#Maybe I should do this again because it would be easier

[save-the-villainous-cat]

The hero didn’t even want to look at it.

“Okay,” the villain said. Despite the tears in their eyes, they were a little too calm for the hero’s liking. But they supposed they had always been the opposite to the hero when it came to stressful situations.

Usually the hero could deal with stress pretty well, they were a hero after all, but it was getting increasingly difficult to operate when neither time nor solutions were on their side. It was frustrating and the hero wasn’t used to losing.

“You have to break my femur now,” the villain said. They looked down at the wound and then at the hero who prayed this was a poorly timed joke. “Remember, it’s the strongest and thickest bone in the body, so you may need quite a bit of force.”

“I am not going to break your bones, I—” The hero wanted to throw up. They could see parts of the injury under all that rubble and they didn’t want to imagine how much pain the villain was in right now. The villain didn’t scream nor curse, they bottled everything up and let tears speak for themselves. They knew the villain was tough. But could anyone be this tough?

It was one of the villain’s qualities they admired oh so much but it was also something that seemed to doom them.

“It’s just one bone. I’d do it myself but the angle is shitty and you’re stronger.”

“No, don’t make me do this.” The villain grabbed the hero’s arm quickly and stared them dead in the eye. Their fingers dug into the hero’s suit but it was just a fraction of the pain the villain endured.

The hero panicked. If they had been any other person — hero or villain — they wouldn’t have hesitated to break the bone. But this was them. They didn’t want to hurt them, they didn’t want to break any of their bones.

“Listen, if we want to save my leg, you have to break it. We don’t have much time. I’m bleeding out and I need some fucking painkillers. I’m not gonna stay here so your hero-friends can arrest me.” Their face was pale and the hero’s tongue was heavy.

“I can’t, please, I cannot do that to you.”

“I’m just another villain on your list to cross out,” the villain said. They squeezed the hero’s arm harder and their eyes widened, as if a wave of pain had just hit them. They made a noise close to a grunt but again, they were hiding it perfectly.

“No, you’re not, you’re really not.”

“If you want to save my life, you’ll have to do this. You’re a hero, aren’t you?” The hero had no words left.

The truth was, they had had a crush on the villain for quite some time now and even though they knew rationally they needed to do this, they weren’t quite there emotionally yet.

“You should get a pipe. You crush the bone and then hopefully, it’ll be easier to pull me out. The angle should be better. I might pass out though, I’ll just…” They didn’t look as confident anymore.

“If we wait for my friends to arrive, they can help you, maybe I can—”

“They will arrest me if I’m not dead by then. I’m counting on you.”

I’m counting on you.

The hero’s fingers trembled. Breaking someone’s bone — they had never done that on purpose. And yet, they knew the villain was right. It seemed to be the only way out for them.

“I called you,” the villain said, “because I trust you. I need you. I’ll do you a favour in return, I promise. Just, please.”

The hero took the villain’s hand and pulled it close to their chest.

“I’ll do it,” the hero said.

“Great.” Unsurprisingly, the villain wasn’t happy. Their other hand was shaking and they looked already traumatised. The hero wished they could make this easier but there didn’t seem to be any options left.

“I’ll just have to tell you something real quick.”

“What?”

“I have a crush on you.” The villain stared at them. They didn’t look mad nor did they look annoyed.

“Wait. Really?”

“Yes.”

The hero just had to tell them. If this was it, if the villain would get captured or worse, if they died, they needed to know that the hero had crush on them.

They wouldn’t be able to deal with that for the rest of their life. So whatever happened now, the villain would live through it, knowing what they meant to the hero.

“This is really bad timing, darling.” Another tear ran down the villain’s cheek. They squeezed the hero’s hand.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll get the pipe.” The hero didn’t find one. Instead, they found a brick. None of them were particularly enthusiastic about that. “Okay. Again, I’m really sorry.”

The hero grabbed the brick with two hands.

“Wait.” The hero did. “I think I like you too.”

