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hobiiiiiworld · 2 years

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Heartstrings | Chapter 3 - A New Perspective

Previous chapter

Synopsis: You and Hoseok spend some more time together, and Hoseok grows fond of you.

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x female reader | Best friend Min Yoongi x female reader

Genres: Fake dating | Nothing to lovers | University AU

Word Count: 9,7K

TW: makeout sesh in the woods and smoking (not cigarettes)

Read on Ao3

Monday

Hoseok walks into the hall and spots his group of friends immediately, which isn't hard. They're standing bunched up together, rowdy as ever, talking loudly amongst themselves. As he walks up to them, he greets them hello before taking a place in the circle that has now formed, the conversation already resumed as if nothing happened. From here, he can see the whole hall. He doesn't look for you, but you're not hard to spot as you walk up to a blond man. Your steps are slow as you move, almost as if you're uncertain.

"You coming, too?" Jimin asks, drawing Hoseok´s attention. He turns his eyes to the man beside him, giving his best smile to his best friend.

"I´ll have to see."

"See about what? What reason can you possible have to miss a party?" one of his friends, Brian, asks him.

Hoseok doesn't answer. Brian's word annoys him, which isn't rare for Brian, who has the tendency to say necessarily mean and negative thing. Just like now. Hoseok, who would barely count himself as Brian's friend, should be able to sit out one party without Brian acting like a spoiled brat about it.

"Come on! Are you a mute now? Tell me!"

Hoseok bites his tongue and tightens his fists, trying all his might not to lash out like a toddler who hasn't gotten a hang of his emotions yet.

"Dude, it's Monday. We went out three days ago, can you relax a little?" he replies with a playful smile. Brian nods and pats Hoseok´s back. Hoseok gets a bad taste in his mouth, leaning away from Brian as casually as he can.

"I'm just exited!"

"You should be, I am going, and I am not going quietly," Jimin moves the conversation away from him, much to Hoseok´s appreciation.

"Do you ever go quietly?" another one of Hoseok´s other friends, Zelo, asks then, laughing teasingly.

Hoseok´s eyes drifts over to you, still standing with the blonde man, who he has learned is named Yoongi. You're both looking down at your phones, and Hoseok wonders what happened between Friday and now. On Friday he saw the two of you laughing comfortably together during the lesson, completely relaxed. Now, he can feel the tension emanating from across the room. Yoongi suddenly says something, and you look up at him, offering him that same kind smile you're always willing to give, giving your reply. At your replay, Hoseok sees Yoongi´s faces suddenly turn from friendly to sour at your words. Your phones are forgotten now, laying lonely in your hands as you're clearly trying to appease your friend. You take a step towards him to place a hand on his arm, shaking your head. Yoongi really doesn't look happy.

You're trying to tell Yoongi something, once again, when Zelo claps his hand on Hoseok´s shoulder.

"Let's go in, yeah? Lesson is about to start."

A part of Hoseok doesn't want to go in, leaving you alone while having this conversation, which is clearly not going well. During the weekend he saw how not fine you are deep down, and he wants to make sure you're alright before just leaving.

A different part of Hoseok is telling him to calm down. This has nothing to with him, and he knows you can handle yourself. You definitely don't need him to defend you. With that in mind, he walks after his friends. Taking his seat next to Jimin on the far end of the row, he finds his notepad and pen before settling back against the seat, keeping an eye on the door.

"How was the rest of your weekend?" Jimin asks.

"Miserable. My hungover was so bad, man."

"Last I saw you, you were pretty alright." Hoseok laughs. "Guess you kept on drinking after I left?"

Hoseok hasn't told any of his friends about the deal he has with you, which means they have no idea he even left his apartment during the weekend. Some things he likes to keep to himself, especially when it comes this specific friend group. If there is something he doesn't want to be made fin of, it's best not to tell these friends.

Jimin, however, is diffrent. Hoseok would count Jimin as his personal friend. If it was just him here, he could tell him everything.

You enter the room, and Hoseok turns to the front, not wanting you to catch him looking. It's so stupid, the way he's acting like a teenager around you. Quickly, he scrambles for something to say in order to look busy.

"I did. I found some old friend, tried to catch up over a game of never have I ever. The only thing I took from that, was the question of when I had time to do all that shit. What about you? Did you leave with that-"

"Shut up," Jimin says quickly, making Hoseok laugh.

"I know, I know. What I was going to say was: did you leave with that hottie I saw you with?"

Jimin blushes, but nods his head, confirming. Hoseok wants to bottle up the bright smile on Jimin´s face. "Got breakfast in the morning, too."

"Sunny side up, I bet."

In the corner of his eye, Hoseok sees you talking to the woman Jungkook is dating. She is gushing about something and making you laugh. He looks for Yoongi, but can't seem to find him.

A thought enters his mind, a thought he wishes wouldn't penetrate everything in him. After a couple of seconds, he can't help himself, and takes out his phone. He already has an opening line.

_____ _____

Hi.

Jungkook asked if we wanted to tag along to dinner and some arcade-games with him and Dea on Friday…

You down to play? 😉

Always

It's a surprise for Dea, so don't say anything!

How sweet of him!

Jungkook, always the romantic 🙄

You dont think it's cute?

No, it's cute! But he's making me look bad

What you lack in creativity you make up for in cuteness

🤧

Now shush, the lecture is starting back up again

It's not?

Shush

Hoseok looks over, seing you grin down at your phone. The professor standing up to start the lecture again and Hoseok re-focuses, ridding himself of his own grin.

Thursday

Just like every other day, Hoseok is standing with his group of friend, wishing that it's time to go inside in order for him to escape this conversation. This morning, Brian managed to tell Hoseok he was a no good suck up. He didn't say it in those exact words, but the sentiment was still very clear, and now Hoseok is just done. He doesn't want to deal with this group today. It's been a long week, listening to the same conversation about the same party that is happening this weekend, over and over again.

He looks around for a distraction and spots a very familiar figure. The only person he can imagine making his mood better in this room is you, and you're walking into the auditorium. Alone today.

"Bye," Hoseok says, removing himself from the group before they can make a move to stop him. Following you into the auditorium and down the steps, he stops and lays a hand on the seat beside you.

"This seat taken?" He smiles, noticing how you look up at him and smile as you see him.

During this week he has noticed you several times, greeting you in passing then trying his best not to pay it much mind, but also failing immensely. Tuesday you sat with Dea. He noticed the blonde haired man wasn't around, the conversation from Monday coming back to his head. That day, you still had your smile. Yesterday, however, he noticed you sitting with another man, a tall and bulky one, your bright smile dulled to a small one that wouldn't spread further than your lips. Even though this isn't the first time the two of you have knowledge each other, this is the first time he has approached you.

You shake your head and move your backpack to make room for Hoseok before turning to your computer. Hoseok takes a seat next to you, turning to you. It looks like you're tired today, your cheeks a little more hollow than normal, eyes a little darker, and your hair in a high pony-tail.

"Crazy night last night?" he ask.

You smile and shake your head. "I wish! Long shift at the boring retail job." You're looking at him in that way that makes his mind spin, with your eyes roaming all over his face and taking him in. It's making him feel naked. "You're looking better," you comment. Hoseok can't stop the heat from forming in the back of his neck.

"Thanks?" he jokes it away.

"You know what I mean," you chuckle, nudging him slightly.

"Yeah, I can finally relax now that I don't have a dinner with horrible, judging parents to worry about."

"What horrible person would put you through that?" you fake shock.

"Some random woman who just came up to me on street. She basically said she wanted to buy me. Insulted me, told me I was only worth a small cup of coffee."

You shake your head and tisk. "Should have ran away."

"Her offer was one I just could not pass up."

You finally laugh before opening your mouth to speak, only to be cut off by lecturer starting the lecture. Hoseok looks away from you, wearing a stupid grin. Opening his notepad, he directs his focus on the lecturer.

"I will take you all through the next five lectures, so I hope we will get along!" the round man says, scratching his beard. Hoseok leans into you.

"Santa came early this year," he whispers, making you laugh silently into your hand. Hoseok ignores the leaping feeling in his stomach when he watches your eyes look up at him in delight, clearly appreciating his comment.

"I don't think he will grand out wishes, though" you whisper back.

"Better go and find out."

You're about to get up, but Hoseok grabs your hand in panic, dragging you down. "Don't," he whispers.

"I just want to make my wish" you pout.

"Just sta-"

Someone behind you shushes, making you giggle even more. He can't help but laugh with you, probably enjoying this a little bit too much.

"Be quiet," you pretend to scold him, swatting his arm lightly. You turn and pretend to type on your computer, fingers going ham over the keyboard, not actually pressing down on any of the keys.

Hoseok tries to get rid of his smile by clearing his throat, to no avail. Only when the lecturer starts his slideshow and Hoseok focuses, does his smile go away.

The first hour of the lecture goes by quickly, and suddenly Mr. Santa calls for a break. Hoseok turns and sees his friends beckoning him over for their usual coffee break. He would rather just stay here with you, but coffee sounds too good to pass up right now.

He stands up. "I'm going to buy a coffee with my friends, want to join?"

"Sure."

Hoseok leads the two of you out of the auditorium, delaying the meeting between you and his friends by walking as slowly as he can. He doesn't particularly want to introduce his friends to you, afraid of what they might say. Afraid of how they might offend you. They're not necessarily the most favourable people, but they're the people that he has, and they have never turned him down. At least some of them haven´t.

"Please don't judge me based on these people."

"What?" you ask, confused.

"It's just that… Please keep in mind that I don't agree with everything they say."

"Alright," you say, still confused but sending Hoseok a smile as the two of you walk up the group.

"This is _____," he says. They take turns shaking your hand and introducing themselves. You smile extra when you recognize Jimin.

"Nice to see you again," he says, kissing the back of your hand. Hoseok smiles at the theatricality of it all, always so charmed by Jimin.

"Jimin," you say back.

When the introductions are over and done with, which went way more smoothly than Hoseok anticipated, the conversation is turned back to this Saturday and the party happening. Hoseok is painfully aware that you're not invited, and wishes they would choose another topic to talk about. He is tense, really hoping you haven't take noffense, when Brian turns to him, placing his big hand on his shoulder.

"Too bad this dickhead isn't going."

"I didn't say I wasn't going, Brian," Hoseok sighs now. "I said I have to see."

This is the moment Jimin decides to turns to you, sparking a conversation between the two of you. "I didn't noticed you leaving the party last weekend. Did you get home alright?" Jimin asks. His words sparks a new memory in your mind, one you didn't even know existed.

Hoseok turns to you as well, consequently splitting the group into two.

"I think I saw you in the staircase, and if it was you, I totally understand why you didn't notice me," you tease, winking at Jimin, making him red in the face. So you know about Jimin, too, Hoseok thinks. Clearly you found out by accident, but judging by your reaction, you really don't care.

"You saw us? Please, don't tell anyone, people don't know…" Jimin looks back at the group of men behind him, eyes wide. Hoseok notices your eyes fleet to him. "He knows," Jimin says, which clearly relaxes you.

"Sorry. I would never tell on you. I was just saying, nice work," you shrug.

The queue moves and Jimin has to turn and give his order, leaving you and Hoseok to yourselves.

"What do you want to drink?" you ask Hoseok, turning fully to him.

"Sorry?"

"You help me out with my family, I buy you coffee, remember?"

"Large black coffee is fine, but you really don't have to."

Hoseok tries to collect his wallet out from his back pocket, but you stop him, your hand lingering on his."It's a coffee, Hoseok, please let me. As a small thank you."

