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jackhues · 3 months

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together - pricey shots and brick wolls

pricey shots and brick wolls! au masterlist

note: takes place in march 2022 - rowan's 23 years oldish. if something's not factually correct, i'm so sorry guys. i tried really hard to make it kind of accurate. i kind of don't like this... but anyways it's here now

tw: asshole doctor, mentions of periods/fertility

"i suggest you drink lots of water and work out more," the doctor told rowan. "if the pain continues, you can take pain medication, but i don't think it'll be necessary. take a half hour walk in the mornings and evenings and stay hydrated. perhaps watch your diet as well. it's nothing big."

rowan stared at him, unsure if he was being serious.

the doctor noticed this, raising a brow in her direction. "any questions?"

"i'm just -- i mean, i'm an athlete," she reminded him. "i work out a lot more than the average person. i stay hydrated. i've got professional trainers making sure i have a healthy, balanced diet. i can't get any healthier than this. telling me to drink more water, to work out, to eat healthy -- it's not a solution. i can't do it any better than i am right now."

rowan could've sworn the doctor was about to roll his eyes.

"you play in a league?" he asked her. "or just... recreationally?"

"i play professional hockey," her voice came out tougher than usual. "i play in the phf, for the toronto six. i play for team canada too, i just won a gold medal for this country a month ago. i can assure you, my diet and work out routine has nothing to do with the pain i'm feeling."

the doctor sniffed, noting some things down on the clipboard.

"alright, the best i can do is prescribe you some pain medication," he ripped a prescription off and handed it to her. "i can also refer you to a specialist, but i don't think it'll be much help."

"i'd like to see the specialist," rowan responded, taking the prescription.

"sure, okay," he nodded, filling out something else and handing it to her. "you'll get a call from that number in a few days to work out an appointment time."

"thank you," rowan told him, not really meaning it.

she left the room, making her way back to her car. she took a deep breath, reminding herself to calm down. being angry and driving home would do no one any good.

over the past few weeks, rowan had been experiencing lots of pain and intense cramping. her periods had always been a little unusual, but so were her mom's, and she didn't think too much about it. the big problem was the cramps and pain she'd have even after her period. her fiancé finally convinced her to get it checked out after seeing her crumple in the middle of her practice due to pain.

"this is why i haven't gotten my shit checked," she muttered to herself, angry at the doctor for simply dismissing her. she'd heard stories of this her whole life, and of course, it finally happened to her.

she sent a text to joseph, letting her know the appointment was done and she was going to see a specialist eventually. finally, convinced that she had cooled off a little, she turned the car on and made her way home.

---

rowan got the call to pick up her reports while she was washing the dishes.

"everything alright?" joseph asked her once she hung up.

"it was the specialist," she told him. "um, they told me i have to pick up the reports."

"that was pretty quick," he responded. "i thought they take like, weeks. i didn't know it only takes a few days."

"they usually only tell you to pick up reports if something's wrong," she continued quietly. "otherwise, they might not even call back."

"hey, hey," joe got up quickly, taking her hands in his. "hey, look at me. giving your report doesn't mean it's something bad, okay? you won't know until you get them."

"can you come with me?" she asked, her voice a little small.

"of course," he responded. "you don't have to ask. whatever you want, love."

rowan's heart felt like it might burst -- either from the nervousness of getting her report back, or the love she felt for joseph in that moment.

unable to speak, she simply nodded, allowing joseph to lead her outside and to the car. he talked while he drove her to the specialist's office, telling her about his day and all the crazy things his teammates had done.

she appreciated him a lot for that, for doing his best to take her mind off of this. she wasn't usually nervous when it came to things like this, but for some reason, she could only think up the worst things.

"you ready?" joe asked her, turning the car off and turning to her.

rowan closed her eyes, taking a deep breath the way her uncle had taught her years ago. a deep breath in, a deep breath out -- and out with it went the thoughts of everything that didn't matter in this moment.

she nodded at her fiancé, "ready."

---

"miss price?" the doctor asked, entering the room.

rowan sat up straighter, nodding, "that's me."

"and this is?" the doctor looked at joseph, sitting in one of the seats near the patient's bed.

"joseph woll," rowan introduced him. "my fiancé. he'll be staying here for the reports, i already signed a consent form at the front desk."

"perfect, it's nice to meet you," she smiled at joe. she turned to her computer, typing up a few things and pulling up some files. "okay, so rowan price? twenty three years old?"

"yup," rowan nodded.

"you came in for a pelvic ultrasound and test two days ago, due to intense, recurring abdominal pain, correct?"

"mhm," she nodded again.

the doctor furrowed her brows at the reports, turning back to rowan. "is there anything else you'd like to tell me? any other pain? discomfort? irregular periods?"

"it's mainly just cramps so bad that i can't even walk," she responded. "a little bit of back pain, but nothing else really hurts. sometimes i feel sick though. and my period's always been a little weird."

"hmm," the doctor noted. she turned back to rowan, passing over two ultrasound photos -- the printed results of her ultrasound a few days ago. "you see the tissue clumps right here? that's a type of tissue similar to the lining of your uterus."

rowan examined the ultrasound, barely able to make out what the doctor was explaining. it had nothing to do with the ultrasound, but it was simply the fact that rowan was unable to ever see ultrasounds.

her parents had once tried to surprise her with the ultrasound of her youngest brother when they were pregnant, and she had no idea what it was.

"well, this tissue isn't in your uterus," the doctor explained. "it's growing outside, which may cause bloating, especially around your period."

"that's what's causing the pain?" rowan asked. "uterus tissue not growing in my uterus?"

"it's a condition called endometriosis," the doctor told her. "you might've heard of it."

"i have, yeah," rowan muttered. she might've heard of it, but she didn't know much about it.

"there's no cure for this, but there are treatments," the doctor told her. "hormone therapy, iuds -- surgery's also an option. the treatments can relieve your pain, they can increase your fertility, they--"

"wait, what?" rowan cut in. "it affects fertility?"

"in many women, yes," the doctor told her. "you won't know for sure unless you try to get pregnant, but there is a solid chance you may be infertile. if you'd like, we can do more tests..."

the rest of the doctor's words seemed to go straight through rowan's ears. she was hearing them, but she wasn't understanding them.

she heard joe say something to the doctor, who nodded in understanding and left them in the room. the door closed behind her, and it was as if the spell had lifted.

"hey, look at me," joseph said to her, cupping her chin in his hands. "it's going to be okay. you're okay."

"i just -- i'm scared," rowan whispered, finally speaking. "i never thought about being a mom before, and now that i might not be able to be one -- this is so stupid, why am i like this?"

"don't do that," joe told her sternly. "don't invalidate your feelings. you were just informed of a health condition, you're allowed to be emotional over whatever part of it you want."

"i'm still mad about that stupid doctor too," she whispered, voice cracking as more tears welled up in her eyes.

"you should be mad about that too, he was a dick," joseph agreed.

rowan closed her eyes, leaning forward and letting joe wrap his arms around her.

"whatever's next, i'm here for you," he promised her. "we're doing this together."

in that moment, rowan knew, they were going to take it step by step, and they were going to do it together.

---

note: before someone goes crazy, rowan doesn't think being a mom is her only purpose in life yadda, yadda -- she's just in shock. she has siblings that are much younger than her, and she loves babies. she never expected to possibly be infertile so the news is shocking to her. that's all, thanks <3 also if you feel like i depicted smth wrong, please let me know (nicely is all i ask)

#naqia's au's!#naqia writes!#pricey shots and brick wolls! au #nhl fic #hockey fanfiction #hockey x reader #nhl x reader

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meimi-haneoka · 1 year

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Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 72: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Hellooo everyone! The plot-train that will bring us to the finale of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc is unstoppable, so here we are once again, at the beginning of another month, for another chapter of the climax of this saga!! April 1st as usual is a very busy and important day in the CLAMP world, as it is not only the so-called "CLAMP Day", but also the birthday of our Sakura Kinomoto (and many other CLAMP characters!)!! Moreover, precisely as I'm writing this post, SakuraFes is being held in Tokyo!! Fans strived hard to get a ticket (I could see the struggle on my TL on Twitter) and while some managed to get one somehow, others were left out....since there's been lots of anticipation for this event, we'll see if it was worth the struggle and if we'll get info about the thing we're all waiting the most for: a second season of the Clear Card anime!! (UPDATE: IT WAS INDEED ANNOUNCED like we all hoped for!! Congratulations to all of us!! 😂)

In the meantime, let's focus on the analysis of chapter 72 because boooooy, it might be one of the shortest chapters ever (I remember chapters this short were released in 2018) but the info that was disclosed in it!!! We're definitely, definitely at the climax and it shows. CLAMP sensei are solving all the mysteries and giving us all the answers one by one. But since this is important info that will help us understanding the story better, let's review this chapter (and its translation) carefully!

And as usual, before diving under the cut and into the chapter, the gif of the month (paying homage to Lilie, lol) !!

The Cover Page

Oooh, what a pretty Sakura we have here!! She looks as if being half-asleep, and judging by the content of the chapter, it kinda makes sense. Sakura stays in a dream for the most of it. The simple dress is very elegant with all those gemstones applied on it. It also looks as if Sakura is creating them? Also, we have once again the black background that's become so common lately in the color pages of Clear Card. With that expression, Sakura looks a little bit more mature, and I really like it. The text in the JP version reminds us again of the last words Lilie said in the previous chapter: "I crossed time and dreams to come to see you".