“That doesn’t make it easier,” the hero whispered.

“I thought you needed the challenge.” As answer, the hero let out something closer to a sob than a laugh.

What happened next would give them nightmares for the following decades.

#no thank you #writing snippet #heroxvillain snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #an answer for an ask #request #whump

[queenofmistresses]

adam x dom!reader where he makes a sexist, misogynistic comment about you so you have to teach him a lesson and decided to make him suck your strap and maybe he cums from it? untouched and truly pathetic

A/n thanks for the request lovely! I hope you enjoyy sorry it took a little while!

Warnings: dubious consent but only lightly - she’s quite forceful but he does agree to it. Slapping, strap sucking (obviously), adam is a dick at the start, let me know if i missed anything!!

“Look it’s just a fact, and I should know as the original dick.” He winks, “Women are naturally submissive. That’s how God made them.” I snort at his incredibly stupid logic.

“Remind me again why your first wife left you?” I sneer at him, watching as he now breaks eye contact and stutters over his words searching for a response. Ever since he came to hell he’s been acting like an entitled brat and I’ve had enough. I’ve made more entitled men than him apologise for their ignorance and Adam is not going to be an exception.

That same day Charlie treats everyone at the hotel to a night out, letting me and angel dust take the lead to take care of everyone since we know the scene a bit better than… well… all of them. Angel enlists Husks’ help in watching over Nifty and I take care of Adam. Which makes my plans a lot easier.

I have a couple shots, letting myself loosen up a little, I watch Adam do the same. I don’t drink much though, and don’t let Adam either, not wanting to be too out of it tonight. For once I let Adam flirt with me, biting my tongue and holding back the roll of my eyes as he spouts nonsense.

I start getting flirtatious back, even a little touchy, and I have to admit to myself that I am enjoying it. After a little while of back and forth I indicate towards the sex room, not waiting for an answer, and pick up my bag before walking into the room. I hear him flail behind me to keep up, almost like a puppy.

He shuts the door and before he has time to make any stupid remarks (which I can see on his even more stupid face that he’s about to) I reach into my bag and pull out my strap on, effectively stopping any movement from him. His mouth is agape for a moment but he seems to try and form some words as his mouth opens and closes periodically. “I would prefer if you’d stay silent.” I say, as calm and cooly as I can. He seems to listen because his mouth clamps shut and he nods. Maybe this would be easier than I thought. “Good.” I say.

I place my bag down, leaving just the strap on in my hands now, investigating it as if I hadn’t seen it many times before. “I’ve made a decision.” I decide to start with, barely grabbing his attention away from the silicone cock in my hand. “You need to be taught a lesson.” His head shoots up to look at me dead in the eyes, though I’m not sure whether he looks more scared or aroused. “Ever since you came here you’ve been acting like a teenage boy and treating me, and everyone else here like shit. I won’t put up with it.” I watch his throat bob and a sick pleasure courses through me. “I’ve taken it upon myself to show you how things work around here, and how things are going to work here,” I indicate towards the two of us, “from now on.”

His face looks completely flushed, and I don’t have to look for long to see how hard he is under his clothes. I scoff and walk towards him, “How does that sound whore?” I whisper cruelly up at him, watching as he nods enthusiastically without hesitation, almost as if he’s lost his own sense of self-control. “Use your words.” I say sternly.

“Please.” He breathes out pathetically, making me smirk as he shudders.

I tell him to strip himself out of all of his clothes, which he does rapidly, as I put the strap on myself. Once he stands completely naked in front of me I look at him properly. I can feel him looking at me too. “Good. Now, you are going to get onto your fucking knees and suck my strap until I decide you’ve done enough.”

I watch as he kneels down in front of me, not allowing him to break eye contact. He shuffles forwards until he’s close to me, and I see him hesitate. “Well? What are you waiting for?” His throat bobs for a moment before he moves his head forward, taking the tip into his mouth. He sucks on it gently and looks up at me, almost like he wants me approval. I roll my eyes, “You’re pathetic. Surely you know how to suck cock properly? Or should I find some other whore who knows how to actually do it?”

