#LIKE. IDK IF IT'S A COMMON EXPERIENCE????? AFTER TRANSITIONING?????

[moe-broey]

I gotta say ever since becoming a man and going punk I have absolutely NO concept of what semi-formal means anymore 🤔

#LIKE. IDK IF IT'S A COMMON EXPERIENCE????? AFTER TRANSITIONING????? #but i feel like. semi formal to formal is a lot easier to achieve/conceptualize and even cheat at #w the opposite gender norms in mind. like. esp since fagging up the place. like. what do i do #i cycle through three to four pairs of pants and several black graphic/band tees. if i'm ambitious i'll wear a flannel. #if i'm not wearing green pants i'm wearing my green autism sweater (also band merch) forever. #i have a nice vest and a leather jacket. i could pick between the two. #OH..... i DO have a blazer......... but that's like. very formal. #plus this is extremely short notice and most of my clothes are dirty rn. #andbif you ask me to wear a button up i'll kill you.

[doberbutts]

You mentioned in response to another ask that you don't use "transandrophobia" because the trans theory you were taught by trans women told you that "transmisogyny" covered those things and that is a total revelation to me. I've been thinking for a long time that it seemed to me that the idea of transmisogyny *does* cover transandrophobia, it just impacts trans femmes and trans mascs differently a lot of the time. But I had no idea that there has been theory/discussion that says this. I'm more used to the idea of "TMA" with the implication that only trans women are affected by transmisogyny. Is that more of a new thing and transmisogyny used to be considered as a more broad term? And would you trace that change to the same issue you're talking about with a lot of current feminism forgetting how feminism is also a "men's issue"?

Idk if I would call it "new" per say. The word trans-misogyny was coined in 2007 and did not include trans men, but the book in which it was coined did mention that language was likely needed to describe the trans man experience as well. There have been a number of different attempts, but none have really stuck.

I went to college starting in 2010, so roughly 3 years after Serrano coined the word. While in college, my school's GSA wanted LGBT elders to come and talk to all the scared freshly-minted adults who were trying to figure out this being gay thing. The woman who ran my GSA found a Trans woman who was willing to be my mentor and sponsor, she wrote my letters for me back when that was still necessary for medical transition, and we met frequently for her to teach me more or less how to be trans safely. Some things she did not know- how to bind safely, how to attach a semi-permenant packer, etc. But others she knew very well, because she herself dealt with both being seen as a man by society as well as the effects of testosterone on her body for decades before she transitioned.

Anyway. This woman was great, and is a significant portion of the reason I'm still alive to this day. And she is who taught me the word transmisogyny, and that it should really cover all trans people because all trans people experience an intersection of transphobia and misogyny. Whether that was popular theory at the time or not, that is what us young kids learned directly from the mouths of trans women at my college, which to me means that others were also learning this particular version of transfeminist theory.

Unfortunately by the time I dropped out of college in 2013/2014, online trans spaces were having stupid arguments such as "transtrenders are bad" and "neopronouns are bad" and "nonbinary people are cis people who want to feel special" and "trans men should be hunted for sport" and "trans women are incel nazis" and. Well. I went "wow this place is a cesspit and I feel like no one here has actually talked to another transgender person face to face" and then did not engage with the online community. So I don't really know how common or popular the understanding I was taught was at the time, though it certainly seems quite rare now.

(As a caveat I don't really think trans people of any gender have anything that isn't similar with each other when it comes to oppression, outside of certain bodily things that can't be helped because that's literally the thing we're transgender about, and I think we all experience very similar oppression but sometimes with a different hat)

As for what caused this particular defining to fall into obscurity? I really can't say. I don't know how popular the transfeminist theory the trans women who spoke at my GSA meetings taught us actually was in the broader world. Every once in a while I meet someone who lived through that same time who remembers that theory, which tells me it had gained at least some traction if it was being discussed in multiple parts of the country, but... that's really it. And it's pretty unpopular theory nowadays, I get people calling me a scumbag and claiming that I say transmisogyny doesn't exist just for mentioning that the theory I was taught includes trans men in the discussion.

But I don't think it's specifically the whole TMA/TME thing. I think it's a lack of understanding of what oppression and what intersectionality are, how they operate, how they work, how we define things through them. There are many people who believe that men do not experience misogyny. But, they do, that's why it's an insult to a boy to call him a girl during a moment of femininity or vulnerability, as a means of calling him weak because girls are believed to be weak. There are many people who think intersectionality turns oppression into additives, as though stacking marginalizations like dnd buffs. This also falls apart because oppression is not like quick math where you add a +5 to every roll if any part of your identity is privileged and a -7 if any part is oppressed.

I've had people get mad at me for saying that straight people experience homophobia while we also have sitting politicians that make jokes on live TV about how they'd drown their (presumably straight) children if they found out their kids were gay. For saying that GNC cis people experience transphobia when butches are getting kicked out of bathrooms and drag queens are getting jumped in bars. For reminding people that when Sikhs are killed due to being mistaken for Muslim in this country that hates Muslims over a national tragedy our Muslim population did not cause, it's still considered and called Islamophobia, because just because Americans are too stupid to tell a Sikh from a Muslim doesn't mean they weren't spurred into that hate crime by their rampant hatred of Muslims and the sight of a turban and long beard.

[tyrannuspitch]

as a trans gay guy, my relationship to the concept of the butch/transmasc overlap is so so weird. because on one level it's by and large a real social phenomenon that underlies a lot of common experiences and draws communities together and so on. but then on another level. like. some of us (transmascs) just Are Not Butch. i recently read fun home, and i was really struck by bechdel's account of butchness and how it... didn't actually resonate with me at all. like, i'm very familiar with feeling uncomfortable with conventional femininity, and with wanting to look male - but i keep re-realising that the experience of specifically aspiring to masculinity is just alien to me. in particular, bechdel describes feeling like she might have been compensating for her dad's femininity, and like... i've never felt anything like that. i've tried to put distance between myself and women's femininity, but i've only ever looked at fem men and felt jealous of them.

but then i look at the cis gay male community for examples of male femininity, and of course, it has its own gnc/trans overlap. and i don't aspire to trans womanhood any more than i aspire to cis womanhood.

so for people on those two cusps, gender and orientation might be very fluid and open-ended, but my personal desired gender expression is actually quite narrow and a very delicate balance - narrower and more specific even than a lot of other fem gay trans guys i've encountered.

what's more, i've heard from a lot of people on the transmasc/butch cusp in particular that, essentially, they know they're queer because they're attracted to women, and the rest is hazier, but maybe also less important. which is an interesting perspective, but again - completely alien to me. gender comes first for me, without a doubt - and even that can be subdivided. orientation comes after gender, but a positive sense of maleness also comes after a completely fundamental sense of non-femaleness. gender and sexuality are entangled for both of us - but once again, in opposite ways.

i conceive of myself as a binary man, but even so, it's like... almost a nonbinary experience, in a way. like, in very old-fashioned views of queerness, there are two basic types of queer - the butch-lesbian-transhet-man group and the fem-gay-transhet-woman group. there are male inverts and female inverts, FtMs and MtFs, or in polari, omee-palones and palone-omees (men-women and women-men). and someone like me just... doesn't fit into that framework. if an invert is a man with a woman's soul or a woman with a man's soul, what is a woman with the soul of a man with the soul of a woman? you need more layers. you need to recognise that gender and orientation are, or at least can be, separable experiences to be able to conceive of me at all. and ironically that often means you have to frame orientation almost like a gender, again - i believe lou sullivan referred to himself as female-to-gay-male, and i can see why.

but at the same time - we've allegedly come so far, and people can now nominally conceive of identities like mine - but it's still a huge struggle to even begin to express it. how do you reconcile rejection of cisfemininity and womanhood with a genuine desire to be subtly feminine/effeminate? i haven't found a way yet. i don't know if it will be possible until i can access medical transition (and even then, it might take years.) so in the meantime, i look butch, and i just have to live with the fact that the identity i'm broadcasting is the direct opposite of who i really want to be.

idk man. i'm a trans man, but maybe i'm transandrogynous. but it has to be the right androgyny, an androgyny i feel is "male", so maybe i'm not! i'm a faggot trapped in a dyke's body. i'm transitioning from one queer gender expression to another, and while i do feel a degree of solidarity and commonality with actual butches, i also feel like butchness is, for me, nearly as suffocating and dissonant as cisfemininity.

and reading this back now, i've realised i'm doing the same thing over again - i'm conflating my own gayness with my own desire for androgyny(?)/effeminacy(?), and somewhere out there, a fem transhet guy or a butch transhet girl is groaning with exactly the same kind of alienation i often feel.

god. gender is so complicated and so important and so stupid at the same time. why does it have to be so hard!!! we all just want to exist.

#don't know if i have a tag for gender musings. #dk if this makes sense either but i'm done with it now so goodbye

[cryptidshadows]

have you had phallo? i’m considering it somewhere down the line but i’m not on t yet and i’m wondering how much bottom growth i might expect (ie how long should i be on t before phallo) did your bottom growth level off at some point? idk if there’s a point at which it stops growing. (sorry if this q is a bit personal totally no pressure to answer!)

A quick warning that this response will be NSFW, and will include scientific words for sexed parts that may be uncomfortable:

I have not had phallo, but was dead-set on either phallo or meta for a long time! I had very severe bottom dysphoria and it took a long time before I started to heal in some way.

I was too dysphoric to really explore my nether regions, I had never had an orgasm and I could not find my clitoris (I thought I didn’t have one, it was THAT small). I did experience growth right away, and it was probably my most anticipated and welcomed change from T (along with body/facial hair and my voice drop). The amount varies a lot (as does the shape and function!) so your mileage may vary!

A lot of resources say that you max out your bottom growth after the first 2 years. This is NOT true for everyone. I experienced a lot of change once I started rigorously working out - both cardio and weight lifting - on a daily basis. It increased my sex drive, increased my size down below, and overall did a TON for both my mental and physical health. If it’s possible for you to do so, I highly recommend regular exercise, especially weight lifting, and a diet rich in healthy proteins!

I recently had a hysterectomy and am noticing a possible additional growth spurt (albeit small) since having my ovaries removed. This is fairly common from what I know as well, and I’m over 10 years on T.

This next note may not personally apply to you OP, it's more of a general statement. I’m absolutely pro-bottom surgery for those who benefit from it, I want to make that clear before I continue - but I highly recommend starting HRT and giving it time. See what it does for you over the course of a few years! I never thought I could survive without bottom surgery but HRT did so much for my dysphoria and changed my body in ways that’s made me feel more complete. I think one of the challenges of transition is taking it one slow step at a time. It’s kind of like having a giant meal in front of you - you can inhale it with a desperate need for instant gratification, or you can savor it a bite at a time, and stop where you feel satisfied and at peace with it. You might find you get enough growth that meta + scrotoplasty is more ideal for you than phallo (it’s typically more affordable and less invasive as well). Weighing the costs, risks and benefits of major procedures is excellent and essential, and it’s always okay to keep it on the back burner while you’re taking the journey a step at a time!

#asks #ask me anything #ftm trans #ftm #phalloplasty #hrt testosterone #hrt #hysterectomy #gender dysphoria

[ninepentz]

Analyzing jeffrey dahmer & dennis nilsen natal charts

So I came across a serial killer named Dennis nilsen who reminds me a lot of jeffrey dahmer. I found some interesting information about them,

Dennis is a sagittarius pictured below

Jeffrey is a gemini pictured below

If you haven't heard of them, if you're into true crime I highly suggest watching some documentaries on them like I did.