"I know her very well, and yet I don't know anything about her"

The chapter starts right from where we left off at the end of chapter 71, with our Sakura and Lilie meeting for the first time....or is it?? 😉 Sakura sounds a bit confused at what Lilie said, but as usual (bless her!!!) she's very perceptive and notices that Lilie resembles Akiho a lot, more than actually Sakura herself. Lilie seems delighted and answers "I'm happy to hear that!!" (and not "Thank you!" like she said in the ENG translation). I was all smily when I've read this for the first time, but what came right after threw me in a puddle of sadness, and now you'll understand why. Sakura asks her if she knows Akiho, and Lilie's answer is "I could say I know her very well, and at the same time, that I don't know anything about her. And that makes me terribly sad". That's it. I was all giddy and happy to finally hear Lilie starting to talk, and she had to throw this brick made of sadness at me like that, right in the beginning. 😭😭Because it's clear here she's referring to the fact that despite being her own daughter, she won't survive long enough to see her grow up. Not even long enough to ascertain who she will look more similar to, her mom or her dad. Because Lilie died when Akiho wasn't even 1 year old. She was just a baby. The realization tinted that "I'm so happy to hear that!" we've seen before of the same sad color. ☹️ BUT!! We're not here to get shot down by angst so early in the chapter, so we proceed with Lilie apologizing for making things so confusing for Sakura, and she informs her they're in a dream. Then she finally proceeds to give some explanations on what's she's been trying to do this whole time, at the same time solving one of the BIGGEST mysteries in the Clear Card Arc. The question everyone had ever since chapter 1 was: "who's under the cloak of the Mysterious Cloaked Figure?" And here, my dear readers, we finally get our answer, in the year of the lord 2023, 7 years after the beginning of the manga: MCF WAS LILIE ALL ALONG!!! But let's see her version of the facts. Basically, Lilie in the beginning strived hard to travel through time alone to speak directly with Sakura at the age of 13 years old (HOW F*CKING POWERFUL IS THIS CHILD??), but it wasn't successful because her voice didn't reach our girl. We see a flashback right from chapter 7 with someone dressed with the robe standing right outside Sakura's house. Do you remember that? Yeah, MCF didn't appear only in dreams, but also physically in Sakura's reality. These scenes appeared in the anime as well and in the end we found out that under the cloak there was a sleepwalking Akiho, acting completely unconsciously. As it's typical with CLAMP anime, this turned out to be different in the manga! (But there's still a chance they'll explain that scene of the anime in a different way!) I had the impression, for a long time, that MCF was a different person depending on the dream Sakura had, or depending on whether MCF appeared in a dream or not. Well! Turns out even that intuition was wrong, because MCF was ALWAYS the same person, it's just that...some big mess happened, but let's see how Lilie explained it herself. Since her voice couldn't reach Sakura, and since our girl kept seeing the future ahead in her premonitory dreams, Lilie tried to get in touch with her through the dreams she was having.

But, for a twist of fate (I know you're all laughing right now) Lilie ended up mingling with Sakura's foretelling dreams. Yessir. When we saw MCF apparently "attacking" Sakura, or riding on top of Dragon-chan, she actually didn't have anything to do with it. She just ended up being mixed in the middle of all of that. Sakura sometimes dreamt about a "force" pulling her key away, and Lilie ended up in front of it, thus suggesting that MCF was the one trying to grab it. Turns out, it was Lilie probably trying to talk or communicate with Sakura in some way. But hold on, the revelations aren't over yet, oh no. Lilie explains how that mingling with Sakura's dreams went quite wrong.

Because yes, when one of her premonitory dreams was trying to warn her about Kaito taking the appearance of Syaoran during the play, with the Cat costume...well....Lilie ended up mixing in again, and that's how we got our MCF Syaoran. Hahahahaha! Are you baffled?? 😂Well I have to say I had so many theories as to why Sakura saw Syaoran under the cloak of MCF, some even concerning the psychological side...well, damn. Sakura simply never truly doubted her boyfriend and silly of me for thinking she could 😂 Also, we know now that we can rest assured Syaoran won't turn into an evil pawn or something...it was just a huge misunderstanding. Poor Lilie, I can't really hold it against her even though she ended up making a huge mess, because she really strived hard however she could, and...fate didn't work in her favor, apparently...until the right moment, that is (remember, hitsuzen always knows when it's the right time!) Moreover, Lilie tells Sakura that she already dreamed of this very same meeting they're having now, and guess when that was? Yes, at the end of chapter 6, precisely in the scene I mentioned in my post for chapter 71!!

After the shocking revelation (that made me yell at CLAMP once again for how astutely they FOOLED all of us for 7 years - I'm pretty sure no one thought about this possibility), I started to realize something. Sakura, in her premonitory dreams, pretty much dreamt about things mainly connected to Kaito. The "You won't be able to come back anymore" voice? It was the Association + Squids threatening Kaito with what would've happened if he dared touching the artifact inside Akiho. Dragon-chan? As its shape it's basically the same of the Seal of D that engulfed Kaito right before he disappeared into the artifact book, we can safely say it's strictly connected to him as well. MCF Syaoran? He was actually Kaito himself, disguised as the Syaoran-Cat of the play. I have to admit it, I had started getting signs that one of the MCFs Sakura was talking to during her dreams might have been Kaito, at some point. I knew the height worked against my theory, but when Sakura said "You look....so lonely" in chapter 48, right when Akiho had supposedly the same dream and confessed her love to Kaito through "the moon is beautiful" phrase right after that, I knew the "lonely" one could be none other than Kaito. Maybe Sakura was supposed to see Kaito in her dream, that one time, but Lilie mixed up again. Heh. 😅 And here we get our first serious translation mistake that can easily create confusion. Lilie goes on saying that the Cards Sakura had newly created (thus the Clear Cards) have now disappeared, and her magical powers diminished by an amount corresponding to the power of those Cards. Moreover, the Cards that once were separated from her (the Sakura Cards) are now back with her and their connection to her became stronger than before (well, we have seen it, Sakura now summons Mirror even without a particular reason, just to talk). Here, the ENG translation completely skipped the distinction between the two decks of Cards (in the JP version Lilie clearly talks about "the cards you had newly created" and "the cards that were once separated from you"), making Lilie sound as if she's still talking about the Clear Cards even in the second panel.......when we can clearly see the back of the Sakura Cards there. And right in the next panel, we have yet another translation mistake. They completely made up what the Book did here. ENG: What's more, the book's forbidden magic...can only turn back time so far. It has no power over times before the caster or the target were born. He's younger than me... JP: Moreover, the "forbidden magic" (that originated) after using the Book does not reach further than the (moment in) time when the person who activated it and the target of said magic were born. And "that boy" is younger than me.

Lilie never mentions anything about the Book "turning back time". The "forbidden magic"'s work is to rewrite the memories that were recorded in the Book, it does not turn back time. I wish they made that clearer, it's been messed with even in the previous chapters!

But it's not over, as even the next sentence suggests something that in my opinion is incorrect. Lilie goes on explaining that for this reason, she decided to visit Sakura "now" that she's the same age as hers (she literally says the word 今, which for her is her present), crossing time and dreams to reach her. However, the ENG translation here says "So I've come to you from the time when I was the same age as you", suggesting that adult Lilie went back in time to reach Sakura's age and then went to visit Sakura in a dream. There's nothing that suggests that, in the JP sentence. As she will say herself later, Lilie is capable of seeing the future so much ahead, so it seems convoluted that she'd wait to become an adult, just to go back in time to when she was almost 13 (supposedly Sakura's age) and then cross time again to go see Sakura in the future. It makes more sense for her to attempt this when she was *already* 13 years old. I checked the other translations, and the Portuguese and French seem to agree with me (they translate correctly that 今 with "now that we have the same age").

Anyway. For Lilie it was important to attempt this now, while the Book's power can't reach her and mess with her goal, and while Kaito and Akiho aren't born yet. And she adds "(I've come to see) You, the cute Alice (daughter) of the girl named after a flower who became my friend", and we see a nice flashback of a little Nadeshiko, at the same age when she met Lilie. Sakura in this way understands that Lilie knows her mother. Sakura asks if Lilie came from the past and whether she came to tell her something. Lilie confirms she wants to talk about something that for her will happen in the future, but for Sakura it has already happened. Sakura is unstoppable with her questions (good!) and asks Lilie if she can see the future, to which she replies that yes, she can see the future in her dreams exactly like Sakura. "I can see what will happen just moments from now...what will happen long in the future...and even...what will happen after I've passed on". And here came the other punch in the stomach for me. Because Lilie's expression here is really, really painful. I think I'll do a separate post with all my thoughts on Lilie triggered by this chapter, so maybe check it out later if you're curious.

That's who I am

Sakura asks "Isn't it painful to know plenty of the future ahead?" and Lilie's sorrowful smile is already enough of an answer. But she goes on,

"the things I can do...and even those I can't...make me the person that I am"

I found that extremely beautiful. It is painful, yes, but that's part of herself too. And Lilie seems to be very accepting of her nature and her "gift", as well as her limits. Maybe that's why she's able to remain so positive and strong even in a very difficult situation like hers.

The moment is solemn. Lilie says (lit., JP): "Kinomoto Sakura. Your memories and records have been rewritten". Here the ENG replaced "records" with "life", probably because it doesn't make much sense to include "records" just like that. The Spanish version translated it as something like "(your memories) and the records that keep track of them", and I think that works very well. Sakura is shocked upon hearing that. Lilie here talks in future tense because this is something that for her will happen in the future: "That boy...will lie and tell the guardian of the book, who will one day be named Momo, that his goal is to exchange you with the other Alice". And why will he do that? Apparently, because in this way he won't make Momo think or have any suspicion that he will be the actual target of the exchange magic for the artifact that was inside Akiho. (JP) "Because Momo knows painfully well what will happen if that boy becomes the target, in the state he'll be in at the moment of the exchange". I'm a bit butthurt they removed that "painfully" and went for "all too well", because in the original JP text Lilie uses 痛い程 and its literal translation is "to the point of hurting". And I think that's perfect to describe Momo's feelings. Momo cares about Kaito, a whole lot. And she would've never agreed to a goal like this, endangering his life in that way and ending up carelessly triggering the Seal of D. And this is precisely the reason why Kaito lied to her. Because he knows that. He knows she's a "kind and a bit stubborn" creature. And her kindness towards him would've lead her to stop him, something he couldn't really afford.

