does (and I doubt it), it would do so only partially. His right eye will never be 100% functional.

20. Dillothés

The third and last born daughter of her parents, Dillothés worked as a weaver’s apprentice in Lothlorien before moving up to becoming a weaver of her own, selling her selfmade fabrics to tailors and others interested and making a comfortable living out of it

She became infatuated with Nemiron, who was often found in the library studying Lothlorien native herbs to aid in his small healer practice. After she learned of his injury she never backed away from him once, and helps and supports him to the best of her ability. This remains the case when they went to Valinor and whether or not he partially heals from his injury

#cuilpantielthesleepyscribe #THERE. I DID IT #-flops- #all my bbys

[golden-redhead]

I remember once you said that Kaede has better dynamics with Kaito and Kokichi than Shuichi based on their character and actions in the game. I kind of disagree? It's just my personal preference but I feel all 3 of a trio being so similar isn't that much interesting? I have the same problem with survivor trio as well, all 3 of them are quiet reserved characters who changed during the game. /1/

Kaito/Kaede/Kokichi would be 3 characters who put a facade to hide their insecurities or personal struggles and helped their friends in their own way. Sure in both trios all 3 characters are so different, but I feel a outgoing character was needed in the survivor trio. /2/

Shuichi is more interesting to be with Kaito/Kokichi IMO since unlike them, he's a cautious quiet guy who always portrays himself less than what he actually is, and feels he always needs someone. What do you think? /3 end/

- To be totally honest with you, Anon, I tried to think about when I said that or why I said that and I came up with nothing, so it’s a bit difficult for me to discuss it since I have literally no context XD I’m sorry, I can be very forgetful when it comes to things like that and sometimes I change my mind, so it’s just. Kinda difficult to explain it in relation to what I said before. So I’m sorry if my answer isn’t what you hoped it would be. I just don’t have the full picture here. My life is also kind of a mess right now and I feel too mentally exhausted to like, be a good conversation partner, I’m afraid. I’ll do my best tho. 

Hm, I think Kaede has better dynamics with them in a sense that she’s more active than Shuichi who tends to stand on the sidelines, unlike Kaede who tends to put herself out there. Both Kokichi and Kaito kind of dominate their interactions with Shuichi and he’s fine with that and simply lets them do that and in that sense Kaede is much more interesting because she has rather strong opinions about things and can be just as stubborn as the two of them. From that perspective I really enjoy their interactions because they’re never boring and also very action-oriented as opposed to the ones with Shuichi during which he’s the observer and doesn’t interact with them in a more direct way. Both options have their advantages and I honestly like both dynamics as well as any possible combinations of them. I am also personally totally fascinated with the similarities between Kokichi, Kaito and Kaede, their roles in the game and also personalities and I’m not gonna lie, I could spend hours discussing it in more detail because it’s just the kind of shit I’m really into. If all three of them were to interact I feel like they’d clash horribly but it’d be absolutely fascinating to watch. Especially since they all had very similar goals and what is different is the methods they use to obtain it which in my eyes is a very interesting concept especially considering that all of them ultimately end up dead. But I think it really might be a personal thing? Like, I’m just very into the concept of narrative foils and the ‘two sides of the same coin’ thing.  

Now, I’m a huge Saioumota fan (like, I am literally running Saioumota Week this year), so I obviously enjoy the ship and their interactions. The whole dynamic is very appealing from my point of view because they balance each other out perfectly when you put all three of them together and have the potential to be healthy and healthy polyamory in general is one of my favorite things in fiction when it comes to romance. 

So it’s kind of like... when it comes to analyzing stuff I just love Kaede/Kaito/Kokichi dynamic because of their roles in the story, but when it comes to shipping and just enjoying the relationship Saioumota is my jam. 

Does that make sense? God, I hope it does.

Also, as for the surviving trio thing, i really couldn’t agree more. It’s not that I hate the surviving trio or anything, it’s just... They are not only not the characters I wanted to survive but I also feel like they really could have used some more energy, for me the last chapter was just kind of boring and lacked personality (if you can say that abt a chapter, lol, sorry, I am really tired). I really liked the end of the previous game because even if I wasn’t a big fan of all of the survivors they were still an interesting bunch and the way they interacted with all the plot twists and revelations was engaging and fun because of how different they were. The fact that we had more survivors also helped a lot. I’m all for V3 survivors supporting each other post-game and learning how to grow but as a fan of more cynical approach I can easily see them giving up and isolating themselves due to their personalities and the fact that we’ve seen it happen in the game. 

Anyways, sorry for my rambling and I hope it’s at least a little bit coherent xd’’

[johobi]

WYLEI 11 - submission

The following was a submission (rather than a series of asks) discussing the latest chapter, sent in by one of my lovely regulars, lie anon. As it’s quite long I’ll place it under a read more; if it doesn’t display, I’m really sorry!

Wow, Jo. There’s so much I want to say to you. First of all, thank you so much for writing WYLEI. It was 18K of goodness; a ride so wild that I don’t wanna ever come down. This chapter is filled with pain, misery, heartbreak, relief, love and lust - a diabolical cocktail (hehe) that you feed to us and we partake so gleefully. The wait for this chapter is so worth it, and thank you so much for working so hard on it. You’re such a gem! I’m sending you a submission so I don’t clog your inbox ><“ I’m sorry I’ve so much thoughts I want to share ><”

You’re so welcome!! I’m serious! You’ve been so patient and encouraging the whole way. And don’t ever apologise for ‘clogging’ my inbox, I’m always so happy to hear from you :)

I want to gush about many parts of the chapter, namely the smut and heartbreak and confession. Wait, that’s the whole story wtf gdi lie anon is whipped as fuck!!! Ok I’m gonna talk about the sad parts first. Good lord Y/N had to force herself to look away from Kook because those eyes are a mirage now, and it will transport her to places of pain and misery that she shouldn’t find, that doesn’t belong in the first place ugh can you hear the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces… The promise of happier and blissful days ahead are now shattered by Kook’s deadly secret :( it fucking stinks because I was rooting for Kook and Y/N right from the start. “Like an inmate fleeing from some plush penitentiary of pain” what the fuck. Y/N doesn’t deserve this bullshit. All she did was love Kook and he broke her. Fuck JK, really. I’m so mad at him right now. He better have a fucking good explanation for what’s going down as The Biggest Fuckup in The History of Mankind, istg. Or I’ll personally strangle this stupid boy with my bare hands ugh ajksfhjsl fuck!!!

fhfhfh yes, looking into the eyes of someone you thought you knew (and loved) after such a horrific revelation must be so difficult. Like, that person kissed and said sweet nothings to you behind a mask of some sort, so it must feel like looking into a stranger’s face afterwards. That’s definitely how Y/N was feeling. dfjkdjkj he really better have the most redeemable of reasons for lying to her. Will you guys think it’s good enough tho?!

I was expecting him to run after Y/N, because that just felt so much like what he’d do but he didn’t. Was it because his fiancee was there? Y/N couldn’t bring herself to hate the woman ugh my child is so pure and I’m hurting all over again :( “I’m not going to chase you” and “I won’t give up” um, what in the fresh hell, really. Why is he so lax in his pursuit now? :(

He said he wouldn’t chase her just so that she wouldn’t trip and fall to her death down the stairs (so he does at least possess some humanity lmao). And he must have said that he wouldn’t give up, because, well… he turned up at her apartment later. And rang her in between. As I try not to offer too many insights into their minds, I will say it from a place of speculation: perhaps he understood that she needed to get away from him at that moment. She absolutely wouldn’t stop running. So he resorted to calling her, and then turning up at her apartment. I don’t think he wanted to run her into the ground (she was very clearly exhausted).

And Jo, the way you documented Y/N’s journey from the eighteenth floor to the ground floor was so intricate! Her thought processes, her inner monologue, her sense of self-worth diminishing… it really did a number to me because I actually felt pain as I read it. It feels as though Y/N’s blaming herself for this treachery, you know? :( that she felt she had bursted someone’s bubble when JK was the one who ruined everything with his own hands :( god, I’m in so much awe of what you can do with mere words. I’m unbelievably in love with the way you write. And the last sentence? A fucking cliffhanger. A fucking heartbreak to come once more. Why don’t you take my heart and run it over with a bulldozer since it’s broken already lmao.

;;;;;; i’m so glad you liked that!!!! I wanted it to be intense and breathless. Constantly repeating how tired/how much it burned to run, to emphasise it in your own mind. ‘Til you start feeling it yourself!! 

Yeah, Y/N has a tendency to blame herself for everything. She thinks she can’t keep Jungkook interested, must have only been an escape from his life on the upper crust, etc… he was helping to build up her confidence, but then he tore it all down again. I feel like she should take a leaf from actual BTS’ book and Love Herself first. :( People often can’t do what’s best for them, though, for various reasons.

Next, the confession. God, I loved it with every fibre of my ridiculous being. The rawness of it all. How it came gushing through her lips and to be met with equal fervour by Tae. The exchange was mesmerising - timid and shy yet bold and dauntless altogether. I appreciate the fact that Tae had to take some time to digest the information and that he responded in the way that he did. It did felt right, after all that shit he put Y/N through the years.

I got SO into writing that scene. I wanted it paced and worded perfectly, because that was the ‘big’ moment. The fic had been building up to it for 10 chapters. From all the feedback I’ve received, I feel like I was able to do it the justice it deserved, and I couldn’t be happier about it. ;;;; thank you so much. The tumult of emotion you mention is precisely how I wanted it to play out. It took some bold leaps into the unknown and neither know what’s on the other side, but they did it anyway.

The part where Tae found her in the old haunt was so heartwarming. The piggyback ride, that little trip down memory lane… it felt nice knowing that some things just don’t change with time. Tae’s conviction in getting even for Y/N’s sake had me melting into a puddle of goo and feels. He’s so protective over her ahhh omg where can I find me someone like WYLEI’s Tae!!!

THIS IS MY FAV BIT!!!! I imagined this from day one. T__T And it was so nice to put it down into words, finally. AND YASS PROTECTIVE TAE!! I’ll be honest I’m not one for hot-headed males IRL but in the realm of fic (and as long as they’re not psychotic), I enjoy a guy with a vengeful spirit. And you mention exactly why. The protectiveness. T___T ahhajwkh. 

Tae’s initial reluctance in not wanting to fuck Y/N in this state really had my heart soft and in a pulpy mess. He knew it wasn’t right because this one fuck might make things messy again. He didn’t want to fuck things up any further with Y/N because he loves her too much to put her through another shit show. It’s a small part nonetheless, but showed how much Tae loved Y/N even though it means going against her wishes at that point in time.

Yes!!!! That was hugely important to include!!! I feel, without it, I’d be getting far different responses to this scene. It was essential to demonstrate that Tae had learnt his lesson and really valued their friendship above all. That he doesn’t just think of her as a woman in an attractive body. 

I feel like this chapter mirrors chapter 9, for some reason? Perhaps it had to do with the culmination of buried feelings and emotions, primarily desire and longing. Passion that laid dormant and stifled for fear of ruining the present equilibrium, are now brought to life with a confession. That, I find, makes the scenes all the more emotionally charged and engaging. And all the smut with Tae… NOW TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING PANTIES EVERYONE, IT’S TIME TO SCREAM!!!