That seems to spur him on as his widens his mouth to take more of it, filling his mouth. Now he’s sucking my cock like he means it. Like he’s been waiting for this. Maybe he has. I smirk as he closes his eyes and brings a hand up to rub the base of the cock that he can’t fit it into his mouth. I can see that he’s rutting against the carpet as he does, “God you like this don’t you? I bet you’ve fantasised about being used as a cockwhore every day of your pathetic life.” This only makes him moan as he ruts his hips faster, chasing a release.

He tries to take my cock further down his throat but he ends up choking on it, though that doesn’t stop him. I reach my hand forward and grab by his hair, tight. “Relax your throat.” He does, staring up at me, and I slowly push his head further into my cock, watching it go further. Tears pool out of his eyes and fuck he looks amazing like this.

I reach into my pocket with my other hand and turn the camera on. As I point the camera towards him and press record, I see his hips get faster and rougher as he looks straight at the camera. “You are going to make the best fucktoy Adam sweetie. So fucking easy, just begging to be used by me.” His eyes roll back as he desperately tries to keep sucking on my cock as his hips stutter and I can see that he’s finished.

I keep recording as I slide my cock out of his throat and kneel down to be eye level with him. He’s panting but he still meets my eyes. I bring my hand up to hold his chin gently before I let go to bring my hand to slap his cheek. Hard. “Next time, you fucking ask before you cum. You’re worthless and if you can’t even control yourself then I have no use for you.” I practically growl out at him.

“Y-yes miss.” He stutters out just barely. I stroke his cheek softly and smile at him.

“See isn’t this so much better? I much prefer you like this, and I bet all our friends back at the hotel will too.” He nods at me, his mouth gaped open as I run my hands through his hair. “Good boy.”

#adam x reader #adam smut #hazbin hotel adam #sub!adam x reader #hazbin adam

[mercuriians]

my paradise

jjk,, k. nanami x fem! reader

content info — short drabble, angst horribly and lazily disguised as fluff. <3 this fic was borne out of my own anguish upon witnessing certain spoilers. (gege hates us all)

author’s note — sorry for being mia. you guys all know how life can be. luckily i’m on break so i’ll do my best to send out at least one finished request 🙂‍↕️ i’ll fix this post’s format later, for now i hope you guys enjoy my first attempt at writing jjk.

"do you think heaven exists?"

you utter your question so softly, so innocently, in a timid whisper that seems like it barely even leaves your lips in the first place. the moonlight seeping from the window is dim, just enough to surround the room in a bleak, lazy kind of aura. nanami's just about ready to drift away into slumber—where it's dreamless and monotonous, and he simply just exists—but somehow there's a feeling that tugs at him. telling him that he should turn his body to face you, to see whether there's childlike curiosity within your eyes or quiet desolation.

so that's what he does. twisting around in the ivory bedsheets, he examines your expression with an air of diligence that probably shouldn't even be possible in the near-midnight hour. nanami ends up being a bit surprised. somehow you look calm. tranquil. like there's nothing else in the world worth focusing on but him.

but he still treads carefully, cautiously. "why do you ask, love?" nanami's voice is a bit hoarse, a little rusty from the lengthy time he's been silent.

perceptively, he sees the column of your throat move slightly as you swallow. "while i was on break earlier today, yuji asked me something," you admit. "he wanted to know how he could, in his words, 'give people a proper death' when the time came. and i guess that made me think about where we even go when we finally depart from this world. where our souls go to rest."

there's a small, intimate pause as nanami waits for you to continue.