Hoseok takes a step towards you, that same playful grin on his face. He moves his hand slowly up your arm, feeling goosebumps rise on your arm. He watches as you swallow hard. More than anything, he loves all the clues that tells him you feel it too: the effect you have on him, he has it on you too. "You can always show you gratitude in other, more pleasant, ways." He watches you, your cheeks bright red now, your eyes trailing down to his lips. He goes on. "Or is that just a bonus?"

"Next!"

Before he can react, you turn around and walk up to the lady at the stand, leaving him with a stupid grin he doesn't quite manage to pull back. Hoseok moves from the line and waits for you a couple of steps away. A minute later you approach him, a coffee in each hand. He doesn't mean to fumble with the cup, but when he notices you staring at someone in line, he turns to see who you're looking at. Yoongi is standing in line, forehead creased as he watches the two of you. The pieces are slowly added together, Hoseok´s suspicion growing now.

Trying to not make this worse, he quickly grabs the coffee and steps away, creating the space he believes is needed. "Thank you." You look up at him and nod, face blank. The two of you walk towards the auditorium in silence. Hoseok is almost out of the hall when he notices you lingering behind, eyes going to the spot Yoongi stood. Hoseok can tell by your frown that Yoongi isn't there anymore.

"_____?" Hoseok considers you as he waits for you a couple of steps ahead, wondering what would make you feel better. He lifts his eyebrows, wanting to ask but not wanting to overstep. Instead of asking, he takes a sip of coffee and half moans. "Ahh, the taste of being bought!" he says, making you smile. Your smile edges him on, giving hi courage to go on. "I was wondering if you're doing anything after the lecture?"

"I start work at seven, why?"

"Would you hang out with me?" He wants to convey more, but can't quite find the words. The silence feels heavy and meaningful.

"What were you thinking of doing?" you ask.

"I didn't think that far," he answers, looking down at the ground, his neck warm once again. It feels silly now. "Doesn't matter to me, you can decide." You and Hoseok take your time walking into the auditorium and down the steps towards your seats. As the two of you take your seats, you are yet to answered him. It's been almost a minute now, and the hope that you will say yes decreases by the second, creating this awkward tension in Hoseok´s mind.

He turns to let you know you can say no, and finds you, to his surprise, smiling brightly at him.

"Alright. Let's do something."

Hoseok doesn't answer, only smiles at you as mr. Santa starts his slide back up.

"Alright, friends!"

For once, Hoseok is able to focus without the other guys whispering between themselves during the lecture.

Once out in daylight, you continue to walk aimlessly, following the flow of your steps. Hoseok finds talking easy when he's with you, and he catches himself laughing at a story that you're telling, despite it not being all that funny.

Turning the corner, Hoseok suddenly recognizes the house in front of him. The memory flows back, bringing with it all the excitement he felt back in that moment.

"This!" he says excitedly. He walks over to the wall and you stay a couple of steps away as he speaks, watching him. "This is where I had my first dance performance in this town. Two years ago," he takes a stance in front of the wall, posing as he did before the dance started, "I stood like this, ready to give that one old lady on her way back from doing her shopping a real show." He does a part of the dance before stopping, sighing happily. "I guess you can't really call it a performance, we just decided to pick a random place and dance," he shrugs.

"Did you really just dance out here?"

"Yeah." He looks to you from his spot, still imagining what happened that day. "If you look up there, you can see the local elementary school. A lot of kids walked past on their way home, and some even joined us. It was a lot of fun."

"Did you collect some money, as well?"

"We have little to no expenses, so we don't actually need any money. Over the years people have hire us, but we mostly do passion projects."

You're smiling so warmly at him he thinks he might overheat.

"It seems like this means a lot."

He can feel the heat on his neck again. This time it spreads to his ears and cheeks as well, probably giving him a red hue. All words are gone, he can only focus on how he's feeling right now. How you make him feel: like his body is suddenly warmer; like his heart is beating a little steadier; like he should be dancing.

"I love it."

"What got you into dance?"

"I'm not sure. When I was younger, I tried everything, but dance and tennis were the only things that stuck. I probably kept at it because people were so positive to it. If my teachers had told me everything I was doing was wrong, I wouldn't have the connection to it that I do now. Dance became this safe space. I was so happy when my parents boasted to their friends about me, telling them about the medals I won. That feeling transferred, and one day I found myself enjoying dancing and doing tennis, even if I didn't win or get positive feedback."

"I suppose. It wouldn't bring you joy if people told you you're no good at it, or made fun of you for it. It validates you, makes you feel worth something when people thinks highly of you. Almost like you're not worth something if you have nothing to show." You shrug.

Hoseok has been to one family dinner of yours, and he can guess how you're feeling right now. He can imagine how you have internalized that thought pattern you just described, based only on how your family are treating you, and he can draw the conclusion from there.

He picks up his backpack and approaches you, considering what to say next. Considering if he should go there. "Do you feel like that?"

"Sometimes."

Hoseok waits, but you don't say anything else.

"It's not true, though. Even if I wasn't good at dancing or playing tennis, I would still be a good person. I would still be good son, a sturdy brother and a dedicated friend. I would still be me."

"What if I'm not even those things. I'm clearly a horrible daughter, my parents hates me. I'm not any better at being a sister, the way even my brother can't stand me," you tell him as the two of you fall into steps beside each other. "I'm even a shitty friend," you mutter.

"I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you, but sometimes people are just shitty for no reason. You're not a bad daughter and sister, it's them who are bad parents and and a brother. They should love you unconditionally, and definitely not treat you the way the way they do."

You shrug. "If it's not me, then why is it only me? Why don't they treat Seokjin the same way?"

Hoseok´s heart aches.

"I don´t know."

Silence.

"Sometimes I wish I could have one thing I was really great at, or something I was really passionate about. Maybe thing would be better."

"You should find it."

"What?"

"You passion. Not to impress anyone, but to have it for yourself. When it all comes to it, dance for me is a safe space I can go when I need it. You should have that, too."

"You make it sound so easy," you smile.

"Isn't it? You try something new until you find something you really enjoy."

"Maybe," you say.

"I´ll be your coach."

"Oh will you?" You ask, sounding more positive now. Hoseok nods. "What does this project entail, coach Jung?"

"Don't worry, you're in good hands. I'll take it slow." He winks, watching as you're once again affected by the innuendo. In attempt to avoid his gaze, your eyes roam the surroundings.

"Right there," you say, pointing to the bench in front of you as you walk towards it - away from Hoseok. "I remember I used to sit here with my friends. We bought ice creams in the summer and ate them here while gossiping. I heard some of the most shocking things out here, like that time Christina frenched a guy two years older than us, or like how Liam and Cole came out by making out in the cafeteria. And you can't forget that time I heard that Namjoon and his first girlfriend had finally had sex. They were the first ones in our year, so of course we interrogated her later." You laugh, taking a seat on the bench, patting it affectionately. "Right here."

Hoseok takes a seat next to you, turning to you as he speaks.

"I remember one time when my best friend ran all the way from school to my place just to tell me he had passed a note to a girl he liked. We gushed about it for like an hour, acting like it was the biggest deal ever. The teenage years were something else. I remember I was walking a girl I liked home one time - now promise me you won't laugh - but I tripped and dragged her down with me, right into a mud puddle. It looked like I had shat my pants."

Hoseok realizes he would tell every little embarrassing detail of his childhood if it could make laugh like this. If it could make you lean into his like this.

"I can't believe how big of a deal everything was back then. If anyone we knew had done something we had to know."

"Everything was so new. Things we didn't think was possible was happening to people we knew. To us! How could we not talk about it?"

There is a beat.

"I have a question."

"Is it a gossip bench kind of question?" Hoseok teases, surprised when you nod. "Oh, go ahead."

"Why doesn't Jimin want people to know?"

"That he occasionally likes to french," he raises his eyebrow teasingly at the term you used earlier, "men?" You nod, settling yourself back on the bench. Hoseok follows, relaxing against the bench with his arms propped up on the back of the bench. "I don't know. Maybe he's afraid of people treating him differently?"

"Hm," you hum, lost in thought now.

"He came out to his friend when he was younger. Didn't go so well, and now he holds the cards closer to his chest."

"What did they do?"

"I´m not familiar with the details, but from what I have gathered, she spread the word in the small town he lived in. Eventually, it came back to him. People didn't accept it and started avoiding his whole family. They ended up moving to my town. We became friends, but when I accidentally found out by walking in on him and his ex, he was really defensive, saying I would be an asshole if I told anyone, and that it's not his business to have an opinion, which it isn't. After a while, I managed to convince him that I didn't care, but he made med promise not to tell anyone."

"I hate that."

"So do I. And he does too. I wish I could tell him our friends would be alright with it, but some of them are real assholes who would probably turn it into a joke."

"Why do you even hang out with them?"

There is the big question. He can't actually answer it. Over time the friend group has evolved into what it is now, and Hoseok wishes he didn't have to hang out with all of them. But not hanging out with some of them means not hanging out with any of them, which isn't an alternative.

"Good question."

"You should find someone else to hang out with."

"It's fine, really. I can hang out with them at school, I just don't like them enough to be with them on my spare time."

"Is that why you sat with me today? To get away from them?"

"Yes," Hoseok says, looking at you. You're so open like this, looking at him with your emotions emanating from you: your eyes shine with happiness; you mouth turned up in a teasing smile. "Yes and no."

He wanted to hang out with you, which is why he sat down next to you. Because he likes you. It's as easy as that. Saying it in broad daylight isn't as easy, however, when he can be so easily turned down. So, he choses to say: "I have noticed you haven't been with Dea and what's his face most of this week, and wanted to know how you were doing." At them mention of Yoongi, you turn your head down. He waits for you to say something, and when you don't, he asks, "are you alright?"

"Yeah." None of you believe that. With a small shake of your shoulders, you put on a smile. "It's alright. Things will work out the way they're supposed to." You clearly don't want to talk about it.

"Should we get going?" Hoseok asks, wanting to lighten the mood.

Hoseok follows your lead, walking in comfortable silence for a few minutes. As you walk, your surroundings turn quickly from tall buildings and paved sidewalks, to houses and alleys, and then to trees and footpaths. After ten minutes of walking, you walk up to a river. Hoseok is about to walk along the stream but stops when he notices that you've stopped. You're staring at the river with a shiny eyes, your lips turned to a smile.

"Familiar spot?" he questions.

"Me and my friends used to hang out here all the time when I was younger. I got my first boyfriend right here, even had my first kiss against that tree. We used to to do everything here," you tell him, amused.

"Sounds like you were happy," he points out.

"Yeah. Until he broke up with me after six months. Right here," you point to the spot beneath you. After a couple of seconds you go on. "Also, me and my grandma used to come here. She was the one who showed me this place."

"Were you close? You and your grandma?"

"She would call med every night to say goodnight," you say. "And every weekend I would go over to her house and we would bake cookies. She was my favorite person," you smile to Hoseok.

"I bet. She sounds like a great woman," he comments. When you finally look up at meet his eyes with yours, he smiles. "I'm glad you had her growing up."

"And that boyfriend," you joke, to which Hoseok chuckles.

"And you stupid ass of a boyfriend," he agrees. "How was he to you?"

"He was alright to me, but he wasn't exactly great to my friends. Sadly that's the type of guys I'm attracted to," you shrug.

Can Hoseok be filed under that same category, he wonders. What was it about that guy that made you like him, and does Hoseok possess those same quality? He can't imagine ever doing something like that.