You’re 100% right. The latter half, at least, is very much like 9. Y/N feeling desolate on the heels of the other guy, the lead-up banter, the actual act; it’s all very intimate; revolves around her and the respective guy in each chapter. And with a cliffhanger suggesting that you can’t just disappear into the arms of another and not pay the price.

“I want you to watch me undress.” > WHAT. THE. FUCK. Y/N is the epitome of Big Dick Energy, y’all!!! Fucking hell. The way she commanded Tae to watch her… WOW. I’m blown away with that power. That seductress side of her from before came out to play and I was unbelievably thrilled!!!

Hahaha, I guess, because I was writing her, I felt like her usual feistiness wasn’t behind that line. She was desperate to see some form of evidence that she was still desirable as a human being, so she put on a facade that normally comes very naturally to her. In this case it was pretty forced, and Tae saw through it quite quickly. Thank God, because I felt so awkward writing that bit. It really didn’t feel right to me.

“Fuck, all the times I’ve imagined you like this” > um, hello??? This is so fucking hot I’m sweating my fat ass off!!! Like Tae fina-fucking-lly gets to bone the living daylights out of Y/N and I can literally hear the utter desperation, the excitement, want and need in his deep, baritone voice as he says that? I’m not ok what the fuck is going on???

LOL you crack me up aklwjdawklj!! YES I had to cram in all his tasty one-liners about how much he’s thought about fucking her and in a myriad of ways bc gdi it’s hot and Tae is one horny man. With absolutely no reserve. IT’S SO HOT *fans self* 

“You have me” > um what the fuck, Jo? I legit died at this line??? I can only imagine the assertion and conviction in Tae’s voice when he said that??? He declared it once more to Y/N and I couldn’t breathe because /f e e l s/. Error 404: lieanon.exe not found (was dead in a ditch and now sending this from afterlife p.s. hell isn’t half as hot as the smut you write huehuehue).

aaaND THIS IS MY FAV OF HIS LINES DURING THE SEX STUFF!!! It’s just, like, it must be utter relief and happiness and desire flooding her hearing him say that. It’s all she’s ever wanted to hear from him. Instant crEAM. 

“Heaven was his practised teeth and tongue, pinching and suckling your collarbones to an inhuman shade. Like an overzealous pet he branded you with feral desire, mounting marks into stretches of unclaimed skin. ” > I got too much of a fucking kick while reading this because hickeys are fucking sexy and territorial so Y/N, WEAR THEM LIKE BADGES OF HONOUR. Ok seriously though where can I sign up for WYLEI’s Tae?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY. HICKEYS FOR LIFE. I wanted to show how contrasting Jungkook and Tae’s approaches are in the bedroom, and Tae is far more aggressive (due to his confidence and experience). Plus he just freakin’ loves hickeys I guess. And as Y/N said, he’s aware ‘people’ will see them (Tae fights dirty lmao).

And that part when Tae fucked Y/N from the back AND pulling her while doing so? Mother of god that was SO. FUCKING. HOT. The mental imagery will never be lost on me, and it’s seared to the back of mind waiting to be revisited during /desperate/ times ahahaha FUCK. The tension and passion in that scene was palpable, and that taunting was sure as heck the cherry on top. Tae fucked Y/N through her squirting lmao let’s all hover over our damned bucket respectively because our panties are probably beyond soaked from that part istg my loins hurt and I need an ice pack gOD DAMMIT JO.

LMADOWNb i’m literally grinning from ear to ear reading this you are a tREASURE of the highest value. I’m glad you enjoyed that ;)))) my guidelines for going into this sex scene was: 1) it has to be passionate, 2) it has to be rough, 3) they both have to come quick the first time bc when you’re just THAT wound up about someone it’s hard to last long when you’re so impassioned and greedy. Plus I find something really hot about a fast ejaculation LMAO *sweats*. 

But you know what I find is the fucking sexiest part in the whole chapter? When Tae took Y/N’s hand and sucked her fucking fingers clean of her own juices wHAT THE FLYING FUCK JO WHAT THE ACTUAL /F U C K/ DID HE FUCKING LOOKED HER IN THE EYES AS HE DID SO?!?!?! I’M ASKING FOR A FRIEND ASHDFJKL I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS PART.

you liked that the most!!!? Glad I included that then, that was just a spur of the moment thing I included while expanding the smut. He was v e r y hungry for her. ;)

AHHH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER THE PAIN THE RAWNESS THE SMUT ASDAFFDSGL *incoherent yelling* uhm except i felt a little uncomfortable with the use of “oppa” it’s an overused trope “noona” is all good though i’m sorry please don’t hate me i love you :(

I had a couple of people ask about the oppa thing and honestly I had no idea that it had been sullied so much by kboos. After getting some feedback, including yours, I decided to change it to a much clearer ‘daddy’, after some thought on the matter. It’s probably the case that Koreans wouldn’t think to use their titles in such a way (correct me, anyone, if I’m wrong), as I was applying it with the vibe of ‘daddy’, and it’s probably not correct. So, just to be safe, I changed it. BTW I LOVE OVERUSED TROPES LIE ANON THIS WHOLE FIC IS BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS THE QUEEN OF TROPES!! NO-ONE CAN STOP MY TROPE-LOVIN’ ASS!!! Can I interest you in some enemies to lovers eventually…?! (the king of tropes)

……so yes, *deep breaths* I think I’m done screeching about chapter 11 and now it’s time to revisit everything once again. Or maybe 9034857494 more times. I’m positive I’ll find something new to scream about ahahaha yikes I’m really whipped lmao. I’m so invested in your fic that I’m actually terrified of the day when it comes to an eventual end sigh pie :( you write so very well, m’dear. WYLEI has made me cry, made me smile and made me high. You’re a talented storyteller, bubz, and I can’t convey enough gratitude to you for bringing us this amazing fic, Jo. I love you so very much!!! You’ve done extremely well, truly and definitely. Always delivering the best to us readers. Sending you plenty of love and good vibes always, m’love!!! Thank you once again! (and sorry for this long ass submission i’m the literal worst) xx lie anon ♥️🌻

Lie anon, you’ve written a veritable novel of yourself here to me, and I just want you to know how very, very grateful I am of how much time you spent collecting your thoughts and communicating them to me. I’ve never received such an essay (I mean that in the most affecionate of ways) in my inbox and it was a heartwarming read from start to finish. Thank you so much. And never be afraid to tell me of the things you dislike, as you did with the oppa kink. I’m always open ears. <333333

#i can never thank you enough #you are an absolute #gorgeous #wondrous #beauteous #angel #and i love you #wylei #jo asks #lie anon #submission

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist OG vs. Brotherhood: Episode 1

I’ll be following episodes according to OG’s timeline, and comparing them to the Brotherhood episodes that cover the same content.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 1:  "Those Who Challenge the Sun"

Wikipedia’s plot summary:

In a brief flashback, the Elric brothers Edward and Alphonse had attempted to perform an alchemical transmutation in the hopes of bringing their late mother back to life, but they had failed in doing so. As a consequence, Al disappears, Ed loses his left arm, and a grotesque figure appears in the transmutation circle. In the present, the brothers walk across a desert. They arrive at Lior, where they hear about a religious leader named Father Cornello who can create miracles. However, as they realize that he is performing alchemy and ignoring the law of equivalent exchange, they believe that he possesses the philosopher's stone, which they had been searching for to restore Al's body. Threatened, Cornello orders Cray to kill them. Rosé, a girl the brothers meet, is traumatized after witnessing Al's lack of a human body, runs to Cornello. The Elrics follow her, and Cornello releases a chimera on them when they meet. Cornello also transmuted a giant bird from a parrot and sends it to fight against Ed, who fends both of the chimera and the bird off by exposing his automail, his metal arm and leg. Cornello then realizes why Ed is nicknamed the "Fullmetal Alchemist", understanding that the brothers had committed the ultimate sin of human transmutation.

I like this episode a lot as an introduction. It uses in-medias-res excellently, with a shocking opening that makes us wonder what happened to the brothers and how they’re still alive four years later. It’s immediately followed by a funny opening scene that functions as a palate cleanser for the horror we just witnesses while also establishing the brothers’ dynamic with each other, as well as hinting at alchemic mechanics (”If only there was some grass, I could turn it into bread”).

I wanted to do a spittake when I saw Ed was only 15 in the present day, though. That’s some YA level absurdity there. I somehow remembered him being older. (I also feel like it’s rather undermining the horror of his automail stunting his growth -- that’s not immediately apparent if he’s not supposed to be fully grown in the first place. There are definitely 15-year-olds who are as short as him naturally.)

We get another funny scene when they finally make it to Liore; Ed is exhausted and blames Al, but Al points out he’s only tired because he chased Al so hard. This is, again, a really nice and succinct way of establishing their characters and relationship.

Ed finds a fountain in the middle of the city, and discovers it’s pumping wine. This is a really nice detail that fleshes out the city, and shows how Cornello’s miracles are affecting their everyday life. He’s not just making some flashes to wow people, he’s actively changing the city and giving people something tangible to believe in. What I think is most important about this detail is that it adds nuance to this conflict. Cornello really is bettering the city and giving the hopeless something to believe in. These people aren’t just following him because they’re idiots; they are truly desperate. The heroes may be liberating the city from his manipulations, but they’re taking good things away from the city too.

The Elric brothers find a bar and Ed finally gets a drink. The bartender turns on the radio -- a detail that shows this isn’t your typical fantasy story, but one with an early 1900s tech level. We hear Cornello’s broadcast, and the shots decompress to give us time to take it in. We pan over the city, see how everyone reacts to the broadcast, and see Ed’s reaction to it as well.

This is the point where we catch up to the manga’s opening. The bartender asks if they’re street performers; Ed gets affronted, and says only vaguely that they’re here to “look for something”, piquing our curiosity. Ed asks about Cornello and the entire town suddenly crowds in to tell him the good word, which is both funny and an effective means of conveying exposition. They make explicit what was implied by the fountain of wine: their desert town is normally inhospitable, but Cornello made it better.

Al stands up, and breaks the radio by accident. Ed offers to fix it, but Al volunteers instead. This is our introduction to alchemy, and it’s given appropriate weight. We linger for some time on the transumtation circle, and there is dramatic music. Like the radio, this is an effective way of showing what’s special about this world -- we linger just long enough to take it in, without making us get bored.

Ed tries to introduce himself, expecting his reputation to proceed him, but the townspeople are unimpressed. An eavesdropping Lust, however, introduces him as the Fullmetal Alchemist. Her behavior is framed as suspicious...

But we don’t think about it too much because the townspeople immediately mistake Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist, and Ed comically overreacts at the affront. LOL. In the process, we establish that Ed has a complex about being short.

Then Rose shows up. She offers to take them to church and Ed accepts, hoping they’ll find something there. As they walk away, we get a quick scene with the townspeople where they hint that something bad happened in Rose’s past, but they don’t give specifics. Tantalizing! The camera prominently focuses on Lust leaving suspiciously.