I'll drop some links here of the ones I've seen:

Jeff dahmer

(have to pay to view this 1st one but it was one of the best docs)

Dennis nilsen

Both are gay serial killers who started killing in 1978, even though I believe they are 20 years apart (dennis being older then jeff) it's weird that they commited these acts in the same year, which got me curious about what the heck was going on in that time that could of caused this.

A few details I learned about them:

Jeff is from the US & Dennis from England. What caught my attention is that they look so similar & they also have similar backgrounds. What's different about each one is that dennis seemed more emotionally available then jeff did, I guess bc his motive wasn't just to kill.

Not only are they alike but apparently both of their 1st murder victims were named steven. Idk what that means in numerology or spiritually but the fact that they have so much in common freaks me out, like universally these 2 killers must of had a connection 🤔

Now to the juicy stuff..

(The aspects in their natals are right after this section)

I looked up that years birth chart from the time span of each of their 1st kills & the only thing that obviously stood out to me is that there was Uranus in Scorpio from june during Jeff's 1st murder continuing through December on dennis's 1st murder.

The birth chart on the day of jeffrey dahmers 1st kill below:

June 18th 1978

The birth chart on the day of dennis's 1st kill:

December 30th 1978

My thoughts..

It's so interesting that the moon and uranus was transiting into Scorpio for jeffrey dahmer on his day, with the sun conjuncting his natal sun.

& with dennis nilsen uranus was in scorpio still and venus was transiting into scorpio too which is also his natal placement, along with mercury conjuncting his natal sun & natal mercury on his night.

Now let's pull up their natal charts.

Jeffrey Dahmers natal below:

May 21, 1960, 4:34pm.

Dennis Nilsens natal below:

November 23, 1945, 4am.

My interpretation of all this..

What's crazy as I'm looking at both of their charts is that they apparently have libra risings almost at the same exact 19 degrees 🤯 + the same thing with their suns at 0°

Also the fact that they have sister venus signs is another thing that stands out to me + sister sign suns, like that should tell you how much sister signs are so alike imo.

For jeffrey dahmer he didn't have much scorpio besides his neptune but if his birth chart on astrotheme is correct then he had a 8H stellium. That's so spooky to me.

Neptune in scorpio: describes someone who isn't afraid to explore the dark side of things, they like uncovering the secrets that no one should know about. They are comfortable knowing what others don't know and hiding in the shadows, no one really knows who they are bc they keep so much to themselves.

Uranus in scorpio transit: Scorpio a sign that associates with occult, sex, deep topics, breaking the rules, risky things + adding that into planet uranus which is shocking, eccentric, different. Put them together & you get sex or interests that are shocking, insane, unique. Both of these serial killers were necrophiles.

Jeffrey's house placements/natal aspects:

Venus trine saturn: Jeff knew how to conceal his true motives and interests, tastes, attraction.. he knew how to be perceived as a normal, regular, average looking person.. he strategically did not share much of his love life or any of that with anyone, it seemed like he was a nice, easy going, neutral person. He probably learned this behavior from his dad/past experiences, on how to not look like a crazy, unstable person. He did go the army and there they pretty much teach you how to survive in the world, how to defend yourself, how to take care of yourself, how to follow orders, practicing cleanliness and working hard. He gave off a pleasing and calm venusian/saturn vibe but little did anyone know who he was deep down

Mars square jupiter: Prone to extreme excess, he may have been the type of person who covers up his awkwardness and uncertainty by overdoing things. They did say he was a class clown and would do weird/crazy things for attention in school and I think this aspects explains that. Instead of expressing his anger, passion, desire, energy in a healthy way, he ends up doing too much. This also describes his impulsive ways and taking reckless risks that could be embarrassing later on. Not a good aspect to have on top of aries moon/mars both in aries. He has strong compulsions that he could not tone down. He was probably very rude too like if someone didn't agree with him he would say the meanest things in the moment. Mars square jupiter to me would describe someone who doesn't care about the consequences of their actions, they're too impulsive to realize them. Can be extremely aggressive, rude, confrontational, somewhat disobeying the law/society's structures.

Having such different POV from everyone around him that he felt kinda isolated with his belief system, religion and passions. To me this also says he didn't respect other people's beliefs only his own, selfish.

Moon square saturn: This definitely explains his abandonment issues, maybe he felt abandoned by his dad or care giver in general. He didn't have care, love, support from his parents. He could be emotionally immature, which only further isolated him. Socially awkward, cold, unemotional, distant, depressed/depressing to be around is how someone would see this person. To me jeffrey dahmer had abandonment issues and trauma from being lonely and left behind, this not only happened with family but with his "friends" too. So mostly likely to avoid feeling abandoned again instead of facing his issues and healing them, he resorted to killing people and keeping them with him forever. That was his form of revenge and getting control over his emotions, instead of them controlling him or making him feel abandoned/unloved ever again. Tbh I understand not feeling cared for... he must of been hurt so much to go to this kindof extreme just to avoid feeling pain. His parents could have also belittled him a lot and either blamed him for things or damaged his sense of security.

One of the victims who escaped him did say that as soon as they mentioned to dahmer that they had to leave, dahmer had started to panick all of a sudden and tried to make them stay by force but they got away anyway.

Mercury square pluto: Extremely obsessive mind/tendencies.

A squared aspect to me shows excessive and unbalanced actions, does provide energy to whatever it's aspecting. So it's an active aspect.

This explains his love for exploring the unknown side of life, for forcing his way past what's considered acceptable. This aspect could also explain someone who stalks others, invades personal space in the most offensive/disgusting way, extremely controlling up to the way people think around them. Wasn't afraid to face the most darkest/occult-like things. He was private with his own personal life but when it came to his victims for example they didn't have any privacy or respect at all, dahmer basically took away all their rights.

To describe this aspect, imagine a private investigator who's supposed to be finding information about a specific event, this person would do more then they are even allowed to do. They will break rules, moral codes, disrespect the law, even do illegal things to get to the bottom of whatever it is they have to do. Like working off the clock and doing your own personal investigation. So socially acceptable behavior/ideas is something a person with this aspect would not have. It pretty much explains the fact that jeffrey dahmer enjoyed killing animals and dissecting their insides, no normal person would go to that length to fill their curiosities. And he continued with this behavior when he started harming humans as well, he was dissecting human hands from his victims and their organs etc. It's like he wanted to see how things worked, what action triggered a reaction. So like injecting acid into a human brain to see if they could be his "zombie sex slave" alive/obedient and unable to defend themselves was his goal. He did lots of experiments I'm sure. Not only that but I noticed that he was not afraid to face death or things a person should not ever see, he was completely comfortable having heads in his refrigerator, the smell of death in his apartment 24/7, even as a kid seeing roadkill didn't even phase him or replulse him like it would anyone else.. so that to me says his comfort level was extreme, he probably wasn't shocked by much tbh.

Moon square Mc: He probably felt unsupported by the people around him, like his comfort style was not relatable to the public. Maybe his emotions, his sense of security was not something everyone could relate to. It was visible to everyone that jeffrey dahmer was a unique, odd, strange person. He could of used people and bodies as a form of security, having them fully to himself, owning them, controlling them made him feel like he had a support system/safe place.

He did try to show off some of the bodies he had, apparently he had a kept a human head in a chest that his grandma gave him and he took that to work, keeping it in his locker. To me that is someone who is proud of what they've done and is showing it off like some trophy/reminder of the power they have. No one knew what was inside the chest but him and that made him feel powerful that he had FULL control of this poor person he mutilated.

His attachments were very different from everyone else's, like to an extreme extent. Most people have attachments to caffeine like me or other things like drug, food, codependency addictions.. but Jeff's was clearly much different..

Venus square uranus: Odd sexual/romantic interests, taste/type, he was probably attracted to odd people or just had unique interests that you would look at him and say "there's no way he's interested in that, he looks like such a normal guy"

This aspect doesn't have to be sadistic like Jeffrey's interests, in general it could explain someone who ends up with partners that are much different from themselves. Like a normal quiet, attractive, man with a crazy, weird, unconventionally attractive woman. So basically is shows an attraction to uniqueness, to a unhealthy extent. In Jeff's case and since this is a squared aspect he had odd even shocking romantic/sexual attraction to death/people. Unusual interests, very specific type and open minded enough to try things sexually that no one's done before, testing the limits of your sexuality. Jeffrey dahmer was so sexually advanced and charged that he probably needed to do crazier and crazier things overtime to keep him satisfied and interested. He probably never had a stable love life if one at all.

Jupiter trine pluto: To me this aspect explains that he enjoyed being in the company of people who were much different from him, with different backgrounds, probably sexual attraction to foreign people. Many of his victims were poc, I think he felt powerful around poc for some reason. Like he knew the power and influence of his "whiteness" that's just my opinion idk how true that is tho, if he used his position to get away with everything. He said in an interview that it wasn't about race and just about how people looked but who knows. Back in the 1970s and 1980s I'm not sure how much racism was a thing back then. If you know anything about that I would love to hear your thoughts.

Moon trine uranus: This could be someone who is comfortable with being different and unique, maybe their emotions were erratic and highly changeable, very smart/intuitive tho. This could be another reason he got away with so much bc he was able to think on his feet and come up with lies on the spot but that could also be enhanced by his mercury/sun conjunction in gemini. They are such good smooth talkers. This aspect also explains that he was not your average monogamous driven person, he liked to have a variety of different interests and probably unique relationships. Like dating their friends, being polygamous, just overall having an unusual love style. His emotions were prone to being quickly triggered and then just as quickly disappearing as if nothing happened. People would have a hard time trying to understand or pin point his emotions. If he was nervous or anxious he could display a straight emotionless face, which makes sense bc even after the police was inside his apartment he was able to manipulate them well enough to believe his lies and not be suspicious.

Taurus in the 8th house: This is an interesting placement, it could explain his intense interest for physical features and sex. He would admire people's bodies after they deceased, he would pose them and take multiple pictures of them in different stages/positions. Arching their back to show off their figure, showing off their l private parts, their abs, skin, faces etc. In the tiktok links I posted the woman describes something like this, def check that out. This could also describe why he liked to eat his victims, like arousal from eating them. Both taurus and 8th house/scorpio are extremely sexual. This could be another reason he preferred to have full control of his victims, so they were not allowed to talk back, fight back, ask for anything in return, he just wanted to have full authority and rulership. He also had a very specific type in people, he paid close attention to every small detail of their bodies and features, he had favorites. His favorite people would stay with him and the ones he didn't want he discarded like trash or just let them free all together.

Taurus possession/greed, Scorpio obsession/control. He has his 2nd house in scorpio and 8th in taurus, to me that's so on point for jeff.. it's hard to explain but if you know anything about astrology you would know why those placements stick out.

Pisces in the 6th house: I think jeff was very spiritual and ritualistic, even delusional when it comes to his daily routine. Like he really believed that if he ate a certain victims body part, it would mean that the person would stay with them forever. For him it wasn't enough to just take their life, r*pe, control them.. he needed to consume them as well to feel even closer to them (8h taurus things) he was also into astrology to, or atleast his own zodiac sign. Bc his favorite movie to watch that apparently put him in the mood to find victims was exorcist 3. The main character was called the gemini killer and I looked into the movie to see what it was about and some sick things were said in it that I bet jeffrey dahmer practiced on his actual victims... he was very impressionable and probably worshipped evil entities/figures. 6h Pisces could also be someone with boundaryless, unorganized, health routines?? Like if this person was unhealed they would do lots of drugs, drinking, not brushing their teeth/showering etc stuff like that. If anything they would pay least attention to details and be kinda unaware of their bad habits. Or it could be the other way around like they cover up all their bad habits to seem perfect when they are far from it. He also did try to connect with the dead, I read somewhere he would have seances with an ouija board when he was younger.