"And what are you attracted to, exactly?"

"Assholes?" you laugh.

"I´m not an asshole," Hoseok can't help himself, putting himself out there.

"I suppose not."

You're too quiet, and not saying much is a bad sign, at least when it comes to you. And he knows he has come on strong - maybe too strong. His words somehow feels different than the light atmosphere that has been worked up between the two of you. This could be a time to come right out and say how you're feeling towards him, but you don't take it. Maybe you're not ready to put the attraction into a definition, which is fine.

To avoid more awkward tension, he decides to speak again.

"Have you had many asshole boyfriends, then?"

There is pause where your eyes roam Hoseok´s face, looking for something; he doesn't know what, but smiles encouragingly anyway.

"A couple. After the fourth one I swore off guys, which is why I'm here, fake dating you instead of getting myself a real boyfriend."

His whole neck and face is flaming hot. He hasn't kept it a secret that he's attracted to you, - on the contrary - but he thought you wanted him too. You kissed him back. You even kissed him first. When he's been openly flirting and hoping to make it into something, you've been on the opposite side, not wanting to go there. At all. It's embarrassing how blind he's been, because a kiss doesn't mean anything. Falling asleep together doesn't mean anything more than that, and now his face is flaming red, calling him out on his own feelings when there shouldn't be any. It doesn't matter what he says after this, because your eyes are watching him, seing how much your words have affected him.

"I think I have been sending some mixed signals, so I want to be clear. I think it would be best if we're only friends. I got a little carried away this weekend, that's all."

There is no point in playing it cool now. "What's stopping you?" You don't answer him. "Do you think I'm an asshole, as well? Because I'm really not."

"All assholes says that," you tease, rolling your eyes.

Suddenly he realize something.

"Is it Yoongi?"

You shrug.

That's not a no.

"Do you have feelings for him?" You shake your head, a clear no. "Are you afraid of how he will react, or something?" You shake your head once again. "I'm enjoying spending time with you, and it seems like you're enjoying spending time with me, too."

"Can you stop pushing this?" you say, voice suddenly loud.

"Right." Hoseok is quiet for a second, wondering how to put what he's thinking into words. "All I'm wondering is what's stopping us, when we're both clearly attracted to each other."

You're staring directly at him now, eyes fiery. "I'm not attracted to you."

He knows that's not true, and can't help but laugh a little as he takes a step towards you. You can deny it with words, but he can read your body like an open book. Wanting to prove something, he moves closer to you. Closer and closer until he's flushed against you. His hand is resting against you back, trapping you against him. He doesn't need answers, but he wants them. Just like he doesn't need to feel your lips on his again, but he wants to.

"Really? So you don't feel anything if I do this?" he whispers, resting his hand on the back of your neck, putting pressure on it. "Or if I do this?" He leans in as if he's about to kiss you, and your eyes fall shut, welcoming him. He stops just as his lips are about to meet yours. You let out a deep breath when you realize he isn't going to kiss you.

"No." Your voice is weak and full of doubt, eyes still closed.

He moves the hand that is on your nape, to your cheek, caressing it carefully before moving his thumb to your lips. Those damned lips. He feels your arm as it moves around his waist, the other one clutching to his shirt. If this is you not being attracted to him, he needs to reevaluate everything he has learned in his life. "You're loving this just as much as I am," he says, putting pressure on your lips to part them.

"Hoseok," you breathe out.

"Yes, sweetie?"

At the pet name he feels you relax in his arms. Now, a want has turned to the need to kiss you. Before you answer him he moves forwards, capturing your lips with his. As soon as his lips meets your, it is as if a band has finally snapped. You press yourself closer to him, dragging, pushing, clawing at him - anything to get him closer to you. It's as if his own attraction reverberates in you and is being pushed back into him, filling him with tenfolds of the attraction he had.

You're getting lost in the kiss now, Hoseok setting a slow pace. He'll be damned if he wouldn't make this kiss last. Slowly, he starts to feel crazy. No matter what he does, it's as if he can't anchor his mind. He kisses you hard, then softly, quickly before turning it slower again. His finger that was on your lip is back at the nape, firmly pushing your face upward to him. All the longing he has felt finally has a place to go. If he was a better man he would have stepped away instead of pushing. Thank god he isn't a better man.

Then, after what feels like way too short of a time, he pulls back a little, only for you to follow after him, kissing him more. He chuckles as he parts fully from you, breathing a little heavier than normal. You're laughing too, leaning to him and hiding your face in his chest, cutely ashamed. Hoseok holds you completely now, both arms around your waist.

"Alright, so I'm attracted to you," you mutter.

"Not shit, Sherlock."

"Don´t push it," you laugh softly, shaking your head.

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm just not looking for anything like that right now. I want to figure some things out first, which is why I want to stay friends. It's a door I don't want to open. Or, I want to, but I know I shouldn't," you say, looking up with a wicked grin. Hoseok looks at your pink lips, feeling that same pull and dips down once again, pecking your lips.

"Alright," he says, kissing you again and again, making you giggle.

Pushing him away, you force out, "I mean it," though your laughter.

"Can we be friends that occasionally make out?"

"Hoseok," you fake scold, your grin never leaving.

"Please," he whines.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Whatever the hell you want, that's kind of my point."

You're smile falters now, and you think you might be crazy because you're saying one thing, but do the opposite. For example right now, you said you don't want to go there, but still, you're grabbing Hoseok by the collar to kiss him passionately.

Hoseok smiles into the kiss, brushing your hair away from your face in an attempt to distract himself from the discomfort that is building. He usually isn't one for public display of affection like this, but you have in a state where he would let you do anything to him if you smiled at him the right way. The discomfort grows by the second, and he has to pull back.

"_____, as much as I'm enjoying this, we should stop."

"Yeah."

The two of you pull away from each other and catch your breaths for a couple of seconds. Hoseok tries his best to readjust without letting you see, and turns around in one final attempt. When he turns back, your fingers are brushing against your bright red lips. Meeting your eyes, that same smile comes to his face. His insides are finally calming down, and he can finally think, which gives room for the realization that he wants this so bad. He would probably agree to only hold hands if that's all you were willing to give. You, on the other hand, seem to be thinking like crazy. Your eyes go back and forth, not focusing on anything as you're lost in though. Hoseok wishes so badly he could read your thoughts, that way he would know what to do or say next. That way he wouldn't be standing here, awkwardly smiling, waiting for your judgement.

"Friends don't make out," you say, making it sound final.

And Hoseok doesn't get it. Then again, it's not his job to understand it, he just has to respect it.

He can feel it, the disappointment settling deep down in his stomach, but tries to smile and nod. He respects your decision, muttering an "ok," because of course it is. It's up to you. That doesn't mean the sour taste taking over him isn't prominent to the point that he can't smile anymore.

"Sorry."

"It's alright. Of course, it's up to you."

He realize that he has just been friend zoned, and he could probably cry if he wasn't with you. He wanted this with you, of course, and he wonders exactly when his feeling caught up to him. When did he catch these feeling, and when did they become strong enough to actually become sad to only be your friend. You turning him down is equivalent to saying you don't like him enough, which hurts him more than he would have thought.

Maybe his imagination got the best of him, he tells himself, putting on a smile.

"Should we call off the dinner with Dea and Jungkook tomorrow, then?" he asks. He thought the dinner was a good idea when he asked, but now he's unsure. A double date is probably something you don't want to go on now.

"Why?"

He wonders if you realize it's a double date, but can't get himself to ask. Instead, he shrugs. "Never mind. Let me walk you home so you can eat before your shift starts."

"That would be great. Thanks Hoseok."

"Any time."

"Just dont drag me down into a mud puddle," you tease, making both of you laugh.

The walk back is spent in awkward silence, both of you having too much going on in your minds. At the door, both of you say your goodbyes, and Hoseok watches you get inside, sighing, and then turning away. He knows exactly what he needs, and dials Jimin´s number.

Twenty minutes later he's on the rooftop, this time without you in his arms. Instead, he's sitting on the floor next to Jimin, Jungkook opposite to them. They're taking turns smoking up and passing it forward.

"Spill it, Jung." Jungkook lightly kicks Hoseok, his eyes watching him intently. Hoseok hasn't said anything, yet they always seem to know when something is bother him. This time, however, he feels like a fool and would rather not talk about it.

"What?"

"You called Jimin asking for this," he holds up the blunt, "which you never do. What happened?"

"Nothi-"

Jimin cuts him off. "It's that girl from last week, isn't it? _____?"

"Who? Sleeping beauty? What, she finally woke up and decided to run far, far away from you? Wise girl."

"She didn't." Hoseok pauses and lays down on his back. It's only Jimin and Jungkook, the two people he would trust his life with, maybe they can help him somehow. With a heavy sigh, he goes on. "Alright, yes, she friend zoned me. You know me, my feelings are fragile, and now I'm all sad and shit."

"Sorry." Jungkook says. Someone places their hand on Hoseok´s foot. "It's never a good feeling getting rejected."

"What happened? I thought she liked you, the way you were acting earlier."

"You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. _____ would kill me."

"Wouldn't be that be something," Jungkook sighs happily, only for Jimin to hit his arm.

"We won't say anything. Now, spill."

"We´re pretending to date in front of her parents. I know, stupid, but she asked me last week and I said yes. Then Friday happened, but she left before we did anything. We had already made plans for Saturday, and I went over to her place. Nothing really happened, I kissed her as I left. Sunday came and we had dinner with her parents, just as I promised I would, pretending to be her boyfriend. She wasn't feeling good after dinner and I took her to the movies before I drove her home. I wanted to make her feel better, I don't know… This time she kissed me as I dropped her off. Today she told me she wasn't interested in a relationship, and the whole thing is so stupid because we're so attracted to each other. It shouldn't bother me so much when we've only kissed a handful of times, but here we are, getting high and mending my hurt feelings."

"Are you sure it's not just your ego that's bruised?"

"You are a hopeless romantic, Hoseok. You take one look at a girl you find pretty and probably imagine your wedding. You have a crush, it's not a bad thing. But you also has to remember that some people want to protect their hearts and make sure you're in it for the right reasons. I, myself, find many people attractive, and there are many people I would make out with, but that doesn't mean I would risk getting my heart broken by anyone," Jimin says, his voice gentle. "Maybe give her some time and a little space to figure you out."

"What I'm not getting is when dating became such a big thing. Going out for a date doesn't mean we're getting married," Jungkook asks, extinguishing the blunt.

"Me neither. I know I'm a romantic fool, but I don't want to marry her. I want to take her out and get to know her. That's it. I'm not proposing."

"Are you listening to yourselves?" Jimin asks. "What about her? What does she want?"

"Nothing. She wants me, but not enough, apparently." Hoseok can hear his own voice, sour and spiteful.

"She doesn't owe you anything."

"I know that, but there is an attraction there and I don't understand why she won't run with it."

"She probably felt grateful and kissed you, then had a second to think and realized she doesn't want a relationship. Just respect it and let it go. Anyway, if she's pretending to date you she's probably not in the best place. I mean, she can't face her family alone. You're her buffer, which is putting her in a exposed position. Would you expose yourself even more if you were her situation? If you have just bared your soul for her, would you really be open for even more?"

Would he? He can understand that you're probably embarrassed after the dinner, he would definitely be. But he doesn't care, it's just your family, which you can't do anything with. It doesn't have anything to do with who you are as a person.

