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cerise-on-top · 17 days

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Could you make a cute alphabet for Valeria?

Hey! Sure!

Fluff Alphabet for Valeria

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

While Valeria does love going shopping with you above most things, she’d actually love nothing more than to go stargazing with you. Although she has no idea why, she actually really likes looking at the stars and knows a few stories behind some of the constellations as well. Not very many, but she can tell you a few. She isn’t even that into space, but something about looking at the endless universe and realizing its beauty just gets to her. Loves doing that with you whenever she can.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She loves the fact that you speak your mind whenever you feel like it. Valeria doesn’t particularly like guessing games and the uncertainties that come with them, she’d much rather have all the information she can get from the get go. So you telling her what you think without sugarcoating everything is a nice change of pace since everyone else usually hides things from her to get on her good side. You’re honest, sometimes even blunt, and she can truly appreciate that.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If someone hurt you, then she’d go after them and teach them a lesson. A not very kind and gentle one, mind you. Anyone who makes you feel bad deserves to freeze in the ninth circle of hell, being chewed on by the devil himself. However, if you’re feeling sad for no apparent reason, then she’ll try to distract you by taking you on a shopping spree or getting you your favorite food. She’s not at all good at comforting people, but she tries. If you have a panic attack she’d try the same thing, except she’d speak a bit more softly with you than before.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Somewhere in a nice mansion, with a few trustworthy maids, where everything manages itself, she’d share her empire with you. On the one hand she doesn’t want you involved in the slightest in all of it, but on the other hand she sort of wants you to become as successful as she is in her business. She’d love to rule over the cartel with you, she’d love for you to be as cunning as she is. However, she knows that likely won’t ever happen, largely because she’s just that careful, but she can dream about it.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Valeria is dominance personified. Sure, you can make some suggestions and she’s more inclined to listen to you than someone else, but she wears the pants and it’s blatantly obvious in your relationship. Whatever she says goes, even if you can get into fights because of that. If she tells you to hide, you will. If she tells you to not tell a single soul about your relationship, you won’t. Although she may not always know everything, she usually knows what’s best and what she’s doing. She wants the both of you to be safe.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

I don’t think she’d forgive easily, not even you. She can be a very petty woman, even with you. While I don’t think she’ll let it out on you as much, she would definitely yell at you when she’s angry enough. Sure, she’ll try to be more on the rational side with you, but her anger gets the better of her and she’ll raise her voice at you. If you start crying then she’ll calm down a bit and forgive you more easily, in fact she might try to yell a bit less as well. However, it takes a proper apology from you for her to forgive you.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

It may not seem like she’s all that grateful to have you around, but she is thankful for you. She doesn’t have a lot of time for you, she sometimes gets hurt for one reason or another and doesn’t always tell you, when she’s home she doesn’t always take care of the chores. However, she’s truly grateful for you to care for her as much as you do, she doesn’t take it for granted. She does try to spend time with you whenever she can, she tries not to worry you with her injuries when she has some, she does try to do the chores but she’s usually too tired to do them once she’s home. However, she’ll try to show her gratitude by buying you expensive things. Again, she’s not good at being affectionate.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Yes, there are plenty of things she doesn’t tell you about. She doesn’t particularly like talking about her past all that much, even if it wasn’t all that traumatic either. Unless you somehow know about her having been part of the Mexican army, she won’t mention that either, having had too many regrets there to properly enjoy talking about it. If you ask her about her past then she’ll give you a cocky grin and tell you to figure it out on your own if you want to know about it so badly. Valeria may love you, but you really don’t need to know everything about her, some things are better swept under the rug.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Valeria may have become a somewhat more kind and patient person once she’s been with you for a while. She’s a businesswoman, so she knows how to deal with ne’er-do-wells. However, if you ask her to spare someone’s life, if you tell her to not be as mad at her people for messing up, then she might listen to you. You’d be the only reason some people are still alive at that point. Sometimes she’d remember what you said and might become a bit nicer. It doesn’t happen very often, she has a business to run, but it happens.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Valeria is a very jealous person. Someone talking to you for too long, you talking about someone in a more adoring tone than you should, someone being too friendly with you, it all pisses her off. Especially if that person makes you uncomfortable. She’ll get pissy and cranky, she’ll tell that dumb bastard to fuck off and leave you alone. She won’t claim you as hers in public, she won’t sling her arm around you or anything, but she will glare at anyone too close to you. Also not afraid of telling you how ticked off she actually is. Give her a lot of attention and she’ll calm down again.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Yes, Valeria is a very good kisser. Back when she was still single, women would actually flock to her just to feel her tender touch and kisses, that would leave anyone breathless. She knows what she’s doing and she does it so incredibly well, she’ll always leave you yearning for more of her. I think your first kiss was her pinning you against the wall and just going for it, after she made sure you liked her as well. She loves feeling like the bigger person and flustering you whenever she can.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It would be such an expensive, elaborate thing. You’ll be going to the most expensive restaurant, you’ll be going to see a musical or an opera and then she’ll buy you a nice gift. Basically anything to please you and court you in her own way. She has too much money anyway, so why not spend it on you when she can? Afterwards, ever so confident, she’ll tell you that she likes you in a romantic manner. While she may be a bit nervous about your reaction, she tries not to seem too anxious about it all. She can usually play it off well enough.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