Lilie can't help but muttering "blockhead". Yeah, in Japanese it's the same わからずや "insult" that Momo used at the end of chapter 70, precisely as he was disappearing engulfed by the artifact book. (And the ENG should've kept the translation of that term consistent between the two chapters, which was "dolt" in chapter 70 and turned into "hardheaded" in chapter 72). This made me wonder whether Lilie was the first one using that term for him, and so Momo took it after her, or if she simply saw that moment in a dream of the future, and quoted Momo's words. One thing is for sure, the JP fandom used that terms quite a lot after reading chapter 70. 😂 Lilie continues saying (still in future tense) that Momo will want Sakura to stop the forbidden magic, so she will give her a hint, but that will end up being incorrect, precisely because Kaito will lie about his real plan. So, what does this translates to, for us readers? When we were thinking that Kaito wanted to exchange the girls, we weren't completely wrong. Or, rather, we weren't lead to that theory without good foundations. It's just that Kaito lied to Momo and made things seem that way on purpose, so his real goal would've come out only at the last moment, the moment of activation of the forbidden magic. When Momo couldn't do anything about it anymore. He really mislead all of us. Because he wanted things to go this way so badly. Because he wanted to be the one to take into himself the thing he inavertedly caused Akiho to be engraved with, and which was about to kill her soul. I sense a profound, desperate sense of guilt from this. It's no wonder Momo was so mad and ended up crying, at the end of Chapter 70. She did what she could to protect "her children", but she ended up losing one anyway. Because, just like in the most common relationship between a teenager and their parental figure, he deceived her and still had it his way, stubborn and oblivious to how much suffering he would've caused to the people who loved him the most. No wonder CLAMP called him more than once "immature" in their Twitter Spaces. This is the reason why I see Momo as a strong parental figure for both Akiho, but mainly for Kaito too.

What is happiness to you?

So Momo's hint ended up being incorrect (remember the "world where no one remembered Sakura"?). But Lilie says "But even so, it's still the same. What's happiness to you?" Because, as Lilie says, the answer is the same even for the other Alice by Sakura's side. And in this very important moment, there's another difference in translation.

ENG: "Even if it makes someone else happy...imagine living in a world where the people you held most dear are gone. Could you call that happiness?"

JP: "Even if someone told you that's happiness/even if someone told you they're happy like this, can you really call it happiness if they live in a world where they lost what they didn't want to lose?"

It's painfully clear what Lilie is meaning here. Even if Akiho looks (and maybe even affirms to be) happy and cherished in this new arranged world with her memories rewritten, can she really say to be happy if the ONE thing she didn't want to lose the most....is gone? Sakura thinks hard about that. Even if Lilie doesn't mention names specifically. And just as she's thinking hard about the answer, the dream starts to crack. Sakura is about to wake up and Lilie knows it. (JP) "I come from a time where the forbidden magic can't reach. But you're right within its range. Once you wake up from this dream, I guess you will forget about meeting me. But, you have the magic that you've been preparing yourself. You just need to realize about it. I believe...in the two Alice"

And just like that, Sakura wakes up in Syaoran's arms, on the floor of the school grounds. Syaoran is visibly stressed and nervous, so much that when Sakura wakes up with a "Oh..." he goes "Don't "oh" me! You suddenly fainted!!" 😂 although this is a tense moment, I laughed at this scene because the stressful moment made some of the old, "rude" Syaoran come back 😂yes, there isn't any translation mistake this time around. The nervousness made Syaoran a bit snappy with Sakura 😆 Sakura, still in his arms (kyaaa), says that she had a dream, and she had the impression Akiho appeared in it. Syaoran helps her standing up, trying to defuse the situation joking that "that's what they call a sister complex, Sakura", and that Tomoyo told him about this term 😂😂(I've already seen some of my Japanese mutuals on Twitter saying Tomoyo teaches Syaoran stuff she shouldn't teach him 😆) Sakura doesn't really answer the joke, as she's still quite dizzy and confused by the dream. Syaoran goes back to be serious, seeing her like that, and asks if she's ok. Sakura says she is, but she holds her head almost as if she had a headache, so Syaoran asks her if she had a premonitory dream. Sakura isn't sure, you can really see she's trying hard to remember the content of the dream, but she just can't. Although, there's one thing she remembers. That this was a dream telling her something very important, both for her, and for everyone else.

And this, dear readers, is where chapter 72 leaves us, ready to advance the plot once again in the next chapter. As I said in the beginning, this chapter was short but finally explained some important things that were torturing us ever since the beginning. But not only: the just released volume 14 featured a change of script in chapter 70, when Momo is talking to Kaito after the forbidden magic was activated. Instead of asking him "what about you?", she tells him "You even lied to me, the guardian of the book, about the subject of the rewriting" which is directly connected to what Lilie said in this chapter. It was a "last minute change" (that normally happens between the Nakayoshi version and the tankobon version) probably to justify better why we were lead to believe that Kaito wanted to exchange the two girls (and thus not giving the impression CLAMP were playing us for fools completely). Moreover, it sounded strange that Momo would've let Kaito go on with his plan if she knew he would've ended up triggering the Seal of D. It looked pretty OOC for her, so maybe Ohkawa wanted to fix that. I was a bit confused by this change in the beginning, but now I completely understand why she did it.

Furthermore, there's the mention of the "magic Sakura has been preparing" that really intrigued me. Is this about the usual "zettai daijoubu da yo", or is it something more complex? Could Sakura have been preparing a spell that would activate in a certain circumstance before the play happened, in case she needed it later? Of course her memories now have been rewritten, but Lilie's words suggest that she will soon remember about preparing this magic. And I'm super excited to find out what it is. It would give Sakura a really good development, and show she can be planning things too!

At the end of the chapter, Sakura forgets about meeting Lilie. And while that might seem as once again an unnecessary stepback, I don't really think it is. If this was played in this way to give Akiho the agency she needs later, then it makes a lot of sense. Especially when many of us are hoping to see her remembering about Kaito on her own. Because it would be particularly significant. If Sakura remembered this meeting, and the fact that their memories had been rewritten, and about "Momo" and "that boy" who lied about exchanging them, logically the first thing she would do is to inform Akiho about it. But is this how things are supposed to go? Is this how Akiho is supposed to find out a truth that concerns her very closely? If Akiho is meant to remember Kaito on her own, because the void he left in her life will soon feel larger and larger, suggesting her that she's not truly happy and that something/someone is missing, then it makes sense for the narrative to hold things back for a short while. Sakura can always remember about this meeting on her own later on, thanks to her magic. While Akiho will work hard to grasp the true happiness she wants, with the help of the people who care about her. And I suspect that might happen as soon as next chapter. And then it'll be time to understand what to do to bring Kaito back, or to reach him where he is.

While here we keep praying hard for a happy ending in the manga, in the meantime I bask in the happiness of the freshly announced sequel of the Clear Card anime!!

Next release dates for what concerns chapter 73:

April 30th, on CLAMP’s Youtube channel (digital, JP and other languages) May 2nd, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP)

Kodansha announced for May 10th the launch of a new simulpub platform directly managed by them (K-Manga), where it's very likely it'll be possible to read Clear Card in English digitally and simultaneously with the Japanese release. Although, that service will work only in the US (for the moment).

Alright, see you at the end of this month!! 😉

#card captor sakura #cardcaptor sakura #ccsakura #ccs spoilers #clear card arc #kinomoto sakura #lilie (cardcaptor Sakura)#chapter 72 #translation differences

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deltas-writing-corner · 3 years

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Courtship (4): The Gargoyle Graveyard

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland (Malleus x GN!reader)

Author note: Again, thank you all for being patient with me and I apologize for having a very inconsistent writing schedule. I'm going to make it my goal to update on a bi weekly basis instead of leaving you all in silent limbo. Also a reminder I suck at figuring out which warnings to put so if there's something that needs to be forewarned that I failed to disclose please lmk!

Warnings: Mentions of heavy bodily injuries | childhood trauma/neglect | discussions/mentions of discrimination | mentions of virginity/sexual history

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AO3 version

Clay. Stone. Porcelain. Plaster. Metal. There are even gargoyles carved entirely of wood! Some statues are stand-alone works of art while others are part of a clear collection or series of similar inspiration. They even come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; as small as an apple or a towering height to rival Malleus himself. No matter what, each grotesque has been crafted with the utmost consideration, by well seasoned and knowing hands. Even the ones that have clear defects and cannot serve their intended purpose are free of overabundant ivy, weeds, or dust. There’s a clear degree of love and care the family who makes these statues has for their craft that makes him feel less alone in his interest in an uncherished form of art.

“It should be around here somewhere,” you muse aloud. Ever since he expressed interest in seeing more sculptures made with non-traditional materials, you’ve been keeping your eye out for a particular one that would fulfill his yearning. You eventually find it and eagerly point to it. “There it is!”

Malleus watches as you approach a massive-sized statue covered with a thick and half-wet tarp. He helps you remove the cover, revealing a winged and slightly humanoid canine. There are many more grotesques with a similar design, but what makes this one stand out the most is the material it’s made out of.