"I wouldn't care," Jungkook says after a couple of seconds of silence. "Sex is sex." He shrugs.

"Oh, and to think I had a crush on you," Jimin rolls his eyes.

"You did?" Jungkook asks, surprised. Jimin nods. "Best confident booster ever!"

"It's really not," Hoseok says. "He even tried to kiss me once. He has a crush on anyone who has a nice dick and two legs."

"Not true!" Jimin says, pointing his finger a Hoseok. "They don't have to have a nice dick."

Friday

Ever since the conversation with you yesterday, then the talk with Jimin and Jungkook, Hoseok´s head hasn't stopped churning. Today he spent thirty minutes in the shower, thinking. His head is actually starting to hurt. This is the first time since getting into bed last night, that his head isn't full of thoughts and uneasiness, replaced by a goal of finding you, Jungkook and Dea in the busy restaurant. Making his way through the arcade part of the venue, he spots you on the other side of the room. It's the first time he's seing you after yesterday, and his heart does a double beat. You're in the middle of a conversation, your face serious as you're listening to Dea. Hoseok is the last one to arrive. He forces all thoughts away as he approaches the three of you, smiling widely. He refuses to be a dick about the rejection, he knows that much. You've made your decision, and now he has to let it go.

"Jk," he says, clasping his hand on his friend´s shoulder in passing.

"Hobi."

Hoseok takes the seat next to you, nodding his head slightly in your direction, earning a very small smile. He knows he is overthinking, but knowing he is overthinking doesn't stop said overthinking. It doesn't stop the questions running in his mind. Does she feel as awkward as me. Does she feel weirded out by me looking at her. Now that we're just friends, do I have to act differently? What do I say now?

None of you know what to say after yesterday, making for a couple seconds of awkward tension as you stare at each other before Hoseok surrenders first, avoiding your gaze by turning to Dea.

"It's good to see you, Dea. How are you?"

"All good here," she says over the menu. "Hungry."

"Everyone, you have one minute to chose before she explodes," Jungkook jokes, pretending to be in pain when Dea hits his shoulder. "Ok, thirty seconds."

"You're so mean," Dea says, pouting.

"I thought you liked it when I'm mean." Jungkook winks.

You clear your throat, drawing everyone's attention. Hoseok sees how red your cheeks are getting by the attention. Then he notices how high your shoulders are, and how hard you're clutching your bag, clearly a little on edge. He wants to do something to calm you, but grabbing your hand doesn't feel very friendly to him. Neither does giving you a hug. So, in the end, he only sends you a smile.

"Should we go and order, Jung?"

The restaurant is one of the ´do it yourself´ types of restaurants, where you order and collect your food at the register. After hearing what you and Dea want to eat, the two men make their way through the restaurant. Hoseok and Jungkook order the food, and Hoseok is handed a puck shaped object which apparently will light up when the food is ready. They make smalltalk while waiting for their drinks to be made.

"This is so awkward," Jungkook says suddenly.

"Yeah, wonder why," Hoseok answers, voice bitter. He should be

"Can you try to relax a little? This is supposed to be a fun little date, you're making it weird."

"It's not a date," Hoseok mutters, spinning the chip between his fingers. "She doesn't want to date me, remember?"

"Try to relax, man. Enjoy yourself. Don't think too much, you're weird when you think too much, ok?"

The last drinks is being served, and before Hoseok can answer, Jungkook is turning around, a drink in each hand, and walking away.

Taking a deep breath, Hoseok picks up the remaining drinks and makes his way back to the table. Jungkook is right, he needs to relax. From now on, he won't think too much, he decides before walking back to the table as well. Handing you your drink, he makes a point of asking you if you've been here before, which you have. In fact, when you were younger you went almost every weekend.

While the four of you wait for the dinner, you talk about the the arcade and the games that are here. Dea proclaims she is going to beat Jungkook at the motorcycle game, which makes you all laugh. The conversation flows, and by the time the puck lights up, you're all perfectly relaxed. This time, you and Dea goes to get the food.

Even as you're devouring the food, silence never fully falls over the table. It seems that the four of you always have something to say, a comment to make or a joke to crack. Hoseok can't remember the last time he has felt so worry free.

You're all done eating when Dea stands up, saying "alright, I'll be right back." She disappears quickly behind the corner, an extra bounce in her step.

"Be right back," Jungkook says ten seconds after, grinning as he walks in the same direction as Dea.

"Well, good for them," you say awkwardly, laughing at the two of them and their bunny tendencies.

There is a second where you and Hoseok sit in silence, you taking a second to check you phone. Then, Hoseok turns to you, drawing your attention.

"You wanna go play some games?" he asks, nodding his head in the direction of the arcade.

"Yes, please."

The two of you gather your belongings and make your way over to the arcade, stopping by the first game, which turns out to be a basketball game.

"I suck at this," he admits.

"Great! Let's play," you tease, taking your place by the machine.

It turns out, Hoseok isn't just bad at the game, like he thought. He is absolutely horrendous. He makes one basket, by accident, while you're putting one ball after the other through the basket. The whole thing has him so mad, because how hard can it be? You're doing it, so why can't he manage to do it? This can´t be his own doing, someone has to be setting him up as a prank. By the time the timer runs out, his whole face is red, and not because he's embarrassed. The anger running in him is all-consuming, and it has to come out.

Hitting the machine as hard as he can, he says, probably loud enough for him to be embarrassed later, "You stupid piece of shit." He kicks the machine, needing it to feel the anger he is feeling. "Fucking machine."

He looks up when he feels most of the anger has seeped out, calm enough to take in your round eyes. You have your hand over your mouth. Now, his redness is due to embarrassment. You're watching him carefully, your hand covering a smile.

"Sorry!" he apologizes quickly. Anger is never a good look. "I might be a little bit of a sore loser."

Much to Hoseok´s surprise, you erupt with laughter. He watches as you gasp for air, your laugh bouncing off the walls for everyone to hear. Your laugh is enough to extinguish the last of Hoseok´s anger. In it's place comes joy. He laughs with you, not because he is embarrassed or because he finds this funny, but because your laughter is infectious. In attempt to stay upright, you lean against him, using his arm to support yourself. The two of you are still laughing together when Dea and Jungkook approach, smiling at the sight of you. They are clearly amused at the two of you, both of them chuckling as well. Or maybe it's their rendezvous that has them happy.

"Ah, I needed that laugh. How do you always make me laugh?" you ask as you dry your tears.

"You're just bullying me," Hoseok grins.

"Hey, I am not! If you could see yourself, you would probably be laughing ten times as hard." Hoseok pouts. "It was funny. Cute, even." There is a slight pause where your eyes goes wide and you raise your eyebrows. "Do you think they would give me the CCTV if I asked nicely?"

"I wanna see it, too! Should we go straight back and ask, _____?" Jungkook teases, trying his best to keep a straight face. He fails.

"Can you not edge her on?" Hoseok turns Jungkook, pretending to be helpless. "She is already merciless."

"I think you brought this on to yourself, man. I told you we shouldn't go here, but you insisted. ´It'll be fun,` you said. ´I'll impress her by showing her how good I am at those games,` you said."

Hoseok wishes looks could kill, because, yes, he did say those things, but he also said it in a joking way, and he didn't want you to know you ever said anything like that. It's one thing that he thought he could be decent at those games, but it's something else, completely that he wanted to show that to you. That he wanted to impress you. He said that about a week ago, and now you're just friends…

You approach them, and Hoseok manages to fix his stare just as you stand beside him.

"Stop lying," Dea says, interfering. "You were the one wanting to come here. I remember you said, and I quote, I'll show you what a real alpha looks like, end quote."

"I didn't say that?" Jungkook says.

"You didn't, but it wasn't that far off."

"Anyway," you cut in. "I think it's time for Dea to show you all her motorcycle skills."

"Yes!" Dea almost jumps at the suggestion, grabbing Jungkook´s hand and dragging him with her. "I think this is the one game I can actually beat you in," she says happily, everyone following her.

"I hope she can beat him," Hoseok whispers to you as you walk over to the machine.

"Just you wait. She's deadly on that thing."

The two of you take your stance beside the machine meanwhile Jungkook and Dea take their seats on the bikes, already bickering over who is the best. They take a while deciding on their settings, but after they hit ready, the screen goes black. Then, a countdown starts. The fight isn't exactly fair; Jungkook tries to push Dea off the bike multiple times, but in the end, Dea crosses the finish line a couple of second before Jungkook.

Hoseok is extatic, just having gotten a video of Jungkook cheating in a game, but still managing to lose. He sends the video in the group-chat immediately, showing you the responses as Dea is trying to lighten up a pouting Jungkook.

The next hour is more or less the same. The four of you competing in different games. You all win some, and you all lose some, making a great vibe. That is, until Jungkook suddenly demands a rematch, wanting to redeem himself in the motorcycle game. You and Hoseok decide to grab something to drink at the bar instead of watching yet another intense match against the very competitive couple.

Making your way over, the two of you settle down by the bar.

"I have an idea. If you let me order something for you, you can order something for me."

"Sounds fun!" You take a look at what they offer, trying to find the sweetest drink you can for Hoseok.

You order the drinks, and take the first sip, you both giggle, enjoying the foreign tastes.

"This is very good!"

"If you think this is good, you should come with me at a bar down town called shots and giggles. Jimin brought me the first time I went, but they have the best drinks, I swear."

"Do you take all your friends to gay bars, then?" you laugh, taking another sip of the drink.

"Only the ones I'm interested in."

Hoseok doesn't even realize what he has said until five seconds later. He said it jokingly, but you both know there is some truth to it. He wishes the floor could soak him right up.

The silence that follows is painful. He can feel it all down in his bones, and it's the way you´re fidgeting with your glass and turning back and forth in the chair. He has made you uncomfortable.

A high pitched noise bring his attention to your phone. You pick it up and read the message.

"Sorry," you say quickly, standing up. "It's Yoongi. Something happened and he needs me," you place your phone back in your bag and turn away. Not once did you make eye contact with him. "Sorry to just leave like this, but I'll see you later."

And you're gone. Just like that, with a bad excuse.

#jung hoseok #Hoseok fanfic #Hoseok ff #Jung Hoseok fanfic #Jung Hoseok ff #JHS ff #Min Yoongi #Min Yoongi fanfic #Yoongi ff #Min Yoongi ff #Suga ff #Suga fanfic #Hobi ff #Hobi fanfic #Yoongi bestfriend

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hobiiiiiworld · 2 years

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Heartstrings | Chapter 2 - Saying goodbye feels like this

Previous chapter

Synopsis: You can your family are not exactly close. It seems that whatever you do, they never want to accept you. Their newest hangup: your love-life. Or, lack thereof. There is a perfect solution to your problem, and he goes by the name of Jung Hoseok.

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x female reader | Best friend Min Yoongi x female reader

Genres: Fake dating | Nothing to lovers | University AU

Word Count: 10,4K

TW: just some light swearing for this chapter

Read on Ao3

You unlock your door after finally managing to fit the key into the hole. For some reason, you're finding it hard to keep yourself standing straight. You stumble inside, kick off your shoes and make your way into the kitchen, suddenly in the mood for some food. As you move, Yoongi follows behind you, locking the door, kicking off his shoes and watching you trying to figure out what you want to eat. After a couple of minutes Yoongi sighs and walks over.

"Let me," he tells you, gently pushing you out of the way. "Just… Go drink something," you nod and turn around, already walking towards the fridge. "Without alcohol!" he adds.

"Yes sir!"