On the one hand, she sort of does want to get married, on the other hand, she really doesn’t. Does she really want that sort of commitment to someone for the rest of her life? The thought scares her. Besides, she wants to keep you safe as well, so she can’t really afford to marry you as she is. Just being partners is enough for her, in all honesty. She leans towards not wanting to marry you, but her situation could change at any point in time and she might want to someday.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Cariño/a or querido/a, she really doesn’t like going for anything more fancy or romantic. She’s not a verbally affectionate person in the first place. And even then, she usually just calls you that when she’s drunk. She’s more affectionate when drunk anyway, but her Spaniglish is hard to understand for someone who doesn’t speak both languages.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

She tries courting you immediately as soon as she’s figured out she’s in love with you. Lots of gifts, tries to spend more time with you. Hell, she might just send you some money just because she can as well, especially if you need some. It’s not too obvious she’s in love, it only seems like she’s playing favorites, which she definitely is. She expresses her feelings by taking you on lots of coffee dates and just talking to you. If you’re very close then she’ll invite you to her home as well.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

She keeps your relationship a secret from the world. She’s a very dangerous woman, she could have anyone killed within days. However, she could, in turn, also be killed at any point in time. The same goes for you if anyone were to ever find out about the both of you. She really doesn’t brag about you, she doesn’t like PDA either and will actively advise you against being affectionate with her in public. All of that stuff stays behind closed doors.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

If you’re ever afraid to talk to someone, she’s got you. You want to change your order? You wanna make a new friend? You wanna compliment that stranger on their cool shirt? Valeria can easily do all of that and more for you. She talks to many people on the daily anyway, among them lots of strangers. She’s not afraid of talking to people, quite the opposite, she’s very good at talking to them. She may be blunt like barely anyone else, but she’s got a certain charm and charisma as well to her. If you’re on her good side, then chances are you’re settled for life.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

