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jerzwriter · 5 months

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Just Passing By

From Here to There Series: Because you can't expect my neurodivergent brain to do anything in logical order... I still haven't explained how Tobias & Casey got together. It's time to rectify that. I'll be working on my masterlist to make this all a little less chaotic, I swear! :) I'll also be tidying up some former parts of my HC to tie things together. In the last segment, A New Chapter, we learn how they went from exes after a whirlwind romance to making peace after the chemical attack. It's roughly three weeks after the attack, and Casey is just back home from the hospital. She's struggling with the aftermath, and her friends can't seem to help. Tobias passes by on a whim, and the roommates are not happy to see him. But how will Casey feel?

Book: Open Heart (Book 2 - post Chemical Attack) Pairing: Tobias x Casey (F!MC) (Eventual) Featuring: Roomies - esp Jackie Varma Words: 2,100 Rating: Teen+ A/N: This is part of my HC for the couple.

Full Masterlsit | Tobias & Casey Masterlsit

This wasn't a planned visit. He was just driving home from work. There just so happened to be a parking spot on Casey's block... a parking spot on the streets of Boston? It had to be a sign. Right? It made sense that he'd stop in to see her. At least, that's what Tobias told himself as he made his way down the pavement toward Casey's front door. Her neighborhood didn't lie between Mass Kenmore and his townhome, but that, to him, was irrelevant.

Raised voices could be heard behind the door as he approached, but Casey wasn't among them. He may not talk to her much anymore, but he could still pick her voice out anywhere. He almost turned around; perhaps dropping by unannounced wasn't wise, but it would be foolish to turn back now. So, with a bit of trepidation he raised his hand and knocked.

"I'm coming," a woman shouted. Her voice was marked with annoyance, but when she opened the door, her expression went straight to disgust. "Oh. It's you."

Tobias looked over his shoulder, then turned around with a grin. "Sure is. Were you expecting someone better?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone," Jackie sneered. "But better isn’t really a high bar in your case."

"You’re doing wonders for my ego... Varma? Is it?"

Jackie crossed her arms and eyed him. "Trust. I wasn't put on this earth to coddle men's egos. Why are you here?"

He was about to respond when a more pleasant face appeared. "Jackie, who is it..." Sienna smiled politely when she caught sight of Tobias. "Dr. Carrick, good to see you!"

"Is it?" Jackie smirked as Sienna promptly shushed her.

"Why don't you come in? Is Casey expecting you?"

"No, uh...I was just in the neighborhood and..." he was quickly drowned out by bickering from an adjoining room.

"Just give her time," Bryce insisted.

"I know," Elijah acquiesced. "But she can’t stay locked in her room. How will that improve her mental health?”

"She does have to get past that," Aurora agreed, “but she needs to do it in her own time.”

“He’s right!” Sienna scolded upon entering the room. “The last two weeks have been hell on all of us, and she’s been home three days. Don't expect miracles.”

When they turned to Sienna, several eyes widened when they saw the handsome doctor standing behind her.

“Dr. Carrick,” Aurora acknowledged her boss.

“We’re not at work. It’s Tobias,” he insisted.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “He’s here to see Casey.”

Bryce raised a brow and mumbled to Jackie, but it came out far louder than he planned. “So she won’t talk to us, but she’ll see him?”

Tobias shifted uncomfortably, an unusual sight for the typically confident man. "For what it’s worth, she didn’t know I was coming.”

“Good!” Jackie enthused. “Then this is where I tell you it’s not a good time, and you should leave. If she’s not seeing friends, she’s definitely not seeing you.”

“Jackie!” Sienna reprimanded.

“What? Friends vs. dickhead exes that screwed her over... I think friends would have the edge, don’t you?”

“Jackie!” Sienna said again. “If not for Tobias, Casey and Raf probably wouldn't be here right now. Try to be a little nice."

“Yes. Casey and Raf... yet he’s only checking in on Casey,” Jackie stated. “Funny how that works.”

“Look, Casey’s my friend, too," Tobias defended.

“Since when?” Elijah asked.

“Since after the...” Tobias stopped himself and sighed in frustration. “Look, can you tell her I’m here? If she doesn’t want to see me, I’m out. No questions. But I think it’s her choice to make... not yours.”

Just then, Casey’s bedroom door burst open, and she spun into the hallway with all the grace of a tornado. Her matted hair was tied into a bun that had been slept on for days, and her ratty NYU sweatshirt and pajama bottoms hadn't been changed for just as long. The dark circles under her eyes marked her exhaustion, but she found a burst of energy and was using it to set a few things straight.

“For the record!” She blurted to no one in particular. “I never said I wasn’t going to therapy! I said I’m not going to the therapist’s office! There’s a difference! And I didn’t say I wouldn’t shower... stop acting like I am suddenly allergic to shampoo and body wash! But I’m not showering today! I know you want to help, but you guys need to let me breathe!”

“Let you breathe?” Elijah corrected softly. “Casey, you’ve been alone in your room for three days.”

“And as far as breathing, we’re the ones who won’t be able to if you don’t shower soon,” Jackie countered.

Aurora shot Jackie a look and attempted to be the voice of reason. “Casey. We’re just worried about you. You’re not talking to anyone.”

“Who said I’m not talking to anyone? I just don't want to be smothered. If I wanted that, I would have asked my parents to stay. I just...” her voice trailed when she saw Tobias. “What... what are you doing here?”

“He's leaving,” Jackie jumped in, but Tobias paid her no mind.

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop in to see you, but I can see it’s not a good time. I’ll text you in a few days, and...”

“No, it’s fine,” Casey interrupted, taking a bit of pleasure from the shocked faces of her friends. “You can stay. Why don’t you... why don’t you come to my room.”

“Are you sure?” He asked nervously.

“Yeah... follow me,” she replied with an unceremonious turn on her heel.

“I can't believe she'll see that jackass and not,” Jackie protested, but her voice was stifled when Sienna’s tiny hand covered her mouth. “Jackie, hush!”

~~~~~

If Casey was happy to see Tobias, you wouldn't have known it by her slouched shoulders and down expression when entered her room. Company of any sort wasn't on her agenda today, particularly not from a guy she once dated when she looked like... this. But feeling it would be rude to backtrack, she gestured toward a chair next to the window as she sat on her bed and pulled a blanket around her. Tobias took a seat in the chair.

“I’m sorry for not calling first...” he apologized.

“It’s OK,” she waved. “I’m sorry for using you.”

“Using me?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I think I just used you to get back at my friends. I know they’ve been through a lot these past two weeks, too, and they just want to help, but since I got out of the hospital, they aren’t giving me air.”

“... so you agreed to see me just to piss them off.”

Her cheeks flushed, and a chunk of hair fell out of her discombobulated bun when she lowered her head in embarrassment. “When you say it like that, I sound like a complete bitch. I didn’t do it on purpose... Honestly, I was shocked to see you.”

“You’re not a bitch,” Tobias started. “I don’t think you are, and I don’t think any of your friends do, either. You’re coping with the aftermath of a very traumatic event. No one is going to be upset with you.”

“Still, it wasn’t nice of me to use you.”

“Hey,” he snickered, seeming to come to life. “I’ve been used for worse things and haven't complained. In fact, sometimes I even enjoyed it.”

His heart warmed when he saw a trace of a smile on her face. “Yeah, well... I don’t think you’ll enjoy my company right now... and that's all I'm using you for."

“That’s for me to decide. Besides, I didn’t come to be entertained. I came to see how my friend is doing.”

Casey laughed bitterly as she gestured at her disheveled appearance. “As you can see, I’m living my best life. These clothes may walk off my body if I don’t change them soon. I speak to...no... I bark at my friends in five-minute intervals. I won’t leave my room, much less the apartment. I’m fucking awesome. The spitting image of the woman you met at that diner last year.”

Tobias allowed the silence to hang, and both found themselves surprised by how comfortable it was. Then he sat up, leaning forward on his knees with an earnest expression.

“You’re not the woman I met at the diner last year... no more than I’m the man you met. Things happen... life happens, and people... change. You have to be gentler with yourself. When I lost my father... it was a hellish time for me. There was so much going on, and... well, I was in a bad place. When my Ma came to check on me a week after the funeral, I was wearing the same pajamas I had slipped into that night. Probably hadn’t brushed my teeth more than twice during that time. I’m confident she smelled me from outside in the hall.”

“Perhaps that’s TMI,” Casey half-smiled.

“It’s definitely TMI,” he chuckled. “I’m telling you this because you need to know it’s OK. We all go through hard times when we can’t be expected to be ourselves. We’re entitled to that. You just don’t stay there too long.”

“How long did you stay in it?”

“Me. Oh, it ended the day my Mom showed up. You don’t know her, but she’s a force to be reckoned with. She took one look at me, grabbed me by the ear, and tossed me in the shower with a bar of soap. By the time I got out, the apartment was tidied up, and lunch was being served with a side of one of her best lectures to date.”

“Can you spare me that treatment? I'm really not up for it yet.”

“Nah,” he grinned. “It’s not my place. I’m not your Mom, after all.”

“Yeah, well, my Mom only returned to Philly because I swore I’d be all right, and... I’m not all right, Tobias. I’m not all right at all."

"All right will come... then even better will follow. I promise you, one day, you’ll feel like yourself again.”

Casey turned her head toward the window, her skin appearing ashen in the late afternoon light.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” she whispered so softly it almost went unheard.

“You don’t have to believe me. Not yet. But you will one day, I promise. Now, what were you saying about therapy? You’re seeing Dr. Stevens, right?”

“I am. Well, I mean... I was... I haven’t since I left the hospital and I’m supposed to see her on Friday, but...”

“It’s important to go, Case.”

“I know,” she snapped but softened quickly. “I just... I can’t go see her.”

Tobias nodded in acknowledgment. “Because her office is right next to Edenbrook.”

Casey turned to him, surprised to see he understood. “I am not ready to go back there. I can’t go back there yet.”

“Understood. Dr. Stevens does have privileges at Mass Kenmore.”

“Privileges? Yes," Casey confirmed. But an office? No.”

“Understood. But if she’s willing to, I can arrange for space to meet you there. It’s not a big deal.”

“We could do that?” Casey asked.

“Why don’t you call her in the morning? If she’s willing to see you there, I’ll make it happen.”

Casey nodded her head with a yawn. “I’ll call her. I promise, after I get some sleep.”

“That’s my queue to leave,” Tobias smiled. “You need your rest. But look, if you want the pleasure of my company again, promise me you’ll try to shower when you get up.”

Casey rolled her eyes dramatically as her head hit the pillow. “Fine! But if you think I’m sending you pictures of me in there to prove it or something...”

“Stop,” Tobias chuckled. “I’d never ask a friend to do that... and... we’re friends. Right, Case?”

“Yeah, we’re friends,” she said, her eyes already shutting. “Can you tell my friends I’m going to sleep?”

“Sure,” he smiled, thinking about how delighted they'd be getting that information from him. “Sleep tight, Princess,” he whispered, closing the door behind him.

He could hear a pin drop as he walked down the hallway. He knew his past was working against him, and he had his work cut out for him to prove himself to those who loved Casey most. But he didn't mind. The biggest challenge would be proving it to himself. But he knew his intentions were good, and for once, that was all that mattered.

“She’s taking a rest,” Tobias announced as he passed the living room. “And I’m going to leave.”

He turned around briefly when Sienna called out his name. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“Yes, thanks,” Aurora concurred. "I'll see you at work."

The sun was beginning to set when he stepped out the front door. See, that spot had been there for a reason... because, against all odds, he was able to help, and for Tobias Carrick on this day, that was more than he could have asked for.

~~~~~

Next, we'll see how Tobias & Casey begin spending time together... and how each one of her friends and loved ones issues their own unique warnings. :)

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

@choicesnovchallenge / National Princess Day - because that's the first time she was called that, and she's on her way. lol

Tagging others separately.

#choices fanfic #open heart #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x f!mc #open heart book 2 #open heart choices #choices open heart #open heart fanfic #from here to there #playchoices fanfic

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blackbird-brewster · 1 year

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Idk what to do. I can’t stay in this state. They haven’t passed any new anti-trans laws here yet, but it’ll happen soon. There’s also just so much trauma and shit here and it’s killing me slowly to stay, but I’m terrified to leave. All my family is here. My lost pets and loved ones are buried here. I know it’ll kill me to stay, but the fear of moving is just so big. The fear of what my family will say or think terrifies me.

Hello Anon,

First off, thank you for trusting me with your worries. You're absolutely not alone, I've actually been through this exact same thing. I'm going to put my reply behind a cut because it involves mental health stuff/homophobia/etc. <3

I want to share my story, because it might help you. Or at the very least, I want you to know you are in good company here. I understand completely. I spent about 90% of 2014-early 2016 in and out of psych wards, hospitals, and ICU. I lost someone very dear ot me at the end of 2013 and it was the catalyst for a complete psychotic break and then a subsequent series of horrific mental health crisises.

At the time, I was living in Texas (born and raised). My family is super conservative (I have since cut them all off), it's the American south, super conservative, and I had been out as queer since age 15. It was never a place that was safe for me. But it's where I ended up.

Due to my mental health, I lost my job, then my apartment, and I ended up being homeless. Which obviously didn't help the mental health issues. I lived in my car for over a year, everything I owned in the world fit in a tiny Chevy Aveo compact.

My circumstances, my location, everything -- (as you said) was killing me slowly. I attempted to take my own life multiple times because I just saw no other way out of my situation.

I knew if I stayed, I wouldn't survive. I knew if I stayed there, it was a death sentence. Like you, my family was there, my past loved ones were buried there (I've seen too many deaths in my life, so this was doubly true and important), my life was there. But it wasn't much of a life at all.

In early 2016, my car got repossed while Iw as out of town. I was very lucky that the repo company allowed me to collect my belongings (since it was literally the only things I owned, since I was still living in that car) So what was I to do when the car I lived in was gone? I had nothing, I had nowhere to go. That place was suffocating me day by day. I had met a woman on here and we'd been in a sort of long distance online relationship for a handful of months.