Dennis nilsens house placements/natal aspects:

In the process of adding new info and stuff like that so come back soon so you don't miss any updates!😊

Mars conjunct pluto: My 1st thought on this aspect is annihilator, this person was aggressive, deep, intense, bold, if they're mad at you I would stay far far away. I feel like someone with this aspect would not be afraid of confrontation, if anything they are the ones everyone's afraid of. His expression/passion is straight forward and he wants to explore the dark depths of everything that peaks their interests. My personal opinion is that mars conjunction pluto would automatically make someone a killer/prone to be. If that's not it then they have the potential to be that if you're a threat or give them a reason to become aggressive.

Travis the chimp has this aspect...if you haven't heard of him I suggest looking him up. Travis the chimp I think knew that his owner was giving him medications (xanax) to calm down and go to sleep and he didn't like it so he blew up and lashed out on his owners best friend who came to help her get Travis under control. He should have never been domesticated but the reason I bring him up was bc he severely mutilated his owners best friend.. ripping her face off, biting her fingers off and he would not stop for anything. Even after being stabbed in attempt to stop him.. that should explain to you the intensity of mars conjunct pluto.

Their anger is quick, fast reactions, suspicions, high energy, physically or energetically strong, assertive. He was possibly passive at some point in his life and would do so much for others but eventually things were not reciprocated end up building resentment and resorting to forcing their way, having this obsessive need to get your needs met. He was possesive, jealous, controlling. In the documentaries they mentioned it was less about sex for dennis and more about the company but with this aspect I feel like his sexuality must have been very strong...

Moon conjunct mc: I think this aspect would describe someone who is so sensitive to the feelings of strangers and the public, they might be easily affected by their surroundings esp during childhood. He did have some traumatic experiences as a kid like his mom asking him if he wanted to see his grandpa (who was his fav person), only to realize his grandpa was dead in a box... idk about you guys but I wonder if she did that on purpose to hurt his feelings. But that situation definitely has affected the way he viewed relationships in his adult life.. he started to associate love, peace, trust, safety with death.

Moon conjunct saturn: His emotions were very repressed, not to say that he wasn't an emotional person but it sure seemed like it on the outside. He was probably constantly reminded of his past and all the mean nasty things he's done and what was done to him. His mother must have been very cold and not nurturing, which left him very Insecure and unloved. He has always felt like the responsible one when it comes to nurturing himself and parenting himself since no one was around to do that.

In the documentary of dennis nilsen his mother said she felt uncomfortable around him and was "repulsed" so unlike all the other kids he didn't receive the same affection as the others. She tried to explain this as if it's his fault for her not being a good mom tho..I personally as a mom idc if me and my child have differences I will always be there to make them feel loved and secure. I think his mom was very stern with him and treated him like a worker bee.

Mars conjunct saturn: With this aspect maybe his sexual desires were held back a bit, he could have either had strong discipline or just felt like he wasn't able to preform bc of overthinking, constant self judgement. For some reason he felt it was his duty to be there for others and be the responsible person. Maybe he did too much to help others or become likeable, which pushed everyone away.

Mars conjunct mc: He had the strong desire to make his public life something he put a lot of effort into, he wanted to be recognized, respected, seen for all his good qualities. Strong, passionate, bold, adventurous, independent. Sometimes he may have been seen as selfish and overbearing. They did say on his documentay that he had a good job and on the outside looking in, he just looked normal. It was probably bc he had a lot to hide, so this mars conj mc was a cover up for his real life/interests.

Venus square pluto: A person with this aspect might have an unhealthy obsession with whoever they find attractive, they fall in love easily/deeply, become infatuated with people to the point of stalking. This person has deep control issues that stem from jealousy and insecurities. I feel like dennis nilsen may have been intimidated by alive people, bc humans in general have free will and are able to do whatever they please. But a passive unalived person would not be able to pose a threat to him or hurt his ego, so it's like he wanted to kill all competition and any uncomfortable feelings that may make him feel inferior like he has in the past.. there may have been some trauma related to that, feeling helpless and inferior. So that's why he overpowers others instead of expressing himself in a healthy way.

might be a very complex person in general and no one really wants to take the time to get to know all their layers so they end up feeling isolated and weird.

Mars semisquare uranus: his actions/energy may have been unpredictable and messy, one sec he was fine next minute he was not. This may have been what turned people away from him, he may have acted strangely at the worst moments. Making inappropriate comments or doing inappropriate things. He could of been highly intuitive with his actions/assumptions, but other people were sometimes not as ahead of time as he was so everyone seen him as a crazy unstable person. He was probably impatient and not always reliable

2nd house in scorpio/8th house in taurus: He basically craved loyalty, security, love, intimacy. So he got that by finding the perfect person and making that his main goal. What was valuable to him (same thing for dahmer) was having a loyal, subservient, solid, predictable person in their lives. All they wanted was the assurance that whoever they loved wouldn't leave them, not question them, completely trust them.. trust is something that was hard to find for these two people. I bet they were so intense and strange that people felt unsafe around them. But overall with the 2h Scorpio + 8h in taurus, to them possessing a person was the end goal. They were obsessed with having a physical, tangible, person/thing there with them, it gave them so much security to know they had full control over someone.. even if it was by force.

Here's some videos from tiktok I came across👇

This woman apparently was in a criminal justice class taught by the detective who interrogated jeffrey dahmer. Soo freaking interesting. I've never heard of any of these details she's describing bc there's so much law enforcement didn't share with the public about jeffrey dahmer.

I did some digging and found some of the polaroids😲, please only click the link below if you're ready for what you're about to see..

*NOT for sensitive viewers*

Knowing this now just brings it all into perspective about how evil and insane jeffrey really was..

For now this is what I've got so far while looking into these people, i'll be doing more research and adding new info when I find out more. So I hope you enjoyed it😊 If you did lmk I might do more. Serial killers are something I find interesting to dissect bc it's crazy that someone could end up being so evil/immoral + adding my love for astrology to that is another plus bc it validates how accurate astrology really is.

End note:

I checked astrotheme for jeff and dennis's birthdays and I guess they are all verified and the most accurate. Wow, thankful to whoever found that information

✨️Nine of pentacles✨️

#Youtube #forensicastrology #jeffreydahmer #dahmer #dahmernetflix #jeffdahmer #criminal astrology #serialkillers #adamlevine #evan peters #ryanmurphy #ahs #hulu

[theharlotofferelden]

Someone pretty popular in the dragon age fandom blocked me and even made a callout post about me back in the day for me saying that Cole getting a romance path with the minstrel girl Maryden, if you make certain choices, was in fact not paedophilia. Their reasoning was that because he was autistic coded he was not able to consent to a relationship and sex and that it was the same as having a relationship with a "literal child". Having autism does not mean you suddenly can't consent to a relationship and as an autistic person myself I told them as such but that was very "problematic" of me according to them. The DA fandom is just fucking wild at times.

I'm sorry you went through that, anon. Idk how common it is for the DA fandom to participate in callout posts these days, but in my experience I've seen TOO MANY in this particular fandom since 2014. It's just so unnecessary and just demonstrates that the person doing it doesn't know how to communicate with the person they're calling out and instead want to make their personal issues our fucking problems. Ugh.

RE: That Specific Sentiment About Cole -- Again, dunno how common it is these days, but this was an extremely common talking point back in 2014 that only seemed to get worse after Trespasser came out. And over the years I've come to view that talking point as a red flag, because it's specifically something TERFs are always pulling when it comes to trans autistic people.

More specifically: JK Rowling pulled out a bunch of random statistics about how many autistic women transitioned in the UK one year, with the implication being that autistic people aren't capable of making informed choices about their bodies and should have the choice stripped from them entirely. Which is why you'll occasionally see an allistic TERF have a weirdly informed opinion about Autism Speaks and ABA therapy. They know enough about the issues that affect autistic ppl because they not only have this ableist view of them as people, they also want to recruit them.

Anyways, by relation, you have people in the DA fandom claiming that a spirit with an adult body isn't capable of consenting to sex because they're autistic, and for some weird reason, autistic people aren't capable of making informed decisions about who they have sex with. Which is a very normal and informed opinion to have about fictional characters, let alone Actual Autistic People /s.

Over the years I've seen autistic people try to dismantle this viewpoint and be like "Hey, this is actually a really ableist thing to say about an autistic-coded character, and is actually really offensive and alienating to autistic people within the fandom". But as usual, none of these people actually care about autistic people (let alone ND ppl as a whole). They just want the brownie points for fighting against all the pedophiles in the Dragon Age fandom. Because the DA fandom is exactly the fandom predators gravitate towards, and not the ones that are specifically geared towards children. Nope, it's the fandom full of women, POC, and queer people that's a minefield of pedophiles /s.

All of that is annoying on it's own. But it also distracts a lot from how Weekes wrote Cole. Most of his "autistic" coding is in his speech patterns, not understanding social cues, lack of eye contact, and being overstimulated/having meltdowns. All of that is fine (imo anyway) until we get to the moment between Varric and Solas pushing the Inquisitor to decide for Cole what he should become: human or spirit?

My core problem with this has always been with the implications of how the "autistic coding" carries over between these choices. But analyzing this further would require me to replay DAI, and that's not on my radar atm.

What I will say is that the choice alone strikes me as Cole not having much agency in the situation. Which, if he's autistic-coded, is a big problem with how that quest was written.

#personal: replies #personal: meta #c: cole #dragon age: critical #sorry this got long #i have a lot of shit to say about this lmao

[nani-nonny]

Okay!! I read ch 10 and lord help me because i need it!

Starting with April dragging shopping cart full of things and i don't blame her, almost the whole family needs it and i feel older leo will get into trouble for exposing himself, idk if the rest of hamato knows about what he did.

When barry explained the mystic power my brain kinda stopped working (i have 1 beain cell, have mercy), but ifhe really hit the jackpot on who they are? Damn that'll be either great detective skills or new level of common sense 😂

My god i feel bad for the rest of family because they're worried sick while the leos are off to fucking dreamland xD

" Surviving death " BOY THAT'S A BADASS LINE! I LOVE IT!! YES THEY'RE GONNA SURVIVE DEATH!!!❤💜🧡

You know the part where leo tries to give his mystic energy? Zip zapping? Yeah my brain got fried trying to read it 🥲

I read the spoiler 2 of ch 10 but damn seeing the thread fall makes me gets worried they actually failed.

Raphael smiles, a snaggletooth making itself known in the corner of the snapper’s mouth. ( you don't know how much this made me happy, after 10 chapters FINALLY THEY MEET)

Honestly the whole time i thought the ghost brothers are in their own colors, orange, red & purple instead of white.

" And just as the moon begins to fade, so does Raphael " NO DON'T DO THAT!! THEY ALREADY MET

" Draxum’s eyebrow raises in pure confusion " trust me barry, that my same reaction like BOY WHAT ARE YOU ON?!

And of course we gotta add everyone's insecurity, it's a hurt/comfort fic after all.

Casey jr finally got his phone and it's light blue!! Like a mini leo/blue!

And this got me confused “How is he, Little Blue?”

Ooo let’s see what you thought! I’ll respond to every thought but basically thank you for reading!

And here’s my reaction to your long response <33:

Anyways, a kind of a long post :)

Starting with April dragging shopping cart…

Yellow bringing supplies is absolutely necessary with all the near-death-experiences the Leonardos keep having /hj.