She’s not very romantic. Sure, she’ll cuddle with you on the couch when she has the time and watch a movie with you, but she won’t call you any embarrassing nicknames and dance in the rain with you. She’s far too practical for that. In fact, she doesn’t really like most romantic gestures in the first place. She’s not averse to them, but if she doesn’t have to hug you from behind then she won’t complain about it either. She loves you, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not a romantic at heart.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Valeria supports you, I can tell you that much. She has enough money to buy the world if she wanted to, so she can buy you just about anything you may want or need. You wanna learn how to drive? Here’s a Porsche. You wanna become a world renowned chef? Tell her what ingredients you need and they’ll be delivered to your door the next day. She may not have the most encouraging words for you, but she tries to help you in a way that doesn’t feel awkward to her either. She tries really hard for you, even if she may not always succeed at it.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She doesn’t particularly need anything new all the time. Sure, sometimes she’d like to go to a new country with you, if she has the time, but she doesn’t get that urge very often. She really does prefer doing the same things with you over and over again when she can. However, that’s a rarity in and of itself since she’s not at home very often, so she doesn’t get to see you a lot either. That’s probably the reason why she prefers having a routine in the first place, she doesn’t always have one at work.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She probably knows you very well. She’s a very observant woman, so she can tell when you’re upset, when you’re happy or when you need something from her, for example. However, she’s not an empathetic person at all. She really can’t feel what you’re feeling, but it doesn’t bother her either. Empathy would just get in her way at work, so she really prefers it that way. That way she can judge situations more objectively as well. She’s not a very emotional person, except when she’s angry.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

The relationship is pretty important to her, but I don’t think she’d want to give up her cartel for you. As mentioned before, she’s not a very romantic person. She values her status as El Sin Nombre a lot and wants to be respected by everyone. She worked hard to get where she wants to be and she really doesn’t wanna give all of that up. Sure, she values you more than many other people, but she won’t give up her job for you.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Every year she looks forward to going to a Christmas market with you. If it wasn’t for you, she wouldn’t celebrate that holiday in the first place, but she does like going to a Christmas market, taking in all the colors, drinking some hot beverages and maybe going on a ferris wheel with you as well. Even if you really don’t wanna go, she’ll drag you there at least once a year. Naturally, she’ll be the one to pay for everything, but she will feel a lot of sentiment if you pay for her this time around.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

She’s not a very affectionate person. She may praise you for a task well done, but she won’t be overly romantic with you. She sometimes likes kissing and cuddling, usually she doesn’t mind it, and sometimes she absolutely abhors any and all physical affection. Naturally, she’ll tell you how she feels that day. She much prefers to show her affections through spending time with you at a cafe and talking to you and giving you gifts over cuddling in bed all day. It’s truly rare for Valeria to initiate any sort of physical affection. Except when she’s drunk, she’s more inclined to cuddle then.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

She usually just calls you when she can, no need to beat around the bush too much. She doesn’t keep a picture of you on her out of fear of something happening to you, so her options are limited. Sometimes she thinks about the things she’d like to do with you once she finally gets back to you again. However, she’s usually too busy to miss you too much anyway. Tries to get back to you as soon as possible, though.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Valeria would kill and torture for you. She breaks the law on the regular anyway, but for you she’d break every law at once. If you’ve been together for a very long time, then she’ll take a literal bullet for you as well. It’s not often someone gets that sort of privilege, so you should feel really honored. She’d have some of her men killed just to make sure you get to smile again. You’re more important than them anyway. So yeah, Valeria would go to great lengths just to make you happy.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #I am not taking any more of these in their entirety and that's final #I'm gonna put my foot down this time #also ya boi passed their first theoretical exam today and I am very happy about that 🎉#now it's only the proper theoretical exam and the practical one as well and I'll finally have that driver's license!!#I got 100% and 92% today so I did really well too :3 #now I finally don't have to study as much anymore and can devote my time to other things such as writing #however I won't have time to write tomorrow since I'll be at my country house with my parents and we'll be grilling there!#there's so much I need to do these days: write for my blog. write a letter every day. journal #I do a lot of writing these days and it's kind of exhausting actually #but hey at least there's very little to do at work so I can usually do as I please there for now #however it's extremely boring as well unfortunately #well it's only for this month afterwards I'll be swarmed with work again #not sure if that's much better actually

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da-birb-writes-sometimes · 9 months

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hi hi :D i saw identity's request with floyd so for the event, id like to request...

stargazing - jade - mainly fluffy romance (preferably tooth rotting stuff)

hope you have a great day!