"when we were kids, we were always told that there's a place for the good people and for the bad. obviously it's comforting to let yourself believe that it's all really that black-and-white, but i don't know." your voice trails off again. nanami doesn't know how much time passes when he sees your eyes become clouded over, like you're focused on something faraway. something distant, maybe something that wasn’t even there to begin with. "would there be some sort of paradise waiting for us when we die? would we even deserve that, kento?” you whisper.

he holds his breath.

it was exceedingly rare for you to succumb to such sentimentality. you were almost always driven with diligence, fueled by the need to stick to your schedule of early mornings, midday coffee breaks, and late shifts. in a world where curses ruthlessly threatened to enforce a strict hierarchy of chaos, he recognized the all-too-significant desire to at least maintain a reliable form of organization. especially considering the fact that you were both first-grade sorcerers. some of the very best.

but now, nanami's realizing that maybe, maybe the reason why you were always so vigilant is because there was no other option. there was no time to wallow in self-pity, to question why you both had to live in such a merciless society, to scream out in frustration and curse out every single damn thing in existence and wish that things had been at least a little bit easier.

either you accepted the cards you were dealt with, or you opted out of the game permanently.

nanami quickly wonders what that means for himself. but he shakes off the thought, shakes off the negativity that crept up on him for a split-second with the expertise that he's collected and honed over the years.

right now, his only objective revolved around you.

gently, he reaches out, touching your face with the calloused tips of his fingers. for a moment, he traces the smoothness of your skin, like a paintbrush to a canvas, before moving a loose strand of hair behind your ear. the way you look up at him with eyes just short of being teary makes his chest tighten, but he perseveres for you.

it's all for you. whether he likes it or not.

"i don't know the answer to that, and any sane person living on this planet wouldn't know either," nanami finally utters. as his words hit the empty air, he sees your pink lips curve upwards by the slightest bit. it’s like you can’t help but be amused by his trademark bluntness. even in the middle of such a bleak conversation, nanami’s glad that he can at least bring you some resemblance of joy.

“but the way i see it,” he continues, hand dipping down to find yours almost instinctively, “none of that matters.”

your brows furrow. you curl into his comforting figure. “what do you mean?”

nanami’s eyes meet yours. “i couldn’t give less of a damn about what happens after death. not when i’m here with you in this moment,” he whispers, unable to restrain himself from inching closer, closer towards your face, “and hopefully the millions after.”

his lips brush against your own. it’s tentative, even almost shy—his way of asking you if this is alright.

you seal the gap without a second thought.

nanami pulls you closer. his arms wrap around your waist, as if he was unwilling to ever let go.

the intimacy of it all is enough to make him forget that for a moment, he was lost in thought, lost in the realization that people truly were helpless to whatever happened in the afterlife. but really, above all else, he was a soldier—had been since the day he enrolled at jujutsu high. and as long as you were safe, nothing else would matter. including his own—insignificant, small, dispensable—life.

at that moment, nanami’s armor became yours instead.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu nanami #jjk nanami #nanami kento #nanami x reader #nanami x you #jujutsu kaisen nanami #nanami x y/n #enjoy the angst #<3 #only a little bit sorry #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk fanfic #nanami fanfic

[epoch-smog]

Scrapped animation piece

#basil's art #basil animation #jin the apprentice #julian devorak #Maybe I should do this again because it would be easier #actually #gif

[suncaptor]

there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music........... #and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma? #the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life. #if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue. #it's the problem in itself. #my ambition SHOULD be smarter. #god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see. #delete

[void-tiger]

Disability, cptsd, and adhd really has turned me into…egh. A planner. Not because I want to be. But because I either need to figure things out well ahead or I forget or avoid them, or because I can’t set them down mentally.

