#Solar Cycle makes more sense but Solar Eclipse makes me soft- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

parkersvibes · 4 years

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REPOST

3:15

a/n- hey guys, so tumblr was being weird and wouldn’t let this show up in tags so im reposting this. this was loosely based off of 3:15 by Bazzi, you can listen to it while reading if you would like!

please feel free to let me know what you think! (:

masterlist

Laying next to you, I got a flight in the morning

Got me questioning what I think is important

I can't even lie, think of you when I'm with her

Look me in my eye, tell me that you feel different

Drove two hours just to stay the night with you

Haven't seen you in a year, but I still get you

Hurts to see you laugh 'cause I know I'll fucking miss that

How could I forget that?

1:33am

Nights like these are the ones you wish would last forever. You and Oikawa lie in your living room with The Office playing in the background. Cuddling with your best friend was nothing new. You had your head in his chest and his arms were wrapped around you.

“I missed you, y/n. The world just isn’t the same without you next to me,” Oikawa sighs while his fingers twirl the ends of your hair.

“Don’t be such a simp, Tooru,” You giggle and jab him lightly in the stomach. Even after years of being best friends, he was still able to make your heart race with his words.

Moments like these were rare since Oikawa became a professional volleyball player on the San Juan team in Rio. You were living your life, pursuing a career in nursing in Japan. You were both living your dreams, and Oikawa understood that.

Yet, he felt like something was lacking.

It was you. Sure, he had his fair share of flings, after all- he was Oikawa. He attracted everyone. With his charm and good looks, everyone is bound to fall in love with him. But no one was ever enough to get you off of his mind.

“How am I the simp? I just miss you, plus if I remember correctly, you were the one that cried when I sent you that snap of me wearing the shirt you gave me two years ago!” He teased lightly.

He knew how you felt about him, and he knew that you knew that he felt the same. Your relationship just happens to be filled with wrong timings and missed opportunities. It was almost as if the universe was mocking you both.

To him, you were the sun and he was the moon. You both needed each other to exist, but never at the same exact time. But then there were moments like these, as rare as a solar eclipse, where you both lineup.

With you in his arms and the tv light reflecting off of your face, everything just felt right and he wanted to tell you. He needed to tell you how he felt.

But just as like how brief eclipses are, the moment is gone.

“I wish you could stay longer,” your voice broke the silence. You were never one to ask him to stay, you would never ask him to give up his dream to stay in this small town. He was meant for more. More than you could offer.

“I know, tomorrow's flight is going to be a pain in the ass, but don’t worry your pretty little head y/n I’ll be back as soon as you start missing me,” Oikawa cautioned as he pinched your slightly pink cheeks.

You chuckled lightly. “Guess you’ll be back by next weekend then?”

“A whole week? It would take you a whole week to miss me? I’m so hurt!” In one swift movement, he turned over and straddled your legs and pinned your arms above your head with one hand and began to tickle your sides.

“To- Tooru-” You were laughing so hard, and to Oikawa- it was music to his ears. He never got tired of hearing it. Hearing it in person felt like he was taking a breath of fresh air. He missed it.

“Say you’ll miss me the second I leave!”

“N- no. Never”

“Then I guess I’ll never stop tickling you,” Oikawa shrugged.

After about another 10 seconds, you gave up.

“OKAY, I’LL- I’LL MISS YOU THE SECOND YOU LEAVE,” you yell while gasping for air.

Oikawa took a second to take the view in. Your eyes were bright and you had a dazed smile. The view from the top was beautiful. Your hair was spread around your head, and to him you were beautiful. He wanted to kiss you, right then and there. You laying there underneath him was so tempting. He stared at your lips. Soft and plump. His senses were overloaded.

Instead of kissing you, he opted to bury his face in the crook of your neck. He felt safe, knowing that you wouldn’t see him tear up.

“I don’t wanna go,” he whispered, his voice was so soft that you would have missed it if he wasn’t so close to you. The warmth of his breath tickled your neck.

Your positions were now switched and he was lying on top of you, and you were now running your fingers running through his hair. You could smell his shampoo and him. It was all too much.

He knew what you would say. You weren’t going to ask him to stay, instead, you would remind him that being in Rio was where he was meant to be, and he would mope and leave again. Then the cycle of missing you starts all over again.