And everyone already knows that Leonardo exposed himself! (Ch.6: Voices)

Yellow’s eyes narrow in frustration as she looks down at the ground at the reminder, “Casey and I asked a bunch of people in the neighborhood but everyone was either busy trying to salvage what they can or gave us vague answers. Apparently, some green giant was running around evacuating the city and someone said my mom must have gone with a group.”

Purple’s eyes lock on Leonardo who immediately understands.

“That was me,” the elder answers.

Yellow’s eyes slowly widened, “That was you?”

The family hasn’t gotten around to deciding what to do from that point on because of situations. (The situations being the injuries of course haha)

When barry explained the mystic power…

I tried knowledging it up for Draxum’s mystic explanation because he’s a warring-warrior-scientist, but basically Leonardo’s running out of battery power (because of the “voices”) so he’s using backups and Blue is the glorified battery charger. The phone and charger duo lol

I feel like Draxum’s thought process being the voices that Leonardo hears is: “Who else but his clingy family members would bother to stick with him for this long?” /j

My god I feel bad for the rest of the family…

The Leos in “Dreamland” (+ F!Raph and F!Mikey):

“Surviving death”…

F!Mikey living up to his “badass mystic warrior” title fr

You know the part where leo tries to give…

See Little Blue’s dot/fire-center-thing? v

I imagine that as his center (kind of where his heart is), when he was doing the defibrillator zip-zap thing, he’s taking a piece of it, balling it up to make it smaller for easier transit, then sends it down his arm directly to Leonardo’s center to explode throughout Leonardo’s body like an electric shock

Hopefully that helps!

I read the spoiler 2 of ch.10…

Everyone’s fine, we just need Draxum to go to the Hidden City to find the damn mystic herb. No worries :)

Raphael smiles, a snaggletooth making itself known…

Leonardo finally reuniting with Raphael was actually not what I intended when planning out the story. He was supposed to officially meet F!Mikey first a few chapters back, but things went awry in writing so I moved it to here and changed the brother. But I suppose technically the brothers haven’t officially-officially reunited.

Honestly the whole time I thought the ghost…

Teehee, they’re supposed to be in their personal colors *plays menacing piano noise*

“And just as the moon begins to fade, so does Raphael.”

THE STARS CANT COME AT NIGHT WITHOUT THE MOON, BUT WHO IS THE MOON????

“Draxum’s eyebrow raises in pure confusion”

Listen, the old man doesn’t remember everything mystic-related, and he’s absolutely confused why Blue of all people knows something mystical hahah

And of course we gotta add everyone’s insecurity…

I just wanted to share a little insight on how they’re feeling teehee I have to remind everyone I can cross the threshold of entering angst at any moment if I wanted /j

Casey Jr finally got his phone…

Purple would’ve made it a completely other color that isn’t any kind of blue just to spite the old man but we’re not at the point of making jokes with the old man lol

“How is he, Little Blue?”

It’s in ghostly italics, so it’s one of the voices, but whose? *rubs hands manically*

#nani nonny answers #whispers of distant souls #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanfiction #tldr: long answer to a long question <333

[lunawish]

✨ general portrayal notes for god's favourite princess and the most interesting girl ✨

in act i, she'll behave mostly like her early access self aka all the snark, all the sass, the brusqueness, and the dark humor. the released version dialed it down and whilst i do adore her in the released version, i love her early edge a lot more.

generally "good" aligned play through. i put good in quotes because sometimes you don't intentionally save the grove, sometimes it's just a byproduct of a selfish need for knowledge on how to get the damn tadpole outta your brain. i am also more than willing to explore "evil" playthrough dynamics (again, it's in quotes bc sometimes you don't slaughter the grove ... the grove slaughters itself bc kagha psionically tells people that you attacked her for idk executing a child???)

act i and early- act ii can be summed up by the words cognitive dissonance

i am much more partial towards her exile path versus her dark justiciar path — which means she frees aylin from the soul cage, defies shar, has a mental breakdown hair cut etc

i lean towards the theory of her hair being white after the shadowfell as a result of the pain and torture she endured. so in short : marie antoinette syndrome.

that being said, if i were to play her as dark justiciar the ending is still going to be her betraying shar. she'll free her parents and take them far away from the cities. it's due to personal discomfort that i can't fully commit to the route of her becoming mother superior.

i understand her canonical model and general consensus is that she's a white woman. however, on this blog she's portrayed as mixed race ( white and asian - wasian ) if a modern verse should arise. that being said, this will influence how i adapt her post-game and her finding her roots as a person.

my preferred ending is her saving her parents and then moving into a cottage. i don't believe the curse is entirely incurable and it'll bind her and her parents' fate to shar forever even into the afterlife but that'll be a whole post on its own because forgotten realms lore is messy.

though i also do very much adore the moonbathed adventurer ending as well! that's something i like more if she was romantically (or ever queerplatonically) involved with someone just so she's not lonely on the road.

also on the topic of religiosity: her powers are blessed by selune, yes. she's a "moonbathed" cleric, yes. but she's not gonna be a devout selunite. at least not for a while. for my default portrayal, in early act iii she will begin to dip into a few levels of ranger as she still understands the importance of her being the group's healer and because she needs to adapt to using a bow more frequently than she has in the past. after defeating the netherbrain she will fully transition into the ranger class, taking up the subclass of gloomstalker which allows her to use the skills she's learned as a sharran and reclaim them for herself.

introspection. so much introspection. she's having a crisis of faith every goddamn minute but she's trying to talk herself outta that crisis as well. so her internal dialogue is a whole mess (what it means is if i write you six paragraphs of her thoughts it's fine if you don't match length in fact if it's not natural for you to please don't ahaha)

body dysmorphia. it'll be a common topic relating to her whether about her wound/curse or her in act 3 about her scars, her body, her feeling unclean etc. plus, due to a lack of a coherent identity (her memories being literal chop suey at this point), she has a messy relationship with gender that she can't quite articulate but know it's There.

i'll be treating her like she's never had sex or kissed before because she's voluntarily wiped her memories, so she's gonna be a little cautious and nervous about it. the innuendos and sly remarks you hear her make is a front to keep the vulnerability of her lack of experience behind a hidden achievement (plus the body remembers traumas!).

there will be flareups where she isn't crying out or is noticeable to others. this is inspired by the fact in her origin, she doesn't always cry out and her companions don't notice her in pain. the moments where her wound flares and others know mean 1) it's excruciating and/or 2) she trusts the other person enough to express herself.

#portrayal notes. #ch. shadowheart #turns out 600 hours of only romancing the emo goth girl produces a lotta word vomit #updated on : mar 13th 2024.

[snailsandpuppy-dogtails]

No Point in Waking the Whole Ship

Wrote some more for the Lost In Space fic i'm working on today while at work. I started with Lost in Space, but it was before I got a Tumblr, so...I've decided to post My First Fic. Enjoy, or don't idk...most of you don't seem to be the LIS fandom ;) Judy/Don WC: 2,837 It's smut. AO3

Judy's petite frame, dressed in grey sleep shorts, a matching grey hoodie, and a black camisole entered the door, crossing into his bunk.

“Come on. Move.” she prodded, briefly straddling him, a smooth knee on either side as she climbed over him to lay down. Don, for his part lay impassively, eyebrow quirked, eyes tracking her movement as she made her transition from standing- to kneeling- to laying, wriggling between his warm solid wall of muscle and the cool smooth wall of the jupiter. He imagined her loosing her balance, hands planting firmly on the mattress above his shoulders, hair cascading around a face millimeters from his own. His hands instinctively wrapping up and around to steady her, something shifting as an intensity fills the room and then…Warmth shoots through his stomach, a crisp smell washing over him. Some how Judy always brings with her the smell of freshly bleached laundry and ozone, it makes him feel cleansed from the inside out. He shakes the images from his mind, coming back to the present.

They’d been doing this for awhile now. Long after everyone else had gone to bed Judy would come in and shove him over, they’d talk or not talk, comfort found in the familiar rhythm of another beating heart. It wasn’t a secret per se, there just wasn’t a need to tell anyone, why leave things open to speculation? Eventually she’d fall asleep and he’d carry her back to her own bed. Two friends making a habit out of seeking company, nothing more. The stillness of night and the deep vastness of space have a way of bringing up memories and making people feel alone. Neither had been sleeping easily, both reliving trauma from their experiences- Judy with the ice and Don with the Resolute and subsequent death of Tam.

He had stumbled upon Judy late one night in the common area of the jupiter, eyes rimmed red, knees tucked, sucking in long controlled breaths. He couldn’t leave her, so they got to talking. They’d meet up nightly, sipping hot drinks and talking about nothing until one of them became drowsy enough that the other would call it. Slowly it drifted to meeting where there was already a soft bed and less echoing surroundings to be overheard from. No point in waking the whole ship.

But he couldn’t do it any more without knowing. He needed more than this, even if it was to find out she didn’t. He wanted her. Fully and completely. He’d liked her from the instant he’d met her, quick tongued and confident, she was easy to banter with and she was cute. His fondness for her had only grown through their shared time here lost in space and lost in these nightly meetings.

His heartbeat pounded in his ears as his mind resolved to ask; “Hey, Doc, …” he started, voice low, eyes fixed to the ceiling, “What is this to you?” Did he feel the flush of her skin when the words escaped his lips or was it his own? He immediately regretted his decision, a hollow pit forming, but the words were out there now, he could only hope she’d misconstrue them.

After a few minutes of silence he turns his head on their shared pillow hearing her response. “I…I’m not sure,” she cautioned, turning her head to face his, her voice small, “what do you want this to be?”

Shit

Don glances down and finds her hand with his. To her credit Judy lets him, lacing fingers, his thumb slowly tracing back and forth over the soft skin between her thumb and forefinger, calming himself. Silence fills the void and Judy twists on her side fully facing him. Don peels his eyes from their twined hands and glides them over her body, up the hill of her hip, down the curve of her waist, up, up, from the crook of her neck, along her jaw stalling out at her perfect pouting lips. She’s the most sexy thing he’s ever seen. Judy feels every inch of his burning gaze but doesn’t say a word.

He looks into her eyes so close to his own, swallowing hard “You know what, never mind,” he said rapidly, "stupid question” and releases her hand. He backs down deciding not to go there.

Don West you are a coward

This close Judy can smell him, pleasantly earthen like a damp forest, incongruent to the harsh cold metal of a spaceship. Staring into him she swears she saw something. And then, as if to find it again, her lips are on his; warm, needing, soft. She coos and her body leans into his. Don freezes in place, synapses misfiring at the shock of Judy Robinson on him. In this way. Of her own doing. It takes a minute for his brain to catch up and just when his hand moves to tangle in her loose curls she breaks the contact and lays back down.

Don West, you are an idiot

He looks at her, his eyes wide in bewilderment. Embarrassment and regret creep over her “-I’m sorry. I should go, that was a mistake…” Judy pops up and moves to climb back over him, but in her swiftness she loses balance, and Don’s vision becomes reality. This time though, he’s ready, his hands shoot up catching her at her waist. “Don-“ she breaths out, large brown eyes magnetic on his. There’s a pause as the air around them electrifies and his only reply is closing the gap between them. Don kisses her hot, fast, hard, mouths crashing in a mess of lips, teeth, and tongue. He guides her down, she follows willingly melting into him. His rough hands roam up and down her body, all across her back, her shoulders, her ass, and under her shirt, finally seeming to find a home; one wrapped around the small of her back the other gripping her shoulder blade, his fingers kneading her muscles gently. Judy lets out a moan of pleasure from his touch and her fingers curl in his hair. Don’s body responds sending tremors of heat pulsing through him, loosening his grip.