#tiger’s roar #…FUCK me for needing to lay down a few ground rules to stop obsessing Because Adhd Because Anxiety #because GUESS WHAT #my tendons aren’t stable. I KNOW one environment gets me disregulated so NO I DON’T want to only say ‘hi’ there #things WILL be busy. and it’s easier to go ‘hey does x day/time work’ WHEN RELEVANT #I DON’T trust serendipity. AT ALL. ZERO trust in chance. it gets me burned #and YEAH I DO have to plan That Much in Near Advance YES As Hypothericals #because I’m bloody disabled and I’ve been stressed about this for TWO YEARS ‘cause of a condition that just seems to be getting WORSE #and yeah it does affect. EVERYTHING. hobbies. classes. employment. self transportation. socializing. walking. HELL even singing #soooo Y E A H I D O need this laid out. as ‘just friends’ #before things get chaotic. and it IS on my mind ‘cause know what? #I’m terrified I won’t be able to work out student aid and lodging and class schedule at all!! #so. yeah. just mentioning ‘hey so if/when’ to a friend…should…have been fine. #but no. apparently I bumped a sore spot. while trying to AVOID it while For Once speaking up about a general need that. y’know. #would affect that. anyway. I won’t bother again. #maybe that’s finally the last nail for me to just. MOVE ON.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Brain is braining too much me thinks

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #I feel like I’m being torn between 2 futures and I know one isn’t really realistic and is a thing of the past but it’s also like #not only does it feel like giving up but it also feels like I’d have to face the fact that I can’t go back and unexperience some things #that changed me as a person and I know me wanting to go down that path is me trying to go back to when I first started feeling hope for #life again (if I ever had that tbh) & it’s meant so much to me for so long and like I know that I 100% would not be able to have achieved #any of what I’ve achieved now if I hadn’t started that first path. the fact that the second one is even an option is because of the first. #I also wonder how much is on me & it compounds in the severe regret I’ve been having about some recent stuff in my life along with recurrent #realizations and nightmares of the past haunting me & just. it’s so painful I know maybe I’m being dramatic and there’s a possibility that #in the future if it will work out and I can have my cake and eat it too but I genuinely don’t know how realistic that is to achieve #I want to be able to recapture the feelings I had before but there are certain experiences that so thouroughly crushed the person I had #finally begun to build up that I don’t know if that’s truly possible & if I just have to accept that I need to change to face who I am now #I’ve been really stuck recently when it comes to getting better and I know why but I’ve also blocked out so much of it that it’s just like #hard to even work through things you just want to forget and act like they never happened because that’s easier & logically I know it doesnt #work that way but it still feels painful. I feel the weight of my mistakes on my shoulders again. & it’s been resulting in what I know is #a lot of self sabotage & I feel like I should be better than this but I’m not I feel like I’ve regressed & like it wasn’t that long ago that #I literally felt like I was a kid again it was so surreal and strange & gross & I just hate so much of what’s happened in my life but I also #know there’s a lot of good that’s come from it & so it’s hard to process all these awful things when I know if they weren’t there the stuff #that I do love wouldn’t be either. it’s really hard to hope for a future I’ve never experienced. I’ve been meeting so many new people & its #reminded me of how anxious I actually am as a person bc normally I don’t have to face that bc I am by myself or in specific scenarios I’ve #cultivated to be tolerable & i feel like I keep learning things about myself or my experiences that I just don’t want to learn or to exist #& it’s frustrating bc there’s also so much pressure not just from myself but other ppl that I want to be able to pull through & do things #I know are probably not the most realistic but then a part of me is angry at myself at being a coward & wondering if I’m just awful & broken #I’ve been trying to fight back in what ways I can and the results have (usually) been really good but they come with their own prices #I hate how easy it’s become to simultaneously prefer escapism while not feeling like things are bad enough or that there is no escapism #I hate that I keep having moments where I get things and then I just fall again & Ik I’ll get there eventually but I’ve lost so much hope #that I don’t know if it’s even possible to ever get back. the last year or so is just so many ups and downs and new things and idk #I feel so torn because this is a future I foresaw and even wanted at some point and now it feels so heavy & costly & I just feel #like I’m evil & irredeemable or smth & every time I get told the opposite a part of me immediately can’t accept it especially