“I know bub, but they need you…”

And I need you, he thought.

-----

You made me feel alive

Forget them other bitches, I will put 'em to the side

Girls in L.A. couldn't be more dry

You're so money, baby, you ain't even have to try

Now I'm runnin' with you 'round East Lansing

Tito's in your dorm, we're dancing

It's a quarter after three Sayin' everything we mean

3:15am

Most people at this time would be asleep, but you and Oikawa wanted to make the most of your little time left together, which meant- no sleeping.

Two Red Bulls later, the two of you were blasting One Direction in your living room and showing off your best dance moves.

Oikawa felt electrified. Dancing in your living room like idiots gave him a sense of excitement that not even the court could mimic.

Once you were both out of breath and on the floor facing each other, he couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I love you, and I know that this is wrong timing be- because I’m always gone but I think we could do it. I- I think we can do this. I’ll train harder, an- and maybe they’ll let me have more days off-” the words tumbled out of Oikawa's mouth like dominos.

“I love you too,”

“Wha- what?’’ You grab his hand and kiss his knuckles gently.

“I love you too Tooru, and you know that. I want to be with you too, but it’s just not our time,” you start to tear up.

“It wouldn’t be fair, to either of us. I don’t want the beginning of our relationship to start off with us being across the world from each other. You deserve better than that,” You said as a sigh escaped your lips as both your faces clouded with sadness.

You look him in the eyes for a moment and bring your hand to caress his cheek.

Oikawa closed his eyes and relaxed under your touch. You were both so close, foreheads touching. You wanted nothing more than to kiss his plump lips until you were breathless.

Instead, you move his hair to the side and kiss his forehead gently.

“Can I ask you something Y/N?” he whispers. Anxiety bubbles in his chest as he prepares to ask you something. He knew it was unfair, but this was the one time he wanted to be selfish. The one time he wanted to guarantee that you would wait for him. A promise.

“Anything,”

“Wait for me, okay?”

“Always,”

“Promise me, you won’t leave,”

“I’ve loved you since we were 16, what’re a few more months gonna do to me?” You teased gently to lighten the mood.

“Y/N… pleaseee. Promise me,” Oikawa pouted. He was always such a baby

“Oikawa Tooru, I L/N Y/N, promise to wait for you… as long you do the same,” you gave him a pointed look as you linked pinkies. His eyes held a soft gaze, his heart felt like it was working overtime while looking at you.

“Always?”

“Always.”

At this moment, Oikawa wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t scared to fall because he knew you were there to catch him with open arms.

end. 1432

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maiddegree71-blog · 5 years

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Sacred Self Care Guide for August 2018

Sacred Self Care Guide for August 2018 from Rising River Wisdom School

In all the worlds’ mythology and culture, there have been wisdom keepers, those who looked to the natural and the hidden worlds as a guide for life on earth. Within these seekers are stargazers, who ascribe meaning to the “stars” and their movements through the solar system.

Though Earth’s Moon is no star, it reflects the brightest light we can see in the night sky. Its phases are a part of human consciousness, and its movements affect systems on earth and sea. When we align our activities to the Moon’s cycles we find a greater connection to both our bodies and intuitive wisdom. Read on for some self care wisdom inspired by the new moon.

Rising River Wisdom School is an immersive program for those looking to step into their own power and carry wisdom for themselves and the world around them. Below you will find some Sacred Self Care insight for August from Rising River Wisdom School’s incredible teachers – we’ve got you covered for setting intentions with the upcoming new moon, to seeking insight from animal guides, plant medicine to oracle readings, plus lots of guidance for mindfully navigating the world with your vibrant well-being in focus.

New Moon/Solar Eclipse in Leo August 11th 2018 2:57am PDT- By Michelle Prentiss

“ Eclipse of The Heart”

Recently I had a vivid dream that I was dreaming- and I was speaking aloud in the dream about all the planetary retrogrades- and how they are a necessary part of the magical mix of expanded self-awareness, which can be accessed now, at the portal that is the Solar Eclipse in Leo.

We have had a very bumpy ride energetically this eclipse season and though, there is one more Eclipse left in the Leo/Aquarius cycle (in January 2019), this Saturday is very much a culmination of the themes started last year.