Ed then wonders if they’ve seen “that woman at the shop” before. I think he’s referring to Lust, but I don’t know where they would have seen her before. Edit: Found a better translation. He’s saying he doesn’t know her, and wondered how she recognized him.

Rose tells Ed he’ll get taller if he prays, and I get the impression she’s purposefully saying it to get a rise out of him, which is funny.

We cut to Cornello finishing the broadcast. Rose arrives, and it becomes clear she is expecting a miracle in exchange for her service. Cornello strings her along, telling her her good work is recognized but it is not yet time.

The next scene finally tells us what’s going on with her: As the brothers bed down, Alphonse reveals he’s asked around, and discovered Rose is mourning the death of her lover. She has no family, so she is lost and desperate to have him back. Ed looks angry, and firmly rejects the idea that the dead can come back.

We cut to the next morning, where Cornello is doing a demonstration of his miracles. They very explicitly pay homage to Jesus: he turns water into wine, and brings a bird back to life. He also turns a log of wood into a stone statue. His ring glows prominently every time, making its relevance painfully obvious.

In the crowd, Ed and Al discuss whether they’re real miracles. They say it’s clearly alchemy, but he ignores some physical laws. This segues into exposition on the limitations of alchemy and equivalent exchange. Al explains that alchemy follows conservation of matter: he could not have turned the broken radio into a bigger radio, “or a piece of paper, or a tree,” though I’m skeptical of that last part -- one of Ed’s favorite techniques is turning stone into a metal spear, so they clearly can change the material, not just rearrange it. We can even nitpick further by pointing out that alchemy clearly ignores conservation of energy and matter is just energy, so really they should be able to do anything. But hey, I’m here for scientific magic, so I’m willing to see if they can keep it consistent.

We cut to Cornello in his office again. He is paranoid that the arrival of a State Alchemist means the state is going to expose him, and orders that the Elric brothers be disposed of.

I always find it really dumb when characters do this. If you send an investigator after something and they mysteriously go missing, that draws more attention, not less. But Cornello isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so alright, he’s panicking. To his credit, he really keeps his cool; he does not break character, insisting that he’s doing this to protect the city, and he leaves his ugly orders subtle and implicit.

We’re also told Ed became a State Alchemist at twelve and I have just entered a brain-killing fever. I’m just going to mentally add three years to their ages from now on.

At the last minute, we see Lust is working with Cornello as well.

The next scene starts with Rose in the church. Ed sneers at her for believing God will resurrect the dead. I really like her reaction:

Look at the detail of those expressions. There is so much pain and frustration at this unwelcome intrusion as he twists the knife so painfully, yet she still manages to compose herself and plaster on a fake smile. This adds incredible depth to her character. She clearly has practice repressing dark thoughts and putting on pleasant facades. Where did she have to learn this? How awful it must be for her to have to live like this. She’s only a side character, but already I’m feeling so much sympathy for her -- more than I’m feeling for Ed at this point. He’s being such a dick to her!

Ed grandstands, pulling out his book and reading off his list of the human body’s ingredients. Rose has a serious reaction:

Ed explains it’s the ingredients of a human body, and then moves into his real point: scientists know all this, but there’s been no successful case of creating a real human through alchemy. Despite this, Ed believes that through hard work, they’ll eventually find a way, unlike merely praying for a miracle. He then callously mentions that these materials can be bought cheaply. The camera maintains focus on Rose the whole time, who slowly loses her composure until she snaps at him with indignation.

Ed stands up, but seems to have some difficulty, leaning on the pew to support himself. Nice foreshadowing there.

Ed smarms that despite rejecting God, alchemists are the closest humans have come to him; Rose snaps that he’s not God, and Ed counters that neither is the sun, and makes a vague statement about getting burned if you venture too close.

This is an incredibly powerful scene. The framing makes this feel as tense as a fight scene -- because in a way, it is, but one much more important than a mere clash of weapons. This is a battle of philosophies, and that’s what this series is truly about. We’re made to wonder why Ed speaks with such conviction -- from the opening, we know his attempt to bring his mother back failed horrifically, so who is he to act like he knows the truth? Rose is a worthy opponent -- her counterarguments are not just the talking points of an evangelical robot, but real arguments with real emotion behind them. We know there is so much subtext under everything they say -- both of them have lost people they love, and both of them cling so strongly to their respective coping methods. Ed doesn’t come out the clear victor here.

Then suddenly, it’s action time! Clay tries to assassinate Al, and in the process we discover that there is nothing inside his armor. Ed knocks him out with a quip, showing he’s used to this kind of violence, but Rose has a breakdown. Al tries to explain that this state is punishment for trespassing in Things Man Was Not Meant To Know, but Rose just runs away in horror. The brothers pursue, and find Rose has led them into Cornello’s trap.

Ed accuses him of having the Philosopher’s Stone, and reveals that’s what he’s been looking for. Cornello admits to it, but once again does a good job of keeping up the act: he claims the Stone is a gift from God, and points out that he’s done real good for the town by reviving it from the ravages of war (a theme that will become important later). Rose outright accuses them of selfishness by wanting to steal their hope.

Cornello’s opening attack is to transmute the floor to sand, sinking Al -- something that was foreshadowed in the opening. Clever. Cornello then sics his chimera on Ed (with some exposition), who makes a spear out of the sand. But I thought you said alchemy couldn’t change materials, Ed. Possibly it’s supposed to be pure silicon? That might explain why it breaks so easily.

Cornello then turns the bird he revived earlier into a huge raptor, which crushes Ed’s spear with its claws. It then tries to do the same to Ed’s leg, but fails -- which I guess is confirmation the spear can’t be a strong metal. Ed punches it out, but is attacked by the first chimera, which similarly fails to tear his arm off. Ed tears his coat the rest of the way off, revealing his automail.

And that’s where we end! Cliffhanger!

FMA Brotherhood Episode 3: "City of Heresy" (part 1)

Brotherhood compresses this arc into one episode, so for now we’ll only cover it up to the same point as OG.

Wikipedia’s plot summary:

Edward and Alphonse arrive at Liore, where they witness Father Cornello gaining the devotion of the townspeople by performing "miraculous" transmutations, which they believe could only have been accomplished using a philosopher's stone. They meet Rosé and request to see Cornello. When Cornello realizes that Edward and Alphonse are alchemists, he ambushes them with a chimera. While battling the chimera, Edward unintentionally reveals his prosthetic automail limbs, and Cornello realizes that he had attempted the taboo of human transmutation.

As to be expected from compressing two episodes into one, this episode feels incredibly rushed in comparison. There’s not even the opening scene in the desert -- we start with the Elric brothers already in the city and listening to the broadcast. They don’t spend as much time talking about Cornello (no specific good works are mentioned), Rose and Lust don’t appear, and fixing the radio is much faster. Ed doesn’t offer to fix it first, which is a reasonable minor detail to cut but I thought it was a good bit. Once again, this only makes sense if you assume the audience is already familiar with FMA and doesn’t need this exposition and character establishment.

The townspeople recognize Ed on their own and once again mistake Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist, and... here is where we get introduced to one of Brotherhood’s aesthetics I hate: the cartoon shift.

I know, I know, this is a legitimate technique in anime and manga. I don’t think it’s inherently bad, and it can actually work really well in works that don’t take themselves too seriously, provided this level of comedy is appropriate.

...And I just don’t think that’s the case for FMA. FMA, even Brotherhood, is a very dark and serious story with a lot of violence, death, and heavy themes. And like. Maybe it could still work if the cartoon shifts were restricted to only a few scenes, but they’re not. Brotherhood does it all. The. Time. Even in the middle of serious scenes. And that completely kills the mood for me. I cannot take anything in Brotherhood seriously, simply because it never knows when to stop. This case is a genuinely comedic scene, so it’s not egregious this time, but oh, it will get worse. This very episode, in fact.

We immediately jump to Cornello’s demonstration instead of waiting a day. He only does one miracle, turning a flower into a... crystal? The stone’s influence is less painfully obvious -- it’s prominently displayed, but doesn’t glow. The Elrics still exposit about the law of equivalent exchange, but it makes sense because they have no one to exposit to (Rose isn’t introduced yet). Alphonse also claims that changing vegetable to mineral is a violation of equivalent exchange.

We then jump straight to the church scene. This is our introduction to Rose. I feel like Ed now looks like a bigger dick because he doesn’t even know this person -- in OG he had a reason to talk about God and resurrection, and he was actually trying to help her even if he was terrible at it. Here he just spits on her faith for no reason.

Rose still has her bit about prayer making him taller, but it’s in cartoon style, and a sound effect helpfully informs us she’s being sincere, so she no longer gets the dignity of clapping back to Ed.

Then we get Rose’s reaction to Ed listing body materials:

HA HA, THE DUMB COUNTRY GIRL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE EDUCATED MAN. LAUGH.

This is not an appropriate time for comic relief. It may not be immediately clear, but Ed is trying to have a serious philosophical conversation by touching on the trauma that defined his life. This is an incredibly important scene to both characters, but now I can’t take it seriously at all. Similarly, Rose’s responses sound silly -- they’re robotic evangelical cliches, not anything grounded in her own situation or true emotion.

Why? I think it’s telling that when Ed gives his line about humans being cheap, the camera focus is on him instead of Rose.

Rose isn’t important in this scene. She’s just an object for Ed to talk at to show how much smarter he is. (But tell me more about how Brotherhood treats its female characters so much better.) OG challenged Ed here; BH just validates him. In both cases, that’s very telling of how the story will ultimately shake out.

Then out of the blue, Ed does a 180 and says he wants to meet Cornello, praise God! Rose sees nothing suspicious about this.

We then get the meanwhile scene where Cornello fears the state is closing in on him, but he’s much more pathetic. He’s visibly sweating and emotional, slipping up multiple times.

The Elric brothers visit Cornello’s estate and the climax takes place there. Similar thing where the secretary tries to kill them, but Al doesn’t lose his head.

Cornello shows up and tries to pretend he wasn’t trying to kill them and very badly denies the allegations he’s using alchemy. What is the point of this?

Then Cornello appears to make a statue out of literally nothing.

Cornello tries to convince Rose to kill the Elrics instead of just killing them himself, because...?

Cornello also gives the exposition about her boyfriend here, while Rose is being a pathetic frail woman and hesitating.

Rose levels the gun at Al and we get ANOTHER comedy scene where Ed is affronted at the mistaken identity because now is definitely the right time for comedic relief.

Rose shoots Al by mistake (I think?) and this is where we learn he’s an empty suit. Except the backstory episode is before this in Brotherhood so we already know, so the impact is kinda lost.

Now Cornello decides to summon the chimera, finally. In this one, Rose is still down there with the Elrics in the line of fire.

The chimera’s claws break off when it tries to claw Ed, which is ridiculous. The chimera in general is a lot more pathetic: we hear it whine and see it have pained expressions when Ed kicks it. I honestly feel bad for the poor thing.

Ed tearing his coat off is the same, but he looks more generically bishonen (less muscle definition). I’ll admit that this does make sense with the idea he’s a growth-stunted 15-year-old.