I decided there was absolutely nothing worth staying in Texas for. I ended up selling what little I had, clearing out my tiny bit of money, crowdfunded the rest -- and I bough a one-way ticket to Aotearoa. My flight was 10 days after I bought the ticket. I gave everyone in my life a 10 day notice that I was moving across the globe on a whim. My family scoffed, they thought it was stupid, told me I'd be back, told me just like everything in my life 'it was a phase', etc. But I did it any way.

And you know what, Anon? Eight years later, I'm a permenant resident here, I'm thriving, my life is so fulfilling and beautiful. While the woman I moved here for wasn't my forever, this country was. My current partner and I have been together for five years, and they are my forever.

I will NEVER regret buying that one-way ticket. It literally saved my life. My handful of friends in the US know that if I had stayed, I wouldn't be here today to tell you this story. It HURTS, god it hurts deep in my soul, to be so so so far away from those handful of people who will always be my best friends. It really hurts to know how many huge events I've missed because I live a world away, but at the same time, we all agree that it's much easier to long for each other than for them to mourn my death.

So I'm not sugar coating it, moving away from people you love is SO difficult, and you will miss them always. But (depending on where you move to) you can visit them, and if not in person, technology can connect you with one click. I talk to my friends every single day and we make it work. (I'll never go back to the US)

It's a VERY hard choice, but ultimately you need to ask yourself what's more important: your life or other people's opinions.

I hope you choose your life. Because the world needs you, Anon and it would be a dimmer place without you. Don't let your location hollow out your soul, don't let your location take your life, it's just not worth it. Move, relocate, start over in a safe environment. I am so very proud of you and I love you, I know you've got this. <3

#anon #reply post #about me 2k23 #mental health #life advice

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barelysanereviews · 2 years

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2022 Midyear Faves

Shaniqua

To say that 2022 has been tough on me is an understatement. It felt like a putting out a series of wildfires, each one springing to life immediately after the last one died, wreaking havoc on my health (physical and mental), self-esteem, relationships, and finances in turn. But in the middle of that mess, I managed to find some shining lights in the darkness to keep me, as we like to say, barely sane.

(Side note: I recently went through our archives on a whim, and can you believe BSR started in May 2014??? What a ride it has been.)

Music:

We've already revealed ourselves to be kpop fans, so there's no point hiding it now. Unfortunately, kpop was one of the major natural disasters in my life this year as my favorite group disbanded around my birthday. Maybe I'll finally post my kpop journey on here as a tribute to them, but in the meantime, here are the songs I've clung onto to fill the void.

fromis_9 - DM

I've managed to chop up this song into bits that basically narrate my life, from the opening soliloquy "Hey you, 지금 뭐해?", to the very cathartic "Doesn't matter~~~!" every chorus, to the release of energy in that whistle note towards the end. It's just an oddly comforting bop that I keep coming back to, and I'm happy to say that I fell in love with the girls' discography in the process. Stream Stay This Way!

youtube

(G)I-DLE - Tomboy

I've followed Soyeon since Produce 101 (the curse/blessing that got me into kpop) and have stanned (G)I-DLE since their debut. I gotta say - Tomboy is a masterpiece. The way they came back with a shot heard around the world after losing a member and a year of solo activities is the cheffiest kiss. (6)I-DLE forever.

youtube

Honorable Mentions: VIVIZ - Loveade; Le Sserafim - Fearless; Taeyeon - INVU; and of course, NU'EST - Again

Film:

Love and Leashes (2022)

Though I watched last year's Let Me Be Your Knight for my bias, my favorite discovery of 2021 was Lee Junyoung. His character Taein was so endearing and charming, but a bit too similar to his previous roles. When I heard he was going to star alongside SNSD's Seohyun in a movie about BDSM, I had no idea what to expect. What I got instead was a weirdly sweet and loving film about two people learning to trust each other as they navigate their own preferences and desires. So excited for what he's going to do next, with or without barking.

youtube

Honorable Mentions: Turning Red, Minari

TV:

Do we still call it TV if we don't watch it on a TV?

Strangers From Hell

I actually watched more kdramas this year than I usually do to fill the void that Nu'est left behind, so I got to watch some of the more popular ones as they aired. But what can I say, I'll always be a sucker for a good dark kdrama. This one features one of my faves, Im Siwan, as he slowly goes insane from living in a rundown goshiwon whose inhabitants may or may not be murderers.

Pretty Proofreader

One thing I love about jdramas is that they can make anything - from an underrated sport to an overlooked profession - sound rewarding and exciting, and this charming little story about a wannabe fashion editor who gets assigned to the proofreading department of her favorite magazine is no different. As a fellow optimist, I felt so represented by Etsuko. Satomi Ishihara's extra outfits paired with her uplifting smile got me through Covid.

Honorable Mentions: My Liberation Notes, A Business Proposal, Spy x Family, Alchemy of Souls (ongoing)

Colleen

I watched a lot of TV shows the first half of the year because ya girl was unemployed for a while. Here are my top 5 picks and some honorable mentions.

TV:

Our Beloved Summer

I don't know why, but I got so obsessed with this show. Choi Woo Shik and Kim Da Mi had so much chemistry, and their characters just drew me in. The show is about two high school students--the top student (Yeon Su, played by Da Mi) and the bottom-ranking student (Ung, played by Woo Shik)--who are put together for a documentary. After getting to know each other while shooting the documentary, they fall in love and date for years. They eventually break up but are forced to reunite to do a sequel to the documentary, this time documenting their lives as adults. There was just something about the way the story was written, how well Woo Shik and Da Mi played the characters, and the summer vibe and visuals of the show. It just sucked me in. I rewatched scenes a million times and even did an ugly drawing inspired by a scene in the show. I look forward to seeing these two work together again.

My Liberation Notes

I love a kdrama that follows a group of characters and really digs deep into each one. You would think that the romance in this would be highlighted more than the character arcs (because kdrama), but the show balanced the romance and the characters' growth really well. There were several moments in this show where I saw myself in the characters and it also made bold story choices. I knew this would be good because the show's writer, Park Hae Young, also wrote My Mister which I also really liked.

Film:

Moonlit Winter

I found out about this film on IG, where I saw that Kim So Hye (of Produce 101 fame) starred in a film a few years back. I liked the aesthetics of this film, the slow pace, the quiet affection between the characters. It had the same vibe as Little Forest, and it also had that mother-daughter journey from miscommunication to friendship. The mother's story is heartbreaking and is not often told, and I liked how the film subtly subverted narrative tropes and let her story of yearning overflow.

Strawberry Shortcakes

This one's a rewatch. I saw it years ago, and although I forgot about the title and most of the story, I found it interesting how I still remembered a few parts of it even years after. I decided to rewatch it this year to refresh my memory and see why the film stuck with me. Strawberry Shortcakes shows the inner lives of four Japanese women: a sex worker who sleeps in a coffin and has a singular obsession with a man she knows from high school; a stone-worshipping assistant whose innocence sticks out in a workplace that sells sex; a sleep-deprived, solitary artist struggling to succeed in a money-driven industry; and an office worker who's looking for love. It's rare to see a story that revolves around a group of women who live complex lives, and the film also makes notable choices in cinematography.

Book

The Soulmate Equation

Romance novels are perfect for me right now: not too deep, but enough to make me feel things and escape life. This one is really cute and has an interesting premise: Jess, a single mom and statistics expert, gets matched with River Peña, the cold-hearted creator of a dating app called GeneticAlly, which matches people based on their DNA compatibility. If you're looking for a lighthearted romance read, check this out.

#Youtube #soulmate equation #christina lauren #romance novel #books #movie #film #tvshow #kdrama #my liberation notes #our beloved summer #moonlit winter #kim dami #choi woo shik #fromis_9 #(g)i-dle #love and leashes #strangers from hell #pretty proofreader

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thed4rkhand · 3 years

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So today we’re doing Yoongi’s chart and my analysis of it. Let me make it clear right off the bat, that since I’m not a professional astrologer, some things may not match up, further since we’re not super sure of his birth time, it’ll definitely affect the reading. What I can be sure of is that I’ll do my best and I’m completely open to constructive criticism from you all!

Now lets get on with some basic stuff, for those who have not yet read the post with Namjoon’s moon analysis, I’ll again reiterate some principles of Vedic astrology! In the scenario that you’re still confused with all this jargon, feel free to reach out and I’ll be more than happy to help you out.

Starting out, we have to note that while western astrology is usually more advisory in nature, Vedic astrology’s main purpose is to predict. Also, we usually go a sign back from western astrology (24’ back to be more precise) in Vedic astrology, so according to that for example, if you’re a libra rising, you become a virgo rising in Vedic astrology and so on and so forth. All planets will also shift back a sign, so a Capricorn Mercury will become a Sagittarius Mercury.

Now let’s be aware that the chart may be a bit different, but given the main d1 (Lagna) chart remains the same for about 2 hours, let’s focus on that and the moon chart (rashi chart) for this reading. We can also just look at d9 for strength but not house placements as that can be time sensitive. So, we can take a two hour margin of time discrepancy and still predict accurately.

For this reading, we have taken 9th March 1993 as the day and 7:30am as the time of birth, with the location set to Daegu.

OTHER THAN THIS, LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO DO A BIRTH TIME RECTIFICATION FOR YOONGI LATER ON SO WE CAN GET MORE ACCURATE PREDICTIONS.

Since this is a general chart analysis, we shall be covering topics briefly and discussing the moon, ascendant and sun. For an in depth reading, do pick a smaller and focussed topic as we can honestly keep going on and on about a chart.

THIS READING WILL BE DONE IN SEVERAL 4 PARTS, FOLLOWING THE ASCENDANT, MOON, SUN AND MISCELLANEOUS.

Lets get started then-

Right off the bat, we can see that Yoongi is born into Pisces, with his ascendant at 10’35’, within the Nakshatra of Uttarabhadprada, within the 3rd quadrant or pada. He has venus situated in the lagna itself, in Pisces, thus exalted. His lagna lord, Jupiter, is in the 7th house, conjuct with the Moon, in the sign of virgo, where jupiter gains the upper hand despite mercury (lord of virgo) being enemies. The lord is directly aspected by mars in the fourth house. The lord of the birth Nakshatra is Saturn here, which sits in the 12th house, conjunct sun and mercury (dispositer of the ascendant lord). Lastly, moon, jupiter and rahu aspect the lagna of this chart. Of course there is so so much more here, but we’ve got a whole chart to cover!

(p.s I can already see this is such a fun chart to read)

Getting on with the reading, we firstly see that he’s born under Pisces lagna, this makes the native calm and collected, as well as fond of philosophy and psychology. What we often forget is, people born under Pisces are said to have been born under all the other signs in their past life, and cumulatively they use their skills and knowledge from those lives in their current one. Remember how on Bon Voyage trips and just about every RunBts, saga seems like the ‘dad’ of the bunch? cooking, cleaning, fixing stuff Joon broke, producing music and the stuff? And all those times that he is so very understanding of other? He doesn’t scold Jungkook, let alone anyone else? These are typical Pisces traits. They’re very domestic and understanding by nature, because they’ve been there before in a past life, and enjoy taking care of people.

The downside to this? They can be extremely manipulative if they want to be, they know exactly what to say, when to say, to whom to say and so on. They have an alarming grip on people’s emotions, and have a magnetic quality to them. Further, this is mostly an observation, you’ll often notice that most pisces natives are fond of alcohol (could be because they exist in a water sign? Could be because its the natural 12th house ruler of addictions too?)

Coming to the Nakshatra here, we have UttaraBhadrapada, the second last Nakshatra of the series. This Nakshatra is ruled by Saturn, and the presiding deity being Ananta or Ahir Budhyana, the deep ocean serpent in hindu mythology. The deity Ananta represents boundless expansion, be it of fortune, goodwill or knowledge. Ahir Budhyana, is a sattvic (sacred or untainted) form of lord Shiv, and resides at he bottom of the ocean. He represents the liberation from illusions and attainment of spiritual enlightenment and knowledge. The natives of this Nakshatra here embody these qualities of their deities. We see them as philanthropic and reserved beings, who enjoy learning about a variety of subjects and spirituality. Such people are extremely progressive in their thinking patterns, and often a magnetic pull like the deep ocean serpent has.

They’re extremely controlled and calculating in their approach, and think more than speak. This by no means is to say that they don’t speak, because such people are great orators by nature. They stand up for the underdogs and have a unique approach to topics. They are extremely interested in occult and metaphysical practices and theories. They however commonly don’t obtain higher education or do well in fields of fine arts, even their primary education is not something they excel at. (i once read that yoongi really likes reading about a variety of subjects, and also Paulo Coelho, definitely his UttaraBhadrapada here)

The bad side to this Nakshatra? They’re very critical and over-analyze everything and everyone. Sometimes, even unconsciously, they manipulate people to suit their needs and whims. They get side tracked too often and have difficulty focussing on one task at hand, often amounting to laziness in other people’s eyes, even if the native is extremely hardworking in reality. However when in comes to personal care, they tend to do things in a very half-hearted manner. These people are also prone to isolating themselves from others, especially when things get hard. Due to the sign falling in pisces here, people also tend to have many different mental burdens and disorders, which arise from their constant scatter-brained self and inability to make out between the spiritual and real realms.

They can also be heavy drinkers and abuse substances in such a Nakshatra, or enjoy partaking in occult practices while under influences. They might’ve also faced a very rough childhood with such a Nakshatra, neglected and misunderstood by people around him. The natives could also have moved away from their parents during their early adulthood for education or job purposes. Such people can have health issues like hemorrhoids, stomach ailments and hernias. Usually they lead a stable period full of health and success in the latter part of life, say about after 48 years(since the south node Ketu matures as 48).

Since Suga’s Nakshatra falls into the third pada or quadrant, its ruled by libra here. Libra here focusses on balance and cooperation. Such people may make a living working with other people, or in industries related to entertainment. They may make great debaters, and think excessively about what other think of them as. They’re very conscious of other’s opinion, even if they don’t show it, so we often find such people wearing extremely covered up and baggy clothes for example, or keeping a low profile. They may have a very practical and unbiased approach to most things in life. Such people are intensely into spiritual practices and often times fully devote themselves at hours at a time to worship of gods, angel or other beings. They may be the type to attract people very easily, or even be the kind to fall in love extremely easily.