Judy breaks contact again and Don wonders if he rushed things, if she’s having second thoughts. He sits up as she climbs off, “Judy, we don’t have t- ” walking to the door she presses buttons on the control panel locking it. Relief washes over him “I thought, just in case…” she trails off. There was something about her, some quiet sureness. Don continues to watch, but question turns to curiosity as she makes her way back over.

She climbs her way back on top of him, hands on his chest, Don looking up at Judy, she smiling down at him. It reminds him of the fuel trip when she opened up the escape hatch, arms extended, the slight dance she did, air from the strange planet rushing towards her, the grin on her face looking down at him. He’d liked her then, but again, he’d liked her all along. Don gently grabs her wrists, his voice level, “Doc, you have to know, before we go on... I can’t act like we didn't do this tomorrow. Judy, i’ve wanted you for so long. So if you-“ Judy stops him, one hand coming to the side of his jaw, stroking the stubble there, the other feeling the pounding of his heart beneath his chest. Quietly she replies, "I have no intention of forgetting this or you tomorrow.”

A smug smile creeps across his face. Eyes locked, Judy peels off her sweater. Don takes notice of her nipples protesting the temperature shift against the knit of her top and then his hands are back in action, rough fingers slipping under the hem, moving back and forth, up and down, chasing the goosebumps that emerge, running over her ribs and hip bone. She lets out a sigh as her head tips back, Don’s cock throbbing under her. Judy's skillful hands remove his shirt leaning forward to lightly kiss his mouth, his jaw, his neck, and collarbone. He shudders a breath as she slowly works her way across the plane of his torso, fingers whispering over his skin, kissing scar after scar lighting them up like constellations in the sky as she draws her body down his.

“Judy-” his voice husky, sitting up, pulling her into an inviting kiss, then quickly moving to nip the sensitive skin at the crook of her neck, at the same time his warm hands cupping her breasts, abrasive fingers circling her nipples like fire. Breathing hard against him at the stimulation Judy gasps, eyes rolling back, her body both melting and arching into him as a warm gush goes through her.

Don growls possessively into her skin, she feels his brillo stubble and vibration deep in her chest, in one smooth movement he flips them, Don kneeling over her. His eyes raking her up and down, stripping her bare. “Doc, you appear to have me at a disadvantage, you’ve gotten me out of my shirt,” giving a wink, "but you’re still fully clothed.” a devious smile crosses his face. The tip of Judy’s tongue darts out to moisten her lips, drawing her eyebrows together, eyes wide in mock concern “Mmm, that certainly is a problem,” she agrees “how do you plan on handling that, Mr. West?” faux anger masks his face. Judy laughs as she draws up her hips and Don pulls the fabric off in one swift movement, revealing, to his surprise, lace trimmed underwear. He never imagined practical Judy would own underwear so frivolous.

Judy wraps her hands around his muscular shoulders pulling him down and like that Don is on top of her heavy, warm, crushing. Judy hooks a leg around his, lazily dragging her foot up and down the back of his calf, hands lost in his hair, slowly grinding against him, sighing into his open mouth. Don moves, nibbling and kissing down her jaw and over her neck, gently thumbing a sensitive breast, his mouth and tongue working hot, soft, and squishing around the other. Judy’s hands still tangled in his hair clench and tug in time with her bucking hips. His hands spread, dragging down her sides, head tilted up watching her as he moves down her body. He reaches her underwear, lightly tracing lace hem with finger tips. Across the top, around the bottoms, gliding over the fabric and her lips to the other side and back up teasing her, every near touch torture. He continues to watch her reaction, a small smile playing on his lips, enjoying the tremble of her legs.

She arches her lower back “Just do it” Judy pants, whining out a breath. A warm tightness filling her from the sensation of his rough fingers pleasantly tickling her legs as he slides the dampened barrier down. He draws back up her body placing beard scratching kisses up her inner thighs and she clenches the building pressure instinctively. Don's lust for Judy wells as she shivers under him, he stops at the apex, spreading her legs further, hooking one over each shoulder. Judy knows what’s coming, but she’s never felt it. The sensation of wetness on wetness, his suede tongue licking her slick folds sends a spasming shock through her. He grins into her and slings a weighty arm across her hipbones to keep her from moving, then keeps going. He places slow deliberate licks from bottom to top, brushing entrance to clit as Judy squirms and gasps around him. Wrapping an arm around each leg, fingers laced together in the hollow above her pelvis, he places his mouth firmly on her, muscled tongue eating her out until she grinds into him hard repeatedly. He repositions, slipping a sizable index, then middle finger into her, twisting and pumping, mouth still sucking hard, coaxing her along. She thrashes overwhelmed, “Don! Wait!” breathy voice full of urgency, bringing her arm up to muffle and bite, unable to move her lower half. Don laughs releasing her.

“Fuck,” she swallows through hard breaths, arms crossed over her head. He comes back up laying next to her, kissing her softly, mumbling nothings into her skin. As he does his hand slips back down, playing with the hair there, long middle finger parting her tender lips, fingers stroking lazily, building her back up. Judy’s legs draw him closer. “Mr. West,” she says stealing his line, “you appear to have me at a disadvantage.” and with that Judy’s nimble toes start to work his pants down. His mouth breaks into a smile, curious to see how far she can get without her hands. Looping, and pushing, stomping and shimmying, she gets them all the way down, an amused Don plants a kiss on her jaw.

Judy rolls over on top of him, sucking long languid kisses all along Don, she can feel him hot and hard beneath his boxers. Don lets out a strangled sound when her hips glide over his, the wet heat of her core settling over his cloth covered erection, nails scratching down as her mouth works it's way lower. Placing a final sucking kiss at the bottom of his torso, Judy sits up flashing a knowing grin then locks her fingers with his to prevent his hands from stopping her. Straddling him, as she’d done platonically so many times before, she centers herself over him, just barely making contact, slowly she sways her lower half like waves crashing, forward and back, the fabric of his boxers tickling. With her over him every sensation is amplified, light hums brushing and buzzing feel like deep vibrations. Low and raspy, “Jesus, Judy, you’re gonna kill me.“

Don sits up, pulling her close, one arm bracing her upper back, the other pulling off his boxers, his mouth working her own, stinging kiss after kiss. Judy slides her hand down to touch herself, finding him free, she changes her mind and grabs hold of him. Don groans into her mouth eyes fluttering shut at her touch. He’s large and thick in her grip, her firm hand moving up and down. Her thumb traces circles around the wet rim at the top, pumping the girth of him over and over.

“Doc… Princess…Judyjudyjude- JUDY,” he warns, his hips jolt, seeking release, nearly throwing her off, “i’m not gonna last if you keep that up.”

“So let’s get on with it” she coos, pushing him gently, Jesus, who is this Letting himself fall back against the pillow. Judy repositions herself, guiding him into her, taking a minute to get settled. Don restrains himself from bucking up, eyes fully locked on Judy as she wraps herself around him hot, and slick, and wet, pushing lower as she stretches, her swollen mouth parting obscenely letting out near pornographic “oohs” and “ahhhs” as she takes more and more of him until the full length of Don is engulfed in Judy. She slides up so he’s almost fully out, then back down, bucking back slightly at the bottom. Again and again, steadying, she finds a rhythm and increases speed. Don peels off her top exposing her chest, Judy trails her hands up her torso, over her chest, around her neck, riding his hitching hips, her eyes close, head falling back, his hands bracing her firmly, fingers digging in to flesh as ragged moans escape around a small “Don-“ he grows harder at his name in her mouth. He was content to let her have this, have anything she wanted, really, so long as she’d always respond to him like that.

Judy rides him to near completion, pressure building, until Don shifts them, twisting up and bringing her down hard, his mass on top of her, hips slamming rough and unyielding. He covers her mouth with his, lips parting hers. His hand works it’s way between them, rubbing harshly with his strong fingers, bringing her higher. Judy falling to pieces in his hands for what feels like the hundredth time that night trusting Don will put her back together. She gives in and lets him, breathy pants are all she’s capable of until she feels herself clench around him and stills, white streaks fill her pitch vision and Judy thinks to herself, this must be what it is to be a star gone supernova. Don slows his pounding and his fingers, he comes as well, thrusting a few more times before stopping.

He rolls to the side giving Judy room to breath, both inhaling heavy, staggered breaths. Don turns his head to face her, still huffing “I just gotta say, I like this a lot more than hot drinks or talking”

“Shut up” she laughs through pants, shoving his arm. “We’ll take a vote later.” Curling into him, Judy lays her head against his still heaving chest, Don wrapping an arm around her, holds her close as they drift off together. They’d worry about what bed she needed to be in in the morning.

#robinwest #lost in space #judy robinson #don west #fanfiction #ao3 #snails tales

[brothalynchhung]

2022 overview

(istg ive been doing this for 10 years frnfiesfjeiss)

Hmmm lets see where did i start 2022

oh yeah tbh this year didnt really “start” for me until like april

because everything before april was just me working at that last stupid ass fintech 

what a waste of time honestly

but i did just get paid for doing nothing LOOOL shout out to my sis?

honestly since the beginning i knew it was just a stepping stone to moving out of to into dxb altho the transition and whatever isint easy and i still dont like living here 

but yeah i think i was playing guitar gyming, going through an ed ( i miss my slightly skinnier body but getting back there i think.. fml) and just idk hating work a lot

like the way i hated that job was insane if my sis wasnt there too i woulda bBEEN fired i did nothing but sit on the sofa there an browse pinterest and apply to other jobs and watch movies aoirNhaguiraehgubna

oh well tbh that whole job itself was a waste 

i applied to a crazy amount of jobs and had mad interviews

then got am lol after months 

shoutout to expo? lOOOL all my calls from them happened there im deaefiwfnjf 

i miss expo LOL that was also a big 2022 thing 

common grounds brr reading brrr

orange hair to blond hair to silver hair to platinum blonde brr to pink rip miss it kinda

my hair fried as shit 

oh yeah i also went to mecca this year brrr 

honestly that was an amazing experience mecca and madina was so beautiful i felt so at peace there

except for fighting the guards there cuz of the covid bullshit .. but whatev fuck em 

holy shit actually this year was a lot

i prayed there cleansed myself etc etc 

then i came back and i got a job at am LOOL

then i went to cali LOOOL

which was a ego death existential crisis of its own 

my whole life i dreamed of cali / LA and then hated it?

but also i realized yeah i really need to drive to survive in america

which kinda made me hate it lol 

venice beach was rlly nice like cali beaches r beautiful 

but like i envisioned it i went there alone and then felt hella unsafe the whole night there 

im sorry but it is not the 80s anymore 😭? lMFAOO OBV mfs were on DRUGS 

smh 

i saw jana there! that was cool also finally went to astro burger and fairfax 

thrifting there was ass

overall LA dissapointed me but i got high and ate good mochi which was cool 

OHH also i went to smokers club fest which was like the best music festival i ever been to