The mid-episode break corresponds exactly with the end of OG’s first episode, so I’ll end it here.

#fullmetal alchemist #fma #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma 2003 #liveblog

[well-hidden-hot-mess]

me again

so it’s saturday morning and here i am laying in my bed, feeling so beyond physically exhausted and it’s so frustrating. to be fair, i didn’t fall asleep until late last night (like 3am late) so i’m not surprised i’m so dead but that doesn’t mean that my type a self is okay with feeling so useless. i know i set stupidly high expectations for myself but after being horizontal due to stupid vertigo and stuffing my face for a week or more, it’s just becoming even worse. yes i know there’s zero way i could be working out since i couldn’t even be upright for more than a minute without dying and i’m sure could’ve used the diet break but as always i just went off the deep end with my eating and regret all life decisions. i’m just frustrated AF with myself for doing that when i know how badly i want to get to my desired body and honestly more than that, how badly i want to feel good again in my skin. I don’t feel like myself when i’m this “fat” (which i know i still have a mostly flat stomach when i’m not eating shit and i’m not actually fat but i feel bulky and huge because of the fat on top of the muscle makes me look so much larger than i am and not in a good lean with muscle kinda way) and it’s so hard to like idk feel good in general when i don’t feel like myself. like when i’m on track and making progress i feel strong and on top of my shit and motivated and like i could take over the world. when i’m not, i feel like shit mentally and physically, zero motivation to workout or eat well, eat my feelings and make things worse, and just overall shit. a part of me is like i need to love myself at any weight and be more accepting of my body and honestly i am to a degree but i know that i could feel so much happier at the other weight. it’s not even about a number on the scale or 100% just about looks (a good amount is i’m not going to lie but it’s not 100%) but when i look good i feel a sense of pride and success and strength that makes me happy. it’s not oh i’ll only be happy when i’m leaner because i’ll be hotter or whatever, it’s what making progress and being consistent does for my mental health and less about the body at that point and that’s an added bonus. especially since the move is quickly approaching (i’ll get to that in a second), i don’t want to move to nashville feeling like shit about myself when i’m going to need all the mental strength in the world to deal with the move and being alone in a city where i know like one person kinda and not being so close to my mother and my family and my dog and jumping head first out of my comfort zone in every aspect of my life and finding a new job and all that. the last thing i need is to be super preoccupied about my body and feeling like shit when it’s my time to thrive and start a whole new life. plus i’m going to want to try all the restaurants and be social and go out with new friends and that’s going to include lots of country girl’s at Lukes and the nachos at Jason Aldeans aka lots of extra calories/weight. plus i might be working a job where i get to sit down all day so i’ll be less active on top of that so it’s a recipe for weight loss disaster. i want to get there in a body i’m proud of and don’t have to worry about so i can focus on the much more important parts of this whole new life experience. i’m going to do a separate post about my weight loss goals so i can look back at it when i need motivation and to remind myself why i’m doing this when all i want to do is quit because those moments are way too often right now and have been way too easy to fall into and i end up back to like 175lbs aka now. again, i know i’m going to have setbacks where i can’t workout because life happens or i’m going to go have those nachos or wings or whatever but i can’t let that and the fear of that control my life. i just want to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle where i don’t NEED to count macros and get to a body where i can maintain that relatively easy while still enjoying my life and all that it has to give. i’m tired of my body/fitness consuming my brain all the time and it being so strongly linked to my mental state. i just want to break free of the hold that it has on me and feel good in my body. now i know that also dealing with depression and anxiety and disordered eating habits/body image and lyme have a huge impact on my mental state and are all fighting against me but i’ve been letting that be my excuse more lately to not stick to my goals while claiming it’s “self care” when yes, some of it is but not to the extent that i’ve been taking it. it’s also not helpful having OCD/type a-ness and seeing everything as black and white, either on diet or falling completely off, working out hard and killing myself in the gym vs. laying in bed all day and not moving for 24, 48 hours. i’ve created this cycle of that for myself and i’m sick of it. i’m so ready to break free but i know right now with everything going on with packing and the move and all that is not the time to try to start a whole new lifestyle switch but i also know that’s also me using that as an excuse to stay the same. the annoying thing is that it’s not my conscious brain deciding that it’s okay to use that as an excuse, it’s a subconscious thing that i feel like i can’t control and it’s my own brain working against me in another way. i’m just struggling right now with my body image and mental health and i’m so tired of this whole cycle i’ve put myself in so many times. the highs just make the low points feel so much lower and i feel like they’re becoming more frequent and lasting longer. to be fair, i’ve also dealt with a lot the last few months health wise - really bad lower back pain, winter allergies, vertigo, having the cyst, having surgery to remove the cyst and the recovery time afterwards, lyme, pushing my body too hard after staying in the same .4lb range for 3 months and trying to push past that plateau, and more that i can’t think of right now. so like yes there were limiting factors but at the same time, they’re just excuses. did i need to stuff my face every day while i was home recovering from the different things? no. did i? yes. do i keep doing it over and over again even though i always regret it and feel like shit all around when i do it? yes. shit’s so frustrating. i just want a healthy relationship with my body/brain and food and exercise. like is that really too much to ask??

i know i said i was going to talk about the move but now i’m in a mood because i’m actually letting out my feelings and letting myself feel them which is hard when you’re so used to keeping them all in and having this facade of nothing bothers me, i have no feelings, i’m fine, this is fine, everything’s fine. the problem is that i have so much going on in my brain and my life that once i start typing and letting out a little bit, everything comes flying out and i don’t have the time or the energy to get through it all. like here’s just an off the top of my head list of things i need to vent about/need to work through:

the move - both the physical strain and the mental strain

work things - frustrations with the current and the terrifying thing of finding a new job when this one is all i’ve known for 6 years and i’m ripping my safety blanket out from under me and lighting it on fire pretty much

nashville - the move itself, starting over with friends, job, apartment, lifestyle, gym, being the new girl alone in a city with no close by support system, moving away from my family for the first time, dating in a new place

past love life - mistakes i’ve made/they’ve made that i won’t let myself let go of and let define me and just in general

current love life (or lack there of) - feeling alone/being alone, being scared to get back into dating especially in a new place after so long since i was too scared to do that in the city/area i’ve lived in forever, feeling like i’m too awkward to date and that i’m so messed up mentally and physically that i’m not good enough for anyone that i would want and that i’m going to die alone

future - uncertainty of a career, family of my own, success, being a self sufficient adult and not a financial burden on my mother

body image/relationship to food/etc. - pretty much this post but more deep and really pulling the deep dark thoughts out of places i didn’t know existed so i can deal with them

feeling hopeless that i’ll ever be successful in any category of my life - if i can’t even lose weight, why would i ever think i would be able to have a happy relationship/good career/good support group/etc

feeling lost and alone and like i’m screaming out for help to anyone who will listen but not wanting to be a burden on them or be vulnerable and let someone in and have them reject/hurt me or give up this facade of i don’t have feelings and i’m totally fine when i’m not at all

yeah so as we can see i’m all sorts of fucked up and i know that each one of those topics has like pages and pages of words and that’s just the initial post let alone the ones after when i start to actually deal with them vs just getting it out at first. so just thinking about that is overwhelming so i just don’t deal with anything and that’s how i got here in the first place so it’s just a lot. i eventually want to do more posts that are more edited and more helpful to others who go through the same shit but right now all i can do is just word vomit and i know i won’t be of any help to anyone because i’m still going through it and have no idea on how to fix this so it would be the blind leading the blind but they’re both like blackout drunk and stumbling around lol. i feel like the scene from mean girls where the girl is like “i just have a lot of feelings” and i feel like everyone else is damian going “she doesn’t even go here” because i feel so alone and like different than everyone else and so in my own head that i’m isolating myself and making it that much worse because it’s not just in my head that i’m isolating myself because i actually am. oh god this is a whole other rant that i want to get into but i don’t know if i have the mental strength to fully unpack right now. i’m going to end this post because it’s already ungodly long and you may or may not see that posted soon after this one. i love how i say that like anyone follows this or knows this exists and is going to be looking for that post. this is pretty much me just talking to myself like a crazy person. whatever. i’ll be my own audience lol. okay goodbye.

[cutegirlmayra]

I've had this idea for a while but imagine a more mature sonamy (& by mature i mean older like in their early adulthood or something xD) , like sonic coming to terms with his feelings for amy and deciding to do something about it perhaps? i trust you fully with this and your amazing capability to write! (You don't have to do it if you don't want to but i would just loveeeee to see it) You're the best my pal !

I usually write them a little older in all my AU prompts, yeah. Even in Canon they don’t kiss or nuthin’ cause I feel they’re too young XD 

You… you trust me?

Alright, but you gotta promise me you won’t close your eyes, my friend ;)

Cause here comes a whole new AU! (world, lol)

Prompt:

Years had gone by in a blink of an eye. Long spans of adventures and daring rescues had left our band of heroes exhausted but triumphant.

Eggman was happily in a retirement home, pestering nurses and cheating at charades with Orbot and Cubot who were still operational. They come along as tilted ‘pets’ for the most part; which the place is nice enough to allow. He even enjoys sun bathing by the pool, (A nurse screams), and long walks shouting at the pigeons. (Eggman waves his cane to some flickies, scattering them as he tries to whack them, feels a crack in his back, and continues hobbling along the path.)

With villainy old and rusted, friends moving on with their lives… well, what is a hero to do?

“Sonnnic~?”

“Ugh.”

Sonic woke up from a quiet nap he was just taking, putting his fingers in his eyes to rub them away from sleep.

Looking down from the tree branch he was lounging on, he noticed a sweet mature face looking up at him.

Despite her usual peppy nature never fading away, Amy Rose had grown to be a proud, honest, and well spoken young woman.

She had abandoned old traditional red dresses for a more slimmed down red stripped sweater that reached her knees, a buckle to hold over her figured waist, and some rose earrings to show off her independence streak.

That’s right. A streak.

Amy had rebelled against convention, so to speak, and started doing her own thing these last few years. She’s even told Sonic, much more bluntly than ever before, that if he wanted to continue this relationship, he had to work for it. Earning her affections as she believed she had won his.

Well… that wasn’t something Sonic had expected.

He rolled his eyes, letting out a bit of ruffled air flow from his mouth, almost like a grumbled sigh. His lips vibrated and wagged around at his action, before he stretched the two arms behind him out and leaned forward.

“Must you always speak so loudly?” he straddled the branch, tilting his head to ruffle his hands through his quills, before Amy gave him a disappointed look of frustration.

She shot her arms straight down to her sides, puffing up a side of her cheek, as was habit for her when she was in a foul mood.

“You promised!”

“I promised, what?” Sonic snarkily challenged back, giving him a bit of a grump expression her way too.

The snappy remark shocked her out of her cute little anger setting, till she shifted to offense.

“You..! You promised you’d tell me how you felt today!”

“…Good? I guess.” he yawned, blinking at the odd request.

He raised an eyebrow; still scratching his head, but mostly for the sensation of it feeling good, not so much for waking up anymore.

“Nooo!” Amy leaned her head up, before face-palming and slowly dragging it down.