You find yourself a bottle of soda and a bottle of water, bring them to the livingroom and settle yourself on the couch. As you wait, you try settling your uneasy stomach by finding a movie to watch. This is the first time Yoongi has wanted to talk to you like his, and for the first time, you don't know what to expect from Yoongi.

Not a minute too early, Yoongi strolls into the livingroom with some food, which you happily eat. Yoongi settles himself against the sofa, feet on the coffee table. He starts to fidget with his hands, a clear sign he's nervous. For a while, the two of you just sit next to each other in silence. When done with the food, you flump against Yoongi, your head leaning on his chest in an attempt to soothe his nerves. The livingroom falls silent as the two of watch the movie, but neither of you really pay attention to it. You settle yourself against him even more, your knees propped up and your arm going around his waist so you can relax more comfortably. You can hear Yoongi´s heartbeat racing away. What reason does he have to this nervous? It's just you.

As if he can read your mind, he clears his throat.

"_____?" You only nod, too comfortable. "I want to tell you something, but I suck at these things, almost as much as you suck at personal space," he sighs, which makes you look up at him. As you lean up to watch his face you end up being only centimeters from his face, and Yoongi closes his eyes and exhales. "See?" When he opens his eyes again you notice the worry in his eyes.

"You know you can tell me anything. You really don't have to be scared," you tell him, once again snuggling up to him to give him comfort. "I'm always going to be here." The position is awkward, so Yoongi brings his arm behind your back, placing a soft hand on your shoulder. Yoongi knows what he want to say, he just doesn't know how to say it. So, he closes his eyes and let his instincts take over. For a while, Yoongi doesn't say anything and your focus goes to the movie.

That is until Yoongi suddenly kisses the top of your head. He has done that before, but not like this. Not while laying down on your couch in the middle of the night, you half drunk and him holding you. Intimate. It suddenly feels like you're stepping over a line. Confused of your own feelings and Yoongi´s actions, you pull back with a small smile, trying to rid yourself of the confusion.

"God, I'm so awkward," he groans, rubbing his hands over his face. "And it's us, you know? It shouldn't matter because I know what you will say, but it doesn't change anything. I still want to tell it to you, and I want you to know, but…" his voice fades into nothing. "You get what I'm trying to say, right?" You shake your head. Even though the suspicion is growing by each second that goes by, you still can't afford to make any assumptions. To place words in his mouth. "Listen, to you, touching and cuddling comes natural, it's just a part of friendship, right? But it's not that easy to me. I really like my own personal space. When we first became friends I thought you were flirting with me, but over time I realized that it didn't mean anything to you," he laughs a bitter laugh, not looking at you. "Like, at all. Once I realized that, I just let it be. I let you express yourself the way you wanted and felt comfortable. Let you invade my private space even though it made me uncomfortable, because it didn't mean anything. However -" there is a pregnant pause before he looks up at you. You heart rate picks up at the thought of what he will say next. "- it feels like something have changed lately. And I can't go around pretending it hasn't. It's not fair to you, and it's really not fair to me. Because I used to not like to cuddle, but now I just want to hold you closer to me. And so I realized that-"

"Yoongi," you try to stop him from saying it. From changing everything.

"I think I'm in love with you." As he says it Yoongi looks down at his feet. "And by each day that goes by it gets harder to pretend that I don't have these huge feelings." There is a pause, Yoongi sneaking looks at you meanwhile your whole world is spinning. Yoongi is in love with you? "Sorry I couldn't give a better proclamation, as I said, I suck at these things." He tries to smile, but it falls when he sees your expression. You stay silent, taking in everything. "Can you tell me what you're thinking?"

You have never considered how Yoongi must be feeling. Never did it cross your mind that he might want something else than friendship. That he had another reason to be around you than ´just because`… How long has been feeling like this? And then your realize that he might have done everything he did for you because he wanted you to return his feelings, not because he was your friend and wanted to be there.

"It's a lot…" you start, trying your best to form sentences. "I just… How long?"

He thinks a while.

"I guess it's maybe coming up to a year or so now?" Yoongi answers. A year? A year worth of coffee runs together? A year worth of cuddles? A year worth of you falling asleep on his shoulder? That long?

"So everything you have done this past year…" you start, trying to figure out your thoughts as you speak. "Have been an attempt to try and make me return your feelings?" You ask.

Yoongi furrows his brows, shaking his head. More than anything, he looks confused.

"No?"

You can't help but feel like he misunderstood your question, so you try again. "So, every time we have been together this last year, your actions haven't been powered by your feelings for me? By you trying to make me feel the same?"

Yoongi sighs, eyebrows going further down, forehead creasing and lips goes in a straight line. He is clearly annoyed and angry now, but doesn't say anything, only breathes. Then, he blinks.

"_____, I know you won't return my feelings, that's not what is happening here."

There is another pause, and you're losing your mind because what do you say? How do you explain your feelings? In the silence Yoongi let's his face fall, and you finally see it: how much he is hurting this moment. Of course he is holding up, he is Yoongi, but you know Yoongi better than you know yourself. The darkness in his eyes, his lips that are turned down and relaxed, and his eyebrows turned down are all telling you he is hurting.

You can only see it a second before he hides his face in his hands. You want to place your hand on his shoulder and comfort him, but you doubt that would be any better, so you just watch him. When Yoongi speaks, his low voice rumbles all the way though your skin and straight to your heart.

"You know I would never do that to you."

"Sorry."

"The reason I told you how I feel is because I wanted you to know; I can't keep anything from you. But _____, some things need to change…"

The words sounds so weird coming out of Yoongi´s mouth. So raw and honest, and you have never heard him like this before.

"What do you mean?"

"You were a little bit right earlier, I have probably catered to you a little bit more than I would have if I didn't love you… But I never intended or wanted to receive anything from you, I just liked doing those things for you, but I probably need to stop doing that. I need to take a step back and stop acting like something I'm not."

"Yoongi," you say, making him look up at you. "I love you - but I'm not in love with you. You're my best friend." There is a pause where Yoongi just nods at the ground. "Right now I'm not in the right headspace for a relationship, so even if I could possibly love you back, I wouldn't let that happen right now. It's not something I want have space for in my life. It has nothing to do with you, but it's all me," you tell him, trying to express your thoughts that are in shambles.

He takes a deep breath and nods his head once more, rubbing his eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you or anything…"

"Don't worry about it. I knew you didn't feel the same for me, so why are you acting like you're breaking up with me?" he forces a laugh, and you smile. "Alright. I think I'm done here for the day. Try to get some sleep, alright?"

Yoongi is the first one to stand up, and you follow his actions. As he turns around, panic strikes you. Is he really leaving like this? Your whole relationship is up in the air and he is just leaving like this? Who knows what will happen when Monday comes and things have changed, but you're not ready to find out. You just want your relationship to be the same for one more night.

"Can you not stay?" You ask in a rush, and Yoongi turns around. "We can watch a movie or something. Talk some more…?"

"Of course, if that's what you want." And you can't help but notice it: he is doing it for you. Even though he is hurting right now, he is willing to sit in his hurt to comfort you.

"You don´t have to. I understand if you don't want to."

Yoongi laughs. "We're still friends, right?" You nod. "Didn't we watch movies together two years ago, as well? Who says we can't watch one now?"

And so, the two of you settle yourselves on each side of the couch, creating some space between you. Finding a new movie to watch turns out to be harder than expected, all the recommended movies being about love. In the end you settle on an action movie, which you don't pay attention to. You can tell Yoongi isn't paying attention either, picking at his T-shirt, changing positions more than he is sitting still, and looking anywhere else but you or the TV.

Halfway through the movie Yoongi suddenly stands up.

"I'm going to go. It's getting really late, and know I said I would stay, but… To be honest I'm really tired right now, and this -" he gestures between himself and the TV. "- feels like something I shouldn't be doing to myself," he still tries to smile, which makes you even more sad.

"Of course," you try to reassure him despite your own mixed feelings, standing up as well. Things are already changing, and even though you knew they would, and had to for Yoongi´s sake, it's still not a good change. You're slowly losing your friend, you realize. "Let me walk you out."

Once in the hallway, you watch as Yoongi ties his shoes. If you could take everything he was feeling away from him you would gladly do that. During your friendship Yoongi haven't had many low periods, but every time time he did, he always turned to you. To think that he won't be turning to you now, leaning on someone else instead, hurts in some weird way. It has always been the two of you, open and honest with each other. It shouldn't be different now, but it has to be…

You dry the tears that fell as soon as Yoongi stands to stand up, but of course he notices. Without hesitating he brings you in for a hug.

"What's wrong with you?" he asks, annoyed but fond. At the same as he squeezes his arms around your shoulders. "You're acting like you're the one who's heartbroken," he jokes, and you sigh.

"I just don't want things to change too much."

"They won't. I just need to sort myself out. Be patient with your best friend and he will find his way back, and not this stupid guy with annoying feelings." There is a pause. "Good luck with your parents and Hoseok on Sunday, and you can tell me all about it on Monday, ok? Well, maybe not everything. " he backtracks, voice quivering. With one last squeeze he lets go of you, turns around and leaves without looking back once.

The emptiness Yoongi left you with is sitting heavy on you, and you don't really want to go back to the living room. Yet, the movie still playing, and you decide to not torture yourself more than you have to - watching a movie might take your mind off everything. As you sit down you see Yoongi´s phone on the couch. In the space of one minute you have located your keys, thrown on your slippers and run down the stairs, throwing the door open. You're running to the parking-lot when you see the car just standing there. No lights on, nothing. Slowly, you approach, only to see Yoongi sitting in the driver's seat, head leaning against the steering-wheel.

Carefully, you knock. You know he heard by the small jerk of his head before he caught himself, hiding his face again. You knock once more, saying his name this time. "You left your phone."

Slowly, he turns around and opens the door. You hand him his phone, trying to see his face.

"Are you alright?"

He only nods.

"Yoongi." When you lay your hand on his, he looks up. The first thing you see are the tear-filled eyes, then the red nose and at last his puffy cheeks. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the headrest for a while.

"It really sucks," he smiles sadly, opening his eyes to look at you. "You know, the thing about this feeling is that even though I realistically know I won't get to be with you, I still really want to. And then you rejected me and asked me to stay, and I really hated you for a second there." He sighs, hitting his head lightly against the headrest in frustration. "I'm so sorry, _____. I'm messing everything up," he speaks calmly as tears keeps pouring out. Your heart aches, but the one thing that has always helped - a hug - will probably not help right now… There is nothing you can do, being the one who hurt him.

"You can tell me that. When I'm overstepping you have to say that."

"Everything feels like overstepping."

"Yoongi."

"You just don't get it, do you? Even this -" he looks down your hand on his. "- is setting everything on fire in me. You should really go."

"What can I do?"

"Either you can tell me you love me and kiss me, or you can go upstairs and let me be for the rest of the night."

"What?"

"This sucks so much. Everything sucks. You being here sucks. You being up there sucks. You holding my hand sucks. You not holding my hand sucks. And I really tried to see how it would be between us now that you know. Thirty minutes with you across the couch was torture, can you imagine what this does to me? So yes, go home or end my misery." He meets your eyes, and have to take a deep breath.

The message is clear. You have no choice but to let him go. Watching him intently, you let go of his hand and step back. Once cleared, Yoongi closes the door and sink down in his seat. You watch as he covers his face, his shoulder now shaking. Watching your best friend cry like this and not being able to do anything is worse than anything, so you walk back up to your apartment, take a long shower and get yourself into bed, only to have a long and restless night.