“Amazing!” Malleus awes. “I’ve never seen a grotesque of this size made entirely of glass! They’ve even managed to maintain their attention to detail despite such an abnormal material choice.”

“You can even see the inner channel where the water would flow in and redirect out of its mouth,” you notice.

“They even went out of their way to make it functional despite it being unfit for actual installation?” Malleus inquires with disbelief. “Such a shame.”

“If you’re looking to buy anything here, I’m afraid it's a lost cause. One of the first warnings the grandfather gave me is that none of these are for sale.”

“What was his second warning?”

“If we damage anything, even as small as a scratch, he’ll kill us.”

“How charming,” he chuckles. “I cannot blame him. These statues must take weeks to complete. Time is a human’s greatest enemy.”

“For some, sure. But when I went to visit the family and talked to the old man, he was lunging around all this heavy equipment like he was still in his prime,” you recall. “He lives for his craft. If there’s anything humans are at risk of their entire lives, it’s a lack of motivation and reason to live.”

“I suppose that’s true, but the lifespan of humans and the inevitable effects of aging is difficult to live with, especially once it begins to hinder one’s ability to do what one could previously do without issue. ”

“You’re not wrong,” you acknowledge. “But I think I’d rather live a short life with fulfillment than a dull, long-as-shit life.”

To show that he’s entirely on your side, Gunter lets out a guttural bark while his tail rapidly wags and thumps the damp ground, coating the ends of his bushy tail in specs of dirt and dirtied, remnant snow of the north that has managed to stay frozen on the isles warmer south end.

“You’re only agreeing with them because you’ve been promised food,” Malleus chastises. “Don’t think I didn’t pick up on your grumbling stomach.”

“And don't think I didn't pick up on your stomach rumbling either your highness," you quip back at him. "The family has a small cottage nearby we can use. We'll settle down for a bit and eat before sightseeing some more."

Before you turn and walk in the direction towards the aforementioned lodgings, you reach your hand out for Malleus to take and he latches onto you with restrained enthusiasm. He's taller than you, but he takes care not to take his normal strides as to not leave you struggling to keep up with him. Gunter doesn't know the way, so he trots beside you every step of the way up until the destination is in plain view. The cottage is small but well-attended. There’s a rustic flair to its construction that makes it feel familiar and safe despite never stepping foot in it before.

"Those gargoyles were something, huh?" you remark to him while you tap and shake off the gunk wedged into the soles of your heavy boots against the frame of the door.

"Indeed," he nods, taking your cloak off for you and hanging it on the wooden rack nearby. "I don't think I've ever seen that many gargoyles in one day. Just when my eyes land upon an intriguing one, there's several more that catch my attention."

The way he gets all wide-eyed is outright adorable. It makes you grin just as enthusiastically too. "I bet your club is going to have a field day once you tell them about this!"

His child-like smile turns into one of disappointment. "I'm certain they would, if I wasn't the sole member that is."

Your hands halt from pulling out and setting down all the premade food out of your pack. "Seriously? You're the only one?"

When he nods his head, you feel a twinge of hurt in your heart. Poor guy. You can only imagine how disappointing it must be to go through all those lengths to start a club (you would know since you're technically a staff member of the school and have been given a rundown on some of the school's functions and regulations) only for no one to show interest. Of course, you completely understand that gargoyles aren't exactly all the rage within the minds of teenage boys. Still! He goes through so much effort to build relationships with his peers but they always cower away, either due to his status or even because of the way he looks. You won’t deny that he does come off as rather intimidating at first glance, but he's a sweet guy once you give him the chance to speak.

But to expect teenagers going through social pressures and demanding academics to be as understanding and willing to understand someone like Malleus is an impossible demand. Given that everyone in the school can be a bunch of self-centered and easily agitated bunch of pricks, it's understandable that most of the student body isn't keen on trying to take into consideration the proper etiquette one needs to consider in the presence of a young and noble fae. Deuce has met and talked briefly with Malleus on one occasion, but even he visibly shakes whenever his name is mentioned, even in casual passing.

Wait until they found out who you've gone and gotten buddy-buddy with behind their back. They probably think they're slick or that their intentions are well swept under the rug, but it's clear they feel some semblance of responsibility for your well-being, as both a magicless individual as well as a close, albeit older, friend. You dread the day people begin to make the connections between Malleus and you, but you still can’t help but wonder what their reactions might be. You also dread the high probability those two idiots are going to find out and embarrass the living hell out of you, which you know you do not have the patience or tolerance for.

Gunter jumps up and sits himself down in one of the wooden dining chairs, pushing the small ceramic plate towards you with his nose, as if telling you "Alright, I’ve done what I said I'd do, now feed me what I'm owed." You tell him that you'll give him what he's well earned after you get a small fire started in the brick fireplace. Just because it's warmer near the southern half of the island and not as heavily blanketed with snow, doesn't mean the cold has completely vanished, Winter is still winter after all.

"Where did these scars come from?"

Malleus' unexpected question and closeness nearly make you drop the iron rod you've been using to stoke the growing fire. You've since taken off your boots and rolled up the bottoms of your pants just above your knee as the room starts to warm up enough for a thin layer of perspiration to accumulate and roll down your skin. The scars he's referring to are the ones on your right leg, both side by side at an awkward angle and discolored. You have a lot more scars than these, some much more gruesome in appearance than these two. Malleus has never asked about your scars, but sometimes you catch him looking in the general area of some that peak through your clothes. He likely keeps quiet about their existence out of courtesy.

Yet out of all the markings on your body, why did these two stand out enough that he'd finally ask about them?

"It's a long story," you say in an effort to stall the topic. "Sit. I'll feed you two once the fire is stable."

He doesn’t push you for an answer, instead simply doing as you say and lets you poke at the burning logs until they're properly aflame on their own. You made mostly some of your morning favorites; Creamy and thick potato stew with diced carrots and peas and some eggs, ham, and crispy hash browns sandwich between homemade halved croissants. You teased him about having picky taste buds earlier, but Malleus is content to eat anything you serve him so long as it is not comparable to the likes of Lilia's atrocious cooking.

(Seriously, how does a man as old as Lilia not know the basic fundamentals of cooking? And why does everything he makes end up burnt and tasting like something rotten? You will never understand.)

"Don't eat too quickly," you warn Gunter as you pour a bit of light-colored soup onto his designated plate. Your words are ignored, as the equally marred wolf sloppily slurps and munches on the few bits of potatoes and vegetables you generously scraped out of the thermos. His food is gone as quickly as it’s put in front of him and he looks at you expecting more.

"No. The rest is mine," you scold. "And don't beg Malleus for some either! I know you do it behind my back, you little shit!"

He turns to look at Malleus with an accusatory glare, thinking that he ratted him out to you. Malleus’s response towards the silent imputation is to turn and look out the window as if something caught his interest all of a sudden, cup raised to his lips as he politely sips away at his meal without an air of calmness. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to hide the amusement that overtakes your senses.

"Malleus, stop that!"

"Stop what?" he innocently asks.

"Stop making me want to laugh!"

He sets his cup down onto its matching serving dish. "It's not my fault you have an easily satiable sense of humor."

"Wow!" you say incredulously and put your arms up in offense. "And here I was thinking we were friends!"

His distant demeanor breaks and you both devolve into a fit of laughter together. Gunter unfortunately takes advantage of your joint distraction and slips away with a warm sandwich between his jaw, your sandwich in particular.

"That damn wolf!" you curse. "I knew I should have trusted my gut and pack extras.”

Malleus pities your distress before moving over to sit closer. "Worry not. I'll split mine in half with you,” he reassures.

"No, it's fine," you immediately dismiss his offer. "Have it for yourself."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he firmly states. “Don’t be stubborn. It’s far too early for that.”

"I thought you liked it when I was stubborn?” you pout.

He shakes his head with a smile. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t”

"At least someone likes my attitude,” you say after chewing and swallowing a mouthful of soup. “Sebek certainly doesn’t."

"The boy is stubborn as well. When two equally stubborn individuals cross paths, you will witness nothing but discord between the two."

"Add the fact I'm human into the mix, and we'll be exchanging fists instead of words sooner or later," you scoff. "I get that some faes don't like humans, but what's his deal with acting like he’s got a vendetta against me?"

"Sebek doesn't hate humans for the reasons you might think," Malleus admits. "It’s more like he finds them difficult to think that highly of. Did you know that he is half-human?"

You nearly choke on your own breath over the sudden revelation. "Really?"

"Indeed," Malleus finds amusement at your disbelief. "Have you ever wondered why his ears aren't pointed like Silver, but his eyes are like mine and Lilia’s?"

"Damn,” you scratch the back of your head with embarrassment. “Now I feel stupid.”

"You aren't. Given the way he speaks, not many would assume he had human blood in his veins. His mother was highly regarded within her social circle, but her marriage to a human man tarnished her reputation a great deal. She's happy and does not seem to care what others think of her these days. However, when Sebek set out to be a knight, his mother's marriage and his lineage were often brought up as a way to scrutinize his character and capabilities rather than any of his actual shortcomings as an individual."

"Poor kid," you sigh. "Lilia told me those sorts of things still happen in The Valley, but it sounds so outlandish that I couldn’t take it that seriously."

"Many faes hold old traditions above all else, to a degree that the purity of one's blood stands above all other merits." His eyebrows pressed together in annoyance. "Even my grandmother thinks it's archaic, but as the reigning queen she has to embody a persona of neutrality between the social divide."

"It sounds like you have your work cut out for you in the future," you say, almost apologetically. "What do you plan to do about it once you're the king?"

There's a brief flash of surprise over your question, but Malleus easily answers it as usual. "I think my first course of action as king would be to properly knight Sebek and Silver."