Stargazing; Jade Leech

Content; Fluff, gender-neutral reader, romance (aiming for cardiac arrest)

Word Count; 650+

AN; The second of three Jade requests, which I am more than happy to write. Much like with Identity, consider this as a wedding present ^v^ As a reminder, do not put my work — or others for that matter — into AI as it steals. Link to Masterlist

The waves crashed against the cliffs. The wind weaved between the blades of grass that covered the dunes. The waning crescent moon hung low in the sky, mirrored in the dark sea. And above you were stars and nebulas, foreign yet holding an air of familiarity. Of home. But you weren’t alone. Beside you, sitting in the shallow water just deep enough to cover his gills, was Jade, sitting in the pale moonlight in his mer-form, glowing faintly. And you sat beside him in the water, looking up to the sky with wonder in your eyes.

“It’s stunning,” you whisper, trying to decide on what to focus on. “Thank you for inviting me, Jade.”

Jade shifted in the water, turning so he was closer to you. “Truly it is my pleasure, Prefect,” he chuckled.

It was always Prefect, and never your name. After months of friendship you thought he would have dropped the title in favour of your name. “Why do you call me Prefect,” you ask, turning to look at him.

You always thought Jade was beautiful, both inside and out despite what others say, but now, he looked ethereal. Features highlighted in the pale silver light of the moon and the blue from his own bioluminescence. It really wasn’t fair, especially since your feelings have shifted from merely platonic months ago. If a crush lasts more than four months, it’s not a crush; it’s love. The puppy crush had shifted from that, a mere crush, to a soul shattering love. But you had not wanted to push your luck

Jade hummed to himself, “Well, what would you like me to call you then?” You could tell from the way his eyes glimmered that he was teasing you. Plus there was the ever faint smile he only had when he was subtly poking fun, of when he was trying to push your buttons.

You groaned and splashed him with water. “You’re awful. I thought Floyd would be the most troublesome, but you are so much worse,” you teased back.

A star shot across the sky. Was this a sign? To wish for something more? That your — what you believed — one-sided crush was reciprocated?

“Did you make a wish?” Jade was now brushing shoulders with you and looking at you with an intensity that you’ve only seen a handful of times. “Do you think it will come true?”

You leaned into him, “Mhm, but if I told you, then it wouldn’t come true. Bad luck and all.”

He looked at you from the corner of his eye, “May I tell you my wish then?”

Was this a sign?

“But if you tell me, it won’t come true,” you give him a confused look.

Jade hummed to himself, eyes tracing your face before locking in on your eyes. Gazing so deeply, as if he was looking directly into your soul. “But what if it does?” But what if it does, my dear? “I would be willing to test the fates to see it come to fruition.”

You sighed, prompting him to go on. So he did. He took your hand in his and place it over his chest, where his heart resided.

“My wish,” he breathed out gently, “is to be with you, my dear Prefect. If you will have me.”

His heartbeat was steady, and he was looking at you with such tenderness, with such love, that you could have sworn that your heart stopped. That this was some cruel prank. But no, this was sincere. This was real. Jade felt the same as you, and subjected himself to vulnerability for you. There was no ulterior motive. No sharp smiles. Nothing else but truth in his olive and gold eyes.

You placed his hand over your own heart, which was beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings. “I will always have you… if you will have me,” you said. Reflected in his eyes was another shooting star.

Make a wish.

Steeling yourself you placed a small kiss to his lips, but before you could retreat, Jade gave you one in return. “Was that your wish, my dearest?”

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astrangerlately · 1 year

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i wanna get better (strange desire) x i miss those days (gone now)

bleachers parallels [1] [2]

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taxinealkaloids · 5 days

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my take on the agnes/gertrude/elias situationship is that gertrude seems like the most normal one to outsiders (she's less prone to arson/creepy mind reading at inopportune moments), but she is still the archivist and therefore kind of eldritch. everyone in the institute has just sort of accepted that yes, the archivist does sleep with her eyes open/is muttering incantations, and it's the least weird thing she's done this week

ok the funny thing is, technically, if by "most normal" we're going off of who is the most human, Gertrude is the normal one. but I don't believe for a second that that's how she's perceived among the rest of the archive staff lmao. like...all her assistants wind up dead, she actively works to make sure her filing system is the least effective one possible, she takes random mysterious vacations and comes back looking like she's just gone ten rounds with a tornado...I absolutely think that Gertrude has the reputation of being the eccentric on staff. I've prepared this diagram to illustrate my point:

#asks #tma #my art #thanks for your ask!! you're absolutely right that there isn't really a 'normal' one out of the three of them lol #'does your elias design have glasses or not lani' the answer to that is that he has glasses if im having trouble #drawing his face without them #my jonah has glasses 100% of the time so uh lets say he was myopic originally and his sight got better when he aligned himself with the eye #so he doesnt NEED them anymore but after wearing them for so long he kinda liked how he looked in them #and sometimes they add something to a look yknow #(i wear glasses and i actually think i look better in them i would miss them if my eyes suddenly were perfect)#so he sometimes still wears them. and if he doesnt feel like it everyone else just assumes hes got contacts in that day #ANYWAY that is irrelevant to the content of this ask. uh i think gertrude being weird and scary and never seeming to do her actual job is a #running joke among archives staff. like they make up potential crazy things gertrude could be doing right now whenever she's late or #on vacation (they could never come up with anything wilder than what she's REALLY doing)

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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sequel to this cause Uh Oh !!!!!!!

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza like a dragon #jo sawashiro #ryo aoki #masato arakawa #snap sketches #if theres mistakes idc this is TWO DAYS LATE i have a COMMISSION TO DO and im GOING OUT WITH MY BRO AGAIN #we are SPEEDING THROUGH PLEASE FORGIVE ME #anyway. hey :)#part of me feels like this would have been better in b/w but OH WELL #part 95 of I Almost Trashed This but i didnt want to whenever people were already expecting it and saw me draw it SO. <:]#eveyrone from the stream lookin at this like 'snap what the hell did you do this is totally different' GIRLS I TOLD YOU IT'D BE TOTALLY DIF #ok not 100% diff but. i redid pretty much the whole thing #i still have the old draft actually LMAO i had to yoink soem bits from it but now i dont want to delete it...#there was just a lot i didnt like with the first one that i wanted to see if i could adjust to my liking and well. Good Nuff #theres SOME bits i dont like but thats more so how i drew it opposed to the thought or composition #ok maybe a lil bit of the latter but anyway. Enjoy :)#also you'll have me gutted like a fish before i try to learn how to draw croc skin like we'll just have to save that for another time #do i have anything else i want to say. no LMAO if i do im just gonna end up explaining all the composition and panels #and id rather leave that up to yall lookin to see if you wanna take anything Extra away from how i set things up SO :)#bye for now. i have to run around my house ☠️

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deitiesofduat · 4 months

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DEITIES Update – 2023 ➝ 2024 New Year’s Edition

Happy New Year Everyone!

Typically I would write a formal blog post for my end-of-year update, but I'm writing something on the fly for the sake of timeliness ✨

I wish I could say I completed most of what I wanted in the year 2023, as I had several goals I thought were feasible. However, some of those goals had to be placed aside for a very sudden but fortuitous reason, that I feel worth sharing with ya'll -- which is that Iiiiiiii bought my first house! 🥹🥹🥹

(As you can imagine, this took quite a bit of my energy and time this past year, thus explaining part of my absence -- more details regarding my activity under the cut!)

---------------

From early August thru the end of December, my home-searching and closing process was incredibly long, stressful, exhausting, expensive (lmao), and time-inducing. I'm thankful to have had support from my agent, and well as my friends and family while navigating this ordeal, and I'm in the process of moving my items and services into my new home during the remainder of my apartment lease.