If it's Yoongi´s words or the alcohol that has your stomach in a twist and your head feeling like a rock, you don't know, but you're more and more inclined to lean against Yoongi´s words. They replay like a broken record. "Either you can tell me you love me and kiss me, or you can go upstairs and let me be for the rest of the night." During the night, you even forced yourself to try and picture yourself together with Yoongi. All you could see was how awkward you would feel to hold his hand or kiss him. You never knew just how platonic you thought of Yoongi until those pictures entered your mind. To you, Yoongi have always been a good friend to lean on. It never crossed your mind to want to kiss him or to be with him in that way. Just the though makes you feel awkward and weird.

The clock finally hits ten, and you let yourself rise from bed. With only a couple of hours of sleep, you make some food and eat before you start to clean the apartment, all in an attempt to distract yourself from the image of Yoongi in the car.

By twelve you remember that you and Hoseok have plans, and you send him a message telling him to just come over whenever. By the time you have showered and gotten dressed, your phone rings.

Jung Hoseok calling.

Suddenly you feel nervous, a completely different part of the night before now entering your mind. You clear your throat and pick up.

"Hi."

"_____," Hoseok says, voice hoarse. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad, just a little tired. I can't handle a late night like I used to," you say, trying you very best to put everything aside and act normal

Hoseok laughs. "Don't need to tell me. I feel like dying right now."

His words sends a spiral of doubt through you. Maybe everything that happened last night is making him feel awkward. Maybe he doesn't want to be alone with you now that the two of you… Well, technically you did nothing, but to you, nothing can be a whole lot. Maybe this is Hoseok trying to get out of today's plans; you can't really blame him, feeling a little awkward as well. You decide to bite.

"We can reschedule to tomorrow morning if you want?" you offer.

"No, that was not what I want at all… I'm just calling to ask what you want for brunch." You're a little surprised at the initiative, but try to go with the flow.

"I'll just have whatever you're having. As long as it's not too weird, like banana-pizza or something," you say.

"Why do you not have faith in me? First ballroom dancing and now this? I think I want to break up."

You can't help but smile at the playfulness in his voice.

"But how, oh how, will I make it without you, my love? I was to introduce you to my parents. You were my last hope for freedom!"

"_____?" Hoseok asks, clearly not playing along, making you blush in embarrassment.

"Yeah?"

"Do you even know how cute you are?" Hoseok says, making you blush even more. When you don't reply, Hoseok speaks again, "Can you tell me what you really want to eat, now? The woman on aisle eleven is not very happy with me right now."

"A simple sandwich would suffice, I already ate a while ago."

"Alright. I'll be at yours in twenty minutes then."

"See you soon," you say, not waiting for a reply before hanging up.

After the very awkward episode on the phone, you spend the next twenty minutes trying to force yourself to calm down. You can be normal. You are normal, it was probably the lack of sleep that made you too carried away. You just have to relax and be yourself, and you'll avoid any further embarrassment. Suddenly your phone rings. It's once again Hoseok.

"It's me. I think I'm here - what do I press?" Hoseok asks.

"The one with my name, maybe?" You tease, then suddenly realize he might not know your last name, which is the only part of your name on the name tag downstairs. You run a hand down you face in desperation. "It's apartment 314," you add. A second goes by and the bell goes off, and you buzz him in.

"Thanks," he says, and adds your full name at the end, making you feel fuzzy. Your own name should not make you feel fuzzy, you realize and shake it off. Calm is key…

You wait in the hallway, the sound of Hoseok´s steps bouncing off the walls as he approaches. You see him before he sees you, and you take a second to take him in. The first think you notice is his hair, which still seems to be wet, hanging in front of his face, and you realize you have only ever seen him with styled hair. Until now. Then you notice the hallows of his cheeks. He is wearing baggy clothes today, incredibly making him look even smaller. This Hoseok, the leisurely-laidback-hungover one, is very handsome. You realize that it's his face. It looks longer now, more grown.

Hoseok looks up and sees you. He smiles tiredly, walking slower now.

"Hi," he says, opening his arms for a hug, which you happily step into, letting yourself melt into his warm embrace for a while.

"Thanks for coming," you force yourself to step back, holding the door open for Hoseok to go through.

"Thanks for inviting me."

He kicks off his shoes and places them neatly by the corner.

"Let me give you a little tour of the place," you say, walking further into your apartment, Hoseok right in your heel. "The kitchen," you comment as you enter, turning around. As you watch Hoseok taking in your home, you suddenly feel very aware of every little piece of your kitchen. Maybe you should have hid the half eaten bag of chips left after your breakfast, or lit a scented candle to mask the smell of your cooking. Hoseok is smiling, though, and you relax a little against the counter.

"It's so nice. It's so much bigger than the kitchen at the student hall. How can you afford this?" Hoseok asks, turning his attention to you.

"Oh… I know the tenant, she gives me a good price. I have a job on the side as well, so with the student aid I'm lucky enough to afford this," you explain.

"What's your job?"

"Just retail - boring stuff, really. But it pays the bills, and they're nice enough to accommodate my university schedule from semester to semester." Hoseok nods, seemingly done taking in the kitchen. You move on to the living room. "This is the living room." You don't know you're commenting on the rooms as if he can't see it's the living room. Everything about this - Hoseok in your home - is making your mind jumbled, your body strangely tingly now that it's only the two of you locked in this small apartment together. It's hard to think think straight.

Hoseok goes straight for the pictures you hung up. After a second, he points to the one photo you have of you and your family.

"It this you and your brother?" You nod, watching him taking in the picture. Imagining this Hoseok dancing hip-hop is much easier. It's something about the way he leans forwards, his hands in his pockets. You can't help but watch as his eyes goes back and forth, reminding you of last night.

"What's his name?"

"Jin." Another second goes by before you add: "It's Seokjin."

When Hoseok turns around he is wearing a content grin, making you smile too.

"What?" you ask.

"You're finding this so awkward, aren't you?"

"What, no?" But you are.

"You are!" he laughs, pointing his finger at you.

"Maybe a little bit," you agree, cringing a little. It's just that after last night I can't look at you without getting reminders of what almost happened, leaving a weird feeling of tension in my body. You should tell him that you should forget yesterday. That all you can offer him is friendship. You want to be clear with him, but as you're about to speak, closing that door is harder than you imagined. "I was way too drunk last night, it's embarrassing," is what you say instead. It makes Hoseok chuckle.

"It was a very cozy night." he says, and you groan. "I enjoyed it, _____. Besides, you're my girlfriend, nothing to be embarrassed by, sweetie," he winks, making you blush furiously. You force yourself not to touch your face as you feel it heat up. "Or are you a baby-kinda girl?" You're at a loss for words, and just stare at Hoseok, who is staring back at you now, grinning. Something about Hoseok is so daring to you. Maybe it's his smile, or his hair, or even his voice.It doesn't really when he makes your whole body electric with anticipation. Suddenly you're aware of your own face, and you realize you're grinning back. You force it away to the best of your ability. "Alright, sweetie it is," he concludes.

Quickly turning away, you take the lead into the hallway, tapping on the first door. "This is the bathroom. Help yourself to it whenever. And this is my bedroom." You tap on the last, closed door. "That's the whole apartment."

Hoseok holds up the bag in his hand. "Should we eat?"

"We can eat in the living room?" you offer.

The two of you settle down in the living room, you on one side of the couch, Hoseok taking the corner space oposite. He hands you the sandwich and unwraps his own, resting himself against the couch. For a moment he closes his eyes, leans back and props his feet up on the sectional. You feel bad for making him come all the way and exerting himself like this, especially when he's not feeling his best.

"Feel at home." He eyes you as he takes a bite. Setting an example, you settle yourself back on the couch, your feet now laid straight in the couch, almost laying all the way down. It takes a couple of seconds before Hoseok follows your cue and settles himself further back in the couch, tugging his feet down under himself.

"So, are you close to your brother, Seokjin?"

"Not at all. He's a little too much," you say. "And let's not forget how much of an ass-kisser he is," you say casually, making Hoseok almost choke on his sandwich, laughing. "Ever since we were little he has always just wanted to be perfect, and now he uses that as a way to annoy me and to get one up on me with our parents."

"Sorry, that sucks. He should learn to chill and do what makes him happy instead of posing as perfect, if you ask me."

"That's what I mean! Maybe be wouldn't be such an ass if he didn't try to please our parents so much."

"You parents, how bad are they?"

"Depends on what kind of bad you mean. They managed to raise me with some decent values, I think. However, they…" you think of what to say, having a hard time not putting them on full blast. "Aren't always the most caring parents. I would say the value perfection over happiness, money over memories. You get it," you say, shrugging, trying to make less of a deal of it.

"And let's say I'm not all that perfect, how do you think they would react?"

"Don't worry, you're pretty much there," you say, blushing as you realize what you just said. This isn't very chill of you, but your words are making Hoseok smile widely, so you relax again. You take another bite, letting your words settle between the two of you. "Anyway, that's not the reason I said I had a boyfriend."

A moment of silence passes as you both eat.

"Why did you?"

"To get them off my back," you say. "They're always fussing about one thing or another, and now that my brother is getting engaged soon, I'm the new bullseye. Having a boyfriend will make them stop fuzzing about it. About me. And, hopefully, they will let the whole subject go once we break up."

"Really?" Hoseok seems deep in thought.

"What about your family?" you smile, watching him as he fidgets with the wrapping paper.

"I have an older sister, Jiwoo. We're close, but yet, not… She's quite established - married and pregnant - so she tends to find me childish. We get along and have a lot of fun when she finds the time to meet me," Hoseok says, head falling slightly as he relaxes even more. His eyes are shining now, his face even more open. "My mum and dad live on the countryside, about an hour away with the train. I usually go and stay with them during the holidays, but other than that I have to made do with a phonecall."

"It's nice, though. You seem close to them." He nods. "Do you speak with them often?"

"Not anymore. They're getting older; on times they used to call me they now have to rest. But I have nothing to complain about, we're a tight family."

"Doesn't matter. You're allowed to complain."

Of all the things you imagined today, you never imagined sitting here, having a deep conversation with Hoseok about families. It was probably inevitable when the sole reason you're here is your family. With the conversation having turned serious, you forgot your food. All your focus is on Hoseok and the way he practically melted when speaking about his family. His head is resting against the back of couch, hands now laid on his stomach. You watch him, trying your best to look away, but to no avail. Hoseok watches you as well, locking the two of you in a bubble where time ceases to exist.

"Family will never be easy. I chose my friends based on how well we get along and can communicate. Family is just something you are born into and have to tolerate…" Hoseok says, and you can't help but notice the small frown.

"That's not true. For some people there is real love there," you say, sending him a smile, holding yourself back from patting his hand. "Talking less doesn't take away from the love, it just means you're busy. I bet you all really love each other."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Then why the frown?" You can't help but ask.

"I just miss them," he says, shrugging and gathers himself enough to smile. "Now, please tell me more about your family. What should I, your boyfriend, know about them?"

"My dad is a business man, he owns his own company. They produce, store and ship out products for other companies," you tell Hoseok. "My mum is a housewife, but don't let that fool you. Before she met my dad, she worked as the private secretary and knew the most power people on a first name basis. I've had dinner with politicians, entertainers and even some world leaders. My mum will always be more influential than my dad, you trust that."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah," you breathe. "I have nothing to live up to…"

"You shouldn't compare yourself to her. It sound dreadful, stressful and boring, you wouldn't want to do that anyway. That's not where your potential lays."