The second placement we come to, is Venus in the first house, in Pisces. Venus here is naturally exalted (most powerful). Sure ill give you the generic explanation in a bit but, do you know which type of people usually have this placement? Actual saints and famed occultists. Sure many people within the entertainment industry too, but this placement can hands down be one of the most spiritual and divine placements of Venus in the chart. First ill go ahead and give the normal meaning and effect, and then lets dive into the crazy stuff (istg his chart is so goooood). Such people usually have really magnetic personalities, and given Venus is in Uttarabhadrapa, these are the people who you don’t notice at first, but then its like a whirlpool of being invested in them, as opposed to being in Revati Nakshatra (another Piscean nakshatra) which would be a more dramatic pull, based off an extroverted personality. These people can be very good looking, more feminine looking, could definitely look like their mothers with this position. Brilliant luck in fields of arts and entertainment and also genius level of creativity and talent. Here, people can have brilliant luck too, like god’s hand on their head kind. Accumulation of wealth and property can also be seen here.

Now onto the really fun stuff. These people are actually rarely concerned with someone’s exterior, because often times such people have such good intuition and spiritual powers (some are literally called mystics because of this), they can literally see through someone. For this reason, they actually don’t like associating with too many people, despite having a very charming personality. These are the kind of people that keep searching for ‘the one’. These people often give up everything and go ahead and become priests. The calling to god with such a placement is very strong. They also don’t like collecting too many material possessions, as they feel its redundancy in this very changing world. These people hold the few people they’re close to, very very tightly to themselves. These people also may have a very low sexual drive actually, (i know, I know, how can a strong Venus do this?) because an exalted Venus is about devotion to god, to one person, and leaving sensory pleasures behind in life. A debilitated Venus on the other hand (eg. Jungkook has one) might make someone very invested in worldly matters. These people are happy with being alone and single for a long time, they’re very satisfied with their own company. Such placements can make someone practice magick or astral projection too. (Venus in 12th sign of liberation, liberation from physical body)

Given that in this chart, Venus is his 3rd and 8th lord, we can make further deductions. Firstly, since 3rd lord is going 11 houses away, its an extremely auspicious placement here. Self made person, making wealth through communication, can also have very witty and intelligent responses to things. Since the third house also represents courage and valor, this can make someone very fearless and say whats on their mind bluntly. Since the 3rd house is part of the Kama Trikon houses (houses of desire), this going into the 1st house, which is a part of the Dharma Trikon houses (houses of morality), gives interesting results here. Firstly, such people are fiercely independent, and hate to be disrupted when there pursuing their goals and working towards them. They hate to take help from anyone, and as a result are extremely competent. secondly, such people have a moral high ground, to which they religiously abide. They’re extremely righteous and stand up for those who wouldn’t be able to for themselves. Since from here, it aspects the 7th house of agreements, such people are great at understanding and signing contracts for work.

Now with the 8th house, we have a bit of a conundrum here honestly. It belongs to 2 types of houses, the moksha trikona houses (houses of salvation) as well as the Dushtana houses (evil houses). While this placement isn’t all that bad, it isn’t he best either. firstly though, this is a placement where the native always wins over their enemies (8th lord 6 houses away from itself), be it enemies as in people, or simply obstacles in their life. This also confers a long lifespan to people, given that his 8th lord is also exalted here. However such people are prone to accidents, given that the 1st house is the body, 8th house is sudden events and the natural 8th ruler mars is a karka or signifactor of vehicles. Such people are also against organized forms of religions, since the Dushtana lord is sitting in a dharma house. The native is also extremely private and secretive given the 1st house of self has the 8th lord of secrets sitting in it. Since it also aspects the 7th house of other people, this person has that aura of mystery about them because of this. Such people are deeply critical in nature but can have extreme wisdom in cases of hidden objects or matters of the occult.

Now coming to his aspects. His Venus is aspected by moon, Jupiter and Rahu. The first two are benefic in nature and the latter is malefic. Moon-Venus and Jupiter-Venus are also mutually aspecting each other in pairs here. Moon here gives Venus the property of being constantly cynical of themselves regards to what others may perceive them as, given moon is emotion and the 7th house here is other people. Their thoughts here are deeply influenced by other people, they may always keep serving other people too, through acts of service. This also makes someone who falls in love very easily, but it is important to engage this person’s mind in a relationship, they just cant do without an emotional bond here. Since Moon also represents fame in a chart, this makes a person very famous, as they receive attention from many people, and people want to analyze them, and enjoy their work and presence.

Jupiter here, makes the person level headed and practical. The person wouldn’t be all touchy feely with people they like, because they would like to remain more in control of the situation here. They’d rather engage in a full blown debate with someone, than hold hands. This also makes them very worldly and teacher like, while also being attracted to very worldly people themselves.

Rahu’s aspect on the other hand, makes someone stand out in a crowd (Rahu signifies an outcast), they may have a rough and cold exterior due to this. They may also have had issues with body image (1st house is self), or mental health here. These people are enamored by all things foreign, and love exploring the other cultures. They may have issues identifying with their own community at large, and may identify with the downtrodden of the society.

Now going to Jupiter and moon conjunction in the 7th house. I wont go very deep into this, as its a super interesting concept, and it’ll be better covered in the second part of the reading regarding the moon itself, so ill keep it short and related to the ascendant. Also the mutual aspect part will be explained in more detail in the miscellaneous section later. Plus this is getting far too long for even me now.

Getting on with the reading for now, moon and Jupiter here are in virgo, in a loose conjunction (one is at approximately 2’ and the other at 18’). This is actually one of the not very yogas (combinations)in a chart, about 15% of people have these. Its called the Gaj-Kesari yoga (the elephant and lion combination), because people with this are so extremely lucky, its like the kings of the jungle are together to support it. They have the wisdom of the elephant and the courage of a lion. This is a raj yoga (royal combination). a native born with Gaj-Kesari Yoga is intelligent, strong, and prosperous. Gaj or Elephant possesses immense strength and is devoid of pride and the Lion is known for his foresight and skillful intelligence as well as his strength, quickness, skillful leadership, ability and courage. Thus, when Gaj-Kesari Yoga is formed then that person is extremely successful. They will be a kind and philanthropic person, who will always have sympathy for others. They will be quite humble regarding work, would like to talk nicely to people and aim to attain spiritual progress in life. Many people will recognize them as their mentor or guide and will act according to their instructions or advice. They may have a tendency attracting people and people being magnetized by them. They will be blessed with abundant wealth and become the owner of movable and immovable property(cars as well as homes). They will establish relationships with rich and reputed people of the society and enjoy all kinds of material pleasures in life.

Since this occurs in virgo, it makes a person intelligent, sharp and gifts them with amazing memory power. Such a person is knowledgeable and can become the head of a large educational institution. He may own incomparable wealth and can earn a good name and money from business as well. Often such people earn a high reputation in the Stock Market and make progress in life by working in any financial institution or insurance sectors.

Here jupiter in particular makes someone extremely cynical in nature, and their mind is always, and I mean always, thinking about romantic relationships or platonic ones. However given that jupiter is also the 10th lord here, they could be extremely focused on work too. Their life is surrounded by contracts, and may work with others for a living(7th house is house of courts and partnership). They could be very interested in the financial sector here, they could be extremely money minded and money means stability to them. Moon here on the other hand makes the person very moody, and extremely dependent on their spouse or colleagues. Since it rules the fifth house here, it signifies that such people are extremely creative in their work, may work for children or young adults, have a lot of past life karma related to work, and also that they’re extremely devoted lovers. They tend to criticize their close friends and loved ones, just because they’re so cynical and blunt, and want the absolute best for people. They may hurt people’s feeling without realizing it sometimes. (this was very brief but refer to point 12)

Now coming to Saturn in 12th, as the lord of the birth nakshatra. Saturn over here signifies working in the fields of music, but given saturn represents electronics, it could mean a producer too. Since its in Aquarius here, a sign of dual lordship, this resents a constant up and down of mood and life spirit. The person with such a placement is confused with what truly makes them happy in life, the spiritual realm or the materialistic realm. They keep going up and down the path of being spiritual, till 36 years (saturn matters at 36). They may face a lot of mental disorders here. They may have trouble sleeping at night. Given saturn is also work, they may earn through foreign sources in life. Such a person invests money into properties (saturn is houses) and lacks liquid cash. The person may have a weak left eye (12th house is left eye). They may earn from multiple sources in life, and have multiple talents. Such people have low sex drives as saturn is a dry eunuch planet, and in the 12th house of bed pleasures, it may not allow native to enjoy it. They may not be interested in worldly pleasures with such placements.

Lastly (finally?), we have to discuss the looks! Pisces ascendents usually have the short to medium height, and tend to appear a little fuller even when they’re very scrawny. (its because jupiter is the largest planet). Uttarabhadrapada natives tend to have a very innocent look to them, a very calming nature and vibe. however, like the deep sea serpant, they have very deep and magnetic eyes, and a very expressive face (yoongi memes). They usually have a very beautiful smile, and can literally attract people with it (again the snake like quality). They tend to have a very blank look usually, and if you ever notice, they’ll have the most stunning eyelashes actually, given the yoni is the female cow. They might also have the habit of moving their mouth around when their thinking, quite like ruminating.

Given venus sits here, is gives the person very attractive, effeminate features. Think extremely renaissance type of soft features. It can give them very delicate hands and feet with such a placement. The moon aspect here, gives them a rounded face and pale skin. They might have sparkly eyes and a roundish appearance here, also the tendency to gain weight around their face, with short necks. They make also look much younger than their actual age.The jupiter aspect again makes the native very other worldly looking, almost like you can imagine them in a dark robe literally performing rituals. It gives people a calm and teacher type of vibe to them. The rahu aspect usually just blows qualities out of proportion. Have you seen how small and angelic suga looks compared to the other? (not saying they’re not angelic but still), thats the rahu aspect. Again, rahu aspects only get better with time.

So this was my analysis! If anyone has any questions or doubts, hit me up! Let me know if you enjoyed it!

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thisweekingundamwing · 3 years

Text

This Week in Gundam Wing 23-29 May 2021

I’m so on the ball with this lately... >_> Sorry. Here’s this week’s roundup! May 23rd - 29th!

Remember to give your content creators some love! Be sure to join in on the events at the bottom! And remember to send in any new works you see or make next week!

~Mod Hel

Fanfiction/Snippets/AU Ideas:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

The Preventer Calendar https://archiveofourown.org/works/31561295

Gen, Reader, Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, Chang Wufei, Zechs Merquise, OC - Character

Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, Humor, Partial Nudity, Reader-Insert, Nudity, A teeny hint of TrowaxReader, Rating because of some gratuitous nudity on Trowa's side

Twelve models, twelve shoots, twelve different locations in the Ardennes, and all of it in two fucking days. Because Preventer couldn’t spare you their agents any longer than that.

Why had you agreed to do this project again?

It's all for the arts.

boxofhatebrains

Helping Hand https://archiveofourown.org/works/31620146

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Explicit, No Archive Warnings Apply, Light Angst, Comfort/Angst, Minor Injuries, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Not Gundam Wing: Frozen Teardrop Compliant, after series, Flirting, Not Beta Read, slight reference to Episode Zero, Swearing

Duo realizes that Heero comes around whenever he damn well feels like it. They’ve been in contact for the last seven years after the Mariemaia incident, but generally at Heero’s own whim. Duo stays in the same place, it’s Heero who gravitates.

This time is no different.

@duointherain

Silent Menace https://duointherain.tumblr.com/post/652120818915115009/fic-silent-menace-11

1x2x1

Warnings: Mute Duo. Drugged and injured Heero.

Une always had the dark side of the job. She’d let others give out goodness, but bad news she owned herself. Duo had come to the conclusion that she was trying to take responsibility, trying to be a decent person. He could vibe with that.

@lifeaftermeteor

Touched by the Stars (Ch. 7) https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314657/chapters/77885468

M/M, Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei/Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton/Chang Wufei, Chang Wufei/Quatre Raberba Winner

Explicit, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, thar be porn, Dubious Consent, Aliens, Alien Abduction, Alternate Universe, mention of MPREG, everyone takes a turn with Wufei, alien anatomy and interesting dicks, Tentacles, Monster Boys, Slime, Double Cocks, Cum Inflation, Knotting, Oral, multiple dicks, Xeno, Spitroasting, Oviposition, Body Modification, Polyamory, Unbirthing, Triple Penetration, Cervical Penetration

University instructor Chang Wufei didn't even believe in aliens, much less intentionally attract their attention. But that doesn't mean much when they decided he'd be the ideal final mate for their group and scoop him off of the planet to take home to their queen. Enjoying him on the trip there, of course.

@noirangetrois

Of the Sea (Ch. 10) https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749670/chapters/78205124

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, fairytale my way, Meroctopus!Dorothy, Slow Burn, Multi POV, POV Third Person Limited, merman au, MerMay, Fantasy Politics, mentions of abuse, Unnatural November

Heero Yuy will soon be reaching the age of majority, at which time he will ascend the throne of Wingaria. Before such time, he must needs choose a bride. But what if there are no good choices? What if someone else has captured his heart?

The Story of Wrong (Ch. 8) https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849020/chapters/77856332

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Duo POV, Angst, Drama, Tragedy, Spoilers, very dark, Heero and Duo don’t die, I promise, Yaoi, slowburn, Mental Instability, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, If those are in any way an issue for you then go ahead and skip this, Eventual Smut, VERY eventual, this is mostly canon-compliant but I’ve changed a couple things here and there

Duo recounts his experiences during the war in order to explain… well, why he was wrong.

simulacraryn

love me like (tomorrow we’re) stardust https://archiveofourown.org/works/31458119/chapters/77811359

M/F, Treize Khushrenada/Lady Une

Treize Khushrenada, Lady Une, Original Characters, Hot Dog (gundam wing)

Explicit, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Angst, Near Death Experiences, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, unredeemable villain, Sex, Smut, consent is fucking sexy, Spoiler: He wore the Astro Suit at last!, Newtypes (Gundam Wing), no predators or prey here, intact brains

The World Nation would face off against the White Fang to bring about an end to all conflict between the Colonies and Earth. The plan had called for the bitter end of the last bastion of the old regime, Treize Khushrenada. However, as with every play on the stage of war, the actors have chosen to adlib. Effectively throwing the course of history off the rails, the director finds himself faced with a new road to choose.