THE WAY I MANIFESTED THAT LMFAOOO I USED MY fintech MONEY TO GO THERE LOOOOOL 

also i guess shoutout to nadim for coming and basically driving me / us there cuz honestly if he didnt idk how the hell i woulda got there / back

but LMFAO BRR SUCCESSFUL TRIP

oh wait i forgot so yeah after my 16 hour flight and hours of walking around dt LA then to venice and walking all of venice someone tried to rob me at like 11 pm on the LA metro nice! nice! i was also high as shit! nice ! nice! lMAOFEFKEROPIGJERIS

good thing im a very good high functioning stoner? also my phone was plugged into my powerbank so my phone just went flying out both our hands and i just picked it up IGOT SO LUCKYY LMGOOOO WITHOUT IT IWOULDA BEEN FUCKEDDD imagine all the pics i woulda lost omfg naiufhrguiherguerh anywho thank god i didnt lose it kgriojgsrigjsr 

i didnt even see the guy at all omg egroghtiughrtjg

anyways after that i finally saw zaina after like 4 years in sf 

i guess sf was cool like it was normal majority of it i was just w zaina then could only go to the city w nada 

i mean honestly travelling and doing things is alone is always kinda like.. whats the point? but i dont think sf or LA are good for solo travel?LOOL 

but i guess that confirms i dont want to live in cali? i liked the nature and ppl there but uhhh idk maybe if i drived? idk fuck us lol 

im just happy i got to go to smokers fest lol

anywho i came back and then moved into my new place in ad and started working at am 

actually technically my first am meeting was in sf at like 4 am and i slept through it lMFAEOFJREIFJ  

but yeah then i started working at am 

i met that dumbass who i worked w for like 6 FUCKING MONTHS dealing w her ass and babysitting her dumb ass

i didnt even kno she would be there but whatever 

i tried to b cool w her but on god ive never met a more stupid human ever 

thank god i have a brain and im cultured and have critical thinking skills like THANK GOD IM ME 

then the whole j shit happened honestly dont want to talk or think about it anymore

tldr is i was mad lonely and its been so long since i talked to a guy that was a dumbass misogynist arab that the second i did i wasl like oooo 

and the fact that ivana also described him didnt help fueled my delusions 

even tho she said it wasnt him i didnt care cuz im a dumbass

then that actual dumbass fueled me more 

but honestly shout out to me telling her about ivana cuz if i didnt she wouldnt have led herself to her downfall which meant i woulda had to keep working w her lMFAOOO she stressed me the hell out on god 

but yeah anyways honestly all that was just bullshit im just sick an tired over the gl shit

unfortunately all that delusion and bs made 2022 a horrible fucking year cuz i was mentally stressed and depressed and having breakdowns left and right

but at the same time made me rlly passionate for work which helped me pass my probation w flying colours

now the mf think we cool when i highkey HATE his ass now 

seriously drained the fuck out me after all that bullshit im like a somber dead zombie now 

never NEVER i deadass 10000000 mean it this time am i ever going crazy over someone ever again

gl better love me and reciprocate or NOTHING im not sacrificing myself ever again FUCK no 

also worst bday of my life seriously unless i DIE theres no way my future bdays can be as bad as i spent the one this year 

it literally makes my blood boil because i did not deserve that 

basically after may my whole life became work and it was horrible i had ppl messaging me and irl asking me if i was okay like it was a complete 180 from yp i did nothing in that job to fucking EVERYTHING LIFE CONSUMING BULLSHIT in this one

hence why im now over all this bs and over working and over extending myself for this job , once 5 pm hits BYE also not working extra or more than i have to fuck yall this is just one job im still young i got my whole future ahead of me

work smarter not harder is my moto end of the day i get my money i get my exp and we go up this isint my end all and i can ALWAYS do better

not saying im not grateful for this job i rlly am but the way i approach it now is gunna be mad different in 2023 cuz i cant do that shit to myself again

but since im 10000000% over that bitch it should be easier

now my focus is just to do the shit i need to do work on mysself and personal goals, manage the mf i need to manage and travel 

which is another thing shout out to them for all the travel i did this year lMFAOO

like yeah my bday sucked ass but right after i got sent to helsinki which i loved moomin world brrr

then i went to copenhagen to see amin e and i love denmark too

except for throwing up before my flight to london hmmm

also ididnt know they smoked there that might be my future city fr LMAO 

then i went to london which was fire i missed that city its like a european ? british ? toronto LMFAO but cooler imo less shittier weather

chilled w p and k 

got high 2 brr 

european loud is weird lol 

i saw j there and  was ocnfused as to why i felt nothing yeah no SHIT bitch the mf ugly and boring as hell 

really need to constantly remind myself who the FUCK i am and what im capable of omfg 

the way my confidence and self-esteemed dropped this year

now i have no energy for none of that i just dont give a fuck about nothing anymore 

being in london was coo w money tho ugh shout out to having funds

also i got a ps5 this year best purchase ever

i think at this point i just wanna save now like meh i guess there is things i want but idk 

i dontt knowwww

after london was more bs ass work

went to seattle which i actually liked lol more than cali 

i was just happy to exp fall weather 

RECORD SHOPPING SEATTLE WAS INSANE

oh i ddidnt rlly mention how much records i bought this year LFMSIOERGJEFE 

london and copenhagen thrifting was IT and so was record shopping

but seattle was x10 better jfc 

i think i have almost all records i want? except for a few but ill get the rest this year i guess 

after seattle or i guess during idk that dumbass got fired brr karma 

went rogue on events still sends me 😭😭😭😭 mf if only u KNEW 

i think at that point i was just exhausted like from travel and what not i just wanted to stay at home and gym

too much travel = i was eating weird and not gyming so idk 

im getting back on track now but smh

 i read a lot this year which was good

movies was okay 

finished the most paintings this year

got into oil pastels and 3d sculpting 

my gym is fuckkk amazing except i miss my old pilates teacher and boxing teacher fml 

consume by chase atlantic took over this year for me LMFAOO smfh 

went to SA again hated it annoying 

yeah by december i was drained as hell from work like i still am 

shout out to sam still for being my only friend this year STYLL 

oh yeah nadine came love her 

z came too but honestly meh .. lol ? the d apple picking thing cheeses me out but whatever 

like how u actively friends w someone who shits on me and then go on smthing that was our thing w them?

so done w bum ass canada honestly no intention of going back there at all

another thing to like im kinda over all my canada friends like yeah yall are still my friends but i dont care anymore im not letting the past drag me back 

im just not allowing myself to suffer anymore 

hmm wat. else

yeah idk this year was just swallowed by work

sole was ass met amine felt ass about it 

 i need to do something w myself that i genuinely gaf i need to put myself out there more

i need saturn to move the FUCK out of aquarius that what the fuck ineed

now that that bitch is starting to move im already starting to feel better

but now i gotta wait styll until fucking march for that sooo 

overall like hard ass year high high and low lows 

im still grateful for myself + life and happy i get to save money and make money and gain experience and travel 

im just hoping next year i can do a good job at work normally and be happier / more balanced and make stuff that i genuinely like 

i just want to be happier this year

also i bought tickets to japan SO IGEIRUGHESRUGYBHESUYRN LMFAOOOO YEAH A BITCH GON BE HAPPY SHE BETTER FUCKNG BE HAPPY 

2023 will be better 

[tortoisebore]

do you much about UI/UX design?

i feel like i know as much about it as someone that interacts with technology as much as i do would just naturally know, if that makes sense?

i haven’t done any formal training with it because in the ways that i work in UI/UX design, it feels like common sense decisions. i’ve designed websites and a couple of apps and kind of just built them in the way that feels natural to me as someone that works almost exclusively through websites and apps and softwares in my daily life and career.

like, if i’m designing wireframes for an app or website, i’m thinking 1. what’s the easiest and clearest way for someone to get the information onto the screen, 2. what’s the most accessible way for someone that’s unfamiliar with this technology to navigate through these different pages (what’s the fewest amount of clicks that will get them to this specific info they’re looking for) and after that 3. what design language is going to both look great and back up my first two priorities—accessibility and clear, concise communication.

ex: most websites’ header menu bars transition to hamburger menus when you access them from mobile. so if i’m designing for mobile, i’m putting that hamburger menu in the top left corner of the mobile site and making it scroll with you, because most sites do the same thing and that’s the best way to make sure the information someone needs is always easily accessible—literally one tap away. it’s like muscle memory for a person to look for a hamburger menu on a mobile site, so that’s what going to be easiest for them to access and understand. i’m not going to put in some random icon at the very bottom of the page to open the menu, even if it looks better. like, if it’s difficult to find stuff on your website, that’s bad UI design

so idk i feel like that’s what UI/UX is at the end of the day in my personal experience in my job. we all know about it to an extent because we interact with technology in some form in our daily lives. people that are actual UI/UX designers are obviously going to have a much broader knowledge of it, and i’m sure there’s a lot of studying about behavior patterns and how to drive sales and clicks through certain designs, which is scary to think about fhfhfhf

tldr: i know a little bit about it and it translates a lot into my work in print design!

#u ask tortoise answers #tortoise talks about design

[waltenfiled]

1,4?

1. What does switching feel like for you? How much control do you have over switches?

Okay our switching mechanics are kinda all over the place so I'll just explain the iw and ow experience of the two most common switches!! which is exit and request + push and retreat ^______^

For exit and request, bodily we dissociate or go on auto pilot in order to exit front and request and/or get someone to front as a replacement! In the outerworld it's somewhat complex? there's three ways to request another fronter; asking the sysmate themselves, asking for the next sysmate that requested front when available, or to tell thorn that you want to leave front so he can pull someone with the closest quality that you have to front (because if you stayed in front long enough, if you leave front suddenly we'll get 'front withdrawals'!)

No one wants to ever do the first option, because the innerworld is big! and you'll have no way to know where the sysmate will be and it'll just be terrible, some are lucky though and they can do that easily! like when someone is a scout or is just trained to search for a specific sysmate etc.

The second one is fine but kinda tricky, it's like a waiting list and you're basically forcing the gatekeepers to sort through that and they will complain btdubs.

The third option is the most common because you can just get up and go, this is what happened at one point with the transition to cm to st introjects, but luckily eddie and dustin were close enough to the dynamic of spencer and me (garcia) that it didn't take that long for the body to stop experiencing front withdrawals!

OKAY, here we go to push and retreat! this is easier to explain because this is simply just sysmates being impulsive and we are no strangers to impulsiveness lmao </3

Push and retreat is simple, we either push to front (and we almost always argue about this btdubs, like a sysmate pushes themselves to front and it surprises the already fronters a bunch and sometimes it delves into a lh argument!!!) and retreat is when either one or everyone leaves front to be replaced with another batch or they leave the gatekeepers to front for themselves!! It can be in moments of bad bad or good goods, yk yk

That's mostly it but we have sooo many ways of front and absolutelt have limited control over it, at least mostly! we're all just very messy but we're fine with how it is on default mostly ^_____^

4. Do your system members ever do anything that you don’t want them to do?

We don't have hosts, or cores, so there is no basis on anything really!!!! our system doesbt work that way too, where we have like, strict 'do this do that's and 'you're only meant to do THIS not this's because we don't vibe with that personally as a whole?