"Really? Then where does my potential lay?" you ask, grinning now. Hoseok looks you up and down, a playful look on his face, and leans forward.

"Seduction," he whispers, making you turn red immediately. "Last night, you-"

You cut him off, embarrassed more than anything. "Shut up!" you say through your hands that shield your face from Hoseok´s view.

"I found it cute." You shake your head, hoping for this to stop. "Sexy, even."

"Don´t tease me for my drunken mistakes," you say, laying face down into the couch. Hoseok doesn't say anything else, and your face slowly returns to it's normal shade. When you peak at him, he is staring at you with a grin.

"You weren't that drunk," he adds, and you groan. "Sorry! I'll stop."

"Please do. Just for the record, I don't do those things, you know?"

"What, fun?"

"No, the whole…" you gesture with your hands, a loss for words. How can you possibly explain this without sounding like a dork?

"Making out?"

"One night stand."

"Was that what we were doing?" At his question you can't help but shift on the couch. What is the right answer here? Is there even one?

"Yes? No? I dont know, you tell me."

"It was definitely not a one night stand."

"Alright," you say, feeling like your nerves are all over the place. Why can't you just be relaxed? Usually you would be joking back. Instead, you're a blushing and stuttering mess. In an effort to calm down, you take a short breath in, then out. "Anyway, you keep going off track. Let's get back to the family talk."

Hoseok opens his mouth to say something, but closes it before he does. A second goes by before he speak again.

"You're right. So far we have your dad, the businessman, you mum, the influence itself, and your brother, the ass. Anyone else I need to know about?"

"Nope. I think it's alright for now."

"Then what about you? What else should I know?"

"I´m the black sheep. I'm the one who isn't engaged by the age of twenty-three. I'm in business just to please my dad, but suck at it. And I'm not good looking. My future looks bleak, to say the least. Bringing you will be the best thing I've done."

"Your future might look bleak," Hoseok says, smiling encouraging to you, "but it's only because you're lookin at from the wrong angle. Trust me, you're all good."

There is a silence where Hoseok turns his head, sighing in contentment as you let his words sink in. You want to explain that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's the opinion of the people who should love you regardless - your parents - that matters to you. How can you convey the feelings you possess of never being good enough just because two people tells you so? How can you explain that you know their opinion shouldn't matter, and they don't, but they do anyway. They matter the most. Because it's easy for Hoseok to tell you that you're good, but it's your parents who want you to succeed in life, knows you better, and who have a better understanding. They know how things work. And even though you would never admit it, their approval would mean the world to you.

When you turn to Hoseok next, you see him laying there, eyes closed and looking tired. Maybe you should just tell him to go home…

"Do you want to watch a movie?" you ask, gaining his attention.

"I'm up for anything."

While you pick the movie, Hoseok collects a blanket and wraps himself in it. You pick the first movie you see and hit play. As the movie starts, the two of you settle down in the silence, watching as things escalades in the movie. Something happens on the screen, you can tell by all the noise, but the lack of sleep and exhaustion hits you. By each minute passing, you can feel yourself drifting more and more. Your efforts to stay awake are fruitless, and with a sudden drop of your head you jump awake again. As if a reflex, you look and see Hoseok looking your way with a smile. Slowly, he scoots down, laying down now. He holds out his arm, opening the blanket with a shy smile, clearly asking you to lay down next to him.

"Come on," he softly encourages, nodding his head. Your head is spinning now. He wants you to cuddle him? "I won't bite," he jokes, his voice low. And you don't have it in you to say no. Not that you want to say no. Every fiber in you are screaming for you move, and so you do, head spinning.

You sit down next to him and give him a quizzing look, making sure he's alright with this once more. Hoseok rolls his eyes, softly grabs your shoulders and drags you down to him. Soon your engulfed in blankets, arms and feet. At first you are too aware of every little thing for you to properly relax. Only when Hoseok brings the blanket higher up and around your shoulders, can your body relax properly.

By now, you're not sure what's happening on the TV-screen, and you don't care. All you can perceive is Hoseok arm that is resting on your hip, and his other hand, now going under the blanket to grab your elbow. Gunshots are going off on the screen, but who is shooting seems unimportant when Hoseok´s chin is resting on the top of your head. You couldn't care less about who won the fight when Hoseok´s thumb is rubbing softly on your arm, lulling you to sleep.

The next thing you know, the livingroom is quiet. You're comfortable, more comfortable than you have been in a long time, and let yourself drift back to sleep.

Suddenly, you're brought back again, the realization that you're in Hoseok´s arms hitting you. Carefully, you lift your head and prop yourself up on your elbow. Hoseok is sleeping, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. You fell asleep… While cuddling Hoseok. The realization sends a small panic through you. This was a bad idea. Just last night you told Yoongi you didn't want a relationship, and here you are, cuddling Hoseok. And yes, cuddling is fine - it can be platonic - but with Hoseok, you definitely don't want it to be platonic. You know as much, and you know it's a bad idea to go down this route.

Carefully, you lay your hand on his shoulder and shake.

"Hoseok?" you whisper. Hoseok opens his eyes slowly, blinking hard a couple of times before resting his eyes on you. He smiles lazily, his hand around your waist tightening. "We fell asleep," you tell him.

"Seems so." Hoseok clears his throat, clearly more awake now. Taking this as your cue, you get out of his arms and stand up. Needing an excuse to get yourself out of the room and recollect yourself, you pick up the bag with trash and walk to the kitchen. After throwing it away, you pour yourself a glass of water, which you chug down. If things weren't confusing before, it certainly is now.

Suddenly Hoseok is right behind you, stretching his body. "I should get going."

Don't be disappointed, you tell yourself, but his ruffled hair is making it hard to be rational.

"I´ll walk you out."

You quickly grab your keys before returning to find Hoseok in the hallway, tying his shoes. After stepping into your slippers, the two of you exit the apartment, Hoseok suddenly turning to you with a wicked grin. You already know what he's thinking, and shake your head.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Jung."

"I didn't say anything," he says as you climb the stairs painfully slow. "But…" he starts, but only laughs.

"No buts," you say.

"Fine. I'm a boobs man, anyway," he shrugs, and you almost trip down the stairs. Correction, you would have fallen if it wasn't for Hoseok´s hand grabbing your elbow. "Sorry."

"I remember when I first met you," you tell him, stopping to look at him. "I remember thinking you would be a great match because you knew to hold your tongue. I could not have been any more wrong about you," you say, trying your best to be serious, but failing desperately.

Hoseok grins back at you. "I mean, I could hold my tongue, but why would I when you always give me that look when I don't?" There is a pause before he goes on. "Don't worry, I'll be good during dinner tomorrow," he smiles, and you believe him.

"I know you will, I'm not worried about that."

"I have some questions about tomorrow."

"Fire away."

"Where are we going? Should I wear anything special?"

"It's quite a nice restaurant, so you can wear something nice. Nothing too nice, though. A nice sweater with a polo underneath would do the trick. Maybe a nice pair of trousers."

"And what time should I pick you up?"

"It starts around six, but I can walk if it's out of your way."

"Don't worry, I'll pick you up around half six."

"Nervous?"

"For some reason, yes?" he answers it like a question, and the two of you laugh lightly.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine. But Hoseok? Please, if they say anything out of line, try your best to not let it get to you."

"You warned me before," he reminds you.

"I know, but they tend to aim under the belt," you explain just as you come down on the last flight of stairs. The two of you step outside, turning to each other.

"My belt, as well?"

"No." You breathe out. "It's mostly about me. Just don't let them get a rise out of you."

"I´ll ask again, how bad are your parents?"

"Bad enough for me to acquire a fake boyfriend? I usually try to get out of these dinners, but I can't avoid them forever," you shrug. A moment passes. "Thank you for coming here," you tell him, shifting on your feet.

The anticipation of parting ways makes the air heavy between you, andHoseok takes a step towards you, reaching out his hand to touch your cheek, stroking it lightly. Just one more moment, you chant in your head. One more moment… When you look up at him, you meet his gaze, and for a split second his eyes goes to your lips. You know you shouldn't be welcoming this moment, but your mind and body is screaming at you to let it happen. You want it too much to deny it now that it's here, and so, instead of running away, you smile back, your eyes automatically drifting to his lips as well.

You can't find it in you to breathe as he holds your gaze, inching closer. "Thanks for today."

"I had a great time," you whisper, clutching you keys.

"I did, too," he whisper back, taking one final step towards you, his torso now flushed against you. Hoseok finally closes his eyes and leans in, slow enough to give you plenty of time to draw back. You don't, and when his lips meet yours, it's not enough. The kiss is feathery light, your lips barely touching, but it sends your whole body rigid. You want to grab his shirt and pull him to you, but before you can do that, Hoseok steps back, letting out a wishful sigh. "I´ll see you tomorrow,"

You watch him walking away for a moment before turning away, locking yourself back inside.

If Hoseok is nervous, he doesn't let it show, keeping his face blank as he drives. You, on the other hand, are a blabbering mess. As Hoseok drives towards the restaurant, you keep telling him small facts about yourself in case it could be useful. The thought of getting caught in your lie almost sends a shiver through you. Even Hoseok´s hand on yours does nothing to help from this nervousness. So, you keep spilling everything you can remember about yourself to him, hoping it somehow help sell your lie.

"I used to play handball, then switched to football before I ended up not playing any sports at all. When I was thirteen I got braces. I'm a dog person, but my parents never let me get one. I didn't tell you about my brother´s girlfriend, Sienna! She's actually very sweet. A teacher, she's my age. The two of them met -"

Hoseok squeezes your hand. "Even couples doesn't know every little detail about each other, just try to relax. Everything will be fine," he says, turning off the road and into a gas-station, where he stops the car. "I'm just getting myself a coffee, you want anything?"

You shake your head, try to give a smile, which seems enough as Hoseok leaves you alone in the car. The radio keeps playing, the sound mere background noise to your very loud anxiety. It's not too late to call them and say you broke up this morning, you think to yourself. It's not only the thought of getting caught,that is worrying you. Putting Hoseok out there like this, exposing him to your parents is already making you feel worries. Who knows how they will react; what might come out of their mouths.

Deep in your thoughts, you don't even notice Hoseok approaching the car. As he closes the car door, he holds out a cup for you. When you take it, it's hot.

"Thought some tea might calm your nerves," he explains, fastening his seatbelt and drives off. The drive goes way too fast, and you barely finish your tea before Hoseok is parking the car. "Ready whenever you are, girlfriend," he tell you. It's time, and so all you can do is take a deep breath, nod your head and exit the car.

Hoseok opens the door to the restaurant, holding it open for you with a small smile. As you walk past him, he grabs your hand, clutching it as you walk, showing his first sign of nervousness. You spot your parents in the far back of the restaurant at once - of course you do - and you meet your dad's eye for a second before he looks at Hoseok, eyes raking over his body with a frown before he lands on your intertwined hands. Fuck.

"Last chance to back out," you look up at Hoseok. I reply, he lets your hand go, brings his hand to the small of your back instead. Smiling, he leans in and kisses the top of your head. You're not sure if you can keep standing, the feeling of him lingering on you.

"I think it's already too late, your dad is sending me lazer eyes," he says."You're sure he's not actually capable of murder, right?" The joke helps, and you can't help but chuckle with him.

You walk up to the table, your mum watching you as well. "_____," she says, standing up to greet you. After giving her a quick hug, you kiss your dad's cheek, then turn to Hoseok, who is watching with a smile.