@zaganthi

Jiu Jie https://archiveofourown.org/works/31413956

M/M, M/F, Duo Maxwell/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Duo Maxwell; Duo Maxwell/Hilde Schbeiker

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Relationship Negotiation; Polyamorous Character; Quatre Raberba’s Uchuu no Kokoro | Space Heart; Aged-Up Character(s); Newtypes (Gundam Wing); Past Relationship(s); Jealousy; Awkward Flirting; Bathing/Washing; Cuddling & Snuggling; Museums; talking about feelings; Psychic Bond; Dealing with exes; Ex Sex; Colonists exploring earth

Hilde waved goodbye as she left and Duo went to look for Treize and Quatre. What the hell was wrong with him. His body seemed to be saying yes but his mind was definitely not in that space at all. What the everlasting hell was going on. He wanted to see her again but why?

Treize passed him a picture of tree frogs, apparently feeling the confusion as Duo half jogged through the aquarium to catch back up. What the hell. Just what the hell.

It took him a while to get there, but the moment he got close, Quatre saw him, beamed a happy smile and the link opened up with a rush and he was surrounded again in emotional warmth. It was addictive and a relief, and there wasn’t, there wasn’t any recrimination from either of them. Just run off and see an old flame, it’s cool, we’ll be here when you get back vibes.

Lebensmüde https://archiveofourown.org/works/31413278

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Quatre Raberba Winner; Treize Khushrenada/Duo Maxwell

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Aged-Up Character(s); Quatre Raberba’s Uchuu no Kokoro | Space Heart; Newtypes (Gundam Wing); Preventers (Gundam Wing); Cameos; Therapy; Aftermath of Torture; Aftermath of Violence; Rape Aftermath; Physical Disability; Gratuitous Smut; Psychic Bond; Psychic Abilities; Domestic; Injury Recovery

Treize remembered the discussion of gunpowder residue on his head; it was one of the things John had been livid about after everything, and unable to explain any more than Treize had at the time. Seeing it written down… was something else. Treize closed the book over his finger, gently tapping it on his thigh as he looked up at Quatre.

“The first hot chocolate of the season,” Quatre said sitting down next to him, comfort flowing over the link. “I really wanted something sweet.” He paused. “I can feel something is…oh.” He noticed the book in Treize’s hand.

“Adding to the list of things we need to probably talk about,” he said quietly, contemplating it as he reached with his other hand to take the cocoa. “Have you written everything up?”

Fanart/Crafts/Photo Manips:

@2pcbart

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31618103

Recollect - Trowa/WuFei, comic style

@alphaikaros

https://alphaikaros.tumblr.com/post/651358650733150208/little-angry-boi

WuFei Chang, fanart

@bettertasting

https://bettertasting.tumblr.com/post/652303436314017792/something-spicy-for-the-dash-im-really-digging

Heero/Duo, fanart, nsfw

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/652089738925359104/%F0%9D%98%9B%F0%9D%98%A9%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%B4-%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%B4-%F0%9D%98%97%F0%9D%98%B3%F0%9D%98%A6%F0%9D%98%B7%F0%9D%98%A6%F0%9D%98%AF%F0%9D%98%B5%F0%9D%98%A6%F0%9D%98%B3-%F0%9D%98%9E%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%AF%F0%9D%98%A5-%F0%9D%98%A4%F0%9D%98%A2%F0%9D%98%AD%F0%9D%98%AD%F0%9D%98%AA%F0%9D%98%AF%F0%9D%98%A8-zechs-merquise

Tallgeese, gunpla

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/652448694036316160/sd-wing-gundam-ew

Wing, gunpla

@judaru

https://judaru.tumblr.com/post/651257960922857472/im-20-years-late-but-ive-been-reading-a-lot-of

Duo Maxwell, fanart

@keiko1183

https://keiko1183.tumblr.com/post/652327422940807168/completed-with-pencils-might-be-doing-the-acrylics

Trowa/Quatre, fanart

@not-so-dead-fandoms

https://not-so-dead-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/651085636504272896/mermay-01

Heero Yuy, fanart

https://not-so-dead-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/651494132071661568/mermay-02-duo-as-a-betta-fish-merlad

Duo Maxwell, fanart

https://not-so-dead-fandoms.tumblr.com/post/652283083819810816/mermay-03-of-course-i-made-trowa-a-clownfish

Trowa Barton, fanart

@pineappleglazedham

https://pineappleglazedham.tumblr.com/post/651759824584966144

Trieze/Une, fanart, fanfiction, playlist

Photosets/Gifsets/Screenshots/Manga Pages:

@clair-audients

https://clair-audients.tumblr.com/post/652114120696594432

Wing & Altron, gif

@disturbed02girl

https://disturbed02girl.tumblr.com/post/617456995130294273/thoughtful-quatre-thursday

Quatre, manga page

@meggie-stardust

https://meggie-stardust.tumblr.com/post/652350439669547008/same-energy

Epyon is an icon.

Fandom Discourse:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/651423437954433024/a-homage-to-the-reader-insert

Reader Insert Homage

@cuteciboulette

https://cuteciboulette.tumblr.com/post/652076342033170432/shinigamis-coming-to-town-d-duo-just

Duo Maxwell, doujinshi

Quotes:

@incorrectgundamwingquotes

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/652102805897805825/in-the-groupchat-trowa-why-tf-do-we-have-20

Trowa & WuFei

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/652356366558806016/heero-yeah-but-as-far-as-plans-go-this-is-not-a

Heero & Quatre

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/651830976331251712/duo-gesturing-to-heero-dont-worry-weve-got-an

Duo, Heero, & WuFei

Calendar Events:

@gundamzine

Rhythm Generation 2021

Meet the Mods: https://gundamzine.tumblr.com/post/636708854145613824/come-on-over-a-meet-your-2021-zine-mod-team-head

Check out the blog for the Zine schedule!

@gundam-wing-pride

Gundam Wing Pride 2k21 https://gundam-wing-pride.tumblr.com/post/648237909672083456/incoming-transmission-faq

A Beautiful Rainbow of Prompts https://gundam-wing-pride.tumblr.com/post/649898271517573120/a-beautiful-rainbow-of-prompts

@gwartserver

Month of WuFei https://gwartserver.tumblr.com/post/649995521569767424/month-of-wufei

Shooting Stars (online convention) https://gwartserver.tumblr.com/post/650013463432888320/once-upon-a-time-lifeaftermeteor-and-myself

@gwcocktailfriday

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompt for Friday, !

In need of Summer/Fall(Autumn) prompts!

(I’ll um... fix these when I have time to find more prompts.)

@gwlemonyshenanigans

May 23rd’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/651999227800600576/may-23rd-submission

May 24th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652131130827571200/may-24th-submissions

May 25th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652252350922342400/may-25th-submissions

May 26th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652312096032342016/may-26th-submissions

May 27th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652433653693136896/may-27th-submissions

May 28th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652434486286548992/may-28th-submission

May 29th’s Submissions https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652648408588353536/may-29th-submissions

Friday Spotlight! https://gwlemonyshenanigans.tumblr.com/post/652439213602684928/the-lastspotlight-friday

@oztober-rust

Welcome to Oztober Rust

We’re an up and coming Gundam Wing event with a slight twist! This page is still a work in progress, but you’re welcome to join us over on discord and get a feel for the event.

Have discord, will fan. https://oztober-rust.tumblr.com/post/647568110262566912/i-see-a-nice-and-steady-following-we-do-have-a

@seasons-of-gundamwing

Summer Event Voting https://seasons-of-gundamwing.tumblr.com/post/646220556727877633/seasons-of-gundamwing-okay-wingers-its-time-to

@thisweekingundamevents

Events Calendar https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/644080386309275648/events-calendar-update

If you are hosting an event currently, or are planning on one, hit us up with links and dates! We’ll add them to the Calendar and reblog your notices to get the word out!

#Gundam Wing #This Week in Gundam Wing #Weekly Roundup #23-29 May 2021 #(it's late again... but not as late as my last one)

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polandspringz · 3 years

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My friends and I just binged all of Yuri!!! on Ice in 4 hours and it was an experience.

I had started watching the show when it first aired in 2016. I got to episode 7 however and due to some circumstances with my mental health, dropped the series and never continued it for four years. I still felt this strong emotional connection to it though, just for how amazing the series was with it’s themes and story. The music itself is enough to make any fan emotional, but even for me who was unable to continue watching the series, I still felt such a strong connection resonating with it.

It’s kind of fitting then, four years later, after I had grown as a person and thought about finally finishing it, I clicked on the first episode again on a whim after another breakdown just because I felt like it would help calm me. A few hours later, the movie teaser was released. I’ve seen people joking that the series couldn’t exist during the Trump presidency, hence the no news for four years, however I like to joke that the series was waiting for ME to come back around for it (I’m the main character you know, haha).

After finishing it, I do feel like I missed out abandoning the series in high school, that I should have stuck around a finished it back when it was airing because I missed out on some experience. But, watching it with my friends made up for it. I loved every part of it, and the parts that made me anxious no longer made me feel that way. I’m thankful to Sayo Yamamoto for creating such a wonderful series and putting so much love and care into every aspect of it. I’m sure I will never forget this show and the journey it took me on over the course of four years, and it’s kind of fitting. Almost all my favorite animes take me years to complete, after all.

#poland's thoughts #wanted to compose something to discuss my thoughts with it #i can't really explain what happened to me after watching ep 7 because its so far away now #but it feels like a big deal to finally finish this show #yuri on ice #yoi #sayo yamamoto

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atxlxs · 3 years

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Beyond The Veil: Chapter 12

Eras was in the middle of waking up that morning with her smoothie, Muska had left 30 minutes ago to head to UA, and she was zoning out the window next to the dining table.

The pungent scent of week old blood wasn’t the best of scents, yet Eras refused to obtain blood any other way except through blood banks. Most Vampires had donors or they just asked politely for consent (When the veil was made there were rules put in place to prevent vampires from extorting humans or keeping them as glorified blood bags for their whims, a lot of rules-)

A soft chime from her phone brought her attention back to the dining room table where her phone laid face up, the words ‘Message From Unknown’ were bold and sat at the top of her notifications. With a confused tilt to the head, despite no one being around to see it, Eras opened the notification.

Unknown

123-xxx-xxx: This is Aizawa Shouta, your ward's homeroom teacher. I believe I promised to keep you updated so I recommend watching the video file I’ve sent below.

123-xxx-xxx: *Video File ‘punishment.vid’ Attachment*

Tapping on the file, Eras watched with mild skepticism as it downloaded, hoping that this isn’t some weird scam text message even if logic dictates it isn’t. Once it finished, Eras felt her lips twitch as she saw a bundle of cloth being hung from the ceiling, suspiciously familiar blond hair sticking out of the bottom.

The video did not disappoint.

The camera shook slightly, as if whoever was holding it was holding back giggles as the familiar rugged man rolled in one of those ancient box T.V’s that schools used to keep for educational videos in elementary school. The cloth bundle swaying fruitlessly in the wind as whoever, most definitely All Might, was in it struggled. After stopping the table roller with the T.V in front of the bundle, Aizawa walked over to the cloth and with a few quick movements, uncovered All Might's eyes and spun him to be stuck facing the T.V. Pulling out a cassette tape of all things, those were impossibly older than the T.V itself was, Aizawa loaded the T.V after turning on the power.

Eras choked on her smoothie when a Nedzu mascot appeared on the screen with cartoonish glee to its expression as it gestured animatedly at the title on the screen.

‘Teaching For Dummies! Vol:1 of 126: Safety 101’

Aizawa then pulled out a second roller cart that was filled with cassette tapes, most likely the other 125 volumes of the Teaching For Dummies series, as his grin bordered on maniacal.

“You’ll be hanged for your crimes as you watch Nedzu’s Hell Course videos on teaching. You will then be assigned a 5 thousand word essay on how you could improve based on what you learn. Good Luck”

Aizawa then turned towards the exit and power walked out of the room as muffled screeches came from the restrained All Might, the person holding the phone started guffawing and ended the video abruptly. The now black screen reflected Eras’s face as it was stuck in a sadistic grin.

Eras cackled.

*Eras changed Unknown’s name to AizawaShouta*

Eras: Appreciated, shall I send you a gif of him struggling like a worm on dry concrete?

AizawaShouta: yes

Eras: *wormwiggle.gif*

Eras: will you be getting an after shot of the torture?

AizawaShouta: Oh definitely, I assume you’ll want that as well?

Eras: it’ll be a good reaction image to use

AizawaShouta: …

AizawaShouta: i’m going to torment the teachers group chat with it

Eras: as you should

Chuckling to herself in the dining room, Eras sipped on her smoothie as she sent messages back and forth with Aizawa. The tension easing in her shoulders as time passed. She was still tired, exhausted really, but the air seemed a little lighter each time she breathed.

AizawaShouta: I do still wish to apologize myself though, I don’t exactly know how the blond buffoon had managed to get battle trials accepted but normally I have them learn safety and test out costumes on the first day.

Eras: unnecessary but accepted. Really Aizawa-san it was just as you said, the quote “blond buffoon” unquote is at fault for this so no harm no foul.

Eras: Though if you did happen to do something yourself that warrants my visit you’d be lucky to still walk the next day.

AizawaShouta: ….

AizawaShouta: mildly terrified

Eras: only mildly? I’ve lost my touch

AizawaShouta: No, no I would be more affected if it weren’t for my policy to not harm students or allow them to get hurt by being overly cautious about what they do.

Eras: Ah, I feel a bit better than.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shouta laid on his side, wrapped up in his obnoxiously colored sleeping bag, with his phone resting between his hands in front of his face.

After Eras had left the meeting yesterday, Shouta had been stuck there for another 3 hours as Nedzu let them know that Bakugo would be pulled in for his own meeting with the principal this morning to discuss his previous schooling as well as his punishment. If he said anything concerning, which was definite at this point, then Nedzu would launch an investigation into Aldera. Currently the walking bomb was going to be in ISS as well as attending a counselling session. (Since mandatory therapy wasn’t an option without further evidence to prove their theories about his mental health) If Hound Dog says it’s necessary, then anger management will be added.