She looked more tenderly hurt now, slightly pouting in disappointment as she slouched forward with her shoulders.

“You said you’d tell me how you felt about me… you needed a day to think about it, right? Don’t you remember anything!?” She grew angry again, placing her hands on her hips as she shouted up to him.

Suddenly, the memory triggered.

His eyes widened.

Yesterday~

“What do you want from me, Amy!?”

“I just want you to be honest with me!”

“Honest? Well, honestly, I’m confused!”

“You shouldn’t be! I’m your girlfriend, aren’t I?!”

“My wh-mmm-mmm..”

Sonic shut his trap… suddenly pulling back from the confrontation and seeming uncomfortable with the new topic.

“M-my… wh-what are you trying to say? Exactly? Heh-heh…” he pulled back immensely, withdrawing himself as he smiled nervously, pretending and putting up a facade as though he wasn’t phased. It was clear by his bent arms and shifty scaled voice that he wasn’t completely unaware of where this was going…

“You do… you do love me don’t you, Sonic?” Amy’s eyes bent in worry suddenly, her head moving back in worry, feeling afraid that all her life of sticking by his side might actually have proved vain…

She didn’t want to believe that. But as he rubbed the back of his head, turning away…

She feared the worst.

“Sonic?”

“I… I can’t answer that right now, okay?” he folded his arms, leaning on his leg, rocking slightly left and right as if he didn’t want to address this conflict any further.

“…Tomorrow.” Amy narrowed her eyes, a sudden will and strength Sonic always got nervous about seeing.

He unfolded his arms as he noticed the shift and gulped, realizing this meant she wasn’t going to let it go till it happened.

And usually… it had to happen her way.

“Come again?” he looked almost surprised and scared at the time limit. “You can’t be serious, Amy!”

“Tomorrow. Tell me how you feel about me. Tomorrow.”

Her expression showed she was going to be unyielding to this…

“…To… Tomorrow.”

Sonic looked down at her, repeating what he had said to answer her request.

“Heh..heh.. opps?” He shrugged, smiling nervously.

He had forgotten to think about that…

Kinda hoping to block it from memory…

The next scene was just a loud crack of vocal lightning almost, as Amy’s voice shrieked through the trees and around the bends that Sonic dashed through to escape her wrath.

“Feel about her? Feel about her!? Would I have stuck around and put up with hammer throws at this long distance if I DIDN’T some find value in this- I-I-I-AHHH!!” He turned to look over to the side of himself, seeing behind his shoulder that a hammer was directed perfectly; expertly aligned with his direction as it whammed down on the ground near his legs, forcing him to jump and roll.

“Ow-ow-ow-ow.” Sonic repeated as he was getting too old to quickly curl up like he used too.

He tumbled a ways off and finally rolled up mid-way into a loop-de-loop, before having his face squished and feeling gravity slow him down… “Oh no…” his mouth spoke out, muffled against the grassy terrain before he went back the other way.

“Ow-owow-ow-owow-ow..!” he rolled down till the momentum finally stopped, right on his face, as he lifted one limp hand up and then the other. Pushing himself off the ground, he shook his head out, before seeing two booted feet just a few feet away.

He nervously looked up.

Amy’s face was so scrunched up in fury that his first reaction was to run again!

He felt one his supporting hands lift up in initial fright, his face tense back to reveal his open frown with his clenched teeth; and a whole lot of the whites of his eye…

“You… yoooouu… JERK!!!” Her sound wave actually made him duck slightly, as his quills were lightly ruffled with the small wind of her cry.

Sonic turned around to hear the echo trail far passed the zone, before he looked back in almost amazement at how she could manage to have the lung capacity, after all these years, to still create such a powerful sound wave.

She huffed and puffed, her shoulders moving up and down, a hammer to her side before her features on her face crinkled up to show the true pain of holding tears in within her.

“…You… why didn’t you think just a little bit about me? Do I really mean nothing to you..?”

Small water droplets fell at her sincerity, as from the ground, Sonic sat back and actually realized how much this had meant to her.

He had lifted a hand up for safety, but now, seeing she was more sad and upset at him rather than angry, he lowered it to try and get a better look at what was happening.

An unknown feeling suddenly triggered once more in Sonic… this had happened when he was much younger, but something pulled him to protect her and dry her tears.

He slowly felt sympathy for the girl, and got up, holding his hands apologetically out to calm her. “H-hold on, Ames… I-”

She shook her head only once, pausing him with a slight jerk as he flinched back, looking worried she wasn’t going to allow him to make up for his actions…

She bent her head down, tensing up. “Fine.. fine don’t say anything.” her voice grew fainter.

That subtle shift of emotion suddenly brought that unquenchable feeling of holding her back into Sonic’s heart.

He felt himself breathing oddly, and a little desperate as his fingers flinched to reach for her.

“Amy… I-I’m not done, yet. Just give me a second and I’ll-” He started to cautiously approach again.

“WHAT FOR!?” Amy glared up at him, tears still on her cheeks…

“I’m tried of doing it all, Sonic! For once! I want to be the one to make the mistake! To have you mad at me! Even then, at LEAST I’d see some real emotion out of you for me! You’re always so complacent. It’s always neutral. How you look at me… how you interact with me… it’s like your indifferent to me. Do you know how that feels? It’s like you only have me around to make sure you’re not missing something from your life… and at first? I accepted that. Everyone feels alone when people start to leave. I never did. I stayed by your side through thick and thin. Yes, so.. the days have thinned. There’s not a whole lot of excitement to go around… but I still get excited when I see you, Sonic…. I still get jitters and highs and even can’t figure out where to put all the energy too in my body!”

There was another moment… where Sonic couldn’t help but look at Amy in a brighter… prettier light.

The flattering tone she then used, softened her considerably at the end of her lines, which he knew weren’t quite done yet.

But there was something about this soft approach… it filled him with mercy. Made me want to be better. He hadn’t felt a whole lot after Eggman retired. Amy…

Was the last source of feeling he had left… and he now, almost thought anyway, that maybe he allowed her to stay by his side for the sole purpose of having emotion still in his life.

Without her… he was dreary… life was disenchanting.

With her… the world almost seemed too full of color to process in just one day.

“But I can’t see that same reaction in you…” She looked away, speaking from the heart, but clearly knowing this may cause some tension later.

Sonic stepped back, his eyes twitched as if a shard had just pierced his heart.

“Noo…” he lightly expressed, but so softly that she didn’t hear it.

He looked down in his rush of agony, his immediate shame.

His eyes scanned for comfort, but the grassy, warm ground brought him nothing but a bland, soft exterior.

He squinted his eyes shut and looked away, avoiding once more the truth she was speaking.

“Sonic.. I wanted to give you time to think about it!” She suddenly pulled a tightened fist to her chest, feeling it beat loudly inside her. Emotions piled one on top of the other, and she couldn’t restrain it anymore! “I wanted you to express, after some time to organize and contemplate it,… where you wanted to go with this.”

“With… this?” He looked up, daring to look back at the painful reminder of years wasted, emotions ignored, and feelings undeclared.

“This.” Amy nodded, looking directly at him.

There was no fear. No holding back.

She was stronger than he could ever understand. He was hardened from years of goodbyes and staying… no, being distant from such things.

“Please… if you can… articulate what you’re thinking… A-and feeling right now!” she was desperate to know this mind. More than anything, she didn’t want to lose him.

But also… more than anything in the world... she didn’t want him to deny himself any longer of whatever feelings he may be holding back.

It was a risky business, trying to get Sonic to open up, but she had full confidence she knew where this would lead.

To a release…

To a comfort…

“I…” Sonic turned away, shaking his head and gripping it fiercely.

“I…!!” he started to turn aggressive, causing Amy to look hurt even more so as she stepped back, motioning her head away from his frame.

“I don’t want to have to need this!!!” he swished his arms out, as Amy looked back up, startled, but afraid…

“I don’t want to have this… this feeling of being weak.” he looked at his hands, before gripping them tighter. “I don’t want something I could lose. Something that could break. Something that could fade.”

She watched as he hit his foot to the ground, his expression tense as this may be the only way he could get it out…

“I don’t want anything that fleeting… something I can’t just…” he opened his hand… raising it to a single blade of grass that had floated up by the wind, and let it trail off as he looked away from it.

He grasped his hand back into a fist, and let it rapidly drop and swing by his side.

“I can’t feel… the way you want me to feel, Amy.” he angled himself just enough to where she could see his torn face, his gripped; self-composure.

Amy looked worriedly to him, her eyes shifting left and right over his countenance.

Her mouth lightly formed his name, stepping forward, not having the strength to say his name again.

What did this mean?

What was he saying?

“… I don’t know what love is… Amy. I can’t give… what I can’t feel.”

A large engine sounded from the distance, as the two immediately, almost instinctually turned to it.

“Badniks?” Amy stated, bending her knees as if ready to take action.

“No.” Sonic glared, frowning into a grimace as he saw something sharp and slick flying towards them.

“Metal!”

He dashed to her and pushed her out of the way, getting slammed into by Metal Sonic, rusty and still operational.

“Sonic!!” Amy was flung back, but the motion also helped her lean forward as she rocked to look over to where Metal had tackled him.

Slamming Sonic to the ground as he struggled to kick off from the ground, Metal dragged him along the once serene grassy field of the zone, but Sonic still had his spines on his back to lessen the damage.

His head leaned forward in a fast headbutt, pulling Metal’s clawed grip on what little of a throat he had away and sprung back to propel his feet into Metals engine.

“Ha!”

“Look out!” Amy got up and swung her hammer, as Metal was first knocked back towards Sonic because of it.

Sonic reeled up a fist and shot him back towards her, but when he turned this time he gripped her hammer, scaring her a moment before Sonic freaked out.

“AMY!!!” He hadn’t curled in years… but this was no time for back-issues!

He curled and tried to spin himself tighter and tighter, faster and faster, into a powerful spin.

He looked like a stationary carwheel, reving itself up for take off. “Come on, come on!!!”

Metal almost played tugged-a-war with her for the hammer, but as she fell back from his brute force, he swiped the hammer away and gripped the end, about to use it back on her as he lifted it up.

“HAA!”

Sonic releaed himself and spun right through Metal Sonic.

Metal Sonic twitched with sparks flying from inside himself, wires out of their places, shredded within…

He was about to exploded as his eye lights flickered on and off with their usual red glow, but Sonic uncurled to quickly bend down and reach for Amy; keeping close to the ground.

“Grab my hand!”

Amy gripped his outstretched hand with both of her own, as he used his remaining upper-body strength to pull her to him, and charge away as they hid under a hill.

Sonic’s protective arm laid across her body, as the area above blasted from Metal Sonic exploding.

His rusty, crust of an armor shelled away into spiraling fire masses. Rolling to burn some of the green, lush grass below them.

They panted, before looking at each other, so close and in each other’s arms, but only caring to laugh at how unexpectingly thrilling that was!

“Ah-haha! I don’t think I can remember being so scared before!” Amy laughed, as Sonic kicked up his feet, still holding her.