The Leo/ Aquarius polarity has given us much of their shadow recently. We have seen mis-use of power, arrogance and rampant egoism as well as alienation in groups and communities, chaos, fear and lack of empathy. Experiencing these themes in our lives personally and collectively has given us pause, asking us to heal ourselves and our world by illuminating that which needs to be brought into balance and integrated with love.

This Leo New Moon is conjunct Retrograde Mercury asking us to re-consider the connections we have made recently – Is there a way to review our thoughts or beliefs about themes in our lives? Can we bring heart into Judgment? Can we see how our thoughts and communication can hurt both others and ourselves?

Can we give ourselves the love and acceptance we need?

Jupiter squaring the lunation compels us by stating, “ Expand your Awareness and find your TRUTH”

Asteroid Pallas Athena is also conjunct this New Moon. Considered to have rulership over feminine wisdom, strategy, the ability to perceive over-arching patterns and creative intelligence, her energy bridges the Leo/ Aquarius polarity with a wholistic view and observes the parts of it that do not fit.

This New Moon there is a tremendous sense of us all on an energetic, internal plateau, which exists in a space between the past and future – as issues/memories/ situations rise up from our personal and collective unconscious and need to be processed. As you experience this, The KEY to healing/integrating is first bringing your awareness to the present moment and holding space for your heart’s intelligence combined with a wholistic view and flexible mindset. If we don’t see that which we DO NOT want in our lives, we won’t know how/ where to eliminate it from our structures.

The Solar Eclipse is partial and functions a bit like a re-boot on a computer. As we see, through the friction of opposition that we which we do and do not want in our lives, we can have the opportunity for a new start which becomes much more integrated and compassionate, inclusive rather than exclusive, creative and loving – embodying the most evolved aspects of our Leo Archetype.

Here is a Ritual to do this Saturday from cauldronsandcupcakes.com

Purpose: This simple healing ritual is for people who are blocked by fear, loneliness, grief and pain, and who have low self-worth and self-love. The ritual gradually peels away layers of trapped and negative vibration, and allows a flood of healing light to rebalance and cleanse this chakra. The treatment is gentle, and can be used over time to allow deeper and deeper levels of trauma to be easily released. It can also be used for linear (this lifetime) and past life issues clouding your present direction and happiness.

Tools: An unused white candle, a rose quartz and an amethyst crystal, some carrier oil (such as sweet almond oil) in china or glass bowl, and a few drops of bergamot oil.

Method: Leave yourself at least half an hour, and some quiet time afterwards for integration. Place your candle and the bowl of oil with the two crystals on either side. Quiet yourself, then light the candle and say the following, “I release all fear. I release all pain. I am Joy. I am Love. I now embrace my Sacred Self.” Sit quietly in front of the candle and close your eyes. Visualize white Light surrounding your body and streaming into your heart. Feel the presence of Higher Energy, God, Guides or Angels around you. You may also want to offer up a Prayer for healing at this time.

When you are ready, take the oil, and rub it into the skin around your heart chakra in a circular anti-clockwise motion. As you do this, breathe slowly and calmly and recite the following “I invite Love into my Heart. I invite Love into my Life. I am worthy and deserving of this Love. Love is my nature.” Say this as many times as feels right for you. Feel your heart chakra gently softening, opening, and releasing the trapped energy. Visualize Golden Light pouring into your Heart. When you are finished, say a simple prayer of Thanks. Sit or lie quietly and allow your body to become accustomed to its new, clearer vibration.

New Moon in Leo – Plant Spirit Medicine with Jacqueline Zajdman

As we enter the portal of our final eclipse, the energy feels like a wide-open space where time stands still. “Something” action oriented is just around the bend, so why not take the time to dream, wish and review your hopes and desires while we are swimming in this Vortex!

The new moon in Leo is all about the heart. With the help of our plant spirit allies, we can work on igniting the energetic space that lines us up with our true North Star. Where do you truly see yourself? What have you been wanting to create? You are the master of your own destiny- anything is possible.

When I desire to channel deeply and drop into my deeper wants and needs, I look to ceremonial medicine like KAVA. This beautiful root has been celebrated traditionally by the South Pacific islands and Polynesian culture to commemorate milestones and connect with spirit. Kava was used to deepen social contact through gatherings of chiefs and nobles, as well as preparation for long journeys and invoking awareness into communion with ancestors. The root would be chewed or ground up and mixed with water to release its medicine. In Hawaii, all religious and spiritual ceremonies involve drinking kava. The rituals are held to seek favor from the Gods, from farming to marriages.