That had drained him in more ways than one. Though the universe did decide to give him a break in the form of free reign of All Might’s punishment. Which was carefully planned. When the meeting had ended, and the parents had left the premises, Aizawa had wrapped All Might in his capture scarf and dragged him back to the faculty lounge. The remaining teachers watched on in amusement as he hooked the weapon around a support beam on the ceiling and left the blond hanging from the ceiling.

Before he could leave to grab the… videos, Shouta tossed his phone to Hizashi.

“Record this.” He simply stated and walked towards the storage closet in the lounge.

He could tell Hizashi knew what he was grabbing because as the cockatoo caught the phone, his eyes widened before he slapped a hand over his mouth to stop the laugh he wanted to spill and immediately flipped on his phone; swiping for the camera.

Once he had finished setting up the torture, he left. He would not stay around to hear Nedzu’s hell videos. The cheery animated mascot talked condescendingly the whole time and seemed to read your mind as it tore down your thought process to the simplest of structures before ripping into your teaching style.

Each of the staff have had to sit through all 126 volumes at least once and each and every single one swore to never need to again. It was cursed in all the wrong ways.

It was around 7 in the morning when Shouta had remembered a particular part of the meeting from yesterday, turning on his side he whipped out his phone and pulled up the newest contact he had added in his phone for this exact reason. Sending a quick explanation of who he was, he sent the video Hizashi had taken for him to her.

He was not at all expecting to actually enjoy the conversation that followed.

He could admit with little fanfare that he was not the most conventional person to talk to. He was gruff, sarcastic, logical to a fault, and used dry humor that bordered on morbid some days. This is why he was genuinely surprised to see Eras not only take his humor in stride, but to respond in the same way.

Now at 8 o’clock in the morning, 25 minutes away from the start of homeroom, Shouta was actually going to miss talking to someone. Hizashi could never know.

With a sigh, he sent a quick goodbye and snorted when he received a picture of a cat with a face of disgust in response, he got off the couch and headed to his classroom. God it was the USJ field trip today too, grumbling he slid open the faculty door and left.

Completely missing the looks of horrified bewilderment on his colleagues' faces.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags:

@baguettehead

#bnha #bnhaoc #bnhafanfiction #mha #mhaoc #mha fanfiction #AU

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lixiefe · 4 years

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Can’t Touch - k.sm

Chapter Twelve: Hands off

Words: 2k

After weeks of your husband supposedly ‘ignoring’ you, you were ecstatic to receive a text from him, the first thing in the morning. What a nice way to start the day! And then you were seen smiling crazily at that. That encouraged you to wait for him tonight, again.

Let’s not fall asleep, yea?

Jisung told you that Seungmin had been busier than ever. And he reassured you that him appearing only when you were asleep was not because he wanted to ignore you, but because of his hectic schedule of work. And boy, was Seungmin diligent when it came to his work! You were so determined to wait till his arrival. You even made yourself cups of caffeine to keep you up, chanted a series of ‘blueberry, butterberry shortcake’, watched some netflix. But to no avail.

You were fast asleep sitting on the divan, again.

Seungmin came home quite after midnight, yawning continuously on the way. He had yawned through his desultory way from the elevator, as he was removing his shoes and as he saw your relaxed sleeping figure in front of him. But the last yawn stretched into a smile across the fatigue on his face.

He went closer to you, watching you inhale and exhale softly. In his sleepy state, he tried to match your rhythm of breathing; respiring as you released breath through your parted lips and inspiring as you sucked in the air. He mentally slapped himself to consciousness as he noticed his stupid behavior.

Oh my god we’re breathing the same air.

Seungmin watched you squirm a bit in your sleep, resting your back against the divan as your head limply positioned itself. Your posture was unstable and quite- dangerous, on the verge of losing balance any second. Seungmin stretched out his hand impulsively, but did nothing. What could he do? Wake you up? No, he couldn’t disrupt your sleep, nor could he carry you to your room. He could only look at his outstretched hand and wonder what could be done. But it concluded to nothing.

What he feared was already on the go.

Seungmin went into panic mode as soon as your head started tilting more than necessary, taking along your body. Before Seungmin could comprehend anything, his body took action ; his hand instantly held your falling jaw on a whim, restricting your probable fall. His hands cupped you cheek, touch so light yet relishing. And as he realized what he had done, he waited for the unwanted and irrational thoughts; waited for the agony that awaited his impulsive actions. But nothing came. Nothing to ruin the moment.

He moved his hand so that his thumb rested on you cheek, the rest of his hand trailed behind your ear. He noticed himself caressing your cheek, ever so slowly, savoring every feel. And he recalled when Chan had said

‘You are a person who wants to touch and be touched.’

How true that was. Nothing could compare the overwhelming affection he felt for you at that moment. So this is how it feels? He crouched on one knee in front of you, still holding your jaw in place.

His wishful fantasies of how your skin could feel like were proven so wrong. Because your skin was so much softer than he’d imagined, and so much more warm; it was smoother than anything he’d touched, even more velvety than gossamer itself. It was as if you were a valuable feather, fugacious yet fascinating. He found you so ultimately fletching, ethereal even. And he was like a diaphanous hero of some romantic vintage movie, who was head over heels for the heroin; a whole unfiltered filmy creep.

Your comparatively large eyes with long profuse lashes and your button nose that unexpectedly had a sharp edge. Then his eyes landed to you slightly parted lips, that drew him in like nothing else. They were so inviting and even though he admired all your features equally, he couldn’t help but admit that your tinted lips were the cynosure of your glamorous face.

Seungmin felt his surroundings fade into a blur; the world a dream he vaguely remembered as his vision focused on that specific part of your face.

Involuntarily, he discovered himself slowly leaning in towards you. And his head tilted without his permission, instinctively edging towards your lips with passing time. He was so close to you that he could feel your breath fanning his lips, mingling with his own.

As soon as he realized what he was doing, he instantly leaned back; blinking himself back to reality. He was stilled for moment. He couldn’t do it. Not now at least. He could call himself weak, he could detest himself, but nothing could beat his fear of his own mind. It was terrifying to him every moment. The fact that he couldn’t freely touch you, or give you the affection you deserved, was saddening.

And to top that, you were sleeping.

He tilted your head so that it rested on the opposite side, not off-balance and quickly removed his hand. He decided that it would be best to wake you up and cast you to the comforts of you bed, than to let you sleep here- that too, sitting. You would fall back on the divan if your head were to lose its balance again, but then it would hurt your neck in the morning.

“Y/N?”

You woke up with a jolt, eyes blinking cutely as you looked his face. “Huh? Where am I?” Seungmin was surprised at how fleeting and sensitive your sleep was. However, your cluelessness was surely a sight to see.

Seungmin chuckled at you. “You're in the living room, please go to your room.”

You were too sleepy to argue or even remember why you were here in the first place. So you complied without a second thought and waddled back to your room.

Seungmin watched your adorable walk to your room with reminiscent eyes. And he was left alone in the silence of his living room, heart hammering against his chest. He was clueless about himself, about his indecisive heart; and the plethora of deep feelings he held. Again, his hand went to his tumultuous heart, trying to realize what excited him so much. Just like his wedding day.

---

Seungmin was very successful with his accomplished project. But he got even busier with conferences and media staggering his every step. He spent incredulous amount of time in preparing his speeches and formulating plausible answers for any questions that might be thrown at him. And these included hours of pacing and arguing with Jisung about the arrangement of sentences; along with Jisung simultaneously managing to trip himself multiple times.

To his dismay, Seungmin didn’t see you at all the entire week. And to say that he missed you was a serious understatement. He didn’t even have the time to creep on you at midnight and get lost in your beauty. There was no output of the stress and pressure inclined from his work, which made him crazier every day. Because he couldn’t see you.

However, texting you made half of his day. But it was nowhere near the alleviate of frustration that your actual presence provided. And after all this flurry ended, he invited you to his workplace, his personal cubic office that strictly forbade unknown entries.

Seungmin paced around the room restlessly, anticipating your arrival. Jisung sat on the neat couch, one leg on top of the other as he leisurely scrolled down his smartphone. He had long given up annoying his friend since all the other could think about was when his wife is going to make an appearance.

“I discovered I scream the same way whether a shark is about to devour me or if I step on a piece of seaweed.”

“Do you think she’s going to come sooner?”

Jisung was devastated that the other paid him zero attention. There were so many questions in his discovery, yet Seungmin asked him something he knew nothing about. He expected the other to say that he screamed all the time, or why on earth would he have seaweed on the floor. Or how the fuck he knew his screaming level when a shark would devour him?

But he had no curiosity. Bummer.

Seungmin’s ears perked up as the door to his office creaked open, revealing you in your flattering sundress and undone flurrying hair. He quickly straightened his posture and pretended to lean on his work-desk, as if he wasn’t just stressing for the past hour.

“Hey Jisung!” you called, catching the attention of the said boy.

Seungmin’s face dropped as quick as your handbag. He had been dying to see you and to hear you call his name, and there you were; not even noticing him. But his best friend, hah! He felt something foreign when you called his friend in an informal speech, and it started to slowly tug at his insides.

He saw you rushing towards the now-standing Jisung, engulfing him in a short hug, who reciprocated your actions too whole-heartedly. He saw you engaging in an informal conversation with the latter, forming the elegant smile that he craved so much. The tug at his heart seemed to get even itchier, gnawing; as he unblinkingly stared at you both.

When did you get so comfortable with Han Jisung?

He found himself snapping back to his senses when you turned your attention to him. Bits of that unusual discomfort fading as you bestowed him with a brighter smile. Did you miss him as much as he did? Did you miss your little conversations as much as he did? Did you crave his presence as much as he did? Countless thoughts ran through his mind, but he couldn’t but imitate your bubbly smile and greet you back with the same happiness.

Maybe even more.

Seungmin heard as you excitedly talked to him, asked him about his overall health and about the success that came with his hard-work. He saw that you were skeptic about his train of positive answers, maybe because you didn’t believe him, or maybe because the exasperation on his face was too obvious to ignore. With a betraying look, you questioned Jisung about the accuracy of his answers. And he was pissed that Jisung- of all people- was not on his side.

It was nice to see that you had easily bonded with his best-friend, but it left a gnawing feeling in the middle of his chest; which he did not like at all. He wanted to rip you both off of each-other every time Jisung held your hand with ease, or slung his arm over your shoulder as if it was nothing. It was a bit too friendly- too touchy- for Seungmin’s comfort.

In reality, he was undoubtedly envious.

“Hands off,”

“Come on man, I’m not doing anything,” Seungmin got even more irked when his friend just continued to compliment your hair, your outfit, your cheeks, your everything. Praise- was okay, but not when Jisung was running his hand through your hair and expressing his amazement on just how nourished and thick your hair was.

Remove you fucking hand, you dipshit.

Even you weren’t expecting him to so touchy- somewhat clingy and it didn’t match at all how he was the best friend of the Kim Seungmin, who could not endure touches. How ironic.

On the other hand, Jisung was enjoying this way too much to stop. He saw just how fuming Seungmin was, eyeing his every movement with hawk eyes. He found it comical how Seungmin couldn’t even contain the ineffable jealousy that displayed on his scrunched face. Jisung occasionally let out ripples of amused laugh at the fuming man, and that only encouraged him to keep holding your hand as you both shared talks.

He wasn’t the one with a touch-issue. So why not?

And Seungmin was left feeling like a third wheeler, who stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of two extroverted beings. He was jealous, sure, but it wasn’t materialistic. It was an abstract envy of how others love you, show the love to you; the way he could only imagine, could only wait. He envied how something he couldn’t get past, was a breeze for his friend. As easy as a piece of cake.

a/n: this is for the nice anon. thank you for responding! I’m pretty much on cloud nine because of you. I even had my crazy dancing session today lol.

Also, I’m sorry for describing some facial features, i just got carried away. And didn’t want to remove it.

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valkyrieofsmut · 4 years

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Kurt’s Mail Order Bride 8

Cowboy!Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler) x Mutant!OC

Descriptions: Beth gets hurt, and Kurt helps her cook. Logan is suspicious of what happened in the wagon overnight, and a misunderstanding ensues.

A/n- Hello! It’s a crazy month, but I’m going to do my best to start getting things out again! The only thing I need on my side is time... Let’s do our best! Remember to get a flu shot (they have one for people allergic to eggs, but I’ve only been able to find it at the health department), wash your hands, wear your masks because it’ll help with the flu, too! Love you guys, stay safe!!!

Masterlist Series Masterlist

Story!

As Beth checked the meat in the oven, crouching to see better, she heard the door open and turned to see Kurt walk in.

She closed the oven door quickly. Too quickly, as the towel slipped a little, making her gasp as the hot cast iron of the stove touched her hand, and the back of her finger as she jerked it away.

Kurt appeared next to her in a plume of smoke, crouching next to her now kneeling form. “Are you ok?” He asked, taking her injured hand and looking at it.

Beth blinked at him, torn in response. The pain in her hand was starting to leave her mind, even if it wasn’t leaving her hand.

He was holding her hand, sounding concerned for her.

It was strange; it made her heart beat fast, her stomach quiver, while the pain stung and seared.

“I- I’m fine,” she told him, cheeks pink.

Kurt let her hand go as she took it, standing with her, noticing that her shirt was still unbuttoned for the top three or four buttons, showing her smooth, elegant neck, and giving a hint of cleavage. He swallowed hard and forced his eyes to hers.

The front door opened, startling them both, and Logan walked in.

He looked them both over for a moment and started brushing himself off. “Dinner about ready?”

Kurt and Beth both took a breath and glanced at each other before Beth went to the counter.

“Almost, I just have to finish the vegetables,” she answered. She picked up the knife there, but Kurt stepped close.

“Let me do that,” he told her.

“I can do it,” she told him, looking at him in confusion.

“Let me, you hurt yourself,” he answered.

“I’m fine, it’s on the back of my hand,” she said, turning to block him.

“Beth.”