"Bet my rifle that Sebek is going to cry the entire ceremony!" you remark with certainty. "That's all he ever goes on about, being a knight and all."

"He's devoted countless hours and efforts since he was a child. If there's anyone who deserves to join the knighthood, it's him."

"Definitely," you nod to further cement your agreement with him. "He could stand to lower his voice a bit. He'll give you tinnitus before long.”

"At least we won't have to worry about losing him in a crowd," Malleus jests.

"That's to say we'll lose sight of him to begin with," you remark. "He'll gladly lose me in a crowd. You? You'd be lucky to get out of arm's length."

"You underestimate me, dearest," Malleus smirks. "Ever since I've met you, I've perfected the art of avoiding Sebek's insistent searches."

"Have you now?" you razz back. "Don't let him catch onto the fact. He'll have my head."

He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Each second his skin touches yours makes you tingle. Time slows down ever so briefly if only to savor the small instance of physical connection for as long as possible. "What of your aunts?" he inquires. "Are they as overprotective of you as Sebek is of myself?"

"They’re a trio of mama bears," you proudly admit. "I'm old enough to drink and well equipped to fend for myself, but in their minds, I'll always be the little tyke that couldn't even eat their meals without looking at them for approval. Especially my aunt Gia."

You have three aunts. There's your aunt Marisol, the mother of most of your cousins and the main caretaker of the household. Your second aunt Lucia was well into her studies at university when you came to live with them, but her stress and long hours of mulling over her course materials paid off in the long run. Your gardening skills wouldn't be what they are now without her expertise in agricultural botany.

Then there's your aunt Gia. Oldest of the three. An absolute tank of a woman. No spouse. No kids of her own. She lived off the land like an absolute titan. The woman raised you as if she was the one that carried you for nine months and not your actual birth mother.

How would you describe your parents? If your parents were told to list out their priorities in life, their careers would be at the top of the list and you would be put at the very bottom. Why they carried you to term is beyond your understanding. You later learned that Gia had even offered to take you under her care well before your birth, knowing that your parents might not be well-suited to take care of you in the way she thinks would be beneficial for you. It was a convenient offer that would have saved everyone the trouble years down the line when you had your accident. They worked in a cutthroat industry and were constantly moving up the executive echelons. They had no time for you, yet their pride as a pair of young, successful business magnates made them incapable of seeing past the reality of the situation. That left you mostly in the care of last-minute caretakers and your aunts, but only if they had time from their own busy and preoccupied lives to come out into the city and visit.

You were eight years old when things started to get better, but it was upstarted in the worst possible way. Your parents had to go away for the upcoming weekend for work and left you in the care of a babysitter as per the norm. The babysitter never showed up however and your parents apparently couldn’t be bothered to check up on you even once the entire trip. Their silence wasn’t surprising. You just went on about your business for the next three days on your own like nothing was wrong. Your aunt Gia had even called at one point to check up on you, but you didn’t bother to tell her that your parents had left you to fend for yourself. She would have exploded if you did, but not as much as she did when you woke up in the hospital after falling down the stairs and lying helplessly on the ground for several hours with a dislocated shoulder and a compound-fractured leg. You were lulling in and out of consciousness due to all the medication pumped into you, but what little you do remember seeing and hearing when you regained consciousness will forever stick with you for the rest of your life.

If people think your level of swearing is bad, they should have heard your aunt that day. She swore so viciously that it could set an innocent bystander's eardrums on fire. What will forever stand out the most to you was the fact that your parents didn’t even look the least bit apologetic or regretful. They didn’t even approach you once your aunt was done giving them a piece of her mind to check up on you. They simply talked with the awaiting social worker and doctors and then left. It was for the better, but the small part of you that continued to hold onto the desperate belief that your parents would come around one day sent you into a thrashing frenzy and you had to be sedated before you could hurt yourself anymore.

The next year was spent recovering from your injuries, meeting regularly with your caseworker, and going through therapists like a pack of cigarettes. By the time you were back on your feet and the legal proceedings of your custody case were concluded, all you wanted was to move on with it all. Nearly a decade of neglect left you this unattentive, uncertain husk of a person who couldn’t take a single step forward without looking for some sort of guidance or assurance. Your family was exhausted by the entire ordeal and over speaking with third parties. Your aunts took it upon themselves to help you regain your sense of self in the comfort of your new home, no matter how difficult or demanding it was going to be.

“It took some time, but eventually it clicked in my mind that I was in a better place and I started to get better. As for my parents, I have no clue what they’re up to these days.” You lean back into your chair and let out a shaking yawn. “I like to think they’re getting on well like I am.”

“I don’t understand.” Malleus looks at you with unbelievable confusion. “Your parents treated you poorly, yet you don’t sound the least bit resentful. Why is that?”

You shrug your shoulders. “What’s the point? I'm in a better place now, so I've let bygones be bygones. 'Doesn't mean I don't harbor any anger against them anymore. I do, but getting upset won't change what's happened to me."

Gunter, having sensed your discomfort over the matter, trots over and rests his head on your lap. You gratefully rub the top of his head, carding your hands through his thick, coarse hair. "I'm just glad they let me go without a fuss. Family court was hell for my family.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Expensive too.”

Crackling wood fills the momentary silence that befalls the small cottage. What you've recollected to Malleus is a lot to take in, and if you're being quite honest you'd prefer if he just dropped the subject and talked about literally anything else right now. You hope he doesn't say he's sorry or any other type of apologetic comment. That's all you were ever told that entire year it all happened, during court proceedings, your rehabilitation, by both strangers and distant family members alike.

"I'm so sorry. What happened to you was unfortunate. You didn't deserve it."

No shit you didn't deserve any of that. You were a kid. You don’t need one pity party after another to realize that what took place then had fucked you forever. But as you said earlier, you're in a better place now, with a loving and supportive family that's moved on alongside you. A family you need to get back to as soon as possible.

"I love you."

Well, if he was hoping to take your mind off the past. that certainly did it. How can it not? It came out of nowhere and as good as you are at holding your composure when need be, you're sure you look no less like a gaping fish when warm and plush softness presses right against the corner of your lips. A kiss. His kiss.

"What's wrong?" Your voice sounds shaky. You’re nervous.

"Nothing," he smiles reassuringly. "I simply said what I felt needed to be said."

"Fair enough" you concede easily. He was going to say it sooner or later. He already has actually, now that you think about it. Yet here you are trying to process his words like it’s rocket science.

"Am I going about this too fast perhaps?" he genuinely asks. His hands that have been busy massaging your calves that have settled across his lap somewhere during your long retelling gradually slow down, but his hands never go completely still. "This is my first time experiencing something like this."

"What?" You sit up a bit straighter. "A relationship?"

"Yes."

Your head tilts to the side. "Really?"

He nods hesitantly "Yes?"

For a moment, you go completely quiet. "I don't believe you,” you doubtfully say, head shaking to further showcase your refusal to believe him.

He must not have liked your remark, frowning with clear offense in his eyes. When he dislikes something, the vertical slits in his eyes contract into a thin line. "I cannot lie, yet you still doubt me?"

"I know you can't lie, but I find it hard to believe you haven't been with anyone else before," you explain. Before you can consider the appropriateness that was your newfound curiosity about Malleus's apparently non-existent love life, you blurt out, "Are you still a virgin?"

You slap your hand over your mouth the moment those words come out of it. He's equally caught off guard and nearly drops his warm cup of coffee. Even Gunter is surprised by your question, olive-colored eyes looking at you as if you've lost your mind. It's an invasive question, inappropriate even. You and Malleus have been dating for a little over two days. A question like that is way too early to bring up just yet.

"You don't have to answer that," you tell him behind your palm. "I shouldn't have even asked it. Forget I ever brought it up-”

"I'm not," he interrupts you, leaving you even more shocked than you already are. You’re practically gaping like a fish by now. "I'm not a virgin,” he further insinuates.

A deafening silence, but it’s eventually broken by yourself. “I still don’t believe you.”

Malleus gets further annoyed at your refusal to accept his truth. "I'm not lying!" he insists.

"Bullshit!"

"Do you want me to recount my history to you?" he asks, exasperated as you are at the shift the conversation is taking. "Will that satisfy your doubts?"

"You know what? It will!" you loudly declare. "Who'd you sleep with?"

"He was a young page at the time,” he reminisced. “It happened before I was a century old.”

Your eyebrows raise with intrigue. "Was he cute?"

"Yes," he hushedly agrees. The disconcerting admittance paints his face a pinkish-red glow. "But that's not why I bedded him."

"But surely his looks are what made you interested in the first place?” you make blatant regard of the fact.

“You’re not wrong,” he acknowledges, expertly avoiding agreeing with you outright. “But his looks aren't the sole reason I was drawn to him. He was bright-eyed and ambitious, to the point you’d think him insane given his position in the court. It was also the first time I ever truly met with a group of humans, and my young mind was eager to get a more accurate perspective of humans that wasn’t through the lens of my tutors.”

“An ‘accurate perspective’?” You make playful air quotes, eyebrows wiggling because you know the fact that he knows what you’re implying. The playful comment is met with a sharp pinch on your leg that makes you jump and shriek out in pain. Did he have to dig his nails into you? Apparently so, and now you have small crescent indents on your skin. “I bet Lilia had a good laugh when he found out.”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” he admits to you with what is obviously a proud smile.

“Now I know you’re lying to me,” you scoff. “Nothing escapes the old man’s radar.”

His hands begin to rub out the marks he’s left on you as a form of apology. “Lilia is sharp, but he had lost most of his vigor by the time I was born.”

You go wide-eyed again. “You mean his hearing and eyesight was better than it is now?”

He nods affirmatively. “From what I’ve been told, terrifyingly so.”