[plumberrypudding]

i can’t sleep, i don’t even know what i’m feeling

#i want to make a vent post ab it but i can’t do that without doxxing myself #and i don’t really want to talk to anyone else who was there about it because i know i would just default to trying to comfort them #and ease what they’re going through but i’m barely processing it all as real myself #idk. once again i just wish falling asleep was easier #and irls/people who know what this is about: please don’t feel obligated to talk to me about it #i know it’s a lot and i don’t want you to take more than you can handle to help me. i know that’s my instinct right now #but i’m scheduling an appointment with my therapist later this week so. i’ll be ok #anyways these fucking sirens in the distance are Not helping #but whatever. idk maybe i’ll try to do schoolwork tomorrow #i should probably stop reading news articles about it

[fortune-maiden]

Welp, started Shadow Dragon and because I am determined to make this an iron man run, I decided to set it to hard

Fun Fact: I have never played any Fire Emblem on hard, and oh my god why are all my characters so weak and refuse to gain any strength

(regular enemies are ok, bosses are a nightmare. also what is this exp curve.)

#fire emblem shadow dragon #i remember this game being fairly easy on normal? #the next chapter has a knight boss and i am crying tears of relief because I have the rapier wing spear and hammer. MAYBE IT WILL BE EASIER! #the ch 1-3 bosses are all pirates so no effective weapons #and the ch 3 boss was doubling jeigan. no one else stood a chance. huge mvp was navarre who could die in two hits (and was doubled) #but dodged both hits and then caeda would was either going to kill the boss on 50% odds or get doubled and die #she chose to kill the boss #honestly though i'm wondering if i should just restart on normal... #i like the challenge of regular enemies but the bosses being able to two shot you in a game without canto or rescue hurts a lot #(especially when you can only do chip damage in return) #i don't even remember vestaria saga being that mean to you with bosses #and that game threw a boss with a 3-range weapon at you in Ch 1 #then again i think merric should join soon and he is going to join caeda on the honorary lord throne for reasons of #i will lose my mind if i have to chip damage all bosses #nothing in this game has res #or res growth >.>

[crimsonblackrose]

Lately as I write about things I don’t particularly care about but don’t mind learning about I feel like I understand Becky Bloomwood. 🤣 I don’t have the shopping addiction, but sometimes you can end up finding yourself in a weird niche for writing. “bored to tears” is accurate description at the moment as I look up specs and wonder how anyone can look at something and go yeah that’s exactly the same as the 2001 model in style but if you look here at this part, that’s similar to the 2011 one, and this, this is the exciting new feature that’s just...not exciting to me. 😅

#mumbling about work #I've realized I've entered the confessions of a shopaholic part of my life #slaps the roof of the top of a brand new car coming out in the near future 'you would not believe how little I care' #though sometimes there's fun little tidbits #or like I actually cover news #and honestly I'm just happy I'm writing because no other department would let me because they're short staffed for admin #which is their own fault #they refuse to hire anyone full time to manage admin tasks or do admin tasks #the one person working full time for admin is overseas and being paid peanuts with 0 benefits #and it makes me so mad #anyway this was brought on by the fact I saw one of the articles I was using as a source was written by a woman #and realized huh I might have enough clips to do this elsewhere #and then the cringe of omg please not this niche #i need to start job hunting again #was the devil's wears prada the same? #honestly I think so if I remember the book correctly #because she doesn't give two figs about fashion either at the start of the book #and honestly both of 'em economics and fashion would throw me for a loop too #but I think...I could care or spin both a little bit easier then checks notes knowing why people are excited over tires #maybe I should more accurately say I've entered the early-mid 2000's rom com journalist era of my life but without the rom or the com #unless it's irony and stress because there's so much of both #that's where I am in my rom com hero journey #which is hilarious because Korea gave me all the k-drama cliches possible #so I feel like I went back a couple steps

[lost-in-neptunes-colors]

do u ever feel like u wanna move on but can’t get that one person out of ur mind

#wish i was brave enough to do something #but the thing is i don’t want to like push myself onto someone if they don’t like me back #cause that’s like embarrassing for me but can’t help I LOVE THEM #i don’t rly regret anything because i feel like a better person but im too anxious to reach out #well I guess I used to love them I’d have to get to know them all over again like shit changes #but i missss them #it’s like I wish we could meet all over again in a totally normal way #im just tired of waiting to bump into each other like that may never happen #But I’m too scared to reach out and seem weird like I’m so back and forth #idk forcing shit seems so wrong but i don’t rly know how she feels #idk why I’m so frightened to talk w her it’s not like we’ve never talked #i just feel like being in a relationship w her would be sm easier than it was before.. maybe cause we’re older #why should i give up on somebody that i really like #i can’t expect someone to chase me forever though #my brain won’t shut up

[youremyonlyhope]

Trichotillomania is weird.