A shiver ran down her spine at her name leaving his lips, his tongue wrapping it in his accent.

“You’re hurt. Let me help you.”

“He actually wants to help, let him,” Logan told her from the seat he’d taken at the table.

Beth stepped back and let Kurt take the knife from her hand, remembering that it was burnt, and going to get a cool cloth to put on it.

A few minutes later, when Beth went to check the oven, Kurt set down the knife and shooed her away. “I’ll get that,” he told her, taking three towels from the counter.

“I can-” She cut off as his tail, using a towel, opened the oven and he pulled the meat from inside with his two toweled hands.

He set it on top of the stove, closing the door with his toweled tail. “Nein, your hand is burned, so it will hurt if it gets near the heat,” she realized he’d been telling her.

Her eyes lifted to his, and she realized she’d been staring at him.

He was continuing to look at her, his golden eyes searching for an answer to something in her silver ones.

Kurt was staring, her eyes looked so soft and gentle, her lips were parted, it was making him want to kiss her, and she looked like she wanted him to.

Logan cleared his throat, and Beth’s eyes widened.

When had her cheeks gotten so warm?

She quickly turned away and started walking toward the door. “Excuse me,” she said as she stepped out into the cooler night air.

She’d been standing there, staring at him, wishing for something she knew would never happen, her cheeks flushed and body yearning.

No wonder Kurt had been looking at her like that; he’d probably been wondering if she was ok, mentally.

Kurt ran a hand through his hair, his tail swaying back and forth behind him.

Why did he think these things of her?

Was it because she was the only woman around?

Was it because she was the only woman outside of his family at the circus that hadn’t screamed and tried to burn him as a demon?

Or was it- could it be that… maybe he had feelings for her?

“What happened the other night?” Logan asked.

“Was?” Kurt asked, startled from his thoughts.

“The other night, when you got stuck in the storm.” Logan’s eyes, dark and hard, had a shrewd intelligence, appraising everything Kurt did or said, and he felt like he was being studied with a magnifying glass.

“What do you mean? The storm came, and the wheel sank in the mud, I thought.”

Logan was silent for a second. “Before you went out to town, you were civil, but not nice. Since you got back, you can’t stop staring. What happened?”

“We were stuck on the road,” Kurt said.

“And?” Logan led. “Did you do anything?”

“We ate a picnic,” Kurt supplied, uncertain of the unspoken question.

“Did you touch her?” He demanded.

Kurt’s eyes widened, and his cheeks heated. But something else happened; he was offended.

Was Logan saying that he wasn’t good enough for her? That he would never be? That his dirty demon like hands would taint her? That because of how he looked, it would be inappropriate, or impossible for her to ever like him?

“Would it be so bad if I did?” He asked darkly.

“I didn’t bring her here for you to use to your whims,” Logan growled as he stood. “I thought better of you than forcing yourself on a woman when you were alone.”

“Forcing?!” Kurt nearly yelped in shock, then what Logan had been asking finally clicked. “There was no forcing of anything! I would never!” Kurt held back a growl. “We had to sleep close to keep warm, and because she was soaked from the rain, but I did not touch her. I would never touch her like that!”

There was a soft noise from the doorway as Beth cleared her throat. “Good to know,” she said quietly, her hand moving to close the door.

Kurt rushed to her, taking her uninjured hand in his. “I would never touch you like that,” he assured her. “You must know that I’d never touch you like that!”

Beth blinked at him.

It was one thing to know he’d probably never want to touch her in any way romantic, another to overhear him telling Logan, but it was completely different to have him declaring over and over to her face that he’d never think of her as attractive and would never want to touch her.

Hurt emotions were filling her, making her face heat again. “Stop!” She told him, pushing back the tears. “Just stop! Do you even know what you’re saying?” She demanded as she jerked her hand from him and fled through the door into the darkness.

She made it to the horse stalls, into the one holding Babylon, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck as the tears started flowing carelessly down her cheeks.

Kurt looked over at Logan at a loss. “I-”

Logan shook his head, looking away.

“What- what does she think I said?”

“Don’t know.”

“But- I was only saying I’d never hurt her, ja?” He asked.

Logan looked at him, his dark gaze boring into his golden one. “Look, I don’t know what she thought you were saying. But, I can only think of one reason a woman would run off like that.”

“Why?” Kurt asked, desperate to understand.

“She’s had her heart broken.”

“How would me saying I’d never hurt her break her heart- why- I don’t understand-” Kurt shook his head as he looked down.

“Welcome to being a man,” Logan told him.

“Should I go after her?” Kurt asked.

“Nah, let her have her time, she’ll come back when she’s ready.”

Kurt laid on the couch, unable to fall asleep.

Logan had gone to bed, and the fire had died, but Beth hadn’t come back, yet.

Maybe he should have gone after her. What if she’d gotten hurt out in the dark? What if the cattle had stampeded over her? What if-

He had to stop thinking these things, it was making his stomach twist uncomfortably, not only with pain, but longing and guilt, and just a hint of uselessness.

The door opened quietly, and Kurt looked up to see Beth closing it quietly.

A smile pushed at his mouth; she was safe. He was about to say something to greet her, when she turned her face away from him and hurried to her room in the back.

Kurt felt hurt, but took a breath.

She was still mad at him.

It was ok; he’d had people, women, mad at him before, but he’d survived.

He paused as he thought that this might be different from his mother or sister being mad at him, but shook it off.

Tag List!

@otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @racheo91 @tephi101 @lilypalmer1987 @pingu89 @gifsbysimplysonia @omnomsauruswrites @keldachick @Randomfandompenguin @mannls @screeching-student-unknown @lizfawn @ya-lyublu-tebya @their-bibliophile @the-fifth-marauder03 @whisperriddle @Colourforanamee @143amberrose @one-of-the-weebs @The-marvelatic @silverloveless

#kurt wagner x oc #Cowboy!Kurt Wagner #Cowboy!Nightcrawler #Old West AU #nightcrawler x oc #Kurt Wagner #Marvel AU #RANCHER AU #x-men au #X-men #angst #mutant oc #romance #mutual pining #multi part story

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damagedsmile · 4 years

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//Hullo hullo everyone, just flying in here with an update & I apologise for taking so long about it.

So its been a tough time for everyone with C-19. Ireland is going into another lock down. I hope yall are taking care & regardless of your opinion on the matter, I hope yall are being respectful & safe.

Life has been abit topsy-turvy for me. Im learning that grief is just a series of moments where, when you least expect it, you spontaneously combust with tears. Ive had good days but a lot of days where it do be just hanging on by your nails & wondering when the rabbithole ends. So basically I'm at a point where I really don't know how I'm going to feel the next hour, the next day... yanno. I've had moments where I feel ready to return here & do something small but that feeling always changes to the opposite; I'm being careful with discerning what is a manic whim & what is real. I think that's a very important skill for anyone in this position or with mental health issues to learn, so im learning something new this past while.

I have not been able to write anything or draw for months now. Its very frustrating & depressing in itself as I am a creative person & often feel smothered when unable to create. I just have no energy or ideas & am very resentful of myself for feeling things that disrupt my hobbies. But I know i need to feel & go through this so am not pressuring myself. I'm focusing on keeping myself clean & fed & practicing good sleep hygiene; once I can master these three fundamentals, I can focus on other things.

Its funny, I think, that life experiences can alter you so much that you forget how to be human in that you find yourself forgetting to eat & unable to perform daily self-care routines & unable to show love towards those you know you love dearly. To sum it up, I think its fair to say this is the lowest point of my life & its been both horrible & eye-opening. I feel like a burn victim, without skin, everything hurting & tiresome & feeling seperate from myself & my former life. In that same perverse way, that part of me is abit thankful for c-19 because it means I don't have people coming close to me & hugging me & generally being sympathetic: I find im loathing that behaviour now. I don't want to be the person whom suffered a great loss that everyone needs to comfort, I just want to be a person that people treat like normal.

I opened the door the other day to a Traveller woman trying to sell me bedsheets & she said "ah take that, it'd be a grand present for your ma" to which I said, "my ma's dead". It was easier to say than I thought it would be & it was actually a relief to say it & receive a fumbling apology, "I'm sorry, my ma's dead too." I appreciated that more than receiving a hug or a pat on the back. Not that a stranger would do such things, but yanno. We had a moment like saluting each other & I bought pillows off her, the end.

I hope I'm making sense. I hope no one takes offence to this. This is just my feelings, my journey. I've been calling myself a child of grief, making this journey to a port in a storm where i can start a new life on that port & begin anew once I've shed this old skin thats dried out from salty tears.

I've been playing TS4. I started the Asylum Challenge on medium difficulty. I have Joker there ofc with 6 others. I did have 8 Sims but Jared Leto died in the pool (he went for a swim instead of sleeping ffs). We've had 1 Asylum baby that was adopted away for obvious reasons. Currently Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is trying to get with Rob Zombie's creepy twin, Bob Zombie. Joker is hitting it off with my Sim whose aesthetic is inspired by Emilie Autumn. I called her Kathryn Wheel cuz of the torture device/HIM song.

I got two rat kittens for Valentines Day (not sure if I've told you before). They're Fancy Rats but with blue colouring, which I've never seen before in breeds. I called them MizPah & BoBoBetty. The Precious got a new snake, a BEL he calls Helvita but i call her Boo.

I got my hands tattooed a wee while ago which wasn't as painful as my neck but painful enough that I'm relieved theyre done & healed up. I'll try remember to post pics whenever. My memorys been a bit scatty with meds. Im also working on losing weight again so I've been very tired & grumpy when I'm not huddling in a nest of blankets growling at The Precious when he enters my space. The only way he earns my trust each eve is to give me coffee & tell me im being very good. Is this a joke? YOU be the judge...

Anyway. Im alive & still working on myself. I thank yall for your patience & support, it means a lot to me knowing my friends on here are rooting for me. I'm toasting yall rn with my iced coffee (still trying to perfect the recipe but im getting there). I hope yall are doing well & are happy, safe, & healthy. Remember I love yall & wish you all the very best, even if I'm not present or feeling sociable. We'll all get through this, i promise you. Remember that you only really see light when things are very dark 💜

#damagedmun #mobile #update #tw mental health #tw long post

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doireallynameathingforthisthing · 3 years

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Notice The Signs

I have no idea what this tumblr thing is, and what brought me here is quite sad and probably a reason at least a few people are here. Elisa Lam’s story, so unbelievably sad, and of course, I was curious about some of her blog posts.

Now, I haven’t figured this tumblr thing out so I don’t really understand what were her posts, or like reposts, or quotes so I’m at a loss there.

But I will say, that Elisa Lam’s story, I hope, has opened at least some peoples eyes to mental health. It’s incredibly unfortunate that it’s been and remains such a blase topic in society.

But conspiracy theories? That runs rapid. And I get it, a lot of these ideas come from somewhere, and I think we, as curious people, truly believe that there are conspiracies and almost desperately want to prove that at least one is true. Thus being able to point and say, HA! I told you! So if this is true, it means that this other thing can be true, and potentially opens the floodgates.

However, Elisa’s case was not a conspiracy. When I was watching the special on Netflix, at first of course I got wrapped up in the idea of a like, haunted spooky hotel. HA! Proof! But as the story went on, and I saw her elevator clip, I said to my husband, it looks like she is having a psychotic break. I bet she didn’t take her medications or at least wasn’t taking them properly.

I was shocked when the story went, seemingly, left field on a whim of conspiracy theories, from tuberculosis, LAPD cover ups, hotel cover ups, coroner cover ups, Pablo Camilo being accused, etc etc. (By the way, that man deserves a huge apology from anyone who sent him any kind of accusatory messages, but that’s just my opinion). Of course, I was like OOOOOO this is all so interesting! The movie thing too, wow!

But again, I came back to, this girl has a mental illness. I am sure it is going to come back to that. Sadly, it did.

I cannot start to fathom what she went through that night, how scared she was, even though she was her own worst threat, she did not know this. In the past when she was spiraling, she had her family to catch her and take care of her. This time she didn’t. She was alone. No one at the hotel helped her. No one asked her if she was OK. Had the manager and workers of the hotel become so numb from all of the drama that ensued on the premises on a daily basis, that they didn’t notice this young girl in distress? Or did they not care to notice?

“Send her to a new room so she stops causing problems for me”, feels like the attitude of this hotel. And to top it off, they took no responsibility for this. No, I am not talking about responsibility of her mental health, or the fact that she was spiraling. But they had a moment, when she was in the lobby yelling that she’s crazy, a moment in time that they could have helped her. That they could have added up the puzzle pieces, but they chose to ignore her.

This ambivalent attitude on people with mental health challenges, to ignore them, to toss them aside and make them someone else’s problem, shocks and saddens me. To this day, the attitude of people not wanting to take responsibility to care for their fellow human, to make sure we are protecting and keeping each other safe from the true horrors in this world, is...saddening.

This could have been avoided. Elisa’s death was not an absolute that night. Maybe if someone would have asked her if she was OK, as depicted on the series, maybe she would have been OK. Maybe they could have saved her. Maybe she would have made it home safely. Maybe.

And to answer the managers question on how much she should have gotten involved in a persons life (I am paraphrasing).... when it comes to the safety of your guests and the possible mental breakdown of a young woman totally by herself? A lot more. I hope you learn from this, and I hope that if you are in the hotel industry still, that you take more heed in the future. And understand that as the manager, the leader of your team, you need to take much more responsibility of what happens in and around your hotel. No, this is not your fault. But, your empathy for her in a brief moment of time, may have helped her in some way.

So, let’s try to be kind and understanding of people, and I hope that if something is taken out of this tragic event, it is that people need more caring. Help. Love. Empathy and understanding. Mental illness does not make someone weak, but it can make them vulnerable and susceptible to dangerous circumstances, so watch out for your fellow man. Learn and notice the signs, reach out and get them help. You may save their life.

Best,

#elisalam #mental illness

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brynwrites · 5 years

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Let’s Talk about Querying!

(And why I stopped querying my novel.)

As some of you know, I was querying Iron From Fire on and off from March through May, and I recently decided to quit, despite it being overall a good story written in what one editor described as ‘on par’ for the genre.