This home search combined with my full-time work, was a major reason why took a partial break from social media, and semi-hiatus from new art. This also affected my frequency of updating the DEITIES website and blog -- at least, on the front end. I did a lot of backend work and completed a major to-do with migrating the website and giving it a new primary domain -- so now, both deitiesofduat.com AND deitiesproject.com will redirect to the website. 👍

For the most part though, I used the 2nd half of 2023 to focus on some major life decisions, and leading into early 2024 I’m aiming to give myself a bit of a lifestyle reset. It's going to take some time to settle into this new normal, so aside from occasional media posts I'll continue to be quiet a bit longer. Once I complete some key home-owning goals and attempt to recharge, I'll aim to resume the goals I had in mind for DEITIES Project and my personal art, as well as engaging with my audience more (I miss interacting with ya'll, aha 😭).

In the meantime, thank you all for you continued patience and support! Despite being offline more-than-not this past year, I really appreciate the continue interest you all have in this project. DEITIES remains so important to me even with my shift in scope, so I'll do what I can to put iterate on it and give it all my effort when I have more bandwidth. Until then, wishing you all the very best in 2024!

#// So yeahhhhhh buying a house + committing to a mortgage >> Not necessarily on my 2023 bingo card but it sure did happen #// I waited till now to mention anything cuz the thing is nothing is certain until closing day; I wanted to make sure I got my keys lmaoooo #// Also shout out to real estate agents -- 100% would recommend for the sake of organizing the copious amount of paperwork #// That said I've dealt with so many deadlines and contracts and packing and utility-switching and I'm quite ready to wrap it up soon #// 2023 had a lot of ups and downs for me though ngl but I hope it treated you all well -- and I hope you have an even better year in 2024 #DEITIES Project #DEITIES updates #DEITIES text

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viviennelamb · 2 months

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I don't like that lesbians dismiss the high rates of domestic violence in their relationships. Domestic violence is high in all relationships because its inline with lust, but there's no reason to deflect to heterosexuals when this issue is brought up. Nobody cares about lesbians, not even other lesbians.

Manly lesbians act like they "love women better" but can't. They see you as an object to take their rage out on because they're emotionally regressive. Sex-addicts of all genders and orientations have a shrunken amygdala and destroyed medullas, becoming violent animals (with the help of porn as well). A lot of lesbians are proud psychopaths and they need to get with each other and fight it out instead of preying on innocent lesbians cause sane & sober lesbians with dignity and standards aren’t going to deal with it just because we have a small population anymore.

Hope this trend keeps going cause these dickless men are abusive too and time is up for people who don't know what love is. They're all suffering and they don't even know it, but I'll be nice in this post due to its subject matter…

I wouldn't be able to handle somebody hitting me. That's so scary and my heart goes out to any of you who have dealt with that. I'm shocked at how indifferent people are about it, downplaying it because it's two women.

I get creeped out when somebody lies to me. I remember when it happened once and it was out of fear over something that could've been discussed. I could tell she lied because she panicked over a past experience which is the only reason why I forgave her, but I was doubting everything she was telling me from that point on. Couldn't help it. Usually, I have zero tolerance for lies, it's an indication of manipulative behavior. Her lie was believable too and the only reason why I found out it was a lie was because she confessed.

This same person went on to yell at me because of her jealousy over an imagined scenario and in my mind I was done with her, had a feeling that she had violent tendencies and left. Let her tell it, I was the one in the wrong for not putting up with it because she's used to abusing people and them staying because "it's hard to meet other lesbians." Sorry, but I don't subscribe to that mindset. I always leave whenever I'm unhappy. People who have God aren’t desperate.

I talk about about mental illness frequently because the stats on mental health are wrong, most of the population is senile. When somebody comes out of left field accusing me of something I know nothing about and they're convinced that it happened, that's terrifying to me. Then I start tripping out and start wracking my brain to see where they're coming from cause I want to resolve the situation, but they're just fucked in the head. I just don't want to deal with people who don't live in reality anymore. I used to try to convince them that everything was fine, but they're so aggressive, I just let them believe and say whatever they want.