As an antispasmodic and anti anxiety plant, drinking in this nervine has been used spiritually to ease the physical body while experiencing mental clarity and reaching enlightened conclusions. Kava root can be infused in cold water for a few hours and blended with your favorite milk and honey, warm or cold. If a powder version is more accessible, you can use that too. Don’t worry if you feel a slight numbing tingle on the tongue. Let every sip of its pearlescent milky medicine relax your body and melt away the future worry of the unknown.

New Moon Animal Guide By Brook Albrigo

I hope you were all able to embrace our Dove guide last month. I know I found myself calling on her many times during deeply intense moments, I was joking with a group of healers how I never get nervous when I see the intimidating animals like Badger and Vulture – it’s the sweet and cute animals that worry me! Sometimes I feel the Universe is like “Here’s this really soft and comforting animal to get you through this next cycle of craziness!” ha-ha. Well, here we are! Last eclipse of the summer, more retrogrades than I can wrap my head around and my source of wisdom is to always to turn to the animals.

When I meditated on this next monthly cycle I was shown dozens of Moth’s fluttering around an outdoor light bulb. Frantic and fighting their way to it – only to bounce back confused and disorientated.

As I have brought up before, the actions I see the animals performing are always of great importance to the message, but first let’s talk about the Moth. The Moth is like the butterflies shadow, a nighttime butterfly cloaked in fur and displaying mysterious and often skeletal patterns on its wings and body. Like the butterfly, Moth’s go through the same metamorphosis so anytime one comes around I know it signifies huge transformation- a death and rebirth phase. You may find yourself going through huge changes this month! Changes on a level so deep you can’t really describe it. While these changes occur, avoid over complicating things. See where you can simplify, it will make for a smoother transition and keep you from getting too overwhelmed.

The moth is a nocturnal creature, representing that which is hidden or veiled. It is also “photo tactic” which means they automatically move towards light and use the Moon to navigate. Now from an Astrological view, we know the moon represents our inner world, hidden emotions, dreams and desires.

Keeping all of this information in mind, lets get back to what the Moths were doing in my vision. When we feel lost in the dark, our first instinct is to flock to light. Our inner compass almost aches for it and sometimes instead of finding that guiding moonlight; we settle for that artificial porch light and frantically throw ourselves at it causing confusion and disorientation. We have all heard the term “like a moth to a flame”! Where are you searching for your guiding light? Is it outside of yourself? Is it authentic? The Moon is our mirror and if she is the guiding light- the lighthouse, which you seek, is YOU. It is within you. Allow the Moth guide to show you how it has been hidden or veiled and how you can you use your sensitivities to lead you to the real thing instead of getting caught in a flame or artificial light source. And be ok with being in the dark on your quest, for without it- how will you see that moonlight?

We will be in this Moth energy for a one-month cycle until the next New Moon in September. If you would like to connect with Moth on a more personal level, feel free to do a meditation inviting it in and ask what specific medicine it brings you at this time. You can also keep an image or get outside and pay attention to how they move and act.

Source: http://tasty-yummies.com/sacred-self-care-guide-for-august-2018/

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dannywirtheim-blog · 7 years

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The Great American Eclipse in Review

From my perspective on the High Line: the image of a solar eclipse inside of a homemade camera obscura wows three people.

I called off two days of work to experience The Great American Solar Eclipse. I called off the Sunday before and the day of the eclipse. I had no plans to leave New York City, where only 79% of an eclipse would be visible and during which most everyone I knew would be working. I set those two days aside for my own spiritual healing. Those days would offer a space for myself to experience the phenomena that I had faith would transcend my life and offer a much needed sense of clarity.

Like a lot of people I talk to, I had grown weary from the political debates and fighting that had leaked from the internet into my own thought-monologue as I commuted to and fro the restaurant where I work. I felt that The Great American Eclipse could help me deal with that. I felt that way because, at it’s core, the effect national politics was taking on my mental health was really a guise for a deeper and more personal conflict.