And I think it’s important to talk about the process I went through, because my ill preparation hurt my mental health a lot, and you all deserve to know how to avoid the same fate.

First, this is the general process of querying, in case anyone is unfamiliar:

You finish the manuscript. And I mean finish it. Beta rounds, line edits, formatting, the whole nine yards.

You write the query letter. This includes a blurb meant to draw the agent in, a paragraph with stats and the names of a couple contemporary books that resemble yours, and a short bio about your previous book-related experience.

You send the query letter to a bunch of agents. A positive request rate right now is somewhere around 6 or 7%, which means if you have a stellar manuscript then 7% of the agents you query will want to read more of it to see if they’re willing to represent you.

You receive a mixture of rejections and requests, with a lot of silence in between. Most rejections are form rejections so you have no idea why they didn’t like your manuscript. Some requests turn into delayed form rejections. Everything hurts.

You either get an agent who signs you or you decide to quit. If you have a book you think will sell and are having positive responses from agents, the general rule of thumb is to keep querying until you’ve sent a letter to every agent you’d be interested in working with. This can mean anywhere from 30 to 130 agents.

Putting the rest under the cut.

Keep reading for:

Why I quit.

The things I learned from querying.

What I would have done differently if I’d known better.

[While this has some rather personal mental health things, please feel free to reblog it so other writers can learn from my experience!]

Why I quit querying.

This is going to get personal for a hot second so bare with me.

I was querying the first novel in an adult fantasy trilogy I had worked on for over seven years. All the work from the first five years had been trashed three years before, and the rough draft I built the final manuscript on was rewritten three times after, so the actual story itself was only a couple years old, but I had the emotional attachment of seven years of love and heartache.

This being a trilogy, I had already written the second book and poured a lot of energy into the third book’s brainstorming by the time I fully finished the first manuscript. So not only was there over seven years of emotional attachment, but nearly 300k words of fairly decent story written in the series.

I hit a bunch of road blocks right when I first began querying:

My story, while it had all the things a query needs like stakes and conflict, was very hard to break down to a 200 word blurb.

The blurb I did end up with, no matter how I wrote it, sounded like a rather traditional fantasy plot, despite the story itself going places I’ve yet to read about in any other book.

I could not find contemporaries (books published recently which have elements similar to mine) to save my life, to the point where I was scrambling to read new books in hopes something would appear.

Most agents ask for the first five or ten pages, and I have fifteen pages of status quo before I got to the real plot, so that meant most agents would never even see the story I had outlined in my blurb.

On top of all that, I had a book which went a little over the word count most agents seek for a debut novel in its genre and it wasn’t even a standalone.

Those things compiled were a mess, and they should have clued me in that this wasn’t a book that would be worth the effort of selling as a debut. But this wasn’t what did me in. These things alone I might have been overcome by sheer determination. So why did I quit, then?

I stopped querying my manuscript because I realized I wasn’t just querying a manuscript, I was querying my baby.

I had put all seven years and many rewrites and an entire sequel I loved more than life on the line for this sale, and it fucked me over like a moon-sized meteor fucks over a planet.

My mental health, which I’d finally gotten under control after almost a decade of chronic depression and anxiety, plummeted back to levels it hadn’t reached in years. I hated everything I wrote. I cried over my writing. I cried over things that had nothing to do with writing. I became very negative and angry with my friends. Everyone else’s success felt like my personal failure. I began tipping into the realm of suicidal idealization.

That was what finally broke me; the knowledge that I’d been happy with my life, exactly as it was before I started querying, and now I suddenly didn’t find it worth living despite the query process being the only thing I’d added.

I adored and despised my manuscript in equal parts. I’d thought the mounds of critique I’d gotten for it in the past would make it easier for me to handle the rejections because I’d handled them all before from beta readers, and that the time between writing it and querying it would provide distance. It didn’t.

It turned this manuscript into the single part of my life I’d poured the most love and attention and frustration into, more then college degrees and individual relationships and work; even more than the book I’d already indie published. And setting that out for agents to reject at their whims was not healthy for me.

Once I looked that in the face, I realized something else as well: I didn’t want this book to be my debut.

The story was publishable, yes, but it had a funky structure I had reworked countless times just to make bearable, and the second book was the real gem of the series.

The writing was adequate, but it was also kind of bland compared to the style it’d developed since I’d written it. I preferred the style I was currently writing in and I wanted to sell that instead.

I really, really didn’t want to edit this book again for an agent or an editor. I’d poured so much energy into it already and I was sick: sick with love, sick with hate. Every edit I had made through the querying process had been wrapped in a mixture of forced disinterest and panicky dependence, and that was not the way I wanted to feel when I edited my debut for traditional publishing.

And this is not to say that Iron From Fire and its trilogy will never sell, or that no one would want to read it if it did. I’m shelving it, not throwing it out. But sometimes we have to admit to ourselves that it’s not the right time, and let a project go for a while, especially when its the one project we don’t want to let go.

Things I’ve Learned.

I’m prefacing this with the note that there are exceptions to every rule. None of these things will stop you from getting an agent or selling a manuscript, it’ll just make it harder to do so. And querying is hard enough without stacking the cards against yourself.

These are a mixture of experience and things I’ve seen agents talk about at length.

1. Word count is important.

It’s common knowledge that there are word count guidelines, but when most of the books on your shelf vary (sometimes drastically) from those guidelines, do they really matter? The fucking do. Agents will see too high word count and assume straight off that you don’t know how to create a streamline story and have wandering plot threads or useless scenes, and they’ll see a too low word count and assume you didn’t explore your world building and character development properly.

It you want to increase your chances of selling a manuscript, write it within the suggested word count guidelines.

2. Make your manuscript a solid, wonderful standalone.

You’ll hear ‘standalone with series potential’ thrown around a lot. This means you should have a first book which ends in a place that readers can feel satisfied permanently walking away from, but which doesn’t tie up so many threads that another story can’t come after it.

Less brought up but equally important is this: if you do have series potential, the rest of your series can’t be the better part of it. You aren’t selling a series, you’re selling a first book, so that first book must be able to stand for itself and say that it’s fantastic and more than worth reading on its own. It’s can’t be a gateway to a better book. It must already be the best book you can write.

3. If you have potential sequels, don’t write them yet.

From a writer’s perspective this is bad because it puts more of your soul into the series, and when it comes time to offer that part of your soul up to agents and editors, you want it to be as small as possible. Having six months of work rejected hurts. Having six years of work rejected kills. Be kind to yourself.

This is also bad from an agent’s perspective! Agents are looking for career oriented writers (even if that career is part time), who will write other books, with other plots and other characters, so if they sell your first book and its sales are mediocre they know they’ll have another chance with you on a different project. If you seem to be stuck in one world or series, that hinders their ability to market you as a writer.

3. Your first five pages are everything.

Five to ten pages is all most agents will ever see of your book. This is a lot less than many readers will read before putting a book down. Even if you’ve structured your opening to attract readers, it may not be fit enough to attract agents.

The first 2500 words of your manuscript should:

Display a clear narrative voice.

Introduce the world building and setting you described in your query with little to no exposition.

Introduce the main character’s personality and goals as described in your query with no exposition.

Show the main character doing the things you said they do in your query.

Show the inciting event you described in your query.

Show or at least hint at how the conflicts you described in your query will come to pass.

This is not always something you can edit into your manuscript at the last minute, so structuring your project this way up front is very helpful. If you can’t hit all these points with your story no matter how you rework it, you might want to consider querying a different project instead.

4. Young Adult is a harder sell.

The market is drenched in YA manuscripts. This doesn’t mean no one should write them, but if you don’t have a good reason why the story works best a YA (ie, it has themes targeted toward teenagers) then it might be worthwhile to adjust it to be MG and or adult (but not New Adult! NA is also a hard sell, because there are few editors actually buying it.)

5. The market matters.

On that note, it’s incredibly important to know what’s going on in the publishing market before you query.

What types of books are selling?

Is your manuscript a good twist on ideas, themes, or tones present in popular books from the last few years?

Does your manuscript align with what agents are asking for in their manuscript wishlists?

Is your writing style on par with the books what made decent sales in the last few years in your genre and target audience?

When you condense your story down to a few sentences, do you have a pitch that’s both unique and references popular contemporary stories?

In order to sell a book through traditional publishing, you have to first find an agent who falls in love with the book and has an immediate idea of how to sell it, and then have them find an editor who also falls in love with it and knows they and their marketing team can market it well.

Good writing makes a good book, but it’s the marketing which sells the book. If you don’t have a way to market your book in the current market, it’s not likely anyone else will.

What I would have done differently.

The top three things I would have changed if I had known what I know now.

1. Wrote the query letter earlier.

Writing the query letter as I wrote the manuscript would’ve helped me reformat the structure of the story up front. It would also have eliminated the desperate rewrites I did to both the query and the manuscript in an attempt to produce something concise enough to actually sell.

2. Followed agents well in advance.

There are tons of agents on twitter who routinely post tips, talk about what they want to see in future books, and boost resent publishing deals. Keeping tabs on them is incredibly helpful when it comes to figuring out where your manuscript fits in the current market and whether/how you should be querying it.

3. Let my baby go in favor of a new, shorter standalone.

A standalone within the word count guidelines might have persuaded undecided agents to take a chance on reading more, but the important thing here is that I should not have tried to query the work I’d put my soul into.

My mental health is more important than making my baby a best seller, firstly because there’s more to my life than just writing, and secondly because there are other great books left in my soul, and without stable mental health, I won’t be able to write and query them.

So, what am I doing now?

I’m writing a book with a strong contemporary I know agents are interested in, but with enough of a spin that it’ll feel fresh.

I’ve structured the story so that the opening engulfs the reader with the conflicts and world building that’ll be important throughout the whole story and the inciting event happens immediately.

I wrote the blurb after only having written 20k words on the rough draft, and the blurb both contains all the necessary plot threads I need to describe the compelling heart of the story and reads as a unique and engaging manuscript.

I’m writing a standalone novel with series potential that fits perfectly within the genre’s word count guidelines.

I’m writing something that’s fresh for me and I’m madly in love with, but not dependent on. It’s a puppy I want to lather with attention, not a disappointing spouse I’ve been married to for eight years and now half loath but also can’t live without.

Annnd that is all the things I have to say! If you learned something here maybe support me by buying my fun, cheap indie book? It has sirens and a soft freckly pirate and lots of diversity, and comes in both ebook and paperback. Click here for links and things.

#writeblr #querying #mental health #writing help #writing advice #writing resources #writers on writing #creative writing #writers on tumblr #authors on tumblr #writing tag: publishing

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goldensfm · 4 years

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* ╰ 𝐡𝐢 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐥𝐮𝐯𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐬 , i’m your resident crackhead steven forced out of early writing retirement by miss rona but i ain’t complainin ! 🤡 i’m here to bring you a decidedly non - crackheaded muse utilizing the absolute goddess that is zendaya . like got DAMN 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 at her ! i’m swimming with muse for lex so i am hoping my control freak ice queen offers some sort of justice — i cant wait to meet you all and love you down endlessly ! if you could spare a 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 for my validation , i’ll offer you all my best plots in return ! 💖

𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕

❛ ✶ ( ZENDAYA , CIS - FEMALE , SHE / HER ) spotted ! ALEXANDRIA ‘ LEX ’ GOLDMAN was spotted singing along to BOSS BITCH by DOJA CAT in hilton grove. you’ve heard of them right ? they are a TWENTY - TWO year old ACTRESS & ENTREPRENEUR who has already amassed a net worth of $31M. you should really follow them on insta @GOLDEN , they’re about to hit 39.1M followers. the tabloids have been calling them the EXECUTIVE because they are known for being + PURPOSEFUL but also a bit - AUSTERE. — ooc info ( steven . 21 . pst . she / her / they / them . )

𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔

full name : alexandria ( defender of man ) rochelle ( little rock ) goldman ( little golden one ) nicknames : primarily goes by lex . lexie , xan on occasion , and gold / goldie . birthday & age : september 3rd / 22 years old zodiac : virgo gender & pronouns : cis - female , she / her / hers orientation : openly bisexual nationality : american ethnicity : mixed race — african - american , german , irish , english , scottish occupation : former beauty pageant competitor and 2016’s miss teen usa , current film and television actress , model , business entrepreneur , and activist . recognized for : starring in hbo’s television series euphoria , being the first openly queer representative for the usa in the pageant circuit , her advocacy for feminism and criminal justice reform , a bustling social media page , being one of forbes 2019′s top 30 under 30 . char . inspos : meredith grey from grey’s anatomy , spencer hastings from pretty little liars , hermione granger from harry potter , meghan markle , angela martin from the office , alex cabot from law and order svu , and more than anything , claire from fleabag . 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐮 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 , 𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐱’𝐬 𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝟑 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬 . tropes : control freak , defrosting the ice queen , perpetual frowner , did you think i can’t feel ? , hidden depths , stepford smiler . aesthetics : an intellect that remembers everything ; wild caramel curls with just enough composure to seem effortless ; a fear of failure more crippling than life itself ; the smell of fresh linen and lavender ; a color - coded itinerary ; a perfectly choreographed interaction , each time ; lilac power - suits and an immaculate composure ; unspoken mommy issues ; tenebrous , intent gazes swimming with the resonance of unspoken thoughts ; ‘ don’t touch me please ‘ syndrome ; kicking out hookups before you both fall asleep ; ordering the same thing at a restaurant , every time ; flinching at ‘ i love you’s ’ ; drafting business emails at the club ; an admiration of atlas , with the world’s weight upon your shoulders .