Because just now I was reading a bit in the trich subreddit, and as I scrolled with my right hand I could literally feel my left hand want to pull hair. So I was like “No. Don’t.” and the feeling stopped. Then I put my attention back into reading whatever post I was on and the urge was instantly back the moment I stopped focusing on not pulling. I actually nearly pulled before I noticed and stopped.

I can’t tell yet if reading about other people’s experiences is helpful or not. On one hand it makes me want to pull, but on the other hand it makes me hyperaware of the urge to pull so I’m more likely to choose not to rather than absentmindedly do it. So I guess it’s neutrally good?

Anyway. I gotta go get box braids to see if this will help me fight the urge.

#trichotillomania #oh yeah i have trich #goes hand in hand with the anxiety and ocd #i thought i'd mentioned it before but i searched my blog and didn't see any posts so yay #i think a braiding place near me might be the way to go since their reviews look good and the location looks good too #since so many braiding places are holes in the wall that i'm sure do amazing work but i've never gotten my hair professionally braided #so i'd rather go somewhere that has an actual website and a large legit space #since i don't personally have the connections of 'my cousin works at this salon' or 'auntie works at that salon' or 'friend's sister braids' #since that's usually the reason you go to those hole in the wall places because you already know the braiders there. #i know that mini twists definitely help me fight the pulling urge but it takes me 2-4 days to do mini twists on my whole head myself #since i prefer having like 150+ twists in my head and i have to do my own parting and my arms get tired easily #having someone else do braids (or maybe mini twists) for me would be much easier and faster #also i've literally been pulling since i was like 16 or probably earlier but 16 was when i was like oh i pull my hair and acknowledged it #then 24 i think was when i was like 'ok this is a problem and not just a habit' because yay pandemic #making all my mental illnesses much more pronounced and the reason i started wearing mini twists more often #also i want to go so i can confirm that i don't have bald spots. that's my fear. #i should have known at age 20 when i was worried about a hairstylist finding bald spots that i had an issue. 24 was too late. #i can ask the braider if she notices any. but then again i think if i know i have any it will make me freak out... hmm... #anyway i'm posting this partially because i need to dye my hair with henna before i do anything to my hair #because my greys have like 2 inches of new growth. it's a miracle i don't pull my greys. i like them too much to pull them. #i'm actually sad when i see a grey in my hairbrush. i like that they're now all bright orange from the henna #i actually want MORE greys so i can make them be orange highlights #so yeah gonna henna my hair tomorrow after my therapy appointment and then figure out when/where i will get my hair braided #and i'll get that done either next week or the following week

[allisonreader]

I want to write. But I have nothing that I'm in the mood to work on. I should be going to bed besides that.

#Tales of a frozen sailor doesn't work right now because that's a notebook thing #my AU that I've been thinking about doesn't want to write as much as I have ideas for it #the part of the hidden royals I had tried to start has stalled out and I can't move past it again #Those would be the main three things that I want to work on now but just can't get the energy to get momentum on #plus I'm kind of stagnanting on the reading of the fan fiction that I've been doing I think #maybe I really should try and actually try to read Oliver Twist #since The Artful Dodger has made me so very curious #though I'm a little nervous to give Dickens a try again since I last read him in grade 12 #and having read great expectations on my free time #I found it more than a Little dense and I'm not sure how much I actually understood of it #but I'm older now... so maybe it will be easier...?