I had begun to feel as though I was a prisoner at that restaurant. The whole point of moving to New York was to become a professional reporter, but the restaurant was sucking me in. I was still searching for freelance stories, but in the past few months I had became transfixed and healed with my work in the restaurant. The work, making coffees and working the counter, had offered me a sense of catharsis that I was having difficulty finding anywhere else. And finding comfort in what I knew would be a dead-end job was unsettling to my dreams and aspirations. So I put my faith in The Great American Eclipse as a way of escape from my self-imposed captivity. I thought that if I could simply witness with my own eyes proof of the revolution of the moon and sun in their co-centric circles around the Earth, that perhaps I would come to some understanding and clarity regarding my own cycle of activity. Things happen like that and The Great American Eclipse felt like a good bet.

Lately, I have been looking for signs in bleak places. Just the other day I was killing a few minutes before my shift began when I noticed a small drawstring bag. I was listening to a podcast on current events, standing on the corner of Howard and Lafayette Street in SoHo when I noticed it lying on the sidewalk. I looked around for anyone attached to the bag, but no one seemed to acknowledge the bag’s existence. It seemed incredible that of all the people who had passed this busy street, no one had noticed the drawstring bag except for me.

It felt that the stars were aligned, that this bag was some type of clue, but it was still a dirty bag lying on the sidewalk. I walked over and kicked it. Whatever was inside was soft. There was writing on the bag, too, although I couldn’t make out what it read. I took one last look to see if anyone was watching and I picked up the bag. As I was undoing the draw strings I caught the text on the bag that read “Diva Cup.” I threw the bag down in disgust, feeling let down and in need of a good hand washing.

Since I took this journey to become a reporter, I have constantly had my feelers out, looking for signs in distressing situations. I usually come up short, but The Great American Solar Eclipse felt much more certain than a small drawstring bag on the sidewalk. And even if the eclipse couldn’t offer a tangible message, there was no way a person could witness something as wondrous as a solar eclipse and not find some metaphor for a feeling within.

The Thursday before the Great American Eclipse, I ordered a package of five solar eclipse glasses for pickup at the B&H store in Manhattan. The glasses were only sold in packages of five. I just needed one but reasoned that this was acceptable since people in the eclipse glasses industry only get a few shots at making a profit in their lifetime. I didn’t mind having extra glasses to share, either. So on the eve of the eclipse, I biked to Manhattan to pick up my five-pack of glasses and when I arrived at B&H workers were striking front of the main entrance.

I did not wait to figure out what the protest was about. Keeping my head down, I broke the picket line as an organizer screamed that I should stop. I felt guilty. Typically, I side with the workers by default, but I reasoned that in witnessing The Great American Solar Eclipse I was doing something for the greater good; by obtaining this five-pack of eclipse glasses, I would be helping five individuals to be transcended in this fantastic event. I was certain that somehow, in the long-run, our newfound sense of clarity would help these soon-to-be-laid-off workers.

Inside B&H, I asked a women where I could pick up my order and, without seeing my electronic order form, she asked if I was picking up eclipse glasses. I disliked that, how she had just looked at me and known my motives. I felt naked and afraid as she ushered me to a room with rows of cashiers pulling five-packs of eclipse glasses from bags and handing them to customers. I felt beaten as I picked up my five-pack of glasses, placed them shamefully into my bag so that the protestors wouldn’t see and slipped onto 9th Avenue through a secondary exit where no protestor would notice me.

I fell into the crowd of shoppers and made my way back to the main entrance, pretending to be just then strolling up. I scoffed at the shoppers who had so insensitively broken the picket line for their eclipse glasses and approached a man in a flat-cap who was passing out fliers. The fliers had a Jewish man’s portrait on the front and, lower on the page, a scowling rat that might have come from a Clipart library. The man in the flat cap explained to me that two warehouses were being closed in Brooklyn, and the whole thing was an act of union busting. He said that 300 workers were going to lose their jobs and that they had just unionized two years ago, although the warehouse owner, the Jewish man on the flier, had refused to set up a contract-signing, an act of union busting.

I could only say “oh,” and the man in the flat cap shook his head as if to say “what a shame.” I got back on my bike and left Manhattan with my five-pack of eclipse glasses and a new scene to feel depressed about.