“I can’t believe he’s still kicking!” Sonic looked below him, seeing half of Metal Sonic, his upper torso, a hand, and half his head intact, crawling towards him.

Sonic smirked, narrowing his eyes as he kicked the head off, and turned to Amy.

“Let’s go home.”

The two raced away, Amy being scooped up into his arms as the conversation died down after that.

However… dropping her off…

She was about to step out of his arms, as usual, till she felt them pulling her back.

“Wait..”

Amy slowly turned back to him.

He held a solemn expression, before looking away.

“You didn’t deserve that kind of response from me.. not today.” He looked sincere, a genuine openness that Amy hadn’t see before.

Sonic was truthful, but never this exposing of his feelings…

“I… I thought about it. While carrying you up here.” he tapped his foot behind him, as Amy drew closer, realizing she didn’t want to leave his side again… not now… not when he was being so…

Real.

“I may not get love… but I think I might know more than I let on.” he looked up, daring to look in her eyes, before shifting them away, seeming shy all of a sudden.

His head… still faced her general direction, though.

“I know that when you love something… you don’t want to let it go.” he looked down at her waist, his arms still around her.

“You don’t want it to cry..” he gently lifted a hand up to her cheek, rubbing ever so slightly by her muzzle.

Her eyes widened, before her breathing grew faint.

He stared at her lips… before looking back up at her eyes.

“You don’t ever want it to leave…”

“Sonic…”

“Don’t go in, tonight.” He shook his head, his eyes revealing what he truly was saying.

Suddenly, the two embraced.

He had said it with so much breath, so much of a whisper, but it was the truthful cry of a desperate man.

She happily sobbed, as he chuckled slightly, still holding her close.

“I thought that wouldn’t make you cry…”

She laughed in her tears, gripping him closer to her as she blinked her eyes open.

“Sometimes,” she sniffed, “love is just too overwhelming to keep it all in.”

She then felt a small, wet tear grace her shoulder, and crawl down the length of her upper back, before warmly being absorbed by her sweater.

                                             “Yeah… I guess so.”

#sonamy #sonicxamy #sonic #amy rose #sonic prompt #sonamy prompt #sonic the hedgehog #sonamy au #cutegirlmayra

[cass-burger]

“There Is A Hell, Believe Me I’ve Seen It”

Hey so this is just the beginning of a fic, no idea how long it’ll go for but there will definitely be more chapters. It’s from the pov of various RWBY characters and takes place during a battle a long way down the line of the canon narrative (either the final, or a major battle, I haven’t decided yet). Anyway, enjoy!

There is implied ships in this particular chapter, including Nuts and Dolts, Renora, Monochrome, Freezerburn, Bee’s Schnees (lol there’s a bit in there for everyone so you can take from it what you like).

Chapter One

A bullet went whizzing past Ruby's head. Had it not been for the blade that was crashing toward her temple that caused her to back her head well out of the way, it probably would have burst through her head. Here nothing was certain. Every opportunity she had, she took. Every chance she weighed briefly in her mind, she knew had a very real possibility of instant death as an outcome. Everywhere, everything, was all on fire. Half the landscape and scenery were dead bodies and fallen weapons. If there was such a thing as hell, this was the closest she would ever come to see it.

The blade came crashing down at her again, but this time Ruby raised her own weapon to block it. The weapon was almost like a part of her; it had been her accomplice for as long as she had been fighting any battles. The scythe was almost twice her size and did a good job at taking a brunt of the impact. Usually. This opponent, however, was much stronger than any Grimm she had designed this weapon to fight against. She tried her best to hold her ground but the blow rippled through the scythe and knocked her to the ground.

Her eyes watered, her mind buzzing. It was a weird hybrid space that her mind was in, both jarringly fast and slower than life all at once. As her view came into focus she noticed the hand laying next to her face. The body, or most of it, to which it belonged to lay about ten feet away from the hand. The sight almost made her vomit. To maintain her composure, what little she could manage, she had focused everything on her enemy. This had somewhat blinded her to the horrors around her. As her view came into focus even more she saw glimpses of other horrors. The shock was what gave her most of her energy to get up again and roll backwards, away from her fast approaching opponent.

She stumbled over the uneven surfaces of bodies, rubble and shrapnel, all covering what were once steps leading up to a large door. The door no longer existed, nor did the building it was part of for that matter. The coating of blood over most of the ground didn't help either. Ruby found her footing and faced her enemy again, holding her scythe in front of her, ready to take another blow. She wasn't how much more she would have to take. She knew she would not win this fight. She just had to keep Salem at bay long enough for Ren and Nora to get to the temple.

The large sword Salem held in her hand, rather lightly as if it were nothing, gleamed shades of bright red and maroon. The edge was not sharp anymore, this fight had seen to that. She did not need the sharpness for this kill though. A blunt edge would give a much more violent death, and Ruby knew that after all the trouble she had given Salem, the thought of a bloody, violent end to her must have made Salem salivate with delight.

"It's over, little Red," Salem said rather calmly, but her eyes betrayed her demeanour. Ruby could see the fire behind her irises, could hear the catch of battle-crazed lunacy in her voice. "You've lost! All of your 'soldiers' are dead, and soon you will be too."

Then Salem again performed her twisted act that had given her the edge at the beginning of this fight, the move that had put Ruby off, sent a tremor through her that was so much more than mere exhaustion. This fight had stretched on for eternity, but Ruby knew it had only been minutes. The blade in Salem's hand left her hand and hovered beside her head, as her arm came to rest lazily by her side again. It then split into 7 separate blades, with an almost agonisingly painful sound. It was as if the blades should not have come apart at all, as if to separate them was to tear their very souls in half.

Ruby almost couldn't bear to see it, it was so reminiscent. Every time Salem raised this weapon, it only reminded Ruby of Penny's weapon. The way that her puppeteer act had allowed her to use her blades, the blades that were very much a physical part of her, in a very beautiful eloquent display, almost as if she were dancing. Ruby often found beauty in weapons and machines, but finding someone who could wield them that elegantly had instead sparked something else inside Ruby. She had not realised it then but it was so clear to her now that it had been love.

They say the first is always the hardest. And it was true. Many close to her had died since then. She had grieved. She had missed. She had moved on. But the pain from Penny's passing lingered still. She remembered seeing her friend, lifelessly lying in the stadium floor, in pieces. In that moment she had felt her heart divide, as if as an echo of the same pieces. In that moment a part of her had changed forever. She felt completely and utterly hopeless, she felt a yearning sadness that nothing could stifle, but most of all she felt an anger, an anger with the world and the unfairness and wrongness of it that she had never felt before. Ruby had always believed there was good in everyone, and she was the most optimistic person in the world. She had always found the silver lining in any situation. That part of her was lost that night.

That part of her was going to be satiated tonight. She had made a promise to herself that night to avenge Penny in any way she could. Now the person, the grand master planner, behind all of this, behind everyone, behind Pyrrha, behind Penny, was standing in front of her. Ruby spat blood out of her mouth onto the floor next to her and raised her scythe. She was sure there was a fire behind her own eyes as well now. She knew this was going to end now. She looked straight into Salem, scowling with all the rage and pain this war had brought her. She stared into her, as if trying to pierce Salem's very soul with her rage, and said, "Fuck you."

They crested the peak and looked back to find panoramic views of devastation. To the south west lay the smouldering ruins of the once great city of Mistral, still glowing orange. To the very north was a valley of fire and screams. Even from up here the sound of battle could be heard. In between the two was a clear path of devastation. The battle still wore on in places along here, as was clear by the occasional glint of metal through the trees, or a glowing projectile being propelled above towards either the north of the south. There were no longer clear enemy and allied lines. Where you stood you made your ground. If you lost ground you lost your life.

Ren and Nora had left the battle almost as soon as it had begun. As much as it had pained them to leave their friends behind, it was necessary to the plan. Nora replayed yesterday's argument in her head again, for what felt like the millionth time. It felt like an eon ago now...

'You can't take her alone!' Nora had said. 'She'll kill you! She's killed people much stronger than you, Ruby! It's- it's... It's a suicide mission!' She remembered the blank face Ruby had met her worry with. Nora had realised then that she had already fought this battle with herself in her head many time.

'I know,' she had responded with simply. 'But she expects me to try and stop her. So I will.' She had let out a sigh then that seemed much past her years. 'She'll never expect you two to go after the temple. She expects me to and I can't if I'm there fighting her. She wants me. This isn't about you guys.' Nora remembered wanting to run over and shake common sense into her at that point.

'Ruby she will kill you! And there is nothing that can undo that. We started this together, why must you put it all on you now?!' Ruby had turned away at that point. Nora could have sworn it was because she was crying, but her voice had remained steady.

'You know that she wants me. If I only give her me then none of you will get hurt. I can't stand the thought of any more of you getting hurt.' She had turned back around to face them at this point. 'You can end this, end her. But I need you to follow my plan. Please... can you do that for me?' The look in Ruby's eyes could not have gotten no for an answer. Nora had simply walked over to her and hugged her as tight as she could.

'Just know...' she had whispered in her ear at that point, 'that none of us can stand the thought of losing you too.'

Even now as she left the battle behind her and started descending the hill, she still tried to think of what she could have said better, all the things she said wrong, or didn't quite say how she meant it. She couldn't stand the thought that that had been the last proper conversation she would have with one of her best friends. A year rolled down her face now just remembering Ruby. The smile she used to hold every day. It was her favourite part about her. She knew Ruby had her back no matter what. In the time they had spent trekking all over Remnant together they had grown very close. Already she felt like she were grieving. The thoughts that ran through her head were already past tense. She remembered what someone had once called that tone. Funeral voices.

"The temple should be just past that clearing we saw from the top of the hill," Ren said, breaking the silence. Nora simply nodded. They trod on for a few more feet.

"Ren..." Nora started, but Ren had already stopped. He continued staring at the ground, not facing her.

"Look I don't like Ruby's plan either." He said, ridding the calm facade he had held. "I can already feel the feeling in my gut that says everyone over that hill is dead. All our friends. All of those innocent lives." He turned to face her now. His voice never raised, but the pain saturated it. "I can feel it. And I'm not even sure that this stupid relic will do what everyone says it will. It's a myth. It could be all fake." He looked down at the ground again. Nora could feel tears welling up behind her eyes. "But Ruby is counting on us. So we have to continue. We have to follow through with the plan. So that even if she-" he faltered then, his voice breaking ever so slightly. "So that if she doesn't make it, we are at least honouring her memory by doing what she wanted us to do." At that Ren turned and began walking again. Nora followed suit without any question.

Another dozen steps passed before Nora piped up again, little more than a whisper. "Ren... could you please hold my hand?" He said nothing, but simply reached over and grabbed Nora's hand. She felt safer and content now, even if only ever so slightly. She could feel Ren relax as well in her grip. They carried on down the path, away from their friends towards their apparent saviour. Away from their past towards Remnant's hopeful future.