"Mum, dad, this is Hoseok," you introduce, at which Hoseok steps forward to greet them with his hand outstretched. The initial introduction goes quickly, and the two of you take seat next to each other across from your parents.

"How did you get here?" your mum asks, looking between the two of you. You lean closer to Hoseok in hopes of looking more like a couple.

"We drove, I was lucky enough to get to borrow my sister´s car," Hoseok answers, and you see you dad sizing Hoseok up and down.

"Is Seokjin and Sienna joining us?" you ask before your dad can speak.

"They should be here any minute," you mum says before turning to Hoseok who is taking a sip of water, hand shaking ever so slightly. "It's so nice to meet you, Hoseok. I wish _____ would have told us more about you, but she can be quite secretive," she winks to him, surprising you. "Rumor has it you're studying the same as her?"

Hoseok nods. "Yes."

"You want to go into business, then?" your dad asks over the edge of his glass.

"Business seems to be the best way to go," Hoseok says vaguely, surprising you with his way with words.

"It is, indeed. _____ isn't quite sure what she wants, yet. She keeps on going with business, though, even if she isn't all that… talented at it," your dad says, making you blush in humiliation. Here we go… The table goes quiet for a couple of seconds. Then, suddenly you hear a familiar voice behind you. Seokjin ruffles your hair in greeting, but you can't get yourself to look up, afraid that the tears will spill.

"You must be the boyfriend?" Seokjin asks, stretching out his hand as Hoseok stands up.

"Yes, I'm Hoseok." A second later Sienna hugs you over your shoulder, which you appreciate.

"Hey, girlie," she says and moves away. "Hoseok, was it?" Some more handshakes and hugs are shared, and then they are all seated again. This time, Hoseok reaches over to grab your hand tightly under the table. The comfort is immediate, and you finally make yourself look up. This time you're not alone around this table.

The urge to ask your brother what made him so late in order to taunt him is strong, but you bite your tongue. "How are you?" you ask Sienna.

"Good, good. Can't complain." Her smile is so bright it rubs off on you, forcing a smile out of you. "You seem good, too?" she asks, sending a quick glance at Hoseok. You blush, making her laugh. "Cutie!"

"Should we order?" Seokjin asks then.

"Good idea," you dad comments. "Tell me, what do you like to eat, Hoseok?" As his name is mentioned, Hoseok hand twitches around yours. You glance at Hoseok. One thing you have noticed is how he smiles continuously. It's always there, never wavering even when he's put on the spot.

"Anything as long as it's properly seasoned and cooked."

"My man," you dad comments, and you almost fall off the chair. "Then you should definitely get the oyster for starter and the house tapas."

"Sounds delicious, I'll trust your opinion, sir."

For a while, everything is fine. The conversation moves away from you and Hoseok to Seokjin and Sienna. They share news that they have bought a house together, and you all cheer, clinking your glasses in celebration. Even though you can't stand Seokjin, you really like his girlfriend. She is always kind, and never indulge in the the hate fest. She must see something in your brother that you're blind to, because she seems completely enamored with Seokjin as she leans into him, laughing.

The food comes quickly, and Hoseok removes his hand from yours so he can be able to eat, leaving you feeling cold. Stuffing your face seems like the best way to avoid having to speak, and so you dive in. Hoseok, on the other hand, savors every bite like it's his last meal.

"These oysters are too good," Hoseok practically moans, setting your whole body on fire.

"So, Hoseok," you mum says, drawing the attention of the whole table. "Did you know you're the first boyfriend _____ introduces us to?"

"I heard a little rumor about that, yes." You think you can see a fait blush on his neck, but attribute it to the lighting.

"What do you think, did the problem lay with us, or is she just picky?" You mum puts him on the spot then.

"Definitely the weirdo over there," Seokjin nods his head towards you, and you roll your eyes.

"As far as I'm aware," Hoseok says loudly, sending a wide smile towards your brother, "the problem isn't around this table, but rather out there. My guess is she didn't deem them good enough to bring home."

Seokjin snorts. "And you are?"

"He is," you say, glaring at your brother. If he wasn't sitting so far away, you would kick him under the table. Picking on you is one thing, but to be like that to someone innocent you bring for them to meet? That's too low, even for Seokjin.

"Oh I don´t know about that." Hoseok shakes his head, sending you a calm smile.

"Do you have any siblings, Hoseok?" Sienna interferes.

"I have an older sister. She's married now, so technically I have a brother as well?"

"What about your parents?" your dad asks.

"They're living in a nearby small town. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but it's fine with the technology we have today. They're nothing compared to you, though. I have heard some quite impressive things," he says, eyeing your mother. "I think I should ask your autograph after dinner." Your mum flushes, her laugh high pitched.

"You're flattering me! I'm nothing - at least not anymore."

"Don't be modest, mum," Seokjin mutters, his lips around his glass. "I remember some of those dinners when we were younger."

"You were quite the catch, my dear," you dad says, kissing your mum´s hand.

Some more meaningless conversation follows. The weather, the company and the promotion for your brother. You only sit and watch, glancing at Hoseok every so often, always catching him with a smile. Then, the einevitable happens - you're brought up again.

"Hoseok?" Seokjin asks quietly, gaining your attention, but not your parents´ attention. "Tell me, why my sister?"

"What…?" Hoseok is clearly a little startled. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you want her? I'm sorry to say, but she doesn't seem to be on your… level." This is the moment, you think. This is the moment where every little thing you have done wrong in your life comes back to you.

"What's not to like?" Hoseok asks your brother directly, his smile gone now. You could kiss Hoseok, honestly.

"_____ tells us you're at the top of your class, Hoseok" you dad says suddenly, not having heard your conversation. "Maybe you should tutor her. Help her raise her grade a little bit," he suggest. The worst thing is, you can tell he is genuine in his suggestion. There isn't anything mean about it, he just wants you to become better. However, coming from him, directed at your pretend boyfriend, it's horrifying. You're embarrassed, and you really wish you could burst into flames. No, you really wish you could have a moment to cry.

Hoseok´s smile fades again, and you grab his hand to tell him it's ok. His smile returns. "What do you think," Hoseok turns to you, smiling kindly.

"Some help would be great," you grit out.

"There you go! Maybe things will get a little easier now," your dad smiles, raising his glass. "I didn't know what type of man you could find for yourself, but Hoseok seems like a good man."

Using all your strength to hold yourself back from doing something you'll regret, you stand up and excuse yourself to the bathroom. First Seokjin, then your dad? You must have done something horrible to deserve this.

And you know that leaving Hoseok alone is a pretty shitty thing to do, but it's better than staying here and crying in front of everyone. Walking in the opposite direction is the only thing you feel is right, and so you do. Your eyes land on a bathroom sign, the arrow pointing in the direction you just came from. Great. Instead of turning around, you notice the bar. The universe is telling something, isn't it?

You order two shots. As you wait you focus on anything other than this moment right here: butterflies; your favorite song; the book you just read; a kiss goodbye. Finally you feel stable enough in your emotions, and down the shots. Then, you finally make your way back to the table of hell. As you approach, Hoseok turns in his seat, clearly waiting for your return. He stands up, analyzing you now. You manage to give him a smile, which he returns tenth folds.

Leaning in, he presses his lips to your temple. "Say the word and I'll make up an excuse and get us out of here."

When he breaks away, you give him a pointed look, and he nods.

"Actually," Hoseok turns to the table with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry to cut this meeting short, but my sister just texted me; she needs the car. Apparently it's a work emergency. It was really nice meeting you all, and thank you so much for dinner," he says, walking around the table. You mum is frowning, but stands up and engulfs him in a hug. Hoseok shakes your dad's and Seokjin´s hand before receiving a hug from Sienna as well. "I hope we get to do this again soon."

"Thanks for dinner, see you later," you say, grabbing Hoseok´s hand and walk out of the restaurant as quickly as your feet will take you.

Once in the car, you let out a heavy breath. It wasn't great, but you have to remind yourself that it could have been so much worse. You could have actually cried…

With some embarrassment lingering, you sink down in the car, covering your face. "I'm so sorry for leaving you, and I'm so sorry for everything they said."

"It's fine."

"No, it's really wasn't. I should-"

Hoseok cuts you off. "It's fine. I'm not the one who should receive an apology after that dinner."

Hoseok starts the car and drives off. For a while it's silent, the two of taking in what just happened.

"Is it always like this?"

"I have a name for it: hate fest," you try and lighten the mood, to no avail. "When I tell my friends about it, I don't think they actually understand how bad it is."

"How can they? Even I didn't think it would like that," Hoseok tells you.

"Sorry I brought you."

"Can I say something? It might be out of line…" You nod, but Hoseok catches it. "You should stand up for yourself. No one should treat you like that, especially your own family."

"I'm the worst one in the family, they're just disappointed in me." You really don't know why you're making excuses for them.

"Doesn't matter, they didn't show you any kindness. Anyway, it's up to you." Hoseok shrugs. He stops at a red light and turns to you. "Do you have to go home right away, or do you have two hours to spare?"

"What for?"

"My grandma used to take me to the cinema when I felt down. Thought it might help cheer you up, only if you're up for it."

You watch him, a warm feeling spreading in your chest. Usually you have to be the one to reach out and ask for company when you're down. Hoseok wanting to this for you feels foreign, but just the thought of it lightens your mood.

"Yes please," you say. "That would be nice."

Before you know it, the two of you are sitting in an almost empty cinema, the movie playing. You wonder how much Hoseok planed for this, because currently playing is one of the saddest movies you have watched. Ever since in the middle of the movie, you have been crying your eyes out, letting out emotions you didn't even know you had. It would be embarrassing if Hoseok could see you, but in the darkness, you're sure he can't see you. After the movie - and the much needed cry session - ended, you dry your tears on the sleeve as Hoseok conveniently turns away to collect the wrappers from the snacks he purchased. Together the two of you make your way outside, the world now turned dark.

"Thank you for that," you say once in the car.

"I hope you're feeling better."

"All thanks to you."

For the rest of the ride you stay silent, only watching as you drive past your hometown. Once at your apartment, Hoseok follows you all the way to your front door, where you once again turn to each other, Hoseok sending you a warm smile. How many of those does he have? "Let me know if you need anything, alright? You have my number."

You nod.

"How could I ever repay you?" you ask, to which Hoseok wraps his arms around your shoulders and holds you tight. You melt in his embrace, sighing contently. It feels like eternity, but at the same time it feels like only a second has gone by. Surrounded by the smell of Hoseok, your feelings have nowhere to go. The urge to have his lips on your resurfaces, strengthened by all he has done for you today. Every little touch, every little act of service comes to your mind, and it's almost as if your heart sings out for him, drawing your whole body with it. When Hoseok lets you go, the look on his face tells you everything. He is feeling everything you are. Still, he step away slowly, almost as if it pains him.

"I better go," he whispers. You don't want him to go. You want to have everything he has to give you. Anything… Stay, you almost say. Before you can muster the courage, he walks away.

"Fuck it," you whisper to yourself and walk after him. "Hoseok?" You call softly, making him turn around. Before you can change your mind, you stand on your tippy-toes, bring your hand to his cheek and press you lips to his. It's firmer than last night, and you can feel so much more of his lips. A second passes before Hoseok reacts, him pulling you closer. Then it's over, and all you see is his bright smile. "Good night, Hoseok."

This time you're the one walking away, and in the glass door you see him watching you, a goofy smile still on his face.

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