III

One of the greatest questions to which I really don’t care to hear an answer for is “what is on the dark side of the moon?” It is a question that has never bothered or even particularly interested me. During an astronomy class in college, I learned why it is impossible for us to see the dark side of the moon. The science was interesting, but what really struck me about the dark side of the moon was how much people cared and wondered about a side of the moon that was probably just more moon.

Even if the dark side of the moon is not an interest of mine, people have a right to wonder — I can empathize with that. I have simply made a decision to prioritize the things within my range of control. I think it’s best this way, if I focus on understanding what I can do as an individual to help my condition rather than worrying about the dark side of things.

Not too long ago, I was making a walk of shame back to my apartment in Brooklyn and took the L line. I was on the subway, sipping an ice coffee through a straw, when a conversation next to me peaked my interest. Some guy, probably 24 or so, was talking to his girlfriend about a documentary he had seen the night before. It was a documentary that focused on the Illuminati, a group that, according to him, controls pretty much everything from when and how the world ends to what day your trash is picked up. I listened to the guy explain how Hitler possessed two of three religious items needed for total world conquest. Then I listened to him talk about a UFO battle that took place over Antartica. He also talked about white people inventing HIV to decimate the black population.

I was initially fascinated with the guy’s review, but I soon began to view him and his documentary as another very depressing scene. What he was talking about, really, was being so far removed from the levers of power that control his own situation that he had given credence to ideas so ridiculous that even he seemed lost. If he had access to a documentary on the Illuminati, he had access to documentaries on economics, politics and culture that would help him better understand the situation — even if it left him feeling more helpless. Sipping my coffee and watching that guy attempt to recite ancient Latin scripture on the L Train was among the most depressing sights I had seen in some time.

I tried to shake the thought that this sort of giving and giving in to fantastic ideas was indicative to the rise of Donald Trump. To me, Donald Trump is not entirely responsible for the person he has become. To me, Trump was born a blank slate in 1946, Queens and ever since the public, specifically people who give up on figuring out their systems of governance and give into fantasies, has molded him to be what he is now.

It started with his family. Trump didn’t even learn to crawl before his parents began injecting him with ego-steroids. And when his parents heard his bullshit, they took the bullshit, filled it with more ego-steroids and fed it back to him. It was a vicious cycle and it continued until he had enough in his veins that his over-flowing ego spilled onto a billboard. Then his father offered Trump the family company that, in the fashion of which Trump did everything, he turned into another self-promotional billboard. It became a vicious cycle of self adulation and then the tourists came to validate it.

The little old lady’s and farm-town faces stepped into Trump’s casinos poured their modest savings into his 3-dimensional billboards, feeding the ego even more. For them, it became a kind of religion. They would make trips to the casinos and to the hotels and sacrifice their wealth to a man who would never be happy unless he had billions of everything. It was a vicious cycle that no one chose to look at critically and, if they did, were so caught up in the religious fervor that it didn’t matter. And when the casinos became too small for Trump’s ego, he turned to television and his followers followed. They watched him because it was easy. Because he was decisive and held to a strict logic pressed into his brain since he was a baby in Queens: that he was the best no matter what. That was a value and thing people could believe in. And the people, with the infrastructure in place to worship the ego both through pilgrimage and television, always knew that with the time they spent in worship they could pick up books on finance and economics and learn about the flow of money themselves but instead concluded that making Trump a valid thing would be easier. They did that, they chose to go to the casinos and turn away from channels of knowledge that could actually help their situations and in doing so Trump almost did not have a say in the thing. It was almost as if he were acting out a role that the public had created for him. And when Trump’s ego was very real and very large and he finally ran for President, all he needed to convince was a nation that had already validated him and made him a billionaire.

I exited the train and headed home for a shower. I thought about how I would not like to have these types of thoughts any longer, how those thoughts made me feeling heavy, alone and like I never do enough. I thought about how, although I recognized a dark side to nearly everything, that I would prefer to stay on the light side of things.

I considered the day of the eclipse, August 21, 2017, the last official day of my summer. I had spent the last two revolutions around the sun without climax. I graduated from college in 2015 and, since then, had taken some internships, some video editing and writing jobs, but for the most part I had sat at an in-between.