But sometimes a sysmate does something like spend too much money on something that sets our bills back etc but we've all done that so it's like, not a big deal yk yk, it's understandable systemwide

We do have rules? but the system is not that dumb that we'll do something unspeakable like, idk, murder?????? in the outerworld at least, so really it's up to whoerever ends up fronting after yk

#^____^ #mq posting #gar posting #nonny ^_^

[milf-harrington]

Hi! I've been trying to find fics with trans characters lately, but I don't really read/write nsfw stuff, so thanks for the fic recs you recently shared! You can totally ignore this ask if you want, but I really love your writing & I was wondering if you have any advice for writing trans characters?

oh you're welcome!! <3

the following list is specific to transmascs bc that's where i fit and that's my experience, but that being said if there are any transfem people that would like to pls feel free to add on with a list of your own!!

treat them like people first, not everything in a trans persons life revolves around them being trans

if they bind then make sure to mention it, even just in passing - things like adjusting a strap, feeling winded after too much movement/too long wearing it, taking it off/putting it on, how they make you all sweaty in summer, how they stick to your skin when your damp and it's uncomfy

don't baby them!! eg: zuko is a grumpy bitch of a character, even when he's trans in fics he should still be a grumpy bitch of a character bc being trans doesnt automatically make him soft or emotional

please, god, stay away from the cis saviour trope

also the tortured trans person trope, it is possible for trans people to be happy (then again, if you're writing an angsty story then fuck yeah make it hurt - i just mean don't write a trans character if you're just going to make them miserable bc they're trans yknow?)

you don't have to make coming out a big deal, you don't even have to make the character come out unless it's genuinely relevant to the plot (but also don't write the plot w a coming out in mind? if that makes sense?)

idk if you've seen my list of pet peeves in trans fics but basically stay away from everything on that list kjddjk

do your research!! on trans terms, on medical transition, on dysphoria vs dysmorphia, listen to trans ppls experiences etc

i can't think of anything else and it's kinda tricky bc i can't differentiate between what trans ppl know about writing trans characters and what cis ppl do; bc some things are just such common-sense to me that i don't even think of it when ppl ask bc i think they'd already know dfkjs

um, if your trans and you see this and have something to add then please do!

also i've been tagging all my trans discussions as '#writing trans characters' so if you want to go through that and see if there's anything helpful there then you can (:

#i feel like such a hypocrite whenever i talk about bitchy zuko bc he's so not a bitch in ijmay #but in my defence i was projecting when i first started the fic and i still try to give him his moments #writing trans characters #trans #asks #anon

[the-righteous-heathen]

hey! abt the q + a thingy. so, im 16 currently, turning 17 over the summer. i lost my faith a few years ago, and my situation is. a bit different? my parents have found out about my faith crisis twice, each time a year apart, and each time after a few months they convinced themselves that i believed again. we're back to the thinking i believe part rn and id like to keep it that way for safety sake until i can move out at 18. i dont want to lie forever though, how do i tell them when its time? that i want to leave it behind? + im trans + gay and have a secret bf that i have long term plans with and idk how to tell them about any of that either, what with transitioning and all

For me, it took lots of little meetings. Whether its through FaceTime or in person, you may have to set up something formal and in a nice environment. Public places help because then they can’t corner you and it won’t be an endless conversation. Say “we’re going to talk about this until it’s time to go, but I do not want to continue the conversation in the car, at home, etc” because that allows you to rebuild connections after and make things feel better after being vulnerable. This works for FaceTime if you just schedule a time to catch up and a time for serious convos.

Do not dump everything at once. They may bait you, asking questions like “well if you think this, then you must be/think—.” But there’s no rule that says you have to explain everything. You could start with a meeting just about the BOM and your problems with it. Or just about your personal belief in god or lack thereof—not necessarily in relation to the church. Your views of other forms of Christianity vs mormonism. Whatever feels right to talk about first, go ahead and talk about it. Be firm about what you’re going to talk about, and don’t let them distract you.

Common manipulative phrases to watch out for that may derail the conversation:

“But I’ve seen how you felt/acted in the past…”

This one’s hard. It’s difficult to explain how psychology and the placebo effect can create false feelings, or how the church attributes some feelings to the spirit that are actually natural emotions. You can skip all that for now. Simply say “I was wrong” or “I do not feel that way anymore“ until they’re in a better place of understanding.

”This isn’t the son/daughter/child I raised...”

Do not under any circumstances give into this one. It’s emotional manipulation. You do not owe them the child they raised. They owe you their unconditional love no matter your life choices. Let them know that you still love them as parents and that’s what matters.

lastly, they often go on tangents about their experience in the church. Listen to them. Make them feel heard for a moment. But make it clear that your opinions and experiences are simply different from theirs. As far as discussing actual issues issues in the church goes, do your homework. Understand what their pov may be and work from there. Look at Mormon apologist websites as well as exmo sources to figure out their arguments so you can GENTLY dismantle them.

Please remember you’re allowed to try to walk away or stop the conversation at any time! Also, as far as coming out as LGBTQ goes, that may have to be a pt. 2 but it follows similar ideas.

#Exmo #mormon parents #Advice #religion #cult #leaving the church #lgbtq #mormonism

[nabrizoya]

RoW Theories and Things I Want to See

with RoW literally a few weeks away, here’s some theories your way. 

this is Really long. like, really very long; mind you. 

Nikolai might become a disabled character.

It’s just the vibes. If we can take reference from the Too Clever Fox story, there’s a line that says “...and his [Koja’s] fur never quite sat right the same...”, which might hint at it (mostly bc i don’t want him to die). Also if this is indeed possible, it can be used to address ableism if it exists in this universe, especially since Nikolai is someone in the highest position of power. 

Zoya will experiment the shit out of powers. 

Idk why the synopsis says that using her powers might be a great deal, which tbf will be because she is truly the most most powerful atm; but Zoya wouldn’t mind taking the step outside of the old norms and bend the orders until they serve their purpose. That’s the entire goal rly.

But all along, she will consciously keep herself mindful to not hunger or discharge her power in a way that may cause harm. She knows the tyranny of the Darkling and the ways he employed. She knows better. 

More character depth to Zoya. 

Given the excerpts, the book does seem to explore Zoya’s infinite grief. And of course her Suli heritage, which a great part of the fandom consistently wants to shadow what with the talk “white features/ part Ravkan” bs. 

But there’s more. I hope RoW will show Zoya’s dilemma (that was alr hinted in KoS) she has with the power she holds, the responsibility she has with having that power + using it in the way that will not be detrimental to her and the country. It will be a great way to portray her self-awareness and doubt and insecurity. She is a good leader, that much is told in text but not shown. There’s character development from the end of R&R until KoS that makes her evolve from a what she was then to the capable and mature 22 year old she is in KoS. 

Of course all of their capabilities will come to light in RoW but I think Zoya and the agency to her as a character will play an integral part. More so because Zoya is to be the conduit to reversing the current Grisha orders, which runs in parallel with the fact that she needs to go back, go back to the roots of her Grisha knowledge and roots of her i.e. her unending grief and trauma. 

She will need to forgive herself while also dealing with the guilt and anger she may have caused due to her position and power. All of this while dealing with her own complex and contrasting emotions due to her own trauma.

Nikolai is held for treason. 

The word of allying with The Darkling may be out and that is enough reason for the entire country to turn against him. The secret about the monster causes issues more than enough already, and this will plunge the country into deep political turmoil and threats to security. So RoW will be more politically driven. That said...

There’s no overt war. 

By this I mean that there will not be war on the battlefield, both armies or more charging at each others’ enemies and such. Ravka cannot afford one either. The excerpts have already proved that. There will be skirmishes akin to a war scenario, but a complete battle like the last battle in R&R? Like a final battle? That’s not going to be there, I think… What I’m assuming might happen is that the Fjerda and Ravka will take a possible Cold War route, if it isn’t already the case they’re already dealing with atm. 

Ravka’s monarchy will collapse. 

It may become a democracy or any other form of public or majority vote. But the monarchy (as well a possible dictatorship, esp with the Darkling returned) will be eliminated. ...Or so I hope, since it has been alluded to in KoS. 

But that poses many problems. With no one line for the throne, let alone with a crime so dark like a blot on Nikolai’s skill (of taking the Darkling’s help), it is possible that Ravka will shun it, right alongside being torn about it because Nikolai has been, for the best of his ability, a good King. All of this in line with the Resistance rising in West Ravka. 

This ties in with the court matters, especially if I want to hold the further points I make true. The resolution to acquit Nikolai of his charges requires a testification forth a jury which will then make a decision about his motives and future. 

Zoya as the Interim Head. 

After all of this, Zoya’s point about Ravka not accepting a Grisha Queen will be true after all, because there will be no monarchy to welcome such an arrangement. 

But Ravka will need a good and trustworthy leader despite Grisha powers and Zoya is the best person to take care of that. The comment “...becoming a steady leader...” and the “Welcome home, Commander,” were there in KoS for a reason (and this is what I think it will link to). 

That being said, there’s more nuance to this than my summary. Zoya is a character of colour. That—in addition to the already existing threats, objections and possible question of capability in the position—ill play into how she will be able to discharge her responsibility. It’s not going to be convenient.

EDIT: taken from a reblog/addition to the og post:

A smoother/more structured transition

Once after the monarchy collapses and a leader must be chosen, it will not be Nikolai. Nor will it be Zoya, though she might serve as an interim head. What I assume might be possible is that someone older is chosen, someone older and loyal and with the proof of knowledge and service to the country. Possibly by majority vote or elected by a council.

Instead of the sudden change, this can be a smoother (if that can even be said about such a major political scenario change) or more structured. I also say this because a. if Nikolai is indeed charged (and later acquitted), firstly his political career will already hold a blot if the word about using the Darkling as a resource is out and secondly, he’s way too young to serve as the leader (by modern standards, sure, but like, the required age will be set while drafting the constitution? currently its 35+).

Instead, the current cast can become representatives (which Zoya would already be, (mostly the head of the) international committee that safeguards the Grisha all over the world) and the Triumvirate will be dissolved. (it should be, tbh)

And hey, b. after all of this, they can and kind of need to take a step back. Nikolai and Zoya will be able to truly explore their relationship, given how Nikolai mentions how he wouldn’t marry unless he’d have had the chance to court someone and marry someone he barely knows nor knows him. For Zoya’s part, she does know Nikolai but surely probably not the extent of openness that a healthy relationship has, and on Nikolai’s part, he admits he barely knows her beyond as a General except for just little things about her.

They could be able to realize and work on their feelings while alongside being involved with the workings of the country and the constitution.

“One day you will overstep and I will not be so forgiving.” 

Need I say more? Something that Zoya does will cost her Nikolai’s goodwill and we know Zoya knows her practicality and the extent to which she will unapologetically move if there is threat to the country and its King. She will do what was right and required. 

A major part of that line ties in with Magnus Opjer and I think with the confidence in the versatility of her powers, Zoya might as well move w/o any word to the Triumvirate to eliminate the most direct threat to the throne. This will bring splits in Nikolai and Zoya’s relationship. 

How this tension between them will be resolved without compromising either of their values, without playing into fandom stereotypes and others must be carefully handled. All of this while showing the best of their dynamicity, practicality and priority as they carefully pull out just those weak sticks of the jenga without putting the whole country into trouble. And with a war in plain sight, they’d know better than pointlessly argue and would rather see how the two of them are wrong. This ordeal will bring out just how condensed power is in the current scenario, imo. 

Importance on the way women have shaped history. 

Something that KoS has already set precedence for. Zoya being a PoC, Nina taking into account of the sufferings of women she comes across and the consistent ‘Who will remember them?’ will be elaborated on further. As for how it is done and how well it is done, that remains to be seen. 

Baghra is alive but maybe not thriving bc she’s stuck in the Ice Court. 

They entered a chamber where an old woman sat with her hands chained, flanked by guards. Her eyes were vacant. As each prisoner approached, the woman gripped his or her wrist.

A human amplifier. [...] But the Fjerdans used them for a different purpose – to make sure no Grisha breached their walls without being identified.

Kaz watched Nina approach. He could see her trembling as she held out her arm. The woman clamped her fingers around Nina’s wrist. Her eyelids stuttered briefly. Then she dropped Nina’s hand and waved her along.

Had she known and not cared? Or had the paraffin they’d used to encase Nina’s forearms worked?

- Chapter 22. Kaz; Part 4: Trick to Falling, Six of Crows.

Nina will be the one to free her and together they might wage a war from Djerholm together.