You know what's normal to me now? Getting dismissed when I bring up an issue. I'm told it's not a big deal, I should get over it, I should go live alone in the mountains if I can't handle it, etc, but people don't understand that I only make an effort to set boundaries and communicate if I want somebody in my life. I'm very introverted, like if I go the mall for 30 minutes that's all the socializing I need for three months both online and offline. I only have social energy for people who are genuinely kind and enjoyable to be around. I don’t deal with people with difficult personalities because I know I don't have to and when there's no incentive to do something, I won't do it. Stories of people putting up with abuse on any level are incredible to me. I've never met a single person who was worth that in any capacity because when I did I was always burned.

When somebody dismisses what I say, they're telling me they don't want me in their life and I do them a favor and leave. I heard that the person who lied and yelled at me said I overreacted over "small things" and said some assholish things that I wouldn't even dream to say about her, but when I did my best to put my feelings aside for her sake dozens of times that was shat on. Selfish people can't see how hard you work to accommodate their trauma, so I'm not doing it anymore and if you shouldn’t either.

The only reason why I bothered with people like this is because they have so much potential, but the one in particular I’m talking about she was the type who was prideful about her trauma and “went through so much more then you,” even though she was so self-absorbed she didn’t even ask once about me. All mentally ill people to is hallucinate and project. And yes, if somebody is violent, that person is mentally ill and criminal… they don’t need a diagnosis or a felony to get that label.

Now I don't try to make things work with people after an initial attempt to set boundaries or explain my perspective anymore. These people are not only liars and emotionally abusive, but they don't hold themselves accountable... that's a precursor for violence and lacking willpower is the natural progression of becoming nasty work. They could heal very quickly if they wanted to, but they don't want so why should I care about their karmic circumstances when they don't? Why should I have sympathy for them when they don’t have any for me?

Even though I never get apologies from people who lack self-awareness, I don't forgive low effort apologies anymore. I need to see paper trail documentation of long-term change to let somebody back in my life, they're too much of a spiritual liability otherwise. I'm not stupid enough to think I'm exempt from being treated poorly by people who lie, cheat and steal. I know I'm going to be the target eventually. I'm not vain, I don't dream on their behalf and I don't see potential anymore, I live in the present moment and if I don't like what I see right now, I'm out. No more communicating, I'm utilizing silence to its fullest extent. Silence is the only thing I have never regretted. Silence speaks the loudest and is the only thing that incites change. The more you talk and give them your attention, the more you enable them. Silence is the scariest thing an unhealed person can experience.

People who emphasize communication are predators. Don't listen to their guilt trips and don't communicate with them more than necessary, just leave when your heart tells you to and stay resolute in your decision. Have faith you did the right thing and don't fall into the belief that you acted too soon. You know you didn't. You can't collaborate with people who don't respect you enough to consider your perspective.

The thing is, abusive people will never leave you regardless of how much they say you're not good enough for them or that you're incompatible, so don't take it as a compliment when they keep you around. (Ask them, "then why are you with me?" and they won't have an answer). I took that as that person being patient with my lack of trust even though it was the other way around, I was patient with her lack of trustworthiness. Let them take that bullshit to the next person and fuck up somebody else's life and accept them as a lesson.

Abusive people will drain you for everything you have because they're parasites. The new word they're using now is "co-regulation" even though you feel like garbage when they're around, getting the benefits of your energy... you're the host, honey. And to attack somebody they say they love?? unfathomable. I don't know who needs to read this, but don't ever let anybody put their hands on you again. I don't give a fuck who they think they are to you. You're worth more than that motherfucker and you know it. An even mind is a rare trait and you have to work your ass off to get it. Calmness doesn't come naturally to anybody in a world like this.

#they will love how calm you are but want you to change that when you don't match their psychological mayhem on their terms...#and when you have a bad day they won't give you the same grace you gave them for their bad months. not even one sentence of compassion.#give them refuge they give you contempt in return.#and then if you withdraw due to their callousness you need to work on yourself to be a better social slave for them...#masturbators can't love and will never understand the gentleness you've reserved only for them.#any love given to them is wasted. now my love is 100% introverted.#now I reserve my gentle nature for God and I only smile for God & Guru.

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