Lilia is already frightening as is. His short stature and boyish looks make him perfectly unassuming to those who don’t know any better. You once watched him beat up a couple of bulky, twice-his-height students from Savanaclaw without breaking a sweat, yet moments before he was jokingly scolding himself for dozing off so easily. You never once thought he was ever out of his elements. A cold chill runs down your spine thinking how much more perceptive the older fae may have been back during his prime years.

“Wonder what Lilia’s gonna think,” you ponder out loud in a quick effort to banish out the skin-prickling mental imagery your mind was invoking. “About us, I mean.”

Malleus seems surprised that you would change the topic to that of all things, but his initial shock goes away as quickly as it came. “As you may have guessed, he’s an open-minded individual, but he’s also very realistic and unafraid to say what’s on his mind.”

“So what does that mean for you and me?” you question with a bit of hesitation.

“Well,” he trails off and ponders for a moment. “He’ll surely like the scandal our relationship would invoke. However, as my caretaker and mentor, he won’t hesitate to put an end to it if he feels it necessary.”

Had it been anyone else sitting beside you, you’d have found that comment way too extreme and outright ridiculous. However, you are not speaking to anyone ordinary. You are not sitting before someone normal. It doesn't matter how well you get along with him. It sure as hell doesn't matter how deeply in love you are with him, and him of you. The moment you have been deemed a shortcoming, the outings, the closeness, it all stops. All of it will come crashing down and both you and him will be left wondering what could have been done differently.

Malleus is truly your best friend, because already he can tell that your mind is beginning to spiral even when you go quiet. He calls for your attention by gripping his hand around your bare ankle and carefully tugging the end of your limb. “Don’t fret over it too much,” he soothes, yet also sounding like he’s scolding you for letting your mind wander off so negatively. “Lilia is an exceptional judge of character. From what I’ve gathered, you’ve well exceeded all his marks. He trusts you, and to gain such a thing from someone as old and wise as him is an extraordinary feat.”

You brew over the attempted compliment he tried to pay to you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t snub out all these festering thoughts in your head. It doesn’t even give you temporary relief. Perhaps it would have brought you a sense of peace a few months ago, but with everything that has happened thus far, you doubt even Malleus can alleviate the storm that rattles inside you, even if what he speaks is without a doubt nothing but the truth.

Surely he can see that you are still having some hangups. When you lift his hand and plant a chaste kiss on the back of his hand, you hope he can decipher the gesture as a pitiful request for his forgiveness for dampening the once energetic mood. He is not at fault for your loss and inability to think optimistically at the moment and you need to make sure he knows it.

Today is about him, not you. Even if it’s just for today, you’ll put on a pleasant facade and worry about the rest at a later date. It’s just you and him, and for now, that’s enough.

You do a mental countdown starting from three, before finally giving him a late response to the three words he uttered in confidence to you earlier. “I love you too, by the way.”

You love him. You love him. You love him. That’s all his mind can think of for the rest of the day. He replays your reciprocation over and over like it’s sacred and all-powerful.

He had planned to return to his dorm before the sun began to set, but he found the mere idea of detaching from you deeply unwanted and made the last-minute decision to spend the evening at the Ramshackle dorm. He already has a few articles of clothing and personal essentials set up in one of the many empty rooms, so neither Lilia nor you had any objections at his sudden request.

“Don’t worry!” You shout across the room so that Lilia can hear you over his phone. “I’ll make sure he gets to bed on time!”

“You have my gratitude!” Lilia’s muffled voice responds gratefully. “Don’t cause too much trouble now, you two.”

“No promises~” you sing in jest before Malleus hangs up. Once the call ends Johnny, Benji, Franky, and you turn their attention back to their ongoing game of poker. Malleus watches and occasionally laughs to himself over the friendly banter shared between the quartet. At the end of every round, the winner is assaulted with colorful profanities whilst they take their newly won gambling chips with ebullience. Yet with each new dealing of cards, the animosity goes away and they’re all back to being friendly. He finds your interactions with your incorporeal roommates more entertaining than the book he’s been reading to pass the time.

“Hey, fairy boy,” Franky informally calls out toward him. “Don’t be a stranger now. Play a few rounds with us.”

“I’m afraid I’m not well versed in card games,” he admits, yet he still finds himself setting his literature aside and moving over to join them.

“Don’t worry,” you give him a reassuring smile. “They’ll go easy on you.”

“For how long?” he knowingly asks.

You give him an impressed smirk at his quick uptake. “I give it three rounds before they start to pull back their sleeves.”

Malleus is well-adjusted to the need to quickly learn a new topic and the expectation for him to fully comprehend it in full. None of them are harsh on him for his minor mistakes like some of the tutors he’s had in the past. Answers that he believes may be obvious or not as complicated as he thinks they are being answered with enthusiastic patience. The smallest achievements he makes are met with a proud response. When he makes a surprise turnabout and wins his first game, he’s rewarded with an encouraging round of applause by everyone.

“Not bad,” Benji praises as he shuffles the deck of cards. “You’re a fast learner.”

“So I’ve been told,” he humbly replies. “Is this the part where you all stop going easy on me now?”

“Don’t provoke them,” you half-heartedly warn. “Otherwise we’ll be up all night duking it out otherwise.”

Franky sets his glass of iced liquor down on the edge of the table. “Don’t you little lovebirds worry. We won’t take up too much of your well-needed time together.”

Annoyed at the clear jab at his relationship with you, you throw one of your chips towards his head. It passes through his body and clatters on the floor behind him. Your fawn Blossom jumps down from their spot on the couch and goes to sniff it, thinking it to be food, but walks away with a disappointed strut when he realizes it isn’t anything edible.

“I didn’t tell them a damn thing,” you defensively clarify. “It was so obvious what was going on between us that they figured it all out before we made it official.”

He lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s...I can’t say I’m too pleased to hear about that.”

“We won’t say anything,” Franky reassures. “Just make sure to put a sock on the door whenever you guys want some alone time.”

“Franky!” you hiss at him. “What the hell?!”

“What?” he looks at you, unbothered by your clear embarrassment. “Do you honestly expect us to think you guys went out just to look at a bunch of statues?”

“Oh, I’m sure they were looking at something,” Johnny smirks. “It wasn’t made of stone though.”

“I hate you guys,” you growl out, arms crossing and leaning back into your seat with an angry huff. You don’t mean it. He can see the tremble of your lips as you try to contain the urge to grin. “Even if we did end up rolling around in the sheets, I wouldn’t be yapping about it for all to hear, much less you guys!”

“What happens in the gargoyle graveyard stays in the gargoyle graveyard, eh?” Franky winks at both Malleus and you, nudging you with his elbow.

“Exactly!” you affirm, batting the large ghost away from you for some much-needed distance. “Now stop being so damn nosy.”

They cackle one last time and everyone seamlessly goes back to their ongoing game. Conversations like the one that just concluded are commonplace in your dormitory. Even if he contributed next to nothing to the discussion, he enjoys watching them interact. You come from a world where ghosts are hardly as overt as the ones in this world. Ghosts are said to entertain themselves by picking on the living, to the point that it can be fatal. Your ability to come up with witticisms at a moment's notice is something he enjoys seeing in action. He feels great satisfaction not only knowing that he has secured your love but to also see you in a state of tranquility and within your elements.

As Benji and you have a hushed conversation on the sidelines, he reaches over and places his hand on your knee beneath the table. You quietly reach over and put your hand over his, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb like it’s instinctual. Unfortunately, the heart-fluttering moment is ruined by the sudden buzzing of his phone. He has half a mind to ignore it, but when he gives the screen a glance he realizes ignoring the caller is not an option.

“I’ll be out for a moment,” he excuses himself once he sets his hand down and stands himself upright. “This shouldn’t take that long, hopefully.”

They all stop to look up at him inquisitively for half a second. In unison, they ask, “Sebek?”

“Sebek,” he affirms.

There are simultaneous displays of annoyance, pity, and silent wishes of good luck directed at him. He’s tempted to ask where all this contempt for the boy comes from, but then he remembers the many times Sebek barges his way into their dorm at the worst possible moments. It is either when everyone is beginning to settle down after a long day or in the middle of an important house project, the former more so than the latter now that the dorm is much more stable and in need of less restoration. Malleus learned the hard way how ill you and the ghosts will react when your peace is unwantedly interrupted and your space invaded by an unwanted guest.

Sebek is also quick to scrutinize whatever he sees out loud without a filter. You never seem to mind half of the time, merely rolling your eyes and moving past Sebek’s ill-meaning remarks as if you never heard them. As you are someone Malleus highly regards and holds close to his bosom, he hopes Sebek can one day set aside his strife with humankind and give you the due diligence you deserve.

...Though, he completely understands that reaching that point will take time. While you can endure Sebek to a certain degree, there are times where he, unfortunately, pushes you past that threshold and, without flinching, you will tell him to “Shut the fuck up”. Your words, not his.

“Young master!” Sebek's transmitted voice peaks and he has to half pull it away to give his pained eardrums some relief. “I was informed by Lord Lilia that you will be spending the night over at the Human’s dorm. Have you all your accommodations at their estate? If not, I will swiftly-”

“That won’t be necessary,” he half laughs at his enthusiasm over such a small task. “I have enough to keep me comfortable and well for a few days. Your offer is still very much appreciated.”

“Y-Yes, of course,” he stutters. “If there’s anything you should ever find a need for, please inform me at once! I will fulfill your every wishes no matter the hour!”