  Blinking tears out of her eyes, she regained consciousness to find dust and rubble surrounding her. Sitting up slowly, coughing out the dust that now filled her lungs, she brushed her blonde locks out of her face. Yang looked around and could see Weiss and Blake doing the same. She stood up and got her bearings again. She must have taken a hard hit to her head because everything was still spinning. Where the smoke was now clearing she could see what remained of the building they had been taking cover behind. The top two floors where now completely gone, bar a single brick towards the back, and the bottom floor had massive chunks missing out of most of the walls. Bodies now littered the rubble and debris around the building remains. Some, like Yang, Weiss, and Blake, were rising and coming around. Others wouldn't be rising again.

"Weiss, how badly are you hurt?" Yang could hear Blake ask the heiress. They had landed closer together than Yang.

"I'm fine, Blake. Nothing I haven't handled before." The limp and the way she now held her sabre said otherwise.

"Yang, what about you?" Blake called out.

"I'm fine." Yang replied. She looked at them both and showed her glowing red eyes. A long time ago her red glowering glare would have always been accompanied by a grin that said she could tear you apart and love doing so. That grin had long since faded now. Now she only had determination and anger on her face. Her lips were pressed into a hard line.

She turned her attention to the battleground surrounding them. The very night around them had a distinct orange glow. Most everything was on fire or now rubble. Yang briefly took a moment to wonder how much of this valley was like that that now. I'm part of the reason this has happened, she thought briefly. This is my fault. She caught herself and shook her head. No, she reassured herself. This was not her doing. This was all because of Salem and her forces. She needed to stay focused in this fight. It was bloody and devastating now but it would be for the better. It had to be, right?

A group of enemies emerged out of the smoke. It took Yang less than a second to start running towards them at a full sprint. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Blake and Weiss doing likewise. When the distance between the two groups had halved the enemy group noticed them advancing. Yang let out a war cry and jumped in the air. The edge of her vision glowed gold and yellow. She pulled her right fist back behind her and loaded her gauntlet. The click next to her ear only strengthened her cry.

Her first blow landed square in the middle of the first enemy's face, spurting blood out of his nose and instantly knocking him out. He fell to the floor as Yang rolled into her landing next to his limp body. She sprung up and powered her fist up into the next enemy just behind the first. She stumbled back and tripped over one of her counterparts behind her who had been felled by Weiss to her left. They all wore patterns of white and black, with red being lines coursing through their clothes. The masks they once wore were long lost in the battle.

Yang quickly took in her surroundings and as she planned her next attack. Blake and Weiss were currently teaming up on a particularly large enemy wielding a mace the size of him. Weiss was bombarding him from every angle using her glyphs and Blake was off to the side shooting him. However Yang noticed a black streak following Weiss as she bounced from glyph to glyph, and she realised that whilst dealing each blow with Myrtenaster, she was also tying him up in the role of Gambol Shroud. Weiss landed next to Blake as she pulled on Gambol Shroud and brought the mace-wielded to the ground. Blake then fired two shots at his head and wound in her rope. The man would not be getting up again.

Out of the corner of her eye, Yang noticed an enemy staggeringly standing and begin rushing at her. Yang simply raised her fist and cocked Ember Cilica, before firing her most powerful shotgun barrel, propelling her elbow back into the face of her advancing attacker. She then ran up to the stump of a pillar and launched off it into the air. A small woman was advancing on Weiss with a small blade in each hand. Weiss had not noticed her. Yang came down hard and tackled the girl to the ground. She quickly rolled off her to stand up over her head and brought her foot down hard on the girl's forearm. The girl cried out in pain and dropped the blade in that arm. She rolled out of the way of Yang's second powerful downward blow and was in a standing position again. She raised her only remaining blade at Yang and launched at her Yang dodged out of the way and punched her in the back as she flew past, sending her sprawling. The blade clipped the side of Yang though, slicing a thin line of blood across her exposed midriff.

Yang grunted in pain and she felt her eyes glow red with anger. The girl was getting up again, but a thin boy with a similar, yet longer, blade was advancing behind her to help out. Yang rushed to the girl and wrapped one arm around her neck in a choke hold, holding her up in front of her as a human shield. With her other fist she raised her fist and fired two shots at the boy. The first clipped his shoulder and the second took out his legs. She fired a third shot at his head and dirt exploded around him in a shower of red. There was no dignity in war, at least that's what Yang thought.

Still holding the girl in front of her, she fired more covering fire at the few enemies running at Blake and Weiss. There were few left in this particular group, but they were swarming Blake now. Weiss had noticed, but she was in a desperate battle with another enemy of similar size, who wielded a broadsword that seemed to double as a pistol. Weiss was visibly exhausted already and she couldn't make it to Blake. Yang turned the girl around in front of her and kicked her in her gut, instantly winding her. She ran past the girl who fell to the ground clutching her stomach, over to Blake's aid. Raising her fist as she ran, she managed to bring down two enemies with her dust bullets. She slid under an opponent's legs and just for good luck, powered her fist into their groin, bringing them down. The sprung up and went back to back with Blake.

"I had this covered!" Blake yelled over her shoulder.

"Clearly!" Yang yelled back as she brought her fist down on one enemies face whilst firing at another's legs. "You're welcome!"

The enemy got back up with a face full of blood, their nose completely broken, and raised their weapon at her. Yang charged at them and brought them to the ground, spear-tackling them. She got up, straddling the enemy, and brought her fist down into their face a second time, knocking them out this time as she got off them and looked around and the remaining group. Weiss had finally defeated her combatant, and Blake was just throwing a man onto the floor, pulling Gambol Shroud out of his chest in the process.

"Is that it?" Weiss asked, huffing.

"For now" Yang responded walking to the group. Halfway to Blake she raised her right fist and blindly shot at a fallen enemy who was getting to attack yet again. They now had a sizeable dent in their skull. Blake looked at her with an expression that said "Really?" while Weiss looked impressed. As Yang continued walking towards the group a bullet burst through Weiss's side, the trajectory originating behind her. She yelled out in pain and fell her one knee, clutching her side and dropping Myrtenaster.

"Weiss!" Blake yelled out, her voice saturated with concern and shock, as she ran over to the heiress. Yang looked around and saw a tall girl with short hair holding a large-barrelled gun staggering into the square where the trio had been fighting from a side alley. Yang ran at her with an angry cry, as the attacker ran back through the alley.

"Come here you fuck!" She shouted after the stranger. "Don't you think you can get away with this! You dare hurt my friend, fuck you! You're mine!" Yang continued yelling at the stranger as she followed her through the maze of alleyways. Eventually the girl arrived at a dead end and backed up into the end of the alley. Fear was displayed on her face.

"Please," she pleaded with Yang, "This isn't my war, I'm just a pawn, please! I'm sorry." Something clicked inside Yang. She remembered all the times she had feared for her own life while waiting for her team to help her, not sure if they would make it, not sure if she would make it. Her face softened and the girl noticed. "Oh god, thank you," she whimpered. Yang, however, raised her fist and fired a single shot at the girl's side. The girl cried out and collapsed.

"An eye for an eye," Yang said simply, before turning around and running back through the alleyways.

She got back to the square to find Blake cradling Weiss on the floor. Yang quickly ran over to her side.

"I'll be fine Blake, I just need a bandage," she coughed through her sentence. "Just get me back out there. Ruby needs us to do this!" She let out another cough.

"Yang, we need to get her a medic." She held a steady tone but Yang could see the pleading in her eyes. Yang simply nodded. She tucked her arm under Weiss's leg and around her shoulder, while Blake did the same on her other side. They both stood up, raising her up off the ground, and started at a quick pace out of the square.

"We should head for that building," Yang nodded towards a building that was still intact across the sea of rubble. "There might be something we can make a bandage out of there." Blake murmured agreement. They set off towards the building, carrying Weiss carefully over the uneven rubble. There was no way Yang was going to let this war take another one of her best friends, and she couldn't help but wonder how Ruby was going in her fight.

                                                   To be continued...

#the burger writes #fanfic #rwby #ruby rose #salem #nora valkyrie #lie ren #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #nuts and dolts #renora #freezerburn #monochrome #bee's schnees #(i guess???? that last one is sorta not evident yet #but I hope for it to be later!)

[ltleflrt]

Oh my gods, I can’t believe I’m about to do this... (part 2)

So in my last post prompted by @unforth-ninawaters I shared the first thing I ever wrote.  Everything after that was usually self insert fanfiction hiding behind an original story facade.  I never really finished anything tho.  I have shelves and boxes full of notebooks full of writing, but it was just me imagining myself in fictional worlds.  And they never saw the light of day because I had a teacher tell me once that I should be more creative and make up my own stuff.  That messed me up for years.  Decades, really.  I stopped writing after high school.  That literary magazine that my little ficlet was published in was the last time I put any effort into my writing, and I only wrote little stories that sounded like children’s bed time stories.  But after getting out of that class?  Nothing.  All my saved notebooks are from my teenage years.  

Then when I was 31 (in 2011), the writing bug bit me and I started working on a story I call Incandescent.  I had a reason for that title, although I don’t remember it now that it’s almost 6 years later lol.  Anyway, I was talking to @jupiterjames the other day about old writing, and I went through this file and replaced the original names with Dean and Cas and y’know, I might be able to repurpose this into a fanfiction.  But just for funsies, here is an unedited version of the first thing I wrote after I gave up on writing after highschool.

Duncan lay on his back, one hand propped behind his head, and the other arm wrapped around the hard body of his lover.  He trailed his fingers lazily over Ian’s shoulder, and took comfort in the warm breeze of the other man’s breath against his neck.  

He wished he could fall asleep too, because the constant pull in the back of his mind was exhausting to resist.  The last few hours he’d spent wearing Ian out hadn’t helped his fatigue, but he knew that he would have done it again.  Unfortunately, he needed to be awake to ignore the pulse of magic that was attempting to pull him away.  

He twisted his head to look down at Ian’s sleeping face and smiled crookedly.  At least someone was getting some sleep.  He really needed to get up and get down to the bar, but he was reluctant to leave the warm sanctuary of his bed.  

“Five more minutes,” he mumbled to himself.  His eyes drifted closed.  It had been so long since he’d slept…

A woman sat cross legged in the center of a warding pentagram, nude but for the symbols painted on her skin.  Before her was another large symbol, ugly and warped in his sight.  He could hear her whispering to him in the old language.  The normally lilting sounds were twisted by unskilled lips and tongue, but he could still understand.  

“Come for me.”

He felt his body harden in response to the double meaning.  He wanted to obey her request.  He wanted to pin her to the floor with his body, and his claws and teeth. He wanted to spread her legs, and pump into her as she screamed in pleasure and pain.

“Take what you will.”

And he would.  Her flesh, and her soul.  He could almost taste it already.  It would be coppery, and slightly rancid on his tongue.  He licked his lips in anticipation and took a step towards her, no longer paying attention to the glowing glyphs scribed on the floor in salt and blood.  

She looked up as if she could see him, although he knew she could not.  Not yet.  He would reveal himself only at the last moment, so he could taste her fear.  She looked confident, and he wanted to see her eyes fill with realization and terror when she saw his true form for the first time.  

He moved to step forward again, his foot hovering over the warped glyph, and she smiled in triumph….

A strong fist reached out of the darkness and with an audible crack of bone against bone, slammed into his jaw.  Duncan’s eyes flew open and he focused on Ian straddling his waist, fist pulled back for another punch.  