[hiddenbeks]

so many thoughts abt how schewpid the jedi council is in kotor but also not sure if i should write abt any of them before i finish the game because it's entirely possible that i'm still missing some critical information,

#el plays kotor #blease blacklist that tag if u dont wanna see kotor spoiler stuff from me as i play the game #feels silly to warn abt spoilers for such an old game but. i only found out abt [redacted] a couple yrs ago #completely by accident. it didnt ruin my desire to finish the game and see how the story goes #but still. it did change the whole experience. and what if there r others out there who dont know yet. so. KOTOR SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!! #so anyway i was thinking. why would the jedi council send revan to find the star maps. when they strongly suspect that #the search for the maps was what corrupted revan and malak in the first place??? #im assuming they want their new totally-not-revan padawan to succeed and stop malak???? #and yet?? they didnt think to consider the possibility of revan falling to the dark side Again during this quest???? #love how the jedi archivist/historian says the 'those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it' thing #and im just thinking. so true bestie. you should take your own advice maybe. lol. lmao even #like yes they've brainwashed revan but what makes them so confident that amnesiac revan won't go down the same path as before #wouldn't that be more likely even. because. revan does not remember their history. #and since they don't remember their history... they have nothing to learn from... and thus... could repeat their mistakes... #ok wait i just remembered that the historian gives amnesiac revan a lecture abt what revan and malak did #so yes they do get a history lesson to keep in mind and to learn something from. #but its still so...... the council has no way of being certain their master plan will succeed... they are taking a huge gamble here... #and sure capturing revan without wiping their mind was probably not an option to the council #bc revan would have simply refused to cooperate i guess. much easier to mold an empty mind :) #wow wow wow i hate the jedi order actually. yes the sith do these things too and also their color scheme is dark and thus they r Evil #but when the jedi with their light earthy tones do it its ok. because they are servants of the light. guardians of justice or whatev. sigh #also the council repeatedly warns revan abt the dangers of the dark side n how the force is so strong in revan n they need to be careful #and that they are 'willful and headstrong'. qualities that are potentially dangerous for a jedi to have. because Emotion Bad #and still the council just goes 'the warning signs are there but we have elected to ignore them :) surely it will be fine this time :)' ??? #i think i need to stop thinking abt this its giving me psychic damage #there Must be something later down the line that makes this decision make sense. they cant be this stupif

[anothermonikan]

'In 33 hours this will all be over, whether you do it good or not you wont have to worry about it anymore, cmon Andy, you got this! You got this!' <<< trying to do their last assignment

#I have not been able to focus today. I'm half way through the writing but itsa presentation video thing #so I gotta film it! I would just take the easy way out with a presentation but.... #it's a 1k word limit. and the video has to be. 12 - 15 minutes long. no ones getting a 12 minute video off 1k words alone #and it's gonna be easier to get to that 12 minute minimum limit if I can like insert clips and stuff. #so I'm doing like an ACTUAL video. so I gotta edit it as well #I hope I reach that 12 minutes because IDK what I'm gonna do if I write this all and put all the clips in and what-not and it's under #make my title cards longer IG?? #asdshsddsds #Ugh. I'm not like tired or anything but I know I'm gonna be later because I made plans.... #so idk whether to bite the bullet finish this paragraph. sleep for a bit more. and then go back to work after #but considering idk how long I'm gonna be out for.....I'm gonna guesstimate like 3 hours #That leaves me with. 20 something hours after I go out if I pull an all nighter which I will almost definitely have to do #if I can add on a lil bit to the 4 hour nap I took earlier maybe I'll feel a lil better #also my brains like bugging me because I really want to spend time with bby aha #is 20 hours enough time for me to finish a script. film a video. find all the clips and materials I need for it. edit it all together. #Space out my transcript correctly. and hope there's no issues with the upload process #I'm dual uploading onto two platforms in case one of them fails but how long does a 12 minute video take to upload... #wahhhh #I think I should sleep a lil more maybe #yeah I'm starting to get tired again oops #one last thing and then I'll take another nap #Android.txt