He’s enthusiastic and ready to act at a moment’s notice, even during the middle of a cold and dark hour. Malleus doesn’t necessarily dislike this part of Sebek, but he’s starting to understand why someone like you would find such subservience difficult to deal with. At any moment, Malleus could ask Sebek to grab some insignificant item of his and tread through the thick snow to deliver it to him, and the boy would do so with jubilation and utmost timeliness. You on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead ordering someone to do something on your behalf when you believe you are well and capable of doing it yourself.

You don’t put expectations onto the backs of others, choosing to trust yourself first before anyone else. He knows now that it’s a result of the one instance where you expected something from someone, only to be thoroughly let down and left wondering if it was you who did something wrong.

Malleus cannot make up for the pain you’ve been subjected to, but he hopes that he can become the outlier in your life that surpasses any preconceived notions you may hold onto others. He hopes...No, he absolutely will be the one who brings you your well-earned and deserved joy and repose, just as you have done for him and continue to do so.

You love him, and he will ensure he is worthy of every last drop of your fidelity.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #malleus draconia #twst malleus #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #twst writing #twst fanfic #fanfic: courtship #reader insert #reader insert fanfic #reader insert fanfiction #gender neutral reader #gender neutral pronouns #x reader

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spicycreativity · 3 years

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Fanfic Appreciation Week Day 7: A Place Where I Can Breathe

Yes, folks, I'm appreciating my own darn fanfic for the final day of Fanfic Appreciation Week because I worked really hard on it and it was a labor of love for/with one of my QPPs, my roommate, the man who got me into Sanders Sides: @\cadeorade-powercade (That's him in the aesthetic board)

Allow me to present the director's commentary for A Place Where I Can Breathe:

Content Warnings: All content warnings mentioned in the fic apply.

Chapter 1: I actually wrote this fairly late in the game. It's meant to serve as a prologue and orient the viewer in the universe, s opposed to staring on Chapter 2, which just throws the viewer in without context. I think it was a good choice, as it also allowed me to introduce the concept of the Sides having power focuses early on.

The Premise: Cade is a Virgil stan and he was getting frustrated looking for Virgil fic. He was finding a lot of stuff written without nuance by young authors, a sort of "by teenagers for teenagers" type deal. We are not teenagers, so we both have a hard time relating to that kind of teen angst fic, as we're not the target audience. So he asked me to write him a Virgil fic and we worked together to identify what plot he wanted, what the Mindscape looked like, and what quirks the Sides have. So a lot of this fic is quite gratuitous and self-indulgent

The Title: Lizzie McAlpine has a song called "Apple Pie" which includes the lyric "I've been running around trying to find a place where I can breathe." Apple Pie SCREAMS Moceit to me, and I had taken notice of the lyric and wanted to use it as the title for a Moceit fic. I didn't really have an idea beyond that, and when Cade asked me to write this fic, I realized it was actually perfect and summed up Virgil's inner struggle quite nicely. So cheers to "A Place Where I Can Breathe," the Moceit Fic That Wasn't

-Cade asked me specifically to include Virgil having a spider and I wrote nearly the whole fic without doing so, then had to go back and sprinkle some references in. I think I managed 2 total.

Chapter 2:

"Uh, how about I hold off on that until I actually see my room?" Virgil stared expectantly at Roman, who bounced on his toes. "Lead on, Macduff."

"That's not the line and you know it," Roman complained, but he turned to lead Virgil to his room. "It's ' lay on, Macduff,' and--"

-This fic was originally supposed to reach a climax with a confrontation between Remus and Roman, and "lay on, Macduff" would come back as a brick joke. Unfortunately, the original ending was a result of me getting tired and lazy, so I had to go back and fix it, and we lost the Roman-Remus confrontation.

It was hard for Virgil to not shudder at the sudden heat and weight on him. With his senses already open and taking in more information than his brain seemed to want to process, touch was an added stressor, more unwanted sensory input.

-Virgil being touch-averse is a direct shoutout to Cade, who is also touch-averse.

Roman had already transformed the living room: metallic streamers of purple and black stretched across the corners of the ceiling, and shiny balloons spelling out A-N-X-E-I-T-Y hovered above the TV.

-Upon first writing, Virgil had already given the upstairs crew his name, so the banner spelled out "VIRIGL" which is way funnier than "ANXEITY." But then his name reveal became a plot point so I had to go back and change it.

-Let! Virgil! Be! Mean!

-Virgil's line about hearing refrigerator noise when Roman talks is another shout-out to Cade, who has leveled that accusation at me

A small, cruel part of him protested at the idea that he would need special treatment and desperately wanted to throw it back in Patton's face. He wasn't a sweetheart, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need to crawl into a blanket fort with Dad just because he was a little stressed.

-Remus calls Janus "Janus Geminus" because I was tired and couldn't come up with a pun. "Geminus" is one of the Roman god Janus' epithets; another is "Pater" meaning "Father." That led to a conversation about Remus deliberately confusing Patton by calling Janus "Daddy," but I couldn't think of a clean way to fit the explanation into the narrative, so I stuck with "Geminus."

Chapter 3:

"There's nothing normal about that! " Roman stared in horror at the coffee massacre Virgil had orchestrated. What had once been a respectable (if not very tasty) cup of black coffee was now part of a 1:1 coffee to milk suspension, the liquid a tasteful shade of tan suitable for business casual trousers or a show-ready chihuahua.

-Cade is a certified Nightmare Man and came up with Virgil's horrifying coffee order after I asked him about it. Keep an eye out for Janus' equally horrifying coffee order later in the fic.

1) Shouts out the fact that Janus is canonically a Dostoevsky fan

Chapter 4:

Janus smiled at him. "Where reason fails, the Devil helps." He fussed with his gloves and straightened his capelet. "It's showtime."

-I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Look at me. Look at me. I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Janus' quoting Raskolnikov serves multiple purposes:

2) Lampshades the fact that Roman just conveniently happened to be alone in the living room, because I didn't want to waste time getting him there. That makes me, the author, the Devil

3) Foreshadows the impending disaster. When Raskolnikov says this line it is because he had planned to commit axe murder. The axe he was planning to steal had been moved, but he finds another, different axe to use. Raskolnikov messes up the murder and ends up killing an innocent witness in addition to his intended target. Janus messes up his manipulation attempt and ends up murdering Roman's self esteem

-I was going to include a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (Remus' line "debauchery and vomit" was originally going to be "blood, love, and rhetoric") but I didn't because... Uh... Hm. Why didn't I do that. Maybe I just forgot about it???

-Roman is too stubborn to manipulate for long and that is a fact.

"I was pretty much done anyway," Remus said. "There's only so much debauchery and vomit you can fit into one story."

-Cade specifically ask me that nobody cry in this fic, but after I had Janus eviscerate Roman I knew he couldn't not cry a little. I kept it to a minimum because there's already a billion fucking fics about [literally any Side] crying on the shoulder of [literally any other Side] and it's really just not interesting to either of us.

-It didn't come up because it doesn't matter, but Thomas dreamed he was participating in the exact Dionysian orgy that took place in The Secret History because it's my fic and I said so.

Chapter 5:

He just sat back and watched and tugged at his hair while Janus spooned mound after mound of crisp white sugar into his mug and Virgil poured his customary eight fluid ounces of milk into his own mug.

-Cade strikes again. Virgil's coffee order is equal amounts milk to coffee; Janus' is equal parts sugar to coffee. He had asked me to include a scene where Roman catches Janus massacring his coffee and is appropriately horrified, but I uhh... Didn't write it. I still might include it as an omake someday.

-I imagine that Roman feels really strongly about dragons vs wyverns, and Remus just pretends to give a shit because he thinks it's funny to wind Roman up. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my sense of realism in writing, I can't relate because I adore my sister and we get along perfectly almost 100% of the time.

"You shut us down every chance you get!" Remus said, baring his teeth. "How would you like it if your pens never wrote, hm? What would you do with all those thoughts in your head?"

-I do wish I had developed the concept of power focuses a bit more, established rules and such. Basically, Patton is always on the prowl for wrongthink and actively represses it, which in turn breaks or sabotages the Dark Sides' power focus.

Chapter 6: This chapter really should have been Janus and Roman but I was really tired and didn't want to bother with it. Plus, you know, Moceit. This chapter was meant to demonstrate how the characters would get along without Virgil nannying them. There's friction, but everyone is making a conscious, deliberate effort to get along because they love Virgil, and love is a series of choices you make.

I chose "Leo" as the answer for the answer to the crossword clue instead of "Virgo," because my other QPP is a Leo. She'll never read this fic, but I did it anyway because I love her. (Trivia: My sign is Virgo, so it was really a choice between shouting her out and shouting me out, and the last chapter is self-indulgent enough, thank you).

Chapter 7: I was gonna write a fic where all the Sides watched Cats the Musical because I was going through a phase. Then Cade requested this so I combined the two ideas. By this point I was fucking exhausted, and that's the only thing that saved you and the rest of the world from me writing the Sides riffing on the movie scene-by-scene. I could come up with snarky commentary for almost every, if not every single song from the movie.

Most notably, I cut a Patton-Remus interaction where Remus declares his love for Grizabella and Patton gets all staryy-eyed about Remus connecting with the idea of rising above rejection and being loved and accepted only for Remus to shoot him down and explain that he just likes that she got to die in a tire fire.

Other cut scenes include Janus quietly pretending not to go feral over Mister Mistoffelees, Patton full-on fucking sobbing over Grizabella and the kittens, and Logan experiencing a deep, soulful kinship with Munkustrap during Of The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollices (and henceforth introducing the phrase "like herding cats" into his regular vocabulary

#spicypost #fanfic appreciation week

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thiswreckageivebecome · 5 years

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The Winter Soldier is Still Here (Part 25 - “Hail Hydra”) (Bucky/Winter Soldier x reader)

Description: You’re working at the local farmers market when you meet Bucky and catch his eye, not only because you’re the only one who sells plums, but because you treat him like a normal person. As a friendship begins to bloom, it quickly grows into a relationship and you learn that life with Bucky isn’t as easy it originally seemed. I SUCK AT DESCRIPTIONS!