The worried look in Ian’s eyes faded into relief.  “Thank the Light,” he breathed.  “I thought she’d gotten you that time for sure.”

Duncan grunted and reached up to rub his jaw.  “Jesus, Ian.  Did you have to hit me so hard?”

“You started to phase out when I slapped you.”

“You slapped me?” Duncan asked in shock.

“You obviously didn’t notice,” Ian said wryly.  Now that the Duncan was fully awake again, he relaxed his weight and sat back on his lovers thighs.  He ran his hands over Duncan’s chest and stomach in a way that they both found comforting.

Duncan sighed and soaked up the reassurance of Ian’s touch.  He wanted to close his eyes again, but was afraid to.  “She’s getting stronger,” he said quietly.

“I noticed,” Ian said just as softly.

Duncan groaned and closed his eyes, and put a hand over them.  He didn’t want to see the understanding in Ian’s eyes.  It was bad enough that Ian could see what Duncan experienced, but the fact that he could also sense some of what Duncan felt during the visions made him distinctly uncomfortable.  

“Hey.”

Duncan stubbornly kept his eyes closed.  

“Hey!” Ian said again, this time running the tips of his fingers along the ticklish underside of Duncan’s arm.

Duncan didn’t uncover his eyes, but used his free hand to grab Ian’s roving hand.  

“I’ll find her,” Ian promised.

Duncan bared his teeth in a hiss.

Ian laughed.  “You don’t scare me Demon.”

Duncan finally uncovered his eyes and snarled at Ian in earnest.  “I have yet to give you reason to be, Angel.”

Ian’s smug smile was so wicked, that Duncan could imagine his proverbial halo rusting.  “Bring it,” he challenged.

Duncan exploded in a fury of motion, and despite the fact that Ian had been prepared for this reaction, he was almost too slow to react.  Luckily he was rested in comparison to the furious demon, and was able to fend off the attack.   Their wrestling ended with them both spilled onto the floor, with Ian back on top, Duncan pinned on his stomach below him.  

Ian leaned down and brushed his lips against Duncan’s ear.  “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.  He knew his friend well, and understood that he was ashamed of his reaction to the witch.  “I woke you as quickly as I could.”

Duncan took a deep breath and let out a long sigh.  Ian felt him relax and knew it would be safe to let him up.  He got to his feet, and watched in admiration as the hard body below him flexed as Duncan pushed himself off the floor.  

Duncan twisted around until he was sitting on the floor leaning against the bed.  He looked up at Ian with a wry smile.   “I’m sorry I’m an unappreciative bastard.”

Ian grinned, “Well, she was smokin’ hot.”

Duncan rolled his yes, but chuckled.  Not wanting to think about the witch, he decided to change the subject.  “I had to fire Lynette last night.”

Ian took the hint.  “Shit,” he grumbled.  “What happened?”

“Winston caught her stealing from the register.”

Ian sighed. “Was it at least for a good cause?”  He’d been the one to hire her.  When he’d found her begging on the street, he’d offered her the job.  She’d been starving, and he couldn’t help himself.  

“She smelled like heroine,” Duncan said softly.  He knew Ian liked to bring in strays and help them get on their feet.  That’s how they’d come to hire Winston, and the werewolf had been working for them for 15 years now.  He still felt a thrill of amazement at himself that he cared if Ian’s feelings were hurt by the failed projects.  He felt a twinge in his chest when Ian’s face fell in disappointment.  

Ian’s mouth quirked in a rueful smile, “Well, I tried.”  He turned away from Duncan and rummaged through a drawer, pulling out a pair of green boxers.  

Duncan winced.  He shouldn’t have brought it up.  Now Ian would be depressed for days.  He got up and went over to where the angel was slowly getting dressed.  He wrapped his arms around Ian from behind and propped his chin on his shoulder.  “Hey,” he said softly.  “At least someone tried.  If you ever stop trying, then I’ll know I’ve failed.”

They both went still as they remembered Duncan’s promise so long ago.  Ian leaned his head to the side, until his temple touched the other man’s.  “It’s so hard sometimes,” he whispered.

“I know,” Duncan said just as quietly.  “I miss her too.”

Ian reached up and pressed his fingers to Duncan’s cheek affectionately.  He took a shuddering breath, and moved away to finish dressing.  “Will you be ok for another few days?” he asked in reference to the constant energy drain Duncan was dealing with.

Duncan nodded, and also moved to get dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans without bothering with underwear.  “Yes, if I keep busy I should be fine.”

Ian nodded.  “Good.  I’ll do some hunting this week and see if I can find her.”

Duncan grunted.  This witch was good to have kept herself hidden from Ian for so long. Duncan wanted to help with the hunt, but she was strong enough that if he left the wardings around their building he could feel the tug of the summoning spell increase tenfold.  Typically a witch needed to know his true name to affect him this strongly.  He was grateful that she didn’t, because he knew he’d be lost.  The bitch obviously didn’t need him because she was already powerful.  Only greed could be motivating her at this point.  

“Alright,” Duncan said.  “Good hunting.  I’m sick of this bitch, and I need a fucking nap.”

It was going to be a story about a witch falling in love with a demon, whose best friend was an angel posing as a human priest.  But I never got anywhere with it because the witch kept being ME and I didn’t want her to be.  And somewhere along the way, the relationship between the demon and the angel became more interesting, and those were the scenes I focused on more than anything.  I thought to myself, why not a poly fic?  But again, the female character was trying to be me, and I personally didn’t want to get with the male characters because I was far more fascinated with watching them be cute together.  This was looooooong before I knew what slash was, and I’d never read a fanfic in my life.  I didn’t know it was possible to write gay romance.  Weird, right?  

I’ve got probably 30k of scenes written for this story, but I know I’m never going to finish it.  Not in its original form.  But I might mine it for fic stuff someday.

After a while, I gave up on this story because I knew I wasn’t going to finish it.  Shortly after, I discovered fanfiction.  And the very next thing I wrote was Peace Begins With A Smile in early 2012.  It’s the first thing I ever finished, and nearly everything I’ve written since then is published on my AO3, so you can see where I went from here if you’ve been reading my stuff for a while :)

#omg my old writing #*internal screaming*

[elsirason]

Did you get mysterious messages? - Mystic Messenger AU

Summary: One day like the others. That was supposed to be a fucking day like the others. So why did I find myself in the middle of a war?

"What the hell is going on...?" I keep asking myself, standing in front of the structure surrounded by greenery where the “photography course” would take place, to which I and my two best friends had recently registered. To be more precise, it was Saeyoung who signed the three of us, without saying anything to me nor Saeran. They were a couple of days that we both saw him particularly upset, but we couldn't find out why. Maybe a particularly heavy job for the agency... But Vanderwood hadn't shown up once, which had made us reject that possibility. And then, he suddenly decided it would be fun to do something all together. If only that was the real reason, I would have had nothing against it, but both I and his twin knew him too well to believe it was only for that. «What's up, guys? Something wrong?» Saeyoung gives us a flap on our shoulders, full of energy and with a sly smile on his face. I turn towards him, fulminating him, while Saeran is much more peaceful: he takes him by the neck of the sweatshirt and says between his teeth: «Tell us what the damn is this place.» Searan wasn't wrong at all... It took more than six hours by car to get here, during which all we could see around us was nothing but a dense bush. And then, in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, a building of the size of a castle had emerged, with a strange eye paint on the facade. «This place makes me shudder...» I whisper, while Seran releases his grip on the twin and start approaching the car. «I agree. Let's go home as soon as possible...» Until the jovial voice of the twin doesn't stop him: «Gasoline exhausted, we'll never make it back. Since we're here, we might as well take a look around.» Indignation is painted on my face and on Saeran's. He tried to approach the twin, but this time I advance. «Are you kidding?> I shout. «What the hell does your brain tell you? Why did you want to trap all three of us on these mountains? » «What's going on Saeyoung? What is this joke of the photography course, really?» Saeran asks, seriously. I too calmed down, seeing the shadow that had crossed my friend's eyes. In a calm voice, I added: «These days you're in "secret agent" mode, you leave us in the dark about what happens. You didn't come out of your room for 51 hours, and then suddenly you pop out all enthusiastically, saying that you've enrolled all the three of us in a photography course. From nothing.» «You drove all night without breaks, barely respecting the limits, to get to this place. And during the trip you continually checked that no one was following us like our life depended on it.» Saeran added. «We're worried about you, do you want to understand? If there's something wrong, you must tell us! Did something happen with the agency?» I put a hand on my friend's shoulder, trying to meet his gaze, but he escapes. He takes a deep breath and just smiles, looking on the ground. «I should know by now that it's so useless to try to hide things from you...» A slight sigh, to help him catch his breath, and he returns to look at us. In his eyes, we both manage to read his whole decision. «But I can not tell you anything.» Saeran and I exchange a look that is worth a thousand words, while Saeyoung heads for the car's trunk. He pulls out three long dark cloaks, with some golden decoration at the ends. He takes one for himself and hands the other two to me and the twin. «We'll have to wear these during our stay in this place. And furthermore, we should also change our names. I will be 707, or simply Seven. They can be just numbers, all in here have codenames. But remember to not ever call us by our real name. It's for...» «We know, bro. It's for safety reasons.» Saeran had not batted an eyelid. «I will be Ray.» «Why Ray?» Saeyoung asks with a smile, wearing his cloak. The twin simply raises his shoulders before imitating him. I would like to ask if it's really necessary, but I swallow the question and put on the mantle, saying the first name that comes to my mind. «I'll simply be MC.» «Like the main character of the otome games you like so much?» Seven grins. I respond by giving him a punch with no strength on his chest, causing a slight laugh in him. Saeran sighs in frustration, he puts a hand to his forehead and, although evidently contrary to the whole affair, says: «All right.» The finger is pointed at the brother and the tone acquires something threatening: «Let's make this clear. This farce must last the bare minimum.» Saeyoung smiles beamily and holds both of us in a hug, which we reciprocate. «Thank you for trusting in me.» «We know that you do everything for our own good.» I reassure him. I hear him nod slightly while adding in a low, almost inaudible voice. «It's for the good of the three of us.» Saeran gives me a slightly worried look, but I nod him, meaning to just leave it. As soon as we melt the hug, Saeyoung pulls up his hood and tells us to do the same. «Once inside the building, follow me without saying a word.» «You have hooks in there, don't you?» I ask, immediately biting my tongue. Saeyoung turns around, smiling serenely. «I have great friends in there that will help us.»

Dear Cheritz,

You do not want to give me, and all the other MCs, a route where we can save everyone. That’s fine. I understand your reasons. In the real world, you can’t make everyone have a happy ending…

But this will be an AU, so screw the real world’s rules and let’s do something to save everyone who deserves to be saved.

With much love,

Elsira Son

❄ Feedback & corrections (I’m not English, but I try lol) are more than welcomed~

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❄ Preface, The forgotten writings of Niflheim:

I will show you a land dressed by the Ice, forged by the power of the Ocean and dominated by God’s children. Its name is Niflheim, do you want to join me?

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