*explores thrift store*
*scours the old vinyl*
*hits the jackpot*
And remarkably, I’m not referring to the off-brand Sesame Street LP behind it... which I may or may not have also purchased.
Yes, that’s right, folks – it’s Scooby (non-hyphenated) Doo and Friends: Exciting Christmas Stories!
Why, just behind Scrappy, you can see the whole gang, including...
...erm... Suddenly-Blonde Soulless Daphne?
Ted the Animator: “Oh, Carl....”
Carl the Animator: “Hey, the level of detail is fine! It’ll be seen all tiny on an old, blurry analog TV.”
Ted the Animator: “It’s for an LP cover... which are foot-wide, high-quality prints people can hold inches from their face to examine.”
Carl the Animator: “...ok, well... that might be slightly sub-optimal on detail.”
Ted the Animator: “And why didn’t you go with orange hair, anyway? It was already used in the print, Velma’s sweater has it.”
Carl the Animator: “Don’t question the mysterious ways of the Carl.”
Now, once you’ve got it out of the sleeve, you know you’re in for a real treat...
...since poor Daph is downgraded from “inaccurate hair” to “losing 1/4th of her skull.”
Poor gal can’t catch a break... as soon as her spine starts workin’ properly, the other bones decide to start slacking off.
But where exactly is Scrappy, the sixth character featured so prominently on the cover?
Absolutely nowhere to be found in the stories.
Which – depending on your Scrappy stance – is either flagrant marketing lies or an exceptional mercy.
The record is essentially two super-condensed Scooby-Doo radio dramas about the gang saving Christmas...
...which, judging by the dust released, hadn’t been played since Christmas of ‘78.
And as I give every LP a deep cleaning, that’s some darn resilient ‘70s dust.
I won’t go crazy into detail, but will say that my favorite parts are when ol’ Scoob talks at length in complete sentences, since all they had to work with was audio...
...oh yeah, and when he stops a polar bear from eating everyone at the North Pole.
Maybe the stories can get their own post if people are interested, but I’m warnin’ ya... Scooby-Doo Santa defense is pretty nail-biting stuff.
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