Word count: 2044....a short one, I'm sorry, but I thought a short update might be better than none. In the words of Peggy, “It’s been so long.”

Warnings: Language.

Author’s Note: I don't own art.

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READER POV

__________

I stared in disgusted awe at Jake. This...this was not happening. He was...

"Jake, " I asked almost silently. "Who are y-? Why? What is going on?" He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Oh please, " he now spoke with a heavy Russian accent, "don't even start with dramatics and hysterics. None of that will help you. Nothing will, really. Oh, the Asset thinks he will save you. Hell, he probably believes he'll sacrifice himself for you, but no. He has no idea the storm that will soon hit him."

"But, Jake....you're...you're... what about the hospital? The hike? Our relationship."

"Oh, you thought that was real," Jake questioned in the voice I recognized. Then he laughed aloud. "Woman, you're a fool. The Asset really fucked you up, didn't he? You fell so easily into the trap. You've been the easiest target we've ever had. If you had left him be you'd have never become involved, yet here you are, still pining for him in New York."

I attempted to get up but the threatening tone that propelled itself at me stopped me cold.

"Don't dare fucking move, you bitch."

"I just, I don't understand. Any of it."

"Боже. ты идиот, но теперь долго, маленькая сука. Look, you're pathetic so I'm going to tell you this and then it's lights out. I'm not Jake. I wouldn't have such a trashy American name. You were the target to get to Barnes. Soon enough he won't remember you and you'll have no way of remembering him. Therefore, rest well knowing that you're the reason he will be serving Hydra once again."

As promised I was unconscious in the next second. The last thing I remembered was his cold hands around my throat and the room slowly dimming until there was nothing but pitch black.

BUCKY POV

___________

I ran to the weaponry faster than I had run in quite some time. I had to get to (y/n) soon. If I didn't get there quick enough, they'd kill her just for spite. As I got to the vault, a message came through on Steve's phone which I would have to steal. It was a location: Jumping Jack Powerplant. While the actual location of this plant had been erased from public record, I knew it well as the hideout Hydra had used when it was after Nick Fury and after its full control attempt at overtaking S.H.I.E.L.D. The location had to be close enough to D.C. to arrive in a short time yet far enough so that it was off of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar. I quickly grabbed all of my usual choices: Gerber Yari ll Tanto, SIG-Sauer P220ST, and Vz.61 Skorpion. To be honest, I didn't plan to put up much of a fight unless that's what it took to free (y/n) and get her to safety. Otherwise, I was planning to do what they asked but it was best not to go empty-handed. I closed the vault quickly and as I turned around Natasha was standing in front of me.

"Barnes, what's going on?" The tone of her voice told me she already had a clue.

"Nothing, Natasha. Don't tell anyone I'm gone. I have to go." I pushed past her but she quickly caught up.

"It's Hydra isn't it," she asked as she followed me down the steps. I'd make it downstairs quicker that way.

"Natasha," I called over my shoulder, "please, just go back and pretend you never saw me."

"No," she wouldn't leave me. I halted and turned to her quickly but before I could speak, she figured it out.

"They've got her, don't they?" Her words hit me again like a fresh ton of bricks, the reality sinking in more than it already had. I halted for a second to stop myself from stumbling as the weight on my chest began to cave in. I began to continue my descent but she didn't move.

"They're just trying to get to you, Barnes. They only want you."

"You think I don't know that? I don't care. I can't let her die on my account."

"Just so we're clear."

She quickly caught up with me and actually passed me. By the time I made it down she already had the vehicle pulled to the door.

"Get in." After I was in and the door just shut, "where to," she asked.

"Jumping Jack Powerplant. It's North o-"

"Of D.C. Yeah, I remember." I simply nodded. We rode in silence for quite some time. When we were about 15 minutes out, she broke the silence. "So what's the plan when we get in." I remained silent. "You do have a plan, right," she asked worriedly.

"Yeah. Kill anyone who gets in my way to (y/n)."

READER POV

————————

I awoke with bright lights shining in my eyes, lights so bright that I immediately had to squint. There was a beeping noise. It started to speed up and then I realized it must have been a heart monitor.

"The stupid princess awakes," Jake...or whatever his name was...spat. "The asset isn't here yet so you might as well calm down. No use in screaming either, no one will ever hear you and we made it where you can't reach your full voice anyway."

I tried to speak but no sound came out. I began to panic. What had he done to me? He smiled.

"You're one of the most stubborn women I've ever met. I just told you-you cannot reach your full voice, yet what is the first thing you try to do? You won't be able to scream or even speak for a while. You might as well calm down, otherwise, I'll put you back under." I attempted to calm down. I needed to be as aware of everything he would do as I possibly could. I tried to lie still and keep my face even and emotionless. After a few moments of this, he commented on it. "Hmm, maybe there's a reason you and the Asset got along so well. You're both able to turn off your emotion so well. Granted I'm sure the serum helps." I had to stop my eyes from growing and becoming restless again as he got ready to continue.

"You know, this little serum right here," he held up a syringe that held an almost clear, slightly blue-tinted liquid inside, "took us many years to perfect but once we did, we made vats of it. We keep it stored safely away in a top secret location, of course. I can't wait to use it on you. The ladies always have the best reaction," he finished explaining eerily. He began wrapping an elastic band around my arm and I couldn't remain calm any longer. I started to try and shake the table straps loose so that I could, in turn, get away. I knew it was useless but I had to fight. If nothing else, maybe I could keep him from getting whatever serum he was so in love with, within my body. I couldn't scream but that didn't stop me from trying. I could feel the tight sinched air attempting to scratch its way out into the warehouse but it wasn't going far. I didn't struggle for long. He stuck a different syringe quickly in my arm and there was the darkness that immediately surrounded me.

BUCKY POV

———————-

Natasha parked far enough away that we wouldn't be detected and I got into the driver's seat and drove slowly up to the building, on high alert for any sneak attacks. I knew Natasha wouldn't be far behind me, probably already making her way into the building before I pulled up and parked outside of the locked fence. After I took a quick observance of my surroundings, I got ready to jump the fence when the gate to my right began to open. They knew I was here. They had learned how to hide their cameras better than they had in the past.

I entered the grounds, even more, hyperaware of the fact that they had eyes on me even though I didn't have my own on them than I was before. After I had walked about 15 feet I saw them, I saw him. I recognized him immediately which was surprising considering I couldn't remember much else. As soon as he spoke I knew this was the man who had posed as Jake.

"Charscovsky."

"Soldier."

"What an honor that you'd meet me at the entrance, " I attempted not to sneer. All he did was smile mischievously.

"Oh, come now, Soldier. You act as though we weren't close once."

"You and I have very different definitions of 'close' then."

The eerie smile never left his face. He turned on his heel and began to leisurely lead the way into the building. As he led me in I noticed just the faintest blur of red hair to my left before I entered and I was grateful in that moment that Natasha had refused to be left behind.

"(Y/n) has had such wonderful things to say about you."

"Take me to her."

"Oh, now, now, Soldier. You'll be reunited soon enough. First, we need to discuss a few things."

"We don't need to discuss anything except you telling me where (Y/n) is. Once she's out of here we'll discuss whatever you like."

"You see, that was a huge problem that we never did perfect with the soldier serum."

He waited for me to respond but I refused. He stopped at a door and turned to look at me.

"You're not curious, huh? I suppose I'll say it anyway. It'll be valuable information to you very soon."

He paused again waiting for a response but when he realized I wasn't going to, that smile he had held for the entirety of the time since our eyes had met, began to fade which almost brought one to my face.

"Whether you're curious or not, Soldier, what I'm referring to is the ability to negotiate. You see, we didn't think about that at the time. Elimination and defense were the prime qualities we wanted but now, looking back, I can see it is something we will need to work on in the future. I imagine you'll soon wish we would have too." He arrived at a door and stopped. Four guards stepped between us as he leaned down and pressed his face to a retinal recognition. I suppose they knew I would be tempted to attack and dissemble in order to get to her if he were left unprotected. I heard the door unlock before opening into darkness. My body tensed as I didn't know what this meant. He waved off the guards so that they walked behind us and he led the way into the dark.

I then heard two thumps on each side of me. I turned, fully alert, ready for a fight, but instead, I saw nothing but as the room lit, a dash of red flew past me and took down Charscovsky, pinning him to the floor.

"Oh," he smirked, "Ms. Romanoff, what a pleasant surprise."

"Where is she?" Natasha sneered.

"Oh yes, you have become fond of her too, haven't you?" Natasha pushed down against his throat more, so that he had to put more effort into continuing, "не волнуйся, ты скоро ее увидишь." He smiled again, mischief playing happily across his eyes. Natasha stood and jerked him up along with her. I stepped to him, toe-to-toe. "Where the hell is she?" I was now snarling. He smiled and remained silent a moment. He was clearly enjoying himself.

"Oh, зимняя принцесса," he said louder as if he was calling to someone else.

"What?" Natasha quickly questioned.

"No," I said, not wanting to believe what he was saying. Fear and anger took me over. My vision blurred. "No!" I exclaimed, pushing him into the wall to my left. My left hand grasped his throat, the metal plates of my arm shifting to strengthen my grip. All the while he smiled.

"Bucky, what is it? What's he saying?" Natasha asked, worry filling her tone. She didn't have to wait long to find out.

#bucky fic #the winter soldier is still here #fanfiction #bucky x reader #winter soldier x reader #Sebastian stan #my writing

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