This gets even more interesting because we know the anguish and scorn that Baghra feels for her son at the same time; she understands the wrongness that he used to seek and will continue to. Zoya does take Baghra’s name at the Fold when she mourns and rages over how people forget the destruction and most importantly, forget the women. Baghra could be the symbol of the stag as the art piece depicts, or will be shown with relation to the Darkling’s powers.

As for how she will play into the story, perhaps she will be the one to help reverse and find the roots of the orders, in the sense that changes the perception of the Grisha powers for the Grisha as well as the common folk of Ravka. She is the only other person other than Juris and the Darkling to have the age of eras together, knowing Ilya Morozova, and she will be instrumental in giving Ravka an advantage over Fjerda. Either that or she will help in scrubbing the prejudices of Fjerda slowly away with whatever powers she has left. Or both. 

Alina will reappear, but will not contribute to the plot significantly.

Zoya understands that the truth she knows about the Darkling is very minimal not enough to end him for once and for all. It makes sense that she will probably consult Alina for it. So, Malina appearance, possibly at the orphanage. Alina will not directly contribute to this war, but she will play a critical role in defeating the Darkling.

Besides, Alina —and Baghra— are the only ones who know that there has only ever been two Darklings. Zoya did sense, multiple times during KoS, that the Darkling is damn old. Yuri mentions it. And while it is not outright specified, the fact that Zoya thinks that she realizes just how ancient Lizabetha is in context of meeting the Darkling is enough proof for her to seek more information about the age and the older skill of the Darkling. 

And I think it goes without saying that I want to hope that the Darkling and Alina will not meet. Pls, she’s had enough. 

Lada is the lost, other friend that Zoya refuses to bury. 

“She saw her mentor die and her worst enemy resurrected, and she refuses to bury another friend.”

Liliyana is dead, we know. But there’s no other mention of Lada except for the “wondering what happened to the pug faced girl.” Lada is possibly a part of the group of women and a Grisha returning to Ravka from Fjerda, exploited by the parem. She might die being unable to withhold the sheer torment of the parem induction, which will devastate Zoya because Lada was also the closest she’s had to a family with Liliyana. 

Either that or Lada is already dead or dies some other way, and Zoya cannot bring herself bear the grief of losing her. 

Cameos: Inej and Jesper. 

The most likely of the crows to appear in RoW are Inej and Jesper and they’ll play equally important roles in the plotline. Here’s a breakdown of why:

Inej

Inej has taken the responsibility of becoming a slave hunter, and it makes sense for Inej to make an appearance in the book, given that there’s going to be a ship taking the Grisha from Fjerda to Ravka. 

The women aboard are vulnerable and require immediate attention, which Inej will immediately zero in on. She will have enough reason to suspect both Leoni and Adrik on the ship, especially when the jurda parem is still a secret. Leoni and Adrik cannot give that information away because they don’t trust Inej (and have no reason to either). Inej won’t trust them either, not until she understands that the reason why the women are being taken to Ravka and for what reasons. 

Which gives her excellent reason to step in, try to analyze the situation and help the women accordingly.

Here’s an exciting thought though. Once after the entire misunderstanding is overcome and Inej understands (esp. if Nina is brought into the conversation and security and secrecy of the conversation is ensured), there may be discussion about how the Grisha might find a safer space in Ravka.

Inej’s appearance might also extend to playing a pivotal role in giving Zoya the confidence to seek her heritage and where she hails from, to embrace the part of her past and forgive herself and others for her mistakes. 

ALSO, 

Grisha finding a safer space in Ravka will mean that Inej can pitch Jesper’s case for him to Zoya. Being the highest authority who takes cares of the responsibilities of the Grisha, Zoya will be the best person to talk about this with. 

And so, here comes Jesper. 

Jesper

For one, I wish Jesper and Leoni interact, talk and just bond like the iconic siblings they would be. <3 But more than that, Jesper plays very integral to the plot for more reasons.

Jesper’s arc will parallel Zoya’s. Both of them are new to their powers in their own individual sense; Zoya is trying to use her new powers in a way that hasn’t been done before, thereby breaking the Grisha orders of powers and Jesper (assuming he has decided that he might want to learn and embrace his Grisha powers) is learning them afresh. 

This journey of them trying to embrace, learn and relearn and reject older norms and experiment really work in tandem.

That will lead us to a further (plot) theories. 

Ties with Novyi Zem 

As of the KoS end, Ravka has no support from anyone atm. Sure the Kerch will provide funds but Ravka has no real allies. Here’s where Novyi Zem and Jesper come in. 

We know Novyi Zem is a new country and also that it is the second safest country for the Grisha in the universe. As of KoS, their agreements are not renewed and they would be since between Kerch and Novyi Zem, Ravka was forced to pick Kerch. Yet Ravka needs their help in acquiring jurda for the antidote. 

So here’s the deal: Ravka will get their jurda but at many conditions that the Novyi Zem will impose on Ravka to not let exploitation get in the way. 

The conditions imposed could be (these are just some at the top of my head but I hope there are more to ensure the safety and security of the Zemeni, in Novyi Zem and in Ravka too) : 

Naval support from Ravka

We know of the Zemeni ships and ofc Nikolai has been hard at work trying to develop plans to use the sea to its fullest advantage. While the news of the izmars’ya isn’t public, Zemeni can place a condition for technical aid from Ravka since Ravka does have the technical knowledge it can dispatch as a condition.

A Grisha School in Novyi Zem

Think about it. Ravka, despite being the safest place for the Grisha, still isn’t entirely safe. Not all Grisha become soldiers in Ravka, they have a choice to abstain but those who are training are still recruited a honed for purpose alike preparing for war, especially the teens and preteens from the time of the Civil War. The training does take a lot of time. Ravka intends to make a home first and then service, but at the moment, while the Grisha are provided safety, it’s not assured in the best sense. Both the facts about a home and service are in precarious positions atm.

TL;DR: Ravka isn’t entirely safe for Grisha therefore the Grisha themselves too are not + Ravka is war torn. 

So what happens? 

One of the conditions as the next best country that serves as home to the Grisha, Novyi Zem may put forth the prospect of building a Little Palace like institution for the Grisha in Novyi Zem. It sounds morally wrong in the sense that the Grisha there will also be trained for war, but the war will end and soon, the Grisha will not be subject to serve for something but engage in economic activities as anybody else with the progression of time.

All of this won’t happen immediately either; learning their powers, honing it in the way that is unocnventional from what it had been pre-RoW and that transition + the building of the establishment in Novyi Zem and laying foundation for the  transnational panel or committee for Grisha that Zoya talks about will all take so much time. 

A few Grisha representatives from Novyi Zem can learn at the Little Palace and by the time the construction of the institution is done in Novyi Zem, these Grisha, along with other willing Grisha who either want to return to the country they were born in (like Leoni) or are offered to teach in a different country can do so too. 

There will be stricter terms so as to not ensure exploitation and possible colonization in these nations. 

Zoya mentions in one of her chapters that eventually there will be a need for the a  transnational panel or committee for Grisha. Jesper can Zoya can make it possible, adding in other countries to the panel slowly as the war recedes. 

Kaz and Wylan? 

Least likely to make an appearance, in my opinion. I think they’ll be mentioned plenty of times or brought up once and given great importance for how they can help in the side plot. 

Shu Support: 

This is more a hope than an actually theory dfbkdhjadfh but Makhi might have to step down from the throne because Ehri will take the place; either as a Queen (no...) or she might oversee the process of strengthening Shu Han and finding a leader (if she doesn’t want to become one herself). 

Ehri is capable, more than capable despite the little we know of her from the last chapter in KoS. All I hope is for an understanding and friendship between Nikolai and Ehri (and the subsequent cancelling of the marriage duH) for this to happen. She has little interest in statecraft but with the time she might spend with Nikolai, she might change her views. Even if not then she still gets the happy ending she deserves with Mayu (which is canon at this point rly).

Emotional Development or Breakdowns

Okay but I really, really, really hope we get to see all the three protagonists lose their shit and deal with their trauma, seek help or trying to stop isolating themselves or anything else they do to cope? Nina, Zoya and Nikolai, all of them cry, all of them get to completely lose it, let themselves be human and healthily cope and learn to rely on the people they trust the most. Like the sheer power and potential to show the myriad of ways to deal with grief, sadness, stress and more and make use of the trio’s backgrounds to show healthy and diverse ways of helping themselves, by letting themselves and others help them is just *combusts* Incredible! 

That being said, can I also ask for moments of fear and desolation from the side characters too? Impending war isn’t small business, it will take its toll on people, and all these reactions just cement their fears and what they value the most so. pls. Humanizing them rly. 

The Saving Each Other 

As much as I mostly kinda hate this trope, there are traces in the KoS that Zoya might be the one to end Nikolai’s affliction. On the other hand, there is talk of Nikolai helping Zoya control her powers which seems counterintuitive when you consider that Zoya knows that there is a line that she must never cross and that she is very, very careful about it and will continue to be. 

They can instead be the ones who motivate each other in times of distress as they always do (as shown with how Nikolai tries to gain control over his monster during the burning thorn ritual in KoS, allowing himself the vulnerability but also knowing that giving up will be unforgivable to both himself and Zoya as well) but I seriously do not wish for each other to be the ones directly ending one another's misery. Or perhaps this is just a fear imo that Leigh wouldn’t even take the route of (in which case, thank fuck).

Stab Stab Stab 

Zoya gets the chance to kill the Darkling with the rest of her friends. After all, Darkling does call them all his old friends. Just Julius Caeser him all the way and put a bow tie on the book. *chef’s kiss* Everybody deserves a second chance... at ending a tyrant when it fails the first time. 

+

So far, this is it. Rule of Wolves is in less than a few weeks and im- asdfghjkl. not Ready. i’m more Worried than Ready.

#zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #nina zenik #rule of wolves #king of scars #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #ehri kir taban #hanne brum #grishaverse #alina starkov #mal oretsev #baghra morozova #the darkling #kos #row #leigh bardugo #row theories #zoyalai #tw ableism mention #tw war #i hope these aren't insensitive. esp the one point about war + the theories about novyi zem #and ofc the disability part too #if the way i've expressed some points are hurtful i sincerely apologize. i will change them and learn better #thanks for reading this super long post lmao #long post // #cw long post #??? #anyw #row spoilers

[dog-teeth]

hi i just wanted to say that looking through your blog especially your photos of yourself has made me feel a certain way about my gender and has helped my feel confident in my decision to identify as genderfluid. thank you for existing

AW thank you so much!! im really really happy to be able to be publicly genderfluid and have some effect on others with it, this message made me think about how i actually don’t really know any other genderfluid people, even online, and it would’ve been nice & helpful if i had seen more genderfluid people existing earlier on in my transition - it took me a Long time to come to terms with being genderfluid even after knowing im trans because of the really superficial cis-centric common narrative that genderfluid is like “switching between male, female, and androgynous/nonbinary, dressing masculine when you feel male and feminine when you feel female etc” when for me my genderfluidity never reaches either side of the gender binary and is heavily intertwined with my bisexuality, and my gender presentation often doesn’t correlate with traditional gender roles of the gender i am feeling at the time (ex. i often dress more feminine when i’m feeling closer to male, when im interested in men i feel more male and when im interested in women depending on the specific relationship it makes me feel more girlfriendy or more boyfriendy idk its hard to explain)

um but yeah basically im happy to be able to share my experiences on here and its cool that it resonates with people bc i feel like genderfluidity in particular is really underrepresented!!

i'm if you want to, feel free to message me off anon to get my main blog, i've been posting most of my selfies (and personal posts) there recently!

#save #ez answers #gender stuff