I had brought my bags to New York City looking for what I suppose could be called fame and fortune — and for all the right reasons, too. I had this dream that I would work for the New York Times, but with little working knowledge of the industry, less knowledge of the beat I wanted to cover and no networks with the people I needed to network with, I felt very far from that goal. Perhaps I was not persistent enough. I had knocked on every door, attended parties I was never invited to and talked to people who I was told had no business speaking to me, but something inside told me that it was more important to wait for a right moment rather than every moment. I was waiting for a climax that I had faith would come soon enough.

On the eve of The Great American Eclipse, after I had crossed the picket line to pick up my five-pack of glasses, I stopped at a friend’s rooftop barbecue. The crowd was almost entirely comprised of people who I had never seen before. A number of them were reporters for the New York Times, the institution that I consider a kind of Mecca.

Through some happening, I began talking to a woman with strong, smart eyes who told me about her section at the Times. She was easy to talk to and asked me many questions about myself. She was a little timid and I thought she might be a new writer, one who didn’t know better than to consort with a desperate person like myself. She seemed to enjoy talking to me and when she mentioned that she did not have eclipse glasses, I told her that I had just picked up five.

Later, when I got home, I looked at a photo of the gathering on social media and saw her name tagged in it. I decided that I would read some of her articles and look at her bio, just to get a sense for how she arrived at the Times. In her bio, the girl who I had thought was a new and timid writer was a Pulitzer Prize winner.

Knowing that I could talk to those who I admire with such ease made me feel that my dreams were much closer than I had imagined. I had not displayed an incredible sense of discipline in my work like she had, but I figured that under the dark of a moment of an eclipse, a guy like me could swiftly rise to the top. Anything could happen and that was the kind of existential weight I was putting on the eclipse, that it had the capacity to solve all of most problems, maybe even most of the world’s. And in my fantasy I had completely forgotten that the city was only getting 79% of the eclipse.

I decided that I would enjoy the eclipse with my friend Carlos on the High Line, which is a “linear park” built atop an old above-street train line.

Carlos is one of my best friends in the city and he was feeling pretty down lately. He said he needs to move somewhere else, get a change of scenery. My thought is that Carlos’ change needs to come from within. I told him that he should do the opposite of everything that he’s been doing, that this kind of sudden change will inspire more change. At the moment he’s working in a restaurant and doesn’t know exactly what he wants to do. That’s scary to me. I know what I want to do I just don’t know in exactly what capacity I should do it. Then there’s the getting to where I want to be that I have to worry about. But to not know what one wants to do, to be in the city feeling alone and down; that would be suffocating. So I thought it would be good to watch The Great American Solar Eclipse with Carlos, just to share a moment with a friend who needs a friend.

We brought two slices of pizza, three pairs of eclipse glasses — I had given the other pair to my roommate — and found ourselves an open section of the High Line, out of range of most of the taller buildings.

Shortly after we settled in, a young couple using camera obscuras homemade from cereal boxes and foil showed up. They were using their camera phones to try and capture the shadowy images happening inside their boxes. They seemed like nice, clean people. Then another girl showed up with only a cellphone and a camera filter. She seemed clean too, so I let that girl use the last pair of glasses I had and it felt good that my five-pack of glasses were all being used.

All of us watched the moon hover to about 79%, at which point the air had become cooler and the sky perhaps a shade darker. Although it was nice, there was no climax that we could feel and I was not sensing the clarity I had hoped for. I thought hard about everything. I thought about the moon, the Earth, the worker’s union, the man in the flat cap, Carlos, the other people on the High Line, the woman who dropped her Diva Cup, the Pulitzer Prize winner who was perhaps watching the same eclipse with the glasses I gave her, Donald Trump and the dark side of the moon. I thought about everything as 79% of the sun became invisible.

In my two days off, I did not come to a conclusion regarding my own life. I did note, however, that if The Great American Eclipse is a commercial distraction, it’s a distraction so intimate to the mechanics of the universe that nothing can shake its transformative power. No matter what it brings, an eclipse takes the form of whatever the viewer wills it to be. In the vacuum of light created by moon’s shadow, a person must and will fill it with something. Everyone effects the world, even if it’s tuning into a baby from Queens’ television show or playing out some religious casino ritual.

I stood there on the High Line, looking hard at my 79% of an eclipse, knowing full well that my perspective was small but that the ramifications of what I saw would be immense. I focused on that 79% of darkness and asked myself the only question I could think of, “what’s it going to be?”

#greatamericansolareclipse #solar eclipse

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