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚

born the sole continuance of the goldman name to a mother whose pregnancy was all but a career death - sentence , lex bore the weight of the world’s expectations on graceful shoulders from the moment she came into the light . lieutenant olivia goldman , head of the manhattan police department , can deny the salacious accused affair with the district attorney until she’s blue in the face but can’t deny the consequence of their tryst , alexandria being a painful reminder of losing nearly all her mother’s years of hard work while her father simply denied her existence and lived none the more guilted . from the start , the odds were stacked against the goldman progeny , pushing perfection as her only claim to some semblance of attention from liutenant goldman .

as a mixed race child to a white unwed mother in law enforcement , working 80 hours weeks and having spent years building her career , there was little lex saw of her mother that wasn’t something resembling exhaustion or utter disinterest . this forces her to grow independent at an astounding pace , keeping to herself as to not bother her mother with her own whims or desires . at 12 , her mother is courted by an award - winning director who requests her guidance on a police film he’s submitting — she refuses to advise on the film , but goes to dinner with him as a courtesy , and they’re married a year later in a lavish hamptons wedding in the summer . rudy delano is a world -renowned director along the likes of steven spielberg , and takes to lex like she were his own daughter . as if to balance out olivia’s coldness and detachment , he showers lex in adoration and support , encouraging her to pursue her interests of pageantry when she voices them following her 7th grade year .

considering a lifetime spent nitpicking and pushing her own facade of complete calculation , she takes the pageantry world by storm and it seems the rest of her life falls into place . a perfectionist in every sense , she maintains nothing short of flawlessness throughout high school ( taking on student council co-president , heading several clubs , and one of four school valedictorians ) and goes on to compete in the most elite of pageantry circuits . her advocacy for marginalized populations was a major platform and propelled her to miss teen new york and soon after , miss teen usa . in the live aired interview segment , perhaps among the most important moments of her life , lex makes a rare slip and accidentally comes out as bisexual when asked about the LGBTQ+ mental health crisis in her home state of new york . this leads to lex becoming the first openly queer miss teen usa , and would have likely fared well if she were to have continued ; despite its progressions , the pageant world of sponsorships seems to lag behind , and the ‘ controversy ’ of her coming out led to her leaving the pageant world for good .

on her own two wobbly feet , she continues with her advocacy and finds herself excelling in the business element of it all , going on to obtain her business degree from columbia while taking on the big screen in a blossoming film career at the encouragement of her step father . she shoots to stardom upon the release of euphoria , paired with a strong social media presence , a thriving modeling career , and a brand that becomes recognized as a household name synonymous with advocacy and entrepreneurship .

𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

perhaps lex’s most notable quality is being driven by an unyielding fear of failure and mediocrity . there is no task small enough that lex will not accomplish to the best of her execution , and if she can’t ensure perfection , she will refuse to give it an attempt at all . this all or nothing attitude stems from an obscene obsession with control and remaining in control , something those around her are all too aware of .

despite a rather charming and gregarious disposition on the red carpet , many will note that lex is incredibly reserved when meeting her in real life . the pageantry training has kicked in to give her a facade to push when she’s in the spotlight , though her true disposition is much less play and much more work . she’s stoic and serious , knowing just what to say at what time to continue the narrative that she is completely in control . cool and calculated , her affect is usually stern and unwilling to reflect any sentiment of softness or goofiness — many business associates note her absolute maturity and rationality even at the tender age of 22 . her energy , as subdued as it may be , commands the room with a power of self-assuredness that only stems from a confidence rooted in something to back it up . she’s an elderly woman in a millennial’s body , and this tends to show in her dry wit humor , relative moodiness , and general propensity for wanting things done exclusively her way .

lex’s intellect has always been a strong suit of hers , a photographic memory that allowed her to glide through school with the least of struggles . astute and well - spoken , monotone and unlikely to crack in her stony temperament , she’s a force of nature to be well reckoned with . luckily , lex shows little to no interest in engaging with petty drama and tends to keep in her own lane , losing interest nearly immediately in the mindless pettiness some of her friends wrap themselves up in . rational , arguably to a fault , lex has a bad habit of censoring herself and limiting her own commentary when in the company of anyone she needs to maintain her reputation with ; close friends , on the other hand , will easily characterize her as blunt and straightforward , almost too aggressive with her honesty for her own good . though she’d rarely voice it , she has an undeniable superiority complex stemming from a recognition that whatever she does , she’s incredibly good at ( ignoring her unwillingness to step out and try anything outside her comfort zone . )

this is the curious dichotomy of alexandria goldman , considering one of her most notable flaws is her unwillingness to invest . despite being perhaps overly honest , the moment a conversation ( or relationship ) runs the risk of becoming too emotionally risky , she shuts down . flames have been ghosted , relationships have been ended , and friendships have been cut off simply because lex deemed them to be a danger to her mission of remaining in complete control of herself and her life . the select few that have plowed through lex’s rather prickly initial interactions have earned themselves a friend forged from gold , loyal to a fault and ready to drop anything at a wind’s blow to aide those she loves most . defensive and ornery , the pageant girl facade soon blows over to reveal an anal retentive , emotionally stunted grandmother who loses her lid over the most minute of inconveniences if they step out of her pre-established plans and routines .

hiding beneath her layers of fake smiling at redundant questions , unapproachable hostility and being an otherwise unmeltable ice queen , lex harbors a deep intensity that overcomes her when allowed to reign ( and very rarely is allowed to reign ) . she does not invest in small doses and despite the relative unlikelihood of her allowing a distraction such as a relationship , the few she’s had have been intense whirlwinds led by lex’s own inability to limit herself — she’s all , or she’s nothing , but nowhere in the middle .

#hilton:intro #late. to the. party. : yes #ready 2. party ? : also. yes #😤✊🏽

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hesymbolized · 4 years

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a public service announcement- or more accurately, a state of the vesta announcement.

as always, a preface to note that i am more than aware that i owe explanation to no one. that’s a fact carved into the bedrock of the society at large in whick we live. suggesting otherwise is frankly a massive red flag in my book, as it reeks of attempts at emotional manipulation. i’m a lot of things- good, bad, in between- but trying to push me by those means is something life has made me immune to. that said...

i think we can all agree that this year has been an absolute shit show. and it is taking a toll on the best of us. but, as is obvious if you know me well and/or have been following me since i first decided to tackle steve- or further back still- you likely would have noted my absence. (or you figured i’d vanished into a new fandom and you missed my self promo...) fact is, i actually have been absent.

cut for a series of potential triggers- if you have any triggers about abuse, mental health, general health, or addiction, proceed with caution or avoid entirely.

i was going to carefully write the whole series of events out, but it was becoming a russian novel length, and that’s just silly. so lets just bullet point, shall we?

in a span of approx four weeks, i spent several days in state mandated detox. twice.

but vesta, how’d you manage that? funny you should ask.

i’m an addict. six months in a rehab in the boondocks of new hampshire sorted me out. i had 14 years under my belt. i worked impossibly hard for every day of it. and while the work was hard, eventually it just became habit.

so...relapse? yeah. in the middle of those 14 years, i traded substance abuse for emotional and physical abuse at the hand of my now ex boyfriend. i didn’t relapse when i hid in my bathtub because even his looking in my direction felt like a threat. i didn’t relapse when i had a miscarriage- something i never would have known had my ex ever asked whether i wanted his cock anywhere near me. he never asked. he just took. and when i got home from the hospital, devastated and in pain, sobbing under the covers because our apartment was so small there wasn’t a lot of spaces i felt were safe, my ex booted up his computer to find out when i could have sex again.

a series of interventions between my friendsand family gave me the sense of self worth enough to kick him out. and i was supposed to be free to finally do things i wanted to do, better myself, go back to school maybe.

and that’s where the stalking started. i had moved from salem, ma down to my hometown, sarasota, fl. he followed me. he’d bombard me, and then find new and creative ways to get around the fact i blocked him over and over. none of the platforms he used to do so- everything from facebook to fanfiction.net- would help me. i was this horrible mix of shame and fear, and i have no one to really talk about it with- i never told my parents it was happening- just mentioning the bastard’s name was enough to send my parents into a paranoid frenzy about my safety.

some of his messages were pleas for me to forgive him and move back in with him. the rest were a very pointed attack, using every single thing he knew i feared or was afraid of.

it came to a head between november and december, i could barely sleep for the nightmares. the anxiety about the random appearances in my inbox and panic about how he was agoing to attack me next caused a cascade of additional problems. around thanksgiving, i all but stopped eating. my appetite has not returned, still. and finally, i broke.

my family was out of town. i was alone, and unwilling to burden anyone else with my problems. i was so desperate to make everything be quiet and still and the one thing that always made it quiet and still was to get blackout drunk.

they say if you relapse, you don’t get a reset button. you pick up where you left off, or worse.

it was worse. in two weeks or so i spent several days scared out of my mind in detox. i lost my job. an ambulance had to becalled to take me to the hospital- i have no memory whatsoever of that night- and after a few hours, the hospital discharged me. onto the street. with no shoes or phone. i walked barefoot from the hospital home. it’s a 15 minute car ride. i don’t know how long it took me- i have scraps of memory of that part of the evening. i’m actually pretty sure that it was some kind of illegal for the hospital to do that, but...

so rehab again. there’s this sort of stigma around the idea of someone becoming institutionalized. i’ll admit, i always found it a little pathetic or sad. it’s very different when it’s you, desperate to stay just a little longer. if i could have? i’d still be there.

but crona hit, and i came home.

the opposite side of the coin here is that i was able to get a job almost immediately. no interview. just a come in to fill paperwork, and got handed keys to the store. furthermore, they’re training me to be a pharmacy technition. i just started the courses today.

and even more importantly, on a whim, and without intention, i picked up online classes and started...going to school...again? this is massive for me- i dropped out of collage after a series of events so similar to the ones mentioned above that i refuse to review them again. i had a loose plan to go back, but i fell into full time at barnes and noble, and weeks became months, then years, and i had kind of concluded that i was going to be trapped in retail forever. tricking myself into it is probably the only way i would have been able to do it- today was finals for the courses i’d picked up. i haven’t gotten to the end of an attempt at education since high school- and i only did that by the skin of my teeth, too.

anyway. the long and short- i do try to be around here, but i’m actively taking classes, working extra hours at work to have time for training courses, and focusing on my physical health- my skin has never been so clear, i’ve lost about 60lbs, i’m in school again with a pretty clear view of what i want to accomplish. i’m making admittedly skittish efforts to try to find someone that i could do date like things with. we’ll see.

so that’s the sitch. i genuinely appreciate everyone’s patience with me, and the support that’s so generously been offered. i adore you all. ♥- v

#:: ooc :: <— out of character #long post for ts #//many trigger warnings.

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theladymeera · 4 years

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Do you have any HCs for King Bran (of the north), Queen Meera and their right hand (wo)man (idk, what her title would be, but I guess kinda a mix between Hand of the King and Master of Whisperers) Arya? Like, how would their councils and decision making go? How would they deal with disagreements and arguments between themselves? Also, how would they deal with snobby nobles and their petty complaints? since all 3 of them are friends of the smallfolk, and not exactly the most formal

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I’ve been busy with online matriculation and cleaning and the time change and such. Which is lucky because being unoccupied in quarantine will lead to a huge dip in mental health.

Hmmmm.... to be honest I don’t have much in the way of headcanons, just thoughts.

1) How would their councils and decision making go? - I’m dumping most of my old predictions for what’s coming up in ASOIAF and that then affects my ideas for after the series. Besides that, I haven’t thought about this much. This really depends on the make-up of the council Bran keeps, if any. I’d hope he would, following the example of his father in keeping up with his subjects, getting familiar with the running of his kingdom and castle, and endearing himself to the people. I’d hope he follows the example of the Targaryen monarchs and creates a council, delegates some responsibilities to others. And I’d hope he’d give Meera a more active role and freedom than is traditional in old Westeros. Sounds kind of messed up that freedom and power would be given, maybe there was some sort of revolution and women got some more power and recognition after the WFTD. If Bran is king in this situation Bran makes the ultimate decisions. If he’s a good king he’ll staff his council with smart, capable people who know what they’re doing and listen to them, and then make his own decisions based off that information and any other reports he can source. (Note: friendly reminder to the GOT writers and mainstream fandom that a monarch is under no obligation to obey their councilors or hands or lords. The hand of the queen is not a prophet and is not always correct in his judgments, if ever.)

Thinking more about this monarchy: Bran and Meera’s current relationship is molded by the fact that Bran is a literal, actual child, and Meera as a grown woman by westerosi standards doesn’t have to bow and scrape and cater to his every whim. There’s a passage in ASOS where Bran notes that Meera and Jojen never do what he tells them to when he tries to play Little Tyrant. Meera’s not going to get younger so the age difference and playfulness in their personal relationship won’t/hopefully won’t change much as they age. But as adults in a patriarchal society Bran would have a greater ability to dominate, and Meera would be forced by convention and law to obey him. In the sunny prediction this might result in them having a more equal sort of relationship that remains positive over the years.

2) From there, how would any disagreements between Bran and Meera or Bran and Arya or Arya and Meera go? Well, luckily all of them came out of pretty idyllic families and are close to each other. Therefore we can assume the conflicts could be resolved eventually, and they’re unlikely to devolve into relationship-ending or abusive tactics. Though treating this as a trio instead of as three people out of a larger group a disagreement between two of them would probably involve the third person taking sides. Arya’s most likely to back Bran up and if the women are fighting Bran would probably take Meera’s side and Meera could go either way but would be obligated to support Bran. If they’re just the primary workers in the kingdom and the rest of the family is still around the dynamics could change easily.

3) As for how they’d deal with snobby nobles? I really haven’t thought about this. My first question is, how many of these snobby nobles are going to make it through the WFTD? How many of them will remain in power after the apocalypse? Honestly, I’m unsure what the north and westeros is going to look like after the war. Maybe they’ll wind up with some sort of magna carta and new parliamentary system. I don’t think they’re going to flip and switch and come out of the conflict of the books with a shiny new, beautiful, paradise. There’s still going to be a billion problems and the people who survive won’t be much different. We hope the baddies get punished and die and the good guys win and come out alright to rule the world, but it’s not going to be that neat. My best answer is actually in Tamora Pierce’s work when King Jonathan is on a tour of his kingdom - I think this is in the Protector of the Small series - and he uses tradition and expectations against naughty nobles. Specifically, he places high expectations on nobles who have been out of line to put on a really, really, really good show for him. Feasts and finery that will end up beggaring these lords and ladies. This is the sort of tactic I think an adult, king Bran and his council might use.

Sorry for not having a lot of specific ideas and for the late response, I really have been swamped with work for the last couple years.

#bran x meera #bran stark #the king in the north #kitn bran #meera reed #arya stark #headcanons #bran and arya #bran & arya

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